/lit/ - Literature

First for the tragic 3rd act gut punch your "readers" deserve.

Remembering a summer, years ago, hitchhiking across the far east. Something short and light to break up the more serious work.

> micz.substack.com/p/hinterland

>>22725941
You fuck it all up at the end.
Liked it until then.

>>22725923
Sorry, my gut punches come in epilogues and extra stories.

Please do not read the epilogue stories, nothing good awaits.

>>22725923
I did this too. At least I think it's tragic.

I kinda want to do what >>22725941 does and host my own writing.
Except I worry publishers would scoff at already 'published' work

How do I write like Shakespeare? This is destroying my mind. I have spent hours rereading the prologue to Romeo and Juliet, trying to dissect every little clause into its parts. I didn’t sleep last night. Don’t try to placate me or tell me I don’t need to be like Shakespeare. Just don’t try it.

>>22726379
Try seeing a doctor.

>>22726393
A doctor, why exactly?

>>22726397
so they can recommend you to an autism specialist

Next year will definitely be my year.
I feel it in my bones.

What do you think of recent trend of horror series not name dropping whatever creatures they are featururing like how in The Walking Dead they never refered to them as zombies, or how in Midnight Mass they never explicitly stated it was a vampire despite it was glaringly obvious. I think it's a little try hard in some areas but great under the right conditios depending on the atmosphere more than anything. I wasn't going to namedrop Sasquatch, or Bigfoot in mine just because it adds a little sillyness.

>>22725941

The amount of freedom you had on offer must've been absolutely insane.

https://pastebin.com/NXu1Cgss
Just some experiments. Rate my prose style/clarity/imagery/dynamic motion etc

>>22726379
Shakespeare is dead so I think the solution is obvious

>>22726744
You use too many words.
>...without a second thought or moment's hesitation.
Seems redundant to me. The whole excerpt is filled with this kind of redundant padding and over-detailing. Also, parts like when his brain tells his unresponsive feet to move seemed cliche.

>spend my precious time giving somebody good feedback on their story
>they post an updated version and didn't take any feedback into account
damn giving feedback here is just a total waste of time
>>22726744
unrelated to above, your first sentence still sucks and you repeat yourself way, way too much. Combining all the redundant phrases into a single sentence only makes it worse.

>>22725941
I enjoyed that immensely. The type of light documentary poetry I want to write.

There is to much grandiose bullshit out there

>>22726829
Try writing better feedback

>read a book I enjoyed
>write a thing based on the style
>no one cares
>oh well
>one day some guy posts on social media how he's going to write an "experimental thing" and describes new writing techniques he's developed for it
>it's basically the same thing I wrote
>people comment saying how exciting it sounds and can't wait to read it

But...not even I was the first to do it

>>22726935

>>22726944
Nobody can be original but anybody can pretend to be

>>22726829
>>22726784

Will probably just scrap the bigfoot idea or maybe work it into a comic or something

>>22725923
I did this, kinda. The male lead is mortally wounded and dies saving the female lead. Turns out, the main villain keeps him from the brink of death with his magic powers. He uses his life as a bargaining chip, to force the female to become his apprentice. She agrees but manages to turn the tables and save them both. I only write happy endings.

>>22726300
They'll never publish something already published unless you have a run of popularity like Andy Weir.

>>22727011
Why do you like run-on sentences so much?
Do you hate your readers?
You are owed: one slap in the face.

>>22727011
That first paragraph leaves a lot to be desired. If you want to have it stay a runon I would recommend trying to make the exposition more creative and abstract. It reads like an exhausted info dump.

>>22726744
The reason its not namedropped is because writers are trying to avoid characters acknowledging the kind of fiction they are part of. Whether that really matters or not, I'm not sure. I think there should still be an awareness at least, such as alien stories since War of the Worlds, characters get very animated because of the expectations of what alien invasions look like. But in the original stories, the monsters were practically unnamed, or sometimes called men.

>Book is at a sad bit
>In too much of a good mood to write anything sad
Mixed feelings going on here boys.

>>22727169
Write first read later.

I had a lot of ideas in my thriller book that I ended up scrapping and now I have no idea how to do the "inciting incident" that kicks off the plot. The idea involves corrupt government officials, ninjas, and a lot of autistic shit, but I can't figure out how to string together the plot lines.

One idea I had went like this:
>main character
>sees intimidating black dude
>jogger gets gunned down because city is a shithole
>main character tries to help
>turns out he's an undercover cop or something and it wasn't a gangland killing but an assassination
>dying man gives main character a mini SD card containing evidence of corrupt official

I scrapped it because it implies the police are actually competent and effective, and the main character enters a war he didn't sign up for.

>>22726467
I have never been diagnosed with autism as an adult. So why don’t you give me some actual advice?

>>22727305
Well yeah, that's why you're getting recommended to the specialist so that they can go ahead and diagnose you. Why did you specify "as an adult" though?

>>22727317
Because some bitch femoid psychiatrist that my mother sent me to when I was 11 “diagnosed” me with it when I obviously don’t have it.

>>22727325
Are you the anti-relationship anon too by any chance?

>>22727345
I am anti relationship but I suspect that I’m not the person to whom you are referring.

>>22727213
Before writing the inciting incident you need to to understand the background of the black cop who gets killed and those who ordered the hit, constructing a scene around a vague circumstance isn't going to cut it. Once written, it can still come across as mysterious to the reader, but writing it you should know the ins and outs. Post your story beats and I'll whip up a post trying to connect them.

>>22727345
>>22727361
Anti-relationship? That's too broad for anyone to identify as, surely? Paternal/maternal relationships, siblingship, friendships, romantic relations, cordial acquaintances, your relationship with yourself, teacher-student (mentoring) relationships and so on. That's life, there's no being against it unless you're filled with a bitter hatred for someone, anyone, being close to you. If you're "anti-relationship", please specify which type.

>Trying to write a romance scene
>Not sure if it's good or if it's going to end up in a shitter booktuber cringe comp

I want to write a short story about a serial killer, but instead of the cold calculating one like the zodiac killer, he’s a sperg. He has inconsistent justifications for his killings, is somewhat sloppy, and paranoid at all times that he will be caught

>>22727850
so fucking sick of stories about serial killers
just so boring and lame and tread over a billion times from a billion different angles, none of which particularly interesting
get better ideas

>>22727850
Then do so, nigger.
>>22727857
Then don't read them, nigger.

>>22727857
Ok how about a serial killer that doesn't kill?

Why do I feel so unmotivated and dead lately

Why nigger

>>22727887
How about a serial rapist and the book really details his horrific sexual assaults on his victims, all minors, because he’s a manchild?

>>22727887
Unintentional serial killing.

>>22727742
>If you're "anti-relationship", please specify which type.

All types, including the ones you mentioned. I am a misanthrope.

>>22727769
the key is omission

Didn't get any feedback on the last thread. Posting again.

>>22728007
>I am a misanthrope.
Well, that's more understandable. I think to some degree a great many people dislike much of human nature. As to what society has become in modern times there's more and more to dislike. Yet to become entirely misanthropic, which is to not, at the very least, like a few people you've met throughout your life, or have at all bonded with family, I fear you must have psychological issues stemming from a less than affectionate upbringing. You like no one?

>>22728088
Virtually no one, yes. I like art and some artists, but only those who were similarly misanthropic to myself. I have met no person who I liked, nor have I interacted with any person who I liked.

>>22728083
I liked it anon. hopefully someone with a higher IQ can give you better feedback. But I was confused about the first paragraph: were you poor why was this nigga drinking from a broken glass? and it wasn't clear how to read the first "only that one". he only drank from that one glass? it had one chip? why is that significant?

>>22728083
I cringe out of my fucking skin at every reference to "smell of pain". With that said, it's written from the first-person perspective, so maybe being a massive faggot is "the point", though that wouldn't exactly sell me on it.
First referring to his mother with an ambiguous pronoun, "she", is also a mistake. Unless, again, the narrator's whisky-soaked reminiscing is supposed to be confusing. If so, it might explain why >>22728110 didn't quite understand the first paragraph.
If your goal was to write a loathsome alcoholic, self-pitying and barely-coherent, you succeeded.

Is this a good opening?

> It was a terrible day for a picnic. Hordes of mosquitoes, bees, and other unseemly flying creatures mingled, plunging into every open bottle and landing in the bread, cheese, and meat which was meant for sandwiches. They found common cause with the painfully bright sun and powerful gusts of wind, which had apparently also been part of the conspiracy to ruin this excursion. George laid back on the cool grass, a lit cigarette between his lips.

>>22728098
You suffer from an interesting condition that I find equally sad. Though, while I suppose unhappiness is subjective I find it hard to imagine that you're content being so lonesome. What brings a misanthrope to an online community such as this? I guess, out of any of them, I can figure why this site would be where you'd end up. More pointedly, why discuss online anywhere? Your fondness of arts and more relevantly, literature?

>>22728127
It tells me nothing about what the story will "really" be about it, so as a "hook" type of opening, it's shit. Also, cut out the "....which was meant for sandwiches"; unless that's intended as some sort of foreshadowing, it's redundant and makes the narrator (who seems to have some degree of personality, but to not actually be a "character") seem retarded. Yes, obviously the sandwich ingredients are intended for sandwiches.
The first and final sentences also seem to contradict each other, at least in tone. If this "George" guy can lay back on the cool grass and enjoy a smoke, then 1) the sun isn't that bright and 2) there aren't that many bugs, especially skeeters.

>>22728136
I find many conversations here intellectually stimulating, and they also help me to improve at the only bright spot which I have found in this life, writing.

>>22728144
Thanks anon. I’ll rework it.

>>22728127
>George laid back on the cool grass, a lit cigarette between his lips. Hordes of mosquitoes, bees, and other unseemly flying creatures mingled, plunging into every open bottle, landing in the bread, cheese, and meat which was meant for sandwiches. It was a terrible day for a picnic, so the cigarette need suffice.

>>22727709
Well, the whole thing sucked and that's why I dropped it. There were a few chapters written in the last iteration but there were so many dropped ideas. There are a few ideas for characters but I'll get back to this when I have a more complete idea going.

>>22728127
Mosquitoes don't hang around food, they hang around people and sweat and CO2. They're most prominent at night. Flies like food, but also like light. Bees rarely come in "swarms" unless you knock over their nest, and even then they tend not to be aggressive. Most bees that show up at picnics are just foraging for food.

>>22728110
He only drank from that one glass, but I get what you are saying. Will rewrite.

>>22728125
Massive faggots get published, get with the times. And the narrator is supposed to be an alcoholic.

>>22728174
Hey this is good, can I use it?

>>22728174
>so the cigarette need suffice.

so the cigarette would suffice

But I still don't buy it, that he woud bring all that food and then just abandon it in favor of a cigarette on account of a few insects? Has anybody done that in real life? I don't think so.

>>22728390
How can you even judge the situation without understanding the complete context of the piece?

Stop touching grass and go read, nerd.

> George laid back on the grass, a lit cigarette between his lips. He watched as hordes of flies, bees, and other unseemly flying creatures mingled, plunging into every open bottle and darting around the bread, cheese, and meat which he had so carefully laid out. It was a terrible day for a picnic. The cigarette would suffice.

>>22728390
In my vision (I am the op of the original passage) he’s kind of a loser bum/pseud/aesthete who thinks he’s going to be a great intellectual, so wasting food like that would be on brand.

It seemed everybody was getting gifted love for the holidays, Mallory thought while she flipped from one Christmas romance song to the next. Where were basketball highlights or a conspiracy theorist peddling gold investments, she wondered while stabbing at the radio’s buttons. She settled on a hip-hop rendition of O Holy Night. It seemed like a Christian music station’s disastrous attempt to reach new markets. Hopefully, the only loving in any songs they’d play here would be for the Lord. She sat back in the passenger seat with her arms across her chest.
“You know I could connect my phone,” Mallory’s dad said from the driver’s seat. “This truck’s got bluetooth and everything.” Although he leaned her way, he kept his eyes on the road. The brim of his cowboy hat was tilted forward to block the setting sun. They were westbound on Interstate 80 from Omaha, past Lincoln, to Nebraska’s middle of nowhere. For the second time this year. “We could listen to a podcast. Do you like true crime?”
“What are you, a college girl or something?” Mallory snorted. She looked out the window at the flat Nebraskan terrain, blanket in snow, rolling by.
“I just find it interesting is all,” he said. Maybe a little defensively. “Your mom got me into it.”
Mom always liked mystery novels. When Mallory was a kid, she tried to pawn that hobby onto her daughter with dog-eared Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys paperbacks. Where had those gotten to? Probably somewhere in the attic.
“It’s just, I don’t want to sound intolerant or anything, but this music is something awful.”
Dad didn’t cuss. Despite the hat, the closest that cowboy had gotten to wrangling broncos was living in a ranch-style house in middle-of-nowhere’s suburbs. He didn’t drink much, either. Mallory had always figured cowboys did both in abundance, along with copious cursing. “Something awful” was the old man’s equivalent of swearing a blue streak.

Why don’t you fucking stupid fucker faggots go fuck nigger shit in the dickass

>>22728622
Your characters just seem like boring wooden standins for whatever stereotype you have in your head of conservatives and/or people from rural areas. Would not read past this page.

>>22728629
"Man ceased to be an ape and overcame the ape the day the first book was published. The ape had never forgotten this humiliation: just try to give him a book, and he will immediately spoil it, soil it, and tear it to pieces." -Yevgeny Zamyatin

>>22728083
I would suggest making some portions of that into longer sentences, for example the second paragraph, I think that could be one base clause with a bunch of subordinate clauses separated by commas.

I also think a big problem is that you've reduced a critical element, the fathers drunken outbursts, to "some unintelligible reprimanding"--in order for the whole thing to work I think it has to be specific and pointed, even if the rest is vague. A line of dialogue from the father could make it more effective, and then the mother making excuses or the narrators reaction or whatever--basically a painful awkward domestic scene, even if brief. "Unintelligible" also makes it seem abstracted and not all that big a deal

No idea if anybody remembers (or cares) but I am the anon from a few days ago who got in trouble with my professor for writing what was deemed an inappropriate story for a creative writing class. Update: I have received an F for the class. It was a choice between that or a suspension from school.

>>22728820
You gigantic retard. Did you learn anything from this experience?

>>22728830
I guess that I should never share anything slightly deep or uncomfortable with normies.

I'm writing a book with someone I know. Well, she's writing but she asks me for advice when it comes to worldbuilding/characters/rules and stuff.
We aim to take the post-apocalyptic genre and do something pretty cool with it by intentionally averting stuff that usually happens in this kind of thing
>The apocalyptic world isn't purely a desert world. It's a world of extreme environments. Raging blizzards that freeze cities, burning hot canyons, rain that floods everything, jungles of deathly foliage, winds that rip people apart, and so on.
>The usual "Gangs of roving punks" are nowhere to be seen.
>People actually have a living standard. They live underground, away from the weather. We actually go out of our way to make these places believably livable by a large population and not just some impoverished improvised slum. We include stuff like a pseudo-internet, a greenhouse powered by UV bulbs, learning facilities, etc.
>The monsters are psychotic and incredibly dangerous mutants, yes, but they're also beautiful in an ethereal way. They're created via intense exposure to twisted atmospheric phenomena.
There's a lot of other shit, like how the world is actually healing itself and will be "Back to normal," as well as how the monsters can be "Cured" and get their memories back, usually shifting into a much more overtly humanoid form as a result, by repeatedly exposing them to an uncorrupted version of the phenomena that created them
And yes. There is a 7 foot tall mute lady with giant 80s hair who's also zoinked out her gourd.

>>22725941
really solid. does what it needs to.

>>22728083
a bit cringe but the self pity works.

>>22729064
That literally just sounds like Metro.

How can I learn everything that there is to know about self-publication in a few days?

Also, is it worth the effort? If an ebook sells on amazon for, say, $1, how many cents go to the author?

>started writing gay romance
>suddenly writing more frequently/consistently than ever
>too ashamed to show it to anyone

>>22729891
Replace all instances of "he" with opposite gender for one character.

>>22729826
Have you considered amazon might have something like a guide for this that could answer all your questions?

>>22729064
How many people does it take to write genre slop?

>>22726744
What the other anons said, and also your sentences are really long. If you can't say it aloud without taking a second breath then it's probably too long to be a sentence.
But to what you said about not naming the creatures, it's probably cos of what you said, the writers think it's silly. I'd have to see what it's actually like to form my opinion but if you just own it and said the name, it could work.

>>22729895
But then it wouldn't make sense or be as hot

>>22728820
I wonder, did he say what the problem actually was? The depiction of rape or just having that as a subject?

>>22729891
Same but with lesbians, I am also embarrassed to share my story.

>>22728820
You should have taken suspension and sued on the grounds of 1st amendment you fucking homo.

>>22728820
What was it?

>>22730128
>guy has his writing group read his fapfic about a girl getting raped and loving it
>people get fucking livid
>anon acts like he's a misunderstood genius
Probably all bullshit. I find it hard to believe any real life professor would get that excited about a random student work instead of just failing him and calling it a day. There's always THAT guy in every group.

How should I upload, pastebin?

>>22730220
no

>>22727011
>attractive up-and-coming hot Anglo-Slavic female
I don't how you can put EIGHT descriptive words in a row, and still I have no good idea what she looks like. And then you go into a paragraph-long anecdote about the history of her veil? Why? If this is the character's introduction, you need to be a lot more economical with your words and fit a lot more info. Let me try a rewrite.
>The tennis player (I don't know why you didn't name this character, but let's call her Kelly) was a petite blonde with a fun, spunky energy, and whether on or off the court people found themselves drawn to her. Kelly, however, always hated being objectified, and on the court she would wear a long veil over her face, decorated with various corporate logos, and as she would find out her face is valuable advertising space.
>BANG! A gunshot rang out across the court, followed by a second long breathe of silence that felt like hours. The crowd thought it may have been the umpire's shot, but as a disheveled, clearly unhinged looking man started to run onto the court with fire in his eyes, holding the revolver, they realized it was just his desperate method of getting Kelly's attention.
>The suitor pushed his sweaty body through the crowd and past security, falling to his knees in front of Kelly, who was already trembling with fear. The man spat out a final, pathetic "I love you," before pulling the trigger a second time, under his chin, to a crowd of hundreds.

>>22730715
he's just doing a bad DFW impression and he's posted this same two awful snippets over and over and refuses to take anybody's feedback

>>22730173
It wasn’t a “fapfic” you fucking faggot. It was a story about a woman who is raped and falls in love with her rapist, then kills herself because he doesn’t love her back. It’s a serious story.
>>22730024
Both, and he said that I was clearly trying to antagonize and upset people by writing it.

>>22730751
Post it

>>22730751
I must have missed this, post link to thread?

>>22730751
Ok, was it explicit? Did you get into the details of the rape? What I'm trying to gauge here is how much of the problem was your depiction of rape and how much of it was just the subject in general.

>>22730787
Yes, it was very explicit.

Have you guys tried using AI to write?
I'm testing one called DeepAI, and while sometimes it gives great poems by itself, most of the time they are lackluster.
Nevertheless, it has given good ideas. I think it is great for inspiration, a nice crutch to help you out.

>>22730849
Yeah, you probably could have gotten away with it if you didn't get into the physical details of it. Writing about rape in this climate can be a little tricky, but I'm sure if you had been a girl and claimed that your writing from experience or something they would've let it slide maybe.

>>22730173
LMAO

>>22730849
You have severe autism, clear by the fact that you thought it would be a good idea to submit that and still don't see the issue with it even now

>>22729934
>If you can't say it aloud without taking a second breath then it's probably too long to be a sentence
Tell that to Homer with his dactylic hexameters and long ass sentences.
I read that the motherfucker probably had massive lungs of steel.

>>22729930
At least 3: one to write, and two to remove anything that isn't slop.

>>22728476
not bad

Silly anons. It's day 18 and I'm still keeping pace with nanowrimo
I simply cannot be defeated.

>>22730310
Yeah, thanks.

But seriously, where should I upload an exerpt for reading? Pastebin's font and formatting is ugly.

>>22730915
It’s art. I don’t see the problem. What do you want me to do, write YA garbage about the Immigrant Experience or whatever the fuck zoomers read?

>>22731026
You are very logical and rational.
That is why you should know most people are not very logical and rational.
That was your mistake.

>>22731026
>Implying zoomers read

>>22731026
You could probably still have written a story of a woman falling in love with her rapist, but if you masked the raped a little bit. Make it not so obvious.

>>22731026
It's simply too sigma bro, they wouldn't understand.

>>22729363
It's inspired by Metro, but it's also inspired by NIER. Not Automata, OG.
Mostly in how people don't use guns, instead using a combination of basic melee weapons and specialized tools. Since guns aren't really that effective against the monsters due to how they don't have any overt vital areas. Like, they're not going to die from being shot because the bullet both
>Isn't strong enough to get through their mildly hardened skin
>Can't really impede them significantly.
While stronger calibers of bullet exist, it's generally more cost-effective to cause major bodily harm with a melee weapon like a sword, spear, or axe. A small hole in their chest isn't going to do as much damage as a massive gash or being outright fucking impaled with a lance.

>>22731396
I don't think you know how bullets work, but sounds cool.

>>22731421
No, I do.
Bullets are strong but they're not made to cause MASSIVE bodily trauma with singular attacks unless they're of a higher caliber. Especially if your opponent is covered with mild armor plating.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Otsb_E-2xNs
https://youtu.be/gS_jZPhD-TY?t=136

>>22731438
Do you really think a human being can swing a melee weapon with greater force than a bullet is fired?

>>22731438
The penetrative power and firing rate of modern firearms goes way past what you imagine. An assault rifle bullet pierces through 5cm of solid steel without much trouble, armors are worthless. Fire those 70 rounds per second, even an elephant is cut to mash before you even know what happened. Unless there's some additional magic involved, it'd be very dumb to favor melee weaponry over guns.

>>22731463
Do you think a small fast metal pellet can do more damage than a big sharp hunk of metal with a sharp edge slamming into something?
Hitting someone with a sledgehammer as hard as you can is going to kill them instantly and reduce their head to mush.

>>22731473
F = Ma

>>22731473
It's not a simple "fast metal pellet", even 5.56 causes grievous bodily harm because of the tumbling of the bullet, it's not like it flies in a straight line and goes in one side and out the other

>>22731471
>>22731508
This is where the special tools come into play.
Guns aren't that scarce, but the effective rounds are incredibly so, and the ability to mass-manufacture them isn't something we have immediate access to. Like, the only bullets they regularly have access to is like 9mm. The good shit straight up isn't there anymore, so we had to improvise and use alternative methods of heavy armor piecing. These tools are clunky and hard to operate, but can do more damage than actual sniper rounds. Including but not limited to
>A pneumatic jackhammer that can shove a railroad spike 6 feet up your ass
>Effectively a hand-held ballista with bigass rocks, looking more like a rocket launcher than anything else.
>6-barreled cannon with a crude black powder that launches whatever you can cram into the barrels at high velocities.
>Highly compressed air puncture weapon, akin to a cattle gun on roids.
And so on. Think Bloodborne weapons.

>>22731463
>Do you really think a human being can swing a melee weapon with greater force than a bullet is fired?
Yes. On the account that I can kick you in the face and you will lose balance from sheer force imparted. A 9mm wouldn't even make my arm flinch.

Learn how physics work.

>>22731534
>A 9mm wouldn't even make my arm flinch.

>>22731532
I feel what you're going for, but just accept it makes no sense. A 9mm would be more effective than all of those.

>>22731543
Limpwristing woman detected. Try BBs.

>>22731566
Oh, and one more thing:
The strongest monster completely tanks a full minute of Gau-8 fire with zero damage. See, their power increases exponentially as they get older
>The less mutated ones can be dealt with via thorough melee weapons or sustained gunfire
>The more mutated ones can literally no-sell guns, requiring special tools and weapons to hurt
>The strongest ones are like before but more
>THE strongest one is basically invincible
I need to think of a way I can justify guns sucking against them because I've always liked watching people beat the shit out of things in close-quarters.
I was considering giving all of humanity a eugenics-borne mutation that makes them superhuman, to the point that a basic axe swing makes a cannonball look tame. But that's stupid.

>>22731578
>I was considering giving all of humanity a eugenics-borne mutation that makes them superhuman
Ahh, my setting where psychopaths run everything is safe.

>>22731584
Firstly, what.
Two, the person I'm writing this with explicitly was all
https://youtu.be/NzwRTXBRS2g?t=10
I'm trying to justify them using melee weapons without going all "We don't have bullets/guns."

>>22731599
>Firstly, what.
It's a need-to-know basis.
Die of the r*ssian-made virus, normie. Like the rest of the planet.

>>22731543
why are you telling on yourself anon

>>22731656
I don't know man, if I got shot in the arm with a gun I'm fairly sure I would do a lot more than just flinch

>>22731578
>i was considering giving all of humanity a eugenics-borne mutation that makes them superhuman, to the point that a basic axe swing makes a cannonball look tame. But that's stupid
That's what I did, retard. Plus give the monsters a super healing factor that guns can't deal with.

But it seems like you went with filthy unga bunga brute weapons instead of stylish weeb dexfaggotry.

>>22731670
Niggers are hit with 60+ rounds of 9mm and they still chimp out.

>>22731670
Well, anon was talking about recoil, not being shot in the arm, I think. And physics says equal and opposite reactions, so the bullet can only impart that much force into whoever receives the bullet. Less actually, by a decent amount, since that's assuming all the energy is transferred into the and it doesn't just pass through (depends).
There's a reason why people can not notice when they're shot, but nobody misses being punched or kicked. Bullets don't have much force. They're just really good at penetrating, so they cause more actual harm.
'Not even flinch' might be an exaggeration, but not by a lot. Especially for a 9mm. Though I don't know, I've never been shot in the arm, or seen someone. But it seems like a reasonable statement to me. The whole 'people flying back when they get shot' is Hollywood nonsense.

>>22731709
I do not do drugs so I cannot relate

>>22731711
If he meant recoil then yeah it's a completely different story, I had thought it meant being struck in the arm by a bullet since that's what the previous conversation was about

>>22731735
>And physics says equal and opposite reactions, so the bullet can only impart that much force into whoever receives the bullet. Less actually

You should shoot yourself with a low caliber bullet to see how it feels, then you can build up a resistance to higher caliber rounds.

>>22726944
For my own amusement, I've submitted 99% plagiarized scripts to screenwriting competitions, changing little more than character names and locations, and am rewarded with both rejection and the pabulum of encouraging and muted praise every single time.
>that one scene where like the guy said the thing was super scary!
>but i kind of didn't like how like whatever, you know?

People are morons in general and the ones who pretend to enjoy literature and the other arts are even worse. Just keep hacking away at it and submitting, and try to get an agent.

>want to write court intrigue
>know nothing about it

What should I read to get knowledge and inspiration from? I'm talking about intrigue in a single county, not some epic about multiple countries at war, like Game of Thrones.

>>22731766
Because how harmful something is relates directly to how much physical impact it causes on the human body. That's why when people take cyanide pills they go flying backward

>>22731774
>he diesn't know

>>22731770
Oh, Peter Mansfield's "A Brief History of the Middle East". Anything about Near Eastern empires from the First Caliphate to WWI.

>>22731578
>I've always liked watching people beat the shit out of things in close-quarters.

But even most anime writers realize it makes no sense and try to make up some excuses for why they do that. Like, they have supernatural swords that can hit harder/cut better, or the users have magic powers, or the users are robots that are stronger than normal humans, or guns were never invented. Because firearms are just fucking OP and only an idiot wouldn't use them.

>>22731774
>That's why when people take cyanide pills they go flying backward
People really need to get their death anims under control. What happened to the on the knees then flop on face? It's a classic.

Let's be real. I've fired a gun before and most of you haven't. The recoil is barely noticable on a 9mm, which proves how weak and ineffective such a weapon is. If there was ANY force in a 9mm bullet, the recoil would break every bone in your arm. But it doesn't. Your hadn't isn't even bruised.
Come shoot me motherfucker, see what happens. Fucking nothing except that I whoop your ass because I studied kung fu under Count Dante, the most dangerous man (formerly) alive (currently dead)

/lit/ - nogunz and retards

>>22731792
I dunno.

>>22732030
Can confirm I have no business being near guns.

>>22731675
Because that’s gay as shit.
Our main protagonist just uses an axe.

>>22730747
I see. Well, at least I got some writing practice out of it.

How do I stop being jealous of my characters being happy and wanting them to be miserable instead?

>>22729925
Yes, but there are things you can learn from people who have published on Amazon that are not mentioned in the Amazon guide. For example, if the people at Amazon are dicks, they probably would not mention this in their guidebook.

the common wisdom is that it's a lot easier to find what's wrong with a story once it's written than it is to create something good from scratch. Well I created something bad from scratch and have no idea how to fix it.
What are some strategies for looking at my story from new angles to try to eek out where it goes wrong?

>>22732600
The strategy is to have another human being tell you. Or you'll sink into masturbatory habits before ever publishing.
This, of course, requires you to be able to aptly take criticism.

>>22730751
>It wasn't a "fapfic" you fucking faggot.
LMAO

>>22732612
ok did that and here's the feedback I get
>this sentence is awkward
>this paragraph is too long
>this section isn't necessary
>this sentence is redundant
>this phrasing is awkward
great none of this helps me fix the actual storytelling issues
whatever, this thread sucks. I don't think I've ever gotten a single useful piece of advice or feedback from it.

>>22731792
I’m just trying to think of a realistic justification for melee being more effective than guns.

>>22732665
i have, but i know how to ask. you’d think a writer would know how to communicate

>>22732679
whats the setting?

>>22732717
Takes place in the late 21st century, decades after a global crisis involving the atmosphere going all fucky. So basic weather becomes cataclysmic, and certain phenomena turn people into monsters. Like if you look at the sun, you become a monster

>>22732665
Those all help with flow anon. That's the main part of a story - how it's told. Listening to that sort of feedback will help you resolve 'storytelling issues'. If your issues aren't with the telling of your story but rather the story itself then we can't help you.
>it's easier to find what's wrong with a story once it's written
This is true but perhaps you misunderstand. You're supposed to write your story, with poor prose and janky wording to get your ideas onto paper. The wording can always be improved upon. Redrafted. Edited.
>I created something bad from scratch and have no idea how to fix it
And the issue may be that your story is bad. You're not supposed to write a bad story, you're supposed to write a good story badly.

>>22732665
Yes not everyone is equally helpful.
Thankfully I have someone intelligent and articulate who I can bounce ideas off.
You seem to be giving up quite easily when your only try is a handful of randos.

>read books so amazing I can't put them down and finish in a few sessions
>realize I'll never write anything that's half as good
It's an abstract kind of feel.

Poem. Would appreciate critique.

I have not received a call for 30 days or more.
And there have been no letters placed outside my door.
No longer do I wait for a familiar face to show.
The mornings come. The nights, they go.
And nobody calls upon me,
a stranger they once did know.

>>22733165
I thought the opening line was kind of weak, the middle was fine and then you fumbled the end.

Could have been better, honestly. Swapping the second line with first would probably improve the flow.

I’m desperate to get some stories published. Which magazines are the easiest to get published in?

>Wrote myself into a fight I don't find enjoyable to write about
I always do it somehow

>>22733341
Publishers are like women. They can smell desperation.

Get published, invunpub.

>>22733362
Fight as in people argue, or fight as in people punch each other across the room into walls?

People like the latter a lot.

>>22733364
Physical.
I have to write it to where the MC doesn't take too much Damage because the most important part of the arc is next but I also want it to be interesting and not won through an ass pull.
I can do it and know how I need to do it but I'm not gonna have fun writing it out.

>>22733363
What’s invunpub?

>>22733375
Involuntarily unpublished.

Have publishment.

>>22733370
I do it by spacing the fights out across weeks or even months. Meaning the characters can take any amount of non-lethal or non-crippling damage and be in good enough shape to fight the next foe

>>22731566
Point is, the monsters start out resistant to gunshots, get to flat-out bulletproof when they evolve, and at their strongest are effectively tough to the point that the only thing that works is an outright explosive or railgun.
I need to justify melee weapons being the best way to kill these things

>>22733498
I think at that point microwaves, toxins and exotic radiation guns would be better for killing them.

And flamethrowers. Are they resistant to streams of napalm?

>>22732724
do people travel the surface? people might rely on melee because they have to keep blindfolded on the surface.. maybe they have to fight with something like sonar pings. tech-assisted pinata melee.

>>22733498
You can't justify melee weapons. That's the reality. You will just have to accept that your story becomes anime at that point. I forgot what you call it, not the biggest sci-fi nerd around, but there are stories with melee weapons that have fast moving plasma, lasers or whatever the fuck it is. Effectively a cooler looking light saber. it is something you can definitely see in mecha anime, with that something vibrating super fast around the edges of the weapon, adding a lot of piercing power to it. People sometimes joke it is like a thousand time per second self-folding katana (doesn't have to look like a katana). In another words, think of it as sci-fi Monster Hunter. That said, Monster Hunter has a completely functional society, away from the big monsters. They are only found in the "frontier", where the crazy hunters go. Something to think about, not all of your plant has to be fucked.
Or if you want to go extra crazy with your setting, you can just have the monsters having some sort of psy-powers, that give them a shield that protects them from guns, but melee can penetrate just fine. Like Dune, except in Dune it is humans using some future technology.

>>22733560
That sounds like just justifying self-aiming guns.

>>22733498
Monsters can only be damaged by a previou material.
The most logical way to use said material is creating melee weapons which can last longer than bullets.
With Melee weapons you can get away with an alloy of the precious material and standard materials but bullets are too potentially wasteful if they miss and are a one time use. You cannot use an alloy either because of how small they are it just wouldn't be pure enough.

>>22733612
Man, Dune was great.
>everyone swordfights because the alternative is handheld MAD

>>22733619
that's crazy, man. you're crazy

>>22733529
Yes. Let me explain:
These monsters have a ton of abilities/Rules attached
>Are born via a number of ways. Someone looks at the sun too much, they turn. Someone eats vegetation, they turn because it’s sun saturated. Someone gets hit with an aurora borealis, they turn. Someone is exposed to too much atmosphere, they turn. Their properties, appearances, and abilities are different depending on this
>They exponentially grow stronger as time goes on
>Can slowly adapt to environments different from the one they’re born in
>They’re usually weakened if hit with something that outright counters their nature. Like repelling one born from the sun by, and I shit you not, throwing a concoction of sunscreen ingredients on it
>If constantly exposed to an uncorrupted version of the phenomena that birthed them, they become sort of a half-human hybrid, regaining their sapience and memories. It’s a slow process but it works. We meet a couple of them. The first one is the one that explains the truth because he has firsthand experience, and he’s also named Phil because that’s funny.
>>22733612
The most sci fi tech they have are pseudo portable internet sources.
But other than that you’re kinda right about it being weebshit. One of our protagonists is even an infectee, but the way he was infected made it so that the process is slow.
This was the writer’s idea.

>>22732565
>if the people at Amazon are dicks, they probably would not mention this in their guidebook.

When it comes to amazon, 99% of the time you're dealing with robots. At the very end, some poo in a loo clicks you ok after you've passed the dozen automated QC rounds before. You're not getting away without reading guides, because you do all the work yourself and are responsible for all the issues, if any. If you expect customer service to hold your hand through the process, like some people do, that's when the real problems generally begin.

Today you will write much, so sayeth the wizard.

>>22733774
>slowly
Doesn't sound slowly. Same as your magically acquired resistance to guns. You don't seem to understand evolution. It is really comes of more as Monster Hunter shit, where monsters can get huge variation, based on non-logic pseudo reasoning that ends up being "it works, cause it works". Perhaps go the whole way and copy Monster Hunter as in, the melee weapons are build from monster parts, making them able to penetrate their defenses and kill. Hell, the game also has elements and monster have weaknesses.
I don't think you understand sunscreen. That's a 6-year-old's logic on defeating a sun monster with sunscreen.

>>22733876
They’re not evolution though. They’re something else entirely.
The whole idea is a chemical weapon that briefly damages its ability to draw solar energy in

>>22733883
>the monsters start out resistant to gunshots, get to flat-out bulletproof when they evolve
It is either intentional or it is natural selection. There is no in-between. If it is intentional, and you are trying to hide it through most of the story, it will just sound stupid for most of the story. At least if you say it in intention, you can not explain the process and just bullshit that it just works.

Oh God oh God oh God I wish I could write historical fiction
I wouldn't sell my soul to the devil for the ability to do so but oh God I wish I could

>>22733900
>I wouldn't sell my soul to the devil
I didn't want your worthless soul anyway, baka

>>22733891
Evolve as in “Change over time”
Age is the more accurate word

>>22729891
I wrote a smut story about a dude fucking a bug alien and put it on Ao3. Try putting it there.

>>22733876
I’ve seen the ballistic gel videos.
The whole thing is that these guys need gargantuan bodily trauma to take down. As it turns out, just shooting them with a Glock isn’t going to be as good as straight up splitting their torso open

>>22734029
Honestly, Metro did it best.
>guns work, no questions asked
>bullets take labor to make
>bullets aren't just factory made anymore
>they're shit and dirty and can fuck up your gun and explode in your face
>they also can be off scale and not load or be too small because tolerances are fucked and barely anyone has tools for this shit
>in other words, bullets are money
>if you have factory-produced good pre-war bullets, bullets are literally, LITERALLY money and every face you shoot off literally costs you

Just make the fucking weapons some macguffin like God Eater and stop pretending it makes less sense that way.

Tips on writing sad scenes?

>>22726379
Give us a sample of your writing and we can help. Otherwise your question is too broad and you will receive no meaningful advice.

Does anyone take part in any writing competitions? Figure it might be a good way to motivate me to write a bit more.

Tips on writing comedy/being funny?
I’m writing a novel that’s about a guy who’s very self-pitying and depressed and so on, but I don’t want it to come off as a weepy diatribe.

>>22734128
>>22734216
The duality of man.
Maybe you can help each other.

My tip for sad scenes is #1: don't fucking force it. Don't do melodrama (unless that's the intent). The "sad scene" has to serve some plot purpose or expose the character. It can't be just pointless wangst in a cheap attempt to get everyone pity the character, because in worst case, everyone will just fucking laugh.

As for comedy, contrast always works. Situational comedy is very easy to do. Off the top of my head? Depressed guy buys a lottery ticket in hopes of finally winning a life-changing prize, but as he goes home with it, he throws it out in a fit of depression, because why would anything good ever happen in his life?

A hobo finds a discarded ticket, it's a winning one for massive sum.

Is the publishing industry actually as grim as people here claim? Do I really need a female protagonist or to actually be a woman/black/LGBT to get published?

>>22734255
my friend is an editor at a large publisher and she says the majority of.published books are still by white men
publishing is still shit and grim, but not as pozzed as some will claim

Is two deaths in the first chapter too much? One is a throwaway bad guy, and the other is the protagonist's mentor character.

>>22734442
killing a mook is one thing, but a throwaway death is usually a waste
everything had diminishing returns and you risk cheapening later deaths
does the mentor NEED to die?
can you make it super impactful?

How long did it take for you to feel like you were a good writer? I write very sporadically and want to try to be more consistent so I've been trying to write small amounts when I can - it averages to about 250 words a day. It's hard to push past being shit and to create anyway. Also it's hard to put in anything other than passive practice. I want to be good at this hobby.

>>22734560
>good at a hobby
That's not how it works

>>22734611
Perhaps for you

When writing a script in a generic setting like a western or science fiction, how much description is needed for stuff like ships or towns in your opinion. Like am I being lazy for just writing military ship for a movie in space

>>22734684
It all rests on how evocative your descriptions are, and how much you want the reader to be aware of the vision you have.
The description of the ornithopter or the spice harvester adds a lot to the world of Dune for example. Or simply the description of the taste of spice beer in liking it to cinnamon. They all add to what makes your world important.

>>22730946
Day 19, not only am I still keeping up but with 500 more words I'll be a full day ahead.

>>22734053
I refuse to sink that low. While I do have a substance in the form of their remains, I’m not using it for weapons

Can somebody explain why exactly it’s much more satisfying to write on a loose, blank stack of white paper than either typing on a laptop or writing in notebooks? It feels so much more authorial.

>>22734560
When I was 5 years old and my brother typed into MS Word a bunch of nonsense I dictated about a guy selling bat milk to housewives

How do you describe a girl that is not fat/chubby but also not thin? Simply has more meat on her bones, more mass, I guess. Stocky? Sturdy? All the words I google show me FAT girls.

>>22735475
Healthy.

>>22735475
>she resembled a Turkey: plump, but firm. And boy, was she firm. From her roast beef pussy lips to her scrumptious bosom, engorged by the ravenous whims of nature, Titiana Pussysex was any man’s dream.

>>22735495
Hey you dropped this

>>22735475
Thick

Months back I asked one of these threads for a book about how a beginner can improve their prose, not story structure just prose, with actionable exercises. I had a good recommendation but lost the name. It had 52 exercises, one for every week of the year. Can anyone help me find it or have any other recommendations? Im in a steady writing routine now and can actually use it.

I’m considering renting a hotel room for a little while and just going there to write with no distractions. Anyone done this? I’d choose some basic, motel 6 type place that’s far away and stay for like a month.. maybe I’d feel like a real writer then

>>22736049
Sounds based, but I can't because I have a job.

>>22736489
I’m a college student, I could manage it over one of my breaks

>>22736049
Jesus, just rent an airbnb in the countryside or something. Hotels suck ass.

https://pastebin.com/n3yY83Rr

>>22736546
Gay

>>22735495
Kino.

>>22736540
That’s a possibility too. I like the country

>>22736546
>It occurred to Ayara that, until a few weeks ago, she hadn’t seen snow in centuries.

Redditeur opening.

>>22729891
I have lesbians in mine, but this is literature. Literature got over being afraid of gay people in like, the 70s

Name one (1) prominent black author who consistently writes about something other than race? Bonus points if you can find one who gained prominence in the last 20 years.

>>22736644
>Literature got over being afraid of gay people in like, the 70s

Yeah, how wonderful…think of all the great works of literature that have been produced since then like uhhhh

>>22736711
I'm just saying Anon being embarrassed about that is like a flapper from the 1920s being embarrassed to show their ankles.

>>22732416
Ask yourself what's more entertaining

>>22736728
You sound like a sex addict.

>>22736699
Ask /lit/ proper, /wg/ doesn't read

The lad obsessed with the fact he'll never be as good as Shakespeare inspired my next novel. Thanks bruv, don't sue me when this thing's a hit

>>22736743
Just because I don't read black authors doesn't mean I don't read.
And /lit/ as a collective is currently doing this
>>22729680
Which is the most boring social experiment i have ever seen.

>>22736749
That’s me. I’m glad that you found something positive in my toil.I haven’t slept properly in days. 2 hours at most a night, then I go back to reading the prologue from Romeo and Juliet again. How did I inspire your piece, exactly?

>>22736752
The anons in that thread seem to be putting actual effort into their posts, not just spreading racebait propaganda, so I'd say they're better than (you)

>>22736766
I would post more about actual books (and I do) but /lit/ only reads boring shite like philosophy, or really boring American authors.
There's only one direction more boring than Kant and that's reading the fucking dictionary.
Suck my tits.

>>22736766
>racebait propaganda

Fo sho anon. We jus needa focus on duh economics and dem elite billionaires n sheit who be tryna turn da werkin class against one anotha an sheit.

>>22736761
Glad to hear you're doing well. You're my protagonist.

>>22736779
This except unironically

>>22736796
Daaaas right nigguh. We just be needin mo of dat money fo dem programs n sheeeit. Den we be gettin back at dem elites my nigguh. Dey be wantin niggas to werk and sheit. Like nigguh, dat shit be retarded and sheit nigguh. I just be wantin some of dat mofuggin POOSAY nigguh

> t. the people that retarded e-populists think they can turn into their revolutionary vanguard.

>>22736796
What’s this from

>>22736792
I didn’t consent to that. I don’t appreciate being made into a sideshow.

>>22736805
>words words words
can't meme

>>22736810
>"I didn't consent to that!" he typed furiously. "I DO NOT appreciate being made into a fucking sideshow!!!!1111"

>>22736814
You tell dat CRACKA my nigguh. Dem white boys ain’t even get mufuggin poosay from white wiminz n sheit, nigguh. Dem cracka schools be makin niggas read the great gatsby n sheit. I be fuckin some great POOSAY instead. Gnome sayin? Anyways free da niggas my nigguh

>>22736810
https://youtu.be/8o6c1UuoMwI?si=Po5ocRp5XU8P0qdU

>>22736816
I’m not furious. Just confused about why somebody would do this. I am a human being who thought that he was going to receive real advice by posting here, and was instead betrayed. Nobody even helped me with my original query.

I like to take basic Shonen elements and rework them into a story in a way that makes them more compelling without abandoning the core of the element.
The powerup form
>Actually has long-lasting drawbacks and is more of an emergency ability than anything else. Specifically, it slowly and irreversibly mutates the user in body and mind with each use. It also makes him stronger with each use, in addition to great mental bliss, adding an addictive quality that he has to constantly fight the urge to use.
>Is something he can do from the start but everyone rightfully tells him not to.
>It only gets one use, and it’s in a “We’re fucked” situation. It’s implied he’s done it before but that was like 2 years ago.
>It’s not an instawin, and is more just a “Odds of survival shot up a reasonable amount”
>The only thing they do about it is at least stem the constant change so that he won’t inevitably turn into a mindless beast, but still warn against him using it again lest it continue spreading
You try

>>22726379
Use Shakespeare's vernacular and write in iambic pentameter is the obvious first step. Then come up with a structured thematic story that can inspire poetic grandeur effortlessly through its unabashed Rubenesque weight.

>>22736834
>He was furious, confused and betrayed as to why anyone would do such a thing. "I am a human being," he thought, "worthy of respect and consideration."
>But his trust was ever broken, his will drained, railing at the miseries of life and the unfairness of an uncaring God. Nobody would help him, especially not /lit/.

Is it okay to put in sex scenes in your fantasy book? or does that detract from things?

>>22734560
You are decades away from competence at your rate of work. I put in a certain hours everyday plus reading time.

>>22736859
No. It’s not fucking ok to put disgusting perverted things in books. Fuck off. Go Jack off for the 20th time today and swipe for some whores on tinder. Sex is vile and disgusting. Do not put it in a book and do not shit up my fucking thread asking about it.

>>22736859
Depends. Is the scene a romantic one resolving built up sexual tension? Is it to establish someone as a femme fatale, or a hedonist? Does it occur when the characters really ought to be concerned with other issues?

Romance is best suited for the end of a story, but that's just my bog standard value.

>>22734230
Something something My Name is Earl.

>>22733900
Read more Ruggles and cry some.

>>22725914
To the anon who recommended books on screenwriting:

Which book should I read first? (Save the Cat or Screenplay: Foundations... or Story: Substance, Structure...)

>have an idea
>it’s too complex to make it work because I’m not a good enough writer

Sad

>>22729891
I've been working on gay smut but it has a femboy romancing a muscular guy in a tribal setting and I'm not embarrassed but I haven't posted it on Ao3 yet because I'm more afraid of attracting the schizo tranny audience who can't handle that sort of thing

How do I become a legendary unrecognized genius like John Kennedy Toole?

>>22729891
show it to me...

Why do people write incest in their books?

>>22737270
So I have something to fap to

>>22737270
In my case it would be literally the main source of drama as the MC just won't get it that his sister doesn't want to fuck as he commits more and more atrocities to impress her.

>>22737241
Easy, just be like me.

Any tips for getting beyond the start of a story when all you can think is 'this is all shit'? I'll get a few sentences down, or a couple of paragraphs, before just erasing it because it's not good enough. Been doing this off and on again for years now.

>>22726744
>hideously ugly
Yuck, that’s some “hideously ugly” descriptive work. Redundant and juvenile.

>>22727011
Yeah you should probably stick to scripting comics. I can only imagine the shit your poor artists have to read through while you inundate them with run-ons like Alan Moore’s script notes.

>>22727011
Your first sentence takes up almost an entire paragraph and your last paragraph is literally one long sentence.

>>22737425
sort of. you have to write poorly before you can write well.
again you have to ACTUALLY WRITE poorly, before you can write well.
also having a plan (knowing what your story needs) will give you the confidence to try and follow it through.
you should start with short stories.

>>22737498
Thanks for the reply but there's another issue. I'm not a newbie writer, I was able to put out words consistently for years. I could do 5k words a day but then, for no apparent reason, I can't even write more than 50.

>>22737518
How long have you gone without writing? Any idea why?
How busy, stressed/anxious, and/or overstimulated are you?

I have a story/setting/characters that I think are interesting, but I don't care about it.

It hits all the right notes of things I like and there's plenty of room for drama and intrigue, but I don't care about it.

Writing it feels like a chore because of that and it's hard to motivate myself. I don't feel a spark with it.

I don't want to go and write a different story that I am passionate about. I want to care about this story.

This must be an odd question, but do you guys have any advice for how to reconnect with my story and care about it more? A way to go back to the drawing board and figure out what is missing and what I have to inject in it? I'm stubborn and don't want to give up on it, and I think it has a lot of potential. I don't really know why I don't care about it because by all accounts I should.

>>22737521
I think it's three, maybe four years at this point. I finished a 20k word short story (One I thought was quite bad and burnt myself out writing but the burn out from back then feels irrelevant to now) and found myself unable to start anything new thereafter. I worried that it a self-perceived lack of skill, so I consumed dozens of different books on improving stuff like prose and grammar, but none of it helped. It's a disheartening situation because it used to come so easy to me. I'm still passionate about it, and when people ask me to edit and look over their work I'm glad to because the craft is still appealing. But actually writing and participating in it? I simply can't. I am hoping there's some method out there to help me.

>>22737528
there's no magic bullet. you seem paralyzed by self-doubt. no advice will resolve that for you. only writing and getting a W can restore your confidence. if you don't write, that will never happen. try something small. get feedback and judgment from external sources like trusted friends, not from yourself. in the throes of self-doubt you will only be hypercritical of your own work and feed the beast even more.

>>22737557
Thank you. I'll see how I can go about achieving that 'W'. I have received feedback from friends before but it doesn't seem to do anything for me personally.

MC fucks up with her abilities because she didn’t bother to think it through. She’s an Ultraman style hero

>She stared up into the sky. How many skills had she figured out so far? Lots, to be sure. But she could feel there was lots of room for growth, so she decided to make a simple list of what she had accomplished so far.
>First was the main event. The growing. Becoming a 10 story giant was the thing that started this whole thing. Initially it just happened whenever she was in danger from whatever giant monster decided to rear it’s ugly head, but now she could do it on command. And do it on command she did, closing her eyes as the air rushed against her face. She opened her eyes and once again found herself in that familiar feeling of height. Truth be told, she was terrified of this before she got it under control. Rightfully so, considering she almost killed a bus load of people the first time it happened. Even worse is that her size made the giant rat monster that triggered the reaction notice her. No wonder she froze like a deer in the headlights the first time.
>But ever since the beginning, she had wondered where this power came from. It just kind of manifested one day without any explanation or prior warning. Even more pressing of a question was how it would impact her in the long term.
>She was distracting herself now. What else had she figured out? That’s right, the hands thingy. She needed to think of a better name for that. Her fists filled with a warmth as they went from near vantablack to pulsating blue. Now she could do the other thing. The beam. Raising one of his hands up, she did something like a Roman salute before quickly grabbing her wrist. The blast was immense and hot and lit up the dark sky for a split second.
>She remembered the latest skill she had figured out. The form changes. Taking a deep breath, she focused all of her power to her muscles. They gleamed red hot and steamed as her horns rearrange themselves into something like a gladiator helm. She felt her weight and mass skyrocket, and while she felt slower as a result, this state’s strength was without any compare. What else could this form do? She’d have to study that later. She had recently figured out another form change, and it’d be wise to practice changing into it in a pinch. She focused once more, feeling her musculature deflate and streamline. Her horns did so as well, looking more like a weird bike helmet by the end of it. Her body faintly glowed green. While her mass was almost nonexistent, at least with how she felt, she felt like she could run across the world

I was tired so my pacing is ass

Context: A scene from a typical fascist, dystopian sci fi story this time underground. Fascists get ambushed, proceed to bring the pain.
Not pictured: The rest of the novel. With romantic subplots and political conspirings aplenty.

"The walls of every building in the cave shook as the percussion if each shot spewed fire from the barrel of the 25mm autocannon. The rounds, all travelling at 1,100 meters per second, reached their destination a fraction of a second later. A few meters from the target, the timer in each projectile caused them to explode into precut shards, creating a cone of death that slammed with supersonic speeds into everything it was fired at.
Entire shacks were shredded, bodies turned into mist
The firing paused for only a moment, the entire cave seemed to be shocked into a collective quiet awe at the weapon
"God Damn! There we fucking..." Walker began to scream before another burst from the gun drowned him out.
The effect on the resistance in their cramped positions was immediate and devastating. Entire squads died to the bursts. Nothing they hid behind seemed to matter"

>>22737270
>Why do people write incest in their books?
Name 3

I just realised that the most in-depth character writing I've ever done was for an erotic fic. Even in my other stories, romance subplots feature prominently. I am supposed to be a fantasy writer. I want to write fantasy, but my heart wants to write fucked up love. I should fucking kill myself.

I did it. I actually did it.
I finished my manuscript.
So... How do I find an agent now?
Google shows too many results, and they're too different from one another.
And who are the best on the field, by the way? Because if I'll send it to many different agents, might as well try my luck with the best, right?

>>22737983
Writing a good query letter is harder than writing a novel. More people finish their manuscripts than write letters that are good enough to make anyone read their manuscripts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aduzco1VJZE

>>22737983
Is it good? Post an excerpt.

>>22737983
Look for books that you like which are similar to yours and contact the agent.
>>22737988
Fuck you, crab piece of shit.

>>22727995
yeah, that could like a great idea he could be like a guy that just hangs out with guys 7 years younger than him

hope the formatting is good, ain't posted before. tell me what's shit about my first paragraph.

‘Entire kingdoms shall kneel, if only you would…’ spoke the voice.
‘No more’, he told himself through gritted teeth.
He could not remember the last time he was not tormented by her. How many star cycles had passed since her whisper corrupted him.
Her voice gave him no respite. It gnawed and clawed at his fears, and fed on his despair. It was a faint echo and a deafening shout. She spoke of unlimited knowledge at his fingers. Promising endless power to create, raze and subjugate.
He thought about dying. He wished drown himself in the calm sea below his feet to end her maddening grip. He wanted to slit open his skin and let her voice bleed from his weak and frail body. The idea of dying, to rid himself of her presence, was welcome to him.
‘Coward…’ whispered the voice.
And so he walked on. The freezing sea he walked on did not take kindly to traitors, and while the old man was still capable of his magic, he could feel the runes on his body burn with each step he took.
They had to know of his failure.
‘I am inevitable. All ends with me.’

>>22738207
>He wished drown
Missing word.
Anyway, as might be expected, I am left off a bit confused. You're introducing a handful of plot points in this paragraph when I don't really know anything about the story yet. I feel like if you focused on just one, it'd be easier for me to get a feel for what the story is like, even though I would obviously still be lacking the context given that I only see one paragraph.

I outlined my current project relatively fully today.

>chapter scheduled to go up in a few hours
>suddenly, while washing dishes, realize there's a plot hole that contradicts previously established shit and I somehow missed it despite multiple editing rounds
>scramble to fix it

It's a lot better now, but jesus that was close. Posting web novels is just non-stop dodging bullets

>>22737524
Simply dismember the story into parts you like and insert it into something else.

Works on my neural machine.

I learned a cool trick yesterday. Sometimes your character's traveling, or there's a passage of time before the next important scene, and you feel the need to detail some of the boring mechanical crap that happens in the transition. You can avoid this, however, by having a character simply announce what the next scene is going to be, somewhere in the latter half of the previous scene. For example, you can just throw in a random line, like so:
>On top of everything else, he was worried about the meeting he had with his boss on Friday. He might be losing his job soon, too. He had to act now. Blah blah blah, back to what was happening in the scene previously, the action continues.
>newline newline
>He sat in the tiny chair his boss had pulled up for him, staring at the edge of the huge walnut desk.
No bland ass paragraph about the week passing, driving to the office, any.of that. You're just there and you know where you are. It seems obvious but if you do it intentionally and consistently I think it can improve the flow of the narrative a lot.

>>22738676
That's kind of awful though. You want to mention the upcoming meeting in a pervious chapter, not a previous scene, or you'll have all these awkward forward references that achieve nothing.
Or if you do mention the meeting before, you need to make it a smooth transition.
Basically, I think your strategy sucks, and I don't think I read it in anything that's remotely good.

>>22738421
>outline

Ishygddt

>>22738695
I don't see why you would say that. Maybe you're just looking for a fight with anon.

>>22738722
I'd have to show it by example, but I think I'm still correct.
I think
>paragraph with mention of future event
>cut
>description of event
Is worse than
>paragraph before event
>travel with description of impressions about event
>event
Or simply a previous mention. It's useless repetition (especially in the example anon gave in which the mention merely conveyed urgency).

>>22736914

Story, if that's the McKee one. It's the best.

>>22737953
por que no los dos?

>>22738207
I'm not usually into fantasy but this is intriguing

anons, what do you do when you waste several months writing something you ultimately dont like and trash by the end of it

>>22739135
Do it again. And again. And again. This is your life now.

>>22737811
>Bodies turned into mist
>Nothing they hid behind seemed to matter

There's something about the juxtaposition of the attention to detail that I like. The minutiae of the weapon vs the simple way the victims fall to it. It isnt described as heroic or action oriented, it's almost bleak.

>Walker began to scream before another burst from the gun drowned him out.
Even the guy who (I assume) is on it's side doesnt even matter to it.

>>22739160
im embarrassed by my failures. everyone is going to laugh at my obtuse attempts to write a story, i cant get over myself, i dont wanna be seen as someone who struggled for years to put words on paper

>>22739174
And yet this is the only way you'll ever improve.

>>22738309
it wasn't my intention to create a multitude of plotpoints here, no. the idea is that this poor old wizard is haunted by a maddening voice.
which other plotpoints did you mean? then i know what to edit.

>>22739174
>im embarrassed by my failures
All children are. Now get out and come back when you're an adult.

Hey
I'm a bit of a conundrum here.
I'm trying to write a young (late teens/early 20's) male protagonist character. I wanted him to be emotionally vulnerable, or basically make him suffer from PTSD, but I'm also worried I might've made him a bitch.

For context: he lived a perfectly nice life but then fuckin died. Then his soul was recycled and mind put into a military robot where he was sent off to right in a war while under mind control. He broke out of it and he and a few others became deserters who came back home to America.
Only to find everyone in America is inside a giant gigastructure and has been put in a magic dream dimension VR world (which is also the afterlife), and after morality corroded away, it basically became hell in that Hieronymus Bosch painting, and anyone outside of it became savage cannibals' because they can't find any other food naturally.
All this is going on while he's also being hunted down by their security drones and a shapeshifting flesh monster android that can contort her body on the fly to be effective in almost anything (like the MK II terminator but with gross fleshy shit and more rapid shapeshifting).
He eventually escapes but not without losing all his friends and he's scarred from everything he saw and even grows paranoid.
I was thinking he would emotionally cry (he can't cry cuz he's dead and a robot) only at the end when he finds a group of smaller robots at the end and is welcomed into their group.
It's a normal reaction for a young male to be traumatized by seeing war, hieronymus bosch's version of hell, and losing any friends he has left, and being chased by a shapeshifting flesh monster woman, right?

tl;dr; how do I properly write a young male character who's traumatized from going through a metaphorical hell without turning him into a little bitch? Cuz I'm worried If I do it'll be like Steven universe where people just cry all the time.

>>22739685
Trauma shows up in people in ways other than just crying or sorrow, but even if you want to go that route, a young man (or any man really) is not going to ever want to cry in front of other people, so you can give hints that he's clearly depressed without actually having him crying unless he's alone

>>22739174
That kind of attitude is exactly why I began writing my story. I decided I'm not gonna use comedy as a deflection for my flaws anymore and take my ideas seriously for once, even if they might be a little edgy and possibly questionable. I needed to get out of my shell.
I was even a little embarrassed to show some friends and family. But when I did they seemed to like it. One of them even said she wished to draw fan art of one of the scenes.

So you just gotta throw yourself out there. And if they don't like it, then just ask how can it be salvaged? Criticism is important to improve. The path to success always starts with taking the plunge.

>>22739685
Men cry all the time. But if you're worried have him do either A) One big shout B) Single manly tear.

>>22739697
Okay maybe "crying" wasn't the best way to describe it. More like, he's just really happy that he found a friend. The actually passage is
>"This was the first time in forever he received this much love. After nearly getting slaughtered followed by a month of isolation in the wilds, it was definitely welcome. If he still had the ability to cry, he would’ve been brought to tears. Instead, he scooped up the closest ones and embraced them in a hug. Much to the surprise of the bots. “Th…. thank you…” Sam said, quivering with joy and relief. He didn’t find other humans, but he found what he was looking for: a community that gave him purpose.
"

>>22739715
Well I was thinking he would scream autistically when the flesh monster android dies and throw rocks at the dead mass before him. Because he was almost torn entirely apart trying to get to her weak spot.

>>22739720
Personally I would remove the stuttering and
>He didn’t find other humans, but he found what he was looking for: a community that gave him purpose.
since it's a very clear case of stating the obvious, but otherwise the passage seems fine to me, it's not melodramatic and it's a one-off of him being emotionally overwhelmed rather than being "a bitch"

>>22739720
>If he still had the ability to cry, he would’ve been brought to tears.
Now that's gay.

>>22738695
Nah you're just stupid sorry

>>22739819
Don't apologize, you didn't actually make an argument.

I want to write a tangent that displays that this character is mentally unstable/crazy (but functional)
however, everything I can think off also makes them unpredictably violent, which I dont want to do as they have to be reliable.

traits:
>girl
>shaman (magic is real)

Only thing I could think of is her talking to imaginary people in stressful situations, anyone got a better idea?

>>22739856
You could have her gnaw on the bone of her dead dog in stressful situations or something. When things get a little heated she just grabs this little bone she has in her pocket and start just chomping. When people ask she says it has sentimental value or whatever.

>>22738765
nta but could you give an example in an existing book? off the top of my head, what you're describing is the start of a new chapter

you might not want a run-on.. scene

>>22739965
Maybe next thread. But I'm not sure if I'd be able to disprove myself if the first example is extremely rare in published fiction.

>>22739856
Contrary to what you might think, sociopaths are not unpredictably violent.

>Girlfriend says she is going to get me a book
>Will it be a zogslop book or a goychad book?
>Haha anon, it will be a nice book
>open book
>it’s zogslop

>MFW helped to change someone's "Generic post-apocalyptic story" into one of the weirdest pieces of fiction I've ever seen by simply adding a ton of worldbuilding.
>She absolutely appreciates it
Just so we're clear here, it was initially just a Mad Max style trek across the desert with a lightborne infection that ravaged the world. I decided to go in depth more and add a ton of new stuff that she was able to work a more coherent and unique narrative around. Stuff like how instead of a desert, the world has many different extreme environments.
I'm sort of under an unofficial NDA to not mention any real plot details or characters, but worldbuilding/how this shit works is completely okay.

>>22740005
figured you might have seen it somewhere and had something in mind. all good.
i mainly wanted to suggest that you might be leaning on a bandaid fix for a broader issue (like pacing); though, nearly anything can work well in the right situation.

>>22741064
nah, spill the beans. it's my story now. we can do this the easy way or the hard way

>>22741069
Nah