/lit/ - Literature

Is there an "authortuber" who isn't a total hack?

>>22440599
LOL, no. They're on youtube to try and grow their brand because their writing isn't good enough to do that on their own.

>>22440627
>on social media to shill their shit, underselling writing
So every single writer in the 21st century?

>>22440633
Now you get it. I've never read her books but Donna Tartt unironically doesn't do this thought so based in my books.

>>22440660
She’s probably connected through Ivy League types.
I’ll only continue to send my stuff to small presses that specialise in autistic genres, so I won’t have to worry about woke agents and networking.

>don't describe creature
>boring vague 2deep4u
>describe creature
>edgy mystery ruined over detailed
>have the idea to only have the before and after of creature as experienced physically/emotionally by survivors or gaps in detail/sensationalism of media interviews
>too pseudo-intellectual
I'm not sure what's the best payoff for the thing and know either camp will complain I should have done their option

>>22440599
Based, I have book youtubers.
(Although I actually hate everyone.)
>>22440793
I would simply describe only the parts of the creature that make direct contact with the characters, only to the extent that the characters see these parts, for the duration of time that they are able to see them.

>>22440808
>have book youtubers
It's over.

>>22440545
I tried writing in the voice of a cringy 14 year old who thinks he's smarter than he really is. How'd I do?

I rewrote something I wrote as a fifteen years old. How bad is it!

>>22440940
you succeeded enough to make me not want to read more.

Your prose should be evocative. Like this.

>>22440940
Exceptionally well-written. But it's impossible to make a 14-year-old sit still for two minutes, never mind all day staring at a wall, so my suspension of disbelief was blown to smithereens.

https://pastebin.com/9rNYzcTQ

>reads dune once

>>22441085
BRUH
WHAT BOOK
WHAT BOOK
WHAT BOOK

>>22441211
The Cellar by Richard Laymon

>>22441202
seems fine but awfully derivative

>>22441238
Thanks

>>22441230
Thank you, my good anon.
XOXO

>inspired to do a clever subversion of orcs
>keep coming up with ideas that are more or less well trodden ground

>>22441202
>75% of its surface was covered in liquid water
Just write three quarters or even don't be as specific about it with numbers. Didn't read after.

>>22441274
Earth is 71% water and that’s a common fact so saying it’s 75% liquid water gives you an idea that it’s an earth like planet desu

>>22441277
I get it, I don't like the way you wrote it.

>>22441282

>>22441287
>give small criticism
>recommend a different way to do it
>get upset
Shouldn't have posted then.

>>22441300
NTA but you said some major low-tier stupid BS. What the fuck kind of critism is "don't use numbers"? It's silly and ignorant.

>>22441312
It depends on the genre. What genre is it?
Normally, you wouldn’t see numbers in fiction unless it’s part of a document, but it makes sense in sci fi. Fantasy would have it as words or what anon suggested, just because Arabic numerals weren’t widespread in Medieval Europe.

>>22441312
Your second sentence starts with "75%", now that's stupid and ugly as shit to look at. It is actually something that matters.
I gave you honest criticism you could have ignored, if really believe it is that irrelevant, instead you are getting uppity like a teenager from /v/ and can't stop replying. Really, don't post if you can't take the smallest of criticism.

>>22441326
>you
I'm not him. NTA means Not That Anon. I also didn't read past the first few paragraphs but that's more to do with it being boring than it including the number 75.

>>22441271
Just like with everything else, a clever subversion of orcs today would consist in writing them in an extremely cliche way and relying on the intelligence of a very small but irony savvy audience to "get it" metacritically.

>>22441271
Every popular concept that existed in the 70s has been subverted in every possible way and then ran the subversion to the ground. Most of the ones from the 80s and some from the 90s and 2000s, too.

>>22440545
I'm never going to be as good as Conrad.

>>22441492
Maybe I should try writing a short story in my interpretation of his style in Nostromo.
Just a winding path of tangents that eventually convert into a climax.

>>22440545
Whatever happened to Unreal Press? Their website gives an SSL error and I was waiting on volume 2 of their magazine.

>>22441523
I heard the main guy was done for CP. explains the lack of activity and maintenance

I've started writing pulp genre slop in between work on my le serious novel and I'm starting to get sucked more and more into it. The protagonist is an ice age guy who gets thawed out in a near futuristic world, and pulpslop ensues.

>>22441271
Make them unintelligent, warlike, and naturally evil and you will have subverted 100% of their current mainstream representation.

>>22442223
I wish I could write fantasy but I will stick with realism.

Can someone give me an example of a short, simple romantic subplot that I can copy I mean take inspiration from?

Im uncomfortable writing about romance. The little romance I had in my own life was very unconventional so I cant draw from that, and I avoid romantic movies/books.

>>22440793
The only time I've ever written a monster was for here. I think it came out nice

>>22441202
>using the world planet twice in the same fairly short sentence
Also I think you need to decide on what tone you want this to have. Is it supposed to be like a dry encyclopaedia entry or a briefing given to someone who needs to know particular details, or like a story being told with some nostalgic or idealistic intent? Who is this information being related to and why? This is important in avoiding dry, uninteresting exposition.

>>22440793
Don't describe the creature all at once. Obscure it so the reader sees only a little at a time.

>>22442401
>bead like
Missing hyphen.

The monster seems more goofy than anything else. I get you wanna play up how disgusted the narator is, but the thing comes off as crippled. I think it would help if it did something scary rather than just hobbling forward. I also think people tend to use disgust as a mask for fear. Someone saying how gross something is likely wouldn't admit so freely that they're scared of it.

>>22442401
It's like you're trying to write in the style of a bad late 19th century gothic novelist. Why not use your real voice?

>>22442465
Not him, but it's in the first person. My guess is that it's from the perspective of a bad late-19th-century novelist. I agree that it would be better if it were written more naturally though.

>>22442469
Yeah true it could be, but thing of writing it from that perspective is that it's still just bad, perspective or no

>>22442465
Because it was an exercise and it's shortsighted to not push your writing beyond what's most comfortable

Hey it’s me, that one anon reading stand, I managed to get two books thanks to you guys, those being F451 and cuckoos nest.

I’ve come with a bit of issue after so much and I need an answer for my problems: how do I better my speech, my capabilities in just about everything? I’m just bothered and lost on the fact we’re all lost just saying the same things, and there’s the fact I can’t understand a lot of big worlds even I try, and it’s just becoming anxiety-inducing to deal with.

I can’t even read with all this and it’s kinda fucking shit now, I still read but have problems with just trying to find definitions on things and trying to use em to be more different and fresh without saying the same thing before and what not.

I ask as a somewhat member of /wg/, what do I do?

>>22442485
Writing in your own voice tends to be uncomfortable, especially for less experienced writers. Care to post some in your own voice to compare?

>>22442504
Ironic that you haven't communicated your point clearly in this post
Are you concerned with the original? Don't be. Your words will mirror others, it's inescapable. Just trust that the nuance of your experience and perspective will tint your words
Are you worried about grasping at complexity, and the struggle for improvement? Don't be. Complexity naturally extends from simplicity. Just give your all to the little thoughts and ideas you have now, with the simple and small words you're comfortable with. Try to think further and more deeply, try to be more precise in how your word choice represents your intent. It's a daily process. You'll steadily develop if you keep at it
Keep reading

>>22442519
https://pastebin.com/sjfjNn5W
Eh, sure why not. Seems like some effort posters are on
I'm actually most comfortable writing in my voice and I feel my best pieces are done in this way
For reference, the monster piece was about a year ago but this was written this week

Trying something new here. I think it came out pretty well.

>>22442631
ow christ my eyes
do you write in notepad

>>22442368
I'd like to help but I am not all that genre-savvy and I am too tired. You're on your own bro.

>>22442465
Have you considered that some among us actually like writing that way?

>>22442368
Disney movies. Rapunzel. Cinderella. Snow White. Or literally any comedy. Romances are difficult to write precisely because of how formulaic they are.

>>22442641
Pastebin. I find the informal, throw-away nature of it to help with curbing perfectionism.

>>22442652
Sure, but it's godawful to read. If you're writing solely for yourself and no one else then go right ahead, but if you are aiming to get better and reach an audience then it's a dead end

>>22442693
>19th century gothic is godawful to read
what a terrible opinion
it doesn't even make sense in the framework of le market girlboss mentality. women love victorian shit and they represent the vast majority of readers

>>22442641
>>22442661
>pastebin hurts to look at
Is this why no one ever replies to my bins

>>22442695
I said *bad* 19th century gothic. That's the point. It's just badly written - it doesn't work as a pastiche or as a straight imitation. Compare to this, for example

>>22440940
>when those exact same people knew who I really am
kek
yeah, I'd say you got it

>>22442631
hey that aint too bad. I'd keep reading desu

>>22442750
>bad writing is bad
really makes you think

>>22442541
I don't know how I'd crit something like this but I enjoyed it

>>22442693
At least you've got confidence.

>>22442812
Yes! Looks like my new method is working. :D

how do you come up with basic plots? i have interesting ideas for characters and settings, even some interactions, but i can't come up with basic storylines. any advice? previously i have written scientific theses and papers and some lyrics for artists across various genres. i would like to try my hand at some fiction, but the inability to think of a plotline stops me before i get anywhere. is this a common obstacle?

First 2k words of a detective story, tell me how the prose is.

https://files.catbox.moe/053e94.pdf

>>22442956
how the fuck are you even going to write anything without a plot
that should be the first start you have

its not a difficult concept either. You just need literally anything that will be the main redine

>>22442956
just write a serial and make everything up as you go

>>22442956
Set up characters with conflicting goals, then just let the bricks fall.

>>22442722
No, I don't reply to your bins because clicking onto another site is a little bit too high effort.

Sorry. I'll read your excerpts you post here though.

>>22442962
for example, i find myself thinking up characters and issues they have or tensions between them, or peculiar situations they are in, but i can't figure out plot lines through which the issues, tensions or situations can be resolved. i like creating characters and world building stuff, i just don't know what to do with them

>>22442956
What other anon said, how the fuck do you even manage to write everything but the plot? I manage to have some loose concept of a plot in my head before I even start writing the characters.

>>22443030
i don't know. maybe it's because i've mostly written lyrics for music, focusing on conveying emotions and tensions between the internal processes and the external world.

>>22443044
dweeb
I sympathize because I'm the same and I mostly write poetry, but you express like a nerd

>>22443046
well, english is not my native language so i am not finding it easy to explain myself in this thread. it seems like it's not a common obstacle, through, judging by the replies so far

>>22442958
Prose is really awkward at times desu. Almost reads like you wrote it like text message where you thought of something in the middle of writing it but you're too lazy to delete what you have so you just force it in as you go. That's sort of how it reads.

e.g
>No, the headset was the type that covered one’s entire head – it might be more fair to call the headset in the box Jack opened a helmet moreso than anything

>>22443066
>>22443030
but the plot is the main start of your book always
without you just have loose snipepts.
I kind of get what youre saying, because I wrote the plot for my book, then didnt write any except 2 chapters, and I have a lot of dialogue that can fill several chapters

but if anything this is even easier to work with, now all I need is to connect the chapters and paste the dialogue in between in the correct order

>>22443066
Is the problem that the characters are "Do nothing" characters, like how Seinfeld and Aqua Teen Hunger Force don't really have plots? What do you want your work to be? What genre?

From there you might have better luck figuring out a plot. A plot can be as simple as walking to the cornerstore to get some cigarettes

>>22442837
Thanks
Guess my voice is better when it's my own

>>22443068
Drat, losing people in the second paragraph isn't great.

>>22442956
Art of Fiction talks about this. There's basically three methods: 1. Steal the plot from a well-known story. 2. Come up with the climax (the point of greatest tension) first, and then work backward 3. Go blindly forward, knowing you'll have better ideas later and will have to change earlier things to fit.

Plot itself is fairly simple, it's just a series of changes connected by cause and effect. Since change requires opposites, when you come up with one thing, you always examine the opposite it can change to (or from). In Tolstoy's Father Sergius, the story begins with a very prideful main character. Naturally, it ends with the character in a state of absolute humility and grace. The transition happens step-by-step in tight cause and effect.

>>22443076
>Is the problem that the characters are "Do nothing" characters, like how Seinfeld and Aqua Teen Hunger Force don't really have plots?
i don't know exactly what you mean by that. but i don't think they are, because they have a history with past experiences which affects how they feel and how certain emotional behaviors or personality traits are more prominent than others. it's like in real life, i can understand how a person feels and why, but that doesn't help me predict what they'll do

>>22443104
thank you

>>22443030
this happens when a amateur writer reads too much literary fiction

>>22440545
I'm an über-nihilist, i believe in nothing, still i'd like to create something. But I have nothing to say, nothing to write. What do? Maybe I will still try to write fantasy, sf or some shit

>>22443232
even in their darkest days, man can still believe in their dicks
write porn

>>22443241
nah im not a coomer

>>22443232
writer for mastery over prose

>>22443030
I've always liked Umberto Eco's method of creating a plot. He first imagines some memorable image or scene, maybe more than one, and then he creates a world and plot to encompass them. It's something I'm using in my current story. I know the ending and the place where it occurs, everything else in the story is about how to reach that point.

An excerpt from the story I'm writing. What do you think? Good or trash?

>>22443290
Bretty gud

>>22443331
Ever since pastebin's ban on smut and other flagged stuff I keep telling myself to move all my fanfics to a03, but I keep holding off until I actually have a completed fic.

>>22443290
This many names without context makes me want to set your story down and never pick it back up. Probably fine with context
The atmosphere is a bit all over. Enchanting and ethereal into tense and haunting should be a good experience, but it falls flat. The second paragraph's bloodhound metaphor + the description of his chase doesn't lean into anything and feels out of place. I like the bit where he's creeping into the dark after the noise, it's a little evocative
I get that it's because the character is spooked and his thoughts are distracted, but it's a bit meandering which makes it annoying to read. There's a bit of tension with the woman running away into the dark, but it's suspended by the distracted thoughts. If what I'm supposed to engage with is the protagonist's angst then I think that needs to be written really tight, because the scene does little for it. Maybe context helps
Prose is g. Not affecting, but not distracting. Totally readable. It evokes a little of that feel of arthurian fantasy

>>22443347
Pastebin's ban is stupid, I uploaded a story with no curses and it still got flagged

eroticabros, is my prose okay for writing coomshit?
I feel like I need to hurry my pace the fuck up to get to tension building and sex but my writing is usually really slow. is it fine to write a bit slow?

Guy writing about the Yakuza boss and his doll here is a small excerpt from the perspective of the boss

>>22443412
If the Countess is the coom object in question, you might want to mention her in the first two paragraphs

>>22443541
she is. here's the opening
last post was the start of ch.2
trying to do a chapter a day but I don't think I'll manage it for awhile. opening the floodgates that let you just shit out words is hard

I think I figured it out, boys. At the very least, I had a spark of inspiration. We'll see how it works in practice.

>>22440633
Yup

>Looking up publishers
>”…please let us know how you plan on marketing your novel and…”
…isn’t that what I’m fucking paying you to do

>>22443814
>Please have a sizable fanbase before getting your book published

>>22443814
...you're paying them?

>>22443846
A share of my royalties, yeah

>>22443412
It's wordy, but nothing especially objectionable in terms of content. It sounds like you're going for a femdom story.

>>22443930
>femdom
cool, glad that sells
thanks brah

>>22443232
ANTI-SEMITE

>July 15th, 1918 — Second Battle of the Marne.
>Sergeant Samuel Carmichael of the United States Army was weary of soul and bone. He missed Pittsburgh, the shepherd’s pies his mother baked on Sundays, the innocent banter of his doting sister, and more than anything, he yearned for —
>“GAS! GAS!” — explosions, shouts, panic. The men cursed and fumbled with their gas masks, save for one: Private Maynard, whose mask was lost in the darkness. In a final act of heroism, Sergeant Carmichael — war-weary but evermore loyal — gives his mask to Private Maynard, and, suffocating to death …
>… awakens hours later, alive and inexplicably well.
>Almost a hundred years later, his centenarian wife Victoria dies, but he is still a young man. As the anchor to his secret existence dissolves with her last breath, Samuel is an ageless, perhaps immortal, castaway in a world alien to memory. His grip on reality wanes; his soul stirs relentlessly. As the tapestry of the past century unravels, the sergeant is plunged into an odyssey through the shadows of a fracturing psyche and the agonizing questions of his life.
>METHUSELAH is an unflinching gaze into the opera of divine providence, the abyss of true malevolence, and the trials of the Western soul — a soul once bound by faith, wonder, sacrifice, and redemption, convictions now adrift in the same tempest of decay that threatens to drag Samuel Carmichael down to the depths of ruination forever.
>apiper.substack.com

99% of hidden writers are shit but this one's actually a diamond in the rough, boyos.

Is he going to make it?

>>22444339
Too many short sentences. You need more variety.

>>22444342
Good observation. Something fell off about it.

>>22440545
About 8 meters away from her now, his heart began to pound. A warm tingling sensation crawled up from his core and reverberated throughout his body, waves of panic came crashing down upon him, black holes collided, ten thousands orphans cried out at once. He poised himself, straightened out the twitching corners of his lips, inhaled sharply; they were nearly face to face. Her piercing blue eyes contained the secrets of the universe, tore through his flesh, blotched out his vision. With consciousness gone, instinct took over. He opened his mouth. Out came hot air and a barely audible fledgling of an idea that rapidly decayed like the whispering tail end of a sad fountain firework, flickering into the night. And before he knew it, she was gone.

Regaining his cognitive faculties and gathering his balance, he turned around. There, snugly aligned with the delicate curve of her shoulder, he saw a tattoo of a dagger with a serpent’s eye in the middle of the handle and a self-consuming snake encircling it, overlapped with the bottom of the dagger and etched behind the top.

>>22444339
If this is the start of the book, it would be more suspenseful if you don't reveal why the men are there to take him until the final conversation.

>Thought it would be kind of cool for one of my characters to cross-dress
>He now comes off as a buffalo bill style sex killer
I don't want to write chudcore, I just thought it would be a bit off-putting

>>22442956
>>22442962
>>22443030

plot is overrated. Don't listen to these slop consuming midwits.
Plot is for movie scripts and airport bookstores.

>>22442958
>https://files.catbox.moe/053e94.pdf
I don't know about the prose but it might be worth not calling him Jack but opting for Harigand instead. Firstly it's more unique, and secondly it sounds more professional, like he's on the job and we're his partner. Have someone who knows him well call him Jack so we know they're more intimate than we are with him. Just a passing thought

>>22443290
Too much filtering.

https://litreactor.com/essays/chuck-palahniuk/nuts-and-bolts-%E2%80%9Cthought%E2%80%9D-verbs

>>22443421
Lean more into his obsession with the doll's beauty to the point where it becomes ridiculous and comedic. Narrate the finer details that sets her apart from real women

>>22440599
>want to be a writer
>spend all your skill points making and editing youtube videos
makes no sense

>>22444702
>just write more bro
this article is some dumb shit

>>22444484
based automatic no pile

>>22443290

It's excellent. You really do have talent. But as another mentioned there is a surplus of "I"s in your sample. Three paragraphs in succession starting with "I."

Consider different ways of stating things without going through the "I."

In fact, in general you want to look for ways to write where you will not need to use and continually re-use a pronoun. Sometimes this is a matter of simply combining sentences, sometimes it's a matter of filling out areas to diminish the salience of the pronoun in a greater body of text. If you play around you will find different ways of dealing with it.

Here's an example:

"...barely dissipated by the moon, I felt she was evanescent as a ghost."

Would the meaning change much if you simply said, "...barely dissipated by the moon she was as evanescent as a ghost?"

>>22444722
>>want to be a writer
Everyone and their mother says they want to be a writer, but none of them do it.
>>spend all your skill points making and editing youtube videos
They do that because of the select few retards who want to self-publish their books. It makes them more money than they'd ever make from books, whilst increasing their exposure for when they release a steaming pile of shit like pic related. The cheapest way to be a writer is to go to the library everyday, or to pirate ebooks, then read. Too bad people don't want to even do the thing (read) they expect of others: to read their book.

>want to write a good female character
>ends up being a copy of kim wexler

imokwiththis.jpg

>>22444756
Are any of these authortuber books fun to hateread?

>make bingo card with all their writing advice
>cross one off whenever they can't follow their own advice

>>22445049
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeAfdT1Ihpg
There's a youtube called KrimsonRogue who also does very long book reviews on stuff like Empress Theresa.

>>22444745
Thank you so much, I’ve never thought my work could be excellent, I deeply appreciate it.
Thanks for the tip, too. Unfortunately it may be because I translated all of this from my native language, so I may have missed that!

35k words into my magic school story. The school itself only just started. I thought I'd make this a quick 50k-word oneshot to test the water, but it looks like it's going to take around 70-80k to wrap up the story arc at this rate...

I can't focus on writing. Unless I feel a positive enthusiasm pulling me towards it, I am just too distracted to focus. I currently keep switching between chrome tabs or music, looking for easy encounters with something interesting. I guess I need to clear my mind and mute all distractions. It doesn't help that my friend is messaging me. Or that I haven't written in ages. Or that I am trying to write something I never have before.
I feel like I am going to bungle this, but I want to nail it from the start. Here goes nothing. First, my friend's messages, I guess. Then, a brief meditation. Then, hopefully, high quality writing.

Daily reminder.
Tell, don't show.

holy shit brahs.... have you tried semen retention? I focus so much and write so much now
>my semen?
retained
>my vice of lust?
tamed
>my humanity?
maintained
>my females' interest?
proclaimed
>my everlasting soul???
REGAINED

>>22445926
No because I have a porn addiction

>>22445942
Have you tried exposure therapy? i.e watching like 5 seconds, getting aroused, then closing the tab until you calm down. Then doing it again. You get pretty quickly disinterested. Then if you get really strong cravings later on, just do this process again.

>>22445947
I'm pretty sure this would just make it worse but fuck it I'll give it a try

>>22445926
I don't know man, I jerk off and write. Though not at same time.

>>22445947
That's for things you're afraid of, not addicted to.

>>22445947
My cousin tried this approach for meth addiction and he overdosed.

I did it. I submitted my short story to a competition. I only did it for the money. I have no idea why else competitions would even exist, or what there is to gain from them except money. But at any rate, I did it. I sat down, did the work, and banged it out. Now I just have to wait half a year to see who wins.

>>22446309
congratulations, anon.

>>22446309
It's soul-eating shit, man. I participated in one competition last year and thought I did a pretty good job...And wasn't even among the 20 who got an honorable mention, never mind the three who won a bit of money. A month of work, just to be completely ignored. I was prepared for it, but it still stings.

>>22446423
Yeah, another person encouraged me to participate, so initially I had no hope at all. Now that I have written the story, I actually feel a bit more optimistic, but in all fairness, it's kind of sloppy on some points, especially the beginning. I should've spent a lot more time polishing it up but I am not known for my long term commitment. Thankfully, with this competition I think they'll only list the #1 winner. It's much easier to suck up not being #1 than it is to suck up not being #20. Sorry to hear your competition experience wasn't fun. I guess a couple of good things to remember is that ultimately the winner is determined by the taste of the judges, not the skill of the writer, and also, that a writer's skill can be improved radically with effort and time. If you want to write short stories, I am sure you could write top grade ones, given commitment.

Any resources on how to write fight/action scenes?

The short story competitions I know were cliquey as fuck. Winner would always a friend of the judges

>>22446309
What do you even win?

>>22446466
I remember thinking this seemed pretty good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKkKNKUK_GE

>>22446650
I'll check it out, thanks

>>22446309
Given that the money is perfunctory, competitions mostly exist to make contacts, as an entry level to the cliques that control what get published.

>>22446706
No. The vast majority of creative competitions, writing included, are arranged by companies or organizations trying to promote themselves and their product/service. Publishing industry rarely hosts any. They don't need to.

>>22446650
If you want to know the secret to writing action scenes, listening to some nerd overanalyze fight scenes by third rate authors is not the way.

>>22446649
A month's worth of minimum salary, basically. And maybe some clout, but I have zero understanding of such things.
>>22446706
I genuinely wouldn't know. I don't really see myself running with the big league literature crowd in my country though. I probably don't need to explain why.

>>22446760
Feel free to offer an alternative method

>>22446760
I'd say that Hello Future Me, generally, gives sound advice.

Is genreslop the only real way to make money?

I'm thinking of going back into writing but I don't want to just go back to being a smut writer. Even if I do go back my type of smut is frowned upon now by patreon (fanfic commissions).

>>22446755
People who work for the publishing industry read those magazines. They don't have to make the magazines too.

>>22446881
>Is genreslop the only real way to make money?
its not the only way to make money but its the easiest way to gain an audience.
If you go on those writing forum sites you'll notice a few authors were able to break into self-publishing sith a built-in audience ready to buy their content.
With the economy today and its problems, power fantasy books (already popular as YA) are the way to go.

>writing 4 books that folow each other and a side project sci-fi
>book 1 was easy to write but short and has no mass appeal
>book 2 has more mass appeal but is a pain to write, hardly find inspiration as I cant relate to character
>book 3 is super easy and fun to write only missing a romantic subplot for more appeal

Anyway lets hope they publish book 3, maybe that will garner interest in the rest of the series
some anon got dubs yesterday and said we would all make it if dubs so Im counting on him

>>22447105
A 6 from me and you're gonna make it.

>>22447156
capping this for my publisher applications, thanks anon you are incredibly based

Hello folks, I am the ambitious ESL who decided to write in engrish as a hobby. Here back with more writing, hopefully better now.

I've managed to rewrite a single chapter, aiming now for the second one and so forth, up untill I make my book 60 thousand words long and then I will either publish it or stick up people's asses as a freeware read.

I'll post some here, because why not.

>>22447298
If it's bad then tell me,so I will quickly finish the thing in 20 thousand words and start another, hopefully better book. Mistakes are good for learning, is what I've gathered so far after a month of writing.

>characters are in a corporate environment
>doing a "get to know you" team building exercise
>game is to guess something about the other person
>everyone else making safe guesses about each other like most people would do during the bullshit team building stuff irl
>guy talks about the female executive's body type and guesses that she used to be overweight based on how she specifically responds to attention from men
>everyone pauses because this is the kind of shit you get fired for
>she's actually kind of impressed because he was right on the money

Without writing the full scene out, since it's only half written, does this sound like a fun character bit?

>>22447298
Too flowery for me.

Horse hooves probably wouldn't echo in a raining forest.

>>22447309
>>22447298
Horse hooves wouldn't echo on anything except hard surface.
t. knower.

Above all,I am aiming to make something enjoyable. I think.

>>22447308
sounds good. These corporate bollocks magnet tests are usually where interesting things happen. I've heard a guy who talked about properly stabbing someone's eyes out during such a meeting.

>>22447308
It sounds alright but it also makes the guy sound like a fucking psychic so there better be an excuse for this.

Just "guess" is stupid, the guy being extremely perceptive to the point of almost seeing through people could work.

Fixed the hooves problem in those first few verses, thanks for pointing it out, I did not notice what was the sense of that sentence when retrofitting it.

From the readable things, this is as much as I've done.
I want the story to swing between powerlessness and might of the main character, mister String over there. I'm not very goot at cunning plot points, but I know a lot about a lot of things, and combat so I want to write some visceral stuff into the future.
Here's my plan for the second chapter so far:

>these two set up a camp, near a flowing river
>everything is fine and dandy, but during the night the smell of campfire draws an animal closer
>first fight ensues
>I do my usual gorestuff along with gruesome combat and underhanded tactics
>String and Lea help each other in a pinch
>they decide to travel together to a city, to offload some of the loot and skins of those animals
>a perspective from both sides is estabilished
>the journey ensues, with all the little quirks and details of medieval travel

Plain and simple, can it work?

>>22447322
Huh. I've never had a corporate nonsense test get that weird.

>>22447325
Well, she's got a very specific body type that you either have because you won the genetic lottery, had cosmetic procedures done, or lost a lot of weight but happened to keep it in all of the right places. Based on the fact that she seems to enjoy rejecting men, he's guessing that she used to be overweight and likes to reject men who previously wouldn't have given her the time of day.

>>22446466
Read Robert E Howard’s work, especially with his action pulps like Conan, Bran Mak Morn, Solomon Caine, etc. He has a mastery over combat prose few other authors can match.

>>22447343
Do they bang or what?

A little sample from my stuff

>>22447767
ah I uploaded an older screenshot where some of the errors haven't been fixed, my apologies

>>22447767

If you're looking for feedback you should probably say so.

>>22447933
why else do you think I'm posting it here

>>22447379
To be honest, it sounds coom brained. If that's the kind of story you're writing then cool. But if not, maybe go for something a little cleverer.

>>22447379
I think it’s more likely a recently-hot woman would relish male attention and probably be a huge slut. unless she’s been recently-hot for long enough to have gone through her slut phase already.

>writing out my novel's first draft
>it's a fucking mess and I barely know what I want to happen
>not even sure what the main motivations and personalities of the characters are
>just trying to get to the cool ending I envisioned
I-it's normal to have a bunch of scenes, barebones and not, written up that probably won't survive the second draft phase, right?

>>22448181
your first draft is supposed to be bad. just keep working at it.

>>22448104
Not remotely. The romance is slanted to the female perspective.

>>22448155
I write about it because I knew women who actually went from being fat to being skinny when I was in my teens to early twenties. Believe it or not they almost all go on a revenge kick against shallow men. They actually relish rejecting men who previously would not give them the time of day.

>opening scene of a book comes to me in a dream
>while I watch it unfold there's an infodump about the world it takes place in happening in my brain like I'm Neo downloading kung-fu
I only know the beginning and end of this story but I feel like I'll gravely offend whichever deity or spirit cracked open my noggin and poured this in there if I fail to write a book with it.

>>22448181
Stop writing with a plot focused ending in mind and focus on inhabiting your characters and letting them just exist and do stuff on their own, watching them open up to you.

>She haphazardly flung her arm in an arc and threw the cigarette.

Does this sound too autistic?

>>22448240
Sounds like you're new to writing. Only retards use adverbs like that.
>in an arc
Kek. How else do you swing/fling arms when they're on sockets, retard?

>>22448242
Who hurt you?

>>22448214
Been there, done that. They get lost in the weeds, and I only like genre fiction.

hey
im looking for some creative process advice
im writing a fantasy novel in a self contained setting. i've just been writing off the cuff, and about 50 pages in theres a sequence of gore and another instance of swearing. the prose is about collegiate level vocabulary so it is generally intended for adults, but i cant help but worry im making a mistake by creating something too dark. I am seriously considering rolling it back for something a little milder (minor edits), but im worried it is compromising on my imagination for my original vision for what i felt like the project was supposed to be. I have to nip it in the bud here or let it grow i suppose. I guess im just trying to feel things out. What do you think about this dilemma? The story is unavoidably dark in some places to an extentbut im terrified of dipping too far into the misery department.

>>22448281
sounds like a problem for an editor and you should stay as close to your vision as possible. Worry about audiences or marketability after you've finished.

>>22448287
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it a lot, and already value your input dearly. Pardon me for being self indulgent, but it isn't as much marketability that's concerning me right now. The whole reason I started this project was because I was saddened by how cynical fantasy as a genre has become, and wanted to return to something more innocent. I'm just terrified I'm losing my vision as I go deeper into the project. Do curse words and a character being mauled by a wild animal make it into something cynical?

>>22448246
society. when I only but a lad I was haphazardly flung in an arc

>>22448296
I don't think violence or tragedy are inherently cynical—plenty of innocent stories contain violence and sadness.

>>22448322
Alright. I think I will remove the cursing because its unnecessary but not the violence. Thank you very much.

>>22448246
he's not wrong, there's no need for the arc specification

Have any of you actually gotten a stable readership on a self publishing site? Even something like 200+
If so how and in what genre?
Even if I had a best selling novel waiting to be discovered I feel like it would be really hard to stand out in the crowd.

>>22448405
Thanks to the 3rd world receiving access to internet and every single retard under the sun wanting to shit out a litRPG harem, you have nigh-0 chances of anyone reading your shit, regardless of how good it is.

Which is why I gave up on traditional media like novels and web novels. I'm carving my own way.

>>22447308
It's okay if you're setting up a porn scenario. Otherwise it's just bizarre.

>>22448405
My web novel has a bit over 450 followers on RR. It's isekai.
>how
It's a long-running series. Getting followers is more about posting regularly and delivering what you promised, not so much about writing The Best Thing Ever™. Most aspiring web authors give up in under 10 chapters when they don't immediately have a gorillion followers.

>>22447308
If I wanted to make a text with this premise palatable to a general audience, I'd try to write the guy as an intelligent retard, some kind of obvious dork who neither understands nor cares for social etiquette, or alternatively, thinks he respects social etiquette when he actually doesn't.
>>22448155
Only if the woman is an extreme party-type normie on the inside. Most people who were ugly before and are not ugly now are typically aloof, uncomfortable and reserved.
>>22448242
Your arms can only be jerked in an arc, anon? You work like a spinning top or something?
>>22448405
My friend has about 1k followers for his progression fantasy story on RR. As that other anon said, the key is to just post often, reliably. People want to read a complete story - no amount of quality will compensate for a story being unfinished.

>>22448423
How long running are we talking here, years/chapters?

Have you made money or promoted it anywhere?

>>22448474
>>22448423
Forgot to ask, how often do you update?
Same question for your friends story >>22448466

>>22448478
My friend updates daily for over a year now. Chapters are about 2.5k words.

Look. I'm blocking the scene out with dialogue. Ignore the lack of description and context, I'm just trying to float the dialogue in an interesting direction.

>>22440545
Need help with flow. Am I too expository? I try to avoid dialogue tags except when I try to make it clearer who is speaking.

>>22448535
I have never smoked anything quite this good.

I finished my encyclopedia on fantasy weapons.
I made it because when you play MMORPGs or MOBA's its always the same boring weapons. A staff that has freezing/slowing effects. A fire staff. An electric staff with AoE.

I came upwith 80 staves of which 70+ have completely different new effects, and I'd say about 80% of the other weapons are also entirely different.

You guys are probably not the target audience but check it out anyway: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0CH28JPD9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

>>22448474
>How long running are we talking here, years/chapters?
I've posted about 200 chapters over five years.

>how often do you update?
I typically upload 3 chapters a week. But I go on hiatus to fully write out the next story arc before posting again. People don't typically do that and I might have more followers if I didn't, but I want to plan and edit things properly. Burning out in the middle of action and leaving readers hanging would be a nightmare.

>>22448551
I wouldn't pay $20 for a guide to become a millionaire, let alone a 230-page list of bullshit

>>22448570
you say that as if a 20 dollar guide to become a millionaire isnt bullshit
I wouldnt even want people like you to buy it, it'd go over your head

>>22448575
You're not seriously trying to pull the "too deep for you" argument with your grossly overpriced children's doodles, are you?

>>22448608
For someone shallow enough to believe in millionaire guides even the hungry caterpillar would be too deep

>>22441277
Isn't the phrase "liquid water" a bit redundant?

>>22448707
You do realize water exists also in solid and gas forms?

This was going to be in a magazine but they took my other work instead.
What do you think?

> micz.substack.com/p/sheet-music

>>22448770
Which mag? I always wanted to get my shit published but I know sending it to the TLS is probably useless.

I really like it though. I mostly write reflowing crap so I can respect anyone who can rhyme.

>looking for feedback on my story
>decide to show it to my sister
>she agrees and provides in-depth feedback
>"I really like what a weird, dorky idiot the main character is, he comes across as a total space case! It's like an unreliable narrator thing where we don't know if he's insane, right?"
>tfw the main character is literally, literally me desu

>>22448877
Self inserts are bad.

But the main character is also me. And his waifu is also me. Some antagonists are also me.

My point is, don't self-insert, just write what you know. And I know myself.

>>22448770
Ehh not bad. Someone mentioned you in the other thread as an example of a non schizo poster and while i still refuse to use substack you at least seem to live in the real world

>>22448889
It wasn't a fantasy story or anything. It was, for lack of better words, "existential" literature. Some might call it an attempt at litfic. Self-insert or self-insert like things are actually fairly common here, despite what people think.

>>22440599
Jerry B. Jenkins is alright.

>>22448770
>micz.substack.com/p/sheet-music
Shit music

I want to add a subplot about a Heroic character deliberately impregnating his wife so that she sits out the War. It's supposed to be an emotional but kinda stupid thing for him to do, since she's a lot stronger than him and may help shift the war for his side.

My only concern is that it makes him look dishonorable. That and I hate melodrama. But there's no other way of locking the spear thrower(his wife) down that I found more emotionally significant.

(the other side isn't evil either. There are Heroes on both sides)

>>22449311
>it makes him look dishonorable
So? While I disagree with the notion of it making him look dishonorable, you shouldn't be afraid to make your protagonists take actions that aren't exactly upstanding or let their emotions cloud their judgment.

>>22448551
What game system is this written for?
Most splatbooks I buy for Pathfinder, or Dungeons & Dragons, cost closer to $10.

>>22446450
Such a cute looking fish species. What are they?

>>22449429
NTA but they look like pufferfish to me.

>>22449346
>While I disagree with the notion of it making him look dishonorable
Not the OP. But how isn't that dishonorable?

*Knock Knock*

Anon? Is me. Are you writing in there?

>>22447767
It's too bedazzled with pretentious details. They obscure whatever emotion and story you're trying to tell.

```
"Does that strike you as the conduct of an honorable gentleman, sir?" He challenged.

Malhari stopped, and turned around. His gray eyes were as cold and cruel as a snake's. And in that moment, Faruq realized that his sister had been right.

This was not a man, though he had the flesh and blood of one.
This was a ghoul, a beast, a demon. A man whose only concern for his fellows is in how he can profit from them. A human lacking in humanity.

A curse upon whatever society he was born in, and on whichever poor wretch he had power over.

"Good evening, sir." The monster hissed through gritted teeth.

And Faruq saw death in those eyes, and was afraid.
```

What do you think of this passage? It's part of the ending of the chapter that starts the beginning of the end.

>>22449440
I just googled puffer fish and it seems you're right.
I didn't recognise them without the puff.
They're seriously cute though and it looks like they are smiling.

>>22448534
Is this a detective novel? You're setting these two characters up as being super observant and a little on the spectrum. If they're going to solve mysteries together later on, then it's cute. If not, it's very odd.

>>22449453
It might be seen as dishonourable by the general public in the setting but probably not to the reader. Even evils acts can be forgiven or seen as heroic if they are justifiable. The character here would be acting in a frowned upon way for more or less selfless reasons.

>>22447687
Yes, they do bang, just not immediately, this is not some fictional france where people meet each other for the first time and immediately go to sex.

I want to estabilish an appealing main cast before cat gets the dick. And then again, I want to take this story in the direction of "old man in the mountains" paired with Lord of The Ice Garden, I just need to estabilish the goal of the MC even harder.

>>22449548
>A human lacking in humanity.
i think you should draw this idea to the front because it hits the hardest and draws the reader in.
>A curse upon whatever society he was born in, and on whichever poor wretch he had power over.
the tense here is a little strange, it sounds like Malhari is cursing the society the guy is in.
>And Faruq saw death in those eyes, and was afraid.
dont start a sentence with and unless you really really need it for some literary trick you're trying to do.

>>22447308
It's fine as a basic punchline but it probably needs more set up to create suspense. Like the executive should be the guy's boss and maybe has a reputation that makes other people scared of her. The other people should be underlings that jump to her defense for brownie points saying he's totally off base etc. etc. He should also be spurred into it somehow, like maybe he gets insulted or humiliated by the executive.

Ultimately though the other anon is right, this basically a meet-cute and seems like you're setting up the two of them to get together--which is fine if that's what you're going for.

How quickly would you forgive someone of murder if they proved to you they didn't do it? Beyond a shadow of a doubt? Even if you saw them do it? But lets say they had hard evidence there was 0 chance they could have done it?

>>22449740
I would sooner trust my own eyes than any "evidence" from somebody else. Only if they had another culprit to offer and that guy was like "IT WAS ME, DIO!" then I'd buy it.

>>22447767
Bumping this. Sorry, it got buried and I'd like feedback.

>>22449740
Instantly and I'd likely never have thought they did it in the first place even while they were walking around drenched in the victim's blood.

>>22449740
I belive my own senses, because I am retarded sociopath who doesn't value emotions, so I wouldn't need to forgive them at all, but as a rule of thumb it would just take about 2 months of time to deduce that I'm safe in their presence.

For other people possibly even faster because we tend to forget things that don't affect us personally or do not actively challenge our beliefs - month and a half to half a year

>>22447767
Your manner of writing is reminiscent of ChatGPT. Try to seek out new creative ways of conveying a message without sounding like a chessbot and maybe do other forms of narration than second person. Make your sentences longer etc etc, add som rythm or epitaphs, experiment with vowels and wordmaking.

>>22449567
It's very much an intrigue driven plot.

>>22448534
3rd person to second person to 3rd person just doesnt work. dont use the hypothetical you in 3rd omniscient

>>22444756
>people don't want to even do the thing (read) they expect of others: to read their book

>>22449640
```
"Does that strike you as the conduct of an honorable gentleman, sir?" He challenged.

Malhari stopped, and turned around. His gray eyes were as cold and cruel as a snake's. And in that moment, Faruq realized that his sister had been right.

This was not a man, though he had the flesh and blood of one.
This was a ghoul, a beast, a demon. A man whose only concern for his fellows is in how he can profit from them. A human lacking in humanity.

This thing is a curse upon whatever society he was born in, and on whichever poor wretch he had power over.

"Good evening, sir." The monster hissed through gritted teeth.

Faruq saw death in those eyes, and was afraid.
```
This better?

[redacted] here. I sent my screenplay in for 70 bucks worth of professional notes and 90% of it was "hurrr maybe show something outside the interrogation room? How about (this/that/so on)."
I'm sure he's got a great movie in mind but that's not the movie and it's not a movie I'm interested in making.

>>22449983
Why are you using code blocks?

>>22449983
i like it

>>22449983
The visual description is not flowery enough for my taste, but I'm not that anon.

Personally, as per your writing, I'd not outright tell my thoughts about those characters instead showcasing what they do, to slowly drive my point home. Nobody will laugh at you if you do something in lenght or in an uncommon way. And even if what I suggest does not fit your skills and would look bad, then it will be an important lesson about yourself, so try the methos I'm suggesting.

New draft of [redacted] available for anyone curious
https://docdro.id/Io8cYyx

>>22449548
>Faruq
fuq

>>22449548
>This was not a man, though he had the flesh and blood of one.
>This was a ghoul, a beast, a demon. A man whose only concern for his fellows is in how he can profit from them. A human lacking in humanity.
>A curse upon whatever society he was born in, and on whichever poor wretch he had power over.
Bit preachy for a third person narrative. Plus, "A human lacking in humanity" is just a dull way to put it.

>>22449983
You didn't change much here. Still feels overly charged for a detected narrator. If this is second-person then I think it works.

>>22448551
based pete

Been wanting to finish my edgelord novella and lately I've been in a real forestry, fairy-tale esque mood
You think this has any chance of not devolving into another grimdark GRR Martin Dark Souls wannabe?

>plot moves
>instantly overcompensate with describing characters over environment
>plot stands still
>instantly overcompensate with describing environment over characters
ahhhhh

>>22448535
I was going to point out that the dialogue is awkward as fuck until I put two and two together. You actually did get his cadence down pretty well.
Some lines are awkward like "once flexed, had ripped through their prison clothes." Is he meant to burst through his clothes during the scene? Because that makes it seem like he did it somewhere beforehand.
Anyway I lost interest once I got the "joke."

>>22448770
I read through the whole thing and didn't absorb a word of it.

could i get some crit? on part or parcel, even just skimming a random page for impressions would be super valuable to me. this is the beginning so its a little heavy on exposition, and im really interested in learning what works and doesnt.
https://pdfhost.io/v/pA3Xnutek_chapter1v2

>>22443232
Write about how you are right and everyone else is wrong.
i.e. (following your fantasy/sf idea) a main character who starts with very idealistic goals and sets forth on an adventure that at first looks like the usual hero's journey shit, but instead completely breaks him and shows him how meaningless, irrelevant and flimsy everything he believes in is in the face of an uncaring, cruel universe. Whatever happens to the MC when he surrenders to the void is up to you.

>>22450115
>i.e. (following your fantasy/sf idea) a main character who starts with very idealistic goals and sets forth on an adventure that at first looks like the usual hero's journey shit, but instead completely breaks him and shows him how meaningless, irrelevant and flimsy everything he believes in is in the face of an uncaring, cruel universe. Whatever happens to the MC when he surrenders to the void is up to you.
i am the bone of my sword

>>22450092

>>22448534
I don't understand how she could tell he's a musical. Something to do with his shoes? I didn't get it.
The execution could use some work but I like the concept. That kind of fucked-up corporate teambuilding stuff and the environments that produce them are rife with conflict to capitalize on.

>>22450122
Maybe one day something will pierce your veil of irony.

>>22449997
>maybe show something outside the interrogation room
You got that advice here for free.
But because you didn't follow it, you ended up spending money to get the same advice.
As I said before, as written, your "screenplay" is really boring, despite your attempts to make it edgy and horror-esque.

>>22450108
I'm up to page 4. Gotta to got work now but it's got me so far, will probably finish it later

>>22450170
Based deluded arbiter.
It's what's called a niche.

>>22450158

I have an idea I'd really like to write a story on but I have fucking crazy mental block and can't start it for the life of me. Anyone else find starting a story to be really difficult? Any tips?

>>22450208
"niche" is code for "unpopular" and therefore "financial failure"

ESL here, reposting from last thread. How to show and not tell?

>>22450233
Get drunk/high/wired with coffee, play some music that makes you think of your story, and write.

>>22450233
I had a similar problem with starting my project. Something that helped me eliminate writer's block was a little counter intuitive.
Don't start by starting your story. Imagine one moment in your story. Is it an object, a person doing something, a place? Then write a couple pages inhabiting that moment. Once I do it, passion really flows over me. Then I start thinking about how to begin the story. Breaking the writer's block on the thing that comes easiest to you is a lot better than breaking it on the beginning of the story, which is arguably the hardest part anyways.

>>22450233
An object in motion stays in motion. Starting is actually the easiest part, continuing is difficult. View it like a couch to 4k. Start off with small but attainable quotas, and increase the word count every day.

>>22450316
>An object in motion stays in motion. Starting is actually the easiest part, continuing is difficult.

>>22450245
The opening paragraph is hard to read through. A bit too wordy, maybe should be more direct.

**
Sigfried One-eye abandoned his fortress on the coast. His vicious army sailed victorious across the sea, and the lords of the kingdom knew fear.
My failure to stop him upon that hill haunted me almost as much as it haunted my father during his sleepless nights. I wanted to beg for his forgiveness, but an unfamiliar, pock-marked priest stood at his door.

"The lord is at peace" he softly hissed, placing himself in front of me, "he does not wish to be disturbed"
***

Maybe something like this.

>>22450334
Appreciate the critique, but I don't really like your version.

>>22449546

This.

It's just got a lot of clichéd images of craft beer and avocado toast and who cares about this restaurant and what they're eating and drinking? Are you writing a restaurant review?

You realize that few people are going to read this and identify with (in other words, sympathize with) any of the characters here?

BTW, "Orient" is a dated term.

>>22450361
What don't you like about it?

>>22450322
Sounds paradoxical but its true. You get a motivation boost at the beginning but that fades away and has to be replaced by discipline.

>>22450398
I totally disagree. The writing i have completed feels like a shove from behind pushing me forward. I've come this far, etc.

>>22450383
Well for one, it reads like it was generated by chatGPT. If my version is hard to read, fine (though I'd like a second opinion before I act on that), but your version cuts out all the nuance and detail I worked so hard to put in. I also don't like its generic expressions: "softly hissed", "vicious army", "knew fear", etc. etc.

>>22450398
You do realize that the first sentence in that greentext directly contradicts the second? The law of inertia is that it's hard to start but easy to continue.

>>22450434
Well, writing that was easier than writing "The law of averages dictates a regression to the mean so be sure to cultivate discipline in order to offset that."

>>22450430
Fair enough.

>>22450449
OK but that's a completely different thing than what the law of inertia expresses. Are you sure you're a writer?

>>22450456
Nah mate I use speech to text to make my posts, I can't even read.

>>22450462
The absolute state of /wg/

Tips for writing dialogue?

>>22450466
>too autistic to recognize a joke
the absolute state of 4chan

>>22450535
>too autistic to recognize that someone recognized your joke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0RI4vBbj_M

>post something bad
>get dog piled
>postsomething good
>"I liked it :)"
How do I get past the intermediate stage

>>22450581
make a real friend that has talent
the common denominator among the best writers in history is they had amazing writers they corresponded with

>>22450581
This is a universal rule...people won't notice when you do something right, but they'll notice when you do something wrong.

>>22450581
>Post something
>Don't know if it's good or bad because no one replies

>>22441492
None of us will be

>>22450606
If no one replies it usually means there's nothing obviously wrong with it. You can move on the next stage of posting it on a site like scribophile or critters for more detailed critique.

>>22449489
n-no...

>>22450233
1. Have a bulletpoint plan for what you want to write
2. Start writing stream of consciousness
3. DO NOT STOP WRITING
You will then pass the block and writing will start flowing naturally. Once you're done, rewrite the beginning. Voila.
>>22450523
Honestly depends on the genre. Both anime type shit and hamming it up super hard can be effective if the genre is fitting. Realism can be really effective or really boring depending on the genre. Know what you want to do before you do it.

>>22449489
Found a nice place to write, the issue is that my fellow writers are decades older than me.

>>22450108
I really enjoyed this as a read, but it might be because I as a person generally enjoy trivia-dumping and exposition driven work. Bearing this in mind, try to not outright state facts, instead making the reader think.
Your picture of this moweian world-state is captivating but structure is lacking as you swing from topic to topic without connecting them properly.
You've got a captivating style and the beginning is an amazing hook for the reader so keep that in mind.

Personally, I would continue writing untill the lenght is sufficient and then retrofit all the things I don't like.
With your style of writing and (probably) a lot of backbone lore written elsewhere, I think this method of writing would suit you.

>>22450245

I agree with the other anon who said the first paragraph is hard to read. It's good, basically but it's hard to read for a couple of reasons.

1) You say One-eye instead of One-eyed. The former feels grammaticaly wrong and is hard to process.

2) You talk about Sigfried but then you use "..it had come"... this is confusing even though you are indeed referring to the army (and so it's proper grammar). You should instead use "he" ("as suddenly and overwhelming as he had come") and then switch the following phrase to "he and his victorious army sailed back..."

This eliminates the confusion over the pronouns.

Your dialogue is a little flabby. I would eliminate the first two lines of dialogue but keeping the "When I tried to pass him..." line.

>>22450375
Not looking for relatability.

Yes, I realize that a small percentage of readers will identify with it. I'm not Sanderson, nor do I want to be.

Just looking for general feedback.

Story is glacially slow, ponderous, obscure and abstract. The point is the slow, day to day and the unveiling of wisdom and theme as the narrative goes on. The hyper detail is important because I want to focus on detail to an insane amount and then have that detail extract meaning later on in the text and sort of have this psychedelic effect, like looking at a tree on acid that keeps shifting and changing until you move your head to a building, which appears normal and then shifts etc.

And who cares that Orient is dated? I like the term. It just means Eastern. And I want there to be this sort of mystical, exoticism to the text.

>>22450669
Thank you. I think I am going to at least move the Yalsridge part to when she actually gets there and retrofit some other stuff as well when possible. It gets a lot less exposition-y after the first chapter, but it's just been difficult for me to draw some things further along down the path to explain while still having enough of an outline for the setting that the character's actions make sense. It's such a fine line that i think im gonna struggle with it for the entire process. I probably just need to connect them by character actions. I tried to do that with the part where she goes further and further from home, but the disconnect is a super helpful criticism because its apparent at multiple points now that im looking for it. Thank you very much.

>>22450688
No problem lad, I'm the Fantasy ESL so made my fair share of mistakes, now I use that wisdom to help where I can. Counter-critique would be appreciated.
>>22447298
>>22447303
>>22447322
>>22447326
>>22447343

>>22450671
Thanks, these are all reasonable changes. I kind of want to keep the first two lines of dialogue since it implies several things I wanted to establish (the main character's trepidation, the priest's relationship with the main character's father as replacement of his physician, the priest's obsequiousness) but I see your point that it may be redundant (or did you mean something else by "flabby").

>>22450674
>>22447767
There's a lot of overwritten expressions like "smile replied warmer than it could dream of being" and "afternoon started to wane in the presence of dusk", "alcoholic adventure" and so on.

I'm sure you understand that everything comes with a tradeoff. If you know that the plot is going to move slowly because of the focus on detail then the detail needs to be enough to keep the reader engaged. Currently, as several anons have pointed out, your choice of details are pretty cliched. Your prose isn't that great either--don't get me wrong, it's workable, but it's not enough to motivate me to keep reading on its strength alone.

Honestly, my recommendation would be to read more poetry. And maybe to re-read some of the more lyrical writers (Faulkner, Tom Wolfe, Joyce) and hope they rub off.

Also I agree with the other anon that Orient seems inappropriate here. Not because it's old fashioned, but it because it doesn't make coming from the narrator's mouth.

>>22450706
I think theres some serious structural issues with some of the sentences. I annotated potential revision notes for the first 4 pages. There are a lot of non sentences and run ons, as well as what i think is some thesaurus usage gone wild. You have a good image to begin your story and i think its in a good place creatively, but it needs a few passes to get the bumps out of the sentence composition. It's hard to analyze the prose when there are structural errors this significant. It's like taking out the rocks before separating wheat from chaff. That doesn't mean it can't be molded into a fantastic piece with some love, but the voice struggles from grammatical hurdles in its current state.

>>22450847
Arite bruv, It's time I get my shit together, thanks for help.

>>22450875
You've got it under control. The grammar gets better as the pages go on. English just sucks.

How do I blatantly copy a specific character I like from a story?

Has anyone become disillusioned with their writing/writing in general? I started writing a novel in July and was very excited about it and very engaged in the artistic process. I made the mistake of sharing some of the scenes I wrote with a friend, and I felt like what I wrote was cringe…but that’s not even really why I think I have become disillusioned now. I have just been so preoccupied with other life things and just feel completely uninterested in writing now, which sucks because I WANT to write. I think I’m decent at it and want to get better, but now I hate the ideas I had for my novel and I don’t have any other good ones. Any helpful tips?

>>22450901
Write down how they act and according to that put them inside your story, remembering to not stray too far away from the original unless you reasonably develop them in a way that justifies new behavior.

>>22450911
Writing like art can cause burnout. Sit down, be bored for a day, let it rest so you can get it up later on.

>>22450915
>Sit down, be bored for a day, let it rest so you can get it up later on.
this is what my wife tells her boyfriend sometimes.

>>22450912
Without getting sued*
What now?

How do you build up your raw word count per day? It's been so hard to avoid defaulting to lorem ipsum. How much harder is it to refine these words later?

>>22450995
Do what I said but change few unimportant but visible traits and then make their name different. A character is made out of multum a traits, not just few large ones.

Are the Character Traits Thesaurus's good for giving traits to characters?

>>22450999
Oh, then I've got it covered. I'm mainly concerned because the core is a blatant, unapologetic clone because this character got fucked over hard and I'm mad about that

>>22451004
No, literally stop thinking what traits a character should have.

Write them, and then justify them. A character acts like an asshole? Why? Because he had a shit childhood full of assholes being assholes to him? There's your character trait - distrustful, bitter. Maybe there's more to him.

Coming up with a character like he's some sort of fucking P&P character with limited attribute, skill and traits pool is a fucking disaster for any writer. People are very complex, by crippling your (presumably) people in your story by assigning them arbitrary traits, you cripple your entire story.

>>22451020
As far as my wisdom reaches, writing is limited and finite (cue library of babylon) so eventually you'll create something that someone already made, so don't worry about it.
I made an alcoholic highlander named String who is a mercenary and will be posessed by a ghost in the future.
Seems familiar?
DEMOMAN TF2.
ORIGINALITY IS DEAD, ACCEPT THE FACADE OF LIFE.

>>22451020
Reminder that Fifty Shades is literally a Twilight fanfic

Is it possible to lie to the reader with a first person viewpoint?

>>22451068
Of course it is. My main character does it all the time. Though he lies to himself.

>>22448208
Then I would change it. Women don't really like having their bodies talked about in front of groups of people, especially in a professional setting. It's uncomfortable. You could easily have the guy notice something else about her to show off how perceptive he is.

>>22450151
Trained musicians tap their toes to keep the beat. It becomes a behavioral tick for some of them. He wears little holes in his shoes where his big toe is slowly over time.

>>22450240
Hence the extreme low-budget production. Are you dense?

>>22451144
I get it now. I know nothing about music so it's no surprise I didn't pick up on it. I don't fully agree with this anon >>22449567 that it feels like a detective novel but it might help if they both weren't exactly on the money first guess on everything. "You used to be fat." "No, but I was an ugly duckling. You play the trombone." "No, but I do play the bassoon." Like that.

>>22450674
>I'm not Sanderson, nor do I want to be.

Less coping and more paying attention to feedback may help you as a writer.

>>22451210
You're writing something that virtually no one is going to like, given that it's a not-very-well-done example of its genre. Plus, producing it as an audiovisual work will never recoup its investment. Are YOU dense? I'm not trying to be mean here, but c'mon, have some self-awareness.

How do I write female characters without them ending up breastfeeding the protagonist? There's two female characters in my book and somehow the protagonist ends up suckling upon both of their tits.

Yes I'm self-inserting.

>>22451304
Based

>>22451304
Why should you stop?

>>22451300
Why are you so desperate to convince me this kino isn't kino? Who hurt you?

>he conforms his vision to please some narrow-minded idea of the market

>>22451304
I'm gonna need an excerpt to give further advice.

>>22451309
I want to be taken seriously as a writer and I also don't want people to think I have some kind of obsession with pale, succulent breasts where faint, blue veins meet with protruding nipples.

>>22451304
booby

How viable is it to just release all your books for free and have a patreon or some shit? Fuck going through all the publishing work.

>>22451350
Probably possible if you exclusively write some kind of obscure smut

>>22451350
If you go the RoyalRoad route, very viable

>>22451314
it's not kino...it's boring and unoriginal.
>desperate to avoid self-awareness
i tried.

>>22451358
You tried to do what exactly?

>>22451363
i tried to keep you from making a big mistake. i guess you'll have to learn the hard way. that makes me sad.

>>22451366
What mistake are you sure I'm going to make? Be specific.

how come writing gotta be so hard.
i swear for every hour i write i edit for 2

>>22450108
>and nobody could describe true appearance.
*its

>>22451372
I WAS specific. >>22451300

>>22451375
I've still been editing since i posted, and luckily caught that one already. Thank you so much for the catch though. I really appreciate you for taking the time.

>>22450108
Made it up to page 8. I have a weakness for fantasy narratives about people living underground so this is right up my alley genre-wise.
There's a lot of creativity put into the world- I like the idea of a roving god digging out tunnels for people. But it seems like too much focus is placed on the worldbuilding and not enough on the human drama. Worldbuilding stuff really needs to be taped out imo.
Even when it starts getting into the characters it seems show takes a backseat to tell. We're told all sorts of stuff about the main character but don't actually see her doing anything.
I might finish this later if it stays on my mind but for now my interest has waned.

>>22451382
But all you really say there is "I don't like it." I'm not making things to suit your tastes exclusively.

>>22451402
>Even when it starts getting into the characters it seems show takes a backseat to tell. We're told all sorts of stuff about the main character but don't actually see her doing anything.
It stops being that way in chapter 2, but since it made you lose interest i obviously have to address something with it. Do you have any advice on where to start chopping and how? I'm really struggling with these pages.

>>22451408
Yeah no, you can't afford to dump all your expositional worldbuilding shit in the first chapter and get into the real shit later on. That's boring. Real shit has to start quick. From the first sentence. (I don't hate the current opening- it's a bit hackneyed but it fits the genre.)
Can't really say where you should cut/reorganize without knowing the overarching plot and I didn't even finish the first chapter. This is on you man, figure it out

>>22451415
>This is on you man, figure it out
im well aware. no need to be a pill about it.

>>22451418
https://youtu.be/cY9LfPSoz48?si=NMPEkGIfF7pJ6xGA

>>22451424
yeah, yeah. whatever
im out of here.

>>22451373
Editing is at least half the battle.

>>22451428
Seems to be double the battle for him.

>>22451433
>double

>>22451353
How would you even cultivate that. Litrpg writers have RR, is there an equivalent for erotica?
I thought smut was an amazon thing

Oh my! /wg/ got acknowledged on YouTube! I think I’ve even seen some of those posts

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CO14YTVX42s&pp=ygUJRiBnYXJkbmVy

>>22451583
Cute girl.

>>22451645
>>22451645
>>22451645

>>22451406
Never mind. I guess you have to learn the hard way. If paying an editor to tell you what we already told you wasn't enough of a clue, then you can't be reached. This makes me sad.

>>22451592
I can think of two things wrong with that evaluation.

>>22451650
Here's one last (you) for your disillusionment bait

I'm trying to write a story and I'm struggling with how to describe a house that's bigger than your typical middle-class home, but not a mansion. Like how my house is a fucking massive mansion sized home, but it's not a mansion. It doesn't have massive foyers, Spanish archways, butlers, marble, china, etc. It just has only the things a person needs. But it's still a $1.4M house that the average American would never be able to afford.
I want to say Luxury Home, but every time I google that, it's practically a mansion.
When I think "house", I think your average 2 floor home that is within 50 feet of the next neighbor.

>>22450674
>Story is glacially slow, ponderous, obscure and abstract. The point is the slow, day to day and the unveiling of wisdom and theme as the narrative goes on
It's just some twats talking about beer.

>And I want there to be this sort of mystical, exoticism to the text.
No wonder it sounds so pretentious.

>>22451764
Ugh. I was seriously trying to help you. But it appears you can't see past your own ego. I really hate having the curse of Cassandra.

Bit of an excerpt on what I've been working on for the past 3 days or so. Had been using the "Snowflake Method" on and off the past few months to plan it, but now I've decided to just jump in and get to writing. I've told myself that I'll do anything to get a first draft of a story finished this time, even if the writing has to fail until scenes turn into little more than outlines. Right now though I've been very elaborate in my words. Can you tell I've been reading Paradise Lost recently?
Would like some feedback, and in return I'll review your work if you have any. I hope my extract isn't too short to be able to discern my style and the possible improvements that there should surely exist. If anyone needs me to I can remove the double-spacing so you can see more of it.

>>22451583
Nobody wants to talk about you, Frank, or your hideous tranny.