/lit/ - Literature

If anyone needs a cheap editor, hit me up. I just finished the espionage novel I was working on. https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42

>self publishing just places you in a bin with other authors
>authors and writers are overly critical and not a good audience
>they dont even care about plot and generally just want everyone to do what they do
how do you find a GOOD audience?

Anyone have any tips for writing mysteries? I have been trying to write them lately and am never sure how quickly to give out information to keep the audience interested. I know where I want the story to start and end but getting from A to B is kind of dodgy.

>>22462649
Make what your heart tells you to

pyw

>>22462576
Ah, more AI slop.

To the wood defenders last thread, (inflated) cost per square foot is $100/sq foot. Concrete $200 Sq foot. Brick $300 a/square foot. Stone $500/sq foot.

>>22462658
picrel
>>22462676
Glad you enjoyed it.
>>22462685
As was made clear, location drives the cost far more than building materials.

>>22462576
Morning gents, I posted this way back when my story hit 10 chapters. I just hit 20, so I figured I'd post it again. Feedback is always appreciated

It's an isekai with weightlifting, basically if a weirdo from /fit/ got sent to another world. Don't expect anything to deep or poetic.

>>22462748
...and the link
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/51278/summoned-to-another-world-is-this-a-love-dungeon

trying this again... sneed... tear my writing apart, bros...

>isekai
>/fit/
>hey guys follow my insta haha
>his insta bio is advertising a Wow It's Literally Me! tier self-insert, even down to the incel-adjacent woe-is-me dreck
More proof, if any is necessary, that /fit/ is full of retards.

>>22462761
>criticizes a nonexistent insta
>you can't write about incels cuz i said
do fit people trigger you loser

>th-they hate my incel isekai because im fit!!!

>>22462875
that's what I said. Crawl back into your bucket

>bucketposter is a royalroad shilling isekai dreck peddler
this shit writes itself

>>22462576
this thread is AI generated and as such should be treates as a conversation with chatGPT.

Trying to find an elegant way of expressing how the narrator's desire to hurt the antagonist is more primal and bestial that he doesn't think to use weapons. Does it come across as stilted?

https://pastebin.com/tF2utYEA

For those who don't care to click a link:

>In that moment, my hands let my rifle fall to the ground. They swept past the sword on my belt. My rage went much deeper than that, down past fire and steel, past even the simple stone, to the very hand of Cain that first felt the urge to reach for it. All the arts of doing harm to a man that had been devised since were forgotten. I kicked that floating, moonlit head. Good God! Kicked it so hard I limped for a week after. He fell to his back and I followed him down. I cannot say how many times I struck him. I would not swear that I did not tear into him with my teeth. I remember feeling the mud and roots clenched in my fingers. I can recall pushing the dog out of the way.

>>22463164
>Trying to find an elegant way
>MUH RAGE WENT DEEPER
no, this is not elegant. it's bad writing. rewrite it until it's not bad.

>>22463177
I appreciate your candour. I think writing things that should be cringe in a way that isn't cringe is a mark of the highest skill, so I will keep trying.

How would you prevent readers from twigging onto the fact that a certain character had a PTSD attack just from seeing the protagonist's face?

If there's none, I think I'll just plan around it.

>>22463249
>british wording
first of all, fuck all british cunts for 31st March 1939.

Second of all, I'd probably just make the character behave as if they are stressed under pressure and make certain innuendos towards external factors, only briefly noting that they are in vicinity of protagonist, not directly mentioning that they look at their face. PULL A RED HERRING ON EM' BRUV.

"twitching and straying with his gaze, he found himself a little shaken emotionally. They were in a dark, rusted lift which was rasping for mercy as it ascended upwards. the [protagonist] standing before him didn't seem bothered in the slightest, but he was sweating bullets, though composed on the outside, his demeanor was betrayed by subtle smell of fear."

here's my attempt at drawing out such a scene of ptsd without forming direct connections to the face.

>make an outline
>work on that story for a while
>stop when life gets in the way
>pick it up sometime later
>start making changes to the outline for no good reason
>story becomes a complete mess
>lose interest
>make another outline
>repeat the whole process

>>22463265
>first of all, fuck all british cunts for 31st March 1939.
Same to you, Nazi. We will always fight you and yours, come hell or high water.

Thanks for the advice though. I'll try using red herrings to misdirect readers.

>>22463276
make not only an outline but whole ass bullet board of events that come one after another, as direct results and whatnot, effectively making it seem less overbearing to your brain.
I'm planning on once again using this method now too, my story is slowly becoming an edit hell and I just want to break the 5k words mark.

>>22463281
>doesn't declare war on USSR too despite it also invading.

>>22463292
Moments of inspiration do happen, though. It's too tempting sometimes to view my meticulous plans as bland shit compared to my brilliant new idea. Ultimate what that anon is lacking is dedication and perseverance. If you stick with your mess and work to unfuck everything, you will get further than starting from scratch. It just feels better in the moment to write "easily".

I don't participate in AIfag threads, especially with recycled shit OPs, thx bye

>>22463164
I like most of it anon.

At first I thought of making it two altenrating stories one with the rival who has the doll and the yakuza boss searching for the doll trying to stop his secret from being exposed but I think I'll just have it focus on the Yakuza boss's desscent into paranoia and madness since this is far more fun to write

Not confident in how I'm using blade to the heart/ struck like a blade it feels too similar and repetitive but otherwise I don't think it is written too badly trying to edge more into my MC's growing paranoia now after he has discovered someone has taken his doll and how it will affect his daily life/reputation I'm going to rework those top two paragraphs though and see what I can come up with

>>22462743
Anyone got a (free) download link?

>>22463786
something about the 4th paragraph makes me skip it

Trying to make this stuff digestible for kids. Thoughts?

>>22463786
Sweat doesn't "prespire" [sic] on your brow. Sweat is perspiration. A person or a person's brow perspires — the perspiration is sweat.

>>22463786
Lost interest by the fifth paragraph. Don't write the subtext. Subtext belongs below(sub) the text. Show, don't tell.

>>22463276
>start making changes to the outline for no good reason
simply skip this step

>>22463381
>Moments of inspiration do happen
This is why I never start putting words on the page until I've let the idea ferment in my head for a while, usually alongside some casual research. By the time I get to it in my writing queue I've already gone through enough moments of inspiration to distill what's true to the idea.

>used to lie in bed day dreaming all day
>start day dreaming while exercising
>start day dreaming all day
>start day dreaming while writing
>writing feels easier than ever
Dreamers we run this shit

>>22463164
Some lines feel awkward
>...my hands let my rifle fall to the ground. They swept past the sword on my belt.
>I am uncertain why this was the first thing I said. It, simply, of all the things that conversation had to encompass, was foremost in my mind.
But overall I like the action, your prose is good.
I'd say your real area to work on is dialogue. I was deep into it- edge of my seat- right up until they started talking. Something about the way they speak feels unnatural. Maybe you're trying to give them an ESL vibe, but that wouldn't make sense because presumably they're speaking naturally their native tongue and we're only reading it in English.
Doesn't help that the lack of "X/Y/Z said" makes it confusing who's talking.

>>22463869
>became so good at daydreaming I let my real life fall by the wayside

>>22462755
Made it a few sentences in. Put down the thesaurus buddy

>>22463849
>simply stop having brainworms
Damn, why didn't I think of that?

>>22463786
A bit too fast. The tension is being tood rather than felt by the narrative of the story. The fifth paragraph is the worst offender of this

>>22463957
>noo I can't I'm at the mercy of my whims
subhuman

>>22462629
I'm creeped out enough knowing you're a 4channer, you don't need those self-portraits making it worse

New to writing here, any tips regarding creativity?

>>22464084
https://youtu.be/mFsBaa_MEzM?si=Bp5N5w-MU1uquuCa

>>22464061
anon, you’re a “4channer”

>>22464125

Anyone else feels like writing is kind of like cumming? It feels so right in the moment, but when I read it back days or weeks later it's like, what the fuck? What is this shit? This is awful.

>>22464385
My old work tends to look like best-of-its-time, instant classic material that should be studied by generations. But I'm also psychotic.

>>22464385
This but the opposite

>>22464385
Try abstinence. Only cum inside of a beautiful idea that you truly love.

>>22464434
Share some, I too am psychotic

>Pirate themed edition.
>I already gave a couple of advices in the last thread (within my abilities and without pretending to be more skilled than I really am).
So why not.
Can you people give me some advices about this incomplete story?
https://privatebin.net/?3107217d0c39752d#3a7ieHwDiDDSb41PxPyFTc9kEhFTjo8jBCrrm7uswnzK
But a warning:
it's a greentext for the /co/ board. Something for a cartoon. And it's split by post.
I'll add that I'm ESL, so all things considered I won't blame you if you are disgusted right now and won't read a word.
The document will disappear in a week, so at least you won't have to see it again.
But I would really like to know how I can improve, so I'll be grateful if you can read even just a bit.
Thank you.

>>22464562
>the document will disappear
too late already saved and shared with millions of idea sharks

How's "Making a Scene" by Jordan Rosenfeld? Anyone read it?

>>22464562
If this is for a cartoon it should be written for the screen. Start here:
screenwriting.info
I dropped it in the middle of "2/ç." Painfully dull. It's all exposition.

>>22464562
My bin never got a reply and until it does I refuse to helo my fellow man

>>22464589
Link it and I'll give it a read.

>>22464588
Thank you for your advice, I'll try to improve on that front.

Book about making fanasty world races or books with really cool races and things that you can get a ton of inspo from?

(You may also list your own fanasty world races and or how you got the ideas and where you took inspo from)

>>22464671
Just read some ancient myths and steal from them. If it's good enough for Tolkien it's good enough for you. If you want to be le cool unique hipster just pick some obscure mythology like Baltic Paganism or something.

>>22463813
It's on LibGen

>>22463849
Back to r/wowthanksimcured with you

>>22464706
This is why half you people will never write anything but shit. You act like writing is some magic trick or superpower you can barely control. It's not, it's a fucking process with steps that you can modify to produce the best results.
See that shit you're doing that isn't working? Do it differently.
See the shit you're doing that is working? Do more of that.
I won't say it's easy but it is that simple.

>>22464716
Wow. I could lap up the pearly mess of your wisdom all day.

>>22464731
If you keep confronting the world with sarcasm and irony your soul will become callose and blot out its light even from yourself.

>>22464752
>callose
illiterate
opinion discarded
also, you seem fond of jumping to thinly-supported conclusions

Meant to instantly start writing after work today. In reality I procrastinated for hours, and then did less writing than I meant to. Still, better than nothing.

>>22464766

>>22464881
>i can't be expected to know the language!
>pretends to be writer
>probably the "redacted" seether
lel

>>22464928
Man it's tough being famous

>>22464774
Quit your job, you're an artist

Thoughts?

>>22464980
>what he found confusing were the two adults who took care of the girl
>eve took notice of his ponderous state
>”he had to learn sometime”
I don’t get it. is it a little boy or a little girl?

>>22465041
Not him, but the girl, King, and Queen are different characters from the boy, Adam, and Eve. As far as I can tell.

>>22465045
I see. that’s very confusing in this excerpt although perhaps in context it’s more clear.

>>22465041
I see gender as a spectrum

>>22464980
>>22465041
https://pastebin.com/vLW035jB

/wg/, how do I break through really bad perfectionism? I'm at a point in life where any "writing for the sake of writing" I do is so thoroughly impeded by it i can't get anything done

>inb4 "Take a break" – I've already done that, stop suggeting it

>>22465134
Leave the perfection to the next draft and the future you.

>>22465137
already tried that. it's stopped working for me

I feel blessed to have such an easy barrier for writing, and curse myself for my laziness and how easily I get disturbed or otherwise distracted by loud noises. It takes me about 30 minutes up to an hour of writing, it could be anything from copywork to schizobabble, and then I can write for 6 hours straight without taking a break. Like a car crank or dynamo powered light, all I need is to do a little warming-up in order to write.

Is there any advice I could get for not editing as I write? I suppose the only real advice one could give is to power through it, but that’s like forcing your way through a thorn bush. Any way or methods of easing myself into not editing as I write or am I going to have to go in dry.

>>22463904
sneed... i make a point to only use my natural vocabulary... seed... i've never once picked up a thesaurus... fuck...!

>>22462743
That's a non sequitur. The guy mentioned NOTHING in respects to location. Only that he lived in a 1.4M house 6000sq foot house. That was what was at play. The location location location was an attempt to move the goal post. A house made of wood isn't worth 1.4 million. A property in a good location with such a house might be but that's the property not the house. And yes. It is personal. I HATE every building made out of wood other than log cabins. I hate them more than people on this website hate other people.

>>22465306
For me, it's niggers. They're a non sequitur. The nigger mentioned NOTHING in respects to Africa. Only that he lived in Baltimore nigger infested Baltimore infested Baltimore. That was what was at play. The nigger nigger nigger was an attempt to move the goal post. A human with black skin isn't worth 1.4 million. A nigger in a good location with such soon color mice be but that's the nigger not a human. And yes. It is personal. I HATE every subhuman with skin other than white. I hate them more than people on this website hate Jews.

would it be realistic for a character in my detective novel to survive a Glock 19 suicide gunshot wound assuming he put the barrel in his mouth aiming upwards?

>>22465465
no. it's basically impossible. people have survived getting shot in the head with minor injury, but this is (as far as i know) exclusive to higher-powered rifle rounds capable of punching through the skull and brain without doing much more than icepicking. if you shoot yourself through the roof of the mouth with a 9mm you are going to get not just the bullet passing through your skull, but all those bone fragments and cartilage as well. plus, you're more likely to hit the brain stem, which is just lights out no matter what.

>>22465465
It's extremely unlikely to the point that readers aren't going to buy it. Unless you need him to be alive but in a coma or something easier to swallow like that. People can and do survive headshots, but as a narrative device "lmao he just didn't die, retard, check this medical report from 1986" is lame and will feel like a cheat move.

>>22465465
If you want your main character to be a vegetable for the entire book then yeah, but even then it's still very unlikely.

>>22465482
>>22465465
also, the way that people USUALLY survive suicide attempts via gunshot isn't putting the gun in their mouth but shooting upward through the chin. especially with shotguns, people will sometimes get the angle wrong and instead of blowing their head off, they end up just blowing their face off, splitting the jaw, sometimes disintegrating it entirely, etc. if you're invested in a character surviving a gunshot suicide, it would be better to have him try to do it that way.

besides, once you think about it, the logistics of sticking a gun into your mouth and angling it upwards don't really work that well. more likely is a straight-back angle with a slight upwards tilt... i.e., pointing directly at the brain stem, which is universally fatal.

>>22465614
>the logistics of sticking a gun into your mouth and angling it upwards don't really work that well.

>>22465621
that's a tiny little derringer, not a glock 19

>>22465623
Where there's a will, there's a way.

>>22463891
Thanks. Working on some revision. The explanation for the dialogue is so autistic that I refuse to divulge it, but I will start writing it more normally. The awkward sentences are a product of half abandoned imagery so I hope to catch them on the second draft.

>>22462576
>know hundreds of words to describe a man in my language
>can't think of anything specific when it comes to women but i know for a fact they exist
lol anyone else have this problem.

Hey here's a short story around 3000wds , I recently picked up writing prose from wanting to make films at first.
I'm still getting the hanging of it
Im 32. But should I just give up? I don't know how my stuff reads.

https://privatebin.net/?ecbda6eb380091bc#76XMeF2FcxeTkieMkDgW4H4M9TwKoT2GBughpaHe1E2q

>can peepee poopoo the doodoo
>can't zimwam the wigwam
haha lol lmao hehe ohoho lol heh anyone else haha lol lmaoooooooooooo hohoho eheheh lol lollllll?

>>22465708
but how the fuck do you zimwam the wigwam

>>22465704
Churchill didn't start painting until he was forty, don't let your age deter you from anything, ever. Though as far as your writing goes it's absolutely terrible. Luckily for you now's the time to keep trying, improve, don't give up. Everyone starts out shit. Different degrees of shit, but shit all the same.

>>22465732
Thanks for reading and review.

>>22465822
I was going to give some feedback on specific parts but for some reason I can't copy it correctly over to Scrivener.

>>22465284
>only use my natural vocabulary
That's much worse

>>22465860
shitpost-kun... ahh... save me... i need quality feedback... not shitposts...

>>22465864
Not trolling when I say your stuff in unreadable due to the pretentious language

>>22465873
ok... so the language was too dense for you... thank you, fren...

>>22465875
>no... ur the problem... ur dumb.......
This is how I can tell the ideas you put behind the language are empty

>>22465880
seriously though, what are you expecting? that i fundamentally change the way i approach writing just because someone calls me pretentious? in case you're not aware, "pretentious" doesn't actually state anything concrete about the writing or the issue you have with it. don't say something vague and useless and expect someone not to read into it.

for the record, i wasn't calling you dumb. what i was implying is that your taste for literary stylism runs a bit dryer and more conventional than the way i write. if this is the case, i'm not looking to "convert" you or change your mind.

>>22465887
>posts stuff on a thread for feedback
>gets told it's shit and told why
>"WTF do you really expect that i fundamentally change the way i approach writing etc etc"
Many such cases. Sad!

>>22465929
>no i will not stop shitposting
ok...

>>22465936
>spams thread with nearly illegible screenshots
>calls others out for shitposting
One such case. Pathetic!

>75% of the way through novel
>haven't written any significant amount in almost a month
I was originally supposed to finish up this week. My new goal is to finish by the end of the year.

Anyone know where to look for short story contests?

>>22466030
Chillsubs is like a database for litmags and some of them pay. So its sorta like a competition.

>>22465465
Oh no it's possible he'd survive, it's just he'd no longer be a character. Having a character scream into void as he stares at a ceiling might actually be good existential horror but I don't think anyone wants to read about that.

>>22465981
I'm about 40% done through mine and there's still fuckton of editing to do.

I'm trying my best though.

>>22462755
Made it through, keep picking up the thesaurus friend :)

unironically, good descriptions but the dialog comes off as a little stilted, you can help this by getting rid of any of the he said's and she said's that show up in the lines without any additional descriptions attached to them. You're dialog feels dwarfed by the descriptions so I would suggest letting the speech breathe a little. some of it reads like the characters are already expecting each line of dialog, try to look into more real life examples of conversation to help it come to life.

>>22466462
thanks, fren. only one question: isn't small talk supposed to be stilted? i treat dialog with a pretty heavy amount of disdain in a general sense, so i could probably stand to improve with it. i'm just not sure i want to.

>find a writing space outside the house
>hit quotas every day
It's that easy. "Room of their own" my ass

I think most authors, and especially writing communities are too far up their own ass. They focus on the writing aspect so much that they become completely removed from what the general audience wants, instead becoming a circlejerk, all the cost of the most important aspect of any story: the plot

and its not a problem isolated to writers perse

>>22466606
even the most beautiful song, will be enchanced or hindered by it's name.
Quality of methods amplifies bad and good sides of work, be they bad or good qualities.
It is important to learn how to make something in a correct manner before doing something that is good conceptually.

>>22466622
the problem is that they let authors decide what is good.
Theres multiple ways to go about being "good"
youre just going to be shaped into a generic sameness like the rest of them for better or in my opinion worse

When I read small samples its like a good 95% of them are all from the same writer, all in the same style, the same uniform generic bland horseshit with overly descriptive details and scenes, written as if every reader is a toddler who needs his hand held at every moment, an assumption that is not entirely incorrect but Im in favour of dropping the toddlers

just my 2cents, and you probably shouldnt listen to me either, that generic style is popular for a reason. I just dont like it so I have to suffer through it. like fanta orange being everywhere where I live despite every other flavour being way better

>>22466657
you are self defeating.
You pose an arguement that authors learning proper pacing, grammar, workflow and technique are somehow becoming the same, but you are also saying that fanservice should be their main concern. Fanservice boils down to the general, same and safe notions that all people want.

Your X and Y are the same number.

Can you please rehearse your own ponderings? This is just incomprehensible and while I think I may understand where are you going, I am not fully sure.

>>22466657
I want some grape Fanta now

>>22466678
no you misunderstood, Im not saying they should prioritise fanservice, and if you reread what I said carefully you see that I mentioned that nowhere, that is your own interpretations.
Id prefer if they each stayed to their own more unique/natural styles, and didnt dumb down. But I recognize that this isnt what sells


actually on second thought you must be quite stupid to misunderstand it even after I gave the fanta example.

>>22466681
>do as the audience says
"I think most authors, and especially writing communities are too far up their own ass. They focus on the writing aspect so much that they become completely removed from what the general audience wants"
>learning basics of writing and writing comprehensively is stale and bad
"I read small samples its like a good 95% of them are all from the same writer, all in the same style, the same uniform generic bland horseshit with overly descriptive details and scenes, written as if every reader is a toddler who needs his hand held at every moment"

pick one, because both lead to the same - uniform, bland and boring style. You calling me stupid doesn't change what you wrote.

To me it seems as if you are just in need of something more exotic because you have been reading too much simple books and as such being too acquianted with the general school of writing.

>>22466721
Bro I just want some grape Fanta

>>22466721
I guess it is a little vague, my apologies that is on me. Please accept this image of a loli schoolgirl as a gift for the misunderstanding.

What I mean is that there are/could be more styles that resonate with the general audience, but they arent explored. After all most people are consumers anyway.
Instead they are tailored by authors into the same bland garbage as always.

To bring it back to fanta, kind of like how they only explored orange and lemon flavour for half a century before they really started to explore with grape, strawberry and other flavours

>you should explore exotic content
probably, but at this point Ive become so used to disappointment and so lazy that I dont even want to try anymore

I wrote a short modern fairy tale about a flesh eating plant and a cult that forms around it. To summarize it in one sentence, they have a problem but dealing with it would cost them, so instead they make it everyone elses problem.
The way it reads makes it so that the plant could be an allegory for many things in our modern society, but truthfully, and honestly, I just really like flesh eating plants and death cults, and I think people are generally stupid.

anyway now you know when your sons and daughters are taking a literature class 25 years from now and theyre forced to analyze the story of the flesheating plant by Anon, you can tell them safely that there was no politics behind it besides people are stupid and flesh eating plants are cool

>>22466744
When I stared writing on my own, with my own ways of conveying things without outright painting a vivid picture I was quickly dispatched of and berated for not being clear enough, so I reckon it is truly what the audience wants, so I surrender to the trend in hopes of selling a story that I like personally.
I hope this clears up any doubts about why people don't write in their own silly little ways instead relying on some school of thought to reach out further, to more people.

Flash backs Good Or Bad?

Should I use them?

>>22466821
are you a good or a bad writer? Flashbacks working depend on you being the former.

>>22466821
Your worth as a writer will determine whether it's good or bad. Do you want to use it or not? Flip a coin, listen to your heart. Be confident, and stop asking bullshit questions. But then again you're here so...

>>22466756
Yeah same, I want to make some money out of this. But how does one do that and retain what's instinctual, natural and authentic in your own process. I'm still working it out. Attached is what I wrote which got torn to shit by redditors, there was some truth in what they said, I went a bit overboard. But still I can't fully commit to a young adult style format, which is the way all the trends seem to be heading, and the way they want it to be heading.

>>22466524
>i treat dialog with a pretty heavy amount of disdain in a general sense
Buddy, books are mostly dialogue. Or monologue.

You either git gud at dialogue or you write slopRPG.

At what stage should I consider an agent? Anyone had any luck with that?

>>22467015
>books are mostly dialogue
Are you perhaps retarded

>>22467015
>books are mostly dialogue. Or monologue.
stop reading YA fiction

>>22466821
Ask yourself why you want to use them. What do you want to convey? Is a flashback the best way to convey it? If you didn't include the flashback, would you just omit its content entirely or fold it into the contiguous narrative somehow? Summarise the content of the flashback as concisely as reasonably possible and ask yourself if you need to spend your readers' time on it for a whole page/chapter/whatever.
As a soft rule, you should try not to break the narrative unnecessarily as it gets jarring and confusing and slows down the plot.
Flashbacks are like guns. In the right circumstances, the very best thing for the job, but they cause problems when used carelessly.

>>22467073
>>22467187
Narration is a monologue

>>22467232
The narrator is an abstraction
Unless you exclusively read and write first person you shouldn't believe narration is dialogue or monologue

>>22462576
KDP guidelines changed.

>>22467333
>contains pornography
Isnt erotica and romance a huge market
Explain

How many chapters am I allowed to focus on a perspective besides the MC's?

>>22467357
pornography usually just means something obscene without being art
it's used in some legal contexts to separate a tasteful Pasolini movie to gang bang anal prolapse movies that might get banned. Think of the united states.

>>22467373
so no more smut on amazon?

>>22467364
4680 words.

>>22467357
>Isnt erotica and romance a huge market
Their other markets are even huger. Big companies always want to play it safe and avoid public scandals.

>>22462576
very tasteful chest

>>22467221
I use flashbacks to fill my otherwise calm and eventless story with action.

Okay, I lied, there's one action segment, but that's pretty much it.

>>22467294
This, what the fuck brought this on?

>>22467221
I typically use flash backs when I wanna show don't tell and not bong the reader with a bunch of useless explaining from a character when it can be said in a more interesting way

>write a scene where a millitary officer is sitting on his office, being frustrated at having to fill paperwork instead of actually being on the field and training soldiers in a foreign country
>surprise visit by his replacement, a younger, bigger guy
>have a whole chapter of dialogue and internal thoughts

Going pretty well so far but looking back at it. I realized I've fallen short when it comes to giving descriptions of the place the characters are in. Overall, the descriptions are pretty simple

>sprawling paperwork in front of his desk
>fireplace on the corner
>a chair here, a chair there

Which is, looking back at it, extremely minimalistic. I even give more descriptions of the characters' appearance. What's your take on describing the locale when reading/writing?

I've spent years working on one relatively simple, short novel, but I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with a final draft. Years later, I'm still making changes to huge flaws. How does anyone finish their novels?

>>22467959
Define your success and failure criteria for the novel. The first determines when you are done, the latter determines if your goal is feasible within an acceptable time frame. Use your best judgement.

>>22466599
can you elaborate on that? I am ashamed to admit that I do get distracted too easily when I'm at home on my PC so at most I can write 500-1k words in 2-3 hours. I was thinking of picking up a laptop, going to a cafe by myself with no internet and just write for the entirety of my time there. Yes, it'll be noisier, but the amount of potential distractions will be less.

>>22467967
I just want to write something I can feel proud of and maybe share with a few online friends. It's a little pathetic, but I consider that my endgame. I just want them to think I'm talented/a good writer.

How do I make a good pseudonym
What makes a name sound good

>>22467989
Something that sounds fictional but yet not too exotic/strange unless you're writing a fucking alien

>>22467187
>>22467073
>>22467294
I don't get how that guys wrong. What are you guys talking about

>>22465134
Deliberately write crap until you get it out of your system.

>he outlines
>he worldbuilds
>he backstories
lmao fucking moron
brb gonna start a high fantasy epic from scratch

semicolonbros
I'm getting more consistent at picking at this
a chapter a week to two. next week will be three
this trend WILL continue

What do I do with a novel that's way too long to be MG but not marketable to YA or adult audiences?

>>22467450
Nothing with vivid descriptions of child rape, probably.

Are Western web novel/genre novels or whatever it is called, still focus a lot on the isekai trope? Seems like Japan is already moving forward with a new setting.

>>22468499
What is the japanese frontier
t. no nihongi

>>22468509
Dungeons in the real world
Do not steal

>>22468512
Huntershit isn't that popular in Japan's webnovel scene yet. Though if Ore Dake Level Up does well, you can expect more of it. Unironically, this is a question you need to ask isekaigen on /a/ about, /lit/ is too pseudcore to understand.

>>22468185
>semicolonbros
You are clearly not one of us.

>>22468520
>using the Japanese name for a shitty gook series
What do you mean with Huntershit anyway? A name for what I said? I heard it just being called "low fantasy". Then again, the source of this might be bad.

>>22468512
>webtoons are trickling down to webnovels
Korea numbah one at slop production
Learn from the wellspring

>>22468526
shid
how do I enter the cabal

>>22468538
Oh, I see now. You got the Hunter thing form Solo Leveling. I guess I wouldn't be surprised if others use the hunter label too.

>agree to a writing request (a 5k word short story for free) thinking it’d motivate me to write
>guy asking when it’s done not even a day after i start writing immediately tanks my will to write (weakling)
>consistently get cold feet when thinking about his request
>his consistent questions of when it’ll be done assault mind whenever i try to sit down and write
>end up not writing anything for a streak of almost 2 months
I am sorry that I ever agreed to write a story for a third worlder, but I am doomed to finish it, else my writing continue to stagnate.

>>22468538
>>22468553
Ore Dake Leberu Appu wasn't the first, and it's far from the last. This is why I told you to check out isekaigen, anon. They are far more ahead of the curve than you are. Lurk and be amazed. Just be mindful of the SEAnon who has a pervasive hateboner for everything in the west.

>>22468608
I wouldn't expect /a/ to spoonfeed me anything. Plus my original question was at what stage is Western shit.

>>22468620
Westshit is kind of its own thing. It takes more cues from the chinks circa 5 years ago, so there's more of a focus on litrpg and progression fantasy.

>>22462576
is there a limit to how much you can stuff into a story? I'm writing a series, likely 10 or more books, but that's not the issue. My story will have writing on nearly every aspect of the in universe civilization, from their sociology, politics, technology, to their fashion, hobbies, language, and more, at what point does it become "too much" or absolutely stuffed to the brim to the point of exhaustion or annoyance to the reader? As if the silmarillion was just mixed in to the LOTR without having a seperate dedicated book plus some random dedicated material on the politics of the shire and the science of the ring?

Or would this just be fine to the reader, and the book would simply be read by the people who enjoy that stuff no matter how much of every single aspect of the civilization was added?

>>22468545
The em dash club is cooler.

>>22468645
you fell for the worldbuilding trap
ain't nobody got time for wiki filler

>>22468645
Treat world building as something to keep you the author immersed in the story, and to keep it logically consistent. Don't make it a goal to shove as much of it as you can into the book.

>>22463138
I treat ChatGPT like my only ill begotten son who has brilliant ideas but is still stupideriest than me but I'll still have good conversations with him and amuse his ideas, what do I do now?
>>22464671
my fantasy world races are "alien idea that isnt generic bobble head gray or green alien" and "alien that is somewhat of a bobble head grey alien but not as humanoid, for the reader to have a better relation to the characters"
>>22465465
as long as you write the rest of his story as not having a face, or getting plastic surgery to remake him a face, make sure to include shit like being permanently blind and/or mute
with a glock 19, he'd have to be holding it practically RIGHT behind his teeth.
just switch the gun out for something lower calibur or with a cleaner non splitting shot.
>>22465981
the mona lisa took the rest of DaVincis life to finish. take as long as you want, unless you're doing this for money only.
>>22467048
with the policies most agents have, never. 15% pay for the profits your book make the agent? Just don't
>>22467364
>allowed
find the rulebook for that and burn it. if it fits, it fits. if you write it and it feels good to read, do it.
>>22467959
View it kind of like raising a child, one you love and care about, your book has reached the stage where, while you're attached to it and don't want to let it go because its not perfect yet, you still have to make your departures and learn to let go whether its perfect to you or not.
>>22468083
I made this mistake only once in my life, in high school, reread it to myself, and promised myself I would rewrite it some day, never did because it was utter unsavable trash, this is what I can remember from it
>repeatedly reiterating the same exact points
>story seemed to start nowhere and end nowhere
>locations seemed absolutely vague, but implications of a map were obvious
>infinite lead up to no climax
if you manage to avoid all of this without outlining, worldbuilding, or having backstories, you'll be better than JRR Tolkien
>>22468607
BPD

>>22468658
I like worldbuilding immensely, less a trap and more an excuse to write a graphic novel/book
I'm thinking visual or partially visual media, because shows like star trek and any mediocre trash anime/manga (I.E. dragon ball, one piece) with a heavy backstory that are as in depth like this and have absolutely insane dedicated fanbases, while no hard scifi BOOKS have had nearly as much of a cult following
>>22468662
I think I'll look at it this way, my own personal immersion, and, if it ever picks up steam and gets a sizable following, I might release some "advanced lore" or something

>>22468711
>I'm thinking visual or partially visual media, because shows like star trek and any mediocre trash anime/manga (I.E. dragon ball, one piece) with a heavy backstory that are as in depth like this and have absolutely insane dedicated fanbases, while no hard scifi BOOKS have had nearly as much of a cult following
like I said, ain't nobody got time for that crap
not one person genuinely gives a shit about overlord's worldbuilding

>>22468745

>>22468765
Consume

>>22468791
these same consumers are the type to give the in depth details of my story the time of day

>>22467955
I think "place" and "space" are pretty important when writing a scene, if it's just an office then your descriptions may be enough. However, if this military officer is important to the piece as a whole then his office might serve as a useful tool when it comes to introducing him to the reader. I assume you're writing in first person?
>have a whole chapter of dialogue and internal thoughts
>internal thoughts
If so, you mightn't need to litter the office with clues about his life as the reader will be inside his head. If it were third person, such clues would be more useful as the reader's intamacy with the character would be limited to his actions and words. All I can think further describing the officer's space would be useful for is telling the reader things about the character which he wouldn't admit or freely share through both dialogue nor internal monologue. He could shy away from thinking about certain subjects or have simply forgotten some things which come back later in the plot or better help to explain why the character is as he is and behaves as he does.

so i have this worldbuilding idea where the vikings go that teeny weeny bit more south and discover the mississipians, people worth raiding/trading/having contact with and with food worth eating.
The point of this is that they through some diffusion and preaching christianize the aztecs, but with new world flare.
When the aztecs travel from Aztlan they have a similar story, except it's biblically themed, maybe with moses appearing as the war god.
I personall believe the aztecs would love christianity, the last sacrifice, martyrdom, war. How different should their society be? I don't want to change their style or aesthetic, but i don't really know what to do about holy buildings, like they're still pyramids but on top is a chappel/cross, statue of jesus?

>>22468866
Aztecs 1300
Lief Erikson 980

>>22468866
>so i have this worldbuilding idea
stopped here

>>22468866
absolutely nobody is going to read this

>>22468873
yes, so it's entirely possible.
>>22468879
>>22468875
i just need a familiar yet insane setting for a story. Something someone with prior knowledge will get and that will otherwise add to the story through parallels and symbolism.

>>22468932
>i just need a familiar yet insane setting for a story
what you need is to get better at writing instead of wasting time with worldbuilding

>>22469012
doesn't waste my time nigger you need to get better at the fucking point.

>>22469012
You haven't even seen his writing, bitch.

>>22468866
I thought the vikings were famously pagans?

>>22469123
Leif Eriksson was a Christian, but his father was a Pagan.

>>22469164
it just dawned on me that being christian in these ages was similar to being trans.
how so?
In both cases you keep shilling your own shit, to everyone around you, claiming that you are virtuous for unimportant reasons nobody cares about. And the state also supports it. And you force everyone to roll with it as a concept.
My beloved faith.
>inb4 RAGE

>>22469123
greenland was catholic, look it up, there are even inuit sculptures with crosses and european clothing.
There was so much potential for things to happen.
Also i have the incas as muslims through jihadist polynesian contact but i won't dive into that i just need generic muslim bad guys. Matches with the inca, too.

>>22469208
Muslim men don't wear gold and the whole Inca thing was massive amounts of gold.

>>22469209
Things get lost in translation when you cross two whole oceans. Also tf you on about the turks loved fancy.

>>22469234
...and i will be basing it off turkish islam because indonesia islamised through them and it's easier for me to ask a bosnian friend for tips on what to do.

The trench splits into a T-shape. MAIN CHARACTER moves onward, making sure nobody can surprise him from the front.
As he crosses the corner, with the edge of his vision, he sees a shape.
A dark, horned opening.
He turns his head to get a better look. Rifle barrel and ironsights on top, pointing at his eyes.


What is wrong with this block, if anything?

>>22469234
Ask any Muslim man. You can wear silver and jewels but not gold.

Hi /lit/. I would like to ask for your advice. I've been speaking to my friend after having him read my WIP story. He's volunteered to help me edit the story, and I've reached a point of contention. I'm trying to explain that one line doesn't need perfect grammar, as it's my form of prose. He told me that I can't excuse poor grammar with prose, and claiming I don't understand what prose is. So I told him
>Prose doesn't care if it's hard to read
>Prose doesn't care if it's grammatically correct or not
>Prose doesn't care if it's unintelligible
And he laughed at me. Who's in the wrong here?

>>22462576
Even literary writers rate the bestsellers of our age...

>>22469585
you speak like an angsty teenager, demeaning, condescending and unmodest one at that.
Maybe consider calmly explaining the point to him instead and you two can work it out?

I don't know the fragment you are talking about nor the full context so I cannot say who's in the wrong.

>>22469585
It definitely should be intelligible.

>>22467969
Look for co-working writing spaces in your area, preferably a writer's room so you're not distracted by noise. They're great.

>>22469585
You're saying it's fine to state 5+5=8, because that's your style of math. It's not math, it's you being an uneducated retard and proud of it.

>Who's in the wrong here?
You can't be serious.

>>22469603
Here's the line that sparked an argument between us. For context, a grenade goes off and some shrapnel hits the character.
>...He clutches onto his shin, burning as if it was pierced with hot needles.
My friend is telling me I need to change it to "shin. It's burning" or "shin, which is burning"
I'm telling him it's grammatically incorrect intentionally. that's my prose

>>22469585
Post your work

>>22468813
Not until you get merch, they won't

>>22469698
You are in the wrong, because it doesn't have a metaphorical or literal meaning at all.
Tell him you are sorry so you can salvage this mess.

>>22469423
Lots of present tense, try sticking to past tense anon,

>>22469861
Present tense is my style though.

I've been thinking about obstruction and the Dogme 95 movement. They set up a bunch of strict rules for filmmaking and I wanted to experiment with something similiar to escape my own usual trappings.
Specifically, I'm interested in rules 6, 7 and 8 since they're the ones that aren't specific to film and can be applied to writing.
>The film must not contain superficial action. (Murders, weapons, etc. must not occur.)
>Temporal and geographical alienation are forbidden. (That is to say that the film takes place here and now.)
>Genre movies are not acceptable.
This is pretty much a blueprint for writing literary fiction. The first of these is especially important for me, because I often default to action or grotesque violence as a crutch. Making a temporary setting kills the worldbuilding and magic system building traps that so many anons even here have fallen into, and forbidding genre fiction removes a ton of ready made archetypes, prepackaged plots and conventions.
I'd like to hear ideas for what other rules could be applied to further limit bad writing habits and force the writer to push their imagination and creativity further.
Shame about the movies sucking though lol

>>22469585
You're wrong.
I'm basing that purely off of the furry pic.

>>22469912
>further limit bad writing habits
They aren't rules for 'bad' writing (or filmmaking); they're arbitrary rules to force creativity. You could come up with anything for the same effect.

I want to write a story starting with a bad breakup I've experienced, MC-kun tries to get over her through various means before an adoptive daughter figuratively lands in his lap, turning it into a more father/daughter focused story rather than a romance. I've only experienced the breakup.
At what point does it it stop being an OC and start becoming a self insert? That's a line I'm trying to be careful not to cross.

>>22469965
nobody knows you so nobody knows if your main character is literally you or not, nor does anyone care. just write a good story.

>>22469912
if you want some more arbitrary rules to restrict you and encourage creativity, try some or all of the following
>no flashbacks
>no writing what the characters think, only their words and actions
>only one main character
>no outlines, just follow the character’s motivation organically

>>22469965
Write what you know without it being a gay powerfantasy circlejerk cult of yourself.

>>22470039
Interdasting
>no writing what the characters think, only their words and actions

What do we think of this paragraph? I don't exactly know what I want criticism of because it's a fairly mundane scene. I just want to know if it's readable despite that?

>>22470252
Thinking about it I ought to have used an Anglo leader instead of vercingetorix for consistency.

>>22470252
Comma splices.

>>22470469
Yeah that's a huge problem for me. Thanks for the heads up. I keep doing that

>>22470252
I find the reference vague and obnoxious and presume the reason you posted this here was to get us to comment on it
other nitpicks:
abuse of commas, as noted
>The ticketeer prepared herself to fine me
the start of the vagueness. Does she whip out a pad? Does she shoot him a look? Does she pocket the ticket? Does she scold him in Italian?
>when the yank piped up, attempting to help his Anglo brethren.
"attempting to help his Anglo brethren" is redundant with the dialog and should be struck
>What followed was...
in addition to being kind of obnoxious (though maybe just because you chose to snip out this paragraph and post it here), it's unclear what it actually implies about her speech other than just that it's Italian.
>Fortunately, we had a magnanimous ally, far more magnanimous than either of us ignorant foreigners.
Don't start a paragraph with a summary of what's in the paragraph, it just reads like a highschool essay. Strike it!
>spoke to the emperor's progeny
"spoke" is too vague of an action and "emperor's progeny" is again obnoxious and also vague

>>22470637
I'll try to take out the vagueness but I don't really know how to deal with obnoxiousness. Is it just too verbose or something? Like trying to hard? I think that's just the way I write

>>22470762
It's the combination of the reference being obscure and also unhelpful to the imagery or flow of the piece. It gives me the impression that it's in there for vanity rather than any authorial purpose.
Ok, maybe you just tried something and failed. That's alright. I'm sympathetic to that because my writing has similar faults. Maybe the only way to get better is to keep trying and failing rather than suck the joy out of writing by refraining from anything daring or intellectual. That's fine. Nothing wrong with that.

>>22463292
Been writing using this mathoid for years, Its works wonderful me and makes the whole process a lot easier

>english is not my first language
>barely read any books in my life
>decide to write a novel
>think my writing is better than all the excerpts in this thread

Is everyone here bad, or do I have an ego problem?

>>22470954
Both,

If your not reading in English then its likely to be crap because you have nothing to go off of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUoitT-Qhmg

Also writing is all about the grind man That 5th draft isn't gonna edit its self!

Like all of us here (Other then a rare few) Your writing is likely crap, Get on the grind.

>>22470954
Post some

>submit my short stories to 4 short story novels/magazines
>2 reject me in a day without feedback
they did pretty good with test audiences, so it kinda sucks because its either one of the following:
>stories are too short, my longest submission was only half of the 17k maximum wordcount
>theyre too violent
I could remove the violence, or lower it, but I feel it adds to the stories
it just seems to be that most of my stories have gore/violence at some point in it, I think it makes it more dramatic

or third theres nothing wrong with the stories and they just dont fit into the themes they have planned right now

>>22471059
I wouldn't change anything based on two rejections without feedback

>>22468607
Ι am sorry for you predicament, but I feel compelled to ask; where one would go about writing short stories for money, even for a just a smithereen? I'm in dire need for some quick cash.

>>22471059
>put filler in between violent scenes
>its now less violent and longer
?????

>>22470039
>no writing what the characters think, only their words and actions

I'm a sucker for writing thoughts, desu. Especially in scenes and pages where you don't have much action or dialogue between characters

>>22463292
that's a good advice too. I'm writing a story where I'm planning to write a good 20-something chapters and highlighting how each chapter begins and ends (with a clear idea of how the story ends) helps me actually get started with writing, without facing a mental block whenever I finish a chapter or a resolve a plot point.

It also helps when I'm stuck within a chapter itself; instead of trying to rewrite it, re-read it, edit it, expand it and decorate it, I can move on to the next one (or any chapter, for that matter) and continue writing with minimal writers' block

Post something, I wanna try crit

>>22471215
pulling this out of my ass for you


The days of Eden have long been gone, time has turned many pages. Many moons and suns have passed since the glory days, yet here we are in the now.
It was another sunny afternoon for OP, much like the last and the last before last, the birds and bugs and children easily heard outside of his covered window. Yet there he sat in front of the machine that took his last 15 years from him. He barely noticed, barely thought about such a concept. The machine had too much of an alluring intoxicating pull for him to consider it for a moment, of course he knew something was wwrong, deeply, deeply wrong, but he wouldn't dare pinpoint what it was.
So there he sat, in front of this machine, for the countless-ed time in his life, this machine he never bothered to understand, only use it for his own glory. Glory that would never be shared with another, asking a simple question, "Post something", the tick tack of his keyboard echoing his silent room, "I wanna try crit", the loud thud of the mouse hitting post on the forum he had wasted most of that time away on.
In another life, perhaps he would have influenced a generation of writers in his own town to take wing and bring written literature back to life, perhaps revitalize the libraries rapidly dying in his area, but in this one, much less.
Destined to sit waiting for the moment, or to come up with something to write himself. He chose the latter, to sit waiting, idly, desperately, for something to critique, alone, in that dark room, with that cursed machine, on that awful website.

Yet another day passes for OP.

>>22471298
rereading I should've formatted it more dramatic,

Glory that would never be shared with another, asking a simple question,

"Post something",

the tick tack of his keyboard echoing his silent room,

"I wanna try crit",

the loud thud of the mouse hitting post on the forum he had wasted most of that time away on.

>>22471298
Kek
Prosaically pretty clean. Good sense of rhythm, sentences with gravitas are given space. The final sentence made me stumble a little because the comma usage is different from the rest of the piece. Consider semicolons and fullstops if you want to have commas carry different effects so near each other
Nice managing a motif in an off the cuff piece. The main body strongly evoking the height of glory or the depravity of idleness would've made this piece stronger. The ending list is satisfying
Stlyistically your description depicts the cause rather than describes the effect
>the birds and bugs and children easily heard outside
>tick tack of his keyboard
It's a clever usage here what with the narrative of wasted time, since this style of description is brusque, but if it's a habit then consider slowing down the pace and describing the effects and impressions with more precision
Not bad, you petty bitch

>>22471298
I noticed more mistakes in my own work
>obvious spelling mistake, wwrong
>countless-ed feels odd but alternatives sound worst
>former is the correct one, latter would be "come up with something to write himself"
>a lot of things could be reformatted or reworded for dramatic flare

>>22471355
>line edits
Bit blase innit

>>22471351
what if I told you I haven't been writing or reading since I was high school age and dont know a single clue what a "gravitas", "motif" or "brusque" are? I just go off of "yeah this feels satisfying to read" and "this vaguely feels like listening to music or a nice renaissance painting"
>>22471366
you see, I have no idea what that means, nor am I bri'ish
>>22471355
>worst
fuck, I need to seem super intelligent and smart for my /lit/ gworlies

>>22471381
Then I'd say you're interfacing with rhythm intuitively, but this clearly has flaws. Read and write more, identify elements of story telling, and apply your rhythm to them
>only 1 of 3 words are /lit/ related
Vocablet, pls read books

>>22470252

There's too much here that's confusing. Why are you mentioning Latin? Are you saying they're speaking Latin instead of Italian? Why would they be doing that? Or that Italian is a Romance language? The reference to Vercingetorix is also something that 99% of the audience is not going to understand, nor Gallia (though we have heard of Gaul).

The reference to the "emperor's progeny" is likewise mysterious. Your "smooth speed and wise quickness" is also awkward and also redundant as you are talking about speed/quickness in both instances.

Your last sentence is also unclear in its desired meaning.

>>22471215
I put this out in 15 minutes, enjoy:

"Charge, my fellow knights!" the chevalier's commands fell on deaf ears, as his trusted comrades, of which he thought were right behind him, were naught but three scrawny nags, lashed together by hemp rope scavenged and put together by his squire, the ever so shrewd Antonio de Ballibari.

"Charge, I said, you lazy fiends!" shouted the cavalier, not dismayed in the slightest by his steeds' firm inaction. "Come forth, men of glory, draw out your weapons and with all the fury of our god sitting inside your entrails, strike down these foul monsters whose presence brings only death and terror!"

And upon saying so, the wretched chevalier, with a simple kick to the ribs, urged his ass forward, which, to no one but the chevalier's surprise, could not gallop at any considerable pace, as it was starving and half-blind. In face of this sorry sight, his squire cried out:

"Monsieur Portegnac! These are not monsters, but, jolly grass grazing cows! I implore you, monsieur, for all that's good in this world, put down your lance and cease your lunacy!

But Sir Ballibari's requests were in vain, as the chevalier, undettered and high-spirited as he was, continued on with his charge, and believing that his brothers-in-arms (who were neither armed nor brothers of any sort) were right behind him. And as it seemed that the poor cows' fate was sealed, a miracle (or, one of the devil's tricks, as the chevalier would often say) occured. As if through some sort of divine intervention, the chevalier's ass, Roberto, tripped and fell, flinging its rider across the greenery of the fields and into a treacherous crag, of which no end appeared in sight.

>>22470954
Both.

>>22471410
Is this supposed to be don quixote?
I mildly hate this
Prosaically clumsy and repetitive. Readable. Use less adjectives, more deliberately. They bring nothing to the scene. It's almost absurd how much you use adjectives. If it's intentional, lean into that with some sort of escalation to draw the humour out. I almost like the winding comma heavy sentences. Starting words with conjunctions compliments the effect, but it's still muddy. I assume it's supposed to be flowing and fast paced, but it just feels annoying
The scene is stupid, and not in a ridiculous way that's fun
There is some decent humour though. Paranthesis are nice
>into a treacherous crag, of which no end appeared in sight.
Has finality which contrasts the stupidity nicely

>>22471410
absolutely terrible hook, I hope this is an excerpt from the middle of a chapter
writing like a 1800s scholar, though it does fit the theme of middle ages warriors.
>words words, words words, words words, word, words words words, finally a period. frequently, where a comma, could be removed, or replaced with a period.

>>22471524
NTA but,

>filtered by commas

KWAB

>>22471527
>Not the anon, but, commas, as they are, the tiny squiggle, sat at the corner, as in the space near, and below, the line of the page, are a nice, addition, or, as they say, inclusion, to the writing, even if, in terms of use, are over used, in the written literature, K,W,A,B.

>>22471524
>>22471527
>>22471536
I find many first drafts or unpolished pieces are often rife with commas. This likely occurs because thoughts for each individual portion of the sentence come to the author one by one, which are strung together and the natural impulse is to separate them with commas.
On further edits, as the flow and rhythm of the paragraphs and sentences begins to stand out, they can be removed or replaced as needed.

>>22462576
enjoy your fucking feat pig

>>22471580
>esl
wha

>writing a futuristic setting
>includes transhumanism
>despite not wanting to write trannies, if transhumanism is common place, trannies would be too
>with transhumanism equalizing human capabilities, more women in male spots too
>don't want to write trannies though

what if I just dont write trannies and later say "they're so accepted that they dont need to be mentioned or pointed out" if asked?

>>22462576
>He bases the protagonist off of himself.
Surely you're better than this, anon?

>>22471895
there are 3 people who could be seen as protagonists, 2 of which share no commonality with me and 1 whos only commonality is not liking engaging in conflict at all, but later has a change of heart into becoming a politician after exposure to the other 2 protags

if I wrote a self insert, itd be a severely watered down version of me who has a minor short story within the story

>>22471895
No, but I based the love interest off myself

>>22471895
I am all I know

>>22471578
>his likely occurs because thoughts for each individual portion of the sentence come to the author one by one, which are strung together and the natural impulse is to separate them with commas.
Shut the fuck up.

>>22471895
I base every character on myself, be they young or old, male or female. They are all a piece of my insecurities, my interests, my experiences, my perceptions of others. Every dialogue is merely my internal monologue sprinkled with phrases I've heard spoken by others, or atl east my memory of what I think I've heard.

>>22471895
All good writers do this, They base it off their family, their friends, ect Just aspects of themselfs rather then themselfs fully.

It makes your work better since you have something to build off of and have a good foundtion.

Your character may change though the process those inspos and what your characters we're based off of be very diffent in the first product

but no its not bad, Any good writer would do it (with modration of course)

>>22462576
"And I'd have to assume they can also see into their mind"

https://docdro.id/87FpfV8
thots?

>>22472195
"Write what you know" is such fucking bullshit. Learn what you can and then write whatever you imagine.

>>22472253
Where do you think your imagination comes from bro?

>>22471298
OP is >>22462576 not >>22471215
Otherwise neat doomer text

>>22472257
The melting pot of my subconscious. This could be inspired by forming conscious connections, but I choose not to. I don't like basing characters directly on people I know, it's weird

>>22470252
Neat prose but this does feel mundane and empty.

>>22472266
>the melting pot
Yes, exactly. And what goes in this pot? Things you know.

>>22472261
I thought it would be more funny for the reader to imagine the character to be posting their own dedicated thread to critiquing, with the implication of getting no replies to their thread but waiting for the entire day for at least 1 reply

>>22471407
More good points. What I'm getting is that mainly people are saying it's vague. I used to put more detail in but I thought it seemed amateurish when I did that.
>>22472269
Thanks, it's only a connecting paragraph really, just there to keep the story going. I thought it would be more useful to get criticism on that rather than one of the significant bits because there wouldn't be anything weird going on so the critique would be mostly focussed on the writing itself

if you are reading, its already too late. you've entered the curse of peepee poopoo nigger. if you do not share this on 5 other threads, a kfc smelling nigger with black eyes and a poop stained dress will rape you in the night. you have 5 days until he rips your anushole apart with his razer sharp teeth during your sleep.

>hmm yes let me write for a bit before I go to be
>wow that was nice I wrote a lot what time is it
>4:15 am

>>22472477
based.

>>22472250
https://docdro.id/C5A7bBN
Someone please read these

>>22472477
>hmm yes im going to go to bed at a hea-
>6am
>maybe tomorr-
>7am, tomorrow
>okay I ca-
>9am, day after tomorrow
>when did time star-
>30 years old, on valium for sleep
>okay time to fix my slee-
>5am, calmly listening to a podcast while feeling fuzzy for the last 3 hours
at this point its time to accept I'm a night owl day sleeper, but a part of me wants to fight it

I am like this anon >>22472840 so you (>>22472477) are very lucky.

>>22471895
Every character is myself or an aspect of myself I want to explore.

>>22472477
Given the current heatwave where I am I can't write during the day, my brain overheats so I've found myself writing at night until the early hours. I swear I've been twice as productive as I have ever been. I may just stick to this routine.

>Characters thoughts interspaced with my favourite excerpts from the inferno
Is this a good idea if they relate to the plot? Or is it beyond pretentious? He is reading it, it's not just out of nowhere.

>>22471929
Then you need to get out of your room more often.
>>22472253
"Write what you know" implies you need to get out your room and live life. If you write what you've researched, you're just regurgitating what other people have written, which is nowhere near as interesting.

>>22472250
I like the very end, but I wish more had happened in the chapter, like if his journey to get there had been more eventful or something. Also I would hate reading a fantasy goon with footnotes like that, although I’m sure many fans of “worldbuilding” would like them a lot. I thought the prose was nothing special but also fine for the type of story you’re telling.

>>22473067
>Is this a good idea if they relate to the plot? Or is it beyond pretentious?
Both.
Revel in it or try to hide it.

>>22470954
>english is not my first language
>barely read any books in my life
>decide to write a novel
>think my writing is better than all the excerpts in this thread

So you're...like everyone else in this thread?

>>22473116
But there are limits to the life you should live. On the extreme end, there's no sense or need to go out and secretly murder a series of people to learn how to write a serial killer. On the more mundane and achievable end, there's no need to enter into a bad relationship just to have personal experience with toxicity.
The "regurgitating what others have written" argument is total bullshit if you're not taking one person's experience as gospel. If you're drawing from multiple accounts of the same experience or some similar ones, approaching them with a strong sense of empathy, and relating them to your own similar (not not necessarily parallel) experiences, then you're providing yourself with ammunition much stronger than if you had simply replicated the experience from your own point of view.
This is why I say write what you know, study what you don't.

>>22473333
Checked and thanked for the quality feedback
I like books with many short chapters broken up by the occasional super long one like the Gormenghast trilogy. And yes, the footnotes are for my fellow worldbuilding nerds and feel free to ignore them.

>>22470954
>english is my first language
>have read many books in my life
>decide to write a novel
>think my writing is OK enough
I am learning and growing

>>22473565
Granted, study if you have to, but Ian Fleming wrote the James Bond series based on his own experiences working for Military Intelligence during WWII, and of course Jack London spent many years living and working in the Yukon.

>>22473565
people here can't even write one decent sentence and spend all their time worrying about their work not being soulful and authentic enough because they don't actually live in an isekai video game world

>>22473632
But did Harriet Beecher Stowe spend her life in slavery? Was Franza Kafka ever transformed into a cockroach? Did Rudyard Kipling have the mind of a mongoose? No, they lifted from their imaginations, their subconscious, not necessarily informed by consciously held memory.
It's interesting that this argument has also been made in the realm of method acting. There's a school of method that says to draw on your own memories to produce emotional resonance and there's an opposing school that says fuck that, just use your imagination. I'm with the latter. A sharp and trained imagination beats limited personal experience any day of the week.

>>22473632
you being up Ian Fleming and Jack London every single time
get new material

>>22473645
There's one fix-all for this:
https://youtu.be/nA-UBVKQFM0?si=_mANT6bC7B8SBTV9

Out of all the writers in the pastebin why is it that only F Gardner has a wacky persona? Is that part of how he became famous or is that a coincidence?

>>22473737
Fuck off Gardner. No one wants to talk about you. And you don't have a wacky persona...you're petty, small-minded, mean-spirited, and abusive, not to mention functionally illiterate.

>>22471882
easy - no one can or wants to do it
either they realized it 'cant work' with hormones or it's been so ostracized that only blackmarket surgeons will do it

>>22473710
No need...Fleming and London haven't been refuted.

>>22471882
If it's a futuristic setting, you can have better methods for changing gender. Consider an mRNA concoction that goes through a body, changing XY chromosomes to XX. Once they get over the shock, they're as female as if they were born that way, though maybe they still tend to be "manly" and thus unattractive.

do any of you have some tips for me as I try to write a whole novel that takes place in a single night and focuses almost entirely on a single main character? mostly I have written short stories and even those sometimes cover years of the characters’ lives as I find my writing style is quite light on word count and tends to move forward quickly, but I really want to write this particular book. just looking for tips from your own experience or novels you’ve read that did this well.

How do i not make a magic boarding school book trite and cringe?

How do I write like I enjoy writing?

>>22474193
stop thinking of it like a fantasy book and start thinking of it like your diary from high school/college that just happens to have a magic school as the setting. it’s all about character, anon, not the “magic system” or “world building” or even “plot”

>>22474193
don't make it a boarding school
boom, already 50% more original

>>22473785
Other writers here might be just as weird. F Gardner just doesn’t seem to be afraid about his personal life being found out and openly talks about himself on youtube. That’s the difference.

Cute anime girl for the next OP please

>>22474204
Dear diary, today is the day Chad's gonna pay.

I've already got my wand ready and potions mixed. Nobody can stop what's coming.
But you could have prevented it.

>>22474314
lmao

>>22474199
If you don't enjoy writing, why are you writing?

>>22474222
Stop talking about yourself in the third person. Literally no one talks about you but you. You're not fooling anyone. Everyone here is utterly sick of you and you know it. And your YouTube channel is nothing to crow about. All your rich daddy's money can't buy you anything better than a D grade.

>>22474222
>>22474222
You’re downplaying things though. Gardner also has almost 20 books. He has written half of the /wg/ canon at this point. Combine that with his YouTube antics and it’s clear as day. There is a distinction but he’s not like the rest.
>>22474420
Stop ruining threads. We’re talking about Gardner who has gotten to the front page of Reddit multiple times just by controversy.

>>22474451
Dude don’t engage. Why are you bothering? It’s just another writer who’s jealous of Frank and pretends he’s arguing with him.
>>22474241
Roger that.

>>22474314
Chad isn't responsible for your shortcomings.
You were going to go extinct whether or not he existed.

>>22473785
>>22474222
>>22474420
>>22474451
God shut the fuck up about this autist already.

Writing 20 or so books and then having everyone shit on them sucks. It's not surprising that he's acting out. Have you ever written a book? It's fucking HARD. I'm currently writing at the mall right now and it is agonizing

And no I'm not a Gardner shill nor this other guy in the thread people think is Gardner. I honestly couldn't get through his crocodile book and I think he needs to get more practice.

tl;dr sensitive autist tried to spam his work on 4chan and couldn't handle the reactions. Now he's coping by acting out

>>22474615
He's not sensitive...he's a spoiled-rotten psychopath. His rich daddy obliges his pathetic attempt at shill-spamming himself into relevance, but it fails every time. It may merely be unedited pre-kindergarten gibberish now, but recently it was abusive DMCA lawfare, and earlier it was city politics. We all dodged a bullet.
https://southsideweekly.com/something-in-the-water/

>>22474615
/2 Let me just say this to Gardner in case you're reading this: nuanced criticism is not very hurtful. Stop paying so much attention to people who call your work shit, this is vague criticism

Stop interacting with 4chan before you end up like Marcel who got trolled and beat up IRL

Try to find an indie publisher like Terror House and try to pay for advertising. Spamming shit isn't a good idea

>>22474629
I've seen this. I don't know the context so I can't say much

Based on what I've seen the guy has autism and is upset about the reception of his book. I'm not condoning or defending his behavior but it's understandable

I'm at the point in my story where the protagonist has to overcome his internal character flaw and save the day. I can't think of any way to write it, without it sounding cringe.

>>22474643
>has to
Does he?

>>22474632
F Gardner’s books are really good. The guy is living the /lit/ dream life judging by his YouTube channel. He’s rich and everyone here knows him so he’s clearly famous. I’m honestly not sure why Call of the Crocodile is memed much by anons. It’s horror and not funny and I barely see the other Gardner books mentioned. In fact now that I think about it? It’s only ever Call of the Crocodile. It clearly became popular here because of the mindfuck off the rails twist and incessant ads. But it’s better than the forced Infinite Jest threads or any memes of dry old boring books that I see posted. Gardner’s books are the epitome of the “just turn your brain off bro” pulp genre of fiction. They’re just fun. Keep writing and maybe someday you or someone else here can repeat the F man’s success.

>>22474420
He’s only a D grade because he deleted the video where his tranny gf had a cameo. It’s not there anymore. Don’t you see the negative views in your screenshot?

>>22474643
Where does the light come from. What makes the broken man stand up. Why is Superman not more emo. Usually in short, cold terms the answer is naive women and children, it's a biological response.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtMKdVOcXZI

>>22474632
>>22474641
He thinks he's the King Of 4chan. He literally has no life outside of this dumpster fire. Your advice is several years too late, and won't be accepted.
>>22474756
>b-but my channel went from D to C!
So you're proud your channel's rating went from dog shit to dog food? Pathetic. Any upswing is because your rich daddy pays for views/likes/subscribes.

Like clockwork. I’m so glad I saved this.

>>22475070
>>22475070
>>22475070

>>22474451
He won't get any attention on Reddit anymore...his account has been suspended, for his usual sociopathic conduct.
https://reddit.com/user/HorrorsCall

>>22463515
And nothing of value was lost.