/lit/ - Literature

I so pale

beautiful women owe me sex

I used to have rock solid confidence and belief, but lately it’s crumbled. I need to get it back somehow,

I gotta stop pissing all over myself.

I've been diagnosed with ocular rosacea. I would execute someone for pearly white sclerae.

Suicide would only be another affirmation of the Will.

>>21985807
>ocular rosacea
>Most frequently found in patients 30-60 years old and is up to three times more common in women.
are you an old woman?

Gonna shower, get coffee, and a book. Might even eat something.

>tfw Saturn on Ascendant and Mars in Cancer
Now my eternal suffering makes sense.

AI will prove the existence of God.

The torture never stops

>>21985830
Take the Ficinopill. His entire life’s work was coping with Saturn on the Asc although it was in Aquarius which makes is the best it could possibly be

>>21985900
interesting, he has his Mars in exaltation and Venus in fall when I have the opposite. maybe I do need to go deeper into philosophy.

i have hated every single one of my friends. what the fuck is wrong with me? i don't think i have genuinely liked a single person in my entire life. i have friends, of course i have friends, but i fucking hate being around them. i hate their insipid opinions. i hate spending time with them. but they keep inviting me to places and i keep fucking accepting. i have this weird compulsion to be around other humans even though they make me fucking bored and miserable. what the fuck is wrong with me. what the fuck is wrong with me.

>>21985919
I hate most of my friends too. I guess some of us are just bad at accepting the "normie".

So I mostly like to keep to myself.

>>21985816
i wish

i have not stopped thinking about fucking killing myself ever since i woke up this morning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8068ZrwicQ

When you regret how you spent your life, that’s really hard to get over especially if you have basically nothing to show for it.

>>21985830
My Mars is in opposition to Saturn. I'm more fucked than you.

>>21985975
anger issues?

>>21985979
No actually. I'm very easy going. I control my anger very efficiently.

>>21985985
then why do you say about being more fucked?

>>21985962
It's a pretty illogical sentiment. Like if you had done everything exactly the same but instead won the lottery yesterday and got rich you probably wouldn't regret a thing.
You'd probably feel justified in your actions up until that point because they lead to having a lot of money.

so I have a story in my mind and wanna share it
bit of a context: so this story will be like a satirical fiction and also it will be family guy for comedic style, this could work as a tv series, or animation/anime, now, it will revolve around a hospital but not any hospital, tiktok hospital, yes, this hospital will cure those who have severe tiktok issues, and these issues should be funny like,
>oh I can't stop taking selfies with my dead grandma, #LifeIsShort #RIP
and
>I can't stop making tiktoks in my toilet with my pants off #Can'tGetThosePantiesOn
and these will happen more often, these can a be one episode long each
and these doctors in the hospital are specially trained for curing these OCD tiktokers, so they will try different things, like touching grass and that type practical shit, so they will slowly cure these retards. and that's the best I can do faggots ik ik learn to make a coherent sentence...blah...blah... grammar...but I just wanna say fuck you, cuz I'm a esl, bitch!

I love her

>>21985995
Mars and Saturn both have heavy influences in my Sun and Moon. Being opposition, they keep fucking me over internally. Identity crises, existential crises, personal crises are the norm for me.

Damn whore wants me to take her horse riding and pay for it BAKA

>>21986011
fat silly cow

>>21985997
I think I would, but what is that even supposed to demonstrate. If your actions paid off, you’re less likely to regret them? Sure, but they didn’t pay off which is the cause of regret in the first place.

>>21986019
>Mars and Saturn both have heavy influences in my Sun and Moon
Same here but a bit different than your case.

>>21986033
Take it back!

>>21986043
ok fag, ok, sorry I take it back

>>21986042
Heh, mine gets worse. My Sun and Moon are both in Capricorn while my Ascendant is in Saggitarius. My Saturn is nocturnal. Jupiter and Saturn are in a constant state of war over my being, which my Mars coming in to fuck with my Sun and Moon even more.

>>21986071

>>21986085
My Saturn doesnt have any direct contact with Mars or Sun, just Moon and Venus.

>>21985791
I am trying to improve myself consistently, I started lifting this year and read the Bible and some Buddhist texts. My body feels more alert and sharp. The one problem that I have encountered is sleep. I just can't get a long deep 8 hour sleep, my circadian rhythm is a mess and keeps changing. Meditation has not helped me much. It appears the problem is anxiety itself.

>>21986099
Keep it up anon that's great. Good luck on fixing your sleep

I feel like the kind of personal development most people go through in high school didnt even start for me until I was 20. I actually blame school for this entirely. I dropped out of college at 21 and after finally being liberated from the school enviornment I was actually able to grow as a person. I hate the education system

I feel that traffic and posting on several blue boards has noticeably decreased in past two weeks and it affected me greatly, I have like 10 different tabs open with different thread in each tab, constantly refreshing and getting maybe one new post in 5-10 minutes. What gives

I'm about to make the sickest tomato sauce with some completely fresh-off-the-farm tomatoes and carrots, as well as a nice slab of cheese rind from my grana padano.
Hiked 22 kilometers today in some hilly forests by the sea, just basking in the light-green color of the fresh spring leaves, laughing with joy like a lunatic at how the light from the sun would play as it shone through the canopy, sitting down occasionally to enjoy the sound of the waves and the beauty of the clear blue sky and turquoise sea.
Brought Pan by Hamsun and finished it during my intermittent breaks.
I love spring and life so much bros, it's unreal

>>21986011
I'm a wall specialist, this woman is not going to survive the wall, too much of her cuteness comes from natural fat deposits that will dry out and leave her looking like a bloated swamp mummy by her late 20s while her loose skin will droop and hang off her

Not a great investment

>>21986129
Idc man the webm makes me want to put babies in her.

>>21986129
Everyone gets old. Theres maybe like 10 percent of the population who age gracefully. The purpose of life is not to preserve an eternal visage of youth

Atheistsisters... we lost

My California mandated ethnic studies class has been the most bullshit class I have ever had. The professor barely lectured on anything and 80 percent of the class period was "class discussion" which is just the same 3 students having topical conversation about the news of the day. I hate the education system. I hate school. I hate everything about this.

>>21986189
>California
>ethnic studies
That must be one of the worst classes to exist in the world, so I wouldn't generalise much.

>>21986194
The upper division GE requirements has a "diversity and inclusion" class too. Suddenly remembering why I dropped out years ago. But I kind of shot myself in the foot because the gay political crap has only gotten worse since then.

>>21986194
Speaking of California they are slowly pushing out a "diversity in the workplace" certificate that one will need to have to get a job.

>>21986116
I think this is a really common experience these days. 21 is actually fairly young. Most won’t have it happen at all and those that do it will be late twenties or early thirties I think. The tragedy is you can’t really go back and get a do over, and you’re stuck with the present you ended up with.

>>21986189
Then quit. Life is too short to not pursue what is worthwhile. I wish I fully understood that when I was younger.

>>21986125
that sounds nice anon. a very pleasant experience.

Do you feel good about what you do for a living? Do you feel like it’s getting you anywhere?

>>21986299
Yes but my personal life is not going anywhere since I don't have a romantic interest.

>>21986278
I already quit first in 2018 and then again in 2020. I went to go work in private contracting because to me the private sector coupled with owning your own labor was true freedom. And for a while it was. I love contractors. They're no bullshit kind of people who do what they want. But I couldnt cut it. I cannot work with my hands and I started to find myself working for dirt on crews with mexican. I was born to be in Academics but unfortunately our current society seems dead set on alienating everyone who isn't gay and brown. My goal now is to get a teaching credential, fuck off far away from california, and mentor a generation of kids into being chuds.

>>21986299
no and no

>>21986299
No and no. I am fucking depressed, I can't and dont need to work and I'm so BORED. I draw and browse the internet but the dopamine doesn't hit and nothing is interesting. I see why they used to give housewives klonopin to knock themselves out, if this is what it's like in the modern age where I have internet what the fuck was it like in the 1950s where your husband takes the car and youre trapped in the house all day with no one to talk to and nothing to do. I would straight up kms.

Wanna have sex again but every woman I meet is obnoxious and/or insane. Almost fucked one a couple weeks ago but for once in my life I didn’t ignore the obvious redflags and just cut contact with her. Maybe taking the hookerpill is the answer, but I’m too scared of stds and one hour of sex feels too short.

Holy fuck everyone on this board is legit mentally ill lmao

>>21986365
Yep
Turns out all the boards are filled with retards.

The world is going to shit and people still try to deny it. It's bizarre to see everything collapsing and people genuinely turning a blind eye to it pretending everything is fine.

>>21986349
What do you draw, anon?

>>21986392
Fox News?? It isn't better than CNN, you KNOW?

Face it, we are all nervous, it's economic death out there and of course we are nervous! Dating costs money and sure do books, and marriage! I think the main reason people hardly date is because of $$$ not because of patriarchy/ matriarchy bs. Not to mention AI fear among people in general!

Who wants to date during this economic downturn!

>>21986418
I don’t date because I’ve never met a single woman with a decent head on her shoulders. The three times I did date my life became hell and I regretted it deeply.

>>21986434
What is it that is causing problems to you between the 3 women?
Decent head? You mean they're not intelligent or interesting?

>I regretted it deeply.

At least you don't marry them (?) And you have experience with dating regardless how hellish it sounds from the way you say it

>>21986144
It is when you're signing up to pay her bills for 60 years when her one source of value will be gone in 5.

Schopenhauer:
>With girls, Nature has had in view what is called in a dramatic sense a “striking effect,” for she endows them for a few years with a richness of beauty and a, fulness of charm at the expense of the rest of their lives; so that they may during these years ensnare the fantasy of a man to such a degree as to make him rush into taking the honourable care of them, in some kind of form, for a lifetime — a step which would not seem sufficiently justified if he only considered the matter. Accordingly, Nature has furnished woman, as she has the rest of her creatures, with the weapons and implements necessary for the protection of her existence and for just the length of time that they will be of service to her; so that Nature has proceeded here with her usual economy. Just as the female ant after coition loses her wings, which then become superfluous, nay, dangerous for breeding purposes, so for the most part does a woman lose her beauty after giving birth to one or two children; and probably for the same reasons.

>>21986392
Remember the story of frog in the pot? We're at a boil now but it happened gradually so no one noticed

>>21986418
I dont date because I spent my fornative years being alienated, and during that time shitty women picked on me because they knew I was vulnerable. My high school gf was a nightmare and then the next few attempts at talking to women were traumatic. Ive had basically zero interaction with females since 2018

I absolutely loathe being a romantic homosexual. Men are pigs who just want to fuck. I want a long term partner that cares about me :( but apparently that is too much to ask for

also, I am baffled that straight people have made made their own dating dynamics like us. Like we use dating apps because it's genuinely hard to find other fags in person, why the hell have straight people forced themselves into online dating. We don't have a choice and I deeply loathe how it has made dating like a job application

>>21986299
no, I'm considering applying for disability for Persistent Depression Disorder / Dysthimia.

>>21986392
>It’s easier for men to date, thanks to technological conveniences, yet this technology has created a counterintuitive situation leading them to have a fickle attitude toward relationships, constantly searching for the next thing instead of committing to one person.

>With the abundance of choices on dating apps, young men are finding it difficult to build deeper connections with a single person due to that sense of constant availability. When a minor red flag appears in a relationship that is otherwise going smoothly, why stick around and work it out when thousands of other choices are right at your fingertips? Young men are making that calculation every day on dating apps and are siding with the latter. How can you blame them with the constant programming coming from social media?

>With social media today, men can scroll through their feeds and popular pages to view more beautiful women in one sitting than most men would see in their lifetime a hundred years ago.

Ahahahaha as fucking always, normies blame the MEN in the equation. yeah that's what's happening. men are just too fickle! they could fuck any of these girls, it's a buffet of pussy, but they CHOOSE not to date them!!

>>21986443
>blah blah I am bitter and hate women
No one looks 20 forever and the reason you're unhappy is because you place as a major value something wich is impossible and absurd. I doubt your looks will fare well in your late 20s. Enjoy youth and beauty while it's there, but realize 2/3rds of your life will be centered around other things

>>21986459
So sorry to hear that anon, I hope you'll find what you seek.

>>21986474
>incel incel incel incel
White noise, didn't read.

>>21986472
This reads like an /r9k/ post, but women are switched out for men as the subject

>>21986478
I didnt even say incel.

>>21986472
>Simply put, the breakdown of relationships between men and women is startling, and it is detrimental to a healthy society. The good news is that men can fix this, and the remedy is easier than we think. Leave dating apps, stop watching porn, and go talk to girls in real life.
What a brilliant analysis

>>21986418
>Fox News??
What does it matter dumbfuck? The study is from Pew Research, the news just report the results. Idiot.

>>21986460
whats your view on LGBTQIA2S+ organization?

>>21986492
It matter cause why would Fox News CARE?
The ones who should care would be APA. Because this is close to a psychological matter rather than sensational news, IMO. Who's going to take it seriously, besides 4channer?

>>21986392
we are entering the Children of Men timeline

>>21986472
the simple fact is that dating apps are primarily intended for promiscuous homosexuals. straight people adopting them is one of the stupidest moves in History. the only cishets that benefit from it are a very small minority who are spiritually promiscuous homosexuals

I say this as a gay man myself. It's baffling that straight people are trying to emulate our depressing and hedonistic dating dynamics

>>21986493
Mostly positive. There are a lot of serious issues that need to be resolved, that are being funded now.

I don't like the aesthetics of a lot of it though, and the most annoying people you'll ever meet are heavily involved

>>21986558
annoying how? basing their whole personality about being homo?

>>21986437
>You mean they're not intelligent or interesting?
That too, but I gave up on finding someone like that a gazillion years ago. The real dealbreaker is that they’re 200% entitlement and 0% accountability. There’s also the fact that most fuckers have been conditioned to see every relationship in terms of power - no matter if we’re talking about work colleagues/family/friends or lovers - meaning that in their cuntish minds there’s always someone who rules and someone who obeys. You treat someone decently and they interpret that as “this guy is treating me well, that means he recognizes me as his superior”. Some of the women I dated had previously been with very controlling and insecure guys. Now, I have absolutely no desire to rule over others. The problem is - as previously said - some cunts are incapable of seeing others on equal terms: you’re either superior or inferior to them. The moment they realize I’m pretty much gonna let them do their own thing these women start to nag, manipulate, criticize and control me to the point of insanity. That’s not even mentioning the typical cluster b shenanigans, but most 4chan posters are quite familiar with them.
>At least you don't marry them
You don’t know how much relief I feel every time I think this. It was actually this kind of thought that helped me break things up.
>And you have experience with dating regardless how hellish it sounds from the way you say it
Yeah. “Tfw no gf” went away for good after these shitshows. Finding someone to build a life/family with would be great, but nowadays I know it isn’t some be all end all and you can have a fulfilling life without it.

>>21986583
NTA but I joined the lgbt club at my college cause I was bicurious at one point
Most dramatic messy people you will meet, no conflict resolution skills or accountability for reining in their belligerence. A couple of them were roommates and there was an issue where one of them nailed a dead rat to the others door

>exercise daily
>take shrooms and MDMA, with AI chatbot as therapist as DIY psychedelic therapy
>if that doesn't work, talk to my corpo aunt and see if she'll fund me doing professional ketamine therapy
>If that doesn't work, local university has an open study in which you can have a vagus nerve stimulator implanted
>If that doesn't work, nitrogen exit bag

I've had major depression nearly half my life now. Was assaulted by a teacher in elementary for being too depressed in art class, have been bullied by coworkers for being visibly depressed, have lost numerous jobs, and can't even handle the stress of community college. feel like I'm almost at the end of my rope. I won't have my youth, or what little energy I have now, soon.

told my mom about my struggles and she genuinely didn't know I've been miserable and suicidal since 7th grade.

>>21986605
>>take shrooms and MDMA, with AI chatbot as therapist as DIY psychedelic therapy
that sounds rather unhealthy

>>21986478
I've seen this image am I nuts she looks good in both

so i've allowed myself a good amount of time to reflect on this to account for the regularly scheduled bouts of mania and depressive episodes, and quite frankly i've come to the conclusion that i've outgrown you. with the incessant pathologizing and generalized attempts to trample any self-assuredness, i find it very necessary to draw this definitive line in the sand and speak on my own behalf. believe what you may and deride my approach at face value sincerity, but i say this without any pride or malice held in my heart. i respect you enough as an individual to give you that, a courtesy that i do not believe is mutual in the slightest. i'm not frightened of the world you have to show me, if anything i understand your position now more than ever. the reality of the situation is that neither of us is in love with the other. the idea of love, what it can provide, the bandaging of short comings, that is what is desired. but when it comes to legitimate desire in the other person, that is no where to be found. wanting to be in love versus actually being in love are two entirely different things. out of moral obligation of this realization, i refuse to lie to you. i refuse to tweak and twist my very humanity to meld into the shape of your own, i refuse to aggrandize myself to the forgiver of all debt and sin, i refuse to be your savior. purely out of the knowledge in knowing that you already have everything you could possibly need without me. love does not come from lack, love comes from the genuine desire to give. and as things are now, i am in no position to provide that to another person. without stooping to your level of recounting every transgression made, i'm sure it goes without saying that neither are you. if not with me, i hope that you are at least able to be honest with yourself about this. i do still wish the best for you, and i truly hope that someday you will want the same for yourself. i trust that you will find your way, as i have set out to find mine.

>>21986399
Cartoons mostly I drew this a while ago. I only picked it up the pass the time since I don't have much else to do

>>21986626
Who is this for?

>>21986605
Depression can be hard to spot from the outside.
Mushrooms seem like a decent enough idea but consider the circumstances. There's been a study in London (at Kings College I believe) where they treated people with "incurable" depression with psilocybin. These were people that didn't see improvement after years of therapy and taking every anti-depressant under the sun. They gave them a low-ish dose of psilocybin to test for allergies and general reaction and then did another session where they gave them a lot more. What happened is that these people - under guidance from doctors - relived childhood traumas that they had forgotten about and stored away in their subconscious. It seemed to help and they all seemed very hopeful, if exhausted, after the session. There's a documentary about it, some googling should find it.
I wish you the best of luck, anon. Nobody deserves to suffer in such a cruel way.

>>21986605
>take shrooms and MDMA, with AI chatbot as therapist as DIY psychedelic therapy
Why not just do a bit of MDMA and go to a real therapist bruh.
>if that doesn't work, talk to my corpo aunt and see if she'll fund me doing professional ketamine therapy
The ketamine thing makes much more sense to DIY than the MDMA therapy thing.

I would like to be baptized, truly baptized, and to be crucified with Christ. Everything that has come before, the pleasures, the sorrows, the self-obsession and the world-denial, all of it, has been a long dream from which I dearly need to wake.

>>21986583
basically yeah

A lot grew up in very hostile environments and as adults they overcompensate. People forget how hellish it was to be queer even a decade or two ago. Shit, I was basically conversion therapied and I'm a '96 zoomer.

I don't believe there is anything about being queer that necessarily leads to real mental distress, but god damn a lot of us are NOT doing well. Nihilism, PTSD, substance abuse, all very very common. personally know numerous people who were homeless as children after being disowned by unaccepting parents (https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/the-forsaken-a-rising-number-of-homeless-gay-teens-are-being-cast-out-by-religious-families-46746/ is a good read and very relevant)

Things are getting better, and this newer generation seems much better adjusted and healthier, but I'm still seeing a lot of real human suffering in our communities. Shit, right now there is a "meme" among trans women that Sodium Nitrate (which is a meet tenderizer?) is an effective suicide method. It isn't, and is actually very unreliable and painful.

Have had to convince numerous trans women to not kill themselves, or at least choose a better method. Many have abysmal self esteem and believe they deserve the most painful suicide method. It's a very frustrating problem, and takes a huge toll.

Shit, my therapist also works with a lot of refugees, and has told me that the trauma I have is equivalent, or even more than most of her Syrian War refugee clients. it's that bad

>>21986189
I hate Uni too but stayed and finished cause at least I can say I have a degree for the kicks

>>21986642
that's the goal. problem is I just don't have the funds to go the official route. For actual medical psilocybin therapy you need multiple sessions around six hours each, a medical doctor needs to be on hand the entire time. Paying for like 36 hours of a doctor's time is a fuckton of money

>>21986643
I'm at the "throw things at the wall and see what sticks" point in my life. If this stuff doesn't work I can't imagine being alive 3-5 years from now

>>21986646
I've also been thinking of getting baptized. My parents aren't really religious so it never happened when I was a baby, but lately I've turned toward Christianity and it seems like something I'd like to do. I told my husband I want to take the kids to church when we have them too, I don't care if they pursue religion but there's a lot of nice after-school activities for them there and I like a lot of the values Christianity upholds, like reserving judgement, treating others how you'd like to be treated, and living in tandem with your fellow man.

>>21986633
Cute cartoon.

>>21986299
Sure. I'm an adjunct at university, and sometimes high schools. Part time work teaching philosophy and literature, sometimes kooky interdisciplinary humanities stuff, sometimes hardcore philosophy of science and scientific literacy at STEM educations. 5-6 month contracts but I get them consistently enough that I don't really worry about it anymore. I live in a nordic country so if I have a few months of unemployment between contracts I am on premium tier luxury gibs of government cheese.
It's probably not getting me anywhere but where I already am, but I'm fine with that. I immensely enjoy the work, and while it is modest living, I think I know myself well enough by now to know that I will literally never be happy working full-time, and that I will feel like the worlds biggest loser with every hour of work that I don't enjoy (which is pretty much everything except teaching philosophy and literature).
I'm probably never going to own a house or a nice car, but the way I'm wired, the price of those things, should I try to afford them via waging, would be my soul, so it has become a non-issue for me - that's one of the things about getting older: it has a lot of existential horror, but it also grants a sense of calm, from knowing oneself much better.

>>21986349
If it were me, I would rent or buy a studio and go all in on sort of art. There’s really nothing else worth blowing subordinating wealth for.

>>21986189
My school added a mandatory class on systematic racism for freshmen. Luckily I graduated the year they added it but it was getting absurd, they kept adding these Gen Ed requirements for classes on social issues

>>21986693
Shit, what school?

>>21986633
Looks great, anon. Which software did you use? I pretty much only know how to do vector based illustration but that won’t cut for my future videogame project.

>>21986663
I just think doing the chatgpt mdma thing is like filling the tires of your car with pebbles instead of air, it makes zero sense to me.
But for real, the ketamine thing is easily doable at home, all you need is repeated low doses, as easy as doing keybumps throughout the day.

>>21986721
there are some studies that suggest MDMA is effective in testing depression and PTSD

>>21986189
At least you got to pay like 90.000 american bucks for it lol
just fucking lmaoing at americans and their academic lives

>>21986665
read Tolstoy

>>21986725
What kinda phone you got Anon?

>>21986724
Oh for sure, not disputing that MDMA can be extremely helpful, it's solely the chatgpt thing I take issue with.
I had one friend who was a shut-in doomer whose teenage years had been spent in solitude because of a (false) diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia and a shitload of anti-psychotics, I did MDMA with him once and he bloomed. He sometimes tells me that experience was the turning point and a beacon of light that began the process of pulling him out of the dark.
It's just completely mindnumbing to me to do it with chatgpt. It makes you extremely emphatetic to the degree that you connect with all of humanity via the other. You don't do that with a computer. You can't. Doing MDMA alone makes absolutely zero sense to me.

>>21986737
The lowest priced sony from 2015 which was considered abysmally outdated already when it launched.

>>21986739
I've done it around people before and it literally did not affect me at all

>>21986777
In 12 minutes this will make sense
And I'd like to take the time to answer you beforehand.
But I genuinely don't think these are ideas that can be reduced into a practical application. The government was much different back then and the political leanings of that society have evolved with technology. Not against it as you have presumed.
Because one thing is clear; the refusal to accept that the future will always happen leads to shortsighted ventures that only hold back humanity.
Fag

>>21986745
That's wild. Set and setting matters but MDMA tends to have quite a bit of power on its own to blast through that.

>>21986754
I don't even know what would cause it. Am I secretly a sociopath?

>>21986753
It was actually 12 mins when I started writing that but it's 7 mins from the posting time so anyway, continue

>>21986769
>>21986753
Wait wait what's 7 times 3?
Man I'm all fucked up
So close, dude
It's going to be like
Night and
Day
Do you know why adolescence is so transformative in the 80s
Like breakfast club?
Because people got their driver's license
At 16
And saw forever
What happened to the world

>>21986753
If you’ve figured out time travel shit you better tell me or I’ll get very upset.

>>21986764
Nah. If it did not affect you at all, you had bunk MDMA, or was underdosed, had something in your stomach that messed with absorption, or was on medication that influenced your serotinin, like SSRIs.
It's not just an emphatogen, it's also a profoundly strong stimulant (MDMA is short for MethyleneDioxy-METHAMPHETAMINE), and no matter how sociopathic someone is, they will get amped up by it, presumably just not in the lovey way that normal people do.

>>21986787
I'm just not used to the timing yet
>>21986791
So you know it's a work in progress

>>21986789
must have been SSRIs then

completely useless drug imo

>>21986691
I sometimes wish I had pursued that route. I ended up in higher education on the staff side because I thought I wouldn’t get into a graduate program at that time, but really, higher education administration is basically a dead-end job and because I’ve been working at the same school I went to college at, it’s like my life hasn’t really changed since I turned eighteen. It’s fairly depressing. If I had at least gotten that graduate degree and adjuncted, I think I would’ve felt better about what I have done to this point.

I’ve lost my confidence in my ability to write good fiction, and I’m not longer sure that’s something I want to do anyway.

>>21986797
Teach me how and I’ll help you get your dick sucked by JFK or whatever else you’re trying to achieve.

>>21986810
Could you tell me more about it? I became a neet after graduating and have been pursuing an administrative job at a local uni. It pays well and the work seems alright from what I’ve read.

>>21986816
Cool
>>21986822
It's not really like time travel
>>21986829
But a theory that the collective thoughts like this one here
>>21986831
Are constantly telling a story
>>21986839
In some ways that can be predicted
But I haven't been on /lit/ long enough to have aggregated that step
>>21986801
You know?

>>21986693
In retrospect, I wish I had the courage and sense of direction to not even go to college. The whole thing is such a joke now. It’s beyond pathetic how many people we have going to and working in these colleges.

>>21986815
Same. Nowadays what I write sounds like psychotic ramblings. I used to write at least like a sappy version of F Scott Fitzgerald now I just spew out words thinking it's art.

I shall pursue great writing again.

>>21986830
Dunno how you relate that to digits but it sounds cool. I drew a tarot card to see weather JFK was gonna suck you off and got The Chariot. Good luck.

>>21986858
Chariot is a great card
>>21986862
It's more about trying to be at one with this idea
It's fun

It's frankly disgusting how public schools will teach that Pythagoras dicovered a few things about triangles and never mention anything about his metaphysical thought, to say nothing of how Plato and Aristotle are treated.

>>21986840
I went through my short stories and I realized 75% of them have a protagonist committing suicide…

putting traitors in lowest circle of hell was very based from Dante

It is time soon. Time to coom. I am at odds with myself. I had, during my scouting run earlier today, decided to coom to a two-part presentation of my own bespoke discretion, featuring the actress Jillian Janson, beginning the revelries with a 20-minute stint of the video she did with meanbitches.com, in which she plays the boss to the poor, hapless Marcello, whose role is that of a sales agent who has missed his quota. As punishment, Miss Jillian forces him to lick her asshole and feet. This is the forté of that particular studio, but this scene is remarkable, in that it plays out in a sales meeting with an on-screen audience of men and women, who look disbelievingly and disapprovingly at Jillian forcing the poor man to ram his tongue up her bitter hole. This is enticing, most enticing.
The second part of that feature would then be a marvellous VR scene she has, a POV shot in which she is fucked up the ass and takes an anal creampie, which she farts out with great force into the face of the viewer - quite the wonderful effect in full immersion VR. I particularly like her auditory acting - her moans are girlish, but often enough give way to hoarse grunts, animal grunts, and coming from a petite and highly conventionally attractive woman, that gets me going like little else.

However, the scouting also uncovered another contender - a more straightforward VR shoot of an eastern european blonde bimbo, at a gym, who gets fucked by no less than three guys, also POV. It is simple, less refined, but so is the italian kitchen, when compared to french - and not, for that reason, of lower quality. A decision must be made, however, for I have only one 80 minute session in me. Ah, alas, the vanity of all existence.

>>21986984
>all those moments will be lost, in time, like coom in socks.

my life is worthless because i don’t have an exceptional memory and an iq of at least 125. i will therefore be committing suicide very shortly

>>21986984
Everytime I see this guy’s face I recall some anon postulating about how cenobites being ascended coomers is a stroke of genius when you realize that people like Der Coomer look like low level cenobites or someone who’s in the process of becoming one.

>>21986703
Procreate on IPad

>>21986700
University of Pittsburgh. I also got lucky because they made the covid vax mandatory mid-year, but I was a mid-year graduate so I dodged it by one semester.

>>21987053
I see.
>vax mandatory mid-year, but I was a mid-year graduate so I dodged it by one semester.
Phew!

>>21987006
Oi! Don't do that 4chan fren!

I think a lot about my biography now
I hate it
I wish I had done it earlier

>>21987099
Do you mean autobiography or is someone writing you a biography?

>>21986620
Teenagers think 30 is old, hence the image

I love American cuisine

>>21987166
Forgot pic

>>21987169
I want to get mouth expansion surgery when I go for my BBL so I can eat double deckers on the reg

>>21987100
I think of my life as a sort of biography i.e. I did this and then I went there and then I did that etc.

>>21987053
Sometimes I regret dropping out of college but then I remember that more than half my time there would have been during the lockdowns and that I was able to avoid the vax by working. I think God preserved me. I'm a little concerned now that I'm returning. I put down that I'm unvaxxed on religious grounds. They havent asked for follow up info yet but theres still a possibility that even now in 2023 I could lose my seat for being pureblooded

your pitch black eyes
that glitter like wet glass
like those tears that fall
from the trails down your cheeks
and die on the floor.

>>21987192
Why are you returning? Is it beneficial?

>>21987220
Yes. I meed muh degree because I could not succeed in the job market without it. My long term goal is to be a teacher and take those sweet sweet summer vacays

>>21987006
I do have an IQ of 145+ and a perfect memory and I still think about suicide.
>>21987051

>>21987236
Ah I see

>>21987251
I want to have as many vacay days as possible for when I have kids. Itll be nice to take summers with my children. Also i hate working

I watch cancer vlogs to cheer myself up.

>>21987309
Nice
I watch terminally ill kids meet Disney characters at Disneyland so I can see beautiful people try to hide their despair

>>21987353
For real? I need to watch that.

I love the whole "I'm just gonna be strong for my kids" line in these vlogs. Its like yeah, I just signed up a couple more tumor farms for the same shit I'm going through and now I'm gonna nope out on their shitty lives but yeah, gotta do it for muh kids!

All you depressed retards should realize you are not capable for literature and discussing literature and should post elsewhere

>>21987368
Who said anything about depression? If anything I'm walking on sunshine here. Could be a lot worse.

Life, Laugh, Love amirite?

Yeats was in my dreams last night. He was accompanied by some man. I couldn't be certain who. He remained on the periphery of my vision throughout the dream. The three of us sat down together; Yeats on my left and this anonymous man on my right. We sat in the form of a triskele in an Edwardian-styled room. Yeats and I talked and laughed at length.

At Yeats' behest, we took some hallucinogenics. Despite this being a dream, I surpisingly felt high. It was a pleasant and gentle intoxication. The two of us became giddy. I wanted to see if the anonymous man shared our humour, but when I looked at him, all I could see was a bald, sandy blur of a man. Then my mind started and jumped to this chaotic sea of wriggling worms. It was horrible.

I was pulled back to the room after hovering in that hell for a while. I knew Yeats wanted to show it to me.

Before I woke up, this poem came to me:

Holy Ireland?
A sea of worms.
Wriggling endlessly.
Changing colour and shape.
Strangling anything,
Rising above their state.

I just needed to get it off my chest. I think the anonymous man may have be Alistair Crowley.

>>21987368
Literature was created so depressed retards had a way to complain to a larger audience. We are all modern Homers

>>21987422
Nice Simpsons reference.

>>21986299
I hate it but it gives me enough money to live a decent life

I wasted my day today. It was my day off and I wasted it. I was up at 7am. Lounged around til 8:30. Then I browsed the headliens and the chans til 10. Called my mom and she talked my ear off for an hour. Finally left the house at 11:30. Drove into the mountains to look at a lake. Got back down at 2:30ish. Got some food and started watching Chicken Run at 3pm. It's 3:45 now. Ive been to that lake before so it was lame. The drive was nice I guess. Wish I just stayed home and watched movies or gone to the gym or gone on a hike or anything else. Soon the house will be crowded again.

>>21987438
Talking to your mother is never a waste of time

>>21987441
Talking to my mom is.

>>21985791

Here is a possible story:

She had never seen anyone like him before. He was tall and muscular, with dark skin and long black hair. His eyes were bright and piercing, and his smile was warm and charming. He wore a colorful feathered cloak and a gold necklace with a jade pendant. He was an Aztec warrior, one of the captives brought by Cortés from the conquered city of Tenochtitlan.

She was a Spanish lady, the daughter of a nobleman who had joined the expedition to the New World. She had followed her father out of curiosity and adventure, hoping to see the wonders of the unknown lands. She had seen many horrors instead: the brutal battles, the cruel enslavement, the merciless slaughter. She had also seen the beauty and richness of the Aztec culture: the magnificent temples, the splendid art, the sophisticated knowledge. She had learned some of their language and customs from a native woman who served as her maid.

She met him at a market in Veracruz, where he was being sold as a slave. She felt a sudden attraction to him, a spark that ignited her heart. She begged her father to buy him for her, promising to take good care of him. Her father agreed, thinking that she only wanted a pet or a toy. He did not know that she wanted a lover.

She named him Xochitl, which meant flower in his tongue. She treated him with kindness and respect, unlike the other Spaniards who abused and mocked their native slaves. She gave him a comfortable room in her house, where she visited him every night. She taught him Spanish and he taught her Nahuatl. They talked about their lives, their dreams, their hopes. They found out that they had much in common, despite their different origins and backgrounds. They fell in love.

Their love was a secret, a forbidden fruit that they tasted with fear and delight. They knew that they were risking their lives, that they would be punished if they were discovered. They knew that their love was doomed, that they had no future together. But they did not care. They only cared about each other, about the present moment, about the happiness that they shared.

One day, their secret was exposed. A jealous rival of her father saw them together and reported them to the authorities. They were arrested and accused of treason and blasphemy. They were sentenced to death by burning at the stake. They were tied to wooden poles in the main square, surrounded by a hostile crowd that shouted insults and curses at them.

They looked at each other with love and courage, holding hands until the end. They did not cry or beg for mercy. They did not renounce or regret their love. They faced death with dignity and grace.

As the flames consumed them, they whispered their last words:

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

>refresh lit post
>no one replied
samsara

>>21987489
Which post was yours anon I can reply to you

>>21987492
why bother. it's over.

>>21986537
That's delusional lol. As soon as the nation is weak enough, war ensues. It's not going to be a slow decline, it'll be war and terror. It already started in other countries and it won't stop.

>>21987500
Is it?

>>21986826
What is the job? Uni admin jobs vary a lot depending on the school, the college, the department, the specific job, and obviously the people you end up working with. Usually, it’s a fairly easy job but it’s very often a dead-end job. Still, it’s a lot better than like working at McDonald’s or something. The worst part is dealing with the personalities and culture of higher education imo. I used to be really type A so it was hard working with women and lazy people at first.

I’m going to quit tomorrow. It’s a steady paycheck and it’s easy, but it’s keeping me from progressing. Damn. I wish I could get the last 5 years back. Actually, I wish I could be 21 years old again.

>>21987550
Progressing how?

>>21987553
Like moving on to the next thing. A better job, more schooling, entrepreneurship, whatever. Hell, the job has even kept me from writing somewhat.

>>21987553
>>21987561
Life growth basically. There’s a certain point where it becomes a lot like being a NEET. Your life doesn’t really change at all.

>>21985791
Everything is alright. Just getting insane again for a few days, and I have a job interview tomorrow that I think I won't be able to pass because I'm going totally unprepared. I'm fucked.

>>21987512

>>21987541
Every year I work, the lazier I get

>>21987541
Administrative assistant. The description is kinda vague, but going by what it says and the required competencies I’ll basically be the uni’s janny and do all kinds of shit, including editing/revising documents before they’re published, assisting students, using and updating the computer database and realising a plethora of menial bureaucratic tasks. The plan is to keep at it for some time and if the job really is shit try to get a transfer to the uni’s library whenever a vacant position appears.

>>21987621
Administrative assistant is an easy job. You get attached to a person or team of persons and mostly you help them schedule meetings, keep important dates, file paperwork. It’s like being a secretary or personal assistant, basically. It’s not a job you will want to stay in forever if you have a degree and want to use it, but it’s not the worst job ever. Honestly, higher education jobs can be extremely easy and comfy, almost to a detriment. It’s not always the case that they are easy, but when they’re easy, they’re really fucking easy. I fell into the trap of sticking around simply because of how easy it was to do nothing for weeks at a time and still collect a paycheck. In retrospect, that was a mistake.

>>21987249
please switch lives with me so we can taste a morsel of happiness for once in our lives

>>21987641
Thanks for the info, anon. It sounds really comfy. I’ve an art degree and most of my field is just souless grind at marketing agencies for terrible pay. Having an easy and well paying job that doesn’t burn me out and gives me enough free time to pursue my personal projects is exactly what I want. There’s also a career path for assistants at that uni, so if things work out I might as well just stay there for the long haul.

>>21987668
It usually is comfy, but it just depends on who you work with. I wish you luck though.

>>21985791
does anyone know what that thing is called where you heat oil up hot enough that it forms like a layer of air that suspends the food over the pan? i could be remembering that wrong. it's a fancy word for when you preheat the pan a lot before cooking your eggs. the something or other effect. i don't know what to type into google to figure this out

You sound happy and upbeat and I’m dizzy and stalled and stuck and I can’t stand it I can’t stand this

Fuck I just miss you I can’t stand the thought that you hate me

>>21987824
The Leidenfrost effect?

Why do I do this every week I know that hearing your voice will only trigger me and upset me all over again and I’m only making things worse for myself and prolonging my own suffering but I miss you so much that I can’t stop and it hurts so unbearably

Do women not knowing their dads fuck them up as bad men not knowing their dads? Other than becoming sluts, I mean.

Now I’m crying again fuck I just miss you and it’s never going to stop hurting

And if you read this you’ll only be irritated by it or laugh and nothing that I can do or say will ever reach you nothing will fix this for me

>>21987983
Did you look into DBT yet, stalkerchan?

>>21987986
Leave me the fuck alone and stop calling me that

>>21987989
Seriously it would give you ways and people to cope with this so you didn't have to stalk whoever you're obsessed with and could move on some.

>>21987353
https://youtu.be/yua8-vo_z5I

Terminally ill kid dies in Santa's arms. Brutal!

>>21987996
Just stop just leave me alone stop saying that stop

worried that we may be entering a civilizational vicious cycle similar to what Israel has gone through. Heavily religious people are be reproductively selected for, and they are heavily causally related with widespread societal violence (Syria, Iran). This is a huge issue that no one is talking about

add the teen suicide rate, widespread increase in substance abuse and risky behavior, impossible housing prices, and political instability, and I think we are entering an extremely dangerous situation, especially in the US. Don't forget the imminent likelihood of a shooting war of Taiwan. widespread environmental destruction, apocalyptic loss of insect life and biodiversity, the rise of LLMs and their disruption in the economy. We'll also soon find out if the clathrate gun hypothesis is true or not

Not to be a doomer, but these are extremely pressing issues of existential importance, and I'm not seeing the amount of real discussion they warrant. It's clear our leadership isn't up to the task but there's no one stepping up to the plate or way of removing incumbents

I feel so goddamned depressed about all of this, have an order for the components of an exit bag ready to order. Everything just feels so goddamned hopeless. Maybe in way that it hasn't been since the Black Death, or 536 AD

Just realized how pathetic my career has been

>>21988008
>Heavily religious people are be reproductively selected for
Only a retarded atheist would think that's a problem.

>>21985791
I really REALLY want to quit my job, leave my wife, drive out to a canyon in the southwest, and just jump off the edge.

>>21988032
You don’t care for your wife? Do you have children?

It’s not fair that you get to drop the whole thing and have a great time when I’ll never be able to forget abd I’m so lost why did you do it

>>21988037
Ive tried to reconnect you know where to contact me

>>21988032
At least throw some scraps towards the living. Give me your car. It doesn't mean much to you but it would make a world of difference to me. Much more than your continued existence.

>>21988042
Stop trolling me you’re not him I’ve tried and tried and he won’t talk to me

>>21987930
yes thank you

>>21988051
im D maybe im not him who knows I gotta go do something in a sec hope youre C

>>21988016
or anyone who is concerned about the devolution of humanity into radical subjectivism, the triumph of the id, fascism, animalism, rape, genocides, slavery, all of the fruits to judge religion by

When I was a child, I remember being told not to be caught around the church janitor. They knew he was a pedo just didn't care. Another time, as a child, one of my teachers who was a Christian, sucker punched me for being too depressed in class. Afterwards, there was a rumor I was gay, and he fake "came out to me" in order to get me to incriminate myself

Anon I'm guessing that you like most others don't have a religious background, and therefore romanticize it, especially "based trad" religions.

I am viscerally experiences with religion, and I can tell you that it accentuates man's worst impulses. Pride, cruelty, injustice, ignorance, irresponsibility. pedophilia, lust, wrath. The death of the sublime and spirituality. A death of cosmic wonder. An exaltation of all that is ugly and wrong. Our worst impulses excuses and intensified. Religion makes otherwise normal people vicious and cruel


Imagine a priest raping a child eternally, that's the future religion promises. Name a single major religion that hasn't recently had a major CSA coverup scandal. religion is the polio of humanity, and has the chance to paralyze and stunt our growth. Cut off our possibilities, and damn us to a hell of radical subjectivity. I do not have the terms to express the intensity of which it reviles every cell of my body

>>21988074
No you’re not him he’s never going to change his mind so I have to do it

>>21988084
bro if youre ass is C just hit me up on my new discord we can sort it out easily if im a troll its over in 2 secs and I make a shitty joke or something give it a shot
Dan i el#8575
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdhfE6ITfoQ

>>21988087
I’m not C and you’re not him, he doesn’t type like you

>>21988083
>A death of cosmic wonder.

>>21988083
The best thing that ever happened to me is being born to agnostic parents who valued learning and education in the most general sense of the word (moral learning is irremovable from epistemic learning.) However I witnessed the destructive effects of religion on others in my life, including friends and family, how it promotes dysfunctional relationships and the worst vices, most especially an extreme arrogance and self-certainty that obliterates self-awareness and keeps people in states of moral and intellectual childhood.

>>21988095
If you don't go by A either then yeah you're right worth a shot though I'll still keep an ear out for cleve

>>21988102
yes, the religious have always feared what they can't control, which is most things in reality.

Keep your nose on the ground like an animal, never gaze in awe at the majesty of creation. Tell children that reality is created by something just like them, and just as vicious. sacrifice the children to the priestly caste. more souls for Moloch! YUM

religion is a blight on all that is holy and beautiful

>>21988126
forgot pic

>>21988126
>all that is holy and beautiful

>>21988112
my parents were deeply religious and denied me medical care, leading to issues that still affect me to this day

the safety and true well being of children is mutually exclusive with the existence of religion

Why is every half decent writer damaged in some way
How do I know if I'm fucked up enough to be good
Even being decent at genre fiction would be life affirming.
I don't know why I feel so entitled

>>21988131
see how shameless and guiltless he posts. Truly the New Man, and a portent of our nightmare future

>>21988083
>>21988112
>>21988132
Most of this anti religion stuff has nothing to do with the actual religion though. Religion seems like a good thing.

>>21988083
Why do people assume people who go through religious institutions are all abused like this? Religion is part of my ethnicity, so I hold on to that. Even if something awful happened to me in a religious institution, I don’t think I could be that angry against it. Genuinely think this is just co-signaling misery born out of the hyper-individualist trauma-centered propaganda that wants World Liberalism to remain ascendent.

>>21988139
Its just, you're no different. You've misplaced some sort of utility or value in all of this, but instead of textual nonsense, its just some vague spiritual notion. It doesn't add up to a goddamn thing but it makes you feel better. You're deeply religious. I would love the comfort of your ignorance, but too much has been seen, experienced. There is no cosmic wonder waiting, just more terrifying stuff. There's a good reason we're trending religious, because anybody without some metaphysical net would be a criminal to bring a child into this (also contraception requires proper future time orientation an whatnot, so of course its being selected out)

But yeah, you're all the same as far as I'm concerned.

https://youtu.be/4OWl5nTctYI

>>21988141
It’s kind of a catch 22. The idea of God is pure, but the humans responsible for transcribing his messages are filthy and hypocritical. Religious authority figures are disgusting despicable creatures and should not be trusted as leaders in faith.

>>21988174
You have cancer growing on your penis but thanks to god's purity you can live another 80 years once the organ is safely removed.

I am never going to be able to will any amount of the weakness out of me. I have tried God knows how many times, each so ineffectually that I am left with no other path forward than the straight drop down to the cliff bottom. It seems likely that my continuing to live will probably inflict more suffering on my loved ones than the singular event of suicide ever could, but I know I will never be able to kill myself except out of neglect. Unfortunately they must continue to suffer me to live, and I will continue to try to hide my sins from them.

>>21988221
What sins are you trying to hide?

>>21986299
No, but my wife does and is pregnant with my first child. I'm on disciplinary probation and may lose my employment. Suicide is obviously not a recourse here, but I genuinely have no idea what I will do to support her. All I am working (read: living) for right now is the possibility of making as much money as I can in the short time I have left to make a nest egg for my child.
It's funny, suicide never seemed a solution to any problem until it's regarding an issue that I could never pursue it in.

>>21985791
I took a shit and my mood and outlook improved insanely

The bowels hold devils

>>21988155
because every single major religious institution has been found to have covered up widespread CSA. confront them on this and they just try to reflect blame onto the victims.

The goal of religion is to provide a constant supply of vulnerable children and women to be used by low value men. Religion is made up exclusively of pedophiles, and their enablers.

>>21988167
No, it I just follow in the footsteps of the Perennial Philosophers, who teach all is One, and all both spirit and matter.

One only needs to look at the mind-body problem to realize and understand the existence of a Deus. All of the mystics and sages, from all lands and all people's know the mystical oneness of reality.

I am only comforted in the fact that reality has intention and meaning. I do not believe humanity holds any special significance in the cosmos beyond being a higher level of consciousness than has probably evolved in baryonic life forms by this point in this rendition of the universe's history.

>>21988221
Have you tried taking progesterone and drinking sugar milk?

Turned 30 at my paren’t house. Been here a couple of years already. I had such high hopes for my life.

>>21988255
gastrointestinal health is key to the whole body, including the mind. we can solve all of our problems through dietary changes, that's what Big Food and Big Pharma don't want you to know.

I’m having a really hard time finding reasons to hold on lately. I’m disappointed with the decisions I’ve made and how things turned out, I’m disappointed in who I am and where I’m going. I’m disappointed in the lack of options I have right now at this moment in time, and how it seems like there’s no one good direction to take, but many less than good directions. I’m just disappointed in general.

>>21988279
Unfortunately yes

>>21985791
I'm having a hard time with this novel. I feel I'm not ready for it, and I should do another one before it, but I also think I should just push through.

But I have an infinite amount of vivid thoughts about it, very intense visions of my characters and scenes and it's becoming overwhelming because I want to capture it all. And then it leads me down a hole, where I restart over and over.

>>21985791
I’m in throes of depression. I see myself falling and falling but I can’t stop it. I try my best to like something. To have a hobby. But I honestly hate everything. I’m putting a real effort to fake it. Don’t know how long I can last. Hopefully something happens.

>>21988305
So true!

>>21988417
Nothing ever happens. You have to make it happen.

>>21988262
Perennial philosophers were pedos too especially Frithjof Schon. Guenon converted to child bride religion. But go ahead and overly demonize pedophilia in organized religion claiming to care about CSA and victims because it’s the only sexual perversion we’re allowed to criticize anymore.

>>21988417
Try DMT

>>21988421
I’m trying anon. What am I supposed to do when I seriously don’t like anything? Everything I try doesn’t work. I’m trying new things all the time. I’m tired.

>>21988447
I wouldn’t even know where to get this.

>>21988436
>overly demonize pedophilia
truly depraved phrase here.

God fuckin damn I'm horny

>>21988526
Post cock

>>21988526
Me too. But I am celibate... What do? Idk. Rant, I guess. Sleep. Don't die.

I'm trying to write a story about young people overcoming the materialism of the world. But I don't know how to realistically portray that because virtually nobody does. How does a young person find God in today's world? How do they reject our current values and systems? I don't know.

>>21988536
Oh oh me! Me!

I used to be materialistic until my house almost burned down. I realized what's important is life, some documentation and decent clothes. I even realized that physical books may not be as good as I once thought they were (but this cut short cause, physical books are still the best). Also, looking at what's left behind, their glasses, shoes, clothes, their electronics when someone died made me ponder on how short life is and what you bring to your grave is your life's legacy (good, bad).

Nowadays, I just buy books.

>>21988528

>>21988551
If that's you anon, post yourself holding a book, since this is /lit/

I’ll never be able to stop wanting you and I’ll never be able to forget the things you said and it hurts so much but nothing will ever fix it and I want you to come back and comfort me and make it stop hurting but you hate me so you never will and even if you did change your mind and told me that you’d never meant any of the cruel things you said it I don’t think I’d ever be able to trust you or relax with you I’d never feel safe I’d always be scared that you’d decide I wasn’t good enough and then leave me again and you’ll never want me anyway because I’m not good enough and you don’t think you can trust me anyway even though I was never an untrustworthy person before and I never wanted to do any of it I just felt like I had to do it to make the sick starved feeling go away like but it’s back and it’s worse now it’s never going to leave

>>21988551
Damn I wanna lick that abs

>>21988550
This is sort of what I have in mind right now. I'm using mortality to make the characters think about what really matters in life and question if their modern world is truthful in its foundations. So I have one character commit suicide, I have another deal with family death, I have another deal with her father being seriously injured. That's the only way I think people can overcome our world, look at their pure existence and nothing else.

we need socialism to save this planet the means of production must be socially owned by the commons and distributed according to human needs

>>21988559

>>21988605
Post cock

>>21988605
based?

>>21988605
are you socialist

>posting censored nudes in write what's on your mind
good to know that naked men are on your mind

God knows why people think that whenever poets, painters, and the like say something severe about politics it is something that we should take any more seriously than we take the opinions of politicians about the arts. The vast majority of artists are political illiterates.

>>21986807
There recently was a meta study looking at how effective SSRIs really are. I don't know the exact conclusion because my ADHD makes me forget stuff easily, but from what I do recall, the notion that they actually help with depression stands in very shaky legs.

I'm basically the same I was 7 years ago
How do I cope with this shit

can find a real connection with other living being, no pets, no plants, no humans

i know im introvert since i was born, tried to be extrovert for years going out, parties, staying in group and didnt even like it

sometimes i feel loneliness hitting hard, and yet still trying but not too much

life is ok, i manage myself, got a job that doesnt require human contact, pay my bills, but still feel like something is missing

guess is all about luck, but maybe we all find out a purpouse, or hope so

>>21988605
Marry me lol

Getting an ultra sound for a lump I found on my left nut. Could use some prayers guys. Love you all.

>>21988633
Lmao what you gonna do if he's a socialist

>>21988690
homo

>>21988705
God bless anon, I will pray for you. I think you can beat this shit these days.

>>21988748
In your dreams.
Straight chick here bro

The more I think about my life the more I realize that I was set up to fail

>>21988705
Its probably just a sperm cyst. Its actually very common and totally benign. I have one.

>>21988758
>straight chick
>bro
kek

I don't even really enjoy reading. I haven't been gripped by any of the recommendations I've gotten from /lit/. I feel like an alien. I can't relate to anyone or tell them what I spend my time on. I don't like anime or movies or music or video games and thats all people discuss anymore

Right now I just have one book that I for some reason enjoy so much I could sit down and read it in one session and re read tons of times

>>21988705
I have a bag of worms in my left nut. Never went to get it checked out.

>>21988779
What’s the book?

>>21988809
return of the king

>>21986003
what ?

>>21988813
That's also my favourite! I love the ending, despite the bittersweetness of it all. Aragon got to rule over his kingdom and keep it peaceful and prosperous until his death at a high age. Legolas and Gimli went on a bromance trip throughout the forests and caves of middle earth. Merry and Pippin became legends of the shire. Samweis got to live the fulfilling family dream in a rural paradise. And Frodo was so severely damaged by the ordeal that he never found happiness in middle earth again. It goes to show that the past can keep someone in its cruel grip despite living in unparalleled prosperity and peace. Only in the undying lands could he presumably find peace. It's a sad, but comforting tale telling us that those that contribute the most often don't get to enjoy the fruits of their deeds, but can find comfort beyond the grey curtains that part this world from the other.

>>21988758
tits or gtfo

I was loudly discussing Hitler with my grandpa in a small, packed restaurant, and he kept bringing up that he was a bad guy. I think he was afraid the people around us would think we're Nazis.

>>21988929
Well, of course dammit, who goes around saying "Hitler is a good guy! Hitler is based!" In public

Aaaaand I'm sick again. FFS. At least I don't have anything planned this week yet but it sucks I'm probably going to spend most of my free time in bed.

>>21988605
Um... Sexyanon, are you still horny?
It's been about 4 hours ago. So I was wondering if you still are. I am not gonna offer you anything tho kek but I am quite curious

>>21985791
immortality terrifies me

>>21988779
Everything doesn't need to be thrilling

>>21986189
it's such a waste of time. the worst part is if it was structured differently it could be amazing

>>21989090
Are you the anon trying to quit kpop? Because idk if you're really trying if yes.
>>21989088
Lizard tranny snek o.o

>>21989092
Why would I want to quit? If anything my interest is being rejuvenated. It all started in like 2011 when I watched this video by a group called T-ARA. It was like I got brainwashed. I must have watched it 100 times.

>>21989098
There was an anon in a previous thread trying to quit.

>>21986443
>one source of value
Isn't the value of women in motherhood and companionship? If it was based in beauty our entire race wouldn't exist right now.

>>21989113
impossible

I have to study wind. I don't know what this field is called. But specifically I'm studying the wind.

>>21989115
Anon doesn't understanding Schopenhauer
He's saying the babies and friendship come after putting a ring on it because you want to coom in her bagina in the natural order of things.
Anon doesn't like that natural order so he's defaulting into the second, unnatural, choice Schopenhauer offers as the alternative for people who couldn't put a ring on it and make babies while they're young and in love: whores in
>LONDON
>O
>N
>D
>O
>N
It's the refuge of incomplete men

>>21989129
Understand*

>>21989088
That's kinda cool. Thanks for the post!

>>21989121
Aerology

>>21985791
Was refusing to get vaxxed going against proverbs 3:7?
"be not wise in your own eyes"

Or was it those who got the vax that broke that verse because they thought themselves so sure of the vax?

>>21989159
I'm assuming from the pic you're Christian, so if your government told you to get vaxxed then refusing to get vaxxed is against that verse and many from Daniel, Psalms, Peter, Romans, Hebrews... You get the picture.

>>21985919
I'd reckon that you have a superiority complex and think that your options are superior to all of your friend's

>think of idea for a novel or painting
>Realize it exists on the internet already except funnier, more absurd, more to the point etc.
I feel like ill always be a bore

I really, really regret my career choice.

I want to masturbate, but I'm stuck in the back bedroom of my parents home with my wife sleeping beside me. I'd pester her for sex but it's too much of a hassle to even do anything spontaneous with her. Besides, she's taken up not showering for days at a time for her "hair health" and frankly I find it repulsive. I can only really get aroused by her when she puts effort into her appearance, which has become rare; she is stunningly beautiful when she cleans herself up. I love her, but it's a constant battle with her neuroses to keep a steady home life for the last year. I feel guilty for masturbating so frequently.

My wife and I are currently in between our last apartment and closing on a starter home, and will be staying in my parents' guest bedroom for two months. We are halfway through that stay. My wife has a countdown on her phone; she is miserable being here, and everyone feels it. It's why she can't be bothered to keep up any sort of hygiene, even after working for three days in a row. Her only outlet is to complain to me. I've begun to just gloss over and let her words roll past my ears as she gives me another lecture about finances. She knows I've stopped caring, and will go catatonic with shame for trying to vent her frustration. I don't think theres any solution to this except seeing if our will can last until June. This last month has been a test for our marriage, and another month of this bitter routine seems to loom over my head.

Lately, I've been fantasizing about a threesome with her and one of her friends, Nancy. It's a powerful fantasy because of how close it came to being true a few months ago. They were drinking together and I joined them a little later, when they had gotten to a point of reckless honesty. She confessed to fantasizing about me, and about my wife. They were comparing breast sizes and kissing, but some voyeuristic piece in me didn't take the lead that they wanted me too. I waited too long, and we all got past reckless and into drunken incompetence. Our stomachs too full of booze, Nancy walked home at 2 in the morning, and my wife and I slept in a chaste bed. I think that next time they drink together, a threesome is an expectation everyone has, and I have a lot of anxiety about messing up a second time.

This fantasy is what's pulling me through my current situation. At the end of it, I've convinced myself that after a few months of this crucifixion, I will be rewarded by God with my own home and two women to pleasure me; as if I am Job, having everything taken and then being given it all back again. It is a blasphemous and pornographic fantasy that will more than likely be sabotaged by my own cowardice. I wonder if it's desperation or uppers that keep this fantasy alive. Even as I write it down and can see its inherent improbability, I still fantasize about it.

I have 33 days until we move.

>>21987410
Celtic excellence

>>21989293
quit

>>21989565
I already quit, but I invested many years into it already.

>>21989505
Just based off what you've written here, if you do go through with that threesome, it's just going to complicate things more than they already are. I think some of your hesitation was caused by the fact that you wouldn't be able to perform correctly, and put more attraction on her comparatively exotic friend. If you can't plan it with your wife sober, then doing it on a whim while drunk is definitively a mistake. Also, why marry someone if you're going to have sex with someone else? Even on occasion. My friend is married and allegedly never wants kids, and I just think to myself, what's the point?

new
>>21989946

>>21985791
Stoics say that you should only read books if they provide a practical skill within it. What I'm confused about is that isn't even purely theory and soft science books practical in some way? I mean, I guess you would have to assume that the theory is correct to begin with, which it might not be, but even if the theory isn't a correct reflection of reality, isn't knowledge power? For example, the Stoics said that history is mainly opinions and if not opinion, its at least twisted by the bias of the one writing or observing it, so it should be taken with a grain of salt at best. That being said, the Stoics have also said to get rid of your books and to avoid History books (specifically Marcus Aurelius). How did they delineate between the practical and the non-practical knowledge when even if the knowledge itself isn't something to you would be able to apply in the real world? The fact of knowing history, in itself, can be practical because it explains the reason why the world is the way it is, right? Or to the Stoic do things like history not matter because they explain past events?
>Wtf Anon?
I have a "Leisure Reading" and a "Self-Improvement Reading" backlog, my Self-improvement reading backlog is fucking overflowing and I need to cross some books out but I'm finding it hard what to get rid of and what to keep.

>>21986648
Lmfao

>>21989589
Yeah you're probably right, but if it goes down I'm still going to take the opportunity. You're on the money about it complicating things more, but to have the chance to have two women go down on me and my wife being into it isn't one I'll likely ever see again in my life lol.

>why marry someone if you're going to have sex with someone else?

Bigamy has always been appealing to me. I want to be a gaelic king and make my clan with them. I'll build them each a roundhouse in my hillfort

I'm so tired of those experimental avant garde novels. Tried JR and now Molloy and both are interesting and only this. What the fuck was the problem with last century's authors.

>>21990385
Industrialization and/or Mass Entertainment? I've noticed that the more ways there are to entertain yourself and the more labor saving tools you have the quality of the work tends to tank. Look at sculptures, paintings, and wood working. All of them went heavily into decline around the time that mass entertainment and/or industrialization took place regardless of their time in history or culture. Happened to Ancient Greece and Rome, happened to Ancient Egypt, happened to Ancient China, and more. Only think I have to really back up this theory is that the best sculptors in the world today come from North Korea. They are commissioned around the world to build statues for other 3rd world dictators and desu they are some of the most beautiful modern sculptures I've ever seen.

>>21990412
I'd say something similar, that the novel as an art form had got into to the point in which the authors were more interested in playing with the medium than writing a good story.