/lit/ - Literature

How do you approach potential mental illnesses? I feel like I'm carrying around a massive weight but there is no discernable source. I'm not suicidal nor do I have any violent thoughts it's just constant mental fatigue and, for the first time in my life, it's straining my relationships. I have become completely apathetic to the world around me. Oddly enough, work is thr only thing that is seemingly unaffected.

Any advice?

>>22502586
>Oddly enough, work is thr only thing that is seemingly unaffected.
do you think thats because you're looking to be productive?
maybe you're spending too much of your leisure time unfocused and you should find some sort of hobby to fall into

anyone here have an IQ that is one SD from average or more? and is also unsuccessful? seems to be the only type with a claim to grievance. lmk if you are real.

>>22502514
my last 56 hour fast failed to fix my brain, so i will be undertaking another one lasting somewhere between 100-120 hours, starting in about an hour. fingers crossed that i see some real results from this. i'm given to understand the real magic of fasting doesn't even begin until the 72 hour mark

>>22502604
>and is also unsuccessful?
That is a subjective term. I have successfully avoided all attempts to get me back on a factory floor. That is some measure of success. I own my house outright, though it is a piece of shit. I typically measure at 135. There is a lot more to the tapestry than that one number.

>>22502593
I used to have quite a few hobbies (guitar, piano and so on) but they have all become so dull over the years. Reading is really my only "hobby" now.

>>22502604
let me guess you have parents who praised you for being smart rather than praising you for your effort

>>22502627
>i'm given to understand the real magic of fasting doesn't even begin until the 72 hour mark
Firstly watch your electrolytes. Secondly, I got good results from rolling 24s, 48s, and 72s in a mixed bag. I never set any fixed goal. I just let it ride. I might do another phase after it cools off. Oh, and don't forget that some of the effects are tied to ketosis. I mix keto with fasting, so I probably get more autophagy from shorter fasts than other people do.

>>22502514
Poll is still going on

https://strawpoll.com/1MnwOWB80n7

>>22502604
i have failed in all aspects of life

>>22502514
I got banned on the vtuber board from making disparaging remarks about trannies and various other minorities and now I'm here. This place has gone to shit.

I got a basketball chin, buckskin teeth, Labrador moustache, sunset skin, Minecraft Steve hairline, human eyebrows, sweet 16 cheeks, eyelash eyelashes, diarrhea eyelids, pregnant preteen from Ancient Egypt forehead.

Publishers keep telling that my work needs more volume but I don't think I'm able to increase it without producing shit, every time I try it just feels insincere, don't think I have what it takes bros.
>picrel is an excerpt from what I sent

>>22502514
Damn man Kreator is awesome. Much better than Slayer.

I only know 2 women. My mom and my grandma. I've never talked to girls in school, never had a job.

>>22502514
Fucked up my back somehow. The muscles are inflamed and it hurts to even lay down. The constant dizziness makes it annoying to read too lol.
Otherwise I've been doing well, going back to college and meeting girls. Hope I am able to bounce back in a few months when things get tough again.

no music sounds really good to me the last couple days. it all sounds "ok". nice background noise, but none if it really grabs me and makes me pay attention and vibe out. i tried a bunch of different genres. the latest shit, old favorites, etc. idk what's going on.

>>22502514
I'm the stoner guy from the last thread. I'm sitting here trying to study n do my school work but I got so high over the last two days that I have really heavy brain fog and even a bit of lingering high.

It sounds stupid, but I wanna quit my job and become a Youtuber. Well, I'm gonna quit my job because I think I'm done with it as well as working for a little bit, but I remember when I was younger and watched guys like Chuggaconroy and thought it'd be cool if I did that. Or maybe book reviews and summaries or something. Just a whimsical thought.

Yet another reason to quit working is so I can dedicate time to literature. I was actually starting to read Infinite Jest a couple months ago but fizzled out. I get it though, the book, in a lot of ways from however far I got. The monotony of modern life and the touch of corporate hellishness. The familial and social issues that eat away at the soul, all the unspoken sentiments a person has growing up that get stifled under expectations and an inability to express them. The compulsive pot smoking to try and cope with existence.


I'm gonna try to fight against this post post modern hellscape I live in any way I can. I don't want my life to just go down the drain without a fight.

>>22502593
I have an iq of 70 and I’m shit at almost everything I do.

>>22502669
yeah i don't restrict carbs so it makes sense you would benefit from shorter fasts than i would. i used to do 24-50 some hours very often but i never hit the 72 mark, and i've been slacking on fasts in general for a while now. i've stopped working and given up a number of responsibilities lately so i shouldn't have to do anything more physically taxing than walking for the next few days, which should help. plan on spending this time mostly reading and meditating
starting now btw, if all goes well i'll break on friday morning

>>22502648
so what's missing? what's bad? are you done your feats or is there more to come? do you write?
>>22502658
it's funny because i'm not smart but some people have nothing else to say beyond being nice
>>22502686
why? do you have an idea that is being ignored? elaborate i guess

>>22502883
ya but dude you can probably watch anime for hours without getting bored. just sit in front of the tv.

>>22502604
believe me or not, but I'm 3SD+ and making $20 an hour

>>22502586

Rule out physiological and other causes external to your mind proper like sleep deprivation, malnutrition, or some underlying undiagnosed illness. If you feel tired all the time and especially if you just feel generally off, that's when you should start doing a bit of triage on yourself. It could be something as minor as some micronutrient deficiency, you could be over or underweight, but it could also be something serious that'd turn up in a blood or other diagnostic test that you need to see a professional for. When that stuff is ruled out start examining more psychological factors like overworking, loneliness, mundane neuroticism, being stuck in a, "rut." A lot of people resort to therapy at this point but keep in mind that psychotherapists that are more than just expensive active listeners or are actually good sources of counsel are hard to come by. Maybe just expand or otherwise modify your social circle to have people who you can be reasonably vulnerable around but also will call you out on your crap as needed. Mental health is a lot like dental health, everyone should take care of it routinely, lest they need to shell out a lot of money, time, and suffering to a crooked professional. This is coming from someone who's got a lot of baggage that I had to sort through the hard way.

I'm feeling pozzed today. I won a lottery thing for $100.

>>22502915
Anything in mind for those hundo buckaronis you got?

>>22502921
Savings account at the credit union.

>>22502925
Responsible

>>22502604

Intelligence is an inferior factor in success compared to more general psychic resilience, reliability, and rationality. There are people with 140 IQ who're perpetual failures because while they're smart, they also happen to be neurotic, volatile, and alogical in their day-to-day life. They think that they're tortured geniuses and they lament how someone with a mind as beautiful as theirs remains so unappreciated. They may get poor grades because they lack the discipline to actually study and do the work. They don't have gifted kid syndrome they just need to take responsibility for their own existence independent of external factors. Meanwhile there are many people with strictly average IQs who manage to have successful intellectual careers because when something is difficult they either work harder or they force themselves to find a way to accomplish their goals in a better way. Failure isn't something they accept for themselves because they want to be/do something and they'll find a way to do it. When people stand in their way they aren't deterred or they find a way to realign themselves in order to reach some standard of success. Intelligence is neither gift nor curse, it merely is something we have or we don't. A lot of what we consider intelligence is the result of conscious gradual effort rather than something we're born with.

>>22502604
>>22502898
>>22502883
HOLY FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I CANT EVEN CLICK THE RIGHT POST TO RESPOND TO. WHY DO I ACT LIKE MY BRAIN WAS CALIBRATED WITH A LEGO BRICK WHILE GOD WAS BLINDFOLDED. WHY THE FUCK CUMCR WOULD SOMEONE WATCH ANIME WHEN I CANT EVEN COMPREHEDN THE FUCKING TEXT FAST ENOUGH. THE DUBS ARE SHIT EVERYTHING I DO FEELS LIKE IM STARTING FROM A BLANK SHEET EVERYDAY. AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGG. I HATE FUCKING CAPTCHA IT TAKES WAY TO LONG ALSO LIKE WTHAT THE FUCK

Read my 4th grade short story submission and it is clear evidence that I am retarded. Between the age of 10 and this current moment I cannot identify any 'development' in my storytelling capabilities. I only became acquainted with people who desired an object they could affect intelligence upon. I never got the impulse to impart more meaning with a better arrangement of words. I can strain at this fact but the reality is unchanged.
I have no notion of quality. I cannot conceive of it. People will become more and more annoyed with how I express myself and that will be my life. There's no attention to go around for people like me.
I suppose people will always take for granted that anyone in their proximity warrants attention? I don't have to understand it to appreciate it. I suppose quality was always limited by people's capacity to appreciate it? Maybe these beliefs will lead to adaptation. I think the goals that come with them are real indirect, non assertive. Symbolic, significant like a personalized ritual. I can see how people are annoyed or pitying when I communicate. It must be a great insult to them that I go on existing when they are no longer paying attention to me.

>>22502686
The only real failure is giving up, champ.

what should i do to alleviate my sunday scaries? watch a movie, play a video game, do something productive, or randomly browse the web?

>>22502967

What kind of movies/games do you like? We could probably recommend you something you'd like.

>>22502967
Lounge in a big chair or on your porch. Watch cars go by. All four things you mentioned are too task oriented.

>>22502984
yeah i know what u mean but it's 9:30 i still have time do "something". plus, taking my mind off it by staying engaged with something is kind of like how they put people who are about to die on a shitload of morphine so they don't have to think about the fact that they'll be dead tomorrow. maybe if i play a video game until like midnight and then collapse into bed i won't have to think about it.

My sister doesn't want me dating other women.

>>22502514

I've been setting a goal of solid engaged reading at least 100,000 words a day with Sundays being a free day assuming I've already met my weekly goal. It's within my ability to do this relatively consistently and I set rewards for myself if I exceed the goal at the end of the week. Honestly my existence is kind of pathetic because the work I do leaves me a lot of free time at home but it's pretty firmly in the realm of what would be considered a bullshit job. I'm not adding much to the world with my life. I am reasonably content to be a single man in a luxury apartment but in a transcendental sense I know I'm basically the Fisher King. I'm not a coomer, I just simply live an asexual existence. Probably a big part of it is stuff my mother and sister did to me in childhood so it's always been a personal landmine that I give a wide berth. I'm still relatively young with options if I choose to seize them. Maybe it's best not to let abstract perfection obstruct material satisfaction.

How do you get over it when you just don’t have the right sort of background or track record to do the sort of things you want to do in life?

>>22502945

If you've got an IQ of 70 and can still be this coherent then you're relatively lucky. You're going to make it, anon.

>>22502991
You got it all planned out better than anything I could suggest. Make it happen boss.

>>22503010
>100,000 words a day
That's honestly too much reading

>>22502911
I appreciate it anon. I'd like to avoid 'professional' help if necessary but I'm starting to lean that direction -- even though I do not trust them. It's just something that I have been just powering through my whole life. Truth is I'm having a hard time connecting with those to whom I am closest. They are good, genuine people but our lives have just diverged to a point to where our conversations do not connect. Just tired of feeling like I'm carrying a backpack full of rocks trying hiking up a mountain. There has to be some way to open bag and roll them out.

>>22503010
Can you explain something to me? When people like you write stuff like this, it seems to signal a desire for input. That's how I perceive it, but I'm getting the sense that my perception is mistaken somehow. I'm totally befuddled and I need your help getting to the bottom of it.

>>22502743
What a piece of shit lmao.
Dejate de joder y conseguite un empleo honesto.

I had a close friend that was a female and over time I've come to realize that so much of our friendship was based on her simply liking her ego fed and being proven that she existed. I've noticed that she repeats this process with other guys for a selected amount of time, and that ultimately it all met nothing.

Has anyone else been checking out Palladium Magazine?
I've seen anons dropping links here and there and I've read a few of their articles, they're focused on "the future of governance beyond the liberal democratic paradigm".
Thing is, they're published by something called the "American Governance Foundation". I've checked their website and it looks sketchy af
>https://www.americangovernance.org/
Also, one of their frequent writers is Costin Alamariu aka Bronze Age Pervert, wasn't he revealed to have FBI/Mossad ties?
Should I keep reading Palladium or am I just consooming propaganda?

Maybe I can't figure it out. Maybe there's no solution. Maybe I'll just be this gross porn-addicted loner for my whole life. Maybe no amount of self-improvement could bring me to the same level as an average person. Maybe I can't change. Maybe it's hopeless. Maybe I'll quietly click through the same 4 websites in a dark room alone until I die. Maybe none of my relationships were ever meant to work out. Maybe no one was ever genuine with me. Maybe it was all an act. Maybe nothing I could do or say would make anyone want me around Maybe it was pointless. Maybe I shouldn't have even tried. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I'm going to wake up one morning and decide I've had enough. Maybe I'll always look small and weak no matter how hard I work. Maybe my career will never work out. Maybe my parents really will disown me when they find out I'm done with their cult. Maybe my sister will hate me for the rest of her life and nothing I do will be enough to make up for what happened. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the philosophy I've strained to understand was a waste of time. Maybe I could do anything at all in the time between now and my own death and it wouldn't make a difference. Maybe my subordinates at work resent having to take direction from me. Maybe my supervisors think I'm retarded. Maybe they're right. Maybe the direction I'm trying to take my life is the wrong one and it's all going to crash and burn. Maybe I'll get to the judgement seat and I won't be able to look the Judge in the eye.

I feel like roleplaying with AI's these last couple of days has drastically improved my reading ability.

>oneitis I've had feelings for for around 7 years despite her not knowing I exist is dating someone I despise and have to see constantly
I hate my life

>>22503137
What limitation did you overcome?

>>22503184
I don't know, I just know that last week when I was reading, I had to constantly re-read lines and it would take me ages to finish a page but today when I read, I think I re-read less than five sentences and I burned through way more pages in the same amount of time as it took me to get through less last week,

I wrote for a living for a long while, just went back to working construction like I did years ago. I'll write something here for free.

The AR-10 is a rifle designed by Eugene Stoner in the project to replace the M14 rifle in Vietnam. It was originally chambered in 7.62x51 NATO, or the civilian .308, but the caliber was scaled down to .223 or 5.56 for the government AR-15, which became the official M16.

Since then, the standard has not changed, until very, very recently. The 5.56 simply does not have the kinetic energy required to pierce armor as consistently as the tentatively issued 6.8, but the AR-10 blows both out of the water. Because it fire the fully powered battle rifle cartridge, just like in WWI and WWII, both American victories unlike Vietnam.

Now tell me this, why not use an AR-10 or fully powered battle rifle cartridge? It has more kinetic energy than both the 5.56 and 6.8, has more range, is better at piercing armor, is already common and prevalent.

Two reasons.

1. Lowered fitness standards and over-heavy loadouts

2. Corruption and greed with the Sig Sauer weapons company

The AR-10 is like 10 or 12 lbs fully loaded with optics and everything. That is a heavy rifle, apparently, if you are out of shape. The rifle is not too heavy, the person needs to be stronger, to carry it and hold tight groups as well.

>B-but the rifle and caliber are t-too heavy

Then be stronger! Why are you too weak?

The enemy will not go easy on you.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

>>22503217
Your thesis is fatally flawed as 6.8 is both more powerful in terms of kinetic energy and flatter-shooting than 7.62x51.

Honestly feel like giving up my life and spending the rest of it as a Priest of a dying religion.

>>22502877
The drain has opened the second you start actively frying your brain cells.

>>22503230
Have you questioned that religion? Have you picked it apart?

>>22503230
Which religion would that be?

>>22502514
diary of an 8 bit warrior is a minecraft fanfic i read a couple years ago and i think they should make an audiobook. its great. it captured my imagination wonderfully.

>>22503199
Interesting. Did you roleplay with the setting of the book you were trying to read?

>>22503240
I've questioned it so many times and I'm atheist functionally but I cannot undo the fact that it played a huge role in my life and it's tied to my identity.

>>22503243
Greek Orthodox.

>>22503257
Nope.

>>22503263
Why this religion specifically? And why are you choosing faith over facts?

>>22503038
That's 200 pages of a somewhat dense book. Pretty normal IMO if ambitious for someone who has to set a reading goal.
The most I can read in a day is 400 of those pages, so about double. But at that point I need to mind something else for a while because all the impressions are buzzing in my memory.
I guess Anon is just reading it as a chore, which is pretty senseless. If you don't feel brimming with thoughts while and after reading then you're doing/'ve done it wrong.

>>22503275
If you could do me a favor, please leave an update here in a week or so.

>>22503296
I'll set a reminder on my phone now.

Why the fuck is the catalog frozen? Has anyone else had this problem?

>>22503040
I also think you should rule out physiological causes. Do you have any sort f activity regime? I personally noticed huge benefits after a few months of going for a long walk and/or a workout everyday. It’s not enough to like “beat” mental illness, but it’s rather that it can illuminate some underlying lifestyle thing that can be making mental illness worse. Also, do you have many social relationships or no? That’s also a big one for me. I’m a bit of a loner but when I’m totally isolated for a long time, I slip into severe depression.

>>22503040

What you're describing is a pretty bog standard part of growing further into adulthood. Friendships don't fail so much as they gradually erode and become misshapen. There's no easy way to rekindle old friendships or even spark new ones. There is of course the hard ways which usually involve leaving yourself vulnerable to looking weird, needy, childish, and putting in gradual sincere effort into rebuilding/building connections with people you don't want to lose or that you want to gain the confidence of. One of the reasons people go to therapy is to learn how to navigate this murky area the way one would hire a physical trainer to learn how to be bigger and stronger. In both cases it's not the therapist/trainer that's doing the actual effort and nor are they the ones putting in the lion's share of the time and risk.

Getting a remote job turned out to be one of the worst things that ever happened to me. It’s weird because before I had one, I wanted one so much.

>>22503338
The site was probably temporarily gimped. It happens quite a bit.

>>22503217
Everything else being equal, 5.56mm has stomped 7.62mm for general infantry. It is what it is, and no amount of hand wringing will change that. If I were X stronger as you advocate, then I would just carry more 5.56mm. Sure, you cannot miss fast enough to win, but the mass firepower of 5.56mm gets the job done. Do you want to go back to .45 ACP while we are at it?

>>22503065
Good. Live, learn, and move on. Make your wasted time a valued lesson learned.

You have to learn to love your pain. You have to accept yourself and the world at it's worst. This is probably the most important thing I've learned. Nothing matters. All validity is an illusion. In the end it's just you, no matter how many or how few people there are around you.

>>22503014
Fake it.

>>22502897
>so what's missing?
I could have made a lot more money and been more comfortable now.
>what's bad?
Shit with the woman - often related to money.
>are you done your feats or is there more to come?
I feel one last hurrah coming on.
>do you write?
On and off. When I write, I might be at it for 6 months full tilt. I am no fun to be around when that is happening. I carry a folded comp book in my back pocket and just go at it when the moment arrives.

>>22503057
You think so? Why? I would love to hear some honest input since it feels the publisher doesn't care at all.
Ando trabajando para pagarme la especializacion hermano, el tiempo de esparcimiento que me queda entre las dos lo gasto en esto, en serio es tan malo que no vale la pena ni en ocio?

I'm sooo tired all the time.
Yawn, yawn, yawhn..

My family always puts funny names on Christmas gifts. So gifts will be from a regular slew of characters, like Osama bin Laden, Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama being some of them. I just think that's funny and cute. They have evolved over the years, though, so now it's usually Trump or Taylor Swift and celebs like that instead of Osama and George Bush and people like that.

>>22502514
>to sit and worry about what you might have done is the worst thing you can do

Lichtenberg

>>22503568
I don't know, I feel like killing a family of five would be a lot worse.

I'm starting to believe that I used to have schizophrenia from around the age of 9 to the age of 20 or perhaps 21.
And I don't have it anymore. I'm not aware of any documented cases where a young person gets it and then without any intervention it just goes away so this is quite strange.
There have been cases of schizophrenia in my family tree - one second cousin and one aunt, unfortunately, as far as I know those were lifelong.
I believe that I had it because, from what I've read about the symptoms of this disease, I experienced most if not all of them during that previously mentioned time frame - I believed that there are people right outside my room, sometimes in the house, other times outside - somewhere by my windows. I could hear them talk, couldn't tell exactly about what cause they were quiet but sometimes they would mention my name.
I believed there were hidden cameras and listening devices in my room or on my stuff - like my backpack, jackets, coats, even shoes. Somebody must have put them there while I was at school. Pretty redundant, I thought, since I also believed that they could all hear my thoughts or that they could tune into my head and see exactly what I see.
I tried my best to not let this reflect in my behavior around others so I still somehow managed to have a few friends, I guess knowing them since the first grade made it easier. They did think I was kind of strange since I would often find humor where there was none or not laugh at things that were funny to everyone else.
Around my friends, I think I was more or less alright. At home, a different story. I didn't want the hidden cameras to see me naked so I would change clothes in the dark, I would also shower in the dark. My curtains were always drawn since I didn't want the people outside to see what I'm doing. Most of the time it felt like I was living under constant surveillance. Naturally, I was a huge failure at school and I dropped out of university after just 1.5 years.
Later when I started working though my head slowly cleared up and I no longer had these crazy thoughts, there were no longer people in my house or outside my windows talking about me, there were no more spiders in my room that I could only see around the corners of my eyes. This is the first time I ever told this to anyone or anywhere and now I live a mostly normal life

> I don't know why we are discussing religion. If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality. The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination. It is quite understandable why primitive people, who were so much more exposed to the overpowering forces of nature than we are today, should have personified these forces in fear and trembling. But nowadays, when we understand so many natural processes, we have no need for such solutions. I can't for the life of me see how the postulate of an Almighty God helps us in any way. What I do see is that this assumption leads to such unproductive questions as to why God allows so much misery and injustice, the exploitation of the poor by the rich, and all the other horrors He might have prevented. If religion is still being taught, it is by no means because its ideas still convince us, but simply because some of us want to keep the lower classes quiet. Quiet people are much easier to govern than clamorous and dissatisfied ones. They are also much easier to exploit. Religion is a kind of opium that allows a nation to lull itself into wishful dreams and so forget the injustices that are being perpetrated against the people. Hence the close alliance between those two great political forces, the State and the Church. Both need the illusion that a kindly God rewards—in heaven if not on earth—all those who have not risen up against injustice, who have done their duty quietly and uncomplainingly. That is precisely why the honest assertion that God is a mere product of the human imagination is branded as the worst of all mortal sins.

>>22502514
I am so freaking tired of the constant hell that is my life,they say i dont have to suffer like this but they are the ones who made my life what it is.
Laughing in my face while they psychologically torture me and also betray me in the worst possible way but i should just forgive.
They talk about forgiveness while none of them had to endure a fraction of what ive been through and on top of that they give me false hope only to crush them,at this point i see no other way out but suicide only it is what they want me to do and i dont want them to rejoice in my death.
If even God wont help then what should i do...he put me through so much sorrows and i should thank him for my unbearable existence while the people who tortured me get what they want while also taking from me.
Im so tired and it probably wouldnt be so bad that i kill myself because otherwise i feel like im gonna lash out on anyone under the weight of this anger growing in me.
So God please help me before satan wins me over.

>>22503525
Cute! I want one from Ernest Hemingway! I would refuse if it's from Karl Marx.

>>22503635
Lame, I would totally accept one from Karl Marx, just the same as I would if it was Stalin or Hiter, because I know it's pretend.

>>22502514
I outgrew this place a few years ago so it makes no sense why I come here. Maybe masochism

I settled with human.

>>22502586
Mental illness is a meme. If you think you might be repressing some stuff then I don't know, think more, notice more of the things you unconsciously say or do and figure out why. Etc. There are no tricks, just get smarter

>>22502514
Coffee always hits hard when I can tell the effect from yesterday has finally fully drained from my body.
Like once I've passed out the reaminder of the chemical compounds in my body my body has resetted and is ready to get revved again.
I live for coffee. When it hits right it makes life truly enjoyable in a way nothing else can
I guzzle coffee
I drink it so black there's a thick black stain in the bottom of my cup
All the paranoia and sleepless nights are worth it for that brief magical moment.
Give me coffee now

>>22503582
That's not schizophrenia. You just temporarily broke through the simulation. You weren't supposed to find out about the cameras.
We did a poor job of hiding them last time but we've gotten a lot better.

>>22503279
>talking about it
>It's not a fact
Just this alone is enough to see how much the average Joe knows.

>>22503953
Yeah man, talking about something makes it true. Did you know that Superman flew over New York yesterday? Yeah man, I talked about it, it really happened.

>>22503483
You sound like an intellectual, unlike most pseuds who claim to be. What do you write about? Do you share your writing? It might inspire others, or make them think. Godspeed, anon.

>>22503966
One is a lie that you conjure, the other is historic fact you can read countless people reference.

You know that these things are different. Unlike in an elaborate crime case, you have the insight for both claims, so why do you equate them as though they are equal? Could it be your intentions here ingenue to your claims?

>>22503483
I tell myself sometimes if I were smarter I'd have some of these things but getting them is only the start
***
books about losers never work. there always needs to be a woman interlocutor to make it more interesting. no one wants to read a book about some dudes on a forum who become the rat king tail monster.

>>22503980
>the other is historic fact you can read countless people reference.
How many people would need to reference Superman flying over New York for you to believe it's real? Both Superman and God are both made up so really it all just comes down to a number.

I know I'm the 8,000,000,000th person to make this complaint but life is so much more miserable after graduation. I am luckier than a lot of people in that I still have a close friend group that I can see regularly, but my real issue is that I am no longer meeting new people. That would be fine, but I don't know how to meet a girl. Dating apps are humiliating for both sexes, and whenever I join a club or do lessons its filled with old people. When I meet girls at gigs and things they are always with their boyfriends, or they're the types of girls you don't want to get involved with - as I know from experience. The irony is that women all the exact same thing about men.

I'm going to go second hand book store hunting in London, any tips? Thinking of starting in Bloomsbury!

I don't like doing stuff. I don't like having to talk to people, I resent having to form words in response to other words. I don't want to have to think about people at all.
I am a fundamentally boring and selfish person who will get nothing because I give nothing and I am perfectly okay with this.

>https://nypost.com/2023/09/17/columbia-quietly-closes-down-teachers-college-project-that-ruined-countless-lives/
>https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/08/us/lucy-calkins-teachers-college.html
i hope you guys didn't learn to read via that method, maybe that's why so many people around here are dumbasses. fuck columbia.

>>22504107
Count yourself lucky. Halfway through year 10, I was moved from the country to the city, I didn't lose my old friends per se but the only contact we ever had was texting, I dropped out not long after, about halfway through year 11. I've been in this city for nearly five years now and have only made one friend if you can even call them that. All I do is sit at home all day, I don't have a job (That's not for a lack of trying) and I have no social life, I've been doing this since I dropped out, I'm twenty now and my youth is running away from me and I'll have nothing to show for it. I've met back up with those old friends a few times since moving to the city but it's just not the same.

Have thought can't make the words for say it but. Not alway like this.

Thread theme: https://youtu.be/l7vRSu_wsNc?si=DJwoC6wREAleVqMk

Not sure if I've put this as the theme before, my bad if I have. I doubt anyone cares though.

>>22504190
They'll come in time.

>>22504191
i refuse to listen to anything by prince because while he was alive he never allowed any of his music on streaming services or youtube and i want to respect his wishes by never hearing this crap again.

>>22504197
Based and respectpilled.

I'm becoming a coomer/gooner. How do I stop this before it's too late?

>>22504284
As long as it doesn't affect your personal life then why do you care?

>>22504300
I wasn't one before. I might be fine because I'm not an addictive person, but it's unpleasant to need to do that first thing in the morning and look forward to it throughout the day.

>>22504318
>to need to do that first thing in the morning
You don't need to, you want to. Of course, there is no harm in masturbating but you shouldn't let it take control of your life. Looking forward to it throughout the day isn't necessarily bad either but you should be putting your energy into looking forward to something else.

picrel is usually me. ignore the pink. anywhere i go the thing usually deviates from its normalcy and becomes something else. this is why i can never have anything normal. i can never have the old version of the hobby.

Any book recs about being more articulate, speaking more authoritatively, speech-writing, anything like that?

book depostery shut down, im from a 3rd world country and shipping is expensive
what should i do besides pirating pdf

>>22504432
Epub.

>>22502678
>A mere 14 votes in all.
Grim.

I hope I stop breathing soon.

>>22504432
Download and copy to microfilm

>>22502678
>https://strawpoll.com/1MnwOWB80n7
>mfw voting for daddy clausewitz because that's the only book on the list I already own

mommy

>>22502748
I mean, they’re heavier so there’s that.

>>22504516
Well why don’t you vote then? (It’s my poll)

What is the most quintessentially American blue collar job that isn’t ranching or agriculture? Auto mechanic?

>>22504564
Construction.

>>22504197
Suit yourself. Prince was also a Gemini like I am

>>22504564
Truck driver. My dad was one. He’s retired now.

Should philosophy be taught in public schools?

>>22504593
Nobody would take it if it was offered unless it is a joke class.

>>22504564
Being unemployed because your job was offshored with some kind of addiction to take the edge off your chronic backpain.

>walking in the park
>come at a fork in the road at same time as some lady walking her dog
>she says "you're going that way?" while looking me in the eyes
>I reply "uhh yeah, I'm going that way"
>she says "oh no, I'm talking to her" and points behind me
>there's some lady like 20 meters away with her back towards us, walking the other way
>?????

I really hate interactions like this. Obviously the lady was being fucking weird and not me, but because I'm a neurotic autist it makes me feel awkward even though I didn't do anything wrong.

>>22504636
lmao you fucked up

>>22504636
Should have said "you ask' me?"

Having the first relationship after 22 years of inceldom, and after two months she tries to kys and ends up in fucking coma. Books for this feel?

>>22504593
Yes

>>22504636
That’s happened to me before. Normfags talk about eye contact but can’t even manage it when it matters

>>22504419

>>22504636
Sometimes I do shit like this to fuck with people. I’ll ask them if they are going that way, and when they say yeah, I say “be careful”.

>12 years ago, final year of school
>everyone going to prom except me
>sitting at home on prom night playing Monster Hunter online with a bad connection

>those dark winter evenings during the early years of university where I was coming to terms with being a nofriends loser

>that first week during the final term of university when I was walking out of the final lecture and it was sunny but cool and the street was empty and still ahead of me and the total deadness of it, even during the day, felt like a metaphor for my life

>>22503007
This is probably bait, but why doesn’t she want you dating?

Everything just keeps getting worse

attempting suicide while your parents are alive is a truly wretched thing to do.

t. did it twice.

>>22504779
Be like me and leave a substantial amount of money behind.

>>22504786
What did he mean by this?

I hate when I got bored and go on /gif/, never leaves me feeling good.

I want to dedicate my life to public service, but I also want to have a somewhat impressive and successful career. I don’t know how to satiate both of these desires since my experience so far is that public servants do basically nothing and are certainly not successful by any measure. I also deeply regret that I didn’t somehow act on this impulse earlier.

I've been pondering. Women often complain about being oppressed but western ones live in an era where women are free to do anything they want, yet, the most remarkable woman out there is... Beyonce!? A popstar carried by daddy's money and an army of producers and writers. Or J.K. Rowling, who is now canceled for having the wrong opinion.
Where are all the Artemisia Gentileschis, Brönte sisters, Emily Dicksons, Sofya Kovalevskayas, Emmy Nöethers, etc. of this era? One would think they would be more common by now, but go figure.

>>22504866
Just like modern men, modern women are shallow. They want things and status and it’s easier to blame some systemic historically built up structure that to grapple with your own shallowness and selfishness.

Crossed thee line between no options left and too much to choose

I like taking nihlist grim settings where everything sucks like cyberpunk or dark medieval fantasy and writing comfy wholesome stories of people making it and enjoying each others company and the importance of a tight knit group of people who will always have your back. theyre also the perfect settings for mercenary work, I like writing those types of story

I feel like I’ve totally missed all my shots at a successful future and I actually don’t know how to cope with this.

How do you get an idea what to write about? Is it really just riding the lightning?

>>22504985
Find an interesting topic and watch it grow.

>>22504767
I don't know. Whenever I talk about girls she gets mad to the point of spitting on me. She lives with my parents because she's in middle school, so obviously I ignore her.

What if im just too stupid for everything and my brain is full of fuck...I fail at the simplest tasks...

found a chunk of mozzarella in my diaper this morning
how I slept without noticing it I dont know

I go in and out of periods of deep attachments to Christ and feeling like Christ is literally physically present with me pushing me to do things, but in the same way that I understand a manic depressive goes through depressive stages. It comes and it goes. It lasts for a few months and then it goes away. And then it comes back. And then it goes away. I sincerely don’t know what to do or who talk to about this. I am a baptized Roman Catholic that has yet to be received into a new Church.

>>22505022
She’s probably in the confused part of puberty when she is starting to like guys but doesn’t want to like them so she projects on others close to her dating

I wish I had a father. I had one but we don't speak anymore. I'm autistic.

Him and his family blame my mother for supposedly poisoning him against him. But it's not true. I gave him money, I used to call him. I would visit him. I never asked for anything.

He would always try to hold stuff over me but because of that early on I learned never to ask him for anything.

When I needed him to act as intermediary for his side of his family and me, he told me it wasn't his problem and to leave him out of it. Since then I stopped talking to him. I told him I hated him.

He would also plot shit with his sister. His sister told him to tell me that his psychologist told him to cut contact with me. He's a piece of shit. His sister is my godmother and she pretends to forget that she's my godmother. Her husband, my godfather, doesn't recognize me as his godson.

I wish they would die. I wish I had a father. I wish I had a person to talk to that could give me advise. Even if it's to call me a faggot, I wish I had someone like that.

I have a lot of female support. I can depend on them. I can call them and they'll talk to me. I have a partner and we're in a committed relationship. My mentor and best friend is a woman. I can talk to my mom about anything. I have an easier time talking to women. They hit on me, too. I can't complain about that aspect of it.

But I wish I had a father. Someone to defend me and vouch for me. Considering my mental illnesses, self-isolation, mutism, anti-socialness, I push forward. I moved to a new city by myself and I made it. In the cold, dark winters, I ride my bike alone in the whitened, snow-covered streets. In one of the coldest day on record for the city (negative 30-40 Fahrenheit), I walked to work. I started training as a swimmer in my mid-30s even though I've never swam before. I volunteer my time. Fuck everyone that gives me shit. I don't let people distract me from my ideals of trying to be positive.

As a kid I was suicidal and one of my goals was to survive to make the path for other kids after me easier. I carry so much shit. I work two jobs because I don't like being idle. I have more money than I know what to do with. I willingly donate money to different causes. I don't try to ever get even. If someone hits me, I turn the other cheek; part of the reason my dad's side of the family hates me. They think I'm a faggot even though I'm the only that lives by their God's words.

He has other kids and they all hate him too. It's not just me.

I wish I had a dad. If you have a dad, hug him and thank him for me. I wish I could look another man in the eyes and say this.

>>22505109
I have a dad. My mother left him when I was 9 and I only saw him once or twice a year after this. He thinks I'm a faggot but he's still always offering his help. I never ask for anything. I never do because I've learned from a young age that no one ever does something significant out of their own will for free. I'm tired of feeling like I owe stuff to people. As sad as it is, having parents barely changes anything in my life. It's a miracle I made it to adulthood and didn't become a fullblown autist despite my lack of social interactions. That's why I keep on living : God has probably been watching over me this whole time and he is the only one I don't mind owing debts to.

>>22505109
I can sympathize a lot. Personally, I’ve decided to try to become the man I wanted my father to be.

>>22505139
Unfortunately, I can sympathize with this a lot too. I took some small gifts from an estranged father as an adult and I came to really regret it.

Seven euros to survive for the next two weeks plus one weekend. Thinking bout wether I should buy another pack of cigarettes tomorrow or not.

I don't understand Infinite Jest. There must be some disconnect in my brain, because I know several people who basically only read YA and stuff like James Patterson and they read it without issue. I've tried a few times and there's just something in the way of me processing things so each page takes me twice as long as a normal book. Then with some sentences I'm not even sure I'm getting what he's saying.
I read some pretty difficult stuff, so I don't know what it is about DFWs writing that stumps me so hard. Back when it was memed every day on /lit/ I assumed it was a difficult text, but I think it must just be a hard mental incompatibility with his style that I can't overcome.

Imagine arguing about religions every day on the internet when this woman will go to heaven in front of everyone else who's posting here.

Anyone else have a shitty disrespected low-status office job? Are you hopeful about the future?

>>22505236
I work in construction.

>>22505236
Honestly I prefer to work shitty jobs for a shitty pay without hypocrisy that 'good' jobs for shitty pays hypocritically
Most 'educated' people I know earn subhumanly low wages, but in my opinion that's even more pathetic that earning low wages as an uneducated person

Pretty sure my living space is haunted. The lights turn on and off by themselves, there are knocking sounds at night, and things in the kitchen bang around when no one is there.
I hope my ghost roommate isn't too grossed out by what he sees me doing.

>>22505109
>I wish I had a dad. If you have a dad, hug him and thank him for me. I wish I could look another man in the eyes and say this.
My dad wasn't much for hugging when I was past about 8, but by the time I was about 26 I was his best friend--if not as good as I enjoyed then or since. A STEMfag corporate executive he was always more guarded than I was with peers or colleagues, if such a skillful and charming gossip at work that not much passed his notice, and on long or frequent drives with me behind the wheel he couldn't resist his own storytelling impulse, especially since his affection for most those people was really sweet, and highly descriptive. Compared to him I'm a bit of a self-indulgent prick, something he doubtless knew all along, but put up with for what it is. He was as much a dad as I could never be.

>>22505236
yeah it blows but i think i'm just gonna do an mba or an mfa. i don't want to, grad school seems really lame unless it's an r1 phd, but since my job will pay for it, i guess i'm gonna sign up for some cheap shitty but accredited mail order masters. at least it gives me something to do for the next couple years.

I have a headache. I'm never falling asleep to speedcore again.

>>22505672
Lol, try extratone

>>22505236
I changed jobs from lecturer to a job teaching a developmentally disabled man rudimentary English. Weird thing is, I'm developmentally disabled myself and not sure if I'm moving up or down.

>>22505682
i hate parents who can't accept that their kids are cognitively impaired so they force them to enroll in college and fail repeatedly to everyone's embarrassment. just let them work at taco bell and watch anime, or if they can't handle that, disability benefits exist for a reason.

>>22505236
I used to. I dispatched for a mom & pop alarm company that sold off their accounts to a one of the big providers sometime around 2019. They should have done it earlier, if the trade magazines are to be trusted, since they were selling around 60X earnings in 2013 or so. I still don't know why they bothered to keep it that long: They were worth around 20M already, depsite a few real-estate debacles.

I messed up with a girl I've been infatuated with for years. I keep brooding about it.

>>22505738
*I am now pleasantly retired to the country, and the irony is that I live now about as well as they do, sans horses, which i kind of hate anyway.

>>22505707
>just let them work at taco bell and watch anime,
Or be house NEETs with hobbies such as horticulture, backyard astronomy, data hoarding, Anglo-American poetry, and audio montage.

>>22504866
I'm afraid that Dickinson is much too far West for you, in every possible sense.

I hate smoking brands of cigarettes that aren't my preferred brand. It feels like they're giving me cancer. Every time the dep doesn't have Camel blues I get so pissed cause I know it'll be another crap fucking week of smoking.

>>22502604
One SD above average is just average minus the mentally retarded. I'm officially tested and got 120. It's nothing special, although it feels like I'm surrounded by idiots because I'm in a country with relatively low average IQ (81.something). People here work very hard and I don't. I gave up my engineering degree to pursue my passion which is art, and the AI image generators came in the picture and I'm defeated. I'm 26, broke, no degree, no girlfriend. (It's extremely hard to get into the dating scene if you don't have a degree in my country, unless if you're willing to settle for the rat women).

Well I wasted today. Feeling sick so I stayed home. Then I slept in. Then I masturbated for 2 hours. Took a shower. Sun bathed. Watched some tv. Spent hours on YouTube. I feel like such a slug.

>>22505239
that reminds me of a really weird day...

>>22502586
Sounds like a mild case of depression, senpai. Start by getting more sun, more exercise and eating better. If that doesn't solve it after a year or you start feeling worse consider seeing a therapist and trying pills.

>>22502514
I wish there was just one person who understood me.

>>22502514
Driving home from from a Thanksgiving gathering my heater malfunctioned in heavy snowfall on 80-94. I couldn't turn it lower than maximum, so I lowered windows to compensate. The pace of traffic was about 30mph, and the scene almost sleepy as what I had going on the soundsystem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ6z6l1OaoU&list=RDMM3gELGrupKto&index=12

>>22505236
Yes, I went from a long-term career to working as a cleric. I used to be a knowledgeable leader and now I am nobody. I know I won't do this very long (I can't afford it), but it is kinda refreshing.

>>22506167
Something about this sequence of events rings false to me: For 2 hours of gooning or such I'd have to begin with a certain healthy enthusiasm, and even then sunbathing would come first.

>>22502514
I’m 18. Pretty sure I was normal until sometime between 11-13 when it become extremely embarrassing to assume any kind of definite shape in the consciousness of others. For example, I can’t wear any but the blandest clothes and I can’t say arbitrary phrases. I have never even been able to say “how are you” because I get a feeling of pure cringe. So I have not any real conversation with a real person in probably six years. I cannot remember any time I said more than two full sentences to someone else. I am not aware of any real effect this has had on my brain except that I remember basically nothing from my life and I get mood swings. I never get depressed or whatever and I only ever had suicidal thoughts because I wanted to avoid anxiety, not because I was sad or lonely or any faggot shit. Anyway like two or three months ago I decided to try sitting in an empty circle with nothing to do for multiple days only leaving to go to the bathroom. Obviously I only lasted six hours. After this I felt extremely bad, and that was the only time I felt that kind of “existential” pain. Then a couple days after that I suddenly felt overwhelmingly that I was “cured” and kept saying I was “cured.” This only lasted probably 16 hours and all I did was go running and shout “I’m cured” a couple times in some field, although shouting in public is something I usually would never be able to bring myself to do. Even though it didn’t last it still felt different from normal mania. I don’t know if it was related to the “pain” at all. I’m probably going to try to repeat what I did although if it was because of the pain it probably won’t work because I’m pretty sure the pain was because I failed to sit for multiple days and only lasted six hours. So I probably won’t get it again because next time I won’t actually expect to last that long. To be honest, I don’t even know if getting cured will do anything because I am used to the way I live now and wouldn’t know how to get “friends” even if I could, and if I had friends I would probably view it as a waste of time and just want to cut them off anyway.

My philosophy club's topic of discussion this week is the ethics of racial preferences in dating. I think I'm going to skip this meeting.

>>22506359
Absolute state of modern """philosophy"""
what a fucking joke

>>22506305
At least meditate if you're gonna sit there for hours. And if socializing is difficult I would recommend working part time at a cafe (preferably a mom and pop) where it's not too busy and just practice asking the customer how their day was (even if it is difficult). You would be surprised at how much better you can get at talking to people from a short time working this kind of job– it's not so much that you become charismatic or know exactly what to say at every moment but that the fear and anxiety in this kind of situation lessens immensely and it's like a weight off your shoulders.

>>22502514
https://youtu.be/XOl5SBp3Gk8?si=KNbJell9Berob99B
>caussee immm a zooomerr and imm a coommeer and I've seen every tittyyy and asss
>yeahhh I'm browsing by here .. Reckon I'll post here

The king grants there to be a temple. 25 stories high approximately, in the center of the world. You and 12 loyal subjects will oversee the entire construction of this temple. You will be given 6 cattle, 300 tons of stone, 300 gallons of rice wine, 100 tons of brown rice, and three young virgins to keep you 12 company. You depart tomorrow with the moon. Adorn the temple with golden geese at all sharp corners to keep watch. For each odd column make tribute to every one of our fallen leaders. Be sure to make good on the resources provided to you and work in a swift manner, this project must be finished before the day of the Ying.

>>22506305
Pretty similar to me except for the clothes thing, i like to wear fashionable clothes that stand out.
And i mostly don't desire or think about others but now and then ive bouts of loneliness and occassionally become paranoid about what others think about me
Iin conversations i can say how are you but i have this overwhelming sense of inauthenticity amd artificilaity. Like I'm just regurgitating this pre-fabricated line to fill the silence. Almost all conversations i have with people feel fake in a certain way, or like I'm the fake one and everyone but me is real.

I feel bad because I want to go do certain things with my life but I also have certain commitments to stay here with my siblings.

>>22504593
>>22504597
My high school was public and offered philosophy as an elective.
Plenty took it and the teacher was one of the best in the school.
We read Plato's Republic, some theologian i think William Craig, some retardo anarchist, amd a few other thinkers i can't remember. Pretty good class.
I think having it as am elective is a good idea.

Has anyone else had their life get worse since starting remote work?

>>22505875
this, she was clearly eastern

the dalkey press edition of sot-weed factor drops tomorrow but i'm debating if i should order it or wait for the emily wilson iliad next week to get both in one shipment. i already have huge stacks of unread books and two books i'm reading now with hundreds of pages left. i should just wait.

>>22505230
I think I'm going to be sick. It really is smearing feces. And people elect themselves to do it.

She's 45% Amerindian, 30% European and 25% West African.
I have decided that is isn't a dealbreaker.
I'm about 70% European myself so the kids would be about 50% Euro, 37.5% Amerindian and 12.5% W African

I believe I can live with that, especially since we're from the same country, have same culture and she is leagues above other women I've met.
If European women didn't disappoint for the past 12 years of dating I'd have bleached my bloodline, but all of them were trash.
She's only marginally more brown than me although the nipples are black.

reading City of God and Augustine evidently believed that, had Adam and Eve not eaten the fruit, they would have produced potentially thousands of children (the entire number of the elect, whatever that number may be) without ever leaving earthly paradise, that they would have done so as fully self-controlled acts of will involving no involuntary lust, and that, once the number of the elect was born, they all would have been transformed into a state in which sin was no longer even a possibility and they were assured of paradise for eternity
i like Augustine but this seems kind of insane. was there any precedent to this belief? did any subsequent theologians ever address this? does the Catholic Church accept this?

>>22505230
I really don't like these tiktok and youtube stunts. Just these jackasses flaunting their wealth and the plebiscite begs for it. It feels gross and condescending

>>22506732
city of god really sucks, i was annoyed at getting memed into reading something so dumb. sad that some provincial manichean had so much influence on the church. some people say paul ruined christianity. that's debatable, but augustine definitely made it suck.

>>22506776
the whole thing was probably staged anyways since it has a pro-immigration message which aligns with the current administration

>>22506795
Never read City of God but i read his Critique of Skepticism and i thought it was interesting.
Is City of God really that bad?

>>22506723
Neither of you are white or even american go mutt wild in Muttgentina or whatever

>>22506801
it's ok as a primary source for late antiquity, but ya, it's pretty dumb. goes on and on about angels and demons and other goofy shit that's just made up. a clear decline from the high points of antique philosophy.

>>22504861
Make a bunch of money and hire proxies to engage in the philanthropic endeavor on your behalf.

>>22504985
Read the history of the writing of ''Stealing the Network''.

>>22506359
Don't puss out. We're counting on you. You are the gladiator in the arena.

Does “I have to split” mean that you were going out to meet someone? I feel so anxious and sick with jealousy. I can’t keep doing this. I worry that I’m going to fall apart again.

>>22506808
are you really implying that angels and demons are just made up ?

>>22506854
>“I have to split”
It means that the indicating party has a time critical engagement at that moment. This may or may not involve a third party.

>>22503968
>What do you write about?
It's been a mixed bag. Mostly what would be considered memoir.
>Do you share your writing?
Well, a lot of the subjects are still alive, and release of the contents would be embarrassing at the least, and legally compromising in some cases. I have shared it within the group of individuals involved and it has all been received well. I have considered giving some of them cover names, but I fear that doing so neuters the story. I do not desire elevation by name-dropping - just validation by calling true names. There is also the premise of self-indictment to consider. I may just change all of the names and present it as fiction.

>>22504013
>there always needs to be a woman interlocutor to make it more interesting
I probably have five of significant literary merit.

200 million years ago we all shared a common ancestor with a shrew-like mammal. The poster who responds beneath this post was my son then, and I want to let you know daddy is not proud.

>>22505230
>you go to heaven for aiding and encouraging brown parasites who are eroding all of the west
seems legit
I hate boomers so fucking much, death is too good for them, I want to flay the flesh and rip the nails off every faggot boomer

Of all my faults, nothing disgusts and enrages me more than my pussy attitude stopping me from killing myself. It sounds angsty and pathetic (because it is) but no matter what I do I cannot shake this feeling.

>>22505236
I'm a retail loser at a liquor store because I was too stupid to succeed at college and had a pretty fucked up childhood. I stopped hoping it would get better, and just prayed it wouldn't get worse. Now that has also failed so I guess I am hoping the rate of dropoff in my quality of life isn't exponential I guess?

>>22506927
What are your regulars like?

>>22506932
Some of them are the lowest scum of hell that I would take great pleasure in violently assaulting. The great many however are honestly quite nice and I enjoy our little conversations from time to time.

>>22506854
>Does “I have to split” mean that you were going out to meet someone?
It just means "I gotta go"

>>22506918
I told a crusty old boomer that churches needed to better weigh their charity against the negative impact that it may have on others. He balked. I recounted how the church in my neighborhood distributed free food to junkies at the time and how I would get a huge caravan of junkies flowing through my neighborhood on account of them. He pushed back and said that it was the individual responsibility of the junkie to behave himself - that the church bore no responsibility for the conditions that they had created.

>>22506920
Bro, if you are getting up the gumption to an hero then you have an untapped reserve that is probably better exploited elsewhere. If you really need to off yourself then go ahead, but do something worthwhile first.

>>22506950
Keep a folded comp book in your back pocket and take notes on any warranted encounters.

I have to clean my sheets? Why? I should have a slave doing this.

I want to go to lawschool. I have a 2.4 undergrad GPA and I want to die.

>>22506995
The crusty boomer has more soul than you.

>>22507103
No, it is just the innate selfishness of his generation.

my parents are awful

Gamelan is the best instrument

>>22507112

they lie right to my face, imply that i have psychosis, feign indignance, then insist i see a therapist. as though that excuses them from acting like human beings themselves. it's a truly awful way to treat anyone you're related to.

>>22507129
cont.

and do they take me for an imbecile? or a person who has so little self-respect that i'd simply put up with their gaslighting and antagonism? or perhaps they are simply indifferent toward what i think.

One in four animals are beetles and yet they’re rarely mentioned even in passing in most of the novels I read.

>>22507133
Forgive them.

>>22507138

rather hard to forgive someone for something they not only won't apologize for, but deny outright, claim i've lost touch with reality, and threaten involuntary psychiatric care.

>>22507143
Everyone suffers in their own way.
Transcendence begins with forgiveness, because forgiveness is a sacrifice.

>>22507143
cont.

all the while showing complete indifference toward my own considerable suffering, for years. they can go to hell.

>>22507155
How does not forgiving help you?

>>22507146

again, no. i can't forgive anyone who won't treat me with common decency. i'd never treat anyone with the lack of decency and consideration they've shown me.

>>22507160

how does forgiving them help me? i don't need people who cause me so much grief.

they've made me miserable for years and have nothing to say about it aside from calling me psychotic. it's obscene.

>>22506006
what's your country?

>>22507175
So you have a better solution?

>>22507108
>the innate selfishness of his generation
How is the one giving out charity to addicts the selfish one here?

>>22507184

solution to what?

it's depressing but i won't feel any less demotivated for simply letting them treat me as they have. i know that for a fact.

>>22507190
I'm trying to help your issue with your parents. Sorry.

>>22507182
Mind your beeswax

I'm probably going to die in the next ten years of natural causes/overexhaustion compounded with a physical chronic disease. The question is, what do I do in the meantime? I've thought about going to Switzerland and working there for five years then moving to some poor country where I can enjoy the remainder of my life but I reckon this can suck as I will be away from my loved ones. The silver lining of going is also that I will be able to leave a ton of money for my niece and nephews. I don't want to do humanitarian work or charity as I don't want to work a hard job. Is this what life is all about? Working so I can leave something to the next generation and disappearing?

I don't need what I think I need.

>>22507199

i only need to get motivated. i could get past all of this and forget all about these people if i had motivation. it's hard because it feels like there's nothing to work for, another thing they don't seem to sympathize with whatsoever.

>>22507168
You can do whatever you want if you're brave enough.

>>22507222

bravery is not the problem.

>>22507189
>How is the one giving out charity to addicts the selfish one here?
Because their hollow charity is at the expense of others. These are not unfortunates. They are literal junkies. When they break into houses, etc., the fault lays on the people that facilitated it. It's cheap, lazy charity. At least take the step to take the charity to the junkies rather than draw them into an innocent neighborhood that is ripe for victimization.

>>22507205
Life is suffering is not just a meme.

>>22507213
>a soldier in time knows just what he holds dearly
You need to do without to test the bounds and get a grip on what you really need.

>>22507180
>calling me psychotic

and did they have to go that far? why? what's the point of trying to convince me i'm suffering from psychosis. it's gaslighting, plain and simple. as if everything else wasn't bad and unforgivable enough on its own. they've really done it now.

>>22507248

and they know i'm in a bad way. what a sordid way to treat someone.

>>22507224
Of course it is. It's simply a matter of facing the things you don't want to change in yourself.
Life is shit, anon. It's filled with shit people with shit communication skills, who are all wildly thrashing about, hoping that the shit that falls out of their mouths will somehow translate the emotions they are trying to communicate.
The sad part is that their behavior often isn't their fault. Most of them are damaged from the environment or grew up in abusive households. Kinda like what you're going through.
Forgiveness will relieve the emotional pressure, anon. Gotta let it go.

>>22507248
>wasn't

weren't.

>>22507260

no. it's well beyond what bad communication would excuse. to hell with them.

It is tough having a sibling with autism and OCD live with you. Suicidally tough, actually. If my parents die and I'm forced to be his caretaker (as is oft told to me) then I will simply kill myself desu.

I wish I could go back to high school, I was happy then.

>>22505026
I'm the same, I would say that we're both gonna make it but I'd be lying, I don't think either of us are gonna make it.

>>22507284
kek,i was never happy.
at least you had good times.

>>22507231
Waaahh
Waaahh
Waaaaah
--you
Be more like the chad charitable boomers

>>22507306
I think the happiness came from my life having structure and being around a general community.

>>22507327
>Be more like the chad charitable boomers
Will do, boss. Where do I deliver the junkies?

I'm not feeling myself. Gonna give myself a week to wallow then I gotta pull myself back together.

>>22505038
>I am a baptized Roman Catholic that has yet to be received into a new Church
What do you mean? Do you plan on joining a different Church to RC?

>>22506806
Thanks I will

>>22502514
Edith Wharton's ghost stories remind me rather a lot of life as a very sheltered boy. I suppose you'd have to have been something like that to see it.

>>22507128
I prefer metal gamelan, but consider it minor compared to any decent chamber orchestra. Ever heard on in person? They're surprisingly loud and similar to what one hears in recordings. As far as that goes, big choruses in properly reverberant spaces are like nothing even the most advanced reproductive technology can do justice to.

Webt to uni again as a 30yo and basically all my classmates are zoomer girls/fags/transgenders.
I didnt meet any of them outside of classes and workgroups. I dont mind that much but I would also like to know some new people.

>>22507606
if you want old people in your classes do night classes or weekend classes. then you get people who work during the day and are trying to bang out a degree to advance their career rather than young kids who just enrolled in college because they didn't know what else to do.

>>22507606
>I dont mind that much but I would also like to know some new people.
Clearly, you do mind if you felt the need to complain about it. Just open your mind some more and you'll meet new people.

>>22507606
One of the problems I had with school was that it was the center of my social life. I honestly think I would have done much better academically if they had been separated.
I honestly wish I could give it another try for that reason, but I'll never be able to afford to go back .

I fall in love too easily. Ah, well. Could be worse.

I pretty much only listen to old music, mostly romance songs but not exclusively. I'm only twenty for context.

Wagner and Cosima on Leopardi:

>In the evening read some more of L.’s dialogues, though with less enjoyment (R. puts in first place “Plotinus and Porphyrios,” which we read yesterday). R. says Leopardi was a personality of pathological interest, and to be understood only as such. It seems to me that he could not have known the main source of happiness, which is enthusiasm, arising either from art or from love, and this was the cause of his unhappiness. He did not know Shakespeare, Beethoven, Goethe, R. Wagner. R. feels also that Latin antiquity must have an oppressive effect on an Italian. We Germans are luckier, he says, our origins lie in ourselves, and we can delude ourselves that we are able to bring our past back to life; and also we have no civilization behind us.

Lately, I feel hopeless. I had my shot and I blew it…

>>22507699
I haven't had my shot yet but I know I'll blow it when it comes, every dog has its day.

>>22502514
How does one reconcile historicism with natural law? Any books for this?

>>22507723
What do you mean?

>>22507740
the attitude that there are certain God given (by way of reason) values that are eternal, the respect given to the properties of other men while securing those that are rightfully yours when the path of history assumes that certain events happen to relation to the conditions of the given society through cultural, economic and political context.

>>22502514
Mr Beast was born of a virgin from a David Dees illustration to become the AntiChrist

>>22507750
This is such a run on sentence. I’m really having a hard time parsing what you’re trying to say. No offense. Are you suggesting that the facts of history (and I suppose nature), in your opinion, diverge from natural law as revealed by God? Or are you saying that you can’t determine whether values are the consequences of merely material circumstances unfolding through history or whether values are eternal and supernaturally derived (derived from God)? Help me out here.

Every time I think I'm over my ex it comes back heavy. We went all of Covid only to break up once lockdown began to be loosened. Reading our old messages makes me realise what a fucking dick I was. I fucked it, I completely and utterly fucked it now all I have is memories of how I fucked it up. I was with a genuine angel of a woman and I fucked it.

>>22507801
From what understand the difference between historicism and natural law is the former is contextual in its analysis of ethics and morals and the latter, universal.

Western civilization will collapse completely within the next decade (2034).

>>22507820
And you're doing nothing to try to stop it, how can you complain about your house burning down if you refuse to grab a house or call the fire department?

>>22507825
How can I stop a tendency of 1 billion people? A few countries will militarize and cleanse their territories but for the most part vassaldom to non-Western nations or outright annihilation will be the norm.

>>22507825
If it were full of muggers in wait to kill my family and people in funny little hats taking inventory of what they can steal then give to the muggers—I think I‘d just take the L on the house.

>>22507842
>A few countries will militarize and cleanse their territories but for the most part vassaldom to non-Western nations or outright annihilation will be the norm.

>>22507861
I didn't expect better. If you were slightly literate and informed you'd be agreeing with me.

>>22507825
The house isn't burning, I know the house will burn. I don't know where, I don't know when. All I know is that it will burn, and that soon, how would you feel?

>>22507865
Cause you're right about everything, sorry, I forgot. If anyone disagrees with you or has a differing opinion then they must just be illiterate or uninformed, my bad, I'll keep that in mind for next time.

>>22507868
>how would you feel?
I don't fear things that I know will happen, I can't do anything to change it so why should I let it bother me?

>>22507873
So what, you're only afraid of fake bullshit?

>>22507871
Lmao, it's the reality. I'm not saying that I'm 100% right but things are going downhill and there is going to be a great devastating military conflict within the next decade and the West *might* loose. They're already showing complete impotence in the Russian invasion of Ukraine. It's only a question of a few months at most until Ukraine became a Russian vassal and after that the global situation will become one degree colder.

Why do I feel like /lit/ is different 3-4 months ago? Like, it was more fun and the threads are cool. I remember a thread asking what book would you ask your citizens to read if you have a country/ in your real country if you can. Now it's sorta... not something I feel like reading through

>>22507878
>fake bullshit?
Give me an example?

>>22507879
Isn't Ukraine currently winning the war? Don't just say "Hur dur, no, Russia winning" and expect me to care, give me some hard evidence of why you think Russia isn't currently winning. I don't know who's currently winning so I'm not gonna try and make any objective statements but from what I've heard on debates and shit, Ukraine currently has the upper hand.

>>22507881
It was always like this

>>22507889
Hmm but then why hmm

>>22507891
Twas ever thus

>>22507888
Ukraine is loosing. They fought well during the beginning but it's been 500 days and because not a single nation met the decision to help them with sending military troops to their country borders, Russia is stronger than Ukraine numerically speaking. Their last few soldiers are holding the border. The country has lost most of it's connections to the Black Sea. Belarus has joined Russia in the fight. Long or short, Russia will win, but it is even more pathetic from the West that they have shown completely unable to do anything. Remember the night before the war when Macron visited Putin to beg him not to start the war? This is what we have become. A bunch of pathetic faggots, unable to put actual pressure on other nations because we have lost the power to do so.

>>22507909
>not a single nation met the decision to help them with sending military troops to their country borders
Hasn't the US helped Ukraine a bunch? Or was that only with money and munitions and shit?

Also:
>loosing
Yeah, I'm the illiterate one.

>>22507926
> Hasn't the US helped Ukraine a bunch? Or was that only with money and munitions and shit
"Helped" in pumping money into it's own military out of wich some made it's way to the Ukraine, yes.

>>22507932
Classic US of A. But if that's the case then why are all the conservatives in an uproar about it?

>>22507941
Ask yourself why neither EU nor US nor NATO is doing practically nothing about it. No matter what, the West will gain nothing out of this war, only losses, and even if the war ends as it is the territories now in the hands of Ukraine are lost forever.

>>22507697
Really weird thinking.

SELECT * FROM WOMEN WHERE 1 = 1

>>22507818
I still have no idea what the issue is? Some people believe ethics are conditioned by context (particular) and others believe ethics are universal? So what? If you’re a God-believing person, you don’t believe that ethics necessarily universal, but rather should be universal per the instruction of God. There’s no religion on earth which believes that in so far as ethics are universally derived from nature via God, that people don’t have the ability to will otherwise. So from a religious perspective perhaps ethics are universal in so far as there is what is natural and good, but particular in so far as we can choose the unnatural or the not-good.

How have you guys who missed the boat on education and career when you’re young reconciled that? Don’t you ever think that even if you went to school at an older age, your potential is somehow limited because of the fact that you’re late?

>>22507976
new

>>22507978
Kicked our of high school when I was 17.
I will not re-visit school in lifetime.

>A quiet librarian in her early 40s owns a Nintendo Switch. She doesn't play as often.

>>22508003
>She used to play more, before transitioning.

>>22507842
>vassaldom to non-Western nations or outright annihilation will be the norm.
Bullshit, the two biggest competitors to the West are busy fucking themselves in the ass (Russia) or making braindead economic moves every other month (China).

>>22507958
How so?

>>22508003
>for sale
>switch + games
>joycon drift

>>22507978
I just went back to school as am adult. Dont be a fag

>>22508519
what you studying homie

>>22506208
What do you mean by this

>>22502514
I'm in my second year of University. I ultimately want to pursue a career in academia, but as time goes on I'm convinced I will surely not have a place in it. Not because I am a "No-Ideas" faggot. But simply because of the political landscape and the absolute number of idiots that make up the so-called Ivory Tower. I feel as if I'm in too deep and there is nothing else I really want in life at the moment so I'm going to ride this wave until it crashes. Fuck you /lit/.

>>22509463
Bruh is only 20 years old and thinks he's in too deep