/lit/ - Literature

>>22486077
>cowriter

>>22486064
>don't come in dad

>>22486064

>>22486071
I hope this is an estranged father

I hope evening finds you well father! I must extend a belated greeting to our venerable guests; I'm afraid work proved itself too tempting a siren this day to tear myself away.

>>22486077
hehe

They have taken the dining room and the staircase. We have barred my bedroom door, but cannot hold them for long. The floorboards creak... Normies. Normies in the house. We cannot get out. Awkward small talk moves in the dark... We cannot get out... They are coming.

>>22486226
Used to be but they were able to bond over their love of the older Fanning sister

>>22486387
what am I watching

>>22486231
Oh god. That suit, that tie...

>>22486439
the truest kind of love.

With a computer you can write anything

>>22486464
But only with a cub can you go anywhere and make experiences needed for writing.

>>22486218
Woah dude, your piss is black.

>>22486375
lol

>>22486064

>>22486474
cub? You mean a Macbook, right?

>>22486645
sleep tight, steeler

>This is the kitchen, dad

>>22486645
how can anyone sleep in that position?

>>22487011
By being drunk on the finest quality of carton wine

>>22487003
What the fuck is that thing on the left?

>>22487023
thats a worn cooking pot

>>22487011
>sleep
Who's going to tell him?

My bedroom.

>>22486064

>>22487011
Steel Reserve

>>22486474
I don't need experience. all I need is 15 years of arguing with retards on the internet.

>>22487011
Anon..... I.....

mom pls close the door im writingggg

>>22486452
not everyone is a conceited homosexual so you'll have to explain

>>22487517
>oh were you readin' a book?

>>22486071
Where does this image even come from?

>>22486071
is that aphex twin?

>>22487034
>>22487462
Huh? You mean he's dead?

>>22487570
What was his name again

>>22487740
Looks like sleeping or overdose

>>22487745
Quentin Tarantino

>>22487745
Ivan Wankwithabum

>>22487570
Harry Potter reboot cast looking lit

>>22487080
I don't know if this is minimalism or just poverty

>>22487080
Hey are you that Brazilian anon from awhile back?

>>22486064

>>22486387
what. the. Ass.

>>22486645
We've all been there.

"Huh? Not right now pops, I am reading."

>>22486645
Me 1 year ago

>>22489576
did you fix it?

>>22489580
Yea I got a job with longer hours and the hangovers were not worth it. I still drink but not nearly as much as I did.

>>22486645
god i wish that was me

>>22489127
Don't do it.

>>22486645
sleep tight, steeler

>>22489139
Yes. As you can see, I moved the books from the dangerously fragile shelves.

>>22486375
kek'd & relate'd

>>22486064
not now dad,i'm dugin'

>>22487740
Nerve gas.

>>22487745
Baby Alex (formerly heterosexual)

>>22486077
spbp & unfathomably based
(Also, literally me, btw)

>>22486375
fantastic

>>22489948
crackhead

>>22486064
Thanks for interrupting my writing flow. Now get out.

>Oh, hey Dad
>Yeah I'll be out soon just give me a sec to finish reading this chapter

>>22490111
O ventilador Mondial não mente

>>22486218
>A space rug
Ah...what's a dreamer. .

>>22489060
Kek

>>22489221
>Laminated furniture
Nigga you disgusting.

I write my books from the shower using my phone and a Bluetooth keyboard.

>>22486064
>fuck, dad. please get out of my room. no sooner did i focus than you disturbed me.

>>22490779
what phone and keyboard

>>22486064
Leave me to my studies, mother.

>>22491288
me in the bottom right

>>22491288
This is the comfiest painting ever conceived.

>>22487517
Imagine the SMELLE

>>22486064

Oh, hello. Please come in. It's great to see you all. I'm sorry I look so shabby; I wasn't expecting visitors.

Let me guess, you need more?

>>22487023
i think its an elephant

>>22487003
Who’s that?

>>22486387
Is this the Wordsworth edition of Leaves of Grass

>>22492571
Kek

>>22487517
>shit-stained books

>>22486375 >>22486231 I love lit

>>22487080
Depending on how it smells, this could be rather comfortable to sleep in

>>22491288
I want to be set my schedule up in a way that I can just think for a day. For too long I have been doing things and not actually thinking. Even research constitutes mostly the activity of researching without contemplating deeply. This post caused a rift within me. Thanks anon.

>>22486064

>>22494223
You make I laugh

>>22493694
I thought that was winnie the pooh's back on the lower left.

>>22486064

>>22486064
>t. future pulitzer prizewinner

>>22489060
Lmao

>>22490779
do you stop when you run out of hot water or you are a cold shower kind of guy.

>>22489417
I miss him so much bros...

I'm about to get 50 (you)s

>>22496785
that batman pajama looks comfy af.

>>22496785
>no timestamp

>>22496852
zoom in on the screen, I'm 5 hours into running out of cigarettes and I'm going to destroy something if I have to move more than rolling over, unless I move and a cigarette magically appears

>>22496852
>>22496867
you're lucky I just remembered a full cigarette fell under my bed, fuck you

>>22496878
made me realize there's a half dranken gatorade on the ground too, nice

if anyones wondering why I live like this, as if anyones wondering that and isn't just gawking and laughing, which I don't mind, I have self awareness
>used to be a smart, somewhat clean kid
>bullying started getting real bad
>turned to drugs to cope with home and school life
>family schizophrenia said "lol fuck you and fuck your drugs"
>no more school, stuck at home or the mental ward for 4 years, all 4 years of high school
>life fell apart
>trash started piling up
>mother also becomes a hoarder, so entire house is much of the same as my room
>make a recovery from psychosis
>habits dont make a recovery
>occasionally look around, pick up a store bag, throw some things out
>occasionally go all out and clean everything
>started making strides in forming a habit of cleaning
>mother becomes alcoholic and makes me homeless
>homeless for 3 months before she calls and apologizes, becomes sober
>no longer give enough of a fuck to clean
>no longer have any trust in anyone
>stuck living with the same mother who told me how much she hates me, how I'm a mistake, how she wishes I was dead, how she wishes she was dead, but now she claims she doesn't believe any of it
>to add on, their rent started splitting utilities
>every single time I shower, roughly once a month, my step father immediately starts complaining about the water bill, if I take any longer than 15 minutes (there is no possible way to get the smell off and all of the dead skin off in that time period) he immediately complains about the water bill, claims he's going to make me pay it this time (6$)
>can't get a job because of schizophrenia and ptsd
>have been turned down for disability 3 times
>sit here, surrounded by trash, smelling like the obese kid after gym class, with no money, little work history, a death wish, and homicidal ideation

>>22496878
>>22496867
>>22496785

Dios mio

>>22496878
Ffs go and clean that room up.

>>22486094
Best in thread.

>>22496918
>go clean the house of the person who kicked you to the streets after turning to alcohol and abusing you shortly after your recovery from the trenches of psychosis due to schizophrenia
no, thanks.

I'll clean my brothers apartment, and I do when I occasionally live there for a few months.

>>22496927
Didn't see the longer post of yours before. OK, I'm willing to believe your story, not nice. But cleaning up isn't just something you do for your mom, it's to make yourself feel better, no?

>>22496933
no amount of cleaning, scrubbing, organizing, throwing away, sweeping, or spraying will get rid of the nightmares, flashbacks, disassociating, lack of feeling I belong, lack of trust, emptiness, worthlessness, feeling of failure, inability to see a point in life, and all the rest of the shit that has piled up on me.

I know this because I do clean my brothers place, I do technically live there, I wasn't kicked out of his place, I just dont feel like I belong here or there, I didn't feel like I belonged living with my friend a few states away and I didn't leave that place trashed either, but I just up and left.

anyway, this isn't a therapy thread or a vent thread, its a "post fucked up rooms thread"

>>22496947
Yeah, I'm not gonna act like I can tell you some motivating things and you'll get your shit together. Wish you luck though that you'll find a place where you feel comfortable.

>>22496785
is that a tiny tv

>>22496994
monitor, a very tiny computer monitor. it was 25$ and I bought it when my old laptop screen broke.

>>22492335
we're you lamp, diogenes?

>>22486064
Ah, welcome humanoids! I have just been researching your mating habits and look forward to observing it in action! Would you kindly remove your clothes and begin? You may make use of the sleeping station afforded me by my Earthly hosts.

>>22496947
buddy I know you got it rough, just understand there are LITERALLY billions of humans who have it much worse. While your situation isn't ideal, you still have hope given you're in a western country.

>>22491544
i find this fucker more disturbing than anything lovecraft coud ever hope to describe

>>22497156
starving village kids in war torn parts africa still have a family that wont abandon them, friends that they've known since they were babies, a purpose in life to fight for, a tight knit community, and a positive outlook on life. even the ones who've had all of those people die have goals and a place they look forward to going to, and the countries they migrate to have the same tight knit communities to join full of people excited to be their lifelong friends and replacement family.

anon, each day passes by with absolutely no friends, no aim, no goals, nothing to achieve, nothing to look forward to, no income, no money, and a superficial face of a family. sure, I have internet, water, food for the most part, and a roof over my head, but the same people who gave me life can take it away in one single angry moment with no remorse, and living on the streets as someone who doesn't know how to socialize means that if those same people who make me homeless dont feel remorse and decide to take me back in, I will be homeless for likely the rest of my days.

being homeless didn't give me any skills in socializing, I'm not newly able to call and talk on the phone with 20 homeless shelters to find the one that has an open bed, I'm not newly able to make friends who might be able to help me, I'm not newly able to beg for money on the street or convince someone to pay me under the table, and I was never great at calming my nerves down enough to steal food.

in the essentials to just survive daily life and not die from disease, starvation, dehydration, or natural disaster, yes, I'm privileged compared to a palistinian warzone villager, but not in any single other way.

Toxic positivity doesn't do anything but make you feel guilty for having problems. I need help, not an "eat your food, theres kids in africa starving", how about a "if you take smaller bites at a slower pace, you might finish your food, but if you can't save it for later"

>>22496785
>>22496867
>>22496878

>>22497233
should I unearth... the hole

>>22496867
>>22496878
seek help bro
seriously please get help

>>22497336

>>22497397
I called my psychiatrist because of recent psychotic episodes, had an appointment set for yesterday

I got a call from the office TEN fucking minutes before the appointment was supposed to start telling me that she wasn't in the office that day, took the day off. my first appointment in 2 months.

I have a new appointment set for the 25th, and after messaging her telling her that my medications aren't working and currently are worsening my mental state, she told me to stop taking them. then I got notified that she refilled them, then got a call from her office telling me they were refilled and to pick them up.

I know the obvious answer is "get a new psychiatrist", but I'm on state insurance in a small town with no car and some of my medications legally "require" an in person appointment once every few months.

what other help do I get? a therapist? I've had so many therapists throughout my life, maybe they dont have my specific flavor of cbt-dbt-act-emdr-abc-xyz therapy, maybe I haven't read the right book, maybe I need to develop habits, but then I need something to help with my abysmal ADHD inability to get habits down, which could be helped with adhd meds, but to get on adhd meds I need to not have schizophrenia or psychosis, and to not have those I need to invent a time machine to stop my mother from fucking my father.

dont worry anon, I'm seeking help, but the help isn't helping with cleaning

>>22497414
decided I'm too tired, die in unsatisfied anticipation

>>22496910
You need to apply to McDonald’s or Wendy’s, say you were in jail, and start cleaning your room

>>22497423
That is genuinely tragic, anon. I don't know what to say other than I sincerely hope things get better for you. I'm sorry that you live in Burgerland and your mental health care system is so fucked up. I wish I could clean your room for you bro

>>22497426
I worked at mcdonalds for 3 hours while I was in a homeless shelter, had a ptsd episode, sat in the breakroom for 30 minutes when my break was 15 minutes, shaking, slightly crying, and smoking. got sent home, and then messaged them that I quit. a year later when they found my address, I got sent a check from them for 22$.

I cant work any job, but the SSA doesn't think I'm disabled enough.

I need you to understand that nearly every night I'm convinced I'm going to die because I'm god and I saw a black square in a video and it told me I have cancer, or some equally as retarded thing. these episodes are triggered by the slightest stress, make zero sense, and immediately send me into playing hand kungfu with the air in internal conversation combat with non existent voices. not only that, but if its not that, the stress triggers flashbacks and has me convinced I'm stuck watching my mom scream drunken insults while throwing belongings at me as I scream back that she needs to stop.

one or the other on a busy day at mc-fastfood-joint-endy's? the customer is offended or injured by it? congrats, I'm not only fired, I now have a lawsuit.

>>22497456
I thought you said you got over your mental health issues (the real bad ones)? If you are still going through shit you have to start reaching out to social workers. You must get the ball rolling someway, either disability, cleaning up mental health, or getting a job. Preferably all 3. This isn’t going to fix itself by just sitting in a messy room. It will take time so start ASAP

>>22497488
yes, I can calm myself down from the episodes and I'm no longer going through psychosis 24/7, these nightly episodes would've in the past been month long episodes or longer, because I didn't know how to define reality and ground myself back to it, I wasn't cured of schizoprenia, I just learned how to live with it, talk myself out of episodes, and learn some of my triggers, I still can't pinpoint what exactly triggers my nightly episodes, is it the pills, the time of day, specific things that I happen to look at at night (no libido, dont fap, its not porn)

>inb4 triggers
yes, tumblr fags took the actual therapy term and twisted it to mean "seeing anything I dont like or makes me feel bad", what it actually means is "specific situations, settings, actions, objects, or other things that cause symptoms to reappear", i.e. fireworks for a veteran are a trigger into ptsd flashbacks

>>22497502
Then you still need to start going to social workers and mental healthcare workers. Look at it as a full time job because you will probably have stay on top of them and it will take time. You got to get some pieces of your life in order so the rest can follow. It’s amazing how quickly things can get better if you work on them. You have to put in effort though

>>22497423
Better luck next life.

>>22497514
Its a big leap for me. Chances are I wont be able to stay on top, and a lot of things will fall through, with the inability to handle the stress of ordering food without my brain starting to spiral, I'll probably miss a few important phone calls in the mental ward, but thats something to tell the social worker to.. work with me.

its the getting started thats hard for me. I'll write diwn some phone numbers and set a deadline to call them on, because I do need to do it, but this'll be my 4th time applying and now I have to pull myself out of the "tried it and theres no point in trying again" mentality

>>22497550
>implying we get more than 1 life
lifes not a videogame, buddhism is an indian scam

>>22496878
I don't have serious mental health issues and my room and kitchen are probably worse.

>>22497591
>I don't have serious mental health issues

>>22497591
>I don't have serious mental health issues

>>22497598
I'm completely unmotivated to take care of myself properly or do anything worthwhile, but I do enjoy my simple NEET life of escapism. Maybe my lack of will is caused by some minor depression or something but I feel fine. Just can't be bothered to do more than the absolute minimum, and my parents finance my solitary life in a pretty nice apartment. Though I do wish I could get motivated to take care of myself better and at least read more books instead of just playing vidya games and reading manga.

>>22497668
By the way, I've also had some wins lately: I started to brush my teeth again after many years of never doing it, and going to bed at normal hours instead of sleeping during the day. Good for me! Things are looking up.

>>22489127
Please dont do it as other anon said.

>>22489063
black pill
Poverty =/= ugliness

>>22497555
You have to treat it as something time consuming and that takes effort like a job. Depression and mental health issues absolutely kill motivation and hope. You just have to keep persevering and putting in time. Once you start to get your ducks in a row, things can come together fast

>>22496785
>this is person telling you that you will never become a real writer

>>22486231
maxmus kek

Perfect scores again... What did she expect?

>>22496867
>>22497591
Grim. I cant believe i share a board with these degenerates.
A good reminder not to trust what I read on here because there's a decent chance it's someone deeply mentally ill.
Ngl it's a nice little ego boost that even though im a total loser at least I'm not at this level.

>>22486375
holy crap! you've read this heckin epicerino too? i thought i was the only one who'd read the amazing Lord of the Ring its so vintage

>>22496785
The fucking meds and tiny tv holy kek

>>22497423
Your problems are legitimate and genuine, but if you are smart enough to use the internet and type coherently then you are capable of cleaning your room and at least getting some semblence of sanity in your daily routine. It doesn’t need to be a job at your level if it sounds too much, but your room cannot look like this, you will just make your mindspace exponentially worse living in filth.

>>22489127
someone'll miss you anon, don't do it. I'll pray for you. I hope God will help to lighten your burden.

>>22496910
My family is pretty screwed up too. Everyone's I know were. My father diddled me. My uncle got diddled and suicided to prevent his urges. Parents are still hard druggies, trash hoarders as well, they grew up homeless, but I lived in section 8. Haven't had a friend or someone to talk to since elementary school, this is my only socialization. But I'm happy.

>>22496785
>>22496867
>>22496878
does /lit/ really?

>>22497668
>read more books instead of just playing vidya games and reading manga.
what are you even doing here
/unsubscribe

>>22489127
I shall give you a different perspective, do it anon, it doesn't get any better.

>>22500222
Pretending I read books. Isn't that what we're all doing?

>>22497223
>anon, each day passes by with absolutely no friends, no aim, no goals, nothing to achieve, nothing to look forward to, no income, no money, and a superficial face of a family
The reason people don't want to be your friend is because you're such a sadcase that it alienates them. Like I knew people like you and tried to help them but they didn't want to be helped and I felt weird around them, like I was gloating, their very presence becomes a cause for alienation for (relatively) normal people like me. Negative socialisation is a self-perpetuating negative feedback loop: you don't have friends and so people don't want to be your friends which means people don't want to be your friends even more and so on. The only way to break out of it is to disrupt the whole process somehow, usually by taking a leap of faith or leaving your comfort zone somehow. You have to find a way. You seem intelligent enough so brainstorm a little. Don't get me wrong: you have it very, very bad. But, I've known people just as bad, if not worse, than you who managed to make their way out of their situation.

>>22496785
>reverse image search
>no results

>>22491507
simply based.
what are you making or roasting in the fire, btw?

>Welcome honored guests.

>>22496910
Fortunately I have a mother who will never kick me out, but yes; life sucks. Reading you, I don't know how you haven't committed suicide, in my case I have my mother and my brother (also NEET), I can't kill myself because I don't want to hurt them. In your case, you have nothing, are you afraid of death? What prevents you from taking the step

>>22501313
psychosis constantly reminds me that I'm scared of death and want to live. I'm not pessimistic, I'm coming to terms with my problems and accepting that I have them, I know I'll never be anything major in life, but I still want to experience life, live a full life, see how life plays out, experience its beauties, warn people about doing what my parents did, what I did, explore, create, all that. there's a tiny sliver of hope that I've never let go of.
>>22500902
even though I talk about having no friends, its that theres people in situations like me who want friends and can't have them. I don't like being around other people, and I don't think much of my life would be improved by having a friend, at least not right now. I'm not stuck in self loathing with the inability to talk about anything besides "poor me" like that post makes me seem. Again, I'm aware theres people who have it worse, but knowing that doesn't make me or anyone feel better, all it does is make me go "if I'm feeling terrible right now, tings could always get worse, and if theres that many people who have it worse, that means theres 50 other people making things worse for others, I want to help those people but how do I know everyone isnt evil and I should trust nobody? also I'm in no situation to help someone else" and then I feel like absolute dog shit for not helping myself, helping others, having problems, and asking for help.

>>22495347
I thought the same

>>22486124
Are ya winning, son?

>>22487281
That is still experience.

>>22486077
now that's bullshit

>>22496910
So what brings you to /lit/?

>>22496878
Do you have bedbugs or any other pests?

>>22503160
>>22503173
>>22503188
>>22503225
>>22503225
>>22503761
>>22503782
Samefag

>>22486387
Is that Frank yang

>>22486645
why doesn't he just walk to the bed

I just cleaned my room
Feels good man, it took me 2 hours

>>22498050
example

>>22498766
>this is person
whoever told you that, they were definitely right

>>22499373
>>22500216
>>22497397
>>22497233
Mentally ill NEETs? In MY 4chan? It's more likely than you think!

>>22503782
Bedbugs spread by being carried from one place to another. You can't get them just by being dirty, fucking idiot.

>>22504038
yeah you can, they can smell your filth

It's time for my flooot solo!

>>22505421
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
what the fuck

>>22496785
>>22496867
Is that a hammock?

How do I cope with the fact that I like the idea of being a writer but don't have the creativity or verbal iq to actually sit and write anything worthwhile? (don't have any ideas and takes me 1-2 hours to write a page because I'm so insecure about my vocab I have to double check a word's meaning and or sentence's grammatical structure.

>>22505686
Assume you can't be, it's not that hard. I will never be able to fuck because I have a micropenis, it's not my fault, it's genetics or destiny. Accepting the flaws that are imposed on us is easy, not so much our flaws that we build.

>>22505686
I have kind of the same problem, but my creativity was enhanced when I started to read and watch challenging movies more. Try allocating some time where you are just alone with yout thoughts and you'd be suprised that ideas just start coming to yourself. For me it happens in the night, when i'm about to fall asleep. Just by meandering, playing with what's on your mind and not focusing much on where it leads you pretty good concepts arise. Also just write what's on your mind every day or what you relate / thought about the books you read. Eventually you'll get better and it is kind of a soothing exercise if you are having a bad day. Don't expect to be comfortable with your first results. But you just keep writing.

>>22486071
kek

>>22496878
I occasionally smoke too, the urge is especially strong after ejaculation. I'm fine with going out with a heart attack but please god don't give me cancer

Did the "every 4 words is nigger" guy publish his book?

>>22496910
i ain't readin all that. fix your life faggot