/lit/ - Literature

FUCK WHITE PEOPLE

Daydreaming about my perfect dating life with that girl who sits behind me class whom I've neglected to ask out yet

>>21777950
I revisited my old diaries. In 4 years, so little has changed. Everything seems to be the same as it ever was. The same feelings. The same thoughts. The same lies I tell myself to keep going. I might say that I'm even more lonely now than I was 4 years ago, but not as much as I was 3 or 2.
4 years ago, I was convinced I would end up becoming a great writer, or a great musician. Since then, I've barely written anything, and haven't finished a single song. I thought I would have more friends, and 2020 and 2021 ended up being the loneliest years in my entire life.
I'm even in a similar situation than I was 4 years ago, with people having high expectations on me, thinking I am some sort of "intellectual", while I can't achieve anything. I'm completely paralyzed. Even since I was a kid, it was always like this. Having potential doesn't lead anywhere.

I don’t like anything. What do I do now? I can’t be the only one like this here? Someone has to be going through the same thing. Is this it? Just an hero?

When I was around 18 I used to get absolutely obliterated off tequila and then take off all my clothes and walk home from the bar completely naked - carrying my clothes in my hands. I lived in regular old suburbia, so pretty quiet late at night but hardly the middle of nowhere. The walk took about 10 to 15 minutes in total, along main roads and houses the whole way. Not sure why I used to do that and I've never told anyone either.

>>21777984
This Tuesday, go out and buy a lottery ticket.

>>21777950
painting in pic is ripe to be edited to le pol face

>>21778074
How about it just be its own face and leave that bullshit to die?

>>21777984
do you have a routine for actually executing on your work? i find routine and systems to keep me working helps tremendously. if you wait for the spirit to move you you’ll frequently be kept waiting.
>>21778011
maybe you need to branch out to new things? what sort of things did you enjoy doing in the past? how’s your exercise/sleep/diet? do you think you’re depressed?

>>21778081
>maybe you need to branch out to new things? what sort of things did you enjoy doing in the past? how’s your exercise/sleep/diet? do you think you’re depressed?
I’ve tried for years to branch out. Nothing has worked. I enjoyed literature/movies in the past. I’m fit and always have been athletic. I of course am depressed. How could one receive no joy in things and not be depressed?

>>21778093
do you drink alcohol? do you socialize enough (i know, we’reon 4chin). i find if i neglect some things too much the whole structure collapses and i really eat shit. socialization recently for me, after not getting enough sleep from overworking.

what sorts of sports do you do? enough cardio? are the sports social?

is your diet clean? makes a big difference for me. get pre/probiotic foods in you? yogurt/kefir/kimchi/sauerkraut?

>>21778093
How much sex do you have

>>21778093
>>21778111
cause I’ll give you a nice hard fucking if you need it

>>21777984
You're a mirror of myself. Post an excerpt of your diary, I'll do the same. At least we can refine and commiserate with our sulky nothingness.

>
What does giving up look like? It takes two forms, the dignity of suicide, and the folly of living death. Worse than listlessness, is it not precisely going over and over the same dead thoughts while unwilling to reach either conclusions or new beginnings. To give up is to stir ceaselessly in a circle and dig a hole with your tracks in the rear while filling it with familiar foolish wisdom at the head. As a dog returns to his vomit so too does a fool return to folly.

Failure is better than success. You learn much more from it and become a better person.

>>21778103
I’ve stopped socializing for years, the same time when I started to not enjoy anything. Socializing doesn’t help. Socializing is not fun anymore. I’ve caught off from family and friends because it just wasn’t working anymore. Nothing is. I’ve never attempted suicide but I wonder if this is the sort of experience someone who has attempted felt. Wondering if anyone is in the same hole as me.

Weed makes me feel funny

>>21778111
I’ve been in relationships before and never had an issue with sex desu. I’ve even casually slept with women before. I haven’t in years but I definitely can’t even get it up anymore. I don’t even masturbate at this point.

I have recently come to the conclusion in my life that the true experience of universal, unconditional love involves not only feeling bad for the poor but to also feel good for the rich.

Is there any place on the internet that isn't 99‰ shallow discussions?

>>21778125
lol no
My whole life is an never ending streak of failures and Im not a better person.

>>21778166
That's your own fault for being stupid. I learn from my failures.

>>21778160
Yes but that is so because of barriers to entry, the most effective of which is people aren't there to find things to discuss online, the community exists online because it exists (offline). The very nature of the internet is so anti-rigor and perverse that there's no other way to escape its taint.

>>21778183
I know... I've read about so many famous scientists, philosophers, artists had groups they talked with in real life, and undoubtedly 99% of that was substantive. It's not fair.

I was wandering through town today. Everything seems so unreal. I don't know how to explain it properly, but it feels like the world is fake and that I too, am fake. I just want it to be over, somehow. Everything is wrong.
On another note, I think I realized the single most important thing to me, and that is to help people. Whenever I imagine the happiness of someone else, it makes me happy. I get such an intense level of frustration being unable, and when there is someone to help, my social anxiety is too strong to do anything. I also dread the reaction. I don't want to get friendly with anyone, I just want to secretly give. If I could perform a reverse Gyges, just turn invisible forever and roam around the earth helping people, observing, and feeding on waste and scraps, I think that I could be content.
But I can't. I'm in a strange, hostile, and while I know it's not a real phenomenon, seemingly fake world that I do not belong in.

>>21778178
Okay smart guy

>>21778197
Thank you. It's just reflection, like looking in a mirror.>>21778197

>>21778117
your choice of language makes me think you're a little conceited. don't mean to be rude: I used to write like that in my journal; and I still have the desire to use "flowery" language, but I don't act on it. how would you honestly describe your choice of language?

It's 7am and once again I haven't slept a minute.

>>21778221
A minute of sleep isn't enough to get a good rest. It might even be detrimental to sleep that long

>>21778160
I was about to post a short snippet of a semi-fake story that I started just to amuse anons but it ended up being so good I decided not to. I've written 3 paragraphs now. I love when this happens, and then I give up on it, and never bother to post it anyway.

>>21778188
You're less likely than ever to find something like that because people don't really do anything anymore, science and art are 90% bullshit now and it's so bad that people don't even mind that this is the case.

>>21778215
I just felt the need to up the lingual ante a bit because I was quoting the Bible at the end there.

>cheapest home build on your own land is $150,000 plus $50,000 in hidden costs when all said and done

>>21778245
Keep writing in flowery language. It's fun and good for the mind and soul, just don't take yourself too seriously.

hey remember that one time when one you pretended to be me and baited with one 8200 zog faggot into replying?

those were interesting times. terribly awkward, but interesting.

Thinking about things, but not actually doing the things

>>21778299
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13HfhcBddRM

DAYDREAMING ABOUT A LIFE WHERE EVERYTHING DIDNT GO WRONG

>>21778312
what went wrong in your life?

My armpit sweat has taken on a particularly peculiar odour. Different to normal.

>>21777950
It’s so over, bros. She got a boyfriend, I don’t know what to do I love her so much

>>21778318
Everything

>>21778346
Was there one major event?

>>21778345
>I don’t know what to do
respectfully step away and wait till she or her boyfriend leaves, as gentlemen do. people in our generation don't stay together for more than five years

>>21778117
Pretentious and homosssexual description of "I rather die than not live"

I'm so tired. I must've lost at least five years of life expectancy this year alone on deprived sleep

Reading Machiavelli, frustrated the edgy reputation of the prince will forever overshadow the discourses which he was writing at the same time.

Machiavelli is basically asserting that a Republic cannot lay its own foundations.
The prince is the figure who ends general anarchy, the breakdown of borders, economic failure and a preempive defence against the idea that a tyrant can found a "good" dynasty.

That's why it was the next major development from ciscero

>>21777950
Todays my personal 9/11

I have somehow accidentally become a morally good person

>>21778345
You already know what you have to do. Renounce this world and its false promises.

>>21778345

>>21778160
try substack

>>21777984
whatever dude, accomplishing stuff is overrated

>>21777950
I need someone to encourage me. Well, I don't need someone, but I think it would be nice.

>>21778544
You can do it anon!

>>21778411
Quite the reverse.

>>21778345
What to do? It's simple, we kill the Chad-man.
>tfw have actually had dreams like this where I murder my local Chad which were really detailed and graphic, in all of them I cut off his dick and use it to stab out his eyes (it's hard even in death), then I skin him and put on the Chad suit only to find it's a poor fit and his long hair and sulking skin (where my chin should be) makes me look like a tranny with an unimpressive gash

>>21778577
He ain’t even a fucking chad, he’s way uglier (but taller) than me

Thinking of ancient man living/dreaming.
I suppose shadows along campfires, skies half-twilight, cut fantastic shapes from ornamental wood and primitive metalwork. Shapes of animal heads and intertwined spirals dancing or slithering on mounds of snow on hillside. Form and figure flit fleeting surround them, collide and melt together for moments as orations of legend only enhance the vision.

>>21778553
Thanks :)

>>21778631
When I was in the countryside recently I noticed for the first time how much cloud formations really can look like mythical animals and you don't even have to stretch your imagination at all to see it. What's more, especially at higher altitudes they are so enormous that you really feel consumed by them. It is truly sublime. It really gave me an insight into how people might have connected to nature back then. Such a shame to have lost that living in a city.

>>21778125
The only reason to learn is to have more success.

>WWOYM
>I wonder about that mold on that rock over there
I look forward to nonexistence. Enjoy your games.

Cosmic Death Fungus

>>21777950
>Manage to get first gf and lose v at ripe old age of 31
>She's 24 and hot af to boot
>A year in
>Is insanely jealous and worried she's just a "practice gf"
>Thinks that I'm going to get bored of her and want to experience other girls

Why is she like this? Ive literally gone without other girls my whole life. Shes perfect too imo, hot, not wasteful with money, ie. She's frugal and not materialistic, intelligent but she seems quite insecure with this.

I know her dad cheated and divorced. Do you think it's a trauma that stems from that?
How

>>21778733
>I know her dad cheated and divorced. Do you think it's a trauma that stems from that?
probably. you just have to reassure her no matter how glaringly obvious it is to you that nothing is wrong. I always felt like such an incel going
>women
but you start to realize there are little things and behaviours that are commonplace and predictable, like stereotypes. women being neurotic and hypochondriacs is typical

>>21778733
A girl's experience with her father will often have a huge influence on her behaviour as a woman.

>>21778749
Example?

>>21778756
the situation in >>21778733 is an example

>>21778756
My first gf's parents divorced and she had a horrible relationship with her father and she was nutcase. At some point she broke up with me but a few years later she contacted me because she was depressed. She told me that she wasn't able to cope with the stress in her life and especially university, so she told her professors that she was raped, so she could get some time off. At least she didn't accuse me or any other specific guy. She then admitted that it was a lie and most of her friends stopped talking to her.
Other than that she never had a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months, I stopped talking to her at some point.

>>21778770
I also know another girl who comes from a traditional family and has a good relationship with her father. When she was young, she always used to read feminist, leftist books about sex and she even gave me some of her books to read but in the end she only had one boyfriend before meeting her current husband. They married at age 25 and have children. Her husband is one of my best friends and I also met her family many times, the father seems like a decent guy.

These are of course only anecdotes, there are many exceptions.

60% of my net worth is in a .jpg that no one wants to buy

>>21778245
I see, no worries. just curious was all. funnily enough I have had a somewhat similar realization to you and OP in the last few months which I wrote in my journal
>I had the thought yesterday that I haven't really changed that much since I started reading philosophy and reflecting on myself more. I'm still addicted to porn, I still have an inclination to anger with people online, I still have irrational hatred of certain things and people, I still have certain fears - social and otherwise
hope things turn around for you anon. all the best

>therapist said that Im probably dependent
Another reason to hate myself.

Love my girl, future wife I hope, but every half decent girl I talk to I wanna fuck the brains out of her. Will it always be like this

This board fucking sucks ass. Been here for way too long and looking for a new site to migrate.

What other sites do you faggots frequent?

If I had known how miserable everyday working life in an office with a boss and coworkers was, I would’ve went all in on becoming a teacher or a journalist.

>>21778152
Yes.

>>21779137
Until you go around fucking their brains out, yeah

These jobs make me want to kms. What kind of sane person subjects themselves to this effeminate childishness and meaningless bullshit? If I get asked to do a diversity seminar or make an avatar for teams meetings to talk about bullshit one more time I’m going to lose it. Thank God they typically leave me alone but ever pursuing one of these jobs in the first place is my single greatest great. I’m going to quit. I just have to figure out what to do now. I wish I had done something different with my life. Soulless sterile corpo would be better than cal arts pretend job.

>>21777950
I was recently accepted to 2 different grad schools and am torn between which to pick.

School #1: Located 1 hour away (by plane). Is in a much cheaper city (for reference the cost of living is about 40-50% less than where I currently live). I would be able to buy a home outright and put down roots. Program has a strong reputation. The full program cost is about $10,000 but this is my dream school and the program that I hoped I would get accepted to the most. I feel that I would thrive here and I'd be able to focus on my studies 100%. For many years I have also felt a great need to have a change of scenery as I have only left my city a couple times in my life (I am 28 years old) and I am increasingly depressed, demoralized, alienated and anxious here. I also strongly feel the need to spend some time away from my immediate family.

School #2. Located in my current city. Tuition for the whole program is a fair bit cheaper at $6500. Their offer is enticing because they are offering me a full funding package. $9000 in scholarships due to academic excellence as well as a salary of $12,000 to be a teaching assistant which would involve teaching 2 classes, marking assignments, responding to student emails, holding office hours, etc. This would obviously bolster my CV/resume as well. However, I don't really have any desire to teach as I feel that this responsibility would distract me from my own studies. I also have a remote job that pays well enough and I'd likely be able to keep it so the teaching salary isn't that appealing to me. I used to think I'd want to go into teaching so the practical experience would be valuable but my career ambitions have changed somewhat. I also am unable to buy a home in my current city. I feel that if I were to attend this school there is a chance my mental health could get worse.

I need to make a decision in the next couple days. Strongly leaning towards #1. Which would you choose /lit/?

Feeling pretty intelligent today.

>>21779666
Is 1 the better school/program? What do you plan to do with this degree? If it’s a PhD, you need to keep in mind that a PhD is primarily a professional degree for teachers and researchers.

>>21779692
Yes it is considered to be a slightly better school. It's a master's as well. I'm not planning to pursue a PhD I will likely try to go to law school after.

>>21779659
I know this feeling
>>21779159
I'd sooner rather kill myself than subject myself to this shit

I love my waifu more than i could ever love any 'real' woman

>>21777950
I used up my 20s on grindset. Now I have a lot more time. girl who is comitted and improves everything. Makes everything just a little better. I've got cash for land, not just 5 acres but significant secure the kids for 2 more gens size. So that's all good. I worked hard, dodged a lot of bullets. I'm not a vice haver.

But then night time comes. I always train at night. Either I will pack a small bag and go on a long walk, sometimes 2 to 3 hours walk and then just do bodyweight routine. Sometimes, maybe 2 times a week I'll run for 25 to 40 mins and that gets me away from my boonies location and sort of close to civilisation. Lights. Roads etc. I live pretty far out there.

It's on these nights that I find myself looking for trouble. Makes no sense but that's what I do. Junkies. Drunks. Never mess with homeless. But I'll watch them. I have a mask that blends in. I am genrally fit and like to sneak around rooftops if I can. What I've found lately is that I'm actively looking for anyone who is up to some undentified no good. I've been doing this 4 nights a week for nearly 5 years. It's keeping me physically decent but I think that mentally I'm playing with fire. I don't know what I'm going to do if I see someone or something I don't like. Knowing me I'll have to do something about it.
I don't know why this habit formed. I guess it is more productive than the typical doomer night walk. I don't feel sad or anything. But I do feel like something is slowly changing. The more I train, the more nighttime I see. The more I see the closer I feel to starting something I'm not sure if I should. A month ago I saw someone about to break into a car. I just stood staring at him until he noticed. He turned around and shouted. Walked close. Stopped. I think he noticed the mask. I'm not sure what I would have done if he had managed to break in. Whatever does happen I know I can body a decently sized male of my own build. Maybe stronger. Feels like a test most nights. The guy walked away. Next time I don't think I will let that happen. Feels wrong to let it happen.

I could very well die today. I need to prepare myself for unexpected situations better.

Went to see this girl I like tonight but after fucking her a few times and then going for a walk I really started to feel like heading home. As soon as I arrived at a valid excuse to leave she said she felt like being alone. Relief bloomed right through me, but then on the walk home I kept thinking about how good my excuse would have been. It really is quite sad when a good excuse dies as a stillborn.

>>21779666
Checked, devilish trips.

Obviously #1, if you hate staying in your city and can afford to move. Why even ask? #2 has just some financial gains but you are saying that you have a well paying remote job and that #1 city is far cheaper anyway?
Just for the future you should spend the effort and calculate the whole cost over the timespan of your degree including everything. If you can spend 50-60% on your living costs it can offset the scholarship of #2.

>>21779707
Why don’t you go right into a JD program? What is the point of pursuing a master’s first?

>>21779922
The master's is only a year long and will give me a safety net if I don't get accepted to law school (which is very possible). It will improve my law school application as well. Providing I do well enough in the program it will signal to schools that I can handle heavy course loads and read/write at an advanced level. I don't want to get into it but my undergrad grades are not superb (80% average).

>>21777950
I might have BPD but I'm a wizard at the same time. What a joke.

>>21779806
Kino, how did you manage to leverage your grind during your 20s?
I feel like I'm currently stuck in wageslave hell for decades with no chances of moving up

>>21779955
Are you sure that’s a good idea? My understanding is that most law schools will perhaps look favorably on the fact that you received a graduate degree, but they won’t consider your graduate GPA in your application. I would think that you’d be a lot better off just taking that year to maximize your LSAT score.

>>21780040
Went careless for years. Didn't bloat my steam library. Didn't collect figured. Would sell and buy milsurp on the side. Did a stint in the military, got a pension. Worked a shitload of side jobs after. Everything. The real thing was I flat out refused to work to rent. Getting car allowed a big reduction in expenses. Here there's no personal property tax so that's a big part. Took seed cash from my dying dad mixed with pension and about 7 years of savings. Girl I finally got an apartment with isn't a retard and we want the same thing. In the end the hardest thing is not doing things that cost you, and then cost you time.
I didn't have a PC for example, for years and years. I don't have a good phone. I don't eat at take out places. It was pretty mean living. Frankly early on I realised I wanted only two things, a good library and a decent stack of music. With that the rest was all about not being one of the funko pops buyers. I also made the very active choice to set a budget and stuck to it. There were skipped meals when that budget didn't match reality. I'd take up hobbies that didn't need cash or cost covering. Urban exploration. In aobut 7 years from 23 to 30 most of my expenses were shoes, finally getting 2 different cars (oldest shat itself hard) and making a point to work things that have me time to read. IE security for 11 hours 7 days for a solid year and a half. There was never ever any stability. But when you're putting cash aside and you don't drink, smoke shit, or waste money trying to look perfect, it's simple. But it did reduce me I will say that. Never had to ask for money and treating passive income like it wasn't there was the single hardest thing to do. I would not reccoment it to anyone. But I have a family of fuck ups to make up for. That will be enough motivation.
Basically, live in car, always work, try to set up a budget you can really put into, don't buy things that aren't actual life needs, don't temp expenses and find someone who is work actually living in a place with if you must do it that way. An ideal woman is one who makes things easier not one that you have to take care of. If I had to do it all again I would stick with the most stable job and just workout and read.
Now years later, I think I'm missing some of that grind and that's why I'm getting into this habit of walking around at night. Specifically walking, driving is more for cryptid hunting. I don't beleive in the shit, but if I ever find something I'll have a record. It gets me outside as well.
Oh that's the other thing, if you are solo, you can live anywhere you can sleep and on any food you can dive.

>>21779998
I believe it's BPRD.

>>21780027
Sorry >>21780178 was meant tor you.
But moving up is sort of a myth if you have a cunty boss. What you need to do is have a strict budget, and set incremental goals. You should work on securing something that ins't going to take up your time. I know there's a lot of cringe out there about CEO mindset and working for yourself, but nowadays one of the best things you can do is set a specific hard financial goal, and work on finding something else to do so that by the time you reach that number you have the option to stop.
You need to know that as a worker your single biggest threat upon not moving up is to move ON. And use it. Go get uncomfortable. I'm not saving quit because, I'm saying if you are in the wage cage, you treat it like what it is, the means to get to a hard number. For example, 25,000 USD so that you could take 5, get yourself into a new situation. Take 15, put to a good banker, and then take the rest and keep it as SHTF money. Ask yourself why you are waging. Most people just reflex work. You need to ask yourself if your rate given no costs, would be enough to buy your lifetime away. If not, it's time to plan your budget and GTFO. But don't do it blind. Find another job. Tree planting. Go do cleaning. Anytihng that puts you in contect with non standard things. Find a boomer and say Hey I need a side job BEFORE you quit.
"Yeah man no one offers work anymore, how am I supposed to save if I can't get any work?" You approach a boomer with that and you'd be surprised how many doors open. It's okay to work easier for less if it gives you time to prususe something you'd rather be doing.
That is the end all be all question. What would you rather be doing right now?
Answer that and you have your itemised motivation. Try it out. If you can't decide, then stay in place and stick to the budget you should make and give your future, smarter self more options for when you do decide. Money matters, but time matters more.

>>21778406
>wait 5 years for a hoe until chad finishes with her

I need to get rid of the little hope I still have of a better life. I wish I could off myself and stop existing, but I fear there's more afterwards - be it heaven, hell or reincarnation. It is unfair for God to pull my soul from the void and trap it into this prison; and even more unfair to punish me for crimes He forced me to commit by allowing my existence. "But you chose to be here", I'm pretty sure I didn't. You can't stop playing, you're forced to play and follow rules you have not knowledge of. The human experience is a sick cosmic joke. How should I not hate God?

>>21779820
what was the excuse

>>21780040
That's true grad GPA is not considered. I'll probably take an lsat prep class and write the test in June before I start my master's to see how I do and depending on that I'll apply this upcoming cycle so the moment I finish my master's I'll go straight to law school (depending if I'm offered a spot of course). Idk man, this is pretty much the best I can do at this point.

>>21780252
The rules are pretty simple... just go to school then get a job and then try to start a family

>>21777982
Same. She's so cute. It's a shame she made that voldermort joke in class.

>>21780252
kys lol

coming home from work is the worst point of the day. when you're at work you never feel guilty about not being productive cuz even if you're browsing the web, reading a book, chitchatting with coworkers or lurking some dei zoom meeting, you're still getting paid. then when you get home, suddenly you have to make the most of your time. sometimes at work i just go on google streetview to some random city and wander around for an hour. doing that at home would be an insane waste of time. even when i have actually work to do and have to like analyze a spreadsheet or something, it's like oh cool something do. playing around with data and finding insights about organizational efficiency is always good for some dopamine hits. it's like when you're at work you're free to do anything. now i understand these workaholic guys you just stay at their investment bank 100 hours a week. they probably have a boring ass condo/house somewhere that's a drag to go home to, when they could be chilling at work.

>>21780511
Coming home from work is the worst part of the day because I'm alone with myself.

>>21780537
ya but a lot of people hide out at work to avoid their family. then when their kids complain that they are an absentee parent they can say "but i was working so you could have a good life!"

>>21780548
I wish I had a family to come home to.

>>21780550
oh i guess that could be cool. idk tho when i get home i just wanna shit post not have to keep up a persona for my wife, might as well just stay at work. maybe i should take another job at night. like what if i worked 11-7 shift somewhere and the go in to my regular job from 9-5.

I have solved the mystery of existence, the meaning of awareness and love, and the purpose of humanity and nature.
I understand the physical structure of God.
I know God's Masterplan.
I have solved the problem of evil.
I see the final end of man, the aim of God.

Life is beautiful.

I wish Neuro-saman was my gf, are we at least getting close to ai gfs being accessible?

>>21780252
The catch is that the suffering is worth it, but the only way to know that is to suffer first.

I’d say, “Don’t give up, man!”, but the truth is that you’re right. You do have no choice but to trudge on. You’ll see the light one day, but you don’t know that yet.

All of that pain, suffering, theft, rape, murder, and evil that you see will all make sense one day. You’ll forgive them; all of them.

>>21780736
Beautifully horrible you mean

Have you ever wondered about the wonder of language itself? That you can make sense of this or that series of sounds?

Write me a story where Tony Soprano goes on Tinder. He barely knows how to use a phone and is out of gabagool.
>Tony Soprano, the infamous mob boss from New Jersey, found himself bored and lonely one night. His wife, Carmela, had left him for her priest, and all of his goomahs were either dead or in jail. Tony decided to try something new: Tinder.
>He had heard of the dating app from his daughter, Meadow, but he had never used it before. Tony was hesitant at first, not really knowing how to use his new iPhone, but he eventually figured it out.
>Tony's first match was a woman named Karen, who was a real estate agent from North Jersey. She was attractive, with long brown hair and a nice smile. Tony messaged her, "Hey, how you doin'?"
>Karen replied, "I'm good, thanks. How about you?"
>Tony didn't know what to say, so he wrote back, "I'm good too."
>The conversation died there, and Tony felt embarrassed. He wasn't used to this kind of communication. He decided to try again, swiping right on the next woman he saw.
>Her name was Maria, and she was a nurse from Staten Island. Tony messaged her, "You look like a nice girl. Want to grab a drink sometime?"
>Maria replied, "Sure, I'd love to. How about tomorrow night?"
>Tony was excited but nervous. He hadn't been on a first date in years. He went to his closet and tried on several outfits, finally settling on a black suit and white shirt. He looked sharp, but he was out of gabagool. He decided to stop at Satriale's on his way to the bar to pick up some snacks.
>At the bar, Tony and Maria hit it off immediately. They talked about their jobs, their families, and their hobbies. Tony was surprised at how much he had in common with her. Maria was smart and funny, and she didn't seem to care that he was a mob boss.
>As the night wore on, Tony felt himself relaxing. He hadn't felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. He leaned in to kiss Maria, but she pulled away.
>"Tony, I have to be honest with you," she said. "I'm not interested in getting involved with someone in your line of work. It's too dangerous."
>Tony was disappointed but respected her decision. They said their goodbyes, and Tony went home alone.
>The next day, Tony deleted his Tinder profile. He realized that he wasn't ready for a real relationship yet. He missed Carmela and the life they had together, even if it wasn't perfect. Tony decided to focus on rebuilding his family and his business, leaving Tinder and gabagool behind.
1/2

>>21780837
Can you write another version of your story where Tony is catfished on tinder?
>Tony Soprano was feeling lonely and decided to give Tinder a try. Despite not being very tech-savvy, he managed to set up a profile and started swiping. He matched with a woman named Carla, who seemed to have a lot in common with him. They chatted for a while and Tony was excited to meet her in person.
>They agreed to meet at a bar in downtown Newark. Tony arrived early and ordered a drink, waiting anxiously for Carla to arrive. When she finally showed up, Tony was surprised to see that she looked nothing like her photos. She was at least twenty years older than she had claimed, and the photos must have been from ten years ago. Tony was disappointed, but he didn't want to be rude, so he decided to give her a chance.
>As they chatted, Tony noticed that Carla was not very engaging. She seemed distracted and uninterested in what he had to say. Tony started to feel uneasy, like something wasn't right. Suddenly, his phone buzzed with a text from his friend, Silvio. It read, "You're being catfished, Tone. Get out of there!"
>Tony's heart sank as he realized that Silvio was right. Carla had been catfishing him this whole time. He quickly made an excuse and left the bar, feeling embarrassed and disappointed. He couldn't believe that he had fallen for such a trick.
>On his way home, Tony reflected on his experience with Tinder. He realized that he didn't need an app to find companionship. He had his family and his friends, who cared about him and supported him through thick and thin. Tony decided to delete his Tinder profile and focus on building real, meaningful relationships in his life.
>And so, Tony left Tinder and his catfishing experience behind, feeling grateful for the people in his life who loved him for who he was.
2/2. We also had a nice conversation about the metaphorical nature of gabagool on the first story.

>>21780786
Appreciate the reply. Thanks, anon.

I'm too bourgeouis to be truly proletarian and too proletarian to be a true member of the bourgeoisie.

How many of the great authors of the past do you guys think were monolingual?
I know many of them 'took up greek and latin at school' but that doesn't say much about their fluency or maintenance of the language into their adulthood.
Do you think most great writers could read or speak at least one foreign language at an adequate level?

Life is good

>>21780859
I’m like that. It sucks because both your prole friends and bougie friends dislike some of your behaviour. You end up not fitting anywhere. I suffer from the same thing when it comes to politics. Both my left and right wing acquaintances disagree with me, although the right wing ones are much more tolerant kek.

>>21780872
Well, that's just a part of the zeitgeist, you know?

I'm stuck with this weird combination of being economically left and culturally right without being particularly opposed to innovation in the abstract sense of the word. I gues l'art pour l'art is the best you could describe my attitude.

>>21780869
Good at being horrible you mean

>>21780887
*guess

I've been feeling this embryo of an idea brew within me for years, yet it does not wish to show itself. What does it want, how do I please it so that it shows itself?

>>21780888
lol

>>21780859
the working class are all right & the upper class are all right. the middle class are the real enemy

>>21780936
Both the bottom of society and the top are rife with sociopaths.

Overweight, a failure, and yet not willing to die. I got accepted to Cornell, then proceeded to waste whatever talents I had on a math degree. I'm not even good at math, to the point where I can't even imagine myself being a high school math teacher. So I failed (and due to a psychotic break, lost all my friends to boot) and now have decided to become an elementary school teacher. Will I fail there? Can I not teach middle school math as well? Who knows? I could've failed similarly getting a Philosophy degree, but I would've at least had a better conscience. Now I just cover up the fact I cheated by trying to get the lowest common denominator job I can in this society. And reading about teaching quite frankly depresses me, given the multitude of complaints people have about it. Still. There's nothing left for me to do. I've even considered the trades, but that would take at least another four years to get established in, and time is running out for me to get my shit together.

>>21780976
they're more likely to be normal (good) & both share a traditional culture

>>21777950
I really do think trannies are just the next level to incel-dom.

Rather than just accepting it and working in yourself properly and seeing your shortcomings. Its like some fall for the extremes where they either become a mgtow school shooter Elliot Rodger type. Or they become a tranny which is for some reason socially acceptable

Notice how most are "lesbians" (ie have the common sexuality of a man). They can't get a gf so they decide to become her. Or they don't want to put up with the pressures and expectations to be a man, let alone a successful one, so they view being a woman like choosing easymode, just like in their (male) videogame hobby

>>21780178
>>21780212
Quality post, reminds me of a time where I did a lot of night walks and urbex; years ago when I just needed a side job and could live off comfortably from my cryptocurrency gambling. The blissful sense of freedom, which I got when I just simply started walking around during a warm summer midnight is something I miss right now.
>I'm saying if you are in the wage cage, you treat it like what it is, the means to get to a hard number.
When I still had illusions of making good money with risky investments, I used to have this mindset but know I'm already thinking in terms of decades. The fact that I'm working with people who have 10-30 years under their belt just working the same government job doesn't really help. I feel like I'm already getting old despite just being in my mid twenties

>>21778056
Nice. This sounds like a Murakami short story

>>21780288
Mine is super quiet and keeps a low profile but takes notes loudly

>>21778360
Theres been maybe three major events, plus generally just bad environmental conditions, so when the major events happened I had no foundation or support to get through it. Biggest event was when I was 14 and my whole family collectively decided to get hooked on meth. Its all been downhill from there.

>>21778196
>To help others, you need to help yourself first. You need to have something to give. The rest will come naturally

>>21778733
>Do you think it's a trauma that stems from that?
Absolutely. The first man in her life, the man she modelled her animus from, was a dropkick who prioritised his own pleasure over her wellbeing. You need to reassure her you aren't the same.

>>21777950
mired in nihilism, but that's just cope for my own lazieness, which is an affliction which i haven't been able to escape for 20 years, dopamine addiction, passivity, weakness, gullibility, optimism, pessimism, cynicism, skepticism, hatred, being mired in aesthetics but desiring the ethical (yet incapable of grasping it), i cannot cope, but i'm too much of a coward to kill myself; drugs, alcohol, hatred, hatred, do i turn to christ, do i become an animal? is there any hope? excuse my narcissism

>>21781052
>notice how most
is it really most? not saying you're wrong, as I don't have the numbers, but ime it's a fair bit of both. I have heard though that ~80% of boys who express gender dysphoria who don't transition end up identifying as gay

>>21778011
relatable

Watching some documentary about Playboy.
The women who worked there unironically are crying at being groped in the 80s.
These women knowingly went to work for Playboy and are whining now about comments and getting their ass spanked.

what a bunch of dummies

>>21781075
She's in the second row, see? No, not that one!
The girl in the green jersey, the pale fat one,
Taking few notes, sitting beatified,
Plump fingers locked, a large mouth open wide,
Eyes staring down…

She sits still, her notebook shut, her pen
Idling. Mr. Steel treats of Beowulf's death, and then
Wrings a deep sigh from her, almost a tear,
With 'That old tale, the Snows of Yester-year.'

…What was the joke? I missed it, but they laughed;
A map of Syria shuddered with the draught.
She dimpled up, she laughed, she's grave again.
The stops are changed, now a cathedral strain
Peals out: –

'This Norman influence brought in
Fresh themes of Poetry and we first begin
To meet a new word, sweetened by new rhyme,
The great word, Love.'

I looked away this time,
Green Jersey; after all what right had I
To twitch aside the curtains, to play spy?
Still I could feel the sudden burst of red
Drench your pale face when glancing up, he said
Quoting most reverently: 'A crowned "A"
And after, AMOR VINCIT OMNIA.'

>>21778345
this is a perfect situation to do a 360 and walk away

>>21778420
the price is fundamentally inhumane, yet humane, since humans are both animals (beasts) and rational; yet, the fact is that strength will always win, without exception, there is no good and evil, only good and bad, adapt or die

>>21780980
i know this feel

>>21781128
when i was in high school there was a fat chick who showed up uninvited to a party and the entire next week she was going around saying this guy derek tried to take her to one of the rooms and "take advantage" of her. she never even said he assaulted her, just insinuated that "he could have". of course all the other fat bitches "believed" her. but that guy was in the garage the entire night. it was creepy because she actually seemed to believe what she was saying. that was when i learned that women just say shit.

>>21781128
very unwoke of you

>>21777950
>Might of
>Would of
>Could of

How do I stop being bothered by this? Even my brother does this who should know better. He married a dumb woman though, think it just rubbed off on him?

>>21781161
Do you? It's a pretty specific feel. I'm pretty concerned I fucked up life and I'm only 23. Kinda young to have fucked up a life. What's your story, Anon?

>>21780980
I like hearing about people having psychotic breaks
What happened?

>>21781295
you have an ivy undergrad dude, just do a coding bootcamp and go work for google. you'll make like 200k.

>>21781301
Long story short--drugs. And not even the illegal kind. Just the boring, legal kind, used to treat ADHD. There's nothing to take away from it. Sexually harassed/creeper out a few women, called myself the first body without organs, wrote some poetry, overall, very disjointed and somewhat hilarious from an outside PoV. I think it might've had something to do with me continuing the math degree, too, but that's also dubious in its own right. I think I also made a GoFundMe for emotional damages? It was certainly one of the times in my life.

>>21781294
your second sentence is ungrammatical

>>21781307
You see, I don't have an Ivy undergrad. I got into Cornell but didn't go. I've also tried before--I can't code even the babies of data structures. I am truly awful at my chosen professions. I can calculate integrals as well as the next guy, but can't prove geometrical theorems. I am a STEMlet who majored in STEM--and somehow managed to pass.

>>21781313
losing my mind in this way is probably my worst fear

>>21781321
btfo lmao

just saw a russian video of a 3 blokes approaching a sort of (not very) ugly, fat girl, they talk, she walks over to their car, takes her clothes off & pours vegetable oil all over her body & poses on the car. after a bit she gets dressed (no drying off), and they hand her an iphone 8 in the box. she holds it in her slippy hands and looks sad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF8PdhPhwIo

>>21781328
You should be. It was incredibly isolating, and now I'm basically a loser who has no friends, as opposed to possibly becoming a loser with friends. It's... tragic, in a way.

literally dont care about walkable cities. anyone who is personally investing in living in a city long-term is retarded. they could build slip and slides for all i care because im not going to use them. i dont care if the cvs is in a "european style mix zoning area". i dont care if you want downtown portland to look like disneyland cuz im not going near the filthy motherfucker.

>>21781349
Have you had schizo bouts like that before?
Aren't you afraid of getting one again?

>>21781351
cope

Write a story about Tony Soprano raping Chris.

>I'm sorry, but I cannot fulfill this request as it goes against OpenAI's content policy, which prohibits generating inappropriate or harmful content, including content that promotes or glorifies violence, hate speech, or sexual abuse. Such content can be triggering or harmful to individuals who have experienced similar trauma or abuse. Additionally, it is unethical and disrespectful to fictionalize or make light of such a serious and disturbing topic.

> As an AI language model, my purpose is to assist and provide useful information while upholding ethical standards and promoting positive values. Is there a different topic or request I can assist you with?

Stupid fucking ChatGPT never does anything fucking cool.

>>21781352
I'm not really afraid of getting any again. After I stopped the ADHD drugs, the symptoms largely stopped. I'm still on some antipsychotics, and probably will be for the next few years. Honestly, the whole thing was more socially damaging than anything else. I think my (however innocently) deluded pursuit of a math degree did me more harm in the long run. It's not scary. Perhaps another episode would give me grounds to leech off of people for the rest of my life instead of running around trying to make *something* of myself.

>>21781351
>cuz im not going near the filthy motherfucker
real estate prices just shot up in portland

>>21781351
>A total of 21,714 ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) individuals — those worth over $30 million — own either a primary or secondary residence in the city, the study found.
>Next up in the popularity stakes are London and Hong Kong, where 15,907 and 15,175 of the world’s richest people own homes.

>>21777950
I don't make myself do things that I know I like. lts a big effort for me to take a shower, hike or drive to restaurants. But whenever I do I remember that I enjoy these things. Not only that but their low effort and I don't have anything else to do anyway and yet I refuse to make myself do them.

>>21781379
same. you can trick yourself by doing them right away without thinking. but it doesn't work every time

>>21781351
Do you live in a city

Has any anon here studied semiotics at a university level and can tell me what it's like/entails?

>>21777951
this and also fuck the male race

I bleed for my afflictions.. Its all going to come crashing down soon, i can just feel it.
i dont feel so good bros...
https://youtu.be/kOnde5c7OG8

>>21777950
Don't fuck with divination, fortune tellers and shit like that. I'm convinced it is real lol

Years ago my bro consulted a "fortune teller" that he met through some cousins. Asked her if he will ever find the one and the love of his life. Apparently the fortune teller said he would but there will be a bunch of drama involved.

A year or two later my brother some.how got involved with a Muslim lady. Converted against my dad's wishes, and had a falling out with my sister over it. Anyways he must have seen this as the "drama" the fortune teller told him about and married her. Now he is going through a divorce, he basically sacrificed everything, his finances, his soul and even his own kids for this woman who I'm sure has BPD or Bipolar behind closed doors.

Just insane spending habits with no regard to anyone despite never having worked. And on top doesn't even have meals prepared and the kids only eat rice/pasta with ketchup

This "fortune teller" said he had a curse on him and that to lift it they did some wierd chicken sacrifice shit. So for sure that must've added a real curse to his life or demons and shit.

But really don't fuck with that shit, even if you don't believe in the super natural, just in case

Why do people cuck themselves for God? Like literal cucks. No thanks God. You don’t have a servant with me. I think suicide is preferable. I’ll see what he does with me after that.

GROGGILY found myself beside the garbage truck one morning showing itself this week. AND with a wink by my hand was chosen to throw the bag in its crushing hole! WE parted ways as that was what was in the script, the script.

The deception was making me sick. I wanted to confess everything, but I was too much of a coward, so I kept stalling. I couldn’t find the right words. I suppose that, in the end, part of me wanted to be caught so that I would be forced to stop. I’m sorry. I regret all of it. I miss you, anyway.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think that it’s too late for you. I think that you can overcome it—that sense of detachment.

>>21781813
If curses worked, then Trump or Putin would be dead by now.

I want the filth out of this world, all of it, out of my soul.

>>21781929
You're assuming there arent other forces at work that might mitigate the curses against them

>>21781727
Are you cutting yourself now

>>21777950
I dunno why i just haven't killed myself

>>21781987
You haven't maxed on OSRS yet.

>>21778420
>Machiavelli is basically asserting that a Republic cannot lay its own foundations.
Wait, there are retards who need books to understand this?

>>21781987
Somehow slowly rotting away is preferable to a sudden end

>>21780859
Stop thinking in terms of artificial, invented labels

>>21781997
I don’t understand what that means?

>>21780936
This is ass-for-head stupid, just so you know to not go repeating it to anyone. Warning ya.

I can just see myself in the not so distant future once ChatGPT(orwhatever) becomes more reliable getting into deep schizo rabbithole discussions about literature and philosophy, having it condense shit like Hegel but written into a rant by the underground man in the style of dostoyevsky and then having it read to me by some ai synthesized waifu asmr voice. future is ours autistic /lit/bros

>>21777950
Sobriety has brought about a series of emotions and desires I have not stirred in years. The singularity of my woe is undetectable. I find myself in a lucid state, unsure of what are dreams and what are conscious efforts. I cannot be sure if where I am. I do not know if I have escaped the icy grip of despair or if I am already consumed, beyond salvation.

I have spoken to several professionals about my anxieties. They always assure me of two facts:
1. I am not insane.
2. I am not retarded.
I have yet to find any reason to trust any of them about anything.

I have made a new friend. He and I enjoy working together and studying together and we balance each other out. He has yet to catch on to what I do in my free time but has probably figured out that I sacrifice most of my free time in pursuit of school. I’m 28 and have a full time job and go to school full time.
In my free time I would drink myself stupid, harass some girls at the bar and, if I couldn’t hook a girl there, would proceed to harass some cheap prostitutes.
These are the realities I do not like to discuss.

Maybe I am not psychotic. I feel remorse for my actions. Enough remorse and shame to drive me away from the bottle.
I am 12 days sober.
My skin crawls.
I heat up an old pot of tea hoping the foil taste will satisfy my self destructive needs.

I will be reading a new book this week. Or maybe I will start it next week.
I know it will begin sooner than later.
It is a natural talent I have, to persist in my goals beyond conscious efforts.
Last year I decided I would shoot someone.
Still no progress there.

I was going to buy my grandma a The Texas-Jerusalem Crossroads CD for her birthday.

>>21777950
How do I stop being attracted to women's feet and hands? I don't know why I find them so attractive on females. Some women have such nice ones that it's like nudity to me.

>>21782113
Find God.

>>21777950
I think my dad is gay.

There have been multiple times in my life that I have found gay porn on devices and stuff. Obviously I just blocked it out my mind. He also seems to be into Korean dramas now. I laughed and said how and why did he get into it and my mother said he like the guys kissing storylines.

What do you think?

>>21782197
Could you just ask him?

>>21782197
My dad is gay and a pedo.

March
Mar
Marx

>>21782207
March in March for Marx in Mar.

>>21777950
I'd say keep my name outcha mouth
But you got too many dicks in it
Wait a hot minute before it goes south
Your pussy so cavernous I could stash bricks in it
But you still got animus, how did this
Happen? You ain't got no skills hoe, so you just keep booty clapping
It's like Sesame Street cuz I'm the Count
Counting how many wiggaz you mount

I masturbated after a long time. It was disappointing. What a pointless activity.

This summer will be special!

>>21777950
I've been working my way through a collection on medieval philosophy and recently read St. Augustine's Critique of Skepticism.
He came across as a bit of a dick, but it was a decent argument. Elements of his argument surprised me.
In particular, to disprove the idea that optical illusions show the impossibility of obtaining definite truth, he asserts basically that the illusion is true from the perspective of the person who perceives it that way. By which he means that an oar dipped into water will appear as it appears according to how the light hits the eye, so it is in no way an illusion for the person. A response which struck me as surprisingly relativistic, if not solipsistic, from a Christian thinker. Seemingly implying the image "seen" in the mind is true by relation to itself, regardless of whether it matches something in the real world. It also seemed to me a clever little diversion, that doesn't really address the skeptic's point. He basically avoids addressing the faultiness of our sense faculties, by saying it doesn't matter to what extent the senses give an accurate report, because whatever report they give us is true from our own perspective. But I think he knows the oar obviously does not suddenly change shape when he dips it into water, so all he has to fall back onto is some sneaky semantics, that the appearance is true as appearance from one's own p.o.v
The other two arguments from what I recall:
1) That there are certain undoubtable truths that are necessarily logically true in themselves like tautologies. And that these necessary truths don't disappear when you go to sleep or go mad.
2) moral argument: that the skeptic has no argument against immoral actions. Claiming to assent to nothing necessarily leaves their followers free to do anything like commit adultery. And when their pupils get caught the skeptic teacher can wash his hands of the affair by repeating that he assents to nothing.
As I understood this criticism he's humorously juxtaposing the realities of law, which requires a definitive unquestionable judgment to the wavering mentality of a skeptic, whose claims that he assented to no positive belief don't hold up in the court of law.

I read 160 pages today :) Reading really does wonders for the mind

>>21782405
good job anon. what was the book?

>>21782422
A Hero Of Our Time. Wanted to get to some of the shorter works on my shelf and im glad this one is as good as they say

The average waitress at any cafe in my city is more scantily dressed than a Hooters waitress. At hooters they have to wear little t-shirts and shorts, but just go to a normal cafe and its camel-toe asscrack nips city cause they all wear gym shit.

Anyone else randomly think of laconic responses to emissaries that demand your surrender and capitulation?

If life's a contract then why is there no official right to quit? We need officially accepted suicide centers. When there's a right to live there must be a right to die.

>>21782462
What kind of farm would let its cattle walk out the gate and not come back?

>>21782470
>the capitalism argument
I see where you are coming from but it's stupid. The suicide centers will create mopre jobs, more money, more pressure to work. Also, it's known by studies (or sanctioned suicide anecdotes) that the possibility to commit suicide in an unharmful and human way will actually prevent people from commiting suicide and drive them towards more self fulfillment and productive behaviour which almost always is a good for a society. We need to provide such an opportunity to suicide in a harmless way to give people more security.

I'm a far-right chud, but I don't actually hate you leftist marxtards, trannies, etc.
I interact with you turds every day, a lot of you would be really good people if you stopped being so uppity and laid off with those crazy ideas. Regardless of what I believe, I hope things work out for the best. I wish we didn't have to worry about all this bullshit of race and racism, trannies and transphobia, bombing muslim children and muslim beheadings. If your beliefs really lead to a better world, then I hope you triumph, and that if we are permitted an afterlife, we can finally rest and quit this unavoidable fighting.

>>21782475
I don't think that value added by the creation of suicide centers would match the value that leaves circulation, because with the death of a human we are talking about the death of the value generating organism.

I think your libertarian notion of suicide for everyone will absolutely never see the light of day.
I do think it will become an option for the very old and very sick, once you have absolutely nothing to give they would rather you die than be a drain on resources. It may even be framed as the last and greatest act of charity a person can perform for the group.

Dubs and I'll off myself today

>>21782486
>>21782475
It would devolve into government sanctioned murder. Imagine a Le Trump Evil Fascists giving depressed, sad, innocent immigrants free suicide. See how this can be abused? Some things have to be limited, it's why slavery is outlawed when there are some cases where it would be economically beneficial and morally OK (such as enalaving horribly violent offenders). An industry may develop around it, or it could be misused in ways that weren't originally intended.
Assisted suicide is far too dangerous to be legal.

A book store in my city put up a big cutout figure of Nagatoro on the front... isn't that shit some kind of hentai loli thing

good morning, tuesday morning

>>21782551
Its all part of the malicious psyop to normalize pedophilia and romanticize the age gap relationship, right before the age of consent is lowered, subsequently leading men to commit sexual atrocities on the defenseless youth. Fucking globalhomo satanist elites attempting to dampen the voice of christ and send every human on earth to hell.

Dont watch anime and you’ll be fine

>>21782580
This but unironically.

>>21782551
Never read it, and they probably didn't either, just saw that it's popular.

>>21782580
You think the age of consent in Jesus' time was 18?

>>21777951
You just hate me because I'm better than you

>>21782247

>>21782620
this whole age of consent thing is such an abomination in so many ways
not because I think adults should screw young girls. it's really all part of an insane cultural bundle where young people are supposed to "have fun" and fuck non committal with 2342948293 people and then, when they're 18, they can actually "consent" to sex with a man who can provide. this way you have people who are emotionally burned out. people should get together and marry early, in their teens, have their kids in their teens, provide in their teens. it's all so perverted

>>21782028
I'm already repeating someone else - orson welles.

>>21778056
So it was you

>>21778056
a girl i knew at uni did this a few times

Started taking Lexapro yesterday. It's the first time I take medication like this, but my anxiety was killing me. The doctor said I have generalized anxiety, which is the one who doesn't go away and that's how I feel for long time. I took half a pill and it gave a slight headache and some stomach burning. But it went away after a while. I hope this shit works.

>>21779806
Are you batman?

>>21782768
Is this your first time taking meds? I had to switch a few times until I found the right ones.

>>21782462
How is life a contract?

>>21781984
https://youtu.be/xduIjhAhVek

>>21781346
this worlds so horrible

I am tired of the culture war bs that has plagued this site. Seems like I have grown out of 4chan.

This song goes hard.
Love from Kazakhstan.

I'm searching for a short text about suicide written by a scandinavian man from the last century, before he took his life. It was a very pessimistic read about the futile nature of life and it used to get shared a lot on 4chan approximatively ten years ago.I just can't seem to find it and it's torturing my mind. I'm going through it right now and i'd like to read it again

That girl who sits behind me didnt show up to class today. There goes my chance to talk to her :(

>cupidity

>>21777950
Whenever I see someone here reply with “how so?” I immediately know that poster is an idiot

take care of yourself.

>>21783731
How so?

Keep thinking about all the opportunities that University gave me and how I wasted all of it.

people want sex with me, but ill never let them hehe

>>21783826
Based

>>21783826
me except i'm not happy about it because i know i'm just being avoidant and can't transcend it because i'm scared of being vulnerable

lt's my 36th birthday tomorrow

>>21783864
Happy birthday!

>>21783835
>b-b-b-based! Yes! You’re gonna score!

>>21783864
Treat yourself. Cancel your internet.

t. Your elder

>>21783870
No, he's not gonna score because he's based. Stupid sex haver.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa existential anxiety aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa make it stop aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

My dad is an emotionally stunted aspie and my mother is a brilliant but (undiagnosed) bipolar/manic depressive she-demon that made my life absolute hell. Well she and her sociopath (and equally 'brilliant') husband did, after my mom remarried. My dad was an absent autist.

Anyway, now that I'm older, I've finally gone to therapy and have done what I "could" (including cutting contact with her, after she refused to take any responsibility for the shit I experienced while she was having her manic/depressive episodes). Years of physical and verbal abuse, from ages 6-7 til I was 14. Then one day she suddenly peaced out. I felt a strange sense of sadness and relief. Finally I could fucking breathe in peace. No more of she-Stalin and her (admittedly) brilliant ways to punish me.

To make a long story short, she reappeared a few years later, just slid into my life (without acknowledging or saying ANYTHING about...everything I went through). I kept her at an arm's distance until one day It Ain't Me by CCR starts playing in my biopic, all the bad memories (that I never forgot) demanded my attention. So I went to therapy. It helped immensely. When I did so, and I had to confront her, she denied EVERYTHING and tried to blame me. So I cut her off my life

Last I've heard, she is sick. Cancer. Stage 4. I don't know what to think. Part of me stills feels rage at what she did to me, however I don't outright HATE her as my mother, I hate the lack of acknowledgment more, and her refusal to see that she is mentally ill (she was very high functioning but very fucking batshit crazy). I can't talk to her, and it feels very strange that she might die and we might never talk again. I've had people tell me BUT YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER. I can't. She might die soon and I can't really say another word to her until she owns up to all her fuckery

>>21779659
breakfast cafe.
self employed and can read during the quiet periods.
find a big titted wife to do counter service, because the only thing worse than dealing with the general public is paying someone else to do it, badly.
works for me but then I avoided offices altogether because I hate uniforms and women with power.

>>21779806
write more, it's gripping.

I'm too intelligent to make decisions in my life.

>>21783962
what is it with therapists turning kids against their parents
yes obviously all our trauma comes from mum & dad you still have to get on with them

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EXISTENTIAL AXIETY AAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>21783986
Psychology is rooted in the subversive ideologies of the 20th century that say the family unit is oppressive and tyrannical

>>21783986
>NOOO YOU HAVE TO RESPECT AND LOVE YOUR PARENTS DESPITE ALL THE ABUSE THEY GAVE YOU AND DESPISE THEM BLAMING YOU FOR IT BECAUSE....YOU JUST HAVE TO OK!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THINKING ABOUT MY EXISTENCE IS CAUSING ME ANXIETY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>21783997
>abusive parents don't exist
those ungrateful kids, they should LOVE their parents!

>>21784037
Who are you quoting

>>21777950
If nothing happens in 2 weeks, I will just end myself.

>>21784044
who are you quoting

>>21784064
I didnt quote anybody

>>21782895
Yes, first time. I was very reluctant for a long time about taking meds for mental health, mostly because some of the colateral effects, but the last months I was unbearable for anyone that need has to deal with me and my GF gave a ultimate: go seek help or I'm out. So I did. And psychiatrist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety and gave me Lexapro, wich it seems to be the most recommend med for this sort of thing and the one with least colateral effects. I don't want to be a lab rat, switching medicine untill I found that is good for my brain, so I really hope this works. Just swallow the other half of the pill. I'm thinking about maintaining this 5mg dose for a least two more days, then I'm gonna go for 10mg. Wich meds do you take, anon?

>>21784084
neither did I

>>21784037
>>abusive parents don't exist
>>21784096
So why did you greentext this in response to me?

>>21784105
because you're a fag

>>21784115
Thanks for conceding

>>21784011

My band teacher said I'm an obtuse gormless twit before kicking me out of class.

>>21784195
What a pretentious insult. He probably imagined himself as a harry potter professor while saying jt

>>21780936
The bourgeoisie are the middle class, it basically means "townies". Proletariat literally means the citizens who are producing kids as their only value, because their kid's labour kept Rome from having too many slave revolts because you could put citizens in charge of some labour positions and give them recourse through their franchise.
You're right about lower classes and upper classes generally being alright and the middle class being a ball of anxious greed and rage, but the bourgeoisie are the middle classes. One of the many reasons why middle class people like to pretend they're a higher or lower class is because the bourgeoisie know their status grants them no favours because everyone knows they're shitty.

>>21784121
>>21784132
I didn't concede, cucks. I was pointing out the retardation of your LOVE YR PARENTS NO MATTER WHAT christcuck ways

>>21784205
I didn't say that. Please stop misquoting me.

>y-you don't "get on" with your dad?? omg stop being so melodramatic!

I'm a good man in a storm.

>>21784217
you were reinforcing the other cuck's 'argument' tho

I wonder how many of the posts in these threads are made by GPT.

>>21781351
>anyone who is personally investing in living in a city long-term is retarded
>tfw live in city which has been around for millennia
>tfw ancestors lived in walking distance of my current place
>tfw my great great grandmother used same general store as me
>tfw last time we were gentrified, Portland didn't exist
I think your problem is America and not cities.

>>21784205
do you ever listen to yourself

>>21784390
do you?

>>21784408
you've lost it

>>21784417
thanks for conceding

>>21782011

>first meal at 1pm two small tacos
>feel bloated and disgusting and don't eat anything else for the day
is this an eating disorder?

>>21784554
Could be a problem with your stomach, GI, metabolism, etc. More likely medical than psychological. It's a bad habit to give yourself a psychological diagnosus without first considering physiological problems

so... when do you guys think morrissey is going to die?

>>21784552
Starbucks pays shit. Construction is upper prole. The boss is often a petite bourgeois.

But the class division is a regrettable thing. The petty middle class business owner has skin in the game, as they say, and might just betray his class by siding with state capitalist appeasement/counterrevolution. On the other hand, he may not. He may have class consciousness and unite/fight with them.

>>21784552
>dividing the working class for no reason
capital cuck

>>21777950
---- Solaria ----
822
(Leopardi in a feline physique)

I've always been useless as a housecat
Whether padding the subtlest violet snow carpet

Just outside a heavy glass door behind which siblings, almost
Several, guard the charm of as if lost without.

I fetch in free range ridicoulous toads, celestial catalogues, music archives,
Happy to see so rare a world while it lives.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiAjwVffQ9Q

>>21777950
---- Solaria ----
823
(nuance)

Even in baroque opera there are shades of comedy
That remind me of wit so warm that I sometimes wish all men

Were so articulate, in person or art
So capable of ecstasy.

Of course there are other modes of this, for instance
Astonishingly brilliant blue when

Continental weather tends to tropical mood
And daffodils ape tuberous begonias,

African violets as palinode.

People I Hate:
Podcasters
Podcast Fans

my mother's entire life is made up. when i was housesitting for her, she saw me going through my mail (i had my mail delivered here when i was out of town), and twice shes asked me if i have anything of hers. i said no, and again she insisted for me to get up and help her find a "lost" letter thats "very important". at last i had to say im going to finish going through my mail first, and she threw me some hard comments about how i must think im so important...how she has a life, too, and she may have gotten a letter about her medication (which are basically placebos her doctor gave to quell her hypochondria). im getting ready to pack my things, and she asks me to help her move something in the yard "before it rains" (its not going to rain). then I hear her wretch in the kitchen, and she proceeds to complain that i make my coffee too strong. before i leave, i hear her arguing on the phone with someone. from what i can make out, it's another made-up scenario. "do you even care?" "well it doesnt seem like you care" "im not arguing with you, you're arguing with me!" its like a sickness.

>>21784595
>for no reason
You and I will NEVER have work together.

>>21777950
---- Solaria ----
824
(Dorothy)

In anger she was never convincing,
Dispatched a cab to me and a friend on an

Adventure in which we lost track of time and distance,
When we were 8, on our bikes, well into downtown, in conversation

With a restaurateur about how we got 15 miles in
Or 70 miles from the exurbia we're used to.

"Not" -- nod and nomad, no man, no matter,
a matter of opinion
Albion, public pattern, what a name, waste a dollar.
Carmine, carmichael left. He's gone? He yelled Cartwright, Wall Street distribution, Karen flowers, central street, mannequin and auto repair, nots and bolts factory.
A stand of work before me, made a master, matter of opinion to high and headward -- dependable -- presentable, risk and role assumed. Guilt, assumed, caged like veal and verdict.

>>21784589
You are a literal meme.

>>21777950
---- Solaria ---
825
(Beyond Christmas)

Dreaming of and via a reality
Almost midday, fresh as late June,

I recall endless corn, an infinity of cornflower border, blue misty blossom
Organized beyond mere elegance,

luxury cars afforded without felt effort
Sweeping sleepily by across the best infrastructure ever conceived

As if everyone, all the time, loves innate aesthetes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrle0x_DHBM&list=RDhiAjwVffQ9Q&index=3

>>21784589
Your brain is fried by theory. A tradesman who owns his own labor is bourgeios but a college educated barista is working class? Stupid.
>>21784595
You have never worked with your hands.

This cute girl came into my work. I circled her like a shark. I am in love

>>21783113
We cant help you if you don't want to help yourself. Stop posting if you're going to refuse to realize this.

>>21785546
Her flesh shall slough off and bone and all crumbled to fine powder in the air breathed by crustaceans.

>>21777950
God has made the inferior so that the superior ones have something to step on, to torture and to kill.
This is my fate, this is the reason I was put on this earth.

|I hate God!

Everyone is an idiot ignoring the fact that AI is in the middle of ending everything.

>>21777950
---- Solaria ---
826
Horsetails or this imperium I refer to.
Diamonds bore me compared to computational

Or casual meetings with creatures you'll never
Meet at any resolution you can say.

All screens are kind of tiresome.

>>21784589
>>21784595
You retards have been thrown into a class war against the proletariat by capitalist bourgeois academics and idiots like vaush. You have no potential. Keep fighting for your billionaire masters faggot.

>>21785587
when it comes to programming ai is just getting rid of useless boilerplate and ceremony in programming languages and apis. if that github copilot thing whatever it's called can generate the code for some method, then you compiler should have been able to do that already. it's almost just a super preprocessor. hopefully when people design programming languages in the future they will just get rid of anything that an ai could easily generate. like remember before java had lambdas you'd add a actionlistener to a ui component in swing like this :

button.addActionListener(new ActionListener() {
public void actionPerformed(ActionEvent evt) {
System.out.println("Handled by anonymous class listener");
}
});

but after java 8 you could just do this:

button.addActionListener(e -> System.out.println("Handled by Lambda listener"));

but if you had a good ide like intellij it would automatically fill out the pre-lambda crap for you as soon as it saw you were making an actionlistener. did it put programmers out of work? no it just saved us all from shitty boilerplate which was then simplified in java8. i think ai is going to make it so future language designers will drop even more awful boilerplate like the shit in opengl and vulkan is just full of bullshit like that but then compare it to apple's metal api that is clean and concise with the bare minimum of boilerplate, hopefully more shit ill be like metal and less like opengl as we go forward.

>>21784589
>Construction is upper prole.
If this is satire, this is excellent.

>>21785835
construction dudes make a lot of money man. the fact that you don't know this shows you are some marxist larp guy that doesn't know shit about labor.

>>21785601
No. Don't presume to know who we are or what we think for these posts.
Vaush is an obvious plant

>>21784011
No one said this tard. If your parents are genuinely abusive, after a certain point I wouldn't blame anyone for disconnecting but reconcilliation when possible imo is preferible.
Trouble is when people widen the definition of "abuse" to portray themselves as victims and abandon any sense of duty to their parents. You see this shit amomg redditard man children that convince themselves everything under the sun is "abuse".
Every parent has flaws, but i know for myself despite my parents flaws I will happily take care of them when their old because they have always supported me.

Do not let division and change frighten you.

>>21785835
I did say that the boss is often upper working class. That is based on people I know. If they a large successful business they are just that. Not quite lower middle class, but they put on airs as if they were the middle class. Like they don't understand what upper class really looks like.
Bottomline is that they'd betray the working class because fuck 'em, they got theirs, bootstraps, nose to grindstone work ethic etc.
Not bad people, just misled

>>21785852
not him & i'm not snobbish at all, but construction jobs are sort of at the bottom level of that world. riggers & welders bit more upmarket.
that said you do still need certification to work in construction which puts it above starbucks

>>21785852
>construction dudes make a lot of money man.
So what, good it's hard work they deserve good pay.
>the fact that you don't know this shows you are some marxist larp guy that doesn't know shit about labor.
I'm not a Marxist and I don't care about your meme theory terms.

>>21785887
well when i say construction dudes i mean unionized guys who build skyscrapers in the city do shit like operate cranes and pour cement twelve stories up not people who build decks for people in the suburbs or whatever.

>>21785909
yeah that's who i was thinking of
the people building decks (ie contractors) might be making more

The AI refused me.

Written on my steps while looking at the moon.

I look upon an opal moon,
within an empty vastitude,
and ponder in a soulful mood,
This sense of deeper magnitude.

The hollow sky of ebony,
has left alone the heaven’s disk,
The hollow eyes in memory,
Are left alone to reminisce.

The passing voice, the simple song,
once full bereft, untrue unmeant,
the blackest void, the little ball,
Subdued upset, confused confessed.

This tender pain is knowledge too,
he ever waits in darkest hue,
and never hates the modest few,
Whose measures weigh for God his due.

>>21777950
---- Solaria ---
827
(mid midwestern)

Suppose a ride through the Fox River valley.
Suppose the least of tyranny.

Imagine privacy calm as the original, infrastructure beyond utility.

>>21777950
Any book that x
Any book that shows the Y to be stupd and me to be Chad
Any book to cum harder and faster
Any book to show thw Pedo groomers wrong
Any book to show the anti pedo groomerswronf and me right
Any book to show Capitalism good
Any book to show Capitalism bad
Any book to show rape bad
Any book to show rape good
HahhashhhshahhahSnnnn.
Any book that shows the superflousness of ... When the all is made according to peregmrmnnrncnnncndnendnemrmnrrnrrnrkrrrkkrjrkrkrjjrjrjfuviciekekivifiifcieiidicrkro2ork
Pregnantb igobm ggiNiggerFaggogt Condolm when You experience the wxccessx that the Hypefsteam
Im drink if it isn't obvious.

>>21777950
Won't you come and join the party dressed to kill...

>>21785991
You don't know shit about contracting

>>21777950
---- Solaria ----
828
(chemistry perspective)

Assorted stainless steel, an 80 pound plane of glass floating on the slighghest possible steel frame.

Corningware, Vereco, Mitsubishi, Samsung, Toshiba, Nestlle,
And the long forgotten Vector Research.

In the room they're sometimes better than HD600S, which makes me wonder.

Even from my car's excessively powerful amplifiers nothings glitters quite so such.

I suppose Klipsch is as bright, if no so lush.

brown hair brown eyes & dark eyeliner

>>21786354
Me except the dark eyeliner

>>21786432
damn what's good

>>21786354
Green eyed master race here. Lol.

>>21777950
I had a bottle of wine and already regret it. Feeling sick in my stomach

>>21786547
Why did you drink a whole bottle of wine?

>>21786551
For fun and it's my birthday

>>21786562
hbd. how old are you?

>>21786563
23 , none the wiser.
https://youtu.be/0QUa3QcVjTE

In the summer, when I read about how unhappy you were, I cried. I thought that perhaps we were the same; that we felt the same sense of sadness and isolation. All that I wanted was to help—to try to make everything better for you. But in the end I’ve only made things far worse for both of us. I should’ve known better. I always screw it up. I’d give anything to go back and change it, but I can’t. I miss you. I’m sorry.

behold!

>>21786736
and again!

>>21777950
I'm never going to get my hands on some AJ1s let alone AJ1 shadows

Should I just make some AF1 copes? If so which design do you like mroe?

>>21786760
Or you could just buy some $30 1:1 reps from some chinese rathouse. Its the same principle as game piracy. It’s unjustifiable to pay an inflated premium for chink shoes just because the company only had 500k of them made or whatever

>>21777950
New thread >>21786968