/lit/ - Literature

Don't give up.
Don't allow sadness to crush your spirit.
Strive to make the art that will change it all.
Push back against the failure of culture to maintain its strength.
Drag it kicking and screaming with you, if you have to.
Feel pity if you must. Feel sadness, feel rage, feel hopeless, and feel fury. Then write.

How do I write a character going through therapy sessions?

Writing this character who's an asshole but has a lot of anxiety and deeply cares about those close to him.

He's coming along nicely and I enjoy writing him, its nice

Fuck. I can't believe I assumed I can. Epic poetry composition is bullshit, even drafting is hell.

>>22223622
Which part of that is giving you trouble?

>>22223637
The sessions in themselves. The protag and the therapist's back and forths, I worry it's too boring.

Which writing software do you use?

>>22223648
Can you post a sample?

>>22223679
SmartEdit Writer.
Am I a clown for using it?

Hello I could use some constructive criticism, especially the story itself and themes

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zWm0eDWN49u_0gAdsnuvIC4jME-S27uRBL6DdAm-PmM/edit?usp=drivesdk

>>22223602
Thanks bro, I didn't give up.
Finished my 4th draft last weekend.

>>22223602
I'm really hoping to. And to create something timeless that has a connection to something greater than the validity of post modernity >>22223719
May the writers strike go on forever

>>22223719
Who's your target audience and how should they read it? Do you want to pitch a movie to someone? Do you want people to read it for its own sake?

>>22223742
It might be both. A proper treatment might be tightened up a but for producer's tastes, but there is significant leeway in a treatment. If it's good, I'd be fully committed to busting out an entire narrative script and then official screenplay. Odds are slim, but you HAVE to try. Otherwise you have no right to complain

>>22223679
Google Docs :)

>>22223602
unimpeachably based

sidebar: why is it only when i am /druk/ i am able to unreservedly admit that the artlife is the only thing i want? that art is the only thing that's ever mattered to me?

>>22223679
>software
lmao just use stone tablets

>>22223679
Pen + paper for 1st drizzy then Scrivener for the rizzy

I wrote 4300 words yesterday, and only minor corrections were needed during the edit.

I'm currently writing a post-apocalyptic story right now that I plan to serialize and can write a lot of stuff for. The theme is essential "The world is gone. What do we do now?" And I try to make sure that the characters all have at least some take on the theme, and even if some are pretty similar, they all have minor differences. I tend to write the majority of the thematic dialogue between the action during traveling and hunkering down, but I find it difficult to naturally bring about thematic conversations sometimes. Any tips for this?

>>22223574
The turgid rain clouds cover my sweating face and my faith is colored in the blood color of hope while the trees teachers simmers out lessons of Algebra which the birds will forget because the birds are in a new board game club with the grass. The love swallows me that leads me to an eternity of which I am terrified of and yet I look out my window at dreams and parcels and feel the discordant harmony-birth that is the crucified scream within me calming the broken hate which lingers in every shadow of my heart and with the soft correction of a finger which started as the heart-slaying blasts of the rod, praise be to God, Jesus finds my fingers grasping to the blade of sin and with the calmness he stamps on my fingers and I smile, kissing his toes, and I remember the mission of the Master. I stand to the vision of the void and the desert and he hands me four nails - "Go. Tell them their names and come back and I will give you your throne."

>>22223679
Scrivener

>>22223823
I fucking hate commas too

Not sure if this is the best place to post this if not point me in the right direction. I'm trying to improve my speaking by which I mean I want to be more charismatic and speak in a way that conveys what I want to convey and doesn't fall into autistic language traps, e.g. trying to clarify why you asked for something after someone told you it wasn't possible which makes you seem like you're still asking for it instead of just clarifying your intentions. This isn't exactly writing but some things you guys do when writing might help me, but of course some aren't going to be useful since spoken and written language are different. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

>>22223841
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

>characters are getting drunk
>the protag's narration is still sober even if his actions and words are not
It'll be fine right?

>>22223883

>>22223823
Francis E. Dec pilled

>>22223886
If it's in past tense, yeah.

>>22223886
If you're feeling hesitant about it, then you're probably sensing a real problem that the reader would also sense.

You can make the thought processes drunk without making the language itself as unintelligible as if a drunk guy had written it. Lots of short sentences, disconnected thoughts, a sense of acceleration that's getting out of control. James Joyce does this (in third-person) in his story 'After the Races':

>There was a yacht piano in the cabin. Villona played a waltz for Farley and Riviere, Farley acting as cavalier and Riviere as lady. Then an impromptu square dance, the men devising original figures. What merriment! Jimmy took his part with a will; this was seeing life, at least. Then Farley got out of breath and cried "Stop!" A man brought in a light supper, and the young men sat down to it for form's sake. They drank, however: it was Bohemian. They drank Ireland, England, France, Hungary, the United States of America. Jimmy made a speech, a long speech, Villona saying: "Hear! hear!" whenever there was a pause. There was a great clapping of hands when he sat down. It must have been a good speech. Farley clapped him on the back and laughed loudly. What jovial fellows! What good company they were!

>Cards! cards! The table was cleared. Villona returned quietly to his piano and played voluntaries for them. The other men played game after game, flinging themselves boldly into the adventure. They drank the health of the Queen of Hearts and of the Queen of Diamonds. Jimmy felt obscurely the lack of an audience: the wit was flashing. Play ran very high and paper began to pass. Jimmy did not know exactly who was winning but he knew that he was losing. But it was his own fault for he frequently mistook his cards and the other men had to calculate his I.O.U.'s for him. They were devils of fellows but he wished they would stop: it was getting late. Someone gave the toast of the yacht The Belle of Newport and then someone proposed one great game for a finish.

>The piano had stopped; Villona must have gone up on deck. It was a terrible game. They stopped just before the end of it to drink for luck. Jimmy understood that the game lay between Routh and Ségouin. What excitement! Jimmy was excited too; he would lose, of course. How much had he written away? The men rose to their feet to play the last tricks, talking and gesticulating. Routh won. The cabin shook with the young men’s cheering and the cards were bundled together. They began then to gather in what they had won. Farley and Jimmy were the heaviest losers.

>He knew that he would regret in the morning but at present he was glad of the rest, glad of the dark stupor that would cover up his folly. He leaned his elbows on the table and rested his head between his hands, counting the beats of his temples. The cabin door opened and he saw the Hungarian standing in a shaft of grey light:

>“Daybreak, gentlemen!”

>>22223886
Get completely shitfaced and rewrite it. Not advice, I'd just be curious to read it.

https://pastes.io/xyatysouj8

aside from it being gay incest shota rape erotica, is the writing ok?

Do I have potential?

The wind tasted metallic and chilled under a sky shrouded and grey. The ground was but puddles of mud and swaths of wet grass still to squish under her boots. The path, worn and beat: roots ever so flat led past tree trunks ringed with silver markers to trail the wide river near upon the purlieu of forest surfeit and endless. Perennial streams ran across the arena fading behind some of the many rolling hills. Stones bridged the channels, nor did they dam the flow of water. A white popular sprouted from the earth salient among the dark milieu as if of marble and in furs with squirrels leering from their branches.

Lexi spotted movement in the periphery; she stopped. Birds flew away from the fall of a pinecone. The blood in her temples pulsed tight under her skin. A crack ruptured through the air, and a limb pounded the Earth, exploding rock and expelling dust upon impact, followed by syncopated pitter-patter along the ridgeline too long to be an echo or squirrel or deer. The noise continued strong over her hastened steps tripping over roots and sliding across loose gravel under darting eyes snapping toward flapping birds and running rodents along a narrowing, stretching fissure of long, curved trees; and as she stumbled and fought to control her frenetic movements, the crunch behind her grew closer, competing with the kick in her chest, but it was the—

>>22224253
You certainly know a lot of words, but I feel like you're trying too hard to sound smart and sophisticated. There are also a few sections that read awkwardly, and I don't know if I'm just retarded with an ill grasp of English, but I think they may simply be incorrect as well. Either way, try to write things simpler. Making things more complicated than they need to be does not make your writing good. It makes it difficult to read. That being said, I think your problems are fixable, and I do believe you have potential. You just need to read some more and actually figure out what makes good writing good.

>bought an Eleven Labs subscription and created a custom narrator voice
>started making audiobook versions of my web novel
>legit sounds like professional quality voice acting narration except the few occasional hiccups, but its getting better week on week
>main problem is its unemotive during certain parts, but even that is improving

Anyone else do this? I find it actually helps me massively just being able to hear my own work being read aloud by what sounds like an actual person. I'm also uploading to YT so people who read my shit can listen.

>>22223679
scrivener

>>22223679
Notepad and dropbox

Looking for the authors of the pieces “Mademoiselle” and “The Only Computer Crime for which Theologians are consulted” which appeared in &amp.

If you are then or know them, please drop contact details so I can get in touch

>>22224358
not that author but now I'm curious: Which issue did they appear in I want to read them for myself

>>22224440
Mademoiselle:
https://lampbylit.com/magazine/issue-008/

The Only…:
https://lampbylit.com/magazine/issue-011/

>>22223922
Checked.
>>22223930
I'm frequently hesitant, but this is real helpful. The acceleration and shortness building to something sounds like trying to write horror, which is within my wheelhouse.
>>22224026
I'm sober a year and seven months.

>>22223886
I had a similar problem: one of my main PoVs is an alcoholic that constantly tries to thread the line between shitfaced and sober, and those three states are VERY important to his story and perspective. So, I gave the guy three distinct voices: Stone cold sober, sweet spot drunk and absolutely wasted. I also try to shift the prose around for each state. When he's stone cold he is anxious, hypervigilant and constantly on edge, second guessing and overthinking every little thing. The prose here is erratic, with short sentences, terse descriptions and most of all, lots and lots of sensory descriptions and internal monologuing to really sell his anxious nature. When he's in his sweet spot is when the prose is normal, as is his voice / narration. I occassionally have him sway or stumble, or blink and mention how he feels warm or his vision is slightly fucky to remind the reader that he is in fact a veteran alcoholic, just one that hides his drinking well. When he's shitfaced he's all over the place. Barely coherent sentences, the prose is a mess, the descriptors are wacky and his narration becomes unreliable. Took me a while and lots and lots of drafting and re-drafting to nail each voice but it was definitely worth it in the end. Thanks for coming to my ted talk, hope it helped.

Someone please inspire me to write. My mind's been blank all day.

>>22224521
My asshole has psoriasis and I'm too afraid to go to the local dermatologist to show her.

>>22224543
That's alright. My nipples have been itchy, crusty, bloody and leaking a weird sticky fluid from the areolas for about a year and I'm too scared to show a doctor.

>>22224554
You may want to get that looked at before the breast cancer metastasizes and grows beyond doctors' ability to counter.

>>22223602
Reminder that Gatsby was a commercial failure and Fitzgerald never really recovered from it, either financially or psychologically. He was also a drunk, a failed screenwriter, and a suicidal incel.

I can't write anymore.y lower back is killing me

Working on my crime novel right now. I wrote a rough outline for the first part of the novel (it's divided into 5 parts). I got about 24 pages of potential material here. But I am a bit worried for the structure. I think I will write it all out, and then maybe change it up a bit. One the one hand, it is a character based story, so I need to introduce everyone under normal circumstances. But having 4 back to back, "old friends catching up" chapters, seems like a bit of a pacing issue. And while I want to use that time to establish character, I don't want to drag out the start. Though I did think of a way to get the reader invested. The prologue will be a flash forward to a police press conference, where they announce that a horrific crime has been solved, and that out of five suspects, two were captured, one fled, and two died. And after that, chapters will be about the main character getting his four friends together, to pull off a victimless crime.

My intention is to use the vague prologue, to give the slower early part of the story, a sort of feeling of dread and doom. Like the reader knows that things will go wrong, and the fates of the characters (they don't know who gets what fate yet). I don't want to get too gimmicky, but I think it sets all the early scenes into a different key, if you know shit will go bad, but the characters are naive, unaware and sure of themselves.

I love when things come together. I started a scene without any prep, I wasn't really sure where to take it, but as soon as I started writing, everything fell into place. The characters did and said everything they should have said and done. And 800 words just wrote themselves. Beautiful.
How about you anons? Have you had any moments so far that have just written themselves?

>promised the readers an end to the first part of the book by friday
>friday is approaching
>in full vacation mode, no desire to write until i finish my cruise next week and impregnate my wife

help

>>22224897
Trunk rotations have been the best diy for me. If it‘s diy-able.

>>22224897
Remember to spend at least ten minutes on your feet for every hour you spend writing, with preferably at least half of that break spent stretching

>>22224963
tell them you want to make sure it's really, really good. Then bust your ass working on it as soon as you're done with the vacation.

>>22224842
He's one of us! How inspirational is THAT?

>>22224897
I have two back injuries...one lower, one upper.
Chiropractors have done wonders for my pain.

>>22224230
Can't you make the king the stepfather instead?

>>22223602
I WILL GIVE UP.
I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GIVE UP.
I WON'T STOP UNTIL I HAVE FULLY GIVEN UP.
NO ONE WILL STOP ME FROM GIVING UP, I AM ENERGY INCARNATE AND I WILL DEVOTE IT ENTIRELY TO GIVING UP.
I WILL EMBODY FAILURE
HRROOAAAGH

Anyone >>22223878?

Why do I feel like what I write, isn't up to real novel standard, and instead comes off as very amature stuff? What makes a real novel?

>>22225138
Who knows what you "feel"? Probably just imposter syndrome. Get yourself someone to read it.

>>22225112
I have no idea what you're asking

>>22225112
Be brief and to the point.

>>22223823
this section
>trees teachers simmers out lessons of Algebra
maybe instead
>trees teachers simmer out lessons in Algebra
otherwise, neat
maybe also
>my faith is colored in the blood color of hope
just
>my faith is colored in the blood of hope
idk

>>22225184
How to make myself better understood and communicate better and also be more charismatic in speech. Basically what techniques do you use to do that in writing that would also work in speech.

>>22225192
Here >>22225310, unless you mean that as your advice in which case it's uselessly vague.

>>22223679
ChatGPT

>>22225391
That's against the rules!

>>22223823
>The turgid

>>22225394
work smart not hard

>>22225473
Going against your own rule there. The dumb robot is stupid as shit.

>>22225654
you are only half right, it took me some time to find out how to actually use it to write what I want and you still have to do a lot of work beforehand, but it's good enough to write the the novel for you

>tfw keep having to pause and look up synonyms because I know there's a better word but can't quite put my tongue on it
Is this cheating?
Also, something for your reading/critiquing pleasure: https://pastebin.com/6jME5W47

>>22225901
>Is this cheating?
No dumbass, using a dictionary isn't cheating.

>>22224253
it's a bit purple bro

what techniques are there to add characterisation in my story?

>>22225310
It's not about what you say but how you act, how you present yourself. You could spew nothing but bullshit but if you do it with the right attitude you'll have most people with you even if they don't understand you.

>>22223886
Look to the drunks, Anon. Hemingway was great at writing drunkenness.

>>22226096
There's truth in that but obviously you need to also say random stuff, like you go up to someone and go "Are you a nazi" you can say it in the more charismatic way possible they're going to wtf are you on about?

Is this >>22226015 it? What novels are? Just adding stuff to make it seem like a proper novel, to make it seem legit and high class? Is there nothing from the heart?

Would anyone be able to offer a critique on a short story? Would appreciate it a lot.

https://gaspardaveline.substack.com/p/water-depot

>Rather than a novel to start with, plan to write a collection of loosely connected short stories to introduce the world first then connect them into a larger narrative
Any tips on doing this, or better yet, some good examples of doing it well I can study?

>>22226271
I am doing that. Just try to explore themes one at a time in ways your novel does not. I also try to not necessarily back up the novel, but provide an alternative view. Perspective is important to our experience, and with short stories you can show how different these all can be. But I am still in the process and no one recognizes they are related yet.

>>22226015
I don't think there is really any technique to it, it just happens naturally as the story goes on. The key is to do it a little bit at a time, and giving your characters situations that allow them to show what's beneath the surface.
Lets say for example we have a ruff and tough warrior guy in a bar. So far in this hypothetical story, we've seen how he fights, how ferocious he is in combat, and how he defies the law of the land without a second thought. You can have the elderly tavern keeper walk up to him and ask him politely to use a coaster. Up until now, he has shown that he generally disregards what others demand of him. We have him oblige the elderly tavern keeper and use a coaster. Is it because the keeper is elderly? Is it because he was asked nicely and with respect? In this little action that barely lasts longer than a paragraph or two, we have shown another faucet to this warrior that can be further expanded on.
Characterization is like a diamond; it's molded into something great over a long time in the right environment.

>>22225314
How is be brief and to the point vague? Look faggot (to the point, outright calling you a faggot), just say exactly what you want to say.

Love hand two for my goat people race

>>22226271
>or better yet, some good examples of doing it well I can study
Orsinian Tales.

First or third person? Two samples of an introductory passage I'm still drafting.

https://pastebin.com/3uiV2LXH

https://pastebin.com/9YTB6m4R

How do I get across that the protagonist feels bitter about his talents being useless without making him feel like an arrogant, obnoxious little brat?

>>22226718
Watch Amadeus

>>22226718
Useless in the sense that there's nothing meaningful he can apply himself into.

>>22226696
I like first person, it's just more charming, and it doesn't make the introduction of William's name sound redundant.
Also, there may be a typo here
>she said, in a tight voice that something of her father's in it.

What's your guys opinion on physically writing versus typing on computer, any effective difference?

>>22226821
Physical writing is harder to erase, feels like I have more momentum. But it is also slower to write than to type, so in general I prefer typing. But I like to write to capture ideas in the moment on a notepad.

im writing a play

- i've got only one rule if you wanna stay the night, you gotta suck my dick...
-that's demeaning.
-da meaning of what? 'life' ya sex crazed bimbo!?

>>22226733
yea sorry i meant tight cunt

5,5k in 3 days so far for the second draft - which is basically a rewriting of it all. It's much easier to write when you already know what's going to happen. Now I see the importance of outlining.

>>22225310
Maybe this?

Is it too immersion breaking to have a fantasy novel have a large amount of english wordplay?

I'm thinking about Stephen King and his On writing book, some advice he mentioned is currently on my mind. Plot vs Story.
I have a character and situation I want to write about, been putting it off, but I like some scenes I've been writing down every now and then.

I just don't know if I'm forcing it, don't misunderstand me. I like to keep my ideas pure to my taste, sometimes I write down or create and it just doesn't feel right, scrap it and toss it away.

I don't know if I should write it if I feel like I'm forcing their turn. When I get something I really like, it makes me go "Damn, that looks good" so I don't know if right now it would come out stiff and grey.

>>22227867
not unless it relies on idioms or things that don't culturally translate

>>22226821

Physical, then computer.

>>22223679
The free thing on sites like FanFiction.net, Webnovel and Royal Road with the free Grammarly bit tacked on.

>>22228196
As the file says, just something I snipped on the bit I am currently giving a bit of further polishing.

>>22227889
The way some of my drafts have gone, I could feel when something was forced and didn't work. But I had to write what was in my head before I could reinterpret it. It's good to know when to scrap, but you should also learn from writing it and try to get closer to what you do want.
In the case of one of my last chapters I realized a few things recently:
>the lack of action does not highlight any kind of change of belief in the characters in the less introspective style of that scene
>I can either go more introspective, which I thought might take away the dramatic nature of it; or
>I can make the characters do something that can illustrate their change in beliefs without words
That is when I began to brainstorm, and found the symbolism I was looking for. When I realized which character would do what, it all fell into place and had an emergent meaning to it that deeply satisfied me. It was a far cry from an earlier draft that attempted the same thing with a much heavier hand, so heavy that I missed the point on the symbolism and landed somewhere else.
Some sections are just difficult to write out of, but you should try your best at making it feel authentic. That's especially true for the sections that you want to be important.

>>22223574
>making stupid memes or shit posting
>endless creative will, will spend hours on it
>try to sit at the computer and write something for real
>stare at a blank page
why

>>22223602
King. Thank you.

>>22226821
Massive, massive difference between the two. Word processors of any kind are amazing for their ability to instantly delete, rework, or otherwise rearrange words. I have fully accepted that I am a product of modern technology and that my general writing style is severely hampered if I do not use a word processor--I used to think this was a bad thing, though.

I have written several poems and speeches on paper. I do if it I have reason for ensuring my language and thoughts are deliberate and unalterable--I will strikethrough if needed, but otherwise simply rewrite when I feel a revision is necessary. I use physical writing when outlining or doing anything when I want to be able to put text wherever I want with ease. I find the ponderous and deliberate act of physical writing helps with philosophy, poetry, and speeches. I use physical writing almost exclusively for note-taking.

The only wrong choice between the two is when it works against the quality, effectiveness, or efficiency of your writing.

>>22227889
>I don't know if I should write it if I feel like I'm forcing their turn
That's something you simply need to discover for yourself about how it is you write. It also depends on what it is you're writing, how you're writing it structurally, etc. You really just need to be unafraid to learn how is best to proceed for you. How your creativity arrives or expresses itself is another consideration. Can you write individual scenes out-of-order and keep all of the detail straight and therefore consistent? Do you have a firm grasp of what your story is and where it is going or are you simply writing as it comes to you? Creativity and writing is different for everyone; the only correct course of action for you is to do what is best for your writing and your writing process--whatever approach allows to write the best that you possibly can.

I'd offer my own approach, what works for me, but I don't see much point in doing so, as I'm quite sure most, if not all, of it would be irrelevant to how you yourself work, create, and write.

>>22228814
Same but with lmao tier althist maps I make on paint.net

>>22228314
I get your point, it's a bad horrible ineasy feeling to feel like you're half assing a part. Being too rigid and suffering for it.
>>22228878
I don't have a firm grasp, what I have I don't feel too strong about. I have some visuals I like, I have characters I maybe like, vague cloudy ideas right now. I think I might be too married to a certain aspect that I KNOW about this story. I repeat, been hoping to get to work on this one for a good while now. So I feel all that wait has turned into pressure around me, making me feel rigid and constrained about how things should go.

Maybe I don't feel that strong about it deep down. To be precise and get to the point, I don't know if to stick with this general vibe or either change project or let the idea evolve into something else. What keeps me anchored is 2 or 3 sequences plus a main character, I like their metaphor and set up.

>>22228814
Yep. I have a bad habit of making maps and notes endlessly, but when I need to actually put those ideas to paper the gears in my head just grind to a halt.

>>22226476
>goat people race
Based. Got goat people in my shit too. Bunch of anthropomorphic animals, actually. Did you draw that yourself? If so, nice.

When to use "we" and "us" and did people in the past use these pronouns differently?
Can some native English speaker help me out with this one? My apologies for giving a vidya example but it's the only screenshot/quote I have right now.

Did people used to use
>we
>us
differently in the past?
I was under the impression that in pic related the correct version should've been
>such as us
since "us" is the object, not the subject.
I also think that if the sentence makes sense with the part preceding the pronoun removed, then you're using it correctly.
>The book was written in a way that we deem interesting.
>The book was written for people such as us.

>>22229092
Oops, forgot to upload a pic:

>>22229093
and btw I did notice that they wrote
>it's
instead of
>its

>>22229092
>>22229093
>>22229094
"such as we" is valid but very rarely used since "such as us" flows better.

"it's" is a typo.

>>22229228
So it's not incorrect? They chose this style because it sounds more old timey, cold, and formal, right? It's good to know that I can just use "us" in this context. It does sound a lot better.

>>22229230
> They chose this style because it sounds more old timey, cold, and formal, right?
Correct.

>>22229256
Thanks anon.

When I write, I name the female leads/love interests after past crushes. I also name the antagonists after people I hate and want to see humiliated and destroyed.

I am seething

>>22229092
Wait until you learn about royal "we".

>>22229330
>sloppers love slop
Do not get upset, simply be better.

>>22229320
Based. Many great writers did this.

Am I going crazy or is writing in third person limited just never as good as first person. You never get the same level of immersion and emotional resonance and everything always feels more distant.

>>22226157
What is craft?

I changed my entire plot from my first draft for my second draft so I do not even know if it is technically a second draft anymore.

Anyway, how do I post for a critique? I want to know what isn't working so I can change it for my next draft.

I have 40k words written so far.

>>22229474
No, you're right, writing in 3rd person just fucking sucks.

I like to mix 3rd and 1st. Narrator is 3rd, characters' thoughts are obviously 1st.

I also think past tense sounds fucking awful unless you are strictly writing something like a journal/records/whatever type of story.

>>22228952
Be willing to improve your story. My first draft was heavily inspired by nightmares and when I thought about it, that wasnt the direction I wanted to go. It's true that first impression can be authentic but it may also be lacking in style. I realized my current draft gives that same kind of oppressive energy, yet with a style I can accept.

>>22229488
You want us to handhold you through the process of posting a document, just so we can labour over your 40k and tell you how to fix it?

No. Find a way.

>>22224253
it's a great ironic noir story!

>>22229574
>I like to mix 3rd and 1st. Narrator is 3rd, characters' thoughts are obviously 1st.
On the same page? Surely combining those two just means you're writing in third person limited, because you still have an external narrator. Writing a sentence or two in first person doesn't change that.

>>22229612
Here's an excerpt from the thing I'm writing right now. Pardon the format, it's not a book per se:

"The short moment [MC] got to sleep clearly wasn't enough."
"He fights the dangerous urge to fall asleep on the bike."
"And he resists the urge to finally let his back loosen up, and slouch forward on [heroine] to rest."
("Shit... Did I get soft? Or am I getting old?")
("Shameful. I used to be ready for action for two days straight without sleep.")
("Damn it. Keep it together. At least a few hours more.")
"The uncomfortable, unpadded metal [MC] is sitting on keeps him awake."
"[MC] and [heroine] cross a border checkpoint - empty."

It's not the "same page" because the pages here don't exist, but this illustrates the concept fairly well I think.

Also interested in what people think about writing style like this. Any thoughts?

>>22228814
Literally me

Can someone critique my first scene for me? Tell me what you do not like about it and why. It is a space fantasy. This scene is supposed to set up the antagonist of the novel.

https://pastes.io/otpezjowqv

>>22229330
Erotic stories always remind me of that one Bertstrip
>this fanfiction is awful
>but you masturbated to it!
>yes I did, that doesn't mean it's good
Erotica is very rarely well written, but sex sells so it still gets lots of attention and money just by virtue of activating people's neurons.

So, do you boys jerk off before or after you do your writing for the day?

>>22229752
Sounds like you are thinking more about masturbating than writing.

>>22229707
>who had something that the angels did not, a place of their own.
This could use an em-dash, honestly.
>he gathered separate those with one-mind
Gibberish line in my opinion.
Also this is just my personal opinion, but "Satan" would not be called that. He'd be called Lucifer.

Overall, very blasphemous. I think artistic license: bible has some milk to squeeze, especially if this bit is an in-universe re-telling, rather than "the bible" we know but you ought to hammer some bits out. I think writing itself is fine but it also drags out a bit. Can't you boil it down a bit, condense it?

>>22229752
The characters I have written in my serious story which I have made a porno spin-off version.

>>22229764
Indeed, which is why I jerk off before writing or else I can't concentrate.

Some of you need to listen to this, seriously, give it a listen.

https://youtu.be/8Gv0H-vPoDc

>>22229681
Anon, I hate it. I'm sorry. It's just not good. You've posted eight lines and it's already disorientating and fatiguing.

>>22229811
Because of the format, or the writing?

Ignore the format because it's not a normal book.

>>22229819
Ah, I mean it's probably the formatting, but it's difficult to separate the two to be honest.

>>22229827
>but it's difficult to separate the two to be honest.
Well, in the actual thing that you'd read, I think it would be pretty easy to separate. You'll just have to trust me on this claim.

>>22229837
ok, fair enough. I'm curious now - how is this text actually going to be laid out?

>>22229770
I'll probably get it rid of it in the next draft

>>22229785
Maybe you should practice control over your body?

>>22229707
I don't like the way you used biblical mythology here, feels lazy. I would say to make it a little less obvious.

How do I make a character, who is secretly another character (that the reader knows about) not too obvious?

>>22229854
Like an obvious Fight Club?

>>22229858
No, more like ASOIAF

>>22229838
>how is this text actually going to be laid out?
Each line is a new line that you read on its own, with appropriate color. The narrator being sandy yellow, MC's thoughts (and speech) being a hard to describe tone of purple. When MC speaks, you'd also see his name.
Yes, it's a VN. Sorry for beating around the bush.

>>22229752
It varies. Sometimes before, usually followed by a caffeine pill and reading for an hour before sitting down to write. Other times, after as a reward for a good writing day.

>>22229862
Never read it.

>>22229890
There are some characters that you hear about, and then later on your meet them, though they're under a different identity
You get it?

>>22229872
I am completely fucking mystified as to why you didn't just say it was a VN from the beginning.

>>22229914
Because... because? Okay?

>>22229723
But this isn't erotica. It's not even good erotica

>>22229953
The penis grinding "I was deep inside her" sex isn't erotica?

>>22229854
>>22229862
So you've read ASOIAF but you still don't understand the concept of third petson limited POV?

>>22229890
I'm picking up what you're putting down.

>>22230021
I understand the concept, I just mean do you have any tips? Like how to avoid repetitive descriptions?

>>22230030
Change the appearance. Write descriptions that POV character would understand.

>>22229964
There's erotic parts to it, but the previews and good reads say it's fantasy romance

>>22230084
That's just erotica for women

>>22230164
Damnit them I need to start writing shit like that.

Can someone critique my scene for me? It introduces a protagonist.

https://pastes.io/91ii4dgdlz

>>22230177
Why?

>>22230193
The comma abuse and run on sentences seem to be a stylistic choice and intentional, but I hate how it reads. Take that as you will.

>>22230213
Sell a few copies of books to get my name out

>>22230270
The prose is poor but that's because readers don't care about beautiful prose in erotica (or "romance fantasy"). For all that people deride genre fic in this thread, those same people would fail catastrophically trying to write something that's simply entertaining (in whatever way the genre demands). And honestly, I doubt their prose would be much better. There's a lot of pseuds in this thread who have high opinions of their writing with absolutely nothing to back it up.
Anyway, the point is writing "romance fantasy" won't be an easy path to success (though it's admittedly easier than "real literature", because who wants to read amateur literature?). The vast majority of books, even in genre fic, die with 0-3 sales total. Even published and marketed books regularly flop like that.
So hearing that you're going to write a book in a genre you don't understand to "get your name out there" is pretty funny from anyone with an ounce of real writing experience. Just trying to give you some practical advice and not join in the retard pseud echo chamber. In the end, do what you please. Obviously I don't care.

>>22230326
Ack! Then what's the point in writing at all?

>>22230334
>Then what's the point in writing at all?
If you are writing for money, stop.
If you're writing for popularity, accept that you may not live (not necessarily never will) to be a popular author. See: Moby Dick.
If you're writing to simply get things out of your head, hoping that a couple people might read it and enjoy it - perfect.

>>22230347
But what if no one reads it?

Can someone critique this please focusing only on characterisation and plot?

https://pastes.io/mhb6k4c4qh

>look up rates of pay for magazines/publishers that accept short stories
>most of them pay rates of 10 to 7 cents per word if it’s a original story, often much less if it’s a reprint
>about 500 dollars ish for a 5,000 to 6,000 word short story
>you can make above that at an entry level minimum wage job
Welp, I guess diversifying what I write and submitting different stories to different magazines will be the key for me to live in some poverty from short story earnings, and honestly I’m okay with that.

>>22230354
It is what it is.

>>22230334
You should write because you want to. It doesn't have to be as pure as some people say in this thread, but you should still enjoy writing. If money and audience is another (sub)goal of yours, then research the market and adjust your stories accordingly. But the first requirement is that you want to write.

>>22230347
I disagree that dead authors will somehow become venerated post mortem. That was a product of a different era. With the internet and ever growing means of discoverability (and flood of content), those not recognized in life will almost certainly not be recognized in death. I won't say it'll never happen, but I think it'll be even rarer than in the past (and it was already one in a hundred million).

>>22228814
Outline, nigger. Think of what's going to happen and plan them according to the story you want to tell

>>22229092
>>22229093
I think it's just wrong.

But there is a weird rule for using the copula/linking verb that switches a pronoun from the subjective to objective form. ( google "this is she" for discussion.)

I believe it's one of those Latin grammar rules that have been grafted onto English and never really took. It sounds unnatural to native speakers too. It also sounds formal / stuck up.

Your example might have switched it up just to get a fancier sound, the way people sprinkle 'whom' in the wrong places in an attempt to sound more formal.

Do I have to world build when writing a space fantasy? I literally can’t be bothered

>>22230674
You gotta ask yourself what happens if you don't worldbuild. Does your story still work? Will people be able to understand it? Will you have a story at all? You'll find out automatically I think.
Some people find the worldbuilding attractive in itself but you don't have to cater to them if you don't want to.

>>22230357
The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural sounding.

I'm writing the second draft and things seem a lot simples to pull out. The first one was a burden cause I didn't know exactly where the story was going. Now that I have a base to work with, words are flowing effortlessly. Probably at the end of the month I'll have something done. I'm really feeling it, bros. We're all gona make it!

>>22230674
Going out of the way to world build is an anathema to good stories. Unless the landscape itself of the story is important, like in Nostromo by Conrad where the landscape creates and reinforces the ideas of solitude and fatalistic doom, it is best to focus on the characters since they will be the driving force and any worldbuilding will flow naturally from them.

>>22231153
I like it. It's obviously meant to be mannered and archaic-sounding.

>>22229752
During.

>>22231169
I've started Nostromo, and the meandering descriptive intro chapters, zooming in and out on different characters and regions in this world, as if it's a vast life-sized boardgame and the colossal dice are just about to roll, is some of most fun writing I've read in ages. Plus, the way Nostromo himself keeps suddenly flashing by on the margins of the scene is pure chef's kiss.

>>22231197
It is impressive that Conrad manages to create such a vivid picture of the land in a story that is predominantly about its characters who are also excellent. Definitely an underappreciated book on /lit/ and I think very useful as an example of what can be achieved in writing when describing a place and people.

Dont you lads ever get worried that your work will be associated with 4chan if, by some miracle, it gets picked up?

>>22231277
Who cares

>>22231298
A potential publisher I would imagine

>>22231277
My work goes straight onto the AO3 and nobody there seems to care
Having to convince people to publish you sounds like a miserable time

>>22230674
>Do I have to world build when writing a space fantasy?
You have to worldbuild if you are doing literally fucking anything.

No, world building is not room description.

>>22231277
I wouldn't care much, but at same time, I'd rather my spicier posts remain unknown.

>>22231303
Publishing is so last century.

>>22231311
what do you mean by worldbuilding?

If litrpg is selling out and erotica is selling out then is litrpg erotica the ultimate cheat code? I want some easy money bros

>>22231434
Yes. Try it. +1 to charm, +3 to endurance, and gained [thrusts] skill.

It'll read like this though.
I used my [thrust] skill eight times, but it wasn't enough to satisfy her pussy defenses. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but then I felt it. It wasn't because [thrust] was ineffective, but her level 45 passive skill [pussy resistance] was making her last longer than normal. I scanned her body using [scan]. She had 9999 hit points. I braced myself for a battle of endurance and casted my three spells, [cock hardening], [pelvis locker], and [hamstring strengthener].Doing 1 damage every thrust was going to be an all nighter.

Luckily I had the Amulet of Pfizer, providing me +30 endurance points every minute, for a cap of 120. We'll see who'll cum first.

>>22231495
and this would make me a bunch of money right

>>22229092
We is the subject, us is the object.
You can't write "Us deem [it] interesting". You can't write "People such as we". There you go. Any hilarious exceptions are artifacts of the case system English once had.

>>22229093
This example is correct. How could someone use the nominative case properly and fuck up its/it's?

How do you deal with profanity? I'm writing a fantasy novel and even though the world is relatively dark/gritty (but not too much), I'm having trouble using profanity because a lot of it just sounds... "too modern", I guess. Like, I made the mistake of watching Netflix's "The Witcher" and many of its characters dropped F bombs every second sentence, and generally sounded like a 21st century American who's trying to be edgy by using swear words too much.

>>22231530
One way to find out

>>22231277
Who do you think I'm writing my fanfic for?

>>22231530
checkout "the erogamer" by groon the walker

>>22231565
I don't like it in general. I am writing a few stories that have heavy profanity but there's a purpose. I don't want to bog it down with F bombs, however.

>>22231565
I've fallen for the "sounds immature meme" and now no matter what it just sounds odd. I keep it vague
>he swore
>cursing loudly
>uttered an oath
>etc

Excerpt from the first thing I'll ever have published. Probably about 3 people will ever see it but I'm both thrilled and incredibly cringed-out at the idea of people reading stuff I wrote

https://pastebin.com/yq6ysPJ0

>>22231755
>complaining about how people will read it
>locked paste

>>22231755
>>22231764
https://pastebin.com/zaDkibbU
absolute oxygen thief I am

>>22231565
certain words are fine, like bitch, cunt, cock and the very rare "fucking" here and there. But others, like "faggot", "asshole", "motherfucker" sound too modern for me to use in this instance.

Got through 1500 words today and a bunch of necessary revisions. Life is good.

Planning on doing an outline of my story tomorrow. I'm already on chapter 1, but I feel that if I don't keep notes of every character or plot point I'm planning on implementing, I'll get lost in my own thoughts

>>22231420
Characters. Prevalent themes. Character reactions to the world. There's a lot more to worldbuilding than just furnishing it with Ikea shit.

"So it goes" is a great example of worldbuilding.

kill list is SHIT

Oh, no. Not this. Please.

How long have I been thinking that? Not this. not this. Not me. Please. So many hues of of screaming silent pain blotting out my sense of time. How long since the shot? Seconds or years. So many different pains, but through it all my right thumb and forefinger protrude, like a vertiginous radio mast from an unbroken matt of storm clouds. Please. No. My mind’s eye seizes on the image and follows the tower’s guylines down, into a bank of cumulonimbus roiling darkly around a duller, bulkier agony silhouetted by their lightning. My shoulder. I’ll never hear again but memory in-fills the declarative click-clack each time I repeat the motion. I? It. It repeats the motion. I’m just a fading impression. Ghostly squalls of unbelief and terror rain coldly across my inner viewpoint as I take stock, again, of what has happened to me. Click, clack. Knuckles worn raw around steel, daisychained to the joints of my thumb, wrist, arm, shoulder in a burning linkage that cries out at stuttered intervals for relief. Please. God. Oh, it’s coming again. The thumb joint weeps for gratitude as I feel my hand loosen its grip. Finger- walk shakily up the zips and webbing across my chest. Past the glowering entry-wound cyclone at my clavicle to rest its palm under my sticky, stubbled chin and uncurl its last three fingers. Here it comes. Trembling, my fingertips reach the wet bone ramparts again. The storm system whites out.

>>22231999
kill list anon having schizo moment? that's my bet

>>22231999
it's ok man ur doing good

>>22230357
I'll be honest, I couldn't get through the first paragraph. About two sentences in everything turned into Lorem ipsum. Characterization and plot simply aren't going to matter if you don't know how to start a scene.
Here's what you should do. Get five or ten sci-fi novels you found gripping. Then, for each one, go to the opening scene. If the book starts with some mythopoetic worldbuilding gobbledygook, skip that shit and go to the opening SCENE. Then literally type in the first 500-1000 words. Do that for all five or ten of the books. Probably be a good idea to type in the openings of the second and third chapters too.
While you're typing, pay attention to the following:
>Who is the point of view character
>What is the setting
>What senses are involved
>What character opinions are involved (about the setting, the other characters, anything)
>Is there any reference to the POV character's past (this could be two minutes before the story starts or several years, or whatever. Anything before the first sentence.)
It would also be a good idea, after you type each of these opening scenes in, to go back and highlight.
If a sentence of part of a sentence involves the POV character sensing something, highlight it green. If the sentence or part of a sentence involves the POV character having an opinion about something they are sensing, highlight it yellow. Something to do with the past, highlight it blue. (The colors are arbitrary, just use three different colors)
This is about getting the reader into the mind of the POV character immediately. That's what you have to do before anything else, before the plot starts moving, before the characters start talking, anything. Otherwise, none of the other stuff, characters, plot, emotion, won't matter.
It's like hypnosis. If the hypnotist doesn't actually hypnotize their patient first, then none of the suggestions will have an effect.

You have a girl reading braille. Sense of touch. That's where your story should start.

>>22232061
what is a schizo moment

>>22232143
Not that anon, but I like your advice.

>>22232164
?

>>22223679
I use Word (2021, paid non-subscription) for all my transcribing (I pencil and paper for first drafts) and rewriting for its functionality and ease of use, especially swapping between text files to consult old drafts before going back to my current. I also use Plottr, Fade In, Scapple (full and lifetime purchases on all those), and MS Sticky Notes (free).

>>22232174
?

>>22231565
Just make up your own curses. My story uses the following
>Blowse
>Pudge
>Trakter
>Jak-set

All nonsense words, but in context you know it's a swear word

>>22232186
ESL? Or troll?

>>22232143
This is generally good advice but there's some contradictions here. You're suggesting that he start with a scene with a POV character and to immediately get the reader into their mind while at the same time admitting that some novels (that he even "found gripping") do not start this way. I think the kind of studying you're suggesting can be very fruitful but it doesn't have to be so reductive. It's perfectly fine (maybe even more instructive) to also study the mythopoetic opening (if it is also gripping) and figure out what's different between that and his own.

I'm not even sure he has an issue with writing a scene, in fact, since, if you just start at the first line of dialogue, it doesn't read too badly.

You guys actually retype chapters from other books? Christ. I knew it was bad here, but this bad?

>>22232201
neither? what do you mean by schizo post?

>>22232207
Post your work

>>22232209
Dude it's just a common phrase. Schizo moment/retard moment/woman moment/ etc. I'm calling him a schizo because it seems like it's kill list anon himself insulting kill list, so he's having a schizophrenic moment by posing as someone else insulting his own story for attention. How is your comprehension so poor? Are you really not ESL?

>>22232213
I wouldn't ever associate directly with this place, so no thank you

But do you think prominent authors retyped chapters from other books? I've literally never heard this deranged advice except from reddit amateurs and, apparently, here

>>22232235
Ah, yes, wouldn’t want the negative press when your book makes it big…

>>22231420
Have you considered searching the internet for an answer to that question?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worldbuilding

>>22230357
Exposition dump suited for an outrageously long text crawl and then it's "she bounded boobily from the bed, boobs bouncing" kinda thing. Then it's expository dialogue and such.
Show, don't tell. For instance, if the start is all about humanity taking off into the stars or whatever, start with a countdown to a launch. Start with something, anything to launch the story then get into the raw data.
From there, how necessary is it for me to know everything about the girl's body? Utterly? Okay, then spread it out. Give a detail about her then an action. Let a reaction occur, go back and forth, then drop in some more descriptors as things unfold so that she's not an empty vessel for you to fill in but is already a person and you're slowly clarifying what she looks like in the reader's head.
The dialogue, Idk. It's what I'm most critical of with my own writing so I can't say much. I'll sometime default to doing like in Fight Club, saying that someone said something instead of actually having them speak dialogue. Non-verbal communication is also good as it's a show-don't-tell that still progresses conversations.

>>22232225
oh lol i just hate the story because its obvious you retards prop each other up on hype here. kill list anon has reviews from dozens of retards, all probably from this thread, and he review plusses them in return. fucking bullshit, and you should all be ashamed of your skin deep praises of each other

>>22232235
Yes, actually it was a very common practice. Ben Franklin writes about it in his autobiography. Stevenson talks about in some of his essays on writing. Jack London copied the works of Kipling. Thompson quite literally typed out The Great Gatsby several times. And let's not forget that classic education generally involved copying latin and greek texts and translating them. Even Shakespeare would have done his share of copying while in school.

It's easy to snarky and dismissive from a place of ignorance.

>>22232250
>he doesn't know

>>22232250
The grimmest case of sour grapes I’ve ever seen. I’m afraid there is no hope.

>>22232250
I don't even give a shit about kill list but the fact you couldn't understand what 'schizo moment' means shows that you're the biggest retard in the thread. Please go away.

>>22232250
The reviews are definitely from review swaps on RoyalRoad, where it's a common practice. You think it's anons leaving them? You're pretty fucking dumb, my man

>>22232261
>>22232263
>>22232266
>>22232277
stay mad

>>22232284
The classic approach of 'was extremely retarded, now pretending to be a troll'. Lovely to see

please stop this i can't do this anymore

>>22232250
>>22232284
I give constructive criticism, but I think I might sometimes come off as too nice. There's a purpose for anons like you as well. We have to learn write something we are proud of and be tough standing up for it. The are far more scathing critics, even people that might destroy your books or harass you.
I don't give perfect scores often. As a matter of fact, I feel like I've hurt some feelings before, which I didn't mean to. There's without a doubt bad writers here but I like to at least look where there might be strength to cultivate a voice. I'd like to hope some of us could grow to be friends, that's all. Without Discord, of course

Haven’t been on /lit/ in months. How’s /wg/ doing?

>>22232293
Close your internet browser and go write a chapter of your book. The best advice /wg/ will ever give that no one will ever follow

>>22232304
Still crabbing each other like usual

>>22232304
I finished my fourth draft of my first novel last weekend and will start trimming the fat this weekend. That should take two to three weeks of effort. Then I get someone else to edit it. Well on my way and very pleased at the progress.
The past four days I've spent writing and editing two short stories. One about honor, the other about anachronism.

>>22232303
>t. gives any /wg/ writer 5 stars on request

>>22232304
Personally, I’m happy with my work. I’ve had some very productive days recently, and I cleaned up a lot of old sections that I’ve soured on. It’s hard to beat the feeling of consistent progress

>>22232325
I review swapped with some other guy and got a 3 stars review from him. Completely making my story disappear. Now I'm sad and don't know what to do

>>22232202
>You're suggesting that he start with a scene with a POV character and to immediately get the reader into their mind while at the same time admitting that some novels (that he even "found gripping") do not start this way.
Character-in-a-setting openings are basic openings. Any other kind of opening is advanced, and anon is not ready for advanced. Besides, all of the other forms of opening revert to a character-in-a-setting opening after 500-1000 words or so. And the majority of chapters in a book are going to start with basic character-in-a-setting. So that's the skill to study and master first, before anything else.

>>22232202
>if you just start at the first line of dialogue, it doesn't read too badly.
I completely disagree. It felt like riding a bike up a very steep hill. It should feel like downhill skiing.

Look, it probably is reductive, but here's the thing. Let's say you have a stack of ten books you found gripping. And let's say you type in the first 500-1000 words of openings of the first three scenes. That's thirty sessions. With the typing and the highlighting it should take no more than 30 minutes per session. So be reductive for 30 minutes a day for a month. The rest of the time do whatever else you want. I guarantee you if anon types in and highlights an opening a day for 30 days, he'll learn a lot.

>>22232338
post story

>>22232325
No one here has ever asked me to give him 5 stars. If anything, /wg/ is less shrewd than average. It's more like a writing circle than a bunch of hustlers.

It seems to me that any "writers" concerned with writers sites and writers cliques and writers culture and writers social, they're just npc dipshits who were desperate for a subculture they thought they could hide within. It's very feminine behavior and I'm not surprised to see the telltale squabbling here.

>>22232347
Exactly why I prefer it. Better than whoring yourself out and begging for reviews. For better or worse, you’ll get actual feedback here, as good as a surrogate writing group could be.

>>22232338
what did you want to happen? 3 stars means your story is average, which is actually very good for a beginner

>>22232360
I was promised fake reviews of nothing but 5*s

>>22232382
>I was promised fake reviews of nothing but 5*s
by who?

>>22232354
idgaf about your opinion, my story reached the top 3% of a site with over 50k stories. I'm proud of that, and it's fueled my desire to continue

>>22232400
*whom

also, checked

The idea that people "will" or "won't" do something is an abstraction, an aberration of ego and identity, arguably the least "real" thing there is. These predictions don't account for our inner selves, the fact that we have free will.

>>22232412
I would like to read it

I had a "good" idea to reframe a manuscript I'm working on and rather than 1 novella, package it into a full novel with a couple others, then book end it with context from an in-universe editor.

Then I tried to write the opening as though it were a non-fiction introduction written for people in this world and it just completely sucks.

I am going to bed heart broken by my own inadequacy.

Perhaps the real difference between people is in those who depart from their selected "cause", and those holdouts and stragglers who stay til the end. Someone will always find an easier way, and the other will always stay stuck, autistically fighting the same urges or impulses that brought them to those same old conclusions

I am trying to write for the first time in a while, and a new, foreign genre to boot. It's weird. I don't think I've ever felt so negatively about my writing. I guess, all this time my writing skill was atrophying bit by bit, but my critical faculties and taste have been sharpening. So now looking at my writing produces a rather miserable set of emotions. If only I could make it good, I would be quite happy.

The Kill List is obviously a shill story, but not because of its reviews. The fucking thing has a gay prince and wizard lmao. Fag shit gets burnt

Ive been stumped power wise for my main character. The idea is that most of the crazy bizarre powers in this universe are psychic manifestations. The main character was a getaway driver for a gang of thieves. The main idea with him is that he is detached from his own self, personality and identity and I wanted his powers to reflect that. The main idea was that he had this weird suit thing made out of like a supernatural dead skin almost. With theme-ing being like a cartoon mascot suit or a tokusatsu hero. With the dead skin he can make small weapons, identify people who were in an area by looking at the dead skin left behind etc. What should I do?

>>22232207
>>22232235
>>22232250
>>22232284
>>22232354
>>22232466
Oh look, an anonymous troll crab on 4chan.
How original.
Just report for "trolling outside of /b/" and ignore.

>>22232466
is this true? never reading fag shit

>>22232470
Hollow Knight-

Dead Skin suit
Psychic Boomerang that can transmit thoughts to other players, but ultimately always comes back to him.

>>22232461
What genre are you trying?

>>22232060

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling distressed. It seems like you're describing a very intense and painful experience. If you'd like to talk about what you're going through or if there's anything specific you'd like assistance with, please let me know. I'm here to help.

>>22223574
HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME I CAN'T DO THIS MAKE ME GO BACK TO NORMAL PLEASE MAKE ME GO BACK TO NORMAL I CAN'T DO THIS JACOB HELP ME

I'm writing a story about a group of highschool girls and their moege adventures

I'm giving a name to magical aspects and talents people have and calling them "properties". If someone has a property of fire, they can cast fire magic more easily for example.
Do I capitalize Property?

>>22232570
I vote yes.

>>22232570
I vote no.

>>22232570
I vote maybe.

>>22232570
Ask again later.

>>22232194
haha i love >Jak-set
Feels Lucasian

>>22232573
>>22232599
>>22232603
>>22232604
*sniff* p-puh... sngn... please answer... PLEASE ueeehhh *snort* pwease euheuhauhaeheeeeeh... I need to know!!!!!!

>>22232570
Such abilities were capitalized in the Green Bone Saga.
It may only be one data point, but at least it's been done that way before.

Please make this stop please tell me how to go back please write me back into normalcy please

How's the start of my first two paragraphs?

>I loved him. A love deeper than any other in my hundred years under the great blue sky. A love more intense than any that I have shared with my wife. Stronger than the blood ties that bind me with my children. A love stronger than one with my own mother, sister, or father. It was a love like no other. My love for him could not be described with any mere emotions that our lexicon allowed. It was something else; a eternal flame unwavering; or more accurately, unflinching. To him, we were his brothers, but to us, he was our guide, our leader, our Love.

>As brothers, we shared a bond as brothers could only share when we marched through the great steppes of Tian Shan, the deserts of Persia, the snowfields of Russia, the cities of China, and past the rivers towards Anatolia. We've saw it all. Men cowered at our footsteps, they bowed to our might, their women disavowed any promises at our presence, their sons joined us, and their daughters received us. Kings offered us mountains of gold, jewelry encrusted with the rarest of gems, the most beautiful women birthed under the Great Sky, and even land that stretched farther than the eyes could see, but none of that mattered. No. We cared for something else; something different. Some called it legacy, some called it history, but for us, it was love.

>>22232646
You’re normal now. It’s going to be okay.

>>22232678
no, not tha- you know what i mean by normalcy. i meant like, my life back and tell gabe and kenz to talk to me and stuff and i get to keep my soul and memories etc., etc.,..ok..how about this. i have one last wish for you, - "worship God."

what is it about /wg/ that is so mentally ill

A woman is very afraid about the size of her opening.

She goes to her mother and says "I'm so big down there, when I go marry Harry he is going to divorce me."

Her mother goes "Don't worry sweetheart, it runs in the family. Do what I did with your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver and put it in there, he'll never know the difference."

That's exactly what the woman does and they have 8 hours of sex after their marriage. She awakens at 10 a.m and he is gone but there is a note on her pillow that reads...

"My darling Harriet. To think that I waited a year to consummate our marriage our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up! The only reason I’m not here now darling is that I’m at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we’ll have dogs and children. When the 5 o’clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms.

Your loving husband, Harry.

P.S Your cunt is in the sink."

>>22232682
seems kinda...gay

>>22223574
oh cool, getting raped at the age of 6 and 7 is so fucking cool

>>22232782
Story? Did you cum?

Is there even a chance for a fantasy but non-litrpg wevnovel to become popular in current year?

>>22232837
Plenty. All this western Asian women that write fantasy books. All millionaires now.

>>22231536
>>22231558
Are you the same anon?
>People such as we.
So this is bad but
>... welcome outcasts such as we.
is correct? This is really confusing.

>>22230517
Interesting, thanks for the answer. From what I've seen so far I think it's safer that I avoid using this obscure rule.

Are publishers willing to be lenient with word counts, in your experience? I know the general max is 120k but are they willing to settle for 124k, for instance?

Piece of flash fiction:
Outside of the window there are two figures walking. It is dark, and in a moment the light shines as to reveal their faces, but for a second. There is no detail revealed, not at this distance. Only a transfiguration of the amorphous, from dark to light and dark again. As the figures move out of view, the scene is still. Across the way there is a church, an apartment building, and the whole of an empty parking lot which gives way to an empty alley. There is light coming from above a red door in the apartment, a great cross of light appears from it, but only for the astigmatic eye. The stillness is marked by the white noise of distant cars. This is what the man sees.
“He wears a white suit, carries a white newspaper…” he thinks, looking down to his floor – carpet filled with various bits of dried noodles and seeds. “I should vacuum, tomorrow.” Turning away from this thought, the man then focuses on a piece of yellow graph paper. Within a few minutes, the paper is filled with a poorly scribbled picture of a fish-headed woman wearing a suit. A speech bubble: “I am wrapped tightly in a duvet. I am hanged by my neck. But why hang a fish out of water?”
Is the fish being hanged underwater, the man wonders, or is the fish being hanged above water? For the sake of artistic simplicity, the fish – he thinks – should be hanged above water. Drawing the requisite number of squiggly lines (indicating water) would just add unnecessary confusion. This, thinks the man, is the essence of bad art.

>>22224253
Potential in that you grasp the language, but you’re lost up your own ass a bit. Write to communicate, first. Spice it up if you want, when that’s done. Focus on making good sentences. Varying length is good too.

Here’s mine:

I stepped out of the hotel bathroom into the hotel. My eyes immediately glued to the floor to ceiling shiplap. Why was every beach hotel covered in this shit? I tired of the ‘tacky Tuscan’ style of the early 2000s before most, so maybe I’m early again, but I can’t be the only one tiring of this style. It’s as if the builders in the area swallowed a single trip to Martha’s Vineyard, a Pinterest board, and illegal Mexican labor and vomited it up all over this expensive coast. It amazed me that so much money could buy so little charm, though I will admit, the women were beautiful. The women were the same, we insufferable, but beautiful. As a racist I feel there Caucasian beauty and apparent happiness should bring me joy, but I still got the feeling they were part of the problem. Making my way through the small room to the balcony I caught sight one of these beautiful, exhausting, blondes, but something was off. She sat alone, on a retaining wall her face slackened by sadness. The buoyancy of hope wasn’t there to keep it up. This young woman was too early for Botox so nothing hid her pain. Instead of the standard issue IPhone in her hands they were wrapped weakly around her body. This wasn’t a fight with “Connor” or “Harper” or some other strapping beach city beau. Real pain among the sunshine. What brought this creature to such melancholy? I wondered. I had never seen this species display this behavior. I felt connected to her as I spied her from the window. Strange because trouble in this paradise was usually better hidden. There was no time for that now, I had bigger fish to fry on this otherwise painfully perfect day. They would be calling any minute, and I already knew it wouldn’t be good news.

Is there a point of writing a story like a long (not big enough to be epic) poem? Or should I stop doing dumb shit and write it like a novella in several parts?

I posted in a thread a few weeks ago and used the critique I received to jazz up my first chapter draft. It's likely still shit, but hopefully less shit. I'm open to all criticism. Thanks in advance.
https://pastebin.com/W8cfaz78

Shit my edits didn’t save see below, for an example of editing, and tightening prose, I guess.

>>22232971
I stepped out of the hotel bathroom into the room. My eyes glued to the floor to ceiling shiplap. Why was every beach hotel covered in this shit? I tired of the ‘tacky Tuscan’ style earlier than most, so maybe a few years ahead of hating a trendy interior design again. But I can’t be the only one sick of this style.

It’s as if the builders in the area swallowed a single trip to Martha’s Vineyard, a beach-themed Pinterest board, and illegal Mexican labor and vomited it all over this expensive coast. It amazed me that so much money could buy so little charm.
Though I will admit, the women were beautiful. The women were all the same, were insufferable to talk to, but beautiful. As a racist I feel their Caucasian beauty and visible success should bring me joy, but I still got the feeling they were part of the problem.
Making my way through the small room to the balcony I sighted in on one of these beautiful, exhausting, blondes. Something was off. She sat alone, on a retaining wall. Her face slackened by sadness. The usual buoyancy of pretty rich girl hopefulness wasn’t there hold it up.
This particular young woman was too early for Botox so nothing flattened pained face. Instead of the standard IPhone in her hands they were wrapped weakly around—swaddling her body. This wasn’t a fight with “Connor” or “Harper” or some other strapping beach city beau. This was real pain among the sunshine. What brought this creature such melancholy?

I had never seen this sub-species display this behavior anywhere let alone in public. I felt connected to her as I spied her from my window. Strange, because I had never seen that look of pain in this paradise let alone in public. There was no time for that now, I had bigger fish to fry on this irritatingly sunny day.

They would be calling any minute, and I already knew it wouldn’t be good news.

>>22224253
Write to communicate something first, remember that. Focus on making good solid sentences, one after another. You have potential in that you know the language well, but you’re trying to write how you think you should instead of just writing. IMO take or leave.

I stepped out of the hotel bathroom into the room. My eyes glued again to the floor to ceiling shiplap. Why was every beach hotel covered in this shit? I tired of the ‘tacky Tuscan’ style earlier than most, so maybe I’m a few years ahead of hating a trendy interior design again. But I can’t be the only one sick of this style.

It’s as if the builders in the area swallowed a single trip to Martha’s Vineyard, a beach-themed Pinterest board, and illegal Mexican labor and vomited it all over this expensive coast. It amazed me that so much money could buy so little charm.
Though, I must admit, the women are beautiful. The women were all the same. They were insufferable to talk to, but beautiful. As a racist I feel their Caucasian beauty, Caucasian relationships, and visible success should bring me more joy, but I still get the feeling they are part of the problem.
Making my way through the small room to the balcony I sighted one of these beautiful, exhausting, blondes outside.
Something was off.
She sat alone, on a retaining wall. Her face slackened by sadness. The usual buoyancy of pretty-rich-girl-hopefulness wasn’t there hold it up.
This particular young woman was too early for Botox so nothing flattened the lines of her pained face. Instead of the standard IPhone, her hands they were wrapped weakly swaddling her tan body. This wasn’t a fight with “Connor” or “Harper” or some other strapping beach city beau. This was real pain among the sunshine. What brought this creature such melancholy?

I had never seen this coastal sub-species display this behavior anywhere let alone in public.

There was no time for reflecting on that now, I had bigger responsibilities on this irritatingly sunny day.

They would be calling any minute, and I already knew it wouldn’t be good news.

I stepped out of the hotel bathroom into the room. My eyes glued again to the floor to ceiling shiplap. Why was every beach hotel covered in this shit? I tired of the ‘tacky Tuscan’ style earlier than most, so maybe I’m a few years ahead of hating a trendy interior design again. But I can’t be the only one sick of this style.

It’s as if the builders in the area swallowed a single trip to Martha’s Vineyard, a beach-themed Pinterest board, and illegal Mexican labor and vomited it all over this expensive coast. It amazed me that so much money could buy so little charm.
Though, I must admit, the women are beautiful. The women were all the same. They were insufferable to talk to, but beautiful. As a racist I feel their Caucasian beauty, Caucasian relationships, and visible success should bring me more joy, but I still get the feeling they are part of the problem.
Making my way through the small room to the balcony I sighted one of these beautiful, exhausting, blondes outside.
Something was off.
She sat alone, on a retaining wall. Her face slackened by sadness. The usual buoyancy of pretty-rich-girl-hopefulness wasn’t there to hold it up.
This particular young woman was too early for Botox so nothing flattened the lines of her pained face. Instead of the standard IPhone, her hands they were wrapped weakly swaddling her tan body. This wasn’t a fight with “Connor” or “Harper” or some other strapping beach city beau. This was real pain among the sunshine. What brought this creature such melancholy?

I had never seen this coastal sub-species display this behavior anywhere let alone in public.

There was no time for reflecting on that now, I had bigger responsibilities on this irritatingly sunny day.

They would be calling any minute, and I already knew it wouldn’t be good news.

So you're never, ever going to give me my memories back? If so, I have to say, there's no way I'm following you anymore, and I will have to consider everything you say and everything I thought since Detroit forfeit

>>22232570
Yes, if it's the name of something like that, you give it a fat P.

>>22232143
>>Who is the point of view character
>>What is the setting
>>What senses are involved
>>What character opinions are involved (about the setting, the other characters, anything)
>>Is there any reference to the POV character's past (this could be two minutes before the story starts or several years, or whatever. Anything before the first sentence.)
>It would also be a good idea, after you type each of these opening scenes in, to go back and highlight.

Thanks. My favourite novel is count of monte cristo. I don't even like reading fantasy but I love adventure and action and I want to write that.

>>22232143
I tried it with the first few hundred words of Count of Monte Cristo and it opens with setting and then point of view of some bystanders.

>>22232340
Can you give an example of you doing this highlighting?

I think i should turn my space fantasy novel into a contemporary romance.

Am I literally the only person here who thinks romance elements are best if they just crop up naturally, as a consequence of things, rather than immediately going "this will be a romance novel" and writing one?

What I mean is, I enjoy the
>man and woman do a lot of things unrelated to romance together, they realize they actually enjoy each other's company a lot
A lot more than
>boy meets girl, drama happens and LOVE!

why do i want to scrap my plot?

>>22233329
Because something sucks about it or you are a schizo.

Identify what sucks about it and fix it. I ended up literally trashing my entire 22.3k words short story 2-3 times, only to rewrite it exactly the same, with a wording I liked more.

>>22232682

>>22233325
>Am I literally the only
No, you just don't talk to many people.

>>22232910
Is it that hard to just trim the 4k words? Chances are, they look at the word count before they start reading and see you can't read or understand guidelines and trash it right there.

New thread...
>>22233545
>>22233545
>>22233545
...it's just like a mini-mall, hey hey!

>>22231277
No, I'm not ashamed of it and I will write what I write.
>miracle

>>22233238
>>22233297
Lmao you gave weight to the person who didn't even bother to read you lol Helpless and hopeless.

>>22231277
Anyone who posts their writing online is a hobbyist. You expect zero platform or audience and so just push your turds out to each other so someone will wipe your ass and tell you good job.
The authors here are either self-published or from a corner of the world where getting their dinky deal is a side-effect of proximity and not an acknowledgement of talent, creativity, etc. which are wholly incidental.
None of you should be seeking publishing, and if you do you should stick to the quarantine of &amp, which is a perfect 1:1 for those custom order fake magazines which used to be commonly found in doctors and dentists offices and wow, just so happen to feature an article featuring your subpar doc.
:)

Post Pastebins I want somthig to reade