/lit/ - Literature

You're not successful. Your books don't sell squat. Your overly-indulgent mommy and daddy pay for your life.
Someone wrote a highly-entertaining parody of your work, and you abused the DMCA process to have it removed from Amazon.
So now, one has to get it from here: https://files.catbox.moe/aw9gz2.pdf
You are a world-class bully and coward.
And enough of the shill-spamming already. Everyone is completely sick of you.

>>22308974
>fascist
i hate gardner but you just alienated every last chuddie and chudcel on this board

>>22308986
Are fascists really that insecure...?

>>22309009
we chuds are well aware of our influence as a community on /lit/. if you want our backing then show us some respect.

>>22309022
you sound like an insecure bully to me

>>22308974
i read part of the pdf that was posted here and the part near the beginning where the airport clerk was a big sassy black woman named taquisha made me laugh but then i stopped reading

I'am Gardner, my autism making me write these shitposts. I'am well aware that these posts that i send here doesn't contribute to anything at all. please ignore me when you see

heres a sample from an upcoming book in this series:
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The wizard brings the belt up to Hank "OK now for this part of the ritual you have, to be blind folded because that's very, important for receiving all the wisdom of the ages" the wizard explains as a matter of fact. "I understand and even though I'm, a little scared I really want to know the secrets, of the universe and so I will do this" Hank assures even though he wonders what is about to happen.
The wizard ties his belt around Hank's eyes and makes a knot in, the back when in faster than an instant Hank smells a really, bad smell that seems to be coming from the, belt and his eyes begin starting to water. "Wow that smells really bad is this, really necessary I don't know if, I can take this for very long" Hank pleads even though he's in no position.
"Quiet you little bitch I mean the blindfold is part, of the test and it's also a crucible because the man who emerges, from this ritual will be different than the man who, entered and isn't that all anyone can really ask for" the wizard assures Hank of his wisdom.
"OK if you say so but I hope it doesn't, take too long to receive your wisdom because my eyes are, making tears and not because I'm sad" Hank tries to relate his newfound experience. "This is only the beginning because now you have to, suck the truth of the universe out of a tube and the tube is, smelly and wrinkly and it will be all you can do to with, stand it but it's absolutely necessary for the ritual" the wizard explains with his years of knowledge.
"If you say so" Hank acknowledges "I do and also you may hear me make sounds during, the ritual but those are just magic words in an unknown, language and are also necessary for making sure you get all, of my wisdom so are you ready to start" the wizard gives last minute instructions and now his voice is shaking even more than it was earlier when it was shaking a little and Hank noticed that it was beginning to shake.

>>22309559
"I am ready" Hank states and that is all he can say because then a, tube gets shoved in his mouth and as promised it tastes really, bad and Hank winces and hopes he received the wisdom really soon. "Ungngng" the wizard says as he begins the mystical incantation. The wizard says other magic words as the tube slides, in and out of Hank's mouth for reasons he can't understand but soon he, hopes he will and obviously it's part of the magic.
"No teeth!" the wizard suddenly shouts as the anger moves through his lips. Hank hopes he hasn't disturbed the ritual as he opens his mouth a little by a slight amount so that the magic can happen more better. It seems all is well as the wizard goes back to saying, magic words in the unknown language he talked about to Hank in, the past though to his untrained ears they mostly sound like moans.
The tube moves faster and faster then with a sudden motion it, moves slower and the wizard at the same time utters one long magic word that, sounds a lot like the other ones except for its length. Hank consults his memory and he believes that someone farted at about, the same time as the final magic word but he, can't smell anything that smells different than the tube.
The tube finally leaves Hank's mouth and Hank is grateful but then the wizard says with much weariness in his voice "swallow the wisdom and then the ritual is done". Hank realizes there is something slimy in his mouth but true to his devotion to the wizard he lets it slide down his throat and immediately realizes that something profound has happened.
"Why was it slimy" Hank asks even though he's in, no position to question the wizard "It's like ghost ecto plasm which, is also slimy there's a connection" the wizard imparts the profound truth. "Oh that makes sense so when do, I begin to start feeling the wisdom and oh yeah by, the way at what point can I see again" Hank doesn't want to sound ungrateful.
The wizard unties the blindfold which reveals to Hank the wizard standing, there and now he is sweating and looks tired which Hank decides is, probably the after effect of casting the spell all though he, doesn't want to ware out his welcome here.
The wizard stumbles back to his robe and begins trying to thread the belt into the loops again but he's having a hard time of it and Hank realizes what the wizard must of gone through to impart his knowledge in such a short time and hopes the wizard is OK and is no worse for weare.
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30k words written so far!

>>22308963

Complex narratives, gripping prose, and engaging characters. Same as most great novelists.

Very cool that we're witnessing the beginning of an all time great's career, though. His output is already prolific too.

>>22308963
buy an ad

>>22309643
whats the weather like up your own ass?

>>22309643
i agree, call of united airlines is quite the magnus opum
and call of the schizo looks to be a manic thrill ride

Yeah and
so was McCarthy but his brain's rotting so you can't prove me wrong
why don't you prove you're right first, shitposter-kun