/lit/ - Literature

>>23269034
wow, this must be the first time i've remembered her in like ten years

>>23269034
Last night I had a vivid dream about my grandparents, mostly my grandmother. I was a kid and I was in her arms smiling and content and it was a feeling of pure happiness. When I woke up I cried a little and I have been thinking about the dream all day wishing I could go back to it.

I was in the 988 suicide chat and they ended the chat because we came to an agreement that I am not suicidal. I am currently just outside a bridge, but unsure if I will commit suicide. I agree, I am a waste of time. If I were going to commit suicide, I would have done it. I need to die so badly.

I don't blame the chat guy, although I did experience negative feeling when he ended the chat. I am not sure how suicidal feelings work. Based on probability, I have gone to commit suicide 40 times and died 0 times, therefore the probability of death is 0/40 or just around 0. Probability of surviving the fall is 30%. 0 multiplied by 0.30 is also equal to zero.

I am going to fast until I don't need to use the bathroom anymore, crawl under a bridge, and take a lot of benadryl and alcohol. If I survive or interrupt the process, I am not suicidal because I will merely add one to the forty one opportunities to die over actual attempts made.

Even counting my previous almost successful attempts (3), that's still 3/41 or a 0.07% chance to die not counting that my chance to die from this new method is low.

>>23269105
Don't do it, there is much to live for even if you don't think so at this moment.

things are getting so much worse so quickly like I’m just spiralling and spiralling and I don’t know what to do I can’teven sleep a lot of nights I can’t even sleep until 4am and then I wake up at 7am and can’t get back to sleep and so at night I’m just lying there for hours and hours tormented by those same bad thoughts over and over I want them to go away they never go away and it hurts so much I can’t even get a break from it ever and I’m scared that something rlly bad is going to happen soon because I know that I’m under so much strain that I’m inevitably going to crack and after that I’m scared I’ll actually be crazy forever and will never regain contact with reality and I need to talk to you so much that I just feel physically sick over it all the time and every time you ignore me the feeling gets so much worse and worse and i get more and more frantic and agitated and it feels so unbearable I don’t even have the words to explain it it feels like if I’m going to die if I can’t and then I’m so scared that even tu ally I’m not going to be able to stop at all again and you’ll hate me even more I can’t fix anything none of it can ever be fixed there’s nothing I can do

>>23269155
I know the feeling, you're not alone

>>23269062
At least it's not a weird dream had about riding with a Chinese family in a red minivan where the mother threatens to not teach her kids Latin if she cant clean the house when she gets home

Been experimenting taking different herbs and other stuff to calm and reduce stress
Today i took ashwaganda. All I've noticed is that my coffee high is dampened. Coffee usually makes me feel anxious, paranoid, self conscious, obsessive, and semi psychotic.
Like i have this sense that i am constantly being watched when i drink coffee but at the same time a feeling like I'd like to go outside and just punch a stranger.
Instead that feeling is there but much lesser, and instead i feel slightly depressed.
Before this i tried theanine cause i read online people saying it dampens the bad effects of coffee, but i did not notice any effect.
Overall i still have not found a better remedy for anxiety than alcohol

>>23269242
Cardio is pretty good for reducing cortisol I think.

>intentionally take a job where I get to work alone 95% of the time
>just do my work, ignore everything else, go home
>still get dragged into work politics
I'm tired of these people, of being trapped in the tangle of their lives

Aside from Wellbeck I don't think I have a single author on my to read list who was born after WW2. Nobody who didn't write history or secondary material to other authors, I mean.

Yeah, yeah I know, It's horribly old fashioned and rooted in toxic masculinity but I'm not taking a used goods harlot as a wife. Yes, I know, I know you're your own person and those experiences meant little to you and you didn't love them and just wanted to have fun, but I'm not making a perpetual leg spreader into a wife. I understand, yes I know, you're a different person now and basically a reborn virgin but I'm not interested in the town's bicycle, I'm just not. It's a very simple proposition, you keep your hymen and I give you a ring. Yes I know, I'm a pig for thinking this way and we have advanced as a species or whatever but I'm just not going to make a common strumpet into a wife, I'm just not.

>>23269261
Exercise raises your tolerance to stress because you get used to having cortisol in your bloodstream, it's not reducing anything at all.

>>23269242
Don't drink coffee?

Coming up on a year of both me and the wife being unemployed. We've been living with my parents since January. We want to have kids. We want to get our own place. We want to have fun again. Why is it so hard to find a job? Why do we put out 10 apps a day only to get contacted back by 1 a week? We've resolved to achieve financial independence to break out of this disgusting rat race but first we have to get income to build up that savings. We have a plan. We know how to execute it. We just need someone to give us a chance. Why is that chance so hard to find?

I always view social competition as a game; entertaining but basically meaningless. In a game some lose, others win, but the end results don't really matter.
Instinctively i care in so far as social position, merit in the eyes of others, determines everything important in life. I care because i have to but intellectually I know none of it matters. We are rats distracting ourselves until we die and are replaced by the next generation of rats. I don't care about getting morsels of cheese and avoiding traps. When i get close and the trap presses in i began to care again as a matter of survival, but does this or any rat deserve to escape the trap and get the cheese? There is no reason at all.
This is what life runs on we all know it: desire for reward and avoidance of pain. But the moment you recognize the elementary nature of the struggle for life, from the smallest creature to the most complex, you have already detached yourself from this struggle--viewing it from without.
Many people exist inside the game and can't view it from the outside.
They feel the contest without any detachment; they desire to win the social game and have never thought how it doesn't make any difference. I am jealous of this inability to detach from the ego. It must be thrilling to feel that when you win the victory is your own.

>>23269423
>Don't drink coffee?
I enjoy it even if it makes me semi deranged (and causes me to get the shits)

I'm an heroing tomorrow when my order of heroin arrives via mail. I don't know what to do with myself today, I'm just sitting at my computer like a fucking idiot. Short story recs?

I'm so angry with being treated like a non-person by my mom. But every time I try to voice my dissatisfaction to her I end up wishing I'd never said anything at all because she always twists it into making herself the victim. Less trouble to just listen to some aggressive music and put up with it. It's not a big deal. It'll pass.

>>23269520
this made me laugh
rip

>>23269520
can't you get a little experimental beforehand? seems like a big waste. now's your chance to get on a bus and go somewhere else.

Reminder that Slavic village girls are the prettiest girls on earth and you can't convince me otherwise

>>23269105
>le cry for help "suicide" attempt
What are you, a woman? Shit or get off the pot, faggot.

>>23269539
Left is sort of cute, but the one on the right is one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. Are you on drugs?

>>23269546
Beauty is soul-deep, hylics won't understand.

>>23269538
I think I got some fucked up genes or something because my dad went the same way, uncle too. I don't see things working out in a new place either.

>>23269549
the experience of love, however glorified by the rhetoric of romance, is rooted in the sexual instinct, for what is the object of love, from the lowest to the highest forms of being, if not the perpetuation of the species
it's ultimately dependent on the body.

>>23269566
Yes, but sexuality is tied to brain structure, which means "personality" plays a part in its form and expression.

>>23269571
personality and IQ*

>>23269423
Ah, okay. I had the impression that cardio would reduce cortisol on the basis of it's reduction of the subjective symptoms of stress. I still think it's a good suggestion to mitigate the psychological issues related to the fundamental issue but I imagine the other physiological implications of being overly stressed wouldn't necessarily be solved.

>>23269566
Other anon is right you are a hylic. No coincidence that you're one off satanic trips.

Is there some sort of law that you have to either be an ultra feminine homosexual or fucking Hagrid from Harry Potter if you are a male booktuber? The Better Than Food guy is like the only exception that comes to mind.

>>23269560
things aren't supposed to 'work out' elsewhere. what did you think i meant? you move to another state and apply to mcdonalds? shift the paradigm

>>23269571
love always starts off with primal sex, then gets refined and refined, not vice versa
the pursuit of beauty and love is completely under the governance of the reproductive aim. that is how the will to live tyrannises over the individual. that's the illusion cunningly wrought in us by the reproductive instinct

>>23269589
>is completely under the governance of the reproductive aim
Not completely, because it's not the only contributing variable in the brain's development

>>23269589
>>23269590
Besides, that girl will help you have children better than the average e-thot will, even if the e-thot is "hotter"

>>23269593
being attractive solves a lot of basic problems a lot of people have.

>>23269610
Mating with someone purely on physical attraction is a low IQ strategy

>>23269612
your natural instinct (primal wisdom ... real love) is far greater than iq

hmm today I will create novel technologies with unforeseeable consequences
*clueless*

>>23269622
Put down the Clive Barker books, anonkun

The tricky thing about remembrance from a political perspective is that no power can afford to ignore the question of what will be remembered and how, but remembrance is also not something that can be forcibly changed one way or another without extreme and long-term effort, either on the personal or the communal level, as sincere remembrance can only come from ideas and perceptions which one truly internalizes. Therefore the conflict between the desired remembrance and the sincere remembrance is where the struggle for the past happens.

Crowley Sisters... is this really all it is?

>>23269541
What method do you suggest? The drop from the bridge has at best a 70% chance to kill because of the low height. I do not have access to harder drugs and I am barred from buying a firearm.
I want the alcohol and benadryl because if it makes me out of it, it will be easier to jump off the bridge. The areas underneath the bridge is a small ledge on the underside of the bridge from which I can jump off a height of what looks like 2 stories. I am also structuring it in such a way that if I survive, I will not be found and can resume life as normal. If I become disabled, I can just jump from the bridge.

I did not attempt suicide before then or during the chat, so I made no cries for help (I used a VPN as well, and made sure to repeatedly inform the guy that I always chose not to die). In fact, I have refrained from all suicidal gestures IRL. The third to last time I was out, police stopped me and questioned me because I looked suspicious. I had every opportunity to say I was suicidal and did not.

I suppose I could traumatize a poor guy by getting hit on the highway, but I want to refrain from that because I'm not interested in causing harm to a random person.

>>23269845
stop posting you're bumming me out

>>23269845
>I do not have access to harder drugs
Just go to the sketchy area of your town where the junkies hang out and ask around. As long as you have the cash you'll be able to score.

>>23269868
>>23269845
What u after
Drops til 10

I wish I had a bathtub

>>23269892
just cut out the middle man. jump into the ocean.

>>23269913
It's not the same and you know it

>>23269541
Of course. That's what I'm doing. I have not made any suicidal gestures, and the things I'm planning have no chance of getting me caught unless they kill me (and the alcohol + benadryl will hopefully give me the courage to jump or fall). For example, I do not stand on the ledge of the bridge hoping someone will report me, and the time police stopped and questioned me for looking suspicious I told them I was great. The only reason I spoke to a suicide hotline was because there was a nearby unsecured public wifi and I had a vpn on my phone. I made sure not to say I was suicidal, just that I've made various steps a lot of times but never acted on them at all, and likely wouldn't.
But you're right, I'm a faggot that will probably never commit suicide. I am just posting on /wwoym/ for attention so it's safe to ignore.
>>23269868
I have no social skills and extreme anxiety. I haven't spoken to anyone outside my family besides police in 5 years. Even online I do not speak to people and I have no discord or social media account of any kind. The amount of anxiety I get talking to people or being seen is more extreme than you might think, haha.

But yeah, it doesn't really matter. If I am not dead yet then I am not suicidal.

>>23269845
>What method do you suggest?
Sit around and wait. We're all going to die.

I am not fond of the negroid people.

>>23269566
humans are not animals
except you, who have willingly lowered yourself back to ape status
you really can't fall in love with an ugly person?.. i pity you

drinking to kill boredom and time till I go to sleep.

>changed answer at exam
>It used to be right and now its wrong
Well fug

>>23270023
>humans are not animals
i'd like to see an otherwise reasonable person defend this in their own words

there's no end to the ways in which nice things are nicer than nasty ones.

>browsing instaberg
>post comes up in feed featuring a woman exclaiming how nice it is not to have to make food with protein in it when her boyfriend isn't home
>video features her eating shit like plain pasta with a little parmesan on top
>literally tens of thousands of women in the comments going "omg yass"
What the fuck

>>23270209
girl dinnerr

Apparently some sexual arousal via wearing womens clothing is normal for older transsexuals (older than 20) and that goes away after they begin treatment.

Nice to know that that's normal for me.

Rang my phone network to get the adult filter disabled and the girl says 'hope you have fun things planned for your days off'
'yup thanks' I couldn't bring myself to tell her I'm just trying to get on 4chan

Got pissed at my dog for tearingcup a little notepad when I wasn't looking, choked him for a couple seconds. Felt...good? As in I didn't hate doing it, and I was entirely calm inside with my hand around his throat, feeling the muscle inside squish under my fingers. I'm probably just subhuman.

>>23270225
find God.

>>23270218
And they wonder why they hit the wall at 25 or gain weight so easily.

>>23270225
When I was 14 I was told both by family members and acquaintances that I looked like a girl, I still didn't have pubic or facial hair, I was a cowardly beta who didn't feel manly at all. These things took an extreme toll on my self-perception and self esteem.
So it wasn't surprising when I found myself wearing female underwear I bought myself, makeup, and a wig, looking at myself in the mirror with a throbbing hard on, listening to goodbye horses while I imitated beat by beat that scene from silence of the lambs.
I really looked like a pretty girl. It was fucking insane how much I enjoyed seeing my own reflection. I started doing squats because I wanted to have a shapely ass. For a couple of years I couldn't stop doing that. I didn't want to fuck other men, I wanted to fuck myself.
Then one day, after I turned 17, some fucking weird ass faggot with hair everywhere, broad shoulders and a square ass wearing woman's clothing stared back at me in the mirror and it made me laugh. Never did it again after that one.

>>23270265
i'm starting to think a lot of these things are jokes. not that it never happened, it's all true, people transition, but it's a deep private joke. maybe just between them and god. or they might not even know it's a joke at the time, it's a joke their future self is playing. something like that anyway.

>>23270335
Part of the problem is social contagions. People in general are primed to think they can acquire personality through their displayed consumerist choices, and that basically means idpol becomes a sign of the leisure class. Whether you're buying Rhodesia flags or thigh highs, it's more likely than ever you're trying to buy yourself a soul by which you can be known. The traditional avenues of becoming a person aren't appealing when you could order a facsimile through Amazon.

>bought a shitload of tequila
>drink 10ml
>almost puke
>dilute it with juice
>get chaser
>still almost puke
Why. I want to feel emotions.

>>23270376
One of the prime reasons I started drinking is that I lost the ability to cry while sober. Not that I didn't feel like crying, but that I was physically incapable of doing it, constantly wet-eyed without being able to cross the border. Perhaps that was giving up my manhood.

I care about my immortality an unbelievable amount. The idea that there’s nothing after death petrifies me and is the only thing that has stopped me committing suicide in the past. Nothingness just makes life seem pointless. Other people don’t seem to care about their existence continuing forever anywhere near as much as me. My Dad says we’ll you won’t know about it. But not knowing or experiencing anything forever is what scares me so much. There are other people like me so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. In fact I often think it’s very much a positive as I value our own divinity greatly. I just hope so so much that there really is something else out there and it’s far better and more magical than this world. I’m not expecting perfection like the Christian heaven. In fact I don’t think that’s possible if free will exists, which I hope exists just as much as our immortality. Any literature which professes a desire for something similar.

>>23270417
We're probably similar then. I hope you get better anon.

i started 24 different books at once, reading ~2 chapters each at a time. it isn't so bad, but i won't keep it up. TWENTY FOUR

>>23270495
what are the books? i think if you cultivated the right novels it'd make for an interesting experience.

>>23270495
Perhaps not a bad solution for attention problems.

>>23270511
thought of it because i was having attention problems, but it's temporary. was mainly for fun. normally i can get through books fairly steadily.
>>23270503
i don't want to list, but nearly half of them are classics, and the rest is slop/other. ALL FICTION

>>23270524
i first read the odyssey, robinson crusoe, then treasure island one after another in that order. 3 books that follow on very well from each other and you can see the influences
>i don't want to list
wonder why

I went to an ice house yesterday and the thick blonde waitress there blew my mind. I never thought I'd see EXACTLY my type out in the wild, but there she was. She was pretty cool, too, we talked about the eclipse (I live in Dallas). I don't know what to do now, do I go back? I don't want to be a simp.

>>23270569
don't want to be simp?

What are the odds of surviving alcohol poisoning from an alcohol enema untreated? Anyone did it with vodka before? What was it like?

>>23270576
Basically I don't want to keep going back just for a glimpse of her, hoping to hit it off with her. I've learned the hard way that trying to get a date with a waitress is a losing proposition. But on the other hand, I don't know what ELSE to do.

>>23270569
If she's truly 'EXACTLY' your type, you can't just let her go without at least making the effort. Ask for her # or give her yours.
>>23270587
I work in restaurants, it's very doable. Provided they're attracted to you back, obviously. This applies to any such scenario in life.

>>23270589
Anon, you've given me hope. I'm gonna give it a shot. We'll see what happens.

>>23270612
Best of luck, anon. I've seen the 'write your number on the receipt with a good tip' tactic work before but only if you're sure there's attraction, else it'd be awkward to ever come back if she doesn't text you lol. With asking directly, at least she can say tactfully say no if she decides to.

>>23270627
It's not like I'm unattractive, and we were having a good chat in between her pouring drinks. She doesn't need to know I'm an autist yet, I'm handsome enough and sociable enough to hide my power level most times I leave the house.

>>23270612
I have this thread in a tab just because I now want to know how it turned up. Good luck, Anon.

>>23270631
Honestly not sure this thread will last until my next attempt, that will probably be this Sunday. But I'll post in the next thread about the results and you guys can see for yourselves.

Why do right wingers see homo/transsexuality as being causes by social issues (rape, bad parenting, etc) instead of being caused by genes/hormonal development? They see black people as bad for the opposite reason, they are bad because of their genes.

>>23270376
You'll get used to it. Tequila is a rough one for a newbie though. What kind of juice did you use? If you want a better tasting drink, look up some actual cocktail recipes instead

>>23270659
They see it as a mix of reasons, including environmental effects (like pharmaceutical pollution) causing homonal imbalances.
There is likely no gene that causes a person to chop their dick off or not procreate, because that doesn't result in reproduction and there would be significant evolutionary pressure not to do so.

Instead, genes can predispose people to mental illnesses, and these mental illnesses can result in something like what is now described as gender dysphoria when coupled with social problems (like abuse) and environmental disruption of body chemistry.
The real difference is that the right sees it as a mental illness.

>>23270612
Godspeed.

>>23270659
who is this sexy thing

My memory is an encyclopedia of misunderstandings, awkward moments, moments of failure and shame and alienation.

>>23270659
>>23270682
Staggering to me that the subject of diet never comes up amongst all this kind of talk. Genetics take the blame for everything, but if vitamin and mineral intake determine genetics...

Staggering to me that the subject of diet never comes up amongst all this kind of talk. Genetics take the blame for everything, but if vitamin and mineral intake determines our genes...

>>23270659
>>23270682
Staggering to me that the subject of diet never comes up amongst all this kind of talk. Genetics take the blame for everything, but if vitamin and mineral intake determines our genes...

>>23270659
>bad parenting
Ehh I can see this, a chunk of wifes family is mostly women with little male influence and the two grandchildren from that batch are trooning out. Shits weird.

I've hope I don't have tinnitus and it's just something else I'm experiencing. I don't want a constant bodily annoyance for the rest of my life (I'm in my early 20s).

>>23270731
>but if vitamin and mineral intake determines our genes
They don't

I want to hate myself less.

you guys see any cool concerts recently? i saw Duster last week
https://youtu.be/1tsHRosidzk?si=GM6_wCOUdr_sImDQ

>>23270803
Diet isn't the most important thing contributing to every aspect of physical development?

>>23270551
it's a lot to type out, and i'm going in blind on a lot of them and don't want to hear anything

>>23270833
it's so weird to me that duster got massive. they were my favourite band in 2013 when i was 17. their wikipedia was 2 sentences & barely anyone on mu even knew them

>>23270846
Are you literally me? I had this exact conversation with somebody very recently.

>>23270833
On the Duster note, I managed to get tix for one of those Unwound reunion shows last year. Good shit.
I saw Deerhoof last weekend. Not 100% my thing but god those guitarists are wild.

>>23270853
whaaat
were you in the /mu/ lastfm threads

>>23270846
Right, honestly I'm grateful for it though. I remember finding them on mu in 2017 and I was in my cousins room and he was showing me their box set and i thought it was so cool.
A year later they reform the band and blow up on tiktok and shit.
Fast forward to last week and I'm at the concert with my cousin and its Duster first time in my city.
That would have never happened without them exploding on tiktok.
>>23270855
dude i fucking wish i could see Unwound but they only ever tour on the west it seems

Ever since I was young I had something like "body dysmorphia." One of my oldest memories is from when I was five years old and forced to wear shorts— I sobbed profusely, while repeating that "my legs are ugly." Why a five year old would be concerned about the ugliness of his legs, I do not know. At the age of twelve, a friendly teenager said that I looked like a serial killer, comparing me, at the time, to the Joker. Being told that I looked like a "serial killer" was common, and I have been described that way by family. My reaction is to play it off, of course. Nobody thinks that I have issues with my appearance, and I like to keep it that way.

I remember that between the ages of 18-21, I strangely attracted a lot of female attention— this was while I was taken care of extensively by legally mandated psychiatrics; They forced me to eat regularly to gain weight, they got me hair cuts, and took care of my anemia. Unfortunately, it was not to last. I have gotten uglier as time has gone on. I am balding, my skin is blotchy, and I have no more of the youthful look that saved me from being utterly reprehensible. That I was never meant to be loved is evident.

Being ugly is fine, I suppose; The real issue is being alone. I know it's not something most people worry about. For you "normal people," love is something you experienced from a very young age. Your parents loved you, or you had friends that you were intimate with, and so on. I wasn't horribly abused as a child, but that I never felt loved is clear. I remember learning to program in C++ at eight to impress my mother, and her reply was disinterest and, when I tried to show her my project, anger. I can pinpoint the exact moment I stopped trying to connect with family; I was ten years old, and wrote a short story inspired by Lovecraft and the creepy stories I had been reading. I showed it to my mother— The reaction was an expression of disgust without reply.

If I could connect with one person on earth just once, then all of this suffering would have been worth it, and I could say that life is worth living. Unfortunately, I discovered that there is a problem with my brain that makes this impossible. I am quite literally unable to feel anything but extreme discomfort and nausea when trying to be intimate. This is the real reason suicide is the only way out: It doesn't matter if I am lovable, because I could never accept it anyway. Whether my perception is distorted or not is of no consequence.

>>23270731
>>23270835
I don't think that diet has anything to do with it, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes notwithstanding.
>>23270686
Nano Cassiopeia on Twitter.
>>23270740
Bad parenting or single motherhood seem like very weird causes of homo/transsexuality though. Even stereotypically weak mothers shouldn't cause that.
>>23270682
The problem is that the rightwing has no real idea on how to properly help people with gender dysphoria or homosexuals.

>>23270903
>The problem is that the rightwing has no real idea on how to properly help people with gender dysphoria or homosexuals.
Yes they do. My father was a tranny and I knew several trannies IRL. I detrooned one, and as far as I know they didn't retransition. What the left says in these cases is that "they weren't trans in the beginning if they detransitioned!!!111" but that means your ideology cannot be disproven. If a program was invented which guaranteed a 100% detransition rate, that would only be evidence that those people weren't really trans people.

The reason people do not regret transitioning is because of the extensive network of societal support to integrate that identity. If lonely, dysphoric, and isolated young men were to be given the same rabid society support, if there were support networks for these young men to integrate their birth identity, and counselors that specialized in this, then it would be easy. I've seen myself just how self-reinforcing these transgender communities are. A trans-person can get so much love and support by transitioning, or they can go back to being lonely, discarded, sometimes even heavily stigmatized as an attention seeker for detransitioning.

>>23270895
get back on your meds

>>23270879
it stirs up a whooshing feeling in my stomach to think about it.
being a pretentious loner in a provincial town, there was one other girl at school who listened to the velvet underground & shoegaze, we vaguely knew about each other ... then i moved to london for uni where everyone was cool and i had a conscious divorce from hipster music and listened to uk stuff & rap music and basically changed my personality.

What do you think the future holds for large state flagship unis?

>>23270863
No, I don't really go to /mu/ anymore. Feel like it stopped being a place to find cool stuff, sadly. /lit/ too, I guess, but for some reason this shithole is harder to step away from.

Another day, still no gf

Where should someone start with looksmaxng?

>>23270659
"Why do right wingers believe some things are genetic and others are environmental?"
gee, maybe because they are? Do you think native language is genetically determined

anyways I was just watching last night's University Challenge final and the host pronounced "Charles Sanders Peirce" incorrectly (said Pierce). grim

>>23270936
oh i meant ages ago. i just got a random flash of memory of this comment

>>23270956
Oh yeah, I posted in those on my old account but I forgot the details for it. All those scrobbles, lost in time... Like... Tears... In... Rain. & I don't remember seeing that comment ever but appreciate the vibe of it nonetheless.

>>23270924
Meds never did anything.

>>23270938
Become the gf you want to see in the world uwu

big dicks will rule the world

>>23270981
it was a comment someone left on my old profile when i used to post. i was like 'was this you??' imagine

>>23270981
it was a comment someone left on my old profile when i used to post. i was gonna ask 'was this you??' imagine

i can give you music and book reqs. be the change you want to see.

>>23271011
give me a book rec senpai

>>23271012
give me something to work with. like books you enjoy. or anything

>>23271001
>>23271006
(isawthat)

>>23270947
Focus on physique. If youre fat, go on a calorie reduced diet to lose weight. If youre skelly then eat more high cal foods to bulk up. Do some cardio for overall fitness and fat loss but focus on strength training to gain muscle. Make sure to consume adequate protein. Avoid processed food and drink half your body weight in ounces of water daily, ie if you weigh 180lb then drink 90oz of water a day. Limit alcohol and get adequate sleep. Get a blood test to see if youre deficient in anything like iron or vit. D. Buy a good quality multivitamin and take it daily.

Get a good skin care routine, there are lots of Youtube videos explaining what products youll need based on your skin type. Wear sunscreen of SPF 50 or higher on your face every day, the sun is the biggest factor that ages the skin and gives you wrinkles. See a dermatologist if you have any serious skin problems. If you smoke then quit as soon as possible, it can age the skin horribly. Use a moisturizing body wash on the rest of your body and use lotion if youve got dry skin.

If youve got fucked up crooked teeth then consult with an ortho to talk about options for fixing them. If your teeth are yellow then either get them professionally whitened or use the premium crest whitestrips. Brush and floss regularly and use whitening toothpaste to keep your teeth looking well.

Get a good haircut and learn how to style it correctly. Theres lots of content on Youtube about what haircuts suit different face shapes and hair types. Use quality shampoo and conditioner that matches your hair type to keep your hair healthy. If your hairline is receding try minoxidil or if its advanced too far for that then shave it all off and grow a beard. also consider a beard if you have a weak jawline or chin. If you want facial hair then find a style of it that works for you, ask for other peoples opinions on that to help figure out what looks best. Always keep your facial hair neatly trimmed with regular maintenance. If you keep clean shaven then shave daily with a quality straight razor and shaving soap.

Pay attention to the little details of hygeine in general, things like keeping your nails trimmed and clean or using a pumice stone on your feet if they tend to get crusty. If youve got a unibrow then maintain it with wax strips or a facial hair trimmer, trim excessive nose hair as well.

Buy good quality clothes and shoes that suit you and are well fitting. Then youre set.

>>23271019
yeah and

>>23271026
don't take a multivitamin

Computer Games as Ritual Arenas
https://uu.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2:578026/FULLTEXT01.pdf

>>23271015
books about love and people and putting on airs and yes I said yes I will yes.

>>23271032
If you eat a very balanced and nutrient dense diet and have no signs of nutrient deficiencies then you can likely be okay without one. Otherwise you should take one.

>>23271012
>>23271015
im leaving so here's some random recs:
stoner
red rising
a little hatred

>>23271040
They're not in the correct natural ratios. Why take a multivitamin if you're on deficient in (for example) copper? You can get toxicity from too high of an amount of a nutrient. You don’t have to go far to see they’re not working

I read the first Elrich book. It was edgelord tripe written by an emo 16 year old high on amphetamines in one draft. Total garbage.

I'm a shitskin, lack the self-discipline or intelligence(upper midwit if generous, enough to just barely understand modern theories but not to play with them) to lead my race, and am mentally weak(almost got hit with the tranny virus, bible study, weight-lifting and redpilling didn't make it go away).

I'm stuck in-between the two hells of knowing my life is at best worth a single goblin who will contribute nothing to society(most likely negative, as anything he wants to do in science could probably be done by a pajeet) or going apeshit and doming at best a dozen or so trannies who will be easily replaced, meaning nothing in the end.

It's painful having to know that God made me for a world that I am as far as mortal comprehension can find a nuisance to at best or an active bane at worst, no matter how much I've tried. The "pearls before swine" in Matthew's Gospel come to mind, but I lack the skill to say that more tactfully. The gift of life in such an ineffectual mind and body feels oppressive in the same way Job had his life and health taken from him, part of a plan I cannot comprehend that may very well just exist for its own sake; that's an immature, arrogant comparison that I'm making from half-remembered material but it's the best I can make.

>>23271128
Unironically, get off of 4chan. This place has given you an absurd inferiority complex. Touch grass.

my brain has been balkanized

>>23271135
Perhaps. I like the writing advice, though.

I scramped my penis.

>>23271128
>an active bane at worst

Fuck it, I've made up my mind. I am going to shoot my shot with my best friend's ex. I don't give a shit anymore. Shit is fucked. The world is a fuck. I want to be human just one time. I'm tired of pushing my emotions out of the way for the sake of efficiency. It's over. We're all fucked.

>>23271128
You have value. You have the fundamental drive towards the good, where so many others have no concern but selfish gain. The value of a human being is so much more than what material benefit they offer the world.
You can already contribute something far more valuable and far more rare than money to the world, and that is love. Ask the millions of affluent suicide victims what their "material goods" did for them. Compassionate, heartfelt love can be more valuable to someone than any other thing in the world.

I hope you get better anyway, anon. I hope you find meaning and happiness in the world.

>>23269034
No one will ever understand Nietzsche; only use him for their own ends.

>>23271195
>desiring used goods
I will never understand

>>23271203
It's not about that. It's about his complete and total failure as a man. I don't understand that fool. He's acting like a pathetic little bitch about that girl. She's fucking nuts and being with an indecisive passive little bitch like him made her ever worse. It's time I stepped in so I have a reason to leave the mental prison of my last 3 years behind and fucking fuck shit up like in the old days. I'm tired of sitting around

>>23271196
That's pretty much what I came to on my own, but in a more cynical sense: My only value is being a emotional maid of sorts for the actually useful people in my life so they are less likely to dome themselves, even though I'm probably making them more degenerate just by my existence, and hoping that that's enough. I was told "don't get resentful" when I sought advice for it elsewhere but even with God's wisdom I'm too arrogant to believe that when faced with my midwit-to-actual idiot family.

Four shits down today so far.

>>23271195
>>23271208
dangerously based. report results

>>23271128
If you're already contemplating all of this then you're not stupid. You'd be surprised about how little the average person self reflects. But your self loathing is clouding your actual self reflection which makes everything seem hopeless

I feel like I don't understand other people at all. The meaning behind little turns of phrase, the expressions hinted at by this facial movement or that, the small bits of etiquette and reading-the-room that everyone seemingly understands without words. It all takes place on some wavelength I can't perceive. The best I've managed to do so far is mimic the behavior of others, carefully matching it to what seems like the most fitting situation, without really understanding what I'm doing or why it succeeded in the first place: a poorly constructed Chinese room. There are obviously patterns and meaning to all of the things going on beyond my senses but without the ability to see them directly I have to try putting them together based on their secondary effects and traces in the environment. Sometimes I have to try to do this with a couple seconds' warning lest I face some interpersonal failure I did not even know existed until just then. Sometimes I'm struck by the sheer incomprehensibility of the world around me and how poorly I seem to fit into it, like an out-of-tune instrument in an otherwise harmonious orchestra.
Over the years since I've noticed this I've started thinking of myself as subhuman or as something other than a real person. In the past I frequently identified with the images of a starfish wearing human clothes or a human outline filled with pond slime. These days I like to daydream that I'm actually a boulder in the woods somewhere and I've been dreaming all of my life so far, that if I wake up all the confusion and heartache and hurting will be gone and I'll be free to simply exist and let moss grow over me. It's a nice image.
I know people clown on the whole liminal space thing and call it reddit and onions and whatever but I honestly found the whole aesthetic comforting; the 'horror' for others seemed to be the fact that all these pictures were of places that obviously did not have any people in them and had not in a long time, or were simply not designed with human beings spending lots of time there in mind, or that they were completely inaccessible to people, which all sounds lovely if you ask me.

>>23271313
thought that was the basilica cistern first

>>23271313
it seems like good ol autism to me anon. i'm diagnosed but i always felt that the whole autism label is used to shun people like us for seeing how absurd all of this is. it seems like people are becoming less human as time goes on and it causes this weird disconnect that makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. don't bother trying to "get it" because you won't and just do you

>>23271329
what movie is that?

>>23271352
from russia with love

>>23271026
I’m sorry but most of this is too obvious to be helpful. I want to know about the shit like fixing my canthal tilt and mewing.

>>23271390
lmao, mewing and all of that shit is pseudoscience bullshit. if u need to hardmaxx then get plastic surgery, dont waste ur time with that fake garbage

>>23271128
Have you considered that you’re going through all of this pain and these negative thoughts precisely because you’re being groomed by higher power for some type of leadership and that they just want you to take charge?

No idea what leading your race means though. Races don’t have leaders.

>>23271346
>don't bother trying to "get it" because you won't and just do you
I'd love to just fuck off into the wilderness but disentangling myself from society isn't really feasible. I need to work to live and that means I need to keep trying to look at the stars and try and see these constellations everyone tells me they can see.

>>23271398
Doesn’t seem like pseudoscience to me, but even if it was this advice still isn’t helpful. “Just get surgery” is too non-specific to be helpful.

Five shits down now.

>>23271407
if you want specific advice then ask a more specific question. you can research this shit yourself unless youre too retarded

>>23271401
It's as vague as a goal as it sounds; solving all the problems that a given "people" might have(even if I just narrow it down to the biological ones, which is basically just saying "become a neuroscientist/geneticist or find someone who can") is obviously something that few living humans could tackle on their own.

Perhaps that's it. I've set myself up for failure before I've even started.

>>23271431
“Where do I start?”
“Be more specific”
…

>>23271449
*just saying "complete monumental research on the specifics of the genetic basis behind IQ and aggressive behavior with respect to racial groups, politically and ethically justify modifying relevant populations using the fruits of said work; let's ignore funding such a project"

>>23271453
what specific issues do you have with your appearance? what problems are you looking to fix? its impossible to advise you without knowing. when you ask where to start, obviously people are going to give you very basic beginner level advice. try to use your brain for a second, if youre actually capable of that

>>23270192
Humans are animals, but they're not like other animals because their brains allow them to make decisions that other animals can't even conceive of. For example, mating with someone based on that person's values and intelligence rather than the size of their tits.

>>23271558
>make decisions that other animals can't even conceive of
like suicide

schopenhauer said sexual passion is the kernel of the will to live
>It is the cause of war and the end of peace, the basis of what is serious and the aim of the jest, the inexhaustible source of wit, the key to all allusions, the meaning of all mysterious hints, of all unspoken offers and all stolen glances, the daily meditation of the young, and often also of the old, the hourly thought of the unchaste, and even against their will the constantly recurring imagination of the chaste, the ever ready material of a joke, just because the profoundest seriousness lies at its foundation. It is, however, the piquant element and the joke of life that the secret concern of all men is secretly pursued and ostensibly ignored as much as possible. But, in fact, we see it every moment seat itself, as the true and hereditary lord of the world, out of the fulness of its own strength, upon the ancestral throne ...

I have a hard time believing that people have hobbies? How can you love just one thing so much that you do it all the time to the exclusion of all the other things you can do?

>>23271714
You allocate time. How old are you and how have lived this long without common sense?

Ran out of weed today. Now I'm gonna attempt to take a break until disability day next week. Wish me luck.

Positive: an extraordinarily attractive woman likes me
Caveat: she is very religious and increasingly ascetic to the point of being anti-social

How come rape isn't called grand theft pussy

fuck

>>23271729
CAVEAT?

I keep hearing it again. I can’t fucking do this. I don’t know why it won’t go away.

>>23269105
I'm so sorry you're going through this, anon. What's causing you to feel this way?

>>23269105
Get off of 4chan and make changes in your life. If you can’t do that then you just want attention

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzCRXEyVXPg

I don't think I can feel grief anymore

>>23269105
My brother also crawled into some ditch and took a bunch of random pills. It was a stupid way to die.

>>23271722
You totally missed the point.

I am a fucking idiot.

>>23271837
Yeah.
The simple fact is that if I wanted to die, I would either be dead or so disabled as to make suicide impossible. I don't care about making improvements to my life and I'm not asking for help, I am just sadposting because it placates my desire to verbalize my thoughts without actually talking to a real person (insanely nauseating) or ending up in a psychiatric hospital; In other words, just as you said, attention.

Just take all of my posts as fiction, ignore them altogether, or call me a retarded faggot (true). I do not want to improve.

>>23271800
It may lead to conflicts. Can sometimes be a bitter and isolated person

I am an idiot. How many things have I misinterpreted in my life? I’m too far gone. There is an entire aspect to my being I am forced to repress at all times. I don’t have a good life. I don’t enjoy life. I am very alone. Why do I repress legitimate despair. I’ve earned it.
I’m getting older. The death of parents is a mercy to the pitiful son. The despair and shame of life is easier to bear when you are freed the psychic burden of the Twin Towers of repression that is your parents. And I am George W. Bush. I know the planes are coming. And in the dust of the fallen towers, I will invade Afghanistan (this metaphor is getting tricky—hang on). Afghanistan, of course, represents the depths of my subconscious and my path to self-actualization, at long last. I will invade those unconquerable mountains and give it another twenty years of meaningless warfare before I accept the loss.
I am a loser. I don’t have friends or relationships. Sure, I’ll go to a bar once every three months with two loser coworkers and get shit-faced and chain smoke and snort something my co-worker said was molly in rock form, but that isn’t exactly a social life. I should have had reported back to my family by now with two or three serious relationships. They don’t realize the severity of the situation. It is only a matter of time before they ask me why I have been alone for so long. This is the catalyst of my repression.
I envy orphans. I want to be as alone as an orphan.

I keep getting messages from shitty companies on LinkedIn. All they want is a slave to work for them whilst another company pays the wage. At some point in time I will simply not respond anymore. Fuck that game

work cutie pie has a boyfriend. of course she does. I am devastated

>>23272025
my condolences, bro.

Succubi are almost always interpreted as ultra-sexualized sluts in fantasy or horror stories, but it would probably make for an interesting attempt if one were to write a story where the succubus isn't sexualized at all but rather takes the form of the "ideal" woman of her victim which in men's case is almost always completely different from what they jack off to. It would be a far more indirect, and therefore interesting, way to seduce a man than just giving the succubus massive titties and no clothes.

i'm gonna sleep until it kills me.

I've got AIDS on the brain

What if everyone had to do 1 push-up for every word they posted online? I think we'd see a lot more honesty and less bullshit then...

There's a lot of Christian threads up today

>>23272128
And that's a good thing!

It’s never going to stop hurting the emotional wound is never going to heal it still feels raw and so much time has passed I’m going to be like this forever I can’t live like this I hate the person that I’ve become i never wanted to be so full of frustration and sadness and negative feelings that I sublimate in fucked up ways because I used to be kind before and in the beginning I meant well and I never wanted to do anything bad or hurt anyone I only wanted to help and fix things but it turned bad and I lost control and couldn’t stop and now I can never go back and be good again or have a clean conscience again or feel good about myself again i hate myself so much and I can’t undo any of it my therapist said you can’t kill yourself you just have to learn to live with the bad feeling like chronic pain but I can’t live with the bad feeling for the rest of my life because it’s so unbearable everything scares me now I can’t even walk down the street without getting horribly anxious and overwhelmed by the bad feeling and I feel like I’m barely hanging on to reality and struggling like this forever is such a terrifying thought and I don’t even know what to do anymore because nothing makes the bad feeling go away and I can never stop thinking about those things that hurt so much for more than a few minutes the thoughts always come back I try to distract myself but nothing works I still have intrusive thoughts about it all the time and hear it in my head and I can’t just numb my brain and distract myself and hide from life forever everything is in ruins and I don’t know how to fix things at all and the worst part is that I’m so tired that it’s hard to even want to try it’s like I’m adrift and I’m getting too tired to keep treading water and there’s no way back to shore

>>23272117
You'd just see a lot of one word NIGGER posts, as those would get you the most bang for your buck.

>>23272117
>"alright, I feel like doing 500 push-ups today"
>paste NIGGER until you feel like it's been repeated 500 times
>post
>do it, proceed to lurk the rest of the day
the mere thought of it makes me laugh like a stupid kid

>>23272195
Nah don't worry the feeling goes away eventually. Life has other options to fill the void. Trust me

fukk u big boyyyy

NIGGER

>>23272222
>how'd you get so in shape anon? what's your secret?

ADOLPH HITLER IS WATCHING US AT A DISTANCE AND HE IS FUCKING PISSED

>>23272311
>the /fit/ version of this
I can't stop laughing

For the second day in a row, I spent an hour driving aimlessly while crying. I don;t even know why I feel so bad anymore.

>>23272367
it's not safe to drive while crying.

>>23272391
I;m sure you're right, but I can't help it. I cry at least 2 to 3 times a day, and driving home is usually the first time I'm alone after having to deal with other people.

How dare I think what's good for the world when I can barely manage my own life.

>>23271729
>anon's irl hamlet
be careful if your dad offers you a free trip abroad

When you die you're gonna be tempted to think about all the good times
Don't do that
Think about all the times your life was fucking terrible and then you'll be happy to die

>>23269034
I have a negative Canthal tilt. It's fucking over.

>>23272780
For context, finding some arbitrary measurement I don't meet and causing enormous anguish to myself is an activity I do often.

I had a dream about the girl I worked with two years ago who I became close to, asked out, and got rejected by, before she stopped coming to work. We were at an airport, looking for our boarding lane, running through the airport together. It was reminiscent of the time we ran to the bus stop together. It made me realize that I did a great disservice to that girl by being an awkward incel who spoiled our genuinely good friendship. She was such a cute girl and we could have stayed friends, but I was stupid.

I texted her a few times after she quit her job and she still responded very positively to me, but that was over a year ago. I wish I could talk to her again, but there's no reason to reach out. Plus, I have a girlfriend now who I love. Best to move on, and take this dream as a reminder that gratitude is important to have in life because you'll lose good things if you don't have it.

>>23269034
Is someone who writes, illustrates, composes for and animates his own porn a renaissance man?

>>23272874
Depends on the illustration quality. Pics?

>>23269034
What the actual motherfucking hell, i can't fucking believe it

I'd written a short story many years back about young brothers in a city in Africa. Was supposed to be a encapsulation of a certain kind of life and culture in that city. Tried sending it to nearly a couple dozen publications but no dice.

So recently I dug it up and tried submitting it again. No luck. So in great frustration, I changed my setting to Jerusalem and the brothers to being Arab. Googled some cultural shit about Israel and replaced the African stuff in my story with it. Story is the exact same otherwise, no war shit or gay hamas/idf nonsense, just the story of brothers. Sent it to one big place and got a response from an editor in like 10 days. They want to publish it but with slight changes in consultation with their editors and accordance with their house style.

This is all a STUPID FUCKING GAME. Now i have the moral dilemma of whether to actually go thru this shit or not

my early through mid twenties were a bust. late 20s through mid 30s will be my time.

>>23270659
Because its prevalence in correlated with societal decline and highly concentrated in 'modern' countries meanwhile nigs still nog throughout the ages and across all societies/classes.

Bought the ring

>>23272881
As far as I know, such a man is purely theoretical. I wish to become him someday, though.

>>23272936
Oskar Kokoschka wrote and illustrated his own porn but I don't think he animated it. Hokusai's second most famous illustration definitely has anime made of it (and live action) but that's done by fans. I think it's probably a thing, I just don't watch enough anime

>>23272944
That's why I said as far as I know. There's probably some japanese shut in making the craziest hentai movie known to man at this moment.

Anyone else stop liking their sibling as they became adults? I was really close to my brother but as soon as he became 20, his attitude changed and i don't really like being around him

>>23272950
My siblings were all adults or late teenagers when I was born. More than anything my childhood felt like I had a shitton of uncles and second parents I didn't see much.

>>23272950
i hated my sister, she has some sort of scary narcissistic-like complex. but not long after i moved out we became friends. distant friends. i think it's easier for brothers and sisters to get along than brothers and brothers. judging from all the friends with brothers that i know.

>>23272929
30s is when everyone i know started getting Ps

>>23272960
>tfw dad really wanted to nut in my mums milf pussy one last time

>>23272978
interesting, why do you say that its harder for brother to be friends

>>23272993
>Ps
what?

>>23273019
money

>>23273019
Penises

>>23271729
If we suppose one would like to find a girl such as this, where would he need to look?

>>23273030
Fourth of October.
Any screening of Joker 2 will have femcels for you to swoop up.

My white progressive liberal mother talks about how lucky I am that I'm not white because I can apply for an (ETHNIC) scholarship and because her company "and so many others" are looking for diversity.

She can't even understand the inherent contradiction and gets mad when I mention that that proves systemic bias against white people. If I were white, all of my economic and social circumstances being the same, my life would be more difficult. This makes me seethe.

>>23272848
>It made me realize that I did a great disservice to that girl by being an awkward incel who spoiled our genuinely good friendship.
I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with doing that. Pain and hurt are part of the process.

one beer in

>>23272848
When I was 17, finished with high school and at a sort of community college (not American, different situation) I didn't fit in at all. Many immigrants in my class and the school was a disaster, later came in the news with bad stories of drug use and teachers helping students cheat.
Anyway I was there for a half year and it sucked hard. Then a girl I knew in high school suddenly joined my class. I had a sort of crush on her in school despite me and others teasing her. So when she was in my class, her me and this Jehova's Witness girl started to hang out.
It was great, I often skipped classes with her to go to the mall and hang out, grab something to eat, talk.
This lasted for a few months and I never made a move. Then further on her boyfriend also enrolled in the school. It was downhill from there, no more antics between us.

It's good you made a move, because I don't believe men and woman can be just platonic friends, especially if one of them caught feelings like you did.

I don't care about it anymore since I too have a good gf now. But looking back i do not regret the chances I took, I only the ones I didn't.

>>23272996
They are my half siblings, technically. I just don't call them that because I have no true siblings. I''m also in the same position re: a half brother of mine they were, now.

>>23272960
Not a traditional sibling relationship in any sense, safe to say. When all your siblings remember your seeing you as a newborn its hard to have a normal relationship of that nature.
I never saw many kids my age either. My parents were old curmudgeons, and I kind of inherited that from them.

summer 2016. chance the rappers' debut mixtape. jean renoir. a 3 hour train journey. adobe photoshop. radiguet.
every age bears its fruits.

I'm a narcissist. I can spend hours looking at videos & photos of myself. With that out the way - I was looking at old posts I'd made on /fa/ 'what are you wearing today' threads in the archive. I accidentally clicked 'view same' on the image of my fit to see someone had been reposting it, even 2 years later. Life's rich tapestry.

>>23273371
Well, have they been reposting it?
I still think back when I made a particularly good selfie of myself and regularly got 9's and 10's in rate threads on /soc/
When I showed it to a guy I gamed with at the time he said he felt shocked and jealous at how good looking I was.

I'm over that now, I have a norwood 2 vertex but it is fun to think about. I go from not caring at all to being very vain looking at myself in the mirror.

>>23273382
No no I said 'to see someone had been' not 'to see IF someone had'. It never even occurred to me (in all my ego) to think that sort of thing happens.
I can relate, it's a weirdly addictive feeling isn't it? I used to do coke and go on omegle and girls would go 'ooooh my God you're beautiful'. It happens when I go out too but I don't go to bars very often.

Almost nothing is nicer than looking at yourself in the mirror. If I feel anxiety coming on at work I go look at myself in the bathroom mirror for a minute.

>>23273209
>simping for white people
have some self respect

>>23273396
Never did coke but yes I used to go to omegle as well. Best ones were the slightly ugly girls. They really loved the attention and I flirted with them for the fun of it.

My best feature are my green eyes. Just making eye contact is enough to get people to compliment me.
I've become much less narcissistic over the years so I don't get anxious by a bad picture or bad hairday. Only thing I do now is when working out I spend quite some time looking at myself. I'm not even very toned but at the right angle I look great.

Looking back, I wish I investigated careers in the foreign service and IC more.

>>23273409
Girls who I'd think were way out my league on omegle would tits and I'd just be looking at my own cam the whole time.

Yeah exactly if you look down then make eye contact & slowly smile like you're sharing a secret. it's over.
I be recording myself in the shower, only so I can watch later. This is the problem. Girls being narcissists do ok, when boys are narcissists I think you lose your mind

Characters should not go through arcs. Stop thinking about characters in terms of arcs and change. They shouldn’t change.
To change a character is to erase it and create a new one. Humans can change, because a human is an infinitely complicated set of traits and experiences, which is ever changing and growing. Characters don’t have that luxury: they are simplistic and consist of only a few traits. Those are at a premium, and losing/swapping them out is very destructive to what makes the character. Try to have your hero go through some change, and the result will just be the audience thinking “this is not the same hero. I want the old hero back”.
You may think it’s a good idea to build heroes more complicated and deep and with more traits, to achieve possibility of change. But then it is no longer storytelling, but simulation. My idea is: stop thinking about characters as humans that need to be realistic, believable, multi-dimensional. They are not people, they are plot devices, and they have a purpose to tell a story. Not to simulate reality. If you have a new purpose, create a new character. Disposable, interchangeable, and cheap, like decorations and props.
To attempt to paint humanity in a fictional character is simplifying and dehumanizing, therefore always protagonistic. Let characters be characters, and let people be people.
Have you ever noticed how the most beloved and influential and significant characters are not human? They are godlike, larger-than-life, superhuman. All the way from ancient myth and to this day.
People don’t care about Jesus Christ because he was relatable and conflicted. He wasn’t. They do because he’s nothing like you and the people you know, and the things he says are unlike anything you hear in your normal life. All of his traits and properties are unified towards a single purpose, so in a way, he is as simplistic and flat as a cartoon character. Distinct. 1-dimensional. Perfect form. No grey shades.

>>23273449
I bet an *sekai mangaka wrote this

i watched moonrise kingdom when i was 16. the way this girl says 'ok..' here has always stuck with me

https://clip.cafe/moonrise-kingdom-2012/watch-out-turtles-s1/

>>23273505
it's too good

>>23273403
Sorry, but I'm just not as racist as liberals are.

I have no idea where I want to live. Even if I was absurdly rich and could go anywhere I wanted, I still wouldn’t know where to go. The only place that’s qualitatively different from everywhere else is home…but home sucks now.

>>23273505
This link is beyond cancer

>>23272222
checked
>>23271727
>break
Don't you think it would be a better idea to renounce weed entirely?
>>23271714
You say hobby but based on your definition it seems that you meant passion. Is that what you meant? If it is, when you're passionate about something, you simply can't not do it or pursue it. And you can't put an age on passion. I see many anon's becry their old age as reason for not turning their life around or following a pursuit. But this is just an excuse. Your 30's through your 50's are the greatest time of your life, and should be your most productive years. The wisest of both the Greeks and Chinese of antiquity believed as much. John Milton wrote Paradise Lost, which I would argue is the greatest literary acheivement in the English language, in his late 50's. AND he was mostly blind when he wrote it, so he had to dictate most of it to a series of aides. And it still didn't stop him: that is passion.

I do believe there are hundreds if not thousands of very capable and talented anon's on this board and site at large, who could acheive the highest distinction in whatever they would pursue, if they set their mind and heart to it fully, instead of wallowing away in obscure vice. Although, I also believe acheiving your highest potential in that field which your native parts and genius would have the greatest chance of success in, is first only possible by placing your trust and faith in God entirely, but that seems to be very difficult for many anons to accept (myself included)

10.04.24

woke at 5pm. felt like shit. dreamt of her again. we were kissing and cuddling in bed. in my dreams she is always in the relationship with her new man. but she also is with me. its this divide that i always felt before i ended it. when does this dream shit stop happening. its torture.
i had a choice, i chose to stop the cycle of abuse. the price was letting her go and now all thats left to abuse is myself. the fact that life got so bad that i miss that stupid bitch is truly fucked up.
she was not replaceable. i turned out not to be as awesome or strong or stable as i thought i was back then. all energy is gone now. the most fucked up thing is this, right here, is probably the best outcome of them all. if it wasnt like this i would probably be divorced and she would have our child and fucking some guy that is better off than me. i might have killed her.
with all that i read in the last 4 years, i now know that i have always been broken, i understand it now. but its nicer to be broken and being distracted with a beautiful woman instead of being broken and being alone.
that last sentence doesnt even feel true. she was exhausting and demanded a child, she never cared about me. she only cared about what i could do for her.
i wish she had deserved me. but she fucked that up.
i cant believe this topic is still bubbling up. but its been a while.
i miss you, you stupid whore.

>>23273622
godspeed, anon. been there too. nothing seem worth it huh. she was my balance. sorry for talking about myself. I've been manic for years since she's left me

do you ever see anons you recognise? like you know it's this guy from another thread? but you can't really say anything because why would you

>>23273471
no, i hate all things japanese

>>23273640
Like who? I rarely notice, but there are a few noticable anond like the
>its never going to be the same again ????? its all over and he hates me and i'll never be happy again?????
anon

>>23272848
a man and an interesting woman can never be platonic friends.you did the right thing making move on her

>>23273622
Is that picture of her? If it is, you need to delete all pictures of her ASAP. You're still seeing her in dreams because you're still pining over her, thinking of her, looking at pictures, etc. You need to leave her in the past where she belongs. You need to severe all contact and stop wallowing like a, I'm sorry to say this, but a bitch. You are acting like a weak bitch right now. Pick yourself up and move forward.

>>23273640
I recognize posting patterns more often in /sp/ than I do in /lit/. I think it's because many anon's here are unstable, myself included, so how we post and what we post about is different from day to day.

>>23273649
oh yeah obviously that one.
but i feel like i pick up on turns of phrase or the way they form sentences or what kind of images they post

>>23273658
if i see anyone mention sp on lit again i'll think it's you

>>23273670
I'll also be sure to mention /lit/ on /sp/

>>23273666
I haven't noticed any posters by style except ??? and Reddit Socialist because his reddit spacing is a little extreme, sometimes going as far as separating single sentences with line breaks.

>>23273640
I've been posting for a long time.
Some themes I've posted about were:
>Moving to the Caribbean
>getting engaged
>trying to extract money from my rich father
>getting frustrated with whiny incel posts about no gf when they refuse any sort of help

>>23273679
>>23273681
sometimes i see posts here that read a lot like butterfly. i think maybe she's still around, posting without her trip, whiling away the long afternoons.

Another day had dawned, still not gf anywhere to be found

>>23273690
Did you leave your house? Did you talk to a woman? If you didn't, those would be two great places to start.

>>23273635
>talking about myself
its cool dawg. we all do it.
i dont know if it was worse if she had left me. i created this situation entirely on my own. i cant even blame her. i did this. its all on me. all i do these days is abuse opioid pills. and they dont even work anymore.
she never talked to me ever again after i left. its super unhealthy and she knows it. it made me start to write. and thats my tip for you, start writing. write her letters that she will never get. just write. it helps unburden your shit. feels weird at first but it helps.
this helps too https://soundcloud.com/amselcom/dandara-arutani-too-close-iories-pink-glasses-mix
how are you holding up these days?

>>23273622
moar

>>23273699
He won't ever listen. Wasted energy

>>23273699
I literally went on two dates with a woman last month. For whatever reason, it didn't work out and now still a heartbroken incel khv

>>23273716
you're >>23273681

>>23273719
>two dates
>still kissless and handholdless
Dawg what are you even doing

>>23273734
mumble words
keep distance
awkwardly go in for a kiss
get blocked on everything

>>23273734
I'm definitely retarded

I’m getting so sick of the LE MULTIPOLARITY takes that have proliferated on the internet.

>>23273737
damn ur stealing my moves

>>23273749
>LE MULTIPOLARITY
What's that?

>>23273737
It's sad to me anon's actually behave in this way on dates. I'm not gigachad banging chicks left and right, but I've never been one to get all caught up in my head and anxious/awkward during a date, and when I do go on dates they often end in a kiss/makeout of some kind and we go steady for a while. I'm not saying this to be condescending or demeaning but I literally cannot relate to anon's who fail on dates or with women.

>>23273766
It's basically the idea that we're heading to an age where multiple countries hold power over international matters, instead of the current status quo where it's just the US dictating the rules.
>>23273749
It's such a naive idea. No one is powerful enough to replace the US as the hegemon, and even the US themselves are experiencing a fall from grace in that respect, but everyone loves to pretend they're the ideal candidate. It's like nobody has ever studied power vacuums. We're not heading towards multipolarity, but rather widespread chaos.

Tell me where I can find an utterly deranged psychotic GF to save me from suicide by engaging in regular physical touching I.E., hugs which last more than 3 minutes or hair-stroking.
Preferably, she must be morbidly obese and insanely ugly. Reason: I would never feel comfortable touching someone that I believed could reasonably touch someone instead, and I'd be plagued by the thought that she's just with me out of pity. I would much prefer she's with me for lack of any other alternative and just as desperate for affection.

Well anons, where to find this? I am serious about the ugliness, btw.

>>23273770
every date i've been on it was the girl that made the move.

>>23273654
>DELET
i know dude. i have them on an old hard drive. its been 5 years but i cant bring myself to truly get rid of them. yet. but you are absolutely right.
its just hard to get rid of those 7 years. also many of the are too good to just waste them. if i had been able to replace her it would be easy
>pining over her
i havent looked at them in years. i only pulled them out today because of that dream
i know i shouldnt look at them. but today the damage was already done.

>>23273779
>7 years
That's a long time. I understand how it would be hard to get rid of all the pictures. With that being said...

>i havent looked at them in years. i only pulled them out today because of that dream
>i know i shouldnt look at them. but today the damage was already done.
This is basically like saying:
>I accidently cut myself so since the damage was done I added a couple more cuts to myself instead of sanitizing and bandaging the wound
Do you see how stupid that sounds? Come on anon, live better. You're smarter than that. I would delete them asap. Those photo's are only going to continue making it harder to move on, since it is evident to me you have not.

>>23273766
Multipolarity in theory just refers to a system with multiple poles of orientation or gravitation or the like. In international relations it refers to global politics with multiple roughly equal power players around which their periphery revolves. That’s in theory. In practice, midwits, mainly Asian and Slavic midwits, take to the internet to refer to multipolarity as a buzzword to convince people that somehow the West, namely America is at best of equal power compared to Russia, China, BRICS. It is basically BRICSoid wishful thinking.

>>23273770
In my defense, the vibes were not the greatest on the second date were not the greatest (hence no surprise she texted me later basically saying she wasn't interested!). But it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

>>23273791
What defines geo-political power? Monetary capital? Military influence? Trade and commerce? Combination of all of these? I'd imagine it depends on who you ask. In my view, the only country that is equal to the US is China. They will probably even surpass us in the next decade or so if they haven't already.

>>23273797
As long as you're going on dates, that's all that counts. Better than many anon's who are stuck at home all day and barely talk to women.

stop with the cuntsuffering already

>>23273790
well, again you are right. i cant argue with any of what you said. i carry deep psychological trauma, long before i met her. she was the only good thing in my life (and she was a lying piece of shit). shit is too complicated. i think only death can solve this mess. if i deleted them i would loose the one thing that reminded me of something related to happiness and safety.
having said all of that. you are still right.

>>23273836
I realize it's easier said than done. I have vice's and habits I still maintain which I know are hindering me from progressing in my life but I still hold onto them. But I think it's always helpful to get a neutral perspective from outside yourself. I always appreciate that from anon's when I vent about my issues, at least. Godspeed.

>>23273804
>What defines geo-political power?
Geopolitics is an intersection between economics, politics and military matters within a geographical context. Geopolitical power involves these and nothing less, nothing else.
As for China, they don't really want to be the next hegemon. They just want to secure trade partners worldwide so they can live their own lives undisturbed, and concern themselves with chinese stuff first and foremost. Even if they did, they're not quite there.

>>23273804
Power is a somewhat ambiguous term but mainly it refers to a combination of hard and soft influence so basically it describes a relationship rather than an attribute. You are powerful if you have sway over nations around you. You are not powerful if you don’t. All of these imply more or less power but they are not synonymous with power. Just like how a human may be powerful in regard to another in one case because they have all the money and in another because they have no money but a bigger stick.

Multipolar people rely on this sort of ambiguous terms because vaguery is necessary for them to push their opinions without being challenged on the specifics. They don’t really have concrete reasons why the world is more multipolar than it used to be. It’s just a vague sense that somehow US power has waned and other nations have risen to parity. The whole thing is bullshit, obviously. China has a lot of weight to throw around, obviously. But to say they’re at parity is dubious at best and the only other nations are remotely near parity in regard to land mass or nuclear arsenals and nothing else at all. But more importantly, it treats international politics like it’s a a system of piano keys and formulae. It’s the persistent bane of my economic thinking now applied to politics. National power simply cannot be measured, even in strictly relational terms, with number of missiles or in GDP. That’s just not how power works and never has. But these people push this, mostly as a way of attacking the West and exciting their ethnic affinities in Asia, or Russia, or the Middle East or wherever. It’s the same shtick I see Orthodox Christians try to pull online all the time that implies everything Weatern is bad and weak and always has been. The whole critique is motivated by resentment. No the West isn’t bad necessarily or historically and no the West isn’t remotely near power parity with these other nations. In fact, the only guy online I see with a nuanced take on this is a guy named Niccolo Soldo who basically thinks the power difference is bigger than it’s ever been and is specific about why he thinks that.

>>23273857
>Orthodox Christians try to pull online all the time that implies everything Weatern is bad and weak and always has been. The whole critique is motivated by resentment.
As someone who was raised protestant but took an Orthodox baptism, I agree. Greek's are highly resentful of the West because they have been culturally irrelevent for the last 1,500+ years or so. Russians less so but they still share in the resentment. What has been a God-send was joining an American Orthodox congregation. It's like Orthodoxy without the East resentment and most of the clergy and laypeople have the right perspective on Orthodoxy. It isn't about form and paegentry but obedience to Christ. The form and pagaentry is just a means to help you get there. Not to mention the Eastern Orthodox tend to conveniently ignore that protesetants were highly 'Orthodox' both theologically and dogmatically speaking before the last 70 years or so. It's why you'll see protestant Christians from the 17th and 18th century framing their correspondence in letters by Saint days and the liturgical calender. In other words, the Eastern Orthodox tend to be highly ignorant of protestent Christian history.

Anyway, for any Ortho anon's reading this who are maybe a bit dissatisfied with their congregation I would encourage them to go to an American Orthodox church and see what you think.

>>23273855
No, it’s not. Geopolitics (and IR for that matter) evolves out of the Aristotelian understanding of politics, which is why the economic and quantitative thinking that’s rife within general public society renders the field a joke. Guys like John Mearsheimer fancy themselves geopolitical realists while they totally toss aside first principles and qualitative reasoning. It’s just dataism and wishful thinking. Who are the other big meme names in geopolitics? Alexander Dugin? Peter Zeihan? These are some of the most ideological people on the internet. It’s dogma and data. Pure and simple.

>>23273877
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think orthodoxy is interesting, I’ve inquired myself, and I know that inquirers and converts can be sincere. But right now, there’s this 24/7 internet content machine that runs out of topics and so starts to say shit like “oh the west got it wrong with Charlemagne (or earlier), that’s why the West is pozzed”. You’re supposed to basically critique everything Western, its whole history, and reject all of it. That is from resentment, not sincere belief.

its like watching a wedding video after the divorce

>>23273877
I think orthodoxy is in a lot of ways good for westerners. I refrain at this point from saying whether or not it’s literally true although I concede it could be. My point is less about orthodoxy to be clear and more about orthodox Christians America. Very often they latch onto Orthodoxy as a way of doing a sort of broad critique of all things Western, which is not all that different from what the woke people do, and both are often latched onto from a place of skepticism. It’s fine to be an orthodox Christian but to turn it into this broad philosophical critique of the whole of the West is like the most dishonest thing you can do with it. I don’t care if you’re Russian Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, American Orthodox, Western Rite or whatever else.

On the topic of Christianity: I’ve been hearing it framed a lot recently as a necessarily anti-imperial or anti-empire religion. Do you think that is really the case?

>>23273886
I should've added that that's what I take geopolitics to be, ideally, because I loathe that kind of "geopolitical" ""analyst"" you mentioned who are basically cheerleaders, filthy whores of the worst sort. While I appreciate when they make it clear on whose side are they on so I know exactly how to filter their preferences and approach the Truth, compared to some guy who claims to be impartial but clearly isn't, a lot of these have nothing of actual value in terms of geopolitics to offer, so shrug. I'd rather call them shills than anything geopolitics.

Drinking decaf coffee for the first time in my life because I'm out of the real stuff and have no money to buy anything. Deliberate placebo effect here we go!

>>23273912
Well said. most of what you've said has been my impression of Orthodox American's as well. It becomes about being 'right' from a very rigid theological view and misses the entire point.
>>23273928
>I’ve been hearing it framed a lot recently as a necessarily anti-imperial or anti-empire religion.
I think I know what you mean but would you care to elaborate?

what we need now is a miracle

>>23273951
For maximum placebo try adding ground chicory root to decaf during brewing, it will taste like a super strong coffee but with no caffeine

>>23273966
Interesting advice, noted and added to my repository of obscure, hopefully-someday-practical knowledge.

>While this tradition likely started as a way to stretch coffee grounds—which are more expensive than chicory root—some people now do it as a way to lessen the caffeine content of a cup of coffee.

But why would one want to do that!?

If I don't move out by 2025, I'll get stuck in a position I absolutely don't want.
If it comes to it, I'll bail out of society and become a hermit.

>>23273953
I don’t even think it’s theological. It’s strictly philosophical. It’s a way of philosophically overcoming the problems of abject skepticism via critique of the broad religious history of the West. That is not what orthodoxy really is, but it’s what many orthodox converts do. In my view, there’s a world of difference between the real and sincere belief in the living person of Christ and the grasping onto the orthodox theology as a way of getting out of Western philosophical skepticism. And even from an orthodox perspective, it’s not enough to be convinced of orthodox theology. That’s secondary to a real relationship with God, which many of these people never even try to form.

>>23273982
At what age is it despicable to still be living with your parents? 30? 32? 34?

>>23273975
It's poison and stresses the adrenal glands

I think I’m so ugly and it bothers me so much.

>>23273993
younger than that I should think

>>23269034
New:
>>23273989

>>23273989

>>23273989

>>23273986
I would say what brings them to Orthodoxy at first is theological truth, or at least the promise of it, but then it becomes almost entirely philosophical in the way you've described. All your observations are very accurate

>>23273997
On one hand I do feel a certain amount of envy for those who live 'all natural' lives with regards to no mind-altering substances, caffeine and nicotine included, but on the flip, I see it as merely another facet of the variegated wonders in life, meant to be experienced and utilized by mankind.

>>23273993
In my country? I want to say "until your first child is born" but a coworker moved in with the in-laws when his wife got pregnant. But I think he is (slowly) building a house somewhere.

>>23274043
I moved in with family at 30 to try to save for a house down payment and I feel terrible about it. I feel like even if I left today somehow this would haunt me. It’s irrational but this is how socially ostracized it is in America.

>>23274015
tbf I like cocaine.
I think coffee should be treated like a drug. Not an every morning thing. Going for a coffee in the middle of the night is pretty /lit/

>>23274015
All I drink is plain water but I'm still miserable.

>>23274098
Distilled water? You're just flushing out nutrients
Maybe natural spring water (in a glass bottle)

>>23269155
I want to get a neuralink implant and find a way to get a cyberlobotomy