/lit/ - Literature

>>22423136
Busy in the other thread for now, won't be long.

STEMbug here. Are Terry Eagleton’s books good for a layman looking to into serious literary theory and criticism? I don’t care that he’s a commie or anything like that. I just want something accessible. I don’t know where else to ask this without taking up space on the catalog so pls no bully.

Posted this last thread right as it was getting derailed. Any input would be nice.

How, in a fantasy novel, can I attempt to make creatures and races interesting and varied compared to their typical portrayals?
I worry about creating my own, as I run the risk of being too derivative of the genre's standard. I want to simply start writing, though when an elf, orc or goblin appears in a scene I won't know how to write them without either
>reelying on uninspired recreations
>taking the (ideally avoided) step of worldbuilding

>>22423245
>Are Terry Eagleton’s books good for a layman looking to into serious literary theory and criticism?
He’s not really seen as an authority, sorry. He’s more like someone you read to sound edgy, but none of his criticism is widely cited anymore. I suggest pic related, since it covers most important lit theory and lit crit. You can also get into Northrop Frye since he’s the main meme that inspired Star Wars archetypes, but I don’t particularly enjoy him. Other people to read would be Barthes, Baudrillard, and maybe Derrida—they’re most influential in literary criticism from the 60s to 90s. Now we also have newer trends like eco criticism, geocriticism, actor-network theory, distant reading, and various forms of queer/feminism readings, but they’re largely boring and hamfisted.
Bloom’s Modern Critical editions can be okay but nearly everyone I heard who worked with Harold Bloom said he never did anything at Chelsea House and that he delegated everything to younger academics. I heard that from reading S.T. Joshi who worked at that publisher as a graduate.
You can get the Dictionary of Literary Terms by Baldick but it’s not that useful outside of general knowledge.

>>22423250
The market for that sort of thing is flooded in the wake of Tolkien so good luck coming up with something fresh and new.
And when it comes to worldbuilding, remember that you only need what you need to facilitate the narrative. Don't compromise your narrative just to preserve some factoid only the dorkiest will pick up on or anything like that.

Someone on /tv/ called me a school shooter for posting this. Thoughts still appreciated
https://docdro.id/9Urshp1

What do you guys think about suicide endings?
Personally I like them and there are many good examples but I feel kind of dependent on it when it comes to my own writing.

>>22423277
ugh..."redacted" again.
is it even changed from the last time you posted this?

>writing story
>not sure about key details in the plot
>feel very insecure and defeatist as I approach the halfway mark
It's normal to feel this way about the first draft as a rusty writer, r-right?

>>22423281
If you’ve done it before, try to do it a new light. It shouldn’t really be redone unless you’re making your readers think it’s a recurrent aspect that you’re building on. Otherwise people will just joke about your stories like “this thing happened, and then the protagonist killed himself.”

>>22423260
Appreciate the response.

>>22423294
Who knows, maybe one of those [redacted]s have been restored. Only one way to find out

>>22423250
Why can't you decide what your goblins, elves, and orcs are?

Does "There were hints of disappointment in his voice, or perhaps it was embarrassment, or maybe even regret--X could not tell." sound/read good? I feel there's something wrong, but I don't what that is to fix it.

>>22423321
It's the indecisiveness and over formality. Make it snappier and pop, don't forget to use conjunctions.

>>22423321
get rid of the last comma

>>22423272
Honestly, I might just get rid of any fantasy race factions and have them all be human. I can think up some freaky creature designs for the wildlife and keep it at that. Do as you say, only tell the reader what they need to know, too much of a headache otherwise./

>>22423316
People have predisposed opinions of what those are. If I mention the name they'll have a picture in their head before I can describe something unique about my version(s). If I mention something elf-like without writing the word, readers will think of them as Tolkien's elves all the same.

>>22423409
If you've ever worried that your fantasy races might not be unique or exotic enough and might be "humans but with pointy ears" or "humans but with green skin" then yeah, you might as well just make them humans but with those features instead. I much prefer human only settings with different unique cultures rather than them being substituted with different fantasy races in an attempt to seem interesting, but that's obviously my own cup of tea.

>>22423281
Building on what >>22423301 said. If you quite like them and would like to use them more than just once, have a suicide ending to your first novel, then again for your second, then in your third have it so that the narrative almost demands it. Then throw in a curveball toward the end where he finds a way out of it and gets a happy ending. Readers who've read your other work will expect suicide a mile off, have their thoughts confirmed by the plot, think themselves so smart, until the end where they're hopefully pleasantly suprised.

>>22423409
Will they? Tolkien's elves are very underrepresented in fantasy.

>>22423414
The only other race of any significance is in a territory neighbouring the protagonists'. It's set on a large island shortly after two countries sent colonisers over to settle. They're not at war, a boarder has been established with minor skirmishes occuring rarely. There's tension though and neither side wants the other there. I suppose they could be humans? Originally, I'd intended them to be elves with asian-like culture. The main antagonist is really only the new world. The island's inhabitants, natives and creatures, with the elves getting in the way on occasion.

>>22423497
Perhaps it's my own predisposition as they're always the first to come to my mind. Sure, I think of Elder Scrolls and many other iterations, but I think something like five-hundred million people have seen a Lord of the Rings or Hobbit movie, so it's got to be the first thought for others also. Also how Dungeons and Dragon's, which was heavily influnced by Tolkien, has influenced many works also. His shadow feels unescapable, do you feel otherwise?

>>22423321
>*There was a hint of disappointment in his voice

>>22423281
I wrote a narrative about an AI who proves its humanity though suicide. It came out shit so I dropped it and later I read The Bicentennial Man which does that concept way better.

>>22423299
Yes and if you dwell on it you'll tie yourself up into a knot and won't write anything. Acknowledge the negative thoughts, perhaps express them, then set them aside until the editing phase.

>>22423321
Either this >>22423543 or drop the "it was" before embarrassment.

>>22423538
>dungeons and dragons
>heavily influenced by Tolkien
Ask me how I know you have no goddamn clue about DnD and are talking out of your ass.

>>22423250
I just wrote them as a separate evolution to homo sapiens, then again I'm writing more of a science fiction than a proper fantasy.

>>22423782
Then what prompted the name changes of hobbit to 'halfling', ent to 'treant', and balrog to 'balor'?
It took until 2000 for Gygax to admit Tolkien's work had a strong impact on D&D.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_and_dragons#Sources_and_influences

>>22423782
I thought it was obvious and a rather common notion but if that's just my own bias I'm inclined to believe it. I've only played DnD a few times, despite being a big fan of CRPGs in the early 2000s. To be clear, the point I was trying to make was not to say Dungeons and Dragons was at all copying Tolkien nor plagarising or anything of the sort, only that he was perhaps the biggest influence on high fantasy in the past century.

>>22423837
>>22423838
>wikipedia
lmfao
You have a wealth of info from /tg/ and you still rely on that crap?

>>22423891
I said
>if that's just my own bias I'm inclined to believe it
You can defend your precious board game's uniqueness if you like, I'll retract it from my reasoning. Still, so many people have seen Lord of the Rings, or The Hobbit, or something linked to it. My point still stands, Tolkien's elves are the most recognisable elves I can think of. What are we arguing? Because if you're up in a fuss about Dungeons and Dragons and not because I think Tolkien's elves aren't under represented in public opinion, I'm well happy to take a step back.

>>22423837
Hivemind.

>>22423891
>Gygax admitted it
>NOOOO IT CAN'T BE TRUE
cope

>>22423943
Nobody thinks about Tolkien elves, which you'd know if you actually read the book and saw how fucking little the average elf resembles his. I am deeply disappointed a reddit immigrant like you is posting here and regurgitating stale takes like that. Gygax's friends wanted elves, and his elves were distinctly inspired by Moorcock's. There are parts of DnD that are inspired by Tolkien, but elves are absolutely not one of them.
>>22423951
>wojak
I accept your concession.

>>22423960
>Nobody thinks about Tolkien elves
Not that guy but Legolas inspired the entire archetype of elite elf archers

>>22423960
You know Hasbro ruined D&D, right? I've been playing Pathfinder for years.

Shakespeare only ever wrote 111,579 lines in his plays and poems. That's around 1 million words if we take it as an average of around 6-8 words per line. Pretty funny that people insist on writing millions-of-words-long novel series, or some obese webnovel, when you only ever need to write 1 million words worth to be remembered as long as men live.

>>22424004
It's almost like people writing million-word web novels aren't looking to be immortalized into some culture's canon, and instead are simply looking to entertain.

What’s with the prevalence of third or first person present in writing? Especially in short stories submitted to magazines like Clarkesworld, I see present tense in pretty much every story through every issue. Is this a stylistic choice that I’m just not understanding?

>>22423136
>wake up
>check /wg/
>last 150 posts in the previous thread are just a discussion of Gnosticism and Plato
Don't get me wrong, I love Plato, but I didn't expect to see Plato discussions in /wg/.

>>22424046
>and instead are simply looking to entertain.
Ironically this was also what Shakespeare was doing, although obviously on a different level. That anon was wrong to draw an equivalence between high brow and low brow.

>>22424115
And Shakespeare is supposed to be high brow? He wrote a lot for the limited tools he had at hand. The simple fact is that it's much easier to write a lot these days, and people like reading.

>>22424153
>The simple fact is that it's much easier to write a lot these days
None of it is as any good as Shakespeare.
>and people like reading.
People only search for authors when a blockbuster comes out. You can see so on Google Trends.

>>22424166
>None of it is as any good
It shows, believe me.
>Google trends
Fucking worthless. I don't use it.

>>22423136
Do white male authors have a legitimate chance in this day and age? How could I start a publishing house a la Bubis from 2666, without being Jewish, for fellow anons?

>>22424181
Not unless we self-publish and build up our own fanbase. The industry doesn't give two shits about us anymore.

>>22424223
oh don't be such a pussy and just fucking do it. All I'm hearing are excuses built off of blatant lies. Have you ever even fucking tried? You're like those men who swear they'll never find a woman yet they don't even fucking try.
you disgust me

>>22424231
That's what he said, retard.

Im writing a short novel with an outlandish premise and I cant decide if I should have a standard introduction over a page or two that slowly sidles into the premise or if I should open with a premise revealing scene that hammers it home and then start going backwards on protag details and background info.
What do you guys think?

I posted this like a year ago for the FFA. Anyone mind reading it? Changed a couple things and drew a picture for it.

https://iannewman.blogspot.com/2023/08/harvey-cat.html

>>22424231
Are you kidding? I can't even get my local library to accept a free copy of my novels.

>no spaces between em dashes

I seriously hope you guys don't do this.

>>22423136
>posts a picture of Brahman
>calls it Atman
Retards

>>22424409
No youre thinking of Spider Hanuman with blue elephant characteristics

>>22424425
Guys, look, it's the Holy Spirit!

>>22424181
Give it a shot. My friend got scouted by some woke girl who still got him published. And she was actually pretty nice too.

>>22423136
Greetings fellow doom scrollers
I too am doomed

>>22424440
Christianity I beleive is immune to mockery. Sons are funamental concepts. Fathers too. Spirits too. Holiness is a fundamental attribute. The holy trinity as a godhead is a trichotomy essential to fundamental consciousness.
Trig of the SOVL if you will.

>>22424520
The cosmic essence and the essence of the self are fundamental concepts too

>>22424455
That is the strangest thing about most woke people I’ve met. They’re usually very nice and agreeable, even if you directly say something they disagree with, instead of cursing at you or yelling or screaming, they will more often chastise you or politely ask you to stop.

>>22424538
Not very lively more like camera optics and controller haptic feedback

Those are not very relational. Entities yes.

>>22424551
It can vary widely depending on the wokie. Some are batshit insane, others are just neurotic but gentle, and others still just don't care and are woke for no discernible reason.

>>22424592
>Those are not very relational. Entities yes.
Same applies to spirits and holiness.

>>22424551
Most people aren't spergs. Spergs are hard to deal regardless of political ideology

>>22424520
>The holy trinity as a godhead is a trichotomy essential to fundamental consciousness.
Its not even 2000 years old and could easily have lost out to arianism if a few fathers changed their minds, if you have fun being a christian then good for you but dont cope your way into thinking its both a refutation of all previous religion and some kind of universal truth that has always existed.

I often think of life as like an abstract puzzle that can be solved.

Solving the puzzle is absolute divinity, all loveliest love… etc

I suppose it’s about loving love, but what love is the absolute divinity I seek?
I love all immortality and absolute divinity of my people.

Dunno how do describe it but I really want peak utopia. Setting utmost goals tends to create a story and infinite abstract ways of achieving it.

I wish to solve the puzzle of truly solving all.

I wish I could express myself through writing, but whenever I write I just end up expressing what I think would impress a reader and not who I am. I never release that excess of tension which builds up when you need to objectify a feeling but are unable to. Thinking about trying music instead.

>>22424763
I have no idea what you're trying to say but if you can keep up your momentum, what's wrong with impressing the reader?

>>22424387
The standard use is without spaces. There is no reason to include them, the character itself creates space.

>>22423136
This is the third time I've ditched my first draft and tried rewriting it from scratch. It's hard, writing believable character interactions. Is this a sign that this short story will never work and that I should just move on to a new story? Or is there just something wrong with my writing process?

>>22423617
>>22423388
>>22423543
Good advice. Thanks.

>>22425063
Nah it's fine anon. This is the writing process. Rewrite the story as many times as you want. The more you write, the better you get.

>>22425269
Nah man. You just gotta push through the cringe. Even the best writers hate their first drafts. That's what the editing phase is for.

>>22425063
If you find yourself rewriting a SHORT STORY over and over, I think this is more about ADD than anything else

>opening a blank Word document every night
>keep trying, writing one chapter, and deleting it the next day
>have a vague idea of what I want to happen, wrote out a very barebones plot summary
>simply unable to "just write, bro"

Any tips?

>>22423250
It's a lack of self-confidence. If you're hung up on being too cliche then you don't believe your own ideas are original enough/good enough that they could be considered on their own merits rather than how they fit into the genre as a whole. If your races are interesting, they're interesting. Don't think about "how do I make them interesting." If you just want to use goblins and orcs and elves, then just use them. Not everyone has to re-invent the wheel. Just make a good car with the parts that everyone already knows.

>>22425504
Just write. Don't stop to read it or think about if it's good or bad. Write as long as you can, put it away, and then resume writing from there the next day, and do it every day until you're finished.

How's this description? I'm making a sort of dungeon crawler visual novel hybrid and the prose has to be at least half-decent in order to work.

>>22425504
Here's something I've personally found helpful:

Write it out in the most boring way possible, like you're just objectively stating the facts. Don't worry about the tone or imagery or any of that stuff - just get the story down. You could do this for a chapter, the whole story, a single page, whatever. Nothing more that the essentials.
>There was a large snarling dog blocking the door.

Once you've done that and you know how you want the story, and hopefully readers, to feel you can reword things and add some flavour.
>The only exit was blocked by the imposing form of a massive dog, it's face twisted by bestial rage. White froth spattered on the floor between us with each violent snapping of its snarling maw.

Something like that. The point is to start with plain crackers and build up to something more interesting.

>>22425635
It sounds like some nerd telling you his D&D scenario, but not even the nerd is very into it.

>one of my friends tells me to enter a short story competition
>probably gonna lose but hey it's worth a shot
>suddenly get a really good idea for a short story while out on a walk
>write it down
>go home, decide to look a bit deeper into the competition now that I have a solid idea
>look into the judges
>tfw all but one are only there because of weirdo tokenism
>definitely certain I am going to lose now
>don't even know what the point of trying is

>>22424217
That's nice, anon. Hope it's part of something bigger but even by itself it's great. Nice writing. Check this song out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmJIccPWnEk&pp=ygURc1RBUkdBWkVSIFJBSU5CT1c%3D

>>22424387
>>22424975
For me, it's because the spaces allow for selecting the words around the em dashes on e-readers and phones.

>>22425828
What was the story about?
Even better, post it.

>>22425828
>short story competition
Unless it was for a magazine or scene you follow, they're all going to be pozzed. Especially anything done by government or universities. I don't know why people think otherwise. You actually need to find a community that you can write to.

>>22425827
Is this better?

>>22426016
I am not allowed to. But it's just me taking a shot at litfic since I know this is what these people like. Anyway, the themes are basically ennui, depression and love. I've been feeling really depressed the past couple of days so I thought I'd rather write something close to home. Plus, I am good at writing love stories. So I thought I'd try to blend that stuff together.
>>22426073
Bingo. Although I thought it'd be pozzed in a different way. Like, upper-class whites circlejerking about the glories of diversity and homosexuality or something, that kind of pozzed. I didn't expect that the judges themselves would be diverse homosexuals.

>>22426173
Barely. Learn to recognize and avoid vague, subjective expressions like
>Against all reason it gets worse.
>absurdly large
They lack concreteness and just give the impression the narrator is struggling to express himself.
Also avoid weak adverbs like
>seemingly
>appears to have
And exaggerated images like
>searing pain blasts the contents of your skull
Also, hot is redundant next to searing. Actually, the whole thing is so full of issues I can't be arsed to list them all. Your punctuation is also all over the place and there are misspellings.
>dealthy aura

The Stand reading as of right now is pretty good, building up with nick and the story is actually good too.

…anyone know how I can talk better too? Might have something going on with me, ngl.

I'm have no idea if my dialogue is shit or not here.

Where can we find audiences receptive to the writings outside of the mainstream? For example, YouTubers upending traditional media, cable, etc. There hasn't been such a vehicle for "counterculture" writers of the modern day (dare I say avant garde) to showcase their wares, so to speak. I hesitate to use the word underground, at the risk of sounding edgy, but perhaps that is what I mean.

>>22427646
"counter culture" and "the underground" are twentieth century concepts that can no longer exist due to the internet.

A Hellhound runs through the bloodstained streets of Eberheim, separated from his squad and the commanding officer by rubble from an exploded apartment. It’s not for lack of ability to open a path, but a desire to deceive the enemy, making them think he was crushed only to flank them.

He is surrounded by the whirring of machinery and the constant knowledge of the lightning-engine on his back, which could fry him alive at any moment if it were to be damaged, and he happened to get unlucky.

A Black Robe in his viewfinder. The armor’s Logic Automaton outlines him in red. The plug in the back of his head buzzes, and faster than any human ought to be able, he raises his gun.

The bark of twin barrels spewing leaden death. A man thrice the pilot’s age and twenty times his worth in investment falls dead, torn to shreds, the only proof of his resistance a cluster of needles ineffectually hedgehogged into the Hellhound’s breastplate. The living metal pushes them out and rights itself before long. The click-clack of the break action, shell carriers swinging into place and depositing new brass, only to be smacked back into place by the action’s closing. ron skin stomping through gore, smearing the glistening meat of cultivators over the cobblestones.

He makes his way forward, deeper, circling the enemy’s position as tremors rock the ground and beams of white light flash overhead. A woman on fire goes screaming from a rooftop, blasting rays of fire past the roof’s edge from gun-like wands Gouts of fire from her feet slow her fall, and she rebounds back up, resuming her battle with whoever had thrown her off that roof to begin with. His armor identifies her as Mata Gano.

1/2

>>22427961
2/2

This is a war zone. Despite the comparatively small numbers of combatants, the destruction wrought on the city and its people will be easily comparable to a full-scale military engagement. The Hellhound has seen worse. He has fought in the War of Fog.
The part of him that was once terrified of the very idea of a place and event like this has long died… And with it, a part of his humanity, if Provisional Commander Sodan is to be believed. The Hellhound understands the point of view. He doesn’t agree, but he understands. If Sodan is right, then he prefers being less than human; the red-eyed mask of terror that stands side by side with Willowdale’s cultivators. A proper monster rightly deserving of the fear and hatred with which his people’s enemies had already regarded him when he showed his face and wore a clean green uniform.

The Hellhound runs resolutely on, jumping over the pool of molten slag. could match a single Blue Robe, even if it was a 50/50 shot.

Two of them, with a coterie of three Black Robes, however… It doesn’t matter in the end. The Hellhound has been noticed. The armor screams. Its plates glow red at the edges. Needles and bolts strike him, they dent his plating and punch holes into it, but the metal defiantly ejects them and snaps back into its proper shape.

He is death now, more than human. Neither the pilot nor the tank suit. An infernal beast in iron skin. He’ll send them down and send them screaming.

>>22427961
2/2

This is a war zone. Despite the comparatively small numbers of combatants, the destruction wrought on the city and its people will be easily comparable to a full-scale military engagement. The Hellhound has seen worse. He has fought in the War of Fog.
The part of him that was once terrified of the very idea of a place and event like this has long died… And with it, a part of his humanity, if Provisional Commander Sodan is to be believed. The Hellhound understands the point of view. He doesn’t agree, but he understands. If Sodan is right, then he prefers being less than human; the red-eyed mask of terror that stands side by side with Willowdale’s cultivators. A proper monster rightly deserving of the fear and hatred with which his people’s enemies had already regarded him when he showed his face and wore a clean green uniform.

The Hellhound runs resolutely on, jumping over the pool of molten slag. More robed scum come into view, ducked into a blown-out storefront. He sees blue. By now, he knows he can match a single Blue Robe, though it’s a 50/50 shot as to whether the Blue Robe’s abilities will be manageable.

Two of them, with a coterie of three Black Robes, however… It doesn’t matter in the end. The Hellhound has been noticed. The armor screams. Its plates glow red at the edges. Needles and bolts strike him, they dent his plating and punch holes into it, but the metal defiantly ejects them and snaps back into its proper shape.

He is death now, more than human. An infernal beast in iron skin. He’ll send them down and send them screaming.

>>22427898
>"underground" can no longer exist due to the internet
Except that's what the darkweb is... You can also find newsletters and publications on Urbit which most normies can't even work out how to use.

>write fantasy story
>forget I'm writing a fantasy story
>look for historical similarities to this fantasy culture I wanted to include
>remember I'm writing a fantasy story and can include alternate cultures
Has this happened to you?

>>22427995
Layers of verisimilitude add to the believability of the fantasy.

>>22427414
And for context, it's capeshit.

A bunch of yakuza guys steal a rival yakuza boss's beloved sex doll and it becomes a cat and mouse game over who can expose the other faster

>>22427211

Nick and Tom's chapters were some of the best M O O N

Have you ever stopped writing for the day because you're afraid of tearing a writing muscle and getting burnt out?

>>22427414
You really don't need dialogue tags. Kill them.

>write
>Boss finds out about my story
>Offended and scared it'll affect the company
>Fires me
Bros... I'm going to starve now.

>>22428169
Alright. Anything else?

>>22428359
Sue for wrongful termination. Then write a story about your wrongful termination and the following lawsuit.

>>22427414
Too much filler

>>22428079
interesting premise. hope you deliver

>>22428536
Filller dialogue or filler between the bits of dialogue?

>>22428079
Sold. Would read

>>22426586
>I am good at writing love stories
Any tips? I really, really want to write romance, but even though I've gotten positive feedback, I can't stomach my own writing. I want to write cutesy, dumb love stories that feel romantic and not stupid, how can I achieve this?

All romance-writing Chads ITT are invited to respond. Post romance recommendations.

>>22427073
Can you rewrite a portion of it so it reads better? Not that anon btw

>>22428079
Why is the first sentence written like that? Some sort of stylistic choice? Is this what it reads like when a character speaks?
It reads like an infodump and it feels like a drag to read through it. You're giving away too much information without context beyond what you provided in your post. It is not shocking, it is not funny, it could be if the joke had more time to set itself up, but as it stands it is simply hard to read through and utterly uninteresting.
Would not continue reading.

>>22427414
I don't know where it is supposed to be going, so I get bored and I stop reading. Is this how it begins? I hope not because there is no scene, it's like I'm reading people floating in empty space.
The conversation is not interesting enough, the portion you posted itself is not interesting at all. I don't feel even the slightest interest in reading the rest because nothing interesting is happening at all. Post the entire thing or don't post at all, it's worse if you just show us a fraction of it from halfway through.

>>22427961
>>22427975
I would prefer it if instead of dropping a bunch of terms that you won't even bother explaining, like "Black Robe", "armor's logic automaton" and "black fog", you instead actually told me what those things mean. I get it these are fantasy events/terms, but they are meaningless placeholders for something you should have elaborated on.

Your descriptions are confusing, not very evocative. It reads like a boring sequence of events despite the fact that something interest is happening.
>He is death now, more than human. An infernal beast in iron skin. He’ll send them down and send them screaming.
Yes, you spent several paragraphs telling me that, you don't have to rub it on my face.

>>22424217
I like it, but it feels incomplete. Something happened but it doesn't make me feel anything. It reads like a schizo ramble but not in an entertaining way. If there's more to this I would like it, but as it stands it is lacking.

>>22427073
Normally I'd agree, but in this case the vague and subjective language is to emulate the player character's knowledge of the situation.

>>22428831
Depends on what sort of romance do you want to write, really.

How much does an average editor charge for correcting grammar mistakes etc?
Or should I rather use Grammarly to get my draft up to stuff to send to potential publishers?

>>22428947
Oh, here I mistakenly thought it was just badly written

>>22428836
I can do a couple of paragraphs as an example. I'll try to change as little as possible about the original text.

>You hear a thundering hum spill out of the forest. It resonates in your limbs. The whole wood seems to vibrate with the the awful din.
>The noise grows stronger and makes your head spin. One by one, the townsfolk around you begin to lose consciousness.
>You see a swirling black cloud rise over the trees, high enough to reach the Heavens. As you watch it swell and twist, its true nature reveals itself.

>>22429166
Is that... sarcasm? If there's a better way to achieve the same effect I'd love to know.

>>22429177
I've incorporated a couple of ideas from here, as well as removing some of the excessive subjectivity.

I kept some because, like I said, it was at least partially deliberate.

>>22428831
Bingochad here.
>I've gotten positive feedback, I can't stomach my own writing.
This is probably a self-esteem problem than a writing problem then, IMO.
As for romance, personally, what works best for me is to focus on the intensity of the feeling and to try to portray love through action rather than words. My go to formula: funny back and forth teasing and flirting, outward denial or concealment of feelings, and a deep and substantial love deep inside. Love is very visible when people are willing to sacrifice themselves for their beloved, or prize the beloved's feelings, emotions and joy above their own safety, willing to fight and die in order to vindicate the beloved's cause.
That's just how I like doing things, though. Maybe you have different preferences?

>>22428882
The jargon is a non-issue; this is an excerpt from a larger story where all of it has already been explained.

>>22429240
The point is that you want to put your reader into the character's position and make it seem like they're there in the scene. But expressions that don't create any kind of concrete image just take the reader out of the scene instead. But do as you please. The only way to learn is to try.

>>22428831
The first thing you need to decide is whether you're writing female-oriented romance or male-oriented romance, because the two are very different

>>22429584
Is there a way to create an uncertain and confusing image without resorting to subjective descriptions? I am very much not a writer, and so advice here would genuinely be awesome.

that i was a thirteen-year-old stand-up comedian was my dad’s doing. for a long time before i was even born he had done gigs as a stand-up comedian, children’s entertainer, or magician, & as an extension of this he had, since at least first grade, been occasionally parading me onto stages to recite material that he had written in the mindset of, “these are the kid version of jokes. it will be funny if a kid says this.” i did it for the school talent show. i did it at a Christian nightclub. my set included such jokes as:

my mom works at a portrait studio. that means she makes people look beautiful... for a hundred bucks!
i’m not sure what my dad does... this week. but he came home yesterday smelling like a big mac
he told me he slept like a baby last night. i guess that means he woke up crying because he wet himself
last night my sister talked with someone on the phone for three hours! i asked her who it was & she said, “wrong number”
my teacher started telling this story that started off "rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub..." i didn’t even stick around to hear the rest of that one
anyway, my dad says i’m not supposed to talk to strangers, so i gotta go
i was neither for or against this. i simply did it. it was a routine in both a comedic & programmatic sense. the audience’s laughter brought me no joy

it didn’t take too long for me to start seeing my stand-up act as an expression of a characteristic sort of naivete that i have always known my dad to display about “being an entertainer.” i feel that this naivete endures nearly twenty years later. he is one inclined to make something a technical reality so that he can declare it to himself as a full-fledged reality & be pleased with that

by having me deliver these jokes, he could enjoy the technical reality that i was also a stand-up comedian like him. by creating a thing that technically counts as a song or film, he can enjoy the technical satiation of a drive in him to be a musician or filmmaker - not because he has something he wants to express in these mediums but because the roles of “filmmaker” & “musician” have taken roost in his mind as things which hold an air of exoticism, & he wants to bring himself into alignment with them. he will become drunk on this feeling, sitting on the couch, cackling to himself at his own creative energies as he pens extremely by-the-numbers lyrics to a country song

framed in my living room is an old article from the local newspaper about my dad’s magic act & his fascination with Harry Houdini. framed right above it is a blue poster in comic sans which advertises a show at the above mentioned Christian nightclub, on April Fool’s Day 2006. the main act is my dad with his stand-up, followed by me & two musicians

>>22429603
Rather than using non-words and expressions that say nothing, just be more conservative with the amount of information you share. Like, there's a big buzzing cloud. Simply don't come out and tell the reader they're locusts, and you've already created confusion and uncertainty. As an example.

>>22429852
If I describe the sound, the disorientation, and something like a "heavy black blizzard" would that get the image across better, do you think? Replace things the character thinks things are with what little they've been able to determine for sure?

How would I go about writing my eating disorder and or mental illness?

I'm pretty sure I can write it just fine as an anorexic who hates their body

But I must ask if my fellow anons have any advice

>>22429932
Are you writing in the first person? If so, writing in the same disjointed, occasionally repetitive, and pessimistic way you might think can help.

>>22424311
checked and good story, anon. straightforward premise executed well. cats are evil.

>>22429932
You're the baphomet posting furfag aren't you

>>22430177
Maybe, If it was recent no

if you remember like years back like 2 or 3 years ago then yes. if this is true I have no idea how you remembered that far ago

>>22430045
Thanks pal

Actual brain/lit/ here who has only just started dipping my toes in writing. Is Save the Cat actual hogwash or does it have very real lessons I can glean from it? If not, what do you think is the best advice for new writers?

>>22430408
https://youtu.be/MgO2XrKaFA8?si=5DU_E9PnvOw8OV-E

How do you write intimate scenes without going full coomer? I'm trying not to be too explicit, so I'm avoiding words like cock and pussy, but it's difficult. Anyone got any good examples worth studying?

>>22429932
It helps to just ask or know people with the relevant mental illness, or to have it yourself.
>>22430440
Fade to black. If the sex scene has some kind of narrative importance, simply write in the same way that you would write while describing a beautiful chair or something.

>>22430440
Don't describe the actions, but the emotional impact.

>>22430440
Her opening was very large and darkly colored around the rim. In fact, you might think to throw babies down it rather than one day a baby would come through it. But whether passing thru or falling into, they would be kicking and screaming. Internally I knew I should be doing the same, but outwardly this dark cunt subdued me. She stood above me and I looked into it, speechless and dumb as if before a judge.

>>22423250
You do what Tolkien did and you read mythology. If you want them to be interesting and varied, pull uncommon creatures out.

>>22430440
My throbbing member ached to bury itself in her wanting hole like a maggot hungry for rotten meat. Her salacious orifice dripping, its animalistic scent stirring primal lust within me. Drool leaking from my mouth, eyes darting across the naked body, my hands trembling as they desperately fondled, gripped and scratched at her tender flesh like a wolf ripping its prey apart.
I lose myself in the warm, velvety, moist embrace of her gushing cunt and an obscene moan escapes my throat. I stab into her with wanton abandon, each thrust harder and more desperate than the last, as if intent on pulverizing my own genitals against hers.
Her long fingernails leave a crimson trail carved on my back, her teeth sink deep into my shoulder, but the pain only adds to my frenzy, heightens the already overwhelming, electrifying sensation that courses through my body and takes over every atom of it.
I pull her head away, her dazed gaze meets mine as my hands encroach her soft neck and my grip tightens. Eyes roll back involuntarily, tongue hangs out, she emits a hoarse sound with her throat as her body twitches below mine and showers my testicles with her come.

I really do feel like i'm losing my thouch in writing, My writing a year or two ago was good looking back on it but now its just becoming bad how do I fix this?

>>22430440
I just write the smut. If any of it turns out to be important I leave those parts in, otherwise I edit most of it out later.

Or I go the opposite way and write nothing but extremely loaded and spicy subtext.

I want to add more melancholy to my story, but the only sad part is about 2/3rd through when a character I assume the audience will love dies

theres more deaths but theyre probably just going to make the viewer angry rather than sad

wat do sisters

>>22431343
Your atmosphere?

>>22431369
its kind of sad I suppose
its a world at war and the victor (main character side) are clearly not the good guys, and the moral/ending is just that they replace one tyrant with another who's equally paranoid and cruel

maybe I should get rid of the comedic undertones of having a loli____ be so evil

she placed both her hands on my thighs & said,“i wanna see your dick & i want us to fuck.” my field of vision went all pale. i had never heard anyone say the f word out loud in this context & mean it. i told her that i wanted to wait until i was in love with someone. i have no idea if i really felt this way but the part of me getting really into music was also trying to be excessively romantic

i once walked down Parthenia Avenue wearing no shoes, no shirt, & a beret. i was holding a red rose, & a small pewter stallion in my blue jean pocket, that i had painted grey. i planned to give it to the first girl i saw. no one came along, so with a great flourish i cast the rose into the street & watched cars run over it

she said,“but all guys want it.” i said,“i don’t wanna be like all guys.” again, i’m not sure if i meant this, was just scared, or was trying to develop an irredeemable identity as“painterly.” i do clearly remember saying this though, & it makes me want to smash my fourteen-year-old self in the eye with a lamp

she looked away & said that it was ok. we sat on the log & talked some more & kissed a little more. we were in the forest, so there were birds singing over our heads. they draped pink & blue ribbons around our shoulders. a toad wearing a waistcoat & monocle rolled up to us driving a pumpkin with wheels. he pulled out his pocket watch & croaked at us wildly that we were late for our next Bible study

>>22431874
Stop.

>>22431913
no

>>22431389
>world at war
>evil loli
tanya the evil?

>>22431874
Not a fan of the stylistic use of ampersand, but I dig it.

Are there any archaic first person pronouns in English I could use to show a character is very old and/or old fashioned, behind the times, or a nerd who looked it up to sound mysterious?

/crit/tard here
let me practice my review skills
post something

How much time needs to pass for a deserted island story to delve into meaningful survival elements such as combating dehydration and starvation?

>>22432224
How long does it take you to get thirsty?

>>22432231
Depends on whether I took my stimmies yet

>>22423250
Pick one aspect of the race and warp it so they feel distinct from humanity. Elves are everywhere, but very few people ever write about how living for 1000's of years on average would fuck with their society. Pick an aspect and warp the race around it

>>22432224
Just read existing works like "Robinson Crusoe" and take some hints

>>22432191
If you remember /crit/ then you really ought to have outgrown this joint.

Is it okay to switch perspectives rapidly in the same chapter, even back to back between paragraphs?

I am a writer and I have never finished a book in my life.

It is a confession I must make anons...

I'm struggling to write a 500 word statement for a CERT IV in profressional writing & editing. Is it even worth it, or should I just work some shitty job and write on the side?

>>22432530
I've only finished a 10 page short story, and that nearly killed me.

>>22432524
no, it's confusing and impossible to build momentum
just do omniscient narration

>>22432434
eh
skills wise im alright. won a couple contests but I fell off for a year and im alright
there's a pretty high ratio of competent writers to retards here, much more so than anywhere else but a personally selected group

>>22432559
That's what I meant. Omniscient narration that focuses on one character's perspective, then switches to the others point of view. It's supposed to be a high stakes standoff.

>>22432590
That's called 'head hopping' and people don't like it.

>>22432593
Who are these... "people"?

>>22432593
Buzzword used by nonreaders
The sequence in brave new world where it does a rapid fire sequence like this is great and memorable

>>22432590
nobody is going to stop you from trying to see if you can make it work
if you're interested, here's a test I did a while ago specifically to see if I could make it work:
https://pastebin.com/UdyhJmdT

I'm trying to write a story set in and around the rise of a fictional version of the Assyrian empire. That said, how should I go about doing research into the gods, lives, and habits of the historical people? Even if it's not strictly a historical thing, I would very much like to capture the feel of a strange and alien world. Or names even.
The basic idea is for the main characters to be a simple clayworker, and a merchant who sells shitty copper, and uses that as a cover for his real role as a spy. They barely make it out by sea as the city is sacked.
Rough idea of the opening here, I haven't written anything for quite a while.

It is a terrible thing, the fall of a city, the merchant pondered darkly. Even for one such as him, who had traveled wide, and seen many such horrors. The bright moon and waves lapping at the hull of his ship did little to soothe his mind.
To see the walls brought low, the fires run through her streets, her secret places probed, and all manner of good things taken away.
Her menfolk put to the sword, and the women and children hauled away in chains. Later, he knew, would come the executions, the trampling of ancestors, and the swearing of oaths more dreadful than any iron fetters.

Just as it is with men, it is so with cities. The outer walls are torn away, leaving behind entrails for the carrion birds. For a time, only bones glisten in the sun, until they too, crumble. Kings, beggers, the mighty and the weak, the quick and the dead. The great capitals of empire, and the most squalid farming community. The Lady of Serpents cares not for wealth or worldly status, in the end, all come to her.

He shuddered at this turn of his thoughts, and made a silent vow to sacrifice a black goat to Her at the first opportunity. A libation of wine from his stores would have to do for now.

>>22432659
Seems fine. Not terribly impactful but I can feel the mood
Dont wax poetic any longer than this. The point is made

I’m writing a ghost story that’s set during the lockdowns of the pandemic, but upon reading my work, I’ve come onto a vexing question. As a consequence of the greatest ghost stories having been written before the 1940s, my prose and diction have become positively archaic, at least compared to most of my contemporaries. Would this unintentional anachronism, at least in writing style, put off most readers or draw their attention away from the horror?

>>22432850
Sounds kino if the prose quality is actually good and you can write a convincing contemporary scene

>>22423321
>"There were hints of disappointment in his voice, or perhaps it was embarrassment, or maybe even regret--X could not tell.
The sound of his voice was despondent. Embarrassment, God, maybe even regret could be heard there in. It was hard to tell, as it was hard to listen to.

>>22432530
I am an author and I have never finished (reading) a book in my life.

How did you guys get published?

>>22424425
Dumbass attempt at mockery. Brahman and Atman are fundamental concepts that have nothing to do with blue elephants or whatever else you're talking about.

>>22431920
no its not an isekai which is why it will bomb, and the setting is medieval fantasy

I like it, because its original
>loli orphaned slave manages to escape her captors
>she meets many enemies in the hostile world
>exposes a conspiracy to defeat the lord of death
>becomes a trusted ally of him as a reward
>faces assassination attempts but is immortal so eventually shes frozen
>her followers unfreeze her centuries later
>enemies go back in time to try and kill her before she becomes immortal
>turns out one of her few friends in the past who died mysteriously in the first book was responsible for stopping the time travelers
>she gets tired of life as an immortal lackey for the lord of death
>she herself decides to overthrow him but shes too weak
>she steals weapons from the god of fear
>she kills the god of vengeance for more powerful weapons
>then kills the god of death to become the goddess of death herself

>>22433307
What a peculiar gentleman you are.

>>22433236
They didn't.

>>22433307
>god of
stopped reading here

>>22433307
>the first book

>>22433307
>lord of death
>immortality
>time travel
>god of fear
>god of vengeance
>god of death

>>22433666
Im getting it translated to Japanese so I can reach the Japanese audience
much more fun to work with in my experience, and they dont care about LGTB and shit even though I suppose my MC would qualify as a strong female lead and if youre delusional enough you could view her demonic blood as an allegory for race/oppression or some shit

besides dont you just wanna molest her?

>>22433639
you WILL read it and you will ENJOY it

>>22433693
Would mating press while yelling get pregnant

>>22433693
So you're trying to go for the light novel audience. I'm not sure it's gonna work out for you but good luck I suppose.

>>22433693
Post work, until then you're just another ideas guy.

Also meatier thighs or no deal.

>>22433693
she just looks like dollar store megumin

>>22433693
>be me
>post on /a/
>kind of bored
>go to /lit/ instead
>go to /wg/
>somehow, I am still on /a/
nani
i doubt we've ever spoken before yet i feel like i've known you for 5 years already

I think I'm on my 6th or 7th draft. It's a ya romance but I can't structure a novel to save my life. I don't understand how some people can pump books out in months. I'm not gonna bother trying to get it published but I want it to be as perfect as possible. Each time I finish a draft I think is okay I discover it has massive, fundamental issues

>>22433976
You may not believe this, but when you do something a lot, you get gradually better at it. No one thought it was easy the first time. Mind-blowing, I know

This is disgusting, she thought. He was bad mouthing her favorite author during their love making. But how else would they bond? If it were not for him, wouldn’t she still be on the streets? Did it matter?

Cornell was messing with the stirring wheel, avoiding any possibility of a coronary roadkill. He didn’t like that at all. Speaking was unnecessary; he had to feel it instead. She had to feel it as well. And they continued doing it for fifteen more minutes, until the aneurysm.

Then she left and never looked back. Anne was smoking on the street when the ambulance took him.
What do you guys think?

>>22434353
I don’t really see the scene or what’s happening. Also did you mean steering wheel?

>>22428845

Does it read better?

>>22434408
Yeah, my bad.

writing challage Write a family guy episode using this trailer as refence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A93dr6Djxz8

I've been revising a piece I shared earlier in the thread.

What're we thinking, fellas? I reckon it's pretty spoopy now.

>>22434422
jerry get iphone

>>22434565
>you
>you
>you you you
(You)

>>22434689
I mean, it's for an RPG/visual novel so yeah, it would make sense for it to be in second person.

>>22433236
I had my mommy and daddy do it :)

Anyone ever use BookSirens?
I just got my novel up on it.
Success? Failure? Let me know.

Trying to write really short stories.

How is this one?

>>22434565
I like it anon.

>>22434410
nta, the narration is kind of flat but its a lot better.
also
>akihabara
i foresee kino

>>22435042

It's set in Tokyo because it's really the only settin I can see this type of situation working the theme is going to be what happens when secrets are brought up to the surface the rival mafia boss has sort of built up this perfect life for himself on the surface but the discovery of the doll leads to all sorts of dosmestic fallouts and scandals

Your all dumb faggot niggers and writing is for loosers.

>>22434881
not a story at all

>>22434410
Better, but the set up is not quite there yet.
Describe the doll as soon as it is mentioned to the same extent you described Hiro. This is supposed to be shocking and absurd, so use the description to heighten the emotions of the characters. You spend time explaining a feeling, but you never let your character actually be struck by the absurdity.
I would also skip the "character introduction" to your MC and just jump right into the interesting part of this story.

I would do it like this:


"What the fuck is happening? Is this some kind of joke?" Hiro bellowed, his voice reaching me all the way to the entrance of the darkened office. As tall as a fucking ogre and just as wild, working with him could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he made interrogations so much easier.

A grim silence occupied the room when I stepped in. Dimly lit, reeking of nicotine, a fully assembled Samurai armor to the side of a mahogany desk, a dozen men in dark suits -some missing fingers, all of them intricately tattooed- gathered around a woman bound to a chair, her head covered with a black hood.

"This is no joke." A tiny old man growled as he turned to me, his icy eyes dripping with contempt, his aging face a perpetual scowl.

I flick into a stiff bow, "Forgive me, Nishiguchi-san." I croak, half expecting to feel his cane cracking my skull.

"We've tolerated the Inagawa-kai for far too long." he droned on with his raspy voice, not bothering to acknowledge my existence, " It is time we eradicate those cockroaches for good."

I look at our bound hostage, hatred boiling inside me. A young woman with alabaster skin and great tits, wearing nothing but a bright satin bodysuit and purple heels. Her legs are fully spread, her body tense, rigid.

Hiro steps forward, right in front of our prey, his fists clenched in fury. "Are you seriously telling me that you brought us all together for this shit?" he roars as he pulls the hood away.

Despite the darkness of the room, I can make out the features of this beautiful woman with perfect skin and silky black hair, a furrow printed on her face, her glossy lips parted slightly.

My heart flutters briefly before it sinks into the blackened waters of my mind. I get to have a first row seat for the worst day of her life.

Then the lights come up. Her skin unnaturally shines under the white office lights, her lifeless crystal eyes fixated on nothing in particular, a plastic corpse.

"Is that a fucking doll?"

Shiniguchi-san places his arm on my shoulder, and a horrendous grin draws across his face. "Not just a doll" he licks his lips, punctuating each word "A sex doll".


****
Also, rate pls.

>>22433307
>>22433693
I've thought of doing the same and then wonder if I should just put one foot slightly in the fujo bait to make up for not isekaing

>>22434565
You went full throttle to cheesetown with it and the result is just absurd and makes no sense.

>>22435292
Okay. Care to elaborate? I felt it was an appropriately apocalyptic portrayal of an event that could destroy the entire town, personally.

>Poor girl's mother offs herself because it means one less mouth to feed
>Girl anguished with selfish the act was, grows up putting others before herself not realizing she's walking the same path as her mother
>Random guy comes across mother about to drown herself, tries to stop her
>She berates and attacks him, demanding why he's getting involved, eventually succeeds
>Guy is stripped of titles and imprisoned for apparent murder, jail time further instilling the concept of 'keep to yourself' and 'don't help others'
>Years later, Girl and Guy collide
Too cheesy? Too melodramatic?

>>22435334
Depends on execution, could go either way

>>22435231
too fucking wordy

>>22424270
Hammer it home and use a lot of violent language, anon. Oh boy I love anger! Anger, and hatred, and rage! I love a good piece that makes me all tingly inside so be sure to include a lot of violence, rough, fucked language for us OK?

Editorchad is almost done with his latest project. Let me know you're from /lit/ and I can hook you up with a discount. https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42

>>22434689
I don't think this thing about avoiding repeated pronouns is good advice. The only reason people say it is that it's trivially easy to spot a lot of pronouns when you're skim-reading a story. Because you're looking for them, you perceive them as annoying and clunky, as moles to be whacked. But often the best, most direct option is to just say 'you' when you mean 'you' and 'he' when you mean 'he', and trying to avoid them often means warping your subject matter to fit a bogus rule.

E.g. this is the start of Herzog by Saul Bellow, a great novel, and literally every sentence but two has 'he' as the subject:

>If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog.

>Some people thought he was cracked and for a time he himself had doubted that he was all there. But now, though he still behaved oddly, he felt confident, cheerful, clairvoyant, and strong. He had fallen under a spell and was writing letters to everyone under the sun. He was so stirred by these letters that from the end of June he moved from place to place with a valise full of papers. He had carried this valise from New York to Martha's Vineyard, but returned from the Vineyard immediately; two days later he flew to Chicago, and from Chicago he went to a village: in western Massachusetts. Hidden in the country, he wrote endlessly, fanatically, to the newspapers, to people in public life, to friends and relatives and at last to the dead, his own obscure dead, and finally the famous dead.

>It was the peak of summer in the Berkshires.

>Herzog was alone in the big old house. Normally particular about food, he now ate Silvercup bread from the paper package, beans from the can, and American cheese. Now and then he picked raspberries in the overgrown garden, lifting up the thorny canes with absent-minded caution. As for sleep, he slept on a mattress without sheets-it was his abandoned marriage bed-or in the hammock, covered by his coat.

>>22435765
>people who dont read are the ones who parrot platitudes
Done been knew, mine fine melanin negro

>>22435765
I think that anon was just saying second person is retarded

>>22432144
No, there are not. The closest to this is saying "mine" instead of "my" when it precedes a vowel, e.g. "mine own".

I went on a trip to a few Western states recently, at the end of which we went from Death Valley straight to Las Vegas. Death Valley was hot, dry, and almost devoid of any sign of life, and much of it was below sea level. Standing on the outstretching dunes of one location I felt like I was witnessing the foundation upon which God had set up the world. On another I saw hexagonal salt flats which seemed to separate the desert rock and sand in irregular patterns of organic wireframe.

We then drove just two hours away to the loud, garish spectacle of Las Vegas. The city that had materialized like an LED oasis out of the desert to earn synonymity with escape. The clockless casinos lined up with bright, neon slot machines manned by dead-eyed and anonymous souls in rooms filled with the smell of cigarette smoke, adjacent to opulent hotel lobbies with high ceilings fitted with ornate palatial designs, imitation-crab facades on the strip aping the style of every prominent yesteryear building so that it was as if you could wonder whether the pyramids would show up and they would pop up around the corner, an otherworldly circus and water diving show brought to life by death-defying performers in gaudy costumes, scantily clad girls in feather hats prowling a hotel front to ask for pictures while eyes are fixed upon a fountain show moving in a slavish and mechanical choreography of light and water, resembling a series of lifeless and locked geysers. Flying back home, the city glowed below like a giant circuit board, unobstructed by clouds, until the light faded and the darkness of the desert returned.

If Death Valley brought to mind the past, and Las Vegas the present, together they made me think about the future. What kind of desert or foundation for a level of yet unbuilt reality will emerge in our lifetime? And when it comes, will the power to generate worlds out of nothing be concentrated in the hands of the few who build this desert? Or will we be able to imagine worlds beyond the pleasure-oasis, beyond escaping ourselves, and live the authentic and fulfilling lives of which we were deprived in the world of the past?

>>22434565

eminem, is that you?

>>22435223
filtered

>>22433297
The OP picrel was just a silly joke about a cosmic Batman. You're overthinking it.
t. OP

>>22435231
>honorifics in english
Never do this

I have ideas in my head but I have no idea how to transfer them onto the page, I don't know how to write shit to fill a book.

>>22436236
I see you're going for a lung buster of a sentence, but it needs better flow. There are, uh, "appositive phrases" that don't seem to match what preceded them. The imagery also goes from inside a casino to outside on the strip in a jarring manner.

>>22436682
First step: learn what a comma splice is.

>>22436720
Is the punctuation in my reply not good?

>>22436370
Is that a bad thing? I am so confused...

>>22423136
How does one consistently get writing ideas? I'm challenging myself to write a short story every week or two, but I'm currently stuck on week two. The other writing ideas I have reserved for novellas since the scope of it is too great for short stories.

>>22436882
I shamelessly start with something I enjoyed as a kid and then twist it to resemble my current tastes.

>>22434699
Is it porn?

>>22436914
Afraid not, Anon. The only smut I've ever written was a really dumb comedy thing.

>>22436882
People get inspiration from other media that they consume and put a spin on it, it's next to impossible to come up with an original idea these days.

>>22436935
What a relief, I only write porn.

>>22436714
Yeah, I agree. I went a bit overboard with the stream of consciousness stuff but I might tone it down a bit in the future, or pay more attention to flow.

>>22435299
Are you the Wish Mountain anon? I've never seen anyone else here struggle so much with expressing himself in writing.

>>22435292
>>22437106
Less gaslighting, more explaining. It reads fine to me. Are you some "real fiction" pseud?

>>22437106
I am not. And anyway, I am expressing the protagonists interpretation of events.

>>22437116
I'm really not getting it. Maybe more surreal or fantastical elements aren't his cup of tea?

I'm smoking my cigarettes and editing a short story I'm working on. The following is not from this story.
When Mars fucks Venus, it is rape. The offspring is a mangle of blood and bone with a sword skewered through its neck. Venus does not give birth. The fetus slices a wound in her belly and slips out. It's so deformed that its body shatters upon the ground. A million drops of blood and bits of bone plaster our woods and skies. Mars is victorious for his rape. The offspring is victorious for slaying Venus. Venus is happy she is beautiful. When Mars fucks Venus, she does not give birth.

>>22437116
>>22437134

The tone is all over the place, you first try to be poetic and bombastic, then use laid-back colloquialisms like "townsfolk dropping" and all sense of seriousness is destroyed. You seem infatuated with ridiculous imagery like "searing pain blasting the contents of your skull" (Caused by what? How are you alive and standing after your brain is blasted?) It's a listing of stilted, surreal sensory experiences, many of which don't seem obviously related, and then it's over. The pacing is very awkward. The previously panicking townsfolk proceed to methodically "assess the damage" while surrounded by unconscious people. (You) are just told to go home, like they don't need any help. Hope you can find the door under all the white powder (what the hell?)

This is somehow supposed to be a "spoopy, apocalyptic event that can wipe out a village." You're not communicating that at all. You want to give your reader a sense of confusion and uncertainty, but the only confusion here is over what are you smoking.
>reads fine to me
OK. Hope you manage the rest of your big project on your own, because I'm done holding your hand.

>>22437371
A lot of your concerns are addressed by things the player character (the "you" it refers to constantly) doesn't know yet.

The sound and the chaotic visuals are not the only thing creating the headache being described as "searing pain blasting the contents of your skull." The source of the sound, the "blizzard of black and red", is a swarm of monstrous locusts that leave behind a foul aura (and utterly horrendous smell) and a strange white powder that induces comas in people.

The next scene explains a bunch of this, but until the player gets there this is supposed to be a weird, disorienting, slightly scary experience.

I'm also not the person that said "it reads fine to me." If there are issues I want to know what they are.

>>22423299
Absolutely. Keep going. It's a rough draft, it's not supposed to be good. You can iron out the kinks later.

>>22437139
I got the reminder on my phone to do a re-read and edit of my short story the other day but I put it off, I haven't been motivated to write in over a month because I keep letting the bad thoughts creep in and it's killing any chance of me ever taking writing seriously.

>>22437639
I have a stack of rejections after a few months of submitting my first book. I was writing my second, but I am taking a break now. I'm not quitting, just need some time to seethe.

>>22437931
Honestly you should pay someone to find you a publisher or at least submit applications on your behalf. Doesn't have to be a proper agent. If this type of news disrupts your creative process, it's better to offload it to someone else.

>>22437139
First 2 sentences are fine, rest is too edgy and trying too hard. Though I'd use a contraction there to be informal.

I have a setting which involves an X-Men like scenario where everyday people suddenly get superpowers.

It's also similar to My Hero Academia in the way that there wasn't previously any known superhumans before they start to pop up on mass in society.

Why question is, would readers prefer the story start closer to the time where lots of people get their powers, or much further down the line where the people that have gotten their powers have gone through a lot and have established alter-egos for themselves?

The first option would mean the story would have a lot more events to play out instead of being flashbacks. The latter would need to rely on lots of flashbacks (or similar) to explain how people are the way they've turned out.

There are key 'eras' and stages of how things play out in this world over the years. Keep in mind I'm aiming for this to be a serialized story with a definitive ending.

I'm trying to write an eerie homosexual seduction sequence, it's plot significant but it's making me uncomfortable and I think I'm shying away from it. Should I drop the scene? I don't know if I could do it justice

>>22438122
Homofaggotry might make a lot of people uncomfortable and if that's your point you might as well do it in the most uncomfortable way.

But keep in mind it may also make people go "okay that's enough" and drop your shit.

>>22438113
>superhero shit
I sleep, why does everyone write this shit? Granted, I had a similar idea for superhero shit, but the superhero plot would be entirely secondary to the jew organization main plot. And other real issues given a superhero filter.

>>22438148
No I wouldn't get grotesque with it, but it's sort of supposed to be eerie like you know it's a bad thing. He doesn't go through with it in the end but I want it to be touch and go.

>>22438155
Similar to you, I would write it to be an anti-superhero story. I don't think superheroes are actually that great, but they make for a great vehicle to discuss real world issues and ideas.

And don't write about the jews before I do.

>>22423250
Make a race where everyone is of a different race.
Like, they are all of the same race, but they all have nothing in common. That'd be cool. Like a Babel curse or something.

>>22437974
I should have clarified that I was submitting for representation. Thanks anon.

>>22437371
>Caused by what?
Are you actually asking for upfront exposition?

dubs and we are all gonna make it

>>22438277
aw yis

>>22438277
Based. You and me are gonna dab on the haters.

>>22438122
>>22438161
Fujos would swarm.
Instead, try a homophobic slaughter of a faggot.

>>22438277
blessed

>>22438180
>And don't write about the jews before I do.
Run faster fatboy.

>>22423409
>If I mention the name they'll have a picture in their head before I can describe something unique about my version(s)
Call them notElves, mention their pointy ears and then whatever is unique to your notElves.

That's if you really insist on being a faggot and not just calling them elves despite clearly being inspired by elves.

>>22438333
I don't know what a fujo is, is this a good thing?

>>22438353
get the fuck back where you came from holy fucking shit

>>22438358
Why are you so fucking mad?

>>22438370
I'm mad that you are clearly not from around here and have crawled in by accident. Anime website, you need to be familiar with all this.

>>22437139
I was on board until the "Venus is happy" bit. It feels like a non sequitur. You're describing a violent rape, a fetus carving it's way out of her, literally saying she got slain (as in, she's dead) but then she's happy because she is beautiful? Nothing in the text leads up to this conclusion. I know it's not a literal sequence of events and it is all symbolic but what are you trying to say here with this bit?

>>22438420
Women love being raped and killed

>>22438373
Nobody in this anime website gives a flying fuck about fujoshit though.

>>22438422
Find another way to express it. Something less on the nose and more in line with the rest of the narration. You spend a lot of time dehumanizing the woman and then saying she's dead only to suddenly call her beautiful and say she's happy (but dead?).

>>22438424
Tell that to the homos. You have to know what attracts them lest you end up swarmed.

>>22438479
But he wants to write an eerie sequence, not something that is appealing.
The only person here thinking about what homosexuals and fujoshis want is you.

>>22438491
It won't be eerie for them.

>>22438495
Write a short story on how faggots live (and get pozzed) rent free in your head.

>>22438260
"Due to the nature of the insects, which you are not yet aware are insects, you have just the worst headache. Like the worst pain you have ever felt times 3. Honestly, it's a miracle you're still conscious. Holy shit, bro."

Something tells me anything short of that will be too enigmatic for that Anon.

>>22438113
Start a ways in. You're dealing with well known tropes here. Everybody knows what superpowers and superheroes are, so they don't need a step by step explanation. If people's heads were falling off and turning into psychic lobsters or something, that would be so weird you'd have to start at the beginning.

>>22438497
You're way ahead of me there with your "eerie" homoeroticism.

>>22438260
No. Do you often get blasted by searing brain pain when insects fly by? I sure don't. Neither have I ever heard of this happening in Africa where locust swarms are an actual hazard. How do you make sense of that image to yourself? What mental gymnastics lead you to think like, "ah, a perfectly sensible choice of words". Anon is telling me this happens, and I can only think anon has no idea how insects work. He then tells me there's a riveting explanation coming up hours later in his fabulous story that puts this clumsy, nonsensical passage in a whole new light. The problem is, that's not the problem that needs to be fixed, not even the beginning of all the problems

>>22438956
Actually the explanation starts a few minutes later.

>>22438956
>>22439015
Also, these locusts are the size of cats, are semi-divine in nature, and carry a literal sleeping curse.

Your inexperience with fantasy doesn't change any of that.

>>22438420
Thanks for pointing that out, I felt good writing it at the time but I don't see why I wrote it now. Fuel for editing, indeed.

>>22438073
Aye, I'm re-writing this opening spiel several times (this is the third iteration I have made) to refine it. I feel an aesthetic vector that I am succumbing to but it has to be polished more.

>>22437639
Honestly, the editing is the easy part. I say, if you're capable, to take as much emotional capital on your works as you can. Even to the point of arrogance. I find I am a rational enough person to consider and implement criticism for my betterment, but at the time of writing my work is the best art that has ever been written. It's the humility that's key, but I find selfishness is highly beneficial when isolated.

How come some readers read one (1) book by you and think he knows everything about you and your background and beliefs? Not just that but editors or other professionals getting asshurt about who you might be when reviewing work. It comes as a surprise to me that a reader would get so invested in the life of the author. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

>>22439139
I did comics for a while and people would have these insane and wild beliefs about me, or the hidden meanings theyd find in my work they were 100% sure of were true even when I, the fucking author and artist, told them it was wrong.

you learn to just stop caring. most critics are retarded and useless. Ive maybe had good critique twice in the past 5 years

>>22439139
this is just how the average normie interacts with art. Their ultimate appraisal is "would I like the artist?"

>>22439180
I just find it odd. A lot of people know how fucked up Van Gogh was but it has zero bearing on the beauty of his art.
>>22439178
I will keep that in mind.

>>22439139
If you think that's bad, never get involved with a 4chan project. People go insane, and even years later continue to delude themselves and chase at shadows. I've long considered writing about my own experience there, but it's been hard separating myself from them.

What do you think? Is it good for a romance scene? I wrote this in a hurry today, and somehow I feel like I'm falling into some YA territory, even if I don't want to.

>>22439260
cuck

>>22439260
I like it. It's too cheesy for me, but I guess that's what you get when writing romance from the perspective of a woman. Sounds a bit cliche too, but I can't tell since I don't read romances. Well-written tho, very nice

>>22438113
>The latter would need to rely on lots of flashbacks
it shouldn't. all that matters in your story is that people have superpowers. the why is completely incidental to whatever plot you are creating. your reader doesn't give a shit about why your reader wants to read about people with powers beating each other up and committing crimes and whatever else. I mean there could be a deep, dark sinister reason that caused people to get powers, but as far as your reader will be concerned that'll be filed under the hey neat category, and not more than that

>>22439260
>But you are as limpid as water, Nevem
more like as limped as that faggot's cock lmao
on a more serious note - but seriously why did you use the word limpid - having the man call her tall is not a compliment to a woman, at least being called tall is not a compliment a woman would like receiving from a man. as the reader I see this guy as a like a 5'5'' manlet with ED

>>22439346
Limpid is a direct translation from my mother language, it sounds better in the original text lol but it's ok
Also, It's said many times in the text that shes' taller than most women, and she thinks its a flaw.
thanks for your opinion tho

>>22439245
>never get involved with a 4chan project
Too late for me, I'm afraid. What a miserable experience.

>>22439363
You too, huh? No matter how much time passes, it still stings as though it were yesterday.

>>22439139
>>22439178
>>22439180
>>22439212
I think most people will think I'm some sort of fucked in the head sociopath.

I mean, they're not that far off, but it's not exactly correct.

>>22439483
Post work.

>>22439260

Why not use proper formatting? You need indentations to make this readable.

Overall, it's very good, but I would leave the "What do you see?" question unanswered. I don't think his response in words actually adds anything to the seen. The unspoken is more powerful than any words he can use. The fact that he doesn't respond in words, his refusal to answer in words, also ups the tension, as we imagine something physical could be taking place in its stead or simply an unwillingness on his part to say out loud how he really feels about her.

But if he just calls her a woman, a warrior and a princess, all of these things that we already know, it just feels pointless and unimpressive. If I was in this interaction and somebody just tells me everything I already know about myself, it would hardly take my breath away.

But generally good work. What is your native language, if you don't mind answering?

>>22439514
>the seen

the scene. oops

>>22438161
>eerie like you know it's a bad thing.

In that case, drop it, because it would not be politically correct and could offend a sensitivity reader.

>>22439490
This isn't the one I'm referring to, but here.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/70556/beasts-of-the-woods

>>22439535
>could offend a sensitivity reader.
Nigger.

>>22439514
Thank you so much for your advice, it’s wonderful. Totally what I was looking for. Also I’m sorry for the formatting, I was trying to keep everything in one page.
I am Italian, btw

Any good?

>>22439588
'fraid not

>>22439588
I think it's fun. I'm not sure why she's being so chatty with birdman, telling him there are people looking for "us" not "They're looking for people like you" which would be a good opening for him to mention he noticed her little trick with the vending machines. Then she's extra chatty and tells him she's going outside the city for a job, not just going outside the city to lay low, going outside for a job. I dunno why. Finally she is the one who mentions Hitchcock, but that film was made in like 1960. Lil' zooms probably don't even know who hitchcock is, let alone The Birds. The older man should be the one to mention hitchcock, I would think, unless she's like a film buff or something (she may be)

>>22439746
Aww.

>>22439794
My big thing on going back over it was that she was just a bit too chatty for someone trying to fly under the radar. She is a film buff though, I'm glad that got across.

>>22439588
It's alright.
Instead of saying she "focused her mind" you should be more descriptive with what she's actually doing. I dunno, maybe touching the machine while closing her eyes, or exploring the machine's circuitry with her mind's eye or something like that. The bird man is infinitely more interesting than her, don't make her power too vague, even if you plan to reveal it later.
You should describe your characters more. The bird man is a bum (which could be pictured in a lot of ways) but Kayleigh's got nothing. It feels like they are mentor and student, friends, members of some crime syndicate, but again everything is too vague.
Explain why they are there and who they are as soon as possible. Don't be too vague or mysterious because at this point they are not interesting enough to warrant someone's interest.

>>22439814
>Aww.
Don't get me wrong, it's fine. I like the scene as a scene, the three characters are quickly established and notably different, only your prose is a touch off. It's too wordy. Which'd be fine if you were using all those characters to describe the things that matter, but you're throwing in useless "fluff"
>It wasn't really a question
>the guy who he was saying it to
>it was a little bit too mean to just casually say
Use that space to describe the setting or the characters and condense what've already got. And, as already pointed out, your dialogue could use a bit of tweaking.

What do you guys think about never truly being in the character's heads, but writing it more like a movie, where all you get is their external behavior? I feel like the characters are more fun and mysterious that way.

>>22439260
>somehow I feel like I'm falling into some YA territory,
That's what it feels like. I suppose it depends on if this is just one scene or if shit like this keeps happening.

>>22439864
That's the way I try to write. Third person omniscient, describing the story though setting, actions and dialogue. Thoughts are portrayed through words or action, sometimes facial expression and body language.

>>22439870
It’s just this scene so far, and I’m not planning to add many of the like. How could I avoid the YA territory? Any tips?

>>22439864
It’s ok, but if I wanted to see a movie, I’d go to the cinema. If I’m reading a book I’m looking for a more profound experience. I guess that using this technique in an efficient way requires a lot of skill, because if I’m just going to se “x did this and y did that while z happened” im losing interest very fast.

>>22439864
That's the only way I can write in third person. I just hate having a psychic x ray into people's brains.

>>22439893
Have them fuck and it's not very good and then things are awkward for awhile but then they silently agree to just never mention it again. Ruin the romance with realism.

>>22439900
Not him, but I can hardly stand it when a narrator gets right inside a character's head. It feels lazy. I mean, the only way we perceive others is through their words and actions. First person narration is different but as far a third person goes, it's best not to delve into the characters' direct thoughts. Something like
>she looked confused
is enough.

>>22431094
You're probably not slipping. You only prefer your earlier work because you're more distance from it. When you look at your current work, you can't help but fixate on how much your writing fails to fully capture what's in your head. Once enough time has passed, you don't really remember what you had in mind originally, so there's nothing to compare it to.

>read some ao3 erotica
>feel mogged
What the fuck you guys said erotica was the lowest and most accessible floor

>>22439969
Post your work and the works that mog it.

Where can I post horror blended with rape erotica? Ao3 is down for me and I'm not sure what my story is a fanfic of either (although I'm inspired by Laymon and other splatterpunk).

>>22439588

>>22439933
It's strange that "Show Don't Tell" is repeated like a mantra, but at the same time people claim that books are a superior medium because they can tell you what's going on inside a character's head.

>>22439971
https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475483
Got recommended to read his stories since I want to amazon wagie in the same genre. I could post my own but I dont know if they'd auto detect the upload and prevent me from uploading
It's not a masterwork, but the pace is much tighter than my writing tends to be, and the plot, while simple and predictable, is satisfying with clear set up/follow through

>>22440063
It's personal preference really. I don't mind
>He sat facing the sunset and looked somberly upon it, reflecting on his day.
Yet
>He sat and thought about his mistakes as watched the sun go down.
Is simply too direct for my tastes. I like to imagine that as a reader one would know what the character was thinking about without the need to reference it directly.

I tried to make it eerie, it just came off as hot. I'm not even gay I think I just have a knack for it. Fuck bros.

>>22439821
>>22440058
Well that is a fair bit more descriptive, reads pretty well too.

>>22439821
Yeah, I'm going to have to work in the descriptions.

>>22440306
if you want to make a buck there you go. faggots spend on average a lot more money on smut because their entire life boils down to getting off and they don't have children to take care of

>>22440545
>>22440545
>>22440545

>>22440490
But it's supposed to be creepy not erotic. And everywhere I look for creepy writing advice is so vague.

>>22439864
That's the narrative viewpoint known as "the camera". Used all the time.

>>22438277
Checked and claimed.

>>22439260
IDK why but your text crashed my brain. Felt like 50% of my brainpower just stopped working as soon as I started reading. Anyway, looks good to me.