/lit/ - Literature

This was originally meant for a largeish magazine, but they took my other work instead.

> micz.substack.com/p/sheet-music

>>22451659
Good thing they took the other one.

Don't you love it when "I don't like it" turns into "it's shit, nobody will like it, you'll have wasted your time by making it"?

>>22451659
I really like the back and forth thread of the there. Like how it starts in modern day goes back goes forward again. Found a bit hard to follow on a first reading but I got the hang of it.

Also shit be like poetry, it rhymes.

>>22451773
I used to have a project partner that would do this whenever we made a choice she disagreed with
What a cunt

I'm trying to write a story and I'm struggling with how to describe a house that's bigger than your typical middle-class home, but not a mansion. Like how my house is a fucking massive mansion sized home, but it's not a mansion. It doesn't have massive foyers, Spanish archways, butlers, marble, china, etc. It just has only the things a person needs. But it's still a $1.4M house that the average American would never be able to afford.
I want to say Luxury Home, but every time I google that, it's practically a mansion.
When I think "house", I think your average 2 floor home that is within 50 feet of the next neighbor.
Something this size, but not as stiff upper lip or high-horsey.

>>22451787
Actually, I've been thinking. Best I have is something like a "farm ranch home". Which kinda works out anyway because she's on a farm.

>>22451659

>Her mother standing by the door, the keys
>Felt large under toy fingers, she was nine,
>To suddenly walk out as though displeased,
>Her eggshell heart already held with twine.

That literally happened to me. I had very aspirational, pushy parents. Not that im complaining, knowing to play the piano gets you pussy like you wouldn't believe it. On the whole i really like it anon, though i think the ending is a bit weak. Like it wraps up nicely but i liked everything else so much i wish it was better.

Anyway compered to some of the lazy shit we get this is above and beyond and i'll for sure keep an eye on you.

>>22451787
"Victorian" and "split-level ranch" come to mind.

>>22451787
"McMansion"

>>22451787
>>22451790
just call it an upper class suburban house or maybe upper middle class suburban house. or literally just say it’s an above average sized home? idk exactly what the problem is.

>>22451826
For me, Victorian is more like the style of the house. Like how we have a Victorian style house.
>>22451830
Yes.
>>22451832
Suburban houses makes me think of your typical small house like pic-rel.

thoughts?

>>22451659
I don't really read poetry but I liked it.

>>22451773
Don't you love it when "here's my work, what do you think?" turns into "you just don't understand my art!"

I was meant to take it easy yesterday and write only 2k words or less. But it was going well and I wrote 7k. Now my head hurts. Have you ever heard of a guy who killed himself by writing?

>>22451659
It's the kind of milquetoast, nominally-differentiable McPoetry you expect to populate pages of magazines meant for urban professionals eager to get a quick and facile ego boost; it's poetry for people who like the idea of seeing themselves as the kind of people who read poetry. I would be unsurprised to hate it among its similarly dour, uninspired brethren in the "largeish magazines" you mention without art or subtlety or humility.

>>22451903
Try writing 500 good words instead of seven fucking thousand words of dreck. You might improve more.

>>22451908
>Try writing 500 good words instead of seven fucking thousand words of dreck. You might improve more.

>>22451908
Write and post 500 good words

>>22451922
The decor has seen updates. Dramatic dildonics adorn the hall, so many myriad members throbbing in sculpture out from the walls, sprouting from the floor—a veritable boneyard of penises—they come cut and uncut, trimmed and untrimmed, from every angle by which the eye might pass; penises light and dark, large and small, some curving sideways, others in helices reaching up in pairs of two, in triplicate or more, towards the now-darkened lamplights; some rakish penises angled askance, others laid low along the ground; veiny, smooth, hard, soft, every possible configuration of cock expressing some dick dreamer's unbounded gnosis, interred for all eternity—or what remains of it—in marble here, in granite there, some chrysoprase detailing on lacquered hardwoods—ebony, hickory, olivewood—streams of gold sprouting mock-molten from rosewood glans… there are chairs here whose peniform backings rise from cushions of bristling black boarshair, felted brown upholstery, bare alder, to droop lazily down upon the seated’s ostensible shoulder, the crook of its laconic wooden foreskin inviting rest beneath its shade, the embrace would be warm and caring, like sitting under a banyan at the height of summer… and, in the distant past, were one to sit upon one of these chaises, he or she might have listened at dusk, with the lights glowed down to incandescence, their timbre of campfire, to waters flowing gently perhaps, from the pièce de résistance, whose flaccid Greek proportions bely a sheer magnitude of scope—its descent from the high-vaulted ceiling, some fifty or sixty feet up, drags nearly its terminant foreskin across the lobby floor—emitting waters which once flowed steady, dribbled fits and starts, or gushed voluminous bursts into an ornate and embossed circular basin of immense proportion held low aloft by a dwarf colonnade in keeping with the finest of Ionian tradition, and whose facade entablature might have been carved by Michaelangelo himself… and which bears still a mysterious ammonic smell whose origin I cannot imagine nor postulate.

>>22451797
Im so glad you liked it, and thank you for the comment.
But yes, that was the original idea for the poem before it was ever written down in any form. Later i remembered the Piano lesson painting by Matisse and thought the two could fit together. As for the ending, maybe, I think it's alright. I dont think it elevates the poem but it just needs to bring it to a gentle landing without being noticeably worse then the rest of it.

Also (dare i say it) you can subscribe on substack and get my new poems via email, or the app.

>>22451775
Thank you. It was supposed to have that 'back and forth chime'. The original version even had a metronome but it took it for for sounding too cliche.

>>22451768
You don't mean that.

>>22451879
Thank you. And I'll read your post when im on commute later today.

>>22451904
=( I try.

>>22451908
"Good" is subjective. Whatever you think is good, other people are likely to disagree. Instead of wasting time chasing the mirage oasis of goodness, I seek to communicate my thoughts clearly.

i'm having fun

I have so many ideas but then I start writing them and just instantly grow tired of them

How do you bros get over the openness of writing a book? I have something I think could be good but when I'm trying to write this bit I get embarrassed about what my friends and family will think. It isn't smut but it is sexual and it doesn't paint me in a good light. It's childish to worry but at the same time I can't shake the feeling.

>>22452201
Don't be a bitch. Stop giving a fuck. My mom has read my weird writing and basically only objects to the overuse of the word "nigger," and she's got a point. The art is not the artist, as long as you're actually trying to make an artistic statement.

Sup bros. Even though I don't read, you guys inspired me to begin writing. I don't really know much genres but they say
>write what you know
And I have been in enough relationships that I wanted to become a romance author as that's all I know. I did plenty of research and
>first person present tense
seems to be what chicks like in romance novels, so I wrote it that way. Here is my romance novel
>DADDY'S PROPERTY
https://www.wattpad.com/story/351491988
>A moneyless feminist woman accepts a job as a live-in maid to a misogynist millionaire and realizes she is falling in love with him.
That is my pitch and here is my logline:
>After being accepted into a writing competion for a position at the New York Times, a moneyless feminist book reviewer from Aarhus, Denmark accepts a job offer as a live-in maid to a tall and mysterious millionaire at a Newport Beach mansion. She soon realizes she is falling in love with him but when she discovers that the man is Richard Daddy, a notorious misogynist conservative author, she must decide between her newfound love for him and publishing an intimate tell-all exposé destroying his career but landing her dream job writing for the New York Times.
Feel free to give me your most honest of critiques, I wont get better at writting if you aren't honest. Thanks dudes you the best. God bless.

>>22452190
This never stops. You need to gain focus, take any new ideas and reduce them down to what makes them good and incorporate that into your current project. If it's incompatible, shelve it and move on.

>>22452222
Forgot to add that I only have Chapter 1 finished, I plan to write 1-2 chapters a week until I finish the plot outline I wrote.

>>22452222
>Even though I don't read, you guys inspired me to begin writing
Jesus fucking christ. Where did we go so wrong?

>>22452222
Masterful post, even moreso if you're serious

>>22451659
Excellent.
Surprisingly touching.

So the villain is trying to seduce the MC and it's working slowly but would it be too much to just write "I had an erection." as the paragraph ender signifying defeat? On the one hand it isn't very clever or well put but on the other hand I kind of like how stark it is to just say it outright. He's meant to be sad about it.

I tallied up all my stories from the past 3 years and I've written 583k words in that time. That comes up to around 580 words a day.
How many more do I need to write to get good? Do I need to hit 1 million?

First time poster here but checking the catalog this seemed like the appropriate thread, please bear with me. I'm looking for critique and feedback on the backdrop for story that I've been on and off thinking about for a couple of years now, and want to get started typing up a manuscript for in the near-ish future.

Here's the pitch: Elon Musk blows up a highway, and it changes your life.

I hope that sounded weird enough to get someone interested. But really, it sums up the background lore of the story relatively well. This is a science fiction story (not fantasy, preferably), that takes place around 2020-ish, but on an alternate timeline. Instead of 9/11 happening and the NSA being founded, around the start of the 2000s a national tragedy of similar scale happens at a major railway hub, caused by human error. This prompts the foundation of the NLA - the National Logistics Agency. But don't let the name fool you, this organization holds just as much power and invades your liberties in the name of some noble goal just as much. In this world you hear the name NLA, and it holds just as much sway as the NSA does for us. I should mention here that my aim with this story is to address some borderline conspiracy things, but from the more sane, economy study point of view. Anyway, besides the NLA, this event causes a huge push for autonomous vehicles and heavy regulation of the workforce, pushing for automation and AI whenever and wherever possible, to eliminate the possibility for human error. Big tech companies and billionaires are the lead pushers of this agenda, by any means necessary. Media, lobbying, you name it. Think of Tesla and Musk, if they had a 20-year head start compared to us in 2023. In the story it'll even turn out that they were the masterminds behind the railway incident, having previously bought all the related companies and infrastructure through proxies and friends-of-friends, then managing over the years to purposely mismanage them - unreasonable work conditions and long hours, shortage of staff, outdated and unsafe equipment and work ethic, all that fun stuff. This was all done to help orchestrate the accident and legitimize the push for AI. Also, please note that I imagined up this scenario some 5 years ago now, well before the AI-boom of today. Either way, as part of the push to put automated vehicles on the roads, the president and congress agree to do a major, MAJOR redoing of the nation's infrastructure, repurposing highways to be used exclusively by autonomous vehicles, and creating new roads and railroad lines for human use. And while the media owned by these companies paints this all in a positive light, there are protests happening all around the nation. Think of the old Pixar movie Cars, and how these kinds of changes can affect small towns.

Now this is all backstory so far, to paint the picture of the setting.

1/3

>>22452360
For a second, please forget all that I have just said. Instead, imagine life in a quiet rustbelt town. There's been some industry back in the day but it has all been shut down by now. The population is on the older side, and all the young people want to get away lest they get stuck too. With varying degrees of success. The kind of small town to have harvest festivals be one of the biggest events of the year, and strangely coinciding with the celebration of the founding of the town - with obscure local oral history that they forcibly teach you in primary school -, because they wouldn't have the budget to hold two festivals in one year. That kind of place. Imagine for a second living here, in this everyone-knows-everyone type of small, close-knit community way back in the early 2000s. Internet and cellphones are almost a myth yet, and your Nintendo is a spawn of Satan. Imagine being a child and sneaking out into the surrounding woods behind the shut-down mill with your BBF, or to the graveyard to catch ghosts, or to the hill to watch the trains pass you by and think about what kind of life you'll have. And imagine the way people would look at you as a small child after your father gets accused of murdering your brother and mother, then committing suicide himself.
This is the backstory of our main character, Max. At the time the story takes place, Max lives in the big city. He's a technical writer for a scientific journal, and usually writes minor news articles about AI. He's not an enthusiast, but it's a living to make rent and buy cheap cigarettes. Although sometimes he's persistent enough to get the boss to let him write a story on the fourth page, and rarely enough, for the front page. Our story begins with one such occurrence. Max is to write about the world's first fully functional android. Due to the autonomation and AI boom, prosthetics and even some manners of cyborgs are a thing in this universe. But this is a case where the subject is clearly more machine than human - a victim of a terrorist attack, a young woman. FantasyTesla had personally taken charge in saving the woman's life, it's a breakthrough in science. Think RoboCop, basically. Now where did this terrorist attack take place? Why of course, next to some nowhere town where people protested against the new highways, and the girl had been caught up in a bombing. It being, of course, Max's old hometown he'd been trying so hard to forget. And the girl? His old BFF with whom he cut off contact more than a decade ago now.

This is all the backstory before the story starts, most of which won't even be explicitly talked about and the reader has to piece it all together. I have many more ideas about certain characters and events, or stuff like the town's history, which I'd gladly share if anyone is interested. But first I'd like to know if all that I have typed up here sounds plausible, interesting, and worth building on.

2/3

>>22451894
You didn't understand it? It was pretty straightforward, I thought you just didn't like it

>>22452366
Ideally, I'd want the story to exist on three levels.

First, the immediate conflict that should be obvious to the reader if he or she doesn't think about the setting much. Max goes home with the single goal of doing the research for his article. He'd want to stay anonymous, but of course, it doesn't happen. The woman - Audrey, by the way - figures out who Max is, and she uses this opportunity to relive their childhoods together. Audrey's story is all about discrimination and loneliness. People would naturally be untrusting of "the world's first android", especially in a community where dying your hair means an allegiance to the devil. But as it turns out they'd have good reason too, as being the world's first anything isn't without hiccup. At times it almost seems like Audrey is gone for good, replaced by the AI that controls her body. Think about how in real life, people with cut left and right brain hemispheres sometimes get into arguments with their own limbs, as if two people were living in the same body. Or how someone connected to life support machines can feel, as though they're living a false life and should be dead already.
The second layer of the story mostly has to do with Max's backstory, the murders, and how the town had changed in his absence. Basically, the mill that was once the heart of the town where almost everyone worked, its foundation wasn't exactly a smooth operation and divided the town, older folks not wanting to accept strangers into their community, while younger generations welcomed the change and new opportunities. Throughout the building of the mill, there were all kinds of sabotage actions by a secret group of the town's influential residents. Including Max's family, who were relatively wealthy at the time. The company and the mill were winning however, which radicalized the members of this secret society more and more. The deciding point was when one of the members brought up the idea that supposedly witches used to live in the forest surrounding the down, who worshipped some pagan deity, and that they could do the same - via human sacrifice. The team was split on this, and many didn't want to do anything with such a terrible act. Including Max's father. While the more fanatic part of the group went and murdered a hobo, the rest walked away. Following the ritual, a major accident happened at the mill site. This was a real setback for the company, and it spurred on the now cult to keep on with the sacrifices every couple of months or so. Naturally though, "magic" alone wasn't enough to keep their crusade going. They needed benefactors, and went begging to Max's father again to join them. When he refused, the begging became threats. When that didn't work, well... Max's story is all about finding out the town's and his family's tragic story.
The third layer connects all this up to the backstory and NotTesla, by clues the reader can stumble upon.

So... This was a lot of words. What do you anons think?
3/3

>>22451787
Just say "that house from Home Alone" or maybe a Vila? McMansion also kind of works but it sounds cheap and unappealing

I'm here to make an apology for that post back in the previous thread, I seemed to have some sort of autistic anxiety crisis with everything of what I expected becoming unexpected with my awareness in things. Which has greatly managed to cause a ceasing issue with me and trying to read alot.

I'm trying to figure out something with contuining the stand or with my current problems at hand irl, giving me a hard undecided mid point. Any thoughts? Should I just drop the stand btw since at this point it's just 1k pages and would take too long?

>>22452376
>What do you anons think?
I think that a "pitch" for a novel is a completely worthless concept. If you want to write, write. Don't waste everyone's time by writing about maybe eventually writing. Creative writing isn't an essay. There is no explicit goal that you transmit the maximum amount of "correct" information as you can. To this end, ideas and meaning and messages are worthless. A good idea for an unwritten novel has no intrinsic merit because a "good idea" is the most common thing in the world.

Nobody's going to read all that garbage, but they might read a fiction.

>>22452222
Reminds me of the movie "Daddy Issues".
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6271806

>>22452222
You claim that your target audience is women, but your writing is full of contempt for them. It doesn't seem likely to me that it will go unnoticed. You also have lines that are way too blatant. The writing itself is poor. You massively over use 'so'.

>>22452201
Why tell your friends and family?

>>22451659

We have a poetry thread now.
Come say hello.

>>22452680

>>22452222
>Quads
>Past pretense
>Self conflicting narration
>I don't read
This thread produces the highest naturally occuring kino level there is. I kneel.

Pirates are probably the most cringe thing in the world thats ever been romanticized. These guys were filthy smelly disgusting and probably had more gay sex than anyone in history

Nobody reads and even if they did they wouldn’t read your shit.

>>22452698
Celebrating incompetence is how civilization fails.
Enjoy being on your knees, sucking brainlet dick.

>>22452277
Depends on if its rance tier smut or above water

I like horror and want to write some, but I don't know what makes for compelling horror. Seems like some unknowable x factor.
>Write what scares you
Nothing really scares me. If there is something I haven't found it yet

>>22453036
First learn the difference between horror and terror, and seek to instill the latter in your reader. Begin your research by reading Radcliffe's Mysteries of Udolpho, Lewis' The Monk and the complete works of Poe

>>22453060
My idea was sort of poe inspired in that it's first person. The interviewee would be constantly justifying his horrific actions by showing how they are actually a benefit to the person. Accidents and the like at first but you soon realise that the guy is actually just a maniac, he means well but he can't stop himself from doing evil.
I kind of like the idea that he's not just an edgelord kill murder man, I was going to have him vomit and such during his first kill because he's guilty/afraid to finish it.

>>22452236
>>22452243
I'm glad some anons can appreciate my comedic writing. Though I am serious about becoming a serious romance author despite the ridiculous title and premise, I just took a silly plot narrative to force two opposite people to live together. In this case a feminist and misogynist as a vehicle to tell stories of two opposite people.

>>22452559
Nice thanks anon, though the premise is slightly different that it is feminist woman with feminist woman who has a sugar daddy and my premise is feminist woman with misogynist man. I appreciate it though.

>>22453072
>pic
She has the glint in her eyes. That's how you know them. You don't see them. Fucking hell

How absurd of a premise is a man who was not born gay becoming gay through the sheer hatred he feels towards woman? He despises the very idea of a woman, and thus turns to men even if he may not be attracted to them because of his ludicrous, conceptual hatred of women.

>>22453119
Hating women isn't correlated with being gay and vice versa.

>>22452567
>your writing is full of contempt for [women]
I would greatly appreciate if you point out those lines I don't remember writing anything of the sort. Though I will say the story is told through the main character's perspective who is an awful woman herself but it is not to say all woman are awful like her.
>You also have lines that are way too blatant.
Yes I do agree there. Some of those lines were too blatant.
>The writing itself is poor. You massively over use 'so'.
My plan was to use wattpad as a way to force myself to write through publishing first drafts (which would later be edited into final drafts). I thought if I had readers that were expecting the next chapter it would force me to write. I was correct.
I have had thoughts of writing before but I never actually began to write until I publically stated I would write and one femanon said she would look forward to reading my work this weekend. What do you know it forced me to write and look at that I actually completed a chapter 1 something I was unable to do before and something many "author anons" have been unable to complete as well. So although the writting is poor, I take comfort in the fact that it is only the first draft and will be fixed after the completion of the novel. Thanks for the critique I greatly appreciate it.

>>22453124
Creative writingbros, how dl we cope with fiction not always being accurate to reality?

>>22452698
>Past pretense
I am naturally inclined to write third person past but I wanted to challenge myself to write first person present as that is the romance novel meta. I caught myself slipping into past pretense often and fixed it but I guess I didn't catch them all.
>Self conflicting narration
After having an extensive history with women, I have intimate knowledge of their mind. Women are fickle creatures that rarely reveal what they are actually thinking and will often act or say things that are the opposite of what they actually intend. It's on par with my protagonist who is a self centered and selfish woman. That is if I correctly understood what you meant by self conflicting narration. Thanks anon!
>>22452865
Come on anon it's a neat premise. I will only get better at writing. I do appreciate your gatekeeping though we need more gatekeepers. Thanks brother

>>22451879
I'm not >>22451946 and I'm no expert on the subtleties of sentence structure and choosing the right words to make the text flow as gracefully as possible, but I think I can give you some very basic advices.

>vague silhouette of
I'd use something more concrete than "vague", maybe say mist covered or something. But I'm not completely sure, so ignore this if you want.
>women diligently worked
Remove "diligently", as you show how they work soon after.
>intently sharpening the blade
Again, remove the adverb. If it's important that he's doing it intently, show it. And don't worry, I didn't imagine him sharpening the blade slowly, with pauses between each stroke, looking at the sea.
>"Pâkuk," a tall figure
Just my opinion, but this is a bit strange. I would write "Pâkuk!" and then begin a new line. But I can't cite any widely known rule of style to justify this, so do whatever you want.
>The Captain suggested
That it is a suggestion is implicit. And avoid most dialogue tags, really.
>began to tug at it haphazardly
First I'd remove the adverb, then I'd remove "began". Both aren't needed. Though I think it's fine to leave "firmly" in the next sentence.
>he conceded.
Better to write "he said". Imo, you can avoid the dialogue tag here.
>"...be warned..."
>the Captain warned.
I'm sure you see for yourself what I think is wrong with this.

It's a nice little piece. I particularly like the second and third paragraphs, they really made me feel the tension of the character and his motivation, and they give context without being tedious.
Good job!

what's a good software to write? hopefully something very minimal. I used to use Word (inb4 >Word) but I can't use it anymore.

>>22453280
https://www.calmlywriter.com/online/

Write stories. Complete stories. Plan out stories, and then write them. Write stories by the seat of your pants. Improv stories. Bang out stories like it's nothing. Stop procrastinating writing stories. Write so many stories it breaks the space time continuum. Get rich by writing stories. Quit your job and write stories. Write stories instead of playing vidya. Write stories all day, write stories all nite. Go to coffee shops and write stories. Write stories in your apartment. Write stories in your sleep. Dream about stories, write them when you wake up. Write a 200K work story in a day. Smash your laptop keyboard by writing stories so fast. Never edit stories, never spellcheck stories. Ignore your friends that you don't have in order to write stories. Write pornographic stories. Write deep philosophical stories. Write the best stories. Write the worst stories. Write stories. Complete stories. Finish stories. Slam dunk a first draft of a story into the recycling bin, write it again from scratch. Launch distractions from writing stories into the sun.

>>22453302
>Plan out stories
Haha no.

So I keep seeing everywhere about the importance of show don't tell and using concrete details and imagery. I find I have a lot of difficulty coming up with non-cliched ways of describing things. What's a good way to practice this? Should I do what fine artists do and use reference images and try to render them into text?

>>22453354
yeah just practice by describing things in as indirect a way as possible

>>22452178
too blurry.

>>22453354
I haven’t done this myself because I don’t consider myself a beginner, but I’ve long thought a good way to get someone to learn how to write a novel would be to make them transcribe a film into prose format. Just write what happens; what you see, hear, etc. in the past tense, third person limited. I think an exercise like this could help people who are struggling to get started.

>>22452222
You've invented a new genre: parody smut for incels.

How the fuck do people write/enjoy smut in any capacity that isn't just a back and forth between two people? It feels just as cringey writing it as it does reading it

>>22453209
>After having an extensive history with women, I have intimate knowledge of their mind.
Spend less time trolling us and more time writing.

>>22453394
For myself, the enjoyment comes from combining smut with other things. In my case I'm working on a longer story (currently somewhere around 85K words, nowhere near finished) that has a lot of smut, but also does focus on characters. We learn a lot about their psychological hangups and how they grew up and whatnot. The context makes it fun, and makes the fucking parts hotter.

>>22451645
What separates a good book from a truly great book?

>>22453447
Me.

>>22453394
I want to feel loved, so I imagine scenarios in which I do, and then I write them

>>22452865
suck a dick, there is no civilization here, and I can have some laughy taughy from time to time

>>22453302
Motivating
Thanks brah

>>22453257
Thanks for the advice, definitely could fix a couple of things. And I'm glad you liked it.

https://voca.ro/18HzDZZGv87Z

---

Remember The Pocket

[introduction...]

"...I's a like to be to readin' for you now: a dear poem. It's a poem... I been writin' ever since I was young'er that 'bout, less than four. There's times I been rememrin' after ten hours'a sittin' n' thinkin', n' wonrin', n' jivin' myself in'na crazy kinda fit about the words, n' makin' sure them words rhymin' right-on like I need'em'a be, and presto--my friends: it's one thing'a be seein' god in broad, damn daylight's a'burnin' a hole like brown cigarette burns'n the crick'a the back'a your brain, much less'a be havin' em' words open like the great black book itself on your dinner table..."

"remember, we's used to call it the pocket
under the basement of pap's wooden shed
the stench when you pulled out the floorboard
might'a made y'all wish you too was dead..."

"we's encounter all moldy kind a'ese people
'let's check in with the pocket' we would say
little willie and I cookin' us a hearty breafast
gearing up rain jackets before makin' our way..."

" 'don't forget to feed chetty, there, mazel!'
lil ol' will just right then, usually he'd proclaim
referred to a dead, molded member collected
wormed and jived, collared, dosemtic, insected... "

"we heard tell chet once was quite handsome
a pooch pampered and enamored without end
his rectals have reversely slimed out his hole
his food collects the carniverous, reared friend... "

"after chet's luncheon thencely was settled in
that gracious a help only dear willie would do
and fungal samples formally there collected
insterted into a labelled, scientifical test tube... "

"we break for the horizon before seeing the sun
it's so cold, my eyelids' like that winter jail cell
my maid will's way-up undies tug his underfat
the neighbors, them curtains close'n yell out..."

" 'well oh well, there goes'em willie and mazel,
look at that,
them boys goin'a pull up them floorboard again,
look at that,' ..."

test

Do you guys think that adopting a fictional language for my "secret upper class languange" instead of using a historically estabilished one is fine in a story? I'm worried that someone will constantly shit on me if they catch that I stole khuzdul from JRRTolkien.

Should I just use latin?

An excerpt from my story. Thoughts? Critiques? Is it good or trash?

>>22453626
yeah I'd definitely shit on you
either make your own language or use an obscure real one

>>22453302
>Slam dunk a first draft of a story into the recycling bin
Okay fine here's a well deserved (you)

>>22453627
yes it's not very good, but not for the reasons you may think. It has tough to read structure and sentences are often backwards or worse, split into two separate pieces seemingly for no reason.

Grammar, correct word usage and sentence construction.
Just to note - your pacing is good and if you introduce some kind of hook for the reader, this can be salvaged.

>>22453627
I don't think you're going to get much more added value then the last few times you've posted. You should move on to sites like scribophile and critters where you can submit entire chapters of your story and get several detailed critiques. Or else just join an in-person group at your local university.

>>22453627

I'm overthinking things and can't wrap my head around my setting
It's centered around woods but my yearning for fluffy dresses keeps pushing it towards enchanted woods or castles unrealistically built deep in the woods instead of just some hamlet or shit

>>22452425
Legitimate anxiety breakdown lead to a halting to everything, so idk what to do other than maybe change books for now, or something.

>>22453420
>>22453384
>incel
If only you two knew. Dont be so quick to bed many women is my advice for you.

>Completed 40 pages this week
I'm... I'm gonna make it bros.

>>22451787
It's not worth 1.4 million if it's made of wood, shit head. That's the inflated market price. Pre covid lumber needed to build a mcmansion 6000 Sq ft wood home is 50k to 100k max.

>>22453779
>completed 2.4 pages this week because job is eating all my free time
On the bright side that includes editing and it almost finished my entire chapter.

>>22452425
I usually read 1/3 of a book before deciding whether to drop or not. You can use the same heuristic. There's so many good books that it doesn't make sense not to always live in the intersection of good books and books you enjoy. Some books start slow which is why I have 1/3 rule, but if a book hasn't gripped me by then, I'm not interested.

>>22452425
>I'm here to make an apology for that post back in the previous thread
First you'll have to explain what the fuck are you even talking about nigger. I don't care about 99.9% posters here.

>>22451787

Saying that it has five or six bedrooms should get the point across.

>>22452201
You don't really get over until you're old and don't give a fuck. That's one reason it's always better to start publishing at a later age.

>>22451787
>a house that's bigger than your typical middle-class home, but not a mansion
Why not call it exactly that? Have you considered that you may be overthinking shit?

Do furries read books? I realized the story I'm writing has some furry elements to it

Newfag here. I only ever journaled and reading back on them it was always egomaniacal cringe drivel. The only non cringe things I ever wrote were dream journals. I sucked absolute ass at school essays. Is there hope? I'm trying new things to see if I'm decent at anything in this life, how do I actually improve writing systematically as a skill?

>>22453831
School essays are formulaic. Creative writing is as well, but not in the same way. Only way to know if you're gud is to try

>>22453831
When I was high school -aged I was terrified of writing. Afraid to even try. In college I had to just get on with it, so bit by bit I got more comfortable. By the end of college I regarded writing as actually one of the least bad things about college, because I'd gotten so much positive feedback. And it wasn't that hard anymore. I'd developed a knack for it. Since graduating, I tend to have to write self-assessments every year during review season at whatever company owns me at that time. I've been complimented for my writing style. Eventually I realized that there was something in this, and I've been experimenting with writing stories for a few years now. I do have a bad procrastination habit, but I have written a lot of stuff that I've enjoyed. Cringe? Well, some of it is, but I don't care, because it's authentic. I think there is hope for you. You should own whatever you're embarrassed about, and in fact lean into it. Lean into the feelings, produce something that is uniquely you. Whether it turns out good or not doesn't matter. You'll be glad.

But anyway to actually answer the question about improving systematically, what works for me is literally just force yourself to start writing a story based off any random idea you have. That's all you have to do. Complicated systems never worked for me, instead the solution is to just lean into whatever you're feeling, and see where it takes you. Trust me, it's a lot more fun that way

I'll add that I often feel inspired when I listen to music I like, or re-watch a movie I've seen hundreds of times, or see an IRL improv show that impresses me. Seeing someone else's completed work makes me feel like "I know I can produce my own thing just like they did, it will just take time."

>>22453652
Thank you anon, but I honestly prefer posting here. Nobody knows me, and the criticism is harsh and cold, which I appreciate. I know it’s probably not the best way to receive feedback on my writing, but I enjoy it nonetheless

>>22453648
Thanks for reading. I should say that I am ESL, and this is directly translated from my native language, so I could’ve made lots of mistakes. Thanks for the advice

>writing erotica
>people tell me the fetish im writing to is a dead niche
>apparently I'd have to start a patreon to see money from it
>nobody says what that process looks like or where to even post
AAAAAAAAA I THOUGHT EROTICA WAS A FREE TICKET

>>22453888
>I THOUGHT EROTICA WAS A FREE TICKET
Readers with very specific tastes. Lots of competition. Inscrutable censorship from Amazon. Free stuff from other sites.

You're a fool.

>>22453845
>Seeing someone else's completed work makes me feel like "I know I can produce my own thing just like they did, it will just take time."
Usually in my case it's something along the lines on "man this fucking sucks I could do better".

>>22453897
Amazon censors?

>>22452222
>https://www.wattpad.com/story/351491988
>she discovers that the man is dick daddy
I kneel.

>>22453888
What inspired me to write was some really obscure fetish story. A song I wrote inspired someone else to add it to Riddle Transfer 2. So I'd just keep doing it for yourself man. And if someone else picks it up and makes their life about it, then that's a bonus.

>5000 words in
>realize the protagonist is a self-insert

>>22452201
"If you aren't embarrassed by your product when you release it, it's too late."

How do you include religion as a major theme without being preachy or fedora tipping?

>>22451645
i want to write a isekai story but everything that i thought is stupid or someone else had made it,

my best idea until now, its a story about the cartel conquesting a feudal asian.

>>22452222
>needs to get 6 million impressions to be hired by NYT
>landlord's name is Mr. Goldberg
>calls men chauvinist pigs for both not opening the door and for opening it
>smart and independent but can't help taking selfies and thinks Versailles is a luxury brand
>"our stomachs were touching" as a way of describing close proximity

I'm thinking based writing, can't wait for the actual sex scenes

>realized I skipped over an important event in my rough draft
>Fuck it
>Narrate what happened in the next chapter instead of trying to fix it
Keep going guys.

>>22451787
Not this anon, but I struggle to describe objects like houses, buildings, and so on. How do I fix this?

>>22454066
That's fine as long as you keep it limited to a degree.
If it's just bits of you, that's perfectly fine. If it's LITERALLY you, start fixing it. 5k words ain't shit.

>>22454176
>forget to include important event
>it's a single line I can just write in any time into the intro
Imagine not writing the draft in your head. Couldn't be me.

>>22453530
I'm sorry to hear you live in a Third World shithole.

>>22453782
The vast majority of the cost of building a house is the labor, not the materials.

>>22454227
Imagine having anything in mind besides the main heroine who is very sexy. Couldn't be me.

>>22454181
I do too. For example, I'm writing a fantasy story and there's this church that a character has to climb to ring a bell; and my description boils down to "an amalgamation of buttresses, arches and stained glass windows, it looked as if it was carved from one colossal black rock, blah blah blah.."

If I find I'm not profficient at describing this (which, admitelly, most of the time I'm not) I just keep it vague

How do I come up with a title

>>22454181
An exercise I thought up is taking a photo (of anything really but architecture in this case), and then doing your best to transcribed the appearance of the building into text. It's much easier for me to describe things this way because I don't need to split mental power between imagining the thing while writing about it. It's also good practice to do in general.

>>22454239
The main heroine is a flat midget.

>>22454264
If you find out let me know.

Main character's name or title is never a bad choice.

>>22454273

>>22454248
>"an amalgamation of buttresses, arches and stained glass windows, it looked as if it was carved from one colossal black rock, blah blah blah.."
Thing is, is any of this pertinent to anything? If not, fuck it off.

>>22454282
take your meds

>>22454248
>an amalgamation of
> it looked as if
I would change these. If your character has to climb a church (or a cathedral, that I think is more likely to have buttresses), describe what they see and/or the parts they use to climb. I don't think you need to show the reader every nook and cranny of the building before your character can begin to go up: it's not a painting.
But decide for yourself, I'm not that good of a writer. If you think your story need a full description, do it. Else, my advice would be to take a picture from the web, related to what you want, then get a picture in your head and describe what your character sees (without writing "he saw...").

>>22454277
I too wish to know. My fake, tentative title (Frat Bro Rapist) that I use for my filenames doesn't really reflect what the story became

>>22454264
You make a temporary one, then hopefully when you have finished the first draft you'll have a clear picture of what your story is about and what are the main elements of it. Then you can decide if the temporary title still fits or if you have to change it for something that is both catchy and meaningful for your story.

>>22454066
do a bergman and split (You) into different characters

If you're writing with a word count limit in mind, for example a short novel, is it a bad idea to divide the total word count limit by the number of arcs you have planned?

>>22454289
it isn't a 1:1 copy of the text (as I do not have it in front of me right now) but I did describe some vague elements of the structure as the character was climbing it, instead of just providing a description from the get-go.

>>22451835
That house is easily 2400 s.f. It's definitely a larger than average middle class home. A middle class suburban home nowadays is maybe 1600-1800. Not that the middle class even exists anymore. If you're talking what the middle class was in the 60s to the 80s you're looking more at 1200 s.f. People lived in much smaller houses and a lot of them were built post war because of builder initiatives and GI bills. Go to zillow, filter by s.f., find a house that looks like what you had in mind and use it for reference.

>>22454342
>he writes with a word count limit in mind
that's for editing

>>22454066
Honestly pretty common, just don't be a retard by making it too obvious.

>>22454365
I don't know if I'll be there to read it, but you can post the text if you want more feedback. Even if it seems you know what you are doing, at least from what you wrote in this post.

Just finished punching up the espionage novel we were working on for another writer from /lit/. If anyone needs a cheap editor, hit up https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42

>>22454430
Do you wear those sunglasses while editing?

>>22454444
my vision is really bad because i have blue eyes

>>22454310
>Frat Bro Rapist
>doesn't really reflect what the story became
disappointing

Do I end this tragically or happy? Kind of having a difficult time trying to come up with an ending but I'll probably go for something like they can live together peacefully now that his secret is out there's a few endings I have in mind

>>22454371
Buddy, I have to rewrite this entire thing from the very beginning because it's a glorified brainstorming draft, editing is so far beyond me it's not even funny

>>22454465
Depends on what will drill deeper into the reader's mind. Need more context.

>>22454430
Nice thanks, what religion are you? This may influence me to purchase your services or not.

>>22454066
my protagonist is not a self insert. people who know me moderately well will think he is, but people who know me REALLY well will know he is not and that the real self insert is the antagonist

>>22453107
MacReady is that you? How do I know youre not...
>>22454014
>>22454118
Im glad people are enjoying it

>>22454512
Sounds like the concept sucks

How do you balance vivid description vs regular set-piece description? I’ve read a dearth of short stories as of late, and in terms of description they go something along the lines of “John Sneed walked past a shimmering blue creek set in the middle of a vibrant green meadow” or “The house had three windows, and a tower was built at one corner.” Then in non-short stories, where word economy isn’t quite so stringent, they go into great detail about the particulars of a certain stream or house or etc. I find myself attracted to the former, as I write short stories, but find the latter more appealing in general. I suppose the solution would be to achieve a kind of synthesis, to describe vividly with as few words as possible, but I like long, detailed descriptions.

Any advice?

>>22454645
You and I don't write the same way, I don't drown in outlining hell.

>>22454698
Six in one hand, half a dozen in the other. Long vivid descriptions at the start of a chapter save you the work of going into great detail later on. Remember, half the story the reader reads is going to be their own headcanon -- your goal should be to make an identifiable set piece

Hey /wg/. Do you guys have any FOSS tools and aids for writing? Thanks.

>planned out how my next chapter would go
>I gave up on that and wrote an entirely different chapter instead that flows more naturally from the previous scene
Never be afraid to change your plans.

>>22454776
>Never be afraid to change your plans.
I had planned to come here and tell anons the same. Now afraid I will have to change.

>>22451645
I want to write some story in where in a average manga fantasize world (wthout the dumb stats screan cause thats gay) where a sentien above average wyvern get bought as an egg to do that world equivalent of Kohler experiment by a scientist family that raised him/her
Overtime emotional and mental start to rise as wyvern cant talk and arent consider as sapient.
As the wyvern adoptive family start to die overtime more and more push back by the legal authority causing even more problems for the slightly respected wyvern that is seen by most as just a fun animal
Still dont know what kind of ending i want for this
Problem is that im barely literate, cant draw shit and im heavely autistic so i cant write normies.

>>22454910
This is nice.

I don't think any of you will ever become a successful author because I don't think any of you are serious enough about writing, I don't think any of you care enough.

>>22454960
>I don't think
Yes, I can tell

>>22454960
No matter your angle of attack, I remain highly motivated.

>>22454993
I hope you do.

>>22454755
>I don't plan things out before I excute them
I found the problem

>>22454960
>implying that you have to be serious about writing to be successful
>implying that being serious about writing improves your odds in any way

>>22455067
>he doesn't follow his heart
NGMI

>>22455073
My heart tells me not to dump shit on the page and pray it comes out cohesive

>>22455079
My condolences, have fun outlining forever

>>22455105
Get back to your second "brainstorming draft."

>>22455079
You may not believe this, but there are people who are actually able to think coherently from the start and don't need hundreds of pages of notes to make sense of their ideas.

>>22453368
better? tear me apart, bros...

>>22455232
I like how you assume I'm spending most of my time outlining because your argument falls apart with the fact that I'm not

This thread should be renamed to "ESL championship, english-major gran autismo" with all our retardedness in writing english and whatnot

>>22454766
https://itsfoss.com/open-source-tools-writers/
and sorry no, I don't have aids

Serious question: if I want to show the change and downfall of a character, for how long do I need to show his current state? Would a few chapters be enough, before he gets thrust into a tough situation, and starts making bad choices? Or is it not enough to get the feel for his usual character?

>>22455728
If you are good at writing, it can take as little as a sentence. Here is the classic from the most popular book in the world, about downfall of humanity:
"Jesus wept"

>>22454766
I use a text editor to write my fiction in Markdown format, and pandoc to convert it to LibreOffice Writer format. This tends to avoid subtle formatting problems, i.e. everything is driven by named styles.
I use TreeLine to organize my thoughts. It's a free-form outline editor, with a lot more power than I've ever used.

>>22454910
What is the source of this demotivational gatekeeping?

>>22455067
No problem with different writing styles.

>>22455789
If you're spending hours/days on a "brainstorming draft" then you need to bite the bullet and prewrite

What are amazons and other publishing houses guidelines on gore? I started writing a scene last night to get to know my main character and it was just them taking a masons chisel to someone strapped on a table. I like explicit detail in gore and sex. I also like writing evil characters. Should I just write my book and then worry afterwards?

>>22455113
>couldn't refute it
lmfao

>>22455878
I'll refute my foot up your ass

>>22455890
>homosexual foot fantasies out of nowhere
Mind? Broken.

>>22452865
We are well past that point, anon.

>>22451835
>small house like pic-rel.

That's a pretty large house for most Americans. If you describe that as small, the reader may assume you're joking or out-of-touch.

>>22455623
Are you taking photos of your computer screen with your phone?

>>22456051
it's airgapped. single-purpose device.

>>22456061
It's illegible. You're insane.

>>22455828
There are a lot of valid ways to write. Stop acting as if there are few. You're just being a gatekeeping demotivational failed-crab. And while you're at it, pyw...let's see what sort of "expert" is lecturing to us.

>>22455892
You'll be able to taste my toes by the time I'm done with you

>>22456182
All I'm saying is if you trek into the woods without a map don't be surprised when you get lost.

>>22456182
>pyw
way ahead of you, see >>22450039
I mostly write for the screen so I know the power of solid planning. Not saying you have to write a damn novel worth of a prewriting but anything is better than nothing.

>>22455945
Not where I live. What sort of third world, Democrat-run shithole do you live in?

>>22456266
Oh, dear Lord. I can safely discount everything gaslighting opinion you have to share about writing.

Reading Truby from the Pastebin, and it's certainly better than Save the Cat writes a novel. Am I on the right track with Truby, or should I check out another book on writing before I get too deep in?

AIEEE whenever I write up a lot of lore and finish creating a world with new stuff and inventive construction elements, I immediately get bored of writing about it and start another worldbuilding project with different characters and premise, eventually turning into another book that bores me and which I will eventually abandon. I make entite worlds on the fly but abandon them even quicker.

Be honest with me bros, should I just become a Dungeon Master instead of trying to write shit? At least then I could entertain a few people.

>>22456538
>legitmate writing advice is gaslighting
Have fun watering down the language with your drivel.

>>22456584
Create the world after you finish your story premise, maybe?

>>22456584
Either treat your hobby like a job and force yourself to finish things or learn to accept that you're going to put things down once the fun parts are over and your hobby will always just be something personal.

>>22456579
He's fine. The real problem with guys like him are that they think their method is THE method for storytelling. Read it and decided what parts will work for you; ignore the rest.

>>22456579
I didn't really like Truby. Doing all that busy work probably helped me improve as a writer, but I've essentially moved away from every practical piece of advice he gave, except the moral argument chapter. I much preferred The Art of Fiction which I still reference frequently (although 2bh I find the chapter on plot to be lacking, so nothing is perfect).

>>22456579
Depends on what you're after, but for the sort of amateur writers I encounter on here, picrel contains the largest amount of useful advice.
>>22456584
If you've fallen into the worldbuilding trap and can't get out, consider writing a D&D campaign in it, generate some characters, play them through it, write down what happens, and post it on RoyalRoad as a LitRPG.

>>22453925
In my case it's similar to yours, except it's "oh fuck oh fuck this guy shat all over this idea now I can't use it anymore, he ruined it by association"

>>22456256
>unprompted vore fantasies
seek help

>>22456595
>my way is the only true way, if you do it differently then you're wrong, bow before my crappy "redacted" excuse for a screenplay
your writing advice is not legitimate...it doesn't even work for you

>>22456687
I liked how he stabbed at the truth with his woods analogy - except he missed the point entirely.

>>22456674
I know that feel. Nothing horrifies me more than the idea of someone reading my work and saying, "it reminded me a lot of this (complete dogshit by an utter imbecile), were you inspired by him?

First paragraph check. Is this interesting enough or does it read like crap.

All the grown folks in town called him the Bad Humor Man, but the kids knew him as Mr. Zappe, and the first thing you’d probably notice about Mr. Zappe was that he’d noticed you first. The second thing was that his eyes appeared to bulge from his skull with an alarming roundness, like two gumballs. You might suppose his whole appearance was alarming though. His skin was white as milk, and when his apron was on — when wasn’t it on? — he blended in so smoothly with the wall behind the register you’d often forget he was there until he spoke. When he spoke, you’d see two rows of perfectly uniform teeth that looked more like chiclets than teeth, however, he wasn’t much of a talker, so his chompers were concealed by a pair of plump lips resembling two red gummy worms. These red lips of Mr. Zappe’s were usually pursed as if he were whistling, but really it was just a tendency of a mouth breather quietly sipping at the air.

>>22456750
it’s a good character description that women will call racist, but if it’s the start of a book I think I’d rather get more of setting the scene as opposed to just a character description

>>22456750
you don't put spaces around em dashes in fiction
they do it in news articles for formatting reasons
Bad Humor Man is a clever joke but I'm not sure what exactly it's trying to imply. Like he's not funny? Or just an ice cream seller who's bad in some way?
also "chiclets" as a metaphor for white teeth is hackneyed at this point—find a different candy that achieves the same effect in a more novel way
not bad, though

>>22456786
>women will call racist
can't be, it's white
>>22456750
antiwhite shit, pass

>>22456786
I guess it’s not the “first” paragraph, but it’s very soon after. I just liked how it was starting to sound. Thanks.
>>22456816

>>22456803
the joke is that he’s going to be an ice cream/candy sales person that’s an asshole. I’ll look for a different candy than chiclets. The only reason I used it is because I’d heard it before, so that’s a case in point.

>>22456816
Shitlib bait detected

>>22456722
I'm quite often inspired by bad works...I mean, if they can get published/produced/etc., why the Hell can't I?

I always feel horrible whenever a work of mine gets accepted, only for me to realize I could’ve written it so much better a day or two later. It’s what I get for limiting my edit runs to a maximum of 3 times, otherwise I’d easily overedit the piece.

>>22456687
>"help me, my writing is going bad"
>"OK, here's a change that would help you"
>"WTF STOP TELLING ME HOW TO WRITE THERE'S MORE THAN ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO THINGS"
pyw

>>22457797
Are you "redacted"? If so, are you quoting yourself? Because that's how you sounded to me.

>>22457896
>no u
sad

>>22456683

>>22456693
I like how you have nothing to say but still felt the need to step in and post.

>>22458069
If you're this thin-skinned, you have no business being a writer. You'll collapse under the pressure.

>>22451645
I've got no ideas left for my short stories. I'm going to spend the next few days trying to think up of ideas, but I feel frustrated when I'm not writing.

>>22458091
There might be less pressure on you if you improvised just a little less.

>>22458105
I have the opposite problem. Too many ideas not enough time to execute them all. I had to start vetting ideas by forgetting them after I first come up with them. "If it comes back to you it's true love" or whatever.

>pyw
>ok here
>wtf this is shit hahahaha fuck you
>ok pyw
>...

>>22451645
>You can't call yourself a writer if you're not writing
Is this true?

>>22458191
Bro
You just wrote that post
You're a certified writer

If i write a sex scene in non erotic fiction story is it okay to say cock in your opinion?
It goes on for a while it gets hard to be discreet without obscuring what is actually happening and most stand ins sound kinda silly.

What never ceases to amaze me is the fact that /lit/ does not have a zine of any kind.

>>22458279
lurk more

>>22454238
The labor on a wood house is also inflated because it doesn't require stone masons, bricklayers, concrete experts and so on. For mchouses, they usually get illegal immigrants to bang together some particle board and wood planks. They're paid $12 an hour untaxed which they're happy with if they're working 10 hour days. Fact remains it isn't worth 1.4 million if it's made of wood.

>>22458367
>Fact remains it isn't worth 1.4 million if it's made of wood.
To most people, the 'value' of a house is its market value, inflated or not. Your strange hatred of wood is irrelevant.

Need a feedback from native german, or atleast someone proficient to tell me how this sound.

>>22455670
love kenshi and never saw that image. To keep it thread related, am I right to think prose is more important than world building? seems like every daydreaming autist can build an epic world in his head but never put it to page. Kenshi has great lore, so I imagine what makes one good at worldbuilding.

>>22455623
Are you writing in fucking command prompt or what the hell

>>22458821
is it really that weird to be writing in vim?

>>22458501
putting in the effort is more important than thinking about the effort, just look at this boomer meme.
While "autists"(and I am proud to say I am one of those) definitely have interesting ideas and captivating ways of conveying them because they notice patterns nobody else does, they tire out too quickly from information shock, effectively making them worse than your average unimaginative writer.

Do more, talk less. I can't even fucking sleep at night untill 2pm because I keep thinking about going to sleep instead of actually doing it, now it dawned on me.

You know, I had just now a revelation about my life, I think I'll become a better person.

>>22454092
Read Gothic lit. Don't allow religion or lack thereof to solve the conflict, but you can certainly let the characters try to solve it that way.

>>22458864
Using anything other than Word or Google Docs is weird to the normies. But your word processor obviously doesn't matter in the slightest

>>22458501
This anon put it well >>22458918
Don't worry about ranking the importance of elements. Put consistent effort into everything

>>22452201
Just write Anon, it's okay, just write.

>>22458408
Guter Lesefluss und vom Inhalt sinnig geschrieben. Habe jetzt nach zwei Mal lesen keine Unnatürlichkeiten o.Ä. feststellen können.

Hätte nur einen kleinen Tippfehler anzumerken: "Flehn" bitte in "Flehen" umändern.

Gefällt mir ansonsten prima. Vielleicht, weil ich mich selbst darin wiedererkenne...

>>22452201
It's probably for the best that you feel this shame, but it's also for the best that you ignore it.
Just recall that your work speaks to everyone differently - don't assume you're giving anyone else any special look into your subconscious. If they confront you, you need simply maintain polite silence on your own internals and you will find them all too ready to spill theirs.

>>22459269
Using a word processor that's not legible even to yourself is just trying to be super special

>>22459577
The dude is writing on a machine that enriches Uranium. He's off his rocker.

/lit/ tourist here, I've been editing the same chapter for the last 4 or so sessions I've worked on it. Most paragraphs have about 5%-8% pronoun usage (I, my, mine, me, it). Am I just being too unsure about overusing them? That being said, scanning through my paragraphs time and time again did help me come up with possibly more interesting writing to replace the pronouns with.
tl;dr, I guess my questions are
Am I overusing pronouns? This chapter only has 3 characters, the protag, his cat, and the world as he moves through it.
Is there a good balance I should aim for between pronouns and the rest of the paragraph? (like general % usage maybe?)

In picrel paragraph 1 is 188 words and paragraph 2 is 122 words.

>>22459403
vielen dank, das hat mir sehr viel bedeutet.

im going to write a novel instead of yet another shizo incel manifesto about why society and life is brutal
obviously the main char in my novel is my self insert who will espouse my ideals in a subtle manner to blackpill the npcs
but apparently its not good to write the main char as a self insert.
why not?
also any good podcasts that can help you become a better writer?

>>22459673
The depth of your thought pattern goes only as far as your microdick erection.

>>22459669
go forth and conquer, a man who remains in his domain invites others to visit it, for ill or else.
Your writing is ok, and you should keep writing.

>>22459669
>aimlessly similarly
awkward to have these two words next to each other imo. otherwise very good. don’t worry about the pronoun meme. it doesn’t exist. just reddit autists looking for something to complain about.

>>22459669
I think a bigger problem is the overuse of generalities.
>Good things... thoughts...failures... inadequacies..,overall life...realizations ...accomplish more...achievements...any specific direction...
Etc. You aren't telling us about specific people, specific events, or the emotional reactions to those things. If you're writing this for your therapist, it's fine, but it will bore a reader.

Furthermore, you're giving a thesis statement on what your character and story are about. Some mopey asshole feeling sorry for himself. It's unneeded. Readers can figure it out for themselves.

Start your story with the actual story.

this read ok? victorian style winding sentences always feel awkward in my hands
>>22459673
christ
please tell me this is a real project you're working on

>>22459740
Who actually finished schizo manifestos here? Surely someone will finally get it and write a good one that has more thought to it.

>>22459740
trying writing your self insert as the antagonist

>>22459776
>go forth and conquer, a man who remains in his domain invites others to visit it, for ill or else.
I'm not well-read enough to be able to tell if that's a quote or original, but that's raw, I like it.

>>22459816
Thank you for pointing out the probable awkwardness. Changed it, I think this reads better.
>"I’d like to walk around during this time but that would surely result in coming across people wandering aimlessly, not unlike how I would be doing myself. And plenty of vagrants too, in situations..."

>>22459847
Generalities, great point thank you. I'll try to be selective with any specifics I decide to replace them with.
>If you're writing this for your therapist, it's fine, but it will bore a reader.
More than fair enough. I did start writing him during those shitty late night feelings so maybe I romanticized the melancholy too much too early.
>Some mopey asshole feeling sorry for himself. It's unneeded. Readers can figure it out for themselves.
I suppose he is some mopey asshole as he is right now. I do plan on following different characters around, his POV might not even be the first chapter of the book, just the first I've worked on. I completely agree with "Show, don't tell.", I suppose I maybe told too much.
>Start your story with the actual story.
Definitely not the strongest hook to follow first. For clarification though, those weren't the first paragraphs. I know it wasn't asked, but picrel is added context for the paragraphs I'd asked about.

>>22459985
>Shielding it from the rain
I don't need to mention rain twice, the reader won't have memory worse than a goldfish.

Back to editing then writing with this feedback in mind, thanks a lot

>>22459933
Nitpicks.
>held a slight scene
sounds off to me. "staged" or "showed" would keep to the metaphor. "...of a couple..." might be better.
>for though it lived alone...even in loneliness
Repetitive.

But, it's totally fine. If it were really Victorian there would be seventeen semicolons and only one full stop at the end of a paragraph.

How would a teenage girl realistically conquer a world-ending catastrophe? I can't come up with anything that isn't incredibly farcical. This isn't the worst thing as the story's tone has enough dark humor (mostly involving how ordinary people or things/institutions we recognize would respond to something like the moon in Majora's Mask approaching) but it's also not particularly inspiring for anyone except hype drones who beat off to Guren Lagann. It's starting to feel like I want to demonstrate how the reader doesn't have to be terrified of the end all the time, even an inevitable one you can see coming, but I don't really know what that means myself.

>>22460013
>seventeen semicolons and only one full stop
kek, yeah. I want to use more semicolons but I'm writing romance and don't want to scare off pulp readers
aiming for the impression more than the actuality
thanks brah, nice precision on the line edits. good thoughts

How much do you focus on prose on your first draft?

>>22460151
Only when it comes to me. The story comes first. The style comes with other drafts.

>>22459669

The main problem is that you are writing nothing vaguely interesting. The pronouns in this case are not an issue except that you are using them to spew vapid garbage. If the internal thought is not your forte, then you have to focus on the external action. What is happening in your story? What are people going to say or do to each other. Surely that must be more interesting than what you are thinking to yourself here.

>>22460027
>Female protagonist

>>22458367

Nobody here even knows what planet you are from where the value of real estate depends on the materials and not the location. Drop the argument if you don't know what the hell you're talking about.

>>22458257
>sex scene in non erotic fiction story

Why would you even include a sex scene if it's not erotic fiction? Are you going to include a toilet scene too? Don't forget to talk about that glorious shit you had this morning.

>>22460406
Am I supposed to think the Godfather was bad because it opens with literal porn?

>>22457797
>>>"help me, my writing is going bad"
whomst said that

>>22460460
Holy shit, it does?

>>22460151
I swap entire narration styles depending on the story I read that day.

>>22460027
>How would a teenage girl realistically conquer a world-ending catastrophe?
Give birth to the hero that will end the catastrophe.

>>22460027
Just read about Joan of Arc and copy her story.

>>22460560
>>22454512

>>22460682
where does that say "help me my writing is going bad"
your reading comprehension skills are lacking, anon

>>22460686
I guess anon's process is so despicable that I assumed his posts were a cry for help.
Couldn't help but notice he failed to actually take down my work, he just replied with a frog and spat on it.
Couldn't also help but notice that he hasn't responded to my counter-pyw. It's a shame, I'm curious to see if my suspicions of how his work looks will turn out true. But it seems even he realizes his stuff belongs in le garbage

>>22460700
>thinking everyone is the same person
schizophrenia on top, explains the bad taste

>>22459740
>why not?
Because nobody wants to read your gay powerfantasy where you're powerful and cool while in reality you have a recessed chin and bald head.
>society and life is brutal
There's literally million ways to portray this and none of it require self inserts. Or author soapbox.

Is it necessarily an issue when two different characters have the same theme for their plotlines?

>>22460882
what's the theme?

>>22460889
Both are being raised as tools to fulfill old familial grudges that don't concern them, without any regard for their own wishes or safety. I assume it doesn't matter too much, since I can easily have one of them reject their duties and the other one accept them, but I wanted a second opinion.

>>22460903
Use their like purpose to present 2 differing perspectives on the matter.

>>22460905
So I figured, I was just overthinking it, thanks.

>>22460460

I think it was used pretty effectively in Godfather for purposes of describing character. Sonny is literally the big swinging dick. He's going to be the headstrong, kind of impulsive character.

The other scene was the Johnny Fontane and again this is useful for describing the character of the guy and the world that he inhabits where they are fucking little starlet wannabes and whatnot.

If your story also benefits from this type of characterization then it can be permissible or if the sex otherwise has to do somehow with your story, then it's fine. But if it's gratuitous it will stick out as such.

Not confident in how I'm using blade to the heart/ struck like a blade it feels too similar and repetitive but otherwise I don't think it is written too badly trying to edge more into my MC's growing paranoia now after he has discovered someone has taken his doll

>>22460813
good excuse not to pyw

>reading jane austen casually
>easy read
>reading closely
>obnoxious and often meandering prose
What is this
How am I supposed to improve my prose if its effect depends on how you read it

>>22460406
...Are you retarded?

>>22458118
I never said I didn't plan. You realize there's more than one anon here...right?

>>22458279
You mean other than &amp and /ffa/? Granted, "Keyword" died before it was even born.

>>22460027
Leadership
>>22460678
Good example

>>22461276
To be honest I don't know what either of you mean. All I know about Joan of Arc is she claimed to have visions.

>>22461296
Maybe it's time to do some research on her...?

>>22461318
In what sense? What would I be looking for? Leadership qualities?

>>22460027
Influence. As in, becoming an influencer.
Making a viral song.
By mistake, fulfilling the prophecy that's linked to the catastrophe. Like, she made a sacrifice or something.
Or volunteering to be the sacrifice herself.

>>22461255
Which is what the acronym "nta" is used for newfag

>>22461371
newnigger, you don't need to preface anything with that

>>22461211

Coomer detected.

>>22461371
back to r/gatekeeping with you

>>22461409
>sexual depictions are always supposed to be sexy
Do you start chewing the pages whenever a story has a dinner scene, or start punching holes in your walls when there's a fight scene

>>22461405
You do if you don't want to be confused with that retard.

>>22461427
There's a difference between writing and vomiting on the page

>>22461460
nobody's been confused for you though redactedtard

>>22461261
Ya other than those two. Also, /ffa/ hasn't had a release since volume 3, no? I remember writing 2 stories for it but since then I have yet to see something more out of /ffa/.

>>22461602
Still, &amp and /ffa/ are a far cry from "no zine of any kind".

>>22461685
/ffa/ may as well not be considered, I have yet to see shit from /ffa/ in the last year or something. I am thoroughly beat with &amp however.

how do i force myself to power through a full length draft?
im trying to move on from never going above 40-50 pages but i just cant do it. I always end up getting stuck trying to polish everything right away fromthe prose to the sequence of events.

its a mindset thing but i just cant do it, as soon as ive started i will spend 5 days polishing a single page and immediately question my plot outline and start making alternate outlines and writing single scenes instead of just putting down a skeleton.

sometimes i feel like im genetically hardwired to only write shorts.

>>22461500
Because my writing style is extremely personalized and recognizable in subtle ways. Not surprised you didn't pick up on that conciously

>>22461773
Just keep powering through it, lest you end up- like this >>22461786 retard

@22461795

I've grown into an exceptionally shameless writer. My self-inserts are absolutely shameless. I don't even bother hiding myself behind a character. I'm just in it.

Power through it. When you find yourself "polishing" stop doing it and start writing. One day you'll hit the last page and it'll feel like popping a big ol' pimple

>>22461773
Power through it. When you find yourself "polishing" stop doing it and start writing. One day you'll hit the last page and it'll feel like popping a big ol' pimple

just a few months ago there was an anon who submitted a list of magazines/publishers looking for short stories that gauranteed prizes or per-word payment

being the highly intelligent being that I am, I of course didnt bookmark or take screenshots

anyone have the list? or a list thats similar?

>>22462371
nvm found it

>remove all passages where characters' feelings are discussed and where they openly express their emotions
>text instantly becomes better
do I feel this way because I already know all the thoughts and feelings that my characters had or is this really a better way to write? I've no idea how anyone else would receive what I've written and I don't have any beta readers

>>22462459
do not describe thoughts, you are ruining the story by giving the reader absolute knowledge. Describe how the characters look and act, give some cues as to what's going on in their head.
Just, for the love of god, don't dump raw exposition

>>22462459
read Njal's Saga
it's quite probably the apotheosis of that sort of non-psychologizing understatement

>>22462576
>>22462576
>>22462576

>>22461099
>Not confident in how I'm using blade to the heart/ struck like a blade it feels too similar and repetitive
It is, it's almost an exact cut and paste. I also think it's a bad metaphor for "realization" though I understand the tone you're aiming for.

>>22461714
I wasn't trying to "beat" you...I was trying to be helpful.
>>22462427
Care to share?