/lit/ - Literature

https://losetouchcompletely.gumroad.com/l/20192021

need feedback on my poetry book

>for fans of rimbaud, bukowski, alt lit

I think a word of advice I wanted to share is a thing I call "Returning too your roots"

Its pretty much where you look back on your older works and start writing the old things you liked or read years ago.

It helps me to get out of writers block hopfully it helps you guys too

The previous thread hasn’t even hit bump limit, you retarded nigger.

Is it hard to win an amateur short story contest?

>>22696811
Depends on how many blue haired nigger dykes are going to rate the Kalergi factor in your story.

I saw forests, fields, rivers, hills, all created in the likeness of God, so that man could live there. Everything was for him, filled with divine love. I saw animals, plants. Lions slept with their heads on my stomach and rattlesnakes put children to sleep with their rattle, waking them up in the morning with the warmth of their bodies, and the children laughed while looking at their reflections in their shiny scales. In the countryside, I felt like I was in paradise, sure that nothing could harm me here, that the sun would always warm me refreshingly and never burn me, that God would feed me. Then I went to the city. I saw factories, tenements, offices. The sun's rays reflected off the fresh asphalt, burning my skin, and I choked on the smoke from the chimneys. There was nothing here for man. I felt that there was no God here, and therefore there was no integration of elements into an inseparable whole, everything was scattered, did not belong, there was no love, no one laughed, no one picked fruit, no one stroked animals. Only work remained. I kept wandering from one place to another, and during my frequent job changes, I wondered if I would find a piece of myself in this city, an area inhabited by a small community to which I could say I belong. I left the factory in the afternoon. I was here to deliver some papers and didn't really know how to get back to the center. I found myself in a working-class district, without bars or cafes, it was very hot and I wanted to sit down somewhere and rest. There should be some cafes in the city center, that one i am sure. I crossed the street, i saw a familiar street name on the bus schedule and, without much thought, boarded the just-arrived bus. . The bus left the district and headed for the hill, the factories and offices receded from the rear window at an increasing speed until they became small dots in the distance. Fields and a few buildings passed by the windows, we were outside the city. A few minutes passed, and I started to worry whether it was even possible for the bus to take a roundabout route and return to the city center. I must have made a mistake, probably confusing the beginning of the journey with its end.

The world ablaze, a fiery spire, the whip has struck, a callous pyre;
It grinds the stone, time’s unknown, carves blind souls to bone,
In coffins heavy, years they groan, within dark's throne, alone.

The night in circles, labor-bound, chokes flames beneath skies aslant,
The gallows cry, like cranes they sound, in wells of lost remand.
Where marching boots, the earth resound, to family's demand.

Each fallen man, a child revived, who tills his kin's own graves,
Through battles fought and barely survived, in silence brave, enslaved.

Our mouths are dry, swords unsheathed, hunger's tide, fear’s white wreath,
Eyes that death and darkness greet, seek blame beneath.
Hearts are hammers, pounding beat, swallow's swift, eagle’s fleet.

Through tearless eyes, we plead, implore, let streams of justice pour,
Till hands hold earth, not war, storm time’s shore, and soar.
We'll build from faith's own ash a door, a house forevermore.

>>22696774
Stupid cocksucking faggot OP couldn't even wait. This is going to turn into write what's on your mind

>>22698110
>hmm... maybe my shit isn't as good as I thought it was...
>nope, they're just offended by my politics

>got sent a big document they want us to read
>they warn us that the contents may astonish us
>read it
>it's just review time of the fundamentals
>shit like "dude u have a strong antagonist rite?"
Are they being melodramatic or do newbie writers really get "astonished" by this kind of shit?

>>22699094
people's brains have been so rotted by click bait that they honestly think it's just how you present information

Anyone have a technical guide to screenwriting/scripting?

>>22699355
The Screenwriter's Bible by David Trotter
Screenplay by Syd Field
Story by Robert Mckee
Save The Cat by Blake Snyder

>>22699454
Thanks big guy
Love you

>>22699484
You only love the idea of me

>>22699497
My idea of you is informed by your tangible eminations
We are all sensing organs

Saw this image a while back and it inspired me to do some writing practice.

"Go away, apparition," said the westbound paladin without raising his eyes from the fire, "I've my eye on you. This band of knaves has had you in tow for three days and three nights. Yet you only approach me, ever closer, under the guise of night. Whatever quarrel or warning you have in store for me, I care not for it."
"I fear you have no choice, vagabond," said the sonoran sphinx. Her tone was calm, but her layered voice snuck underneath his skin like a thorn, reverberating deep within the paladin's bones. "It is my duty to warn the westward wanderers of the trials that lie ahead."
"Death and oblivion," quoted the paladin, "bramble and torture, a torrent of blood, the old west is no longer what lies beyond the horizon. I know the psalms of the sunset, demon."
"Then why continue?"
"Because the border draws ever closer to the east. Travelers gone missing, towns swallowed whole. There must be something more to this, something we can do besides waiting for death."
"And if you are mistaken?"
"Then, when the west has finally reached the sea, our death will have been a choice."

>>22699525
I threw up a little

>>22699525
>wiritng practice
What the fuck is "writing practice"
You're either writing or you're not, and honey what you posted is not

>>22699552
>What the fuck is "writing practice"
I consider it practice if I'm writing without really thinking ahead and not making it a part of any project, so long as I give the brain a little squeeze

>>22699566
You need to stop squeezing your brain and seek medical attention.
Also, 'writing without thinking ahead' is a euphemism for 'word vomit'

>>22699508
I got your tangible emination right here
>*rips one louder than Dante's demon*

>>22699566
Your practice produces some horrible results.

>>22699568
Any skill has fundamental aspects to it one could practice. Theoretically he could practice typing speed on one of those websites where you type out a classic novel. The simple practicing of the act of word vomit could have beneficial implications, just as driving around without a destination is still practicing the activity of driving. The key issue that you are so courageously pointing out by attacking him without basis is that it is unfocused practice. It is noodling on the guitar. It is time behind the act but it is not structed practice with intent where most gains come from. It is reps, but possibly not the correct range or weight.

>>22699568
>>22699594
what's with these losers balking at the idea of doing something for practice? Did you pay attention in elementary school? Practice is fundamental to the road of mastery over everything.

>It's habbening lads
>Past few days inspiration stuck
>Finished outlining four books worth
>Just started to chapterizing and expanding
I know it will take so much effort to write but fuck meeeeeeeeeeee the juices are gushing!

>>22699660
They picked writing because they believe in the innate ability of their race or self or some other identity. They don't want to spend the time getting better at something and they are already too old to dedicate themselves to something that has to have time and effort put into it. The crab cannot change.

>>22699660
Lmao. Don't try to build up that shit he posted as anything other than useless word vomit. Anon should practice by writing something seriously, not some dumb exposition dump to go along with some dumb pic he found on this site

>>22699666
Write or do not write. There is no practice.

>>22699692
So the child who scribbles incoherently can never get better?

>>22699662
Settle down now. You'll want to ease down that mania. Remind yourself how miserable you'll feel when the first draft doesn't come out as perfect as you envisioned it.

>>22699694
They won't get better writing mindless exposition dumps based on pinterest posts

>>22699698
y-y-(you) TAKE THAT BACK!

>>22699692
this is some teenager's semantic retardation
shut up
>>22699684
who cares? I didn't even read it
>writing something seriously
I look forward to skimming and not responding to your 60-word-per-day florid garbage

>>22699730
You're coping hard about all those hours lost "practicing"

>forget i work best after outlining because of spastic brain
>remember to outline
>prose comes out great, story comes out great
>promptly stop outlining because i’ve mostly written without
>fall into non-writing malaise
>repeat

>>22699827
>prose comes out great, story comes out great
>outlining

>>22699839
i loosely follow my outlines, they’re mainly there to keep my writing focused, to let me know what i’m writing because otherwise my writing degenerates into gobbledygook and other such nonsense.

>>22699850
>gobbledygook and other such nonsense.
I like the implication that there are multiple varieties of nonsense, of which gobbledygook is but one

Looks like F Gardner invited Taylor Swift over to his penthouse! She must be so starstruck to meet such a famous author!

How should I learn to write stories revolving around friendship and love? I have basically zero first hand experience of either. At least in the real sense of the term.

A bit of translation. People fluent in Portugese: am I getting the tone wrong?


GATO QUE BRINCAS NA RUA

Gato que brincas na rua,
Como se fosse na cama,
Invejo a sorte que é tua,
Porque nem sorte se chama.

Bom servo das leis fatais,
Que regem pedras e gentes,
Que tens instintos gerais,
E sentes só o que sentes.

És feliz porque és assim,
Todo o nada que és é teu.
Eu vejo-me e estou sem mim,
Conheço-me e não sou eu.

— Fernando Pessoa


CAT PLAYING IN THE STREET

Street cat on your playful paws,
Snug as someone warm in bed,
How I'd love the luck that's yours.
Luck? No. Something else instead.

Happy servant of the rule
Guiding sternly man and stone,
You are instinct's wisest fool,
Feeling what you feel alone.

Happy just because you're you,
All the naught you are, you've got.
Meanwhile I, with fractured view,
Scrutinize the man I'm not.

— Fernando Pessoa

>>22700069
Wow, that really looks like him...apart from the weak chin...the thinning hair...the sunken chest...the pale, fish-like pallor...the bovine eyes...but except for ALL THAT, yeah, looks just like him. Believe me, Francis, I understand why you'd want to be someone other than who you are. We all wish you were someone else, too.

>>22695924
Post a poem here. No one is going to download the book without knowing what you write.

>>22699568
No, it's called "discovery writing". Are you 12?

How do you handle a rape scene tastefully? It's important to the plot that it happens, and that it gets interrupted before he can get to it. I just want to do it in a good way, without it being weird. I feel strange enough about it as is.

>>22700558
Last time I wrote rape I focused on the character trying to just mentally dissociate from it by looking at an object or celling and trying to pretend they aren't feeling it and just crying as they are scared.

Focus on the victem here if anything, do not say anything about the rapist that does not need to be said during it happened You can desc the act its self but never really focus on the sexual aspect mainly what the person being rapped is thinking and feeling

>>22700558
This question is impossible to answer if you don't give more details about your book. Is it first person from the rapists's POV? Third person? Serious? Black humour? What relationship does the rapist have to the victim? etc

Classically, things like rape took place off-stage. That's literally what obscene means. Just because something is essential to the plot doesn't mean you have to show it explicitly. Half of the most important events in Faulkner novels never get described explicitly. Probably more than half, in fact.

Something Happened by Joseph Heller has a decent first-person memory of an almost-rape. It starts as kidding around then gets nasty. The guy remembering isn't involved and yells at everyone to stop and they do. He gets really upset at the fact that the girl seems to like all the almost-rapists just as much afterwards.

The Dice Man, IIRC, has a (sort of) comic first-person rape told by the rapist quite early on. Protagonist sees a die rolled under something and decides out of the blue that if it's a six, he's going to rape his sexy neighbour. It does, so he does. He thinks that's fair because she had a 5/6 chance. He then devotes himself to letting dice-rolls decide all his important life decisions.

Last Exit To Brooklyn has a lot of nasty gritty rape, abuse, etc. That's all third person IIRC.

>>22700660
What are you, some kind of rape scholar?

>>22700884
Huh?

AI is the future and you've got your head in the sand if you act otherwise

>>22700972
Stop trying to make AI happen.

>>22700998
>stop trying to make cars happen
>I'll stick to my trusty horse

>>22700972
AI is whats getting me to write a novel finally. Great for referencing and outlining.

>>22699040
>offended
Or they just see there aren't enough niggers and favoritize stories with disabled gay transniggers.

>>22700972
>>22701024
You are a fucking retard if you think dumb robots will do anything except vomit out text that is "fine".

If you can't even manage to write some text that is "fine" then that's great for you, but anyone who can write better than fine doesn't need this garbage.

>I'm going to make AI do all the fun things I want to do in life
>You can't stop progress!
>Woooow, how was I supposed to know this would make me miserable?
>Jarvis, tie my shoelaces for me, I can't go to work at the salt mines like this

>>22701069
That's why I said it's the future and not the present. Right now AI is producing nothing but bargain bin trash, but with how far it's come in just the past five years, do you really believe it'll always be at its current level?

>>22701131
>make me miserable
Nice try loser. The creation of beauty brings me nothing but joy whether it comes out of an AI or a human.

3 weeks until vacation. 2 months of non-stop writing. I'll finish my novel and, if God bless me, have time to edit it to send it to the competition. I'm excited as fuck, frens. We are all gonna make it I can feel it

>averaged around 1250 words a day this week after a year of writing nothing

Oh yeah, I'm thinking I'm back.

>>22701258
>do you really believe it'll always be at its current level?
Yes. Just because it'll vomit out derivative text a little better won't change.

>>22701263
Based

>>22701333
>derviative text
This idiot still believes in originality

>>22701365
nta, but what do you by believing in originality? How could it not exist? Is that a presocratic shit?

>>22701263
Disgusting demonic perversion. Machines cannot create.

>>22701392
Name me one original text and I'll inform you what it's dervative of.

>>22701436
That's melodramatic. Machines can certainly create, it's just a matter of whether or not their creations are worthwhile

>>22701453
gilgamesh

>>22701453
the Kish tablet

My gothic horror has really just turned into a romance. Should I just stick with it or try and course correct?

>>22701459
>>22701465
>what are unrecorded oral traditions?

>>22701459
>>22701465
Pseuds detected.

>>22701511
>it's derivative of something she just lives in Canada and you've never met her

>>22701517
>it's not derivative of anything because I haven't heard of what came before it

>>22701508
>he thinks he can only do one genre at a time
meanwhile in reality genre fusion is mandatory to make something marketable

>>22701508
have you ever seen Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust? I saw it a few weeks ago and honestly believe it's the peak of the genre.

>>22701519
now take the integral

>>22699525
Idk what those fags are talking about, this is cool. I just love the trope of the hardened badass who's completely unafraid in the face of the supernatural. Plus the concept sounds cool.

Why is AI so good at making F Gardner images?

If I'm on a kick and feel like inserting some archaic or nonstandard readings of words, how much alterations should I make, if any, to get readers to understand it or at least consider it's not supposed to be read the way they normally would? I don't want a Tyger Tyger on my hands where brainlets butcher an obvious rhyme.

Hi guys,

I believe I have begun writing the masterpiece of a generation. It is called Impossible Mysteries of the Heavenly Door. Thank you for your consideration.

https://pastebin.com/gRxFbr6M

>>22695921
Do your worse but also giving brutally honest critique please. I need to know what I did right, what went wrong, what was superfluous, etc.

https://www.reddit.com/r/libraryofshadows/comments/17lqp47/vicious_hell_part_one_of_two/

>>22702622
>They're dreams about my first crush, Jeb.

https://pastebin.com/qFFyMu09

I spent all day doing literally nothing instead of writing, how do I actually focus up and commit myself to work? There's a part of me, I think, that fetishizes abandoning my responsibilities and doing the wrong thing.

I've made a ton of progress today. I feel as if I finally have a draft I personally consider decent.

>>22702849
Evil has a certain allure to it. A big part of life is figuring out how to make good interesting. May I suggest getting into tantra?

>>22701544
ahh to be young again
>>22702849
i literally just stopped doing that not three days ago. Only thing that worked for me is finding an idea/premise you like and starting to write it.

No poetry thread rn so I'm posting my stuff here. Anyone can let me know whether it's good or not.

Time flies with blind eyes and headlong no waiting,
Man said when I'm dead there'll be no more hating
Christ lives and flesh dies and God watches wistful
No one but no one won't end this life tristful

>>22702849
Break every problem into a 20 minutes a day solution.

>>22702849
>There's a part of me, I think, that fetishizes abandoning my responsibilities and doing the wrong thing.
You too, huh?

I have a weed addiction and it is the reason I do not write as much as I should and never finish. I am a degenerate and I hate myself. Thank you for reading.

Guys what are the rules when it comes to writing sex scenes in YA? I feel pretty weird about it. Thinking about just fading to black even though it's a plot point.

Can you fellas rate this piece of writing? Please critique it honestly:

Thank you

This is a 2-page full color comic featuring:
Vore, Barefooted Prey, Foot Worship, Constriction, Nudity, Partial Digestion

Team Plasma has shifted regions to expand their territory. A lone grunt targets the champion of the region to make a statement as they enter this unfamiliar region!

Cynthia is caught by surprise and tightly constricted by the grunt's Seviper! All the struggling in the world won't help her if she is unable to reach her Pokeballs and call an ally to assist her!

Tightly secured, and confident she will be unable to call out a Pokemon of her own, a humiliating fate awaits the champion... The Team Plasma grunt removes the champion's shoes and begins worshiping her now-bare, exposed feet. Seviper is commanded to swallow her alive head-first, but not before using it's blade-like tail to cut the champion's bra clean off of her! Breasts exposed, and bare feet kicking, Champion Cynthia can only helplessly cry out as she is slowly taken into the form of the villainous grunt's ally serpent!

A champion is only as powerful as the Pokemon they use, and with this definitive victory, Team Plasma shows that having no Pokemon is equivalent to having no power... Champion Cynthia, once the most respected trainer throughout the region, will be digested alive, eventually becoming mere nutrients for a lone grunt's Seviper!

>>22703512
>voreshit fapfic
Jesus fucking Christ.

>>22701263
>The creation of beauty brings me nothing but joy whether it comes out of an AI or a human.
That only shows you have no understanding of beauty. You're a kid fascinated by a new toy, and will grow bored of it in a week.

>>22703512
>2-page full color comic
The samples, if you would.

>views on my story suddenly jump from 2700 to 3000 overnight
>someone must have posted about it somewhere
BUT WHAT ARE THEY SAYING? WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME??

>Female friend agreed to be my body double for when I publish my book pseudonymously

I've kept up with nanowrimo so far.

>>22704113
Me too, in fact I'm on 24000 words so far

>>22704055
Normal fang > no fang > flesh fang.

Congrats, though.

>>22703512
You aren’t a writer.

>>22704113
I've fallen behind after a couple bad days, but in general I'm just terrible inconsistent. 3.2k on the first day, 120 words yesterday.

>>22703486
>fading to black

What do you think you’re doing, writing a TV show? There is no “fade to black” in a story. Are you retarded?

>>22703486
Read Stephen King's IT.

>>22702559
Starting off is always such a challenge. I would advise cutting everything up to the visitation. Roll some of that, in spirit, into describing how the visitation occurred. Maybe he’s mid-wank, fantasizing about those co-eds he hasn’t the courage to talk to. That’s enough to tell us he’s a loser. Go from there.

>>22703550
>nooo AI doesn't create beauty because... uh...
>it just doesnt ok

>>22704374
You’re mom isn’t a writer.

>>22704377
Of course there is, dumbass. You just write about how the characters disappear behind the door of a bedroom and end the scene there. Are you 12 or something?

>>22704377
Based autist

>>22704528
>You just write about how the characters disappear behind the door of a bedroom and end the scene there.

Yeah, you can write a piece of shit, retarded story that just reads like a tv show if you’d like. I grew out of that when I was about 12 years old.

>>22704575
>mad anon won't depict full penetration in a YA book
why tho

>>22704579
I don’t read YA and especially don’t read stories with sex in them. I don’t care what that retarded worm depicts, but he’s not writing a story.

>>22704575
Ooooh, you're so edgy, you bleed all over the keyboard. I remember the sex scene from "Radio Free Albemuth" by Philip K. Dick, which simply read "We made love." Vastly preferable to any depiction of odoriferous hairy plumbing.

>>22704586
>and especially don’t read stories with sex in them

>>22703486
If you're even thinking about it, the odds are you should just imply it.

People used to do that. These days, every writer feels obliged to give his audience a lesson in plumbing.

At least 90% of sex scenes in modern books and films ruin the work.

>>22704595
Sorry, I’m not a pornsick little faggot like you. Sex is fucking disgusting.

>>22704594
Sex should neither be discussed, implied, or referred to in any story, in any way.

>>22704618
Tell me about your mother.

>>22704692
How about you kill yourself, pornsick little faggot?

How many rape scenes is too many?

>>22704710
One day you'll find someone to love

>>22704596
You're probably right, I felt pretty weird when I described even the little bits, so I just scrapped it and did a sort of tasteful jump cut. Although I'm aware that the female audience will be expecting a "Lesson in pluming" I just couldn't do it.

>>22704430
Funnily enough, I think of that scene a lot in a sort of "If he could write that and get away with it why couldn't I?" Way

>>22704723
King got away with it because the book is so long nobody gets that far

>>22704717
Love does not exist, and the great writers of history are uniformly recluses who have rejected the sick society in which they live.

>>22704745
NAME ONE!!

>>22704732

>>22704754
>who are Pynchon, Salinger, Poe, Darger

>>22704766
Pynchon has a family you idiot

>>22704766
>Poe
Was a huge romantic who loved women and wrote about how that love both tore him apart and saved him.

>>22704763
That slow turn is golden

>>22704723
Neuromancer has a graphic sex scene and that is the foundational work of the cyberpunk genre.

>>22704622
You need to be 18 to post here.

Why no one posts their writings?

>>22704815
See.
>>22702633
>>22702622
>>22702559
It’s not that nobody posts their writing. It’s that nobody here, including you, bothers to read.

>>22704815
> 4 pastebin links in 137 posts
NIce "writers" in the thread about writing you have here

>>22704823
>nobody here, including you, bothers to read.
I do read anons' shit from time to time.

>>22704777
Not true at all.

>>22704766
>Darger
>great writer
you're having a laugh

>>22695921
When the widow weeps and the unworthy wallows,
swallowed and sunk, steeped in his sepulcher:
“An occurrence of odds— not ordained, nor foretold.”

From his face falls fetid flesh, while the fleas feast,
Pleased with their putrid plate.

>>22704850
No you don’t, you fucking liar.

>>22704864
He was.

>>22704799
You’ve fallen for the meme that sex is an Adult Topic which must be inserted into Serious Works. It’s actually immature, boring, and downright gross. You sound like a normie who lives just to SCORE SOME POOSAY every weekend. It’s pathetic.

>>22704969
I literally read an anon's shitpost which is a shame because I want to read actual attempts with effort behind them and give some feedback.

I barely have time to write so I have even less time to read.

>>22704980
You also fell into the hole of thinking that sex is something that must be avoided like fire.

Humans having sex is literally one of the building blocks of a relationship. This can be either played straight or subverted. It's just another literary tool you can use and not using it is fine, but thinking you HAVE TO not use it is just outright retarded. Just like thinking you have to is.

I do think actual depictions of sex have no place in writing outside of complete pleb smut, some gritty grim shit with a lot of degeneracy and such. Start with foreplay and end with morning after.

>>22700558
>There HAS to be rape
>There HAS to be lesbian romance
>There HAS to be naked children
Just admit you want to write smut/erotica, and it will all get a lot easier

>>22704994
>You also fell into the hole of thinking that sex is something that must be avoided like fire.

It is. It’s gross, it’s disgusting, it’s boring. It isn’t a “building block” of human connection, it’s a way that normies try to seek endless hedonistic pleasure and marginalize anybody else who doesn’t want to participate in the society wide orgy they’ve created over the past 60 years. Why don’t you dedicate chapters to your characters defecating? Whatever your answer is will answer why sex should never be mentioned in a story. Of course, your response will just be the same “UMM INCEL ALERT??? GO GET SOME POOSAY MUFUGGA!!!” line that you learned from niggers.

one thing is certain: don't write about sex if you've never had it, loser

>>22705009
>Why don’t you dedicate chapters to your characters defecating?
Because I don't need to imply humans take a shit nor I want the reader to know the character as the guy who shits a lot. I want the reader to know the character's eating habits, or lack thereof or his diet, which will reveal his character traits or outlook on life.

Likewise, I don't need to show a character sucking dicks or grunting and moaning as they fuck. I can start a scene out with fondling and kissing and end it with one pushing the other over. Why? Because it lets reader know what their relationship is, if any.

You're just a faggot with no grasp of human psychology. You'll never be a successful writer because you hate your potential audience.
>hurr I write for myself
Keep hoarding those schizophreniac scribbles then, add it to your embroidery.

>>22705000
>There HAS to be rape
There doesn't have to be but I think it's funny so I will write it in.

>>22705028
>fuck. I can start a scene out with fondling and kissing and end it with one pushing the other over. Why? Because it lets reader know what their relationship is, if any.

There has never been a story where sex was necessary to make it compelling. Not a single one. It’s disgusting. It’s gross. It’s something normies do, and normies do not make good characters. You’re just a pornsick little normie faggot, a nigger cosplaying as a writer. Go get some MUFUGGIN POOSAY and SMOKE DAT LOUD, NIGGUH. That’s your true nature.

>>22705036

>>22705023
and then she... breasted breastily, as one with breasts does.

>>22705046
Either bait or extremely low IQ and I frankly don't care which one it is because it's the same thing as far as I'm concerned.

>>22704980
t. incel NEET shutin
try being a human being

>>22705057
>>22705023
>AYY YO NIGGUH, GET A LOAD OF DIS CRACKA ASS INCEL MUFUGUH. HE AIN’T EVEN BE GETTIN POOSAY, NIGGUH. HE AIN’T EVEN BE GET SMOKIN DAT LOUD, NIGGUH

Kill yourself.

>>22705061
>AYY YO NIGGUH, DIS INCEL MUFUGUH AIN’T BE GOIN OUT TO PARTIES N SHEIT. WHAT DEEZ CRACKA ASS CRACKAS BE DOIN NEXT?? LET’S GO SMOKE DAT LOUD AND GET SOME POOSAY, NIGGUH. FUCK THEM CRACKAS

>>22705063
>kys
no point...he's already dead inside

>>22705063
>>22705073
This is /lit/ try >>>/r9k/.

22705063
22705073
embarrassing

>>22705082
That’s what I thought, nigger loving faggot pornsick sex addict fucking freak. Go spend a few more hours on tinder. That should fix you. Worm.

Long long ago in a desert kingdom's western most city which sat beneath a valley of Red Mountains a dragon descended, the dragon was large with four arms and two wings which were full of scars and holes. Its scales purple like lavender and green like lime, it crashed into the cities center and roared a horrible breathe that stunk of sulphur and appeared like green fire, those who were caught in the Dragons breathe fell to their knees and clawed at their own throat trying to get a breath of air all the while their eyes and nose poured thick blood.
The Dragon quickly exterminated all the bravest of knights and strongest of shamans until the Cities Baron himself came to the cities center and bowed his head.
He spoke to the dragon like that of a slave does its master and begged for his people to be spared. The Dragon laughed wickedly and licked its teeth while looking at the young women crying in the distance.
“My name is Anthrax and I am the Dragon Of Poison. I have come to this Kingdom to demand tribute.” The Dragon Anthrax said, putting his large claw onto the Barons back and rubbing it roughly.
“Sir Anthrax, we would be pleased to serve you!” The Baron cried with a wide smile full of fear which the Dragon enjoyed.
“Then I shall prepare myself a nest up on those ruby red mountains highest peak where I roost.” Anthrax declared standing on his hind legs and flapping his great wings.
“If you so desire.” The Baron said.
“But there is little food in this desert, the river's fish are too little to fulfill my hunger.”
“We would be happy to serve you.” The Baron agreed.
“I shall accept your offer and eat till my belly is full of whatever I desire.” Anthrax laughed jumping into the air, he looked down at the terrified people below and laughed once again before flying into the mountain peaks.
For 3 months the dragon did not appear, in the kingdom below the Baron pleaded for King Mufasa to send his strongest Knights and Mages to defeat the beast but the King refused saying it was the Barons duty to protect his people.
The Baron wept and prostrated himself naked but to no avail as he was thrown from the kingdom and sent back to his land where he would wait for the Dragon to appear.
Then one morning the sky was blotted out as a large reptilian flew towards the town's center, it crashed with a bang that made clay shatter and roofs collapse. Anthrax had returned and called for the foolish baron who appeared with a feast in tow.
But Anthrax was unpleased, the feast was fitting for a man not a dragon and so he burnt the feast with his wicked breath and flew into the cities outer regions where the farmers raised their camels and raptor. There he devoured every animal until he was satisfied and returned to his home.

>>22705212
The city was devastated, a quarter of their livestock had been eaten in only a single day and the Dragon would return soon to claim more. It was something they could not sustain and they cried to the foolish Baron who wept in his manor.
The next week the river Isalies turned a dark green and reeked of death, the animals who drank the water would quickly become diseased and die so the Baron sent a group of men to inspect the rivers reservoir at the mountains peak.
When the men teached the reservoir they found the Dragons waste polluting the waters. The men pleaded with the Dragon to do its business elsewhere but it refused and threatened to kill them if they did not leave. The man returned to the city exhausted and depressed explaining their story to the Baron who returned to the kingdom and cried his best.
Years passed and the Dragon Continued to wreak havoc upon the city, enough to cause great anguish but too little to cause its collapse.
One day the Dragon descended earlier than usual and demanded the Baron who quickly ran to the Dragon's feet and bowed.
“Whatever you want I shall fulfill!” He said.
“Fufufufu, Foolish Baron. I have come to demand a bride.”
“Of course!” The Baron said beckoning forward his daughter. “You can have my own.” The Baron said with a face of sorrow but hope. For he thought she might win favor with the Beast and bring his reign to an end.
“Fufufufu, you wicked man.” The Dragon cackled, taking the Baron's daughter and returning to his mountain.
The next month the Dragon Returned and the Baron raced to greet his daughter but found nothing of her.
“Where is my daughter?” The Baron cried and the Dragon Laughed, “She was a good woman, plenty of meat in all the right places which tasted delicious.”
“Why have you done this!?” The Baron demanded.
“But I am still not satisfied, I demand that if the first born child of any household is a daughter they will be raised and wed to me!” The Dragon shouted, “Until I find a woman who can birth my heir I shall continue this practice.”
The Baron grit his teeth until they cracked and clenched his hand till it bled. “I shall grant your wish.” He said in defeat.
For another number of years this continued, the Baron was replaced many times by another, each giving into Anthrax demands.

>>22705217
It was not until a single man in his sleep was visited by a spirit of the desert, the man Saladin Amir. In his dream a vestige of sand in the shape of a human appeared to him on the Red Mountains peak, they walked and spoke of many things but the thing Amir remembered when he woke was the instructions the spirit gave to him.
“Your first born child shall be a daughter, the Dragon Anthrax will demand her to be his wife and you shall lose her to his maw. That is what fate foretells but your daughter is of great importance to the Desert Gods and they have sent me to tell you of how to slay the Dragon and save your daughter.”
Amir happily agreed listening to every detail. First he was to leave his home and wife for the darkest of ruins in the desert's great hills, he would find a Rapier which could pierce the dragon's scales and a shield to block its breath.
The man returned to his home where he would tell the Baron of his journey, the Baron demanded he stop but upon hearing of the Desert Spirit in his dream agreed to his journey. The Baron gave him the finest of armor and the strongest of Camels which he rode up the Red mountains to the Dragon's Lair.
When Anthrax saw Amir he laughed and showed his fangs, “You will ruin the lives of your people for selfish desires?” He asked.
“No, I have come to end your selfish rule.” Amir replied drawing his rapier [Anza Aladdin.]
“And why have you thought that is something you can do?” The Dragon asked tonight.
“Because the spirit of the desert has come and told me of my daughters importance to the Desert Gods.”
The Dragon stopped its smiling and eyes narrowed upon this declaration.
“Desert Spirit?” He asked with a deep growl.
“Yes, a spiral of sand in the shape of a human.”
“Tell me foolish man, was this dream world unclear like unwashed glass?”
“It was.” Amir said, nodding his head.
The Dragon sat in thought for a long while licking its lips as if nervous, “I shall allow this trespass if you bring me your daughter.” He said finally.
“But she is of great importance to the Desert Gods!” Amir cried in rage.
“That was not the Gods of your Desert but the evilest of Demons and the father of lies.” Anthrax said with the most serious of tones.
“I shall not fall for your lies!” Amir yelled and thrust his Rapier towards the Dragon's throat, Anthrax felt the Rapier pierce his metallic scales and rip through his thick muscle, his blood sprayed and his rage grew and he burst through his nests roof into the sky where he and Amir would do battle.

>>22705220
What follows is the part of the story forgotten to history. Amir upon the final meeting with the Desert Spirit would see a fleeting image, the spirit's face was but for a moment that of a man's twisted skull and the wickedest of smiles across its face.
Amir's daughter would later marry the Baron of a neighboring city and give birth to a son, that boy would grow into an infamous man remembered for his wicked ways and great genocides, the Desert Tyrant Abdul - Khalid.
In Khalids genocide a fate would be severed, a fate of great importance which would have brought much peace to the world. Perhaps Anthrax's purpose was to make sure this fate was not severed, perhaps his carnal desires are what lead to his failure.

>>22702622
I'll add notes as I read:
Immediately, the dialogue is too pushy. You're trying to nail in the point of the conversation without applying any grease. Granted, I haven't read part one. The first nine lines read like video game dialogue; alternating between questiton and answer.
>"She sighed in defeat, before tipping her cigarette ash into the ash tray on the near immaculate coffee table between the two."
Too much going on here. This is in a split between dialogues.
"She sighed in defeat, before - cigarrette ash flaking off." or something like that is more appropriate. "ash into the ash tray" is very stilted, and regardless, we can already assume the ash will fall into an ash tray. Don't mention the specifics unless it's out of the ordinary. You can mention the immaculate coffee table somewhere else, but not here. I don't think it's important to know that the table is between the two of them.
"solicitous" too complicated. Simple words get the job done better, even if they're not as accurate. "celadon" again.
"Beginning to burn" anger? Is she supposed to be angry here? The rest of the dialogue and actions sure don't seem like it.
>A tinge of a headache started to grow inside her skull at the thought of what the truth was.
A tinge of a headache pulsed at the thought of the truth.
Don't elaborate on a headache originating from one's skull. Ordinary. "At the thought of" just mention the thought. Also, "What the truth was" sounds like something that is no longer the truth. A truth does not change.
I'm gonna be brutal here- I'm not reading the rest of this. Circling back to what I said earlier, this is a lot of question and answering. I get that it's a therapist session, but is that really interesting? Is that worth writing about? These things are revealed so plainly with no curiosity being satisfied in the reader.
With things like this, I recommened you look into kishotenketsu. Read any 4koma and looking into their short-form reader retention techniques. Ignite some small bits of curiosity in the reader like "What's behind this door?" "Who put that there" "If that's not [name], then who?"
I like these guys for kishotenketsu:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfi0FvD9Yu0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJl6yDkaaN8&t=17s

>>22704463
The most important question is whether you recognize that the writing is comedic. I think it's pretty obvious by the end of the sample but perhaps my sense of humor is too autistic

>>22703545
>>22704374
>>22703557
okay then review this passage then pricks:

Headfirst lady-vore with bare feet? Hate to see that Cynthia leave, but how I love to see her Pokemon Go. At least that grunt won't get Pokemon Blue balls carting around such a vore-friendly pet like Seviper! If only Cynthia had Pokemon Red up on her adversary a little more, she wouldn't have gotten a Pokemon Gold medal in the category of getting Pokemon X'd! This scene is well deserving of its own Pokemon: the Movie - maybe not everyone shares my opinion, but hey, that's just the type of man I Pokemon Emerald.

Well what do you think

>>22705512
100% agreed, you have an amazing concept and I urge you to buy 4chan ads on /lit/, /co/, /a/, /v/ and /vp/, hell even /d/ to showcase your art. Who wouldn't want to read a one-shot (I hope you make it into a series) of pokemon vore?

>>22705212
>>22705217
>>22705220
it reads like a mixture of a JRPG introduction and short story. Not much legs here.

>>22705547
I figured based on the posts above that it wouldn't be too popular but I thought I'd give it a shot.
Well it's just a in universe story that I was just testing the waters with anyways. Better not much attention then a lot of negative attention.

>>22705220
Woops forgot this part also Amir would hide behind his shield until Anthrax would descend and Amir would wound him. This battle took four days to reach a conclusion where Amir reigned over Anthrax dying body, Anthrax wept tears of self pity and begged for his life but Amir full of rage admonished his existence and pierced his heart.
Amir brought the Dragon's head to the Baron who celebrated with a great feast and declared that Amir's family would join the nobility and his story will never be forgotten.
That night the Desert Spirit visited Amir and told him he had completed his mission and the Gods were pleased. His daughter would never be forgotten and his name will live on as the creator of the [Dragon Slayer] Sword style which will be remembered for many millennia.
Amir was happy and thanked the spirit for all it's done and lived his life happily ever after.

It's between >>22705220 and >>22705226

What would be a good media to learn how hippies talk. My best attempts at writing lines for one come out like.
>You're a real good dancer, little bird-man, but I don't think that works for dodging bullets.

>>22705559
Inherent Vice

>>22705541
How about this one then

Cynthia is painfully positioned, and penetrated within the barnacle's belly; setting up for the grand finale where she will be displayed in a distorted and painful position...

exposed head and bare feet writhing, as she settles into place to be slowly digested over many years! The invasive barnacle's tendrils fill it's host full of nutrients in order to keep her alive throughout the process as it slowly digests her...

>>22705863
You have better chances on /d/.
I'm not being sarcastic or insulting. If anything, I'm being overtly polite.

>>22705880
>>22703557
>>22705541


Join this discord please if you want it

https://discord.gg/vTdKs6mkTk

>>22705911
no thanks, i'm not a tranny drama queen

>>22705863
Consider suicide.

>>22705090
Virgin. Seriously, sex is very normal and perhaps overly common these days. To be disgusted and perhaps even offended by part of our very nature is terribly sad. Man and woman can bond no deeper than through passionate lovemaking derived from courtship and romance, as well as the companionship which comes thereafter.

On the off chance you're celibate by choice, I'll exclude you from this insult because despite having a warped perception on relationships you at least stick to your principles, which is commendable regardless of my opinions on your belief. A man who lives by a code is honor-bound and in my eyes, honourable.

>>22705911
>discord
yea, nah.

>>22705983
>sex is very normal and perhaps overly common these days. To be disgusted and perhaps even offended by part of our very nature is terribly sad

Fuck off. There are innumerable things in muh human nature that are disgusting. I’m not some weak fucking Christard. Humans are gutter animals just like every other species on this stupid planet.

> Man and woman can bond no deeper than through passionate lovemaking derived from courtship and romance, as well as the companionship which comes thereafter.

“Companionship” is a cope for weak willed 100 IQ normies who don’t have the intellectual ability to be alone. I have no respect, ZERO, for people in “relationships”, whatever the fuck those are. I am an individual, and I plan to be alone forever. You’re not going to convince me that “relationships” are worth anything. They aren’t.

How do you write good dystopian stories? It seems like all the premises have been taken already.

>>22699525
Fucking sick, I’d read a book of this

>>22706017
Write what you know

>>22706029
But I feel like I’d just be rewriting like, 1984

>>22706031
As always, execution is more important than the idea, and we have the "benefit" of seeing many dystopian ideas becoming reality, so there's still the possibility of combining concepts from various dystopian novels

>>22706017
Write about modern times, where big business has co-opted governments (e.g. Big Pharma controls our government & mass media), the rich keeps draining the middle-class and lower-class of all their money, the government lets leftist rioters do anything they want, but goes ape shit on anyone to the right of Stalin, and the only rebellion people have is to stop having kids, so they don't give birth to a hostage. You're living in a dystopia right now, and you seriously can't think of one to write about???

>>22706094
I don’t care enough about politics to write about any of that. It’d just end up being a tired ideological screed.

>>22705995
Anon, I agree with you. That's the issue. Your bitterness and perpetual obscenity of speech is very off putting. It's vulgar and impolite and quite frankly rude - my only dissuasion with you thus far. Perhaps it's less crassness but rather low-effort, buzzword littered ineloquence from which I've come to despise you.

However, to the point. We are, as you state, animals. And in a way as disgusting as pigs, rats and rodents. Yet I think you discount the admirable attributes even "gutter animals" possess. In-fact, I find solace in our similarities with beasts and the universality of our struggles and needs. It can be equally heart-warming to witness an animal find comfort in another, or joy in something simple, as it is devastating to see them in stress or dispair, fright or agony. I think despite their intelligence some may sympathise with us also.

Companionship is the basis of much joy in life. Necessary? Perhaps for women, but for men? I'd argue not. Though it's not without its benefits. I'm unsure of your experience with female companionship, however companionship with men in the form of friendship is so common you must have had some participation and as such, noticed the benefits. If I have to spell those out to you, you are truly lost. Not to say your "intellectual ability to be alone" isn't enough, because I like to think that like yourself and I, we could manage alone and even be happy alone, but we recognise the value (subjective in size, objective in form) of companionship.

What you posted earlier
>There has never been a story where sex was necessary to make it compelling.
Hits the nail on the head. I'm not advocating against what I consider a truth. It's what you said after
>It’s disgusting. It’s gross. It’s something normies do, and normies do not make good characters. You’re just a pornsick little normie faggot, a nigger cosplaying as a writer. Go get some MUFUGGIN POOSAY and SMOKE DAT LOUD, NIGGUH. That’s your true nature.
which reeks of not only contrarianism but insecurity, that begged my response. Again, it's not that I think you're wrong. Some people are obsessed with sex and, what I assume you're referencing with the niggerspeak, drugs. A hedonistic lifestyle. Abhorrent to us both. To be clear, I don't think you're a contrarian for the sake of it. You only lack perspective. When I spoke of
>passionate lovemaking
>courtship
>romance
Do you really believe I equate your description of sex with my own? I called you a virgin because, how having a child changes your perception on your own upbringing, mating and forming close companionship changes to your views on relationships. You simply may not get it without experiencing it.

>>22705995
>You’re not going to convince me that “relationships” are worth anything.
You were born because ???

>>22706176
Because two ”people” unfortunately decided to have sex, not intending to create a child. A fact that I was reminded of for years during my hellish upbringing.

Man this site never changes no matter that board

>>22706183
It sure doesn’t. Now get back to reading Call of the Crocodile and Gardner spam.

>>22705995
>I am an individual, and I plan to be alone forever
You're on a good track for that, keep it up!

>>22706212
I am! Normies hate me because I’m honest, and that’s how i like it to be so they won’t bother me.

>>22706180
>unfortunately
Anon. I feel for you. Everything comes down to perspective formed by experience and you got dealt a shit hand. I'm not going to pretend you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps but you seem self-aware and intelligent enough to overcome your circumstance. I'm not going to try and argue that your disdain for relationships and companionship is because of your upbringing, because we're both smart enough to acknowledge that it's, if not fact, the mostly likely reason. If you've convinced me of anything, it's that the lack of a strong, mutal and loving relationship between parents can, and probably will, result in a "hellish upbringing" for their child. And that, to me, highlights the value of such a relationship. If anything, a good relationship ensures not only that the parents are happy and content together, but that their child grows up with the benefits of a strong family unit. As much as I'd like to hammer home my point, because you've only gone and further proved it, I'd instead like to to offer you friendship. Fucking @ me.

>>22706166
>Do you really believe I equate your description of sex with my own? I called you a virgin because, how having a child changes your perception on your own upbringing, mating and forming close companionship changes to your views on relationships. You simply may not get it without experiencing it.

I don’t think there’s anything to get. It’s a hall of mirrors.

>>22706232
>Fucking @ me
Will do.

>>22706226
I am honest too. I have a gf.

The true redpill is realizing some people are destined to be alone because of their insufferable personality and not looks. Lookism is real and beautiful people get away with insane shit and also have it easier in life, but ugly motherfuckers get into relationships all the time.

Which is how they produce ugly motherfuckers on the outside, and even uglier on the inside.

Rethink your life. You think of sex as mindless animal behavior and that it can't be anything else. It's an emotional and social comfort mechanic similar to kisses, hugs and head pats.

>nooooooo stop having sex in stories!
>noooooooo stop having killing in stories!
>noooooooo stop having crimes in stories!

Then the perfect book, the bible, has already been written-
>Be fruitful and multiply.
Oh.

>>22706106
And what do you think every dystopian novel is, if not a political screed?

What are your thoughts on this paragraph anything to work on?

*By the time Professor Rowan reported two of the pokemon have gone missing, it was too late. With the ripped clothing on the ground and Spiritomb lying unconscious with her VAP form developed, she was accused of the crime. Despite the grief, Bertha believed the pleading VAP and halted her arrest. Weeks later, the police found Cynthia’s remains which was now only a long turd with small bone fragments and bleached hair. On the news, her death was covered up with the report being Cynthia having passed away from a sudden disease her lineage has been carrying for generations. With the only applicable champion gone to explore the world, Bertha took Cynthia’s place as Champion of Sinnoh with her now recovered Sudowoodo now named Rita Feiku, assisting her health. Cynthia’s Spiritomb now named Kirai Kimi became an official cop who made it her duty to hunt down Gastrodon. As for Gastrodon, she renamed herself Mazui Name and began only hunting VAPs with the mother of said applicable champion and Cynthia being her only human victims. So far only 6 VAPs have been consumed by her with each one having some sort of experience with Cynthia. Kirai knew it would be a matter of time before she hunted down the VAPs from Cynthia’s team including her. It did not matter if Mazui was unintentionally mistreated, Kirai only felt one things towards her: hate!*

>>22706180
>>22706183

>>22706240
Nobody wants you here you autistic retard. Get the clue. Try posting something else than literal coomfic about vore.

>>22706238
>the Bible

I have been an atheist since I was a child.

>It's an emotional and social comfort mechanic similar to kisses, hugs and head pats.

If you think I have a positive opinion of those things, guess again.

>>22706245
okay what about this story I wrote up:

Cynthia:

"Garchomp?!?! Garchomp, my love, where are you?!?! Oh god, its so dark! It's so hot! God, my clothes melted! Someone help, I cant die like this!!! They can't do this to a champion! Lucario! Garchomp! Spiritomb! Grandma ! Steven! Professor Rowan! Dawn! Iris! Diantha! Leon! Please, ANYONE?!?! Girat- ARCEUS!!! MY SKIN!! AHH FUCK IT BURNS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Aldith: "Ohh... Does your belly ache, dearie? Must be because of those nasty hairpieces. There there, one punch and kick should do the trick. Let me feel you there... Ahhh, how nice. What a plump lump! Feels so nice to caress it.

Be sure to digest well, dear. We don't want any bones puncturing the cloaca now, do we? And cough up those headpieces. Maybe we can make a killing selling them to a trophy collector!"

I bet you'll love it

>>22706249
>I have been an atheist since I was a child.
It shows. Kikes really did a number on your mind. Demoralized and hopeless to the bone.

>>22706256
I don’t care if you think I’m demoralized or hopeless. I don’t cater to normie sensibilities.

>>22706106
Dystopian fiction is political by nature

>>22706258
>normie sensibilities
Ooooooo watch out I'm a normie! Anything you say is invalid because you're a normie!

What do you define as a "normie"? Something as low bar as having a girlfriend?

>>22706262
Somewhere around there. You seem disturbed by the idea that anybody could look down on you for having a relationship. Grow up a bit and realize that there are people who hate you and don’t think your girlfriend’s pussy is god’s gift to man.

>>22706265
>Somewhere around there
So, nothing about job? About property? About having wealth? Friends? Social status? Nothing?

The height of being "normal" is just having someone who loves you?

Unironically you are a victim of the kikes. Hit the gym and stop being a fucking defeatist pussy.
>abloobloobloo life isn't fair
Everyone knows that you bitch. Now do something about yours.

I'm literally a fascist who hates browns and tells r*ssians to make TATP and kill their political class. I support summary executions for drug dealers. I think India, Africa and China should be nuked. Is that normie opinions? Am I a normie?

Or am I just someone who's not going to despair no matter how much shit is thrown at me?
>abloobloobloo muh parents didn't love me!
My didn't either you whiny bitch. My mother is an alcoholic who consistently destroyed all my dreams at every opportunity. Regardless, I move on.
You?
Here you are, crippled by your boomer parents' inability to raise you. You instead to smear shit on yourself like Job, without even hoping God is watching.

I'm not your therapist, fix your fucking head yourself you fucking idiot.

>>22706265
>who hate you
why would you hate some random person you barely know? maybe that's your problem. it's not that people immediately dislike you for being honest, but rather that everyone can tell you hate them outright

>>22706292
He's demoralized and like a Pavlovian dog, conditioned to respond in predictable yet irrational behavior at many different bells.

>>22706279
>hit the gym

No. Fuck off.

> I'm not your therapist, fix your fucking head yourself you fucking idiot.

If you’re not a therapist, why are you so interested in the fact that I don’t like people who have sex or engage in “relationships”? You seem very invested in this.

> Or am I just someone who's not going to despair no matter how much shit is thrown at me?

Who says that I despair? I’m apathetic. I’m biding my time until I can save enough money to permanently leave society and live far away from other people.

To the doomer and everyone replying to him: take your depressive whining to >>>/lit/wwoym/. That's what it's for.

>>22706305
>You seem very invested in this.
The Christian thing to do is help the fellow man. Unfortunately, resources are limited because you're a whiny bitch on the internet.
>I’m biding my time until I can save enough money
Here's the cope. And here's the bitter truth: you will NEVER save enough money. It's no longer possible. All economies in the world are fucking busted and land goes for multiples of your lifetime's earnings. If you do not own land NOW - you never will.

If you want to leave society, why not do it now? Why do you need money? Do you not realize what money is? Money is the physical representation value you provided to society. You mean you want to "permanently leave society" but somehow still care about society's laws, or your value to it?

Do you know what Ted Kaczynski did when he got tired of society? He left. He ate nuts and berries in a hut he built that he had no permits for in a forest he had no right to be in.

You are a scrawny little bitch who hates himself (that's good) and refuses to fix things that you hate about yourself (that's bad).

I'm done telling you what to do over and over, I already gave you some hints. Hit the gym, raise your FUCKING ABYSMAL T levels. You put in a few weeks of work, you'll start feeling good about yourself. Once you feel better about yourself, you won't have such a shit attitude anymore and will be able to take on the shit life throws at you. It's the first domino piece you need to knock over, it's only the question whether or not your sóy twig-like fingers have enough strength to do so without breaking.

Your despair is your and only your choice. Success is not guaranteed, it never is, but you can choose to struggle. Struggle strengthens you. Sitting on your ass and going "oooooooo poor me relationships are gay and retarded society is fuckin cringe!" does absolutely fucking nothing for you.

If you think society is fucking gay at least darktriadmaxx and scam some rich kikes out of money quick. Do a shitcoin exit scam and sell it to rich college kids or something.

>>22706332
> Your despair is your and only your choice. Success is not guaranteed, it never is, but you can choose to struggle. Struggle strengthens you. Sitting on your ass and going "oooooooo poor me relationships are gay and retarded society is fuckin cringe!" does absolutely fucking nothing for you.

Then that’s my choice to make, and I’ll live with the consequences of it.

> I'm done telling you what to do over and over, I already gave you some hints. Hit the gym, raise your FUCKING ABYSMAL T levels. You put in a few weeks of work, you'll start feeling good about yourself. Once you feel better about yourself, you won't have such a shit attitude anymore and will be able to take on the shit life throws at you. It's the first domino piece you need to knock over, it's only the question whether or not your sóy twig-like fingers have enough strength to do so without breaking.

I didn’t ask you for advice.

>>22706347
>and I’ll live with the consequences of it.
Damn then maybe live with them and shut the fuck up about how sex is gross in literature you fucking faggot. We literally live in a society.

bros what do we think of including pronouns in our stories? y/n

>>22706351
Sex is still disgusting, and you won’t shut me up about it.

>>22706356
I am very progressive so I always remember to have plenty of he and she. Sometimes there's a group so I even add they.

>>22706360
>>>/r9k/
>>>/hm/
>>>/z/
Tell either of these boards about it.

"Hey brad, are you going to the teen party tonight"

Brad, who had big peircing blue eyes that reminded one of the earth from space, turned around to see Clarissa Jane, who was three feet tall. She was a midget.

"Yeah. Are you?" Asked brad, chewing on the toothpick which he always kept in his mouth.

"Yeah!" chirped Clarissa Jane. She liked brad in a sexual way but had never been with a boy before on account of her being a midget.

"Cool." They looked at each other awkwardly.

"Soooooo..." CJ kicked at the ground. She wore converse shoes that her mom found in a thrift store bargain bin. They were stained with red clay, probably havin been owned by one of the trailer park kids up the way. They had bullied CJ for as long as she could remember, and now she was wearing their shoes probably. she wished the shoe was the on the other foot, so to speak; she wished they could walk a mile in her shoes, instead of the other way around. "Uh,..."

"Say, Clarissa Jane," brad asked, his deep blue eyes glinting suddenly with mischief.

"What?!?!" CJ asked with baited breath. would Brar ask her to go with the teen party with her? Surely not.. but maybe, just maybe. her midget vagina started tingling at the thought.

"have you ever seen those, you know...those fights? You know the ones. Where the, uh, little people..."

Time froze. this was because the Dimensional Custodian had just flung a mug of piping hot apple cider at his hapless minion, who ducked at the last moment, causing the mug to hit the machine that had been powering earthSim 2.0, temporarily pausing it. The Custodian let out a terrible screech.

"What was that sound?" brad asked, stuttering back into "reality".

CJ breathed a sigh of relief. She would have a talk with that damn custodian when at the next hyperdimensional scrum meeting. He had almost foiled her plans to finally get laid by a human.

"Anyways," brad continued. "Want to do midget wrestling? We could design an outfit for you together, I have materials at my home." This was because his mom was a successful seamstress for hollywood. She had designed the suit that Al Pacino wore in one of his movies.

"Sure!" Said CJ.

They went to Brad's house, which was three streets down from the trailer park. CJ shuddered when they passed by it on brad's scooter. "Humams can be so cruel" she thought. "I can't believe this is my third time running this simulation as a midget and I've never gotten laid"

But all that was about to change. When they got to brad's house, nacho libre was on the television.

"My mom made the costume for this
She met Jack Black" brad said nonchalantly. "Anyways here id the sewing room. I got some sick ideas for yoyr wrestling outfit."

They got to work; CJ tried to focus on the work but she couldnt take her eyes off of CJ's blue blue eyes; it gave her a spinning feeling like the earth itself whirling through the void.

In the background, Nacho was having his epic showdown againdt Ramses, the reigning champion.

>>22706391
Terrible. You didn't bother to spellcheck your shit or punctuate properly so I won't bother to even read it beyond skimming.

>>22706391
Here's a good example of bad comedy writing. Note how the writer curates no punchlines, instead attempting to substitute them with a general sense of silliness.
The result is all set-up no payoff.

>>22706356
I will use "they" to describe a singular character and there's nothing you can do to stop me

>His mother had not been allowed to the event, her assistance necessary in preparing for Thorn’s visit.
Is this wrong?

>>22706620
Yes and you know it already!

>>22706622
Please explain
>With only a splattering of disinterested bureaucrats and utterly detached guards for company to witness the death of his father...
Is Grammarly fucking with me or is this wrong too?

>>22706629
>explain
You need a verb in the part after the comma. Like
>her assistance being necessary
>is this wrong too
Splattering? As in, they had splattered all over the floor and walls? Or did you mean "smattering"?

http://changingminds.org/disciplines/storytelling/storytelling.htm

>>22706644
Yes I did thanks

Can someone give me some feedback about the use of repetition here? Does it convey the feeling of impatience, shock, and most importantly anger?

>>22706737
oops, it should be
>My finger touched his lips. He spoke all that was necessary. A more pressing concern was finding the missing bastard that failed to die the first time and my opportunity to end Dorado’s life was limited. “Where’s the victim now?”

>>22699525
*blonde kid holding a thumbs up in hus school picture*

>>22706737
Sorry, I can't get past all the grammar issues. And blunders like "the effect wasn't effective" probably wasn't the kind of repetition you wanted.

>>22700558
>How do you handle a rape scene tastefully?
You can't really, there will always be someone who likes it and someone who doesn't.

Okay what about this passage then?

*“Even worse, I don’t know what it will be like when I have to use the toilet.” she told Cynthia. It was at that point when her stomach suddenly growled loudly and grew bubbly in the inside. Klara instinctively pointed her mouth out the window and launched a loud belch

UUUUUUWAAAAAAAAARRRRRRP!!!!

Luckily for Klara, the Corviknight’s wings made it hard for the driver to hear from its beating. Unfortunately for Cynthia, the force of that belch completely tore her swimsuit off and was launched out of Klara with some impressive distance.

“MMMMRRRRRM!!!” she replied as she was now nude in Klara’s belly.

The bikini set landed on the ocean’s water wear it was left drifting for no one to witness. That would be true if there wasn’t an actual witness present. This entire time when Cynthia arrived, Klara left the beach to wear her swimsuit, Raihan’s arrival and Klara’s departure; a single Slowpoke witnessed all of it. It just watched Klara launching the swimsuit to the sea and suddenly its mind rushed with thoughts. It gave out an intense sharp look as if it pieced everything together. Then it’s brain just shut off and it just stared into the distance. That was the closest anyone would get to discovering Cynthia’s fate.*

You no talent wasteman hacks

Were any of you good enough to be in the F Games?

>>22707365
Based on the relentless shill-spamming, my guess is he doesn't exclude anybody & is desperate to get anyone to participate. Unfortunately for him, we have a memory.

>First word of the day
>Typo

>>22707960
It's not your job to write correctly. The copy editor gets paid to find and fix your typos.

>>22707969
It doesn't bode well anon. It does not. bode. well.

>>22707992
Joyce begins Finnegan's Wake without capitalizing the first letter in the first word, be a little avant garde man

>>22707969
You can afford a copy editor?

>>22707996
"Wuietly" is not the kind of avant garde trailblazing I think you had in mind
>Had about 9 typos writing this post
I'm actually just not going to write today.

>>22708012
>I'm actually just not going to write today.
fag

>>22708025

>>22708010
Hiring people is not my department.

>>22707996
he began it that way cuz it's a wrap around from the last page, not to be edgy, oh wait.

Been trying to use nano to get into writing more but I'm at the stage where I think my story idea is shit and that I'm wasting my time. I know this is all for the sake of practice but I'm feeling glum. I want to be good at this hobby but it's hard to practice when you don't like what you're writing. It's going to take practice to write the kinds of things I would like to read, but struggling through this shit phase is tough.

I don't think I had a question, just having a bad day and looking to vent.

>>22708167
Ideas are not good or bad, they are neutral. It's all about the execution.

>>22708184
exactly. you could take a "bad idea" and give it to flaubert or dfw, and they would come back with fire.

>>22708184
write more and you will learn to understand the difference between an actual good idea that provides fertile ground for a story to organically evolve and a marketing pitch somebody sold themselves. If you come up with an """idea""" and then have to sit down and go "ok now what's the story?" it's a shit idea. These are 99% of the ideas people have.

LOTR for example:
shit version of the idea:
>what if I take the creatures of western european myth and make a world where they all coexist
good version of the idea:
>what if there was an evil artifact that feeds on ambition and therefore the least ambitious character must be the one to deal with it
out of one of these springs a story immediately and out of the other comes nothing except autistic world building. Can you guess which idea prompted Tolkien to write LOTR?

>>22708229
The shit version obviously since the spent decades on autistic world building. Way to shoot yourself in the foot there mate

>>22708079
Well, aren't you an arrogant, entitled sort of fellow. If you were as successful as you're pretending to be, you wouldn't be here.

>>22708236
I'm just making Werner Von Braun jokes you don't need to get offended lol

>>22708193
>>22708184
I guess my problem is that I'm no where near good enough to make a bad idea good yet, which is frustrating.

>>22708235
the shit idea becomes the silmarillion, the good idea becomes LOTR

>>22708249
Cute flailing but you do understand Tolkien's motivation was in creating mythology and not in neat plots, right? He said as much when discussing why he abandoned the sequel to Lord of the Rings, he said he could write a "thriller" but it would be pointless to do so.

>>22708246
You'll never improve by abandoning things. Take them to the end. Write the shit out of your system. Fail. Learn. Grow. I believe in you, anon.

>>22708266
asking oneself "what is the goal of my life's work?" has exactly nothing to do with approaching a story and asking "what is the heart of a good story?"
if you think tolkien tripped over LOTR merely as a byproduct of his autistic obsession with the kalevala, you're retarded

>>22708287
I mean, he quite literally did trip over it when writing a sequel for the Hobbit and deciding, hey this could really work with some of that autistic world-building I've been doing for decades.
He even went back and added more Middle-Earth stuff to the Hobbit to make it a more cohesive whole since he hadn't planned that out.

>>22695921
should i keep this train of thought or double down on being the MC?

>>22706858
I can't see it. It seems to read okay. I'll have to run it through grammarly

>>22708442
Maybe your whole problem is exasperated by relying on computers to do your thinking for you

>>22708453
My guess is that he's an ESL that relies on computerized tools for basic grammar. Not that I'm defending that...clearly, if he's that reliant on technology, he's going to produce gibberish. At least other ESLs won't notice.

>>22708473
>>22708453
I honestly can't see it besides some bad sentence structure.

>>22708473
>>22708453
>Not embracing technology
>Ngmi
Youre supposed to run it through, that way it helps you line by line and you can ignore or accept their suggestions.

I wonder if I should make this pure horror or more Pynchonesque whacky antics with a little horror thrown in the mix. I'm really surprised there's not more Bigfoo literature, maybe just impossible to pull off correctly, or could be because people think it's too silly of an idea.

>>22708488
That's why you're ESL. Now go away and let real writers write

https://pastebin.com/cWJk9tC9

>>22708494
Using tech for suggestions is fine. Relying on it to make your broken prose readable is an entirely different story.

What are some good websites I can upload my writing to? Royal Road is too liberal for me. I don't plan on writing anything obscene but I don't like having the threat that if I write something they don't like they'll just fuck me over and delete my content.

>>22708576
That's what editing is for.

>>22708507
Apparently the same guy who wrote World War Z and several official Minecraft novels also wrote a bigfoot horror novel.

>>22708669
Clearly >>22708442 can't edit on his own.

"I exist in a fog of elusive beginnings, devoid of a concrete inaugural memory. My inception into existence appears to be a product of an unconsented initiation, a manifestation of a profound error demanding rectification. Perhaps it was an inconspicuous lapse in judgment, or a judicial misstep that led to my unconventional entry into life. I find myself entangled in a peculiar legal quagmire, persecuted by a court of giraffes—judges and jurors alike—who grapple with my predicament as if strangers to their own roles, their confusion mirroring my own existence. The façade of apathy shrouds me with my reluctant consent, fostering regret in its wake. In this surreal realm, I daily weave a web of lies, self-deception becoming an unsettling norm. I am weary of the pretense, tired of the charade that reduces me to a mere object, cultivated for the superficial gratification of others—a compliant puppet in the theatrical production of their desires. I find myself in an eternal exile, bereft of a true homeland, a dull alchemist armed with all the requisite elements but perpetually thwarted by their elusive combination..."
"...Even if I were to uncover the alchemical formula, I ponder the limits of my imagination. Possessing the wings of an albatross, I remain grounded, for I lack a destination to soar toward. Dreams wherein my demise unfolds offer a curious solace, overshadowing the waking reality of my undisclosed identity. The great pretender, I feign well-being, concealing my true self even from my own introspection. As I struggle to peel away the layers of this cold, deceptive mask, I am haunted by the uncertainty of what lies beneath. Even if I were to lay bare my mind on the table, what miraculous revelation would greet me? The prospect seems bleak, a landscape dominated by contradictions long overdue for correction—a correction so profound that I contemplate disengaging from everything, even life itself."

>>22708864
Get over yourself.

what are some fast ways to get people to care about a character?

>>22708873
There aren't any.

If you want to make a character likeable, save the cat.

>Start smoking (Tobacco)
>Writing immediately improves
huh

>>22708943
Enjoy your 5 minute writing buff before you need to suck on something again you fucking homo. All for low low price of cancer and like $10 a pack.

>>22708864
"...Each day is marked by elusive images that flicker in my mind—images of tying a noose, of death, of petrification, of decay. Grayness envelops me, a chaotic mass devoid of form, shape, emotion, a realm with neither past nor future, only an eternal present. Flashes of death itself haunt me, indifferent and unsolacing. Despite my lack of belief in God, an inexplicable fear and hatred of Him consume me. I yearn to dethrone this deity, to wrench the old bastard from his golden throne, to tear him away from his deathbed, marred by urine and diarrhea. I fantasize about confronting Him, demanding answers to why I persist in living, questioning the purpose of my existence. I envision Him smiling, a twisted satisfaction in His final moments, reminiscent of Buddha's enigmatic response when asked about what lies beyond nirvana. Is there anything more to life than being handed the phantasms of a better existence, meticulously crafted by powers beyond my comprehension, yet as superficial as myself? Perhaps it's all an elaborate charade, treating humanity like microwaved dinners—timid, lifeless, mass-produced..."
"...Confessing these thoughts is a novel experience; I've never penned down my genuine feelings before. Past attempts were discarded due to immense shame, a reluctance to reveal emotions. Even now, as I pour out these words in my dungeon, my "oubliette," my thought dungeon, I am engulfed in shame. My peers, family, confidants, accomplices remain oblivious to my inner turmoil. This is a confession, a revelation so grave that it would tempt Jesus himself towards Lucifer."

>>22708943
you're eating less and your brain is using the good energy stored in your fat

>>22708873
Put the character into a situation that the readers can relate to, one with conflict and stakes.

>>22708954
Even now, the weight of intense shame engulfs me, rendering me a distorted version of myself. I find solace and a semblance of happiness only in the embrace of poison, whether it be the dregs of substances or meticulously crafted materials designed to numb my senses. Every waking moment, even my dreams, bears the stain of this digital gloss. The child within me has vanished, aborted, and the dream extinguished.

Over the years, I've faced the loss of everything dear to me—my mother, my father, who was consistently absent and indifferent, and my sister, characterized by her sporadic behavior reflecting my own but in a more carnal way. All my closest friends are lost to me, not due to harshness, indifference, rudeness, or deafness on my part, but rather because of my caring nature. I cared too much, attempting to please them, only to realize the futility of trying to satisfy an insatiable beast. It was a vain effort, spending too much time convincing others that their suffering matters and they will attain happiness, while deep down, I was convinced it wouldn't matter.

There is no salvation, no happiness, no ideal to aspire to. All I can do is build sandcastles on the shore, gazing upon them in vainglory, only to leave them to be washed away by the abject cruelty of the sea that is life. Once, I loved a woman, confiding in her my genuine thoughts, only for her to betray my confidence for a cheap laugh. I confided in friends, only to have them betray my trust because I served as a mirror reflecting their own weaknesses. I betrayed my parents, betraying their ideals. I am Judas—shameless, reckless, and seeking scalding, but for what purpose? No jury would find me guilty; they are clueless.

>>22708565
Nobody cares about your shitty tabletop campaign.

I'm a complete beginner and I want to get into writing (just as a hobby). I have many basic ideas in mind but when it's time to actually write I have a hard time turning them into long detailed stories. What would be the solution for this problem?
Also, if anyone happens to have resources about writing light novels please share them, that'd be nice.

>>22709079
>I have a hard time turning them into long detailed stories
So why force it?
Write short stories. Short stories are great for learning in general. You can always look back and think about what you did wrong in a short story, they require less investment as a writer and you can be more experimental without worrying much.

Then you actually have some tangible idea for a plot, write an actual novel. You MUST have AT THE VERY MINIMUM the start, the middle and the ending thought out. It would be a good idea to have more than just main characters thought out too.

>>22709079
There's a HOWTO pastebin in the OP. Did you even bother to look there?

>>22708873
Why should they care? Answer that question then just show it in the story

>>22709110
My answer to that question is "he's a really, really good guy in a fairly shitty world" and so I imagine people would want to read about the struggle of a man trying to be the best person he can be in a world that won't let him.

>>22709090
I see, I guess I didn't think my ideas enough. I had the start and the main characters thought up but I thought I could just write the rest of the story on the fly based on that alone. As you said, I'll try writing short stories. Thank you anon.
>>22709108
I did but it was just a bunch of resource links. Tbf I should've probably looked into them but I didn't know if I could've found what I was looking for there. If my message was a bother to this thread then I am sorry.

A very early draft. Can I get some feedback?

>>22709215
I'm not a writer at all but I thought it was pretty nice, it made me want to read the rest of the story

>>22709260
Thanks anon. I’ve had the idea in my head for a couple of years and just wrote this out tonight in about a half hour

>>22709215
I agree with the other anon, I rarely ever read through an entire piece posted here but this one kept my attention. A little wonky in places but overall very readable and quite interesting. Were you the anon asking about dystopias?

>>22708714

I was looking for more along the lines of something in the style of Lovecraft or Machen rather than written more blockbustery

>>22709275
Thanks anon — yes, that was me.

How do I make that last push towards becoming a writer? I've lost hope in a normalfag future, I have a decent collection of ideas and a couple short stories finished, all that's left is to start dedicating my free time to writing. As is I'm very spur-of-the-moment, which isn't productive. What do I need to cut out to achieve this?

>one microfiction piece published

I’m a professional writer now right?

>>22709325
Only you know the answer. We don't know your daily schedule m8. Either way, just set some time aside every day and dedicate it to nothing but writing. Then outside of that window, do whatever you want.

>>22709215
What's the purpose here? Short story? First chapter?

>>22709346
Short story

>>22709215
I like the two-column formatting. If I wasn't writing what I'm writing, I'd steal that.

Aside from that, I like that the text is clean too. Good paragraph breaks and eyes easily track the text.

I'm fairly sure the idea of robojudge was done somewhere before, but like other anons said, it's the execution and not the idea.

Overall densely packed without becoming unreadable, a cut above the schizo blocks of text that are posted here. That being said, there's some wonkiness.
>machine broke in
Broke in what? I get that you meant cut in, but you should write that.

I feel unmotivated

>>22709132
>if anyone happens to have resources about writing
>[OP HOWTO pastebin] was just a bunch of resource links
baka

>>22709352
Thanks anon. I’ll do some copyediting. I plan on printing this one out and leaving it places - low tech self publishing.

>>22709453
>I plan on printing this one out and leaving it places - low tech self publishing.
Absolutely devilish but I advise against it because some faggot could claim it as his.

>>22709575
That’s true - I just love the idea of totally anonymous, physically published pieces of writing. Maybe I could include an email address on it so there’s some type of pseudonymous identity for it to go back to?

How do Light Novel authors manage to make their volumes so long yet short? They can cover so little content yet hit 50,000 words.

>read short stories of genre magazines i plan to submit to
>only positive part of prose is its grammatical correctness
>surely, this can't be--
>most short stories are written like this
>retvrn to early pulps, surely they must be better sinc--
>same quality of prose, only ideas and what counts as futuristic is different, but no less banal
>90% of stories are like this, save for the Lovecrafts, the Howards, the Quinns, etc.
Was it over from the beginning? Who are the Lovecrafts and Howards and other writers whose works are good now?

>>22709367
Have you tried praying to F Gardner?

>>22709620
a majority of it is filler dialogue. including characters going "um" and "ah"

>>22709636
>>22708842
>>22709101
>>22709354
>>22709591
such a fine day today. kys, frank

>>22706094
Here's a decent summary, to get you started on your dystopian novel:
https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2023/11/12/exposed-klaus-schwab-wefs-secret-blueprint-to-control-every-aspect-of-your-life/

>>22708943
When I can legally smoke I’m totally going to. Leaning into the tortured addict writer aesthetic hardcore.

brandon sanderson doesnt smoke

>>22710051
And he doesn’t write anything worth reading either

>>22709629
share some of your writing

>>22709708
>>22709709
>>22709904
his shill-spamming fails as badly as his pathetic attempts at writing

>>22710229
>>22710229
>>22710229

>>22709620
A lot of Light Novels started off as web novels in Japan's equivalent of RR, what you're reading on the published version is already boiled down by editing.

>>22710244
I wish ENG publishing did the same