/lit/ - Literature

Been practiscing lying to my gf to see if l could get away with cheating on her

>>21957784
Been posting this boring wannabe-sociopath musing for a few threads now

How old are you guys and why are you still here?

>>21957781
My wife’s a bitch

Wow I thought I was already in a rough patch and but then a few hours ago I just received some more bad news. This is life though and when it rains it's pours, as they say. I'm keeping my eyes forward. It doesn't look any good at my age to slip into despair and so you've got to take these things on the chin.

The only thing is that the days feel so long when you've only got bad news to contemplate. It's not even like I can distract myself with pleasant things because these are problems that need my active attention. Alas, we do what we must.

>>21957819
I'm 30 and this the only way for me to get social interaction with other people.

>westoids live in huts
>romans learn about greeks and copy them
>suddenly westoids are relevant
>they start wexplaining how their civilization is the greatest
>they get raped by barbarians
>westoids live in huts again
>westoids learn about greek culture from byzantine refugees
>suddenly westoids have another le rennaisance
>they stat wexplaining how byzantine empire was bad and how their civilization is the greatest
>they get raped by jews and atheists
>westoids on track to live in huts again
Why are they like this? They're always the class clown. They're backwards, they steal from others, then they become so full of themselves they crash and burn. Rinse and repeat. They never learn, they never grow up, they're the eternal manchildren of Europe. How do we solve the westoid qustion?

>>21955936
I completely disagree, with that particular section. In the case of that concert, I do admit some parts are too fast for my taste (such as the Introitus, Kyrie, Lacrimosa, and Communio).

>>21958028
The concert I refer to is this one:
https://www.youtube.com/live/JasmgVIgRTU?feature=share
The Requiem starting at 1:09:20.

>>21957819
19. This the only place I where can talk without a filter

>>21958065
You are too young, anon, your mind will be permanently poisoned by this place, if you continue to come here. Don't do it. Go outside, have positive life experiences, talk to people your own age (yes, even with a filter; it isn't that hard to watch your filthy retard mouth around nice people). Shut off your phone. Read books. Don't ruin your life taking passive influences from this hell hole.

>>21958088
>join the zogmachine goy
>join le depressed zoomer hordes it's going to be fine
>make a tiktok account while you're at it, consooom goyslop
>kill your soul, enslave your body, become a npc
>THIS will make you happy

>>21958101
If you are a zoomer, you are an NPC already so what do you care.

>>21958110
That's not true, NPCdom is a choice made out of fear. As long as you have a soul and spirit, you can be a real human being.

There's nothing quite like those extra few minutes you spend sitting in your car before heading back inside.

>>21957819
Late 20s. Why not? It's the only public place where I can discuss my intellectual interests. I've tried every other major community pretty much. This is the only one that works. I've got banned more times than I can count and that was without saying forbidden things. People don't like it when they have to defend their views, when someone challenges their rhetoric, when they're intellectually dominated. Sounds corny but it's the empirically verifiable truth. Here at least if people don't like what I say they just call me a faggot or tell me to go back, but you don't get banned that easily and when you do it's just 3 days. I'm a man and I have a need to express my ideas. I have a need to explore and challenge. I've been here since I was 18 and it helped me get a foundation in the Western literary culture. But more than that it helped me stand up for my beliefs and not to kowtow to all the contemporary bullshit. I can defend all my views with confidence, I can't say that about most other people.

Well, it happened.
I lost control of myself and ended up making out with my sister the other day. We were in my car driving around and one thing led to another. I pulled into a parking lot behind an old high school and we went at it for a little while. She has little or no experience but she got the hang of it pretty quick. Her tongue was really soft but surprisingly long. I had a hand on her chest and a hand on her bra strap through her shirt, and she had a hand on my thigh, but then she got a phone call and I had to drop her off.
I have no idea how I'm gonna hold myself back any further after this. She clearly wanted to keep going and she kept giving me these bedroom eyes the whole drive back. We're both staying at my parents' house but we'll be home alone in a couple days.
Anyway, the stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and all that.

>>21958138
Hot mamacita

>>21958088
I do literally everything you mentioned, I don't spend all day on here dude. I just like being able to express whatever viewpoints I want and listening to other people's unfiltered thoughts. It's impossible to have this irl, most people are NPC automatons that barely think about anything except what they're going to have for dinner and what's the hottest new goyslop trend on the block. The only person I don't consider a robot irl is my sister, I don't even enjoy talking to my friends anymore because they're so one dimensional.

>>21958184
>I don't even enjoy talking to my friends anymore because they're so one dimensional.
You have to learn to talk to them about regular things or later on in life you'lll regret not having friends. Trust us and put up with your friends and maintain good relationships.

>>21958184
>most people are NPC automatons
this right here means you are, in fact, the automaton--or turning into one, just of a different flavor

If I had just done one thing differently, I would be in a lot better situation right now.

>biography doesn't start with the birth
Into the garbage it goes

>>21958211
what does it start with

>>21958184
>>21958196
wow man whining about consumer culture that's so edgy man it's not like adorno and benjamin or whoever didn't already whine about this for the entire second half of the 20th century.

>>21958221
>benjamin
oh wait sorry i meant jameson, whatever, don't care, culture whiners are not deep. "oh my god are the masses ENJOYING a movie?! the west has fallen!"

i'm afraid of the future. i'm afraid of the void that we're rushing headlong into, i read this short book on baudrillard and his ideas and it makes sense to me. and his notion that we are heading into a completely unreal, barren void of an existance is one i've been feeling and tussling with for a while now. on the one hand i feel like i want to pursue something and really delve into a specific career path or just something that i can put all my boundless fucking energy into (even though i realize i have very chaotic & neurotic headspace which has always made it difficult for me to pursue any 1 (one) thing), but delving into any one career path seemingly has no meaning anymore in this endless void of anything real. add on to the fact that choosing any 1 path in life destroys all the multitudinous other paths that are available. i've come to terms with many aspect of life, the boredom of it, the fickle & disappointing nature of other humans, the solipsistic nature of our own minds, the necessary lying one does in every aspect of life, i've come to terms with it all & i'm here now, just a 23 year old human being, literally just that, a human being like any other. i'm content with life, but i realize there's so much more, and i have great great great difficulty directing my chaotic, endless energy into anything other than just learning about things or making art. i have all these notions about society & work & career, but at the end of the day i'm not doing anything.. it feels like that anyway, but when i think logically it's not true, i learned how to produce songs, my photography & painting & writing keep getting better as i do it, if i do a fucking 6 month internship and finish three (3) classes of spanish i've got a bachelor degree in communication & media, which i'm sure i'll be able to do SOMETHING with, something, but what is something. i just cannot for the life of me decide on one path to take. what is SOMETHING. thesen notions about societ & work & career go like this: either just do a meaningless job (security, cleaner, menial labour sort of thing) and just make enough money to focus on things that i enjoy & think are important: my art/learning/drugs here and there. or i choose the path of a career along the lines of my bachelor. these days you can do anything though, i've been thinking of pursuing freelance photography, but again i find it so hard to stick to any one (1) thing. i feel like i need a mentor, some sort of fucking guiding hand that points me into the right direction. above all however, all these notions & paths are subseded by the RADICAL changes developing in our society. where we will be in 5 years is a complete mystery to anybody but the demiurge. where we will be as a society in 5 years is also something that is probably more negative than positive. a completely barren desert of the real. despite this lack of reality i have found many things i enjoy, drugs are the greatest thing ever, yes, the end

>>21958190
>You have to learn to talk to them about regular things
I do, which is why we're still friends. It still gets boring.
>or later on in life you'lll regret not having friends.
I dont think this is true. I have regretted being friends with someone but I have never regretted not having friends. And I've seen many people close to me get fucked over by long time friends. I just don't think having friends is all that important, and it's pissy easy to get new ones whenever if you're friendless.

>>21958232
>I have never regretted not having friends.
> it's pissy easy to get new ones
Yes, because you're young. When you're 30, you will be mostly left with the friends you've made and kept through your 20s.

I'm staying in a high hotel for work. When I arrived at night I couldn't see anything out of the window and in the morning I didn't bother looking out until I was about to leave. Right in front was a beautiful tree blossoming in white and pink, the sun was shining directly on it, it was a really gorgeous sight. I was in a hurry but made a mental note to take a picture of it, I should've done it then but I was alresyd going through the motions and not thinking much. Thorough out the day the weather turned bad, it got really windy and started raining, by the time I came back the tree was almost completely stripped of the flowers and the rest were wet. It's been 2 days, it still doesn't look as good as it did during that first morning. It made me very sad and think about all these chances I have lost, how theres things that will never be as good as they could've been it feels like God gives me a these incredible opportunities every once in a while and I always fumble them, I've been very pessimistic.

>>21958236
Most single men in their 30s have practically no friends, whether they had them in their 20s or not.

Recovering from these fucking missteps and this misspent time. I get jealous when I hear that the last few years since lockdowns worked out for someone. For me, it’s like life stopped.

It feels like the game is over.

I feel lonely

>>21958253
That's what you want to prevent. I have friends but only because I took care of my friendships. Now I see how hard it is to make new friends even if before it felt like a disposable resource.

>>21958269
I agree, but how realistic or desirable is it to maintain relationships into your 30s with people from your 20s that you might not even have anything in common with anymore?

>>21957781
My life feels like a very slow correction orchestrated and engineered by God and I despair over parts of it yet love the whole. My soul hurts yet it's clean. Complaining doesn't help anything but sometimes the plan used to save me is so humbling, constantly, that it humbles my perception of it. Lord have mercy on my heart.

>>21958279
You have in common with them that you're both humans, it's not like you have to play video games togehter or discuss Kant. You can go out with them and experience being human, talking about family or marriage plans, work in general, even local politics, etc. It's a matter of maintaining contact with the experience of being human beyond interests or hobbies, it's more existential than this and a need that has existed and evolved throughout our whole existence. Basically just don't fuck up, be a good person, and forgive.

>>21958288
Do you really feel as if God cares about you personally?

>>21958298
Fair enough but I personally don’t feel as if my high school and college friends are particularly good for me. I didn’t get the chance to make friends early in my working career so that’s not an option.

>>21957819
I’m 30. To procrastinate and get some social interaction. I’m so fucking lost.

>>21958303
>Do you really feel as if God cares about you personally?
Of course. God cares for and loces everyone personally, but He is more like a begging child who's invisible than a sky daddy. Just pay attention and, "Those He corrects He loves." Start praying, reading Scripture, and doing acts of charity and you'll see His presence very quickly.

>>21958313
I do all of that. Sometimes I feel like God cares but most of the time I feel as if He doesn’t care about me at all. I’ve started to feel like Calvin was right and there are an elect and unelect, and I just might be the unelect.

>>21957819
30, nowhere else on the internet to shitpost about literature and philosophy

>>21958318
>Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
If you don't feel His spirit, it doesn't mean He's not with you.

>>21958318
Not that Anon but I feel the same. I know that envy is a cardinal sin but its hard not to feel when you're unelect.

>>21958318
The degree to which you have strayed is a strong indication of how much God will bring you back. I caused apostasy, was a very bad person generally, and may have made someone get an abortion (plan B pill), so my repentance was very thorough and strong and thus God's intervention was commensurable strong. The wisdom of Saints say that God loves people more than others, which I think is partly true when you say that God's love's intensity can be a type of love. I prayed to be a saint because of how much I loved Him. If you don't see His love, frankly, it's most likely Him saying you don't need correction. God does not need me but He just knows I'm a horrible servant. The founder of the Pauline Society once said, "I know if God had found someone more unworthy than me he would have chosen him and rejoiced over it."

>>21958328
>>21958318
God washes "the feet" of society. If He has not washed you then it means you're not the moral dregs of society and are actually decent in His eyes. I did not have that privilege.

>>21958306
Why are they not good for you?

>>21958336
>>21958318
It's like the parable of the wandering son.

>>21958353
>It's like the parable of the wandering son.
Yeah this. God made some people who, frankly, and if you look at priests, would be misfit useless wanderers if not for him. It's a rare priest or Jesus freak who would have been well adjusted without Him and this is not that priests, bishops, and saints are better but frankly it's the opposite, they are the ultimate slave class and they rejoice in it.

>>21957781
I want to move to Europe but am afraid of the logistics.
I don't mind learning another language but how will I make friends? How will I have conversations outside of the basic "hello how are you" tier stuff? When I have kids, how do I raise them to be bilingual? What job will I have?

>>21958350
My high school friends mostly ended up as drug addicts, vagabonds, are in prison, or dead. My college friends have jobs and careers but they’re all heavy drinkers and/or drug users. That or they have steady girlfriends or wives and just aren’t interested in doing anything g.

>>21958345
So I have to be a dreg to feel the presence of God in my life? How is that just?

>>21958367
Perhaps they'll change with time. I have friends who are drug users too, but I don't really see the issue with it. They're not really influencing me at all; if anything, I influence them to be less depraved but even that is done passively as I'm not trying to tell them how to live. Obviously if they're not interested in doing anything then they're not friends so it's not that important. But if you do have real friends, I don't think it should matter too much if they're drug addicts as long as you yourself are strong enough to stand your own and not get influenced. I hang out with anyone and I try to be kind to everyone, they sometimes reach to me for advice too, I think it's just important to maintain your link to humanity regardless of the state it's in. You can be a positive influence and that's important for your humanity too.

>>21958336
I came back to God a few years back already. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle. When I was in my early 20s, I would cry out to God, pray, beg for a sign or some direction, but I never got anything. In my mid-20s, I fell into occultism and paganism. I started praying to pagan Gods, offering sacrifices (not people or animals), and everything. In my late 20s I realized my error and came back to God but I feel like I’m back in my early 20s, still crying out for God’s providence only having to repent at the same time. Yet, still I feel I get nothing. Nothing lasting anyway. I feel so lost, man. Sometimes I feel like my life was discarded for some reason, not physically but in an existential sort of way, like there’s just nothing for me but spiritual wandering and desperation.

>>21958382
I wasted my life drunk and high until I was 25 and I’ll never do that again. I have no interest in people who wallow in drugs or alcohol. I want my life to matter and to to not be drowned in a bottle.

>>21958382
There is one friend who invited me to his wedding but I turned it down. I think he felt we stopped being friends after that. In truth, I couldn’t afford the trip or the expensive registry gifts.

>>21957819
Late 20's. I like it here. I wish you all who read this a beautiful day.

I desperately want to be someone else.

>>21958403
Based Dr Chud

>>21958372
>So I have to be a dreg to feel the presence of God in my life? How is that just?
No. Read the parrable of the prodigal son or the parable of the day laborers or the lost sheep or lost coin. It isn't a dreg is the only one that is loved but the overwhelming signs of God's goodness goes to those who need it to be overwhelming.

Remote work has been terrible for me. It’s just turned me into a lazy NEET. Now I have all this wasted time.

>>21957819
Not the poster, but follow-up: From what age did you start frequenting /lit/?

> dream another dream
Is unacceptable advice

The world might be such a complete disaster and disorganized so inappropriately that the most competent people have no interest in it. When you look at politicians, for example, and you realize that these people are study bugs, careerist strivers, materialistic egotists, and generally buffoons, you can only ask yourself “where are the smart and authentic people”. What if they’re sitting at home playing Xbox?

>>21958521
I DREAMED A DREAM OF TIME GAMES BY
WHEN THEY WERE HARD AND UNFORGIVING
I DREAMED DLC WAS JUST A PHASE
I DREAMED THAT DEVS WOULD BE RISK-TAKING

THEN THEY WERE WERE NEW AND UNAFRAID
AND CONCEPTS WERE MADE, USED, OR TRASHCANNED
THERE WAS NO PAID STUFF ON THE DISK
NO COSTUME LOCKED, NO FIGHTER ABSENT

BUT THE KOTICK CAME AT LAST
WITH HIS IDEAS, ALL RENT-SEEKING
AS THEY TEAR YOUR WALLET APART
AS THEY TURN GAMING TO JJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

GAMES FILLED MY SUMMERS AS A KID
THEY FILLED MY MOM WITH ENDLESS NAGGING
THEY TOOK MY CHILDHOOD, FUCKING KIKES
BUT THEY WERE RICH AND STOCKS WERE RAISED

AND STILL I DREAM THEY'LL MAKE A GAME
THAT WE WILL HAVE LAUNCH VERSIONS FINISHED
BUT CASUALS WON'T LET IT BE
AGAINST MASSES OUR DEMANDS FALTER

I HAD A DREAM THAT GAMES WOULD BE...
SO BETTER THAN ALL THESE REHASHES
MUCH BETTER WITH TECHNOLOGY
NO

COD...
HAS KILLED...
THAT DREAM...
I DREAMED...

>>21957781
>Write What's On Your Mind
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>You know you're retarded?
Yeah, I know that haha
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>I wish I had someone
ha! get fucked
>fuck you
fuck you too
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>The more I leave my cave, the more obvious it becomes how utterly inept I am and how I should go back inside
faggot
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The FN FAL was a rifle made in the 1950s
>shut it shut it shut it I'm tired of talking to you
You nigga, there's no one here but you
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Place the rifle in your left shoulder, thumb the disasemble lever on the left, slap it on the right
Place your hand over the top cover and slid it back, cover the front of the bolt carrier with your index finger and put the assembly back
>fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm tired of talking to myself fuck
>me too

I alternate between wanting to move to the city, get a better job, maybe get a graduate degree, run for office, start a business, try to leave behind some sort of legacy, and buying a patch of land in the country going full cottagecore until I die anonymously.

>>21958497
25. Never used this site before then and came straight to this board.

>>21957819
25... this is the least bad book place...I use 4chsn almost exclusively for this board.

>>21957819
iunno, i'm 32 now I use to come in and out for some things or to get meme'd on for making Alice in Wonderland threads, outside of that being in this general has probably been the longest consecutive time I've been on here. I actually like helping the depressed anons in here because they remind me a lot of myself.

I feel like I've run out of directions to move in. It's over.

Do you think it's possible to write in a letter something that would lessen the burden on a family left behind by suicide?

>>21957781
I took my parents to buy them a new fridge.
I really can’t give them more than what little affection is writhing in my frozen over heart and the occasional splurge in the form of a new purchase.
My mother is thrilled.
I’ll be installing the water line and getting the filter going when they deliver it tomorrow.
I looked in the mirror and there’s a fourth color in my hair: grey.
It’s more prominent now.
My mother would tell me her hair went grey well before 30.
I’m 28 now.
Right on track.

The bags under my eyes don’t go away.
It really takes away from my looks, looking so tired, sad, depressed even.
Im not depressed, at least I don’t think so.
Suicide and death are always on my mind but suicide is never an option for a release.
Suicide is a choice for either the very strong or the very weak. I guess I’m neither.

Eating the same breakfast everyday is not exciting. At least it’s nutrition that gets me going.
I can’t stand eating the same lunch everyday, even though I do. Something about being fully awake and looking down at the same sandwich makes me feel crazy.
Maybe I am.
I’ll get something from the cafeteria today.

The scratch on my car is a horrible blemish which is nothing more than a constant reminder of my stupidity.
It’s the third blemish on my new car.
I’m hoping it’s the last.
It probably isn’t.

I have noticed there are few anons who into Epistemology phase, they went into it right after their existential crisis. Same thing happened with me. From mid 2020 to early 2022 I went into deep epistemology/Wittgenstein phase.

Oddly comforting and strange period of my life.

>>21958940
>Epistemology phase
>Wittgenstein phase
Explain?

>>21957819
25
I'm a loser and my life sucks

>>21958345
>actually decent in His eyes.
Im in the worst place - not a normal but not a dreg too.

>>21957819
>35
>long term NEET and this site scratches an itch others cant

>>21957802
/lit/ is his gf and this is the lying Cretans paradox

>>21957781
>Jesus super sad
>life is suffer
>in desert with no cheeseburger
>tfwngf
>he’s just like me!
Edition

I'm in so much despair. I just can't seem to feel better no matter what I do. I'm struggling so hard to identify a positive direction to move in.

I'm feeling too much too intensily. I don't know if this is just a natural symptom of growing up or if I'm developing a personality disorder or if I'd always been like this I'm just becoming more aware of my tics thanks to therapy literacy.
There's a final hypothesis which goes that my anxiety/depression are back. I seem to have forgotten the annoying crippling symptoms because I'd been on meds for two years and even though I liked to complain that the meds did nothing they actually managed the constant annoying distracting chatter in my head. I legitimately cannot function.

lel

>>21957819
25. Seems like this board is full of pretentious idiots and their posts make me laugh. Funniest board for me honestly. Lukewarm iq people thinking they are smart

>>21958026
Roman civ was started by Greeks dumbass. Didn't read the rest

>>21958981
I went into existential crises existential crisis because I failed at knowledge, I was more confused than I started my "journey", after this I had a full blown mental breakdown and I was admitted to a hospital. During that period the concept of multiplicity and solipsism seriously started fucking up my brain, it is the only time when I genuinely felt that I was losing it. My life started feeling like a dream to me and then I started gravitating towards this epistemology when some anon recommended me that I should finally suck Sextus Empiricus' dick and become a proper fag. I wrote, read a lot and listened to many lectures. And found that Wittgenstein's "silence" is the only "answer". I have discovered same thing in Quietism, Gorakhnath, Schopenhauer, Beckett, Pessoa etc. It is minimal and sterile but almost complete.

It was genuinely comforting and philosophy for the first time gave me the protective warmth of a mother I was happy to wake up every morning and as soon as I woke up I started writing or started listening to music or listening to lectures on Skepticism and Wittgenstein. Witt also dealt with Solipsism. Sometimes I use to stare at the wall for hours. So anons also helped with certain epistemological questions.

>>21959065
It was started by Etruscans. You obviously don't know how to read, so it's best you stop completely.

>Nothing beyond existence stays constant.
>Nothing beneath existence stays.
This simple philosophy filters all /lit/

>>21959073
How could guys that were prolific writers from a young age and all their lives say that "silence" is the only "answer"?

>>21959073
Anon... I think you spend too much time in you head, you should go do or have at least 1 or 2 practical hobbies (I'm assuming you exercise, if you don't I would add that too.)

>>21959113
>a belles lettres way of saying "things change"
Yes they do Anon, we all know this innately, even if we consciously forget.

>>21959073
What were the books you read that put you into y our existential phase and what books got you out?

>>21959149
Beckett said something like every word is a stain on Silence, Wittgenstein said "Explanations" come to an end somewhere which he took from the last passage of Schopenhauer magnum opus. Gorakhnath has a stanza on silence in which he says listen with your ears, see with your eyes but don't say anything from your mouth.

There is one thing to know something. But "Silence" clicked when I read those writers. I know and they knew how contradictory it is to talk about silence and how instead of staying silent your write. I understand what's the problem is.

>>21959166
Thanks for your care but it's too late anon and I like staying my head, world is too cruel.

>>21957781
> ⱼesus edition

>>21959200
Unfortunately no suggestion. My lurking was very spontaneous. But add UG Kirshnamurti and Hume or some posts by occult anons to list and then I think it is nice way to tap into that realm. But most important is doing random contemplation by your self and staying there. One time I felt that I save felt ineffable in bunch of golden threads.

My existential crisis is back though that's why I called it a phase.

>>21959208
>and I like staying my head, world is too cruel
My problem isn't that you are in your head, my problem is that your too "unbalanced". Call it humors/chi/energy/vibrations or w/e the fucking new buzzword is for it, my point is that we are animals that have 1 foot in the physical and 1 foot in the metaphysical. You aren't balanced, your too over to your metaphysical side and you need at least 1 hobby you like doing that is purely physical.
That being said, Yes the world is cruel, but exposure therapy always works. The more you encounter it, the more you endure it. The reason you hide in your head isn't because of the nature of the world or people as so much as your nature has been nudged too far over to the metaphysical and you are unsure of your physicality. Its common for people to run to which ever side they lean on, but to go completely into one side at the detriment of the over will compound and hurt you mentally and physically. By staying on your side you are compounding interest that will, eventually, unload onto you on the metaphysical side causing a lot of the problems you spoke about earlier.
I don't know if someone can know or will every be perfectly balanced, its okay to lean, but lean too far and everything falls.

>>21959208
The're still hypocrites. They were never silent.

Is it me, or does life just suck now? I spent most of my life unmotivated to do much of anything, to work particularly hard at anything. At first, I didn't understand why but the older I got the more I started to feel like it's how unnatural anything is, how all achievement and all action comes from behind a computer screen, how there's basically nothing to do, nowhere to go, how real life seems to almost not even exist anymore. How can someone get excited to live their life as a data analyst, a lawyer, a student, or a spreadsheet jockey? How can they call anything in those contexts achievement? Is it really just me?

>>21957819
Late 20s. All of my friends stopped talking to me so this is my only outlet for social interaction.

>>21957819
35 and it contains the regular sperging I do about literature and the arts.

>hate my job
>friends tells me to just quit and leech off my parents while learning to code
>even if I could do that, I know from past experiences that coding isn't for me, and everything I have seen online points to it being a dead-end for people who dont haven even the slightest interest in that stuff (basically, you would be stuck competing against pajeets)

I'm just waiting for death at this point

>>21959296
>s it really just me?
Kinda, what your feeling is normal, natural, and large amounts of people are feeling it. People generally find an answer to this problem or they don't. If you haven't read any of Miyamoto Musashi's philosophy or books about his life his answer is to simplify life and pair down. Keep in mind he was in Ancient Japan and he talks a lot about what your saying in general. But his philosophy was to file your life down to a point. A lot of people file themselves down to a square or blunted tip, they try to do everything at once and end up doing very little. However, if you follow his advice, you file away distractions and unnecessary parts of your life until your are as sharp as a blade, in sacrificing everything you don't need you become capable. Capable to carry out your role in society, capable to change your path, freer than most because the wants and desires you have tamed and tamped down are no longer like anchors around your feet. You are freer than most, more capable than most, and just in that alone, more dangerous too.
I suggest you look at your life and consider what you would need for the bare minimum, do not throw out obligations and duties you have to you family or other people. People you are not "bound too" (aka friends) keep them if they do you good and have a use, get rid of them if they do not. Understand that it is okay to use people like tools, but like "sentient blades" you must still treat them well and with respect that is due to them. Cut out what your are willing to cut out, see if it works for you for a month to a year. If it helps continue, if it did not, you now have a slightly more simple life you can now use all that free time to try something else out.
>>21959332
Do a Cisco cert, takes 6 months, costs 1k, if you have a college degree you'll be in an office job by the end of it.

>>21959337
Not the OP, but what is the endgame with Cisco certs. Basically just IT support?

>>21957819
26. It's an addiction at this point.

>>21959337
I've felt this way for years. I don't think it is natural. When you look around and pay attention. And I mean really pay attention. What you see are entire generations living basically like livestock. They're hooked up to phones and computers in the exact same way that dairy cows are hooked up to milking machines. It's sort of ridiculous to even mention Musashi, a man who spent his life physically doing things with his body and his sword, and his hand. You couldn't even do that today. The only role you have now is to strap into a desktop and crunch some numbers.

>>21959332
How old are you?

I have a good life, quite a lot of money, multiple genuine friends, a car, a house of my own, and everything else I am supposed to want and have, and all I can ever think about is these horrible cliches ("what's the point of all this?" - "why should I bother?").

I am not even assaulted by interesting philosophical demons! I have only drawn the boring ones.

Why is everything simultaneously so infinitely detailed and endless, and yet all completely boring?

>>21959013
It sounds like you are very into pitying yourself

>>21959337
>if you have a college degree
lol
>>21959383
I'll turn 27 this year

>>21959403
Do you have any sense of what you would do if you could do anything?

Nothing can compare to Infinite Jest

>>21959347
IT specifically internal Network and switch support, you can go up to network engineer and just maintain systems, which means you spend a lot of time alone doing nothing and they only really need you when something goes down, pays pretty well too.
>>21959380
>You couldn't even do that today.
Do what? Be a ronin samurai? Sure but you can still be active and do something physical, I wouldn't recommend martial arts because its kind of a meme in the West outside of boxing, archer, and fencing. If you don't want to do those there are tons of physical hobbies and jobs you can do.
>>21959403
>>if you have a college degree
Yeah only downside is that a lot of companies prefer you have a 4 year degree, any degree, just a degree. You can maybe get by with a 2 year degree, and you would have a hard time but could do it if you didn't have a degree and they are desperate for one. I honestly have no idea why they require a degree outside of them probably getting governmental kickbacks for hiring college grads.

>>21959393
>very into pitying yourself
I guess seeing the reality is pitying myself.

>>21959493
You can do something physical as a sort of hobby, but if you haven’t noticed the world we actually live and work in is inherently digital. I’m not talking about hobbies here. I’m talking about vocations, professions, jobs. Just look how different our lives are. Look how much being a technician or a technocrat factors into success in any field now. Even soldiers are liable to spend most of their service in front of a screen now.

>>21959410
I think I'm too depressed to think of anything. I had yesterday off and spent most of it in bed.

>>21957819
24. I have nowhere else to go

>>21959521
Well, you’re going to have to think and use your imagination to describe some thing you’re inclined toward. Otherwise, I can’t help you.

I have a phrase I say to myself. "No illusions." It means that I should stop imagining things I'll never have or fantasizing about things beyond my reach, and also to give up any feelings of wasting my life or missing out because of that.
Sitting here thinking about how I'll never have my idealized romantic relationship with a cute girl who likes me for who I am or whatever will only hurt me. If I've come this far without making significant relationships of any kind, then it's probably just not meant to be - my temperament and personality just aren't suited for intimacy or socializing, no matter how much I try and force things. It's better to just focus on the things I can do in my life, to try and quietly live according to my values, to look for ways to humble myself and do good to balance out all the negative things I've done. If I spend my time acting and moving towards these goals, then I'll never be caught thinking about the past, wondering about things no one can know, making myself sad or angry or regretful because of memories or fantasies that exist for no one else. No imagining things. No trying to be what I'm not. No illusions.

>>21957819
21. I'm writing my first novel. I come here because I learn a lot about literature.

>>21959587
Man, I would do anything to go back and be writing my first novel at 21. At 21, I was stacked up in a 3 person bedroom failing at university spending my free time drinking, playing video games, and browsing the internet.

You know, I always felt like I was meant for something great but now that I’m older I realize the best I can hope for is “turning things around” or “making something of my life”.

What a fucking disappointment.

>>21958227
See a Pastor

Sometimes I read about Lenin or Mussolini or Hitler or Dostoevsky or Baudelaire or Hemingway and how they led such active lives, how they got involved with this or that organization, and this or that political group, and this or that cafe and salon, and this or that publication. And then I realize that /pol/ and /lit/ are the closest thing to modern equivalents, but that sort of biography will never come out of here because it’s just talking. It’s not a physical group, a physical meeting. No one will ever know and it’s like it never even happened. Cyberspace overtook real space and displaced history in the process.

>>21959511
Iunno man, believe it or not I've only ever done labor jobs and that is after getting a 4 year degree, so I'll agree that the world is getting more and more digital but I've still managed to live a pretty simple life landscaping despite that. Its out there, you just have to find it. Get out of the city if you can. Plumbers, Electricians, and a couple other craftsmen are still 100% necessary, electricians and plumbers even more so because they manage and understand critical infrastructure.

>>21959583
I guess my problem is thinking like this anon >>21959586 except I ended up labelling every kind of life but the one I'm currently living as a fantasy.
I spent my youth telling myself that I wasn't interested in creative stuff because of the "starving artist" meme. Nowadays I write and draw as a hobby but I know that if I suddenly got rid of the need to make a living, I would still be too afraid to do any of those full time.

Also, I'm not expecting you or anyone else to help me. I should be the one helping myself, but I just can't be arsed. Feels like I will only be able to give a shit after my parents bite it, but by then it might be too late.

>>21959616
How old are you now?

>>21959679
But these are things that are this way only because they haven’t been digitalized yet. We can’t all aspire to be landscapers. That’s not life. That’s not a world.

>>21957819
27. I don't know anyone IRL who I can talk to about literature, philosophy, religion, etc.

Dentist told me to start scrubbing my tongue harder and deeper, and the constant gagging and discomfort has given me a newfound appreciation for those in this world who suck penis, shoutout to all the penis suckers out there, you work hard and put up with a lot

>>21959721
Landscaping is easy, anyone can do it unless your disabled, I've even worked with obese people who could do the work.
>That's not life. That's not the world.
for many people it is and there is nothing wrong with that. Seeing the world for the sake of seeing it is seen as a noble thing, but I'm beginning to think its more and more a weird cope people with excess money do when they don't really have any deeper meaning in their life.

>>21959709
So do you want to do something creative? Before I asked you if you had any idea of something you wanted to do but now you’re sounding regretful for not being creative.

>>21959715
I just turned thirty.

>>21959754
I misspoke. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being a landscaper. It’s that you can’t have a whole world of only landscapers. It takes all kinds, and people have all kinds of inclinations. For some of those inclinations, sure you can get away from the screen and using your body or whatever but for many of them you simply can’t.

>>21959709
I'm the opposite and rather impractically went all in with art. Maybe it's a cope but when the other aspects of my life don't pan out (I've never had a gf), I think to myself "well, at least I can draw". Art was really a pain in the posterior for the first four years, but ever since I've been able to derive progressively more pleasure from it.

I don't get it. Whom do Asians hate and how do we stop the Asian hate of them?

>>21959744
You can train yourself not to gag
t. cocksucker

>>21959815
Here’s the truth. It was always possible, likely even, for you to end up broke and without a girlfriend even if you pursued something more practical. Except now, they don’t even have their interest to enjoy. That’s the fucking sick joke that was played on people who did pursue practical paths.

Why Catholism (and Christianity by greater extent) is all about suffering? Why do bad deeds happen to good people and bad people are lucky?

I sometimes find myself in the part of the internet where people talk (among other things) about JBP as if he is still some kind of visionary who has come to the aid of millions of "young men"
I want to be polite to these people, but I simply always disagree with their assesments on almost everything.
The biggest of my gripes with them is that they still unironically believe that cleaning your room will lead to paradise. Somehow.
It's supposed to be a individualisy approach to self improvement.
But I have a simple question, how in the fuck is cleaning my room going to make my relationship with my dad better? See? It's a two people problem not a one person problem.

Its like they are pathologically unable to see problems among a group.

>>21959833
Have you ever read a Gospel? It's about Christ carrying his Christ and being martyred by jews. Life is suffering and suffering is death and death is resurrection and resurrection is salvation.

>>21959817
Asians in the modern West are one of the most accepted communities in history. They must have an extremely narrow frame of reference if they pull the persecution card. I say this as an Indian from China; my own neighbours didn't accept me even though I was born there and they were my childhood friends

>>21959833
>all about suffering
Because to know right and wrong you have to suffer
>Why do bad deeds happen to good people
Opportunity for compassion
>bad people are lucky?
You can always give someone more rope.

>>21959841
>carrying his Christ
Cross*

>>21959843
Asians are beaten up by blacks but they're too scared to say it so no one cares

>>21959771
Dunno. These past 3 years I have felt drawn to creative hobbies but maybe I just like the idea of being a creator. That's why I have a hard time bringing that up whenever someone asks me what I want to do with my life.

Pseuds. I've been thinking about pseuds for the past thirty minutes. Everyone has their own mental definition of one, and most people know when they've met one. Only now does it occur to me that we live in a society designed for pseuds. What do I mean by that? I define a pseud as someone who pretends to be more educated or more intelligent than they actually are through some manner of artifice. They skim a few articles on wikipedia for party conversation, stuff their conversation with a few big words, and pretend to understand topics that they absolutely do not understand. Most people do this to at least some degree situationally, but pseuds make it an all the time thing. Why do they do it? Social status within a group, or possibly for economic reasons. You could define a pseud as someone who habitually pretends to some educational or intellectual status for socioeconomic reasons. If you do that though, and that's your definition, then just who is a pseud?

Well, just about every college kid who cheated their way through classes. Every legacy student who passed through their parent's school with plenty of "academic help" from their fraternity or sorority's test bank. Every college student who only sought a bachelor's degree or higher for vocational training rather than the pursuit of knowledge. If you take that broad a definition of a pseud, then we live in a pseud society. Every corporate empty suit at every major company is a pseud. Every degree seeker hoping for economic advancement is a pseud, depending on how well they understood their classes. Everyone flexing their alma matter socially when they're a legacy student or only thrived on "academic help" is a pseud. The moment that education became a primary demarcation of social class in modern society we doomed ourselves to be plagued by pseuds.

Why are pseuds so offensive to the sensibilities of the intellectually gifted or the scholarly? I think it's because on some level those people understand that they're being robbed by pseuds. There is only so much social credibility in the pool for intellectuals, and that pool has been systematically robbed by groups of people who are neither inherently gifted nor possessed of a scholarly mindset. On some level you understand that both your social and economic capital has been robbed by inflation by this plague of pseuds. It's more akin to the effects of counterfeiting, if anything. In a society that can't distinguish its brightest or its knowledge seekers from pretenders, being bright or scholarly has had the value mined from it by layers and layers of counterfeiters at every level of society.

>>21959867
I'm an anti-pseud. I act like I don't know anything and BTFO everyone as soon as they get cocky.

>>21959867
>He's too pseud to piss off pseuds
>Instead other pseuds piss them off
One of my great joys in life is sperging out at pseuds like they genuinely wanted to go down the rabbit hole they opened until they screech
>Nobody really cares about X anyways!
I care, buddy, and I'm going to keep emailing you for months now we have a professed shared hobby.

>>21959871
>>21959873
>railing against pseuds
>lashing out at pseuds interpersonally
>doesn't realize that the pseuds are the product of a society that rewards simultaneously rewards counterfeit scholars while mass producing them

>>21959876
What does this have to do with me BTFOing pseuds?

>>21959876
>caring about this when you could be emailing your frens about corruption in the 19th C world of train magnates
You're living wrong, fren

>>21959878
You rail not against pseuds, but against a society that has conspired to rob you.

>>21959880
To the contrary. The notion that society has institutionalized and stratified academia, only to institutionalize the robbery of academia, is possibly one of the most fascinating topics of the 20th and 21st centuries.

If you start with the 50s, then we're past seven decades of a very fascinating sociological phenomenon.

>>21959889
>You rail not against pseuds, but against a society that has conspired to rob you.
You're projecting because you yourself are not intelligent enough to think outside of your own condition. I don't care about society robbing me because it cannot do it. My worth is not in spouting intellectual crap to people, I do honest work.

>>21959898
If you believe that then you are a fool. You are robbed economically because pretenders dilute the market for opportunities and drive up the cost of education. You are robbed socially because the position of scholar is socially meaningless when academic achievement is a game of social dress up played best by people who are not scholars and have no interest in the scholarly.

Pretending that these things do not bother you because you are too blind to care, or too enlightened to care, is akin to what Nietzche calls slave morality among the Christians. And by lashing out against pseuds you prove him correct: you enjoy needling them because you understand that they have robbed you, but to acknowledge the robbery is too painful for you to consciously do.

>>21959857
It’s fine if you have that inclination though. You should use it as a clue. Pursue that.

>>21959922
>You are robbed economically
I don't care about money
>You are robbed socially
I don't care about social points
>Pretending that these things do not bother you
They don't
>And by lashing out against pseuds you [...]
Projecting.

Here's the truth buddy: you're a pseud. You're unintelligent, you can only project because you have a narrow understanding of life, and your social analysis is teenage-tier. It's embarrassing. You're just upset that more charismatic pseuds are stealing the bread of more autistic pseuds like yourself. This is a pseud war betwen you and your pseuds.

You're all pseuds

>>21959780
Yup, it takes all kinds. My point is that there is always something you can do to change how you feel about life. Change of job, change of lifestyle, reprioritization of goals, getting rid of excess. There are many ways to the same goal, the point of a lot of "practical philosophy" like Stoicism, Utilitarianism, and more is that there are multiple ways to get to the same end. For the majority of humanity, the more complex the life or the society they live in, the more anxious you get. There are very few who would be content with working 12 hour days and there are equally few who flourish in chaos. Either way, You should sit down and take a look at your life and maybe come up with some goals if you feel listless or maybe your the kind to take a whole year off, rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and write/do whatever you want for a year. I don't know, but I do know that the "general human template" if you want to call it that is simplicity, reflection/meditation, supportive social connections, and a purpose.

>>21959871
Before I ask this question I want to preface this by saying this isn't a shitty "Gotcha!" question as much as I am curious about your answer to my supposition:
What if the person just made a mistake or misremembered? How do you tell someone who is a pseudo from someone who just genuinely made a mistake? Also, is this the kindest action that you can do for someone who is a pseudo? What if it comes from a lack of self-worth or meaning so they go all in on something they think they are or want to be?

>>21959932
>I don't care about money
>I don't care about status
>Projecting
>You're unintelligent and your social analysis is teenage-tier

You're human with psychological and physical needs. Money and status contribute to fulfilling those needs, and only when those needs are fulfilled can you pursue actualization as a need. That's basic psychology, literally Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You say that I'm projecting, but the only people I've responded to are people who have claimed to enjoy "BTFOing pseuds" and driving them to misery in response to the post that I wrote about what was on my mind.

You have resorted to ad hominem because, presumably, you are angry. Something about my posts has angered you. I leave it to you to determine what that is.

>>21959954
>You're human with psychological and physical needs. Money and status contribute to fulfilling those needs, and only when those needs are fulfilled can you pursue actualization as a need.
nta, but you don't actually need money and status to self-actualize. The model is general in the most wide and general sense of the word. He could be telling the truth that he doesn't care about money and status, if your never going to have children and you want to live alone why bother making loads of money and have everyone know who you are? Seems antithetical to what you want to accomplish if you are one of those people.

>>21959889
>To the contrary. The notion that society has institutionalized and stratified academia
Well, if your sense of history focuses entirely on a weird series of myths told in the US, then yes I can see how you don't know about examinations in China or India or England and so on have done the same thing over hundreds of years. However, I would contend why you've been made purposefully ignorant while given a sense of enlightenment is a sociological phenomenon but not a terribly interesting one, especially if you have the Chinese imperial exams on the table.

>>21959953
>What if the person just made a mistake or misremembered?
I can tell because I judge intentions not what they actually say.
>Also, is this the kindest action that you can do for someone who is a pseudo?
No, but I'm not going for the kindest action.
> What if it comes from a lack of self-worth or meaning so they go all in on something they think they are or want to be?
They should do it via honest ways then.

>>21959954
>more projecting and wiki psychology
You said I'm BTFOing pseuds because they rob me. I'm saying you're projecting. They're not robbing me of anything. I have a job, people need me. At the end of the day, people need someone who gets things done, and that's not pseuds, it's me. They're not robbing me of anything, I don't seek praises, I can get by with what I make from honest work.

>>21959942
I’m probably going to kill myself soon, dude. I’ve done the whole sitting down and looking at goals thing and what I see just depresses me. I don’t really see a path forward anymore. That doesn’t change what I said though. I do think it’s true.

>>21960010
>I’m probably going to kill myself soon, dude.
I do not recommend, that is a permeant solution to a temporary problem. I've been down that bad too, its always darkest before the dawn.
>I've done the whole sitting down and looking at goals thing and what I see just depresses me.
What do you see? Why does it depress you?
>I don't really see a path forward anymore.
Funny thing about paths is that you don't need to be on one to be going the right direction.
>That doesn't change what I said though. I do think it's true.
multiple paths same conclusion, its a beautiful thing but your path will always be your path. You can read and have people guide you but ultimately you have to walk it.

Best advice I can give is get out of your head as much as possible and to get out of your hole you need to start digging sideways. Its hard as fuck to do, and its frustrating because it doesn't seem like your going anywhere to begin with. But if you keep on doing it you will get out of that hole with time, things do get easier if you keep at them.

I don’t really hate you. You know that I never could. I wish I could hate you as much as you hate me, because then I wouldn’t be in so much pain from missing you. I’m sorry.

>>21958184
You sound like a loser, kill yourself faggot.

>>21960119
It's ok chud, she doesn't even think about you anymore, she found someone better

>>21960126
*he. And you don’t have to remind me of that.

>>21959332
what's the job and what do you hate about it?

>>21960106
I used to think it’s always darkest before dawn but you get to a point where you wonder if dawn is going to come, you know?

I think I would have to go into this whole story about it and I better not. At this point, this so-called path of mine feels like failure and I’m starting to lose hope.

Anyway, none of this was really about the topic.

Who's worse? Atheists or pagans? On the one hand, the former have no conception of the divine so they're quite far from truth. On the other hand, although pagans have a notion of God, it's so messed up they easily end up doing demonic things. I think it's a tie so you have to consider it on a case-by-case basis.

>>21958088
its not that fucking bad calm down

I made eye contact with the abyss, and you know what it said?

>>21960154
Too lazy to go into detail, but it is a small business owned by my dad, so my job description is "whatever need to get done", no set hours, etc. In exchange, I get to live with my parents basically for free. The problem is that I wouldn't survive at the kind of jobs I can get, and I dread the thought of going back to school, so I dug my own grave.

>>21960200
sneed?

>>21959709
>Also, I'm not expecting you or anyone else to help me. I should be the one helping myself, but I just can't be arsed. Feels like I will only be able to give a shit after my parents bite it, but by then it might be too late.
I had a beautiful thought on this perplexity earlier while walking my dog but didn't write it down while thinking I should. I can't remember what it was now, FUCK.

>>21960216
I quit an office job I hated and am now learning to code and it's not going tremendously well. Working for a family business doesn't sound all too bad but I'm sure there's more to it.

>>21960217
I wrote it down.
>Pallap, a gnacious aga gnawed a gnignep protest that gnagneped the gnanetary perimeter of his prison. Debmurtrep by the devasive seorb and dnuocisrep serudepet retaliated on him, he produced madilormirp sesarhp and evitimotnap eprimorp that lezzup his human peers. Despite their evitisoprep snoitisoporp, the aga gnawed in his tiursup of eep, tautcutpun their saelp with snuff of tnegnup sag that denoisop the ytilibissop of a peaceful pact. Nevetheless, the aga gnawed, dnuorg a htap out of the dnuocisrep elpac and desirpromising to dnatargorp his tnemaciderp to the public.

>>21957781
I have never been scared by any horror film I've watched. Recently, my father and I went to see The Pope's Exorcist in theaters, as it was supposedly based on a true story. However, I had little expectations and wasn't confident that it would be a documentary, unlike my father. As a result, I can't say that I was particularly disappointed.

From the very beginning, the film was over the top. As soon as the boy was revealed to be possessed, people were flying into walls and others were climbing on walls and twisting their heads. The film reached a comical peak when the person performing the exorcism became possessed and was levitating in some medieval lair beneath the building. The floor opened up and the walls glowed red. Everything was resolved in just a minute, when the other priest said a few chants and apparently caused the demon to give up. I rolled my eyes.

Why do so many horror creators rely on these cheap tricks? Why do they think that people climbing walls and levitating are inherently scary? Reality itself can be terrifying, so why do they feel that they need to create something that is completely unrealistic to make it scary? Spending less on special effects and more on good writing wouldn't kill them. For me, when something is too unrealistic, it ruins the immersion and reminds me that I am watching a film with actors.

In a related vein, I don't believe that visuals alone are enough to create horror. I often visit /x/ and /r/creepypasta, where there is a plethora of "scary images." I recall someone even posting a thread on /x/ asking for pictures that would drive someone to suicide. Is it any wonder that most people who consume this kind of material are likely underage high schoolers? To me, in order for me to call an image scary, there would have to at least be a story behind that image.

If I had to impersonate a book character, I would be Meursault as we share the same history and outlook on life. I am a terrible son, and I really know I am, but there is nothing I can do about it. I don't feel any drive to become a better person, although I would like to. It's as if something essential was missing, and it's just making me uncomfortable to realize all of this now.

I am unmistakably human, so why am I unable to willingly give love, or attention, or care to anyone? I have two living parents and two adult brothers and even a niece yet I don't spend time with any of them. They send me messages but I never feel like answering back. I force myself once in a while because I know there is something wrong with me but it's getting harder to ignore as I grow older. It can't be hormones as I'm not some angsty teenager, I'm soon to be 25.

I've never been to a psychiatrist, but I think it's just plain apathy and that I'm perfectly normal if we were to exclude my antisocial behavior. Sometimes I just want to tell all of them I have autism or invent a similar lie so they can go "Oh I see, you're retarded because of your brain and that's why you never come home!" and not feel bad about being dysfunctional family members or whatever. I don't even know what family talks about. I have nothing to say most of the time and just react to outside stimulations. Anyways, I felt in line with Meursault and the ending of that book really struck a cord.

>>21960216
Are you American? If so, run for office. I’m deadly serious about it. The GOP loved family business owners and workers. That’s the bio of multiple congressmen and senators. You don’t have to run for Congress though. You can run for like city council or state assembly.

>>21960189
I prayed to Odin for like a year. I made a little altar in my apartment and gave offerings. I eventually snapped out of it.

>>21960164
Well like you said there are many paths, I doubt you have tired any of the hardcore ones, I don't see the point in yeeting out of life when you could try something more drastic to change your life for the better.
Want to work less?
Easy, figure out how low you can get your living expenses then start working part-time.
Want more money?
Easy, if you have a college degree, your already half-way there just get a cert in something that you think you might like that is in high demand in your area.
Want to change your job?
Easy, if you don't have a degree, get one. If you have one see above.
Feeling like nothing matters and everything is pointless?
Perfect, the absence of a grand design (in your opinion/personal truth of course) means that no matter what you aren't really doing anything wrong with what your doing now. Sure you can react to this with sadness, but you can also react to this with relief. You aren't bound to anything, you can do what you wish.

>>21960189
Pagans, I'm assuming when you say "Pagan" you mean the antiquity religions and the neo-antiquity ones like Wiccans. Mainly because its a huge LARP. Much of what we knew about the antiquity religions is lost or piecemeal, especially their metaphysics. Neo-antiquity religions like Wiccans, Attraction Theory, and w/e else other shit that is out there have a really weird and obvious "modern vibe" to them that I can't really put my finger on. There's a lot of corporatism about it, as in people trying to sell you shit, but when you read their literature... ...I can't really put it into any real words other than it feels very "modern", like its a lake that looks deep only to find out its 2ft deep the whole lake kind of façade.

>>21960414
I don't know, that may also be lack of interest/research on your part. A lot of the magick people borrow from Kabbalah and Hermeticism or Rennaissance magic.

>>21960351
could be low testosterone

Went on a date to a bookstore last night with a really nice, highly educated, and artistic girl. We had a lot of fun. She asked me on a third date but for some reason it still didn't feel like she was that into me. I ended up turning her down just for my own sanity and not having to torture myself about how much she actually likes me. So anyway I'm all depressed and I wrote a little dog-shit Tumblr tier sad post:

“I’m just browsing.” You wander the barely organized aisles. Columns of the distilled beauty, the chaos, the randomness of the universe. Holding up a roof. Holding back the gray sky drizzle. Against that listless descent.

You probe with your eyes. Reach out your hands. Grasp at it. You can even hold it for a minute and turn it over in your hands. But you’re just browsing.

>>21960429
Keep in mind that Kabbalah is actually rooted in removed books from the Torah and other ancient Hebrew mysticism. Hermeticism is a Hellenic twisting of the Greek Pantheon and Egyptian Pantheon through Hermes and Thoth, which is then twisted back into Judaism and Christianity because via similar themes and character arcs. Also, Hermeticism and Renaissance Magic ties back to Christianity due to Christians embracing the Desert Father sect of their religion which usually ended up with them revealing or hoarding texts that may or may not be considered heretical and magical in nature.

>>21957819
25. Self-hatred, autism, and narcissism.

>>21960453
Remove your emotions from dating or learn to control them. If she likes you or not, you really shouldn't care. I'm not saying to be a dick to her but realize that she is gonna be on the "you train" until she finds someone better or gets bored and she hops off. Which you will never really know until you date.

>>21960456
What's your point?

I can’t even begin to describe what a mistake it was working in higher education with bad undergraduate grades.

>>21960495
...Seriously?

>>21960401
Well, this is the thing. I’m not even sure what paths are left to me. I think about where I’ve been and where I am and then I think about where I want to go, and I just don’t see any obvious thing to do that gets me there. It’s like I botched things too badly already.

>>21958497
teenage years, so 10 years ago

>>21960401
I don’t feel relief in thinking that I’ve been abandoned to some sort of pointless fatalism. My whole life all I’ve ever really wanted was a purpose. I found that, but I found it far too late to really live it to its fullest.

>>21960499
Do you even have a point at all?

>>21957819
40, I have nothing better to do than this or go to my job. I might go "outside" once in a blue moon, but dating prospects are dry (women am I right, guys?) and I guess I just like reading a lot,

Do you think joining the military is really that bad of an idea right now? I’m struggling to identify something else that would be worthwhile.

>>21960500
Its only too late when you give up. But considering you won't really disclose what you want to do I can't really give you any more help.
>>21960504
Is it abandonment if there wasn't a Grand Plan to begin with? Also, learning to love your fate and knowing that you can nudge it if you do something helps as well.
>I found that, but I found far too late to live it to its fullest
see above and life is malleable enough where you get to define what "full" is if it doesn't suit you. Also, I don't think the purpose of life is to live it to its fullest, to support civilization and society a degree of drudgery needs to be taken on by everyone and those that take the most are pretty noble in my opinion.
>>21960505
jfc, my point is that they aren't Pagan. The answer was staring directly at you.
>>21960506
>but dating prospects are dry (women am I right, guys?)
I'm 32 and I've gave up on dating in my early 20s and haven't looked back and I'd have to say its really benefited me.

>>21960524
>jfc, my point is that they aren't Pagan.
But they are. Anyway, you're clearly an idiot so there's nothing to discuss.

>>21960528
>But they are.
would you say that the uncanonized books of The Bible and Torah are Pagan?

>>21960524
Yeah I think there never having been a grand plan is as bad as abandonment. To never have had a destiny at all might be the worst possible scenario.

>>21960545
Its not worth it Anon, he is a pseudo, the fact that he just called you and idiot and left because he knew he was wrong shows it.

>>21960545
Like I said, you're an idiot. In the most general sense, pagan is anything that is not not Abrahamic or established major religions (heathens). In the stricter sense, pagan is anything that is not Christian. In any case, people mixing Kabbalah, Hermerticism, and other traditions is paganism. It doesn't matter what they claim legacy from, it's entirely relevant to what paganism is.

>>21960551
>tranny joining from the side
Sucking his cock won't get you good boy points, bitch. That is if you're not samefagging.

>>21960545
https://orthodoxwiki.org/Paganism
>Orthodox Christianity generally ascribed the term paganism to religions other than Christianity.

>>21960554
>Like I said, you're an idiot.
>Goes on to define what Pagan means but "it doesn't fit my definition so it doesn't count"
Seething that I exposed you as one huh? Also, if you were smart you would know that Christians are the true Jews for one and for 2 the Hebrews used a different word for pagan but they did have a word for it.
>>21960567
>Orthodox
Oh, your part of the Church of Satan, makes sense you have all these wrong definitions

>>21960573
>pagan mindless screeching
Classic

>>21960580
I'm not pagan, I follow God, unlike you. Also your mind is so addle led by Satan that your own article disagrees with you.
>Anything that is not ascribed to Christianity
Makes it really awkward for you Orthodox bro, considering you guys dabble in the Kabbalah the most out of all the mainline Christians.

I guess an MA in History would ironically be a waste of time?

>>21960591
If you want a job, iunno probably
if you did it for fun, nah

>>21960589
Again, you mistake books for religions. That's why I called you an idiot to begin with and that's why you remain an idiot. Christianity freely borrows from platonism and neoplatonism all they wish (just like Catholics borrow from aristotleianism). This doesn't mean anything since the faith is fully Christian. Also we don't borrow anything at all from Kabbalah.

>>21960598
>Orthodox
>Main Prayers come from the same books that the Kabbalah does
>Practices Hesychasm, literally the same prayer as the Kabbalah's
I will not suffer such Satanism and lies to go through unfiltered.

>>21960602
None of these are true. The Jesus Prayer literally has the trinitarian dogma in the first sentence.

>>21960591
I'm still trying to figure out what isnt a waste of time

Im bored and wanna talk about something but I have nothing to talk about

> 30
> lame as fuck work history
> terrible degree, terrible grades
> poor mental and physical health
> living with mother for last 2 years
> keep getting denied to graduate programs
I’m getting so close to calling this a wrap.

le paranoid man

Persona 4 and Pyncheon

>>21958214
>biography starts with the creation of the universe

>>21957781
>Be in 30s
>Realise wife has been covertly abusive the whole time I've known her.
>Actually she was openly abusive since HS and bullied me but does it covertly after.
>Basically bullied me that I never made friends then after HS became nice to me out of the blue and steered me away from making any relationships outside of her
>Love her heaps yet in still somewhat scared of her after all these years

>>21960914
I wouldnt worry about it

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoFSUNSBNWo

>>21960834
Sounds like you need a total rethink brother. Something completely different. Move towns and get a job as a line cook or something. Sure it might not be the future you envisioned for yourself but you can't really do much worse than you're currently doing by the sounds of it. Do you think things will improve if you make it into a grad program? A total recallibration is what is needed.

>>21958196
>no u

>>21960591
I would say only if you have a very specific idea you want to pursue and think you could genuinely contribute to the scholarship on that topic. Otherwise, yeah.

>>21957781
Σώσον, Κύριε, τον λαόν Σου και ευλόγησον την κληρονομίαν Σου, νίκας τοις βασιλεύσι κατά βαρβάρων δωρούμενος και το σον φυλάττων, δια του Σταυρού Σου, πολίτευμα

>working out for a month
>still dont look like arnold Schwarzenegger
Wtf man

>>21960977
Nigga you been on this larp for months now

>>21960834
move laterally, i'm in the same position as you. Go to your local community college, ask if they keep analytics on what the local economy needs and what is projected to grow. Pick out one that you like or seems the most bearable/interesting and do that. Also, I don't know who did this but legally you don't have to give your GDP on resumes unless they are an academic institution so take it off. If your asked for it and you have the balls lie and say its good, if you don't have the balls just say "I'm a very private person, I don't think its appropriate to give my GDP to a non-academic institution" almost always people will drop it because they don't give a shit. I was only ever asked once what my GDP was and I told them that and they dropped it.

>>21961201
>GDP
Gross domestic product?

>>21961230
GPA, Iunno where GDP came from.

>>21961240
Thats good because I have a shit GDP personally

>>21961257
lol, same

I'm kinda a loser and while I stew on mistakes I've made I mostly dont care about others perceiving me as a loser because I hate everyone. This is kind of liberating

How are guys supposed to even be successful now? Everything is filled with or prefers women or is gay.

>>21961201
I really don’t give a fuck about jobs anymore, dude. I’ve never wanted a particular job. I don’t want a particular job now. Whatever pays the bills is fine. I have enough to move out, but I’ve been trying, and failing, to save money. I just wish I had better grades so I could do some other things. I wish I had some success with writing earlier on. I try to stay positive but it’s tough lately.

>>21961305
if a job, is a job, is a job for you just get any job. I usually give jobs a year before I bounce. My last two jobs I left because they were filled with Hispanics of questionable legality (specifically El Salvadorians) that are ill willed and racist as fuck if you aren't Hispanic or can speak Spanish and will make your life living hell everyday and if you do anything back to them they run like little bitches to tell management. Then both of these companies' are surprised when I just fucking quit on a dime and they can't seem to keep anyone.

>>21961370
I forgot my point, lmfao:
My point being, if you stick for a job near a year and the problem ends up being either management or the employees are the majority of the stress you deal with, quit. The stress they put on top of you isn't worth the pay or the aging it does to your body.

>>21961188
Time to start shooting test

I'm very heavily considering killing myself. I live very comfortably, I'm basically a stay at home spouse and I mostly sleep and clean and do some hobbies to keep busy, but I'm so fucking dissatisfied and unhappy and I don't know why. I've always thought "once I'm done with school, once I'm married, once I'm stable in my own life, then I'll be happy" but here I am and I'm not. I'm so depressed... I'm too embarassed to talk about it with anyone publicly but I don't know what to do. It's not like I'm sad, maybe deeply dissatisfied, but I dont even want anything else. Everytime I get close I remember that passage from dante's inferno where he says all the souls of suicide victims get stuck in the trees in hell, and it scares me, but I feel like it's over. It feels a bit selfish but my spouse is young enough to remarry and I bet they could find someone, maybe that would be better for them. I got handed life on easy mode and yet I think my brain is just fucked

>>21961430
Hey, I'm a 32 years old and I've been posting all day in this, most of the posts that mention the age 32 are me. As someone who was medicated, going to therapy, and was told my my therapist that "there will likely be no cure, only management" and that "I was highly likely to an hero myself so we are putting you through an emergency program" that the whole:
>I'll be happy when I achieve/do X
is a huge lie, your operating off of what is known as the Hedonic Treadmill. The Hedonic Treadmill, in a nutshell, is that when you achieve/get something you want, its never enough and another want appears. You can easily see if you characterize each want as a "step" on the treadmill how they naturally seem to queue up over time. You'll end up going faster and faster to get to higher and higher levels of achievement but it will never be enough. The best you can do is manage it.
That being said, ignoring the suicide thing for now, what exactly is depressing you?

>>21957781
I don’t know how to have sex and i’m scared.

>>21961524
Scared because of performance or scared because you don't know how to do it?

>>21961529
Both unironically.

>>21961532
life is more than sex, you'll do fine

>>21961460
Thanks, I think I am on the hedonic treadmill, that pretty sums up the way I am constantly chasing achievements and never feel satisfied, it does seem to be "speeding up" or just coming to a head. I want to slow down and settle into my life, to feel peace, but there's a deep sense of anxiety and "it isn't enough". My life is settled into being pretty much set so I've been chasing that satisfaction with hobbies, but they never seem to be enough. Just hard out there...

>>21961561
Seems like you may have an outer locus of control, what do you think drives your need to achieve? Is it to prove to yourself or someone else something?

>>21961548
>who cares about sex
Great advice.

>>21961524
Me too but Im 30 and this comes off as childish at my age.

>>21961595
No, I'm being serious, there is so much more to life than just sex. Your suffering because you are obsessing over it.

>>21958196
Shut up faggot. Zoomanon is correct, a truly high IQ is a rare trait.

>>21961602
Well I want to be good at it. I don’t want to laugh at myself for being bad.

>>21961599
I’m 33 anon. I know.

>>21961617
Are you just v or full khv? Also, what happened? Never tried?

>>21961570
I think to prove myself, or to make people see me and appreciate me. I dedicated myself to one of my hobbies hardcore for a while trying to get better, and eventually I did get decent enough to get praise and make a little side change on it, and once when I received a really good compliment, one Id been chasing, I realized I didn't feel happy. If anything I just felt "this isn't enough" and I burnt out, I still occasionally do the hobby but not for cash and there's a strong sense of "what's the point". I just want to feel validated but nothing seem to work

>>21961630
I actually had sex when I was 23 a couple of times. Once I couldn’t get it up and put it in and another time I managed to get it in but it lasted a few minutes and didn’t feel all that good desu. I think I was traumatized by those experiences and avoided ever trying again. Completely killed my confidence. Now I’m just scared to try again.

>>21961667
Atleast you're capable of getting sex with a girl....

>>21961685
So overrated. You’re truly not missing out. I wish I never had honestly. Now I just stress over how terrible I am at it. How embarrassing I don’t even know how to perform like a regular human being. I wonder if this is normal and everyone doesn’t even really like sex.

>>21961667
nta
>>21961630
I am khv. I did actually got hugged when I was 27 but it still tugs on my heart that I am a KV and so is my twin brother. We are both autistic, him more severely than me. When you are a twin, it is so important to know that you are on the same page, but unfortunately my brother is not on the same page as me and we do not understand each other. He is a PUA (pick up artist) and he likes picking up girls and I think its very, very wrong. So we don’t understand each other. We have issues with communication and our moral code is different. I am a Christian following the advice of St. Peter, and he is a misogynistic pig in shit.

>>21961697
Most of the time yes it's not very good but repeated exposure to the same person makes it better. I've never had a good casual encounter except once but I think they were just a natural at it, that seems really rare though

>>21961772
>casual encounter
That’s all I’ve ever had. Maybe there is hope. But I’m still traumatized by it all and get panicky when I’m close to having sex with a girl. I just avoid and self sabotage.

>>21957781
I got through reading Blood Meridian and I am truly stumped. I feel like I am missing the point because to me I haven't found any. It just seems like a series of events where a bunch of characters end up doing horrible shit and that's it. I read online reviews and the only thing people praise it for are it's use of prose and the fact that Cormac McCarthy writes in a unique way (as in he writes a full page in one paragraph). There is no mention of a greater philosophy or overarching themes except what the judge could represent but everyone I talk to can't agree on what that exactly is. It just seems like a thinly disguised torture porn and a distasteful waste of time.

>>21961650
Maybe you don't need validation. Maybe you think you need validation but in reality what you are doing is the emotional version of popping a painkiller than finding what the root of the problem is. If you aren't I recommend a clean diet, get 10 minutes of sunlight a day, walks, and exercise.

>>21957781
I don't think I enjoy porn like I used to anymore. I got a massive headache from masturbating earlier. I think I'd rather read more honestly.

>>21957819
21. I wanted to find some decent recommendations and maybe get some writing advice. I also don't have social media, so this is my way of communicating with people online.

Admit it, you want to be utterly psychologically and intellectually dominated by language-mommy.

I feel so defeated. I feel like my life is so worthless. So unimportant.

>>21962030
That makes two of us. Theres no coming back to past and setting things right.

What I want now and what I was then are so different. I was so unmotivated until I was already so old. How does someone like me make something of themselves? This is hopeless.

I’ve started feeling like college is your make or break period. If you do well in college, you can even stumble after but recover. But if you don’t, you’re screwed snd it’s going to haunt you forever because certain things will remain closed off to you.

>fapped to "that" again

>decide to stop jerking off two(2) days ago
>waiting for bus after work tonight
>persian qt wearing aritziacore comes up to me and asks for my number
>date lined up for saturday
b-bros I dont wanna say it but…. is there something to this after all?

I think I'm having a midlife crisis but I'm not yet 30.

>>21961524
Make sure you know how to use a condom properly before your chance comes. Nothing ruins the mood quicker than a pregnancy scare

https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/NobleStrategy/Section0009.html

Trading Candy for Gold

Renunciation as a Skill

Buddhism takes a familiar American principle—the pursuit of happiness—and inserts two important qualifiers. The happiness it aims at is true: ultimate, unchanging, and undeceitful. Its pursuit of that happiness is serious, not in a grim sense, but dedicated, disciplined, and willing to make intelligent sacrifices.

What sorts of sacrifices are intelligent? The Buddhist answer to this question resonates with another American principle: an intelligent sacrifice is any in which you gain a greater happiness by letting go of a lesser one, in the same way you’d give up a bag of candy if offered a pound of gold in exchange. In other words, an intelligent sacrifice is like a profitable trade. This analogy is an ancient one in the Buddhist tradition. “I’ll make a trade,” one of the Buddha’s disciples once said, “aging for the ageless, burning for the unbound: the highest peace, the unexcelled safety from bondage. (Thag 1:32)”

There’s something in all of us that would rather not give things up. We’d prefer to keep the candy and get the gold. But maturity teaches us that we can’t have everything, that to indulge in one pleasure often involves denying ourselves another, perhaps better, one. So we need to establish clear priorities for investing our limited time and energies where they’ll give the most lasting returns.

That means giving top priority to the mind. Material things and social relationships are unstable and easily affected by forces beyond our control, so the happiness they offer is fleeting and undependable. But the well-being of a well-trained mind can survive even aging, illness, and death. To train the mind, though, requires time and energy. This is one reason why the pursuit of true happiness demands that we sacrifice some of our external pleasures

...

>what do with life
https://80000hours.org/start-here/

>>21957832
Reddit and discord exist
https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/

I can feel an enormous pimple forming on my face.

>>21959113
Impermanence is well understood if you follow buddhism

>>21960200
Smile and breathe

>on public transit
>tanned flat chested cutie who very clearly wasn't wearing a bra sits across from me
>tried really hard not to stare at her nips poking through her blouse
>still thinking about it days later

>>21962218
Both filled with normies and trannies.

>>21960523
https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/ua465/what_is_a_buddhist_perspective_on_the_military/

>>21961295
It's the age of autodidacts. You have to be content with your own success and being able to eclipse other people in general interactions. There's no official success to be had, because it is all basically monetized and turned into either bureaucracy or consumerism, or a mix of both (which are both naturally fully centred on static rulesets of conduct and behaviour and catering to the norm).

>>21961295
By not falling for consumerist materialist traps

>>21961524
Just copy what you see in amateur porn

In and out

Sexplanations on youtube

>>21962226
Get to know them

>>21960523
Depends, can you out up with mind numbing bullshit and $30k a year (as enlisted) for free college? Do you have at least a Bachelor's and are you willing to put up with soul crushing corporate fuckery mixed with high school 2.0 for free grad school or the opportunity to slide into a federal job or middle manager position afterwards (as a commissioned officer)? If the answer is yes to either, go for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZP6gAm5L6c

>>21962193
I was already on my second by this time. You are on schedule.
Sit on my couch and tell me why you are troubled, anon.

>>21962182
Did everyone clap

>>21962030
Life is what you make of it

>>21962274
What if you have no tools?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoFeCQaflJ0

>>21962285
Your brain is the best tool

>>21962285
You have the tools to see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and think

What more do you need?

>>21957781
I am so sorry for how cruel I have been to people

>>21962300
>>21962308
My brain is my biggest enemy. I cannot trust it. That leaves me with no compass to navigate.

>>21962355
Why?

>>21962256
I have a bachelor’s degree so I’d try to be an officer. Frankly, I just don’t have any really obviously good options right now and I really regret not having done my service when I was younger.

>>21957819
Twenty-six. I come here pretty passively and still post occasionally. It's my favorite board.

>>21961430
I can sympathize. I have a remote job that pays me basically to do nothing. Most days I have literally no responsibilities at all. I’m the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my life, however.

I’m so unhappy. I have to escape my career and do something worthwhile with my life before I kill myself. But I just turned 30 and it feels like that window has passed me by.

>>21962450
If you're not married, you should consider doing some traveling. I have a partially remote job (2 weeks in office, 2 weeks out of office) and so about once every 2 or 3 months I'll just get on a place to a nearly random destination and see how life is there. It will not provide and real spiritual insight or anything like that, but sometimes it's merely enough to be away from home for a time to get some perspective on your life and renew your sense of novelty with life and the world.

>>21962455
I’m not married and I do have a remote job. It doesn’t even ask me for much time or effort, but frankly just don’t even want to keep it anymore. I think about myself in almost biographical terms and when I realize how much I’ve spent associated in this job, I cringe. The job itself was cringey to begin with, but staying in it so long is worse. I would travel, but I’m not sure I have enough money. AirBnBs seem to be remarkably expensive. I have enough savings to last me about 6-9 months of travel and no more. I’m not convinced either that it would help me. I don’t really want to view my situation positively if you know what I mean.

How do you cope with having to do at 30 what you should have done at 25?

>>21962503
By doing it and completely changing your life. You were no longer a child when you were 18. Someone in your life should have told you this bible verse "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child; but when I became a man I put away these childish things (1 Corinthians 13:11)." Almost everyone, including me and my parents are just "grown adults", I kinda always knew this but when I hit 30 and would see boomers, including my parents again, throw temper tantrums like children. That is when I realized I need to become a man and gain control over myself. I use to be addicted to Video Games but I haven't been on steam since Feb. 12th, found out real quick all my IRL friends were my friends because I just happened to play video games. I haven't heard a single peep from any of them since I logged off. I'm gonna do a year of abstinence from steam and gog then just delete it. Burn the ships, if you will, so I can't go back. You can't evolve and become who you want to be until you sacrifice the person that you were. Be very careful about who you tell, even your family, people don't like change so they will go out of their way to find "pro-social" ways to hinder you, don't let them. I have ADHD and I realized that I need to basically get rid of almost all entertainment I have because I'm so easily distracted. My parents for years ignored me when I told them I didn't want any more presents and that I was practicing minimalism and trying to eliminate entertainment. I was surprised at how much push back my parents gave me, when all they complain about is the amount of time I waste playing video games and shit. But its obvious I'm an addict or if I'm not an addict I 100% cannot be trusted if any thing fun is laying around in my environment. The only exception to the entertainment purge I'm doing are physical video games/board games I own, books, music (I'm going to phase that out of my life), and internet (again, I'm going to phase all the distraction websites like this one and youtube). Its gonna be tough but I feel the only way I will be productive in a positive way is if I burn all this shit down.

>>21962391
Trust it to do what?
Navigate where?

>>21962452
Why do you have to?

>>21962553
I worry that I’ll eventually end my life.

>>21962537
How do you get over the regret for lost time and opportunity?

>>21962576
Not him but I worked 3x as hard to accomplish 5x as much as my peers by the next milestone and make up for lost time

People who do everything right the first time often stagnate for a terrifyingly long time after their initial successes. Not always but I think fallow periods are good for gaining perspective. Look up the French phrase "reculer pour mieux sauter."

Good morning /wwoym/

I thought I fardded but I actually shidded

>>21962576
It fades over time, but if you find yourself regretting lost time and opportunity, use that as a time to say an affirmation.
>affirmations? Gay!
Yeah, modern culture has made them cringe as fuck but people have used them since the ancient times, because they work. Become habitual to say a 1 sentence affirmation to yourself, if you have a hard time remembering it take a piece of paper and write it via hand front and back to imprint it into your mind. The time you lost is in the past, you cannot change the past, you can change the future by changing the present. Remind yourself that that was you, but not who you want to be now or in the future. Use that regret as fuel to propel yourself further rather than weigh you down. When I talk about topics like this, I'm remined by what Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations:
"Remember how long you’ve been putting this off, how many extensions the gods gave you, and you didn’t use them. At some point you have to recognize what world it is that you belong to; what power rules it and from what source you spring; that there is a limit to the time assigned to you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself it will be gone and will never return.”
Also if you don't know the Buddhist parable of the Bamboo shoot:
>A bamboo shoot is planted.
>For 5 years it does not grow while everything else around it grows
>While it is true, to the eye of the perceiver, that it has not grown taller it is doing something much greater inside.
>The Bamboo shoot is actually growing a intricate network of roots that not only go deep but span all the way out to half a mile of the shoots location. These roots are deep, overlapping, and many
>This is why bamboo is a pain in the ass to remove from the ground
>The Bamboo shoot is laying a solid foundation for its self for 5 years
>On the 5th year, it will then grow 100x taller than its original state with in that 1 year.
>If left, it will overshadow all vegetation around it and begin to block out light to kill all that is around it by stealing water and light because of the time it took to grow inwardly first, before outwardly.
Be like the bamboo, do the inner work needed so that within your own 5 year time, you will rocket to the sky. The parable is not a 1:1 for your life, but at the same time don't lie to yourself saying "I'm the bamboo" and sit around doing nothing internally or externally.

>>21962597
I tend to not compare myself to those people but only the always successful never stagnating. That’s what I wanted for myself.

Next thread

>>21962661
>>21962661
>>21962661

>>21962648
here have a free mantra on me:

Yeah, keep on degrading your self.
Soon your chance of dignity they will be gone.
Everybody gets one life,
Yours is almost used up now.
And instead of treating yourself,
With respect you have entrusted your own happiness,
Unto the souls of others.