/lit/ - Literature

Why did they thought this guy could pass as Dexter's brother?
Having Dexter kill him doesn't make much sense either

>Zambinella
THAT’s A MAN, BABY

I'm unhappy. All the important milestones and rites of passage that everyone else was so excited for meant nothing to me. My mind was plagued by all kinds of personal problems and I just wasn't focussed enough to be able to engage these things. How am I supposed to care about the school dance when I'm trying not to kill myself? Why should I be excited for college when I'm a shut-in loser? I remember being a teenager and trying to tell people my concerns and distractions and they basically ignored it. To them, speedrunning life events was absolutely essential. It was like checking off boxes. When I actually got to university I was so unfounded that I immediately collapsed and basically went insane. It's been a slow progress of rebuilding myself since then. I dont think I can ever get better really. I lost too much time and now I'm cemented as an outsider. I have improved, and I can put on a good outward act but I cant ever let anyone get too close because I dont want them to see how hollow and wasted I am on the inside.

>>21904565
Super excited for the 1st review of my book on Amazon.ca

>>21904668
lol get laid dude, life is so easy in your 20's, if you can't handle the shit you're going through now, you might as well kys
>t. 44 year old author

>>21904674
44 year old men who have sex are the worst!

>>21904669
Okay, thats an actual worst cover than >>21904650

>>21904674
This is the typical normie mindset that made me so jaded. I went through more shit as a teenager then most people go through in their entire lives. If your biggest concern is having sex then you don't have any real concerns, and to the normie whose mild inconveniences are alleviated by sex, of course the advice given will be "have sex."

>>21904690
Let's see what you've designed?

>>21904692
Please, tell me what you've been through, here is what the author of The Shitkickers went through:
>homeless at 16
>father was a transvestite faggot at 18
>mother killed herself when I was 19
Come on faggot, what happened to you?

>>21904695
here u go

>>21904699
>now posts on 4chan
apple doesn't fall far from the tree of failure, huh?

>>21904565
My emotional disposition is basically a soijak. As in soijak from the gigachad and soijak dialogues where gigachad cheerfully says something about eg. killing hookers and soijak tearfully replies "what the heck, why not be nice". I laugh at the dialogues anyway but I actually agree with the soijak. I am so soft however that I cant even attack people who are not soft, I simply regard the world as a tragedy and me as a helpless retard adrift in it

>>21904710
what's your favourite jak?

>>21904710
I never understood what this was attempting to convey emotion wise other than the onions man dislikes it.

>>21904725
Idk there are a lot of them. Chudjak under the bridge makes me laugh literally every time I see it. His angry little face lurking in the dark like a bridge troll

>>21904699
Raped every second of every day since I was 3, thank you very much!

>>21904704
Audio streams not allowed.
>fuck the entire internet is so fake and gay

>>21904744
What? Just upload a youtube video.

>>21904668
I'd like to say everyone is just pretending, but they're not. You probably had a shitty childhood and matured too early as a direct consequence. Some people are really excited for all of this shit and that's good for them, but that's only because they've never encountered true hardships. I'll clear you mind on some things; you are as hollow and wasted in the inside as anyone else. You just have shit luck and happened to understand who you really are early in life. On the good side of these things, our brain is plastic; stop complaining, force yourself to have a positive outlook on life, ignore the bad thoughts, sleep early, and that'll help a bit. The results are not going to be immediate, but they'll be there. Ah, and don't let anyone fuck with your head once you've fixed yourself. Don't get into doomed relationships if you can help it as crazy women can and will fuck with your head.

>>21904565
My boss made one of the interns cry. She has a habit of berating people for minor mistakes and repeating her criticisms over, and over, and over again. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut, but man, she can be a pretty foul woman. I’m independently wealthy, not even sure why I’m doing this job. I suppose it’s out of the dark desire to maintain the mask of normalcy even though I’m absolutely insane, in the depressive rather than manic sense.

You’re such a selfish cowardly asshole. I wish I’d never met you because you’ve brought nothing but hurt, unhappiness, and confusion into my life.

>>21904808
Post your butt hole

My mom has mentioned she wants me to try online dating like 8 or 9 times. I've been in therapy for years but I've had so many awful experiences with women over the years and has to deal with sexual abuse at home that I'm totally paralyzed. My self confidence was crushed early on and it only got worse from there. I hired an escort to try and get over my litany of insecurities and I couldn't even get hard because I was so anxious. I almost started crying I was so enraged at myself.

>>21904565
finishing my first year of uni. afraid a humanities degree won't be worth shit, but I hate stem to the extent that I would kms if I had to be an engineer.

>>21904565
THAT'S NOT THE LINK TO THE PREVIOUS THREAD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

PREVOUS THREAD
>>21899604
>>21899604
>>21899604

>>21904826
>has to deal with sexual abuse at home
From your mom?

>>21904481
I just had a birthday, and I’m really bothered by how my life’s gone to this point.

I've been reading In Cold Blood. It's a good book, an engaging telling of fucked up real life events. But I'm most struck by the character of Perry Smith. He seems like the kind of guy who would post here, in this thread, about how his life wasn't going so well. He has no luck with women; he was physically disfigured due to a motorcycle accident and is extremely self-conscious of it. He is of above average intelligence and believes himself destined for greatness because of that. He is "sensitive," as he is quick to point out. He has aspirations as an artist, and while he is not untalented, he is also not exceptional. He seems to abide by some moral code, and yet despite that he could murder innocent people. I can't help but feel for him, in a way. Dick mostly seems like a callous retard, but Perry is the kind of wayward soul who, given better circumstances, could have at least lived a normal life.

I keep trying to master classical languages but seem to hit a ceiling every time. I just can't become fluent and I still have to depend on dictionaries to read basic books. It's been nearly 6 years. I feel like a total failure (-__-)

>>21904928
I havent read this one in ages. Perry is the queer that Capote had a hard on for while Dick was the ebophile right

Frank Zappa eating cheese.

>>21904728
Chudjak
In Czech chudak means a loser, someone to pity

>>21904952
Yeah basically. It's funny, my wife said the same thing about Perry even though I haven't seen much indication of that in the book itself (she said we should watch some biopic about Capote that explains that whole thing). He expresses a lot of disgust about the "queer stuff" he saw and experienced in the navy, it's easy to read him as closeted but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions.

>>21904565
it's weird thinking i'm 25 and i'm already like 1/3 through my life. i've only got two more of these at best? i mean yeah i might live a LITTLE longer than 75 but not by much

I tone down my excitement because it bothers others - reminds them of their own misery.

>>21904987
Chud at least has his dignity. He will not go down without a fight, despite his comical impotence.

Is anyone here happy?

Do you think failure to get on any sort of path by a certain age means you’re screwed? If you were meant for something, there would be signs or tendencies fairly early on right?

>>21905053
>Do you think failure to get on any sort of path by a certain age means you’re screwed?
>If you were meant for something, there would be signs or tendencies fairly early on right?
you're asking two different questions. the answer to the first is no, there are endless amounts of opportunities for you to succeed - and while it is true that sometimes success is up to sheer luck rather than virtue, that does not change the fact for example, countless people are supporting their lives with as simple work as serving alcohol to drunk patrons. it is never too late to choose a path.
to answer your second, I think the answer is yes. if you were a prodigy your talents would have been recognized and you likely would have been set on a path to "success" except this would only really occur if you belong to a high-class affluent family who knows how to cultivate that natural talent without turning you into a burnout by age 16. of course there are exceptions to both and I see more exceptions in the latter, it is still very possible you have an unrecognized talent which may or may not be very useful or beneficial, but I do not believe that you are one to consider chasing after something that you aren't certain exists.

>>21905053
While you can always try again, failing does imply a fault. I dont know about signs, but having good habits/preperation helps in most things. If you want something and conditions allow for it, go for it. I gave up on all career aspirations. But I have hobbies I guess.

>>21905024
No. I just get the feeling modern society somehow breeds unhappiness. You read about how Google algorithims feed people content that encourages negative emotions just to push more ads. Society has become so insane it's actively drugging people with rage and depression.

>>21905053
Yeah. I'm afraid that when I hit 30 my life is over. I've never had a gf, don't have any friends and failed at learning any of the languages I want to study. If I turn 30 that means I've wasted my entire youth.

>>21905098
>If I turn 30 that means I've wasted my entire youth
I've been seeing a lot of this sort of talk here lately. Stop obsessing over your "wasted youth." You can either start trying to achieve your goals now or not, being a sad bitch about it isn't going to help you in any way.

>>21904990
I read wayyy back in high school. My english teacher insisted that he's gay and that he and Capote had a low key romance.

>>21905124
Where does this come from? Why do we think 30 is old now all of a sudden?

>>21905153
In a way it makes sense. Now more than ever, there are droves of men without any skills or accomplishments to speak of (the same could be said of women, but their historical position as coddled objects makes them feel this less sharply, I think). No prospects, few opportunities or need to change, ample distractions. It all adds up. But for the love of god guys, stop wasting your days bitching about it and go attempt to do what you've always wanted. What do you really have to lose?

>>21905175
Everything seems to have a price these days and I don't have any money but the hard part is how disheartening everything is.

>>21905229
I concur with this anon. School and training is expensive and then you add in the new social values it wears at you. Id like to be a doctor but Im already 29 and it costs money I literally cant get even with the worst intereat rate loans. Also i feel like killing myself everyday(Im not depressed but the thought is a constant daydream). It wears you down

>>21905075
I’m just very depressed and I feel hopeless.

>>21905124
Everyone knows you can go after your goals at any age. We just also know that the past has certain implications for the future. If the past is that unhappy, why should the future be promising?

>>21905277
I got accepted into an elite university but became a wagie instead because I couldn't afford to go. At the same time rich kids with worse grades could go. I ended up in a dorm with 6 people working a low wage job in Indonesia. It's like every step up and you get kicked in the teeth. What I don't understand is why people are so passive. If this was a third world country or 19th century France, people would be rioting in the streets but nobody is.

Wrote this poem in imitation of hopkin in about 40 minutes, unsure if I should continue it or not.

flustered by a flock my heart flutters,
forming in fierceness the falling fouls,
darting down with a force like thunder,
wonder I wondered their dark-wings How?!

black jets jet black from high to under,
I to shuddering stuttering “ground!”
quick to bound! they fly upper!
rolling with wind-waves, round!

billows of billows they’re built profound!
welked by wind from the pale welkin!
held from hell by a halt to their brow!
I’ll now for a while, stay, jailed, and celled in;

but was first to see, to soar, to the lord, thou!
this bird is me, or more, I will dwell in
this earth and blink, reborn by thy boughs,
in an instant shift as thy shift, I will bow!

>>21905153
This is a literature board. Can you name any authors who started after 30? There are a handful, but they have unique and successful backgrounds. Otherwise, I can think of none. When you start to notice this trend not just in literature, but in every arena that one might want to enter, it starts to appear almost like a law of the universe and such a law can be radically depressing for someone today who is ambitious in some arena, but lived a life typical for someone today. Even normal healthy relationships and family life feel out of reach for so many today. It’s like we have nothing.

>>21905305
>in an instant shift as they shift, I will bow!*

>>21905306
>Even normal healthy relationships and family life feel out of reach for so many today. It’s like we have nothing
See the case of Perry Smith, mentioned above. He has the distinction (I suppose) of being immortalized in a non-fiction novel about a horrendous crime that he committed. I suppose there must have been many like him at that time. Now you guys at least can find each other.

It's over. The sun is fallen. Billions must sleep

>get autoimmune problem mostly under control after months of being too sick to do anything
>finally doing things again
>pollen season hits and I have new allergies
>People start asking me if I'm okay or need medical help when I go out in public again
Fkfgkgkgkfkfkfkfkfktk

Should I make a discord to meet people on /soc/ or is that a god awful terrible no good idea

>>21905357
Chad pollen vs virgin allergy haver

>>21905364
Lol the allergy is new. But yeah the trees are winning

>>21905298
Bread and circus became netflix, doordash, uber eats. SNRI plus everyone feels its just them. A singular instance of despair and isolation when its really widespread. Caused by the jews and their shabbos goy.

>>21905075
>to answer your second, I think the answer is yes
Suicide fuel

Think I'm going to start a substack where I just schizo ramble into a speech-to-text program and have chatgpt rewrite it into a legible format.

The hardest part is the decision to go to bed or stay up all night. The lights are out, the volume of the ciry reduced to a distant train horn and a police sirens wail. Fireflys settle in the leaves and children are tucked into bed. Take another sip. A deep draught. Sleep or debauchery?

>>21905361
/soc/ is full of very maladjusted people who couldn't succeed in socializing elsewhere so they do it on 4chan. You might find one or two cool people but they're gonna be mostly unstable types, people desperate for attention, etc.

>>21904699
>having a father and a mother
not gonna make it as an author

>>21905153
Can you name a single author who got started at or after 30?

Fuuuuck it's almost 3am and I have to wake up at 7 it's over

>>21905497
Hemingway

>>21905497
Umberto Eco

>>21905497
Off the top of my head. https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallace_Stevens

“His first major publication (four poems from a sequence titled "Phases" in the November 1914 edition of Poetry) was written at age 35, although as an undergraduate at Harvard, Stevens had written poetry and exchanged sonnets with Santayana. Many of his canonical works were written well after he turned 50.

>>21905500
Go buy coffee at an all night diner like the loner you are

>>21905475
>tfw I'm so maladjusted that I actually considered /soc/

"The Neoplatonist-to-Transgender pipeline strikes again... sad..."

>>21905537
Not surprising. "Everything is like le same thing but also different weee what even are definitions I can be a girl". Deleuze is even worse

>>21905516
/soc/ used to work about ten years ago, it's all guys posting their dicks at eachother now though.

It worked as an egirl sieve before discord became the name of the game. Now if you want to meet egirls you have to sign up and line up to orbit them for a million years and subscribe to their onlyfans. The gold rush is over boys. It's time to pack it up.

>>21905564
>if you want to interact with e girls
I would actually pay money if there were some way to use an only male 4chan

>>21905571
also if it's american only, i don't want to have to deal with islamic, indian or russian bullshit.

it was summer weather for one day and i got sunburn literally just from going for lunch. what the hell.

What the fuck am I suposed to do for the next few hours before bedtime

>>21905575
Any anglo countries are fine other than Australia. Its unreal how bad they are

i was gonna post a link to that new romy song "enjoy your life" but when i searched for it on youtube i got a bunch of youtube shorts of people having absolutely nasty pimples and blackheads removed. youtube is such a piece of shit. luckily youtube is becoming increasingly irrelevant with music on apple music, gaming on twitch, and tutorials on linkedin learning. fuck youtube. that was gross as shit.

>>21905589
Watch a movie
Do some needlepoint
Construct a fort and have hot chocolate in there
Do meal prep for the next month
You know, anything that's not reading a book

>>21905592
there seem to be an awful lot of spammy assholes from australia. they're definitely overrepresented in wannabe eceleb shill types for some reason.

>>21905597
>reading
HAH, what do you think this is? A Book board? AHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>21905589
Go for a run.
Go for a drive.
Or you can always express the reptile in the desert, a slow grin hungry dark summer heat you know what I mean

>>21905602
>tfw they deleted the text only books board due to lack of interest
IKR?

>>21905597
So basically anything to wait out the clock. It all feels pointless

>>21905651
Building forts is very important tyvm

>>21905597
>>21905602
>>21905612
>"Where do you think we are right now?
I cri ebri tiem

Do you regret it even a little? Do you feel even the smallest bit ashamed of yourself? You should.

>>21905665
No, that McDonalds was delicious, but I'm gonna hop back onto my fast now...

>>21905503
Was a journalist immediately after high school.

>>21905507
Maybe. It seems like he wrote television scripts after college and wrote at least one thesis.

>>21905512
Started, not published. There are no examples that wrote very little or didn’t write at all before 30.

>>21904565
Being alone out in the world is scary. When I'm alone in a public space, I suddenly feel like a little kid again. Like I feel extremely constrained in the possible actions I can take, and like a little thing beneath all these big serious adults who have everything together . They can always tell I'm weird. I'm still just a child who fumbles over basic interactions & end up seeming ridiculous as a result.
I'm always either seen as ridiculous in a harmless sense or people become suspicious of me. I give off a suspicious aurora.
I always thought as a kid one day I'd just wake up and be an adult & things would no longer scare me, but that didn't happen. Everything seems potentially dangerous and fragile. I wish I could just withdraw into some isolated castle where I wouldn't have to worry anymore. Walking into a new open space I feel this instant heavy weight of all the others eyes. I wish I could just boldly stride into a public space and say whatever I want, but I don't belong. I don't deserve to take up others' space.
I've never fit in and sometimes feel like there's no place for me anywhere on this earth.

Trying to diet but I'm depressed so ima have a chicken pot pie and a beer. Might pick up a pack of smokes.

The GitHub website is still the second thing to show up under Google search results, even after the relevant keywords were ostensibly removed at your behest. Checking the archived version of the page from January 27th 2023 using the Wayback Machine made things very clear. If you want to be a cowardly paranoiac and hide for no reason like a scared little kid then at least cover your tracks thoroughly. It’s not as though I would do anything anyway, contrary to what you seem to believe. It just infuriates me that you want to act as though I’m the villain in this narrative, when your shitty, selfish behaviour was what started all of this in the first place. I would never hurt you: you’re the one who went out of your way to hurt me. Grow the fuck up.

>>21905775
What the flying fuck are you talking about

>>21905775
How you holding up today, stalkerchan?

>>21905779
What do you think?

>>21905781
>finding information that can be discovered in under 5 minutes through Google is stalking

lmao

>>21905779
It's a schizo who thinks they can talk to someone who yeeted themselves from the schizo's life. Schizo seems to be stalking whoever these rants are about, and judging by schizo's post, they locked their shit down pretty tight

>>21905789
>"On the next episode of: To Catch An Autist...

>>21905789
you wouldn’t know anything about it

>>21905789
Sorry, >>21905789
>thinks they can talk to someone who yeeted themselves from the schizo's life
I left out the schizo thinks whoever it is reads 4chan/lit and seems to be posting here in hopes whoever is avoiding them will have convos with him.
Several anons have pretended to be whoever he's stalking the past few threads

>>21905795
again, you wouldn’t know anything about it. fuck off.

>>21905795
Is that the girl who wont post her butt hole?

>>21905802
That's the one

Stalker-chan, forget that loser you're hung up on. I'll treat you right.

>>21905805
Leave me the fuck alone. You won’t be bothered by my posts for much longer, because I won’t be around for much longer anyway.

>>21905810
I'll love you right baby

>>21905815
I don’t want to be loved. I just want to stop existing.

>>21905820
A little love would kick the life right back in you

>>21905820
I mean I'm sure you'll feel the same when he fucks you in the ass so what is the harm in letting the other anon do it? You won't feel any different :D

How do fags and women do it? I do not want to smell my penis and testicles, I can't imagine someone else having to put their face near my penis and testicles

>>21905824
It’s too late for anything like that, because I’ve already decided on how I’m going to end things. The last time I tried in November it was via an impulsive OD. It was a weak and pathetic attempt, but this time I’m going to make sure that I succeed. I can’t get a gun and I’m too scared of blood to slit my wrists, so I’ve determined that I’m going to drown myself. It’s the second most lethal method according to the research I’ve done, and apparently after the initial brief struggle it’s relatively painless. I’m going to walk at night a couple of miles outside the city limits to the lakeside—I’ve already found a secluded spot to do it. I’ll wear my heavy down parka with rocks in the pockets and zip tie my hands together. Probably combine a bunch of benzos and alcohol beforehand to make it easier. It should work, I think.

I feel strangely clear-headed now. I just need a few days to get everything in order. I have to clean my room and dispose of my journals and any private belongings that I don’t want people to find when I’m gone. Decide what to leave my friends and family and what to donate to charity. Then I have to figure out what to say and write a note.

The only thing that gives me pause is the thought that my parents will be really sad. Thanks to what happened on Monday my mom already thinks I’m going to try to kill myself again, and she texted me saying “If anything happened to you I could not go on. Life would not be worth living.” But even if she doesn’t understand it right now, my whole family would be better off if I was dead and not draining their resources. She has other things to live for—my siblings and my dad and her work. I don’t. I need to make it stop for good.

>>21905834
Are you really gonna do that because some guy ghosted you?

>>21905839
It’s not only because of him. It’s because I’ve lost everything. I’m tired of trying and I just want to rest. I’m tired of struggling against my obsessive and anxious thoughts and working at things that bring me no satisfaction. I’m tired of being alone. I tried to explain so many times but he wouldn’t hear me. No one can.

>>21905834
You are going to absolutely destroy your mother and any others. They will not get over this. You have no idea how unimaginably devastating this will be for your mother. You can't even begin to comprehend it. I've watched it happen. It will destroy her in a way ten times more painful than the pain you're in now except she will live with it for the rest of her life like she's being stabbed in the heart by it forever.

You are doing the most selfish thing you could ever do, you are literally damning your mother to hell. You can't even imagine how much your mother cares, like literally you can't comprehend it. Even I have only gotten glimpses of it after spending a long time with people this has happened to, and it's what made me realize a mother's love is easily the most powerful irrational religious feeling that exists on this planet. You are going to take the religious intensity of that love and chain it to her neck and drag her into hell. I don't care how unhappy you are, I would live ten shit lifetimes in my worst manic depressive hell states to avoid inflicting even a minute of that pain on your mother. For the love of god don't do it, don't flirt with the idea anymore.

Even with everything I know and everything I've seen I can barely hold 1% of the pain you're about to cause in my mind and I can convey even less of that over the internet in text. I'm trying to write this in the hopes that you will see how serious I am and catch the light bouncing off of me from the original source, the person I'm thinking of, and her actual pain, so you can get at least some glimmer of what you are talking about causing. I seriously can't convey this to you enough. Turn back from this path now.

>>21905857
I knew someone who committed suicide and his mother was devastated. Eventually she had to take medications just to go on functioning in daily life and taking care of her other kids. Last I saw her, she was basically drugged up and catatonic. But her other son said she would cry at night and in the mornings.

>>21905834
are you really going to kill your self to spite some dude?

Everything started to go wrong for me in college. I wasted 6 years there. It was all downhill from there.

Somehow, I've probably managed to let a girl play me yet again. I don't know how many times it'll take me to really learn. Or maybe I'm overreacting, but I think there's an 80% chance I'm not. We'll see how keen she is to talk to me tomorrow.

>>21905890
Same. I know people irl who are in a similar boat. Think modern society just beats the average guy down

>>21905834
>I’ll wear my heavy down parka
Is it a pink puffy parka

>>21905889
I’m not doing it to spite him. If he even finds out about it he’ll probably just be relieved that he’ll never have to deal with me again. He certainly won’t feel any responsibility or guilt. In that sense, this is probably the best thing for both of us. Or at least on my end this is the only way that I see it actually ending.

>>21905894
I don’t want to be the average guy. I’ve never wanted to be average.

>>21905853
>Write a book about it
>transform your pain into a story
>in turn the story transforms you and you begin to accept reality
>end up possibly being hailed as a literally genius

>>21905815
Sick freak

>>21905898
No. It’s this parka. It was a birthday gift from my mother last year. I suppose that’ll make it worse for her when she finds out, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

>>21905917
The fur trim is sexy but the rest of the parka is meh. Anyway, dont do it.

I actually find my biography embarrassing.

This poem was written by Bing's ChatGPT

>>21905153
I have a theory that the valuation of youth follows the feminine path of having to get everything in a row as young as possible for what used to be biological reasons. Men used to have their careers really begin at 35.
There’s nothing wrong with valuing the vitality and vigor of youth but I don’t think this is some Netzchean thing that we’re doing.

>>21905917
>still wearing coats
life is great where I am its around 80F/27C here :D

>>21905943
Marcus Aurelius said poems are gay and a waste of time!
*dabs*

>>21905960
Wheres that?

Embarrassingly, I have developed some unironic affection towards you

>>21905960
I’m wearing it because it’s heavy and will expedite things, not because the weather warrants it.

>>21905967
capitol of burgerland

Wfh turned out to be a huge disaster for me at the most important yrs of my life. I should kms.

>>21905986
Yeah yeah yeah covid fucked up all of us at a pivotal moment in life.

>>21904565
1/2
Six years ago when I was in my late teens I worked as a counselor at a sleepover camp in the outskirts of a nearby small town. Among my cabin of 12 and 13 year olds was a boy I'll call J. I got to know J a lot better than I did most of the other kids in that cabin which was no surprise given we had a lot in common. Like me, he clearly spent more time than he should on the internet. He, I, and a few other kids actually made a group we called "Sensei Franku-kun's Weaboo Squad" and did the Naruto run around the camp to give you an idea. He also told me he browsed 4chan, something which was obviously reflected in his sense of humour for which 'twisted' would be too light a descriptor. Even for me it was a bit much. I woke up one morning to see that he had tied a small noose and hanged his teddy bear from the rafters. That's an image which will be permanently imprinted in my brain until I die or the blissful tides of dementia wash it away.

Spending too much time on this website wasn't J's only problem though. As I got to know him more closely over the course of the summer I learned that he had a father who was first abusive and by that point absent and a mother who was only interested in being his best friend when she took a break from her sexual liberation. Yet despite all that, he had a lot going for him. He was smart, mature for his age both emotionally and physically, and was outgoing enough to be able to make friends and talk to girls.

Regardless, during the school year after camp ended his mental health took a turn for the worse culminating in his mother reaching out to me while I was away at university. She told me that he had threatened suicide and that she thought it could be good for his mental health if I gave him some attention because, according to her, he admired me a great deal. I was hesitant but I ultimately agreed and when I got back from school that year we went to lazer tag. I also had the opportunity to meet his mother in person, which basically confirmed the stories that her son had told.

I never saw J in person again but I kept in very occasional contact with him over Snapchat and Instagram over the next couple of years. In 2019 he came out as transgender and changed his name, which his mother contacted me about and told me she was fully supportive of. To me it seemed obvious that this was a cry for help and attention from a child who lacked any masculine role models whatsoever, but I didn't want to start an argument and quite frankly I didn't see it as my business so I just told her I'm happy if her kid is happy.

I got one more update from J's mother in 2020 telling me that her son had detransitioned and had decided to reestablish contact and move in with his father, something which devastated his mother but I saw as a positive development. Unfortunately that didn't last long and within less than a year he retransitioned.

>>21905998
2/2
The last time I spoke to J was in December, by which point it had been roughly two years since we last spoke. He added me from a new Instagram account and we had a brief conversation about what's going on in our lives, but I didn't put much effort into it. Looking through his profile I felt nothing but pitty. He didn't look remotely like a woman. One picture featured him wearing a Pizza Hut maid outfit in public. His comment section was full of encouragement from his Discord friends.

But this Monday his mother reached out to me again. J killed himself. He was 18. I cried a bit when I heard the news knowing that this poor kid never had a stable father figure and every other adult in his life enabled him. I feel guilty that I didn't do more to help when he and his mother reached out to me. I feel angry that this deranged Queer gnostic cult killed someone I knew. But I doubt myself. I don't know if these are the feelings I should be feeling and, given this kid was never a particularly important part of my life, I don't know if I should be feeling anything about it at all. What do I take in from this? What lesson do I learn here? What can I do about how I feel?

Stuck in your maze,
lost chasing the hurt.
"I'll free you tomorrow" you pert.

I am metaphor, I can make common sense, more intense,
I have the unique ability to enhance the joy and tragedy of reality and give it more texture and depth
more or less, i can create this illusion from your vivid imagination, so that your heart feels every subtle detail
you see, I’m metaphor
im the colorful thoughts you’ve been keeping, but should be free,

the visions of success, that youve been seeking
so permanent joy or more vivid, deeper meaning, expressed with more intense feeling I mean, metaphorically speaking
im like the best part of sex being freaky
or like the best part of cheating is being sneaky
sometimes if you need dangerously delicate descriptions of decadence state, you seek me

I’m very ambitious,

I seek the type of verbal bliss, that i created something zest, so delicious
yes, i am metaphor,
i am for instance, the all need to feel the needle upon your skin, or sting like a bee, get the point

the picture is strong, you see where im going
im a meta-

Written before sleeping

i languor among many lacquered toys,
lazily resting with my little trinkets,
the soldier sword, the android, and my joy;
a dark book so I, sleepless, am not dreamless.

the lady and the drunkard, dog and prince.
the fight, the pride, the terror of the night,
passing each page, these past worlds, this imprint,
my eyes are straining, but are filled with light.

though I am cold, I shall be warm again,
this wood, kindling each moment with the heat,
memories, flakes of fire drawn once again,
and briefly if I look deeply, I see;

peace. peace and deeper peace, of men my friends,
release to each, in evry breath of wind,
“we will return” I know the dead are blessed,
for even now they see the secret shrine.

that seat of thine, where see the blind, the face,
you, who is known as “he” and as “who is”
who In the womb had whispered my true name,
and had given me to worlds of new-bliss.

do this now for me, secret one, my gem,
whose name’s echo is emrold mountains piled,
whose name is water from a fountain mild,
i ask, do not leave, sweetest love, my friend.

I just want some attention!

>>21906057
(You)

>>21906057
giving anon some attention!

>>21905834
Don’t kill yourself. This guy isn’t worth going to hell.

>>21906057
NO, YOU GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!!

>>21906052
nice. what inspired the images?

>>21906085
its how he felt after he fucked your mom :^)

Just woke up from a disturbing dream where I find two old friends dead in the bathroom. The top of their heads has been blown off so I think it's suicide. What does this mean?

>>21906084
Oh h-hey

>>21905967
One thing I like about the Cathars is that they accidentally agreed with Buddhists in that they believed this world was the area outside the gates of Hell. All of the beauty of this world is evil because it is beautiful. The pain and suffering speaks for itself, but the pleasures and beauty of the world is even more dangerous because its the Illusionary world attempting to get its hooks into you and drag you through the gates of hell once you die.

>>21906085
Eh a lot of different stuff, when you write in the sentimental style you have to choose images close to your memories.

The sword android and dark book are referring to obsessions I’ve had since a child, the four mentioned in the second stanza each refer to friends I’ve known who have died, the fight and pride and so forth being obscurely reference to a very important night of violence and the. Admixture of emotions I had that night, third is a couple of different things mostly extending off of other poems I’ve written before, since when you write a lot you create these little narratives between poems. Etc. Only the last stanza rises about the little emotions into images of actual significance beyond myself.

On one hand, to write sentimentally is fun, on the other, I really do believe it worse than the cold style. But that’s enough ranting from me, goodnight anon.

>>21906094
Mine last night was pure sex. Very graphic sex, including anal with this one girl. It was basically a lucid dream. Nothing but sex. Sex all night.

>>21906094
Iunno get a dream interpretation guide. It could be something as lame as the friendship between you guys are ending, it could mean that you are enabling something within them that will destroy them, it could mean that they will literally die, it could mean a spiritual death, it could mean a lack or death of intelligence/wisdom/knowledge, it could literally mean millions of things. It could have nothing to do with your friends, they could just be symbols of something you care about on a level of a friend. Its a highly personal thing because of how people see symbols and such. Someone saying "I saw a Nazi flag" could be interpreted half way across the earth, in the Hindu religion as "I saw a flag with the symbol of good luck." Get in touch with yourself, meditate maybe, pray to God, go for a walk, take time alone. Write it down and think back to something that happened that might vaguely coincide with that and be on the look out for stuff like that in the future.
If it was me, I would take it as a sign that I would need to cut contact with these friends. But I rarely take advice from dreams unless they are reoccurring.

>>21906079
I don’t know if I’ll go to hell. I guess I just hope that there’s no afterlife, or that God will understand and take mercy on me.

>>21906119
You must love yourself. Love yourself. I say a beautiful creature should love herself, so now. I love me at the moment. Sometimes at noon I hate myself. Those stupid Noonday Demons! Fuck you!

>>21906118
I probably should have mentioned that I've not spoken to these two in years and this is literally the first time in a long time where they have appeared in my head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze_HiDL9VrY

>>21905834
>>21906119
Your suicide plan is shit, btw. Just do drop hanging. Painless, instant death.

Or you can accept the burden of life and trundle on best you can. Just think -- what if whatever comes after death is even worse than your life is now? You would sure feel silly then, wouldn't you?

>>21906128
Then I would lean their presence on the side of symbolic? If you seperated on friendly terms you could reach out to see if they are alright and if they bite they bite, if they don't they don't. I wouldn't tell them "I saw it in a dream" unless you want to be an ancient greek chad and you literally don't give a fuck what they think of you.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/3KE7-a-8HkM

>>21906136
>shorts don't embed
fucking lame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IieuHSVAfc
here is the basic gist.

>>21904699
There are far worse things than all of that and this isn't a competition either. The least you could do is empathize with a fellow human being but you aren't even capable of that

>>21906133
>In one mile coom inside of me
Never thought I'd like this kind of music, but you presently surprised me Anon
>Man starts singing
nvm ruined...
here have a song that I think encapsulates this general pretty well imo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCcdRHw0w_0

>>21906133
>>21906145
>girl starts singing
nvm went from good, to shit, to okay now

>>21905500
Rookie numbers

>>21906146
>dub dubs
I kneel

>>21906145
>>21906146
I don't disagree. I've listened to the girl's solo work and was disappointed. This is her best song.

>>21906145
No me gusta. It's like Flogging Molly but without the charm

>>21906154
Flogging Molly only has certain songs I like and yeah they are within the same genre, but Flogging Molly to me sounds less authentic and/or more "produced" if that makes sense.

>>21906154
>>21906156
your all degenerates, this is the song that the thread doesn't need but deserves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF92-uSiVZQ

>>21906159
>and your Mother didn't want any you were an accident
Savage :(

I have constant anxiety that feels like nausea 24/7. Cute girls come up to me and want to hook up but I don’t think I can get it up anymore. I desperately want to an hero. This is all torture. Anyone else have constant nausea from their depression/anxiety? Any relief? I can’t seem to find any.

>>21906135
I don’t want to traumatize my roommates by killing myself in my apartment and having them find my body. Drowning is supposed to be slightly more effective than hanging anyway.

>>21906179
The fact you are stressing out about literally nothing but sex show how tightly wound you are. Go on a retreat or a vacation when you get a chance. No electronics, attempt to fap or fap less, go walk around in nature, just relax. I think you have Ouroboros anxiety or self-fueling anxiety.

My daughter isn't feeling well.

>>21906181
Drowning sucks, I would rather blow my brains out

No offense

>>21906185
I can only imagine the looks you got from the delivery driver as he delivered you that sex doll...

>>21906184
>Ouroboros
Don't get too happy

>>21906189
I like the look and sound of the word, sure it makes me look pretentious as fuck but I like how it looks and sounds so much more than "circular" and I think that Ouroboros is way of describing it in terms of self-destruction than circular.

>>21904565
elephants look kind of antisemitic if you think about it

>>21906191
Anxiety is well-justified if eternal recurrence exists

>>21906184
>The fact you are stressing out about literally nothing but sex show how tightly wound you are
My anxiety doesn’t stem from not having sex. It stems from a past traumatic event that scarred me for life. Because of it, I just want to die 24/7. That’s why I’m anxious. The girls that like me because I’m attractive but i’m too impotent to do anything is just salt in the wound. I almost could of been a normie. I don’t know what to do.

>>21906195
depends on the eternal recurrence and it depends on the outlook.

>>21906199
Have we had this conversation before?

I am dejected https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7mY4bisW84

I’m 31 and going out with a 19 year old. Is this wrong? Be honest please. Chuds are welcome to give their opinion.

>>21906198
Healthy diet, lots of sleep, meditate, exercise (specifically running), walks, spend time alone and in a quiet spaces, find friends/support, Journal. Religion might help, it might not help.
It won't magically fix you but it will help over time, you might not feel like its making a difference at first but the longer you do it the more you dig out of that hole and it could mean all the difference between a 25 year deep hole and a 10 or 15 year deep hole. Be like the ships I help salvage and use those habits as ballasts to rise again to the water's surface.
>>21906201
Yes and no

>>21906208
>yes and no
I'll see you next time then.

>>21906210
see you on the other side

>>21906208
Thanks anon. I try my best but honesty it feels like i’m just sinking. I only feel like I’m getting worse and I’ve changed into a better person but the pain has only intensified since I have. I feel like an eternal fraud.

>>21906211
There wouldn't be any other side with eternal recurrence, that's why it's called eternal recurrence

This is deja vu all over again.

>>21906207
Do you feel like what you're doing is wrong?

>>21906207
No. I'd say about 10+ wife is fine with any age man.

>>21906213
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhop5VuLDIQ
The hardest thing for many of us to do is to forgive ourselves, but it is always darkest before the dawn, some people take their whole lives to forgive themselves. Its a constant battle, but its a battle that can be won. Song related Anon.

I have to pee so bad, but I wanted to type and post this message first.

>>21906215
What does the middle represent anon?

>>21906222
I do because I don’t see a future wife in her. But I long for connection and she’s hot.

>>21906231
Then end it, easy you solved it yourself. "Always water the lotus inside of you" aka always take the higher road/path. The more you indulge yourself the more emotionally damaging it will be for both of you.

I feel so relieved. Life is 10x better.

>>21906229
Both of us I'm afraid

>>21905709
>I give off a suspicious aurora.
I relate to this. Have you ever fucked someone up by looking at them? As in, someone notices that you're looking at them and they bristle up and fumble? If you shed your ego these things become kind of funny.
One time I was at an open mic with my father (he's a hobby guitarist). This girl was on stage, a very talented singer. I was looking around the room, listening to the song, when I casually (or so I thought) I looked in her direction. She was apparently watching me the whole time because when I looked at her, our eyes met and her voice broke. She looked away, posture changed, voice slightly wavering. My countenance is so unsettling that I almost ruined her performance just by being present in the audience. Later, behind me at another table, and I could hear her talking to the boyfriend, "... he just kind of looks around and then looks you right in the face..." She sounded mad. I went to the next one a week later just so I could look at her and piss her off, but she hasn't been back since. Stupid bitch.

>>21906240
In certain interpretations it represents the mind. The Ouroboros being the dividing spiritual boundary of our minds and everything. We are everything but also separated and walled off from it. Ergo, yes eternal recurrence can end with never ending anxiety, unless your mind understands and is truly aware that it is both nothing and also a part of everything. Once that has been firmly understood and dissolution of ego takes place there is no more need for anxiety. Death is just the Snake biting its own tail and releasing you back to where you belong.

>>21906247
No, it literally means an infinite loop of time and this life (or reincarnation) again and again

Death would not be anatta or no-self like the buddhists theorized (that is, if eternal recurrence is true) It would be this life, or another, again and again, forever

>>21906225
Thanks fren. I just let out tears hearing the last verse of the song. I’m a wreck.

>>21906251
But what does the middle space that it encloses mean?

>>21906234
Can I indulge and no damage done? Unfair other guys will indulge in her and I won’t.

>>21906257
It means the snake eats itself forever, what did you think it meant?

>>21906260
The part that isn't the snake is the snake? What?

>>21906263
What kind of snake are you looking at guy?

Using food sexually disgusts me.

>>21906252
np, I've been through my own dark times and had no one around. I had to figure it out for my self and it sucked. That being that this sea shanty has actually saved people's lives. I still sing the song myself when life gets hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT-aEcPgkuA

Either way, I rest my case

>>21906259
>Can I indulge and no damage done? Unfair other guys will indulge in her and I won’t.
You can rationalize it anyway you want to, the choice is up to you. Generally, women don't like being fucked and used then being broken up with when they feel secure, it fucks up their minds and makes them paranoid. And as for you, well you'll just slowly become more callous to other people over time, just like most people in the world nowadays I guess.

>>21906259
I wouldn't want a girl using me for my money for dinner dates and other shit then cheating on me or breaking up with me out of no where because she was just riding me till someone better came along.

>>21906185
Anime will do that

>>21906264
this part

>>21906284
There's only a snake in that picture

If you thought otherwise then reconsider what I wrote

>>21906231
>>21906259
I was gonna ask some more questions but I feel like I can already make the assessment that you probably should call it quits.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poincar%C3%A9_recurrence_theorem

>>21906292
What if she wants to just indulge too and knows there is no real future in the relationship? Would that be ok?

>>21906207
I'm chud-adjacent and don't see any issue with it.

>>21906286
Talking about the space friend, but I like this conversational Uroboros that we have set up.

>>21906206
We all get dejected sometimes anon, its okay.

Thread theme. Always the thread theme. For perpetuity, 30-80% of posts will be about this. So it has always been, so it will always be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhUhWrqv9Js

>>21906389
Im at that point where I dont even expect for pussy to remediate my wizardhood.

>>21904674
Shit someone older than me. I’m 40.

>>21904725
Not same anon picrel

>>21904955
Jesus

>>21905537
>>21905541
I’ve noticed this, which is why I stick to stuff like Marcionism because no one takes that shit seriously and I can be alone in my position.

>>21905834
How old are you?

>>21904565
I have a slightly guilty pleasure. I deeply enjoy discovering and learning new words.
Any reccs for English books that will help me expand my vocabulary?
I'm ESL but not beginner level so please give me fairly challenging literature.

>>21906504
Name of the Rose.

>>21906504
God, I hate being retarded so much.
Is it a sign of retardation having to look for words you don't know in the dictionary?

>>21906514
Is Conrad any good on that front, if you've read him? Read an excerpt of a novel I can't recall once and it seemed pretty good.

>>21906520
I can't recall which one*

>>21906504
Man I never thought specious could be used for that.

>>21906516
I used to be so smart as a kid.

>>21904565
I ponder such a crude, such stiff a line
that never ever righteous verse may shine.

>>21906317
Well, why would you ask if your relationship is wrong in the first place then?

God never answers my prayers.

My life has been so depressingly boring and plain. It’s written in stone now, but I have nothing to be proud of.

>>21906642
neither to mine. God must be busy with more important individuals

>>21906673
Are you going to give up?

>>21906684
on praying?

Feeling great today thinking I had gotten better. I was wrong. Should have went to the hospital

>>21906692
Yeah. I sometimes wonder why I pray if I feel like I don’t even get a response. I also wonder if I’m doing something wrong.

>>21906696
Im not going to lie, it's hard to continue praying without any answer. I dont expect an angel to appear in front of me or God appearing like he does before Job but something, anything would do. A word, image or a sound which I could see as a sign from God without casting any doubt. Yet theres nothing, complete silence.
Sometimes I think that God wants for me to end this journey.

>>21906700
I feel the same way. If I’m being honest, I’ve never more been more black pilled about life than I am right now.

>>21906715
What happen in your life to blackpill it so much?

>>21906716
Exactly that. Nothing happened.

>>21904565
trying to remember the name of this book i read a few months ago
it was written in the 50s or early 60s, title was the name of the street the protagonist lived on, or maybe the neighborhood
it's about this young married couple with two children who recently moved to the suburbs of connecticut, the husbands name is frank, he works a bullshit office job in NYC at a company that makes typewriters or something. he and his wife spend the bulk of the book coming to terms with the fact that they're aging suburban prole losers and not the free-spirits they once believed themselves to be. they have marital troubles that reach a head when the wife gets pregnant with their third child and the book climaxes with the wife dying while trying to abort it
i cannot for the life of me remember what it was called even though i remember the contents in detail

>>21906768
The mediocrity blackpilled you?

>>21906789
>weird troll trying to start a discussion of a lame boomeroid novel
revolutionary road

>>21906790
It’s not entirely that simple but yes.

>>21906789
It’s revolutionary road. This is really weird because I just thought of this movie last night. I wonder what it means.

>>21906835
you were probably influenced by the same thing to remember it

>>21906831
>It’s not entirely that simple
give me a bigger picture of your situation.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htmwzV11Wb8
wth the theme from snuff box is still my number two song on apple music replay 2023. it's not actually a bad song, but it looks dumb considering it's sung by a british comedian or whatever.

>>21906840
Why do you want to know?

>>21906848
What kind of person you were before blackpill?

The mullet was not eternal, never to last. But what we learned from the mullet, the mullet's wisdom - that, my friends, shall go on eternally.

>>21906694
Just go, retatd

Fuck! I'm reading Foucault's History of Sexuality and I just don't get what the deployment of alliance and the deployment of sexuality are...

>>21905998
>>21906003
I've been on the other side of this experience anon, well I'm alive, relatively sane, so not fully so, but up to the point of death. Weird but not unremarkable kid, the veil lifted too young, poor mental health as a teen leading to accepting the trans mind virus, suicide attempts, and not quite recovery but divorcing from that insane figure. The usual package.

Lord knows people tried to help me when I was convinced I was a tranny. My parents were sane, saw it for what it really was, but it didn't matter that there were people in my life who saw reason - they were just hateful antagonists to me. Short of getting unreasonably involved, there was nothing you could have done. You're right to call it a cult, it's clearly a socially bred mental illness, but that doesn't take away that these people are indoctrinated into genuine pain and dysphoria. And in this individualistic world how can you deny what you feel? Transition becomes the only solution, and anyone questioning otherwise is shunned by the cult. Just as no scientologist could be convinced to leave over instagram DMs, you were never going to be able to help this kid without getting dragged into the misery of it all, and even then nothing is certain.

I don't think there is much we can do, pandora's box has been opened and there's no closing it. There are no lessons of value. Liberals are psychotic enablers and we don't have nearly as much free will as we hope. I have the blessing/curse that I forget most things, I forget that I suffered, I forget that it continues for others - failing that just accept it and work on providing an environment for your kids that will be safe from this insanity. I don't think my partner fully understands just how important I think it is to make as much money as possible and escape. Tellingly, sending your kids to a school without free devices and internet is becoming the expensive option. Stay strong friend

>>21907194
philosophy is a way of laundering divine truth, you don't need to read or understand any of it unless you're some retarded hungarian mobster who wants to have something to talk about at the dinner table

>>21906912
It’s hard to say because it’s been such a long process. I was more confident in myself and my destiny. I can say that.

I didn’t discover my love for literature until I was about 25 or 26. I was 26 before I really read any poetry at all. When I was about 27 or 28 I spent a few months trying to write some stuff, mostly poems and short stories, but that left me feeling really frustrated. I thought maybe I wanted to be a comic artist for a while after that and spent some time drawing, but I got bored with that. I just turned 30 and I’m starting to write again, but I can’t help but worry that ship has already sailed, along with all the others.

>>21907372
Was it a gradual process or something specific accelerated the blackpill?

>>21907381
A gradual process, but there were points of acceleration, mostly failures in career, or relationships, stuff like that. What bothers me most right now is not necessarily the way things are but the way they’ve been because that seems to have implications for the way things will be.

>>21907460
The past does affect the future if its left in the dark. Do you see those miserable experiences as some sort of loss of innocence?

>>21907470
I’m not sure what you mean by that, but no not really. I just don’t see much that I feel good about. I’ve not swallowed the black pill in some objective sense. It’s more like I’ve swallowed it for myself.

>>21904565
about to be 24 and have no drivers license, have never kissed a woman (despite being hit on repeatedly at the gym), dropped out of college, have no job and no hopes for the future beyond continuing to sink deeper into my mental illness and worrying my parents

not looking good lads

>>21907482
Understandable.

>>21907470
>>21907491
Anon, why did you delete posts?

>>21907589
I don’t like my personal thoughts and confessions being on here.

>>21907623
How about warosu?

Every night l dream of someone from my past and its exhausting and l hate sleep

>>21907672
What?

>>21907681
>I’m not sure what you mean by that, but no not really. I just don’t see much that I feel good about. I’ve not swallowed the black pill in some objective sense. It’s more like I’ve swallowed it for myself.
>A gradual process, but there were points of acceleration, mostly failures in career, or relationships, stuff like that. What bothers me most right now is not necessarily the way things are but the way they’ve been because that seems to have implications for the way things will be.

>>21907681
Archive site
Sorry

>>21907677
I keep dreaming this girl who rejected me in lementary school.
Yeah we're at that level of cope.

Does anyone else have mornings where they just can't get out of bed? Everything can be going well and have no reason to despair, but some days I just spend all day in bed, rotting in my own semen and self-pity as though I'm depressed even though I have no reason to be.

>>21907490
Go back to college
Get job
There, I solved half your problems

That girl who sits behind me in class is so aloof. It's driving me insane

>>21907882
>Go back to college
bad advice, better off with a trade university is a joke and most jobs aren't really looking at degrees anymore because of it

>>21907894
Bullshit. I fell for the trade meme and it was a mistake. Now I'm back in college

>>21907900
I fell for the college meme and now I'm going into trades.
Maybe it isn't that either of us are wrong its just we chose the wrong path?

>>21907915
Maybe there is no right path and we're all fucked. Anyway, get a union job. Private contracting sucks balls

>>21907919
Avoid anything that isn't engineering or applied hard science. (No biology doesn't count)

>>21907929
It's over

>>21907937
F welcome to starbucks club my friend!

>>21907965
>can I get a pump of caramel in that?
>but why?
>uh because it taste good?
>what is good?
>the caramel...
>no, I mean, what is the essence of goodness and how do we apprehend it? Is the flavor of caramel merely a proximity to the nature of God?
>...

drinking again

>>21908015
What are you drinking

>>21907992
>reports you to manager
>"He mentioned God, obviously a transphobic Nazi because he judged me for having caramel in my coffee."
>Lose your job
Totally not a dystopia, btw.

>>21908023
bottom shelf beer. my stomach cant handle anything stronger

>>21908035
Better not be Anheuser-Busch or Bud Light, faggot

>>21908038
nah, I'm an eastern euro so those brands are too expensive for my poorfag ass.

>>21907871
Try getting a sleep study, I have this problem as well, naturally sleep 12 hours and struggle to get out of bed. Turned out to have sleep apnea, was never actually getting enough/quality sleep

>>21908061
This. It's a speak to your doctor thing. My problem turned out to be physical shit you could see on a blood test. But if you asked any psychiatrist they're likely to say it's depression because they can't understand blood work. Get a second opinion on anything.

>>21907796
Meaning what? That my replies are archived somewhere? Not much I can do about it right?

>>21907871
There’s a difference between being too depressed to do things and simply having nothing worthwhile to do.

>>21908095
lurk moar

>>21906835
yeah, thank you. didn't know there was a movie. is it any good?

>>21908029
Well I am a christian transphobic nazi so it works out

>>21908076
Psychiatrists and psychologists are trained to rule out physical problems first

>>21908076
when I described how I felt mentally the first thin was having me do blood work so I dunno what you're talking about.

>bluetooth headset has to be turned off and on by holding a button
>you have to hold it for 5 full seconds
>that is ridiculously long, it should be 2 seconds at absolute most
>for real, try timing out 5 seconds and see how long that is to turn on a piece of electronic equipment
Truly the antinatalists are right, life is suffering.

>>21908186
if they are bluetooth just so you know that if you wear them for a long period of time it fries your brain.

>>21908186
>be me
>really enjoy cooking healthy, tasty and nutritious meals
>enjoy eating them even more
>be yesterday
>accidentally bite my cheek while chewing
>now inside of my cheek is swollen and I accidentally bite it once per 5 chews because of that, hindering my enjoyment of my food
We were born to suffer. Evolution is a blind butcher who has played a game of torturous chance with 500.000 failed generations who all suffered immensely before being snuffed out unceremoniously, and we are the end result. Truly, the antinatalists are right.

>>21908196
Fuck man, then I'm done for.

>>21908197
see the video in >>21906138 and take the right side of the video to heart.

>>21908116
It’s okay. It resonates if you’re like a 28-32 year old office worker dissatisfied with life.

>>21908186
>>21908197
>be me
>stub my toe
>realize that Being, as such, is a crime

>>21908197
im sick and feel like shit
anitnatalsim yes

>>21907375
If you write for your own satisfaction, then any age is perfectly fine.
If you write because you want your words to help other people, then you don't need much time at all. As long as you can help one person when they need it the most, you've done enough.
The only issue is if you're writing for fame. Even then if you're thirty you should still have enough time.

Suicide really is the only way to make a beautiful painting out of a fucked up existence. I should have ended it last year when i was still a depressed 27 years old virgin obsessed with her virtue, now i lost the only thing that was ever in my control in this life, and the fact that it was with a man i've known since i was 15, who, coincidentally of course, stopped talking to me exactly one month after taking my virginity from me, is just the cherry on top. Men really are predators, huh? Waiting more than a decade for you to slip up, and leaving you right after it, with the satisfaction of a great accomplishment. That's all i ever was to him, he must be content now, he's on to the next step, he already has someone else when all i ever knew was him, and i'm just left behind when he knew i only had him to count on because i'm an introverted, mentally ill orphan living on the periphery of the species. No family, no friends, fragile but trying to stay virtuous and resilient despite the vicissitudes of life; my own being quite a chaotic one. And he wasn't just some man, we were talking every day for more than a decade, and all this time he made promises he said were unfading, never touched me, said he loved me and how pure i was. I thought he was a man i could trust. I was holding onto my moral rigor as the last bastion of meaning in my existence, and i lost it. He made a clown out of me, because now i can't even say that seriously. I'm just another dumb woman who got used. Still as lonely, still not worthy of being saved from the void by love. I should have killed myself before becoming a cosmic joke, would have been more noble. Now i'm working my minimum wage job everyday fighting back tears because doing anything other than planning my death is existentially intolerable. I only do it for my cats, because i have no one to take care of them if i quit this world. It's all so meaningless, i just want to be hugged.

>>21908299
>, now i lost the only thing that was ever in my control in this life, and the fact that it was with a man i've known since i was 15, who, coincidentally of course, stopped talking to me exactly one month after taking my virginity from me, is just the cherry on top. Men really are predators, huh?
I don't think he was the predator when your talking like you are. Controlling someone is not loving them, you got what you deserve.

My life isn't that bad. At 25 I am teaching maths at a good university and I have a well-paying mathematical analyst job. I could be doing worse.
But I know I'll never be *actually* great at anything, cause my main motivation is pretending to be a normal human and I'm trying to imitate that behaviour. In my free time, I just like to read good books and chill.
I also haven't had sex for 4 years. I don't miss it, but it's an important piece I'm missing from emulating normal people.

>>21908299
>>21908309
after re-reading it, I realized you were talking about your virginity so I retract my first statement. All I can say is find worth from within not from without. Start being a friend to yourself first, because in the end all you ever have is yourself. I recommend reading buddhist books and lectures on lonliness. You can start with this video if you would like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di80za1hHT4

>>21908299
I'm a 32 year old virgin male who left the dating market completely. I have had thoughts like yours, but I always resisted them and I'm kinda happy that I did. I don't care if society sees me as weird for it or if it somehow devalues me, it just acts as self-proving evidence that in the end you only ever have yourself. And I will not treat myself so cheaply like others do.

new
>>21908336

>>21908146
>>21908154
I only got diagnosed because someone at the lab got so mad they started refusing to test samples because they thought they were intentionally breaking machines lol
Psychiatrists are trained to ignore some metabolic shifts as side effects of meds or the patient's fault. They were getting lab results with red marker notes not just asterisks for weeks, but there is a pervasive attitude that some organ damage is entirely tolerable in mental patients. I'm just lucky my condition was genetic because the people getting diagnosed with all kinds of health issues where it's "just a side effect"' get nothing in a malpractice suit because you signed up for that diabetes or cholesterol count. I'm lucky that lab chemist was like
>Cut the fucking shit you're either adulterating the samples or this is victim of crime sample from an autopsy because nobody has these results and I'm not going down for this bullshit paperwork

>>21908299
You're like an incel, hating all men because of some jackass

>>21908196
Proof?

>>21906241
>he just kind of looks around and then looks you right in the face.
I know exactly what you mean. I'm starting to think I should start practicing smiling to try and come off less creepy. I remember once I overheard a coworker say I gave off school shooter vibes
Lol I also do the exact same thi g where inervously look around eyes dad to g & then directly look at someone which comes off as intense or maybe shifty.

>>21909725
*eyes darting