/lit/ - Literature

>>23243974
Why are Hackett hardcovers so expensive?

>>23243985
Libraries. Easy money to up-sell them, being federally subsidized.

>>23243974
I'm cleaning my bedroom and arranging my library. The book collection has grown so large that it now takes hours to take care of, not to mention the great space it demands.

When I was younger I thought my adult years would be the time in which I finally became free to accomplish all the things I wanted to achieve. Now that I'm here I'm slowly realizing that I'm just turning into a weirder and lonelier version of my dad.

>>23243974
shittiest version of this thread in a while, even the picture i can barely read. fuck you.

>>23243974
The woman who wrote the book OP is from went on to write She Hulk.

>>23243831
I'd argue that camping in the wild is easier in America. In Europe, most forest areas are at most a couple of miles away from towns, there's not a sense of "wilderness".

What's this years April Fools prank? Does 4chan not do that anymore

I've just now realized how dull and boring my mind is. I can't create and this will never change.
It's making me want to kill myself but i never will.

>>23244063

All this time I spend at work I keep wondering what else I could be accomplishing

>>23243974
Hmmm, is there any sort of psychological concept about how psychological atributes seem to change depending on the circumstanse/state of being of the current human?

>>23244064
How bad can it be? Even in lazy or casual selection my results are fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nL1-jnCkfw

Let go. You're not finding that godforsaken matching sock you lost forever ago, and the now isolated sock, longing for its pair, just wants to be delivered from this suffering. Throw it away.

>just dance

Unironically the best advice a lot of men can get, especially the type that frequent this site

>>23244083
gonna be ok, da da doo doo

>>23244082
Sometimes I have the opposite of this. Say I am buying a candy bar and there are two left. I’ll buy them both because I don’t want to separate and leave one lonely

>>23244064
you can, i assure you. but you have to take the time to break things down in a nonreductive?? way. take the time to come up with a process, and figure out what you need to start with. what you need to use as building blocks

>>23244037
Fuck you I didn't need to hear that

ideally, don't wait until until you're 37 to acquire goals or aspirations.

>>23244082
There are about 200 socks in my wardrobe, about 60 identically white Hanes ones the same in current rotation. Fashion is dead, and the colored & patterned ones among them might as well go up in flames.

>>23244083
I disagree t b h

>>23244096
I don't have a choice

>>23244096
Should have told me that before I turned 38.

>>23244096
I pretty much made up my mind by 24, and at 61 it's pretty much the same: The comfy life, and fuck the rest, except in fantasy.

My cellphone is a psychic tether to everyone I know. I can’t enjoy the peace of solitude if any one of them can reach out and electro-shock me with a message at any second. I’m letting all these people stick pipes in my brain. There is metal in my brain. I always keep my phone on silent to save myself the lash of notification. I flip my phone over to stop myself from glancing at it thirty times a minute checking for messages that sometimes come. Sending text into my brain. My endocrine system is being raped by these bastards!
I have to live in a world of instant communication. This is my fate. My brain is exposed for anyone to stick a pipe into.

It's become more difficult for me to find a quiet place for myself, and it's really getting on my nerves. I am a loser.

>>23244037
>Now that I'm here I'm slowly realizing that I'm just turning into a weirder and lonelier version of my dad.
Now that you mention it.

I have certain experiences and beliefs that make up the very center of my emotional and mental core. I have never told or hinted at them to anybody, and I never will.

>>23244037
> Now that I'm here I'm slowly realizing that I'm just turning into a weirder and lonelier version of my dad.
Holy shit. I think I’m going on the same path

>>23243974
I'm so horny I can't read

Why do some people have a major insecurity about going to college at an older age? Obviously, it’s not ideal but it’s basically fine.

When somebody says something nasty to me and I say something nasty to them back, I always regret it. I regret it especially if I don’t mean it and say it just to hurt.

https://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm42611483
Every once in a while I see stuff like that thing at the start of this video. It always brings a smile to me, but at the same time I am also a bit put off. It feels too "sugary", like even just looking at it contaminates and twists my soul, and I have to stay away from things like it for a bit for the contamination to disappear.

>>23244037
Heh. They said you could become anything you wanted, so you became what they wanted.

>>23244037
>Now that I'm here I'm slowly realizing that I'm just turning into a weirder and lonelier version of my dad.
kek /lit/ has a wonderful quality of snatching thoughts I've had out of the ether and giving them flesh

>>23244219
Kek you have no idea how obscene and ridiculous anime is once you've sworn off all Japanese culture

>>23244231
I already did that ages ago though. Stayed off all forms of it for a good five years, then eventually crawled back like a dog.

>>23244203
I don't think that has ever happened to me but I can imagine how hellish it must be.

>>23244130
what a queer problem anon. None of my friends text me retarded shit, so it's always exciting getting a text since it means they probably want to hang out. All the memes and retarded shit stays on discord, which I never get notifications for.
Have you considered ripping the probe out and getting a dumb phone? Take the smart back from the phone friend. I think I will do it soon.

>>23244253
you don't get it.

>>23244253
I sympathize with him. I have no friends so I never have people telling me about cool shit and hanging out, every single time it's some fucking nigger from work or my family telling me to do X or Y, or perhaps my alarm telling me to WAKE UP AND GO TO FUCKING WORK. Whenever my phone makes a weird sound and starts vibrating like Satan itself is descending into my house, it's to tell me that I have to suffer more. In a case like this, it's only natural to sperg out everytime the damn thing beeps. Worst part is that I want the fucking thing to just disappear, but then I will be asked by the people in my family, work, the government, bank, etc where the FUCK my phone is, because these days you absolutely must have a phone and it absolutely must be connected to all things in your life, and if you don't have one you'll just get locked out of critical services, so no matter how much you wish for it you can't lob the thing out the window.

>>23244268
exactly man, you get it.

enlightenment: when you realize enlightenment doesn't matter

old saying. man wakes up, cuts wood, goes home eats and sleep. man becomes enlightened. man wakes up, cut wood, goes home eats and sleep.

I've been thinking a lot about what sincerity means, or maybe just what it means to me specifically. I've spent a good portion of my life playing characters and generally not taking anything seriously; I am lucky in that for the most part this has not harmed me in any substantial way. But more and more I feel unable to express my genuine feelings, thoughts, abilities to anyone I know. Do I, a "real" capital letter I, even exist if no one acknowledges me? Not just a lack of acknowledgement, but actively repudiates anything that doesn't present as my "normal", but acted, aloof self. I like to pretend sometimes that I'm just playing a caricature of the people I'm around at any given time, but really that's false too: I just don't know, or never learned, how to be myself in some stupid maxim-you-tell-children way. How do I wipe the slate clean? Do I want to? I pray that I can have at least one moment of sincerity and serenity soon so that I might cry, really cry. It's been so long, I crave some sort of soul-shattering catharsis.

For most people, being thrown into prison is a dishonorable, regretful event: bound behind bars, unable to control your own fate. For some, it would be no different from their modern lives and mounting demands. If anything, they would probably take solace in that within the darkness of the prison, they would not be expected to endure the petty quarrels of their families, nor the constant nagging of their coworkers and boss, behind a small, handheld screen; what little light reached them from the squared sun would still provide greater warmth than that of smartphones.
For anybody else, a CME or any other large scale event that rendered all phones worldwide useless, stripping away the joys of instant communication and daily diversion, would be a crushing blow. For a person like that, it is an unrealized, unrecognized dream. When the burdensome and now useless pocket computer falls off his hand, when it crashes upon the floor and a visible crack spreads across the screen, a single tear falls from his eye. Not one of sorrow, but the solitary admission of complete and utter relief.

FUCK my glass of shitty poisonous alcohol overflowed and some of it went to waste

>>23244309
That's not really that old of a saying. Man didn't started using the wood-cutting axe until 6000 BC, so it's an early neolithic saying at best...

>>23244364
That's at least 80 times older than you.

>>23244344
no use crying over spilt poison

>>23244368
you're implying I don't have an immortal soul beyond time? me?

>>23244364
That's something an elf would say

my belly hurts. my belly's hurting me

>>23244334
Sincerity begins and ends with your own Self. It's not necessarily because you're playing characters, because ultimately you're never the same around everyone.
But it is one thing to wear a mask, and another to forget the face behind it. If you don't know why you act the way you act around other people, it's a sign you don't know something about yourself (which is relatively normal), but if that's a common recurrence then you just don't know yourself at all.

Just a Chad doing Chad things.

>>23243974
This would be if i wasn't an insipid goblin. Thinking about it, it is better to be me than whatever the type the image is representing, i think, but the guy probably gets some pussy, even if it doesn't make difference in his case, it still a plus.

>>23244395
>it is better to be me than whatever the type the image is representing
Yeah, no shit.

I have no idea what the fuck anything is and this fucking NIGGER calling himself "god" or whatever the fuck just keeps trying to fuck me over. I'd smash his retarded fucking face with my glass of cheap alcohol if I could, and force him to wipe the floor clean of liquid and broken glass, but the fucker is too intimidated to show me his face.

men need women

Why is it that everytime I actually feel like talking to people, I have nothing to fucking say and nobody to say it to? Every single time I just sit there confused and nobody approaches me, so I have to get out of the mood by myself, and be incredibly unsatisfied in doing so.

>>23244497
Yeah, but I'd rather have my tongue cut off than admit it to them.

>>23244512
respect

>>23244507
go on omegle

>>23244507
This made me frown, anon. I'm sorry for your predicament.

>>23244497
Jokes on you, methadone suppresses my testosterone and thus libido, so no I don't need women. It'd be nice tho.

>>23244521
You know how I feel like being told that? Like a jew in the year 1941, being told to "just shut up and enter the work camp".
>>23244526
You would be frowning even harder if you were in the same shoes.

>>23244541
>You would be frowning even harder if you were in the same shoes.
I'm in dirtier, smellier shoes, and I'm frowning pretty fucking hard rn

>>23244507
Try heading to a grocery shop, a subway station, a public park, anywhere the elderly might frequent, then chat away. I'm usually the kind of guy to attract them, so I know just how much they love to talk whenever they have the chance, especially if they catch on that you're actually paying attention.

The forensic pathologist will deduce your compulsive masturbation by the extraordinary tension in your pelvic floor, Mr. Bond.

>>23244534
you need a nice girl to do methadone and listen to brainbombs with
is that what methadone users listen to?

>>23243974
Some /pol/cel running amok

>>23244038
Kek, Dana takes another victim

I could cut my dick off today and nobody would notice it. I could die dickless, and if I do it deep in the woods then nobody would even find my corpse, meaning I could live and die dickless, with nobody to ever notice this massive fact.

>>23244521
Isn't omegle shut down pernanently

It should be legal to sell organs. Any of them. And you should be paid for giving blood.

>>23244649
relatable!

>>23244671
Yes

They should pay me for being alive, and worship me as a divine creature that has full authority over all beings that can exercise said authority in whatever ways it wishes. Like and subscribe if you agree.

My new monitor has "that kind" of design, the one where there's maybe one milimeter of actual proper material protecting the integral parts, so if I ever hit the thing for some reason or another it'll just fucking disintegrate. This is absolutely disgusting, in case you didn't know. It should be able to endure at least one hit. It really is disgusting to be surrounded by things like this, that just crumble like sand if you land a single hit on them.

>>23244507
It really is torture. Inside you have a desperate desire to talk to anyone about anything, but you can never act upon it. I have nothing of interest or relevance to say to them. I can't just tell someone about my thoughts on a book or idea out of the blue. "So how about Rousseau, huh?" Doesn't work that way. That's fine. I'm ok with listening. I will listen to anything. About the weather, your dead grandma, your pet cat, thoughts on the current government, the education system, the best pizza place in town, the latest netflix slop. I always hear that people like talking and you just need to listen. That is never the case. I make the immense effort to try and start a conversation with someone and they will just give me nothing. They will not speak beyond the most bare minimum reply they can manage. If it wasn't for my rapidly depleting repertoire of mundane mechanical small talk lines we would just exist in silence. The hardest part is having people act this way with me yet be perfectly normal with a wide range of other people. It must be the case there is something outwardly horribly wrong with me and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. It is impossible to satisfy this craving for human contact. All I can do is try really hard to suppress it.

>>23244671
I started using it every other weekend for a few months before it was & it was interesting the people you met. I might write an article about it.

>>23244702
Against my will I find myself hankering after less pure discourse, something less literal-minded and pissier, automatic responses to questions not asked, a touch of what’s that supposed to mean, who do you think you are, I don’t see it’s any business of yours (a) quite frankly or (b) you cheeky thing.

>>23244696
life is fragile

>>23243974
So I have to ask what’s with this inspiring investor/mogul thing? April fools? Seems dumb

>>23244702
Yeah I really don't understand what to do. Nothing works. I'm apparently handsome, and I make decent money, and I'm young and fit. But I just cannot function socially. I'm not even a nerd. I can't do that endearing nerd thing at all.
I'm just...nothing.
I'm just going to be a virgin and die alone. I'll never have a family.

>>23244770
I cannot conceive of how other people do it. Maybe it's just luck. Perhaps we will get lucky one day. All these normal people doing normal things don't seem to be particularly great. They aren't immensely wealthy or good looking. They don't have unique philosophical insights or radiant charisma. Yet they naturally achieve all these great things I so desperately want like friends, a wife, children. There's something defective in me that I just can't see or understand and it is excluding me from all of these things.

Punched my knee once. It hurt and I got called a drunken retard. Punched it for the second time, it didn't hurt and nobody dared to say anything. In other words, try hard enough and persistently enough and you can manage anything. You can cry tears of inspiration now.

>>23244792
I've felt this way all my life. You'll never play their game or talk and think and act like them. There is something you are missing that they have on an angle you can't discern, because you're right that they're not typically these radiant charismatic creatures (until they are). It's like some property they all share between them that transcends race or culture or whatever, like the stamp of a superior creator. I think you should just suffer alone and unloved until you stop wanting to be human.

>>23244807
Guess I'll just kill myself then.

I had two older brothers. They're both dead now. One died of a drug overdose last summer and the other just killed himself a couple days ago. It's wild to think that of the three of us two are gone. I mean what are the odds? I know things like drug addiction or suicide will strike a family but how often does it take out most of it? How did I get to be so unlucky that I was born into such dysfunction? And now the burden is all on me

>>23244823
I should have killed myself years ago. I gave up on love entirely at 27, then what little vestigial hope remained died an undignified second death a few years later. Recently I got drunk and and started rapidly punching my heart hoping it would stop. Hope this helps.

>>23244833
ow that's tough. do you remember what they were like as boys

They fucked me really hard.

>>23244858
They were ass holes desu. They would bully me pretty badly.

$5 gachi

>>23243974
What do I do with a couple short stories I wrote that got great feedback from workshops and from my profs? It's literary fiction with some bits of hardcore violence. I don't know what to do with it now that its written

I'm smokinh some real sticky icky tonight bros.

is it possible to be "indifferently opposed" to something or is that oxymoron territory?

Just finished Lost in Translation. It was pretty good.

Making a killing off of Chuck right now.

This hypothetical has popped into my mind every now and then for over a decade.
I've finally decided to write it down.

>>23244925
its obvious you want one of us to ask you to post it so post the fucking thing faggot I wanna read it

>>23244130
Man it must be really nice to be this antisocial

Two people having a quiet, important conversation, right by the window, bleached in morning sun; the sunbeams cut by sharp shadows of tree branches, the surface of the water reflecting daylight up the walls, the dawn chorus gets louder, it drowns out the dialogue til you only hear the birds with their murmuring barely audible. That's how my movie ends.

>>23244955
No anon seriously, I don't know what to do with it. Do I publish it? If so, how? Do I submit it to contests? Which one? I'm a stem major, not a writing/lit guy nor do I have lit frens, so I got no clue how to manage this shit

The last thing I told my brother before he died is that he'd burn in hell and I would never talk to him again. Almost prophetic I guess.

>>23244949
as a sort of essay film on hotel life I think it's good

>>23244969
Why did you say such a harsh thing to blood relative before they passed? What happened?

>>23244975
that's family business

>>23244975
The only people who could ever make me say horrible things I would regret were my brothers. This one in particular was antagonizing me severely. He would do that to everyone. Just badger and barrage people with terrible things until the person would snap. He was inventing stories of sexual abuse by our dad against our other deceased brother. I know it didn't happen, don't speculate about it. He had been a total ass hole all night and had a psychotic episode just a few weeks earlier where he was sending every single person hate filled text messages. You see he had schizophrenia. Everyone in my life knows I am the most patient and easy going person there is. I have friends who remark that they have never seen me angry. I wish I had followed up with him in the days following. I think he died thinking I hated him. This is really one big mess. This all ended as badly as it possibly could. It's almost cliche

>>23244968
idk i just like readin' books nigga, anyway try the &amp, or other journals on here or in the nearest city or just any non mainstream magazine/journal. I know fuckall about actual publishing but i'm pretty upset you're not willing to put it on here, is it cause you think someone will steal it?

Pretending i'm a normal functioning adult

I'm becoming increasingly obsessed with the idea of meaningful, lasting justice. Vigilantism is only frowned upon under the assumption that the average citizen doesn't have the same skills/training/tools available to law enforcement, but if the vigilante in question did possess these resources, then what criticism could they face aside from operating outside of a fundamentally flawed system? Maybe I've read too many comics.

I don't think I'm a reader, over the years, I've tried a lot of books but still I don't feel the spark or maybe my brain is just fried. I'm already tired, I don't think I'll ever be a reader.

>>23244995
Because vigilantism is worse than the flawed system. No oversight. No standard procedure. No accountability.

Jesus this thread is depressing. If any of you lonely anons live by Portland, OR let's hang out.

>>23245038
I don't hang out with random dudes who I meet online.

>>23245046
I ain't forcing you!

>>23245048
I'm shy

>>23245051
Hence the offer.

>>23245038
I would, but I live overseas.

>>23243974
When was the last time a word or phrase was filtered? Even needing such a thing is proof that too many just go with the herd and reply their meme stock responses

>>23245038
I would but I don't live in Portland and am not lonely also I don't want to

>>23245055
>>23245061
It's alright, we'll always have this moment as the time we almost hung out if not for the cruelties of Fate and follies of Bad Luck.

>>23245066
Thank you anon, I love you

btw is Portland as gay as people say?

>>23245066
I will never forget you...

>>23245046
Of course you don’t..

>>23245038
I live in the Midwest, dude. Too far.

>>23245077
Don't shame me for being a virgin.

This poet Thomas Chatterton was an interesting fellow, unique beautiful sad soul. My first time hearing about him. I suggest reading this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Chatterton

>>23245078
It's only a 20 hour drive, cmonnnn

I get way too depressed when I pick up to read A portrait of an Artist. I see so much of myself in him even though I'm much older. Minus all the religion and whore fucking, and talent of course. I don't think there's a chance of redemption for me.

A chick just told me I'd be a great husband, did I just get brutally shoved into the friend zone? I'm not tryna date or fuck this chick so I don't care if I did, just curious.

>>23245038
Oregon is one of my dream places to visit, specifically Cannon Beach. For what it's worth. I'd hang out with you if I was in Oregon.

>>23245184
Lose your religion and get a whore

Now that I think about it, I always was AGP. I never wore my moms or sisters clothes but I always used to self insert as girls. When I found out how to mastrubate I found out that getting off was easier when I would imagine myself as a girl I facied. And when I got into porn I would self insert as the girl getting fucked even if I didn't like men. Nowadays I can't cum without imagining myself as a girl.

So I am definitely AGP. Does this warrant transition?

>>23245174
I don't drive

Also most (you)s I've been getting on this site have been nothing more than heavy handed criticism. I'm a 41 year old guy who has worked in manual labor. I shouldn't have to tolerate uppity under 30 twink fags who got into college on mommy & daddys money.

I hate texting and am awful at it
It has to sound super informal and off the cuff with the added pressure of knowing the other person in real time can see "anon is typing" and estimate how long you are taking
Who the fuck thought this would ever be a good idea?
I'd rather just talk directly to someone.
I don't want to use emoticons or any of the other cutsie shit. But, especially when texting a woman, this is exactly what i have to do

>>23244702
>The hardest part is having people act this way with me yet be perfectly normal with a wide range of other people
This happens to other people? I know exactly what you mean
I remember talking to a co-worker once and have the sense she is totally absent from the conversation and wants to get away from me
Then she turns to a different co-worker and like a switch engages in effortless natural and energetic conversation with the other person. Worst feeling in the world
To this other person I don't really exist. I have no existence in the eyes of others. They stare at me and instinctively know i am not anything worthwhile
>>23244770
>But I just cannot function socially. I'm not even a nerd. I can't do that endearing nerd thing at all.
>I'm just...nothing.
I can relate. I have always been an outsider all my life. Every group I just don't fit in well. I have to make a huge effort to fit in and then it just feels completely contrived and artificial.
Somehow even around nerds and sweaty autists I don't manage to belong. The worst feeling is to realize that even losers reject you

>>23245216
>thank god walmart only scheduled me 23.5 hours this week
me irl

>>23245038
I would but I would sooner put a bullet in my head than step foot in Portland

>>23245205
It depends. 9 out of 10 times if you think you are in the friendzone, that's because you are. I know you don't want to date or fuck this chick—we all know it hurts nonetheless.

>>23243974

I french kissed a Southeast Asian prostitute while she jerked me off in a dodgy massage parlor today, and it was one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life. There are women who take money for sex, and then there are women who view prostitution as a calling. I have always felt happiest in the arms of these true whores. Even happier than I did in the arms of my wife, when I was married.

Cynics and the inexperienced will claim that all no whore enjoys her work, and that it's always solely done from necessity. But a true whoremonger can tell the difference. Such women make existence a joy.

>>23244037
Fuck.

>>23244850
>little vestigial hope remained died an undignified second death a few years later.
What happened? Got rejected?

>>23243974
When it comes to modern dictators, there's something special about Ferdinand and Imelda, and Nicolae and Elena. None of the rest of them came in psycho pairs, either in reality or presentation. Of course Mao's old lady was a monster, if never the kind of figure deified for the retarded masses via image manufacturing. But the rest of the bastards apparently were without matching bitches, like Fred West was with his Rose. Consider for instance the wife of Xi. For all intents and purposes she may as well be an obscure and brainless farm animal kept in a basement cage. In any case I doubt he's ever had sex, at least as I understand the term.

>>23243974
Who does this image describe, /lit/?

It's so bizarre how early some people clock in at this construction site.
We start at 06:00 but there are a few that are here ready to work at 05:15.
They then have to wait 45 minutes before they get to work.
Incredible.

>>23245331
>'how early some people clock in'
Clocking in means they're on the clock, which means they're getting paid.
If they're doing that, but not working, that's timecard fraud. I assume that's not what you mean, of course.
Department of Transportation workers do this too: they show up early and bullshit until the foreman says it's time to leave even though, for the most part, they bullshit on the slow drive to the job too, or while waiting at the shed to get called to the next job.

>>23245357
Yes that's not what I meant.
They do not get paid for the 45 minutes they come early.

>>23245369
If they're like the guys I worked with, they enjoy bullshitting together. It's usually the guys who have put in a few years (or a decade or more), they basically form cliques and bid on crews together.

>>23245216
transition seems like an unhealthy fixation. some people are born with disabilities, some are born ugly or demented. take care of whatever you are, and dont get hung up on how you get off maybe.

>>23245298
How do you find them? I tried visiting whores a few years ago and it was always a terrible experience. Well terrible is too far but I got no pleasure from it and wasted my money as I could tell all of them were absolutely repulsed by me.

>>23245298
i agree. i never feel properly reciprocated with typical women, so i prefer the roles of man and WHORE. it just feels honest

WHEN I WAS

Any good lit-focused podcasts?

>>23245381
spine crackers
salt lake dirt

>>23245381
In Our Time sometimes covers book and authors. The book episodes are usually shit and barely focus on the book. The author episodes are a lot better. There's also episodes on philosophers and various philosophical schools and ideas but I can't recall the overall quality of those.

>>23245357
I’ve committed time card fraud over twenty years ago. Place is a shadow of what it used to be. I don’t care.

It's insane to me that employers aren't forced to pay commuting costs. At least the getting to work part of commuting. Spending time and money with the sole purpose of going to work is work.

>>23245410
Surely there's tax shit that could help with this.

I wonder if part of the reason so many people suffer from racing thoughts at night when they're trying to sleep is because they don't give themselves the chance to actually think about things during the day. If you're distracted by your phone or podcasts or music or work or whatever from the very moment you wake up, then night time in bed with your eyes closed is the only time your brain actually has a chance to run through thoughts.

>>23245446
That is pretty much the reason

>>23245374
True, it's usually 2/3 people that do this.
Still don't get it. I'd rather take an extra 30 min sleep + 10 minutes getting done i the morning.

yesterday i wrote some notes by hand,
it felt good to do it rather than typing

almost like the touch of another human being

>>23245216
No, you should stop watching so much porn and start exercising to fix your testosterone levels, you retard.

>>23245024
Do police face much accountability? Or do the ends justify the means. There's and inherent brutality to heroism that people overlook. Somehow violence is wrong, yet every authority figure in our lives uses it as the silent "what if" in response to breaking the law.

>>23245446
Well, of course that happens. It's deliberate, whether they're conscious of it or not, and it's their own fault. Lock a pitbull in some cell for a day or two without food, and see how he's going to snarl at you like it wants to feed on you; do it for a couple more days, and eventually a lethargic sadness will replace fury, and instead of barking threats, it will wail for help.
It's no wonder they can't sleep. But it's much worse than that, because it's not like they fear sleep per se. It's sitting somewhere or walking places, nothing but the dull surroundings making some noise, a passing train, cars honking, random chatter, dogs and maybe some birds. The sum of these noises is no longer enough to numb their consciousness, it has to be the loud music or random dudes talking about the current thing or some subject they're so certain they're passionate about. But it's even worse when these noises cease, when they get home and drown themselves in the comforting touch of their couch or bed, and that revolting silence makes their ears ring. The TV has to be turned on, Spotify must fill the gap, a third person has to be at the ready whether at home, at a phone call's or a message's beckon or behind a computer screen; anything to distract them from It.

>>23245211
You're that Australian guy aren't you

>>23245581
The one and only. I'm surprised you remember me, I haven't posted about Cannon Beach in a while.

>>23245595
I also remember you.

I got over my cold about three weeks ago but I'm still coughing like a bitch, I just looked it up though and apparently it's not out of the ordinary and it's nothing to be worried about.

>>23245598
Look at that, I've got my own little fan club.

>>23245603
Where in Australia are you from?

I've been reading Rich Dad Poor Dad for the first time and I realized my dad tried to act like the rich dad in trying to "teach" me in my adolescence about earning money but absolutely failed to do so. He would even so much as taunt me about having to earn money if I wanted things, but would never really go about the same way the "rich dad" in the book did. Either I'd be taunted for not earning money (at a young age at that) or he'd treat me like I was too stupid to do so and basically do everything by himself without allowing me to learn by either failure or success.

Funnily enough, I did somehow learn about taxes as I grew up because I had to help out my mom and my aunts with their tax forms. So I'm at least familiar with that shit. No idea on how to be an entrepreneur though.

>>23245611
Adelaide, the place no foreigners move to or visit on their holidays (and I don't blame them, it's a shit hole).

Ennui.
But really, i had something to ask here and i don't remember it, sad.

My relationship with food is not healthy.

>>23245595
Sometimes when people post a lot about one thing I remember more or less forever. And honestly Adelaide looks kinda nice

>>23245754
>Adelaide looks kinda nice
It has its moments.

>>23245678
I live in one of the big east coast cities and the place is full of Indians and Chinese people. I don't see why you would want foreigners moving to or visiting your city. Not like Oregon is full of cool foreigners either.

i'm only 31 but i'm already at the age where i feel that i can't realistically read, watch, play everything i'll want to before i die (unless i die early) unless i take serious steps to organize what i read and watch and when and give important things more priority

>>23245771
>I don't see why you would want foreigners moving to or visiting your city.
I'm not saying I do. I don't have a problem with them doing it, I'm just saying that they don't. There are more attractive cities like Melbourne and Sydney that they could move to.

>>23245778
There's not that much more to do in Sydney or Melbourne anyway. I guess it's easier to get a globohomo finance job or something. Adelaide and Perth seem nice, although Perth is probably a bit too hot.

imagine living in australia lmao

>>23245782
Weak bait, try harder next time.

>>23245782
It's a nice place. I'd probably only choose Norway or Switzerland over it.

>>23245776
That's because you won't. Even if you lived till you're 100 and somehow finished one book/game per day every day until you died, that's still a little over 25k book or games, notwithstanding the good ones that you'll eventually reread/replay. And yet we would gladly read or play a million of them, if only we could... so just focus on what you deem worthy of your attention.

>>23245789
well, there's not that things i realistically want to play and read
in fact with games it's not many at all, it's just that you do need to space them out to get anything done
i don't want to be one of those people that speedruns through games or skims pages when he reads books

>>23245809
Ah, I get you. But I don't really get people who do that. Maybe they just want the satisfaction of saying "I did it" and feel the dopamine hit? While that sounds like a satisfactory answer, somehow I feel like it's not enough, like I've just scratched the surface.

Went to sleep, then I got woken up ten times, by a different person every single fucking time.
Also, I had a half empty glass of alcohol next to me the whole time so the smell is deeply engraved into my room.

If I fail in my goals, then I will make a high-functional and multi-functional oven, get in it, and turn it up to the highest setting.

>>23244990
Same. I'm tired of it and am out of excuses to keep up the charade aside from my own cowardice.

I am getting older and weirder and more alone every day. Ordering a coffee is an intimate experience. I avoid the monthly phone calls from my father. He is clearly only checking my vitals and then disappearing, it's humiliating. Everything is humiliating. I hate having a phone wired directly into my brain that anyone can call or text at any second. Every member of my family, and all of my coworkers, and some friends I used to know all have wires into my brain. Wires spilling from my brain like moss on an oak. Going to the grocery store is humiliating. Grocery shopping is bovine and fluorescent and I have to see all the fat people waddling down the aisles and see all of their varicose veins and skin tags and dyed hair and nervous smiles or vacant stares. The humiliation of the self-checkout. Standing under a fluorescent light looking at an imagine of yourself on a screen: 'YOU ARE BEING RECORDED.' A line of people breathing down your neck and cataloguing everything you take out of the basket and transmitting psychic waves of tension and dumb animal stress. Needing to call the attendant for assistance because the machine doesn't think you put the item in the bagging area, but you did put the item in the bagging area, but there was an error, so you took it off and put it back on, now the screen is locked and blinking red and you have to wait for the attendant to scan his badge and press a button, wordlessly. Missed call from Dad five days ago. The emancipation of dead parents. When the people who know me the most die, I will be more free. It will be easier to bear the humiliation of life when everyone I know is dead.

>>23245850
Oh to be a medieval peasant.

>>23245776
Same. Isn't it great? We will never not have things we want to do!

>>23245819
Speedrunning a game is not the quick or easy way to do it. It takes a lot of practice and research

>>23245850
Go hang out with your dad

Bake me into a pie. Cut me into many pieces, give me to cute, starving kittens hiding their tiny bodies in their little hiding spots in the alley. Record yourself watching them eat and laughing devilishly. Get flooded with criticism when the people on the internet find out that all the kittens died shortly after due to food poisoning, and have the cops smash your door open and arrest you. Get thrown into jail, to never see the light of sun ever again. Get killed by your fellow inmates within your first week there, because they found out what you did and think of you as less than human.

>>23245850
>Missed call from Dad five days ago. The emancipation of dead parents. When the people who know me the most die, I will be more free. It will be easier to bear the humiliation of life when everyone I know is dead.
If you have ever witnessed such an ultimate loss even if by reading about them, then you know you're fooling yourself. Look, if you're this reliant on external changes to hope for better times, then ironically it's you who need to change. And please don't wish such a thing upon yourself, people have offed themselves over lesser forms of suffering.

I hate my job but looking at other jobs to apply to the grass doesn't seem any greener. Despair is all i feel.

>>23244037
I'm free from the possibility realizing this on account of not knowing my father and not knowing anyone who knows my father (ivf)

Cringing at all the 4s-6s I got with in college. Nobody respects a guy who gets anything less than 7s. I’m probably the only guy in the world who dated one 9 and otherwise hooked up with 4s.

Been living in Texas for 6 months and never once felt at home. The people here believe in the worst version of American values I can think of, one in which individual liberty is taken to be the only true virtue, in which anything that could be construed as infringing on another (including infringing on his sense of pride) is taken as an assault. Fat people in massive SUVs and pickup trucks everywhere. Trump seen as some kind of Messianic figure who will lead America to a gloriously bright future full of hyper-individualistic libertarianism. Performative spending, capitalism as signifier without signified. Once-saved-always-saved Biblical literalism and disdain for "pagan" Catholics, the based and the redpilled held up as a reflection of the divine, people quick to loudly announce how much they would love to publicly crucify and behead pedophiles but hesitant to call out corruption in their own local governments. This weird social dynamic where everyone tries to be both the most warm and welcoming example of Southern hospitality while also making it clear that they carry a gun and aren't afraid to use it and they know the laws and their buddies work at the courthouse. No problem with guns but I don't tell anyone when I carry. The fat people everywhere. The boomers in bigass lifted trucks tailgating people already going 10 over the limit while honking and flashing their highbeams.
Fuck all of it. When I leave I'm never looking back.

>>23245939
I’m the same way, I cope by believing every man exaggerates the quality of women he says he’s been with. I’ve been with some 8s but honestly I don’t even think a 9, besides one prostitute. I’ve mostly hooked up with mid range girls though like you

Ended yesterday with a shit mood, started this one with a shit mood, and I will spend tomorrow with a shit mood too.

>>23245948
I had 2 serious girlfriends. 1 was a 9. That relationship was a disaster. The other was a 8 or 7 when we started dating and a 6 or 5 by the time we broke up (age and weight gain does a number on some girls). Honestly, it wasn’t even hard to date these girls but I was more attractive back then and somehow I still ended up hooking up with mid girls, usually when I was very drunk.

It’s weird for me because I sincerely have no idea how attractive I am. I have no idea what number I should go for now. I’m not interested in casual sex anymore, so do I go for 9s, 8s, 7s, 6s? What? Also, it’s weird because the mid-high girl was the good relationship while the high girl was a nightmare. So even if I can get 8s and 9s do I go for 7s and 6s?

>>23244770
>I'm apparently handsome, and I make decent money, and I'm young and fit.
If you have all these and also tall and not bald would need to be actively fending women off with a stick to remain sexless

I wish I could just take drugs and drop dead at 60 but any unhealthy behaviour makes me feel shit right away.

Not in the mood to deal with people. But alas, I have to.

>>23245965
What do you want out of a relationship?

I don't feel good. I yelled at my servant and made her cry. I need to work on my patience.

Us Anglos are so lucky that the greatest writer of all time wrote in English and wrote prolifically. I could just read and re-read Shakespeare for the rest of my life. You ESLs have no idea what your missing out on, poor savage bastards.

>>23246110
Have fun reading Shakespear while your country is in decline.

Ahhh bagahfhaa agggg badabadbaaa ah ah ah ba ba ba ba krssh

>>23246122
Texas is doing just fine partner.

>>23246151
Totally right ese

I want to get into HEMA but I also think HEMA is cringey.

>>23246009
At this moment in my life I’m pretty black pilled on women and relationships so all I can say is at minimum sex and children. Of course I want other things but I don’t think they’re even on the table.

I used to go to a lot of underground raves and every so oftem ill go thru a rabbit hole of X mutuals and find some people I've met on there at parties. Mind you I still have some of these people on Instagram but X really reveals the state of their decay. The most common feature is how obsessed they are with sex (while being unable to maintain relationships),sex work, drugs and appearing esoteric. I'm amazed these people feel no shame posting some of this disgusting stuff.

I'm ditching STEM for a humanities degree. I can't keep trying to force myself into a field I don't give a fuck about. It's certainly not the 'smartest' decision but I'd like to feel like I'm being true to myself for once in my life.

>>23246329
Don't worry, we'll all be jobless soon enough if we survive this decade.

Living in an apartment, my headphones seem to be picking up some kind of radio interference, that of a Rush Limbaugh-esque ragebait low-information faux-conservative station. It is annoying on it's own, but most concerning is sometimes I fall asleep with my headphones on listening to music and around the time the music ends, the scruffy voice slowly begins to seep into my dreams, like some kind of bizarre MKULTRA experiment run by The Blaze and Fox News, steadily indoctrinating me in my sleep. And for the true punchline of horror, when my dream comes to an end and I am happy to finally be free from the grips of the ghost of Trumpist DARPA scientists and CIA psychic warriors fucking with my brain, I awake only to find the voice galloping along without interruption as my headphones has been turned into a turncoat asset of their machinations, and barely free from the inundation of dream logic it takes me a moment to register the reality of my present situation and put a pause on their indoctrination.

Sounds like a cool plotpoint to put into a novel but seriously, how can I fix this?

taking a fat shit rn

>>23246359
What device do you listen with? Try wrapping your headphone cable in aluminum foil

>>23246406
AKG K240s

Would that actually help?

>>23244334
>I've been thinking a lot about what sincerity means, or maybe just what it means to me specifically. I've spent a good portion of my life playing characters and generally not taking anything seriously; I am lucky in that for the most part this has not harmed me in any substantial way. But more and more I feel unable to express my genuine feelings, thoughts, abilities to anyone I know. Do I, a "real" capital letter I, even exist if no one acknowledges me? Not just a lack of acknowledgement, but actively repudiates anything that doesn't present as my "normal", but acted, aloof self. I like to pretend sometimes that I'm just playing a caricature of the people I'm around at any given time, but really that's false too: I just don't know, or never learned, how to be myself in some stupid maxim-you-tell-children way. How do I wipe the slate clean? Do I want to? I pray that I can have at least one moment of sincerity and serenity soon so that I might cry, really cry. It's been so long, I crave some sort of soul-shattering catharsis.
you might like this

https://www.keble.ox.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/TPE-Seminar-5.pdf

>>23246415
I meant do you use your phone or a laptop or what. Also those are pretty nice headphones, I was expecting some cheap crap without a lot of shielding around the cable. The foil thing may or may not work. It's cheap and easy to try though so worth a shot. It's likely that you live close to a transmitter for this radio station and your headphone cable is acting as an antenna.

>>23245972
You'd be surprised

>>23246441
Oh sorry, it's a all-in-one monitor, so no DAC/AMP/sound card or w/e.

And hmm alright, I might try that later today if it doesn't end up making me feel *too* ridiculous, lol.

>Also those are pretty nice headphones

Thanks :) I might be poor but audio quality is important! Granted, because of this issue I do the majority of my listening through my computer's speakers so I should probably get an upgrade on those too. Thanks for the help and replies!

I seriously want to run away from home and from my own life. I cant take this anymore. But I have NO fucking ability to survive or live independently. I dont know what the fuck to do. I have no way of getting ID so I'd just be fucked and be homeless since everything in this fucking.
I am 30 years old and I still haven't been able to start my life or have any agency over it
>>23246329
I wish I did what you did.

Exhaustive list of things that raise my self-confidence:
-my height
-that I started growing a beard at 12
-that I am not scared of needles and have many times stared silently as I was hit with one
Exhaustive list of things that lower my self-confidence:
-the rest

>>23246458
>that I am not scared of needles and have many times stared silently as I was hit with one
What? "Hit with one" as in getting a shot?

>>23246458
This post is a quality work of art, anon.

>>23243974
https://behavioralscientist.org/nudge-review-cass-sunsteins-why-nudge/
Why are behavioral psychologists like this?
The most revolting, substanceless, and soulless worldview. The entire article is just a long winded attempt to justify controlling people
I would not mind that if they were honest, but such people hide their manipulative desire behind a false pretense of moralism
It is utterly revolting

>>23246498
Everyone desires to control people in some way or another, and many do dress it up in moralism

>>23246479
Yeah. I once got complimented about it by a cute nurse, but I didn't hear her properly so I just pretended to understand what she said and walked away.
>>23246483
Thanks.

>>23246510
To a degree perhaps, but technocratic liberals suggest a view of the public good that is above public debate while still pretending to be democratic.
I dislike this two facedness.
Such planners have no real substantative view of the good, and yet they still somehow maintain they know what is better for others

I sympathize with the gays even though my religion tells me not to. I am quite convinced that a western liberal agenda has found its roots deep in me. I do believe that unkempt homophilia leads away from God, I just don't want to have to force anyone or anything. A big part of me feels like my religion (Islam) has a true middle way approach: what someone does in their home is their business and it takes 4 simultaneous witnesses (almost impossible) to get a conviction. The question kind of doesn't exist. I just don't want to have to tell fags that God hates them. Something in me doesn't want to do that. Maybe if you phrase it as "I sincerely believe you are destroying any chances of lasting peace within yourself, and that you are contributing to its deterioration without yourself." I don't know. It felt good writing this.

>>23246544
>western liberal agenda has found its roots deep in me.

Sounds pretty gay.

>>23246544
It's just that when you are faced with people who say that they're happily in love it's hard to imagine telling them that actually the devil has tricked them. But then how many 1000+ bodycounts do you get for every lovestory? And the thing is the devil probably has tricked them, and they probably can get better and realize naturally their place in the order of things.

>>23245485
When you form a deep connection with people you work with, the time flies.

>>23246544
Not to start a debate or anything, but knowing what we now know about homosexuality, what is your ideal vision for gay people then? To remain sexless and lonely for their entire lives or to enter into a loveless marriage with someone of the opposite sex and start a family anyway, or what?

>>23245331
Are some of them taking the bus perhaps?

'sexo' and 'booba' are very funny internet words

>>23246561
>knowing what we now know about homosexuality
what is it that we know?

>>23246535
>Such planners have no real substantative view of the good
Literally just your opinion. The word is "substantive" btw

>>23246548
>But then how many 1000+ bodycounts do you get for every lovestory
Very few. You guys must not know any gay people

>>23246578
>Literally just your opinion
Yes it is my opinion. Do you have a real rebuttal?
Read the article. The author makes no attempt to justify his views or why this class of planners should have this power over others beyond asserting that they somehow know better for people what is good. He does not addresses the epistemic critique at all.

>>23246584
isn't it kind of a fact that on average the bodycounts of gays are way, way higher? I think one of the reasons it is looked down upon is that it leads to normalization of deeper and deeper promiscuity, because when you get menxmen sexuality running wild, it is something different.

>>23246586
>Yes it is my opinion. Do you have a real rebuttal?
I can just disregard it, you've presented nothing worthy of a rebuttal, just a bunch of angry stammering about how it's disgusting, soulless, and so forth.

>>23246568
Presumably that sexual orientation is rooted in biological causes, so outlawing acts of homosexuality is tantamount to outlawing gay people's ability to engage in a romantic relationship altogether as they cannot just be changed into heterosexuals. Also why I think there is sound logic in, say, banning gay marriage while not banning acts of homosexuality, to further expand what I'm getting at.

>>23246591
Higher, sure. But not "1000+," like holy shit dude that's a full time job at that point. And they do settle down, regardless.

>>23246598
Biological causes as in 1:1 this neural structure leads to this outcome or biological causes as in some things appear to correlate?

>>23246598
>>23246604
bear in mind that the only model for behavior that we have that can be kind of.. replicated, I guess, scientifically, is a neurological model. That doesn't mean that reality is limited to neurons.

>>23246596
I have already presented my criticism. You are either trolling or being disingenuous.
I highly doubt you even read the article.

>>23246604
>>23246608
Are you suggesting people can change their sexual orientation? I would disagree but I guess that would answer the main question I was asking by opening up possibilities for a solution.

>>23246613
Your criticism is just "I don't like it" you dumb mouthbreather

>>23246620
NTA but yes, they absolutely can, and seeing sexual orientation as something defined from birth and set in stone ignores the reality of things like fetishes developing over time and people getting into slash being corrupted by different kinds of sexual interaction.

23246632
You are underage. Not wasting any more time with you.
Summarize the main points made in the article otherwise you're just baiting and wasting my time.
You can't because you didn't read the article.

>>23246638
I think that can be applied to 'sexuality is a fluid spectrum' types but not full-on, discrete homosexuals who simply are not attracted to people of the opposite sex. But again, fair enough. I disagree with the view but if that is one's position then outlawing acts of homosexuality is a sound approach to take.

>>23246586
Why do they need to address this epistemic critique at all? They might not perceive it as a problem, or even know the critique exists. It could also be that, to begin with, you don't have to be convinced, and if you insist that you must, they'll probably point at their diploma then tell you to go to hell because you're obviously not seeking their services. You might find that unfair, but it is what it is.
IMO it's a meme opinion because you just assume they're all manipulative bastards and don't factor in, for example, that some people just have a poor worldview.

>>23246638
>>23246666
I think the fact that nowadays kids are raising eachother given the 12+ years of more or less mandatory schooling is a factor. When I was in school it was the simple and only good-guy position that anything goes.

>>23246682
I can't tell what you're trying to say.

>>23246682
lmao this: >>23246685

>>23246685
>>23246686
that it's a factor in what becomes normal/what people end up getting into. they spread the gay-germ in the schools!

Im going to a doctor appointment soon. I need to get a doctors note for work on why i wasn't in this week. I was thinking about saying that I had some stomach problems where I had to use toilet every 1-3 hours as its hard to check if true or not and a good excuse on why you couldn't come to work but I wonder if there is a better method to do this or are there some details like additional symptoms I should think ahead before telling the doctor.

Having a small dick is the worst

I have two desires. One is to take full control of a country, and raise it until it becomes a prosperous hegemon. I would use any method I can. The other is to have my own family. We would live an idyllic life on a land with good people, and take great enjoy in eachothers company.
Thing is, I am an absolute fuckup and have none of the skills required to take or maintain such futures. Even if g*d were to do me a favour and give me one of these, it would just instantly collapse in on itself because the central pillar(that's me!) is just a bunch of really cheap Chinese plastic that just so happens to be a few hundred degrees too hot for its own good. An idyllic life with one's family would be ruined the instant that I am added into the equation.

sounds like a pathetic reflection to witness

thinking about starting a podcast again...

>>23246710
Not as bad as having a vagina.

>>23246733
I forgot to type out the rest. As a result of these desires my taste in media has changed significantly. Usually, I watch an anime or play a VN to fill in the hole where "family" is meant to be. And whenever I do that, the other one, the one with "control and violence" opens up instead, so to fill that one up I have to play elaborate but incredibly shit strategy and simulator games. When I'm done having my fill, the family hole opens up again. I am endlessly ping-ponged between these shallow depictions of the two things that I am not allowed access to.

>>23246733
>>23246759
The song of the disenfranchised male.

>>23246678
You have no clue what you are talking about and clearly haven't read the article.
I'm not criticizing experts in general or those with a degree, but the worldview of those behavioral psychologists like those that wrote "Nudge" that believe public views ought to be manipulated using the insights of psychology.
What the author of the article refers to as libertarian paternalism--the notion that benevolent experts can and should use technocratic, subtle methods to shape and limit the public's choices
I don't get retards like you who try to talk about something you have no clue about

I've been really good about not drinking for two months now since picking up running but I'm super tempted with this shit as weather especially since I know it'll be here for another three days

>>23246818
Any indoor workouts you can do in the meantime?

>>23246803
That kind of shit is commonplace in my own field of work and you wouldn't believe the amount of people who advocate to this, unaware that they're just falling for morality bait. But somehow I'm clueless because I didn't just say "yes, despicable people indeed." Yawn. Why even bother posting here if your first lines resort to that sort of "lol pwned u" line not just once, not twice, but thrice? Fuck off.

>>23246825
>the amount of people who advocate to this, unaware that they're just falling for morality bait.
So you agree with me? Why all the chimping out your time of the month or something?

>>23246822
I mean yes I physically can, but I absolutely loathe them. I will go back to working on knitting my sweater I just need a physical release -- probably will just masturbate. I just have a tendency to overindulge when I know the weather will be shit for a while since its hard for me to see "the light" at the end of the tunnel. thanks for staying tuned

>>23246632
>>23246825
He pointed out their hypocrisy, dumbass, and you had some huge problem with that. God, I hate people like you. Get the fuck out of here you normalfaggot

>>23246831
You're the one calling me a clueless retard and that other anon an underage, and I'm the one chimping out? Hilarious stuff. And never did I disagree with you over their hypocrisy, just that you shouldn't expect them to defend their point of view. People nowadays are stupid enough to fall for it without a thorough explanation, it's kind of the point of technocracy.

>>23245942
Interesting anon, thanks for the description
t. Australian

>>23246435
I thoroughly enjoyed that, thank you. It also encouraged me to write a poem that's been in my head for a while. It's not great.

>>23244386
I do not know myself whatsoever. Any guess I've ever had has continually been proven wrong, in every possible direction. I have engaged in depravities unimaginable to many, and experienced blisses and good fortune an equal many will never know. I have done good and done bad, and never once did it feel as if it were Me who did it, who knew, who felt. It is surely the case that I do not know myself or, barring that, that I do know myself and hated it, have buried it deep down. In either instance, there seem very few prospects for change, but perhaps that is only the myopia of the present.

>>23246909
Awareness is the first step, anon, so I'd say the opportunity is definitely there. Maybe that poem you mentioned might help, even if it turns out cringeworthy. Sometimes we have to do cringe things so we learn how to be based (in this case, beeing your elf). Good luck.

I desperately wish I could have the charisma and gravity of guys like Donald Trump or some of these online celebrities like Grant Cardone.

The older I grow the less I want to hear or read about things I despise or don't care about. I've read about crystallized intelligence before but I thought this was an old people thing. I can remember sitting through hours of unpleasant stuff or speaking with unpleasant people and not complaining, but now I can't even waste a second in those situations. This is getting worse as I don't even feel like debating with people anymore aside from one or two very smart friends who always have stuff to teach. I'm pretty sure I am becoming an old fuck with tunnel vision. Either that or most people are boring and ignorant, and this take is puberty-level retarded so it can't be it.

I got mediocre grades and was terrible at math and science but I can remember movie quotes very well. I can recite entire scenes by heart, unprompted. It doesn't have much practical use outside of amusing my coworkers.

>>23247071
I see a third option: you're just not that patient anymore around things you despise/don't care about. That doesn't mean you're not open to new ideas, or that everyone's dumb, necessarily. It could just mean you've become allergic to bullshit.

>>23245942
Pretty accurate. In cities, most people are mellow, two faced, and boring, small towns they are more transparent and offensive. Tesla is the lifted truck in Austin where no one is fat, there's little crime or nigger worship but it's like they put sedatives in the water. Music crowds are boring, and no one has that weird glow that's apparent from taking the best from their worthwhile culture at a young age. Sounds like you were in Dallas-FW.

I feel like there's this growing trend where everything has to be debated. You point out something and soon some idiot goes "name three examples." Basically engaging you like you have just presented a scientific hypothesis, but it also feels like they can't think on their own and absolutely need you to oil their brain with concrete evidence. Disheartening.

>>23243974
I'm trying to figure out the opening of my book, is the main character rambling about the nature of his work best saved for the ending of the chapter, or is it way too overwhelming to have him rant at the beginning? The rant is like a page long, but I can't figure out if I should emphasize scenery description and character interaction over it.

>>23247114
Probably because too many people frivolously assert things.

when i lazily write like this or write concisely or about things that arent important i feel like a fucking retard
But even when I write like normally, write indepth or about things I consider "important" I feel like a fucking retard that's just hiding behind big boy words or saying nothing much despite using a lot of characters. I have previously been agreed with or told that I have said something really good or deep or whatever, but even despite this I feel like a retard.

>>23247109
Sweet talk and romance kills me. I've never had a girlfriend or even a friend in my entire life (never went to school either). I've only been hugged around two times, never romantically. The only time I've held hands with a girl was in a psych facility and she was just one of the techs being nice to me.
I'm 25 now. I stayed away from women out of intense fear, and because I thought I was horrifically ugly. Truth is, I was, but not so much that it would have been impossible. Now I'm truly too ugly and ill to ever make it. I had a chance, haha. I actually had a chance at one point.

It's not about sex. I'd gladly not have sex if I could have someone to be intimate with, in the sense that there are no secrets between us. This deepest level of intimacy is what I want, because the rest of my life and the history of my entire life is totally devoid of all intimacy. I cannot maintain friends either, neither do I feel community connection. I can only imagine keeping up one relationship, any more is too much, and even then I don't know if I can well manage one single relationship. That's why a male-female romantic relationship is so desirable.

Still, I am worthless and have nothing to offer.

I will kill myself at some point. Stil waiting. I wish I didn't have family. They are bothering me constantly, and I cannot give them the slip without arousing suspicion (since they know I am a total shut-in).

>>23247148
>>23247109
Sorry, quoted the wrong post.

>>23247120
Well, yeah. On the other hand, I can tell when someone is talking from experience, that is, it's how they see the world, and while I can choose to not believe them, but it would be stupid of me to ask them for further proof. Yet I've seen more people questioning just like that. How could I possibly, and why do I have to? What exactly is at stake? This is not a think tank or an academic circle. That's more or less what I mean.

>>23247167
>and I can choose
Fixed.

>>23247167
Yeah that makes sense. Being overly credulous and overly sceptical are both conversational vices

my mom accidentally bought me lady cigarettes and now i look like a FAGGOT

>>23247182
The cigs don't make much of a difference bud

>>23247176
Yeah, that's a nice summary.
>>23247182
hehe faggot

>>23246978
What a depressing wish

I realized I don't actually want to be a writer. I have been in love with the idea of writing for my entire life but I cannot produce anything. Every time I sit down to write something, I can only get garbage out. I read widely and frequently, and I do love reading on the whole, but it has not inspired me to write. I end up sounding like whatever book I'm reading at the moment.

I realize that I am not smart enough to be a writer, or to be much of anything. I am a teacher, which is punishment enough. I cannot do and never could. So I corral teenagers. The only thing that inspires me to write at all is self-hatred. I could write self-pitying prose for hours. Isn't it pathetic? If only I could divert that into something meaningful. But I'm too cowardly for therapy or suicide so it's alcohol and early death for me.

>>23247119
Really could go either way. If it's an engaging passage, go for it at the start.

Sometimes I feel like just fucking off and becoming a priest or retreating to a Romanian monastery or something. Only reasons I don't do it is because I am a pussy and because they would probably not let me watch as much anime as usual or something. I am a virgin loser, and really this is the "royal road" that virgin losers have been on forever, so maybe I should seriously consider it. I have no social skills though, so I would be that one retard priest who gets consulted about deep problems and just replies "bee urself lol".

>>23247236
I've read so many books and consumed so much art I still don't have enough for for a book or song in me. I struggle horribly with word recall, like I'll call someone "brittle" if they act testy and then a day later I'll read the word "fragile" somewhere and smack my forehead and go, oh yeah that's a much better word. That's why I'll never be a writer. it almost physically hurts to be around articulate, well-spoken people now.

Save me a seat on the other side

>>23247236
>>23247264
>Every time I sit down to write something, I can only get garbage out.
You get better at writing by writing, anons... Move past the self-consciousness. Embrace the cringe

>>23247260
NEEThood and hikkidom or whatever is basically monkhood at quarter-mast. might as well just bite the bullet already. used to be into anime and video game culture when I was probably your age but now I'm ashamed to say I ever was, it's all so incredibly empty and puerile, so much just the act of a leper scratching his wounds because making them worse is the only thing that feels good

>>23247268
Nah at least I've read enough to say I'm self-aware enough to know that if you don't have it, you don't have it. I won't slave away for the rest of my life for the dubious honor of having something with my name on it sold in an airport

>>23247236
I remember one time some writer came to give a speech at school, my class seemed bored by it but I was very interested, I remember his words to this day "When we start writing, we always want to sound like our favorite writers, but we must try to build our own style and not just merely copy others", which is kinda true, at the time, I was reading a lot of Dosto, so my writing sounded a lot like him, but there were some pieces of it that were my own, I'm a lot more prone to "poetic" prose for example, what I decided to do was read a lot of books by different people, and piece together the things I liked the most about them, there is also a "inner voice" aspect to all of this, but that is very reliant on personal experience and all of that. Mishima once said "Start writing short stories, if you can't do that, then you are not cut to be a writer." or something like that, start small, produce some short stories and compare them, show them to a friend.

I've realized that I'm not someone who simply made some mistakes he needs to fix or someone who just needs the right circumstances to grow. I'm not one self-improvement regimen away from becoming a more ideal version of myself. I'm not some great self-actualized person waiting to emerge. None of that.
I'm the bad guy. The dude who gets what's coming to him. Seeing myself any other way is delusional.

>>23243974
While capitalist at its core, the American fast food chain "Arbys" has an exquisite menu. The cheese sticks are fucking fantastic.

>>23247286
why is karl marx using eyelash curlers as a makeshift frank reynolds toe knife

>>23247277
Mishima was a prodigy from a young age. It's hilarious his advice is just "be a prodigy, lol." Absolutely in style for him. Useless advice, but still funny.

>>23247292
I challenge you to ask yourself why he wouldn't.

>>23247279
Same.

>>23247295
aight touché

>>23247293
Mishima started writing shit when he was a kid because that's literally the only thing he could do to pass time, wasn't he locked in his house by his parents or something like that? He had his grandmother encourage him even though his father hated the idea of him becoming a writer. In short, even if he had it in him naturally, he obviously practiced a lot and had people that encouraged him, which are two very important things when you are planning to become a writer.

Has there ever been another civilization in history where so many came to hate their own history and especially religion such as in the contemporary West?

I was watching a British-produced documentary on medieval Britain and they kept referring to “Christians” and what “Christians believed” as if to distinguish themselves from the Christians. It was so odd. And I started paying attention to the the tone of documentary and I realized there was a sort of disdain for the Christian history. Normally, the enlightenment myth is easy to blame for this sort of thing, but these were scholars. They know better than to indulge in this myth of Classical progress being interrupted by the “dark ages”.

>>23247315
>these were scholars. They know better than to indulge in this myth of Classical progress being interrupted by the “dark ages”.
Lol.

>>23247315
>I was watching a British-produced documentary on medieval Britain and they kept referring to “Christians” and what “Christians believed” as if to distinguish themselves from the Christians.
I don't really see anything wrong with that, unless there's something more to it you haven't articulated

>>23247293
Not that anon, but I think it's sound advice. Thinking about it, when I began writing this book years ago, I basically started with one chapter which I knew would be quite ahead in that timeline, then I moved on closer to the starting line, and I've written a lot of short stories that either became chapters, or were absorbed into existing chapters/ideas, or are still waiting in queue. Even now, I'm writing one that I think will end up as a future chapter, I'm not 100% sure. But yeah, looking back, it's like watching a small caterpillar slowly metamorphosing into an unimaginable thing.
I'm not sure if that makes me a prodigy, though. Time will tell, and hopefully it'll be a positive answer.

>>23247320
There is. It’s difficult to convey the tone over text. The way they spoke about English Christians was the way you might hear someone speak about the Ancient Egyptians or something, like it’s an alien sort of bygone culture that you had nothing to do with or something. The “this is sort of yucky and not modern enough to be me” was so obvious.

>>23247236
For what it’s worth, all successful writers, all unsuccessful writers, and all those who wanted to write but never did felt this way at some point.

I think one of the problems though is that would-be writers get hung up on novels. You should be reading and writing short stories, poems, essays, journalism, philosophy, basically anything and everything. But all the money and fame is in novel-writing so that’s what they want to do.

Need to do something with someone in...three hours. I am too tired and feel like shit, so I hope that a nearby chopper or jet can smash into my house and kill me instantly, allowing me to get out of this problem.

Am I just supposed to believe it’s a coincidence that the fastest man ever recorded is called Bolt and Uranus is a gas giant? I could pull a million other examples out my anus. There are alien entities running the show and fucking with us.

>>23247277
I dont have a favorite writer. There isnt really anyone I'm trying to be. I dont really read books
>>23247268
That's not really the problem for me. Its not cringe. I dont really seem to feel what those guys describe.
>>23247337
I don't really want to write those things, but the reason I want to write a novel isnt for fame and money either.

>>23247436
>I dont really read books
If you want to write, then you better start reading

Should I feel bad asking my dad for 70$ considering he never paid child support and was only ever abusive when he lived with us?

>>23247443
no

>>23247442
I dont really get this idea at all. But when I question it people just get really pissed off at me. I dont understand. No other art is like this.

>>23247451
>I dont really get this idea at all.
How are you gonna know how a book is meant to be written and how it's meant to flow etc? if you have no idea what one looks like? At least that's my take on it anyway.

>>23247451
> No other art is like this.
You wanna make art? You better study the masters/art you like/ fundamentals.
You wanna direct movies? You better take some cinematography classes and/or watch movies.
Are you baiting? I guess you could write something without ever reading any book, but it would be extremely bland.

>>23247456
Just intuition I guess. From all the things I've consumed in my life that have some kind of plot in them. I don't dislike reading. I'm just not into it right now. I use to read more but now I don't. and i'm not to attached to it or any particular author.

But when I say I want to write under these circumstances people get offended...what am I supposed to do? I enjoy writing. Am I supposed to disregard that and throw my hobby away because I don't like reading? These are unrelated things to me. And what is suggested that I do instead? If you're going to guide my life so stiffly, what do you recommend I do instead if I'm not allowed to write because I don't read? Sit in silence? Kill myself?

I just don't understand. I can like one while not being that enthused about the other. They are drastically different things.

Still don’t understand why this general is allowed in lit but I like it because I can blogpots whatever related to lit

>>23247459
>Are you baiting?
Its always like this. It just feels alienating now. Is the way I think really that fucked up?

I dripped lubricant onto my cock and then tickled it with a makeup brush (focusing on the frenulum) until I ejaculated. It was a very pleasant orgasm.

>>23247436
It doesn’t matter if you want to write them. It’s a bit like cross-training. It’s just something you have to do if you want to be good at all.

>>23247469
I just can't do it, sorry.

Want to just cut my dick off as a fuck you to other people. I don't know how or why it would be a "fuck you", nor who it would be to, but I just feel like it.

If I shit blood do I get to skip out on work?
How do I make myself shit blood?

>>23247513
Eat spicy food

>>23244334
is this supposed to be a joke about the literal translation of "good old neon"?
>>23246435
thanks for this.

>>23247462
I think it keeps a lot of potential low quality threads contained within it. Most of the 2 reply gay blogpost threads are confined here. It's a necessary evil.

Who will become Napoleon VII?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles,_Prince_Napol%C3%A9on#Dynastic_dispute

Gone to the same gym long enough that the workers now recognize me.
Guess it's time to move to a new gym.
Hate the feeling of being recognized.

Shat blood. It was red instead of blue. Books with /thisfeel/? Make it under 15 pages and above 10, with an author born after 1868 and before 1923, unless the author was not of Turano-Japonic blood, in which case make it one born after the first Nicaean Council but before the fall of Western Rome, please.

after a lot of soul searching I've come to terms with the fact that my drinking isn't the problem, my friends and family are the problem. maybe I should have realized it sooner, but I was in denial. it's going to be hard giving them up, but it's necessary.

Fuck you, I ascended through will. Even I could do it, though in part.
To explain, a while back I sperged out and cut off all things sexual and my sexual desire too. It came after a long while spent frequently looking at porn. I would go on a certain site, open up a bunch of drawings, making sure to utilize the tags so that the chances of the content in them being nothing but "naked or clothed woman just sitting around doing something or lazing about" and I would spend hours every time opening up hundreds of drawings like that and every time I would ignore the naked bodies and stare the girls dead in the fucking eye, for minutes at a time, for every single drawing, and the whole time I would basically think nothing. No, I do not know what the fuck made me do that and I never will. Eventually I flipped out in the middle of this, and swore to never feel lust or look at a woman weird ever again. I don't remember the exact reasons, but basically I thought that it was disrespecting them, disrespecting myself, and most importantly disrespecting those around me. A decent amount of time has passed since then and so far I have successfully blocked all forms of lust and arousal.
I have not once looked at something sexual, not intentionally at least, and the few times that I did look at them I felt no lust or arousal. It's not that I had to control myself, the thing simply did not work on me. I do not feel pent up in the least. I have felt the slightest bit of temptation in certain things though, not those things that are intentionally made sexual but simple things like a smile, or a hand. Even then it was not the usual "lust" that I am used to, but something more primeval and fundamentally slightly different. The few times that I feel it, and it is very rare, I immediately direct my "attention" on that feeling itself and it disappears as if it had never existed at all. When I have it, it feels like a sort of genuine threat, like it would bring me severe harm if I do not put my attention on it and destroy it very quickly. Aside from this things have been going very well and I feel like a shitty Chinese knockoff of a holy man, as opposed to the usual, which is a shitty African knockoff of a human being.
These days I do not dream of or think of women sexually at all. Not of men either, I'll tell you that before some cunt chips in. That being said though, every single day, especially in bed, I imagine myself holding the hand of or hugging a woman. That alone hasn't changed, hurray.

>>23247676
Something interesting did happen today though. I woke up earlier than usual to a boner, and sensing that something is off I put my full strength into preventing ejaculation, which worked. Then I went back to sleep. I can say for certain that I had had no sexual dreams, nor did my penis chafe against something or anything like that. Anyway, I slept for a while more and then when I woke up again I found out that I ejaculated in my sleep. My hypothesis is that after I went back to sleep the boner popped up again and did its thing, this time with me being too busy sleeping to intervene. Was an absolute bitch to wake up to, I had no hand(haha) in the matter and so did not feel guilty, but it wasn't funny to wake up to wet underwear. But none of that shit really matters, what I wanted to tell you with this paragraph is that I managed to block ejaculation through force of will. Not the first time I managed to do that, and in the past I could do it even better. Many years ago I was just like I am today, filled with a hatred toward the sexual, and resisting it tooth and nail. Once a month or so, my penis would just try to ejaculate while I'm asleep, and I somehow managed to wake up every single time, and in my stupor I could force the fucking thing to stop. I would always wake up maybe ten seconds before it, and I could feel the liquid make its way up, then back down. I don't understand the physical specifics, but through an overwhelming distaste toward the action I could force the damn thing back down, and do it reliably too. I did it dozens of times back then. Isn't that just fucking amazing and bizarre? With a strong enough disgust you can block out your lust entirely and will your body into obeying you, thereby preventing ejaculation. In a sense it reminds me of mysticism.

>>23247676
>>23247678
you should make a new WWOYM thread and post this in there

Reading about how Napoleon was an autistic incel makes me feel better about myself.

>>23247918
It shouldn't, you'll never reach the heights (lol) that he did.

>>23247924
Only because I haven't had the circumstances to put me in such a position. He got lucky from the French Revolution.

>>23247929
Luck is just preparation meeting opportunity, get prepared and wait patiently.

>>23247932
The best way to become a Napoleon would be to instigate a civil war.

>>23247949
Well, get to it.

There was like a single black dude who went to my highschool, I didn't really know him but I remember after graduating he like nodded/waved/smiled at me as he was driving by. Ended up dying in a car crash not long after that. Not sure why I thought of it, he was cool I guess

>>23247094
You might be onto something, yeah. But I'm not sure running away from these things will make me a better, more open human being.

Hither, page, and stand by me,
If thou know'st it telling;
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?
Sire, he lives a good league hence,
Underneath the mountain,
Close against the forest fence,
By Saint Agnes's fountain.

NEW WWOYM
POST YOUR GAY THOTS THERE

>>23248081
>>23248081
>>23248081>>23248081
>>23248081
>>23248081
>>23248081
>>23248081

>>23247676
I achieved a similar state some two years ago but it did not end that well for me. I steeled my mind as you did when one day I decided I needed to stop. In the regime I watched porn but did not touch myself, and so for 5-15 minutes. After a while, it all occurred to me as malevolently disgusting, as it is in its true light that can always subconsciously be felt. I did that a couple of times and after lost all interest to look at porn or masturbate altogether. I felt superior, for months my head was cleansed; I felt powerful and I respected virtues that women around me had. But after some time, I don't know if I was in a moment of weakness or madness I opened porn and looked at it for some 10 minutes controlling myself to not masturbate; I succeeded and imagined I still got it. But as if a demon had possessed me from that moment every second day or so I did the same thing, and I was feeling a weird feeling of invincibility and untouchability doing that. That went on for a whole month, I open porn, look at it like a madman, almost sadistically insulting the people who were in it, and in the next moment pitying them endlessly: "Poor woman, look at what she is reduced to; unfortunately, she is a wench..." I remember not even getting an erection many of those times. The story ends with me finding such a poor and wretched creature on some livestream (Stay away from that!!), she was as charming as she was pathetic; it strangely touched me, in my feeling of overpowering superiority over the creature, that she sometimes, fully clothed, sang and played the piano (rather badly). Later I deduced that she might have reminded me of one of those holy Dosto's prostitutes (yet now I understand that she and her kin are beyond, or not even in need of, redemption; and that redemption should be for myself only). With time I understood she was wretched because her "work" was dishonest, vile, arbitrary-- she chose to exploit, no one forced her, and at any time she could have stopped, yet she didn't. All in all, the piano meant nothing. The new and paradoxical relationship with my screen lasted miraculously for a month before I masturbated to her stream and finished with thoughts of "doing the whole work all again, immediately", as I thought that this was the only mistake I would make, and I blamed myself fully for it. It was a terribly written tragedy, the stupid, useless rationale. Yet I fully believed in making the same effort to try my future redemption against the sad lapse of will... Now I know that I could not do it again because the essential extremity was gone (the absolute authority of a force almost beyond me which could turn me to stone in an instant), and so after the following months of fighting and falling I found myself masturbating about once a week: to me still, as I am writing this, a shameful and revolting fact. Reading your experience has reminded me of it all. And I swear right here and now to myself that I will do it again. Take heed.