/lit/ - Literature

>>21770916
I might have BPD but I'm a wizard at the same time. What a joke.

First for Fuentes.

>>21770916
I am the inverse of an incel. I get along much better with girls, socially and romantically, and have few male friends. A lot of guys hate me for some reason

>>21770958
>doesn't have male friends
>popular with girls
>not a faggot
doubt

>https://seekingalpha.com/article/4565388-svb-financial-blow-up-risk

>>21770958
You're feminine

>>21770991
>>21770995
Not gay and do really well with women. I have a decently high body count. Maybe I was supposed to be gay but something went wrong

>>21771007
Feminine doesn't mean gay

A young man should never end his life because of all the potential life holds for him. An old man should never end his life because what remains of his life need only be tolerated for a short while. If a man finds himself at say, 32, an age of maturity but with many years left, and he finds himself dissatisfied with life, for what reason should he not end it?

>>21771026
Because you never know what’s around the corner and you can influence what happens. 32 is young anyway

Got a date with an ex gf tonight. I really think we're cool now

>>21771031
I think you can say that about a younger man, but 32 isn’t that young. It’s just young enough to have many years left, but not young enough to be nothing but potential.

>>21771007
>supposed to be gay
No one is supposed to be a faggot, its abnormal disorder

>>21771026
>for what reason should he not end it?
Im asking that myself. I wasted all opportunities and didnt achieve even the absolute bare minimum. I cant live with guilt and shame no more.
t. 32

>>21771036
What is it you want to do? Why is your life so bad? I bet you can change it but you don’t. Or you give it a half ass try once and then go back to your defeatist attitude

>>21770916
I want to write a Sci-Fi story wherein the protagonist needs to defeat a Space Wizard by teaming up with a Communist, a Fascist, and two hippies.

Suicide is gay because people do it for retarded reasons.

>>21770949
A lot of people here have bpd for some reason but maybe thats just the internet. You guys have a faggy deliberately annoying sense of "humor".

>>21771157
based

>>21771200
which one bpd do you refer to?

>>21771188
and because only rerated people ever do it

>>21771231
Borderline Personality Disorder

>>21771239
*retarded

>>21771121
I don’t think it has to be that bad to be disappointed with it, but the issue really is not whether it can be changed moving forward but rather than what’s already happened can’t be changed.

>>21771241
oh yeah. I do have one.

reading wuthering heights after spending years with a gf whom I loved dearly and who loved me back and promised me the world only to leave on the hope of something better really hits different and it makes me want more than anything to exact that kind of life destroying revenge myself desu.

>>21771070
Elaborate please.

>>21771260
cool album cover

>>21771285
Whats there to elaborate? A lot of terrible choices.

my life only goes down

I think I'm gonna give up

>>21771250
And what can’t be changed?

Why am I such a bad person? I'm completely disinterested in interacting with ugly girls or anyone who sounds dumb, as if they were of lower value.

>>21771363
so is everyone you don't have to be weird about it

>>21771372
Probably true.

sneed

>>21771297
I am just curious what you mean when you talk about “the absolute bare minimum”.

>>21771352
What’s already happened. I already said this. By the time you’re 32, your life is on a clear trajectory as a result of a past you cannot change.

>>21771188
The truth is that I would never commit suicide, but I bring it up here only because I sometimes think that I should.

> your family knows you as the guy who is into books

I don't get a lot of (You)s but at least they're honest (You)s.

>>21771427
having a job, ever having a relationship or friendship. it seems like an absolute bare minimum of human existence.

>>21771441
The absolute bare minimum is food and water. You probably have a shelter too and even an internet connection and free time to shitpost here.

>>21771450
human social existence.

>>21771438
>your family knows you as the barely employed, mid 20s, community college student with no friends and eternally without gf

>>21771441
I think never having had any job or romantic partner at all is not ideal, but there actually is a story there that can turn into something worthwhile. Have you considered writing or pursuing some sort of art? As for the lack of friends, I can only really say that it sucks but friends are not all that important in my honest opinion. If there’s one thing that really unsuccessful socialites and extremely successful socialites have in common it’s that neither have any real friends.

>>21771026
Dont kill yourself. Something retarded might happen

>>21771463
So a normal 20 something then?

>>21771465
>Have you considered writing or pursuing some sort of art?
Honestly, I dont pursue it actively because I have no ideas which I'd like to flesh out. I mean how can a damaged person write about healthy normal people?

>>21771438
your fault for letting people know you read

>>21771439
based

>>21771461
'human social existence'? you've just made that up

I'm tired beyond words by effete middle class intellectual circlejerking. How do these fucks have the gall to claim that people who disagree with them are just "afraid of having their irrational prejudices challenged" when none of the shit they read ever challenges theirs? You can't read about anything without encountering their ideas if you are the type to go against the grain, but due to the popularity of their ideology they absolutely can entomb themselves in an intellectual bubble where they never, ever have to be actually challenged about what they think. It's also just a really faggy kind of argument. I blame vulgarized freudianism.

I'm not the goal, but the means to it. Speak the truth, nothing but the truth.

>>21771479
I think that a person who feels themselves damaged can possibly tap into that and put it into writing and maybe even connect with readers about those feelings or turn creative writing into a sort of coping mechanism. You just have to find the write note. I also think ideas secondary. They sort of come after you start doing the thing and not before. I’d give it a serious try for a few month at least if that is something you want to do. After all many writers have been NEETs and recluses and I think NEETs are well positioned to be artists.

>>21771483
If they’re your family they’ll just notice that you read a lot eventually

>>21771574
not my family, i see them once a year

>>21771573
>I’d give it a serious try for a few month at least if that is something you want to do.
I mean, I'd like to try but I have no idea on what would it look like as you're saying that ideas are only secondary.

>>21771226
I hope it turns out based. I'm gonna write the beginning when I get home.

I feel like just laying down and doing nothing until I die of hunger

Why was I born? Why was I ripped from the void of inexistence into this worthless existence as a fuckup?
I feel so alienated

>>21771646
>>21771651
I hope a thick bottom girl gives you two a big hug.

>>21771429
You’ll just deny it because that seems to be the type of person you are but you can begin to change whenever you want. Want a girlfriend l? Start talking to girls. Want friends? Start talking to people. Want a career? Put in the work and effort to get a job with upward mobility. Want a hobby? Try new things and see what catches on. Want a different attitude? Start trying to see things from a different perspective and changing who you are as a person. The list is endless

>>21771655
all women hate me, it ain't gonna happen

odds and I'll go out today
evens and I'll stay home

i want to die by
deep and angled fall through trees
onto railway tracks

Women are a broken mirror. Men seek their reflection in them, i no not why.

Have you guys seen the deepnudes threads on /r/? In the near future, we'll have an Instagram clone that will show all the photos of each girl but with her naked. How will roasties cope? It's over for OnlyFans.

>>21771805
Mmm yeah I can't wait to live in a dehumanized bubble talking to AI chatbots and fapping to AI generated nudes while having zero interactions with real people

I think I'll give up

is it just me or is /lit/ more terrible than before.

>>21771814
I mean most of us already do. Talking on the internet is already dehumanizing

>>21771825
It's not just you, all newfags think that

>>21771602
You could always just use a prompt. Look up basic story structure and use it with a prompt. I’ve also seen the advice to copy your favorite writers.

>>21771671
I never denied that. There’s no question things can get better, but what I’m suggesting is that they can only get as good as the past might allow.

>>21771805
and men and women are both enslaved to a conglomerated world run by computers?
in which case i think the issue of onlyfans would be so peripheral to the state of human misery that no one would notice

>>21771856
The past has some degree of influence but ultimately the present has more. Make things better now and that will become your past to build upon

>>21771805
If you don’t see the difference between jerking it to pics a girl sent you versus AI, you are hopeless

>>21771882
The past determines the present does it not?

>>21771881
>state of human misery
That's old news, pic related.
>>21771904
Holy cope

>>21771734
Stay inside and play some league with me, macacobro.

>>21771927
Cute wife :)

I wrote 517 words today. That's how much I could do before the thoughts got me. Fuck, I hate my life, i hate myself. I counted my money, there still aren't enough to leave the fucking nowhere with nothing as future. I hate my job. I'm also writing a novel which isn't marketable and never going to make me any money. Oh yeah, because that's what I need to do right now, the skills and side hustles are too hard for me anyways. My health is still declining. I can't stop smoking because of all this shit.

>>21770916
I can't wait to finish my studies and have a stable life. I will leave my city, then everyone will forget about me and I will be reborn.

This website is insane. It does not reflect what people feel in their innermost truth. It reflects incendiary aberrance and rewards kneejerk response to abberance. The climate here is artificial. Stay strong posters. Contribute the change you want to see in the chans not what the chans want from you.

Femanon where are you

>>21772002
She's geting dicked down by me right now

>>21772008
Can I watch?

>>21770916
Who’s portrait is that?

>>21772097
My gf

the music starts as we enter a tunnel
the anaesthetic takes
the waterslide green light
roll up your windows
close your eyes
hold your breath
count to three

>>21771943
614 words now

>>21771026
If history is the one thing that makes you unhappy, that’s the worst case scenario because history can’t be changed or improved. It’s written in stone forever.

I’m so miserable. I don’t know what to do to fix it.

>>21772286
it can be forgotten

>>21772286
t's changed all the time, history doesn't exist

recommend me something. can be anything.
one for all you: retinol

maybe it's my turn to disappear into nothingness

Since Ive been working a cash register Ive really started disliking blacks. They're always unprepared, unsure of what they want, short on money, are belligerent, and waffle around. They cant perform basic tasks and hold up the whole line. Man I really dislike blacls

>>21772442
go for it

>>21772097
Anna Risi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Risi

>>21772474
funny that this would be the only time i ever got a reply in these threads

I feel really boxed in and its extremely frustrating. I keep ruminating about everything that went wrong in life and how it could have gone better and how fucked up everything is now. I feel like I'm drowning and no matter what I do I keep getting pulled over. I dont understand my life, what it's for or why I'm living. I'm just running into the same wall over and over until I die. I hate everything

>>21772442
There's no 'nothingness', don't be naive. You're given a life, hang in there and do what you're meant to do on this world

>>21772002
hiiiiiiiii :)

>>21772610
Hey. Whats up?

>>21772610
wyd

has anyone in here gotten over being in 'limerence'? I feel like this event in my life has totally destroyed my mental health and the brief moments where she's not present in my head feel like a breeze in a packed train. The constant rehashing of memories and e-stalking has built a giant monster in my head where every single one of her actions no matter how small shifts my feeling of worth. Somehow it has gotten to the point that all my failures and misfortunes are exaggerated tenfold and can only be healed by this person's acceptance. It's like the whole of Nature and women are looking away in disgust that I'm not a rich man, that my sacrifices and struggles have brought me so little worldly success, that all my work has been worthless and stupid. It's totally infuriating to find yourself unable to detach from someone who seems to only want people for the things they provide and sees life so clearly as a contest. I don't think I felt Desire like this before in my life.

https://youtu.be/df3uae1L-Q8

Every single person that has ever seen a /lit/ thread should die in a fire. Yes that includes me! This place can only be harmful. Im off to hit my head with a hammer until I forget how to use the internet, just to be sure that I never lay eyes on this thought cancer bull shit again.

>>21772610
u want fuk?

>>21772667
pierce the veil lmao

>>21770916
---- Solaria ----
818
(exurban passenger to his own cerebellal chauffeur)

Within the Muse who inclines to nothing severe
Nothing but things are instrumental

Whatever seems to sing high sweetness
From a late winter clearing warm with a most ornate blue,

Slightly actininic in strange intensity.

Something like ecstasy reserved and projected for a still richer occasion
Like trees of soaring outline on the brink of waking

At the pace they will and please, the ideas
Almost completely fused.

Of course you don't have to remember much in the verbatim sense
To detect charisma of the amiable kind

Only enjoy nature as an archive of heavenly places
And comedy too suave for words

Or wit by any measure.

For instance a prolific grandmother still ready for discourse about Haydn symphonies,
Fathers who build private libraries, a sprawling sandbox attached

To a rose garden, decor of morning glories
Overtopping a chain link fence,

A treefrog oratorio issuing from the unfelled forest behind a big box store
As one slows down to walking pace, just to listen

From a kind of gliding throne that pairs best with an arboretum
Too exact in specification for anything less

Than high summer dreaming,
Planetary unfoldings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlsY8MQ2CWE

Something is wrong
I don't belong to this world and these people
I'm not a good person, neither do I care, I want out of this existence
I feel alienated, I feel inferior, I shouldn't be here

I want to draw some big tits instead of writing my Sci-Fi story.
Which shouId I ought to do?

>>21772915
>I'm not a good person.
What makes you say so in terms of acts? At best I've pulled on a pigtail or two, and at worst am a little calculating in face of vicious bastards. As for alienation, it depends on what one is alienated from. What do you like best?

Would this be a constructive thread to dump my thoughts following the first reading of a book or is this just a thread for off-topicish /lit/ shitposting?

>>21773009
Everything is permitted except aliteracy. Consider how perpetually "off-topic" Montaigne was when elaborating upon Lucretius or Seneca, writers already the most digressive in the ancient world

>>21773024
That hardly answers the question of whether it will be constructive or not.

>>21772442
Make sure to make people distort while you're hanging out in the Nothingness

>>21773029
My answer is that any reflective dump is welcome. Consider that "essay" is almost a synonym for "attempt". Not everyone is an artist or a masterpiece of visionary eloquence, but few can ask questions like you just did.

>>21773073
I'll take that into account while typing, but mental sewage is hardly half as well-spoken as sardonic comments. Were the sewage to be cherry-picked, we're still only stocking the choicest of fecal matter.

>>21773084
Such bitterness is quite strange to me, if worth hearing out as spice for sweeter dish.

>>21770916
Would anyone be for bringing back /hyperlit/? I won't beat a dead horse, if there isn't any interest so be it, but I was wondering if anyone wanted those threads back. Remember them being fun.

Earlier this morning, I was walking down the street smoking a cigarette and deliberating what I would say to my mother tomorrow night when she inevitably asks what I'm doing in life. As I know better than anyone that I would only give bullshit as an answer, I took it as a chance for an exercise in reflection and came to a better understanding. I began to understand that most of my suffering did not come from external factors. Loneliness, tragedy, and physical pain have all long since lost their bite. What plagued me rather, was a terminal case of suppression. I feared my rancor, my ego (forma del big head), my pride, my competence, my ruthlessness, my passion, and most importantly my own actions. Out of fear, I made the subconscious choice towards self-deprecation, inaction, and endurance. I thought nothing of it at the time, as if it were just another idle musing I wouldn't take action on.
Then I had a whim. I know by now to follow these with the closest thing to a "reasonable" explanation being that God wills me to move. Through them I end up dedicating myself to reading books, going places, or speaking to people that have without a doubt left an impact on my life. It was on one of these whims that I read Demian, in figuratively speaking, one sitting.
The beginning of the book starts with childish Sinclair having childish ideas of morality. The world of light was Godliness, his family, and obedience. The world of darkness was sin, hearsay, and cruelty. It's here where we first meet the eponymous Demian and my first impression is that he's a pseudo-Lucifer with his prompts towards Sinclair to solve his bullying problem through the "simplest and best" solution of murder and his remarks towards the Mark of Cain being a symbol of the strong rather than a brand of the wicked. From these encounters, Sinclair is left with cracks in his Christian beliefs. From here on, we see Sinclair's slow descent into his once perceived world of darkness, with him slowly devolving into a debauched person just shy of crawling to the brothel after his stint in the pubs.
At this point I had felt a reasonable understanding for Sinclair. He was simply questioning why he followed the doctrines of society, especially when he himself felt so alienated from it. For anyone remotely interested in western philosophy, this is a turning point in one's life where a person sheds the bondage of dogma yet doesn't understand what he as a person wishes to do with his freedom.
In an aside, I kept myself from reading philosophy while I myself was in a similar state. I wished to come to my own conclusions on the questions of life, half out of a drive to have my own answer and half out of fear that I might take an answer that is not my own and blindly champion it for a sense of purpose as one who loses their religion are commonly wont to do.

cont ->>

There is a good chance I got a girl in trouble and there will be major fallout from it

Sinclair quickly gains the swift kick in his ass that he needed to dive back into his little world of light. The book quickly takes a more spiritual turn however when Sinclair takes notice of signs from the Sparrow-Hawk godhead he would come to know as Abraxas, the God that is both god and devil, the one that doesn't judge and blesses all as long as one stays true to oneself.
When I myself have been lost in life, I would at times wish for a guide. I believed myself to mentally and spiritually ever be moving forward, but in the endless mire that comprises the potential of human thought and the dense fog of human history, knowing where to go seems to be a task for one more enlightened than you. Holding true to my principles however, I never truly looked for a guide and spent my time lost guiding others out of the traps they made for themselves.
Sinclair on the other hand only truly grows under the guidance of another. They propel him forwards with affirmations he didn't ask for, wisdom he didn't know he needed, and eventually as a sort of negative role-model wherein he ascertains part of his self-image from rejecting that of another. Through all of this however, he is guided by an unseen force which is similar to the Christian description of the Holy Spirit. These moments gave me more pause than they should have. As Sinclair had been guided to save lives, to meet people, and see information he should have no knowledge of, I feel I have as well which brings to mind the idea that we are indeed meant to be going somewhere through this fog and mire.
Sinclair also meets someone in a panic over his beliefs and claimed to not be impressed by his level of despair. I got a chuckle out of that.
In the last third of the book, Sinclair is pointed towards his new god Abraxas that symbolically takes the form of Demian's mother, Eva. She and Demian gives him all the affirmation he's ever needed for his beliefs. That his loneliness is what gives him strength, and his ostracization what makes him unique. Yet the book tones down the spiritualism and instead turns towards a more realistic and psychological perspective stating that people with the Mark of Cain, (so far being Sinclair, Demian, Eva, and Jesus, Napoleon, and Bismark) are all meant to be the mentally strong leaders of humanity. Not necessarily political leaders, but ones that guide humanity through times of great change and turmoil. Their cultivated inner strength being what lets them survive, cultivated senses of self being what allows them to guide others, and also break people free of existing social stigma/doctrine in their lives so as to show them a new way. The downside however is that they will always be outsiders in the normal world and can only find fellowship in other outcasts that pursue the self above all else.

wrapping up ->>

>>21773192
no one cares about your herman hesse essay dude tee ell semicolon dee are ok

>>21770916
---- Solaria ----
819
(Audion)

There are two screens in my bedroom,
Huge onyx squares, one atop a glossy chocolate dresser,

Another larger one just as asleep on a plane of desk glass light with envelopes,
Floating on a curvaceous steel frame beside a most ergonmic chair

I rescued from a CEO and a family of arrogant idiots.

Just outside the window of this and and the other bedroom
Are swathes of moss beside ten acres of lawn, almost forever in twilight shade.

it's so quiet here, so serene that I can sleep anytime I please,

Somewhere between my morning musings and the book's emphasis on finding affirmation of the self within I was left with a strange feeling in my stomach. Partly because I realized I was so damned hungry and hadn't eaten all day. I took a break to go grab some food just as Sinclair reunites with Demian. I noticed on the way out the door that the air felt different, almost electric around me. My very steps seemed filled purpose. I could feel the weight of my car in a way I never had before, time itself slowing down or speeding up before my eyes. When I met with another person, I spoke with a voice and a clarity that I did not recognize. I felt alive for the first time in ages. I laughed and smiled for reasons I did not understand.
I found that I agreed with a lot of what Demian said. Not to feel special for being unique, but rather that if I am to live at all, I can never fear the self and its desires. I realized that my fear wasn't derived from what I had done, but what I feared I might do and in a bout of ego-driven self-sacrifice had denied myself the chance to even live the life God may have wanted me to.
Yet, I can't shake the feeling of something far more sinister in the book. Abraxas was a revived god put into place for the creation of a new set of beliefs. It was accurate in saying that we create our own gods and fight them, yet seems to be willing to say that Abraxas may as well be Jehovah or Moloch for all it mattered. It was simply a business of subscribing a godhead for their beliefs which is itself an incredibly dangerous thing to do and how you end up with cults. Demian's family also rather horrifyingly resembled a cult, not with the doctrines that cults typically employ but rather the in-group biases and reverence given to existing members. Perhaps I'm lost in biases, but that triggered a skepticism response in me that led to me taking a more critical look into their beliefs. In short, I cannot abide always putting the self first, even if Demian's method did not display it bringing harm to others.
To finish, the book that made me feel freer than ever managed to instill me with more fear. Were I more impressionable, this book would have solidified my descent into everything I chose to suppress. More than any other question, I've asked myself whether the path all signs have been pointing towards is truly something God would want or whether I'd be another fool playing into the devil's hands. I firmly believe that God would intend for a person to be true to truth rather than our personal interpretations of the truth. Yet it was one of these same whims I attribute to God that led to me reading this book when I did. A point when I'm left questioning my inaction. I'm caught between taking this book as a sign to be true to myself, and the realization that being true to myself would inexorably lead to countless offenses to God and humanity as a whole.
>>21773198
tl;dr ur a faget

>>21770916
---- Solaria ----
820
(heavy lenses)

It's one thing to look up the statistics about Alnilam
And quite another to imagine a pea-sized miniature of it

Instantly setting the room on fire from its ultraviolet intensity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX9BmYX_ePs

I'm wondering in what instance would any person be a means to an other persons end? If we are all individuals who's autonomy is paramount above all else, how could anyone ever be regarded as a means to an end subordinate to an action, object, or whims of another? Is it possible to justify that we even have true autonomy and free will, given that we are bound by the laws of nature (such as gravity)? Or is free will a matter of degree, in which case no true freedom is possible, as we are always constrained by some factor or other? Can true freedom ever exist, or must humans always act within the limitations imposed by laws of nature, society, and culture? If we cannot be truly free in the transcendental sense, is there any reason to hope for freedom in the political sense? Or is this a mere illusion, and is the human condition doomed to be one of constant struggle and oppression?

oh sweet i just remembered i have a pack of banana chips i got at the grocery store for a dollar

I want this all to end. Pray for me bros...

I had a dream I painted Harambe ascending to Heaven.
I should paint it.

>>21773378
The best friend I ever had moved from the Great Lakes region to Estes Park around 1990. A few years into his NEETdom, much secured by family wealth, he asked me during a long phone call to illegally procure a handgun and send it to him in the mail. The insult hardly bothered me, but I never communicated with him again. He died of cancer in 2011.

My ancestors were incels.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I sincerely don’t like anything. It’s not like I don’t have friends/family who love me. It’s not like I have trouble with girls liking me too. I just don’t like it all. I can’t even hold conversations and make simple appearances. It’s such a struggle. I don’t care and hate all of this. It’s all really ugly. Even art. I keep hoping to see some beauty in any of it and I just think, “this is it?” It’s hideous and pathetic. Suicide seems like the only real option for me I guess. This all so absurd. I’m not really sure what people actually like about this existence.

>>21773519
My ancestor are a weirdly assorted bunch. My mom was pure Wisconsin Polak, my dad from a long line of Wasps, some of them patrician. Rich aunts in Indianapolis, a Senate Republican majority leader, Eli Lily and such.

Out of moneys. Time to beg.

Barry was actually a decent show.

Goodnight and sweet dreams.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEJsBZa9PeU&list=RDMM&index=15

>>21773688
Are you going away?

>>21770916
What are your thoughts about Indian philosophers ?

>>21773712
Only to sleep. I'm the Solaria poster, and 57 in that picture.

I find it very had to find women with the similar interests and sense of humour to me. It was easier in uni, but now that I'm in the workforce everyone I meet is just so different to me. Not bad, just different wave lengths. All the girls I meet from Hinge are the same, not bad people per se but we just don't gel. I worry that I am too picky and I am aware that you can build a relationship with someone you wouldn't necessarily have thought was a match for you over time, but I also don't see the point in leading someone on and showing up to dates when you are only 'meh' about their company. It feels like a chore, when it should be something I look forward to. I've done that before and it ended up really hurting the girl when I broke up and I feel bad about that.

>>21773794
It depends on how one filters women or men, or affinity. Working in luxury retail I had rather a lot of good conversations with a skatr boy about midcentury architecture, and with two chicks about everything from psycholingustics to impressionism. Two of them were students of Chicago's Art Institute, and all three were great fun.

I am gonna become a big dickhead and piss off the people who love me to push them away from my life so I can commit suicide. I gonna do embarrassing shit to ruin my life, I am gonna aim for failure, I am gonna totally ruin my life and any hope and any hope of redemption. I am gonna be my own nemesis, I am gonna steal the chain of failure from nature. I am gonna fail on my terms and I am gonna kill myself on my terms. Yes I will shed the wretched baggage of my terrible being and then I will kill myself.

I am gonna roll in the mud of fatalism like a filthy swine.

>>21773855
>I am gonna be my own nemesis
There you lose me. Mischief magnificent to see, yes. Drama otherwise, no. That is to say that I regard Satan as a comic figure, much as Goethe did.

>>21773889
I don't even know what that word means. Used it because it sounds cool. Don't that I gonna fuck 25 whores while sniffing cocaine in a day or shit like that, I am not capable of that sort of degeneracy. Can you explain what you're trying to say?

I sympathize with Satan in a way that he is carrying much more baggage that any other shitty messiah of humanity. Whenever some faggot commits sin he blames on that poor monster.

>>21773913
Nemesis is the spirit of contrarianism, denial of life particularly in the sense of pleasure. Compare Hamlet to Falstaff. The former couldn't enjoy himself in almost any circumstance, the latter has a roaring good time almost no matter what.

>>21770916
the magic of porn has finally worn off
i may have to take seriously the idea of having sex

How can the future be better?
It'll still be built on the same
history. People will still forget
things in ovens and birthdays
or how good it feels knowing
that it is the beer and speed
the stream of wind along a road
that feels good against the skin
and the approach of release
past a small moment of pain
the immovability of life
against rock

What makes Apu so magical? What's in his pose that inspires people to identify with him?

>>21773938
I am on the side of Hamlet.

>>21773947
He's a sweetheart by nature, the benign of charisma. In my experience, about 20% of guys are like that.

>>21773953
I was asking men not w*men

>>21773949
I incline to Falstaff though I'm a little fucker. In person people like me and I don't know why, nor ever try.

>>21773975
Give me your final word

>>21773979
Tranquility.

I shared a drink with someone and now my throat hurts, it hurts to swallow, and I’m sporadically lethargic. I hope I don’t have herpes. My friends are on the other end telling me I have herpes.

>>21770916
Why are my loads and orgasms so intense if I don't wank for 2+ days? I'm low T, so it makes no sense to me why I have so much cum. But I think my diet is pretty good, so maybe it's that.
Is cum not indicative of sperm, maybe?

The entirety of Eastern Europe (including Turkey for the sake of argument) is a testament to how absolutely disastrous it is for a developing nation to have a foreign bourgeoisie rather than a native one. The countries which modernized with the most success (the USA, England, France) are the countries which had the highest percentage of native citizens among their bourgeoisie, and the countries which did so with the least success (Poland, Hungary, Romania, Russia, the Ottomans, etc.) are all marked by them possessing an entirely foreign bourgeoisie whose revolt against the old elites or a fellow foreign bourgeoisie will always be interpreted as an ethnic revolt. Not entirely without reason, but still, these nations would have been incomparably more keen on modernization if it didn't mean becoming the subject of a foreign elite who hate them and loathe everything about them, and wish to lord over them rather than becoming one with the preexisting political body of the nation. So much bloodshed could have been avoided if the revolting elements weren't of foreign stock.

>>21773721
Its okay

>>21774054
Fairly certain I got it from a prostitute not long ago. Same symptoms as you. What are the long term ramifications?

>>21770916
A millionaire family’s charity foundation in my town is launching a new program for aspiring writers where they get a personal coach, a workplace and a monthly allowance for a year to develop their writing practice.
Am I dreaming? This is too good to be true.
I have two weeks to write a 1500 word short story and cover letter. I’m both excited and nervous. Wish me luck anons.

>>21774386
Cancer, neural degeneration, tumors, you'll infect whoever you want to spend your life with thus causing them to be permanently damaged by an incurable infection etc.

>>21774392
Those are things that normally come with age for the most part.

>>21774387
good luck

>>21774054
Why would you ever share a drink with someone.

>>21774387
i hope you're diverse

>>21771026
You're 32 aren't you? Maturity comes at the least after 40

>>21774485
40 is to late to embark on a life worth living.

4 years ago I committed career suicide and never recovered.

>>21774497
Only if you're a cunt

There is plenty a person could do of significance from most any age, as long as your mind is healthy.

It is just a matter of understanding scope and being prepared for your acomplishements to go mostly unnoticed.

However, this is 4chan, so you can skip the integrity and just pay a sculptor to make images of you to place around your city

>>21774548
I suppose you’re right. That’s just not what I want for my life.

>>21772471
Ive seen tens of webms of niggers randomly swinging a hammer or axe at unsuspecting cashiers be careful out there anon

>>21773947
Meme magic cannot be put into words

>>21774718
What do you want? Fame? Importance? Riches? Wanna fuck bitches all day? Wanna see you face on the news and have people approach you sagely? Never going to happen


Consider how many people are in the world. If all of them were on tinder it'd take something like 84 years to swipe through them all at three profiles a second. No sleep, no rest, no breaks.

Each night you sleep 8 hours that is 85,000 people you will have to never acknowledge in your life. Reading and writing these messages is also a collection hundred.

Never have we been more insignificant to each other, but also has there ever been a time for ordinary people to do so much. Just also has never been a time when our irrelevance has also been so aparent. Embrace it. Fuck the church

>>21774506
what did you do? I did the same thing 7 years ago.

>>21771026
Play Yakuza 7, guy's 42 fresh out of prison. You could learn a thing or two from him

>>21774054
>shared a drink with someone
Of course, anon, of course.

>>21770916
>be me early twenties
>play video games
>jerk off
>do drugs
>work dead-end job
>hang out with friends
>gradually get crippling existential anxiety that I am wasting my life

>be me late twenties
>now highly educated summa cum laude
>work in high-pressure high-pretige high-pay job
>no time for video games
>no time for drugs
>hardly time for friends
>hook-ups getting boring
>would greatly prefer to work dead-end and part time, playing video games and doing drugs like I did in my early twenties
>now the existential anxiety would get me again if I tried

There truly is no escape bros. In the next five years, I will settle down in a relationship with a woman 5-8 years younger than me, we will have 2-3 kids, the first 5-7 years after that will be horrible, then I'll be 40, my sex life will absolutely die once kids arrive, the romantic relationship with my wife will turn into a professional team experience, something we will both resent, one of us will cheat, the other will know it but ignore it, and then I will just work and make shitty dad-jokes to my kids until I die I guess.

Damn that's gay.

>>21774932
Funny observation I've made at the age where studies are done and my peers are entering the labor market is that all of them have a period of 6 months after getting their first real job where the thing they find most interesting and will talk about incessantly is FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early).
It's just amazing to me that the first reaction to having a real full-time job is wanting to find the quickest way out of it.

>>21774843
trans joke

I can finally afford food again

for now :)

>>21775308
what's for dinner

It's over. Noticing the decline is now hate speech.

>>21775323
multivitamin juice
and chocolate

>>21774932
what drugs
never understood how people can just say 'do drugs' cos the difference can be huge.

Holy shit

You will never have an Italian model to paint and fuck in all positions like Anselm Feuerbach did

>>21775384
Yeah you will. You specifically

in high school we had to write a short story for english class and some guy asked the shy, mousy teacher how to spell "pussy", as in pus filled. And the teacher blushed and got visibly nervous and told him it was spelled P-U-S-Y.
Singular S.

Genuinely, who was in the wrong here?

>>21775424
One time I wanted to specify mucus in the eye so I wrote “yellow gook”. I didn’t catch it till too late. Many laughs were had

>>21775437
well that's just awesome.

>>21775401
Ok cool

>>21775442
nta but you actually absolutely will.

>>21775446
How do you know? Are you a wizards?

>>21775456
Sometimes you just know. These auguries are rare and must be respected.

I don't belong to society, I'm so different from other people, they act so well in communion, something binds them together and they effortlessly socialize, become friends, tell each other jokes and laugh
I can't partake, something detaches me from their world, I don't belong
I'm mad at everything, I wish I was normal

cry me a river, gaylord

>>21775495
No you don't. You wish you had equally peculiar friends that make you feel understood in small potent bursts.

>>21770949
>I have "this" mental acronym.
Just step out of the roof already. You stink.

>>21775509
what's his rate? I would like a river too

>>21775531
I wish I could be NPC, atleast I'd have a chance to be a normal.

>>21775545
bipolar or borderline?

>>21775563
borderline

I need to leave my mind palace and get a job. I'm convinced I could intentionally induce psychosis at this point, and maybe that would be preferrable. I just need to redirect my obsessive hyper-focus on something that isn't me. I do not even derive pleasure from the process of over-analyzing my thoughts and behaviors. It's nauseating actually. The funnier aspect though, is ever since I've become hyper-vigilant about every facet of my inner being I haven't drifted towards suicidal urges once. Which only reaffirms how flimsy and dishonest my suicidal tendencies were in the first place. Not that there is such a thing as a serious, noble suicidal incentive or anything. It's just a juvenile reflex of escaping the "problem".

>https://youtu.be/COzUk-x_hK8?t=3170
damn that charlie xcx vs benny benassi mashup
at 53:00 goes hard af

>>21775572
oh bummer. You're gonna need a lot of money for intensive therapy.

>>21775578
I'm undergoing one but it seems like it's going to take a lot of time to even be on equal footing with 15 year olds.

>>21775573
are the people who post shit like this chicks? like i can't imagine a dude being this whiney and self-absorbed, but then again those posters all live in basements and never go outside, so one would never meet them irl.

the spirit of the 21st century encapsulated in one picture

>>21775585
Anon, you will never being on equal footing. You will lead a life of harrowing disappointments with brief, but potent glimpses of joy the would be ineffable to any normie. Enjoy.

>>21775591
Autism - overproduction of testoterone
Scitzophrenia - overproduction of estrogen

this is why the best schitzo posts are actually a blend of the two.

>>21775599
looks like a good time

>>21775521
never gonna happen
it would be easier to just be a normalfag with a boring normalfag life and normalfag friends

>>21775607
>Autism - overproduction of testoterone
>Scitzophrenia - overproduction of estrogen
I know that the autism one is true but is the schizo one true? That doesn't sound right. I don't think it's true.

>>21775623
>it would be easier to just be a normalfag with a boring normalfag life and normalfag friends

Yeah, duh. You can't do that though.

>never gonna happen

It will.

>>21775631
It is specifically linked to overproduction in-utero

>>21775636
What about people who are both schizo and autist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyqemIbjcfg

>>21775456
yes but not the kind you're thinking of

>>21775642
They have no choice but to be exceptional.

>>21775649
but how does it happen if one is high testosterome and the other is high estrogen? I thought they cancel each other or something

>>21771007
>Something went wrong
Not enough trannies screaming on TV's when you were impressionable is what went wrong.

>>21775576
where is this. looks like the least attractive boiler room crowd ever

>>21775607
any mental illness is more likely to be test-related lets be honest

>>21775666
canada

>>21775669
why

>>21775671
Crystal Castles are the only good Canadian music.

>>21775602
>You will lead a life of harrowing disappointments with brief, but potent glimpses of joy the would be ineffable to any normie
What do you mean? I mean sure, I'll never be normie and experience any normal things like relationships and friendships.

>>21775656
They meet in the middle from opposite directions. Two parallel lines intersecting, so these individuals end up only being able to think in the extremes. Austists are good at vertical thinking, getting really enraptured and becoming incredibly knowledgeable about a singular subject, like vintage brick appraisal. Schitzos have an overabundance of abstraction and lateral thinking so they connect anything to everything. You combine both and you end up with someone that delves deep into several subjects and then connects them to each other.

>>21775678
The Unicorns are terrific.

>>21775684
You will experience those things and feel both a deeper appreciation for when you have them and a deeper devastation once you have lost them.

>>21775673
now i'm no "feminista" but i will say this: men are weird, much weirder than women, and do really really weird shit all the time

>>21771026
Consider your options for a second. Chances are, this reality circus is ethereal, meaning you have no choice but to live. For every person that has a certain opportunity or privilege, there are millions who don't. This life might suck, but only in the moment, without any objective evaluation, filtered through greed and egoism. Yet be you in the position of someone who truly has no future, you'd see how childishly foolish you are at this moment.

>>21775702
you don't know any women

>>21775678
shooting yourself in the foot cos if you like cc you obv like grimes

>>21775702
That is because the I.Q. distribution is skewed meaning men are more likely to be retarded or gifted. This is also testosterone/estrogen that you receive in-utero, it is distinct. If autism meant a continuous overproduction of testosterone then you wouldn't get wimps like ben shapiro explaining vaginal lubrication.

>>21775706
oh well

>>21775722
all right mate i wasn't inviting you to get on your soapbox

>>21775722
ben shapiro isn't autist
he's just a normie jew cuckservative

>>21775736
Are you kidding? He is incredibly autistic while also being the rest.

>>21775743
>He is incredibly autistic
I don't see it. He seems like an effeminate normie.

>>21771439
Foolish assumption. People make all sorts of excuses, build borders, masks, deceptions, and then they get caught in their own nets.

How can you say that people are honest when 90% of the content on these threads are people contemplating about their failures and suicides, which are problems that only dishonesty is the cause for.

Ironically, you beeing the most dishonest one here since the biggest lie in this world is happiness and comfort.

>>21775746
He speaks in staccato and reads out lyrics to pop songs. I really don't know what to tell you man. He is definitely not normie. You can see this dude brushing his hand along his suit lining and shit. Walks on his toes.

I have a weird affinity towards the aesthetics of late 90s/early 00s dark urban fantasy from japan, be it literature, games, or anime. I have no idea why. I wasn't even really around to experience it back then. I can't help but wonder what it is that drives some of us towards particular aesthetics in art with no clear reason as to why we like those aesthetics.

>>21775750
people that go on about 'the sad reality' are always the most deluded

>>21775761
literally same desu
good taste
love Japanese horror movies from that era
also Silent Hill, which doesn't take place in Japan but it still kind of has a similar aesthetic in some ways

>>21775694
my wizard status implies that deeper appreciation is not going to happen lol

Anons, who does this too?
Throughout my life, there are always several girls I somehow meet regularly that I fancy. Could be café baristas, neighbors, classmates or colleagues. Currently it's three girls for me. I imagine spending time with them, maybe even forming a relationship and the idea is nice. But I never do anything to achieve it. I even avoid showing any sign of being interested in them.
Time goes by, nothing changes, only the specific faces of the girls I fancy currently.

>>21775777
are you afraid of intimacy or possible rejection?

>>21775771
early 30's?

>>21775791
Intimacy. Rejection is not the issue.

>>21775777
My feels are different. Girls end up falling in love with me and then I feel extremely guilty for a multitude of reasons. I will say there is something about a cute girl smiling while riding past on a bicycle that makes falling in love feel stupidly easy.

>>21775777
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfiS_PV3V-4

>>21775768
Have you seen Boogiepop Phantom? I think you'd like it. The series of novels the show is based on is fantastic as well. I can also wholeheartedly recommend the Kara no Kyoukai movies by ufotable.

>>21775803
>Girls end up falling in love with me and then I feel extremely guilty for a multitude of reasons.
Do you reject them? Or do you have a short relationship with them and eventually dump them?

>>21775777
yeah i sort of do that. sometimes i end up talking to them a lot but still try and stay distant. on friday i ended up going home with a girl (without really trying on my part) & basically ran away
not sure how we remedy this

I hate reddit.

>>21775883
>not sure how we remedy this
Same. Fear of intimacy too, on your side?

>>21775903
probably

>>21775793
yes

>>21775693
How?

>>21774466
>Why would you ever share a drink with someone.
>t. incel autist

>>21775865
I usually sleep with them for a while and then friendzone them

>>21775944
you're good then. You're at a perfect age to reinvent yourself with fervor.

>>21775983
Incredible pop music with circuit bent instrumentation and fractional tuning.

Aaaaaaaaaaa the existential anxeity is kicking in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>21774729
Trust me man, I dont relax.

>>21775762
Nice word order.
Want to elaborate? Or can't?

>>21776068
If I'm being honest, I do feel like the most formative years and experiences are lost forever and emotional damage is too deep to ever fix it. I mean I do continue therapy but it's only for making me a little more functional rather than being accepted by normal people (although I do care about their opinion way too much).

>>21776107
You won't be accepted by normal people, you will be better than you ever were before and be accepted by beautiful eccentrics.

>>21776115
>beautiful eccentrics.
Thats an oxymoron

>>21776063
And feel bad about making them feel bad? Makes sense.
I reckon you never develop feelings for them, or is there another reason you friendzone them?
Also, what do you think makes you so attractive to them?

>>21776105
it's perfectly idiomatic.
& you are not sickening for anything, you have not suffered a minor brain lesion, you are not all that bad at your job, your family and friends are not leagued in a conspiracy of barely maintained silence about what a shit you are, you have not come at last to see life as it really is, you're just depressed.

>>21776115
How do you know that? If anything, I feel too weird for normal people and too normal for truly weird people.

>>21776124
Trust me it isn't
>>21776148
Then lean into the weird parts that make you happy, and do your best to change the ones that do not. You will remember this when you have a girls hair on your shoulder and a full week ahead of you.

>>21776129
I think that sometimes they are too physically attractive which makes me lapse over glaring faults in our dynamic that I would have otherwise picked up on earlier. I am 29 and have only ever had three serious relationships and the last one really broke me up so now it has become even more difficult to differentiate infatuation and lust, which makes me disgusted at myself.

>Also, what do you think makes you so attractive to them?

I am very knowledgeable, incapable of lying, never have any end goal in mind and am filled with childlike wonder. So I end up feeling bad because it's like I'm being manipulative without having any outcome in mind.

I live on the tenth floor of an apartment building. I normally like to read by the window. I'm not suicidal, but it feels like every day I've been getting more and more that experience of the call of the void. I'm going to avoid windows for a while.

>>21776181
>I am 29 and have only ever had three serious relationships and the last one really broke me up
I'm at 2, age 23. Last breakup was also very bad. It was my good friend's friend, so it kind of made meetups in that group stink.

Anyway, I can't really relate to what you wrote, so don't know what to reply.

>>21776222
>It was my good friend's friend, so it kind of made meetups in that group stink.

I feel that. I do. You just simply can't subject yourself to that. It really sucks and I am sorry that happened to you.

Ship's Manifest for the March 21, 1878 voyage of the SS Pugilist out of Boston, MS, USA, bound for Havana, Cuba:

>>21770916
I had too much coffee again. Why do I do this to myself lit bros?
No sleep for me tonight.

>>21776258

>>21776231
Sometimes these types of relationships are the best though, or so it seems when I look around. Relationships shipped by a mutual friend seem to work well.

>>21776163
Okay I'll try even if I dont know how.

>>21776272
lol sick

Why do people say that satire is about punching upwards when the rules for what "can be" mocked and what cannot be mocked are inherently dependent on the relations of power? Powerful people by definition cannot be mocked without punishment and the weak have no power through which to retaliate against being mocked. It was always the powerful who mocked the weak, if the subject of satire was weak enough to be mocked with impunity then it was not powerful to begin with, and the one doing the mocking was not weak at all to be able to mock the other party without suffering any sort of repercussions for it.

>>21776292
That's how i feel after 2 cups of coffee. Gets me freaky

>>21776359
Maple syrup whiskey sounds good desu

>>21776382
2 coffees would make me slightly less tired. that collage is like after 2 lines

For want of a nail, the world was lost

For want of sex, my coom was lost

>>21776422
Coffee might as well be cocaine to me. I'm very sensitive to it, puts me in a weird mood, usually lasts for 24 hours and ill be up all night writing and making crazy collages like that.

>>21776459

Can I have a doctor smell my genitals to make sure the smell is normal?

>>21776463
mad. i like it

>>21770916
---- Solaria ----
821
(decor)

Threatening the grid at night
Ice storm is rather idle as contrast.

The aftermath is usually rare
In blue clarity for the time of year.

The holiday of skyey chandelier begins
Before the sun goes naked on his gorgeous way

Like a scion of some regime too ancient for conceiving.

Amid midsummer,

Strolling to the end of a pier
Made for close inspection of apparent

Shallows rich with strange ripienos of little fish
Instantly responsive to the slightest gesture of a hand

Shadow parting faintly silver wakes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fai5s3Zn7b4

>>21776147
Can't you say the same about the state of not being "depressed"?. Yet there is much less effort required to achieve suffering rather than not, so much so that it's practically.. effortless. While happiness is a product of action, an active, therefore, imposed on the base, base being suffering.

>>21776627
i don't think happiness is a product of action, i'm pretty sure it's just a bit of luck. also don't think the base is suffering really.
that's a mixed up way of thinking

>>21775750
What did he mean by this?

>>21776478
No, that's weird. Just wash and have good hygiene, it's probably in your head

Why won’t jannies clean up /lit/.

>>21776687
Can't you read?

I don't like following beautiful girls that I know will never be mine.

>>21776955
You shouldn't follow anyone that don't consent to you following them. That's called being a stalker. I used to follow a girl in my class home because I liked to see her, but when she found out and got someone to record me she got a restraining order and I was put on academic suspension.

>>21770916
kinda stressed out and unsure about many things in life. Not where I imagined I'd be at my age. Supposed to start my master's degree soon but feeling uncertain and hopeless about the future. I don't like people and I detest modern society. I'm going to buy a dog.

hardstyle 4 life $$$

>>21776975
I meant following them on social media.

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day, I honestly don't know what to expect of it
This week is going to be a decisive week, it will either go one way or the other, my fate depends on it

If there is a God, I pray for you

Oh oh sacré Charlemagne

>>21776997
I also pray to God whenever I have a hard week and He always helps me.

>>21776982
prefer jungle man

>>21776997
Pray for me.

>>21776997
inshallah

>>21777006
>>21777030
>>21777043
I'll pray for all of you

pianos sound like crying

there's no feeling in the brain
pt iv

After I got hurt and sent on a long flight back home I spent a lot of time drinking. Those little fifths of Jack Daniels. The plastic ones that fit snugly in the back pocket of your jeans. Using that to wash down the Tramadol 200's. A warm drowsy dullness. When it got dark out, after t.a.p.s had played and every one else was tucked into bed, I would leave the invalids barracks and walk out into the street. My second or third pack of cigarettes of the day, one already smouldering at my lips before I was down the two flights of stairs and my plastic fifth. I would wander about the sleepy fort and visit all the places I'd visited before I left. Before I screwed up and got myself hurt and other people worse. I hated that time too. But it's important to take measure of your life. Compare the distant past with the passing present. Never looking forward. That just sets you up for disappointment.

>>21774869
That’s a video game, dude.

>>21775703
I know, but it’s not a consolation to know that other people are worse off.

>>21776975
>look at a woman
>be put on academic suspension
Fuck this gay earth

>>21776975
You followed some girl home from school? Thats weird senpai

>>21775761
I have a thing like this but it’s not restricted to 00s. It also includes rainy street scenes.

Quitting this job. Don’t know I’ll get a new apartment but I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll airbnb for a while.

who has experience with their ego snowballing?
i don't want it to stop but how do you stop yourself from acting like a weirdo

i had pizza for lunch now i'm debating having pizza for dinner. is that too much pizza? i'm not fat or anything, but it's winter so i'm not getting as much exercise as i'd like.

>>21777354
i've ordered dominos the last 5 days
not kidding

>>21777377
Kino. Do you enjoy your life?

>>21777386
yeah it's been sick to be honest & i'm still skinny

>>21777402
>>21777386
>>21777377
>>21777354
my dad, my brother, sister, and me were all skinny and suddenly gained a lot of weight around age 35. i never saw a dietician or whatever, but basically my diet has to be low-carb at all times i start gaining weight. its annoying but if you look at my siblings they look bloated.

I used to post daily in this thread about how I was a forever alone suicidal loser. Today I cried tears of joy while driving back from an amazing day spent with my amazing friends.
We're all gonna make it bros.

>>21777418
no way, good times are gonna last forever.
though i think low carb high protein is the way to go anyway generally. are you just eating bare chicken & broccoli?

>>21777435
just want to say i rly wanted to reply 'well you're still a loser clearly' but i didn't

>>21777455
i basically just dont eat bread or pasta or rice. for every meal im basically eating meat and greens. my appetite is significantly down-regulated whenever im in low-carb mode. i used to be tempted to binge eat whenever i drank alcohol, but lately i find it impossible to binge.

btw i started doing keto/low-carb to lose weight for sports, and i just leaned into the lifestyle because it helps my fluctuated weight gain (seems genetic)

>>21777510
yeah. feels like too much meat though
& it seems impossible to get 2500kcal a day without carbs

>>21777473
Very mature of you

>>21777547
i should have said high-fat/low-carb. also butter coffee is fkn delicious and adds a heft of cals to breakfast if you dont skimp. i guess everyones different because my buddy has some sort of thyroid issue and even though his doctor recommended keto he apparently just cant sustain himself on low-carbs. genetics are largely ignored in nutrition science

>>21777571
about the coffee one thing i've noticed since covid is fat people are almost always drinking a coffee from dunkin donuts or starbucks in meetings and it's always fucking huge. i drink black coffee, so not much carbs in there, only problem is it makes me hungry sooner than i normally would be, but i suspect those fatties have some serious sweetener and or dairy products in those 32oz coffees. seriously, they're like the size of a malt liquor bottle. no idea if that's related to anyones weight issues, but it's been consistent. fat people are always sipping a gigantic drink.

>>21777571
plus hasn't nutrition science only been around for 50 or so years really
not interested enough to look into it but seems like there's lots of dispute

I find my siblings to be rude and inconsiderate or lazy and that really rubs me the wrong way, but recently I’ve realized that I do have really high standards. All this results in our time together being sort of abrasive or teasing. I want to have fun with them. I don’t want to have a bad time.

>>21777582
lol i have a buddy thats pushing 300lbs and hes one of these mfers you see in traffic that has to constantly be sucking on his big gulp or otherwise vaping his chocolate brownie flavored vape every 15 seconds. sugar is an absolute demon. dont get me wrong i have my own addictions but i relegate that shit to certain times. wont catch me dead sipping on a flask in traffic but i guess sugar gets a pass even though youll pay the price. my boss used to drink half a case of diet coke a day.

>>21777635
I’ve also become something of a miserable person if I’m being honest. I’ve always had a hard time not wearing my heart on my sleeve, which is a problem because the last few years have seen me become really unhappy with myself and my life. That comes out in our interactions a lot. They probably think I’m a miserable pessimist, but I’m just unhappy and can’t hide it.

>>21777642
idc i'm doing coke at work every other week

>>21777642
ya i'm always thankful my vices don't cause weight gain. then again i do feel embarrassed thinking about roommate looking in my room and seeing stacks of unread books lmao. that's why as soon as i get paid i try to transfer all my surplus dough into my brokerage account. if i can channel my hoarding instincts into stocks it's much better.

>>21777646
just my two cents but i think every successful family comes down to giving each other space to be their own favorite kind of dysfunctional. i can have a beer with my dad but after like 30 minutes hes going to bring up old shit like he expects you to justify something you dont even remember doing, even if its having a "troublemaker" friend 15 years ago. meanwhile my mom is going to waffle on about her "bitchy" coworker. like jfc get a grip people.

>>21777657
bit like you right now chatting shit about your parents

>>21777661
i would never bring that shit to the dinner table in your house, anon.

>>21777657
Parents are different than siblings. My siblings are like my best friends and I want it that way. I want us to have a good relationship and enjoy being around each other.

I am just certain no one enjoys being around me because like I said, I am very unhappy and I have a hard time concealing that.

It's been 2 years since my breakup and I still dont want to date anyone. It's like I've stepped in a cold pool that I can't get out of. It's all so numb.

>https://www.ellenhorn.com/blog/the-ten-reasons-not-to-change/
these are on my mind

"The wife" sounds fucking retarded

Since I've sworn not to talk to her again, I will write and leave everything here.
I dreamed of you last night. It was weird, honestly really fucking weird seeing you again. You looked like it was you from three years ago. You were in my father's living room, sitting on the couch. Your mother was on the other side, watching TV as usual. The dream started with me waking in the tub to get some food, passing through the living room and talking to your mother. I remember you greeting me. There was a plate of salad and tomatoes sitting on the table and I asked if this was mine, you said "No, but you can have it if you want," and I took it.

Pretty incoherent I know. We were all about the symbolics of dreams before so I thought you would have liked to read this. I hope you are well. I've been doing some stalking on Instagram and I think you are dating some climber, kinesitherapist guy. I can't confirm that though because all of my friends who know of you are your friends, and they don't want to talk about you. He looks like an honest man, congrats.

I noticed you are in great shape. Looking like you lost 5 kilograms-or-so. I liked the slightly-chubby look you had when we were dating. I miss pinching your cheeks, returning from the bahthroom and stumbling upon you eating the last pizza slice and hanging out eating shit. We used to call these the Fatty Activities and you hated that I was skinnier than you but we had loads of fun LOL.

Just laughed writing this. It feels kind of good remembering who we were, just like how everything felt good and right when you were around. It's sad that with me moving cities we probably won't ever meet again in life but I think I'm the only one thinking this.

All of this must be disgusting because you have a boyfriend and I should move on, I know. I've blocked all of our friends on social media and I'm sick so I'm feeling a bit down tonight and I want you to know that I still think of you as family.

Is anyone else in a perpetual cycle of long months of self-neglect followed by momentary flights of wanting to fix everything in your life in the course of a day, only to be followed by an ever-stronger sense of hopelessness the next week, and in turn retreating into the same escapism and self-neglect?

It always appears like a mirage that there lay some hope in, say, waking up at five am, or quitting alcohol altogether, or even down to the minute habits of tending to house plants into which I project my whole sense of self-maintenance. Nevertheless the next day, looking again at perhaps my wardrobe of freshly laundered clothes, my neatly trimmed plants, or the small victory of having invested my money in something sensible, the overwhelming reminder of my own intractable weakness topples my mood once again, and I am struck in a daze which will not leave me for months.

Because the lazy OP won't, here's the next thread

>>21777950
>>21777950
>>21777950

>>21778008
Whats the story with this meme girl

>>21778047
She cute. She exasperated.

She's 100X better than that wojack ape of her

>>21778059
Okay but who is she