/lit/ - Literature

First

Second

Turd

Sneed's

Feed

Anyone else in a shitty career feel like they’re meant for more but watching time slip away?

>>21935929
Was. Reevaluating my prospects now.
I want to destroy all shitty careers and other assorted time slipping institutions.

I wanna be rich from writing and then marry someone rich.

Idk, it beats thinking about self-hate

>>21935990
>and then marry someone rich.
Oh man, do I have some bad news about the state of marriage today for you!

Beauty is the basal virtue, the one from which all others arise. A gift from the Gods that is evident and acknowledged by all, a clear sigh you are favoured by them. One can be beautiful and debased but one cannot be virtuous and ugly.

Stop talking to each other. This isn't the place for it.

LGBT African-Americans from Outer Space

I fucked up my life.

Another hair jester showed up, he looked me in the hair and said "huh". They told me this would happen but it still hit me right in the hair. I swung my hair toward the door made of hair and my hair became the door. I never told anyone about hair jester school until now because I knew there's no escape from the hair. I told you about the hair so now you have no excuses left.

>>21936271
How?

>>21936288
Wrong choices, my man (or woman).

>>21935942
So you quit and you’re now not working? How long were you in the job?

>>21935657
I truly enjoy and find pleasure in providing assistance to others. The idea of helping someone’s day get even the slightest bit better brings me satisfaction.
The only thing I enjoy more is angering someone. The thought that our interaction could be enough to ruin their day brings me delight and entertainment.

I have no mercy for those who do not give their best. I will, however, still give them aid if asked. This is because it is my hope that, in failing to achieve their own success, they will fail even harder later.

>>21936292
15 years for that one. Built up a nice nest-egg to give me time to think things over. Inflation and cost of living is going to whittle it down pretty fast though.

>>21936291
Elaborate.

>>21936308
At least you’ve got some cash to live off. I’m ready to quit but I’ve only got enough cash to last me about a year in the city, about 2 years in the town I used to live in.

>>21936316
Didnt choose the right school
Didnt choose the right bachelor
Moved back to parents place

>>21936342
How old are you?

>>21936323
I’m in that Cockshott/Towards a New Socialism thread. Really would prefer vouchers to this digital currency I hear they’re going to unleash on us.

You know that during the Great Depression some towns/cities used local “scrips” literally wooden nickels and what looked like coupons, in order to make ends meet.

>>21936382
Weird. I just loaded a picture with that.
Sick of captchas

Remote work has turned me practically into a shut-in.

I really regret not entering a PhD program a few years back. I can still go but it’s not the same anymore.

I’m going to have to figure out something to do for the next year and where to go. This story is so strange.

I wish I had dabbled with poetry more.

today I read Breach (or whatever it was before translation) from Vollmann's Central Europe, it was my favorite story in it so far
the way he describes Vlasov playing with the bullet and how heavy it was on dialogue compared to past chapters made me thing it would be a really good movie
it's such an interesting process where he starts off being mistreated by Soviets so he latches onto nazis (I especially liked the conversation he has with the nazi officer who gaslights him) but then over the course of the story he ends up back in the same position in a situation with no chances

my life a novel but reading sucks

Share your stories for getting out of your head. Do you find lifting helps get rid of that fog or film you feel when you’re at home alone all the time?

Dubs and I'll the poker game today

>>21936680
>stuck feeling alone
>go do a solitary hobby
There is a reason they are called gymcels, anon.

>>21936617
Vollmann is a freak but a pretty good writer.

How do I make /lit/ friends online? I am feeling lonely

I have known so many women who, as soon as they graduate and get full time jobs, suddenly gain an immense amount of weight. I completely understand how it happens: work is sedentary - for starters, but it is tiresome and stressful, so you eat sugary treats and fast food to compensate. Even in the office I work in the women bring in so many sweets to share with the office. If I ate like them every day I would be fat too.

I don't mean to sound mean here, nor judgmental. In fact I'm not judging anyone because I can see how easily it happens. I just think it's really sad. One girl in particular I knew used to have a beautiful figure and in the space of two years has ballooned into something completely unrecognisable. You would never in a million years have guessed what she would look like now, 5 years ago.

The wagie life destroys mens souls and destroys womens looks.

>>21936708

This is part of why I genuinely like my retail job in which I have a little petit-bourgeois respect and authority, and which has me walking/jogging around and doing low/medium impact, real physical stuff on a daily basis. I could probably get some desk job and get paid a bit better, but then I'd get stuck at some chair that, oddly, doesn't feel as meaningful and then possibly get chubby on top of that. Also I've never had to deal with any genuinely shitty people in my job, just the very occasional dope (and happily, they're relatively few, given the sector). Most people who come and go are kids looking for six months to a year of pick-up work, so there's not enough time for an asshole to get entrenched.

A female coworker sat in my desk chair when she was talking to me last week. Over the weekend I started developing painful hives on the bottom of my thigh. Aforementioned girl doesn't turn up at all this week. Doctor prescribes me antiviral pills and topical cream, the same treatment for herpes. I got contact dermatitis without even having sex with her and might have sores for two weeks. I didn't think this was possible, just what the fuck. What the fuck, woman.

>>21936708
my office building is next to fast food court and going to in person work is cancer to me because of it
you sit there for 4-5 hours in grey environment, bored as fuck, looking at black and white spreadsheets, everyone is talking about the most boring things on the planet, everyone is wearing same business casual outfits, I spend my whole time there obsessing over how I look if I'm making weird faces or sit in a weird position or if it appears if I look like I'm working well, all while still doing tiresome, boring tasks.

The fast food becomes this magical fantasy place filled with color, noise and different people of all ages in colorful clothes. Biting into a burger in that environment is like a drug, just chewing a burger, brain feeling with dopamine not having to think or pay attention to anything, you know no one is looking at you, it's intoxicating. I remember eating this shitty burger thinking that "I wish I could stay like this forever"

>>21936724
That's some nasty, animal type, shit Anon. Not going to lie

>>21936724
Got it from a man. Just what the fuck.

i've been wondering about something recently. what would you say the function of tradition is? of course, different traditions have different functions; i mean to ask about the all-encompassing, "highest" function, if that makes sense.
i honestly can't come up with an answer that satisfies me

>>21936724
Thought this was going to be a chair sniffing story and was going to congratulate you on being a degenerate like me but it turned out to be a tragedy and now I am crying for you hang in there brother

>>21936775
Ideally it is a way of forming solidarity between people of different localities and times. Being able to go to a Catholic mass in New Zealand, in the Philippines, in Nigeria, in Peru etc. and all the traditions remaining the same builds an immediate connection to the people around you. A connection that bridges geographical and lingustic divides.

Traditions also connect you to the past, which for many people is comforting and delivers some feeling of purpose. That you are performing the same actions as an ancestor 200 years ago makes you feel as though you are part of a chain that stretches through history. It downplays the ego and locates you in something larger and more meaningful, granting more purpose to your life.

I think I saw a tranny today
either that or it was a very tall woman

I want to learn more about sufism

>>21936884
Annemarie Schimmel, Mystical Dimensions of Islam and anything by Henri Corbin are good places to start

>>21936383
>minimal animal inputs
just fucking why? 1 or 2 cows on a farm or 12 chickens aren't going to blow the environment up.

>>21935657
One day, I almost jumped out of my window. Willingly. I caught myself by reflex at the last moment. My life started changing after this, so much so that I think I must've truly knocked myself and died back then. Even my life outlook changed. It's like I should've died and every day is an extra free day so I'm not stressed anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if it was all a result of my brain making up a limbo in its last dying moments. Or maybe some part of me jumped out of that window and my body didn't quite follow.

Touristy places are indeed a marvelous place to be. I have met the most beautiful women walking about my day, living in the fantasies musical playlists create in my head. Meeting someone gorgeous is such an emotional drug. I wouldn’t say it pops the gauzy intuition, but it certainly keeps the music at bay.

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
221
Salad of asides about tyranny

A)
Order is one thing, anaesthetizing uniformity of texture quite another,
From superpetunias to apartment blocks opaque

To the sky's unlimited shades that
When properly framed by heavy glass to a view

Of wild trees that so completely equal aspects of weather
That even high gothic windows, in sum effect

Are a little numbing, almost Oriental in their confining
Dulness, until their filtered sun combines

Almost, but not quite, to something of the splendor Matisse was used to.

Likewise, even scarab beettles do not collect such.

B)
One of my favorite buildings is pretty obscure,
A little regional corporate tower embedded or banked

In a huge green grassy knoll that, when entering it
Strolling horizontally from its parking lot

Through automatic doors
The sum and instant effect

Is weirdly instant and thrilling in its tranquility,
Light and sound. every sense

dramatically attenuated

Beyond easy calculation
As the sense of humor, cinematic or otherwise.

I suppose wit was more general there and then.

C)
The dry and slightly infuriating tedium of geopolitics always reminds me of
Of those who, no matter how hard they row, never attain paradise

Whether as Muse or Artist in mood's dissipating diffusion,
All like Iagos far surpassed by ordinary Desdemonas.

D)
To portray or summon a faun in music or art
Or verisimilitude is always finer than the highest drama possible

And for an advanced few while they burn away in ecstasy like light universal.

E)
The iciness of European museum sites of late
Troubles me like the sight of perennials that can't go the distance

From spring to autumn, and I sometimes wish
For a world where the mind were tropical in its persistence,

Where comedy prevailed long as constellations do
Against the dark between the stars.

F)
One sends up witches for their arbitrariness
In the same way one does men who never laugh in debilitating seizure,

Never disappear into shining rapture.

>>21936822
pretty good answer. appreciated

>>21936680
>Do you find lifting helps get rid of that fog or film you feel when you’re at home alone all the time?
So I'm a huge introvert right? But I'm also helpful by a default. If you jump at the chance to help anyone, those stupid fuckers will come to you for everything. I regret everyday for helping a couple neighbors on the street because they will come knocking for anything and everything. I feel bad for not feeling grateful for it and being shitty about it. But, holy fuck I didn't think I would be doing something fucking every day for these days. So that is my suggestion to you Anon, get to know your neighbors, offer help and you'll never be alone again.

>>21936680
There's a point, usually about 10 minutes into a session at the gym, when the blood starts flowing and all the tension and anxiety just dissipates. Feels good.

>>21936727
grim

is there such a thing as free will
i feel like i am just one of the many toys belonging to the puppet master called time
my life is nothing more than a magnetic band being unwound
as much as i think that there are infinite me in front and behind me who have experienced and will experience all that i have
or in parallel, living a slightly or completely different life than me
there still is just me and i am completely unaware of their existence
and even if i ought to experience all of this lives for infinitely many times, every time i will die and be reborn i will forget who i was
so eternal oblivion it is
but all of these theories are bullshit if you think about it
what stops this reincarnation from reincarnating me at 17 yo instead of as a newborn what is stopping it from rebirthing me as a different person, or an animal, or a plant, or a rock
or as a random cubic meter of a garden consisting of an arm and two legs of two different humans, the head of a dog, which chases the tail of a cat, the rocks and grass on the ground and a quarter of a tree trunk and all the molecules of nitrogen, oxygen and others in the void
but this is impossible how can a cubic meter be conscious
consciousness seems to be a weird little thing, it is a continuous function and all it s derivatives as well
and yet dew to quantum physics the universe has a zooming limit those meaning that the function can go up, down, sideways or in fucking circles or worst of all have an angle
truth be told i am to scared to return to the neant of prebirth
maybe it s all just a dream

Does anyone here work as a journalist that can offer some advice on how to get started in journalism?

>>21937074
Subjective experience sits beyond time. Your choices have always been but they're yours.

I hope my boyfriend's ex girlfriend gets sun cancer.

I think I am starting to realize that it's over. Every day on the Internet I am assaulted with political shitflinging, despair, doomerism. Everyone is unsatisfied with everything, social media primarily exists to voice grievance and nothing more. And yet, these same people do nothing about it. All of the people my age that show their scorn against "the system" are all socially progressive and ingrained into this system. They pursue lavish careers, they put themselves a quarter million in student debt, they pay all the bills they need to and they participate in every institution without question. Remember when tens of millions of Americans protested in 2020? Nothing came of it. Nothing comes of anything. We're just trapped and no one seriously wants change.

I feel jealous when I hear that someone’s life was productive or improved after the coronavirus lockdowns.

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
222
stentorian divas faraway as the undead

Driving an elevated highway past refineries a little frightening--
Complexes comparable to low mountain ranges

And constituting one of most strategic sites on the planet
He makes fun of these chicks while I laugh at both

Because both sound and look so faraway and rare to me, more used to watching
Jets lazily stacked so far above gardened suburbs

I've mistaken quite of few of their headlights for setting Venus
While jaunty rhythms play in huge acoustics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdsQlTVIPUk

I picked the wrong career.

>>21937094
>sun cancer
lol

>>21936177
I'm virtuous and ugly, so you're wrong.

I’m so fucking tired of doing this I just need to talk to you

What do you think someone should do when they don’t have anything left they want to do, which they also reasonably can do?

>>21937094
Post hand

>>21937233
Be more specific.

>>21937241
I’m sorry but I don’t know how I can be more specific than that.

>>21937243
Are you referring to what you want to do with your life in general, or are you referring to one specific situation?

>>21937257
I’m not referring to myself. It could be both or either.

>>21937262
Then what’s the point of asking such a vague question in the first place?

>>21937233
Either reach for the stars and attempt to do more than what you think is possible or lower your standard. Also branch out and find new things you might like.

>>21937266
To ask pose a question and a yet maintain anonymity. Look, if you don’t want to answer don’t answer.

My poor college performance set me back so badly.

>>21937282
Changing some details of a situation for anonymity is one thing, but you’re being so bizarrely vague that it’s impossible for anyone to even begin knowing where to answer your question. Unless you’re a bit more specific you’re unlikely to get any responses that will be of even the slightest use to you.

>>21935657
I want to write but I'm so paralyzed by fear that others won't enjoy what I do write that it stops me
I have so many ideas brewing in my head and I can't commit any to paper, I hate this

man i'm bored. not that there isn't anything to do, but i just don't feel like it.

>>21937236
No. My boyfriend's ex girlfriend would see and I don't want her to know who I am.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK76q13Aqt0
what the fug is this shit

>>21937321
I see. It was a lie the whole time

>>21937328
you’d get it if you were a real gamer

>>21937321
Weak larp

>>21937342
>>21937356
I don't care what you guys think.

Im still getting filtered by Nietzsche. I have all of his major works, but am not able to grasp a single one of them. Currently trying to read Twilight of the Idols, but god fucking damn. Any advice bros

The more that you stonewall me the more agitated and out of control I feel, and then my agitation and lack of control only reinforces your desire to continue avoiding me and your belief that any conversation we could have would be pointless and ugly because I’m too unstable to be reasonable. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s so fucking draining. You won’t relent and every day I get more and more frantic and desperate which only makes it harder for me to excercise restraint over my actions. I can’t keep doing this. It’s like I have these episodes where I get so worked up that I can’t stand it and in the moment the panic and emotional pain is so unbearable that I can’t think rationally and I feel like if I don’t get the catharsis I need I’m going to die. When I get like that I’m no longer in control because I’ll do absolutely anything to try and make it stop because I’m so desperate to feel calm and safe again. It’s not getting better. I’ve promised myself hundreds of times that it stops here and I’ll never do it again but the next time I panic it’s like the rational part of me is drowned out and can no longer decide my actions. I don’t know how to make it stop.

>>21935657
My head hurts and I'm really tired.
I had a startlingly good laugh today remembering an exchange with a stranger on ytmnd over a decade ago. It was exactly the polar opposite of those memories where you suddenly leap back to an embarrassing moment and feel it all over again. Inexplicably, this tiny coincidence, totally insignificant and irrelevant to my life today, bubbled up into my senses and burst in elemental joy.
I've lived a while, and it's the first time I actually noticed it happening. It's good to know it works both ways. I was starting to think my body only had a memory for shame and suffering.

>>21937361
Then why the fuck do you keep posting here?

This website is the only thing that has made me laugh consistently in 20 years. None of my worthless piece of shit loved ones can make me laugh, ever. Comedy never makes me laugh, it's all normie shit like "can you believe how CRAZY that is?" But a guy on /tv/ says something about making a fart AI chatbot and it weaves three different layers of punchline into it like a master craftsman

Catch the 7:15 tram to nowhere in particular just a place to escape the routine and the pressure
Please just somewhere exciting
Buy 6 cigarettes even though i dont smoke
Take a day off the 7/11 noon shift
Easy money cheap labor
Free hot dogs and discount scratch its
Lovely ingredients for a recipe of disaster
mixing hope and regret in a cocktail of lies
To myself, this nation, and God

>>21937368
Just make up your own interpretation and gaslight others with sheer power of will into thinking you're right

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
223
magnificent parks

To while away time and being
Is the idea behind all their design despite

Every other consideration, despite the fact that my father
Is buried in one of them, I know not where.

The magnificence of them is made of leisure so extreme that one can hear
Brown mantises singing at seventeen kilohertz

A short stroll from a flying couch, even when one is well past 50
While most men are deaf to sound so delicate,

Blind to finding one of them or, in May, the most beautiful of blooming apples
For a radius of several hundred square miles and tens of years

As if such findings come naturally, inevitably
To men heavy in wisdom--

To anyone insensitive to signals slight in their faraway futurity--

Invisible evasiveneness, spectacular laxity
Somewhat like the sun's .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXDCiur_rM0

One day this will also pass
Humans are but breeze in grass
Even flames that shine like brass
Will one day be just scattered ash

>>21937416
The thread is called write what's on your mind not write something for anons to complain and cry about.

I really can’t keep going on. I want to die so bad bros. I truly hate everything. Everyday is truly a nightmare to get through. I wish I can go to sleep tonight and never wake up.

>>21935657
My roommate has compared me to Q before even though we’re pretty much best buds

>>21937520
Your boyfriend’s ex is living in your mind rent free. The amount of power that this random chick has over your thoughts is ridiculous. Everyone here is sick of hearing you bitch about her. It’s normal for adults to have had previous relationships, and obsessing over the fact that she dated him first and was the first to receive an “I love you” from him is unhealthy and shows that you’re insecure and immature. If this much of your mental space is preoccupied by having sadistic fantasies about this girl then you need to stop posting here and go to therapy.

>>21937520
And whats on my mind is that you're fake and gay and your boyfriend is worse off with you

>>21936893
Why would you start with kafirs?

>>21937573
Don't care.

>>21937576
stfu you bpd bitch, i hope your bf leaves you and goes back to her or better yet leaves you for a third girl so that youll have double the seethe

>>21937586
If he left me I would kill him and he said the same to me. :)

I used to be horny aa fuck in the morning. Suddenly its all gone. I don't have the urge to have sex.

That said, it kinda sucks that most of the girls into me are way younger than me. I've only dated a chick my age once.

I've got this weird thing going on where I've been disassociating and seeing my flesh vessel and it freaks me out. I'm pregnant right now and 80% of the time it's wonderful, it's all very beautiful and I can't wait to meet my baby. Then 10% of the time I am throwing up and then the other 10% I have this weird out of body experience where I look in the mirror and I don't see myself, I see just organic matter. Like a tree but more complex, and it's propagating, and everything is so fragile and transient and it FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT. I do not like it, even just sitting down hearing my bones pop it's just fucking weird.

Also I heard some people talk about "pregnancy brain" where it feels foggy and slow, but I noticed with my last one too, it's like a fog lifted. I'm razor sharp, last night me and my husband went to a resturaunt and I glanced at the receipt before he paid, didn't think about it much. The next day he was wondering how much he tipped and the receipt popped in my mind and I remembered every item down to the cent, how much he tipped, the total. I just seem to remember way better and feel quicker mentally. Maybe its the prenatals. Very strange, really crazy how hormones affect you. Some women say they get super smell, but that hasn't happened to me. I also have this weird oily feeling under my skin that is not totally unpleasant. Overall it is well

>>21937592
Larp

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
224
Montage Cinematheque

It wasn't important that he understood what I meant
Even if he used me a little like an entertainment fixture that

Was constantly there, never too tired for discourse
Or long rides, always happy to see him

Whenever he knocked on my window like a friendly ghost.

Some intervals were a little long, almost haunted,
And I enjoyed them almost as much

Under swaying summer trees, lights of a big humming house and
Several siblings all warmer than any of his,

A garden budget a little insane for the neighborhood,
Time enough to sleep always easily enough

That dreams lush as the real erotic thing manna midnights like pleasant afternoons
Do to waking sense, reprieved from all emergency.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCYxpCx5ll0&list=RDR5OGeP_0304&index=7

>>21937368
What do you not get? I can try to give you a three or four sentence answer. You also have to keep in mind that you cannot simply read it through linearly, like you would with a normal book. He constantly redefines and revisits his ideas, sometimes from even a few aphorisms prior resulting in a drastically different conclusion. While you're reading and you think "I think I saw something about this before", flip back and reread it, and you'll likely come away with something new.

>>21937361
>>21937576
I wish someone would not care about me the same way the anon obsessing about their boyfriend's ex doesn't care about what the rest of this thread thinks of her posts and feelings

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
225
fully automated luxury ruralism


Fifty years ago my father watched the sun rise in the West
From jet windows, and when his father

Was a teenager mechanical flight was a rather janky affair
So rarely seen and heard that it might as well

Not have been, from his point of view.

Yet the former talked with the latter so slenderly
That, on occasion, he dished me about him like he did

Hundreds of others, and readily recalled
This incident when I was 3:

What are those weird crescents floating down, so faraway in the sky?
Parachutes, round kites big enough that men

Float gently down from airplanes under them, more or less for fun.

I suppose he'd find where I live now
A little spooky in its combined remoteness

And convenience, strangely sleek and vacant as imperial centres go,
Lonely in its unremitting quiet power.

>>21935657
For all the Anons who feel lost out there, an Ancient Viking Prayer:

Thor guide me through my battles
Lead me home to Asgard
The victorious will rise to the glory of the Gods
Rise above the mountains
Light a fire in the sky
For the blood is running still
From the roots of Yggdrasil
Carry me to the hill
To the top of Yggdrasil

>>21938061
Viking times are long gone.

What does /lit/ think of Christian democracy, and if american, would you vote for a third party that was Christian democracy


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Solidarity_Party

>>21938066
Has nothing to do with the heart of the message, but okay?

>>21936680
Kind of, but not necessarily in a good way. Most of the programmes I've gone with have had either squats or deadlifts in each session, and while I enjoy it, it absolutely ruins me. After lifting, it is like I am on drugs. I am sedated and contented, pretty much in the same way I am when I abuse the milder opioids like codeine or tramadol. That's a nice and healthy way to get rid of some existential anxiety, but that anxiety is a very strong drive as well. After lifting, I'm fine watching prolefeed on netflix and don't feel like I am wasting my time. Without lifting, I feel compelled to do more difficult, challenging and ultimately more rewarding things.

>>21938082
Its just truth the God message.

>>21938098
I will meet him
atop of Yggdrasil!

>>21936948
I think it means no animals to work the soil and harvest. It looks like a book about plant farming, anon.

>>21938120
I took "animal inputs" to mean things like fertilizer and stuff. The beautiful thing about a traditional farm is that biproducts of animals are used to grow plants, which produce biproducts to feed the animal. Its a big, beautiful self-propelling system and a great symbol for the cycle of life within civilization. Too bad factory farming stripped all the smaller farms.

>>21935657
---- Solaria ----
226
severe weather statistics

i actually thought about how embarrasing it would be
To be caught with my pants down

Or off, should a twister raze the house
While the third hailstorm this april clobbered the roof

In impressive waves, billions of bird-egg size masterpieces thundering down
From fast-freezing heights, endless softly glowing moonlets

Some punishing god has strewn from heights
Too vague to see, if not measure

Indirectly as one does from radar and such.

I actually felt a little more irritated than frightened
As the huge apple canopy was wounded,

A few pansies and snapdragons were hit in their containers,
Windshields almost, but not quite, yielded

To the heaviest of them.

There's very broad line of oaks in clear view, about two or three centuries old
Yet still I feel it's a cursed year, fit for reverse storm chasing

At least as far as comedy asides go.

I am envious of Japanese NEETs. I wish I could be come so hyper-obsessive about a crappy JRPG or Anime, then go and wave glowsticks at my favourite Idol's matinee, then go home and masturbate with the hand she shook at the meet and greet I had to buy 20 CDs to attend.

Seems comfy. I am jealous of the hyper-obsession the most, nothing ever interests me for very long.

>>21938174
I find the narrowness or their obsessions pure Hell even in contemplation, even though as Asians go, they live in comparative ease, and their native tongue is sweet and suave. Japan, on the whole, is rather nice, but mostly by contrast to the stupendous tyranny of Asia. I'd never go there to live, not matter what you paid me.

I'll just repost a poem I wrote:

My beautiful golden goddess
who lights up my life.
Your warm, feathered love
which fills my heart with glee.

The gorgeous pool of blue–
Turquoise;
wrapped carefully in amber fleece and pink chevelure,
those deep wondrous eyes
that fill my soul with meaning.

That radiant gleaming smile
God, that smile
My winsome, angelic fluttershy
How i love you so
https://files.catbox.moe/sawuwm.jpg
https://files.catbox.moe/57r8ri.png

>>21938202
Even though I was sort of serious, I agree that when turned toward pure consumption the obsessive streak is hellish, but it is also this obsessiveness that the Japanese high arts are contingent on for their perfectionism and cultivation of immense skill. Things like Noh actors studying their movements for years, zen calligraphy, the kata of martial arts all require a kind of manic commitment to perfection.

As a pathological dilettante I can't deny it has an appeal.

>>21938256
I'm a lazy charismatic from a rather fortunate background, if a little encylopedic as collectors go, if that counts as obsessive: I've archived almost every thread I've posted on since 2015, as a matter of course, as If I'll live for geological frames of time to review them, or, likewise, any of the 100,000 hours of content I have littered about my house. At most I've about 10 years to live, and still I collect. Naturally my favorite literary masterpieces are Well's The Time Machine, Wilde's The Picture Of Dorian Grey, and Goethe's Faust pt. II.

I really regret not trying harder to get published last year.

>>21938390
there is always this year, anon!

>>21938074
It’s an oxymoron. A Christian can live in a democracy, but the Christian form of government is not a democracy and can never be a democracy.

How old were you when you started using your leisure time to read? I

every day someone makes a thread on this board that's like

>guys what is a book about a 24 year old men of indian/belgian origin, born in september who movies from his town with population of 100k to Wellington, meets a woman the same age as his mom and includes refuting of Keynesian school of economics

why the fuck do you come up with shit that's so specific, write your own book at this point

I regret my entire life.

>>21938429
I think they are trying to find books based off of details they remember. Back in the early 2000s I read a Sci-fi short story collection from an old book but I don't remember the name and all the short stories I've asked about no one knows about. I'm too old to go into the middle school now to ask about it. I still can't find the book to this day.

My adult life is has been so boring, lame, and mediocre. I know it can get better but I don’t know if I can get what I want. Sometimes I want to kill myself.

>>21938505
>My adult life is has been so boring, lame, and mediocre.
Can I have your life? More time to focus on myself, take it slow, and self-improve.

>>21938505
>has a steady job and own apartment

>>21938505
>My adult life consists of me being the atypical male of my society despite browsing 4chan
one of the lucky ones...

>>21938393
This. The Christian form of Government is Anarcho-Theo-Monarchy.

It’s over

>>21938521
I don’t have my own apartment anymore…

29 seems like a big filter. People who will go onto be successful will feel the urgency and perform. People who won’t, won’t. This is how I feel about it looking back.

Any alternatives to wikipedia where I can casually read about all sorts of historical events from all periods?
Something that is either in the public domain or can be pirated

I miss the times when academic books didn't treat their readers like they were complete retards and dropped untranslated greek and latin all over the fucking place like it was the most natural thing in the world.

>want to get into certain job
>get some affordable certificates
>read material on it
>send 50 applications
>2 job interviews
>"not selected because the other candidates had more relevant job experience"
>cant even get into intern position
>only two solutions : either completely drop the idea of getting there or spend a couple thousands (not kidding) on a certificate which doesnt even guarantee anything
I want to say that I'm tenacious but even it has its own limits and especially when you bang the door but no one answers.

I had a really bad track record in college. I cannot tell how much I feel like this has limited my career potential. I feel like this is going to follow me around and haunt me forever.

>>21938633
A lot people in their 20s have given up, dude. It’s started feeling like if you didn’t get lucky and make all the right decisions at 18 and immediately sail into a successful career, then you’re fucked. I just turned 30 and I’m living in my mom’s house working a shitty remote job as a contractor for the same university I barely graduated from much later than everyone else. I wanted to go grad school and get a fresh start so to speak, but when coronavirus put everything online, I just got depressed, lost interest, and gave up.

I guess sometimes you can want to be a man of destiny but will have to accept that you’re a man of no destiny, or reject it and kill yourself…

>>21938663
I'm in my early 30's too. I do realize that I'm fighting an uphill battle.
>shitty remote job
I wish I could be in your place. However I do feeling like that drowning person in this anecdote.
A person hears a man shouting from the lake, he comes on the shore and says - Dont bother.

>>21938673
Should I be grateful for what I have?

>>21938679
I dont know, you could be in my place (which is way worse than yours).

>>21935657
I think I'm coming to realize that I like Stirner far more than Nietzsche. For Nietzsche, there is this concept of the overman, which means that you are continually overcoming things, and creating new things. I think there's something insidious about this idea, it's much like how on Why Theory with Todd McGowan and Ryan Engley they talk about how twitter has a collective memory of very little, unless it's people digging up old posts to cancel you. That's what it reminds me of when I think of the overman - with Stirner it's not that you continually overcome morality to create new moralities, you realize permanently that morality is a spook, and you are the creative nothing. I do respect Nietzsche, but I just find Stirner far more agreeable.

I had a dream a couple nights ago that there was an Aakon Keetreh (Les Legions Noirs black metal band) red book, with a red cover and black writing on the front of it, which I was trying to attain, but I woke up before I could get it.

I have been feeling like I wasted much of childhood being a slow reader, finishing only about 10 books a year, and how this makes me basically inferior to anyone else who can finish enormous stacks of books. I have also gained about 5 pounds, even though I work out 5 times a week, weigh 185 pounds, and haven't increased my calorie intake.

I've been getting really into pu erh tea, I ordered several tea cakes from various sellers, including white2tea, amazon, and Yunnan Sourcing. I enjoy it more than coffee at this point, it's subtler. I now have about 5 tea cakes, and 5 samples of different teas.

I'm really annoyed by my literature professor, he won't let me do my project the way I want to do it. He says that it has to primarily be about King Lear, but I'm trying to define my terms for the Lacanian Deleuzian angle I'm trying to take the paper, and the fucker keeps telling me that it has to be less about the theorists and more about King Lear. Literature scholars are fucking autists who can't stand any deviation from their preferred subject matter (I'm diagnosed with autism level 1 so I can use the word autist).

>>21938681
It might be. If that’s the case, I do sympathize. But you surely do understand that it doesn’t make you feel better to know there are others less fortunate than you, right? I mean, surely, there are people who are a lot worse off than you are. Do you want to talk about what’s the problem anyway? I have some time here.

>>21938765
>But you surely do understand that it doesn’t make you feel better to know there are others less fortunate than you, right?
Ofcourse. I do not deny that my situation is better than starving african childs one.
>Do you want to talk about what’s the problem anyway?
Sure but I dont know where to start. Give me some questions and start from there.

>>21938806
Well you said you feel like a drowning man. So you either you feel like you’re taking on water and can’t make it stop, or you feel like you’re treading but can’t make any progress, or maybe both. So which is it?

>>21938691
Your prof is doing you a favor. Can't tell you how many essays I've seen like this where it's 95% irrelevant "theory" and 5% content. You have to learn to analyze a text within the standards of the discipline, not just how you would do it given total freedom. He is trying to save himself the headache of having to give you a B when you write a mess of an essay that only gets to King Lear in the last few pages and you're weeping about it in his office and inbox.

>>21935657
My friends love cooking and it's making me insecure. Insecure because I can't cook, I know nothing about food preparation, I know nothing about picking out ingredients, and worst of all, I don't even enjoy eating. I eat because not eating causes pain and death, that's it. If you want my opinion, make some cup noodles and let's go for a walk. Eating something new isn't novel, interesting or exciting for me, instead it fills me with vague apprehension that I won't be able to eat it and self loathing that I'm the odd one out in this. Even if the food is great, is it really so great to be worth burning the entire evening on when we could be doing something else? Especially when 1/3 of us have nothing to contribute but somehow keep getting invited around anyway?
But I can't say that, it might make them feel bad and more to the point it also wouldn't work. It wouldn't be right anyway, they're not wrong for enjoying a creative skill and one of the basic fundamental experiences of being a person, eating. I'm wrong for not enjoying it. I was the one who was born wrong, who was raised wrong, who since becoming an adult has both consciously and unconsciously chosen to remain wrong, about this and many other things. No, I don't resent my friends, their interests, or how they spend their time, but I deeply resent myself.

>>21938823
I feel like I've finally found a thing which I'd like to try but no one gives me an opportunity to show what Im capable to because I've made a grevious mistake of choosing useless degree and later isolating myself. Its similar to "its good that you're trying and such but the world doesnt care about your efforts, accept your place as a trash".

>>21938836
Well, I don’t think isolation is such a big issue because you can always just come out of isolation. Also, I think you are a bit lucky to have any sort of direction at all. When I look at people are age, almost all of them are totally aimless. As for your degree, your background can make things harder. Being honest, how hard have you tried to convince people to give you a shot? Are you able to mention what this thing is and what’s your degree? It’s hard to comment on much either way without more details.

I want to run for office but I’m really worried by poor undergraduate record will come back to haunt me.

>>21938851
That direction is just what kind job I'd like to try, not the general life one.
>how hard have you tried to convince people to give you a shot?
probably everything except literal bootlicking and dropping a couple of thousands to get certs. I guess it doesnt help that my original degree is physics (huge mistake) and that job is more into economics. I couldnt even get the minimal wage with night hours job in that area.

>>21938874
My degree is in economics and I’ve worked in finance. It can be tricky to get a job related to markets or finance if that’s your goal, but it can be done. I’ve worked with someone who had a physics degree actually.

>>21938902
>It can be tricky
I just want to get into AML area. I think the actual trickiness lies that you cant get any practical skills on your own unlike programming or coding. Sadly, I do not have any connections who could recommend me nor actual on-hand skills. Sure, I do have tenacity and idiocy to send multiple applications to the same bank even after getting rejected more than couple of times. Im just like that drowning man.

>>21938916
I sent out hundreds of emails before I got my first finance job. Have you considered a masters degree? Why do you want to work in AML so badly? Bank work is soulless no matter which department you’re in.

>>21937077
Give up now. Go and get a job at a restaurant.

>>21938928
>Have you considered a masters degree?
No, especially knowing that I barely passed my bachelor (psychological problem) and not having any funds.
>Why do you want to work in AML so badly?
Sounds interesting, theres possibility for it being a remote job and being in bank could open me other options like maybe getting into IT. Basically a solid entry point. Every wage job is soulless.

>>21938830
Yeah yeah. I'm putting the explanations of the theory in footnotes. I hate papers where people just use terms without defining them. Everything in my paper needs to be clear.

Jeb is a mess

No matter what I do, I just can't escape these low moods.

I am in an M.A. program and have used AI to write every assignment. I have perfect grades. This has given me so much free time that I am reading for fun again. Also, kek at professors thinking they deserve any respect for letting this happen.

>>21939003
Dont let this be you

Occasionally my shit turns rancid and horrible and squeezes out in these terrible piles of mush. For no discernable reason. My diet and lifestyle do not change at all. Then it will go back to normal solid poo after a week. I dont get it

>>21938942
No funds can be a problem but bad bachelor’s degree grades are not, especially if you’re coming from STEM. I’m grappling with returning to school right now myself and I also had bad grades. I don’t think you necessarily need to work for a bank to get into IT with a physics degree. Don’t you think you can self teach and work on some projects to get hired?

>>21939006
topkek. No, I rewrite everything eventually to fit my style once I refine the prompts to eliminate any excess tokens, such as "as a language model." These people are simply retarded and show why AI will be a good thing to eliminate them from society.

>>21939022
>Don’t you think you can self teach and work on some projects to get hired?
eh, maybe some SQL could help to get junior analyst position. too bad my brain doesnt work.

>>21939041
Do a boot camp or course on Udemy

>>21939053
Will that make any difference? I already burned that way a couple years ago.

>>21939063
I think it would be better than nothing, don’t you? It seems like a reasonable compromise between being self taught and pursuing a university degree.

Closure post.

I always said this trip would end through either my rise or demise and I guess I've risen. I didn't even realize that its been over 2 weeks since I was last on here. Life has been really good for me recently. I'm dating that girl I was super into and I've been having a lot of fun with my friends. Work is alright and the government gave me a bunch of money in tax returns. I'm eating good, working out again and you might be pleased to know I've even started reading again. This may be the happiest I've ever been. I go to bed and wake up with a smile on my face and I hardly ever brood or ruminate anymore. So I guess this is the end. Now lets be real here. There's no way this is my last post. You know it and I know it. An attention whore like me could never allow that to happen. All I know is right now I don't enjoy this anymore. I have no need for it. So this is the end for now. Let the record show you can attain happiness even as a drinker, smoker, toker and joker.

I love you all and wish you all the best. Cheers <3

- the author of the xi jinping of weed smoking
https://youtu.be/QvsF4FMdagQ

>>21939085
Getting a simple job so I could live by and learn IT after work does sound like a plan but my damn fools pride doesnt want for it happen as says that if I do it, I remain in the same spot for years.

>>21939104
>Not even the Steve Miller band
You're right; you are a (You) seeking fuck up. You had one job etc etc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV3AziKTBUo

>Mom: I've been getting into buddhism lately
>Me, nods: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."
>Mom: looks at me weird and changes the subject.

>>21939112
Can I ask you a more personal question? What do you want to do with your life? Do you just want to have a respectable job and make some money, or is there something else you feel like you’re called to do? You can be honest with me. I won’t judge you.

>>21939150
Ideally I'd like to do something creative (arts or writing) with my life. However I do feel like a starving artist minus the artist part.

>>21939160
Well, you can take my advice with a grain of salt but if that’s really what you want to do with your life my advice would be to get really moving on that ASAP and hit it hard, and then get whatever job you can get which pays the bills and still allows you time and energy to create. Make it your goal to have something you created to put there within 1 year.

I wonder how I can salvage my biography of the last 2 years. Keeping a shitty remote job and moving across the state to live with my mom doesn’t jive with my aspirations.

>>21939219
I dont know what creative endevour to be completely honest with you. It's like I have no ideas yet creativity calls.

I guess I'm doing fine

>>21939249
That’s usually how creativity works. It’s not a rational process. Is there any one art form that calls out to you?

>>21939267
What do you mean you guess? Either you’re fine or you’re not.

>>21939270
I don't know.

>>21939269
If going by the 7 main ones
>Painting, Sculpture, Literature, Architecture, Cinema, Music and Theater
then I lean towards Painting and Literature the most.

>>21939287
Then you should hit one or both of those hard. Aim to have a few paintings done and a few writings done within the next year.

>>21939294
I really should hit it hard. Maybe I'll start on meditating for thoughts.

>>21939338
I mean mrfitiate if you want, but what it’s going to take is action. Go get whatever supplies you need today or tomorrow and just start allocating time every morning or every night or whenever is optimal for you. It may never work out, but you’ll never know if you don’t put the effort in. And if you find something you can truly focus on, then whatever you do for a day job doesn’t really matter as long as it lets you paint or write, right?

the left has gone insane

anxiety is a cool word wasted on the lamest thing in the world

>>21939443
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZbVHb2AA68

My internal mental landscape has become severely disordered, especially the sexual components of it. I live a very solitary life and avoid intimacy and close contact when at all possible, but once I get horny I fantasize about all kinds of depraved shit and this leads me to seek out all kinds of depraved porn to watch.
I used to get a thrill out of finding something even more degenerate and taboo than what I last watched, but over time that disappeared and I'm left with a sexual urge and a detached observing consciousness that feels very little or no pleasure during all this.
I'm tired of this behavior and I wonder what I have to do to change my mental landscape and the direction of my urges so that sexual excitement and the feeling of disgust felt towards anything taboo or perverted become decoupled. Maybe someone like Jung wrote about it.

>>21939487
Stop watching porn and have actual sex (or whatever acts you want to willingly agree to with another human being in on the scene you're playing).

>>21939493
Yes, that's the obvious answer. What I've found though is that even if I go months without any sort of stimulus, the urges will lie in wait, so to speak, and as soon as I find myself in an environment conducive to using porn, I end up doing so. Even if porn didn't exist, the fact that the urges exist at all is against the way I want myself to be ordered.

>>21939487
That does sound like your shadow (according to C.G.Jung) going out of control because your life is so one dimensional - very solitary life and avoid intimacy and close contact when at all possible - therefore subconsciousness wants to compensate by going to the same extreme length.

I have fully embraced antinatalism and my fate as the last member of this little and irrelevant bloodline.
It is a surprisingly lonesome feel, but also so liberating. I have been struck by an incredible apathy and indifference towards everything. Any time I begin feeling something in my gut, anything resembling hope or indignation it is automatically crushed by a simple thought: what does it matter?
I haven't gotten mad at anything for months now. Tragedies don't feel like they used to, they really feel like random meaningless events. All deaths around me, all births, all life just feels like looking at cells dividing in a petri dish. Meaningless chaos and noise.
I have also understood that, if everything goes well, I will one day kill myself. When my parents are gone and age and loneliness get to me I will do it.
I came into this world knowing nothing, and now what I know does not make me happy. I will leave this world old, alone and forgotten (in the best case scenario).
I was very afraid of dying, but now I look forward to ceasing to exist. No more suffering, no more desire, no more evil, no one left behind to trudge through this mess.
When I see new families walking in the streets I just don't know what to make of it. What was their rationale? Was there any thought put to it at all? How many of these kids are careless accidents or miscalculated risks? Where are all these people going? Are they going to be slaves of capitalism or religion? Are they going to become pawns of an ideology or political movement? How much damage will they endure and how much damage will they cause?
I don't get it. I never will.

I’m not the person I wish I was.

>>21939514
Whats the difference between the current you and the ideal you?

>>21939507
You're conditioning yourself to the environment. It's like smokers who have to smoke because they stepped out of a doorway to fresh air.
You're also probably letting it build to a more extreme point than it would if you used the lying in wait period to have sexy times.
Decouple porn from the environmental opportunity and have sex.

>>21939418
What can I say, you're right. Thought without action is meaningless.

>>21936727
Peak burgerpunk

>>21939515
Certain personality traits, a certain history, talents, actions and undertakings.

>>21939607
what's your maxxed out character talent tree?

>>21939618
What?

I feel like I’m so far behind at my age that I may as well give up. If I wanted to achieve my goals, I had to be getting after it at 25, not 30.

I'm not upset about my boyfriend's ex girlfriend today. I am going on a date with my boyfriend.

>>21939510
Living like an ant, for the sole purpose of existing and thinking you are a great mind, above the mass in chase of meaning. Literal midwit take on life. Whenever I read shit like this I can imagine the either emaciated or extremely sausaged fingers belonging to the human mess who wrote it. Writing idiocy like this but probably also fake-smiling at people who don't respect them and treating their parents like trash in real life. You think you don't live yet you are covered in your own shitstains of fear for the real world.

If your emotions feel muddled, that's because you are depressed and not because you are a great philosopher you Anonymous smoothbrain.

>tfw high painting white rabbits
>tfw going to vaudeville recreation tonight
idk guys this life decision making thing isn't so bad.

>>21939662
>Midwit take
What is the high IQ take on life?

What do you think of suicide because of the sense of lost time and thus lost potential?

We could have been together.
We could have had each other.

We made our choices, from which we can't come back.
I am not sure anymore whether it was love, or simply the need to be loved.
All that is left now is yearning.

The worst punishment a human can experience is to the feeling of emptiness and missing someone that will never be in your life again.

I suppose all we have now is the memories we made together. It was worth it.

>>21939700
Grandiose, it's basically a refusal to try if failure is a possible outcome.

>>21939700
Two things:
1-You can do a lot of things with the time you have left. You can start today at this very moment and you will accomplish something.
2-You will die anyway so of you kill yourself today it won't make absolutely any difference whatsoever.
You're just procrastinating. So what will it be?

>>21939705
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxA3Q96a8XE

>>21936699
go on omegle and don't be ugly

>>21939705
>I suppose all we have now is the memories we made together. It was worth it.
Cope for now and seethe later when you'll notice memories tend to depart when unsollicited. She'll tell you she erased your photos a long time ago next time you'll talk, if ever. It's depressing to write but the sooner you get that shock, the better, really. Relationships that are over are just wasted time. You'll maybe pick up one or two personality traits you liked in her but that's about it. Bitterness and regrets in the face of years wasted are the only things you'll carry on your way out of that shortened path. You can only have a few 'loves of your life' to spend years on. The learning experience there is not to spend your limited time on Earth with temporary girlfriends. Find someone who'll love you good and isn't some kind of grown up child using you for momentaty entertainment.

>>21939708
Okay, so what do you think about depression from lost time and thus lost potential?

>>21939700
>lost time
How did you lose time? Did a crazy opportunistic lesbian rapist kidnap you and force you to recount your seaside holidays?

>>21939777
Wasted time*

>>21939769
Lost potential doesn't exist. You didn't waste time, you spent it in a way that disappointed your expectations and don't want to recalibrate your expectations to reality. It's an entitlement issue, where you think potential was guaranteed and owed to you as an inevitable result. The alternative history you want to live in doesn't exist, and the actual potential future you don't want to engage in because you're going to choose to spend it on inertia and want to make out that wasn't your choice. Focus on the actual potential of the future, because the past has none now.

>>21939783
You never waste time, only spend it.

>>21939797
Are you saying that the potential for the future you have after wasting time is always the potential you were going to have?

>>21939806
It's the only potential left. That's how linear history works, and that's all we got until we work out the space time paradoxes of sci-fi time travel. Were you expecting a time machine?

>>21939705
>missing someone that will never be in your life again

why are you being so dramatic and defeatist about this? if you had a disagreement that caused a break in the relationship then you can probably mend things through mutual effort. why sit around and mope and yearn for someone when you could take action to fix things instead? if she’s truly your soulmate then you owe it to her and yourself to give it a shot

It's been tough feeling as if you're the secondary, NPC, character in everyone's world. The loneliness is crippling, but not due to lack of people itself, but because ultimately I feel unwanted and not significant -- I invite people, but never get the same treatment back. As soon as the initiative is halted, the contact dies on itself.

>>21939801
…sometimes on nothing particularly valuable it seems.

>>21939658
The fact that you *not* being upset about her today is so notable that you feel the need to mention it proves that she takes up massive amounts of your mental real-estate. Cringe.

>>21937209
Pridefullness

>>21939811
What if what’s left isn’t what they want? Tough shit, right?

>>21939819
Devaluing your choices will not stop you making them whatever they are.

>>21939827
Well, they could throw a tantrum but I don't think that will help besides the emotional catharsis a three year old might feel from being heard about feeling upset.

>>21939828
That’s true.

>>21939832
Well, there’s no tantrum. But it also doesn’t mean acceptance will help either.

I have a remote job that asks me to do almost nothing. Literally, I have nothing at all to do most days. Somehow, I’m unhappier with my life than I’ve ever been. And I feel like I need to get unhappier. The way out is through.

>>21939843
It's up to you how you choose to spend your time and what you want to call it.

>>21939864
>I have a remote job that asks me to do almost nothing.
I wish that could be me....

>>21939843
I’m so sick of your contant posts about regretting your lost potential. This is exactly the sort of whiny mindset that got you into this mess in the first place. Why waste time whining about how successful you could’ve been if you’d made different choices? Accept that what’s done cannot be undone and stop letting your regrets take over your whole life. You need to make the best of what time you still have left instead of wasting it being a self absorbed pussy. Maybe you can never have your ideal future, but with effort and focus you can still build a life for yourself that’s worth living. If you’ve commited some act of evil that’s burdening your conscience, ruined the lives of others through catastrophic failure, need to sacrifice yourself for a noble cause, or are in a state of unbearable pain then it seems reasonable to consider suicide. Wanting to kill yourself just because you regret your past choices and dislike the fact that you’re not as successful as you’d like to be is just wallowing in self pity and retardation. If you kill yourself over this you’ll be deliberately destroying all of the potential good and worthwhile futures that are still attainable to you. It would be the ultimate act of weakness and faggotry, and the ultimate waste.

What does it feel like to be horny?

My hands shake, I feel my heartbeat in my ears, and I am transported into another reality.
I think adrenaline shoots through my body. My legs feel weak, I lack balance. I can't think at all on anything that isn't fucking my hand to something I dream up in my head. I just want to continue digging deeper into this fantasy, taking it to new extremes as my battered penis tingles at new thoughts, new images, forming in my mind.
It really feels like an euphoric high.This emotion is painfully inttense. A total disconnect between mind and body held only by a single thread: pleasure.
My muscles are aching, my mouth is dry.I can close this little box but I don't want to. I want to keep staring. I want to keep looking into it until my eyes burn away. Because with each second that passes I see deeper and deeper, and I wish to see to the very bottom of it.
I feel evil. Unrepentantly merciless. I tune into the sensibilities of the Marquis De Sade. I allow myself to dream of sensory overload, of uncontrollable excesses, of a bleak reality in which there are no barriers of any sort left between me and naked desire.
I dream impossible things. Bizarre events, blood curling scenarios.

And that's how it feels to cum.

>>21939894
Not that anon but can one really let go of the past? Its not like a person you're not going to see again but rather a body odor.

>>21939896
I like it. Can you write a novel and send it to me?

>>21939909
You can’t let go of the past completely, and everyone has regrets. But wallowing in faggotry and insisting that the rest of your life is worthless is definitely a choice, and a pathetic one.

>>21939918
I think I know whats going on with me. No future prospects and miserable current moment is the ball of the highest class for past regrets and doubts, like those sweet and innocent thoughts saying why bother with anything, you know what happened when you tried.

I made a big boy adventure into town today! I am an adult, I do errands!

>>21939980
What was the scariest part of the experience?

>>21935657
I want to post a thread asking for books with genuine literary value but with characters with big tiddies, but I'm trying to give up porn, but I'm still curious.

>>21939104
I'm still coming for you. I get closer everyday. Your tight little ass hole will be mine. This is the result of your blogposting. You will be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life.

>>21939982
There were two. First, I thanked the waitress too many times and she found it weird. Second, when I got on the bus to go home, it was full, and while deciding whether I was making a social error by trying to cram into the bus, the bus lady yelled at me. But then when I got off the bus I found a penny and saw a goose.

>>21939982
The black people

>>21939896
Your description of the physical and psychological processes of sexual arousal and orgasm are detailed and visceral. Have you ever considered writing transgressive fiction? The pathological element of what you describe strongly reminded me of this personality description in the book that I’m reading right now.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffQ2vmf0ugo
hell ya weekend time to take it easy and slack off don't have to do shit for 48 hours.

>>21939959
You have no idea what’s going on with you and zero insight into yourself. Your very insistence that you are miserable and have no future prospects is a narrative you’ve constructed as a product of your weak and self-pitying mindset, not an objective truth. Regretting the past implies that you acted badly or didn’t try as hard as you should’ve back then. If you actually tried your best in the past, then the resulting negative outcome was a product of external factors, not of your own lack of effort. The fact is that much of life is out of your control, and you have to accept that. Tough shit. Sometimes you don’t get what you want, but whining about it and deciding to stop trying is an utterly childish and faggoty way to respond. All you can do is take control of yourself and your own actions to maximize your future potential and avoid wasting any more time. Grow up and stop being such a fucking pussy.

>>21940088
I think regret implies that the outcome was the result of your own actions and not fate, but that’s often only clear in retrospect.

>>21940097
The
>why bother with anything, you know what happened when you tried

was what I was referring to. If you tried your best in the past, then the negative outcome was not due to a simple lack of effort on your part. Even if you realize in retrospect that your past actions were a mistake that contributed to or caused the negative outcome, that doesn’t change anything, because you didn’t have that knowledge at the time and so you couldn’t have known better or acted any differently. Back then, you did the best that you could with the knowledge, experiences and resources that were available to you, which is the best that anyone can do. Now that you do know better, you are capable of acting differently. Instead of wallowing, try to learn from your past mistakes and apply those lessons when making decisions now.

>>21940088
>>21940136
Do you really think that regret coming from a place where you tried your best and where you didnt, is the same? If anything, trying and failing is more painful as you realize that your desire and willpower is nothing, it doesnt mean shit in the eyes of the world or perhaps destiny or God. Even if I know that feeling sad or angry wont change a bit, not a even a second of past, I still feel it and become angry at myself because according to you, I shouldnt feel anything and only look to the future.

>>21940136
Yeah. Fair point. I think the other type where you perhaps didn’t try because you were unsure or lacked confidence or some other reason or where you tried but in the wrong way is trickier because hindsight is 20/20 but no one has foresight. It’s hard to tell when something is going to be too late until it’s too late.

>>21940200
I have to disagree with you. I think if you can say you acted right and things didn’t work out in your favor, then it was simply something out of your control and that opens the door wider to self forgiveness. In my mind, it’s easier to forgive yourself because something just was the way it was than to forgive yourself for something being the way you made it be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN4w8e432_o
great documentary
terrible, but also fascinating

>>21940200
You’re such a whiny idiot that no amount of reasoning can get through to you because of your stubbornly retarded mindset. I never said that you shouldn’t feel anything, it’s natural to be disappointed and depressed for a time after you fail or lose out on something that you really wanted. You don’t have complete control over your feelings, but you do have some control over how you act in response to those feelings, which is enough for you to try to think differently and change things. Wallowing in misery forever is where the problem lies: you don’t take action because you are sad about the past and feel like you can’t change anything, but your apathetic moping reinforces those feelings and makes it a cycle of failure. That’s why you need to look towards the future, to break the cycle and take control over the things that you still can change. You’ll never forget the pain of the past entirely, but see it as a lesson and try to direct it towards acting differently from now on

>>21940225
I think that forgiveness is the key but I cannot forgive myself for making every major decision wrong. Its like this moping and self-pitying is the punishment for it.
>>21940252
You are right.

>>21940252
I think there’s a disconnect when a person feels like they’re in a race, but they didn’t know it. So when they look up and they realize they stumbled, or they ran in the wrong direction, or they didn’t move because they didn’t know which race they were supposed to run, it can feel like it’s not worth racing anymore because what they really wanted was to win. The question is if they can still win.

>>21940219
Yeah. But it’s also easy to convince yourself that it’s too late when in reality you still have the power to partially remedy some of your past mistakes by approaching the situation a second time armed with your new knowledge and experience. “Why bother? It’s too late now” is a convenient excuse that too often lets you avoid the risk of failure, and gives you a justification to run away from your past mistakes instead of confronting them.

Went to college and didn't undertood anything, network or made friends kekeke JUST fuck my shit up 先輩たち

>>21940315
I’m not sure if all regrets come with new knowledge. Sometimes they’re just regrets.

>>21940313
Maybe they failed to get a head start and can’t win, but it’s better to come in 50th out of 100 than to keep lagging behind and stay in last place or just stop running and give up on the race all together. place than place. Also, life isn’t a race or a situation where one outcome means winning and every other outcome means losing. Maybe you can never achieve fame or wealth, but you still build a worthwhile life that you can learn to be happy with.

>>21940325
>didnt like the course
>never made any connections
>never made any job experience/internships
>did not enjoy the whole experience
JUST

>>21940331
There’s something to be learned from virtually every experience, and if you can’t see it immediately then it may be due to personal involvement that prevents you from having insight into the bigger picture. What regrets do you have that you don’t think came with any new knowledge?

>>21940325
I don’t think anyone really cares about college anymore, dude. Did you know these undergraduates consider “success” an 6 year graduation rate and only half make it? Did you know they keep graduate students for as many as 8 years? Everyone understands it’s a joke, that the only reason anyone goes is because they think they have to for a job. Even the so-called elite institutions have crumbling reputations among the public. So in 50 years probably no one will care what you studied, where you studied, how you studied, or any of it. It will be like reading the private education of some medieval in so and so bishopric. It‘ll mean nothing tangible to anyone. So you shouldn’t care all that much.

>>21940334
Is it though? Some people want to win and they won’t be satisfied with anything else. I agree, that the only sensible option is to start sprinting and remind themselves that if they just keep accelerating they can overtake anyone. But you can understand the feeling of hopelessness surely.

>>21940334
Whether something is worthwhile is subjective. A worthwhile life to one person might not be worthwhile to another.

>>21940341
I’m just thinking about this in the abstract. One thing I’ve had regret about is not having much direction when I was younger. I’m not sure what I could’ve done about that because it simply took me time to really get out of the gravitational pull of my upbringing and environment to expose myself to enough things and find something. I was jealous of people that had direction while they were young for a long time. There’s also not doing things which at the time you think don’t make sense but then when you get older you wish you had done because they would be beneficial for where you’re at now. That’s another hard one because you can’t learn to suspect a thing might make sense later even if it doesn’t now.

>>21940341
>>21940368
I can illustrate the example better. I’m at a stage of my life where I want to do some thing. I can do that thing, maybe, but it would’ve been exponentially better for me to have done another thing a long time ago in order for me to do this thing. But a long time ago, I didn’t think I’d ever want to do this thing. So what can you learn from that? It wouldn’t be smart to say “Oh, well I might want to do this one specific thing in the future so I have to do this other thing to plan for that.” That’s just not really how it works. So I don’t know what you take away from that for the future.

>>21940355
Don’t be so obtuse. My whole point is that your beliefs about life and success
are subjective truths, not objective realities. This includes your belief that your life is not worthwhile. You can work to actively change your mindset, but you refuse.

>>21940350
Part of life is maturing and realizing that you can’t always get what you want, and that in order to move on you need to learn to be satisfied and make the best of what you have. Also, like I said, life isn’t a race that can be won or lost, so the analogy is fundamentally absurd. Different people have different definitions of the good life, and there are multiple sources of happiness and fulfillment that you probably don’t even know are possible because you haven’t made a concerted effort to engage with the world differently and experience new things. The only loss is refusing to face reality and choosing to waste your life mourning an unattainable goal.

>>21939104
>the author
was it all fake?

>>21940058
What book is that, anon?

>>21940388
I have a counterpoint to make but I think I’d have to get a little personal to make it and this isn’t a therapy session. So I’ll just say that I agree with what you said and I don’t agree with what you said.

>>21940518
Go ahead and make you’re counterpoint if you’d like. I’m interested in hearing about your personal experience.

I cant fall asleep and its already 3 am. 3 fucking hours of tossing and turning.

>>21940577
*your counterpoint, autocorrect hates me

>get sad
>want to stuff my belly full of garbage
Only reason I'm not fat is because I'm poor as fuck. As soon as I get a job I will become a fatso

>>21940404
your diary desu

>>21940577
Well, there are a lot of relevant details but I’ll just summarize by saying that I was sort of depressed, apathetic, and aimless for most of my life. At some point, I started looking to history for guidance. I found I especially loved reading biographies of men I admired, I discovered was that a lot of them didn’t have success until later in life, but very often, almost always, one of two things happened early on. Either they found some sort of interest early, and they stuck with it, and they stuck with it, and they stuck with it until they had success. Or somehow fate intervened for them when they relatively young. Maybe they were the son of someone particular, or a relative died in a certain way, or a a war started, just by simple chance they did something early on that would lend itself to what they would end up pursuing later. What they really had in all these cases, was a story. Their life was like a work of art, and even if they suffered or had set backs in the end that story of their life made it all worth it, and only that made it worth it. I wanted that. And in my own life, I looked for the thing that I found early, or I looked for the instance of fate intervening, and I looked and I looked and I looked, but I found nothing. I would pray to God that somehow providence would come to me and I’d be pushed into this path that would be my life. I’m twenty-nine now. I’ve sent up a lot of prayers and in a lot of ways my life has improved a lot from a very, very shitty childhood and a very shitty young adulthood, but I never did figure out that early interest and neither that call to action moment ever come. And that depresses me. I always felt like in lieu of fate’s intervention, I could’ve found that interest early and done something with it, or I could’ve done a particular thing that would benefit what I want now, at this stage in my life. But I didn’t. So while I try to be positive and think “my life has improved” somehow I’m still so radically disappointed with it because I feel either because I didn’t know things early enough or because fate didn’t intervene, I don’t have that story that I desperately wanted and still desperately want, or maybe I do have one, but I just don’t like it. So when I hear things like “well, you can’t always have what you want” I think “sure, if we’re talking about what to have for dinner or what car you want, but not about what makes your life worth it”. So it’s like how do you accept what you don’t want on the scale of your life? I don’t know.

I hate simps. I've seen them all the time. They tolerate their women and then to get out of that anger they larp and become a menace in society.

>>21940518
I did write it out, but I realized it read more like a gut spill than a counterpoint so I deleted it. I would just ask if you suppose someone should accept that “you can’t always have what you want” in cases where what they can’t have is the only thing they want.

In Heaven, you play games and have fun.

>>21940738
Meant for >>21940577

I just realized how boring my life has been. Even on paper this thing is a fucking snooze fest.

lil wayne reaches the heights of the sublime

> 18-24: go to college
> 24-26: live at home, so some internships, short term jobs
> 26-28: work at the exact same college
> 28-30: work at the exact same college but remotely so live at home
What an incredible life. Why shouldn’t I kill myself again?

Down with Western civilization, up with difference and abnormality.

>>21940895

Without going out the door,
Know the world.
Without peeping through the window,
See heaven's Tao.
The further you travel,
The less you know.
This is why the Sage
Knows without budging,
Identifies without looking,
Does without trying.

>>21940738
I’d have to know what the only thing that you want is in order to answer that question.

>>21940948
I don’t see why it would matter though. It’s more of a philosophical question than anything.

At what age do you think you should just forget about going back to school?

I'll never get Hikkis/NEETs who don't throw out their garbage or water bottles. How the fuck do you live with the filth?

>>21941116
some dude at my work did his masters at 70+ and then retired like two years later lmao he just did it cuz work was paying for it tho and he wasn't gonna leave money on the table

recently got totally cut off by a girl I thought was the love of my life, all because I couldn't help but be a fucking schizo. I fucking hate myself so much

>mind's eye
nigga just say mind

>>21935657
Needs more votes

https://strawpoll.com/polls/wAg3Awzwoy8

I feel I could teach a small writing class on a board and that it would benefit anons, but I don’t think anyone would give a shit

It's time for a drastic change in my life

Lately I've been picking up whatever philosophy books I see at the thrift store. So far it's one general history of philosophy, four books of Nietzsche, and Anti-Oedipus. I've never read philosophy so I asked AI what to read and it suggested to start with Beyond Good and Evil. Is that good advice?

>>21941162
I could vote multiple times iif you want

>>21941272
>the ai is a midwit
Lmao

>>21941116
18

>>21940895
Why don't you make friends and do something withyour life outside of work

>>21941125
So what do you think it is if work’s not paying for it and it’s for a career change?

I think my friends are very judgmental and not great to be around - which is a rough realisation to come to after being friends with them for 15+ years.

My housemate doesn't do ANYTHING. He never leaves the house even on the weekends and it drives me nuts.

>>21941116
The 21st century is a good place to start

Next thread

>>21941390
>>21941390
>>21941390

>>21941390
>>21941390
>>21941390