/lit/ - Literature

https://pastebin.com/biFq1keV

I am trying out a different style. First person, no real plot, kind of like Catcher in the Rye.
Please critique (and tell me how shit I am) this short piece I wrote. I hesitate to call it a story because there is no plot. Its a pro-skateboarder talking about his life.

>>22347790
I understand that reference

>>22347790
I really really really want to have sex with a cute white girl.

>>22332382
All the little-free-libraries I tried to visit actually existed, so that's a positive.
Most of them had "airport novels", so I figured my books weren't too out of place.
Sometimes I had to take a book to make room for mine. But now I have two books I'm vaguely interested in.
I also swung by a city-library branch, but they wouldn't take my books; they have a whole process for local authors to get approved for being put on their shelves.
Little free libraries are starting to look better.

Have you ever thought about what your writing?

>>22347801
It's okay, but the flow feels really off to me. You also like to use despite a lot.

>>22347790
not sure what this general thinks of things written in verse but here's what I'm working on:
>https://songoftheotherlings.carrd.co

>>22347847
>the flow feels really off to me
how so?

I'm writing for a contest. How do I keep my story within the word count limit without kneecapping myself? How do I get over the (merited) fear I won't win it and enjoy the process of writing the story itself?

Is there a term for "implicit worldbuilding". What I mean is when instead of elaborating about some aspect of the world, the characters just casually mentioned it in a throwaway line, because to them it's part of common knowledge and nothing special, but the reader gets just enough info to form a vague picture in their head?
Like in Necromancer when someone casually mentions the Bonn Nuclear Crater, or in Hyperion someone lists the Second Holocaust between other big atrocities.
I really like this kind of stuff, if it's for background fluff that just fleshes out the world and isn't essential to the plot.

Declaration of Independance

To the state, to the capitalists, to the perpetrators of the system,

I,

in these lines,

Declare My Personal Excellence, holder of intellect and ability, posessor of my bodily properties and director of my action, independant from the protection of the state and independant from the capitalists and immune to perpetrators of the system who promote their ideology. The reason for this is that I, as a free citizen, no longer require the protection of the state for I can protect myself on my own. As a productive individual I do not rely on the banking system and as an immediate consequence I am independent from submission to random capitalist authorities to receive a wage of some sort. This is less of a declaration from freedom of the law, the legal laws I always will follow but more of a declaration that I would rather perish than accept governmental aid of some sort, even the most precarious and that I would rather perish than submit myself under the authority of a random capital owner. The consequences of this declaration make me completely immune towards the perpetrators of the system who will try to make the case against me in favour of the system, and tell me that I somehow have an obligation to live under the authority of the system for no reason at all, for I am not part of the system but a mere associate like are the federated states towards the federation towards the state and towards the capitalists no association at all. After having been a faithful citizen and convinced, yes activist neoliberalist for the whole of my life, bad experiences not with liberalism itself but with the way it is interpretated by the people who live under it forced me to take these steps. Thus, I do not declare my independance because I had imagined something smaller but because I had imagined something bigger. I hope that my big plans will see their soon fulfillment for wich I need no less than complete freedom from the capitalists and complete equality towards the state not as a subject but as a legal actor. These are the following:
-the construction of 'Gardarike' using the following materials:
•wood
•hay

>>22347878
>Necromancer
Why isn't Neuromancer known by autocorrect, anon?

>two characters talking side by side
>have slowly getting physically closer to each other as they chat
>character admits she was lonely in her past and leans on male character
>the action sounds retarded and abrupt now that I look it over instead of an emotional moment of vulnerability by admission
On one hand I'm glad I know it's bad, but how do I fix such a simple motion without making it a jam packed moment

>>22347889
The better question is why am I so tired, that I just mindlessly right-click autocorrect to the first option, without even checking if it says what I want.
At least this is not as bad as the other day, where I got called out for autocorrecting to the same wrong word twice over the course of a thread

>>22347889
>>22347902
You guys have autocorrect in-browser?

>>22347920
Spellchecking, not autocorrect. My bad.

>>22347898
Add more buildup.

>>22347920
I have it on my phone

>>22347790
I tried a new process for writing not long ago. It goes like this. I just copy paste the plots of other stuff. I keep everything the same and then over time, I erase sections and fill them back in with original writing until it's all my own writing.
Is this ethical and can I claim it's my own writing?

>>22347801
I liked it, well written.

>>22347866
Try reading it aloud. But what the fuck do I know

>>22347878
>Is there a term for "implicit worldbuilding".
"worldbuilding"

Is there software that can help me with the basics? (Filler words, unnecessary adverbs, lack of clarity)
I've been reading and writing for years but I think I have some undiagnosed disorder that is preventing me from realizing my basic mistakes.

>>22348101
grammarly

>>22348103
>data mining for chatgpt

>>22347801
>tips

>can't work up the courage to write until I'm exhausted at the end of the day and my writing suffers for it
How do I fix this?

>>22348353
What?

How do I #booktok?

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/aug/06/i-cant-stress-how-much-booktok-sells-teen-literary-influencers-swaying-publishers

>>22348510
You pay a marketing agency to promote your book in a way that positively responds with the algorithm.

>>22347874
Write what you want to, to make your story work the way you want it to.
When editing, cut out the weakest parts until you make your word count.

>writing the intro
>it's not the cool part I planned on and I have to write what leads up to it
ughh
I'm going to phone this in and get back to it later

Follow-up from last thread:

>scene: fighter pilot's plane is tumbling out of control
>don't know how to convey this well
>decided to do meme formatting where the words are physically scattered over the page
>after finishing, anon gave much better simpler advice to write disjointed and confusedly
>but now I like my original idea

What's better?

https://pastebin.com/qdjhvi5c

please critique the above snippet of an aging Chinese gangster's memoirs based on the following Camus vignette, thanks anons:
>"A man had left some Czech village to go and make his fortune. Twenty-five years later he'd come back rich, with a wife and child. His mother and his sister were running a hotel in his native village. In order to surprise them, he'd left his wife and child at another hotel and gone to see his mother who hadn't recognised him when he walked in. Just for fun, he'd decided to book a room. He'd shown them his money. During the night his mother and his sister had clubbed him to death with a hammer to steal his money, and then thrown his body into the river. The next morning, the wife had come along and without realizing revealed the traveller's identity. The mother had hanged herself. The sister had thrown herself down a well. I must have read this story thousands of times. On the one hand, it was improbable. On the other, it was quite natural. Anyway, I decided that the traveller had deserved it really and that you should never play around."

>>22348688
Meme formatting always fucking sucks and I'd say the "much better simpler advice" is the way to go.

>>22348692
I like it a lot, but fix your grammar

YA novels are shorter than adult novels but can I write a novel that is not YA but which is about as long as a YA novel?

>>22348692
Holy... I want more.

>>22347790
>He did a thing and then thing happened. He felt etc etc
So how do you improve on prose? I'm starting to notice most of my sentences begin with "he", "she", or "character name". Do I just read more books and pay attention to the way that author structures sentences?

>>22348775
see this guy
>>22348692

https://pastebin.com/CnPNwggp

https://pastebin.com/mEP32aFE

Here's what I did today, my first real attempt to write an action scene, and I'm asking if what is being described is clear and engaging.

>>22347801
At first I was charmed as it almost read like a narrated monologue from the beginning of a 90s teen flick. But it keep going and going until I lost interest four paragraphs in.
>>22348692
This is pretty good but I hate that first paragraph. Just get rid of it.
>>22348688
Both of those options sound awful. Use your imagination. Watch movie scenes with planes going out of control.

>>22347790
Pharoah is tired his peoples shit
They accuse him of this they accuse him of this
He is a bit of an npc warrior who had to go on a journey

>>22348667
if you're dying of boredom writing it how's the reader going to feel?

>>22349129
Critique on my poetry?

This is sorta tangential to the thread topic, but I don't know where else to ask this

How do you anons take notes when reading or writing things, be it physically or digitally? I'm trying to manage note taking in the books I read and i'm trying to figure out what to use as bookmarks that won't damage the pages of the books, and how to keep notes to refer back to or search through for the ebooks and PDF files I have.

>>22347790
How viable would an Edisonade style story be in a fantasy setting? Would it end up just as a vehicle to explore a magic system, or could the same spirit of wonder and inventiveness of classic Edisonades still be able to shine through?

>>22349156
>This is sorta tangential to the thread topic
It's not "sorta tangential", it's completely off topic. Use the fucking archive.

Ultimately one is reminded of his solitariness, that the point he occupies in his mind is the one he owns and commands. And the only constant companions he has is his mind and his body. That he walks through dreams only becomes apparent, when they betray him. He reaches out to grab his fellow man and grabs an apparition made of a poor trick of light. Man is a sun in search of night.

>>22349162
>ESL

Should I switch my magic detective story location from 1980s Japan to 1980s America to make it more palatable for broader audiences?

>magic systems

>>22349202
I know of one unironically amazing magic system, that being Nen. Any similar /lit/ concepts?

>>22349099
I already did and meme formatting was all I could come up with. I've seen movies with crashing planes

>>22348692
Really good. Despite how short it was I could imagine it all very vividly. Great job anon

>>22349058
Your descriptions, including of the creature's appearance, are really clunky. I think the sentences also tend to run a little long for what should be a frantic action scene. Try cutting out at least 10% of the words

“I loved her,” Anon sighed, smoke escaped his mouth, as he threw the cigar to the wet ground where it fizzled out.
“I loved her,” he repeated, whilst rain fell onto his fedora from the dark sky between the alley’s buildings. “And she threw it all away for a dime and a card player without a name. Yeah. I really loved that chick. She would dance and swing at the kitchen sink, and always give me a smile and a wink.”
Taking a step back, placing a shivering hand into his overcoat, Anon procured something that shimmered slightly in the dimness of a neon light from the bar. There, sparkling like an grey ghost, had been exposed a snug six-chamber revolver.
“But you know what she always told me, slick? That there wasn’t no way we’d be severed apart. Well, she lied. So all I got is the roulette of life. Such haphazard strife.”
He spun the smallish cylinder; it whirred like a wheel at the casino. It spun and spun, with that sound like a rattlesnake stirring, until the dark figure pressed a single index finger on the grooved cylinder.
“One round in the cylinder,” he said. “Let’s see if I’m taken out of my misery tonight, before any of the sunlight becomes so bedight.”
Anon placed the end of the silver bin barrel up to the side of his fedora, right where the temple should have been, shielded from the night’s rain.
“I’m betting on black. It’ll go all black.”
His index finger slipped around and gripped the trigger. Anon’s heart thumped; his head rushed; the time had come. He squeezed.
Click. The rain pitter-patted.
“Shit,” he said. “I guess it was a zero.”
It spun again with his other palm slapping it over and over. It whirred like an engine of war. Then he held it down with his finger again. Holding the gun to his head, he prophesied: “All men like games. Especially when the stakes are high,” the spinning echoed in his ears, an aural phantasm. “Now, I’m betting on red. All red. Brains and blood.”

>>22349159
You gotta take notes and use markers for stuff you write, don't you?

How do I know if my prose is good?

>>22349319
When you stop asking dumb questions and put work in, then learn how to self evaluate instead of relying on others. If you aren’t reading for hours a day, and if writing at least 100-500 words per day, you have no way of understanding language.

>>22347790
how does everyone feel about illustrated fiction? I like to draw but prefer to write, and I don't have the patience to draw a comic.

>>22347790
>diesel golf
Real men fuck LADA

>>22348018
theseus' ship concept applied to writing

>>22349202
>>22349223
I liked the one in Eragon, but I haven't reread that book since my teens, so my memory of how good it was might be very distorted

What are some (hopefully good?) recent fantasy books that are representative of what’s trendy in the genre now?

>>22349775
>good
>fantasy
>trendy
Pick two, as long as "good" isn't one of them.

>>22349775
Anything by Sarah j Maas

>>22349513
I don't just change some words or sentences though, I'll cut out whole chapters and then re-fill the hole. They follow a different path and pacing but it always ends up where it was before I cut it out.

Also, I don't intend to publish any of my stuff using that technique. I'm just using it to experiment with my formatting and my style.

>>22348018
Many successful authors basically do this exact thing but less directly. Don't worry about it.

>>22347898
make it nonverbal
conversation peters off->quiet->lean

>>22349260
Thanks.

>>22349819
No problem. I'm no expert, but from your word count, calculate and make an exercise to delete exactly 10% of it. Repost it here again and I think the feedback will be a little better

>>22347849
I like the imagery and wording very much, anon!

My criticism would be:
-slightly repetitive in places (the many descriptions of the high casualties of the mythology-folk start to get a bit samey),
-so far, I am failing to perceive strong themes besides the horror of war, and the courage needed to pursue peace,
-the mention of 'panzers' feels hamfisted

Keep it up, anon. :)

>>22349058
>Say "and its body looked" instead of "but his body looked". Being five feet tall isn't contrary to looking skeletal.
>Instead of "Where the legs should be was instead a..." say "Where its legs should have been was a..."
>This can be cut: "no one moving for what seemed like several minutes". The whole sentence should be revised desu. Use this opportunity to establish tension and danger.
>The action scene starts a bit awkwardly; you could afford some punchier language to set the tone here, maybe a character exclamation
>You effectively convey the physics of the combat/struggle. There's very little ambiguity, which is good because it allows the reader to clearly envision each action in the sequence. Neat monster design too, btw.

>>22348877
JFC stop it with this shit

Has anyone ever spent several years on one novel/project only to realize it's fundamentally poorly written and not worth further investment?

>>22350003
I gave up on a project earlier this year. It had been dragging for a long time and I realized I was better off cutting my losses and applying the lessons I learned to a blank slate. I'm glad I did, mainly because I'm very excited about my current project and I've resolved myself to finish it.

>>22350003
No, but I do have a couple outlines I have realized were not novel material.

>>22347790
What do you write on?
I used to write on paper first, then type it all back into a Word document, but this method was a massive waste of time. I almost always write entirely on a Word document now. I can maximise my writing output that way

Is this thread specifically about writing things like fiction or any type of artistic creative writing or is it just about writing anything?
Either way, I'm considering writing some basic qualities towards the story I'm thinking about writing in the future, a few key-words that I will try to model the story towards so as to not lose its consistency throughout the writing process.

>>22350003
No I took the Gardner approach and shat out anything I wrote

>>22349903
Thanks a lot!
>repetitive
I actually made an effort to do it this way to make it feel like one of those folk tales where people often repeat entire sentences like their titles and all the men they felled in battle, what places mean to them etc etc
>themes
I swear I'm getting there but I tried having a nice long war council at the start of the story like any good poetic epic would
>panzers
that's honestly part of the theme, that, mentioning "shock and awe" and the protagonists being orcs is all tied, I wanted to write panzer because I don't see tank as a proper word when a lot of countries use panzer

thanks a lot for the advice fren I guess I'll tone down the repetiveness

>>22348688
I wrote it:

https://pastebin.com/N3dBRJLC

>science fiction
>scene: a pilot's ship is flying out of control to an imminent crash

I probably need to add more detail, but am I on the right track in capturing the feeling?

>>22350003
There's a project I've been writing, abandoning, and restarting from zero since like 2015. But it's not like I've put much time in it in total. Just a bit every now and then. I still think the story itself is good, I just haven't nailed the execution yet.

>>22347790
Hi guys. Just finished my first ever novel. It's a fragmentary, horror novel, and I'm really excited about it. It's about 57k words long, and I've never written anything this long before.

I wanted to thank you guys for all the inspiration and feedback you guys have fed me during this process.

Here's a little sample (feedback greatly needed!): https://pastebin.com/yEdqQUgm

If there's interest, I'll post the next paragraph.

>>22350003
I'm writing a thing right now and I'm hoping I won't realize that a year later.

>>22350103
Is English your first language?

>>22349169
not necessarily america, but yes. the only people interested in japan are weebs. I'm cringing imagining all the hai, so-and-so san putting it in japan would necessitate

>>22350120
Yes.

>>22350147
Did you have an idea of the genre you were going to write in or had any type of clear direction of the type writing you'd prefer to be classified under or did you write freely and only thought of it afterwards?
I had an idea that some of the vocabularies of people who were native English speakers would contain some words not as easy to digest but I had an easy time with yours, which I'm not sure how I feel about since I've always considered my abilities to not be that high.

>>22350159
All the stories are written with horror in mind (some are certainly less horrific than others though). As such, I use vocabulary intended to disgust, immerse and create a serious tone.

Are you saying you found my word choice strange/unorthodox? If so, do you think that is good or bad? Did you like what you read?

https://pastebin.com/k9PGMPU9

>>22349867
Ended up removing over 10%. I think I became overly worried that what I had in mind wouldn't be properly conveyed and added a bunch of probably redundant and overly long descriptions.

>>22349908
I hope this is better.

>>22350166
>Are you saying you found my word choice strange/unorthodox?
I found it to be natural and approachable, which is the reason why I initially found it a bit confusing since apart from some of the words I am not that familiar with, I could understand it without much effort. I've been exposed to different types of writing and it seems to vary a lot depending on the context whether I might be able to understand what is being written or not, and I am not entirely sure whether the fact that I had an easy time understanding your story to be either something positive or negative. The content in itself is not very much what I'm focusing on, so with that being said you shouldn't consider this a type of actual feedback.
>If so, do you think that is good or bad?
As someone who has English as a second language, there's part of me that says that it might be good as it could reach a higher number of people, then there's part of me that feels as if it doesn't challenge my ability to understand what is being written, and this makes me a bit confused.
>Did you like what you read?
I've never been much of a reader in the past and I am only beginning to take up reading now, so with that said I can't either praise or criticize your writing with any type of significance given this background. That being said, I think that the description of the particular smell could have been referred to in a different way. Particularly the use of the word ''shit'' seems to me like there could have been other, less explicit and less specific way of trying to describe it.

Any tips for writing a loving sister who's also a very sexist/ traditional sort that's just realized that her sister is bisexual?

I don't want her to seem unheroic, but at the same time I don't want to wave a magic wand that makes her cultural beliefs go away. She's been raised to think that women need to be mothers- and is actually fond of the idea- and so is said sister.

But the idea that she may also like girls just....creeps her out.

>>22350082
>fair lady
please don't...
It's alright but the only thing I feel that isn't great is that some sentences feel like they take the breath out of me, even just the opening one
>John exited out of folded space into death
I feel like just thinking that get's me exhausted, if I'd give advice I'd say something like
>Out of space and into death John went
but that's my verse brain putting it into metre, it just feels a little hard to read at times.

>>22350211
Is she growing out of the conservatard mindset in the story or is it just male fantasies? Either way make sure that when mentioning how she approaches being trad that it comes from a motherly/feminine place and that the same reasons why she would accept herself as bi later do not contradict her previous beliefs. It has to be like a "I didn't know all along that I didn't have to be so conservative and uptight" type of thing.

>>22350238
It's the younger sister that is Bi. She's also pretty traditional, though.

I do want the elder sister to become more flexible though.

>>22350322
oh got it
I'd say then just make it a cute journey where the older sister learns to right her past wrongs and when considering her younger sister to think about it in a "I thought I knew what was good for her but now I know better and what's good for her is to be herself" type of thing, where she doesn't lose that care for her sister but she realizes that she was just close-minded before.

>>22350238
>>22350322
>>22350337
This sounds fucking cringe and retarded.

Understanding and acceptance due to family bonds and family just being as it is is much better device.

>>22350424
What's cringe about it? It sounds like a great family drama for a person to mature beyond their upbringing.

>>22349058
>>22348877
Where's that guy who's always recommending 'Techniques of the Selling Writer'? He needs to recommend it to you two.

Here's a random google link for 'Motivation Reaction Unit'.
https://www.septembercfawkes.com/2022/01/writing-motivation-reaction-units-mrus.html

>>22350459
Very cool of you to imply being accepting of faggotry is "mature" and not accepting the unnatural isn't.

>>22350508
you sound like such a badass lmfao
I bet you only play Japanese games because they aren't woke.

Plagiarizing is great because whenever I come up with my own ideas, they're confusing, badly written, and cause characters to behave like fucking aliens.

>>22350211
Bisexuality (especially in women) is the least offensive strand of queer identity, and you should not try to mill this conflict for any more drama than its worth. The zeitgeist has moved on, and readers (especially sophisticated ones) will see this all as trite and passé.

You can still do this storyline, but you'll have to be savvy. The older sister should think that younger sister will still be a mother some day and this girl crush phase is just a trifle of youth. Younger sis will say it's not a phase, elder sis will say she's just confused, etc. Culminate this with a sincere moment from the younger sis where she finally, successfully convinces the other, maybe through a personal story that proves that same-sex love is genuine. This should be enough for older sis, and she'll start gracefully ceding ground; looking for assurances that her sister is still the same person she always was. This is the time to inject humor, playing with stereotypes or misunderstandings, making bisexuality less alien to older sis.
"So does that mean you'll be buying a Subaru now? I heard that's what lesbians drive."
Silly example, but you get my meaning: Their conversation is now one of re-affirming their bond and re-establishing mutual trust. Again, utilize humor and end it on a happy note. This should be a positive catharsis for both characters.

Fantasyanons, have you ever gotten bogged down in the details of a setting when you're writing a story for the first time? How do you push onwards?

>>22350698
this is good. and then at the end of the story the younger sister meets a guy and the epilogue is her holding her newborn baby in her arms and she realizes that all that transitory sexual experimentation was nothing more than a prologue to fulfilling her actual, biological desire and the baby is her arms is a tangible expression of the love she feels for her husband, which rises far above her prior base hedonism

>>22351043
Based

>>22350897
If you haven’t figured out everyone’s tax policy then you shouldn’t bother writing.

How do you respond when your writing group complains about your book being too heteronormative?

>>22351147
>Okay cool
Then don't acknowledge any other comments

>>22350103

It's the best thing I've ever read. Post more.

>>22350003
If you don't finish it, you will never finish anything. There's no surer way to curse yourself than to abandon a project.

>>22349058

There is no reason to describe the robot in such detail in the first paragraph (or at all). Yuu can simply say killer robot and that will do the trick, especially since your robot is not radically different from any other.

The long description is a drag on the action and kills the tension.

I'm beginning to understand why so much stuff begins with characters who are already familiar with one another and only ever flashes back to their meeting. I cannot for the life of me bridge the gap between strangers and familiarity in a way that's engaging and not perfunctory. Does anyone have any tips? Or should I just cut it all out.

>>22351249
NTA, but I hard disagree. A detailed description is absolutely warranted, especially when your suggested alternative is to just call it a "killer robot" and move on. An action sequence should be cinematic, and that means setting a clear vision for the reader.

Out of curiosity. Aren't you guys afraid that in a few more years AI will be able to write much better novels than humans?

I came here the other day posting about my writing, but now I'm facing a new task. I have to READ. That's right, the dreaded experience. I decided to go back to a short story written by a world famous author(that I won't name) and HOLY SHIT. What a slog!

The writer that I looked up to and wanted to emulate in my youth is so bad. I'm sorry but their prose is such a slog to read through. My God.

TL;DR: Is there any fiction writers that you guys can recommend whose prose doesn't make me want to turn my screen off?

>>22351281
No, I'm not afraid of that. We've talked about this a lot already. The TL;DR of the issue is a lot of the hype is sensationalism to drive investment, but more importantly media views.

>>22351281
no
the threshold of "viable for sale to potential readers" isn't anywhere near the threshold for "good" let alone the threshold for "better than anything humans can make" and it's not even at the first threshold yet
>muh exponential growth
all technologies follow an S-shaped curve and always at the middle retards predict unbounded exponential growth and always we hit the plateau and the retards are shocked

>>22351299
>Frogposter
Dr. Seuss

I need to stop spinning up new stories and finish something. Do any of these sound interesting? Pardon the faggy YA diction

#1
They had never seen someone survive the man-eaters before, let alone a Cerulean knight.
But when the druid sisters were unable to remove his armor, viscera bound by chain mail, they knew this wasn't just 'someone'

#2
A blood ritual has backfired, now Markus slinks in the underbelly of his Mother's city licking wounds and counting the days he can reclaim his title
– if he can make it to tomorrow. With Imperialists, warring cultists, and his past at his feet, every step forward is a step away from what he knows.

#3
Beyond the Roman conquest of Egypt lies a forgotten tale - that of Cleopatra's children.
Can Alexander Helios, imprisoned and stripped of his birthright, escape the clutches of obscurity?

I was working on the third one but haven't it feels a bit too sterile and lacking heart. Was thinking about picking up the first one again and kind of combining it with 2

>>22351281
Writing actual good novels requires a skill and attention span that LLMs are nowhere near. They can do impressive things but they can't bring it all together. (If they do reach that level there'll be bigger things to worry about.)
I can see them becoming useful writing assistants. I use Copilot for programming, it's very handy for grunt work. But AI can't do any of the design work that's my real value-add, and good code is often boring while good prose is interesting.

>>22351281
>better novels than humans
If they ever do, I'll be fine with it. More good books to read. When it comes to writing, I write for myself and am not worried about an AI writing my characters and plots better than I can, for my own sensibilities.

>>22351354
#1 has an interesting image (armor hiding a skinless grotesque) but an image is not a story. #2 sounds intriguing and can doubtless integrate that image in a character or monster somewhere.

#3 is higher subject matter and requires closer attention to historical detail. Maybe that's just my bias, but I hold historical fiction to a higher standard.

Want to do a horror story about an isolated Spanish village but how do i do this without getting called out for cultural appropriation? I spent a lot of my childhood and teenage years there and I think I could do some cool Spanisb folk horror mix a lot of them seems demote and isolated which is where the jnfkehbce comes from do I go more Lovecraft or Wicker Man?

How are my fellow litrpg bros doing? Success? No success? Close to release?

>>22350232
Thanks anon. Folded space is part of the world I'll explain later but I guess it is a clunky beginning

>>22351249
>>22351267

I initially considered this, describing it as simply a humanoid motorcycle. But I wanted the reader to have a clear idea of what was going on in the fight, so I settled on doing a more detailed description, though I'm now thinking it's too much of a matter-of-fact, wiki-style description.

>>22350198
Nice. The description of the creature is MUCH better. It's a lot tighter and reads more like an action scene overall. The pipe throwing part still feels a little clunky and still needs more work imo, but it's all definitely an improvement over last

>>22349156
I use an outline editor called TreeLine.
It lets me organize my notes hierarchically & browse the tree quickly.
It's free and open-source, too.

>>22349780
>>22349467
>>22349165
>>22349945
>>22350508
>>22351081
buzz off, seething troll
your input is not value-added

>>22350897
I get bogged down trying to think of enough interesting scenarios which aren't contrived occurring during those long walks between plot location a and plot location b

>>22351473
>Folded space is part of the world I'll explain later
oh got it I was just confused there

>>22351299
Edgar Alan Poe

>>22351405
Thanks and I'm the same with historical fiction. I think being so out of shape with my writing is why it was coming out stuffy and why there was a nagging voice telling me "just make it cyber-ankh or glasspunk" as if I should let myself off the hook.
Better to brush up and finish something like 1+2 instead of beating myself up with yet another unfinished or subpar story.

>>22351299
O Henry has phenomenal short stories

>>22351501
>The pipe throwing part still feels a little clunky and still needs more work IMO,

I was thinking the same thing. Though I'm not sure how I want to improve it. I might remove the bits about it dodging not only to make it more snappy but because it somewhat contradicts what I'm writing now, which relies on it not being as agile as she is, which doesn't really work if I have it avoiding pipes like this.

>>22351147
What's a writing group?

>establish a plot point early on in the story
>later, think a different plot point would be better
what do? drop the entire thing?

third person past or third person present? someone give me a reason to choose one over the other

>>22351147
later, nerds

>>22351695
maybe, or tweak it. all part of the drafting/editing process

>>22351696
unless there is a specific reason for something to be past tense, ie it's a story being told by a narrator, you're reading a diary or watching security tapes or reading a history or something, I prefer present tense.
a benefit for a narrator telling a story in past tense is you can always have the story catch up to the present moment when everything seems like it's fucked and then switch everything to present tense to create suspense.

>>22351731
thanks for the advice. I'm about ten pages in, and started in past tense. There is a narrator, but what I wrote today really lent itself so well to present tense I changed the rest of it to see how it sounded. I kind of like it this way it is now, but i'm ambivalent.

>>22351696
IMO present tense leads the amateur writer towards indulging in some of their worst tendencies. I always see present tense narratives slip into ugly stream of consciousness and abuse of sentence fragments and all kinds of bullshit that they would have been more obviously obnoxious if they were writing in past tense.

I need serious help here. I have no idea how to describe things in my writing. I'm not talking about "how" in the way you may be thinking.

Take this exercise for example:
Take the following sentences and make them DETAILED sentences.


1. Mary dressed carefully on the first day of school.
I have no idea what to write. No clue. I don't know where to even start. Do I start describing what Mary looks like? Do I describe what she's doing in the morning? Do I describe her clothing and only her clothing? I literally am stuck. Please help.

>>22352193
Is the way she dresses plot important? Is it a school uniform and there's a uniform police she needs to satisfy? Like, is she going to a sex segregated catholic school and the nuns are going to rap her in the knuckles with a ruler if she dresses slovenly or is she dressing up because she's got a crush and she wants to impress some guy or is she a super straight laced perfectionist and she needs to make herself look good out of some pathology.
Why is the question. Why, why, why.

>>22352193
Thats because description first and foremost is about pov. It's not about the camera, it's about who is behind the camera. Think about how the description would change in the following povs:

1. Mary's (a girl starting her first year of high school)
2. Mary's (a 45 year old woman reflecting back on her youth)
3. Mary's Mom (a 45 year old widow struggling to make ends meet)
4. Mary's dog (an overprotective border collie)
5. Mary's little brother (a 85 year old man with alzheimer's trying to remember his sister)
6. Mary's (a girl starting her first year of high school, whose father has just died)

Once you have the pov down, you put yourself in the head of that pov, and then you try to see what they see. The description should follow naturally.

>>22352244
>>22352250
>Henry was touching himself as he watched his eighteen year old sister, Mary, through a peep hole. She was trying to pick out an outfit for her first day of school. She was completely naked, mix and matching different items from her wardrobe. Henry may have been her brother, but he lusted after his sister more than any woman he had ever known. Mary’s heavy breasts swayed back and forth, bouncing ever so softly with every motion she made. He was close to gratification and he couldn’t hold back, he wouldn’t hold himself back. His semen flew onto his bedroom wall and a little got on his feet. Before closing up the peep hole, Henry saw that she had decided on a pink top with a polka dot skirt and pink new balance sneakers.

Did I do it right? Is this descriptive?

>>22352288
Go to bed, Dan Harmon. You're drunk.

>>22352288
>Henry may have been her brother, but he lusted after his sister more than any woman he had ever known.
I'd cut this because it's both too much telling and somewhat redundant. If you want to emphasize how much he lusts after her maybe describe how peeping had become his morning and/or evening ritual. And I'd add a little color to her description, not just the clothing. pink nipples, brunette or blonde hair

ChineseCamusfag here, thanks for the feedback anons. I'll crit in return when I get home

>>22350698
>Bisexuality (especially in women) is the least offensive strand of queer identity
Ah, the king of virgins has spoken! I tip my fedora to you, fellow intellectual! When are we retaking Constantinople?

>>22351696
Not sure if it fits here but I had the idea once of having a story happen in past tense until a pivotal moment happens and the rest of it happens in present.

>>22351265

Just cut it out. There's no need to explain how people met each other if it has nothing to do with the story.

>>22352309
>Henry was touching himself as he watched his eighteen year old sister, Mary, through a peep hole. She was trying to pick out an outfit for her first day of school. She was completely naked, mix and matching different items from her wardrobe. Her long blonde hair would occasionally obstruct his view. Henry had made his peeping a daily routine. Part of him even wondered the possibility that Mary knew of his peeping and was enjoying it just as much as he was. Mary’s heavy breasts swayed back and forth, bouncing ever so softly with every motion she made. Her perfect pink nipples and shaved mound would regularly make him salivate. He was close to gratification and he couldn’t hold back, he wouldn’t hold himself back. His semen flew onto his bedroom wall and a little got on his feet. Before closing up the peep hole, Henry saw that she had decided on a pink top with a polka dot skirt and pink new balance sneakers.

Is this descriptive enough? It's the best I can do. I wish I knew how to describe things normally but I am really more of a teller than a shower, I guess.

>>22351684
Maybe don't talk about each individual pipe. Maybe think about how the scene would be represented in a comic book, where it would only show anchor points in the action. Do the same with the writing

>>22351696
Third person past tense reads most naturally imo

>>22352334
Thanks, that's me in the pic btw. We march on Constantinople tomorrow, don't be late.

>>22347812
Good morning please do the needful sirs

>>22352387
Right behind you, bruder! For White Evropa!

Leafing through some old writing from 2021, and it's a riot reading these schizoid conspiracy fictions from that year. Thsi was supposed to be a semi comical scenario of a far off future. Had no intimation that GPT 4 was 15 months off and that even the tech from 10 months into the future would be fully capable of performing the "feats" I'd ascribed to "GPT 5"

Kind of spooked now. Realizing that a scenario I thought was scary enough to warrant being called shizoid fiction is now completely mundane to me.

Also the companion short I wrote is also completely unreworkable because The Whale came out and now watching a binge eating fatso kill himself isn't a novelty.

Lesson learned: don't sit on your material kids, even if it's dogwater; which it is, the writing in these is embarassing.

>>22352692
https://pastes.io/zgjvqpyehq

Just to put this out in the world. I do actually like the energeic progression of the story, a skill I think I've let atrophy. Like, if I were to just read everything I've written since 2020, this is the only one that's somewhat competently plotted.I can't rewrite it due to the entire concept being woefully dated, since AI has progressed so quickly. I bet the Feds have been using a system like this for a while, anyhow.

Basically I'm going insane. Thamk u for reading my diary desu

>>22351695
Why not have both?

>>22352193
If it's not relevant to the plot, skip it.

>>22352334
>>22352420
>>>/lgbt/, tranny.
Or >>>/pol/

>>22352193
Read 19th century books, those guys chewed scenery. Haters and losers will say it's because they were paid by the word, but in reality they were just so prolific that they bent their style towards ultimate readability. It takes a bit to get into it since it's over a century old, but once you do you'll fly down the page. It's light and airy and has an enviable momentum despite being dense and descriptive. Too bad it's unacceptable to write like that anymore—the cult of "JUST GET TO THE POINT" is too strong. Nobody wants to let an author tarry on writing that is joyful for its own sake.

>>22352733
I will do exactly as you say immediately!

AIslop has made me loathe the word "testament"

How do I become decent at writefagging? I don’t want to be some amazing writer, but I’ve always been literal dogshit at writing and I want to change that.

I wrote like 2000 words and I reread it and feel that it's just bland ass world data dumping, so I deleted it all. Frustrating, but it's on me for not thinking about an interesting narrative.

>>22353039
toast werks so we can see where you need to improve

>>22351225
Thank you so much anon!

Is there anything in particular you liked? What did you think of the prose (something I'm trying to improve).

Here's the next paragraph (things start to get juicy here):
https://pastebin.com/J2iNx18g

I'd love to get your thoughts! :)

>>22351281
I'm a programmer. Answer: not for a while. What we have right now is one component for general AI, and while this component is pretty damn good, it's still missing other essential parts that we have no clue how to make.

If you want a longer explanation, here's one. To demonstrate, think of a sentence to describe a random object on your table. I'll do it myself: "The phone sit face-down against the table, encompassed in a carbon-fiber case that reflects soft bands of light from the monitor." How did I come up with this sentence? It was not *me* (my consciousness) who made it, necessarily. It was generated using a "word-generation model" in your brain. Our consciousnesses have a large amount of control over how these models work, but it's more like our egoes operating a mini-machine in our brain that spits out sentences.
There are many names for the various models in our brain (i.e. if you've ever taken college psychology, the Wernicke's area in our brain is responsible for interpreting spoken language, and people who have damaged Wernicke's areas hear all speech as jibberish). Our AI models generally surpass what human models can do - like, my god, ChatGPT is a language model and it can almost do medium-advanced math. You can probably instinctively know the answer to 2+3 = ? from your language model, in your brain, but imagine instinctively knowing the answer to calculus from just a glance. That's what ChatGPT can do.
But we still lack the essential component that ties all these components together - the consciousness. Hence why we will not have AI replacing novelists or programmers for a while.

>>22353049
I haven’t written anything really. Nothing that wasn’t for school, at least. Maybe give me a prompt? I’d be a bit lost if you just told me to write anything.

I can't separate my own disproportionate self-criticism from how other people see me and men in general long enough to write even a single scene with a male character in it.

assuming im a poorfag/cheapskate what is the best self publisher?
my target audience is mostly online so Im considering amazon

>>22353129
>so Im considering amazon
How much cut do they take?

>>22353159
about 30% at the minimum

>>22353169
Lol oh.

Pls rate my 250-word submission for a flash fiction contest
>theme: the ocean

My third-eldest brother drowned in the ocean when I was ten years old. Every year, half of us would lay a wreath of seashells on the beach, at the exact place he’d waded in. The other half of our family didn’t acknowledge that Oli even existed. In fact, Father had been debating sending him abroad, before the ocean relieved him of his dilemma. Father, the disciplinarian. Father, the CEO. Father, anything but.

"Dean,” my younger brother asked one day, “Do you think… ocean spirits exist?”

“Ocean spirits? River, definitely. But ocean? Not sure.” We’d been sipping wine together. I thought of Oli. Come to think of it, next week would be the thirty-third anniversary of his death.

“I hope they don’t,” he whispered.

I agreed. We hadn’t been to the beach in years. And I wouldn’t have wanted Oli to see what was happening to the sea now—the mining, the drilling, the fishing. What would he have said to the developments Father was making, on that very coast he died on?

The number 33 was too significant in our culture to ignore. Telling no one else in our family, we went to where Oli had disappeared. There were no beachgoers here anymore; only cement trucks and construction crews. The coast was to be artificially extended, to make for a luxury resort. I dipped my hand in the water, feeling its cool wash over me. The waves brought a tiny green shell into my hand. That’d been Oli's favorite color.

>>22353129
You can either do amazon or patreon. No other real option.

How do I give my characters an internal monologue without having them just rehash events?

Broad question, but how do you go about determining a character's sex?

>>22353806
My main character's internal monologue simply reveals his mental state and his real thoughts.

It's especially useful if your character is lying. Either to others or himself.

>>22353824
Does it matter either way? If not, same as yours. So none. Touch grass.

Two of my short stories are all-male. One thing I'm writing is male-female. Another thing I want to write is male-female. 2 other things are large mixed cast but mostly male.

It really, really depends if it matters in the story and what kind of a setting/theme you're trying to develop. Everyone will very quickly scoff at le >grrl soldier! trope unless there is some justification in the plot.

>>22353824
I throw a 64-sided die.

>read 1 page of MTL
>completely scramble my prose
>read 1 page of a good short story
>prose returns to normal

Why does MTL fucking obliterate your prose? Is this a sign that I’m too easily affected by what I read?

is it too much to have a worldbuilding, but not necessarily story relevant, self-insert historical figure?
I have this idea for atleast some short story set in the world about an astronaut writing a travel journal about the planet he landed on, about his thoughts, and through 300 years his thoughts and ideas, and the ideas of the other astronauts around him, become part of the basis for the culture of the world. Plus a whole lot of other factors but lets not get into that. I was thinking of writing it like i am on the strange planet, i want them to for no reason in particular venerate the aztecs and my best idea is this astronaut just liked the aztecs and knew alot about how they hand-worked tools and he just wrote about how the new world can he as colorful as them, and through the years that gets taken as like a "national" style.

>>22352728
It'd require significant rewrites either way.

>>22347790
How do you determine the name of a character? Almost always it just comes to me naturally, but this time I'm stuck between two different names. It's even harder in this case because the character already had a name that I was ok with for the longest time, but after some feedback and simply changing my opinion over time, I find the name to be a pretty poor decision.

>>22353824
I decide male as the default, then I think about if their sex actually matters to the story, if so, I think about how it might change the way my characters interact with them for them to be one or the other.

Anyone else need a cheap editor?

>>22354311
list names

>>22354311
For major characters, I find name origins that hint at the character's traits or arc. Sometimes multiple name candidates are equally apt, so I choose whatever sounds nicer to my ear.

Any good places to submit short stories to?

>>22354400
The character is a young girl with magical healing capabilities who travels with a company of mercenaries called the Scarlet Briars. They got their name specifically from her, as her name is Scarlett. She's got other oddities, like a red gemstone that is the body of God (think the body and blood of Christ in Eucharist) imbedded in her skin and, on account of that, dark red hair. Her name being Scarlett is unique, I think, but it beats you over the head with the red theming, which itself is important to the narrative overall as it relates to the alchemical reddening and the Philosopher's Stone, as well as Jung's process of individuation.
To keep the theming, I was thinking of naming her Rose. To move away from the theming and to make her less of an OC donut, I was wanting to call her Catherine. Both of these names are better than Scarlett, but I can't decide. I'm leaning more towards Catherine however.
>>22354485
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Rose is delicate and hints towards her nervous tendencies, whereas, to me, Catherine is a rather intelligent and studious name, which fits her as well. It's also somewhat inspired by the 15th century writer Christine de Pizan, who I misremembered as being named Catherine.

>>22354498
having the mercenary company named after her is cringe. the only reason I could see it would be her father is the leader - and even then. I'd go with Catherine

>>22354487
why not submit them over here to your friends at 4chan™

>>22354539
I'm thinking Catherine, too. The only reason for her being the "mascot" of the company is because she's incredibly important. I mean, if someone can heal non-mortal wounds right before your eyes in a matter of seconds, you'd probably herald them as a gift from God or something. Maybe I ought to change the name, though. I'll think about it.

>>22354564
You mean &amp? Why there in particular?

I had a streak of luck in the past week but I'm now stuck where I am trying to describe scenes of battle and I don't know how much I should go on describing it or if it should be brief and carry on to the challenges/dialogue between enemies. Even then I am having a hard time coming up with the verse for the details, any hints?

>>22353696

It would be stronger without that first paragraph. No need to tell all about what happened. Use the dialogue to convey enough (you already have enough there for us to know what happened).

Take a look at JD Salinger's short stories. That will help you know what's necessary and what should be left out.

>>22353824

If it's a long work like a novel you have to make sure it's gender balanced or it won't get published. Aim for 50/50 male/female.

>>22353062

This is great! What happens next?

Your prose is awesome. Just keep writing.

I'm at chapter 10 of Pride and Prejudice. How is the writing of the 19th century more descriptive? She barely describes anything that is happening especially not the characters. She couldn't be bothered to give anyone personalities or flair? I feel lied to.

>>22355270
Anon even I know descriptive of then is all about the juicy web of relations and statuses.

>>22355270
sorry, I should have specified male authors

help me craft my story please. i want it to be about 70k words.

it opens with three siblings, two who are back from university and their younger brother. they are all building a treehouse for their younger brother. one of the older siblings claims to have learned magic, and puts a spell on the tree house that lets it grant wishes. there's also an irc channel. the treehouse can only grant wishes if at least 3 people wish on something, since it takes them a while to figure it out.

what other stuff can i i add? i'm creatively bankrupt.

Are you guys good actors? Does an author have to be? Writing always seemed to me like making a movie in which you play all the characters yourself.

>>22355406
>Writing always seemed to me like making a movie in which you play all the characters yourself
that's not what it's like at all

>>22355363
Don't make it a treehouse. There's already book series called The Magic Treehouse.

If you're creatively bankrupt as you say, you're in a tight spot here because your premise requires a high degree of creativity. You need to figure out these characters first, before you can think of interesting wishes for them.

>>22355406
Watch more movies. You don't have to be a good actor, you just need an eye for good actors and engaging characters

>>22354487
Reddit has several short-fiction oriented subs.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/wiki/similarsubreddits is a good place to start.

>>22355406
>Does an author have to be?

Most writers do not "play" all the characters, they only play the POV character(s), and that POV character is often a self-insert.

>have idea
>feel uncertain about aspects of the idea
>don't even try to write and stew and seethe in nonwriting mediocrity
Why do I do this?

How can I stop showing and start telling?

>>22352250
Doesn't the sentence imply 1 by default? How would you get those others?

>>22356276
Do like Shakespeare and write for theatre.

>>22354225
I'm the same way. I am akin to a sponge, always absorbing the prose of the last story I read. How do we cure this?

>>22356276
When people say this, they're saying you need to add more dialogue. It only applies to rudimentary fiction though. IMO a story is sometimes much better from a first-person narrative only. Dialogue is boring. Descriptions are boring. Just get to the point. If you have a good point, and you're good at writing, it won't matter how much you "show" or "tell"

>>22356291
No, I mean I don't understand narration at all and literally only describe events.

>>22356295
This is a good example of a first-person narrative

Well, here's the first chapter of what could be a serial. Consider this a "pilot episode." I hope you enjoy it. I welcome constructive criticism.

> Crimson Dawn is a world of gangsters with special talents in the Roaring Twenties of Chicago. A legbreaker is fed up with his lack of upward mobility so he looks for a new path in life which leads him to meet a fellow, specially talented man that may have just the way out if they can trust each other.

Chapter 1.
https://files.catbox.moe/5stadj.pdf

>Check litRPG/Wuxia stories
>200 chapters, still ongoing
>2500 people reading it
I can't even get through the first chapter without getting bored. How do these people do it?

I was thinking of writing a child character having violent tendencies like Azula from A:TLA

What would be some good reasonings for it?

The premise is her father is a powerful warrior and her mother passed away when she was 4-5 years old from an undead invasion. He didn't remarry for 4 years, and I was thinking that she'd focus on violence and power because

A: She thinks her mother's death is due to not being strong enough
B: She idolizes her father (as he's the only parent for a while) and wants to be like him, a powerful warrior

How good are those reasonings? I was thinking of a moment where she's captured to try to get her father to surrender, and she starts threatening her captors with her father's vengeance and how he'll rip them limb from limb and her captors kind of go "jeez this kid's kind of fucked in the head"

>>22356459
What is the role of women in your world?

>>22356476
usually given off as wives for alliances, or as mystics and seers

they can inherit if they're the only child however, and it's not uncommon for families who have no sons to have a daughter inherit

I was thinking out of love for her mother, the father would keep his daughter as heir even after fathering half-sibling sons.

Although I feel like that might be too similar to House of the Dragon.

>>22356317
Chinks have nothing but time

>>22352730
This is such a fucking pathetic reply.
Kill yourself, retard. You might as well tell someone who is parked that they need to start their engine to move.
Fucking dumbass.

>>22356722
If you mean to say it's too obvious to say, then why do so many amateur writers (and also professionals) fill their books with so much irrelevant, time-wasting fluff?

I started my reading journey couple of days ago. I have a specific story I want to write but I don't want to start before reading at least 10 books I have on my list as well 2 books on "writing". Should I start or Should I just note down themes, character ideas and the premise for the time being?

>>22347878
I’d say good writing ?
I always felt weird when characters stated stuff everyone should know.
>The fridge was already full, but I still went out for groceries.
>Just feeling the fresh air, being able to be outside was pleasant.
>Since Covid, I stopped taking it for granted.

Vs

>I needed an excuse to get out. Just like during the pandemic of 2020.
>No one could get out, order of the government. Had to stay inside unless you had a good reason to.
>Grocery was one of the few reasons, so since then, I like to go to the store, even just to buy an onion.

I feel the first part is more «2+2» and the second part is more «4».
It’s like a mini mystery inside the story.

>>22356748
You might as well read a fucking instruction manual if you're so bothered by details.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Who would want someone like you as a reader? Literally worthless. Find something you actually enjoy holy shit.

>>22349169
How does your magic work ? How did the world evolve differently with the existence of magic ? Could Japan have beat US in this world ?

>>22356285
I have no idea. I’ve personally found progress from the advice of another anon on wg: that is to purposefully make your prose as simple as you can, so that your own style can develop. We could also just restrict our reading to great authors like Melville, Hawthorne, Irving, the entirety of the Western Canon, whoever we like, etc.

>>22349202
Love to hate them, hate to love them.

The best ones are Avatar and FMA really.

>>22350003
Artists finish stuff.
You finish stuff and then move on.
Otherwise, the muses might not come back !

>>22350103
Got scared.

>>22352193
I don’t like to describe things.
I feel like the beauty of writing comes from having our own mental depiction of events.
This is why people who read, well read I guess.
So I describe what I need you to know in ways I’m okay with. Hell, I even didn’t describe my main character skin color until the 6th chapter where it played a part.

https://youtu.be/qMSYAxJeCu4
Hope that helps.

>>22353947
Kek

>>22354311
I choose themes.
In one of my stories, all characters are named after some good stuff :
Suga (main)
T (the tea, goes well with sugar)
Paprika (a bit spicy)
Brie (fancy)

You get the idea
I like my characters having ridiculous names

Is my Dialogue unnatural sounding?
“Hey did you notice that guy?” Jin asked.
“Huh?” Kanashi questioned looking where Jin was staring to see someone walking towards them on the sidewalk. Activating his Observation he saw their aura controlled and flowing unnaturally.
“Is that our guy?” He asked.
“Let's find out," Jin said, walking towards the man with a faster pace and smile. “Yo man, Me and my friend have never been here before so we’re looking for somewhere to crash for the night. You know a good spot?”
The man looked at Jin with no expression and then to Kanashi.
“If he knows how to use observation he should be able to tell we’re magic users, right?” Kanashi wondered nervously looking at Jin. “?!” Jin’s aura was flowing as if he had no idea what magic even was, in fact it flowed so uncontrolled that it covered Kanashi from sight making it impossible to see his flow of controlled aura. “Cool.” Kanashi thought while trying not to smile.
“There’s a Motel twelve around the corner that I’ve crashed at before.” The man said pointing behind him.
“Really? I feel like we looked over there earlier and didn't see anything.” Jin said with a light chuckle and smile.
“It’s there.” The man said with a shrug.
“Would you mind showing us?” Jin asked.
“I’m busy right now so no.” The man said, trying to push his way past Jin who stepped in front of him.
“I’m kinda nervous about walking around here at night. You never know if there’s some crazy person up to no good looking out for two innocent visitors to hurt.” Jin said, shrugging his own shoulders and putting his hands up.
The man's brow twitched as he scowled. Suddenly he threw a punch which Jin easily avoided by leaning back, The man threw another and then another after Jin dodged it.
“Calm down buddy, We’re not looking for trouble.” Jin said with a confident smile which the man grit his teeth at.
“Here it comes!” Kanashi thought seeing the man's aura focused around his fist.
[Heart Of Steel Fist Of Iron] The man's hand became coated in a metallic looking substance, He threw a punch at Jin who again dodged but this time from the man's metallic arm the punch kept going expanding past his own limb as if the metal stretched out to hit Jin.
[Gravity Amplification: Crush] The man was suddenly thrown to the ground violently and his spell broken.
“I wanted to do this the nice way and only beat you up if you didnt wanna talk after we caught you but looks like we skipped a few steps.” Jin said using another Blessing Kanashi didn't know about [Telepathy]. The man floated up into Jin's hand still limp from the gravity around his person being amplified.
“You from the Sinscenaros?!” The man asked, his face red with bulging veins.
“I don't even know who that is.” Jin said with a confident smile.

I think the format got a bit messed from copy pasting so sorry.

>>22354578
So she is like Jesus ? Is her power rare ?
I would give her a more awesome name for a cult leader then, than Catherine. Hell, why not create one ?
Something strong yet tender like Florenci

>>22355363
>how did he learn magic ?
>can other people do magic ?
>what were they studying ?
>why ?
>why are they building a treehouse ?
>how is their world impacted by people doing magic ?
>what do they want in life ?
>how do they views of the world differ ?
>what are the wishes they do ?
>is there a trick to these wishes ?
>if no, how this power will change the dynamic ?
>do they have relationships ?

>>22355406
Most people I say this too don’t like it, but to me at least, writing is like doing improv and incorporating the bits you like.

>>22356274
I’d read War of Art if I were thou

What do you call it when a character doesn't want another to apologize, so that they can think of them as an evil or irredeemable person?

>>22356832
nta but looks like interesting, thanks.

You ever listen to music while writing? If so, what?

how do i write about a topic that makes me feel uncomfortable?
How do i write a sex scene in this context without it being obviously fetish? Should i lean hard on that, the main characters being degenerates? Or should they both be such losers that they can't even do it?

how do i write about a topic that makes me feel uncomfortable?
How do i write a sex scene in this context without it being obviously fetish? Should i lean hard on that, the main characters being degenerates? Or should they both be such losers that they can't even do it?
main idea is main guy clones a female version of himself and the hard consequences of being so stupid.

I edited a chapter yesterday.

How do you make a YA romance novel targeted for women, but its sneak in so much that men would love it as well?

>>22356792
t. slice of life """""writer"""""

>>22356833
Self-righteousness or pride, they (Char A) want to feel justified in their hate for this other person (Char B), and if Char B apologizes while Char A doesn't want to forgive them, Char A will feel like the bad person in the situation, so they'd rather just see Char B as an unrepentant asshole for the sake of their own ego

>>22356973
Alright asshole what books have you published? Let me read your shit.

>want to include black characters so i don't look racist
>can't have them talk like black people or else it sounds racist

how do you write ebonics without sounding racist

>>22357051
Stop caring about looking racist

>>22357051
Listen to videos of people that talk like what you want to imitate and transcribe it. You will notice some differences. When you edit, just slip those differences in where they most make sense. Just don't go too overboard on dialect. Even middle upperclass people have a way of speaking that sounds educated, but they have different turns of phrase or even subtle linguistic humor that might be unique to the dialect.

>>22356297
Tad, give it a rest.

>>22356459
She can be a "daddy's little girl" who feels powerful vicariously through her father. And then once he dies (if you're planning to do so), you can have her go through a crisis where she doubts not just her strength but also her identity.

>>22356773
Keep a log of notes and stray thoughts and you read. When you finally sit down to plan your own story, you'll have plenty to work with.

>>22357051
>how do you write ebonics without sounding racist
if you're a honkie your characters will only turn out speaking like zoomers anyway no cap cuh

>>22347878
“Campbell technique” kind of describes that. John Campbell popularised scifi where fantastic world building is seen as everyday, like a story set in a spaceship where ftl is not directly explained, just referenced in passing. Or a flying car where a character just jumps in and drives it instead of describing how it works. “Campbell technique” is not a common term though, I’ve only seen it used a couple of times

>>22357051
>want to include black characters so i don't look racist
Clearly, we have the new Dostoevsky in the making.

>>22357051
my nigga my favourite black characters are ALWAYS talking in ebonics. Just don't go too far, if you have a black friend who talks in ebonics juat ask him to factcheck

>>22357051
Watch the movie «They cloned Tyrone» on Netflix

>>22356787
Fair enough. Maybe I just haven't read that much good fiction yet, or am just now starting to pay attention to it.
Even though I feel sometimes something closer to the second example may be necessary, if those details are important to the setting. Maybe I'm wrong.
>>22357168
I'll look into it, thanks mate

>>22357051
>flashbacks to reading Neuromancer and barely understanding what the Rasta characters were saying

I've reached the peak of my writing abilities and it just isn't all that good. What do?

>>22357238
Push yourself further.
Try other genres, other medias.
If you are still breathing, you are still learning.

>>22356971
Make the setting have cool shit like vikings or laser battles or whatever

>>22357238
That means all that's left for you is litrpg. Enjoy your millions, you lucky bastard

>>22357051
Just don't go full BIX NOOD and you'll be fine.

>>22356971
>how do I make dog food but also cat food

What scenario would you fellas rather be in?

1) Your works are adored by millions and are a household name every bookshop and library stocks them. You have autistic rabid fans discussing various theories online dissecting every passage and word you wrote several TV deals on order
2) Your works can only be enjoyed by a select few group of well read erudite literary folk. You've won countless awards and prizes but you'll never have mass mainstream appeal some genre fiction does and are your novels are too dense to adapt into any form of media other than literature

I fear both scenarios are every amateur writer's dream/nightmare

>>22356971
strong male characters with interesting motivations

>>22357422
3) My work finds its public, and while it brings me fortune and some fame, it allows me to remain sane and grounded.
I can even keep my day job, as it’s lucrative and doesn’t force me to pimp out my muses. I’m in talks to help on other projects and I work with artists I appreciate, on projects that inspire me besides money. Maybe at some point, HBO gets in touch ?

>>22355248
>>22350103
Thanks so much you guys!

Just for you, here's the next two paragraphs: https://pastebin.com/FsRuiALr

This is sort of the first time I've really tried my hand at extended writing, and I really appreciate any and all feedback. Unfortunately, it's proven kinda tough to find people I feel comfortable sharing this kind of writing with.

>>22356801
Sorry anon. I meant to respond to you in this >>22357481 post.

However, I accidentally replied to myself. I apologise and I thank you for the time you too to read my writing. :)

>>22347790
How do you improve on dialogue writing? Everytime I write dialogues, I can't help but think no one will ever talk like this irl

>>22356823
it sounds weird because you made every line of dialogue have tags or action. it interrupts the flow. as a start every instance where you use the word "asked" remove it. yes, even the very first instance, it'll sound better. continue trimming from there.

“Hey did you notice that guy?”
“Huh?” Kanashi glanced over where Jin was indicating. A man was walking towards them on the sidewalk. Activating his Observation he saw their aura controlled and flowing unnaturally.
“Is that our guy?”
“I dunno, let's find out." Casually sliding over to intercept. "Yo man, me and my friend...

>>22357168
http://web.archive.org/web/20040929041451/http://www.shrovetuesdayobserved.com/flight.html

If all stories were written like science fiction stories
by Mark Rosenfelder

>>22357422
First one sounds more stressful but even the second one could stress me out pretty bad

>>22357051
>so i don't look racist
Why do you need a nigger character?

Token niggers that don't add anything are detrimental. Will get you brownie points with publishers though.

What font and font size do you use for something published on Amazon?

>>22357630
Comic sans, 48.

>>22357621
sometimes a character just has to be black, nigga

>>22357660
If it adds to the setting or plot, knockout game yourself out. But if it doesn't, leave it out.

This also goes for asians, whites, women, et cetera. It all should be best fit for setting and/or audience.

>>22357621
Arbitrary detail adds texture

>>22357520
There's a spectrum between low-effort "snappy" dialogue and highly stylized "perfect" dialogue. Too much of the former will eventually get boring, and too much of the latter will eventually get annoying/indulgent. I try to strike a balance between realism and unrealistic-but-cool lines. Like, watch an Aaron Sorkin or Quentin Tarantino movie, and you'll see characters that DO NOT talk like actual human beings, but it's highly captivating nonetheless. Most of us are not talented enough to write like this, but it's important to try to channel that energy. But imitating it too much will reek of failure every time.

Personally, I don't want all my characters to sound like high verbal IQ geniuses. I accentuate those moments against the backdrop of naturalistic dialogue, utilizing humor whenever appropriate. It's entirely valid to play act your dialogue sequences in your head to test the effectiveness of the scene. If you can't imagine it being credibly performed by actors, you need to revise.

Happy to expand on this if you have any questions. Writing dialogue comes easier to me than other aspects of prose.

>>22357520
>I can't help but think no one will ever talk like this irl
Realism is never a justification for anything in art. The only time you should care about realism is if you're writing autistic historical fiction. Do you go into an art museum and look at the Van Gogh paintings and say "nobody looks like this in real life"? No, because that would be retarded. Because realism is a spook and has been for a long time.
Now, when people say "nobody talks like this in real life" what they mean is that the dialog is shallow and obnoxious which is a valid complaint.

>>22357760
I think this is incorrect. Realism isn't required for paintings because it's an entirely visual medium, and artistic expression need not be bound by verisimilitude.

Writing a story requires believable characters. Believable characters act and talk in recognizable ways. Sure, you can have intentionally unrealistic dialogue for the sake of style, but you've got to occasionally ground it something that feels real to the reader, otherwise it simply won't be engaging. Realistic dialogue doesn't have to be dry or "autistic" if you've got a good ear for voice and rhythm.

Also some genres live or die by how realistic the character exchanges are. 90% of the stuff in /wg/ is fantasy, which is NOT one of those genres. But go look through your dad's bookshelf one day and you'll see the other side of the coin.

>>22357481

Ah, so the wolf is human!

I have to admit that I was wondering for a while if the narrator was actually a dog. That was kind of the "twist" I was expecting, but this is ok too. That poor little puppy. It's so sad.

>>22357520
>I can't help but think no one will ever talk like this irl

If you wrote dialogue the way people talk in real life you would end up with a boring-ass 3,000 page manuscript.

How much do I have to read before I become a better writer?

>>22357998
Depends on what you read and on what you write as well as how much you do either. Just trust the process and never stop.

>>22357947
>something that feels real
this is the important distinction: feeling
the effect you're describing is just dialog that doesn't throw you out of the narrative with anachronisms or awkwardness—that has nothing to do with realism and everything to do with style and technique—some styles and techniques may be founded on study and replication of reality, but it's one of many paths towards effective writing.

Let me open to a random page of a book I have nearby that would be found on my "dad's bookshelf", Bartleby the Scrivener:
>"What!" exclaimed I; "suppose your eyes should get entirely well—better than even before—would you not copy then?"
>"I have given up copying," he answered, and slid aside.
This is exchange has no foot in realism. It is basically a summary, but captures the two competing wills and the height of their disagreement and frustration. It's effective writing despite in no way directly evoking any argument anybody has ever had or observed in their life.

>>22357998
the less you read the better
you will start to write like other writers, most are garbage imo
they use words like they need to hit word limits.
no person who'se opinion is worth consideration wants a 3 sentence description of the drapes in a scene

>>22357137
I was wondering how jealous she should be of her new half-siblings.

My idea was the first two half-siblings look very much like their mother so she dismisses them at first, but then the third one looks more like her father than even she does, so she becomes very jealous of that one.

I was thinking she grows even more jealous because the the third half-sibling inherits a power from the father that she never did.

How to abstractly take ahead the plot when the end is not decided ? How think more abstractly and make things seem more intense and interesting ? How are writers able to keep the readers hooked during an boring arc too ? Any tips ?

>>22358152
dumb
most of the time content is irrelevant and real effect is achieved by the structure. If I write a three sentence description of the drapes in the scene and then the following sentence a woman asks "Are you done?" that's intriguing and pays off what was otherwise a vacuous section of text.

>>22358331
thats not intriguing, thats a cope for garbage writers who get high off their own farts

>>22358317
>a boring arc
simple. don't do these

>>22357523
Hmm, I'll try that out thank you. I think I write too much like a comic or script then a novel because that's how I imagine it in my head.

>>22356823
Don't write internal thoughts as dialogue in the middle of a dialogue. Or use italics if you must.

>>22358420
>get high off their own farts
this phrase is so lame and reddit
any real writer knows that all writers hate themselves and hate their writing and most of them write bad because they're bad writers with undeveloped artistic intuition, not because they think they're infallible or whatever retarded sentiment this is supposed to imply

Is my story concept dumb? The main idea is that in the very far future. Companies have less restrictions on what they can do. Which leads to one of the things thats a center point in the story. This giant megacorp toy company pumps out a toyline about this police force type team. Thanks to them buying out weapon dealers and people to create superhumans and in general manipulating superhumans to join them, they have their own police force. Some members of the force have a wrestler like storyline. The main character is a cyborg that is marketed as the goofball hero of the team who has identity/memory issues. He finds out hundreds of people were killed in order to serve the purpose of another officer’s storyline. The main plot is him going down a massive rabbit hole.

>>22355406
I know someone who writes like that
Theyre pretty good. It's a method fine as any and you still have to put in your oart execution wise

>>22358645
If you want a twist, make it so that the "going down the rabbit hole" is literally part of the storyline crafted by the company. Then you can end on a message based on whether or not the company's arrogance leads to its downfall. I think it would be neat if the protagonist's knowledge of the company's hand in revealing its own evil as part of the storyline was a major component.

How many viewpoint characters in a story is too much?

I can't handle the pressure, bros...

>>22358673
in my experience: only have one viewpoint per story you're trying to tell
hopping between characters involved in the same plot is a mistake

>>22358719
Can you go into more detail on this? I had planned to have three, but as I think more on it, it might end up too shallow or too complex

>>22358707
That's literally nothing

>>22358747
It's the largest amount of people that have read anything I've written so far in my life.

>>22358726
This is mostly my experience from being unable to make it work myself. I set up two viewpoint characters who eventually meet up and join the same thread of the narrative, but realized that it was too late to switch to unlimited omniscient, so I had to arbitrarily choose which character to focus on for any given scene. It all came out very awkward and most scenes felt half-told from a single POV.

>>22358756
You gotta pump them numbers up, anon. Don't think of them as people; think of them as writing points to be maximized.

Reddit doesn't like my story.

>>22358940
Congrats, you're probably doing something right

>>22358940
r*ddit is the midwit test so it's either really bad or really good

It took me a whole fucking month to write 4 chapters (7k words)

>>22359001
I'm literally in the same position as you, and I feel pretty good about it. Especially if you're happy with it so far.

>>22359124
That is to say: Don't be too hard on yourself

>>22359181
Funniest thing I've read here

>>22359181
Good stuff, really like it
>always quit while your ahead is what I always say
Take one of them 'alway's out

>>22359218
ah thanks, you're right

>>22357952
The 'twist' is that the wolf-man is someone (seemingly innocuous) who we met earlier in the story. The second 'twist' is what the wolf-man ends up doing to the boy.

But that's a story for another day.

>>22356276
When you switch between scene and sequel.

>>22358940
Did they actually downvote it, or were they merely apathetic about it?

>>22359477
>>22359477
>>22359477

>>22358317
>How are writers able to keep the readers hooked during an boring arc too ?
My "boring" arc is the main character recovering from bad news. It's meant to be slower paced and be packed with worldbuilding and revealing bits about the characters.

What the other anon said but not literally. Don't actually write boring shit. "Boring" arcs should be written in a way they are still interesting in a different aspect than rest of the story is. Fast paced action story? Boring arc should be backstory and worldbuilding. Slow paced worldbuilding-heavy story with a lot of cool shit? Boring arc should be action and the cool shit being actually put to use.

It's like a salad. Add something new to break up boring flavor. Don't change the dish. It still has to be a salad.

>>22357422
first one seems you have enough fuck you money to deal with shitty studios and later produce your own adaptations from your own funds

>>22359809
gj you blew it