/lit/ - Literature

>>2314368
Unreliable narrator. I like.

smoking is bad for you Humphrey.

>>2314413
Is he completely unreliable though or do you think there is some element of truth to his feelings about anti-smokers?

>>2314434
I think he's correct when he says non-smokers view smokers as vermin. But it shouldn't be ignored that smokers ARE vermin. Instead of accepting this, the narrator attempts to justify his disgusting habit under the cover of some romanticized "freedom."

>>2314446
Ahh, here we go. The patronising face of the anti-smoker comes to greet us. Compare how he describes you to what you've just said:

>sanctimonious
>selfish
>tyrannical
"smokers ARE vermin"
"justify his disgusting habit"
"cover of some romanticized "freedom."

What exactly is there to justify, regardless of whether you find the act disgusting?

>>2314457
If I went to a public park and vandalised the swings and dug up the grass and made the place unusable, you wouldn't like it. If you had an ice cream cone, and I proceeded to spit all over it and thus make it mine, you wouldn't like it. Smoking is like taking the worst elements of these two things. You ruin the public space and lay claim to ownership of it by polluting it with your stanky foulness.

>>2314461
>ruin the public space
>MOMMY IT SMELLS WEIRD WHAT'S GOING ON

i wonder how many people have dropped dead because of asphyxiation in a public place due to ruined air

>>2314461
Gross exaggeration. It is incomparable to either of those acts. It is merely something you dislike. There are things I dislike too - I hate the smell of flavoured crisps and it makes me want to puke, I can't tolerate people who stand too close to me, I find football strips unsightly. None of these things are reprehensible though.

In writing there there was no attempt at the whole "unreliable narrator" which I find quite cliched. Although it's slightly exaggerated this is an account of some of the thoughts I had whilst smoking a cigarette in my bed. Because you detest smoking so much you read it in a light that showed your own prejudices rather than considering that others might not hold the same opinions as you.

>>2314461
lol either a troll or my mom or possibly both.
go to bed mom.

>>2314461
Do you realize how much of crybaby you look like by proclaiming smoky air as 'ruined' or 'vandalised'?

>I lie on my back savouring my fag

i can't help but giggle

>>2314478
No problem, I thought that would make a few Americans chuckle!

>for their own selfish and sanctimonious reasons

we sure do enjoy getting cancer from second hand smoke + watching our relatives and friends become addicted to something and die painfully

> exposed to the elements

your false sense of entitlement is showing
also your writing is trite and pointless. you aren't saying anything new, and you aren't saying anything old in a fresh way. it comes across as extremely close minded and represents the mindset of a 16 year old who has only just begun smoking

please take your cancer elsewhere

>>2314482
made me flinch, but then again, I am an American who doesn't believe in condition less use of obsolete language. EG you better have a damn good reason if yr using "gay" to refer to anything but being a homosexual. As such, fag in any other context is a totally outdated word in American English. If I were yr editor, I would edit it.

>>2314489
You're not going to get cancer from breathing in a bit of second-hand smoke outside. Also, who the fuck wants to live past 80 anyway? I'm not going to be a burden on the state as I pay ridiculous amounts of taxes through my smoking which subsidises other services, then I'm going to die before being able to claim much of my allotted pittance of a state pension. You should thank me.

There is no "false sense of entitlement". It was perfectly legal to smoke in bars and pubs where I live until 2006. Despite protests from the proprietors and much of the general public and academics the government gave in to the "false sense of entitlement" from whining anti-smokers like yourself in an act of paternalism.

Enjoy being a killjoy.

>>2314493
I'm not American - it's not obsolete language in my country. I'm not going to write in "American English" to please you. Also, good luck becoming an editor when you make up words like "condition less" and can't even be bothered typing simple words like 'your' in full.

>>2314531
lol someone obv can't take a critique.you act like I'm attacking you personally instead of pointing out something that bothered me as an American reader. As for the edit, I would only due it if it was the American release. Guess I didn't make that obvious.

Also IMO making up words is a literary tool, if somewhat trivial. (there is nothin wrong with it)

Smoking will always be cool. Deal with it faggots. Why? Because it gives you cancer. It sends the unmistakable message that this nigga gives zero fucks. Every puff expresses utter indifference toward fate and mortality.

>>2314545
I can take a critique when it's not a cretinous one from a tool such as yourself. Oh, sorry, "literary tool" I mean!

>>2314531

>You're not going to get cancer from breathing in a bit of second-hand smoke outside

LOL yes you can
http://quitsmoking.about.com/cs/secondhandsmoke/a/secondhandsmoke.htm
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Tobacco/ETS

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2053840.stm

>. It was perfectly legal to smoke in bars and pubs where I live until 2006

implying making something legal or illegal means it is good or bad

grow the fuck up.

>>2314557
whatever dawg if you want to hate me because of my opinion I guess that's chill. you sound pretty mad though.

>>2314559
From inhaling it:
>outside

Is it so hard to understand that you're not going to be able to inhale enough smoke walking past a smoker in the open air for it to cause significant effects to your precious health?

Also, I implied no such thing regarding the law. What I did imply is that the act of smoking having been legal in bars and pubs for centuries means that there is no "false sense of entitlement" when it's something we were always entitled to.

Get the fuck out of here Sunhawk. You'll never improve.

>>2314566
That's below the fucking belt. Sunhawk would write:

>smoking a cigarette. girl approaches. I say hi. she says that's disgusting. I say it's not. she asks for my phone number. I say no. the sun looks like a big ball of orange.

Then he would plug his thread in every other thread until it received some attention.

>>2314572

Even if you aren't Sunhawk (which I still think you might be), it's still pretty shit.

>>2314579
Acknowledging that I'm not definitely Sunhawk is consolation enough. He's even more appalling than Quentin.

>>2314583
One more thing. A thread of mine is about to die at the bottom of Page 15. If I was Sunhawk I would have bumped it.

>>2314572
write like sunhawk more that's a pretty sweet sentence IMO

>>2314622
>he says write like sunhawk. this annoys me. I light a cigarette. cigarettes cause cancer. cigarettes make me relax. cigarettes are known as fags in britain. britfags lol. the moon looks like a big white torch.

>>2314633
o huh guess I was wrong will you look at that.

Rodent pejorative? File me under vermin.

>>2314637
Yes, you were wrong. Sunhawk cannot string a coherent or logical sentence together, or at least refuses to do so.

reporting and saging for crimes against humanity, alerting the FBI and the UN etc

>>2314652
Reporting?

Make yourself useful and head to >>>/b/. There genuinely is stuff worth reporting there.

I like how OP couldn't even pretend for 3 posts that he wasn't just sermonizing rather than looking for literary critique.

>>>/pol/

go cry there.

As I walked into the bar the first thing I noticed was the smoke, the stale stench of complete self indulgence. I don't have a problem with smoking, but I do have a problem with people forcing thier lifestyle on me. The lack of consideration that people have for thier fellow humans is overwhelming, I never understood why smokers objected so much to going outside to smoke, I have no problem with people ruining thier health, but I do have a problem with it when it ruins mine.I sighed, took a deep breath of the smokey air, and with watering eyes walked over to the table where my friends sat.

meh I'm a smoker but I just felt like writing some random bullshit, To be honest I think people should be allowed to smoke in pubs and bars because it's not as if any one is going there to lead a healthy lifestyle, and it also covers up the terrable stench of the place

>>2314663
Oh, fine. Have a poem of mine with no agenda (yes, it's utterly devoid of meter and rhyme). Please do critique.

>The Protective Purple Peacock

It's cold outside and I have nothing to show
for the fruits of my labour: a day spent fishing.
Yet again, the fish didn't bite. I sit by the lake and
the warm light from your cosy cottage entices me:
it's still not dark yet but it shimmers through the dead trees.

I've seen you outside in your vegetable patch
sowing seeds and hoeing the earth.
I smiled at you but you stared back, expressionless;
yet I know you are warm. Right now,
I can smell soup cooking in your kitchen.

I approach your house and the only sounds
are those of the twigs snapping and leaves crackling
under my soft footsteps. I just want to look at you again
through your window, watch you relaxed and calm:
perhaps you'd see me and invite me in
and I could share your hot soup.

Suddenly though, as always,
the purple peacock predatorily pecks at my ankles.
It protects you loyally, never ceasing to keep away
perverts and malfeasants and ignorant trekkers.
I cannot pass: it is too strong, too agile.

One day though I will kill the peacock
and bring it to your door. We will feast on peacock
and then we will drink brandy and I will make love to you.
I will gently stroke your naked back with its feathers
then fall asleep on your breast, proud of my conquest.

>>2314663
Oh, fine. Have a poem of mine with no agenda (yes, it's utterly devoid of meter and rhyme). Please do critique.

>The Protective Purple Peacock

It's cold outside and I have nothing to show
for the fruits of my labour: a day spent fishing.
Yet again, the fish didn't bite. I sit by the lake and
the warm light from your cosy cottage entices me:
it's still not dark yet but it shimmers through the dead trees.

I've seen you outside in your vegetable patch
sowing seeds and hoeing the earth.
I smiled at you but you stared back, expressionless;
yet I know you are warm. Right now,
I can smell soup cooking in your kitchen.

I approach your house and the only sounds
are those of the twigs snapping and leaves crackling
under my soft footsteps. I just want to look at you again
through your window, watch you relaxed and calm:
perhaps you'd see me and invite me in
and I could share your hot soup.

Suddenly though, as always,
the purple peacock predatorily pecks at my ankles.
It protects you loyally, never ceasing to keep away
perverts and malfeasants and ignorant trekkers.
I cannot pass: it is too strong, too agile.

One day though I will kill the peacock
and bring it to your door. We will feast on peacock
and then we will drink brandy and I will make love to you.
I will gently stroke your naked back with its feathers
then fall asleep on your breast, proud of my conquest.

>>2314680
It's a boring, broken up prose journal entry with zero poetic merit. Otherwise it's good.

>>2314686
Journal entry? Yes, predatory purple peacocks peck at my ankles protecting women in cottages frequently.

>>2314531

>who the fuck wants to live past 80 anyway?

Me.

I want to die at the age of 153, jumping out the window of my 22 year old gf's house because her husband came home early.

I smoked for way too long - stupidest drug I ever took. All it does is get you addicted without even getting you high.

>>2314680

Robert Frost is at the door, says he's going to kill you, slow. Wants to gutshoot you.

Britfag smoker reporting.

This is dire.

>>2315925
Oh dear. I'll save him the effort stop by the woods on my little horse who will think it queer. I don't have miles to go before I sleep.

Goodbye cruel 4chan!

>>2315950

Bye, arsehole.