/lit/ - Literature

Floor is lava!

>>21844075
Behold, oh intrepid seeker of knowledge, for I shall recount unto thee a tale of great import and fascination, one that doth speak to the mysteries of the human body and the infinite complexities of the universe at large, a tale in which the learned physician, whose wisdom and sagacity doth rival even that of the great sages of antiquity, hath declared unto me that should I perchance ascend upon the back of a magnificent dromedary, then the affliction which besets my dental chamber shall be remedied forthwith - a proposition so auspicious, benvenuto, and merveilleux that it doth inspire awe, hayır, and reverence within the very depths of my âme émerveillée; for truly, the intricacies of the corpus humain and the mechanisms by which it doth function are but a mere fraction of the vast and wondrous cosmos that surrounds us, a tapestry woven with the finest fils de connaissance, kashikomarimashita, skill, and intuition, fraught with danger and incertitude, yet also one of boundless possibility and potential, offering us a glimpse into the very essence of la création elle-même, a mystery so profound, meraviglioso, and unfathomable that we may only gaze upon it with émerveillement, usta, and awe, and offer our humble supplications to the divinité, Arigatou gozaimasu, for its continued elucidation and révélation.

"Stupid white bitch". He held the camel, stroked her ear, as its back bowed under the weight.
"Make it stay still"
Her eyes didn't meet him. "Yes, okay. Still".
Her dance of angles for the camera man stopped. "Do I look beautiful in these rags?"
"You are ivory, dear, pure ivory"
The white bitch smirked, and her beauty shined against the sun. A complex ugliness that could be from any white place, her beauty nondescript, boring, and barren.

>>21844144
Do you read the dictionary on the shitter too?

>>21844075
"WHITE MEN could be here" she thought, "I've never been in this desert before. There could be WHITE MEN anywhere." The warm sirocco felt good against her pale skin. "I HATE WHITE MEN" she thought. Loud readings of the Quran reverberated her entire camel, making it pulsate even as the $9 bottled water circulated through her thick feminist veins and washed away her (merited) fear of the patriarchy after dark. "With a camel, you can go anywhere you want" she said to herself, out loud.

"I ought to have been a steed," he reasoned. "I ought to have ridden alongside worthy men, making journeys across the earth upon the legacies of burgeoning civilizations, witness to human daring, but all of it — everything, everything! — oh, it's all been displaced. This land was once the darling of all who would lay claim to it. But now: naught but barren. Court that idea here, where man long ago looked to our horizons and spurned them thus as curiosities, and never would he be sated, for how arable would the portent have been if we were to consider the vastness of such an enterprise? Cultivate the lands, they told, cultivate them! And so they did. It was beautiful. I hold it dear, I hold it close. Many people have come and gone — now it has been extinguished. Behold the jaunts of the brigands; suppose which of them ought you to ride together with, make merry? The denouement assigned thus to the dregs, to each and every one of them presumed so, asserted forward to you, nary a thought to the wastes now plundered and enmired still by the yokes of vile and visage. There hasn't been a care given to those horizons, not for centuries. Why on earth did we all come this far...?"
He stood unmoved. The woman shifted her weight on top of him and his handler led him a few steps closer to the camera. "Could the resolution truly lie with the desolate grand, as everyone says? No, no. I don't want it to burn, not the land, not the tapestries... Well, what are we all doing here? For some reason or another — she and he and he — are we to remain here repose?"
Then with a sudden impetus, he pulled at the ropes of his bridle, stepping backwards, backwards with progressing violence, kicking up clouds of dust. The woman gave a yelp and stumbled down from his back, while the handler began to shout it turn, trying with all might to restrain him, but he could not be held. He bellowed — a resonance throughout the empty of the land, louder than the cries of the others around him — and turning away, without regard to the direction he faced, he took off. The camera was pointed to follow, but the dust swirled past in thick haze, obscuring his silhouette — he was too swift, they could only steal glimpses in brief at his departure. As he ran farther and farther away, he looked to his surroundings, collapsing slowly upon the revelation of what he had just done. He surged onwards and began to laugh. "There it is, there it is! It remained with us all this time — it's barren, wondrously so! Ah, the things I might discover..."

"Get down off that camel, so I can sell you to these merchants!" the terrorist yelled at Lana.
That's all I have so far :/

"If I have seen further," she declared, "it is by standing on the backs of camels.”
The sherpa snorted as he cursed. "I'm sure Isaac Newton would be *so* impressed."
She flipped her hair back. "You're damn straight! He'd *better* not come around here, or I'll kick his ass!"
The sherpa's eyebrow furrowed. "Er...he's been dead for almost 300 years."
"That's *right*!" she blustered, swaggering for effect. "And he'll *stay* dead, if he knows what's good for him!"
The sherpa winced as he pinched his eyes. "Can we just finish our quest already?"
"We'll finish it when I'm good and ready!" she roared. "I'm paying for the whole thing, so until I run out of money, you can just call me queen bitch!"
"You're half right about that," he chuckled. "What are we looking for?"
"Not here!" she thundered. "We still have a few hours to go before we reach our destination! Now get moving!"
The sherpa sighed and pulled on the reins. As the camel reluctantly moved forward, she managed to keep her balance. He tried to guide the camel over rough terrain, in the hopes that she'd fall off, but somehow she stayed upright.
The next three hours and seventeen minutes were uneventful. "So, how did you make your fortune, if you don't mind me asking?"
"A bit too familiar," she chided, "but I'll allow it. I'm a blogger."
He let out a low whistle. "You make money blogging? I'm actually impressed."
"You have to work your way up the food chain," she explained. "At this point in my career, I blog about blogs that blog about other blogs. It's a very difficult niche to fill."
The sherpa shook his head. "I can honestly say, I'm speechless." They continued to walk in silence.

>>21845183
All of a sudden, she called a halt to the caravan. "This is the spot!" she announced.
The sherpa looked around incredulously. "It is? I think you picked the exact middle of nowhere."
"Then we've *arrived*!" she gushed. "Now keep your eyes peeled for a purple stuffed teddy bear, about a foot tall."
The sherpa's jaw dropped. "*What*?! We came all the way out here for *that*? And you actually expect to find it?!"
She beamed confidently as she crossed her arms. "Yup. My jealous ex-boyfriend said he hid my teddy bear in the middle of nowhere, and that I'd never find it."
The sherpa glared wildly. "Are you *freaking* kidding me? He was obviously *joking*! And how could you know *this* was the 'middle of nowhere' he was talking about?!" He kicked a rock angrily, sending it flying. "This is the stupidest mission I've ever been on, and I've worked for Bobby Knight. We'll never get out of here alive! You've gotten us all killed!"
She pointed nearby. "Oh, there it is."
The sherpa's head whirled to glare in the direction she indicated. His jaw slackened as he saw a dusty purple teddy bear, somehow none the worse for wear. He trotted over to it and picked it up. Dusting it off, he saw its colors were still vibrant, despite having been under the beating sun of the desert for some time.
He shook his head incredulously as he stumbled back to the boss. "I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it with my own eyes."
Grinning wildly, she snatched the stuffed bear out of his hands and held it tight. "I *told* you I could see better from up here."

>>21845186
Not terrible anon

https://pastebin.com/raw/QjpQW75J

>>21844075
The guide stood there as the woman awkwardly pulled her self up the camel. The guide having decades of experience, promised the girl to take her on a scenic tour from morrocco to the pyramids. That’s a far way, instead the guide brought here here to a remote location east of the city. Once the sun sets the girl will be snatched off the camel never to be seen again.

>>21845422
Slight rewrite

The guide stood there as the woman awkwardly pulled her self up the camel. The guide having decades of experience, promised the girl to take her on a scenic tour from morrocco to the pyramids. That’s a far way, instead the guide brought here here to a remote location east of the city. The woman continues shambling up the beast, her back turned to the guide. he presses his palm to his forehead in frustration and with his other hand grips the handle of a blackjack hidden beneath his robe. “Just wait until the sun sets”, he mutters.

>>21844075
She slipped from the camel's back - ew so greasy
Her head hit the floor - quite rocky
She feinted - so dizzy
Dead - ate mom's spaghetti
--

>>21844075
>hollywood makes a woke lawrence of arabia remake with a woman

>>21845186
Good one, i kek'd

Beast surfer Cali is a totally radical dude with attitude.
After Cali won a trip to showcase her skills by a mysterious prince, she finds her self in a clash of cultures as she fights off rude dudes and mad muslims who don't think she is a bad enough dude to master the beast of the dessert. With the help of new friends and a talking camel, she just might be able to turn heads and change minds with the performance of a lifetime on a grand Royal stage.

To find out be sure to check out Beast Surfer 2: Sand without beaches
Coming this summer.

>>21844075
“Stupid white people can’t even ride a camel correctly!” He said, kicking his dirty sandals in the spot on the ground where plants or industry should be.

>>21844144
damn brother throw the thesaurus at the somabitch

>>21845186
good at writing, but stupid story imo

>>21845397
I liked this, could someone rec me similar adventurecore? All I have on my list is She: A History of Adventure

>>21844075
Young female for sale.Never worn.

>>21844075
From Kazakhstan with love

>Hannah was her name. Her redhair outed her as a jewish woman, which her facial features hid. She was an adventurous and brave woman, always seeking thrill in the most exquisite of places. She journeyed to the Algerian Desert, where she came to be known as "Al-Shahahid", "the camel-fucker", in Arabic. She went to the inhospitable desert with that only goal in mind: to have sexual interciurse with a camel, one of the few animals that had not entered her wide gash. She met Malik who introduced her to Sulkar, the Camel Stallion as the ongulate was known. Many people flocked to witness her deed, which was executed in the vast sands of the open desert. She prostrated herself below the animal, lifting up her buttocks into the air, after which it was penetrated by the long camaled phallus. As the beast came so did she, who now thought about her next adventure: Going to sub-saharan Africa to have sex with an elephant, something she later regretted, as she died impaled by elephantastic penis.

>>21845802
A stupid story for a stupid image!

>>21845186
Sanderson style writing

>>21846507
Really? I've never read Sanderson.
But this is great news! If I can keep up crap like this, I'm gonna be rich!

>>21845870
Darrell Schweitzer. Jack Vance. David Gemmell

>>21844075
A lonesome emperor once approached a woman and asked her how come you are so respected, you who are merely a woman? The answer to that is because i dont see myself as a woman any more than i see myself as a farm boy replied the woman. The emperor had never before heard such insight spoken, and brought it with him for the rest of his life, and later in his life, he died

>>21844075
It's been 10 weeks since I begun this journey. I was kidnapped when I was 16 by pirates from the coast of Iceland and sold into slavery at an Egyptian market. My master was kind and I inherited his estate after his death. One night a Moorish party of robbers entered the women's baths and raped every girl there along with me. I had never seen a cock like it before and this is where I am now. Ten weeks have passed and my guide still says we have another week to go until we arrive in the land of of the Moors and while I have my doubts I am too far in and must continue my search. Nothing will stop me finding the dark skinned thugs and exacting vengeance on them by diluting their genes with thousands of women we kidnapped from the coasts of France and England. Nothing will stop me. They will fuck me or die.

>>21847898
hahaha

>>21847044
Thanks

>>21844321
Winrar

>>21847072
But who was phone?

>>21844075
Literally the old testament

>>21849464
Like Genesis 19?
[30] And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
[31] And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
[32] Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
[33] And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
[34] And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our Father.
[35] And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
[36] Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

>>21849510
I was thinking more like Genesis 38

6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death. 8 Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. 10 And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

>>21844075
There she was, my stupid bitch wife. Standing on top of a camel in the central Asian desert. We were on our way back to Ashtana when it entered her stupid cunt pea-brain that she should stand on top of a camel for a picture. I know there is no use in arguing. I tell the guides that we have to stop so she can get her picture. They try to protest.
"coming on sir the things" one says as he points to the packages on the camels side.
I pretend not to understand what he's saying. I know he's a trader trying to move his goods. The thought prompts me to think about the pitious state of this man. He has to live like a medieval merchant, hauling his wares across the barren desert. Beneath the hateful sun, on the backs of cruel, stinking, biting, beasts of burden. For all his life. and for what? what's in his packages after all? All the food, medicine, and goods of any real value are delivered to the cities via plane or truck. I infer from this two possibilities. Either he's hauling more scratchy red sheets for white women to wear once while on vacation and discard or he's hauling one of the middle-east many charming goodies. During the bush administration the discussion of WMD's centered the "Kazakh strain" before any discussion of yellow cake. Cont.

>>21851232
On learning this I was fascinated and began to dive into Wikipedia articles relating to anything in the sphere of central Asian black markets ,hoping to find whatever I could. Strangely enough the Kazakh strain was not the product of black market dealings but a work of local genius by one Ken Alibek. Alibek invented the Kazakh strain of anthrax as part of a new chemical warfare project (the previous one, in which he'd also been an important participant, centered a weaponized version of a Central Asian disease called Tularemia or "rabbit flu", which occasionally infects some poor slav off the tiny island in Estonia where the soviets first tested it as a weaponized version or ,strangely enough, some particularly sickly american retiree when he's mowing the lawn or visiting a shopping mall). Alibek is an American now, he sells homeopathic medicine which he claims can cure autism (a procedure he tested in Cameroon, under strict supervision of his new American handlers, on pregnant Africans).
But I digress. At any rate all this Wikipedia binging taught me that central Asia is a cross roads for the aforementioned "middle-eastern goodies". Human trafficking, firearms and other toys on their way from eastern Europe and china to the middle-east pass through here. Maybe then his life wasn't all shit stinking camels and stroking off white women, maybe he was having a little fun somewhere.
I turn my head over to the camel and take a big whiff at the bag. Behind the thick veil of sweat and shit I can smell the heart of Waziristan ,where I thought I would once bleed to death. Lying there what was the pungent floral father's progeny was placed in my system but a no chin future male nurse.
I turn away from the camel and give the guide a knowing glance.
"ok picture, picture" he says
As she stands on the camel she gives me a hateful "you better not fuck this up" look but I don't care. I'm looking behind her. The man is standing there worried out of his mind with his armed crossed. His disapproving look seems to say "watch your fucking back" but I pretend not to get the message.

I know this isn't very good but I want to get any feedback if you guys have any.

>>21847898
Too much telling not enough showing