/lit/ - Literature

https://pastebin.com/eF5DWaKE

Do trans characters in your world have access to high quality medical care?

Fuck, I spent like 50+ pages on this court intrigue arc in this fantasy story establishing character relationships and motivations, but the stakes seem so distant, I think it'll probably come off as boring until shit hits the fan down the line.
What are some ways I can spice up court politics? The only real action that happens with the court characters so far is a fight scene in a temple where an astral projecting wizard, his tulpa, and a mystic warrior monk try to take down a giant interdimensional parasite. I have an assassination attempt later, but I can't insert it at this point in the story.

>>22670900
Bait

>>22670905
Nothing sexual, probably should've clarified.

>>22670900
Occasionally switch pov to the bad guy to build tension

>>22670900
read a book about real medieval courts and what they were like

>>22670913
I might just have to do that. I wanted the assassination attempt to come as a surprise, but perhaps it would be more effective if the impending doom of his betrayal were looming over the expositional scenes.

>try to look up info on publishing trends/asks from agents
>get 1000000 basedface get rich quick videos from creatures that look like this
this is why it's ethical to pirate.

>>22670936
What's your point? Ugly people shouldn't publish their work?

I've got a 7000 word short story and have an idea to improve it drastically but requires rewriting 3000 words of it
it would probably take me 3 days, or the weekend
I don't want to do it though
I want to move on to another story

>>22670944
Ugly people should be killed, to be frank. Some woman ripped her vagina open to give birth to them, and they spend their life trying to run amazon scams while degrading the self publishing landscape, which should have liberated writers from the tyranny of agents but instead became as scammy as shitcoins. All of these people should be disemboweled and left to rot in a desert. Also, they're fat.

>>22670956
You VILL fix your short story, because the satisfaction of improving it will be infinately better than never having improvied it to begin with
And you VILL be happy.

>>22671007
Post face + body with timestamp

>>22671016
t. triggered fatty

>>22670944
Browns shouldn't be allowed to shit up Amazon lists with their tripe.

>>22670956
Stop posting this shit faggot.

On the offchance you are not just baiting, you could already fix your shit in the time you spent bitching about it.

>>22670956
>7000 word short story
Honest question: How?

>>22671129
they outright describe their own work as "low content," there needs to be some kind of standard to prevent scammy trash from flooding the net. not that i expect any standards from amazon. nowadays it's just an ali-express chinesium emporium with a 50000% upcharge, so it makes sense kdp is the same.

my only solace is if they were actually making money hawking low effort "books" they wouldn't need to be open mouth smiling on youtube.

>>22670919
can you recommend one?

>>22670956
Leave the one you've written and start the new one. Then go back to the old one and fix it. Simple as.

>>22671010
yeah ok you're right I'm doing it
>>22671148
how what?

Give me examples of things that can be done in different but valid ways.

>>22671693
>The car sped down the highway.
>Down the highway sped the car.

Which of you niggas gonna win the F Gardner’s F Games!

>>22670936
YouTube is a fallen land, no matter where you go there will be someone trying to scam a click off of you.

>>22671960

>>22671022
Being 50kg as a man is not attractive either.

>>22671693
Two characters fighting can be written wildly differently based on whether the PoV is from one combatant or another, an outside observer, of an omniscient narrator

>>22671980
t. triggered amazon kdp schlock-hocker

>>22671978

>>22672078

>>22672092

I just asked myself - Why I want to write a book? I just want to create something big. I want to keep this book in my hands on some cafe and read the book. I just want to read this book in some train while I ride from one town to another. It looks comfy for me. But why? Because it's MY book? Why don't I just read "The Lower Depths" which is close to what I want to write? I don't know, maybe yes - I want MY book as MY challange and my right to read books of others.

>>22672155
The act of writing is also quite therapeutic.
The journey is worth just as much as the destination

>>22671980
Women love spaghetti noodles.

>>22672078
>>22672092
>>22672103
How are these F Gardner pics made?

>>22672280
AI slop, what do you think?

>>22672280
https://www.bing.com/create

It's so frustrating being bad at writing. What I like to read and what I end up writing are worlds apart and it makes it difficult to continue.

My writing feels so basic. So route-one. Non-poetic. It feels like a list of events that someone in school would write.
He went to the shops. He stopped to look at a poster. He thought the poster looked nice.
I have no idea how to do this and it's really irritating me.

>>22672587
i believe that once you have a more natural grasp of the components of a story, and how to build one, you will afford yourself more time and consideration for nuance and pretty prose.

>>22672620
I know there's a tonne of resources out there on how to write a story etc. But what resources do you feel have been the most helpful for you?

>>22672659
the most meme'd upon ones are save the cat and robert mckee's 'story' (more for script). they're both alright, even if you disagree with parts.

i really liked,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6HOdHEeosc

none of this stuff is law, of course. just try to build a foundation before you diverge. imo

consider the individual reader will pour through millions of words of webseries slop, while the prettiest prose usually gathers dust.

>>22672676
Thank you. I had seen about save the cat but I wasn't sure if it was more for screenwriters. I've also seen the anatomy of story by Truby thrown about.

I'm not too worried about pretty prose gathering dust. I'm not planning on trying to get famous or make a load of money, I just want to do this as a hobby that I'm proud of.

>>22671708
>>22672021
That’s not what i was looking for but then i probably should have better explained what i was looking for. Thanks, though.

>>22672280
You mean the single greatest author on /lit/? Someone captured his purest essence of unbridled manhood and genius in an image? Impossible. That would be like trying to capture the breadth of God and His creation with mere words.

>>22670791
My MCs (and characters in general) are too powerful.
I write fantasy but my characters are still too fucking strong. This is one of my MC's (non-exhaustive) skill list:
>Combat magic
>Barrier creation and barrier breaking
>Sealing magic
>Summoning magic (infinite summons)
>Godlike perception magic
>Remote communication and control of allies/summons
>Teleportation and dematerialisation
>Hand to hand combat, also weapon skills
>Healing magic
>Possession
>Transformation into an eldritch abomination
>Creation and use of fake bodies that can be remote controlled
>Mystic arts
Literally the only reason why resistance against this guy is even conceivable is because his nemesis is basically the Sun if the Sun was a human.
I am at my wit's end. Writing any kind of conflict with characters like these is basically a non-starter, especially since I have a preference for mid-tier type plots and fights, whereas my characters seem to be pretty up there in terms of abilities. I think I might be a bit brainfried from all the stuff I watched as a kid. I think to myself, "if there's no super high power levels, I guess it's all good". But if there's god tier abilities involved, it doesn't really matter what you do with the power levels.
It feels like there's something obviously wrong with the way I approach planning powers and conflicts, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I know that some people can really make the super ultra high power level stuff work, even stuff much more absurd than this. But I just... can't. I have half a mind to just not write fantasy because of this, but that would also suck because I have by far the strongest affinity for fantasy settings.

>>22673118
The Superman conundrum. Don't try to hinge the tension and stakes on his wellbeing, since that will rarely be in question, rather on more vulnerable characters that have been caught up in the conflict.

>>22673138
>he's evil and uses his subordinates as chess pieces

>>22673118
Have you ever thought about...not making your characters absurdly broken? Just a thought.

>>22673230
I have made my character absurdly broken and this matters exactly nothing as far as stakes and drama is concerned.

Simply write better.

>>22673230
It doesn't feel good taking off abilities from characters or scaling them down, though. It's like you're deliberately making the character worse, which I guess is technically correct, but it still sucks. Part of the issue is that I like these more busted abilities like perception, analysis, remote communication, but on their own they don't make for traditional stories. It requires a lot of thought to make a character like that work. So then you want to add some combat abilities too, but then when you put the two types together you get something pretty busted.

>>22673259
I can think of at least 4 ways to have a broken character that still somehow manages to provide drama.

>>22673272
I am all ears.

>>22673283
I never said I'll share. Watch One Punch Man.

>>22673289
I already have, but I don't want to write a parody.

>>22673296
I never said write a parody nigger. If you can't steal writing tricks from literally the definition of broken MC story that still manages to provide drama and be entertaining then I don't know what to tell you.

>>22673118
what does your character want, why can't he have it?
you could do mystery, twists, internal conflict. supernatural threats.
if you want to keep doing progression, you could raise him to higher plane where he's back to being near average, or have him sacrifice/isekai himself and reset

>>22673249
I'm disgusted and feel irrational anger towards you, though I don't even know anything else about your story, so I'd say it matters.

>>22673118
Honestly just make your character fight stronger shit
No one is going to care about your character's power level or skill set, they just want to read cool fight scenes

>>22673301
I am guessing you're here to boost your ego rather than say meaningful things. Thanks for chiming in anyway.
>>22673313
You've asked a lot of good questions. This is pretty helpful.
>what does your character want, why can't he have it?
It might be that the central issue is that, actually, he can have what he wants, which is the destruction of his enemies. It's just a slow and gruelling process getting there, but it also feels like a straightforward progression now that I think of it like this. So maybe there's a core issue with the character, the setting and the goals he has that need to be adjusted. But IDK if that's really a problem either, since you'd normally expect and want the MC to win in the end.
>you could do mystery, twists, internal conflict. supernatural threats.
I have the internal conflict. I don't typically have much of the rest. Twists could be cool, I've thought about some options sometimes, but it might require some getting out of my comfort zone. Like killing off some of the other characters I love, or something like that.
Supernatural threats could actually be a good element to add in as well. Especially with the MC's perception abilities, perhaps he's aware of greater threats that other people are not aware of, and that might be part of the reason why he's pushed into a conflict with the rest of the world in the first place. That would also allow me to lean into some kind of hidden war aspect where the MC's faction and this supernatural threat, maybe demons, are trying to root out each other's infiltrators. This idea might need some further development since there might be some other options worth exploring, like maybe other people and factions also know of this supernatural threat but have a different approach to it, maybe collaborationist or isolationist, and that's what forces the MC's hand and pushes him to take action. I am pretty pleased with this.
>if you want to keep doing progression, you could raise him to higher plane where he's back to being near average, or have him sacrifice/isekai himself and reset
Both of these also sound really cool with a lot of potential. I've played a bit with the idea of resurrection, since this character is capable of reviving himself in new bodies. So perhaps I could write a scenario where he's just come back from the dead and trying to rebuild his strength and his organisation. That poses some other questions about the story of course. And now that you've got me thinking, even ascending or moving to another plane, whether to fight demons or to become a god or what have you, could be cool. Even some kind of time regression thing could be cool but I have zero experience with that genre so I'd need to learn more about how those stories tend to go.
Very fruitful post, I think. Thanks anon. Would love to hear any other thoughts you might have.

>>22673259
But your characters are already limited by your imagination and writing ability, preventing them from making full use of their potential. So by writing bullshit like this, you're really only showcasing your shortcomings as an author.

>>22673301
>OPM
>drama
>entertaining
lmao

>>22673380
I have some of those. Maybe I can just mix it up a bit, so that the fight scenes are either cool scenes of the MC crushing weaker people, cool scenes of the MC fighting equal people and occasionally cool scenes of the MC getting btfo? Do you think this would be sufficient?
>>22673388
I am not really sure what point you are trying to make here. Are you saying that my characters would be unable to use their full arsenal of skills because I wouldn't be able to think of creative ways to use them? For what it's worth, I feel like I have the opposite problem in that there's so many different things I can envision that it becomes impossible to pick one option over another.

Remind me of the fact that writing is actually nothing that remarkable because I keep feeling like I'm trying to be smart or better at something than I actually am by writing and it keeps me from writing. That one post where it showed youtubers acting as if writing is a get rich quick scheme helped me consider writing to not actually be that large of an achievement.

>>22673405
>Are you saying that my characters would be unable to use their full arsenal of skills because I wouldn't be able to think of creative ways to use them?
Of course. But the trouble is the opposite of what you're thinking. It's that the ridiculous powerlisting will often provide an immediate 1-move solution to any situation, but you can't see it because you're lost in the convoluted jungle of possibilities

>>22673457
Well that's a separate topic, but I don't agree. Not when there are other characters on the same or higher level of strength.
>>22673413
You have self-esteem issues anon, even if you objectively are better and smarter than other people, there's nothing wrong with that. And if you're not, there's nothing wrong with that either.

>>22673413
I just wanna be like David graeber. Dead. Wait, I mean prophetic in important fields of study.

>>22673391
It handles exactly what that guy wants well - the question of how do I generate drama and struggle when the main character is absurdly broken?

>>22673500
Except, all the "drama and struggle" in OPM is an empty joke

>>22673144
What reason does the reader have to be invested in him or his journey?

>>22670900
You don't need to insert action scenes or magical elements. If the characters are interesting enough they will hold the audiences attention. I'd suggest having a single main character, possibly a outsider, who must perilously maneuever his way through the court. This will give the story a solid grounding through all the complicated plots. And don't keep the status quo the same for too long, have alliances constantly shift

>>22673581
NTA but reasons do people generally have a give a shit about any character? Is this why we have to do stupid shit like “save the cat” to tell the reader “this is a good person; you should care about him?”

>>22673581
He's badass and has a fun personality.

>>22673704
But did he save a cat?

>>22673722
He saved a cute girl once in his backstory, is that good enough?

>>22673664
My story is based on an ensemble cast, so I can't really filter it through a single character's POV. Most of the character development and exposition is related to things outside the intrigue subplot and will develop further after the arc wraps up.
For reference, the main conflict in the court intrigue arc is that the ruling family has been accused of having lost divine right due to an omen and the overall decline of the empire's regional hegemony under the main royals' infirm father. The official rescinding of divine right would leave them open to being overthrown by force and their family's resources have been too mismanaged by their father. All that is keeping them in power is the presumption of divine right and they're scrambling to make alliances to back them up with few resources to offer in return.
If the looming dread of the loss of divine right is compelling, maybe I'm overthinking. I often determining if my writing and character/story structure is actually compelling is like trying to tickle myself.

>>22673571
I don't know, Genos is pretty well written and Garou is based. Stop sniffing your farts thinking you have the best deep novel for intellectuals when you basically have written a litRPG sans numbers.

>>22673413
Bro I literally write schlocky pulpy self insert fantasy because it's fun. It doesn't need to be remarkable, it just needs to enrich your life personally for it to be worth something.
Live for yourself!

>>22673733
Only if the flashback happened on pg. 1. Along with the inciting incident. Modern writing doesn’t waste time.

>>22673801
a 17 year old is actually in here defending a cheap manga written as a joke. kill yourself

>>22674064
Cool, but you have to be 18 to post here, Herbert. I'm sure you will wow the world with your gripping fantasy world once you figure out the issue of MC being able to snap the antagonist in half like a twig and go about his business.

>>22673144
If your target demo is Reverend Insanity fans, what's the problem? Own that you're writing a shit story for people with shit taste

>>22674264
seething westoid cuck detected

My mood is fucking tanked.
How the hell are people able to write about happy things when tragedy befalls them?

>>22674353
1. You don't
2. Write about the way you wish things were instead of the way they are
Pick one

>>22674371
>You don't Write about the way you wish things were instead of the way they are
I pick this.

>>22674374
Touche

>>22674353
yea, this has been my problem. you probably have to lean hard into outlining stuff.

>>22674353
Just write happy things that get stained with tragedy, constantly reminding the reader that life is cruel and it holds true for your setting as well.

That's what I do.

>>22672587
I can't remember the author, but he was speaking about the novice writer and their abilities. He said that your ability to write when first starting out is nowhere near the level required to satiate your taste and there will be an imbalance for quite some time--in my experience, some years with lots of effort, before the gap closes. He continued on in saying that most aspiring writers will have given up far before they could ever hope to build the skills necessary to effectively tell their stories. You just have to write in the way that best works for you.

>>22674053
But anon, it's supposed to be a super slow burn romance with origins kept secret from the eyes of the readers until the right moment! It can't work on chapter 1...
I-is it over...?
>>22674264
I actually haven't read that one, but my friend sends me pretty traumatic stuff from it. I think the main difference is that my MC is just cold, calculating, and willing to accept collateral damage. Whereas Fang Yuan seems to just enjoy being a bastard and hurting people.

For a while I didn't quite understand "read the greeks". I thought it was a meme phrase for a different reason than it is. As a child I read the odyssey, the 12 labours, Gyges and the Ring, basically all the major greek myths. All my friends did, too. It was as normal as reading local fables about the descendants of our local kings going on epic quests to iron/diamond/glass mountains.

>>22674545
but can you write?

>>22674545
Classics like Odyssey are basically a school requirement here and it shocks me mutts know nothing of this.

>>22674664
My readers and my publisher have both accused me of it, but I'm not convinced. I might have an answer after another million words.

>>22673774
Then you should make the characters have some stake in the arc's conflict. If the characters care then so will the audience

My MC is based off drew McIntyre. Is this physique too unrealistic?

>>22674686
that’s a lot of words

>>22674729
>"is this physique unrealistic?"
>posts a real person

>>22674710
They already do, of course. Perhaps it really is just a case of me trying to tickle myself.

>>22672587
Don't worry too much. My writing is similar to that but I cope by adding a few more nice-sounding lines I crib from better writers.

>>22672587
Worry about story first, edit the prose in.

>>22674937
this is not the way
you should practice writing well-structured sentences until it's natural

>>22675025
btw i dont write not sure if that matters

>>22675025
Says who? The benefit of writing is that you can always come back to the shitty parts and fix them.

>>22675042
I honestly cannot imagine "editing" by adding 50% onto the word count of every passage. The quickly-written skeleton of your story is called the outline. How does a writer's brain separate an event from the prosaic delivery of that event? It seems impossible to me. You're thinking about things totally wrong.

>>22675083
>by adding 50% onto the word count of every passage
Who the fuck said bloat your story with unreadable tripe? Play with words and make allusions. That's it. Say things simpler. Say more with less.

>>22675089
>prose = word play and metaphor
ha ha
ok

>>22675103
Among others, yes.

Is this good writing? Why or why not?

>>22675129
Verges on purple prose shit. I'd trim half of that, otherwise it's fine. Break up the blocks so it's less cancer on eyes.

>>22675141
Can you write a story revolving around this image please? Thanks

>>22675146
No I'm busy writing two things I have time for half of either.

>>22675129
It's clearly written by someone who doesn't know a thing about the Pokemon franchise, nor do they care. So many missed opportunities. "A flowering hill of moss and ivies" into... a crocodile? Not Torterra? A trapdoor spider, and not, say, Parasect? If I were commissioning this, I wouldn't come back for seconds. The definition of soulless.

>>22675173
Cynthia isn't that stupid also it's the guy on /vp/ who supposedly went to NYU who really hates Cynthia spamming vore of her again

>>22675129
I don't know, man

>>22673118
Stop writing retard shit

>>22673118
I want to see the kind of prose that results from this thought process. With translated works I can handle the whole "this author was clearly neck deep in power level tropes all his life so there's no helping him", but you clearly realize there's something very wrong going on in your head.

Would anyone like to read a chapter from the fantasy story I'm writing?
https://pastes.io/brjqm5jv96

>>22673118
Man, what the fuck are you on about. Just fucking write some bullshit. This is not a problem you should be having. "My characters are too powerful" fucking hell get a grip man. This is such a non-problem you should just scrap everything all together just throw that shit out the window and start writing something else man come on what the fuck is up with this shit. Get a grip.

>>22673118
Why did you give him all those powers
Strip him of powers somehow, toss him to a lower tier as part of some elaborate long-term powerup method that will make him end up stronger but with an easier-to-manage powerset.

Xianxia stories do this all the time.

>>22675241
>he hasn't written anything new since last week
Get back to work.

>>22673118
Just don't give him all those powers in the first place? What's wrong with you?

>>22675254
I have over 20 chapters written, I'm just trying to get feedback on this one in particular's structure based on the feedback from last time, but here's the chapter that precedes it.
https://pastes.io/orvorizcz5

>>22675212
(You) don't know me or my writing, anon.
>>22675238
I don't write stuff like what's in your pic, if that's what you're thinking of. I try to avoid ranks and stats and stuff like that. There's still really powerful abilities and people though. Now that I think about it, in a number of my stories the climatic points tend to be massacres where powerful characters destroy a large number of enemies in order to demonstrate their power and the threat they pose. But it's more about unleashing out of this world abilities rather than talking about ranks or what have you. Like summoning an enormous, hyper aggressive beast and using it to destroy a small army. I've found that cool moments like this are pretty effective for building up the prestige and role of a character, and for hyping up the audience.
>>22675253
>Xianxia stories do this all the time.
You mean the power loss thing, with "broken cores" etc?
>>22675263
Yeah but it's really cool though... You can mix any and all of these powers in creative ways and that's always super fun to watch. It just makes the focal point be the spectacle of a battle rather than the actual story conflict, I guess.

>complete my very first short story
>it’s a smut piece about a girl masturbating
I feel glad that I’ve at least finished a story for once in my life.

We’re all gonna make it bros.

>>22675510
>Yeah but it's really cool though
No it really isn't. With that many powers it's very easy to pick holes in the story as a reader and almost impossible to write a coherent story with actual stakes. But I suppose you're writing for the autists on royalroad so it's expected to be shit.

>>22675513
how'd you get commissioned for it
t. used to write smut for free like a retard

>>22675241
What kind of feedback are you looking for? Anything specific?

>>22675554
Anything you got. Grammar/punctuation, prose, or just whether or not you think it was entertaining or engaging.

>>22675530
Not a lover of choreography, I suppose?

>>22673118

The hero's anti-magic barrier was too strong for the incoming flame laser, though, so it reflected right off into a pagoda.

"Khhh... how could this be?!" the villain shouted from 50 miles away. "Impossible!"

"Heh, you should've trained for 10,000 more years if you wanted to defeat me," the hero said, sociopathically. "Now try this on for size!"

All of a sudden, the hero flung such powerful and majestic Absolute Healing Magic that it overloaded the rules of the universe, reversing to become Absolute Death Magic. This would pierce the villains' Ultimate Pain Shield which had rendered him invincible up until now.

"But how? ..." the villain cried, before being disintegrated slowly in a ball of Death Mist Aura.

The hero merely chuckled at how such a fool could possibly think of defeating him. Insolence... with his Godlike Perception Magic he honed in on the villain's nearby underling who cringed in fear at such power.

"Send this message back to the Poison Tiger Sect," said the hero, spreading his arms wide as he floated in the sky.

"Y-y-yes anything you wish, magisterial master!" wept the villain's toady who had chosen the wrong master, the wrong magic, and the wrong life.

"I have torn asunder your sect's weakest member. Soon I shall obliterate your sect's strongest."

As a show of force, the hero used his Mystic Arts to shine brightly, demonstrating his absolute control over all the chi within a 50 mile radius. This chi would enhance his mana levels by 5000% on average, and 10000% if he found a Crimson Chi Locus using his Chi Dowsing Rod. Indeed, it would be simple to magnify his various powers by 10000% or even more, he decided, through proper channeling of his body's unique mana storage properties. By intense channeling training, all paths were open to him, including pursuit of the Gray Rat in Fiery Robes technique, forbidden to all except the most elite masters of the Poison Tiger Sect. Perhaps he would learn that technique sooner than he had planned, the hero mused, healing his minor wounds with his 400x speed regeneration capabilities. He then teleported away toward the mountains of the Poison Tiger Sect to retrieve his rightful technique.

>>22675731
Based and 韓pilled

>>22675590
More powers are detrimental to good choreography.

>>22675731
*50 li away

>>22675787
Not if you're me.

>>22675807
Says gookshit every retard.

>>22675807
Says every gookshit reading retard.

My story was partially inspired by some true events that took place a long time ago. There's a semi-famous band that wrote a song, also inspired by the same true story. The title of my story comes from a line in the song, but it's not really recognizable as coming from the song; it's just a common generic phrase that happens to be used in the song, and I thought it sounded cool. Will this get me into any copyright trouble?

>>22675827
I actually have never read a Korean novel in my life lol.

>>22672078
>>22672092
>>22672103
Wow, that really looks like him...apart from the weak chin...the thinning hair...the sunken chest...the pale, fish-like pallor...the bovine eyes...but except for ALL THAT, yeah, looks just like him. Believe me, Francis, I understand why you'd want to be someone other than who you are. We all wish you were someone else, too.

Here's some random shit I did. POV, you're one of the protagonists watching another protagonist get absolutely negged. Leading into this.
>She felt horrified, watching this slaughter taking place in front of her. Nauseated, even. One of the strongest, bravest, and most caring beings she had ever known was being pummeled to a bloody pulp before her eyes. His knuckles were bruised to the bone from punching the wall in front of him, the fins on his forearms were frayed and spurting blood, the webbing between his digits split open. His eyes were swollen shut and leaking ichor, his tongue hanging out and bleeding to the point it resembled an intestine. His opponent was insurmountable, a hulking nightmare from the past that was just toying with him. All the power she had seen him show in the past... He had wrestled the serpent to the ground, he faced the parasite and won, he bested a superior version of himself, he defeated the abomination, and he had made one who entered the realm of Gods submit with his hands alone. Yet the individual who had done all of those things just didn't feel like he was there anymore. Not like this. Yet deep down she begged him "Please get up."
>She wasn't in any shape to fight. How could she do anything but pray? This was like a mother watching the child she raised be beaten to death.
Meh

>>22675542
i never did. i wrote it for my own pleasure because i couldn’t find any other story that satisfied me. hence i decided to tailor one to my own liking.

despite the fact that i’ve been writing on and off for almost 12 years now, this is the first time i’ve ever completed a story.

>>22675253
As a reader as soon as any story does this its an immediate red flag heralding more power gating a filler down the road. I've thankfully learned to bail on anything that has a more then a few chapters prisoner arc, power striping or amnesia. I mean, why waste your eye muscles on suffering through an authors shitty choices?

New Slop drop.

>>22676015
That's not what 'negged' means, anon.
Pretty depressing excerpt though. Although I guess fish people have it coming.

Stories write.

Stories write stories which in turn write stories about the story.

There’s infinite stories writing in every story.
Infinite within infinite.

There’s infinite abstract languages

A story is a soul

>>22676394
Worst excuse for plagiarism i've ever read.

>self inserts are bad, because... THEY JUST ARE OK???
How would any reader even know if a character is a self insert? They don't know the author 9 times out of 10, do it's literally irrelevant.

>>22676551
That's a big reason why they're bad. Because they're painfully obvious.

>>22676588
I cringe any time a main character is a troubled writer (I see you Sally Rooney).

>>22676551
Hot take: most MCs are some form of self-insert, unless the story itself is some kind of weird art project. It's just that most of the self-inserts aren't blatantly obvious and direct.

Haven't seen much nanowrimo talk on here. Does anyone take part? I'm trying to use it to get in a better habit of writing (500 words/day), rather than sporadically writing something every few months and never having the discipline to practice consistently and get good.

>>22676665
Almost all literary fiction is "muh diary" trash, but that's a separate matter.

>>22676668
that's actually such a ridiculous take. lol
i know what you're thinking, but that isn't 'self-insert'. just good ol' empathy. that is, drawing from ones own experiences, beliefs, etc. is not self-insert.
>>22676669
seems like most are participating, or already busy writing anyway.
there's at least 100 of us in here,
https://discord.gg/3MXxV7Yb

>>22676798
>drawing from ones own experiences, beliefs, etc. is not self-insert
Whew. I was going to have a few hoops like figuring out what did I mean by two characters that are literally me wanting to fuck means for me.

>>22676940
>literally me

>>22676940
>two characters that are literally me wanting to fuck means for me.
this but unironically

>>22676798
>discord
How far /wg/ has fallen.

>>22676798
>>22676940
>drawing from ones own experiences, beliefs, etc. is not self-insert.
This is self-insertlet cope, by the way. Fucking retards.

How many words per paragraph is optimal do you think? I seem to end on about 1000 words every time unintentionally

>>22677351
> 1000 word paragraphs

>>22677351
Chapter chapter, christ I'm a goofy goober

>>22677351
E. Dec sama...

>>22677358
>1000 word paragraphs

>>22677330
>>22676979
lmao

>>22677362
my chapters tend to be between 1.5k and 4k

>>22677399
>4k
What the fuck are you putting in those chapters my man

>>22677405
4k is very reasonable for 1 chapter if you're not writing for spastic zoomies at RR. 900-2k is more of an RR ballpark.

>>22677405
normally a 4k chapter will be broken up into a few smaller sections that I didn't want to dedicate an entire chapter to for whatever reason

>>22677405
1k is short enough to be a single scene, add scenes together to get chapters.

>>22677351
>>22677399
I feel like nothing can happen in under 3k words. I usually aim between 3-5k. I think it's pretty good. Over 5 is a bit too lengthy already, 99% of readers can't take it in one sitting. But 1k or less is a 4chan post, not a chapter.

>>22677405
Have you ever read a book?

>>22676321
He's not a fish person. He's a genetically engineered frog that was modified with mermaid DNA. This turned him into a 10 story bipedal fighting machine.
It's a weird story.

Are stories written for yourself or other people?

>>22677600
My most successful one is ironically written for myself while my fucking flop is written for others.

>>22677399
Man I guess I'm overestimating, I thought chapters had to be 5k-7k minimum
>>22677600
For myself out of spite towards others

>>22677625
>For myself out of spite towards others
Me too, king.

>>22677625
obviously writing these days always errs toward shorter and punchier, so if you aspire to be a successful popular author then sure, write ~1k word chapters. Otherwise who cares

I'm working on a book with my mother. I work out the details of certain things (Worldbuilding details mostly) and she incorporates those into her narrative.
She wants to write a fight scene between 2 groups of 4. In one corner
>4 crazed mutants with slightly enhanced strength/durability
In the other corner, our heroes. All 4 are highly trained fighters who have differing approaches to combat
>A young boy with a tomahawk who fights in an aggressive, up-close way that prevents his opponent from getting a breather
>A girl with a spear who fights defensively and constantly tries to keep away from her foes
>A young man with a sword who intentionally fights in the way his opponent is not to throw them off
>A woman with a cutlass who's fighting style we haven't figured out yet
I'm not sure what to do.

>>22677829
>A woman with a cutlass who's fighting style we haven't figured out yet
You still don't have a nigger in the team that just parries and reacts? Come on now.

>>22677829
what are you unsure of? choreographing the fight?
consider the location and put yourself in each of their shoes. where are they trying to be? who do they need to look out for? how disciplined are they? and what are they capable of?
think of fun ideas on top of that, ex.
the 2 swordsmen are fighting side by side against 2 mutants, and the spear flanks and skewers 2 of them in 1 thrust (because tomahawk did something to distract 2 at once)
depends on the tone and whatever, of course

>>22677852
Context is
>They're on a bridge, across it is their destination
>The car can't get through a blockade, so they get out and crawl under
>Suddenly 4 mutants corner them

>>22677600
Purely self serving

>>22677600
i write for the art of it, but the story is for everyone else.

>>22677867
try to make the fight serve a purpose. the mutants are just mooks, how threatening should they be?
maybe a bad situation reveals how one cares for another due to desperation. maybe it shows how competent someone is at fighting or tactics and it surprises the others. or how they'd demonstrate self sacrifice (even if it doesnt come to that)
maybe it shows how the team is getting better at fighting together, or that they need to figure that out (and demonstrate how they fumble over eachother). etc.

Writing dialogue is such an easy wordcount hack I swear lads

I wonder if my influences are obvious

>>22677944
It really is but I also feel like a hack doing it.

How do I transition from writing fanfiction to writing original work? When I sit down to write original work it doesn’t go anywhere.

>>22678137
You need to have an original idea. It doesn't matter what it is. Like growing salt crystals, you need a seed.

>>22678137
learn how to worldbuild, there's a whole community of youtubers dedicated to it

>>22678137
Take the fan fiction you are writing and strip away all aspects of it that are related to the original IP. What do you have left? Did you build a new world? Are the character dynamics different from the original? Did you self insert a new character? What you are doing by writing fanfiction is the actual work of writing without any of the prep work needing to be done. The world, characters, motivations, plots, are all already developed for you. What you need to do is be 'original' and create your own world and characters and plot.

Let's say instead of writing better call saul fan fiction you take the concept of a shyster lawyer and move him to wherever you live, and instead of him being saul, he's actually much more like your irl personal friend dave who's kind of retarded but gets away with almost everything he tries. Now we have Dave the Shyster in Wyoming. What is dave doing in wyoming? He's actually ripping off the older generation of ranch and cattle workers there by writing their wills, using alt right rhetoric to convince them that writing a will can actually protect them from immigrants and their lazy family. Great, we have a guy doing a thing. Who's going to cause him trouble? Another lawyer? A detective? One of the ranchers?

It's a choose your own adventure, except you get to choose everything!

>>22678137
do some exercises:
write 250 words about an old lady whose house is beset by ants
write 250 words about a bird realizing that it's time to migrate
write 250 words about an angel who has been turned into a statue
you can find these online or ask for them here and doing them will help you build the skills needed to assemble complex scenes from a single instruction, which in a real story will be a note or an outline. Eventually you'll be able to make a note for yourself like "man goes through the tunnel of love alone and doesn't come out the other side" and mold it into a narrative.

esl, I need to read more, but at least I wrote anything after being dry for months. just poured my thoughts onto paper, for the sake of practice and creation.
let me know your thoughts and use it as a prompt: tell a story about being a rock on one A5 page.

>>22678474

Trying too hard to be Kafka and quirky but I enjoye dit

>>22678479
funny thing is I've read maybe 10 pages of Kafka and it wasn't Metamorphosis

>>22678488

Was it the one where the bridge gained consciousness/sapience? Mine was the short story before yours

>2200 views on a story so far
>20 comments
>they're all just one guy saying "thanks for the chapter"
Does this fucking thing not provoke a single thought in anybody's head?

>>22678537
I dunno, it was Description of a Struggle. I didn't get far.
>>22677981
I'm gonna comment on what stands out, positive and constructive as I go along
Positive is it gave me vivid images right away
Constructive is her being hungry was told first, then shown. I feel it's redundant to do both, I'd just show.
Should beast be plural after using "were" in this situation? I don't know, esl. Someone better could chime in.
Love the quick progression from terror to obsession. Great way to pass time.
>reflectin(g)
small typo, no worries
>if needed(,) after all
I would turn the page.

>>22678585
>making more free click bait for RR
Good goy.

>>22678585
The only comment I got was one guy gaslighting me.

>>22678585
People post to help your scores on the algorithm. They don't necessarily want a conversation.

>>22678622
maybe he had a point

>>22678631
I checked and he didn't.

>>22678635
I dunno man, he seemed pretty compelling. Are you sure?

>>22677294
>Posts AI slop
>Complains about Discord
Anyway, it’s not just ANY server. It’s Gardner’s NaNoWriMo server where he’s giving out a grand prize.

>>22678657
Literally no one here wants to be associated with Gardner.

>>22678675
It’s best for you losers to self-select out.

>>22678657
Grand prize to whom? A terrible writer like Gardner is no judge.

>>22678657
>Gardner’s NaNoWriMo server
oh lmao
can't believe I was thinking about setting up discord to check it out
astroturfing really works, huh

>>22678693
It's fairly obvious to anyone that knows the guy's personality that he's just going to declare himself the winner at the end of it all

>>22678707
Gardner already said he’s not going to do that.

>>22678724
Shut up Frank.

>>22675141
>>22675172
>>22675172
>>22675184
HA

KNEW YOU WERE SIMPS TOO

JUST LIKE THE THE VP T ROONS

STUPID DYKES

>>22676015
Show don't tell.

>>22678585
thanks for the chapter

>>22678875
You mean describe the beating?

>>22676015
the biggest problem is that it's written backwards. It's awkward when you introduce elements into the text in the reverse of how they are in the story.
>she was horrified
>he was beaten up
>his opponent was strong
>he was an accomplished fighter
this is one of the more subtle dangers of discovery writing and you need to train yourself to catch it because it always reads poorly.

>>22679115
Like this?
>All the power she had seen him show in the past... He had wrestled the serpent to the ground, he faced the parasite and won, he bested a superior version of himself, he defeated the abomination, and he had made one who entered the realm of Gods submit with his hands alone. Yet the giant ally who had done all of those things just didn't feel like he was there anymore. His opponent was insurmountable, a hulking nightmare from the past that was just toying with him. His knuckles were bruised to the bone from punching the wall of strength looming over him, the fins on his forearms were frayed and spurting blood, the webbing between his digits split open. His eyes were swollen shut and leaking ichor, his tongue hanging out and bleeding to the point it resembled an intestine. He couldn't even stand as blow after blow rained down upon him. She felt horrified, watching this slaughter taking place in front of her. Nauseated, even. One of the strongest, bravest, and most caring beings she had ever known was being pummeled to a bloody pulp before her eyes. And in her weakened state, how could she do anything but pray? This was like a mother watching the child she raised be beaten to death.
And continued
>And to her horror, the adversary turned to look at her. How could this skyscraper-sized beast notice someone so small compared to him? He turned back to her friend, grabbed his head, and lifted him clean off the ground before slowly carrying the near-corpse in her direction. She stood, the fluid in her IV drip sifting with each monstrous, bomb-like footstep, frozen by his horrible gaze. She couldn't do anything but watch as he held her friend's face close to her insignificant form, as if to tell her "This is what happens when you defy me, weakling." And yet he, almost in an act of mercy, let go and started to walk away, satisfied with the torment he had inflicted. Her friend's chin lightly fell in front of her, sending a cool breeze from the displaced air. Weak in the legs and barely able to perform a speedwalk, she approached him as rapidly as she could, tears in her eyes as her IV clattered around the uneven terrain. His skin, usually healthy and smooth, was covered with so many injuries that (I don't know what to put here)
>As soon as she reached him, she collapsed sobbing, her hands touching his cold skin. It was wet with his blood, the smell of iron permeating it. She extended her little arms to cover what little she could of his massive face. She looked up, barely able to see his once adorable and brave green eyes through the swelling, and spoke, tears flowing through her shaky voice.
"Why? Why did you fight him like this? We just barely survived fighting the Hidden! The doctors told us both to rest! Why didn't you just run? Why?!"
>His nostrils blew out weakly, and what little she could see of his eye shifted... To her. In an instant, she realized why he fought.
"You... Wanted to protect me?"

I need to write better dialogue

>>22678594

I went back and rewrote them but something about the first paragraph still ticks me off can't really explain what it is I think it reads alright though

Description of a Struggle is good but it's not even the best shorter work go read something like A Hunger Artist or The Judgement before easing yourself into The Metamorphosis.

>>22678657
There is not helping some anons.

I will place the laptop directly above my genitals. For hours at a time. You will not mention this directly, you will not allude to this. This shall remain unspoken between us. You see, there are many things that simply cease to function as soon as they are examined; parts of the world machine that grinds to a halt when they happen to be witnessed. That laptop, there, pressed closed against the most giving flesh of my tender loins, is needed to cook my spermatozoids to perfection. Its being there is of the utmost necessity. You will now avert your gaze from it, you will redirect your stream of thoughts however you see fit. The plan has been in motion for a long time; it is on the cusp of completion as I am on the verge of greatness. You will not, by your mindless attention, lead this laptop to the disrepair it craves. Today, tomorrow, until I finally discard it once its duty is performed to the highest standard, this chef will perform. And it will sear my balls like a well done piece of filet mignon.

(As always, comments, criticisms, input appreciated. More to come next week...)

>>22679340
how does a breeze caress a body? Breezes don't "wrap" and hug things. Your tenses are all over the place, and now how would being chased by a ghost (which is scary and haunting) "caress" her which is a word that leans towards "romantic" than fearful.

Now it shifts to hunting for food and some thing about tunnels. What happened to the scary wraith that's trying to hug her?

Now she "would wake up", why not just "woke up" especially considering the rest of the sentence context.

>>22676551
I'm one of three people who reads my writing so I use aspects of myself in main characters. The main guy is painfully shy around women and can't talk to them to save his life. The main girl acts like she can't stand him and pushes him away because she's afraid of vulnerability and putting herself out there. They can be self inserts while also representing universal fears.

>>22679262
Yeah, I need to workshop the dialogue in this. She isn't speaking right.
Context is
>He's a frog Kaiju, she's an Ultraman-style "Kyodai hero"
>They built a very brother/sister relationship despite the fact they can't verbally understand each other.
>They both recently were involved in a fight that they narrowly won, but it badly injured both of them
>They both ended up in intensive care but have, by now, recovered enough to walk at least
>Suddenly reoccurring foe shows up because he just felt like beating someone up. He's that kind of dick
>Froggeboi gets up despite his wounds and tries to hold him off
>It's not enough, and frogge is nearly beaten to death
>Our scene starts here
I need to think of some better dialogue

>>22677476
>He's not a fish person. He's a genetically engineered frog that was modified with mermaid DNA. This turned him into a 10 story bipedal fighting machine.
Fascinating.
Now get to the sushi factory, frog-boy!

>>22677944
Yeah it's great, although you got to strike a good balance with it. Some people will complain if the dialogue slows down the pacing of the story.
>>22678137
It really depends on the type of thinker and writer you are. What really helps is knowing your main character and the journey that you want this character to take. Then you can build the rest of the world, plot, and character cast around that according to necessity. The biggest challenge in this shift imo is ensuring the continuity of your creative vision.
>>22678585
This must be why people make discord servers for their patreon supporters, eh?

>>22679902
Trust me, it's not him that gets carved to ribbons

How do I write a cool book about pirates?

>>22679971
Well then! I suppose it's only to be expected that a 4channer would never have the frog lose!

>>22680037
I didn't say he won. He basically dies here, but there's a problem:
You know what Wood Frogs do?

Why is my first person prose so underdeveloped? Whenever I write in third person, my prose is fine for my skill level; but in the first person perspective, my prose completely degenerates into a barely above high school essay level.

What’s the difference here? Most books written in third person that I’ve read are old pulps, while most of the books written in first person I’ve read are classics like Conrad or Melville.

Am I retarded if I feel like I need to create a psychological profile for one of my characters? The intent is that its a pretty much completely subhuman child that is meant to be unnerving and unlikeable, but I want to walk a line between the character being obviously less than a human being and still being identifiably a child, so that it's emotionally tense and morally questionable when the protagonist is grappling with euthanizing it.
I've thought about spending a bunch of time researching into developmental disorders and congenital birth defects in children to construct some kind of profile of how this character should act but that's a LOT of work in a field I'm not specialized in.

>>22680185
Is your character barely above high school level?

If he is, the problem is you're retarded. If he's not, there is no problem, he's retarded.

>>22680187
No and I do this naturally due to my inherent knowledge of psychology.
Nearly every single one of my characters has some sort of abandonment phobia, fear of loneliness or loss aversion. I wonder why ha ha.

>>22680190
Any advice for improving first person prose?

>>22680201
Literally git gud. If you are writing a character that has poor grasp of words, low intelligence or low charisma, it is what it is.

Write what character thinks. Internal voice should be another character of its own. Think Tyler Durden and the narrator.

You can even play with it and make the guy who talks like a literal drooling fucking idiot actually has very deep and expansive thoughts. Maybe he actually thinks about things very hard but all that comes out of his mouth is "shit, I dunno man" because that's what he figures he should say.

I am not going to write your thing, you figure it out.

i want to make a show and tell type thing where people from /lit/ can share their work. nothing serious like a “magazine” just a free pdf of what we are up to. considering the drama with other publications, there will be no discord and no profits. people just submit work, i make a pdf and post it when there’s a decent amount of contributions. i’ve been learning a lot from the &mp drama and the “failure” of the magazine. any suggestions for how to keep things simple?

>>22680211
But I didn’t even ask you to write for me?

>>22680211
>Maybe he actually thinks about things very hard but all that comes out of his mouth is "shit, I dunno man" because that's what he figures he should say.

>>22680244
And I gave you advice you NIGGER it's your choice what you do with it.
>>22680241
I want to say "just make a site where people can drop their stories" but it's going to be litRPG-filled garbage just like RR. Honestly just a nicely formatted pdf to an online PDF reader would be enough for most I think.

>>22680249
i think a website that can host excerpts for feedback would be a great supplement to the /wg/ threads considering these go by so fast. but i don’t want to be seen as trying to replace the threads, just a more permanent place for people to ask for feedback.

>>22680249
>>22680211
Well, your advice is quite sound. Thank you. I hope to God you aren’t that waste of Aryan spirit Sange.

>>22680276
>waste of Aryan spirit Sange
Who.

>>22680281
Some guy who was writing what was essentially a literary boy’s love bildungsroman. He had above-average prose, but held his prose so highly and spoke of it such that you’d think he was the second coming of Updike. In other words, an ordinary /wg/poster who adopted a trip and promptly left a few threads later.

He occasionally pops back in here like all namefags do.

>>22680086
I have no idea!

>>22680289
Nah, I hate faggotry and my prose is shit.

>be me
>think about my stories
>come up with an extremely elaborate dramatic finale
>get too into it
>cry because my own story is too effective on me
>go to sleep
>forget it all
>do the same thing over and over again
>I think I get that samurai philosophy about the transience and meaning of the cherry blossom

>>22680301
>forget it all
Couldn't be me. I have ending for my current thing already thought out and another thing's ending + its rough outline entirely in my head.

I only forget minor details like some good lines from time to time.

>>22680289
Above average while not even being serious.
Bitch.

>>22680306
>I only forget minor details like some good lines from time to time.
But that's the best part! I am using loosely the same character cast and then explore various versions and options with events and stories that can be told with them. So it's very easy to forget the stuff that is most emotionally impactful since there's so much stuff that is both similar and different at the same time.

>>22680276
For the record, I don't drop N-bombs
I'm not about that.
Racism is a crime and all that.
Bitch.

>>22679921
>This must be why people make discord servers for their patreon supporters, eh?

My patrons never say anything either. I don't get it. These people are happy to throw money at me for doing stuff, but never have any opinion about the stuff, no questions, no personal wishes, no suggestions. Only silence. Normal people I know are only too happy to complain about every little thing, but not these. They must be machines.

>>22680558
My friend has a fairly popular series on RR and the only people who bother to leave comments are NPCs who feel the need to voice every little objection they have. It's automatic. They see something they think is a 'problem' and they have to bitch in the comments. Never mention any of the things they like that keep them reading though.
I don't really get RR comment culture t b h. I've never seen people earnestly discuss a story's characters or events. It really stands out as bizarre when compared to some other similar platforms like Webtoon, where the comments may be retarded but are at least honest and revolve around the story.

>>22680890
There were great commenters when I started posting there 5-6 years ago. People actually reacted to what was happening and speculated, it was great. But over the past 2 or so years, all of that just disappeared.

>always get caught being an ESL on 4chin
>my dream is to make an RPG, so I will have to write a lot of dialogue and stories.
Any tips to improve my writing?

If I can't complete this manuscript by Dec 31st I will kill myself.

>>22681029
Just proofread and it'll turn out okay!

>>22681039
Anon you do know that you don't need to give yourself an ultimatum in order to actually do this, right? Whether you do it or not, you will do what you do regardless of any ultimatum you set.

>>22680340
Kill your darlings. If your story needs that one extra line to actually land, there's something wrong with the story.

>>22681075
A little concrete motivation can't hurt.

>>22680925
>But over the past 2 or so years, all of that just disappeared.
That's what happens when you connect the brown hordes to the White Man's internet while also lobotomizing most of the White world with death-inducing "vaccines" turning everyone into braindead cattle.

It's literally all just chinx and cattle with IQ lower than 90. Intellectuals are a dying overrace. Intelligence is strongly selected against.

>>22678474
Very good. The best one in this thread. You have a natural grasp of what makes good prose good. The excerpt reads as "literally," without you desperately imitating the cliches like many others do.

I would personally, however, remove the second paragraph all together. It does not add to the story. You also have to tone it down with the witticisms. You need to do a second pass where make the text minimal. Delete the unnecessary stuff. The biggest problem, as the other anon pointed out, is that you're trying too hard.

I hated the ending, but mostly because of how stylistically cheap it felt. Shocking the reader out with Rectum and Shit. I know that trick and I've used it myself. The piece would honestly read better if you removed those. Start with Toilet water.

>>22681111
I have to disagree. A single, good line can summarise and/or turn a book-spanning relationship or plot on its head.

>>22681142
I am not saying gut your book of all good lines, but if you really, REALLY need that one line - fix your story first.

>>22681169
Lines are the culmination and consummation of pages upon pages of build-up, anon. The preceding hard work is what enables just a few lines to hit with disproportional impact. Patrick Bateman getting away with murder despite confessing works only because he keeps getting away with murder - one of the themes of the book, the impossibility of meaningful communication between people, and the events of the book mutually support each other and allow for striking moments that ultimately give the book its punch.
The same applies all the more powerfully to the type of schlock I like to write because under the surface romantic subplots tend to feature prominently.

>>22681177
I'm just saying the story needs to stand on its own feet. The bulk of the story needs to be good without any fancy darling lines. The "good" lines are simply meant to be the cherry on top, the thing that makes people kneel and go "holy fucking kino..." as they read it.

>>22681180
I think you make a valid point but I don't think it was necessary to make it at me, because of the reasons I already mentioned. But that's fine too.

>>22681192
Honestly I think it might be just my cope for having shit prose and instead being a Chuck's Fucker & Sucker for foreshadowing and vague spoilers. A well placed foreshadowing can have much more impact than a darling line.

>>22670791
Am I using the em dash correctly?
>It has been two eternities since her skin has seen the light of day—since she took off her armor. But her armor is the only thing chaining her to the Order—to the people she once belonged to.

>>22681255
The first one could be very easy replaced with a coma instead. The second one is fine. Both of them together so close is just fucking ugly and disgusting.

I started writing my thing 5 months ago and I only wrote 62k words.

>>22675241
The whole thing is written kind of clumsily in that you have small snippets of speech and then description of action then small speech again then description again. It makes it a little off putting to read. It takes you out of it when it keeps cutting to something someone said. I think you should be maybe a little more selective with when to write out speech.

>>22681274
Rookie numbers. I started a year ago, and have 3k.

>>22681274
what are you writing?

>>22681291
Story about 2 broken people with nothing fixing each other in an unlivable shithole.

>>22681302
and you're certain you can't condense it into a shorter story?

>>22680558
>My patrons never say anything either. I don't get it.
Couple reasons this happens.
First, the fact of the matter is the vast majority of people don't comment in general. Normal people don't comment on youtube videos they are watching, the webnovels they are reading, or the patreons they subscribe to.
Patreon has even less interaction for the simple fact the paywall means less people. 1000 people may have read your webnovel - how many commented? Maybe 10? Now think how many patreons do you have? maybe 10? so you'll get 1 comment if your lucky, but then its even less likely because people are adverse to being the only one to comment. If the comment section is a wasteland someone who would normally comment is less likely to raise their hands and say what they think.

So, there you go.
That's my read on it anyway.

>>22681339
what does sange mean?

>>22681255
I think it's technically correct, however, it reads poorly. Though I'm a wretched "poet" at heart, here's how I might tackle it. Take and leave what you will.

"The light of day had not graced her skin for two eternities. An embrace of which brought on as much warmth as it did chill. To remove her armor—that chain by which she and the Order were as one always bore a sharp and somber juncture. It was as if a link had snapped upon an unbroken melody, and the balm of her soul was set astir."

>>22680266
So, litter.catbox.moe?

>>22681362
Just a name.
Doesn't really mean anything.

>>22681322
I am literally worried I am not making it long enough. At this rate it'll be only 3-5 hour read.

>>22681339
I get youtube comments and so on, but if I pay real money for something, damn straight I'm saying what I think about it too. I guess other people just don't value money

>>22681442
and why is that bad?

>>22670791
>AI slop
Good morning sir. Did you write the needful today

>>22681459
Because people might get invested, and then it ends.

>>22681601
How long do you want it to be? Does it really need to be that long?

>>22681620
I have no idea how long exactly in my head, but I want it to be enough for people to get invested in the setting and characters, how the conflict is eventually resolved and for them to be "satisfied" with how long it is.

Compare what I want vs ancient plays where Deus Ex Machina flies in and fixes everything because whoops actually writing it all would take too long!

>>22681141
very nice, thank you. maybe I don't write cliches yet because I haven't read much. I will take what you said into consideration with my next pieces, screenshotting your post. this was just a practice. I agree with the shit and rectum parts too, but I don't feel as though they were meant to shock. It was just potty humour. I went from poopoo to the death of the universe as a sort of cognitive dissonance in one paragraph. but I don't think I'll try it again, if it doesn't make sense for the story.

So I just had my first excepted bit of anything and wouldn't you know it it's literally my half coherent drug ramblings that I only submitted for padding.

I .. don't even know. It feels like a slap in the face

>>22681457
Not everyone is a skitzo like you.
Most people are paying for the product, not for the right to feel legitimized in sharing their shit opinion.

>>22680295
Long story short, he revives through a combination of his genetic bullshit and sheer force of will.
I intentionally based all of his abilities on stuff frogs do IRL, just cranked past 11 and fucking weaponized.
>Retractable bone spikes on his digits and lower limbs.
>Gliding around
>The ability to revive from a near-death state by entering a coma
>Kicks like a motherfucker
And so on

>>22681753
Okay, Gardner.

>>22681457
>>22681753
yea, it's not a fucking commission. you are supporting what they're already doing. entitled little fag
that being said, feedback isnt a bad thing

Just came to say that i just 'sold' my first poem. and that for all his namefaging Sange has been quite useful.

On the strength of a few published short stories I had a proper publisher look at my work on the complete lack of enthusiasm has been very demoralizing.

Also they basically push you to write a novel, short stories of are of no interest to them.

>>22681753
Can you not (you) me, you disgusting tripfag

>post your synopsis

500 more words to hit the day's nanowrimo quota.
>>22681934
A postal worker with delusions of grandeur sees a UFO. An old man grows melancholy each fall, remembering the death of his wife and makes an attempt at reconnecting with his estranged daughter. A llittle girl gets into an argument with her teacher, is grounded for a week and begins using a bird-watching telescope at night to look at stars.

>>22681934
A black youth in a mostly white highschool endures death by a million microaggressions and goes on a mass shooting. It’s a warning about how racists cause the monsters they fear.

>>22681966
blacks don't do this, they're good people

>>22681934
Man from a broken home ruins everything for a girl from a good home because he was an aimless youth with a lot of directionless anger and now they're both miserable and trying to fix each other.
And also a big spoiler.

>>22682004
No. Black violence occurs, but only in response to white supremacy.

>>22681934
An ex-military coyote in near-future dystopian EU is given a strange child to smuggle to an unspecified location as a unicorn job, and becomes entangled in a web of conspiracy and ethical uncertainty as he uncovers that the child is a testbed for artificial intelligence and transhumanist technologies; complicated by the child's psychopathic and alien displays of violence and the pursuit of government and corporate parties to secure its technology for their own ends.

>>22681966
Did you know that black people actually commit more mass shootings per capita than whites? And no, they're not gang related.

>>22682035
Its only a mass shooting when perpetrated by whites (including white supremacist Hispanics)

>>22681934
looser anon goes to war torn eastern nation (started before Russ/Ukraine) in hope of finding meaning

>>22681934
A homosexual living in a degenerate world worshipping a transexual devil discovers God.

>>22682035
You’re a filthy bigot. Go suck MAGA-cock.
>>22682046
This is truth.

>go on reddit feedback page
>Mostly people write about 1000 words
>No more updates
Is writing a story that hard few ever see through the entire manuscript?

The same guy keeps buying my Amazon self published shitpost novels and then giving them a bad review.
I appreciate the five bucks but what have I done to so offend you...

>>22682116
I'd assume it's to get feedback on bite-sized excerpts to maximize engagement. It's a big ask to have internet randos sit down and critique your entire 40,000 word novella for funsies.

>>22681934
I made a fun little graphic primer for it :^)

>>22682081
Which God from which denomination?

>>22681934
Closeted gay man living in fin de siè·cle Vienna encounters various famous figures from Freud to Arthur Schnitzler.
The novel ends at the beginning of ww1.

>>22682177
That actually sounds really interesting
>>22682071
And so does this

Do you fags actually want to write about faggots or are you inserting them as a lucky publishing charm?

>>22682188
For the gay character in my story, I was inspired by Shore Leave from Venture Bros. I think a campy gay dude who is still unironically badass is a fun trope. It's not like I'm using this character to write hardcore asspounding smut.

>>22682188
Does it matter?
Do we know if the other faglit being published is by true believers or grifters?

>>22682162
The one true God in Judaism

I want to post an exert from my novel.
Someone please make a new thread

>>22682158
do you post this anywhere?

>>22682261
Chapters from the story itself? Yes, I've posted a few for critique here, against my better judgement. If there's interest I might post one in the next thread.

>>22682258
here:
>>22682270

>>22682158
A good example of how AI can't make up for the lack of taste and skill.

>>22682284
Expand on that, anon.

>>22682007
So, Bojack's parents from "Bojack Horseman"?

>>22682013
Ever since Democrat-run cities stopped enforcing the law, black-on-black violence has skyrocketed, and absolutely none of it has to do with "white supremacy". Cope more. Also, take this crap to >>>/pol/

>>22682295
When you can get whatever you want in unlimited quantities, you won't think what is actually important and worth presenting.

>>22682386
I agree, which is why I would never present ai slop outside of a space specifically designed for selling concepts and getting feedback for it.

>>22681934
Okay but don't laugh

I had one about a rogue AI and hacker trying to fight for control over robots who are second class citizens on an abandoned Earth with the main character being a human sent to investigate an explosion at the robot factory

The other one is about rich Earth refugees on one of three spaceships headed to another galaxy as they flee aliens who want to harness the suns energy when they find out there are stowaways on every ship and one of the ships is taken over by them, the main character's son is born in the intro he's just a regular guy, then there's the captain of the ship he's on, another rogue AI, and the leader of the refugees on the other ship.

I never really realized it but i guess i like AI and class conflict a lot, I'm never gonna write either of these stories but when I was doing the worldbuilding for the second one it was so cheesy I decided to abandon scifi altogether. If I was to actually write a story I would write realism about a opiate addict who's in love with a hooker but i feel like i'm biting that from somewhere

>>22681934
In the midst of a galaxy wide war, one soldier is dropped on a hostile planet alone. He pilots an ultimate weapon capable of leveling armies in order to subdue the entire planetside military force and keep it intact for human settlement.
Basically I want to alternate between writing large scale scifi fights and his descent into insanity and battle mania after he's cut off from any other human being for multiple years

>>22675129
Adjective sloppa.

>>22670791
What's the word to describe a threatening object that signifies your impending death? Like the fish you are given by Italian mafia. A kiss of death in object form.

>>22683614
Omen?

>>22683614
>>22683641
Mark of death?

wow, look at this pile of crap: https://files.catbox.moe/d9sukc.zip