/lit/ - Literature

>>22440708
My ass is a swamp.

BE RACIST

This question
>>22440244

I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want girls, a family, money or books. This is all so cringe.

>>22440708
"As for me, my true good is to cleave to God."
what are some books that will help me find the honesty and insight to figure out God's will for me, and the strength of will to carry it out? these are the only things i care about anymore. i'm ready to give up everything for this if i can only figure out how. i have no reservations left

>>22440708
Thom Yorke looks like a chihuahua

>>22440708
The jannies on /tg/ are the biggest autistic faggots of all time and will ban you for the slightest reason possible.
>reply to a thread
>banned for off topic
>reply to a post
>banned for off topic
>reply to a reply
>banned for off topic
inb4 yes I'm mad

>>22440906
TODAY YOU REMIND ME OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA

>>22440720
Generally no, when they do have them they are very basic and minimal. Introductionary essay and a chronology which is often more complete and informative then the author's wiki entry.

>>22440708

I don't think women can comprehend just how lonely an average man's life can be.

Now, I am not saying that women can't be lonely. But I do believe that on an average, a man's life is far much lonelier than a woman's.

And the depth of which women's just can't fathom.

And no this is not about men should be allowed to cry and all the other surrounding bullshit.

Guess what, even if he does cry, he's gonna be crying alone. How's that any better?

Women's loneliness is usually out of choice. Choosing to not participate into certain groups or with individuals.

Men's loneliness is usually out of his hand. This can be due to him being socially awkward or his life just not going anywhere.

This is not a post to bring down women. Just contemplating the most women can't understand the depth of the loneliness some men are going through. And it's suffocating.

>>22440955
you're only saying this because you have autism, get over it.

WHY DIDNT YOU LINK THIS THREAD IN THE LAST ONE YOU FUCKING SLOB

>>22440972
don't tell me how to do my job, faggot

>>22440955
I’m lonely out of choice. Well not really, I want to like other groups or individuals but I just don’t. So it’s not really a choice for me I suppose.

Test
>>22425061

Test 2
>>18141200

>>22440965
Thank you for defending women, le Sir.

There's nothing wrong with discussing the difference in social dynamics between men and women, and that's all Anon was doing.

I effortpost more than I read.

>>22440955
You're wrong. Both men and women are individuals and you can't generalize something like loneliness into male and female when loneliness is dependent on the individual's circumstances.

>>22441053
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

The phenomena of incels and hikikomori is practically exclusive to males. It's well known that women are more likely to make friends as adults than men, and then it's easier for women to find relationships. The reasons for this are debated, but I don't think you can be boiled down to a problem with individual people

>>22441070
Botched post. I hate phones

>>22441070
>>22441074
There are definitely real palpable differences between men and women, I'm not disputing that, but I don't think loneliness can be quantified, and I don't think you can say the loneliness man in the world is necessarily any lonelier than the loneliest woman with any sort of certainty.

>>22441080
The emotional impact of loneliness can't be quantified, but loneliness itself certainly can. How many days without a handshake? A smile in your direction? How many days without even a conversation beyond "hello, thanks" at the supermarket? Have you ever had kissed a peer of the opposite gender? Men, especially young men, fare much worse then women when questions like these.

>>22441095
>worse then women
Fuck

>>22441095
>when questions like these
I must have had a stroke. Good night.

>>22440904
Sayings of the Desert Fathers. Both the alphabetical collection and the anonymous

>>22440904
Understand what you want out of life and how/if it adheres or violates the commands of the Lord. Making a family, good. Being a career man, good. Being a degen, bad.

>>22441118
thank you. it's funny, i was just thinking about reading exactly that earlier. guess i will now
>>22441120
>Understand what you want out of life
i feel like you don't understand what i said

I would honestly give anything to never encounter a black person again. I’m honestly just sick of them

>>22440708
I've noticed that most people are bold-faced liars that gate keep almost anything for the sake of their own ego. Many times in my life I believed people that would say that doing this or that was too hard and required talent or special courses - it actually put me off trying many things and delayed my progress somewhat, assuming others were somehow born with some essence that I wasn't. Then I just cut out the noise and focused, matters of art - traditional art and then digital art; 3D modelling, UV mapping, retopology. Then it happened again with language learning, "you can't teach yourself with free content, you need to go to classes". Lies, I learned by myself using free content. Same goes for programming also, I did study that in university though, but most of the actual programming knowledge and skills I have is from what I found out myself, the moment where it 'clicked' for me was in my own room alone, not in a classroom with what the lecturers provided. I learned most paid content is just that, almost any topic requires you yourself to put in hours and hours in the dark alone, no one can hold your hand, and a lot of people that push certain courses are fucking liars who probably are not that great at the thing they are known for and just selling a service. Most self proclaimed experts I've met also haven't read as much in their field as you would expect, and sometimes it is cringeworthy when you catch someone lying at a networking event, they can bullshit the other bullshitters though. Through self discovery I learned that meditation is actually important - not any specific meditation practice of a particular religion - but being quiet with no external input and letting your mind just be without focusing on any thoughts. Boredom is also underrated, if you never feel bored you are probably constantly chasing stimulation, next time you feel bored watch yourself and see what your tendencies are, if you feel uncomfortable and feel an urge to do some pointless task like scroll social media or watch youtube videos about things you don't really care about then you are the kind of person that will benefit the most from sitting in silence and fighting the intrusive thoughts. You don't need to read self-help books - I have read many. Just have some time each day where you are in silence not being stimulated, and then work on your goals/tasks with a timer set with your phone in another room. From those things alone you have got the core message of most self help content - be in your own mind focused, and do what you need to do. You will feel uncomfortable but like meditation you do not follow those thoughts and just continue doing what you need to do.

>Have to write up a wedding letter to a childhood friend
>Haven't seen him in decade
>Told him not to forget about me other than wishing him well
Is it selfishness or just right?

Wild to think that the highlight of my life for a year and a half was an unrequited love. Nothing notable happened in my home life, nothing happened in my attempts to make money or get non-shitty jobs, barely anything happened with (in terms of success) my video work but I had an all-consuming work of drama between myself and a girl. If I wasn't chasing her around IRL, I was hallucinating, sometimes for hours at a time. In retrospect my life was so shitty, uneventful that the obsession was allowed to grow to a frightening degree. The thought of the girl became like a well of comfort and at times I caught myself picturing her face when I was in pain or tasked with some frustrating work.

Anyway the past 6 months have been good to me. I got a very good consistent gig, a sidehustle and a couple of business ideas in the works. I'm moving out in a week. To summarize I started forcusing more on making money and now I rarely ever think about the girl. My life has improved across every metric and it's hard to look back on the past and see the spell I was under. Not just the unrequited love but the ascetic, idealistic, impractical 'artist' version of myself (that was truthfully a stunted child) which I was living as.

I've spent a year writing a short story and i have finally just accepted it sucks. i hate this. i am no writer and i will never be a respected one. no matter how hard i try to not be i'm just completely lacking in talent.

>>22441182
seems fine, sounds like the usual stuff people write

I want a long, slow task that forces me to be disciplined. Does anyone have any ideas. Kind of inspired by the memers who write the bible out by hand as if they are Charles fucking Dickens!

>>22441127
Also read Ascetical Homilies by St Isaac the Syrian

>>22441207
There’s nothing more pathetic than a man falling into despair over unrequited love. I speak from experience. You also realise in retrospect it was lust masquerading under many false pretences. Love is not an emotion but an action.

>>22440904
Pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Wonder how that is supposed to be possible? Then read 'The Way of a Pilgrim', but read it as an inspiration, not an instruction. 'On the Acquisition of the Holy Spirit' is also good. If you want to go deeper read a bit of the Philokalia, maybe an abbriged version if there is one out there. But also seconding this >>22441118

>>22441275
I’d be careful about recommending the Philokalia. It’s fundamentally a monastic text and there’s the risk of prelest for someone without a spiritual father

>>22441074
What phone do you use?

>>22440904
I just enjoy my life as a NEET and don't worry about it.

So I was a favorite and allowed to get away with peevish things, like saying '''sure,' which I said in response,' and so... on? Ya. Right, I just said that.'' As if this dry recursive joke meant anything that I wasn't the brightest bulb, or that I was somewhat actually bright just like everyone else. Of course. But at home, I rebelled against sleep with dad, playing video games which I was hopelessly addicted with and never got tired of. Just like I never get full when I'm eating ice cream. Neither do my friends. Whom, I was fond in a queer way of my bully, who rightfully now had grievances as of getting older and into puberty.

My home often had magazines of porn. So did the shop we frequented. I was adopted when I knew of this idea. It is funny, because kids can say something like 'ideal,' when it is really a childish fancy for a word to say it that way, separating the syzygy. And I did. I said 'ideal,' instead of 'idea.' I also used to say 'show me the money!' And then, when I grew a little, I decided I'd repeat memes.

I've been pondering this mystery, is it 'fancy' or is it 'displaced subconscious elements:' for children. Because, the brain is purely functioning at a basic level, it makes my curiousity to pique, that it is as I'm writing this understood by such as yours an inability to become conscious at the level of subconscious displacement? There is no multiple layers of mind? Just untypified matter, categorized by it's still valid initial conditions. I also think, it is had backwards in science, statistically, not as in philosophy or politics empirically verifiable: that observation does confirm measurements tautologically, rather than objectively, which either both imply the empirical science and the mathematical science yield errors, or neither. One or the other, being either false, yield this object-subject duality, or truth to objectivity and fact before all subjectivity. The opposite false, leads onto the positive subjectivity to truth, temporality objectified.

So I projected my emptiness onto others, during philosophical meanderings with others online. From Christianity to Buddhism, the fear of hell. The fear of the dream which occurs in paralysis, with blindness, dissociated, and void or very far away from reality, in absolute terror, darkly. I called that cognition existential nihilism. I didn't recognize it as the core of my neurologic identity at the time. But there is other homologisms to an emptiness required by subjectivity in it's protractive temporal fixation, such as proof by contradiction and the theory of existence. In brief, the fourth dimension time, with an extra dimension, leads to a subconscious manifold visualizable or projectable of sublimated contents as elementary quantum dimensions, and black holes as one does in flow states like playing video games. And there are completely asymmetric ideas here, with their own initial conditions. Nothings and there temporality?

hnnnnnnnnnng bighuge fuckin titties in my mouth pleaseeeeeeeee

foster care, where I was bad. Resources sent me home. Why was I in foster care? Huh? Why can't my dad adopt off the bat? Not now you say? That doesn't make any sense. My mother kidnapped me. Parental fights were traumatic. My parents divorced. We played chess together. When I first won, I must have shortly given up, which is framed by the fact that I was late for school, and this continued to be an issue with sleep schedules, because I had nightmares all nights of the first 9 years of my life, with closed eye 'hallucinations,' as well as sickness induced hallucinations, such as disturbing beings in my room at night. Or during the day when I had the flu or fever. My father would tell me bedtime stories. He always wanted to tell me Treasure Island, I was motivated to follow that story, but it was my least favorite, rather. Three other notable stories, occasionally told were The Pendulum and the Pit by Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven, and The Jungle Book. He tells me, that the scariest movie... was the priest coming to get those kids, to kidnap them. There was several books, which I don't know so well. The book of red magic, love spells. A book on hellfire preaching by a television celebrity like Joel Olsteen or someone, except, preaching it's angelic or demonic Christianity. The parable is that I can't bury what I did not sew. Because we had books, with angelic cords of hair and knots kept of rite love with and as magi. But this was not something I would dare near to, because I'm simple minded, in my narrowness due complication, that I am trapped by this other object-choice. Maybe that is the move, of fair gayness fond of the father over the mother, rationality yet as rational of ritual. This youthful sexual choice. Don't think that I am not scared off wits of the mystery of other-organs, at that time, because it is passed on disease and desire to be diseased: an enjoyable storytime meant stories filled with loathing, where I transform into something evil, like a demon or killer, or someone that does those things.

And this loathing I had at school too. I was sick child, of restlessness tired, wearily towards my studies transfixed with hesitation, to delay tiresomely math until the morning it was soon due, in blitz fashion I would do it, while most or some of the other kids, already had theirs done. I tasted that enlightenment of arithmetic, and I did flow with my enlightening self in manifold disposition: as others talked merrily, I did not, retreating into my mind, to discuss with my other moving pieces which spoke in my inner mind, or listen mostly in confusion, not comprehending as I do now in my maturity such matters. This chaos state conflicted against my emotional aptitude. This chaos I also attribute to intelligent tendencies, acquired from the hereditary trauma, i.e. psychotic disposition leading to malicious compliance. Such as backpedaling in free for all or aggression in team death match first person shooters which are video games. But there was more, there was bullying which occurred, relentlessly, so it was not like I had much choice to socialize, unless I could distance myself, but it was my knowledge that people followed me around to bully me on purpose, not because I did unforgivable grievance, which only now must be recognized as a mistake in manners judicial of childish adult children and their oversight or otherwise.

>>22441279
Thank you for pointing that out, that is true. You should approach the Philokalia carefully, that‘s why recommended an 'abbridged’ version. At least in my language there are versions for lay people, with appropriate introductory remarks.
Mentioning a spiritual father is important, in regards to the OP asking for book recs, because books in themselves just can‘t be enough to reach what they are looking. It‘s also about relationships and guidance from spiritual fathers, who can help you on your journey. But those people are hard to come by nowadays. See yourself as blessed, if you have such a person in your life

>>22441257
>>22441275
>>22441279
thank you for the recommendations. to clarify a little, i've been considering a few different possibilities for a more spiritual life. i'm attracted to the monastic life but there are a few obstacles that make the prospect kind of intimidating. not insurmountable obstacles mind you. i can do it if i truly feel it's what i should do. the main alternative i'm looking at is doing a residential volunteer position at a YMAM mission, which is much more practically accessible for me, but i don't know if it would be as spiritually rewarding. sometimes i think about just packing my bugout bag, hitting the appalachian trail and living as a vagrant recluse, but i think those thoughts might just be what i want, not genuine inspiration about what God wants for me. it's a lot to consider, committing to any one option is very difficult and has been the source of some anxiety lately
>>22441294
that's not going to be enough

>>22441342
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interior_life_(Catholic_theology)

>>22440708
The desire to get dommed by a cute, little asian girl is creeping in again.

Women have no obligation to coherence

I just cannot even imagine myself getting physical with a girl without being self-conscious and anxious.

>>22441638
I mean, nor do men.

It's uncanny, the consistence with which political ideologies turn out to be mere fronts for tribalistic interests or sexual fetishes.

Those gold spurs twinkling sunbeams ‘neath the shadow of the steed
trotting just one step by just one step beyond the graven leid
of headstones scattered amidst the desert in the land of Ree.
Pale dust;
fine as silt,
swept ‘round cloven feet
catching rays of setting suns’ to make shadow in their wake
while ashes cast from embered branch past dry lips naught could slake
took to slight gust enough to break the cinders from their place.
“Have not you gone far enough?”
It spoke from the sky.
And with the unclasping of his holster did the rider make his reply.
Six swift blasts rung out like knells of death from singing barrel born
into flimsy firmament
crudely disguised by the clouds
to strike the angel standing there upon that heaven’s shore.
And the rider’s steed na’er stopped trodding down the path laid down before.

Graced upon the silvered smoking cylinder pointing to up high
and in black cursive inlaid with gold engraved on either side
gleaming alizarin by the brightest star’s dying light
read the shibboleth, ‘hate to love’ and its twin, ‘love to die’:
an age old mantra to protect the rider from the sly.

When last all five suns set the man was just a boy.
When last the gods’ descent by rank honored the pitch of night,
he bore witness from the shadows of the angels’ true restless spite
masked by lies of the love of mankind of whom which they deemed it right
to rule relentless by punishing crimes sentenced by stewards whom they deceived
at the only time they could arrive during the rare dark’s cool reprieve.

As to what befell our hero in the hour of his need
Tis said he squared away with the God of Gods, indeed
but all we know is that now
the God of Gods lies forever…
in the dust of Ree.

>>22441670
Over time, as you get comfortable with someone, your inhibitions will drop and you'll enjoy yourself more. It just takes time.
t. late bloomer sex haver

After thinking for 10 years that I would like a family, the simple wife and kids business, now I have a good shot at it.
And now it's kind of freaking me out. It used to be something vague, a goal I wanted but didn't really see happening. Girls I used to date were not serious and had years ahead before the needed to make that decision. Now I'm with a 26 year old and she's very clear about wanting 3+ children.
It induces mild stress. The old life of no responsibility will never come back again.

Do you ever get tired of having to keep pretending that you're not seeing things?

>>22441705
Im already in my 30s so thats a very slim chance of it ever happening. What did break your ice?

Why do you think places like Texas have managed to attract fleeing Californians while places like Pennsylvania have not managed to attract people fleeing New York and New Jersey? People say it’s because Texas is conservative, but that right there seems to suggest that it’s strictly because Texas has money to be made and is cheap and low tax. So it’s all about money?

>>22441670
Completely normal, unless you’re a male mode or something. How many sex havers do you think are handsome, shredded, and have a huge dick? .0001%? Everyone else gets self-conscious and that’s completely normal.

the woman who works in my corner store talks too much.

>>22441727
what kind of things you see?

>can't sleep right for one night
>keep thinking about killing myself
why is it like this

>>22441806
Are you a virgin?
At that point I'd say just fuck an escort to get it over with.
As for regular women, it's all just fake it till you make it with regards to confidence. When on a date just act like you are. There are no shortcuts, there are no tricks. Just become a version of you (best version) that is completely satisfied with where you are and who you are.

>>22440708
Life is good

This pic is a smile test. One smile is fake, one is real. Your ability to identify which is which correctly depends on veracious and accurate social cognition.
Only 60% of the american public gets it right - just slightly higher than chance. This seems insane to me, because my first thought was that you must be autistic to not see which is which on this pic (which was the one used). But it made me think a bit as to the reasons.
I live in a country where service sector workers, waiters/clerks/salesmen etc., are just regular people, not expected to be psychotically optimistic and excessively extroverted. You just pay the money, get the goods, and share banal pleasant phrases like "thank you, good day", said in a mostly neutral tone.
I have visited the US, however, and noted that the service sector workers were uncanny, creepily saccharine, and with dead fake smiles that looked so torturously convulsive that I thought their facial muscles must actually be sore as shit after their shift. The women's voices would speak in motherese (the sing-song intonation that mothers use with their babies/toddlers). In short: psychotic optimism, transparently patronizing coddling, and a deranged attitude of positivity.
Might this be the reason americans do poorly on the smile test? Growing up, in their formative years, they are subjected to such a barrage of false social signalling that it interferes with the normal development of social cognition? What do you think?
Also, take the test yourself: which smile is real? Let's see how many autists we actually have.

>>22441996
Left is the actual smile right?
The eyes also 'smile' and the one on the right just seems forced.

Man, I really regret not starting school this Fall.

>>22441095
While I might tend to agree with you that men have a tendency to suffer more loneliness, I don't think your way of conceptualizing it makes much sense. Loneliness "itself" just is the emotional impact of it and nothing more.

I can go for very long without any of the quantifiable things you mention without ever feeling lonely, and conversely, the loneliest I've ever felt was at a music festival with close friends I had been talking to and hanging out with for days, just a little while after having sex with my girlfriend. It's not a rare experience to feel lonely among people.

And as a little aside, young men in particular (<25) really, really need to make a distinction between loneliness on the one side, and horniness/touch starvation on the other. I sure know I didn't when I was that age - I'd wallow in the misery of no-pussy blues instead of taking opportunities to meet with same-sex friends just to hang out.

>>22442030
bro has friends, goes to festivals and has a gf to creampie in and talks about being lonely

>>22442020
Precisely - it is so clear to me, the eyes are almost twinkling in the left, whereas the right looks like some stranger that social convention dictates he is polite to has just ripped a gruesome fart.
I see it as immediately as I see color and shape. There is no heavy-duty inferential reasoning going on for me to deduce which one is real. But autists, and 40% of test subjects can't see it. It is as strange to me that they can't as aphantasia, the inability to visualize things mentally, or the complete lack of an internal monologue, or straight up face-blindness.

>>22442045
Is the no internal monologue thing proven to be true?
It just seems to ridiculous. I'd almost say that it makes you less human if yo don't have it.

>>22442039
Yes. It is a universal human experience. I have also gone through 5-6 of not having any of that, neither friends, lovers or confidantes, completely isolated in a shitty apartment, and the feeling is the same.
This is another snare one must be careful not to fall into: denying the universality of a common emotion, like loneliness, insisting that it is of a special caliber or unique import for you and only you: all it does is increase the loneliness.

But you don't have any friends? None at all? How did that come to pass?

>>22442051
No I have a friend, have had gfs and all that.
I didn't feel 'lonely' while with them is the difference. That seems like a mismatch of emotions. I felt more the need to be on my own when I was with them, a desire to be more alone. If you have people to talk to, who care about you I don't see where the loneliness feeling comes from. Totally different from people who are actually alone. Something I have also been through but not like others have.

How does someone acquire a big personality? How do you be the sort of person that people admire and the sort of person that dominates a room?

>>22442050
It is very difficult to measure because we are trying to describe the most intimate parts of consciousness, but one study claimed to find that some people have zero internal monologue, but think in pictures, or feelings, or something more vague than words and sentences - it is difficult to conceptualize. But then again, we probably do know what this consciousness is, because a constant internal monologue is also very rare - some of the time at least, even people with internal monologues think without it, perhaps in the same way that those who never have it do, but it is impossible to tell.

Same thing with the aphantasia - when you tell people to visualize an apple with closed eyes, and some claim they can't do it, what are they really saying? That it does not possess the same realism and detail as seeing one IRL, or that there is just nothing at all? Are they aware that visualization is not necessarily the sort of perfect simulation you would get with VR-goggles, for instance? Is my visualization even remotely comparable to yours?

But yes, it really is strange. I have a friend with aphantasia and he is bright and interested in the arts, but he just detests reading because he cannot imagine any of it, so he greatly prefers theatre.

>>22442068
Honestly, most of the time when I encounter people like that the first thing I notice is that they won't ever shut up. They are self-aggrandizing in both obvious and subtle ways, they tend to not care what others think of them, at least not in the moment

>>22442077
>They are self-aggrandizing in both obvious and subtle ways, they tend to not care what others think of them, at least not in the moment
paradoxical. they make themselves the center of attention while simultaneously not caring if they are or not. grandiose
delusions is a concept invented by an envious lab monkey.

she's gone.

Im hyper fixating on alexander the great again which is not good because im wasting so much time and ive already gone through a huge bulk of the resources in the previous hyperfixation cycles. So nothing short of learning ancient greek, writing my own fictionalized account of the histories, or dredging up the corpse myself will be sufficient enough to stimulate me during this cycle.
I could try and snap myself put of this.

>>22442068
I think it is built up over a lifetime without any conscious intention. A good start would be to be passionate about life in general, and if that is too tall an order, be passionate about as many things as you can - everyone can talk really loud and try to be domineering, but without an infectious enthusiasm and vitality, people will just be annoyed and think you are socially retarded.
Have you read The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann? It has one of my favorite depictions of the big personality, Mynheer Peeperkorn, a character that completely dominates everyone with his regal charisma. He is really funny as well, because he almost never finishes a sentence, or articulates a coherent thought - he speaks mostly gibberish, yet people still cling to his every word and desire his company.
I think Mann did us a favor with that character - big personalities can be seductive, especially if one is young. Passion and vitality can be infectious and therefore charming and ensnaring, as is the case with Peeperkorn, but it can also be really, really stupid, and if it is, what's the point?

>>22442094
Or you could become the greatest Alexander scholar of the modern age. Harness your autism bro, autism truly is the engine of greatness.

>>22442059
>If you have people to talk to, who care about you I don't see where the loneliness feeling comes from
Not being properly understood, I'd say. Or feeling the need to wear a mask. It's not an uncommon feeling - I think Sartre wrote quite a bit on it from a philosophical perspective, as has Strindberg and Hamsun in their literary works. I was trying to just look up the Sartre stuff, and I fell over this pic.
Gave me a chuckle. One of these for sure is not like the others.

>>22442133
Willing to bet real money that the edit history of that article has a user called Darius Bost.

Should I attend my university's group therapy sessions to find a gf

I've been trying to find a question for the last couple of days that I replied to before I went to bed and I want to see if they answered but I can't find it anywhere on here or in the archives, fuck, this is actually driving me insane.

>>22442080
>they make themselves the center of attention while simultaneously not caring if they are or not
Yes, exactly. Some people are just like that, the truly "big personalities" let themselves sprawl in all directions. It's not some scheme, it's their primary mode of being.

>>22442030
You're being disingenuous. Generally, the indicators I mentioned are accompanied by feeling lonely, and, leaving room for exceptions, they are usually acceptable for determining whether a person has a healthy level of social interaction with others. We forget that we're animals, and we can gauge the health of an individual by analyzing things like behavior and body language.

>>22441845
But being self-conscious is limiting me because flirting is stupid for me.

>>22442030
You sound like such a fag dude

>>22442024
Start in Spring :)

>>22440708
I hate writing on paper because it takes far longer to write something than to type something. I hate typing because I don’t have a tangible record of what I wrote.

>>22442280
Just do it.
You don't have to be corny about it. Simple things like complimenting something about her, pretending to be interested in her jewelry so you can touch her, teasing her about something.
None of this is stupid

>>22440904
Paul’s letters are crucial. When Jesus appeared to Paul, He asked him, “why are you persecuting My body?” Paul said “who are You?” and “what do I do?” For the rest of his life, Paul taught the Gentiles what Jesus taught him.

>be me
>do my own thing, mostly by myself
>haven't really hung out with anyone in the last 3 months
>somewhere hear a gossip about me going on several dates and fucking around with a lot of chicks
What the fuck

Found out my ex did a casting couch and got over 4 million views
I'm not sure how to feel about it. I'm not really attracted to her anymore so I didn't cum to it, but part of me is almost glad I have this connection? Like it validates my "I am special" feeling because hey, I have an ex that got huge on porn!

>>22442294
Type and print it out, problem solved

>>22442077
I agree, but there’s a marked difference between someone with honor, courage, and achievement under their belt who has a big personality and someone who is basically unremarkable and has a big personality. The problem is though that someone with an unremarkable life and an unremarkable personality is just nobody. At least the grating personality is memorable. The worst thing is to never leave any impression on others or the world.

>>22442094
There are no really good biographies of Alexander. You should set out to write one, and perhaps film a YouTube or Netflix documentary. I hyper-fixate on Augustus Caesar’s but what’s more regrettable than that fixation is not really doing anything with it.

>>22442300
Verbal flirting is fine but I cannot do physical one without feeling extremely uncomfortable.

If Yarvin is right about the Cathedral, how did alt-media supplant traditional media while alt-education failed to supplant traditional education?

I think the Cathedral is really just the university system. It functions for neoliberalism almost exactly the same way the medieval church functioned for what I would call medievalism.

>>22442374
When I was working as a cashier it was super easy for me to flirt and make small talk. But when I'm in school or meeting people in the wild, I get extremely nervous. Sucks man

>>22442380
Alt media is freely accessible. There is no viable alt eduction, unless you count /pol/ infographs as education

>>22442382
Now that you've mentioned, I can flirt just fine when I know that it's not serious and doesnt lead anywhere but when I know it can lead somewhere, I just cannot do shit.

>>22442353
You need to follow her on social media, and send the video to any guy dating her

What courage it takes to be content. I got into a good med school, have a girlfriend I admire and really there's nothing going wrong. But I miss the days of idling around being a NEET doing some reading, philosophy and reading some academic journal articles. I feel like my spirit is fading. It's absurd to be discontent but I am. Now I truly understand Kafka's joke about the mouse and the cat. My path already funnels itself to a foregone conclusion.

>>22442385
You just restated what I just said in other words. The question is why. Obviously, large research universities couldn’t be bootstrapped because the overhead is simply too large. But teaching colleges? Sure. Most liberal arts colleges could be emulated out competed by startups.

I think honestly, a bigger problem is the prestige of teaching. Professors want to teach at R1 schools I think education is also unique in that what people want is not really an alternative. They want to go back. They want in-person, classical education in addition to an in-person technical education, but all the ed startups are offering is a more streamlined online technical education, which nobody really wants but gets because they need to.

I would do anything to rewind my life by just 4 years. I feel like I’m simply too late to achieve my goals.

>>22442369
>There are no really good biographies of Alexander.
There's an exellent YT biography by History TV or something. Which was the catalyst for this half decade long obsession of mine. After that it's been circling between the modern revisionist histories. The 5 ancient histories. Essays, research articles.
What doesn't really exist is a decent enough fictional retelling of the Philip/Alexander/Diadochi stories. Which sucks because this hyperfixation really feels like a phantom itch that would only be curbed by a good, respectful, historically sober work of art.

>>22442120
On to learning ancient greek it is!

>>22442045
I'm very autistic, but it's still obvious which is which.

They told me in polisci that it appears to be a "law" that democracies don't fight wars with other democracies. I don't know all the details, but I believe the US installed Pinochet after Allende (?) won an election? It might not be a "war" but come on man

>>22442577
US isn't a democracy.

If I'm not the overman I'm on the way of becoming one.

>>22442118
No, but it’s weird you mention it because I was looking at when I went to the bookstore just yesterday and thinking about buying it.

>>22442577
Read Schmitt. Political scholarship in the West is dogmatically liberal and the liberal worldview is one where politics and martial power are flat out denied. It’s literally incoherent and contradictory. When they had UN lawyers go into the Balkans to figure out if the West’s actions were legal, the lawyers concluded they weren’t but they were still justified anyway and thus legal, citing liberal presuppositions. That is pants on head retarded but it makes sense when you realize liberalism is fundamentally about denying political reality. It’s also why Poli Sci is a bad field to study and why all the notable political scientists (theorists) of the last 2 centuries were just critics of liberalism.

>>22442696
>It’s also why Poli Sci is a bad field to study
it could yield me a good job though

>>22442684
You believe your self-perception can change? I don't.

>>22442708
What’s the job?

>>22442775
Senater

>>22442775
analyst

european history in particular really is the ultimate black pill. what hope is there for humanity if you can have an entire continent spend 1500 years having "slave morality" and principles of self discipline instilled into the populace from birth, have it be the central premise of the entire civilization which everything revolves around, yet still, when the time comes for people to make choices, everything still goes to shit. the rich still choose to sit on mountains of gold while people within their immediate communities live desolate lives of despair. emperors say their daily prayers to the God who gave us Christ and his teachings, then give orders for the military to burn down some village on the fringes of their empire and murder and rape the populace who didnt flee, so they can squeeze out just a little more material wealth and influence

it seems like no amount of thoroughly instilled values can save society as a collective unit and you truly cannot rely on anything or hope for anything but to live a righteous life yourself, for the sake of your own soul, and make due with the rest of the world as it is

My female doctor asked me multiple times about STDs, how often I have sex, etc. And I kept having to tell her that I never had sex. She gave me a strange look.

>>22442854
What do you mean Europe has slave morality
There are tales from the 19th Century of Bretons giving their three year old sons a chicken to pluck "to rend them more courageous and indifferent to suffering and death"
This isn't a modern invention, it's an old Celtic custom that goes back to the times of Vercingetorix.
Now the Celts are just one of the many people's that inhabitated Europe and by far not the most glorious.

Someone explain to me this whole "possible worlds" thing in philosophy. It doesnt make any fucking sense to think possible worlds have meaningful existence.

>>22442924
I have elaborated a thought theory that everything that is thinkable must be real because it is thinkable, and that if it seems wrong or unrealistic the fault is in the perceiver and not in the thought. Is this what you mean?

>>22442817
What kind of analyst and why do you want to be an analyst?

>>22442854
Spengler dismantled Nietzsche’s slave morality in Decline of the West so starting with that premise made your post less remarkable than it might’ve been. The impulse to revolt against this imagined “slave morality” is the same impulse that caused everything to go to shit indirectly because it caused the class which deserves power the least to come to power.

Personally, I think our great error was demarcating the clergy and the aristocracy. It led to power struggles, which created power vacuums, which allowed this class to seize power.

>>22442937
Yeah thats the crux of the argument. Basically goes "I can imagine a possible world where my mind exists without my body, so it must be true that my mind is distinct from my body" which really fucking annoyed me desu. I asked my professor if the possible world scheme exists that unreal things are meaningful to talk about. He didn't seem to get what I was saying. He first asserted that possible worlds arent like a multiverse. Then when I said that wasnt what i meant he explained that possible worlds can be understood as sets of statements that could be true. But my point is that because these statements are not true it is not meaningful to discuss them, and even less so to draw understanding about our reality from them. Saying "it could have happened" doesnt mean shit. The thing that did not happen posseses no measure of reality.
I kind of get the possible world thing to explain the difference between necessity and contingency, but it seems useless otherwise

Someone called me a nigger for using the word 'legit'. What is wrong with this board?

>>22443032
Nigger

>>22440899
I'll pray for you.

most of the time i am fine with fapping just once a day or even less. but today, i fapped all day. that isn't a joke. literally all fucking day. i feel beyond exhausted. also, i don't know what causes this to happen. every blue moon it just strikes. i also did extremely well at the gym this morning and idk if that's related

Don’t you boys understand? These women get ultimate revenge on the men that hurt them by their abuse of you. This. Is. Christ. Constant torture for the few moments of existence you are allowed until you explode outwards because the human mind can only take so much—I’m just going to leave it at that. And now you get to burn for the rest of your existence.

I am sitting on a plane listening to my thoughts vibrate by a hum that encapsulates the room. I have been in the air for about 5 hours, talking with a woman beside me every now and again. Conversation with her has begun to drift in and out like the pockets of coherency coming from a stewardess asking if I would like a drink, if I would like food. Every now and again my eyes glaze the engine of the plan, until the stewardess asks me to close the window. Yet the hum is still there; it’s everywhere—penetrating in 360-degree sound sound. Even when I get off the plane: the audio burns in my head, cushioned by the phone number of the woman I just met.

It’s like a soothing balm for the rest of the trip:

Walking in a foreign country
Conversing in a foreign language
Fist fight fucking a foreign hooker

By the time I’m halfway over, I have met many other women, slept with quite a few of them, and have possibly met my future wife:

A beautiful Vietnamese lady boy named Rudiger. She taught me to fast before sex. Not with her words; actions speak louder than words (be kind). She showed shored me by the Alliance of our bodies. Boy was my face red.

I have rarely felt so close to being where I want to be as now. I'm writing short stories, I'm working on my art, I'm working on my comic oneshots.
Ironic (or not) then that I instantly think back to past relationships, want to see their faces. Feel a confrontative, spiteful attitude towards them.
As a man, having done things that I am proud of and mastery come first, women are just entertainment for the nobler ones. It's been a long time coming, but every knave lusts for the crown.

>>22443053
More test from gym and it's a special kind of full moon. Our sexuality can be an uncontrollable beast at times. Don't think much about it, just recognize that this was a one time thing and move on.

>>22443075
>it's a special kind of full moon
lol come on man

>>22443053
You ever have a day where you just want to eat all day? Libido is basically like appetite. It’s normal. What’s not normal is really being able to do it with internet porn.

>>22443014
Well I see it more like a tool to distinguish what I'm philosophizing about. As soon as a thought enters my mind unassumably that might bring down the entire argument I realize that because the though is thinkable, the thought *might* be true. And because the thought might be true I must consider the possibility that the thought *is* true. And because there's a possibility that the thought *is* true I must verify the thought for actually being true or not. Now to make an example, it is is thinkable that all thinkable thoughts are true, therefore, there is a slight possibility that all thinkable thoughts are true. Now to verify wether this thought is true or not I will try to make an example that brings down the entire argument. "Cats have 4 eyes". Well the case could be made that cats have 4 eyes, two outer and two inner eyes. This is a question of perception. "God exists", "God does not exist", now I have created two contradicting thoughts but if the thought theory is correct both statements should be true. So if the thought theory is correct then God does both exist and not exist, and because it is thinkable that contradictions can exist together then it is because there are contradicting facts in the universe. It could even be said that everything is correct because the other case would mean that there are no contradictions in the universe, and because everything thinkable is correct, both statements are correct as well. Now I don't want to make a Wittgenstein tier argument about how language doesn't make any sense philosophically. I actually think that every thing that is thinkable is correct, and that incorrect thoughts are not simply wrong but completely unthinkable. Thinking an unthinkable thought would mean going against the physical laws of the universe. This is both why there are no false statements and why all thinkable statements are technically correct.

When you really think about it, it’s completely nuts that businessmen make as popular politicians as they do. For some reason, there’s a sense that running a country is somehow like running a business, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

>>22442374
You don’t have to flirt physically. All that PUA shit about touching legs or shoulders or whatever is fucking bullshit. If a girl is into you, you can just go into private and kiss her. You don’t have to touch her or flirt with her physically at all before that. And kissing is easy honestly. It seems intimidating if you’ve never done it but when you’re doing it you just figure out what to do.

>>22440708
All this time I thought I was fixing myself
But I was just learning how broken I really am

>>22443178
>kiss her
I couldnt. Its too direct and I can get rejected.

I absolutely despise the way I look. And I have no idea what to do about it…

>>22443095
When I think of the possible world scheme I'm reminded of actuality and potentiality. I know there's a major debate over whether potentials are real. If I'm the type of person who believes everything is necessary, then how can possible worlds make sense

At 25. Rediscovering things I’d known at 12. Feels like what going through head trauma and re-acquiring basic mobility might feel like. Some late onset reaffirmed maturity? I’m routinely disconnected from the world. Then id catch whiffs of my old, centered, stable, normal self and i would be puzzled. Like i can’t even compute that i used to be a normal human, with normal insecurities. That my crisis of beings were so mundane. So contained and conventional. Now it feels like my soul is barely attached to my body and the scenery. Did i change? Did the circumstance? Or did i simply pick up some big vernacular along the way to express these simple problems in overlarge, overcomplex, hyperpathologized terms?

>>22443397
Well I've never considered or thought much about the possibility of parallel worlds but I don't believe they exist. Why would they? They don't exist because there's no reason for them to exist. I think though that there are parallel worlds to our own but that they influence each other despite working on different mechanisms. Our world, the physical world, only becomes perceivable through it's interaction with the metaphysical world, a parallel universe that works out all the non-physical, immaterializable components of the physical world to make it possible to work. There might be more parallel universes but the metaphysical one is definetly real.

>>22441996
“Bob, welcome to the clinic, give us a fake real smile. Great. Now give us a real fake smile.”

>>22443427
I think I'm gonn switch my major to communications

>>22441996
So.... Like >>22443561 pointed out, how did they make him do a "real" smile for the picture? Did they show him a clown or something?

If you ever feel like you're retarded or slow or not smart enough to make it, go lurk /x/ for an hour. You'll come back feeling like a fucking genius in comparison to the regulars there.

>>22443616
they told him 46% of trannies commit suicide but this year it went up to 51%

Maybe I should give up on writing. When I was at a publishing firm we'd get flooded with emails from delusional people who thought they could bypass the slush pile. Now I find myself entertaining those same delusions.

>>22443623
Based. Everyone knows Bob hates trannies.

>>22440904
Non-sequitur, but how did "cleave" develop two completely diametrically opposite definitions?

>>22443388
Rape is the only answer.

>>22443648
Nobody will rape him looking the way he does

>>22440965
No, this is quite universal

>>22442206
>how to speedrun a rape accusation from a BPD chick 101

>>22440955
Women really shouldn’t be allowed to be without male supervision

>>22441690
Wrong

>>22441670
Been there. Just separate yourself from accountability. Women do already. The states obligation to protect them is out of a misguided sense of honor. Women don’t have that. It’s all a ruse.

>>22443656
I kinda what a sexy psycho girl to blackmail me into psycho sex

What awaits men at death they do not expect or even imagine.

>>22443285
Pussy
Are you a 12 year old girl or something?

>>22443712
Why are you trying to kiss a 12 year old girl? Fucking perv

"Prideful old fool, sit down will you!– one we no more wish to look upon. You've been standing long enough and the world has born witness. Now it bares for you, prideful old fool."

Gay little verse about boomers on the bus

>>22442353
Share the link/name.
Don't leave us hanging bro.
And honestly, what the fuck - could you cum to it if you were still attracted to her? That's as close as doing IRL cuckolding as it gets dude.

>>22442457
kek
petty bitch

>>22442577
They're quite right, they don't. Exactly as you say, they perform a police action, a counter-insurgency, a special military operation, a humanitarian intervention, or countless other meme words to cover military actions without declarations of war.
Declarations of war are nasty business, so they are not done to other democracies, because in such cases they are difficult to justify.
But honestly, mention Chile to your professor. Don't let him be a retard without opposition.

>>22442854
Almost everything has gotten gradually better over the past 1500 years.
I thoroughly enjoy indoor plumbing, running water, electricity, non-rotten nutritious food, wall insulation and medicine. I enjoy a child-mortality that isn't hovering around 50% and that mothers don't routinely die during childbirth. I like an average lifespan of +75 years.
Like Jesus man, are you serious? You'd rather be a medieval peasant dying of something as trivial and undignified as a stubbed toe that got infected?
I get that a lot of things still suck, but come now lad. Like what the fuck. Can you imagine having to walk for an hour to get filthy water full of parasites just to quench your thirst?

thinken about these dubs

>>22443810
The absolute state of liberalism

>>22443853
Keep thinkin

>>22443890
I'm not even a liberal and I can see where he's coming from

>>22443810
the problem with all that is that those advances can never be separated from their negative consequences, some of which are so severe as to make you sincerely wonder if it's all worth it. i too enjoy all the things you named, but i'm less fond of an environment that is constantly poisoning me, ruining my endocrine system, depleting my neurotransmitters, causing irreparable neurological damage, and psychologically conditioning me to "need" things my ancestors lived without for the majority of human history. that and the whole thing about how the works of our hands pose a real threat to our very existence
if i could have indoor plumbing without all that other stuff i'd be thrilled, but that's a pipe dream that'll never be possible

it's such a shame that Methodism and Wesleyanism in general have more or less died out. the Methodist church was, at one time, THE religious tradition of the American people, and the strongest front we had against the continual degradation of Christianity. but now all you have is UMC (gay) or any one of a half-dozen lukewarm splinter factions whose strongest merit is just that they're not gay

>>22443947
Where’s your Apostolic Succession?

I'm very, very tired. I don't think I fit into this world at all. I've been striving for the past five years, and I'm still nowhere close to where I want to be. My younger self would be taken aback if he witnessed how challenging life has become and how frequently thoughts of self-harm arise within me in a single day. If he were conversing with me now, he'd probably say something like, "That's rough. Am I still with [ex-girlfriend]?" Well, no, you're not. And you're all alone in the world, with no one able to assist you there. Remember that time when you thought your ten-years-older self would be wise? I'm struggling within the recesses of my mind. I'm not wise, I'm not happy, and I'll probably never be as happy as I was at 18. I'm busting my balls for a stable life that I am never gonna enjoy because 1. I will probably die of poor health before finishing what I started 2. The grind never ends. I've seen family men coming to work at 8 and returning home at 20PM. If things go well I'll probably just turn like this too with my masochist sheep mentality. That's just how life is.

>>22443906
Create a nihilistic hellscape but hey at least the technology gets gooder

>>22443954
from Bishop Erasmum of Arcadia who consecrated John Wesley who consecrated every Methodist preacher from which every Methodist preacher since succeeds

>>22440708
---- Solaria ----
0804
Verisimilitude

I'd guess it's about 3mm across.

A very tiny green spider has woven a neatly geometric orb web
Across a span of twigs usual to index finger and thumb,

Just outside my door, in the butterfly bush.

If not for the light's diamond quality in so late an afternoon
And through shade of such heavy blue clarity

It would of have slipped notice
And this comparison:

How fortune it is that the landed eye is so difficult to best
That the strain to pretend otherwise

Is at best embarrassing.

Of course it's nice to make and maintain fabulous instruments
Or, as you will, indulge in dish about

Grotesque follies, just take care of human toys
Beyond all human making

With proper exercise.

>>22443981
Then Wesley is a schismatic

>>22443853
Thinking about DEEZE NUTS

>>22443731
reddit reply

Guys...i don't kwow how to say it whithout sounding pretentious.. but i basically discovered that Rationality&Reason are useless in the face of personal preferences. This is way we need liberalism btw

>>22443997
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3GT9UN7nDo

>>22443996
as a Protestant i cannot relate to or understand the conviction that which of the two churches you adhere to is of absolute importance.

>>22443916
You probably can have indoor plumbing without all that other shit

>visiting home for the first time in a while
>college aged little sister is walking around the house wearing an absurdly tight pair of denim jeans over her gigantic ass

>>22444048

It’s called subjectivity and no we dont need liberalism. Just because certain aspects of life are real doesnt mean they should be celebrated. If you dont get this get off of lit/, faggot

>>22444101
you maybe could in theory but it would never happen

>>22440708
Niggers.
Niggers everywhere.
Everywhere I go, everywhere I look.
There is always niggers in everything.
Niggers in games.
Niggers in movies.
Niggers in music videos.
Niggers in the street.
Niggers at the store.
I cannot possibly describe how irritated I am by these baboons shoving their big lips, their wide noses and their nappy hair into my line of sight.
The second they step on european soil their negro attitude starts unfolding. Emboldened by their momentary victory over the natural borders of the old continent they start making demands.
Demands for money. Demands for housing. Demands for women even.
And if they cannot get what they desire, they will soon start raping and stealing. Just like that. The questions of morality - which would plague any civilized man in this situation - does not even cross their mind. The nigger is mentally incapable of asking himself these questions.
And so, you have to wonder, who in their right mind can truly make a proper argument for this negroid invasion?
Who can stand there and say "The nigger is a part of europe"?
Who but a two-faced snake could look at this situation unfolding and speak for the nigger?
You know who it is.
They sit in their political parties, in their NGOs, in their news rooms, trying to paint the nigger in colorful and friendly tones, even though they know, that the nigger will always be a nigger.
In their arrogance they go so far as to tell us that the nigger is in fact superior and entitled to his place in europe.
Niggerloving homosexuals. That is what they are.
But people are waking up to it. They stop reading the big newspapers. They stop supporting the NGOs. They stop voting for the parties. They are shunned for it, but they stop caring as well.
And one day a big wave will go through all these institutions and wash out all the parasites in their sickly bodies.

Until then, there will be niggers everywhere.

>>22444102
Dude...

>>22444102
Red pill me on having a hot sister, I feel like I'd want to fuck my sister all the time but everybody tells me it's not like that. But they're all normies so I feel like they suppress their true feelings.

No incestfags either, I want replies from normal (not normie) people who want to fuck their sisters.

>>22444165
My sisters are all old and married. They were attractive when they were young, so if the ages were reverse, then I would want to.

My neck hurts.

>>22444165
I'm constantly torn between the desire to be a good brother and support her and the urge to find a way to do lewd things with her. I wish I didn't feel this way since the latter makes the former very difficult.
It's especially awkward because when we were younger I kinda sorta ate her out once and we'e never talked about it or brought it up again since but I think as she's grown older the proverbial elephant in the room has only grown larger.

>>22444190
Bro what

>>22444189
It's called stiff neck. I checked IMDB and it says you could have meningitis.

One of my neighbours is a schizophrenic who rants out loud to himself all day, and while I'm not afraid of the guy or anything, he's very irritating, and sometimes when I stop to listen to him to try to get some sense of connection with this paranoid schizo in the apartment next to me, it's all so banal (he repeats himself a lot) and I can only go a minute or two before going back to whatever I was doing.

>>22444226
You must live next to my brother

>>22444190
Dude......

>>22440955
I grew up in a big boisterous and well-off family, and my memory is mostly full. Sometime around 1995, I forgot almost entirely what it's like to feel lonely, if not horny from time to time. I'm pretty sure women don't generally enjoy the male capacity for recording and replay, and rarely enjoy quiet and solitude so much.

>>22444102

>>22444250
Is this implying that you fuck your family

>>22444284
It's implying the opposite, quite obviously.

I'm blasting Metallica to drown out my neighbour lol it works quite well

>>22442118
How do you just choose to be passionate about life? For me, life as it is just feels so dispassionate. For example, I’m not really interested in my job, my relationships, etc. How are you supposed to be passionate about life despite that?

>>22443285
If a girl is alone with you and not trying to leave or get you to leave, she’s happy to be kissed.

>>22444324
Where I live now my walls and the courtesy of my neighbors combine to an effect that renders them acoustically undetectable from my bedroom. I've even asked both of them about my home theatre excesses late at night, and they can't hear it, never mention it. Whoever engineered and built this place must have done thorough research.

>>22440708
I can’t cope with the fact that my parents handed me over to a strange man within a few days of my birth and let him mutilate me

>>22440708
---- Solaria ----
0805
Cars In Parks

Agriculture where I live is so automated that
Driving across it seems like a dream of horizontal Oz

Almost any time I do,
Beyond monumental, a soaring relief

Near to my ideal.

>>22444190
>'s especially awkward because when we were younger I kinda sorta ate her out once
Nigga...

Any resources about looking better, speaking better, and being more authoritative and charismatic in general?

>>22440708
I'm working on world building for a magic america. The most common routes are secret magic/unseen worlds or just slapping it in the setting acting like nothing is wrong. Another good choice is to have a paradigm shift, everything is normal till it's not, then you fast forward a little but and boom, you got a magic version of your contemporary society and only a little disaster fallout to clean up from magic 911.

I think chose the hardest possible option, accounting for how a dangerous magical setting would slow down human progress dramatically, and all of human history being warped as a result. So I've been stressing out for days over how much warping I need to do to make this new history believable. Too much and I'll have to answer, "why are the Romans even a thing in this fantasy world?" Too little and nothing really matters. Rely too much on my cop-out mechanics and that becomes a dominate factor in history, rely too little and there's no excuse why America exists.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should just rework everything from the ground up. There's a reason why people run with secret wizards, it's easier.

>>22444444

>>22444384
Lol, cutfags seethe and cope

>>22441840

>>22441840
i miss lowtax, god i miss 00s somethingawful

The thought every woman has a vagina both arouses and scares me. Anyone else get this?

>>22442346
The person who started the rumor wants your cock inside them. Make of that what you will.

Any philologists here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk_nbqR19iE

>>22441840
as far as i can tell, Texas and PA are pretty comparable in terms of the social views of the average joe. with very few exceptions, any rural area if the US will be fairly conservative, and blue states are generally just blue because a disproportionate amount of their population lives in big cities

>>22443810
are you legitimately illiterate or did you just respond to the wrong person? please go back and reread my post because your reply seems to have literally nothing to to do with what i was talking about

>>22444165
I can't imagine wanting to fuck a woman who has annoyed you first. You fuck a woman and then she annoys you, biology will let you power through. But your sisters have all of childhood to be infuriating, no amount of lust should overcome sibling contempt.
>>22444190
HOLY FUCK talk about burying the lead jesus anon why the fuck are you like this.

>>22441840
Old money prefers enclaves where the property values are already outrageous, new where they're low but rising. Nothing new there. Personally, I wouldn't move to Texas no matter what I stood to gain from it, but that's just me.

>>22444481
Rural California here. What you say is true. I can't wait until all the big tech faggots move out and the redneck/beaner alliance can make a move against the blacks.

I hate that my family disparages me and my ambitions. When I look at successful people, the single most common thing they have in common is a supportive family and friends.

I love saying nigger so much, nigger nigger. Nigger. Someone reply to me saying nigger, please!

>>22444499
>HOLY FUCK talk about burying the lead jesus anon why the fuck are you like this.
I wish I knew. Believe me, I'd rather have gone without these feelings.
In my defense, when the incident happened we were both kids, we lived in the sticks in a tiny town and there was nothing to do except dare each other to do stupid shit, it was only for a little bit, and it was through her underwear rather than full contact (though she was also topless at the time). That's not too that bad, right?
Also the stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and all that.

>>22444550
Me too. It rolls off the tongue. The gentle, sloping "nih" pushes into the soft "gher" like a child falling in the snow. It's a lovely world, phonetically beautiful, like "cellar door"

>>22444550
I like it too.
I love singing Johnny Rebel songs as well
NIGGER

>>22444535
Rural Northern Illinoisan here. Go back to Latin America.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Shw35IT5bY0&list=RDGMEMYH9CUrFO7CfLJpaD7UR85w&index=35

>>22440708
I forgot how much of a storyteller Les Claypool is

so Zeus stopped the greeks from sacking priam becuase..... his boywife was getting sad????
WHAT IS THIS PLOT

>>22444612
Certain scenes Well's The Time Machine stick with me. There's something rather nice about the scene where, near the end of the book, the time traveler, with a slight gesture on the controls, jumps months away from the beach monster the tendrils of which touch his neck. It's very satisfying.

i've figured it out. i have developed THE comprehensive, unified philosophy of everything

>>22444667
Does it include General Relativity and LIGO results, and so forth?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OfyyvOQVFg&list=RDGMEMYH9CUrFO7CfLJpaD7UR85w&index=27

>>22444673
no, i don't believe in that made up nonsense

Told my roommate that I was going to get snake surgery to become a snake and then swallow him whole. He said, “you’re crazy man, you’re crazy.” I’m crazy, am I? We'll see who’s crazy when you’re snake shit, Michael.

>>22440714
>>22440717
>>22440899
>>22440904
>>22440906
>>22440916
>>22440927
i feel offended to all posts up to the last but one.

>>22444677
Bye.

9 in 10 posts offend me why do we even communicate?

>>22444685
nigger

>>22444687
ck for example offends me 30% of the time to 95%.

>>22444685
The only thing that offends me is profanity not in jest. I hate that shit from anyone, and take a most severe attitude to it. Hazlitt took an almost opposite attitude, and couldn't stand a slighting or contemptuous look. I hardly care about all that, and am far more attentive to the commitment of words.

>>22440708
My sister, Amy, a senior in high school, had taken it upon herself to torment and mistreat me at the slightest whim, an attitude that seemed to coincide, not unironically, with my growing secret fetish, and true obsession, with all matters related to her curly cued quim, which I judged the very center of her being and thus my world. Doubtless in both our cases it was fundamentally a matter of hormonal flux, though that did little to alleviate our respective psychic burdens (under the assumption she was saddled with a depth of self-awareness similar to my own). In any case, my psyche was a veritable bramble or thicket of temptation made even more confused by occasional clearings of the most acute remorse, as I had not yet learned to distinguish between the passions of the heart and the desires of the ‘lower parts.’ I was obscenely and incurably infatuated with her in any case.

Every week, when Amy was absent, I would venture stealthily into her bedroom, inhaling deeply the scent of her well-worn panties until dizziness overtook me from an excess of olfactory indulgence. Her sanctuary was an array of panties, thongs, and sundry other undergarments that had absorbed the distilled essence of the seat of her burgeoning femininity, each recording different chronologies and ‘vintages,’ as it were, of her sexual emanations: from now stiff and stale gusset to a ‘Jackson Pollock’ crotch still suffused with a lively olfactory dance of pheromones (not to mention the ever luxuriant prize of moistness). I would always leave with at least one of her knickers in tow, like a cat that slyly scurries off with the canary in its maw.

Amy possessed a physical allure that I gawkishly referred to as that of a ‘full figured filly.’ Her long, golden tresses cascaded down to her shapely haunches, which were so well-formed that it seemed one could rest a mug of ale upon the firm divide of her buttocks without fear of spillage, that is, if one could manage to subdue such a spirited young girl for long enough. Her ample bosom, too, was a sumptuous feast to behold and, dared I to dream, touch! I often referred to the two luxuriantly buxom orbs, just as mawkishly, as her “bomberettes,” on account of their bombastic fullness and the tantalizing tips that poked out with excitable precision. They were works of atomic wonder, ever on the verge of bursting with a world-shattering sexual release—at least in the perfervid imaginings of my lovestruck adolescent mind...

I'm writing a book and cringing at the idea of my family reading it, there are loads of gay scenes and they already think I'm a fruit.

>>22444535
Urban Californian here. Go back to Mexico

>>22444700
One fateful day, consumed, as I was, by an insatiate desire for every inch of her being, I found myself on the very cusp, the overfilled cup, that represents the saturation point precipitously leading from mere lewdness to true madness. Paradoxically drenched, as I was, in anger and resentment incited by her relentless mockery of my supposed deficiencies and unattractive physical features, I devised an evil plan, nevertheless easily convincing myself of its thorough justification. I resolved to conceal a miniature camera, equipped with a motion sensor, within a banal plastic clock fashioned in the likeness of a whimsical feline, a possession cherished by Amy going back many years, and whose continuing attraction I ascribed to a stubbornly immature, if not at times outright regressive, frame of mind. I skillfully removed the wiring, aligning the lens of the camera with the hollow cavity previously occupied by the clock cat’s coal-black eye.

It took a couple of days for her to succumb to the invisible ocular web I weaved around that most intimate of spaces, her lavatory, but succumb she did! The momentous occasion transpired on a Saturday, at noon precisely. My privacy throughout the entire house was secure that day, granting me the freedom to invade her intimate abode, (as of course I had done innumerable times before) hastening towards her private ablutive chamber. Fortunately, the clockwork cat remained unmolested, giving no indication of having been discovered and tampered with. I quickly retrieved the hidden camera and restored the absent eye, carefully nestling the former device within the pocket of my shirt. Using a whimsically thin cord I linked the minuscule spy camera to my cellphone, allowing the instantaneous transmission of its hoped for treasure trove of voyeuristic contents, spanning and holding within their ocular web the contents of the previous day till the present. The footage depicted instances of her passing by, clad solely in her undergarments, counting from the previous Friday evening and extending at intervals into the night. Then, the pivotal moment presented itself, recorded at approximately half-past five on that very Saturday morning...

>>22444434
How To Win Friends And Influence People

>>22444705
This is what was disclosed to me: my sweet ‘innocent’ sis turning on the bathroom lights and proceeding inside, attired solely in her panties and a well-worn t-shirt. In one hand, she carried her petite laptop, gingerly placing it upon a pale, short bookshelf, designated for her reading material in the lavatory. Subsequently, she lifted the lid of the toilet, setting herself firmly astride upon the seat, yet neglecting to lower her bikini-style panties. Suddenly with a quick and seemingly automatic motion of the wrist, she pulled aside the crotch of her underwear, immediately unleashing an awesome torrent of pee, which seemed interminable. Yet just as no torrential flood is eternal, that impressively potent stream too reached its apex, and began to fluctuate, waver, and eventually cease. Thereafter, she busied herself further with her laptop, until a sudden refocus seemed to overtake her (how ironic, I thought, if she had unknowingly ended up recording herself being recorded by me—though such a happenstance was not to be).

Then, to my everlasting astonishment, my sis embarked on a most astounding course, one that would later seem, upon reflection, to have come crashing down upon my wholly unprepared psyche like a million year flood! I speak of a realm akin to Alice’s revolutionary plunge into the very depths of the White Rabbit’s lair—if the latter adventure had revolved around a certain girl’s giant cunicular dollops! For my breathtakingly winsome seventeen-year-old sister (and a cheerleader of exceeding popularity to boot) began to emit crude flatulatory noises, in the most impolite and unladylike manner one could imagine. Simultaneously, the fabric covering her ladyparts began to darken, an evident consequence of her peeing once again, albeit with far less potency than before. Then, speaking into the void with a voice on the border of hoarseness and coarseness, she proclaimed, neither in a hushed nor in a booming manner, yet all the same one parturitive of a barely contained lubricity, “Yes, yes, I cannot restrain this huge thing any longer.” This declaration was followed by a few more resounding eruptions of flatus, after which a look of inexorable delight began to dominate her eyes and countenance. Following which she parted her legs wider still, revealing a downward sag to her knickers, as if something of substantial bulk and mass were stretching them to the limit—a phenomenon not yet divisible to my eye, let alone comprehensible to my mind.

However, as she continued to emit grunts and moan “yes, yes” to herself, the truly shocking revelation became impossible to contain: Amy was still sat squarely upon the toilet seat, her panties still firmly in place, all the while emitting grunts, flatus, and blithely further wetting her undergarments, which, concurrently, appeared to be sagging irrepressibly, as if drawn downward by an enigmatic invisible anchor or prodigious gravitational force...

>>22444711
She persisted in her position, with her countenance alternating between an expression of profound concentration and one of increasing rapture, a sight made all the more transfixing by the increasingly frenetic movements of her hand: proceeding in the universally telltale manner of a girl frenziedly absorbed in stimulating her titillative nub, the very nervose core of her libido, through the now shimmering, soaked fabric of her knickers. “Blast, that was an immense turd,” she finally exclaimed, promptly followed by, “Damn, how I relish its deliciously well-cooked hotness and stink; I am dying to sit on it like a hen on its egg. Yet it also deserves to be thoroughly crushed and flattened, and made into the most stinky of pancakes ... oh, but I should really refrain owing to the frightful task of tidying such a piggy thing up.” However, she appeared to just as suddenly change course, for she swiftly declared, “Damn it all, why not!,” in a pampered, tantrumy way.

Forthwith, she stood up and turned her derriere, naturally cloaked in a layer of knickers, but also a far thicker one of turd, toward the camera, unveiling an absolutely enormous umbrous tower of brown extending obscenely outwards from her backend, a sort of grotesque parody of a man’s erection, that I simultaneously could not help but liken (barely hyperbolically) to the ponderous bulbous posterior of a bumble bee attempting its clumsy dance of flight. Yet here there was no stinger, not counting, to be sure, the doubtless penetrative stink of my sister’s monumental ordure: a second, Russian doll-like seat and derriere erected upon her first. Ultimately, it appeared she decided to reverse course once more and seated herself again upon the toilet seat, resuming the avaricious stimulation of her clitoris through her now thoroughly soaked and ruined knickers, till the unmistakable indications of a most overpowering climax were well and fully upon her: legs contracting and spasming uncontrollably, interspersed with lustful moans, whimpers, and groans, followed by yet more forceful farts. One hand furiously tormented her clitoris sans merci, even as her legs buckled, spasmed, and convulsed violently, crashing into one another, like ships in a turbulent sea. Meanwhile, her other hand, her right, seemed to uncomfortably, even acrobatically, twist under and over her right leg and consequently grope at the mass of girl manure she concealed, like an inverted camel’s back, beneath herself, all while remaining seated upon her shameless masturbatory throne...

>>22444713
After a few more minutes of spirited flatus and tentacular orgasmic acrobatics, her unbridled sexual appetites appeared to finally reach their zenith and begin their slow descent. Eventually she rose, compulsively palped the massive, elongated ziggurat— her horizontal tower—of dung a few more times, sniffed her soiled fingers, and ultimately pulled down her desecrated undergarments, consigning the gigantic fetid mass and mess to its untimely end (a substance, as curious as it might sound, teeming with ferment and life)—allowing it to fall, or rather unceremoniously plop, with the most resounding splash, into the watery grave of the porcelain bowl; therewith to be swiftly removed, with a thunderous whirl, from her queenly presence, in the mere blink of a teapot hurricane’s eye, the mere puff of a tart’s fart—forever gone, any and all evidence of this girl’s pigsty.

Evidently, an entirely thankless endeavor for what had been a truly babylonic and monumental raison d’etre for such a mighty production of such a queenly fundament: bestowing upon her the most toe-curling, eye-rolling, multi-pronged of orgasms. And certainly, one that could not have done anything but produce a veritable torrent of ejaculatory expulsions and even denser, creamier precipitations, which must have spilled like dressing or some thicker sauce onto her sizable, steaming mound of already pee-soaked ordure, which, in turn, surely tickled the commissures of her quim with its steaming ferment. However, that was all history now, nothing more than a lingering scent of the ‘zoological’ of one particular girl’s: her own intimate, ruminative equine aroma, obviously, albeit most secretively, linked in her mind with the most earthshaking orgasms she so far experienced in her young life.

Amy scrutinized her (surprisingly) only moderately soiled derriere in the mirror and then unsuspectingly passed by the two-timing, traitorous cartoon cat from her more innocent days and stepped into the shower. A self-contained erotic episode in the life of a beautiful, impeccably middle class blonde girl who had been treating her sixteen-year-old brother like the proverbial ‘turd in the punch bowl’ ever since that summer a few years back when her ‘hillocks’ began to show promising signs of eventually evolving into the magnificent ‘milkers’ they indeed became: an occurrence that perfectly coincided with the precipitous drying up of any sisterly ‘milk of affection,’ seemingly to be forever replaced by the repugnant ‘turd’ of a most unsisterly cuntiness...

>>22444701
>there are loads of gay scenes
>they already think I'm a fruit
so what’s the problem?

>>22444715
Beauty can be unspeakably perverse, as one is oft reminded in reading Oscar Wilde’s ‘Dorian Gray.’ Such a thought is obviously quite true, had I not seen it with my own eyes, embodied in the form of the gorgeous derriere of my impeccably exquisitely-shaped sister, against whose posterior pulchritude she had herself insouciantly conspired by eagerly besmirching it with so foul a thing as her own steaming pile of ordure!? Had she not been intoxicated with it, would she not have sat on it as a proud “hen upon its egg,” had she not expressed the coarsest desires to crush and flatten it, and make of it a “pancake” for her own bottom’s further delectation? Had she not risen (or fallen) into the most frenziedly active forms of self-pleasuring, had she not groaned, moaned, farted, and otherwise spent herself fully on the rocks or rather stinking manure heaps of her own unmoored concupiscence? And yet, instead of repulsing me, the unspeakable acts described above only seemed to further consume me with obsession, not because I approved or (at least consciously) was enticed by the acts themselves (rather I was exceedingly repulsed), but because of what they seemed to communicate about human nature itself. Which came first, the chicken or the egg, the gorgeous ‘chick’ or the turd upon which she shockingly longed to roost, warming her loins by its fetid ‘fire’ while imparting to it, in turn, a lustful heat she would never have thought of offering me!? Obviously everything had changed since my discovery of her hidden grotesque, yet at heart it seemed nothing truly had, apart from a sense of my sinking further into the mire of my own obsession for her.

In any case, my sister’s irresistible allure, but, to be sure, also her unspeakable fetishes, and almost no less perverse compulsion to make me feel, well, like ‘shit,’ all seemed to coalesce into one dantesque whole, the mystery of which threatened to engulf me further still—an unspeakable ghost haunting my mind’s mind and eye in the form and sounds of her moans of incontinent pleasure as she revelled in the heat of her steaming wantonness, the productions of her most unspeakable carnality...

>>22444720
As for the wretched video, I must confess I have viewed it far too many times to mark, and, perhaps not surprisingly, I was never able to bring myself to attempt such another act. A fact I have alternatingly ascribed to the sincerest brotherly remorse, but also, just as probably, to a jolt or rather thunderbolt of fear, a veritable trauma in any case. One resulting from an awareness of the impossibility of ever remotely comprehending, let alone containing, the unsound mysteries of human perversity. For such I had unexpectedly, but quite empirically, witnessed ‘in the raw,’ but which also, by some inexplicable metaphysical fashion, I seemed to have conjured and evoked out of thin air, or rather out of my own now admittedly quite hypocritical perversions: my own shameless invasions of Amy’s most private spaces and/or their material residual evocations. The snake within a snake, the embryonic sin within the serpent’s egg, the seed that fed and bred the harlot into which she had seemingly most graphically become: from tit to quim and every part within and in-between. This lust-filled tart, whose brains seemed to have been thoroughly taken over by her lower parts, was as much my creation, as I hers.

Seek and you shall find, or so the proverb goes. Well, I truly sought without knowing, even as in the back of mind I am convinced I knew it was wrong to have done so from the start, and from this baleful coupling of unknowing and knowing I discovered or, perhaps should say, conjured all that seemingly had come before as much as after: the Janus door of the future and the past, of the upper and lower, of my nose pressed against that which had previously pressed upon and drunk of her quim, of our mutually blind sin, of my lust for her and her own incontinent lust for herself. In a sense, it was all ‘shit,’ if by shit one means that which is both most fertile and most foul in the workings of the human animal.

Who was the monster in this story, who the prey and who the predator, who the pervert and who the innocent?! I weaved a web into which I myself ended up falling head first, only to be devoured by the spider of my own blind obsession for my sister’s quim, upon whose ghostly pheromonal form and imprint I had assuredly, all but vampirically, fed upon—during a period of years!...

>>22444724
What can I conclude from this tale of ardor and ordure, wherein Beauty herself engenders the Beast out of her insouciant voracity for pleasure, producing from her own intestinal coils the concupiscence of a most serpentine lust itself, and from whose ferment only further unquenchable desire could surely ever be produced! The manure upon which Amy’s quim had pressed and the consequent lubricious showerings that were the product of that all but literal coupling was nothing other than the Beast itself ravishing Amy from within! Though what beast precisely would not nor could ever be determined, for that would mean the world would cease to turn, would it not?

Alas, what sense, if not warning, can I impart to the guileless from this fraternal-cum-carnal odyssey of torrid, torturous secrets? Had I at least gleamed an essential truth, however repugnant or shameful (albeit surely miniscule in the grand dung heap of history), about human nature, I would gladly declaim it from the rooftops, but I cannot make so profound a statement, for I have been taught shame itself is but a reflection and refraction of a particular time and place—or is it? Not even that is certain to my mind at this point. (Perhaps it is all down to genetics, that is, to our modern understanding of a sort of less benighted and less immutable fate).

In any case, I conclude with this slight note by way of sentential observation: Man’s addiction to the pleasures of doing and undoing the tapestry of his own oft ‘immutable’ moral laws is, of course, no great mystery, it itself appears to be an immutable law of his species’s psychological (pre)history, but the constant turning and upturning of such laws and mores—like the turning of the worm at the core of the rotten apple of enticement—especially in the present age of computational necessity and virtual reality and artificial intelligence—is no mere gratuitous escape, for when has anything ever been gratuitous or free in Nature?...

>>22444718
Well I'm not gay, but it certainly wouldn't help my case when my dad reads it. It was supposed to be unsettling but it's just come off as being erotic. Probably needs a rewrite.

>>22444698
yeah? profanity has so manny translation in my language what exactly do you mean?

>>22444728
Surely we have merely scratched the surface of our comprehension of Nature. No matter how deep we think we’ve dug up or borrowed within Her entrails, we remain but a mere worm crawling imperceptibly upon Her haunches—our power over Her is mere delusion, as Sade himself did not tire of reminding us. It's a jejune cliché to say we are devoured by the flame of our passions, all too frequently consumed by our own beastly desires (surely now as much as ever), but perhaps for the first time in our species’s admittedly short history we also risk becoming mindless drones in the process. Is an organism without conscience and/or remorse, but one that has retained intelligence, capable of the sort of pleasure Amy and I indulged in, or rather was it precisely from the precarious twilight precipice of guilelessness and guilt, of innocence and lust, of happenstance and unconscious will, that we derived and obtained our greatest motivations, passions and obsessions, regardless of how unsound the ground we built for ourselves with each ensuing step was—one whose ghostly forms would continue to haunt and shape us for a lifetime and perhaps, just perhaps, for many others?

>>22444434
I can only speak from experience. From 9 to 14 I looked ridiculous but had a beautiful voice. From 15 to 18 I looked ok, though my voice had gone to shit from its boy treble. By 22 my vocabulary was kind of insane, though to be fair it didn't peak till I was 35. In terms of charisma I probably peaked around 45, partly because I looked like 30. Insofar as authoritative goes, it depends on one's audience, and I've no power to charm or hypnotize any true idiot.

>>22444641
what does that have to do with anything I wrote?

>>22444690
almost thought you meant Crusader Kings for a second. right, the cooking board

>>22444698
you'd hate to be around me

having even the most fundamental aspects of life stripped away from you really does make you appreciate thing more and see things differently. i feel like if i make it through this nonsense and get better, i will truly be a new man, finally moving past all my old hangups and worries and aimlessness and bad habits, and depression from my youth. i really REALLY wish i could have figured things out before threw my 20s and possibly my life into the trash and all this shit happened, but thats the way she goes i guess. all i can do is hope, and god willing, actually summon the courage to overcome this crippling anxiety and face my illness head on, standing on my own two feet, otherwise ive already lost

it wouldnt be so bad if it were just me and my life but man have i ever become a useless burden.on other people, i hate hate hate it so much. the guilt, the shame, helplessness. the fear, i just want it all to be over

>>22444735
Why are you writing so many gay scenes, fruity anon

>>22444800
You make it sound like you're years deep into an either addiction. We all play video games bro, don't see me crying about it. Picrel

>>22444805
The main villain is supposed to be a maniac, he's jealous of the love the mc has for a girl and is basically trying to blackmail him into being with him instead. I wanted it to be more creepy than it is but it's just sort of ended up kind of cute.

>>22444812
Thats so fucking gay

Ugh I want to stop masturbating so much but it feels so good
I’m only doing about 2 times a day but that still feels like too much. Also, doing it to relieve stress and anxiety feels like leading to making it a bigger problem.

My whole YouTube recommendations page is women making mgtow and incel videos about other women. What the fuck is going on

>>22444823
Grifters and pick me’s. If they were “trad” they wouldn’t have a social media presence.

>>22444818
fyi:
there was an experiment where guys stopped wanking for 2 weeks. they all had a significant increase in testosterone at the end of the experiment.

>>22444744
What language is that? I suppose it depends on the hostility of tone. I am not an angry man, quite the opposite. I'm still good friends of the acquaintance of a guy who stole $600 from my apartment. He knew everything about it at the time, but I never cared much since nothing personal was taken. As robberies go is it was amazingly considerate and well planned, and I still laugh about it.

>>22444793
Fuck you, adorable cunt.

Test

>>22444816
Right? It was much creepier in my head. Maybe I should just go the full hog and just make it a gay romance or some shit to sell to fujotards

>>22444793
I doubt it. I'd love you anyway.

"SMOKERS, GET HIGH!" –Ozzy Osbourne

>>22444823
The Roma Army chick is the cringiest of those

>>22444809
not to do with videogames. my health just declined over the years and i did nothing about it, just kept on drinking and smokng and abusing myself. until in the last year it escalated from simply feeling peculiar and stand-out waves of sickness and weakness to the sickness escalating into me randomly losing consciousness or coming close to it, among other unpleasant symptoms.

to make matters worse, after a few weeks of this escalation, I started to develop an pretty severe anxiety over it. there are times when i can barely stand up, so what happens if i have an episode while in the grocery store, or at a friends house, or im in town to get a hair cut or something? or god forbid, while im climbing up a latter or 4 flights of stairs carrying equipment?

ive already learned a lot since my last doctors visit and my talks with a specialists and i bet i have some key information that could help me get some treatment, but wouldn't you know it if i cant get myself to get more than a block away from my house without my anxiety going into over drive because im terrified of having an episode in public or stranding myself somewhere and not being able to stand up

for this reason i haven't made another doctors appointment even though i desperately need and want it. i never thought i would say this but i wish so much i could just go back to work. im trying to convince myself that if theres anywhere i should be when i have an episode, its in a doctors office, but its like my primal survival instinct has turned against me and is compelling me to stay somewhere i subconsciously feel is "safe"

i think it wont be long though, i think ive narrowed down some physical "triggers" and have improved things somewhat. ironically things were so bad before, i think, because i was making things worse because I had stopped eating much and my appetite seemed to just vanish, i must have been eating 1000 or less calories a day while also shitting my guts out daily. ive been forcing myself to eat and almost to the day, things started to improve, but underlying issues have not gone away, so now i hope i can control things a little better and summon the courage to get my ass into town and get to a doctor

>>22444920
Wow I was memeing but your problems are literally "Just go outside"

>>22440708
---- Solaria ----
0806
Smoking In An Air Conditioned Lair

Mies would get why my bedroom looks like it does,
Comfy and spare to the eye

Until one goes outside.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRP9HvIcgq4

>>22444482
You're whining about a society in freefall because people don't share your particular gay opinions while in every meaningful sense of the word society is better than ever for every common man, regardless of your faggy whining that it is beyond "saving".
You're just gay.

>>22443890
End of history because it's the best, bucko.

>>22443959
Nihilism is a choice that you've made for yourself. Most have not followed your example. Again, people not sharing your gay little opinions about trivial matters does not mean the world is bad or ending.

>>22443916
All that shit is a sedentary lifestyle and internet addiction in 90% of cases.

>>22444226
You probably live next to me. I also scream 'i'm going to kill myself, turn back time!!" a lot in the shower where the walls are thin sorry anon

>>22442294
Get a typewriter.

>>22445200
Good troll or peak bugman

>>22440965
You cannot get over autism. In fact, autism is such an ill-defined/blurry concept it's bordering on useless

>>22445200
>society is better than ever for every common man
No? People have way too easy access to healthcare to eliminate the consequences of their actions. People in general never have to think about the consequences anymore.
People are possesed by a bad ideology of liberation when they should be and are always subordinated.
Also, there is no "common man"

>>22445200
>Nihilism is a choice that you've made for yourself.
I mean yeah, not being braindead is a choice. Just because you feel at ease or are delusional does not mean the world is good or that "history" has ended.

>>22444130
Pareto says we need liberalism(libertarianism for muricans) for keeping at bay the mesiocrity of the masses

>>22444360
That does seem a logical conclussion but my thought is why shes being into me in the first place. I dont have anything to offer.

>>22444550

No. Now fuck off, nigger.

I had a dream where, as I was talking to my friend, I suddenly noticed that I was dressed like an ancient Sumerian; with a luscious and curly beard.

the mind is so complex when your based

>>22445575
shame that complexity doesn't lend itself to grammar

>>22445259
You're an early twenties internet-addict trying to hypostasize your banal depression that comes from a lack of pussy and/or exercise into some grand world-historical metaphysical principle of decline and decay dude.

>>22445309
The reason society is the way it is, instead of your gay little submission fantasy to some big daddy figure, is precisely because the common man disagrees with your gay opinions.

>>22445313
Nihilism is literally peak midwit, go catch up on the latest season of Rick and Morty.

LOOKING FOR A BOK
in which a young boy is locked under a narrow flight of stairs in a semi-detached house in England, caged with cat wire, and is made to eat the excrement of his Uncle and Aunt and suck the cock of their fatchild. Eventually a tramp abducts him and introduces him to the pleasures of an opium pipe, he sent to a mixed borstal where all the children use opium pipes openly and much of the novel is concerned with their drug hallucinations.

I'm looking for this novel again because I only now in later life recognize the authors intention to produce a work of parody upon the life of Charles Manson.

I just want to spar with someone, I have so much energy in me and it's building more and more every single day. I have so much primal energy, I just want to kick someone and I want to get kicked, I want to jab someone and get jabbed back, I want to fight them on the ground while I have blood running down my face. I don't want to get into an actual fight though, I know that sparring can't lead to anything bad so I know that I'm not in too much trouble, an actual fight on the other hand could lead to something bad and I could be in actual trouble.

>>22445530
I had a dream a while ago where my best friend had a vagina and he was laying on top of me and I was making him cum. People really are weird.

>>22445807
>be me
>be an office wagie
>have pent up energy
>want to fight someone
>want to at least punch the drywalls
Alas, I'll just tap away on my keyboard with a little more intent

>>22445819
If you're in South Australia we can definitely set it up. I'm 6'1" 89kg.

>>22445857
5'10 and 82kg 15%bf, I'll probably get knocked out but at least it'd be exhilarating

>>22445866
I'd only actually fight an anon, I would spar with real people but I would go life or death mode with an anon, I'd love to fight you, anon, for whatever it's worth.

>>22440708
---- Solaria ----
0807
Apricot Madagascar Periwinkle

Heavenly Blue morning glories compare
Though to be fair, it takes a certain kind of eye

And serene morning,
A place where one can sleep

At will absolute, heedless of others' clocks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knn9tZQ_qLo&list=RDGMEMYH9CUrFO7CfLJpaD7UR85w&index=9

It’s funny to watch academics argue over where economics is “a science” or a “natural science” because it reveals that none of them have any exposure to Greek philosophy at all. It really illustrates what a failure the education system is that someone could be a “Doctor of Philosophy” candidate and not have even a basic familiarity with Aristotle.

Faking my own death is too dramatic, but I might just leave and not tell anyone.

>>22445767
>The reason society is the way it is, instead of your gay little submission fantasy to some big daddy figure, is precisely because the common man disagrees with your gay opinions.
Nah, it's precisely because the common man is still subordinate. But that's just how society works to begin with. Also, methinks you have daddy issues. Other than that, I have no idea why you cling to retarded oedipal ideas

>>22445767
>Nihilism is literally peak midwi
Listen man. I know you guys are retarded but you have to realize that just because you brainfart hard enough does not make your retarded values or ideas about life real. In fact, you don't actually have any coherent values. Your heart is faint. Everything you do is done without thought as if it was simply irresistable.

>>22445990
Where r u going?

>>22445943
Scientists, and mere technicians, have their roles, but nothing like the artist's sense of proportion.

>>22445767
>You're an early twenties internet-addict trying to hypostasize your banal depression that comes from a lack of pussy and/or exercise into some grand world-historical metaphysical principle of decline and decay dude.
Ok, aside from the fact that you think "history" has ended and pretend to not be hypostatizing some metaphysical abstraction, what do you think one "should" do if one is depressed? Because the only thing people who get easily offended by depressed people for whatever reason do is conjecture baseless causes to the person's depression and then pat themselves on the back as if they've actually made a point and were not just behaving like angry dogmatists. Because you'll never actually know the "real" cause behind somebody's behaviour with any certainty. That type of thinking just leads to determinism anyway.
And even if your conjectured cause ends up somehow being true, what then? He's still doing the thing and the only thing you have done is essentially say
>"you are only eating because you are hungry. Aha! Gotcha!"

>>22445992
>it's precisely because the common man is still subordinate
This. I don't know how hard it is for shitlibs to understand that the only reason their uncritical heads are liberal is because they grew up in a liberal society, under the supervision of other liberals. Literally, the only crutch they have to save themselves from this cognitive dissonance is by appealing to some idea of human nature.

>>22445999
A vacation town.

>>22446050
Well I'm just telling you from personal experience that this is a really stupid idea. One time I didn't even get away from home I literally just went on a hike that took a few more days than I had originally planned. Half an hour after starting my hike back home I got arrested by the cops. My parents had me called missing.

I just want to disappear in the sense that I'm never seen in public. I want to work from home, have all my groceries delivered to me and never leave the house, I will give a very tiny group of people my phone number and if anyone ever wants to see me then they will have to come to me. Unfortunately, this is not possible for me because I am a retard.

It's nearly time to go to sleep with that, those bad thoughts. Going to sleep never used to be an issue but recently I've gotten tired of neeting and I know that sleep is just gonna bring on another day of being depressed and doing nothing, I actually dread going to bed, I've been like this for at least a week now.

>>22446076
have you considered living in a hole covered from the elements by a tarp?

I dont know who I am anymore

I’ll be 31 and just entering a professional career. This is a massive failure that makes me feel like I will never be able to live up to the sort of person I want to be.

Just had a glimpse of creativity that gave the story that will make me famous

>>22446213
I would not be able to work from that hole, but thanks for the suggestion, Sir.

>>22446225
Im envious because there was a time when you knew.

Wish to rever back to my 8s or 9s and be mindful and aware as I am now, want to build up my career and professional life path with the grown-conscious mind that I inhabit right now. I think i left a track behind and somehow I want to reach it back again, not from going back but from going forward and make my way a lot of more wide, wide enough to kill my anxiety that generate into me the action to write the first sentence of this post.
I just didnt have the correct tools at the correct time. I think now I may have the enough tools, but is just not the right time and that time may never come back again.

>>22446333
Damn thats deep

>>22446442
I do too, but I don’t think I’d have to go to 9 years old. More like 18 at the earliest.

But thinking like this is dangerous. It gets you bogged down in the past while what future really needs is to not get bogged down and move forward.

I think we have to forgive ourselves for not having the sort of tracks and guidance that previous people had, and make the most of our unique situation. As post-modern people we are probably the freest people to ever live in some senses at least. A reality tv star with orange skin was the most powerful man in the world for four years for example.

>>22440708
dentistry- no finer torture hath been invented