/lit/ - Literature

I got some good feedback last time I posted, here's some recent progress I made with a link:

III.I
Windswept grasslands heaved lyke tydes
Submerging those who shelter seeked,
Atop the torrent brazen panzers
Sailed ahead with rage and pryde
As infantry formed lyke a fleet
Behind their tracks to slouch and cower.
III.II
Thunder shook the redoubts bare
As barrage after barrage surged
Onto gullies meant for cover
To hurl combatants in the air.
Their remains, the source of scourge,
Earthwards plunged to there fynd slumber.
III.III
As rats when tangled tail-to-tail
In one tyght knot firmlie confyned,
Orcs in foxholes huddled near
Till mortar shells lyke shrieking gales
Their bonds of friendship there untwyned,
Ending lyves - easing fears.
III.IV
With Wayland’s weapons to stryke their foes
Charged myghtie columns of armoured spyte,
The clawing shrubs could not persuade
Their tracks to halt or backwards go,
Man’s brigades marched lyke a blyght
The otherlings to thus invade.
III.V
Growling engines fierclie ferried
Ireful beasts intent to kill
All who stood beyond man’s borders,
Whose birth to death had them decreed,
Whose birth had made them less than swill
For man had deemed them much his lesser.
III.VI
Barking ryfles with bloated bowels
Emptied salvoes in measured beats,
In twos and threes - in friend and foe,
In harmonie with all the foul
Songs of death and rotting meat
To entertain the feasting crows.
III.VII
Here an orc to raiding foes
Unleashed a burst of ryfle fyre,
Upon their friends they slumped in pain
Where manie more there slumped below.
Their remains, consumed by myres,
Just lyke their peers decayed in vain.
III.VIII
Here grenades thrown in a hole
Skywards tossed a helm with head,
Through dust with haste - through fear with frenzie,
A pack of men to take control
From orcish hands and from the dead
A narrow trench of lyce besieged.

https://songoftheotherlings.carrd.co

Here's the first paragraph of something I've been working on, I haven't really written anything in a long time, but I've got an idea for a novel in my head and I wanna try to see if I actually do it. I have about 2000 words written so far and a solid structure of how I want things to go.
https://pastebin.com/SxmdLJVN

Going to try again. This is the first chapter of what could be a serial but it could also just be a novel or series of novels. Consider this a "pilot episode." I hope you enjoy it. I welcome constructive criticism.

> Crimson Dawn is a world of gangsters with special talents in the Roaring Twenties of Chicago. A legbreaker is fed up with his lack of upward mobility so he looks for a new path in life which leads him to meet a fellow, specially talented man that may have just the way out if they can trust each other.

Chapter 1.
https://files.catbox.moe/5stadj.pdf

>>22359510
I would start it from here:

"This marked the fifth year that Jackson acted as a legbreaker for Ed Bononi."

>>22359510
"Better have that first payment and
it better not be in lead!”

That's cool! You have talent, definitely. I just feel like you're rushing through your story a bit. You need to describe more, and let tension build. Otherwise you'll do things like try to make us sympathise and like your MC by having him beat-up a dog-abuser. That's a little cheap, imo. Let the MC mull it over, and only intervene grudgingly at the last second. That would be my advice.

Slight editing. Mostly want it in an active thread.

Good night, anons.

>>22359498
> He sat on the top of the picnic table and breathed in as he lit his cigarette. The sun was long gone, but some smears of red and orange still hung above the western horizon.
So far so good.

> Beads of sweat slowly accumulated on his forehead, brown hair already almost black with wet.
Avoid adverbs. Use a more specific verb such as ___. "Black with wet?" How about "his wet brown hair almost black?"

> A haze was forming above the cornfields that surrounded the building, the corn itself adding more moisture to the already wet heat.
Avoid the passive voice. Cause seems to follow effect when written in that order. Try "The corn made the wet heat even more humid. A haze above the cornfields surrounded the building."

> He puffed lazily on the cigarette, 20-30 seconds between drags, slowly exhaling upward, eyes staring off.
Passive voice again. However, considering that you are going for a slow, lazy atmosphere, maybe you could get away with it. Especially with that sentence. If you choose active voice then try, "He took his time with his cigarette. Slow puffs, slow exhales. His eyes stare off."

> The crickets and cicadas were jamming away on their improvised tunes, playing as masterly as some of the jazz greats, the crickets keeping in time with the heat and the cicadas wailing and modulating.
Try, "The crickets and cicadas jammed away. The crickets kept time with the heat and the cicadas wailed and modulated. They were masters as much as some of the jazz greats."

> The rooftop air conditioners clicked on, and its metallic one-note-drone barged onto the jam, much louder than everything else in the mix.
Try, "The rooftop air conditioners clicked on. Their metallic, monotonous drone barged onto the jam much louder than everything else.

> He closed his eyes, feeling the heat in his lungs, on his skin, becoming damp and clammy beneath the half plastic 'breathable' uniform.
Try, "He closed his eyes, feeling the heat in his lungs. His skin became clammy beneath his half plastic 'breathable' uniform."

> The jam changed now, the whirls of fans adding a haze to the soundscape, adding half imagined textures and creaks (tinnitus probably), the odd unknown rumbling, something that almost sounded like a creak, a squeak?
Try, "The jam changed, the whirling of fans added a haze of half imagined textures and creaks, tinnitus probably, to the soundscape. The odd unknown rumbling. Something that sounded like a creak, a squeak?"

> Left eye squinted open, giving the side eye, seeing he now had company.
Try, "His left eye squinted open to the side. He had company."

>>22359588
Let's put that all together.
> He sat on the top of the picnic table and breathed in as he lit his cigarette. The sun was long gone, but smears of red and orange still hung above the western horizon. Sweat trickled down his forehead, his wet brown hair almost black. The corn made the wet heat even more humid. A haze above the cornfields surrounded the building. He took his time with his cigarette. Slow puffs, slow exhales. His eyes stare off. The crickets and cicadas jammed away. The crickets kept time with the heat and the cicadas wailed and modulated. They were masters as much as some of the jazz greats. The rooftop air conditioners clicked on. Their metallic, monotonous drone barged onto the jam much louder than everything else. He closed his eyes, feeling the heat in his lungs. His skin became clammy beneath his half plastic 'breathable' uniform. The jam changed, the whirling of fans added a haze of half imagined textures and creaks, tinnitus probably, to the soundscape. The odd unknown rumbling. Something that sounded like a creak, a squeak? His left eye squinted open to the side. He had company.

These are suggestions. I hope it helps you.

My first draft is a whole lot of "things happened" right now.

Will I be able to make the narrative more complex in later chapters?

>>22359645
It’s a first draft so I wouldn’t really worry. You’re telling yourself the story. On the rewrite you’ll have a much better grasp of how to pace it out.

>>22359540
I predicted that someone would call it a bit fast paced. What would you describe more? I could build tone and tension with more dialogue. I could also expand upon the setting through actions e.g. characters interact with their environment more. Should I add more dialogue for characterization?

Full disclosure: I had two primary visions for this work. First that it would be pulpy. It may not be an excuse to be sloppy but I wanted to state that. The second is that I cannot decide if I want to go the serial route which means tight word counts per chapter or if I want to write a full novel which gives me more liberty.

As for the dog, I will see about making that less cheap. Rereading it I can see your point. Probably goes hand-in-hand with how quickly it happens.

>>22359532
First, allow me to explain my intentions. I meant for that first scene to show Jackson candid and free from story development. The second scene was meant to cement him as the POV character and expand upon his world. The third scene was meant to add weight to the second and first scenes by implying that he's gone through this for five years and has made no progress. Therefore, I mean to set up that things will change.

Having said that, if I started with that third scene, would you rearrange what I already wrote or find a different way to accomplish what the first two scenes are meant to do?

>>22359645
Learn to use the words "but" and "so" when putting your story together.

> X happens but Y happens so Z happens but A happens so B happens...

Use every "but" to escalate your story. Take your characters to a new point of no return. Use every "so" as an active response from your characters. Make them choose to do things, form new plans, and execute them until the next "but."

At the root of it all your characters must want things and they must have trouble getting them. There should be goals they want to accomplish but there should be greater callings that they answer to which are less final in nature and more ongoing. Love, justice, prosperity, faith, etc. If a character wants something large in scale which never runs out then you gave them something that could drive them all through your story.

If you learn how to do this then things will stop just happening. Things will happen through causality and action. They will happen because characters want things and they respond to things that get in their way.

I made 0 sales today

Anyone else need a cheap editor?

>>22359498
We hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, & violence during pregnancy, but they've worked 4 yr maman—if she hadn't been blitzed & beaten, while filled w/ye, we'd be bowing—heads 2 th' ground—to yr rhetorical fireworks—yes—we're guilty of being envious of yr potential, yr only crime is getting stupider, is sticking 2 yr guns & reposting the same story w/no changes. In a world of terrible writing, the only sin is harnessing the violent electricity available 2u.

>>22359477
The turd in the toilet took two seconds to tear apart. My fingerprints rilled with shit. It was supposed to be inside, but it was all doo doo. I glare at grandma. 'Why?'

Next thing I know, I'm at Romanelli's scrap metal arguing with handless cashier over how much grandma's walker is worth. 'Wha? This is aluminium alloy—no, I don't know with what!'

Back at the house grandma beckons. 'It is in my cunt' she whispers against my ear. So I guide her in the bathroom, undo her pants, and help her sit on the toilet. With a breaststroke motion I part her knees, her skin oldwoman soft. I feel my way into her melanin drained bush, of course she's self lubricating, why not? Middle and ring finger, searching. Has she been lying? Delusional? Insane?

My name is Alex Trebek, I may have all the Answers, but the real Answers are the Questions.

I was in Cuba all week. I got to sit next to Pope Francis today flying into JFK. Doing the NYT crossword, he turns to me, 'four letter word for a woman, ending in 'u-n-t'?'

'Aunt'

'Do you have an eraser?'

The Answers are the Questions.

>>22358726
Adding another viewpoint character is only acceptable when the story is so complex and multi-layered that one viewpoint is simply not enough for the reader to understand what is happening and why. Which is practically never.

>>22359700
Have book recommendations about this? Learning to come up with an interesting series of events

>>22359676
Tension is typically not built via dialogue, but by the description of expressions, voices, the set up of scenarios, stakes etc.

I would describe your environments more. Doing so also helps set the tone.

What's a black gemstone I could use for a race's name?

I wanted the name to be the gemstone + -ian, like for example Opalian for Opal.

The thing is I don't want to use Onyx, and Obsidian won't really work since it already ends in -ian.

Is there any other black or dark gemstone usable for this?

“The brain is almost like a computer with the Hippocampus in the Temporal lobe acting as a hard drive. It creates and connects neurons to make memories.”
“And?”
“Theoretically if you destroy that part of the brain while instantly healing it up to a certain point where the new neural connections are, you'd never be able to know what happened in this time because it’s as if this time never existed in your mind. Though I’ve never tested it out before and it takes extreme precision to know when to stop healing the destroyed neurons.”

Is this at least feasible or complete bro science?

when I was doing my mandatory military service, bored out of my mind on guard duty and unbearably horny because you can't jack off in crowded barracks I wrote a shit ton of erotica
I enjoyed it so much I think I'm actually going to flesh it out, I love using phrases like "deluge of seminal fluid" and this genre allows you to literally masturbate to your own work

>>22360075
>"if I destroyed the part of your brain where the memories are, you'd lose those memories"
no shit sherlock

Hello everyone.
I hope this one is a crowd pleaser, but you tell me.

> micz.substack.com/p/playgrounds-and-theodicy

>>22360260
>>22360260

We have a poetry thread
>>22338570
Though to your credit I did find it really cute.
BTW Can you see my email if I subscribe?

>>22359588
Thanks for the suggestions anon, I know its a little clunky, but I think i can smooth it out a bit.
>>22359860
lolwhat

>>22360260
Im already subscribed to you but this is absolutely my favorite thing.
Like it feels effortlessly learned, I love it.

Welcome back by the way.

Can someone critique my writing?

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-Q0cuMkaMl-kfz6yJ6B9Q-le64Pp7UP_ny19GKRP6hk/edit?usp=sharing

>>22360306
Oh yeah thanks. i'll post there as well.
Im gad you liked it, and yes it's like signing up for a newsletter.

I hope to see you there =)

>>22360448
Thank you! It's nice to be back.
I didn't feel effortless to write though, so im glad you enjoyed it.
As the other poster said, it's supposed to be 'cute' in a kids playground, light verse sort of way.

And If you enjoyed it feel free to like it on substack since it's the kind of thing publishers look at.

>>22360067
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=dark+gemstone+&t=fpas&ia=web

>>22360471
I'm just going to give you some general tips since people are already dissecting your text in the google doc:
>Never infodump unless it's intentional, it's better for the readers to know things if and when they're required to rather than trying to pass as much information as possible because you want to tell them all about the cool lore you wrote;
>Avoid adjective and adverb overuse, they make your prose bland when used too often;
>Show rather than telling, don't tell me about how Nathan is socially awkward, trust that your readers aren't socially retarded enough to pass his behaviors as normal and socially acceptable;
>Avoid starting sentences with pronouns too often, there's other ways to start sentences other than using "He/Her" back and forth;
>Mind the temporal continuum, trying to fit way too many thoughts within what's meant to be a very short amount of time is neither possible nor great for the reader who has to digest that while not losing track of the dialog.
Pic extremely related.

>>22360471
Dropped about halfway through
I take it you're extremely new. This is pretty ass
Not that it matters, anything you write at your current level is bound to be terrible
I suggest writing some short stories and flash fiction. Focus on word economy and effect
The pace in this piece is fucked up and the prose drones with repetitive structure
In the same way you'd think before you talk, you need to think before you write. Intend to communicate a point then set out to choose the right words to that end

Do you read the genre you're writing to learn the tropes associated with it? Or do you avoid it out of fear of being too derivative?

>>22361019
You really should read the genre but I haven't always done so in practice

>>22361019
You're more likely to end up looking derivative if you don't read the genre. You think you're doing something new, but only end up repeating what others have already done. You need a certain level of genre awareness to take your story a step ahead

>>22361019
I don't care if it's a trope or not. I just care if it's good for the story or not.

>>22360471
It's a lot better than a lot of ESL writers I've seen, but you're still at the phase where you need to get the ability to step back and analyze whether your sentences flow or not. Most writers like you I feel are unable to see the big picture, like an artist who can only see his own work with his nose touching the canvas, instead of being able to pull back.

>>22361019
I read for the plot, prose and the ideas. I don't necessarily stick to one genre and even look at non-fiction and technical papers. But I mostly stick to books similar to what I'd write.

>>22361019
Every genre has "rules." If you don't follow them enough then your readers will put the book down out of frustration or confusion. "Rules" are not the same as tropes or cliches though. However, if you do not know how to play a genre's "game" then you will "lose" before long.

What's a book you would actually want to read?

>>22361596
forgot to add, this is a short story that I might submit to the unreal mag (but idk) I'd like to hear yor thought so far

>>22360260
My only advice would be to make sure the stanzas flow into one another rather than always ending in a full stop. As it is though this is wonderful. Looking at your other work you have a bad habit of mixing styles rather than concentrating on any one thing. You clearly have more talent in a light direction rather than a heavy one.

Regardless, a genuinely good post but everyone is busy wanking off to crap.

>>22361019
I'm writing Isekai/lit-rpg and I have never read or watched an isekai/lit-rpg story. I've tried but I just can't bring myself to read more than a couple of pages before getting bored.
People like my story so far, but I've already received a couple of negative comments for not following the rules. I fear that if I keep writing without actually reading this shit genre people are just gonna get pissed off.

Also, any """good""" litRPG stories?

>>22361697
>a couple of negative comments for not following the rules
What are the comments you've received?

My natural writing mode is describing a sequence of sensory details. That's what I do most of the time when faced with a blank document. But my best writing is when I'm describing a character actually thinking about something: voicing their opinions and trying to solve problems. It's also easier to write that way. I feel like the character's voice takes over, and the sentences flow one after the other in the way thoughts naturally flow one after the other. Yet for some reason it's hard for me to a get a story to the point where I can switch into that second mode. Most of the time I'm just fucking around trying to arrange adjectives and describe trees, and after a while it gets too tedious and contrived and I scrap it. I need to forget about Scene and focus on Voice. Perhaps I need to start telling rather than showing.

>>22361701
>MC is not overpowered as soon as the story starts
>MC is unhappy with his reincarnation and struggles with his new identity
>MC can't remember his previous life instead of being some loser who got ran over by le epic truck-kun
The amnesia part was a cheap cop out, I'll admit.

>>22361715
>>MC is not overpowered as soon as the story starts
>>MC is unhappy with his reincarnation and struggles with his new identity
Ignore these people. They are a loud minority.

>>22361697
>Also, any """good""" litRPG stories?
I loved Worth the Candle, but it doesn't focus on progression as much as is (AFAIK) typical and the author said he doesn't read any Royal Road comments at all (he originally published on AO3).
It doesn't outright break any of the >>22361715 rules though it does get interesting with them.

>>22361715
>Progression fantasy MC starts out weak
I thought that was the whole point.

>AI is going to replace writers
>Ask Bing to help me with writers block on a cat and mouse scene
>It's vague and generic as hell
Yeeeaaa I don't think that'll happen any time soon. But what can I do to find creative solutions to these writing blocks? In a story with say 10 cat and mouse chases what are interesting ways to let the trail go cold then heat it up without it getting samey after the second time?

>>22361448

I started doing freewriting a few days ago. Is this a good exercise to continue? I feel like I'm just writing down my daily madness. I'm writing a lot more than I used to but it's 99% gibberish.

>>22362113
I started doing that earlier this year. Instead of posting my inane thoughts on /wwoym/, I began writing my inane thoughts as if they were part of a narrative and then I began posting them here asking for feedback.
It's a really good exercise.

>>22359477
>Chills ran down his spine and his blood ran cold
I roll my eyes into the back of my skull everytime I have to write this. Is there a better way to write this?

>>22362297
A shiver, as sometimes happens one one takes a pee, ran down his spine. His blood went cold, like a cup of pee left out in winter air.

>>22362297
I had a cockroach frighten a character
>Fear skittered down his back
Use the context of the scene

>>22359477
What are some good "impossible tasks" a betrayed lover might give to someone to prove their devotion?

I was thinking of a story like Cupid and Psyche but wanted some different tasks.

>>22362459
We’re not doing your work for you. If you want to write, be self-sufficient.

>>22362317
His skin stood alert, an icy jolt struck his heart and sent frigid trepidations throughout his person.

>>22362532
fug meant to reply to >>22362297

>>22362459
read the decameron

wtf i love AI now

>>22362561
Really bleak. You essentially paid for computer software (and not a real person) to lie to you to fluff up your ego. Go outside. Or maybe you’re already too lost and have no friends.

>>22362597
NTA but most people arent going to give feedback and not whenever you want unless you pay. I'd rather pay a pro than a bot at least.
How reliable is this scorebot thing anyways?

>>22362615
I’ll solve writing for you, since it’s obviously not gotten through to you yet.
Step 1. Read everyday for at least a few hours. Copy what you like and try to understand how it works. Take from many sources to learn the most in an effective timeframe. Pull apart writing that doesn’t work, either in your own piece or in somebody else’s. Understand why it is bad.
Step 2. Write everyday, for at least a few hundred words, but find your usual hourly amount and do about two hours a day.
Step 3. Rinse and repeat.

>>22362623
????
I didn't ask for this. But I do these things already.

>>22362629
Then you don’t need outside feedback. If you’re using feedback as a crutch still, then you obviously need to work on being self-sufficient. Most well known and professional writers never showed their work to anyone until it was done, and even then they’d send to their agent and publisher only.

>>22362597
It's free, Post yours faggot

>>22362615
I tested couple of stories of mine and some renowned ones, desu i was impressed (Not because i got high score, I tested couple of stories i wrote over the years and it gave me wide range of scores, From 60 to 95), Sometimes it misses very obvious plotlines or nuanced themes but you can explain them and then it re-evaluate the score.

>>22362632
Post work.
Not for feedback's sake, but to read what kind of work this mindset produces.

>>22362632
I wasnt talking about myself I was talking about anons that need feedback. I dont get feedback from editors I get a proofread.

>>22362623
For Step 2, does it count to write anything or does it have to be actual content to the best of your ability?

>>22362648
You can go ahead and purchase my stories in the professional publications like everyone else. I’m not giving you a freebie. I don’t do handouts for internet bums who don’t know the rules of writing.
>>22362652
Find a literary circle. No one here can help you. If you didn’t know anything posted here is automatically forfeit from publication and cast to a digital footprint in a yawning chasm, then you have never had anything published by a traditional publisher. Every single one of them says not to post stuff on websites, forums, and whatever else.

>>22359477
An excerpt from my travel essay :

I like to visit real towns where real people live, and not billionaires in New York, nor O.C residents visiting their Air BnB in Kona and certainly not the cosmopolitan mix of homos and the homeless in San Francisco. I recently found myself one early summer day in Chihuahua City in the state of Chihuahua

For the etymologists (word not bug), I'm really not sure where the name came from. But, let's get one fact elucidated. Supposedly Cortes wrote that the Aztec raised a small hairless dog for eating purposes. Perhaps that's the origin myth. I love to eat the wings of a chicken, so I'm certainly not going to judge what Indians ate.

Not too long before I left, I saw a headline about some Jesuit priest killed in Sierra Tarahumara. He was shot dead in his small church. Way back in 1650 Padre Godinez found himself decapitated and nailed to a cross in his own chapel. I certainly came into Chihuahua with pre-conceived notions that this was a dangerous place. I read enough McCarthy to know I should be on the lookout for dead baby trees and Native-Americans wearing wedding accoutrements. It really wasn't that bad though. I never witnessed any violence. Of course it helped that I had no desire to enter the drug trade nor to prosthelyze.

The first picture that should come to mind of this city is the complete blue skies. It struck my as being very unlike the hazy summer gray that I’m accustomed to in the American south-east. Chihuahua is similar to other cities in the American southwest. You could say it looks part Albuquerque and El Paso. The city scape was a little rougher around the edges. Cars were a little older, buildings a little dustier, clothes a tad less nice. Out in the countryside if you closed your eyes, you might think you were in southern Colorado or maybe even Kansas. There are miles and miles of irrigated fields. A large Mennonite population can be found as well. Today Chihuahua has all the trappings of every other city : the chains, the small commercial downtown, the spread out worn down shopping centers.
...

>>22362665
You have been preaching to the choir, anon. I'm in a local mag already but I don't hang out with the local writers as much at the moment because they all write realism and only my short stories are realism so far.

>>22362660
You can write notes and foundational stuff. You can write anything, as long as it’s productive for you in the long run. The more important part of RE-WRITING. Every good writer I’ve studied had started from a basic germ of an idea, fleshed it out, reworked it, then reworked it again and again, until it’s essentially unrecognisable from the first blueprint. Always recast and reshape stuff, not just editing, but trying to get the best out of the germ. It’s more like kneading dough into a good bread or whatever, than catching lightning in a bottle. That’s why it’s also routine and work, not just being someone with good ideas.

>>22362680
From my experience, all of this is absolutely true. Genius is mostly perspiration, as they say. It's a true saying.

>>22362623
Ugh. You're missing two very important steps: live life, and talk to people.
Otherwise, you're just regurgitating what other people have already written, which would make you a pseud.
Ian Fleming didn't read spy novels, or read accounts of spies, to write the James Bond books–he *was* a spy.
Jack London didn't read about life on the Yukon frontier–he lived it.
I could go on.

>>22362665
I'll gladly purchase your stories. Where can I find them?

>>22362726
And what are you going to write? Someone who regurgitates stuff about better men writing about exciting lives while he sits on 4chan, perhaps.
If you don’t have 4 spare hours a day to read and write, leaving all that other time to “live” outside of work and sleep, then you’re simply a modern day peon. I didn’t even contradict that you draw from experience, but literary objects aren’t direct, nor one-to-one, “representations” of reality. I’d rather read Balzac or Shakespeare than any of that slop you cited, since they were well read.

>>22362727
AGNI. The latest issue.

>>22362733
How much do you earn?

>>22362753
It’s rude to ask about another’s finances, but you can search the going rate per word or page for any publication you like. It’s called the submissions page. If you’re a good writer, you can write a sizeable short story every week, with a considerable chance of publication if you know the market and know HOW to string a sentence together, which is rare nowadays.

>>22362632
>Most well known and professional writers never showed their work to anyone until it was done, and even then they’d send to their agent and publisher only.
I have great doubts on this

>>22362730
>>22362764
Tell me more about your reading and writing process. Do you just go through a book for 2 hours or do you analyze everything you read and take notes? When you write do you plan everything ahead or do just make stuff up as you go?
Also, what books do you recommend for aspiring commercial writers? I'm talking about books that talk about how to write, or do you just acquire a feel for things if you read a lot?
I know these questions sound dumb as fuck, but you really sound like you got your shit together and it's rare to stumble upon someone like you.

>>22362730
I wasn't telling you to read Ian Fleming and Jack London...I was telling you to live life the way they did.
Are you really missing the point that badly?

>>22362733
Which one is yours?

>>22362776
You can doubt it all you want. You can doubt the sun rising tomorrow. Call yourself a philosopher and slowly turn into dust, for all I care.
>>22362782
I don’t analyse everything I read, as I already pointed out you should be paying attention to what catches your eye or stands out—whether that is effective and good, or poor and ineffective. Notes are dependent on the writer, as many people work differently, but if I’m taking notes, they’re usually too voluminous to be of any use as I tend to get distracted if I’m writing all my thoughts down. I’d rather read something that I know is read widely or revered, or which interests me on the basis of craft (from action, character, dialogue, to more technical aspects like verbiage, device, or rhythm). If you want to really pay attention to how words sound and even feel, pick up a prosody of a famous work of poetry, preferably epic poetry (in a language you’re comfortable with, hopefully). Pay attention to the sound and stress; notice how a word or punctuation mark might be used to either flow or stop the flow, lift expectations or subvert them, shift pace or hold pace, etc.
I think you’ll be very surprised how much famous prose writers rely on these same sorts of techniques, sound, rhythm, and flow in their works, even in something as disparate as a novel about ordinary life or something more fantastic. You should all know how words come to the reader and the effect they have on a very fundamental level: sound. It’s more rudimentary for me than anything, so I often analyse and listen to that; otherwise, all your techniques in metaphor or simile or whatever else will seem artificial or hollow.
Don’t just read guides, learn to read deeply and widely. Commercial writers tell me they do well with Writers’ Digests or whatever, but you only need to know to look for reputable or likeable magazines and their mastheads.
Manners are annoying but they will let you go far; here they are:
Be concise in emails or query letters; try to find out who you are sending to and think hard whether you’re a right fit for them. Magazine editors can have subordinates who may also not be a good fit for you, and they are going to be the first who accept or reject you; find out if they’re vastly different from you or not, if you can. But don’t reach out to ask or query unless it’s expected. Follow the submission guidelines and learn modern or classic manuscript style for your submissions, especially for short stories. These are just the polite and artificial parts but it makes you come off as professional. Don’t reply to rejection letters; don’t query them about pending submissions unless they state you can for whatever reason (e.g. if it’s been in the slushpile for ages). That’s all really. Keep writing and don’t get bothered by form rejections; everyone gets them and they’ll just make your acceptance sweeter when it comes after hard work.

Im cooling up some heat in all honesty
My only fear is that this won’t be scifi enough for me to entice advance reviews. I intend to be the first /lit/ author with a proper launch

>>22362818
any tips for consistent writing? i keep getting distracted even if writing is one of the few things i love that i could turn into a career and never hate in spite of making it a career.

>>22362647
In other words, if you beg it long enough, it'll raise your score to whatever you want it to be. Jesus, do you realize it's just making shit up based on database materials and doesn't actually know what it means to evaluate writing?

>>22361715
>MC can't remember his previous life

Then what is even the point of it being a reincarnation story? You could've written normal fantasy.

If I hit writer's block to the point I spend more time thinking of how to move the story forward rather than writing, should I just give up trying to fix my shit and rewrite/retcon?

>>22363168
dumb people have dumb problems

I'm making a character an expy of the Dogmeat General, how blatantly obvious should it be?

>>22363133
Do you mean distracted by threads of the story or research, or something else in the craft? If so, don’t worry about that. You’ll get experience and slowly learn how to do it to your workflow and efficiently write on your own terms. It’s more about the long term of writing. Set the habit now so you’ll have a solid foundation tomorrow; you’ll know what I mean, I’m sure.
If you mean you’re spending hours on 4chan or social media, or surfing Wikipedia but not researching, or gaming or watching stuff, then you have only yourself to learn to control.
At least from what I see, being overly ruled by digital distractions (like browsing, games, social media, porn, eating) has more to do with the ennui and dissatisfaction in the current epoch. If that’s what you mean, then you really need to grow into an adult. All writers have the ability to limit their lives when allotted writing and reading time.
Famous examples from pop culture types include: Iain M Banks using one computer without any internet to write and another with Ethernet to answer emails and surf the internet for research; George RR Martin uses a DOS computer so he can’t get distracted by anything but the word processor. The easiest and cheapest way around these all is just to have self control. But if you still don’t trust yourself, write by hand in a journal. This can be an excellent way to draft since you spend one tool and activity completely dedicated to that headspace of drafting and jotting stuff down for early stuff. Then you can transcribe and line edit on a computer. It takes more time but it can work well. If typing is your best way of writing, then some use free pared down word processors like Vim, EMacs, or Pico. If you are tabbing out still, just use some shitty and old Dell or ThinkPad laptop that can’t do much other than write in a Word document. It’s all manageable and gets better with time; just believe in the process and slowly change habits.
If you have work or life distractions instead, that happens to everyone. Just make people around you know that you need alone time to write. If they don’t respect that, then they’re not good people for you and you need to slowly set your own personal space and boundaries. Even with a job, most people should be able to say when they’re available or not, whether that’s based on hours or workdays.

Hi, never posted anything mostly just lurk and I'm looking for some feedback on this ( https://pastebin.com/Nwq8Kfgf )

>>22363385
Complete gibberish

>>22363385
Oh dear anon, that first paragraph is a complete mess. I'm not reading any further. There's a lot wrong with it. Picrel is all the feedback I can be bothered giving and it doesn't even scratch the surface.

>>22363453
People usually struggle to follow me even when I talk so I'm not sure how fixable that is
>>22363486
thanks this is incredibly helpful

Sharing this as more of "Go me I did it" but I wrote down a summary of my plot to write, You can commnet on it if you want but figure i'd share it because i'm happy I actually wrote it down

>>22363506
oops forgot to add the link.
https://pastebin.com/93t6b8Pm

>>22363363
Thanks for the advice

>>22363363
>>22363523
But really, what I get distracted by is reading books. For some reason, I end up reading rather than writing, for I count reading among the finest pleasures in life. So at times, instead of writing like I should, I’d rather read a chapter from Moby Dick or do copywork because I still somewhat read in that way, instead of writing.

>>22363385
In the bright and blue sky flocks of birds hover above me. A gentle breeze tickles the trees which sparingly shade me from the sun's heat. My mouth is dry and my skin burns hot, despite the wind. I walk for a while and think w h e r e a m I ?

At the bottom of a hill I spy a building and trickle toward it like water in a stream. When I reach the entrance and step inside I'm met with cool, refreshing air. Still, I already hate this place. White, florescent lights line the ceiling. A fat man sits behind the reception desk, attempting to steal my attention, but my gaze is fixated on something else. I rush toward a nearby water cooler and drink from it like a fountain. T h i s p l a c e i s a l i e n t o m e.

"That's just the vagarsitudes of fate," Manly stated.

"I'm sorry?" asked Susan.

"You heard what I said."

"Yes, I did hear what you said. That's our word, Manly. The secret word we agreed to only use in private -- meaning only the two of us, with no one else present. We're in a restaurant, Manly."

"Some things are more important than old promises made between close friends, Susan."

Susan blanched white.

"You thought you blanched white didn't you, Susan?" asked Manly. "But that's redundant."

Susan took a breath. 'Breath,' the breath of life. Did Christopher Columbus share such thoughts? His amygdala sat on the black carpet beneath the plaque on the wall. Super Hong Kong Buffet: est. 1492. No, 1942.

Did Manly know her so well?

>>22363620
This feels pretty eh

And this is solely vibes here but lowkey unnatural sounding

>>22363697
Yes

>>22363147
Holy shit you're one unhinged retard. Nobody is taking it as gospel, It's just fun to use and sometimes have decent criticism to offer. Obviously it's not great and probably isn't as good as your average literary critic.

Have you even tried it? I tested dozen of renowned work on it, Some highly acclaimed and some popular slops, It's definitely not as bad as you might think.

That's it, I'm using the rest of my vacation days to write. All two of them.

>>22363765
Make sure to post it here when you're done.

>>22363762
>and sometimes have decent criticism to offer
And that's where you begin to hallucinate. Goddamn, you tools are easier to fool than I ever imagined.

>>22363817
Try it and post the results. See for yourself and prove it is a sham or not.
It works "better" with small chunks of text rather than a whole chapter.
>inb4 my time is too valuable for that
Yet you are here acting like a catty bitch.

>>22363817
I fail to see how a LLM wouldn't be useful in recognizing inconsistencies, structure problem or other technical aspects of writing. It can definitely offer valid criticism on those.

LLMs are good for proofreading corrections but nothing more.

Anyone else reading and writing exclusively on their smartphone?

>>22363912
>>22363931
Dear retard, please try to understand that its usefulness is entirely in your head. It's your brain that subconsciously seeks connections and interprets the generic statements the machine prints out in a way that matches what you wanted. The result was useful to you because you decided it was, because the answer was phrased in a way that satisfied you. It evoked impressions in you that you felt were relevant, regardless of whether they actually had anything to do with the text. And like that, you've trained the machine to optimize its answers and the next time it'll give you responses even closer to what you want to hear. You are the dream prey of every conman and fortune-teller, just barely intelligent enough to breathe.

>>22363982

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTWCGDWJ

Yay my book got a random 5* out of nowhere. Thanks anons!

>>22362561
The red pill most won’t accept : AI as an editor is helpful as fuck.

It offers me a better first draft and I am sure it will improve the second also, before anyone else might read it. And, for free !

It can’t write for shit but damn, it’s helpful to know what I should improve on, which is a-ok for me.

(Don’t ask it to rate your work though. It will never give you the same rating, and will only be used to inflate your ego since it biased towards niceness)

Anyone here use Atticus for formatting their works?

Just got my manuscript back from the editor and am now going to format. Tips/advice/comments would be nice.

>>22364002
He's not wrong.

>>22364085
It definitely helps with grammar and some sentence flow. It gets less useful after the 3rd draft. It caught my shutter/ shudder even after going through it 3 times.

>>22364229
Have you tried learning how to spell? I hear they’ve been doing that in grade school now.

>Unlucky survivors of raids, they were all shaken and ill in the mind; they hungered and thirsted, but they did not eat, though some ate entirely too much and guzzled ale as if it were the elixir of life.
Can someone tell me what's wrong with this sentence? It seems a little too long, but I'm not sure if you would call it a run-on sentence. I want to make an allusion to the elixir of life for a multitude of reasons, but that's the part of the sentence that feels a little forced and over-long. I also don't know how I feel about using "though" after "but"

>>22364349
From worst to less worse:
>contradiction in meaning and undoing what was just said for no apparent reason: “they hungered and thirsted, but they did not eat, though some ate entirely too much”
>too many connectives and clauses in second part of the sentence
>”but… though…” — there’s no reason for this and what happens in these clauses pretty much contradict another
>semi colon in a long winded sentence that sort of just meanders instead of using a semi colon for a purpose like a contrast, a list, a comparison, or for flow
>clumsy use of comma in first clause, since “they” adds nothing and it could be reworded to fit better

>>22364387
I see. That's a mess of a sentence and there's probably a lot more like that in my writing thus far. I suppose that's what a first draft is for.

>>22364393
Stop overwriting. It stands out as a produce of artifice. There wasn’t anything complex in that sentence other than seeming awkward and confused. If you’re new to writing—even just a new form or genre—then be concise and try to write true to what the story demands. Less is more, since reading experiences are about being revealed things slowly and putting together a puzzle. It’s not about slapping together things haphazardly or to come off as contrived, is it? You will be surprised how much deeper you will be to a reader when they feel like they are gliding through but sense a much wider world beyond the sparse hints.

>>22364415
Thank you, this is very good advice. I think it's left over ego from school, where I always wanted to write long, fancy things to impress the teacher. I still have the tendency to overwrite and put unneeded pizzazz in things, but it's not like I'm trying to impress the reader lol. I will say, though, that I do enjoy flowery and poetic writing, so I try to do that with my writing. I want the reader to ask why the author used such a word and the implications of the sentence structure and descriptive language. Easier said than done, of course.

>>22364349
>>22364415
Agree with this guy. Just write something like
>"They were the unlucky survivors of raids, wearing burlap and rags, tucked into the dark corners of the refuge. All of them came out, one at a time, like wild cats to the food we brought them, then began gorging on it."
It's been universally agreed in the modern age of writing that purple prose, which was often popular back in the day, is awful. If your story isn't "deep" with a small dictionary, then adding fancy words just makes it even worse.

>>22363620
You are a silly person

>>22364424
Think not only about what you read that stood out to you, but how it was presented. Then think about why that is important for writing. When a literary writer or even a genre writer chooses a stand-out word, there’s always a purpose. Isn’t there? Maybe it advances some idea or structure or centrepiece for the work overall, or aids in those aspects of the work which are moving parts: plot, theme, tone, style, or whatever.
Remember, keep the focus on how good authors build the realisation in the reader. They wouldn’t put an important word inside a highly verbose and elaborate sentence where it wouldn’t really have effect. Sometimes, writers will call attention to an important aspect of a story by placing an important term or phrase inside a relatively spare or parred down sentence. Or simply use the word on its own in a focused sense, e.g. sentence fragment, repetition, metaphor, simile, epithet, heading, quote. If you want to make your readers wonder about a word, you need to understand the effect of all your words around it.
You’ve already spoken about these things in your own vision, but draw it out. If you don’t have a point or purpose to any of that dressing up, it will seem superficial or confused. Narrow down your goals to what you really want to convey, rather than playing around with things that don’t mean anything really.

Chapter 40 will be the end of the book. Once it's finished, I'll have a complete first draft. Then I can start editing. I have never really done this before. So far the only really meaningful change I've come up with is combining to side characters into one so instead of two mostly superfluous characters I have one who actually plays enough of a role to justify his existence. This requires rewriting some sections and I've got that all figured out.
No clue what I'm going to do after that, though. The simple editing passes of looking for mistakes, repetitons of information, of breaking up paragraphs and making sentences clearer is standard stuff, but it's not really enough to make a book good, that's the bare minimum.
I'm very much satisfied with my structure. I had an outline, I followed it and it won't be necessary to move any events around, they're exactly where they need to be.

>>22364387
I think the first sentence and the semi colon is fine

>>22364253
Shut the fuck up crab

>>22364489
It sounds cramped and awkward. Say it out loud.

>>22364061
>Not fantasy or litrpg
No wonder why you only sold 2 copies

>>22364473
I had never thought about it like that. I don't make every single sentence stand out, but I might do it more than is needed. I'll have to go back through my writing and look for instances of unnecessary verbosity. I should also simply read more, and get a feel of how other writers do it. I don't think I read enough, although I always enjoy it when I do.
>>22364444
>It's been universally agreed in the modern age of writing that purple prose, which was often popular back in the day, is awful
I don't really care what people like nowadays, I write what I enjoy to read. You need a good balance of simplicity and old school lexicon.

>>22364491
I’m not a crab because I have no interest in hanging out with lowlife scum like you. I can’t pull you back into a bucket I’m not party to. You are only literate enough to be plugged into that sweet, addicting internet each and every day, not to read quality literature nor reproduce anything of readable quality. You can wallow in this foetid cesspit of ignorant dung all you want. Meanwhile, I get published by big name editors with reputable and circulated publications. I have my name and story title put in a database. More to come! I’ve been at this longer than you will ever care to stomach. Bye bye, little monkey. It’s always funny to come see the freak show of /lit/, the place obsessed with seeming like they can speak about books they either don’t read or cannot possibly comprehend.

>>22364511
There's obviously a balance, you don't need to write something that could be read by a 6 year old's english ability, but my advice is mainly because there are a lot of people here who read books from the 1920's or earlier and want to imitate that. Be more like Hemingway or Vonnegut instead - largely simplicity, but with small bits of complexity.

>>22364515
This motherfucker is merciless.

>>22364515

>>22363331
As obvious as possible, people won't understand the reference unless you hit them over the head with it. In Catch 22 Heller literally called a character Colonel Sheisskopf. You may even want to call him General Hundefleisch, or the equivalent in whatever language you want to use

>>22364515
We got the next F Gardner here.

>>22364537
I’ve always despised Hemmingway and Vonnegut, because I’ve read them and find their simplicity highly displeasing. I neither know nor care to know why I have such a feeling, even if I admit some of Hemmingway’s prose is particularly good. Yet, for some reason, my prose tends to fall towards Hemmingway rather than Melville or Hawthorne or Irvine, who in spite of their incredibly long and complex-compound sentences, always read very well. Indeed, sometimes it seems as if their sentences condense down into a single clause, when it comes to ease of reading.

>>22364936
I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates the way Hemingway wrote. I don't mind Vonnegut, but Hemingway just comes off as exceedingly lacking. I don't think there's anything interesting or mentally stimulating about reading his work. I don't care how deep the story is, the content of his writing is boring and dull. I don't hate the guy, that was his style, I just personally dislike it and don't agree with his philosophy.

>>22364515
Snibbety snab get in me gullet you dumb sea spider.

>planning a new narrative
>far-off future fiction about the prince of an ancient extraterrestrial empire who a group of revolutionaries invite to lead them
>think to myself "wow this is so unique and original"
>soundtrack to The Prince of Egypt comes on
>realize I'm just doing Exodus

>>22365036
If Asimov did it, so can you.

>>22365036
Well no idea is new after all! We'd love to see your own take on it in your story, Also you can go beyound what exodus is doing and write things that are unique too it

>>22364515
>

>>22364515
You convinced me to try this AI thing now

>>22364515

>>22364515
Great you ruined the thread now instead of us writing your a meme, Are you happy now?

>>22365354
>>22365346
>>22365204
>>22365195
None of you will ever sign a writer’s contracts. Enjoy those 5 pesos per quarter on Amazon with close to zero readership.

>>22365387
>

>>22365408
Holy shit, dude. That is fucking hilarious. You are so funny, man. Dude. Omg! This reminds me so much of like 2018 era internet! Hahaha! Wow. Omg. That takes me back.
What a hilarious guy. He thinks almost like so differently to everyone. Yeah, you know him right? He posts the same shit you’ve seen for five years right. Someone really fucked up could only think of that. But then he keeps doing it! It’s a fucking riot. How does he do it man? Man. That’s one funny guy.

>>22365387
>>22365431
Well well, look at the published author shitposting with his fancy writing skills.

>>22365440
Nothing gets past you. With that wit and such a dry sense of humour as that, you could really be the next screenplay writer for Deadpool. Oh, man, you 4chan writers are really something else. Such a whacky crew of unpredictable funny men.

>>22365456
Well, pardon us, mister big-shot author.

>>22365431
>

Back to the topic of the thread instead of whatever this shitty meme junk thats going on in this thread I swear there are better memes then this on 4chan.

What is your favorite character your currently writing?

I'm currently enjoying writing my two main characters right now

>>22365519
>your currently writing
[Insert snarky, vitriolic remark.]

>>22365479
>>22365534
Have you ever in your life tried to get better at writing? Or do you sit here getting offended at me all night long? Go do something productive, bitch.

>>22365534
Honey I need to sit you down and tell you the truth,

Your not being funny, Your memes aren't good, Your annoying and no body will remember you because you posted shitty wojack memes like some redditer.

No body will remember you here by the next thread.

>>22365560

>>22365560
>>22365554
Well la-di-da, mister New York Times columnist.

>>22365387
Who needs contracts? Self pub and Patreon is the future for a lot of genres. I bet I make way more than you from my subs, assuming you're not just an angry troll and actually have published books.

>>22365577
Yeah dude! Except you live in a caravan park and smell like piss because self pubbers are all dirt poor and don’t know how to write.

>>22365586
So you're just dumb? I don't think you realize how much money the top Patreon writers make. I make $4k a month and I'm not even one of the 'big ones'. How many copies are you selling?

>>22365586
Me on the left

>>22365590
You make a barely liveable wage. Maybe you should have gone to college. Enjoy the caravan park.

>>22365600
>>22365590
Heh, you're never going to be famous or recognized. That's why you're still here shitposting

>>22365600
I have a bachelors in computer science. But I like writing instead. The pay cut is well worth it. But keep seething.

And $50k/year is plenty when you get to pick where to live. How disconnected from reality are you?

Also, I can't help but notice you aren't saying how many copies you sell. This is where you make up a number because you're intimidated.

>>22365590
Genuine question, what's Patreon like for writers? It seems like it'd be tough to get enough interest for it through social media or something, compared to artists and designers that can just post a single image and just hope people see it

>Litfic incel seething over the superiority of genreCHADS again
Typical

>>22365606
>Bachelor’s
Everyone has one. You’re probably not white. Enjoy writing your caravan park erotica on Patreon, slave to your fan service. Nothing more than a whore.
>$50k
It’s not even median wage where I am. But I forgot that you’re in a meth lab.

>>22365609
It's dependent on the genre you write in. The Patreon model works by you becoming popular through free sites and funneling them to your Patreon. So, you need to write in a genre compatible with the online scene. E.g., erotica (literotica, all the other ones), litrpg/cultivation (webnovel, sh, rr, etc), or romance (wattpad, other sites (i don't know these ones well)).

But you're right--you don't get readers from social media. Not usually, anyway. You write a popular story and then monetize the small portion willing to pay for advance chapters or whatever other benefits.

>>22365618
What's the deal with this dude, bros?
Why is he seething so hard?

>>22365618
Assuming you're not a troll, just admit you got mogged and go away.

>>22365621
>you need to write in a genre compatible with the online scene.
In other words, you crap out porn for people like those “artists” on Twitter that digitally draw furries giving birth in a pool of shit. Nice. You’re not a writer. Glad you put that Bachelor’s Degree to use, methboy.

>>22365606
>not getting a comfy WFH job where you do 15 minutes of work a day and get a mouse jiggler to pretend like you're online the rest of the day while you write

>>22365639
What are you even talking about? You just sound deranged. I'm done engaging with you. If you aren't a troll, then you have a very pathetic existence.

>>22365645
I mean, if I ever want to, I can. But they're not as common as you think; you have to get lucky.

As it stands, I get to WFH via writing. That's already my dream job. I'm not a money whore like the above anon. I care about being happy, not maximizing how much $ I make.

>>22365651
Man I can’t wait to make less than median wage by shitting out crap that won’t be remembered because I’m doing fan service to braindead inbreds!

>>22365630
He's the resident high effort troll who has an autistic meltdown whenever people ignore his latest LARP.

The people on the internet like my fan fiction :)

>>22365661
You haven’t written anything today.
On top of that, you don’t write anything of substance. You’re a hack.

>>22365659
>Implying anyone will remember your shit
>Implying you even write at all

>>22365669
says the anon who cares only about money, apparently. totally not a hack yourself, huh?

>>22365670
I already wrote something that was included in the OP many moons ago, faggot. Try again. You guys love me when I’m sucking your cocks and playing all nice. You’re just children, because you’ve shown you can’t handle a little shit talking.
>>22365671
I don’t need to write for money. I’m not a loser like you. I’m sure you think a Bachelor’s at some shitty Mutt college makes you the creme de La creme of the caravan park? Do you even know anyone with a doctorate?

>>22365685
The only person here with an ego is you, friend. Stop projecting. And go take your meds.

>>22365685
Post work or just stop posting already.
>You guys love me when I’m sucking your cocks and playing all nice.
Who hurt you?

>>22365645
Teach me your ways, I want to write but barely have any time in the wage cage

>>22365685
>I'm not a loser
Yes, your psychotic rambling and blind rage for hours straight on 4chan indicates you are a healthy, happy individual, and everyone in this thread wants to be you

>>22365690
You’re bragging about living on a shit wage and writing for money, loser. You forgot you made all those posts about how much money $4k a month is! Bragging about a shit wage like that is the sign of a delusional narcissist. You want people here to suck you off because you’re never helping anyone nor even contributing to a writing community.

>>22365697
>>22365690
Please stop replying to him

https://youtu.be/El127tjtPyc?t=47

>>22365704
Who was bragging? Again, stop projecting. You were strutting around and shitting on people who self-pub and that no one will 'ever get writing contracts' so I posted to call you dumb, and that you aren't even in the top 3 earners in /wg/, probably. Again, I've repeatedly said I don't care about money, so long as I can live off it. You're the materialistic corporate slave, not me.

And calling -me- the delusional narcissist is really something. When you take your meds you should go read over your posts and have a laugh about it with me.

>>22365697
>post work
Hope you can parse it with your kindergarten reading level.
https://pastebin.com/xqDndhGi

>>22365732
He said to post your work, retard. Not someone else's.

>>22365745
I said: no freebies. Pay for my writing, you digital tramp.

>>22365755
Uh huh, keep trying to save face. Your retard ploy didn't work. It's sad you thought it would.

>>22365685
>I already wrote something that was included in the OP many moons ago, faggot
And you think that's an achievement?

Genuinely rope, faggot. I think you're some druggie and you had a bad day and I don't really care.

>>22365758
Sorry. I thought $50k a year, like most of you bums are on, would afford you the publication in which my original story is included.
On another note…
How much you bench? Have you thrown a punch before?

>>22365769
Neck yourself, Krake.

>>22365775
>Krake
Is that even english? Take your meds.

>>22365771
Yawn. Get better material. It was amusing for a bit but you're falling off. I mean, 'how much do you bench'? Come on, troll

>>22365784
Confirmed fatfuck. Go back to /g/. This is for the big boys. I even wrote a little ironic dialogue featuring $50k/year Bachelor.

>>22365800
why do you keep posting after getting btfo like 4 times? it's just embarrassing. go take a nap anon

>>22365815
Because I’m the only one here who writes well.

>>22365819
Your saying you write well... on 4chan, That ain't achievement as much as you think it is.

>>22365819
Buddy, if you think that's good writing, I have news for you.

>>22365800
>The two synths sat on the gilt divan
Are they sitting prim upright with their hands in their laps? Are they lounging like hedonismbot? Are they in ordinary resting position and therefore not facing each other?

>>22365036
So? Rip off the Bible all you want. Every other writer in Western civilization has.
I sketched out a blaxploitation version of Exodus, involving a charismatic street preacher.
He sees a burning bush during a manic drug episode, and God talks to him through it (at least he believes it's God).
He wants to lead his people out of the inner city, but the Democrats want to keep the blacks there, so they'll vote for them. To get out, he summons a plague of roaches.
And so on.

>>22366059
I'm going to rip the fuck off out of the bible and mix it with bushido and buddhism then put it in my fantasy setting as my character's morality.

>>22366072
I think the Green Bone saga beat you to it, but hey, go nuts.

>>22366081
No, I'm good. My setting is actually original. The general premise is pretty derived along with the flow so to say, but everything else is pretty original and I'm quite sure of it.

>been writing a story on my phone in bed at night
>few hundred words a day because of the tiny keyboard/schedule
>no real outline, no plan
>probably the best story i've written
i've cracked the code bros

>>22366214
Inhibition is the enemy
Try alcohol next

>>22366221
I don't know how anybody can get anything done while drunk
when I'm drunk, I just lay down and watch anime

>>22366221
i think it's a good time to drink when it's a good time to dance and that's about it

>>22366214
Lucky. When I did it, all I got was pic related.

>>22366421
i don't think it's luck

>>22366442
Whether you're born with talent is certainly luck

>>22359477
So I just finished another story. The first draft is done, now I need to edit it, but I don't know what exactly I should edit and how.
Thoughts?

>>22359477
heres the start of a short story im shitting out.

>>22359873
best writing in the thread probably
>>22361596
i really enjoy the style of prose here. would read more of this.
>>22362666
the conversational style needs work here. you sound like you're trying way too hard to emulate quentin tarantino or something like that.

>>22367147
i like your writing but the way you separate your sentences makes my syntax autism go WRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. example:

She looked pretty. With the (etc)
->
She looked pretty, with the soft warm rays of the sun...

>>22367525
Noted, and thanks :)

>>22367147
I wouldn't go as far as calling it a mistake, but you seem to have a habit of underestimating your reader.
You either seem to "Tell" first and then "Show" or vice-versa. As if the reader might not "get it" unless you are explicit about it.

>"She looked pretty."
>"With the soft warm rays of the sun on her face."

The part about the "cheaply made books" and then going on (at length, but I assume this was intentional and a pet peeve of your character) about why they are cheaply made is another example of this.

All this might be intentional and part of your style or a result of using first-person narration and it's the main-character's insecurity blending into the narrative, but I'm pointing it out as I'm guilty of this as well and trying to "fix it".

Putting more trust in the reader's intelligence has helped me make my writing less verbose, but I still fear certain important details or clues may go unnoticed.

Keep at it.

anyone have that alignment chart for opening paragraph? kind of need it.

>>22367147
>rife with grammatical errors
>me and Mari pooled
It's 'Mari and I' as a (compound) subjective pronoun
> It wasn't just me and Mari
But it's fine as an objective pronoun.

In reality, people talk this way all the time. But it's a mistake for standard English, the kind of mistake a character complaining about grammar in books shouldn't be making.

>>22367594
I don't think I saved that one but have this bookmark alignment instead.

At what point do you give up on your book?

>>22367831
I keep a notepad file on my phone where I record my current page number

>>22367891
I'd say that's between lawful and neutral and also between good and neutral.

>>22364061
you need a social media presence

>>22367881
When it no longer feels fun to work on.

>>22367831
>tfw neutral evil
I want to be a good, bookmark-using boy, but I keep losing them.

>>22367594

>>22367831
Why am I lawful evil for using my brain?

>>22367576
>but I still fear certain important details or clues may go unnoticed.
My take on this is - let it be.

If the reader is a fucking retard, so be it. Write for ones that aren't.

>my beta readers said my book is okay, not terrible, but okay
This is a bad sign isn't it?

How do I write isekai? I know it involves a truck.
I want to become famous writer by next year.

>>22368377
keep shitposting in this thread. You're guaranteed to be successful that way.

>>22368510
You could just admit you don’t know.

>>22368377
For the record, I don't recommend this method.

>>22368377
Like anything else, study the genre

>>22368323
Maybe, depends on the beta readers history with writing

I didn't know about isekai until I stumbled upon /wg/. What'd the difference between that and litRPG? It's all just fantasy DnD dungeonmaster storytelling, right?

>>22368681
>Isekai
Explicitly involves being sent to another world, may or may not have things like stats, it can also be a traditional fantasy
>LitRPG
Involves things like numerical stats and skills like a video game, may crossover into isekai as well but not necessarily

>>22368681
It's YA and YA beta readers.

In my high fanasty story whenever I can't make something up I defer to the industrial revolution and things from that time period to fill in the blanks since its set in a era simliar to that.

Is this bad? It seems a lot of high fanasty does it esp with europe like say england

>>22368963
What is "making something up"?

There's nothing wrong with creating weird west, alternate timelines or fantasy what-ifs, but I would avoid nonsense like industrial revolution with elf ears.

>>22367147
I like the scene but as others have pointed out, you have some weak description and repetitive sentence structure
The frequency of this "Detail, support" thing does lend a sense of detachment but is a bit awkward to read

>>22368377
>How do I write isekai?
Ask yourself the extremely important question that 99% of isekai writers don't:
Does the main character have to meet his untimely death by a robber/truck/train/exploding chinese smartphone/flying brick/frozen piss plane lance for the story to be consistent?

If not, fuck off, don't write an isekai you lazy fuck. If yes, you may have something interesting on your hands.
And by "consistent" I mean will it matter AT ALL if MC didn't know of any other world? If not, stop. Write normal fantasy. And if you dare to include a stat screen or game inventory I will find you and murder you in your sleep.

>>22368980
Making say Lore around it like nations, Plants, food, clotchs, culture,

Such as with clotchs to give a current exmple one of my races is having a rebelion because their slaves and their reclaiming their culture and trying to build it back from what they lost, However I have a character who is not this race but helped greatly in the rebellion So when I don't have an idea of how he would dress or his people I just defer to the industrial revolution and what was popular at the time

>>22368993
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your example. I would say it's a little derivative but if you own it, it can be a strength.

>>22367891
that's somehow chaotic lawful

>>22368991
Why?

How do you write a mystery? I don't mean the classic whodunit, but more like the elucidation or solution of some puzzle. Sanderson's Elantris is a good example of this. I don't really like his writing, but the ending of that novel was quite satisfying as a solution to the overarching mystery.

My trouble is I can come up with ta solution or ending but I don't know how to properly control information to the reader to generate suspense and keep them guessing until the final reveal. E.g say the resolution of the mystery is that "the source of the plague is the insect that pollinates the fruit trees for which the city is famous". How do I present that to the reader so that it is a proper mystery?

>>22368963
No, I think that's called "steampunk". Totally valid.
>>22369021
>chaotic lawful
That's a contradiction.

>>22369179
I'm haven't read a lot of the genre, but I've read every Raymond Chandler book. The way he handles it is that there's a lot going that isn't directly related to the mystery.

The protagonist keeps getting knocked out (like every other scene. seriously), there's always some wayward girl he has to take care of, there's some guy he has to visit to call in a favour, there's the strange car that's been following him for five blocks now. In that fast-moving chaos, a lot of information gets thrown out, and it only gets pulled together at the end.

It works, I think, because it doesn't feel like you're following a careful, deliberate trail of breadcrumbs that build up linearly into a solution. The protagonist is actually playing a game and not just coasting from cut-scene to revelatory cut-scene. You're on your toes; it stays fresh; it feels real.

>>22368991
you call OP lazy but that was literally his point. he wants the easy way to popularity and money, and that's definitely not through regular fantasy these days. even if he's an amazing enough writer to get published, it could takes months or years navigating that nightmare. Meanwhile you can post a web serial and be making 4 digits in literally a month flat if you pop off on the algorithm

>>22369252
OP didn't have a point. It was a mindless bait question to bump the thread, using a topic known to excite autists.

Wow...you think the people here are schizo?
Check out the "writing" discussion forum on your local Craigslist.
I'm genuinely terrified.
Picrel is from the "wanted" board...someone that wants a ride from one part of the locality to another. Digital hitchhiking, I gues.

>>22369658
Xe cute.

>>22367881

Never give up on a book. Finish every damn thing you do or you will be forever cursed.

>>22360067
Jasper
Jasperian

>>22368377
I had an idea for an isekei where some kid's creepy ass grandpa works for !cern and him and his school buddies get zapped into fantasy during a field trip to his facility
I also fucking hate isekei so I abandoned the prospect

I'm writing a conspiracy thriller where the main character has no social skills. What are some traits I could give him to show that he has no social skills?

>>22359477
>first draft almost done
>can't finish it
>it'd shit
Fuggggggg I just got to finally fucking end this thing. Shit keeps getting in the way. Thank you for reading my LiveJournal.

I haven't had much motivation to write in a while. I have a big manuscript I wrote years ago that I feel needs to be completely redone, as well as a novella I posted on AO3 (and literotica) that didn't get much traction.
I'm assuming my main problem is I have no idea how to market myself. I don't really know what readers want and I just write for myself.
I also keep planning more and more ambitious things, like I've also been learning to draw so that I can do my own illustrations or perhaps simply turn it into a comic.

I don't know if it'll help, but maybe someone could look at my work and tell me what I'm doing wrong and perhaps tell me what I need to do to find passion in writing again.

https://archiveofourown dot org/works/33736513/chapters/83854633

The story itself is about a demon hunter in a semi-futuristic theocracy who is hunting a demonic cat woman and uncovers a larger threat. Yes, it contains smut.

Mega nerd here. I'm thinking of writing software to help writers build plots with no plotholes. Something capable of keeping track of what every character knows/believes and their motivations across time.
Does anyone think this could actually help? Does anyone have any difficulty in building plots that software might help with?

>>22370669
This but
>was going to edit a novel
>an editor comes back with a short story I sent and says it needs developmental work and it needs it bad
>spend day editing stuff I thought was almost done and now it feels worse than ever

>>22370720
Forgot to mention the whole point of my idea: if the software knows about character beliefs and motivations, you can always check that any given action makes sense in its context, no matter how complicated the context.

>>22370720
>>22370726
That sort of software may be beyond the capabilities of modern hardware.
You would have to incorporate AI...with all of its known problems and limitations.

>>22370671
>I don't know if it'll help, but maybe someone could look at my work and tell me what I'm doing wrong
The writing is clumsy. The overblown grimdarkery comes off as silly. There's no opening hook or questions to keep the reader reading.
>and perhaps tell me what I need to do to find passion in writing again.
That's a lot harder to give advice on.

>>22370772
I'm not that ambitious. I'm not thinking of something that would give you back more than what you put in, you'd still have to write down every belief, motivation and action, then check that they make sense using your own brain. But it would give you a structured way to register and keep track of all of that.
Use cases I thought of:
(1) mistery/investigation novels where the MC has to keep track of many hypotheses in his head and constantly changes beliefs. Also what different characters believe at different points in time is hard to keep track of.
(2) Very large novels. Many characters, many plot lines. Again, hard to keep track of everything.
(3) You were working on a novel and abandoned it. One year later, you decide to get back to work. Now you have to remember multiple threads comprising your plotline, the motivations and personalities of all characters, what they believe and do at different moments etc.

The usage would be for the writer to keep track of what he creates and easily work on large projects with a short memory. It's more of a groundwork, it doesn't write the novel for you, nor check that it makes sense, you still have to do all that. It would be agnostic to how you decide to tell the story. Hell, you could write your novel backwards like Memento. It still looks useful to have a chronological register of everything in your plot somewhere, not for the reader but for you

>>22370813
maybe my idea should be described as "plot management software"

>>22370812
Thanks for responding.
No hook, huh? I'll take that into account. A lot of this started as an exercise on a prompt, and perhaps in the future when I wrote I should try to have a fuller picture of what I intend to do with it before starting, and foreshadow it in the opening.
Would probably help the feeling that there's no "hook" or "questions" waiting to be answered later.

>>22370813
Tools are supposed to make work easier, not add a whole other layer of bullshit to do.

this may not be the best place to post this but I wanted to know for a project I am working on.
Do collabs generally suck? And also let's say one writer stops writing and another writer is brought in, is the story going to typically take a downfall just from lack of consistency in the story due to switching writers?

>>22370865
Yes and yes. The only exception is when its someone you've worked with a long time and you have similar ideas/perspectives on a story.

>>22370813
Then you just need a free-form outline editor.
I use TreeLine; it does far more than I've used it for, and it's free and open-source.

>>22370856
luv me ai sloots
'ate AI text
simple as

>>22370873
that's nice, had never heard of it
now that i looked for it, the idea I had already exists: it's called plottr https://plottr.com/features/
i was thinking of making it FOSS though

>>22370902
You may not have to.
https://alternativeto.net/software/plottr/

>>22370908
noice

>>22370913
From looking around, this may be the closest to what you were asking for:
https://github.com/olivierkes/manuskript

>>22370920
well, my project was born dead

>>22370936
Nah, it lives on in Manuskript.
Now you've got something you can modify whenever it doesn't do something you want!
You know, the usual open-source experience.

>>22370812
>pic rel
does anyone else have maids in their stories? i make sure to include one in every story i write

First few pages of a fantasy story I'm writing, 2300 words. I have some ideas about where I'm going with it, but I haven't done any big outlining. Do you like it? I'm a bit worried that I'm not getting to characterizing the protagonist quickly enough.

https://pastebin.com/y9ttMVM0

Okay so I'm feeling compelled to write something quite sexual in my story. There isn't much sexual stuff in there besides that one bit of a scene and no sex happens in the end. Is that completely alright to just write it in without caring about putting off the reader? Can I use "like a whore" comparison?

>>22370865
the only way I can see this working well would be if you had two 1st person mc's and each author chose one to voice. that might turn out really cool

>>22371137
the main character is named Yawn

>>22371214
Wrong guy. I'll probably change all the names around at some point anyways when I know how everyone will wind up, a random name picker spat these out. Why did you think he's the main character, though?

>>22370865
I remember writing a sci-fi space opera with my brother like that years ago over an LAN connection, the story went nowhere and was retarded as all fuck, but goddamn if that wasn't the funnest thing ever

>>22371084
The manuscript I was talking about earlier happens to have an old hermit and her elegant maid servant, yes. It's a lovely archetype.

>>22371137
You could have just said it two strangers found Martin washed up on the beach. They helped him out and took him to town and start story from there.
I am not complaining, I real anything with messed up pacing as song as you don't add roasties and don't make mc a coomer or a white knight cuck

>>22371137 #
You could have just said that two strangers found Martin washed up on the beach. They helped him out and took him to town and start the story from there.
I am not complaining, I will read anything with messed up pacing as long as you don't add roasties, minorities and don't make mc a coomer or a white knight cuck

>>22371229
Sovl

>>22371249
>>22371252
>redid the post to include minorities
Impressive

Pastebin deemed it offensive so I had to use this. Apologies.

https://pastes.io/3tds65qwcc

I am considering turning it into a short film. Serious critiques only, please. It's not for the faint of heart but once you fall into the rhythm I think it really hits.

Thanks, fellas.

>>22371137
Not terrible, clearly written and easy to follow, though not very exciting either. The slow pacing in the beginning doesn't convey the sense of danger the MC is supposedly in. Making the threat clearer and the characters behave with a greater sense of urgency would also make it more engaging for the reader.
Also in need of some editing.

>A green glass bottle buried to its neck sat stuck in white sand.
A green glass bottle sat buried to its neck in white sand.
>The tide came in far below, waves never quite reaching up as far as it.
The tide came in below, but the waves didn't reach up to it yet.
Small things like this would make the narrative a bit more effective.
I would recommend doing an outline, it lets you see easier which parts you should really spend the pages on.

>>22371368
>Serious critiques only, please.
Apologize to me immediately for making me click that.

>>22371266
just corrected a few typos

>>22371486
If you open your mind and free yourself of western prison, you might enjoy it. I invite you to try.

>>22371501
Nobody but a westerner could think mentioning penis turns garbage into art.

>>22371368
It's offensive to the English language and prose in general. Utter trash.

>>22371601
This kind of feedback just motivates me. People called a lot of artists like Edvard munch trash in their time but the future was kinder to them.

Just wait. You'll be seeing my book selling well and hailed by critics as the zoomer david foster wallace. My style is brand new, bold and interesting as heck. It's not meant for stuffy old tryhards. It's post literatatire and neoabsurdist prosaic surrealist style is a reflection of our times. I know that it will be successful.

>>22371624
take your meds

>>22371197
>Can I use "like a whore" comparison?
Sure. You can also say "like the very witch of fuck" like good ol' Cormac https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/539211-she-smiled-and-sipped-from-her-glass-there-was-altogether

>>22371368
This reminds me of Roblox RP back in the days of 2011, when you could hop on any RP game and witness the sheer hilarity, ugliness, and creativity of a bunch of 10-14 year olds trying to roleplay with each other with what little prose knowledge they had.

can you post erotic stuff itt for critique?

>>22371663
This guy gets it

>>22371669
>critique
>erotica
but why?

>>22371669
You can try here but people don't usually
There's >>>/trash/wfg

Would it be possible to publish a book via nft so people can’t steal it?

>>22372352
>nft
>can't steal
anon, I...

>>22372352
you're lucky if anybody bothers to read shitty your book to begin with, let alone purchase it

what’s the best way to explain the religion in your setting

>>22372444
Show people practicing it.

>>22372444
as with all things, with small details that imply larger themes
so with religion: rituals and vividly described practitioners

>>22364061
I'm buying your book (paperback) to read on an upcoming flight bro, don't disappoint me.

>>22372352
An NFT only establishes ownership via a blockchain; it doesn't prevent it from being copied by people that don't "own" it.
Amazon has copy-protection on their e-books, yet cracked e-books are everywhere.
Fool-proof copy-protection is not mathematically viable.

>>22372352
NFTs are a fucking grift and nothing stops anyone from stealing your gay book.

>>22371137
>>22371185
Try setting it from a perspective. The first words you write should be describing the sound of the surf whispering into Martin's ear or some shit. Put yourself in the character's head and try to convey their confusion, pain and fear to the reader in a way that flows.
Keep practicing and you will be good.

>>22372444
Don't. Keep it mysterious. Every time you introduce a new detail, do it in such a way that it raises more questions.

Finally, I can start writing my second novel.

Name the three best /lit/ novels. I need to know my competition(they don’t have a chance)

>>22373897
Mixtape Hyperborea
I Pray to the Hungry God
Egregore

>>22373897
Your goal is to be the best of /lit/? Yikes

>>22372661
I hope you enjoy it!

Would a single word document suffice for showing off writing samples when applying to things, or is it like some other creative careers where you're expected to have a website?

>>22373966
of course. I do that. It makes it easier for me to read and when I convert it to a Kindle file, it's all there with the same formatting and whatnot.

Caveguy got exiled by his tribe in a kangaroo court what does he do next try and learn more about it while exploring the world on his own or seek out the members for sweet vengence.

>>22374235
Take a massive shit in a coconut.

>>22374553
>>22374553
>>22374553

>>22374235
There is a typo in the very first sentence.