/lit/ - Literature

Damn :(

>>23132382
>>23130818
I downloaded it five hours ago OP but I haven't read it yet

>>23130818
Nobody's going to download a MEGA just to read a story, we're all afraid you're trying to give us a virus or something.

Put it up in a pastebin. Rentry.org lets you do bold and italics, if you need that.

>>23132452
Thanks, I appreciate it
>>23132583
It’s just a pdf, but yeah I guess that would be better in the future. I’ll link my /tg/ post, since they allow PDFs uploaded right to the board
>>>/tg/92051158

>>23132870
Okay, I see a PDF, that's better. I'll give it a read and report back to you.

I have some writing of my own to do tonight, so it might be a minute, but I will give you a review.

>>23132583
>>23132870
>>23132889
Anon, I've given this a read.

I'm blown away by the creativity on display here. This is a lot of original thought, original ideas, original imagery. While still paying homage to certain classical ideas--Cronus, for one, being in charge of the sinners on Saturn was a nice touch. I liked the idea that all sorts of souls, including the souls of nonhumans, made it out into space.

If there's anything I'd change it's mostly stuff about grammar and syntax. There are things that I might have phrased in a different way.

Also, another thing is that you need to be clearer that your protagonist, the sinner, is from Mars, not Earth. That wasn't so clear to me at the start, though I gradually teased it out as the story progressed.

All in all this was some interesting science fantasy, reminds me vaguely of something I think Gene Wolfe might have enjoyed. A bit creepy and ethereal, too, but that only added to its appeal.

All in all a pretty good first effort. Thanks for sharing it.

>>23133135
I am so happy that you liked it!
I figured I had to use Cronus, since he’s tied to Saturn in mythology, and I really wanted to use Saturn as the focal point of the story because that hexagon storm really is weird to me.
I wanted to touch upon other species going to the afterlife because whenever I hear shit like “dogs don’t go to heaven” or “animals don’t have souls” it makes me want to pull my teeth out with how self centered the entire idea is.
Another anon also said that grammar and dialogue was iffy, I am going to try and work on that. Funny, I had a more light hearted story I was working on a while ago. Looking back at it I see a bunch of mistakes, but when I had shared it with some anons they all told me they like the dialogue. I think for my next story I’m going to try and go back to a more causal tone between characters. Conversations between edgy criminals and powerful ancient dead don’t flow as well as I’d like them to.
I sort of wanted the Mars thing to come as a minor surprise, like to the protagonist it wasn’t even worth thinking about that he lived on the red planet. Honestly it’s not terribly important story wise that he came from Mars, I just like the Mars/Antares symbology of him choosing between the two at the end since Antares is the “rival to Ares“ (maybe a bit too on the nose there).
Thank you again for checking out my work

>>23133303
You're welcome, Anon.

As far as where to go from here I think you might actually benefit from reading C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy. It, too, is space sci-fi fantasy, and deals with spiritual matters. You will greatly enjoy it, and it might give you some inspiration about where to go next in your writing.

>>23133465
I’ll check it out, I’ve always been a huge Narniafag

>>23130818
You want an editor? We could probably get this published with a little work. Hit us up at https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42