/lit/ - Literature

>>22530033

Pretty good

>>22530033
>wireless radio
Radio is wireless by definition.

>>22530033
>saturday in semptember that felt as though it was still summer

Schlock. Anyone impressed is a retard

>>22530045
Tbf isn't that how they used to refer to radios during the interwar period? Because they used to require some bizarre lead and speaker combo?

>>22530033
Who?
>>22530045
Back in the old days when most everything had power cords it was common to apply the adjective "wireless" too battery powered stuff.

>>22530033
More like Millie BIMBO Brown

>>22530045
>Radio is wireless by definition
No.

>>22530056
That excerpt is from a short story by Fitzgerald, retard. You took the bait and showed yourself as a retard.

>>22530067
>when most everything had power cords
No. ''Wireless radio'' was a term in common usage before battery powered receivers were commonly available.

It's alright
Nothing really grabs you, but it's not offensively bad as most writers are
Decent, but the prose itself or the situation presented wouldn't pull me in to read more. I would read more because Millie is a cutie and I love her even though she tries to look like she's post wall when she's not

This would be considered the literacy level of a slightly slow child a generation or two ago. Unimaginative, unmelodic, repetitive prose, solecisms ("normality") and unnecessary clunkiness ("had had" in the second sentence), utterly broken grammar and syntax ("the heat that makes you yearn ... but then you berated yourself") demonstrating a lack of basic knowledge of how one's language functions (coordination of clauses, uses of the subjunctive).

Now this would be considered acceptable in a prestigious creative writing program. If you can read this without instinctively picturing a face deformed by chromosomal aberrations, you should kill yourself.

>>22530249
>even though she tries to look like she's post wall when she's not
This is ebery young British girl. Why do they have such a terrible sense of fashion?

>>22530204
>ummmmm, ackstually, this is from a famous writer and therefore cannot be terrible and you are a retard
Post physique

>>22530204
Oh, you're back? Did your ban finally end? How long until you get banned again for spamming the catalog?

You're clearly still salty that the writers general thread called your writing garbage.

>>22530033
How does one fuck up the sequence of tenses as badly as in that last sentence?

>>22530033
MBB > BAP
make her viral
let's ask Ben Shapiro to make a review on her book
or better Abby

>>22530274
She's published and you're not.

>>22530204
I can't believe I fell for this bait. I actually believed what OP posted was an F. Scott Fitzgerald story when I read this post. But now I know better. Fuck you, faggot.

>>22530051
She's subtly bringing attention to climate change, very sophisticated

>>22530204
So it's schlock by Fitzgerald

>>22530033
It is much better than what I would have expected from a woman, but it is still very choppy. If this is the best she can muster however, this is quite underwhelming. I feel like it could be better if she had a proofreader or an editor. The potential for good prose is there but terribly executed

If you remove the first couple of sentences it'd be better
>It was a bright Saturday in September that felt as thought it was still summer. Nellie had had a busy week at work at the town hall, where she was assistant to the mayor, and today she longed for a bit of normality, a little taste of how life used to be before the war. Before the air raid and the rationing and the endless somber news reports on the radio.
>Today Nellie longed for a bit of normality, a little taste of how life used to be before the war. Before the air raid and the rationing and the endless somber news reports on the radio.

>>22530381
Hitler is published and you're not. What does being published by some regime have to do with anything? Regimes change.

>>22530205
Battery powered radios were the first radios commonly available since most homes did not have electrical hookups. Radios spread faster than the light bulb and were fairly common things when electric light was still a luxury limited to larger cities and those who could afford to have their houses wired and electric lighting installed. Radios were often the first electrical device a family bought and were the first electrical device to see wide spread acceptance reaching all the way out to rural areas that were decades away from having electric light.

>>22530490
The second one feels too short. I'd write my alternate preference but I'm currently phoneposting

>>22530503
You make a good point.

>>22530433
>climate change
>in 1942
Ok, fuck this bitch.

>>22530490
>his edit which is (((better))) keeps the dependent clause as a stand-alone sentence
Y I K E S

>>22530557
I don't know what follows so couldn't change more. The first half of the paragraph just feels unnecessary, you know. The war setting and the protagonist's frustration is interesting while everything else is boring as shit. I can relate to melancholy nostalgia, I don't relate to a busy week at the town hall.

>>22530033
>It was a whatever day in whatever time and stuff was some way or another.

This is how everyone started their stories in middle school.

>>22530649
Retard
>On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and walked slowly, as though in hesitation, towards K. bridge.

>>22530033
>I’m a bimbo ass bitch. On a hot summer Saturday I bimbo’d down to the mayor’s office, cuntily. Pussy exploding with air raid sirens I queefed on my little sisters face and she became gay. The war had had gone on too long. I placed my holes just inches away from the wireless radio and let loose a trumpet of sounds that were not transmitted because it was a one way radio, when my little sister asked what I was doing I told her I was communicating with the spirits of Autumn, before chastising myself for being ungrateful for the beautiful weather we already had.

>>22530033
>Mills has worked with a ghostwriter
Not even worth reading

>>22530033
>that part when she describes Nellie's gigantic ass in purple velvet pants

Nice reference, Millie

>>22530033
She hired a ghost writer. Dont know or care about her book but I despise when they do this. I would have liked to read the book of a child star to delve into their psyche at least.

>>22530204
it's from a short story by my 6th grade history teacher?

>>22530503
Hitler was published before he was in power, retard

>>22530062
No, they'd just call it a "wireless".

>>22530033
She used a ghostwriter for this? Idk who that’s more embarrassing for. Had had in the second sentence just gives away how bad it’s gonna be and only serves to deepen the bad taste in the mouth after reading that cliched opener. The rest of the paragraph tries to give way too much exposition way too quickly and I can’t imagine there’s much balance to the rest of the book