/lit/ - Literature

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan 'Press On!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
-Calvin Coolidge

>>22145582
Books that teach this?
>I’ve worked with so many wildly talented young writers over the years that I feel qualified to say that there are two things that separate writers who go on to publish from those who don’t. First, a willingness to revise. Second, the extent to which the writer has learned to make causality.
>Making causality doesn’t seem sexy or particularly literary. It’s a workmanlike thing, to make A cause B, the stuff of vaudeville, of Hollywood. But it’s the hardest thing to learn. It doesn’t come naturally, not to most of us. But that’s really all a story is: a series of things that happen in sequence, in which we can discern a pattern of causality. For most of us, the problem is not in making things happen (“A dog barked,” “The house exploded,” “Darren kicked the tire of his car” are all easy enough to type) but in making one thing seem to cause the next. This is important, because causation is what creates the appearance of meaning.
>Causality is to the writer what melody is to the songwriter: a superpower that the audience feels as the crux of the matter; the thing the audience actually shows up for; the hardest thing to do; that which distinguishes the competent practitioner from the extraordinary one.

https://pastebin.com/GaKJXXnn

Here's a short story I wrote about the time I helped my friend beat up a wannabe gangster when I was in highschool
I'm trying to focus more on dialogue, but now I think the prose comes across incredibly dull.

Finished third draft of a novel, threw it into a word counter and found some disturbing use of the same two or three words in a row. Gotta fix that habit.

>>22145634
Don't beat yourself up.
I've been trying to break myself of that habit for years.
It just seems to be part of my "flow state".
I've resigned myself to fixing it during editing.

anyone else need a cheap professional editor?

>>22143595
I thought "Story, substance, structure, style, and Principles Of screenwriting" by Robert McKee (1997) was pretty good.

Alright, get this. There's this wizard. He has a big wizard hat and a wizard staff and magical spells and a wizard beard and all kinds of magical wizard bullshit. But he also has a gun. And he just shoots people with his gun because it's much less trouble than launching a fireball or a big spike of ice or something.
He gets really depressed because technological advancements are muscling in on his field of specialization and further developments make him worry for the future of magic.
The middle of the story is a bit unclear, but I figure the end will involve the wizard realising the potential applications of his highly specialised magical knowledge when combined with recent innovations, like that 'electricity' shit everyone's been talking about. He regains hope in the future of his profession and devotes the rest of his life to the study of new and exciting implementations of magic in technological contexts.
There could possibly be a sequel about the absurdity of a wizard dealing with corporate interests and funding issues.

>>22145983
How is magic less lethal? Can't he just teleport a fireball into someone's skull?

>>22145603
Read to rule. Spellcheck before posting.
https://pastebin.com/FDCMzQHw

>>22145619
FL?

Imagine telling complete strangers what you're writing before you finish it

a failure right from the start

>>22146416
I don't even talk to myself about what I'm writing before I finish it.

>>22145603
I don't think that the narration detracts from the story as a whole even if it's not the main focus of it. You could try throwing in some more descriptions or let the narration do the work for the characters once in a while.
Besides that I don't get the intermission that happened. You left the scene hanging just so that you could continue on to another dude fighting someone else and he doesn't even fight anyone, they're still just talking about whether he'll lose or not. Obviously it's not finished buy if this is a short story as you said either you're still missing a huge chunk of it that's still going to happen or it should have ended after the drug dealer got beat up or whatever actually happened that night.
Still a fun read overall, you just have to finish it, don't worry too much about edits that you can do later and just write it.

>>22146416
simply epic

>>22144764
>Congratulations. What’s your story about?
Epic fantasy, no isekai, no player screen, just a sandaled dude with a sword.

>Also how long ago did you post it, and do you got any tips?
A year and a half ago. This is simply enough people to coast on while I write a new story. Your success actually is a function of your quality. Don't underpay your cover artist.

>I posted my a week ago and I barely got 7 followers though it’s understandable because I’m not really writing to that particular audience. I did just get a positive comment saying they loved my story which is pretty neat.
7 followers after a week is terrible and implies you didn't front load your releases. There are numerous guides on how to succeed on RR. Look them up and do them or don't complain about your low follower count.

FYI, 400 is a terrible amount of followers. What is actually good is my 4.7/5 rating after 74 reviews.

>>22145643
I know, thanks. The good thing is I've overcome a bigger issue, which is not writing at all. In addition, I suppose I notice when I've written something that I didn't mean to or does not work for the story.

>>22146820
link your story buddy

Cliff spread the map across the table. ‘I give us two weeks,’ he said, ‘then the nukes fly.’ He tapped an X with a tremoring finger. ‘The city, obliterated. Our friends, blown to bits. Bloody idiots.’
He thought of Pearl. She had refused to evacuate. Happy where I am darl, she had told him. Near my grandkids. And anyway, the TV said we’re safe. We have first strike capability.
‘Get it together mate,’ he said. He held his finger until it was still. ‘There’ll be fallout.’ He traced a channel of wind barbs from the X to a Y. His retreat. Out in the country. ‘A westerly on the day will carry it here quick as you like. And the radiation will hang around for a good minute. We’ll bug out to the shelter and hole up. Best do a shelter inventory.’
He went out to the yard. The shelter was a hole in the garden. Beside it was a raft of planks piled over with dirt. There was his shovel. Just the sight of it sent tremors through his hand. Gardening was okay, his GP had said, but nothing too strenuous. The hole was six feet deep.
Cliff procured a little white pill from his pocket. ‘Here’s to our health,’ he said.
It left an acrid aftertaste. His hand fell still. His panic dulled. He lowered himself into the hole.
At his feet was a checklist. He picked it up and surveyed the supplies stacked against the walls. ‘Ten twenty-litre jerry cans, refilled with fresh water last week. Check.’ He sliced open a cardboard box. ‘Three-hundred tins of non-perishable foodstuff. Check.’ Behind the box was a safe. He entered a code and the door swung open. ‘One thousand lab-grade benzos.’
Cliff carefully counted the canisters his GP had sold him under the table. There were only thirty-two. One was near-empty. His hand twitched. ‘Where the hell are the rest?’ he said. Even if day-zero was tomorrow, these wouldn’t last long. The post-apocalypse was forever.
He envisioned himself scouting the wasteland for a pharmacy. Radioactive cannibals stalked in the shadows of dilapidated infrastructure. Both of his hands tremored. He dropped his rifle. They were on him and there was Pearl, eyes wild with recognition...

if you're interested in giving/receiving crit or just chilling in a /lit and aren't a dipshit, join us discord.gg/CKJhQJ5w

>>22145602
where is this from

>>22146969
not sure if i'm a brainlet, but what happened at the end there?

>>22146977

I just trailed off from where I'm up to with an ellipses. basically he's dreaming about life in the post-apocalypse and imagines himself getting killed and devoured by a cannibal who was once his friend. then the action switches back to what he's doing inside the hole.

>>22146944
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor-grand-conquest-fantasy

>>22147026
>Engineer turned novelist. I'm tired of seeing so many bad stories and corruptions of re-releases and re-imaginings, so I'm building my skill to become the very best. If you'd like to support my endeavors, check out my book Faceless, Bastion/Blackstone book 1 on Amazon and other retailers. Or my website jameskrake.com for everything.

Good god, this guy is ass

>>22145983
Sounds like part of the plot from Ralph Bakshi's "Wizards".

Will my book feel stale and formulaic if i follow what craft books say about story structure

>>22146820
Jeeze... I only have 14 followers after 2 months

>>22147109
No...story structure exists because it tends to keep the reader interested.
What deviation from story structure are you contemplating?

>>22147116
Did you post daily? If you want to get followers, you need to start by posting like 3 or 4 times a day for a week

>>22147127
Nope. I don't even have enough chapters for 3-4 posts a day for a week

>>22147139
Then you launched 'wrong'. It may fit your goals and desires but it will not maximize your follower count.

>>22147147
Jeeze how do you write million word novels that go nowhere?

>>22147167
Personally? My story is going somewhere, I'm just taking my time with it. I'm at 1015 pages because I've been treating it like a book series rather than a continuous story. It's one war, journey, conflict, or adventure after the next, each pushing the MC closer to the stated goal of world conquest.

I know other people just write whatever idea comes into their head but I can't speak to that strategy.

>>22147118
I’ve been using save the cat and story genius by lisa cron

I’m having trouble with the b plot idk why

“Hello,” the man said.
“Hello,” the woman said.
“You are a woman and I am a man we should have the sex,” the man said.
“I agree you are a man and I am a woman and so we should have the sex,” the woman said.
“But not here. It would be inappropriate,” the man said.
“That is correct. We should go somewhere appropriate to have the sex,” the woman said.
They were somewhere appropriate. At the appropriate place they had rapturous sex. He inserted his penis into her anus and ejaculated.
After the sex was over the man and woman laid beside each other in the tent. “That was very good,” the man said.
“My butt hurts,” the woman said.
“I think I love you,” the man said.
“I do not love you,” the woman said.
“You are a stupid fucking cunt and I hope a bear eats you,” the man said.
Suddenly a bear tore into the tent and consumed them both. The man and woman’s mother was very upset.

>>22147026
The cover reminds me of this Alexander the Great kino. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2LTp4SmRS0

It's getting done sort of.

>>22147376
Maybe later in the series I'll be that kino. 1000 pages in and he's only just nw getting command of an army he can actually trust and train.

Alexander the Great was one of the direct influences obviously. Him and Napoleon.

>>22147304
>Get a woman
>It's his sister
>First thing is to fuck her ass
He's clearly gay. But I like the story.

>>22146969
Keep in mind that apostrophes are not the primary quotation mark in English. In this case it does somewhat fit since he's talking to himself but I have no way of telling if you're planning on doing this for every single dialog or not. With that said, the sections where the character quotes other people in his thoughts should have probably been the sections that use apostrophes even if they're not direct quotes. It would make it more promptly apparent to the reader that it's being thought in someone else's voice especially when some of it could pass off as direct quotes from dialog. Using apostrophes as main quotation marks is a stylistic choice, but it does have some consequences.
Your pronoun usage is overbearing, you start way too many sentences with He/His and they're already used so much in the rest of the text. Stuff like "he said" is only meant to be used to clarify who the person speaking is, you make some good use of it early on where we might misunderstand that Cliff isn't a schizo and that there might be someone telling him to get his shit together, same with him thinking in Peal's voice, but beyond that there's literally no use for it since the subject is implied. As for starting every other sentence with either a noun our a pronoun, that's just a matter of you actually rewriting these sentences with that in mind: instead of "He dropped his rifle." do "The rifle slipped from his hands." You said you were going to do a rewrite but hopefully it's one of those things that you learn to do while writing since it'll save you lots of time.
Story wise I like it, reads off as a benzo addict schizo getting ready for the apocalypse. You didn't write enough for me to really understand where all of this is going to go, but it is going somewhere, just hopefully not 6 feet into an unremarkable DIY bomb shelter for the rest of the story.

Seen the kill list guy post his stuff here a lot and read what was available. how the fuck do fantasy snoys get such good reviews? legitimate bullshit

>>22146638
I didn’t want to write a fight scene. I thought it would be more interesting leaving it out, have the reader imagine how it went down. They can assume, based on the final paragraph anyways.
The violence wasn’t supposed to be the point, but what the use of violence can do. Ie, now Gabe feels confident, when before it was Scott who felt like the top dog. Both also fought unfairly, to attain the status.
For that reason I don’t think it’s important what happens to Mikey. He’s fighting fair and square and that means he’s really the one we should admire.
My own interpretation of my story

>>22147657
It's a well written so far. And fantasy tends to be what people want to read.

>>22147675
It's okay. It's very passive.

>>22147690
not that guy you responded to, but the last few chapters have really revved up the ante.

>>22147304
Good story. My favorite character is the tent, it's sneaky.

>>22147560
>not the primary quotation mark in English
FYI, they are in British English.

>>22146820
Yeah, if you only got 400 followers after all this time AND you’re writing genre Harem shit then it must be a shit story.

>>22147732
True, it's very weird because it seems like it's not a standard/convention but rather a "preference" so even though I checked I somehow missed it. Not sure if it was dropped at some point because of the prevalence of American English or if it never was a convention to begin with.
Most other languages do enforce a standard, such as with American English, but even then none of them allow you to use single quotation marks as a replacement for doubles even when there are alternative forms of delineating dialog.
How awfully British of them.

>>22147755
YOUR A SHIT STORY

>>22147835
It might be phasing out in modern UK-published fiction. Not sure, desu, because my brain never really consciously registers punctuation.

I think there's a practical argument to be made for the double quotes, because if you have something like 'What are your friends' names?', the possessive apostrophe might look like it's ending the quote.

On the other hand, I can't get on board with the American style of always putting commas and periods inside the quotation marks, even if they're not part of the quote.

>>22147872
Anon, there's nothing to be gained from "defending" my story in this context. The guy is an idiot if he thinks I'm implying I did well.

I very obviously launched wrong. I should have hit 400 in my first two months, but I learned plenty. I think I can actually hit RS next time.

>>22146976
A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading, and Life

Historical fiction (1400 byzantine) or neo noir setting? I'm thinking historical just because I don't want to world build

>>22147891
>I can't get on board with the American style of always putting commas and periods inside the quotation marks, even if they're not part of the quote.
Same, it literally makes no sense to me. Thankfully British English doesn't do that.

>>22148048
>1400 byzantine
>1453 Constantinople gets sacked
I don't know why you think you're not going to have to world build. yeah, there's going to be a very general sense of what things were like, but the zoomed in version you're relaying to the reader is going to require a good deal of creativity.

Not sure where's the best place to put this, but I figured /wg/ isn't a bad place. At worst I just delete it.
One of the issues with communication I noticed, is people jump straight to conclusions, and leave out the supporting evidence. As in, statements like "OP is a faggot" "he's so toxic", "you're manipulative". The issue isn't with these statements, but they're general cliche usage has cause people to use them as a way to describe a relationship towards a person. And for stuff like architecture or nature or work, this is even more prevalent, since most people simply do not have the language to describe it. What do you call a tree that splits at bottom, what do you call those trees that are skinny/hairless and trees that are large and full of leaves? We just label them as trees, and keep it as that
What I'm trying to say, is we say too much what the thing is AT ABSTRACT, and not what it actually is. We say the oven is hot, not that it feels like my fingertips are inflamed. We say the sky is beautiful, and not that the blueness void and clouds create a great scene. We are too quick to label these things and then make judgements upon it.
Again, sorry if this is the wrong place, I figured since this could be related to writing, this thought would be best suited here. If I'm wrong, I'll delete it.

>>22148100
1453 is going to be part of it. As well as remnants of Mongols and their breakup. But that's going to take so much research I don't know if I should do that or just write about neon lights and dirty sewage

>>22148107
>trees that are large and full of leaves
deciduous

>>22148116
>But that's going to take so much research
it shouldn't. you're writing fiction. unless you're following a member of the Palaiologos family - and you're actually writing history and not historical fiction - you only need to convey a general, general sense of what's going on

>>22148107
Most of the time the detail isn't required. Your fingertips being inflamed is more relevant if someone is wondering if you need medical aid. The oven being hot is more relevant if they're wondering if it's safe to put stuff in it. When someone says they like climbing trees, the majority of people are not going to care what kind of trees. They might visualize different types, but that's fine because again, it's not relevant. It's implied that if it was relevant, then the speaker would've specified.

>>22148126
So you think historical fiction would be better setting than basically "Tokyo"?

The story is about a serial killer wandering around trying to find the meaning of life

>>22148148
>So you think historical fiction would be better setting than basically "Tokyo"?
no
setting is a detail. a backdrop. the reader cares about your characters and their struggles and emotions, not the landscape they happen to be in.

>>22148148
Byzantine in the 1250's at the height of the mongol empire would be an amazing setting.

>>22146969
>he said
>He tapped
>He thought
>He held
>He traced
>He went
>he said
>He lowered
>He picked
>He sliced
>He entered
>he said
>He envisioned
>He dropped

>>22148163
>>22148165
That's the thing, if it's in historical, there won't be cameras and shit to catch said serial killer, but if it's in the future, those things exist. And this drive said character into different circumstances.

>>22148173
okay. you care about that because it will directly affect how the story proceeds. your reader, on the other hand, will deal with whatever you set up, and they will care about your characters. do you want a low tech setting or a high tech one? up to you, you're going to be writing it

>>22148165
Dude you do know during this time it's literally crusades in the west, byzantine rome, Mongols from the east, German/Russian barbarian from the north, Muslims from the south, all smashing together. You're going to have to research it all, introduce all the factions, names, characters, etc.

Shits going to take years.

>>22148193
>you're going to have to research all this irrelevant nonsense
no he isn't. his story follows some serial killer doing his own serial killer thing. he doesn't need to know 95% of that other shit.

>>22148193
>You're going to have to research it all, introduce all the factions, names, characters, etc.
You don't. You can do it but you don't have to.
Even if you've done the research you might not want to put all of it on the page. "Introducing" every "faction" is worthwhile only in certain genres.
As a stock conceit for a scene you can have the viewpoint character meet a weird foreigner based on all the shit you researched, with some idiosyncratic personality mixed in for flavor. Then have the narration and/or the viewpoint character's actions reveal some unexpected properties of their own culture. That's more natural and for a lot of readers more fun.

The Solbergs had some of these flamboyances, in fact more than most, starting with the his-and-hers Beamers out in the driveway, a Z3 for Emily, an M3 coupe for her husband, Eirik’s colored in something staid, reflecting his standing in life as a circuit court judge, Emily’s in something bordering ridiculous: purple, a custom job. Purchased and registered at the same time, the plates were just about to expire, in a few days, the month embossed in narrow red dies at the left as OCT, the year reflected in a small square sticker at the lower right: 97.

That same purple was the color of the powdered metal handrail just to the left of the cars, at the end of the walk from the driveway to the brick porch, leading up the stairs to the door, a glass sheet framed in the same powdered purple metal as the handrail. Between the door and the massive picture window with its shades always undrawn, a handcrafted wooden mailbox in a storybook style, a witch’s hovel for birds, and the house’s number bolted above it in brightly polished, stainless-steel Helvetica, and in numerical words, not mere number figures: sixty-eight, all lowercase.

>>22148193
Has anyone ever written a war/political novel based on this setting?

If I want to incorporate my familial angst into my writing, is it a bad idea to insert characters based on my family members and give them names, traits, occupations, etc. that correspond to the respective family members?

>>22148275
No, that's called literature. Look at the Lit. Brat Pack. All those writers wrote their own lives and just changed the names.

>>22146416
No fucking shit huh faggot?

>>22148275
Just change some things around so you have plausible deniability if they happen to read it and recognize themself.

>>22147709
>revved up the ante.
Gross. You're gross.

>>22145900
I just use Grammarly, and yes, I use the generative AI fill feature to pad out filler scenes between plot points.

>>22148064
>Same, it literally makes no sense to me.
Printers did it to reduce wear on the more delicate type. Now we're stuck with it.

Was thinking about adding a 3 person poly trio.

They are slaves and they escaped togeter without our main characters knowage and show up later in the story. (They all work on the same ship so our MC does know the 3 of them)

Also their relationship is a scret and not known until they meet them after they escaped

thoughts? Should I add this Anons?

>>22148678
I don't know what your story is but yes.

is it cringe for the protagonist and co to be poc and for the antagonist to be a blonde white man

im serious...

no i dont plan on highlighting race

>>22148768
I wouldn't say so, Its your story as long as your not actively making it about them being POC and the antagonist be a blonde white man. if you do then yes you will have some problems,

But make any character any race you'd like it doesn't matter

>>22148678
What's making you hesitate?

>>22148768
The only cringe is asking this question.

>>22148790
I just feel it would be too many characters escaping slavery. While I do enjoy writing polyam relaitonships (I haven't in a while and I forgot how I love them) But thus far theres only 2 characters that do and our MC doesn't know his friend escaped with him until well after a day. (He's the cook of the ship and he's the jantior or whatever you wanna call it)

I just feel 5 in one day would be a lot.

Plus I don't really have good ideas for their personitys at the moment.

I also don't know how i'd incorprate them into a story it would be a lot to have 6 characters all at once 3 is good for my MC and his friend and the person who helps them escape.

I just don't know how i'd devlope them without having to make a seprate part for them since the 3 of them would overwelm main part of the story or fade into background characters.

I have some dobuts what do you think anon?

>>22148834
Are you typing on a phone or having a stroke?

Age gap romance is in right?

>>22149083
When has it not been?

>>>/tg/89192333

>>22149121
I'm scared that having a 18 year old boy get with a 40 year old woman would be seen as grooming

>>22149158
Twilight was immensely popular and that was a romance between a high school girl and a centuries old vampire, you'll be fine. At worst you'll get some angry tumblrites.

>>22149205
> a centuries old vampire who looked like a high schooler
fyp

>>22146375
Female lead I believe.

>>22149083
I was about to bring up A Prayer for Owen Meany because I remember reading it in school and several us asked the teacher why Owen sat in his teacher's lap and if he wanted to marry her. But I don't think that's what really happened. Damn I also wish Owen slammed his Sunday school teacher, he should have.

>>22149270
The moral of this story is that as long as the love interest is hot in the readers' eyes, it doesn't matter what the other details are.

>>22149349
This.

This is the exact reason I'm not worried about writing a story where the male lead gets held down and raped by a near feral lady knight.

>>22146042

this looks good, I did spell check but I suck at it, and the way you formatted and punctuated everything makes it a much cleaner read.

In this style though, I feel my prose has absolutely no unique traits. Its just... a story.

I'd appreciate some criticism/shit posting about this first chapter. I'm trying to get back into writing after having stopped for a few years, so it's likely pretty shit, but any suggestions, pointers, or jabs would be helpful.
https://pastebin.com/j6Jaketu

I cannot think of an experience more euphoric than vomiting. The stress and pain of the stomach ache you’ve had for a good 48 hours finally brought to its platonic conclusion. Like unholy demons exorcized from a human vessel, your past meals migrate from your gut back to their homeland; wholly changed, made anew by the wonders and horrors of your anatomy. You try to resist, but your piehole-turned-firehose begins to spew, and you feel the unmunched chunks of meat or cheese rush past your cheeks with the fury of a Trojan army, your lips as weak as a Trojan condom. A gray-brown puddle of waste lay before you, and it is at this moment that I believe we become the closest that we, as mortals, can get to tabula rasa.

If you ever buy banner ads, make them stupid and obnoxious. I know quite a few authors who have advertised their books, and the pattern is undeniable - obnoxious clickbait ads, unfortunately, work.

example: picrel

>>22149646
I've never seen a banner ad here. I have adblock.

>>22149651
And yet ads work nonetheless

>>22149654
I guess some people don't use adblock. I don't know why.

>>22149646
I would never click on this

>>22149670
You wouldn't, but a much larger number of people click on obnoxious clickbait than click on tastefully-presented ads.

>>22149631
>https://pastebin.com/j6Jaketu

It's interesting, but there's a lot of telling more than showing. The whole first paragraph could have been integrated into the second and it would have been far more streamlined.

Think about how often you actually just wake up and think about events from even 2 days ago. It's a bit worn the way Collision is an immediate world building mystery/hook, where for Travis that's just his normal life at this point. Think about how you think about something like smartphones, they're just a fact of life even if they're fantastical to someone from 80 years ago. You wouldn't describe someone getting a phone call as "He lifted the box of metal and electricity to his ear where he heard the distant sounds of his companion. These "phones" had become ubiquitous things since "The Advancement"." You can still fill in exposition, but teasing it out in a more natural way will make the world feel a lot more lived in than the elevator pitch of "our world but there has been an EVENT"(even if that doesn't line up specifically with what your concept is).

You often seem to narrate from a 3rd person omniscient perspective, but framed as if it's Travis's thoughts. The little section where you explain what a Handyman is is nice, but it doesn't sound like it's coming from Travis, just an exposition monkey. There's also some weird phrases like "Travis himself found these things interesting but relented when it came to learning more." "Travis himself found these new creatures interesting, but didn't investigate more about them to avoid upsetting his Grandfather" tells me WAY more about what the grandfather and Travis are like, and their relationship.

>>22149646
that ad is actually sick

>>22149729
I will choose to take that as a compliment, despite it likely not being intended as one.

Picrel is the full artwork.

>>22148909
I'd guess phone because they are some kinda furfag writing poly relationships.
>>22149083
I'm about to have a 16 year old start down the road that will put him in a relationship with a 25 year old woman. I'd not get them really together until he is 18, but it would still be a 9 year gap between them. It really is just how it is set up so it doesn't come off as grooming.

>>22147657
>seethes about fantasy being popular
So what do you write, then?
>>22147755
>other people's writing is shit
Post your writing, seether.

>>22148275
It worked for "Napoleon Dynamite".
>>22149638
Do that too often and you'll rot your teeth, not to mention courting esophageal cancer.

>start developing characters for detective novel
>start writing and developing a plot
>it doesn't suck

>started writing a stream-of-consciousness Surrealist novel about labyrinths
>it's starting to flow better after 20 pages and it's actually quite fun

>>22149735
nah, it was a compliment.
is this from the same series with the woman covered in paper seals? it's been awhile since i'd saw that post, and i can't remember if it was the same artstyle

>>22147560

thank you sir. rewrite in progress. slowing it down a bit and making each paragraph a little more meaningful than him just going about his prepping. just shared here to gather a little more feedback before I began. will keep what you said in mind about pronouns etc. thanks

A new chapter of the Kill List is up. I wrote the entire thing today, actually. 3,620 words. I'm feeling like the story's basically exploding from my brain at this point, and I just have to get it on paper.

I'll probably have to do a lot of editing.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54622/the-kill-list

As always, please, feedback is very welcome. Thanks for reading.

>>22149896
Same series as picrel, yeah.
It's a different artist, but Yao Fu shares an artist with the original cover art.

>>22149735
Reminds me of Hellsing.

>>22150009
I originally designed the character and commissioned her first artwork well before I ever watched Hellsing, but this particular artist's style brought out the Hellsing feel such that I decided to lean into it. Fits the character anyway.

>>22149924
I'll give you a 5* rating later and a "review". 5*'s and random reviews boosts your ranking like crazy. I got 1, and I went from 40k to 15k.

>>22145582
Had a stroke of inspiration last night, friend said it was "kino writing" and that I should post it somewhere, so here I shall.

2050, the 50s futurist dream has come true, personal robotic servants with no faults or downsides, no desire to take over, VR worlds beyond your wildest dreams, a cure to obesity, drug abuse, mental illness, sleep! No work, life is pure utopian bliss-
For the rich.
Let's be clear, the world as it was never went away, no, the government wouldn't allow such a radical change to the world system, to be rid of work, to be rid of chore, to be rid of pain, suffering, hardship would make government obsolete, without something to legislate, why have legislature? Just think of how minor economic discrepancies have caused gruesome wars beyond the imagination of antique men.
No, you are the working man, you are the cog in the machine that makes this kafkaesque nightmare run. It could never be this great for all Mankind. In the end it all came down to cheap, fast, and good, and the bottom line is that this lifestyle could never be mass produced.
We were promised something better, the millennial dreams of what was to come, maybe some of those CEOs even believed in it, not that it mattered when all the indictments came out. Child porn, embezzlement, anti-competitive practices, third world labor, and back door dark money deals with Democrats. Maybe some of it was even true, but the tech industry was never the same, just another branch of government really. All serving the same end, the propping up of the same institutions, the same complexes, the same alliances, the same story, the same lies.
The same people, with aching backs, faltering vision, waning paychecks, missing fingers, teeth, hair, trudge on just as their forefathers did, and none the wiser. The narrative was never really in our control, we were always a sort of guinea pig people crossed with beast of burden, just couldn't see beyond the walls of the experiment-
The American Experiment.

>>22150097
Isn't this just cyberpunk with less cool stuff in it?

>>22150109
I mean I don't know it wasn't really meant to be anything special, my friend just liked it

I'm back

Do you guys have any personal or book recommendations on how to vary your constructions? I plan on reading Erasmus 'de Copia' tomorrow

>>22149708
Thank you for your feedback! I got so caught up in a captivating opener that I didn't consider collapsing the paragraphs. I also felt I was telling more than showing, so hearing someone else say it is reassuring.
I've already thought of ways to integrate some of the exposition dumping into dialogue, but I wouldn't have come to that conclusion without your help.

>>22149735
How did you find and hire an artist to do any artwork for your books?

>>22150599
Or at least your ads. Regardless, please share your experience.

Finished my Manuscript today.
I have a shit ton of self-editing to do, but Thank fuck.
46k words is at least a short novel, right?
What a feeling making something so shit but at least finishing it.
I had absolutely no fucking faith in this shit half-way through, but for a first time I think it was a good learning experience. Definitely going to map out all the content beforehand next time and not let it all devolve into some fast-as-fuck-paced story.

>>22150069
Thanks, that’s very kind of you. I just ask that feedback stay real instead of inflating scores! If you’re truly enjoying it at a 5* level, that’s wonderful, I’d just ask to know what’s working well.

Is it worth it? Is it helpful? I could go pick up a copy tomorrow if so.

>>22150985
You will fail if you ask for uninflated scores. Everyone is inflated on that site. 5 star is a reccomendation. a 4.5 is a pass.

>>22150814
How many pages is it?

How do I learn to write in the archaic style of epics, akin to Homer‘s Illisd or Odyssey?

>>22151080
170 pages long give or take.
I honestly feel like a lot of it is rushed specially near the end, but I never expected it to be any good from the beginning. Some of you anons have helped me improve it a ton since I started but soon It'll be all done and I might start getting actual criticism. Kind of not looking forward to that, but I'm just glad it's over.

>>22150996
I feel bad about giving my 3 stars according to the rating rubrics. I guess ratings are just like height and dick size, you're expected to exaggerate and look inferior if you don't.

>>22150814
>>22151128
Awesome job bro. You are approximately halfway done depending on how much editing you need. I understand how you feel about the end of a book. Carrying conflicts to the very end can be tough, I had to revise the last quarter of my story so much but think I've finally arrived on something that makes more sense.

>>22151128
How long did it take you to write?

which is correct?
>He had seen it before he broke in with the spare key.
or
>He had seen it before he had broken in with the spare key.

is the former is wrong, can it be okay in fiction?

Just thought of a genuinely mind fucky twist but it would totally kill off an important character (kind of). Should I do it? I hadn't really planned for it but the route I was initially going seems so much more boring in comparison.

>>22151217
How important is the character 1-10?

>>22151198
I think both are fine, no one is gonna crucify you for using either one.

>>22150814
you want me to edit it for you? how much can you afford?

>>22151237

I just hate repeating 'had' it literally makes me feel like throwing up

>>22151217
Yes. Always yes.

>>22151230
There 2 protags and this is going to kill off the one who's POV has been telling the story so far, so a 10/10
>>22151270
Thanks anon.

>>22151268
If that's how you feel then don't do it.

>>22151275
Yeah, maybe don't do it, but that's just my opinion.

>>22151148
It could have taken me 3 weeks but I was lazy so it was about 2 months.

>>22151246
No worries, I just use editing software to help me improve my grammar. I've gotten better at commas and paragraphing already thanks to going through some of my earlier chapters with it.
I definitely don't intend on spending a dime on my writing when I still have so much room to grow. If I ever get serious about this, I might consider an editor, but as of right now, I am good. I need the practice.

>>22151306
Listen I'll give it a try and if it doesn't work, no biggy, I don't rewriting a chapter or two. Also kill off is a strong set of words (my bad), it's more like character A was character B this whole time as character B doesn't physically exist but does as character A who, up to this point thought themselves as a wholly unique individual separate from character B. I know this is pretty pathetic compared to the twists some of you anons put in your own stories but to me this is a revelation. I just have no idea how readers would react to it

>>22151328
>it's more like character A was character B this whole time as character B doesn't physically exist but does as character A who, up to this point thought themselves as a wholly unique individual separate from character B.
So your twist is the twist from Fight Club? It worked really well for that movie, don't see why it wouldn't work well for you too.

>>22150985
You don't get it. You need to have multiple 5* reviews to even get noticed.

>>22151390
Damn, I really gotta sit down and watch Fight Club then. I've had that and Wolf of Wallstreet recommended to me for years but just never bothered. I had more (and may Allah forgive me for mentioning anime) School Live's twist in mind, but only very loosely.

>>22151420
Personally Fight Club is my favourite movie so I'd highly recommend it but Wolf of Wallstreet is also good so I'd say watch both, Wolf of Wallstreet is a bit long though so make sure you set aside some time to watch it instead of just chucking it on before bed.

>>22151420
Oh and sorry for spoiling Fight Club for you, I know how annoying spoilers are but by this point, I'd assumed most people had seen it, most people interested in fiction anyway.

>>22151489
>>22151493
For sure. 3 hours is a hell of a long time so I'll just watch it on the weekend, maybe even split it in half and watch the other half the next day, idk. And that's alright, I guess it is one of those quintessential movies 99% of people have long since watched so getting spoiled at this point is just my fault.

>>22151513
>I guess it is one of those quintessential movies 99% of people have long since watched so getting spoiled at this point is just my fault.
I used to think this way but I've come to think that that's a pretty dumb argument, just cause I was born in the early '2000s doesn't mean I should've had Scarface spoiled for me just cause it had been around for ages before I was born. I don't know, just something to chew on, I guess, I'm not tryna tell you how to think.

>>22151313
>2 months.
I am going to tell people this because I'm too ashamed to admit how long it really took.

>>22149744
>It really is just how it is set up so it doesn't come off as grooming.
Or, instead of being a bitch, you could explore the grooming aspect and how it affects the characters' view of the relationship.

What's your favorite fiction from /wg/ that you've read? Could be posted in pastebin or RR, idc

>>22150994
>Is it worth it? Is it helpful? I could go pick up a copy tomorrow if so.
Not really. It has some cool anecdotes and insights, but those are a small portion of the book, and it's not really a complete guide to writing, more a random handful of King's ideas. It's better as a piece of niche entertainment than as an actual guide.

>>22151577
How long did it take, anon?

>>22150599
I found this artist >>22149937 after my previous artist ghosted me. I just saw one of his artworks one day on my deviantart front page and messaged him to ask if he was taking commissions.

The artist for this >>22149735 just so happened to be in the same fan server for a dead indie game as myself and I noticed that he started taking commissions.

>>22151653
The feelings that started the story in my head happened 8 years ago, but I didn't consider writing it as a story until 5 years ago. Then I outlined it and barely wrote it until recently.

>>22151678
Fuck. That's a long time to be thinking about writing a book.

>>22151687
Well it's a good thing it wasnt my job. I had plenty of other things going on during that time when I tried to convince myself I couldnt write.

>>22145900
Sure. Would you do a sample? 500 words?

>>22151750
yeah but the lowest transaction on the site is $5, so send me $5 worth of text

matthewg42 on fiverr

>Hate Writing
>Feel Guilty About Not Writing
>Write 200 Words
>It's Terrible
>Feel Guilty Going to Bed
Why the fuck am I like this?

>>22151602
>Thinking people actually read other people's books

Where can I look up a list of names by phonetic element? There's a name on the tip of my tongue I want to use but I only know how it starts.

>>22151602
I Pray to the Hungry God by nesmer.

There's a noun from another country's language I want to use for a name.
Should I?

>>22151944
if you have to ask, no

>>22151944
How will it read to someone who speaks the language? ("oh yeah, that's my cousin's name"/"ha ha, in my language that's a word, what a funny coincidence"/"what the fuck man, that's just a random word")
Does the character have something to do with the language?

>>22151972
Good questions. They'll know what it is instantly, for what it's worth. Fortunately I doubt people in that culture will ever read my story, so the only thing I might get is a knowing giggle.

>>22151944
What's the word?

>>22152010
Lugis. Okay? It's Lugis.

>>22151602
>What's your favorite fiction from /wg/ that you've read?
Reminds me, I read The Beautiful Kingdom and wanted to share some thoughts.

Overall, TBK was good. It rarely wowed me, but it was never painful. The prose is competent with a nice flow, and the characters work for what they are.

I'd say the strongest element was dialogue and some of the little character moments. There are some early jokes which land where the MC is "talking" to people who don't know he doesn't speak English, and Hutch's Southern banter adds some color.

Biggest problem is the plot. Much of the story feels like stuff just happening. It makes sense, but there is not a strong sense of causation. The core plot is an economic story about the main characters working odd jobs then starting a small business, and most of their decisions are pretty straightforward. Stuff like working around Chinese not being able to own land added some complexity, but most of the choices felt obvious, since "make more money" is a simple goal.

Same with the larger conflict of growing anti-Chinese sentiment. It's just something that kind of happens to the main characters, which makes sense from a historical standpoint, but did not create much narrative tension. It's like setting a story in Roman Pompei. We know the cast is in danger, but the threat feels impersonal, like a force of nature. Some of the best moments are when John's race drive a wedge between him and the other mains (like having to sit in the colored section when they go on the town), and I wish there was more of this. I think the looming threat of race riots is a good element, but I wish it intersected with character more; the current plot is three basically decent people making their way against an indecent social structure, and while it makes them sympathetic, it also simplifies their choices. Also would have preferred the book be longer, or else constrict the scope. I feel like the current length would have been perfect if the entire story took place in the mining camp.

Most of the scenes which stick with me center on Hutch, who is the most emotional character. In particular I like when he feels bad selling eggs to a dumb kid, or is getting tempted in the whorehouse. I do wish his impulsive behavior had more effect on John and Montgomery, but his scenes were fun.

I also think about the scene where John cooks a chicken and Hutch seems to believe they are basically inedible. It was funny in a surreal way.

Will say I respect the amount of work that went into this. Wing clearly cared about the era and did his research. Was going to suggest he try to give it to schools in California before I realized characters say "nigger" like eighty times. Also, I kept waiting for all the anti-Irish bigotry to be countered by an example of an Irish guy being a good person, and it never happened. That was nice.

Any tips for writing S&S/heroic fantasy short stories?

>>22152191
>example of an Irish guy being good
Okay I read this too and this might have been subtle but Montgomery changed his named just like John. In his will, it revealed he was Irish. That means just like John, he was an individual that wanted to transcend tribalism a build a future for himself rather than be jealous of others

>>22152294
Oh, shit, right. Forgot that. I mostly wanted to joke about how hard the anti-Irish stuff goes in the book.

Having taken a year or so off from my book in order to go to college, I feel invigorated and ready to write about blimps again

>>22152486
Godspeed

>>22152474
I do kind of wish their old boss got some POV time so we could empathize with how radical he became, but I understand why he was made an example of.

>>22152486
I vaguely recall blimpanon. How many others anons do we have with upcoming work?

>>22149735
>>22149937
Sex

>>22151128
For reference, what size are the pages?

>>22152569
"upcoming" is generous. "theoretical" is more accurate. I've scrapped two whole plots and am starting from scratch again. Third time's the charm!

>>22152580
There's also a nopants variant.

Finished writing my mother's birthday card and wrapping her present. Now I can finally return to fleshing the 'rising tension' segment of my transvestite-themed erotica.

Introduction to math for children. Volume I.
He grabbed the random apple from the bag of the apples. Each specific apple was absolutely unique with no abstract commonalities, any mathematical accounting of the apples like attempting to count them would therefore be meaningless. He was the man and the apple would always be beyond his comprehension. The hand grasped clumsily the form of the apple but the apple could never be contained or fully grasped. The man wept as he considered his inherently flawed nature and inability to connect to the Absolute.

>>22152191
>>22152294
So is it worth a read?

Is it bad I don't wish to publish/have a strong want too?

I do like writing but I do feel that would be a lot on me. Posting it online like AO3 is fine for me but it being published kinda makes me feel feel overwelmed

do my fellow anons feel slimar?

>>22145582
I could find this picture cute if I hadn't watched Terrifier 2 last week
Anyway started something new today, an idea I've been kicking around a while

>>22150994
I don't know, I stopped reading after the part where he describes his babysitter brapping in his face.

I dunno why they deleted my posts, but I just finished my new plot outline and I actually like it this time. This might be the one, fellas.

>>22153064
Just pretend it's Tuesday Weld, from back in the day.

>>22153064
From everything I've heard, Terrifier 2 sounds like edgelord shit propped up by a horrible marketing department.

>>22153149
It's just gore porn yeah

Has anyone heard from kill list anon?

>>22153164
He wrote a few new chapters

Do you actually NEED to have a name restated in a new line or paragraph at all times?

Nobody wonders who "He" is when it's the MC sitting in a room alone.

>>22153164
Ctrl+F

>>22152294
>>22152191
Wow thanks anons. That's a great review.
>Biggest problem is the plot. Much of the story feels like stuff just happening. It makes sense, but there is not a strong sense of causation.
The idea was to follow something similar to The Man in the High Castle, where not much happens and everyone is just reacting to the world they live in. I wanted to try and embody a "regular unremarkable person" as much as possible. But I do get it made for a less dynamic story. I think if anything, I would add another 4 chapters.
1. Hutch's backstory on the direness of Southern US after the civil war.
2. Montgomery confronting Denis Kerney
3. John breaking away from the Tongs and Chinese underworld that ruled Chinatown and the Chinese back then.
4. A chapter with Elizabeth's POV in her restaurant overhearing her patrons bitching about the politics in San Francisco. Possibly tie in George with her.

But too late. Maybe when I'm old and gray I'll edit an edition with the four chapters.

Thanks for buying and reading it though! A lesson learned. After I'm done with this shit show of a webnovel, I'm going to write a more literary story. I find it way more fun than random fantasy story about knights, incest, and monsters

>>22153243
Now I learned if I have to explain my choices then the story wasn't all that good to begin with. Hmmm. Well hope it helps out other anons to learn from my mistakes

>>22152903
Some of the scenes are bad that random guy with the revolver with comically bad aim... but I thought John's character journey was sovl. Plus the detail of the time period was nice, and I never realized how bitter people were back then but when you think about missing the Gold Rush I can understand why there'd be so many mad as fuck people in California. I think it was worth reading just to get that.
>>22153243
What are you doing next? Do you think you want to keep leaning into literary realism?

>>22149924
Not sure how you made this work without the exposition dumps that are common to fantasy genres. Any hints?

>>22153323
>that random guy with the revolver with comically bad aim...
Lol fair enough. He hit the horse though.

I'm currently reading A secret history of the mongols and wanting to write Ghengis Khan's life using a narrative similar to Mark Twain's Joan of Arc.

No idea about how realistic I'll make it though. Probably not so much since I want Ghengis Khan to remain mystical

>>22149083
In the story I'm currently writing the 76-year-old male protagonist has a romantic relationship with a 13-year-old girl. When he was 21 he was in a relationship with a woman who was 47, but he became involved with the little girl after she died.

>>22153377
Sounds cool. How much fiction is based on his life? He is absolutely famous but considering how bizarre historic fiction is about covering actual history, I could imagine that there might not be many fictional accounts that dramatize it and people are just used to reading pop history or watching history specials on TV.
Why did you consider that guy over other historic figures? Who else were you considering?

>>22145582
What is so wrong about writing in the first person, present tense?

>>22153418
there's something about it that just reads like an edgy 16 year old

>>22149924
how the fuck does this thing have so many reviews despite so little views?

>>22153405
His life is completely fabricated for the most part. The Secret History is reads like a Chinese progression litrpg. His enemies accounts are also complete nonsense as well in the primary documents I'm reading. Some french guy said the fires inside the yurts the mongols lived in were hot but did not burn and that phoenixes rose from Genghis's yurt.

I chose him because I watched a documentary on the middle ages and crusades and realized the crusades were during the mongol invasions. So I went from Richard, Saladin to the later crusades and realized the mongol invasions were around the same time. I never thought of it before since classrooms teach area separately but the timeline was a complete clusterfuck of empires.

Its was the original world war 1. Where the entire world was completely going around killing each other and poor byzantine was taking it anally from all races and people's.

We're talking about england, France, holy Roman empire Russia, mongols, Chinese, Turks, Romans, Persians, the Muslims in north Africa etc.

I think this book is going to be incredibly hard to write and I may not have the skills for it, but the best thing I can do is try.

>>22153458
>2k views total
13 reviews
>8 of them are in depth written reviews
I dunno . it's odd. maybe a sock puppet campaign

>>22153458
There are people offering to review stuff on the forums all the time. Not even doing swaps, just offering to review.

>>22153478
Nah, if you look at the profiles that wrote the reviews, they're all other writers on the website. It looks like they either stumbled upon the story by chance, or the writer asked for reviews on the forums.

>>22153458
It's decent to good prose, and I believe the guy writing it advertises it a lot here, and posts on RR's message board. That goes a long way.

What do you guys think about the theme of Legacy?
my villain is desperate to be remembered as someone great. He is an industrialist who wants to revolutionize the world technologically. His grandfather was an explorer who was little-known in his lifetime, ridiculed by those who did know of him, and forgotten in the present day. My villain saw the effect this had on him and resolved to never end up like that, to build a legacy so great that his name would be spoken for the rest of time.
Unfortunately, he goes from being genuinely interested in helping people through his work to simply trying to be the most powerful man he can, which leads, of course, to evil.
My leads, on the other hand, are not powerful people, they are teenagers from a backwater. On their journey, they choose to focus on what is in front of them - the present. And by acting with compassion and empathy towards those that they meet, they end up building a greater legacy than the villain ever could.
I don't know if this is a theme that a lot of people relate to, but it's something I think I myself have needed to be taught once or twice.

>>22153508
I think it'll work better if his father and grandfather were useless pieces of shits that did their best to scrape food on the table, but constantly harasses and belittled of those richer than them. Maybe his mom cucks his dad too.

So his entire goal is to not be poor

>>22151601
I am going to go into that, but not with the view of the older grooming the younger. Instead I am going to use this relationship with a 9 year age gap to examine the characters first relationship with a girl who is the same age as him.
They first met when he prevented her from being bullied for being blind and then she started following him around. He is the only person who had any issue with the fact that she was basically an outcast and he was the first person in her life that didn't treat her like shit, which caused him to deny a relationship beyond being friends for a long time, everyone else thought it was sweet how nicely he treated her.

>>22153425
like Catcher in the Rye?

>got so burned out writing my second novel I had a mental breakdown and spent a year trying to kill myself
>ended up in a death spiral scrapping and re-writing the same un-skippable chapter without ever finishing it
>still desperately want to finish my novel, but even looking at it gives me a panic attack
>have zero desire to write anything else.

I just want to be me again bros... I want it so bad...

>>22152903
>So is it worth a read?
I'd say so. You can tell TBK is written by a newer author who is still figuring things out, but it has good moments and never flat-out sucks.

>>22153266
>Now I learned if I have to explain my choices then the story wasn't all that good to begin with.
Lessons are good, and it's not like the story was horrible. I do think giving yourself more space (or fewer story elements) would have helped.

>>22153243
>Thanks for buying and reading it though!
You're welcome. It's nice to try to support other small writers, and I've always seen you be gracious on here. If nothing else, congrats on actually finishing and publishing finished, long-form works. Not nearly enough of that. I hope to join you before the year is out (keyword "hope").

I have an idea for a sci-fi children's book.
It's sort of like The Incredible Journey, but instead of two dogs and a cat, it's a robot, a cat, and some sort of weird alien pet.
I'm going back and forth on how to make the animals "speak." Which one do you think works the best?
>1. The animals don't speak but the robot "interprets" the noises they make and their body language.
So you might have a scene where the cat meows, and the robot would say something like, "Calm down, Cat. We're almost there."
>2. The robot can literally translate the noises the animals make into words, and has semi-conversations with them.
"Meow! Meow!" Cat said.
"Yes, I know you're hungry and miss home. But constantly complaining about it won't do us any good!" Robot said.
"BORK BORK!" Alien pet said.
"No, I'm not going to carry you!" Robot said.
>3. Robot can fully understand what the animals are saying thanks to some sort of technological telepathy or something like that.
"We've been walking for days! I'm tired and hungry! Are you sure this is the right way?" Cat said.
"Relax, we should be coming up to the town soon!" Robot said.

>>22153685
I am partial to 2.

>>22153685
Animals speak with little speaker collars, but in predetermined words/phrases and only occasionally string them together into sentences - like those button animals on youtube.

>>22153703
I'm leaning towards that one too, because there is the potential for some comedy in having the robot misinterpret what the animals are trying to convey.
>>22153727
That's actually not a bad idea!
I'm actually a big fan of Billi Speaks. I love how she named her owner's friend "Squirrel." Maybe one of the animals could be better than the other at using their collar and that could lead to some comedic situations too. (It is supposed to be a children's book after all.)

Do you think writing 1-2 short stories before trying to write a full novel would be beneficial in the long run? I can think of many benefits.

>>22153939
It would not hurt but short stories and novels are different disciplines. So long as you write you will get practice.

>>22153655
The good news is that it's got a high chance of becoming truly /lit/ with all the baggage behind it

>>22153939
Finishing a short story helps you become familiar with the process if starting and finishing. Like the other anon said they are different, but good for discipline.

>>22154247
>Finishing a short story helps you become familiar with the process if starting and finishing.
That's what I was thinking. But other than one being shorter than the other, how are they different?

>>22154264
Novels have more plot threads and more complicated relationships between the aspects of a narrative. Short stories are way more focused.

I am currently drawing up the outline for a Sci Fi multiple POV novel in past tense first person, bar italicized thoughts in the present tense. I much prefer the inherent sovl of first over third, but writing six (how many POV's I have) completely different narration, intense thoughts and dialogue is gonna be a trek.
Here's my question: if I only do Six POVs for the entire novel, which may very well be multiple volumes, would killing one of them off inherently damage the work, due to how little POV's there are? With ASOIAF as an example they kill Ned in the first novel but introduce Theon and Davos in the second, I however don't want to introduce more characters at the start of a proceeding vol so should I just include them from the start?

>>22154266
Good points.

Tfw got a piece of poetry accepted but changed one word after the fact that made it 10x better but can't tell them to change it now, can't stop fucking thinking about this one word change losing my mind over this stupid shit

>>22154674
Better luck next time.

Anybody got some short stories that they wanna self promote? Tryna find some good stuff to read.

>>22154816
I am gonna up the ante on my short fiction this year. Submitting to a regional magazine starting this summer.

>>22154856
Wishing all the best for you, anon.

>>22145596
https://voca.ro/1mfRO9lAa4Kc

>>22154863
I am beginning to get a little more careful in how I write because I used to write stuff for the lowest common denominator. But writing upmarket or above has readers who are smarter and more wellread than me. It's a frustrating experience because what used to pass as good writing gets me thrashed now. But I think I can handle it.

>>22154816
https://eveninguniverse.com/ publishes short stories.

has anyone got that pic with every single cyberpunk derivative and pic

Do you think it would be possible to make a profitable career off just short stories? I don't think you'd ever reach Stephen King's levels of wealth, but do you think you could reach some good level of wealth?

>>22155046
To be honest if you're able to sell something like 50 books it's a success

>>22155046
Short stories are an old art form that doesn't the same kind of commercial recognition that O. Henry got, but even with that in mind I think good writing will eventually get dedicated readers.

>>22155111
>I think good writing will eventually get dedicated readers.
This is something that I should really focus on if I ever get close to the publishing phase, but where would you even find dedicated readers?

I just finished reading "A good man is hard to find", what was the meaning behind that? Also, did The Misfit and his two boys bring the whole family up to the road and then have them taken back down into the ditch when he had them killed or were they always in the ditch? I have trouble making mental images of landscapes when I read.

>>22155178
It is Southern Gothic at its finest. He part of it was him realizing what the Gospel was and wasn't through very criminal means, and we discover by the end the old lady is probably his mother or at least reminds him of her these same kind of themes are explored in her novel Wise Blood, but in that Hazel Motes discovers the gospel by preaching against Christ and insisting he knows his place in life. But the Misfit of the short story has already acknowledged this piece of the gospel that he misplaced and is unable to find peace.

>>22155209
Any other good Southern Gothic material that I should read?

>>22155270
Besides O'Connor, try Faulkner, Eudora Welty, Zora Neale Hurston, Thomas Wolfe, James Dickey's poetry. Also Confederacy of Dunces. Personally don't care for Mark Twain.

How do you guys make fun and interesting characters?

>>22145983
Nice. Maybe get the Wizard to meet with people in the corporate sphere, and he gets envious of the money ? Or maybe he meets someone like Tesla and is like "WTF is this sellout" ?

Thanks for sharing, I had fun !

Cliff spread the map across the table. ‘I give us two weeks,’ he said, ‘then the nukes fly.’
>Unsure from this part if he is debating when to launch the nukes or when someone else will launch the nukes.
He tapped an X with a tremoring finger. ‘The city, obliterated. Our friends, blown to bits. Bloody idiots.’
>He wouldn’t call his city with friends “the city”, maybe name the city ?
>I like the rhythm of his saying, but he doesn’t go crescendo. Maybe something like. “The city, obliterated. Our friends, blood dust. Anyone around, really.”
>Why does he call them idiots ? It’s quite strong, like he is wishing them dead ? Maybe something like “Can’t do nothing more for them.” Or “They made their choice”.
He thought of Pearl. She had refused to evacuate. Happy where I am darl, she had told him. Near my grandkids. And anyway, the TV said we’re safe. We have first strike capability.
>Maybe “They said on the TV we’re safe”
‘Get it together mate,’ he said. He held his finger until it was still. ‘There’ll be fallout.’ He traced a channel of wind barbs from the X to a Y. His retreat. Out in the country. ‘A westerly on the day will carry it here quick as you like. And the radiation will hang around for a good minute. We’ll bug out to the shelter and hole up. Best do a shelter inventory.’
>Who is he ? If we came back to Cliff, say so.
>The finger sentence is unnecessary.
He went out to the yard. The shelter was a hole in the garden. Beside it was a raft of planks piled over with dirt. There was his shovel. Just the sight of it sent tremors through his hand. Gardening was okay, his GP had said, but nothing too strenuous. The hole was six feet deep.
>Is the shelter not enough ? Maybe “The shelter was merely a hole in the garden”.
>No need for “through his hand”.
Cliff procured a little white pill from his pocket. ‘Here’s to our health,’ he said.
>Who is Cliff talking to ? It was unclear and still is.
>I feel like “Cheers” would work better here.
It left an acrid aftertaste. His hand fell still. His panic dulled. He lowered himself into the hole.
At his feet was a checklist. He picked it up and surveyed the supplies stacked against the walls. ‘Ten twenty-litre jerry cans, refilled with fresh water last week. Check.’ He sliced open a cardboard box. ‘Three-hundred tins of non-perishable foodstuff. Check.’ Behind the box was a safe. He entered a code and the door swung open. ‘One thousand lab-grade benzos.’
>Missing the last check ;)
>“He entered the code”, not “a code”.
[...]
He envisioned himself scouting the wasteland for a pharmacy. Radioactive cannibals stalked in the shadows of dilapidated infrastructure. Both of his hands tremored. He dropped his rifle. They were on him and there was Pearl, eyes wild with recognition...
>Too much focus on the hands tremor. Maybe use another word ?

I wrote 3 paragraphs and fixed some sentences today. Feeling proud

alright. I need to send a direct message to myself in the near future, the anon who is not on shrooms. you need to know that all of your fears about your writing not working out are misguided. they don't have any reason to exist. it is going to work out, because you can just take mushrooms and you will know what to say, and maybe you know this already but you don't even have to take mushrooms to know, you can just say it, just let it come naturally, stop getting worked up over every word or sentence or paragraph or whether or not the words are the right size or if there are four of them in a clause. you don't need caveats that permit deviance from the size or four rule because you don't need rules. that shit doesn't make any sense. the words don't need to line up against the right side of the page. same goes for the sentences. you don't need to write in the justified format. you don't need to make it appear as though you are even as you write in aligned left. none of those things matter at all. they are total nonsense. you just need to write the way you speak. and if you can't remember what that sounds like, don't panic, everything is okay, everything will be alright, you can just take mushrooms again and remember. what you learn on mushrooms is genuine knowledge about yourself and your ability to articulate things. you are legitimately a good writer. your writing can change the way people see the world and it can improve your relationships and the lives of those around you for the better. it can help your brother. I promise you. it may not be clear how it can help but when you take mushrooms you will remember. good morning. everything will be

>>22153508
It's a cool theme.
Ultimately, it focuses about our relationship to death. Leaving a legacy is a quest to be immortal.

Living in the present is accepting death and making the most of what we have now. Nice poetic justice to have people living in the present winning.

I would find interesting that those characters had to make the same choices, maybe along their adventures they could make a choice that would bring them Legacy, but would ask of them to sacrifice their view of the world.

Maybe that'd be cool to explore.

>>22145983
works well
https://voca.ro/1kYt5rjzcOdT

>>22155046
You could probably sustain yourself. I have thought about it because magazines or webzines or whatever will pay you for them right away. So if it appeals to you to write something and get a flat rate for it then it might be good. Then you can always pitch the stories as a collection to a publisher and make some more off them

>>22145582
I'm writing a story, how can I make a stepmother resent and have a divide with her new stepdaughter that she's taken as an apprentice in magic?

I was thinking of the old "wants inheritance for her kids" but I thought it might be overdone.

>>22155556
I have to go into pretentious mode to answer this one.

You know when you're hanging out with people you don't know well -- new friends or coworkers or whatever -- and one of them suddenly says something unexpectedly insightful or tells a joke that catches you off guard or even just downs their pint in a peculiarly charming way, and you suddenly feel like they've gone from being 'Acquaintance 72' to a unique, mysterious person? Suddenly you've glimpsed some little spark of desire or frustration or intelligence, and subsequently it colours even their most mundane actions. Those moments are what I try to aim for in writing 'characters': I start by having them diligently act out their plot-related functions, and when my subconscious throws up a random detail that feels specific and alive, I try to bear it in mind and build on it. I know some people start by listing character traits, but that doesn't work for me. I have to be surprised; it has to be organic; I have to feel like they've charmed me wanting to learn more about them, instead of feeling like their tyrannical puppet master.

Every AI guy argument is purely cope + jealousy against artists and writers

>>22155960
step daughter is a prodigy and step mother resents how easily things come to her
step daughter is ugly and step mother resents her for lowering her social status
step daughter is beautiful and step mother resents how much attention she gets
step daughter carries baggage from a relationship the step mother had with somebody else related to her
general angst about being forced to take care of somebody else's child—idk, this really needs to align with the broader themes of your story.

>>22156036
So you just throw some random contraction/twist into a character whenever you feel like it?

>>22155046
Steven King put food on the table with short stories. He struck it rich writing novels.

>>22156056
Overarching theme I was thinking would be that choices made while young and foolish cannot be undone.

Looking it over, there's quite a few reasons for the stepmother to dislike her stepdaughter
>Stepmother is older than father, but was childhood friends
>She harshly turned him down when he was young because he was a relatively immature child
>Father takes solace in stepmom's rival, has daughter with her, rival dies
>Father remarries for political advantage and apprenticeship

The stepmother could resent her stepdaughter because she's her rival and bully's child. I was also thinking she may resent her because the daughter looks like her father, while her half-siblings look more like the stepmother.

>>22155556
For me, every major character needs some clear motivation and potentially a mistaken belief that makes the fail in their attempts to succeed at their motives. That way you can explore the past and recontextualize motivation as a character matures.
I give the character a background rooted in community, setting, languange, appearance and hobbies. I give the character some surprising difference that sets him apart from his peers. It could anything: a phobia, a tic, some different disposition or vice, or a hobby or preference in something like food, clothing or humor. Just make sure a character isn't too one-note and he can be interesting, because the reader may not always know how he might react, but he will be distinct enough to want to anticipate his actions.

>>22156138
>contraction/twist
I don't see how you came to that conclusion. morelike you see some little personality quirk that turns what you thought was a 2d automaton into a 3 dimensional being

I'm still suffering from writer's block. Nothing comes, nothing flows. I can't continue from what I have so far and I just get disjointed micro ideas.

>>22155556
Ask yourself the following questions:

Start with what you want to write. Is it the story or the characters that you want to write? If you favor story then you need to know what the point of your story will be so that you can create characters that serve it. If you want to follow the characters and let a story emerge from them then you need to create characters who can get into problems big or small. They need to be characters who you can catch in the middle of those rare dramatic moments that happen only on rare occasions for normal people.

Who are your main characters?
What do they do that your stories revolve around? Job, hobbies, family, interests, clubs, etc.
What is their main personality trait?
Do they net solve or create problems?
What do they want? Why do they want it? Why have they not gotten it yet?
Do they need to learn something to grow or do the people around them have something to learn from them?

Do the same with friends, family, colleagues, coworkers, etc. Surround your main characters with supporting characters who "bounce" off of them with their own personalities, desires, and problems. This can soon become a social web as those characters relate to each other.

Over time you can conjure up new details about each of your characters. Nuance will come but the reader needs a simple picture of your characters before the details pour in.

>>22156297
Force ahead. Find an idea, even if not your own, and write it, even if it feels like it doesn't flow at all.
The muse won't come of her own volition, she must be dragged into the light kicking and screaming.

>>22145983
Begin writing this, if you haven't already

>>22145983
Make sure you include alot of magic wizard bullshit. Being a wizard basically means your allowed to be a public menace

>>22156297
Try writing out all the aspects of your story on index cards. The characters, settings, ideas, events and anything else. Spread them out and try to correlate them. There may be subconscious at work, and you can try to find meaning in what is already there.

>>22146038
It's easier to point and pull at trigger than to invoke the great name of Shabranigdu and perform the requisite hand signs

>>22147304
That's nice, Bateman.

>>22147304
russian literature

>>22147304
Chinklit actually reads like this

why does everything else get more kudos than mine when mine is better written
i want to kill myself

>>22156555
Beauty is in the eye of the butthole.

>>22156555
People like what they like. Don't take it personally.

>>22155667
>>Unsure from this part if he is debating when to launch the nukes or when someone else will launch the nukes.
You are correct. It is ambiguous. Clarifying, making it explicit will introduce needless complexity. It won't add to the story.
>>>He wouldn’t call his city with friends “the city”, maybe name the city ?
Incorrect. Calling it "the city" is the more natural thing here. Naming the city does not add to the story.
>>>I like the rhythm of his saying, but he doesn’t go crescendo. Maybe something like. “The city, obliterated. Our friends, blood dust. Anyone around, really.”
Wrong. OP's sentence is fine.

>>Why does he call them idiots ? It’s quite strong, like he is wishing them dead ? Maybe something like “Can’t do nothing more for them.” Or “They made their choice”.
The only thing to critique in OP's sentence is: "Bloody idiots." Your examples are worse. You miss the point, despite first acknowledging it: "It’s quite strong..."
>>>Maybe “They said on the TV we’re safe”
Dumbass. That whole thing should've been cut shorter. It should've ended at "Happy where I am darl, she had told him." Nothing further. Loses tempo, otherwise.
>>Who is he ? If we came back to Cliff, say so.
My ass.
>>The finger sentence is unnecessary.
Correct.
>>Is the shelter not enough ? Maybe “The shelter was merely a hole in the garden”.
Bad. No "merely" needed. Better without.
>>No need for “through his hand”.
Yes, kinda. The issue with OP's piece here is: "Just the sight of it sent tremors through his hand." The whole thing should be removed completely.
>>Who is Cliff talking to ? It was unclear and still is.
Doesn't matter. My ass.
>>I feel like “Cheers” would work better here.
Irrelevant.
>>Missing the last check ;)
Dumbass.
>>“He entered the code”, not “a code”.
Correct.
>>Too much focus on the hands tremor. Maybe use another word ?
Correct. The shaky hands bit needs to be cut. It's cliched as is and OP fails to do anything with it.

>>22156892
Did you really insult me as I helped someone else with their text ?
Thanks...I guess ?

>>22156923
You were ruining their text by not know what you're doing.

I wrote the first 30-40 pages of a highly experimental creative writing book. I was curious if anyone might be interested in reading it -- I could use suggestions/ feedback. The book contains a few redpills in it about art and psychology

Drop a discord, telegram, email, or other if you're interested

>>22157049
I'm interested. How is it experimental?

>>22157064
A little complicated to explain, it is a little schizo.

>>22145582
Damn good day for getting some writing done (which I did)

>>22157074
Basically I'm using a new version of the scientific method to re-examine the foundations of art, fiction, and psychology.

>>22157064
It's literally just a letter of the alphabet and some punctuation on each page. You have to put the book together yourself.

>>22157049
Just drop a pdf here using catbox or pastebin

>>22149083
Like a college age student and a kindergartner? Yes!

>>22157336
Kodomo no Jikan has been done

>>22157360
was between a grade schooler and teacher

>>22157049
>>22157064
>>22157074
>>22157145
>>22157156
>>22157284
EPUB: https://files.catbox.moe/hydc4s.epub
PDF: https://files.catbox.moe/4i35qr.pdf

>>22147304
Utterly puerile. Worst writing since Gardner itself.

>>22155689
>mushrooms
This is a good way to give yourself a psychotic break.

>>22156297
Take a break.
Do some mindless errands.
Like cleaning up around the house.
I find menial chores, and the change in focus they bring, are a good way to stir up ideas.

Another day, another chapter of the Kill List complete (releasing Sunday). I actually feel like I'll finish this story, bros. We're gonna make it.

>>22157663
Good shit brother

>>22157663
bottom rung fantasy bullshit. kys

>>22157663
good luck! :)

>>22157744
Seething about someone else's writing, without posting some of your own, is simply cowardice.

aliens attack earth, conquer and subjugate it. 100 years later. Aliens are integrated into the everyday life. the new type of family is created: alien and human, sometimes alien and two humans. they birth aliens and humans alike. aliens are 50% more stronger than a man and ten times as vioolent. the story follows a young woman who decides to be childfree and never get mariied.
are there other works with similar premise?

>>22157792
Model: GPT-4

User
aliens attack earth, conquer and subjugate it. 100 years later. Aliens are integrated into the everyday life. the new type of family is created: alien and human, sometimes alien and two humans. they birth aliens and humans alike. aliens are 50% more stronger than a man and ten times as vioolent. the story follows a young woman who decides to be childfree and never get mariied.
are there other works with similar premise?
ChatGPT
While there are no exact matches to the scenario you have described, there are several works of literature, films, and TV series that deal with some aspects of it:

District 9 - This film doesn't involve humans and aliens interbreeding, but it does present a scenario where aliens have integrated into human society, albeit in an extremely marginalized way. It deals heavily with themes of xenophobia and social integration.

The Host - A novel by Stephenie Meyer (also turned into a film), which involves parasitic aliens taking over Earth and integrating into human society. Again, it doesn't feature human-alien families, but there are themes of romance and bonding between humans and aliens.

Alien Nation - A film and subsequent TV series where alien refugees integrate into human society. It deals with themes of prejudice, integration, and the exploration of a new culture. Again, it doesn't exactly fit your description but touches upon several similar themes.

Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis Series (also known as the Lilith's Brood Trilogy) - In this series, aliens save the remaining humans after a nuclear war, and a new society is formed with both species. The series deals heavily with themes of integration, adaptation, and co-existence.

As for your character's decision to be childfree and unmarried, this is a theme found in a lot of contemporary literature, though not always in the context of an alien-integrated society. An example could be "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin, which explores a woman's self-discovery and desire for independence in a time when society had very specific expectations for women's roles.

To find a perfect match for your scenario, you may have to combine elements from different works or possibly create an entirely new piece of literature or film.
Regenerate response

>wrote 1.1k words
>it's literally just three guys fucking around in a canteen
>they're not even the main characters.
>mfw have to prune and chop the hell out of the bloat later.
How the fuck did I let this happen?

>>22157934
Even if not a word of it ends up in your story, it was probably still useful to you get up and "take a walk" through the world of your story.

>>22158019
Good advice, plus, even if none of that makes it into your current story surely you could make a short story out of it.

>>22156555
My most popular AO3 fic by a 200% margin is the only romantic one. This is the cheat code.
Secondmost popular one was posted just after the source material came out, when demand was high and supply was low. Do this consistently and maybe some people might call you a flavor-of-the-month sellout but it doesn't seem like a bad life.
Third one is pretentious and indulgent and I didn't expect many people to like it but it must have hit exactly the right spot. It's the one I'm happiest about.
You have to write in the overlap between what you like to write and what they like to read, but that's easier said than done. Or you can just write a bunch of things, not compare yourself too much to other people but bask in the absolute statistics (one of my fics has 3 kudos and I'm still pretty happy about it, that's three whole people (but it helps that it's particularly obscure)), and maybe if something gets an unusual amount of attention and you feel you have it in you you write more of it.

How can I cut down on the amount of coordinating conjunctions in my writing? To put things into perspective, at times when reading my writing, it seems to become something like this: “The and if or of that but of that of the and of the if that”, etc. This is obviously a highly cut down and exaggerated example, but I hope that it will illustrate well the problem I seem to have with my prose.

>tl;dr, not many nouns or adjectives in my prose, but plenty of coord. conj, verbs, and adverbs.

>write ten-ish paragraphs
>read them the next day
>it's all shit
>delete most of it

New thread >>22158879

>>22158881
>OP image
Come on man

>>22158887
The image is SFW.
They're former student athletes.

>>22153508
It's perfectly fine, but personally I find it incredibly cringe.

>>22156555
If you retards like something I write that means I should throw it away and do something else.

>>22159462
And yet you're here.
Total phony.

>>22159515
How else would I know what the retards are saying?

>>22159573
A principle that actually works is finding the most educated academics in a field and doing the exact opposite to whatever they think is right. Completely shitting on anything they have to say will always be far more interesting than following the mainstream formula for retards. Contemporary academics paid huge sums and dedicated years of their lives to handicap themselves.