/lit/ - Literature

Reading through some old journal entries I wrote late 2022. Every single one of them mentioned wanting a gf.

>>22985108
---- Solaria ----
3005
Catalogue

Of all the edits I regret most it's
About 50 music and fashion and art magazines with

A few Lacroix dresses, an issue about Eliot Carter.

Everyone loves the snow until its a week old and black with gravel scrape. Or pissed on by all the dogs in the neighborhood or paced to death by the local elderly. Come April you'll make a deal to never have to feel a winter again.

I'm going to sleep on the other side of the bed tonight. It's time to switch things up in my life.

>>22985155
But it's a twin mattress

Contemporary poetry is bad not in small part because it tries to evoke emotions it did nothing or nowhere near enough to earn. They want it all to be like slam poetry, where you go from 0 to a hundred, from calm to loud and shaking with fury and passion under a minute. But it's the artistic equivalent of wanting sex to go from fully dressed to ejaculation under the time it takes to smoke a cigarette.

>>22985176
I've actually been sleeping with my head at the foot of the bed for years. Sometimes I woke up with my head hanging over the edge, so I imagine the right way will be a better experience.

I think I'm gonna quit processed sugars 100%. Stopped putting sugar in my coffee weeks ago, and I'm already used to it. Then tonight I was like, "Oh I haven't had sugar in a couple days, let's try it" and it's made me dizzy. This stuff is poison dude. No more

anyone got reccs for understanding Presbyterianism? i only recently became aware that Presbyterian theology is very unusual and distinct from other forms of Protestantism

>be me
>meet girl
>she is schizo
>hates the government
>hates industrial society
>wants to live innawoods
>christian
>our first time speaking was mutually criticizing the government
>she's ungodly beautiful
>she says she likes me and asks me out
>she's way out of my league
>say no because I don't think it could work out
>never meet her again
Bros... BROOOOOOS... I know it was for the best, but I still think about her every now and then. It fills me with hopelessness that there could have been a woman that shared my values, but I will never meet her again (for lack of knowing her identity), but at the same time it gives me a strange sort of hope, that women such as her exist.
Actually, I don't regret saying no to her at all. At that time in my life I was a destructive, terrible person and I would have hurt her for sure. End of blogpost.

>be a man whore for a year
>break a couple of hearts, have my own heart bruised
>general sense of dissatisfaction
>get a long-term gf
>weekly fight to keep the relationship going because I'm emotionally unavailable
>want to date again, but I know it's a superficial desire
>everything sucks any way I go
>I know, I'll try therapy (again)

you are a pagan, you are a blasphemer, a turk, you are an idolator, a pimp, a pornographer, a murderer, a fornicator, a miser, a thief

>>22985114
Same but in 2020. I'm was such a faggot. But now I shall be stonecold

>>22985292
I find it hard to believe such women exist. What scares me is that if I were to meet her I'd put her on a pedestal and simp for her like some pathetic loser, throwing out all of the things that I know about female nature because my judgement is severely clouded. Many such cases

>>22985292
>>she says she likes me and asks me out
>>she's way out of my league
>>say no because I don't think it could work out
i'd call you a faggot but that sounds exactly like something i'd do

in 2021 i ran over a mailbox outside an office park in PA and pissed in the parking lot while blasting Donda out of my dad's jeep patriot
lady in the office came out to yell at me, but realizing i was too inebriated to respond coherently, she just told me to leave. i don't remember what the name of that city is. i probably couldn't drive there again if i wanted to.

>>22985183
Some sugar made this anon dizzy lmao
You're better off not drinking coffee for a week. Then drink a cup and tell me how you feel.

LOVING YOU
IS EASY
CAUSE UR BEAUTIFUL

>>22985375
Makes me think of that Nutty Professor scene.

>>22985376
i haven't seen it
is it funny enough to bother with?

>>22985380
My opinions might be coloured by watching it when i was very young but I think it's funny.
That scene has Dave Chapelle in it and Eddie Murphy gives a great performance.
If you like fat jokes it's a good time.

>>22985324
I'm way too cynical to have a relationship. Obviously I idolize the idea of true love, and if I were to (theoretically) know that there was a soul-mate for me I would do everything in my power to make her happy. But I know that humans are fundamentally corrupt without exception, and I need look no further than myself as proof. This isn't a self-hate thing, but an honest observation. Even someone such as myself that is aware of this corruption, who idealizes true love, and who wants to strive towards being good, is completely superficial and corrupt. Could I love a woman that physically repulsed me? I don't think so. As Aristotle wrote:
>for no one falls in love without being first pleased with the personal appearance of the beloved object,
And if something as superficial as physical appearance can prevent love itself, I want no part of love at all. How could I look myself in the mirror knowing that the physical appearance of my beloved was a factor at all? The idea is repulsive and depressing.

>>22985406
People really do read themselves into not experiencing life to it's fullest. Funny.

>>22985406
By that logic no one should ever enter into a relationship because we will never be able to imitate the perfect love that Christ has. But I completely understand your sentiment. This constant but never fulfilled desire for authenticity. The ideal for married life is one where either spouse leads the other into that authenticity of living and thereby imitating Christ. First and foremost God created marriage for our salvation. This is the deeper meaning of Eve being Adam's helpmate. The marital act is a type of the embrace and authenticity that should permeate all aspects of the married life. In a sense, it's pedagogical. That is why fornication is a sin against nature. But I digress. If we strive to be married to someone who is perfect inside and out we have a misplaced desire for stasis. Stasis is a God-given desire but such a stasis can only be found in Christ. All we can do is engage in an asymptotic struggle towards Him as St Maximos says. The married life facilitates this wherein the husband and wife become co-strugglers and bear each other's infirmities. This is where love flourishes and where the meaning of marriage truly lies. If we think it to be simply a place of permanent and peaceful repose then we are idolators. This can only be found in the Kingdom where all things shall be fulfilled. The struggle therefore is finding a woman who will embark on this journey with you. They are so few these days. As Solomon says
>Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.
This is also why he has such high praise for a godly wife. They were rare even in his time. Now it's nigh impossible because we have decades of psyops and social engineering weighing against us. It's true what you say - a woman can wax lyrical about what she wants in a man but ultimately these days she now has every incentive to run away from those things. Piety is too boring. A humble life too quiet. Childrearing a denial of mammon. The depravity of modern women is not lost on me one bit. Sometimes I wish I lacked a sexual urge because it's frankly useless being unmarried. It's a constant irritant. But bearing in mind what God created marriage for, we hold out hope, even when it seems delusional, that He may give us a good wife in His time. And yes, perhaps even one who is pleased with our physical appearance.

Just took my phimosis rings (I put one inside of another) after a little over six hours (not recommended), my foreskin is very sore, I won't be putting them in tomorrow, I'll give it a day to heal.

I still feel like that.

>>22985485
At least your parents didn't have the bright idea of paying someone to mutilate your penis at your most vulnerable

>>22985488
The idea that you can "become" a girl is a fantasy sold to you by medical-industrial megacorporations in order to make you reliant on pharmaceutical products and surgical procedures for the rest of your life. I say this without a trace of irony: you will never be a woman, as what you are was determined before your birth.

>>22985494
I wish they had, I just wanna slam some tranny bussy but I'm stuck in this tight flesh ring hell.

How come I can't find the motivation to do anything of the things I want to do?

>>22985537
Because you're preoccupied with finding the motivation or a reason to do things instead of just fooling yourself into think you 'have' to do them. Maybe you will get lucky and the death of a loved one will cause you to truly internalize your own mortality and spring you to action.

I need to piss but I can't be bothered to get up.

>>22985242
Alec Ryrie on the Scottish Reformation. Haven't read that one in particular but his general history of Protestantism is very helpful.

I hate myself. I wish I didn’t but I do.

Negroids and murder are on my mind. I've never even saw more than one nigger in my entire life, yet I fantasize about killing multiple of them and starting a revolution

My life is going to be behind a retail counter for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week (sometimes weekends too) for the rest of my life, I'm never going to retire, I'm never going to have financial freedom, I'm never going to make the things I want to make, I'm never going to see the things I want to see, I'm never going to know the sorts of people that I want to know, I'm never going to have the things I want to have and all in all, I'm never going to live the life I wanna live. If that isn't a good reason to commit suicide then I don't know what is.

my farts smell bad

>>22982303
>then learn how to draw anon
Easier said than done.

I hope I didn't do permanent damage to myself. I think I'm through with it now but I have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.

>Think about talking about something here.
>No, I've already talked about it here.
>Think about talking about something else.
>No, I've already talked about that too.
>This happens for every single one of my struggles.
Great, now I'm at the point where I can't even vent to an anonymous image board, fuck, I guess i just have to sit and suffer now.

I want fascism back so much it's unreal

>>22985654
sissy hypno doesn't actually do anything my dude

>>22985664
Boooooring.

>>22985537
Maybe those are things you dont really want to do

I know two people from Hong Kong, one of them is my age (21) and the other is an older lady (Somewhere in her 50s). I've asked my friend a bunch of stuff about Hong Kong and then when I've told the older lady about them, she's said none of it is true. Now, I'm more inclined to believe her since she's much older, has lived in Hong Kong for a lot longer and obviously knows more about it. I think that my friend either:
>A.
Not gone outside much so he doesn't really know much about his own country.
>B.
Has gone outside a bunch but it's actually boring so he embellishes stuff (not knowing that I'm going to double-check it).
>C.
Isn't actually from Hong Kong (this isn't true though, he's literally sent me photos from Hong Kong on Snapchat, you'd think it to be true though with the things he says though)

So what do you guys think is the deal? Is he just tryna seem cool? Does he just never go outside? I don't get it.

Doesn’t it feel like everything is designed to capture you as a young adult, get you to make at least sub-optimal decisions or even totally fuck yourself over, and if you fuck that up you’re way behind. Whether it’s not going to a good school, not graduating, whatever. So many people would do anything to start over and remake decisions at 18 and it’s really fucked up that it’s even a situation. At 18 you have to make all these decisions of dire consequence and most choices are bad choices disguised as good choices.

>>22985108
It's not fun being an addict; how do I get out of this sorry state? Whenever I'm pissed off to some degree (eg yesterday as I learned I got a 5/10 for a quiz I studied so hard on only because I mixed up a term) I just want to indulge in coffee, jack off, etc. How do I channel my anger into a proper manner?

>>22985815
In my experience as an actual addict (cigarettes, alcohol, benzos, after all mainly) I only got clean through 2 strategies: 1) convincing myself that addiction was bullshit and resolving to just not use again until I had a healthier relationship (I didn’t drink for years and now get wasted on holidays) and 2) replacing habits with other habits, especially walking. Walking is practically my new cigarette smoking. If I don’t go for a walk every morning and afternoon, I start tweaking like a pack a day smoker without his cigs. Walking is much preferable.

All this boils down to a spiritual discipline. You’re not your thoughts. You’re not your habits. You are a spirit capable of making choices. You can simply choose not to use anymore.

>>22985504
Cope.

>We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become - Carl Gustav Jung
>The most common form of despair is not being who you are - Søren Kierkegaard
>The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion - Albert Camus.

>>22985815
>coffee
A coffee addiction barely even counts

>>22985723
What's some of the stuff he said that apparently isn't true? It's also possible that they have different experiences of the same place. Happens all the time.

>>22985831
>replacing habits with other habits, especially walking. Walking is practically my new cigarette smoking. If I don’t go for a walk every morning and afternoon, I start tweaking like a pack a day smoker without his cigs. Walking is much preferable.
Damn that sounds like a pretty good idea honestly. Thank you Mr. Anon :)
>>22985868
It's detrimental to me regardless as I believe that I may have a UTI

>>22985607
>I'm never going to make the things I want to make
What do you want to make?

Life is rough when you want to change the paradigm.

>>22985108
Somewhere out there lives that son of Herb Baumeister, who found the skull of one of his dad's victims in the wooded backyard, then brought it indoors for the whole family to have a look at it. Some circumstances are so insane that there's no living them down even when you're innocent of all gross wrongdoing.

>>22985918
>I may have a UTI
Go to the doctor dude

Why does it feel like 99% of the people you come across, even if you like work at an Ivy League university or something, are just not smart or interesting and are very subject to trends?

>>22985947
Because they are fucking 17-22. I used to think I only got in cuz of affirmative action while having a 1600 SAT and 36 ACT, turns out the legacy kids got in having a 2.8 GPA and the others were given interships for their applications cuz daddy and mommy are friends with Chief Executives.

>>22985108
Been off the drink since New Year's Day. The difference in outlook and mental clarity is pretty nice. Back working on some writing and screenplays, but still struggling with general motivation and that sort of retroactive distrust of what I have written that sort of blocks me.

Listening to music my recent ex introduced me to and contemplating blowing my brains out

Would say what song, but she uses this board.

Farting up a storm rn

>>22986041
Kek a /lit/ gf, what a nightmare

>>22985918
Check if your pee is cloudy

>>22986041
how big her titties

Big dicks will rule the world

>>22985961
I had in mind coworkers at my university who are in their 30s and 40s actually.

I’m trying to salvage my career and unsure whether I should go to graduate school or just go do what I do now but for the state government.

>>22986156
No it doesn't look cloudy, however it smells putrid. It's what I imagine ammonia smells like. The smell doesn't leave for a while.

>>22986160
like THIS big dude

>>22986147
It was actually pretty nice until the end, thats typically how relationships go I guess

>>22986180
Well I do not know. Arent smart people kinda autistic and ahve bad social skills? What department are you in.

>>22986237
I'm lucky we just stopped talking and that's it, she uses 4chan and knows where I live she could probably make my life hell

The West will soon face civil conflicts within the population. The whiter branches of Europe and the US have been silent for too long now and the ruling bourgeois elite has been fucking it up for too long now. History teaches us that white people are hard working and act according to the laws, less you fuck with them too much they throw up the government.

>tfw no gf
this isn't just some incel bickering but a deep existential crisis to be in
"without true love we just exist"

>>22986252
With the internet, I'm finding very few people can think for themselves anymore. Everywhere I go are people on their phones, and flicking through social media (since you can tell if they are by their swiping patterns). I also believe too many women coming into positions of power has been a net negative for humanity, at least in my experience. All of my bosses are women and they tend to be less capable than men at solving conflicts on a humanistic level. This is not to say all men are great or capable of this either, since leadership is a skill that most be honed and sharpened. But generally speaking men are better leaders than women. Men can be cold and reasonable when they need to be, can fire insubordinates with less emotional hangups, and are generally clearer headed and objective with their reasonings. Most of my women bosses resort to platitudes and trite saying when I bring conflicts at work to their attention, sometimes blame me for them (if you can believe it) and they go unanswered and unresolved as a result.

Personally, I am counting down the days until some country somewhere invades us, since I cannot see any other solution to our current predicament. And in fact if we were invaded, I hope we would be dissolved as a result, so we could either rebuild, or I could seek aslylum in some other country.

>>22986262
It's hard, I mean a gf won't just fall into your lap you need to introduce yourself to people.

But how do you do that without cold approach or god forbid using tinder/edating

>>22986237
>pretty nice until the end
So she was faking and putting on airs until she found a better situation. What's fucked up about this behaviour is that it is actually NOT nice in the end since it leads someone along.

>>22986277
buddy I was the one to breakup with her lol

How can someone fall for someone claiming to be very intelligent? I suppose he probably has avarage understand of alot of stuff he trys to put an air of very knowledgeable on but when you break it down it falls apart.

>>22986282
Then why are you bitching about it? Good God, you're insufferable. Please, actually blow your brains out, you're hopeless.

i should be allowed to post whatever i want. it should be legal to make credible threats against other people's lives.

>>22986286
anyone who claims to be intelligent, or touts an IQ test as any sort of reasonable or objective measure of intelligence, is not intelligent in my book.

>>22986241
Research and operations, but this is how it is in every department and college I’ve ever been in. Everyone is a normie and very low brow in every single department. Basically all of the Reddit tropes are on display in every single person.

>>22986292
>it should be legal to make credible threats against other people's lives.
It used to be in the form of a duel. If someone dishonored you, or brought false accusations against you, you were within your legal right to callenge them to a dual to the death. The reasoning was very simple: If what you say it true, stake your life on it. I wish we could do that today. The mere threat of it caused very little lies and slanders to be said.

i get up
i get DOWN

>>22986286
I've noticed a lot of the people who claim to be intelligent are fatasses. This is a symptom of someone falling into the cope of mind-body dualism. You mind is carried by the vessel of your body, if you are retarded enough to believe that honing your intelligence at the expense of letting your body degrade will somehow be alright because muh modern medicine, you were retarded from the start.Body builders who have read a book or two are infinitely smarter than the average reddit atheist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBszDfFvoVI

>>22986286
He once talked about some fallacies for something I don't remember but it seems doesn't apply it to his beleifs of atheism. I think it might be fueled by another since all he wants to chat about is the latest atheist video he found and regurgitate then lie about how it's applicable to his life growing up since he's asocial and narcissistic.

>>22986273
Well I am currently employed too but in now way is that going to stay so for decades and decades on no end. My goals aren't like founding an enterprise or something moderate like that. I am aiming at becoming completely self-sufficient and unreliant on central banking. And I will do all that in complete secrecy so that people still think I'm 100% normie and I will still socialize with people. I don't know what powerlevel I am able to achieve yet, but depending on the circumstances I will raise a handful of little independant thinkers and doers at worst or become the leader of a state secession in Europe at best.

>>22985854
You are, by all evidence, the one coping with your fantasy running headfirst into reality.

>>22986252
There’s going to be international and intra-national wars without question. The differences are irreconcilable and the failures of the status quo are mounting to a point that can no longer be ignored. For the broader right, they’re going to have to overcome political race essentialism. It’s fine and normal think along lines of race and ethnography, but that can’t be your politics and the dissident right still hasn’t real realized that. Strong personalities have to offer up a vision of political conservatism which isn’t merely race essentialism or else they’re doomed. Frankly, the biggest problem facing all Western countries is that they seem to have no people capable of leadership with political instincts at all.

>>22986318
I used my personal instance to make a point,didn't ask about your goals or delusions of grandeur, anon.

>>22986311
i don't even care about all that. i just think that an able-bodied man should, by default, be considered able to defend himself, and reporting credible threats to the police should be considered cowardly, effeminate behavior

>>22986295
I don't even know honestly what he would score on an IQ test but it probably would 70% for sure be for normal intelligence. He said he usually was encouraged to read books back in the 70s by his parents. It just seems if I take a step back while hanging with him after he spouts about knowledge of random things in the city I get red flags but others don't see the red flags and encourage him to continue spouting off like he knows shit about fuck.

>>22986334
Every man is within his legal rights to defend himself from force, with force. I don't see what you're complaining about here, anon. The reason you call the police after is to get the story straight. Let's say someone tries to mug you and you knock him unconcious: calling the police is practical so he is arrested, a criminal is taken off the streets, and so you can give the full story to the police. If you don't, he could call the cops and make false claims against you and have you arrested after the fact, especially if there are no witnesses.

Again, what are you complaing about exactly?

>>22986314
>Body builders who have read a book or two are infinitely smarter than the average reddit atheist.
I hate to say it but he's slim but not jacked but with just a small belly. I agree though that he's a reddit atheist looking to "fight the system that is religion!" by spouting the same points everyone else of the group does and perhaps if he had reddit would go there constantly to get dopamine rush that is badges in their echo chamber.

>>22986355
i'm speaking of preemptive efforts. say, hypothetically, that i send you a threatening message online, and you have reason to believe i'm capable of acting on that threat. you can contact the police and i can go to prison for several years for the threat alone. i don't think that's right!

>>22985292
she probably has the whole proverbial shed loose. you're better off, anon

I've got multiple creditors suddenly on my back again after several years. One of them has referred me to a collections agency.

david bowie had hideous teeth but they only made him more attractive. he would have looked strange with good teeth.

>>22986330
> why yes, I still look at the expiration date on food packages

>>22986327
What do you mean the modern right hasn't overcome race essentialism? The pajeet president of England is literally a conservative.

>>22985292
My brother in christ, who do you think introduced her to those ideas? She sure as hell didn't come up with it herself.

SHE'S RAN THROUGH

Spiritual aspects of the racial components:

1. Iran_N = Leads to excessive desire for hierarchical order. Positive: order always in sight, reactionary, Negative: Imposing, fanatic, and imperialist.

2. Sintashta = Leads to a kind of ambition and drive for "more". Faustian. Positive: Ambitious and very intelligent, Negative: Consumed by the fires of the blackness of ambition and loses sight of harmony.

3. AASI = Strong connection to nature and empathy with the natural environment. Positive: Strong connection to nature, seeks harmony with nature, Negative: Can easily be undermined by natural forces due to naivety.

4. ANF/EEF = Egalitarian and focuses on achieving fairness on communal level in order to achieve relatively peaceful community. Positive: humanism leads to fulfilling human relationships, Negative: humanism leads to overvaluing the common man.

5. Levant_Neolithic = Mercantile and schizophrenic. Positive: can lead to industry growth, Negative: Materialistic, depraved, dismantles ethos for artificial schizophrenic feedback loops

5. WHG, ANE, etc. = difficult to tell spiritual aspects of paleolithic populations due to a lack of social data

Everything is a double-edged sword in life. There is no such thing as a positive that does not come with a negative.

I would argue something like...
20-40% Sintashta, 15-30% AASI, and 30-50% Iran_N seems like a good mixture to me. ANF/EEF is bad in all mixtures though. As time goes on, I view ANF/EEF and Levant_Neolithic negatively. I think AASI is better than ANF/EEF and Levant_Neolithic.

>>22986398
maybe she has a good dad

>>22986369
>that i send you a threatening message online
Why would you ever do that though? What man child threatens anyone, let alone over the internet? Embarrassing behavior.

>>22985292
Every new person you meet is charming and intruiging at first. And then, the demons come out, for both you and them. Ahhh, young love, so cute, anon.

I drink because it keeps me miserable.

>>22985108
I'm reading Hölderlin right now and I can see the influence he had on Heidegger; in fact, I'd dare to say it's hard to read the latter without the former

>>22985854
All three of those people would laugh at you, a man, playing dress up as a girl.

I'm going to get a coffee and do my hobbies all day
Cloudflare doesn't want me to tell you this information unsecured. It is very concerned— so concerned it only let me post after drinking the coffee and doing a hobby.

>>22986574
To be fair, Jung would have thought it was fun, but Jung would also pay your coke bill.

I am going to coom so hard in a moment

>>22986664
are you coom?

>>22985242
the complete works of John Calvin I guess?

>>22985672
>my dude
get. out.

>>22986387
Right wingers think they can spin up a political mandate that is somehow centered on race or else they believe that race can be essential to politics. The most extreme example obviously is Nazi Germany. But right wingers in general think race realism should be a key factor when making political decisions, which is ironic considering many of the same right wingers loathe the idea of a scientifically guided state. But that’s what a racial state is. The truth is that politics guided by race realism is a very not conservative sort of politics and furthermore, it’s highly impractical. So it’s going to be crucial for the right to figure out where race realism can exist in regard to state action. You just cannot have a fundamentally racist state. It simply won’t work. And yet that’s what many, if not most, right wingers want.

>>22986183
Not even an hour after I posted this, I find out I’m getting a $30-60k increase in my salary at work…

Well, that’s nice but it really throws a wrench into my plans.

what would you feel or do if you know you're just a replacement for the absence of someone else

>>22986726
the bench-warmer? my casual experience

>>22986695
You say this like it's the case everywhere among right wingers. Now in the US there's many racists but that's due to it's history, and the US is well past the point of making it to the foundation of a national socialist empire. There just isn't anything close to homogeneity there left, even among the 'white groups'.
Now in Europe, although immigration is at an all time high it is not a politically incorrect or considered racist to be against immigration, xenophobic at best. All the right-wing parties there are against immigration. Hungary and Poland have become completely closed to immigrants. But no one in Europe will call you a racist for being against immigration, so the 'racism among right wingers' you say exists there falls out too.
Now I don't even hope for the right wing anymore. There will be an entirely new movement of people who, rather than having a real political stance about how society should be, will agree on nothing but that the current legislation needs to be overthrown. It will be a little bit like during the American independance, where many groups who do not have the same views but are strongly free thinkers and doers will build a plot against the state. And the state will be able to do nothing against it because they did not calculate the risk of a real inner uprising and because the contrahends are more energetic than themselves.

>>22986740
I think you misunderstood. It’s not about being racist. Whether or not individuals are racist is irrelevant. It’s about a vision of politics which puts race on the front page.

>>22986754
And where have you observed that kind of politics outside of /pol/?

Some nights when I'm doing my shower reflections a recurring thought to me is how, in sixth grade, I had to defend my statement of why slavery post civil-war was preferrable to freedom. Keep in mind I am a Southerner so the demographics of the public school was easily 50%+ black kids, all wide-eyed and gawking at the quiet white kid who had the gall to say such a thing.
I'm a natural-born contrarian so, seeing everyone jump at "freedom over slavery" in the discussion, I just had to play the devil's advocate. I think my rationale was quite solid: Integration after the Civil War was quite clearly a disaster, being hampered not only by the South's resistance to change, but also by the North's desire to punish the South for rebellion during Reconstruction (much like how Germany, post world wars, was bled dry by the victors). Jim Crow laws and sharecropping coming to be showed that slavery only ended in name. Mammies, which might as well be female slaves, continued well into the 1900s, and my grandmother even had one in her family when she was young.
Now that I am older, I'm not sure if I would still say this, but answering it now is irrelevant. The real solution that day was "I shouldn't have craned my neck out too far just to crack some nigger toes for fun". I damaged my social reputation that day badly with my peers. If only I gave a shit about what they thought!

I've been reflecting on the bigger issue related to this, and found that the #1 thing that makes me drop books or any media really is when a suffering character (always a woman) gets a happy ending or their predicament is resolved in some way, I will literally stop reading the book the moment it feels like it's going to get happier even if I really liked it. It's to keep the characters I like stuck in a limbo in my head. It's pathetic.

>>22986726
Don't give that one person your undivided attention in return. Talk to others

>>22986816
A little bit of context I missed: The discussion was brought up by the history teacher after we had covered the previously-mentioned things in class. I didn't spontaneously start talking about this shit, it was a dialogue the (black) teacher clearly encouraged for deeper thinking about the matter. She was not upset at me, I suspect she even knew I'd go against the grain. Aside from my insight, I don't remember any advocates for the "other side" of the argument trying to argue against me, just the evil eyes I got and shock of not bowing to public opinion. I can conjure up some argument for them of my own, but that was all nearly 15 years ago by this point.

>>22986816
Have you read the Southern Agrarians / I'll Take My Stand?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m36uOUSJFjE

I highly recommend reading the Founding Fathers' thoughts on slavery. The obvious option was to end it but NOT to integrate blacks with white society. Integrating blacks was the end of America as a nation, if the Civil War itself hadn't already done it. From then on, it has been the hinterland of the urban financial capitals and nothing else.

Even if I would have finished high school and finished a college diploma, to get a comfy white collar job, in the end, I wouldn't have felt like I had deserved it.
That's why I toil at the blue collar. It might be miserable sometimes and painful, but at least I know I'm doing what I'm worth for.

>>22986506
same
in the absence of real, meaningful conflict in my life, i have to artificially impose it on myself. walking to the liquor store in the freezing cold and the dark through dangerous neighborhoods is the only time i feel alive

Grinding for work is what's on my mind. I can't wait to get back to literature. Furthermore, picrel.

>>22986893
I can relate to that, I just drink when I'm too happy.

>>22986842
Sounds like an interesting read, I'll check it out.
>Integrating blacks was the end of America as a nation, if the Civil War itself hadn't already done it. From then on, it has been the hinterland of the urban financial capitals and nothing else.
I feel I ought to make a comment on this but I don't think I'm well-educated on how the failure of Reconstruction spiraled into (or at the very least, contributed) the problems America now has today. With what little hand I do have to play, however, I think the problem is ultimately classist rather than racist. The North has just about always been richer than the South. All of the aforementioned financial capitals in America are, as you might guess, up in the North. However I play it, though, slavery and the power it gave the Southern elite was why they went to war with the North in a gambit to preserve and extend it.

Extreme wisdom flowed through me today, I was cooking so hard in my notebook. I should open a blog.

>>22985108
Currently 26 years old; lately I've been thinking about how no matter what I do in life, I'm not happy. I've started wondering if there's something wrong with my brain. I had a gf for about 3 years and it was good, but I never got the feeling that I was happy. I got a different job, wasn't happy there, so I quit and found another completely different job in a different field, and still wasn't happy with that. I changed the decoration in my house, changed the atmosphere, tried writing a book, started learning how to draw, started going out more, changed my diet, started working out, and still I don't feel happy.
I've reached a point where I can't even imagine a future where I'm happy. I try to visualize what my "ideal future" looks like, envisioning different realities, where I took different paths, but none of them are satisfactory. I feel empty, and I don't know why.

I've begun thinking that maybe melancholy is the natural state of humanity, and that happiness is more like a passing experience with no real substance. I can't live for that passing feeling, so I don't know what to live for. I don't know what to look forward to, so I just live in the present without paying attention to the past or future. I've come to appreciate that at least I'm not suffering.

>>22986922
Try reading James' Varieties of Religious Experience, at least the chapters on the Sick Soul, Conversion, Twice/Once-Born people etc. You're probably a twice-born surrounded by once-born luxuries (things that would make them happy) and wondering why it doesn't click. Some people aren't happy without purpose and struggle.

Walmart is selling a book that says niggers stink. What are the implications of this?

BABY BE A SHRIMPLE
KIND OF MAN

>>22987018
Pic related

i love my mama
i love Jesus
and America too

>>22987061
I heard that song playing in the drugstore on Monday and it really upset me for some reason

I can't believe this is happening but I'm literally in an Aerith vs. Tifa situation regarding which girl I want to have a relationship with. One girl is soft, kind and feminine but not as interesting to talk to. The other is more tomboyish and relatable but can also be difficult to deal with because of her internal torments. Both are into me and are gorgeous. Decisions.

I really want to find a dedicated hobby that’s not literature. Ideally, it would be something kind of physical or social or both.

I got good news today and it just made me kind of depressed. Surely, someone knows what it’s like to be successful at a game you wish you never started playing.

>>22987315
Hike and spend time at parks.
You'll get the physical, and you might find people who are sociable.

>>22986695
i don't imagine many alt-rightists cared for east asian or ashkenazi jews despite them having on average higher IQs than white gentiles. they just wanted their nation back. and might i ask, what's the point of conserving a wretched system? that said, it's true that fascism is a non-starter. the future of america will be found in augustus, the grand unifier, and not hitler.

If you can change nothing by your actions, act such that those who follow may find you inspiring.

>>22985108
Anyone have any recs for obscure baroque composers? Don't need Zelenka, Telemann, etc, I'm talking real obscure. May the faggoti and hautboys pipe a merry crescendo!

Have any of you ever been on Threads? Dear god, its Twitter for hall monitors. They remind me of my elder millenial coworkers. If I ever have that type of brain I want to be put out of my misery. Tell me it's not inevitable /lit/?

>>22987425
>Tell me it's not inevitable /lit/?
It's not inevitable, you'll just grow up as an old eccentric. Unfortunately, if you don't get a girlfriend, your (familial) descendants will call you their homosexual uncle in their third grade family tree assignments as your swan song on this earth.

>>22987385
>the future of america will be found in augustus
How can you people believe shit like this?

>>22985108
Britpopper leftoids, along with most Anglo sphere leftoids, cannot separate patriotic acts from motivations in kind. Brits going off to the east has zero direct benefit to the nation. In fact they should volunteer with those flag in the bio.

It is ironic because they recognize that the little englander, and the RW in general always made up those military castes. They just can’t help but mock and deride this patriotic impulse, even when it comes to a war they are largely in favour of.

Also because they have a totally different sense of duty, hierarchy and rank, they see values such as “obligation” in a different way. They are a phenotype that is well adapted to a blind legalistic managerial framework, where you think of systems and processes as immutable laws. “Of course the CHUDS have to go off and die for the blue yellow, the nation says it is in its interest. Are they not nationalists?”

They don’t realize that patriotic duty implies a form of reciprocity and that hijacking nationalist sentiment by a hostile elite is beyond the point. Values are merely transactional and apart of automatic processes.

Of course it is merely a cynical joke to the smarter ones, such as these creatures in the screen cap. Another example of “Oh no I don’t believe in those silly values, but it might work on you”.

>>22987382
I already do that. I don’t really consider it a hobby.

I hate seeing people happy. I want everyone to suffer

>>22986813
It’s pretty pervasive across the right in general. I would say it’s one of the defining traits of American right wingers. Look, I’m not even saying they shouldn’t consider race or be racist. What I’m saying is there’s a difference between being racist and spinning up a political regime that is racist as one of its core policies. The former is tenable for a people and the latter is not. But the right very often gets gas lit into the latter.

>>22987385
I’m very skeptical that American can even birth a person who grows up to have the character of Augustus. This is a nation of dollar trappers, media clowns, and professional social climbers unfortunately.

if you tell me you want to kill yourself, i'll tell you to bring me with you.
still dazaimaxxing, i see.

>>22985723
Also appreciate they are from different generations, that could lead to temporal variations in experience.

>>22985108
Double up machine, the third retroactively creates bondage, conditional existence is spontaneous, fibers of the spatial nexus are tuned to a different chronosphere, fivefold ancient goop by self inflicted blades redetermines a grey apocatastasis for the current world-order, backwards evolution recreates the point out of intervals, don't hope for contrast, semiosis is infinitely regressive, metaphorical predication is applicable to transcendental apperception, the divine mind hypothesis is an error in the self-image of the cortices, teleology and etiology, don't look for the qualitative, immediate apprehension lies in the grave with patristic authority, speculative grammar is the resurrection, I hope you didn't notice the lack of a point on the circles for intersection, leptons decohere in prime neocortex echeloi, crumbs of pulcherrima res make acid rain in the semitic ghetto, shamans moved on from Jimsonweed to methamphetamines, even your spine is artificially conditioned, vertebrae rub because of the civilizational nootropic, learning like the mold to reasonably ooze through enthymemic gaps, speak in matrices, Metatron and Raziel consult secretly without language, Record is dissolved and dispersed identically with the waves, mu only avoids universal inclusion, rbitrary silence blaze painful on the blackboard antilogic,s elffulfilling emergent shepig delusion, iron inevitability of psychosexual complices, microcosm sans macro correspondent, overtly vulgar and past the point of caring, nonsensical panic drives Alexander backwards into wyrd, now return again to reflex, Futilheim

>>22985810
Age and experience is realizing not all decisions of dire consequence are binding. There are still things that can be changed. You've only mentioned school and graduating, there are many other aspects to life.

>>22985810
>going to a good school
Pretty irrelevant.
You're mostly fucked if your parents are inattentive/didn't teach you to value learning and hard work, but especially fucked if raised in a single parent household.

>>22985723
You're gonna need to be more specific. Hong Kong - more than most cities - has undergone a bunch of different changes in the past 50 years. So I'm sure people born even 10 years apart would have pretty different experiences. But also he probably is lying.

>>22987704
Your parents need to tech you how to play with others fairly and be considerate. It's not all about work ethic.

> fully remote job asking paying me $100k to do 5 hours of work per week
I guess I’d be a retard to quit this job, right?

>>22987720
Literally how do you even get a job like this

I didn't get the Target job.

>>22987719
90% of that is out of their control: children normally adjust fairly well through norms and mores on their own, assuming full mental faculties and not being ruined by seeing mom bringing in the sixth man to fuck her that week.

>>22987724
Not OP but these are always IT jobs.

>>22987724
IT/Accounting, generally. Accounting will generally involve extra time in meetings, and maybe some office time, but a lot of accounting jobs can be done remotely.

Gonna listen to music while filling out my Letterboxd account.

dazaimaxxing continues.

i miss mom, whom i haven't seen since last September.
i miss "her," whom i've taken a break from.
i miss other "her," whom still rests in my heart as clear as day the only time i saw her.
i wasn't fond of my maid in my childhood because she was always hard on me and prohibited me from doing things i wanted to do. i guess it was for my own good. it would've been nice if i had had a Toki though.
instead, i miss my cousin who i was fond of in my childhood. she came to play with me and i very much enjoyed her company, even hopelessly dreaming that i could be together with her somehow, in a kind of childish selfishness. she has two kids now.
i miss the women who've come into my life, even those who ended up hating me.
i cherish them all. i hope that they are able to find their flavors of happiness and are living their best lives in their current ones.

-farts-
-poops
-leaves

>>22987923
Someone get that NIGGER janny in here to clean this up. Tell him we'll dock his pay if he doesn't clean it up lickity split.

>>22987732
Ah man, that's rough. Did they tell you why?

Just got meself a Samsung tablet and I'm enjoying it so far

>>22987953
Nope, just your regular copy and pasted rejection.

I have chocolate, I wanna eat some chocolate, I shouldn't eat the chocolate, should I eat the chocolate?

I haven't read the book I'm currently reading in a few days, nearly a week, instead, I've been reading a bunch of manga. I've been having a good time reading it, I've been meaning to catch up on it for a while.

>>22985916
Two examples would be that he once smoked weed in a shisha (despite weed being illegal in Hong Kong) and that there aren't many foreigners in Hong Kong (despite there being many).

>>22985723
Hard to say. She might just not know what youth life in hong kong is like. I know a lot of people from Hong Kong and they're all consistent on what it's like. What did your friend say?

>>22988220
>>22988201

I need to get job advice from someone I trust.

They call me LT. CMDR N.E.V.E.R.G.O.O.N

I GOON MORE THAN ANY HUMAN BEING WHO HAS EVER LIVED

God is the question as well as the answer.

>>22988275
>The question.
What do the most delusional retards in the world believe in?
>The answer.
God.

>>22987490
>>22987554
the thing of it is, our current aristocracy doesn't seem to realize that what they break to save the system can't exactly be easily fixed, thus logically one of these days we'll eventually have a man with balls of steel in the white house instead of a grifter. combine this with the fact that the economy has become increasingly bifurcated since the 70s and that gives him a large army. ironically, that might mean mass immigration policy was their ultimate undoing.

>>22988235
Yeah thats believable

I’ve had an epiphany. I’ve realized I can use pessimism (aka the truth) to justify getting drunk, and or high as being the only truly virtuous, and noble, and self-actualizing acts a man can commit. Consciousness is a sickness, a “malignantly useless” affliction. It would be better to never have been born. Omina vanitas. Man can do what he wills, but cannot will what he wills. The only respectable thing he can do is reject The Will, the piano-player, the puppeteer, the mathematician, and that rejection is achieved only by the suppression of The Will. Kensington Avenue is the home of sages and monks. Suicide is an option, but, as was explained by The Bratwurst Buddha himself, the only virtuous suicide is achieved through meditating to death. Better to smoke weed instead. Any other suicide is only another affirmation of The Will. With practice you can be drunk more than you are sober. Consciousness is what makes life, on the whole, balance negative. So, take it away, balance the equation. Two and two is four, isn’t it? It’s irrefutable.

>>22988465
>but cannot will what he wills
Skill issue

Ram Siya Ram

i dreamt of my ex girlfriend for the past two nights. first time ive thought of her in a while. both times i woke up sad. honestly it makes me kind of apprehensive about going back to sleep.

Anyone here actually have experience with anti-depressants? Can they cure you? What does it mean to be cured?

>>22987315
find a dnd group that's willing to meet up once a week for a few hours.

>>22987999
These days it seems like I never get any of the emails so I just wait and wait and wait.

>>22985108
So I found a girlfriend a month ago. Things move smooth between us besides that we see each other like two times a week at best because of my and her work. She wants to go to Rome in April and she really wants me to come with her. I think things are really turning around for me.

I'm gonna level up this year.

>>22988636
SVU reference?

Here's a song for you, obscure one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFD-2pQI_hs

>>22985108
Do you guys think it's morally wrong to take a /x/ poster's larp and turn it into a proper short story and possibly more? There's this rather old thread that's stuck with me since I originally read it and I feel like doing the story told by OP proper justice rather than letting it sit there as another retarded schizopost on /x/.

>>22988751
It's iffy but ultimately I'd side with it being OK.

Dancing feels so good, I understand why it was so popular amongst older generations.

>>22988790
Why the frick are you dancing

>>22988805
Cause I want to, fuck you, bozo.

>>22988806
I was just asking not judging

>>22988809
You should try dancing.

>>22988813
I dance every freaking night in the bathroom before bed

>>22988818
Good, I'm glad.

>>22988604
I do. It makes you a bit manageable like puts you in a cage where you dont really become very happy or very sad. Kinda flatline state. I had to quit them because it didnt (nor they could) help me after a while.

>>22988032
I'm gonna eat the chocolate.

THATS ONLY F U NIGGAS, THATS ONLY IF YOU NIGGAS,
I AINT PLAYIN WITHYU THATS WHY I PLAY HARD SO NOTICE
THE PRIME THE HUSTLE, THE BUSTLE THE GRIND
THE PORK THE GREENS THE ROLLS THE RINDS
THE CORK, UNWIND, SIT BACK, RELAX YOUR MIND
AND FIND INSIDE YOURSELF THE ABILITY TO UNDUE TIME
MY CASH, THE STACKS FROM FLOOR TO CEILING
MY LOVE, MY HEART, ATTACKS WITH HOW I’M FEELING
HACK UP A LUNG FROM SKITTLES AND LEAN
DIVED INTO A TOILET LIKE TRAINSPOTTING BUT IT WASNT A DREAM
SPIT A 16 WHILE HILLBOMBING, SOARING THROUGH THE CLOUDS YOU’D THINK I WAS FLYING
F U NIGGAS, THASTS ONLY IF U NIGGAS

>I'm employed.
The days go by too quickly.
>I'm unemployed.
The days go by too quickly.

I'm sick of the days going by so quickly, how do I stop this? How do I slow them down?

>>22988895
Do new things. Learn and grow. Apparently.

>>22985406
No, you are just a retard, a midwit, someone who took up reading in an attempt to feel unique and distinct from others, believing that acquiring the skills of critical thinking would set them apart. However, this perceived distinctiveness is merely a facade, the application of concealing products to cover insecurities carried over from their adolescent years. I can't even picture what someone's life looks like when lacking convictions completely, leading them to desperately seek and borrow beliefs from all directions. You are the exact opposite of what you imagine, and not only that, the gap between the two points is so vast that your little brain will never fully cope with it. Sorry, anon, it is over.

My roommate and I get up for work at around the same time as each other every morning. Every morning when both of us are in the kitchen getting ready, I hug him and he hugs me back, I'm sure we'll both miss these hugs when we eventually move out.

>>22988902
>Do new things.
Not quite.
>>22988895
Do things that will not be enjoyable, something difficult and scary. Your life lacks a sense of immediacy in life, flashes of death reminds the mind, and body, it can end in an instant and what actual suffering is.

The head is also dumb, hence why physical activities work well with depressed men; gym.

>>22985108
>Lent brother $27k over a decade ago to bail him out of his shit (mostly his wife's stupid spending habits)
>Never pressured to pay it back and never seen a cent of this money
>Couple of years later buys a new $60k SUV
>Bit annoyed
>Always seems to have money troubles and mother always asks to spare here and there. Whatever he's my brother
>Builds up to around $34k worth of lending. Not including stuff I do on my own accord for his kids
>Suddenly another few years later asks for $3800 for his wife's abdo surgery (from bearing kids) says he will pay me back with his bonus and tax return
>Don't pressure cos it's his wife's health.
>Never pays me back during bonus time.
>Suddenly see outrageous spending on his wife's behalf, life Nintendo switch for kids bday, got backyard redone + related furniture and other fencing parts built up in garage.
>What takes cake is suddenly a dog.
>Told my bro not to cos theyve got other shit to worry about including their kids than a dog. Claims "he tried telling them all that".
>As predicted they get bored of the dog in a month and got rid of it it around 3 months.
>Suddenly a holiday trip booked where my brother came over furious when he found out most of the spending money was gone a week before they were supposed to leave
>Find out reason for trip was a last whole family thing because they decided to divorce.
>Now he's in a situation where he pays a whole lot of money in child support plus extra to maintain house payments
>Asks to borrow $2.5k saying he will pay me back in a few days on pay day
>Had to chase him up for it where he asked if he can give $1.5k for now.

Is it fair and am I bad for starting to feel annoyed at this. I swear his bitch is a madam Bovary who has the memory and satisfaction of a goldfish. One event or purchase acquired and almost instantly it's onto the next thing. Bitch never even worked their whole relationship then asks for a divorce

Think I'm starting to lose it from the loneliness.

>>22988972
My brother gave up so much for her. >Converted to Islam (aka giving up his soul).
>Had a falling out with our sister cos of her
>Sacrificing his own kids to her BS where she barely cooks/cleans for them and just feeds them packet junk.
>Literally was willing to divide her attention to a fucking dog as opposed to her own kids whom she just stick in front of a screen.

I really don't friggen get it. Also what is
Escitalopram and Seroquel combo for? Cos that's what I saw she was on (random packets found around the house btw even though one of the kids is under 4)

How bad would he have been having it dealing with her and why TF could he never just say no to her? It really bothers me now looking back that he has no issues dragging everyone else into this mess including our parents where they have been helping them with supplies and even money in top (at least $100 a week) since the kids were born. Which causes fights when my dad says he shouldn't be paying for this and our mother goes on about BS about needing to help him and accusing my dad to just wanting to send the money overseas.

Then it's like all for nothing

>>22988980
>lonely
The plight of mortals.

The immortals are never alone, theyre always here...whispering in echoes.

>>22985108
I need to focus on what matters before I lose myself

>>22988967
To this day I refuse to listen to a single word you have to say. I wonder what dumbass unbanned you.

Gonna go to our college counceling and tell them that I am a tranny in roughly an hour.

>>22989056
Why? Do they give money and good grades to students who are trannies?

>>22989056
last time i saw this kind of image it was early 20s. thanks for the warning, it's time to get moving myself.

>>22989053
>I refuse to listen
I know, but there is more about you (You) need to know.

Wake up, Neo...wake up...

>>22989053
Lol, which one was you?

>>22989062
No, I just think that I am a tranny and need someone to actually talk about that with.

>>22985114
I have one from 2001-2002 where I was like Elliot Roger

Was watching Master and Commander yesterday. It came to the 'Jonah' part anf I wondered how its possible to deal with such a situation when reason is simply not going to be of any use, because a bunch of tards will believe anything and nothing will alter their opinion. On the other hand the fact they identified someone as a Jonah meant that person was weak and ineffective as an officer.

My younger brother won’t shave his patchy mustache. He specifically shaves the rest of his face but leaves the mustache. It looks so bad.

>>22989180
How old is he?

It’s taken me a long time to realize that you really are like the five people you’re an around the most, especially the people you’re around during your development into adulthood. I wish I had surrounded myself with different people then.

>>22989186
Why does that matter?

>>22989204
Cause if he's young (in his teens) you just have to let him figure himself out and experiment with new shit. If he's a full-blown adult then you need to go up to him and be like "Hey, man, that moustache looks like shit"

I think I'd be a terrific dad despite never wanting kids.

>>22989224
He’s an adult, a college student. I’ve told him, his brothers have told him, his sister has told him. He just refuses to shave off this ugly patchy mustache. I told him I’m certain all the girls at school think it’s gross but he doesn’t care.

This young guy just doesn’t get it. It’s not even just the mustache. I try to give him good advice but he just doesn’t get it, which aggravates the fuck out of me because when I was his age, I just got it.

>>22989244
>I told him I’m certain all the girls at school think it’s gross but he doesn’t care.
Based, he shouldn't be living his life based on what girls will like.
>when I was his age, I just got it.
Everybody is different, anon, I also guarantee there were things that people tried to tell you when you were younger that made you act like your brother is now.

>>22989070
I hope you get better frend

After making a friend from another country I've come to realise that despite cultural differences, bro's are just bro's no matter where they're from.

>>22989252
No, dude. Not living your life doing what girls like is something you do at 25, not 20. College boys should care about how they look to girls. It would be dysfunctional not to.

Anyway, I didn’t have people who cared about me enough to spare me from embarrassment. I had to learn everything from trial and error and I was self aware enough that when somebody told me my facial hair was fucking hideous, I didn’t just brush that off but weathered considered that maybe it’s true.

It just bothers me because I see this person I care about expressing a desire to be otherwise, and I try to tell him what to do, but he either fails or just doesn’t listen and I’m the end, he slowly slides further and further into being the archetypal friendless, girlfriendless zoomer mouth breather that didn’t any of his goals because he’s severely addicted to scrolling and porn, every day, little by little and just refused to listen to advice.

>>22989195
Ive been alone most of adulthood...

>>22989332
>College boys should care about how they look to girls.
If you're a sex addict, sure.
>just refused to listen to advice.
Well then there's nothing you can do, honestly, and I know that sucks to hear because clearly you care about the guy, any good brother would, but you've just gotta let him figure it out on his own. And honestly, that's something he may never do, but that's just how life goes, some people just aren't born to be successful, I'm one of those people, I should know.

>>22985479
Beautiful post anon. I'm thinking about your post, but I have nothing to respond with.
>>22988916
I think the critique is interesting but I didn't really understand it. First, I didn't pick up reading to make myself feel different, it was because I read Frankenstein and the passage where the monster describes reading Paradise Lost, Volney, Plutarch, etc, made me want to move on from pulp and Lovecraft. Then, I wanted to understand what various writers thought about different things, first politically, and then as it pertained to my life. While I don't think this is accurate, the rest might be.
I don't deny that I have insecurities, but what do you mean by "lacking convictions" and the remainder of your post? I am not trying to argue with you, I just want to know what you think.

>>22989378
>it was because I read Frankenstein and the passage where the monster describes reading Paradise Lost, Volney, Plutarch, etc, made me want to move on from pulp and Lovecraft. Then, I wanted to understand what various writers thought about different things, first politically, and then as it pertained to my life.
And to be clear, that was in my teens. I read now because I genuinely love it.

>>22989356
You’re a zoomer aren’t you? You think that caring about how girls think you look is being a sex addict because you’ve had your mind-broken by the internet. A man of 20 cares whether women him attractive if he is historically and biologically normal. That’s how it is, how it’s always been. To not care would be a sign of autism or severe hormonal deficiency. This is just really not even debatable.

>>22989475
But why do they care? That's right, so that they can eventually get sex out of it. It's not a hard thing to figure out.

How did you quit your porn addiction?

>>22989511
One day I stopped feeling like it and ended up doing nofap and noporn for four full years straight. Though these past few months they have both been creeping back up on me for some reason.

>>22989511
I didn't. Porn and jerking off is great.
The only bad thing is if you don't have sex at all and just masturbate.

we're on bikes

>>22989496
It’s not just that but that is normal when you’re 20.

> The Anglo-Saxons are, among all the peoples who left the Scandinavian Peninsula, the only one who, in modern times, have preserved any apparent portion of the Aryan essence. It's the only one that, strictly speaking, still lives today.
Can someone pass me the genetics of modern Anglo-Saxons if there is any? It might give us a conclusive answer about the Aryan race, and wether it once existed.

>>22989548
Too try-hard for my taste

>>22989541
>Porn and jerking off is great.
Imagine unironically believing this, I can't. Porn is probably one of, if not the most destructive things for you. It's the least masculine thing you can do.

>>22989496
>That's right, so that they can eventually get sex out of it
No, it's so they can be desirable to a female and become partners, or husband and wife with them. Sex is a part of marraige, but only a very tiny part. Your mind has seriously been broken by the internet.

>>22989664
I’m Norman-British American, sorry.

Speaking of Norman ancestry, how am I supposed to find a Norman woman in America to give me Norman kids?

>>22989709
As if you'd be desirable enough to even get her in the first place.

>>22989713
I think I am

>>22989726
If you were, you would not be asking 4chan depressed irl losers how to get a girl with Norman ancestory

>>22989676
Keep thinking that low IQ sperg

>>22989839
>masturbating to porn is high IQ
the absolute state of this website

>>22985108
I'm getting to the point where "mum and frends swill be big sad" is actually an upside to suicide.
I don't want to become old and lose all I have (Looks, mental felxibility, endurance) Just live a mediocre and pointless life.
I hope my family embalms my body after death or makes a wax cast or something.

>>22989977
Of all the reasons to kill yourself, "I don't want to age" is probably one of the stupidest

>>22989996
I'd like to hear why, understanding that you are probably right. Can you explain?
My justification is this:
I'd rather those who know me remember me at my prime rather than a doddering, frail, and withered old man repeating the same things over and over, seeing strength wane day by day.

>>22990109
You put too much an emphasis on others experience of you rather than your own experience of life. You may as well say you should have been aborted so no one would remember you as a baby that shit in diapers

>>22989676
>It's the least masculine thing you can do.
you weren't getting sucked off as you wrote this

What a totally bizarre situation. Overnight, I am literally making twice as much money as my boss over a bureaucratic restructuring of pay grades. I am so confused about what to do now.

>>22989732
First of all, there are normal people on this site, board, thread and this is probably the only place you could ask such an honest question and get a serious reply. Two centuries ago, I could ask that question among gentleman and they’d take it seriously. Now? I’d be shunned from normie society.

>>22990131
My own experience of life is trending to be another pointless irrelevant without any of the things that make such a life tolerable. I don't enjoy much contact with people, Sex doesn't appeal to me, entertainment is barely even numbing anymore and food is just meh.
I can't achieve anything, why live? Why grow old? Some other guy I'm functionally the same to can do that.
>You may as well say you should have been aborted so no one would remember you as a baby that shit in diapers
Moments of indignity like that would fuck with my already pretty ramshackle image.
I'd rather be remembered as an idea or archetype. As gay as it sounds.

Why waste time with regrets when I can simply get mad at the world for not functioning in a way most convenient to me? I didn't fuck up, everyone else did.

Keep pushing on.

I realized something about myself which is that I love writers who use lots of adjectives and elaborate comparisons. Thinking mostly of Chandler and Proust.
I don't use that in my writings and find it very hard. I always have very few adjectives except for the descriptors and the comparisons are very bare bones.

>>22990165
Do you want your offspring to be humiliated by the society for a tiny cock he was fated to bear?

Stop the cycle. Marry a black tranny and make her bear your redemption from your cursed genetics.
Breed BBC, or get breeded by BBC.

>>22990109
>I'd rather those who know me remember me at my prime
They're going to remember you as the guy who killed himself

>>22989056
how do i stop being a man of inaction?

>>22990239
suffer until action becomes preferable to inaction. but suffer grievously, abominably, so it doesn't take you until your 30s like it did me.

>>22990227
Least perverted stemcem

>>22990238
Killed himself young, and in his prime. I'd rather be the guy who hanged himself at 20 than some retard who fell off the stairs at 68 and lived a full life of nothing. If nothing else, it saves everyone time, and no one has to remember his stagnant middle age and dismal decline.
>>22990160
Just enjoy it. Invest in something you like or need. Save if it's necessary; an emergency fund has never hurt anybody. And, if you are into writing, you could turn it into fodder to see what you come up with.
>>22990180
I can't tell if I'm made fun of. If not, then I do get you, anon. But that's not the way to go forward.

i have the cure for AIDS but i'm not gonna tell anyone what it is

>>22990328
Yeah, I mean. I can’t complain. I’m basically guaranteed to make six figures for my entire career now for basically no work.

It’s weird because I had recently made all of these plans to leave my job and go to graduate school to get a better one. I had this whole ambition and everything, and I still would rather do that, but now I would make a lot less money if I did.

I'm so tired of my family trying to drag me into all their insanity and instability. If they had any decency they would see that I'm trying to do something with my life and leave me alone.

>>22990179
Nobody will have that romantic vision of you. They'll remember you as the retarded 20 year old who threw away his life. They'll think "wow I can't believe this selfish piece of shit made me invest two decades of my life into him just so he could imagine himself as an archetype for about 3 seconds before going ACK!"

The West desperately needs a shitty economy and civil war, there would be many less immigrants that way.

>>22990328
Obviously you aren't "in your prime" if you want to die and think life is a hideous waste of time

>22990471
I think that's the loss of my parents in your hypothetical, anti-romantic scenario; they should have had their gigachad dreamchild instead of me. (Anti-romantic as in, the opposite, like in antipode and antipope. Unromantic isn't the right word because this is as much an exaggeration as romanticism is. just in the opposite direction. Mostly because suicide is le bad and it must be deterred)
Reality will probably exist somewhere in the middle of the two fantasies.
>threw away his life.
Oh no! He missed out on a shitty computer science career and the marvelous ability to write in PHP! He wasted his one and only chance of talking to people whose interests are all miles away from his in every conceivable way. He wasn't touched by a woman!!!!! The only metric of value I recognize! How could he not want this? Did he think he was better than us? (No) How dare he not be satisfied by what satisfies me!
There's really nothing much for me. I do have regrets and a feeling of lost time, and for the record, I am no better than anyone else. If anything I am cripple by my inability to be content with the ordinary.
>>22990560
Physically, mentally, and spiritually speaking, this is the best it will get.
Now, you might retort I peaked very low or something like that, but that's really not my problem.

>>22990651
You say a lot about what you don't want, but what DO you want? What kind of life would you consider worthwhile?

>Physically, mentally, and spiritually speaking, this is the best it will get
I suppose "physically" is true. Though if you're only 20 you have a long way to go before you start feeling your decline. "Mentally" and especially "spiritually," I don't think anyone peaks so early. You're barely an adult, probably still in school.

>>22985108
Redid my reading order

Philosophy Of Art:

Tolstoy, Hegel, Pater, Wincklemann, Gasset, Von Hildebrand, Collingwood, Sartre

General Humanities:

After Locke (already finished) read stuff on crowd psychology, first Le Bon (currently on), then Trotter, return to political philosophy with Luther and Calvin (optional)

Read Jung (2 works, “Man And His Symbols” and “Psychological Types) then symbolic/interpretive anthropology, first Geertz then Turner then into Lewis Mumford (both works) and then Michel Foucault (both works)

Optionally read Claude-Levi Strauss

French Revolution history:

Burke, Carlyle, Taine, Belloc

Russian Revolution history:

Figes, Faulkner, Pipes

Poetry:

Pound, Eliot, Yeats, Coleridge, Shelley, Byron, Frost

>>22989064
It’s a gay meme. Most people here are under 30 and pathetic

>>22990651
Man why is it always the CS kids

Do you think people are democrats because they don’t read? I mean, even a few weeks with Aristotle is enough to make you think you’d be a villain for supporting democracy.

>>22990748
The Germanics had democracy when they were still leading a tribal life.
The Slavs had democracy when they were still leading a tribal life. These democratic institutions survived into the early 20th Century in those places where feudalism was not implemented.
The Celts had democracy.
The Albanians have preserved tribal democratic institutions in some isolated places until this day.
The Greeks had democracy.
As you can see, democracy is very European.
Cope and seethe.

Picking up the pieces of yesterday.
The truth remains elusive.
Although I retain the knowledge of the past,
I am not really sure what to do!

>>22990772
Get a job.

>>22990760
They didn’t though. Go ahead and provide a citation.

>>22990760
Damn. Why don’t you admit you don’t read? The Greeks DID have democracy and none of them speak positively about it. You actually just demonstrated perfectly.

>>22990809
I don't need to. I literally descend from a tribe of Slavs who have known ancient democratic institutions that they preserved until the 1950s. It even knew a right to vote for women, although tradition wanted it that they always use it against themselves (saying 'no' when asked wether they want to inherit a part of their father's real estate).

>>22990812
Do you mean Attic democracy? Attic democracy lasted 169 years. I don't mean Attic democracy though, I mean that in thr tribal phase the Greeks met decisions democratically.

>>22990818
> source: it came to me in an ancestral memory

>>22990831
I’m still waiting for that citation.

Living with my mom has been hell and it’s taking a major toll on my health

Life hack: eat in the dark, so you don't gag from the mold.

Life is a waste for the majority of people, and the majority of people chase a life that's not wasted, and while chasing that life they are wasting their life's, and it's 99% chance what you will get from the start and most people are forgotten unremembered, having had no influence on the world.

No matter how I feel...men have felt like this and often way worse or better before me for millions of years. Not sure what to do with this idea.

Meditation is just secular prayer

Professor ended class by making everyone chant affirmations. This is a science class...

>>22991079
Therapy is just secular confession

>>22991111
During graduate training, HR made us do mindfulness exercises. This is a high-end white collar job. The fruits of a secular world are neuroticism and women being your rulers

I went on a date with a nice pretty girl but after being heart broken so many times I didn't quite enjoy myself as I had in previous dates. I had a good time but traumatized me kept telling me that I was just asking to get hurt again.

>>22989682
>No, it's so they can be desirable to a female and become partners, or husband and wife with them.
You really think that's what a college-age person is going for? God, you're either super out of touch or just being purposely dishonest.

>>22991315
>You really think that's what a college-age person is going for?
They're not but they should

>>22991159
Imagine how much being governed by women has seeped into our bones by now, our very mannerisms and instincts are shaped by HR's expectations, everybody just knows at an apriori level that getting and keeping a job means kowtowing to women's bullshit

Men are like purse dogs now. We've been evolved from wolves, down to mastiffs, down to little neurotic freak chihuahuas in a little pink purse. The most manly man among us is the chihuahua who escapes the purse. But he's still a fucking chihuahua.

Ignoring the fact that there are certainly issues in formatting, how shit is my writing?

New thread >>22991356

>>22991324
There are still free men. You’re just not free if you answer to an HR department. Basically, you have to inherit wealth or start a business.

>>22991628
The free men are neets who post on 4han al day