/lit/ - Literature

FAG THREAD

>>21769435
Fag post (gay and stupid)

Sent out a short story, and not even in my native language.

Pray for me Spanish anons.

Hullo! I have new work to share.


> micz.substack.com/p/dorothy-osborne-afterword

A new style and slightly new format.
Do the pictures cheapen it any?

>>21769449
Here's some older work as well:

P1:
> micz.substack.com/p/to-alice-on-staying-at-home

P2
> micz.substack.com/p/teachers-pet

P3
> micz.substack.com/p/chalk-vandals

>>21769449
qt but too pale.

>>21769429
Tomorrows the day lads.
The day I begin my adventure into smut!
Any tips to unlocking lewd prose?

>>21769479
Have sex.
it's really that simple.

>>21769429
How quickly should you introduce the main conflict in a short story?
Is the third or fourth page a good start?
I'm trying to write a little short story and I don't know if I am pacing it right. I'm nearly 2 pages in and I think I have (almost) everyone who matters briefly introduced.Maybe I could cut some chaff but idk, but I think the chaff gives it a little soul (not the buzzword, I mean as in the brief spurious details help add to the atmosphere).
I have no idea how long the story might get but I'm usually concise.

I'm writing an Iliad-esque book about gods scheming against each other. What are some good literary themes for this book?

>>21769449
> micz.substack.com/p/dorothy-osborne-afterword

This is my favorite thing you posted since the one about the kids doodling. And while I don't really like rhyme, you should do more free verse in general.
Like I've no idea who she is, but the last four lines set a mood.
8/10

>>21769475
> too pale.
No such thing.

>>21769575
Coping with autism

>>21769592
Thank you.
It's blank verse rather then free, but then again it's also not that strict.
I dont know why but i was really nervous posting this one, so im glad to hear peoples opinions.

What did you think of the header ? im worried the picture gives it that kitsch, my-first-zine kinda look.

>>21769429
English isn't my first language, but tried my hand at an oldfashioned story with some pretty old words. Can you read it and check it out?
https://pastebin.com/A0cx7XaT
Are there any serious errors in the text?
https://pastebin.com/A0cx7XaT

>>21769429
Please, critique this excerpt from my schizocore dark comedy sci-Christ novel:
https://pastebin.com/0jVfZR02

>>21769770
It's pretty good. What's the plot?

>>21769547
The conflict should be present from the onset, I think. But it depends, as all things do, on what the conflict is. What sort of conflict are you going for?

>>21769676
Haven't much time on my hands today but I gave it a quick read. It's quite good anon. Clear & concise, unlike a lot of stuff here you can actually tell what's going on and the dialogue isn't cringey or unrealistic, though there is a lot of it. For an ESL give yourself a pat on the back.

Analyze trends in your chosen genre. Come up with ideas that you like and fit those trends. Pick the one you like best.

Write a synopsis or query letter with comp titles. Write a 1-2 sentence pitch. Does it seem marketable?

If so, outline and write a clean draft.

>>21769575
>>21769575
The fun of the Greek gods was that they couldn't overpower each others miracles. So when Hera struck Tiresias blind, Zeus couldn't fix it, he could only bless him with the power of prophecy to make up for the curse. Likewise gods couldn't go back on their words. Apollo promised a boon to Phaethon and couldn't take it back after the kid foolishly requested a ride in the solar chariot.

Those rules or limitations make them much more interesting, for a myth maker, than they would otherwise be.

>>21769676
There are 92 exclamation marks in this piece.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>21769844
I'm glad to hear that. Thanks!

>>21769770
I got about a third of the way through. Without a question ou should cut back on the detail of your descriptions. Precise measurements for the room, placement of the lights, weird musings about what Gabe's wings can cut through: chaff, all chaff. The section on what Nelson is feeling is more interesting, but it's wordy and suffers from an acute case of telling instead of showing. Like someone said, the idea of (most) fiction is to engage the emotions, and your piece seems mostly interested in engaging the intelect. Resist the urge to overly explain; trust your readers to pick up context clues instead of battering us with information.
>>21769676
It's neat, anon. It was obviously written by someone not completely at home with English, so it mostly reads like a translation. I'd recommend cutting all but one exclamation mark (you get to pick) and studying good dialogue.

>>21769776
Yahweh is a reptilian alien who sired the ancient Jews. Christ is a reptilian-Jew hybrid cyborg on the verge of enslaving the Multiverse.

I will post here once I finish the novel this year.

>>21769449
>>21769456

I would probably like it a lot more if I knew who she was, but that's on me rather then you . it has a sad elegiac tone to it which I appreciate , she sounds if not depressed then mournful about something.
Wikipedia doesn't really help, is there a biography or should I just read her letters?

Also how has Substack been treating you? You put out proper polished to work but does anybody read it?

>>21769904
Thank you. I am well aware of the verbose instances of "telling not showing", but now that I've reached the 130.000 words mark there is no way I will be able to rewrite all of them. Instead, I like to think of them (coping) more as embellishments to the schizocore genre.

>>21769953
Editing is the hardest part. It's not that you can't rewrite it, you must. And sometimes telling is good to hurry up the pace of the story. Especially transition scenes. Character going from point a to point b

>>21769429
Pastebin guy. Can you list out the titles of each link?

>>21769935
Absolutely read the letters. They are a delight.
There is alot of nonsense written about how she fits into the tradition women's writing but really she was just a teenager and is writing it for one person, and one person only.
She is just a clever, moody kid doing her best to charm and entertain the man she loves. She is a little petty and a little jealous, but it's all filtered through a young woman's desire to please.

I wrote the poem because all though her story has an outwardly happy ending, as her family relents and she and Temple get together, and make outward success of it. i felt that her youthful melancholy likely followed wherever she went.
the poem is set around Moor Park, where they retired, and where Temple wrote his treatise on gardening.

>>21770035
>>21769935

And Substack has been great. IDK what kind of numbers you are expecting but i get 150 - 200 readers on average, and more importantly people actually comment (there as well as here ) which is more then i can say from when i published in magazines.

Also it's respectable enough that i can send it to potential publishers, and not feel silly doing it. I just had a local press offer to publish 3 poems (the offer is whatever i can fit into 2 pages) for some promotional thing they are going and all i did was link them the same way i did here .

So I wrote a scifi manuscript and edited the best I could. But not a single agent wants it. Is this the end of my writing hobby?

>>21770057
Serialize it on RoyalRoad with advance chapters on Patreon
Selfpub on amzn

tradpub is dead to the common man, you only stand a chance if you're an ESG-bait minority or if you have a contact on the inside

>>21769953
The other anon is correct. Writing is rewriting. Finishing the first draft is only the start of the process, then you have to rip it apart.

I put together a PDF of some stories I've posted in this thread over the past year or so. Very self-indulgent, I realise, but hopefully someone enjoys reading them, or criticising them.

https://docdro.id/i9XEKdL

>>21770053
> I just had a local press offer to publish 3 poems

How did you manage that? Did you take the initiative or did they solicit?

>>21769849
ironically i actually tried doing this and had the worst writers block of my life. it's not something i truly believe in so i cant write it.

better choice is to wait for all blue hairs to die of VAIDS and cancer

>>21769849
Do you actually enjoy writing?

>>21770233
>doing what you enjoy inatead of something that makes you wanna kill yourself
Sorry, this thread is not for pussies

>>21770249
>turns his interests into work
>sucks all the joy out of it
>gets less financial security than a common labor job
Sasuga soul sucking sama

>>21770190
They solicited
One of my friends who knows i write saw them advertise on facebook and sent it my way.

It's still not a done deal, but they said they were interested.
It's some catalog, advertisement thing that they give away in bookstores. Local talent kind of nonsense, but they are not asking for exclusivity so why not publish it.

>>21769526
Really?
I have found it to be a how sweaty and awkward affair.
Two beings questing for this that neither truly finds.
Before, during or after.
But a tale of mating presses and leaky prose?
Well that is where one can truly cum into their own.

>>21770308
True Lacanian wisdom. Sex isn't some solid thing you finally grasp once you pull aside the veil. It's nothing but the veil, and good erotica is about crafting a whole endless labyrinth out of veils.

>>21770323
>Lacanian
>"Lacanianism has been particularly influential in post-structuralism, literary theory and feminist theory, as well as in various branches of critical theory, including queer theory."
>Queer theory
Into the trash it goes.

>>21770308
>I have found it to be a sweaty
yes
>and awkward affair
that's you
>Two beings questing for this that neither truly finds
are you circumcised, by any chance? that deficiency would explain the physical lack you feel during sex

>>21769479
Be fixative
I don't write erotica but people tell me my scenes feel pornographic when that's not the intent at all

After three years I've finally finished the 160k word draft for my first novel. Pray for me my brothers as I begin the arduous editing process, that I won't cringe too hard at my own autism and incompetence
wagmi

>>21770651
What is it about?

>>21770651
I was pleasantly surprised when I went back to my writing from 2.5yrs ago to edit it into an amzn book

>when your abusive childhood hands you the key to good writing
human beings were not designed to feel these kind of feels, i think this is why most writers have mental illness

>>21770691
you need the specific kind of mental illness that makes you work a lot, though. Most mental illness gets in the way of working.

>>21770669
The story is a dark fantasy that consistently swaps between the perspective of two protagonists, the young Lord Dimitri Aldast who flees from his home and responsibilities in search of adventure, and Frederick Gromish, who is suddenly thrust into a conflict to protect his home city from an invading army. Almost every character makes use of a species of parasites called "Alcon" to make themselves stronger and further their goals
The general theme is to explore why we make ourselves subservient, whether it's to other people, our own ambitions, higher purposes (religion, "the greater good"), or survival
And how scary it can be to make ourselves dependent on others.
Overall it's a pessimistic story but I was in a bad place when I wrote it so there's no changing that now

>>21770708
i write as maladaptive avoidance of my anxiety so hello. write the feels away

>>21769429
eames loungers are so cringe

>>21770651
Good luck. Not as long a project but I'm in a similar position. I'm merging a lot of characters, 3 into 1 in one case and 2 into 1 in another. So far seems promising and have been able to trim a good bit of fat.

I recently read the Song of Roland and wanted to try and write something mixing folklore and modern combat with a lot of political themes, I already have an outline and started putting down some stanzas. I erased a few I just didn't like the flow of and am currently trying to work on it, any tips?
https://pastebin.com/az3QR244

does this paragraph work?
I feel like I'd have an easier time with this if I were horny but I'm just trying to make due with how I'm feeling

I have a story within a story where the apocalypse happens because a disease makes people stupid and aggressive. The people infected are called dindus.
Will I get away with this?

>>21770887
Cool concept. Neofolk poetry

>>21770892
It's more really just that when looking at a lot of historical poems and art a lot of them don't specify the aesthetics of the past they are writing about (an example are paintings of St. George against the dragon depicting him in plate armour) and I wanted to stay true to this. I don't want to attach an era to the story and focus on the themes, instead.

>>21769449
Not much to say, I really liked it.
Could easily have been published somewhere

>>21770891
No.

>>21770891
go with dindous

>>21770887
Um sorry sweatie, but this is unacceptable. Since you live in The Civilized West, we'll have to cancel your poem. Come back when you write something free verse about brave muslim trans women fighting for democracy against fascists.

>>21770905
That’s funny I was thinking about this the other day. Should a contemporary depiction of an angel wear plate carriers and carry long guns

>>21770914
Sounds kinda French

>>21770922
You say that but some of my sketches to try and visualize the clothing in the story has people wearing medieval hose with combat boots and plate carriers.

>>21770927
You can set the story in France as the epicenter of the epidemic, lol

>>21770919
I love getting angry at myself doing an impression of my imagined enemies.

>>21770944
based active imaginator

>>21770934
Nice

>>21770944
don't worry I thought it was funny
and I know my poem doesn't align with the civilized west, that's one of the main points of it

>>21770948
Doesn't have to be in Nice, anywhere will do.

>>21770933
So fackin zased

>>21770955
Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk

>>21770907
Thank you , im really glad you liked it.
i was nervous people weren't really going to 'get it', with the historical setting and the blank verse, but it seems alright so far.

>>21770723
Sounds really good, anon. Can't wait to read it in paperback.

>>21770420
>>Queer theory
>Into the trash it goes.
Worse than that. He's a Freudian.

>>21770308
I assure you, that writing style will turn off people by the hundreds. Either write in a way that allows one handed readers to think about the sex situations, or don't write smut at all.
>a sweaty and awkward affair
>beings questing for this that neither truly finds
>leaky prose
>cum into their own
I just feel icked out by your post and do not want to masturbate. Fucking yuck.

>>21771138
>thinking erotic writing should always turn you on
if you don't get disgusted from time to time you're a low literacy coomer

>>21771147
This.
t. actual De Sade fan

>>21771147
Enjoy your shit sales, Mr. Joyce. Nobody reads your letters for the fap value.

>>21771147
low literacy coomers are your target audience

thinking of writing some psychological thrillers, but it might take some time

>>21769429
Not a whole lot going on in the /lit/ Top Ten this week. No new faces in the Top 5 and several old friends filling the ranks of the home stretch. However, this morning we at the Top Ten were disappointed to discover that one of the most eminent honorary authors in the official register has apparently signaled full scale literary surrender. L'Academie had many flaws and Waldun himself is a figure of some controversy on /lit/, but in the grand contest of style vs substance, Waldun is one of the few /lit/ figures competent enough to succeed in at least one of those categories. As Waldun copes, /lit/ seethes.

Today's Top Ten includes a fun game, and some thrilling news in the Gossip Catalog. I have no idea how many books James Krake has written, but Five to Four will be his fourth to be sold on Amazon. Due to financial considerations, the /lit/ Top Ten has been forced to seek assistance from the Unreal Press for completion of the film adaptation of Horia Belca ETC ETC which is still scheduled for an April 1st release. And finally, Miles McNaughton is recovering from an encounter with MNM-DR, who is not included in these rankings because his work should not be subjected to a petty competition over sales.

>>21769429
>write something
>it sucks
how do i fix this?

>>21771316
I've got some smut on Smashwords but it's about a dude that bones his mom. You probably don't want that.

>>21771357
rewrite it, look at other examples

>>21771359
Worthless

>>21770887
just wrote a bit more on the exchange, not sure how I feel about this:

Such were the words that Finn there spake,
Though not yet long and not yet grey
His beard still boasted manie waves
Of tydal braids, of coiling snakes
And, though not heavie did he weight,
None could deny that he was brave.

“Why seek we peace when not yet beaten?
Why seek we peace when man knows not
Where we resyde - how shrewd we are?
Their bombs and shells aim to weaken
Our industrie yet everie shot
They fyre lands too close - flyes too far.

For eight long years have we endured
The mightie darkened skyes above,
For eight long years have we withstood
The tremorous shells with vigour,
They will never harm the ones we love
For they know not and never should.

Though razed they have manie cities,
Though manie deathpits have they filled
With our fathers, friends, our brothers,
Their songs will be sung in stories
Of a tyme long gone when they were killed,
When man could not unearth our shelter.

To persist is all we requyre,
To fyght on still despyte the odds,
One day, perhaps, man will decyde
That our twigs are not worth their pyres,
That their shock had not been awed,
That we may live thus syde-by-syde.”

>>21771316
>L'Academie
Fortunately, one can still download it:
https://files.catbox.moe/n1l2zh.pdf
>Gardner's parents sold the house
Just another meme at this point, to be spammed endlessly, like the others.

I shared this flash on d*scord and I had 4 different people vapidly respond with
>it's kinda like poetry wow that's so quirky
Sorry to crit beg but if anyone would be willing to read I'd appreciate it. Trying to push my prose further

>>21771504
Fuck dropped the link
https://pastebin.com/EkKWT653

>>21771504
>>21771507

I think it's well written!
There are some transitions between sentences that seem abrupt/ awkward.
I also think the (emotional) examples of youth in the third paragraph are rather banal.
I have my own thoughts, but if you're looking for critique I'll ask: if you had to describe the story in one sentence, what is it about?

Is this sentence grammatically correct?

>I demanded that he tell me where it was that he had brought me, but again, there was no answer.

>>21771649
Thanks brah
I'd say: It's a story about a man dressing himself down in a comically extreme way

>>21771507
>>21771504
I think it's aiming at a bogus mysticism it tries to simultaneously disavow. This shaman-of-the-mundane imperative voice rubs me the wrong way on a fundamental level. It tries to be more-visceral-than-thou but even regardless of all its syntactic straining it ends up back at the same old pre-appoved cliches of divorcee melancholy. Click down, feel the tendons pulse, drag the file to the Recycling Bin icon, and feel the obliterating release of forgetting.

>>21769429
Please give some genuine opinions:

"The peak of the black mountain glowed with an apricot colored delineation, a clue of the underlying world of blaze, growling as if it were the very stomach of the Earth. A multitude of corpulent black clouds compounded upwards like a cone, a spectral monolith of bubbling fumes like a budding hurricane, in the moment where its tail descends from the black heavens to whip the Earth. The world of sable ahead was like an obsidian vase, cracks over its surface mended with shining golden embellishments all over, as if by japanese tradition, where clouds of yellow fire burst and gleamed, amidst a sprawling mosaic of radiant blue spiderwebs, arteries of the black skies that danced and recoiled around a shared axis. From above the impenetrable dark velvet that covered the skies a rumbling war was fought, by spiteful angels of fire and fury, above the atmosphere and away from mortal eyes."

>>21771672
It is correct. Midwits will whine about it though, unless the rest of your book is also written in a similar manner.

>>21771682
>corpulent black clouds
isn't corpulent specifically reserved for fat people? corpus means body but clouds don't bring bodies to mind.

>>21771672
it's fine, just a bit wordy

>>21771684
>>21771672
No it isn't grammatically correct.

either do "but again there was no" or "but, again, there", not the confused halfassery you wrote. go read a fuckign book

>>21771691
In my language of Portuguese we actually use it for things colloquially.

>>21771677
do you mean comical in a "humorous" or "absurd" way?
It doesn't read as a comical work, in my opinion

>104 reads on my wattpad story
We're gonna make it bros....

>>21771694
It's awkward, but it's correct. 'And finally, [last item in the list]' is correct, and a comma after 'And' is optional, though advisable. The 'again' in OP's sentence fills the same adverbial role as 'finally' in my example.

>>21771682
I don't mind run on sentences or flowery descriptions- but without anything else, it could glaze some eyes over

>>21771697
well, you are writing in English, so it's best to stick to words like "voluminous" or "billowing"

>>21771504
>>21771507
It's actually really good at being emotionally evocative and relatable, but the voice and style can be too much, either annoying or overbearing at times.

>>21769449
Interesting.
If this was published somewhere I wouldn't bat an eye. Careful you don't get a reputation as a lit poet, you are honestly better then that.

>>21771681
kek
It's not a deliberate prosaic aesthetic but I do think it's interesting that this style I've naturally developed is so parallel to something you seem to be familiar with and disdain
I assume it has to do with how the observations aren't precise and as such the dramatic language feels trite. If there's a quality of the prose it'd help me a lot if you could explain why it's so pseud-y to you so I could stop doing it
>>21771701
Absurd. The man tries to remove what he hates from himself, but discovers that he is described by what he wishes to distance from

>>21771694
>>21771714
I was mainly thinking about this part:
>I demanded that he tell me where it was that he had brought me
>>21771693
yeah, maybe.
what about:
>I asked him where it was that he had brought me?
It just feels like there should be a "to" in there somewhere.

>>21771729
Thank you. That's very kind of you.
I keep to substack and try not to spam, otherwise i do like that people here actually comment on my work . It was rather lonely during my traditional publishing days.

Also if you like work you can subscribe. i always feel so awkward asking but i've noticed reminding people really makes a difference.

Reddit NoSleep Writer Sells Short Story to Netflix in Massive Auction, and Jessica Chastain Will Star

Why haven't your 4chan posts done the same for you?

>>21771771
how do you know they haven't?

>>21769449
It's terrible.
>sickness with it's cure
its

>>21771771
I'm mentally ill and not in a lucky country.

>>21771761
I did.
I hope you stick to it, this is good shit.

>>21771740
so you're going out of your way to make convoluted sentences and then trying to justify them with, 'butuguubutub but it's grammatically correct!"

that's shitty and a cop out. would you want to be forced to read that fucking shit in a novel? stop being lazy and obstinate

>>21771771
I'm not part of the accepted culture group
reddit and the upper class can wank each other off it makes no difference to me

>>21771732
>If there's a quality of the prose it'd help me a lot if you could explain why it's so pseud-y to you so I could stop doing it
First I should note that I'm in a foul mood because of a cold that snuck up on me this evening. The emotional core of your piece is strong, but a line like 'breathe it in and it sticks in the throat and gathers on the tongue' is just a cliche of visceral profundity, with no twist or defamiliarising angle. You mentioned your piece had a comical edge, but I agree with the anon who said it didn't read as comical -- the surprises of comic logic, however, would be one way to introduce the twists and nuance I felt lacking. That's how Samuel Beckett does it. That's what made me like the surprising image of 'a y-section at the tailbone', which made me think about my own body more than any line about organs and blood and breath. That's how Lorrie Moore does it in a story that pulls off a similar second-person imperative voice to yours, 'How to Be the Other Woman' (http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/1445195/19761776/1344404826457/moore.how-to-be-an-other-woman.pt1.pdf?token=8AUuGBtkTtqSSjksB4XGcNPQYmo%3D).).

Is this overwritten and too exhausting to read?

>"I drank too much coffee and now i need to poop"
I made a jar of coffee, then I drank it sugarless, after it was cold. Managed to write about 12 pages, which I think it's good considering it's my first attempt at writing.

>>21771316
I like seeing Woolston back on the list, as a fellow Australian it gives me hope.
Is nobody ever going to knock Mike Ma off the top position?

>>21771874
It's an entire page describing a hobo, then describing a non-sensical dialogue between the hobo and the main character.

>>21771793
I'm sorry I had no idea it would cause you to have an aneurysm. I'm also not trying to justify anything, no idea where your paranoid ass is getting that from. How would you write it?

>>21771930
>asks for advice
>receives it
>accuses replyer of being angry
>begs for more advice
attend therapy bpd

being grammatically correct is for losers who don't publish

>>21771771
r/nosleep has an average of 3000-5000 readers at any one time, that's why.
But the rules for posting there are beyond nitpicky.
https://reddit.com/r/nosleep/wiki/posting_guidelines

>>21771903
Good. Then the scene is clear.

>>21771841
I see what you mean yeah. I'll check them out. Helps to have some context of how other writers approach things, thanks brah

>>21770837
$5000 is a small price to pay for that much cringe. So cringe it's based.

>>21771980
>>receives it
what advice did you give me? Are you the guy who said that it was grammatically incorrect? that didn't turn out to be true. Regardless, you did get inexplicably angry for some reason and accused me of "going out of my way to make convoluted sentences" and then "justifying" them because they are grammatically correct like a schizo. Idk, maybe you are just autistic.

>>21771980
>>21772042
either way. I'm starting to think this sounds better:
>I demanded that he tell me where he had taken me, but once more there was no answer

what do you think?

>>21771874
Yes

>>21772042
>>21772066
>accuses me of being angry and attacking him
>asks my advice for a second time
attend therapy, that's my advice.

>>21772093
>>accuses me of being angry
I don't know why else you'd make up delusional fantasies in your head about me. Do you still think I'm deliberately trying to make convoluted sentences?

>>21771682
It's like really really shitty Cormac McCarthy

>>21772066
>I demanded to know where he had taken me, but once again there was no answer.

>>21771988
>You may NOT link to amazon, kickstarter, patreon, or any sales or fundraising site.
>You may NOT link to a mailing list, petition, or anything else that asks users for personal information.
it always amazes me how many people ask for free stories and art, like I can't even market myself with the stories I make? Am I supposed be your little robot slave making stories for you for free?
Shit is disgusting and I've only now realized how stupid this "no marketing" part of spaces to publish stories are

>>21772101
>Do you still think I'm deliberately trying to make convoluted sentences?
i assumed one would have to go out of their way to be such a tremendous fuck-up, but perhaps you are merely that talented
attend therapy and read a basic grammar book

>>21771988
what the fuck lmao
what is the average age of that place? 8?

>>21772093
And here's my advice to you, friend. Take a long, narrow rod of glass and insert it into your urethra as far as it will go. Then take a hammer and hit your dick until the glass is broken into a hundred little shards.

>>21772148
Based on my experience with the moderators of that sub, I think that's their average age.
I posted 7 stories to r/nosleep.
All were removed, for incredibly nitpicky reasons.

>>21772208
anytime i try to post anything to that entire website in general it gets removed for nitpicky reasons. which is why i never post there. then 2 years later i've forgotten and have something i want to post and the process repeats.

yet when you look at any given page it's all dogshit and reposts and stupid questions that should have been typed into google

>>21772146
again, the grammar wasn't the problem apparently. You are being ridiculous.

>>21772237
>hey /lit/ is this wrong
<yes
>you're just being ridiculous

anybody wanna read my first chapter and give me some pointers?
https://pastebin.com/iSU7nx8e

>>21772312
The writing is okay, except maybe a lack of description of the scene, don't really see the room and the girl. But I see a problem with dialogue, it doesn't look natural. Well, it doesn't look like I suppose you intended it. The girl seems insane, or in shock, or mentally damaged; she is revealing bits of the story like a non-character and talks about things that neither the reader nor the protagonist know. The protagonist clearly doesn't talk like a professional who works with criminals, it's as far from the psychologist way of conversing as possible too. You need to do research about people you are writing about.

>>21772389
>The protagonist clearly doesn't talk like a professional who works with criminals.
he's not professional. You are assuming that he is. But for some reason he doesn't speak like a professional, strange right? The fact that it ticked something off in your head is intended.
>The girl seems insane, or in shock, or mentally damaged
yea thats how I was intending

>>21771682
Besieged by dark clouds, the black mountain bore burning fire across the land. Its thunderous cries rose to the heavens in dark ash and bright thunder. Her offspring would bring great chaos and disaster to the world.

>>21772420
Well, I guess you do you. It just was kind of unpleasant. Maybe it's even too realistic. You could still slow down the pacing of the dialogue and empathize the intended meaning. I'd recommend something visual for the later.

My dad keeps advising me not to be too serious with my writing. He tells me to take a step back, and to be more ironic. Is that good advice?

>>21772527
How many books has your dad sold? How many books have you sold?

>>21772527
be more ironic is never good advice

>>21772527
yes and no, it's not good if your writing is high on its own farts but it's also not good if it's too ironic either

does my book count?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BXNCSP14

>>21772559
The cover sucks and the blurb sucks
improve plz

>>21772527
I think I get what he means. It's not the best advice for it. You better introduce a conflict that would be an explanation of irony than use an irony. Like don't show your made up ideas as laughable and bad, show them in opposition to other ideas.

what does it even mean to introduce more irony to your work? shit doesn't even make sense

>>21772559
>disinherited by violence
>they are pit against one another
Not trying to sound harsh, but...two grammar mistakes in the 1st sentence of your blurb?

>>21772447
>ftfy
>Besieged by clouds the black mountain fire was borne across the land, its cries rising to heaven in ash and thunder, chaos in its offspring, a disaster to the world.

>>21772562
>>21772574
noted

>>21772559
Oh, you're the "Chicken World" guy.
At least you're prolific, I guess.
Did you have permission to use "&amp Media" and "The University Of /lit/ Faculty Of Humanities"?
And why don't you use double-quotes when someone is speaking?
Not trying to be a crab...just pointing out things that irritate me.

>>21772559
>Poor spelling/grammar
>Female protagonist named Shane
>147 pages
...

>>21772584
the cover should be something that matches the market you are going for so that it signals to readers that "hey, this is a ____ book"
and the blurb is not a description of the story, its something that will get the reader interested in picking up the book without being misleading

Anyone else feel as if writing has ruined their storytelling ability I feel I had a much better voice when I started and now all the rules and technical aspects have sucked the life out of my work....

>>21772559
>A soldier shouted and some bodies shuffled and repeated the order and the governor looked to her assistant and nodded and he raised his arm and directed the crowd singlefile through the door.
Do you have any idea how much I want to support /lit/ authors?
I buy their books, read them, and leave nice reviews for them on Amazon and GoodReads.
When someone releases a book that obviously hasn't been edited in any serious way, it makes me sad.
Why must you make it so difficult for me to support you?
And how is it the headquarters address for LampByLit.com is the Canadian Parliament building?
Damn it, I don't want to direct my seething toward a fellow novel writer...

>>21772607
"Ruined" doesn't even begin to describe it.
I have several ideas for novels to write, many with large amounts of fun details organized and stored neatly in my outline editor, and normally I would have started writing one or more of them...
...but after the miserable failure of my released novels to date, and all the rules I've read for how to write something that sells...I don't want to go through all that effort again unless I know it won't be another miserable failure.
So instead I do lots of background reading, hoping I'll learn something to break the logjam.

>>21772607
weak

>>21772614
Based patron of the arts

>>21772559
why are there no quotation indicators on your dialogue?

>>21772587
yeah i am the &amp guy too lol. i only ever started that to pad my resume. jk. sort of. i don't use quotations in Mantelpiece because i thought i was cool at the time doing so. it was my first novella. its finally finished, however i'm just tuning the KDP now.
>>21772594
i don't really think the book will appeal to anybody, it was mostly published to get it out of the way so that i wasn't still working on my first book. that being said, i wanted to cover to be as stark and plain as possible, somewhat in the vein of Catcher in the Rye. the blurb does need work so i will fix that as soon as my updated formatting is approved by KDP.
>>21772614
i spent like three years editing the book myself. it's not going to get any better lol. i do have a habit of long single clause sentences. a lot of the prose in Mantelpiece is also very purple. my next book will be much better; it actually makes sense.

>>21772559
A woman called Shane who (I assume) can hold her own in fights against men, and a mysterious cabal of powerful bankers?

Did you really write a book about a tranny fighting jews? Oy vey.

>>21772713
>this man took three years to edit a book with prose comparable to fucking Gardner
I uh
Thanks for making me feel better about my own prose I guess

>>21772559
>indents AND a space between paragraphs

>>21772727
hey throw me a bone here. put my work side by side against Gardner's and you will see that i am at least slightly better maybe pic possibly related

>>21772732
okay noted. i appreciate this.

>>21772713
Ah, OK. At least you have "permission" to refer to &amp, then.
>>21772732
Yeah, that.
I'm not thrilled about paying extra for blank space on the page.

>>21772791
i just realized this. that i hadn't cleared the paragraph spaces between lines. fixed. thank you boiz i greatly appreciate the advice.

How does it feel to know anything you write will ultimately be censored by the sensitivity readers who flag offensive content for censorship for the publishing companies? Anything you try to innovate in any kind of work you do, you will be censored if it offends liberal sensibilities. Writing no longer matters. You will think how you’re told or you will not participate.

>>21772813
>he still views tradpub as a monolith with cultural hegemony over literature
the most successful new authors of our time write extremely long serials and use Patreon as a profit scheme
retard

>>21772822
And they will make less per year than if they just worked at a fedex lol. While working longer hours.

>>21772813
Tradpubbers don't want me -- I'm not intersectional enough.
It's censorship-free self-publishing for me, probably indefinitely.
Besides, "woke" is burning itself out. Simply put, it's financially nonviable. They're bankrupting themselves into irrelevancy.

okay how can I get trad published

Blackpillers are literal subhumans

>>21772559
>reddit spacing
>no quotations
>misspellings
c'mon man. This is very unedited.

>>21772836
Sounds to me like you're coping over having sold your soul to the tradpub jew

>>21772839
>write manuscript
>query it to agents
>get accepted
>agent submits it to publishers
>they make an offer
except the traditional publishing sphere for market genre fiction at least has been completely usurped by women and i don't mean the good kind.

>>21772853
the spacing was an error which i'm fixing
the punctuation is a style choice though clearly in poor taste
misspellings should boil down to compound words. otherwise there shouldn't be any typos, aside from that blurb i guess.

>>21772839
Why bother?

https://countercraft.substack.com/p/no-most-books-dont-sell-only-a-dozen

Collectively, 45,571 unique ISBNs appear for these publishers in our frontlist sales data for the last 52 weeks (thru week ending 8-24-2022).
In this dataset:
• 0.4% or 163 books sold 100,000 copies or more
• 0.7% or 320 books sold between 50,000-99,999 copies
• 2.2% or 1,015 books sold between 20,000-49,999 copies
• 3.4% or 1,572 books sold between 10,000-19,999 copies
• 5.5% or 2,518 books sold between 5,000-9,999 copies
• 21.6% or 9,863 books sold between 1,000-4,999 copies
• 51.4% or 23,419 sold between 12-999 copies
• 14.7% or 6,701 books sold under 12 copies
So, only about 15% of all of those publisher-produced frontlist books sold less than 12 copies. That's not nothing, but nowhere as janky as what has been reported.
BUT, I think the real story is:
• roughly 66% of those books from the top 10 publishers sold less than 1,000 copies over 52 weeks
• less than 2% sold more than 50,000 copies

>>21772839

>>21772839
Be like Colleen Hoover!
>self pub multiple books
>get extremely popular
>publishing house jews come sniffing around and give you some shekels up front so they can publish your next books and you don't have to worry about a bunch of the nitty gritty and just focus on writing

I'm planning out a fantasy story. How much worldbuilding should I do before I set out? How much do you do? To be clear I'm talking about setting down basic rules like how the magic works.

>>21772839
Why do people worry about getting trad published instead of the actual gravy, which is being a salaried writer? Trad publishing basically saves you some time and effort on meerkating, with the caveat that neither you nor your agent will be able to craft it to the exact audience you want so it's a wash.

>>21773064
Set a hard limit for yourself. Anything more than a page or so (1k words) is wasted effort until you actually start putting prose down for a first chapter, practice the craft, edit-edit-edit, get spanked by critique, edit-edit, and then have your form somewhat down before diving into the rest of the book.

>>21773077
Some of us already have day jobs, and don't need to be a salaried writer.

>>21773064
I'm working on a mecha/space opera/war drama story right now, and all I can say is that you need to be careful about falling into the lore/world building rabbit hole. I know where my story starts, but I already wrote enough background material for it, that I could pump out an entire prequel series if I wanted to.

I’ve noticed, whenever I’ve worked on a first draft, that I use more of my extensive vocabulary whenever typing; where as whenever I write with pen and paper, I tend not to use these words. Is there any reason for this?

>>21773064
worldbuilding is a meme, focus on plot and pacing

>>21772889
>and i don't mean the good kind.
Yeah, they're the millennial kind.

I wish I didn't have ADD bros. Just wanna write

>>21772559
$4.99 is a great price. top marks for that. but...
0 results for the word nigger
0 results for the word faggot
dedication is to Rachel...post tits, please. if tranny, post benis.

>>21773184
No, the porn-addicted surgically-mutilated autogynephiliac kind.

>>21773200
It's not that you have ADD, it's just that...LOOK! A BUNNY RABBIT!

Name one decent book you fags published.

>>21773215
would you buy it if I did?

>>21772813
I don't even have any readers reading my stuff on RR

>>21773216
of course not, i just want to crab you back down.

>>21773215
Fedbook

>>21771874
Wtf am I reading?

>>21772837
Self-publishing is nothing but irrelevancy.

any of you use AI to help with new ideas or expand your existing ideas?

>>21773358
Tvtropes would honestly be faster, it says the same shit

>>21773361
Maybe, but you be more specific with what you want while chatting with the bot. I find it fun and often inspiring.

>>21769449
moody but otherwise opaque.
think i might steal the idea of writing like this about historical figures. It's a good a good subject.

>>21771874
dude this is good stuff.
i would know. i wrote chicken world lelll
seriously tho my guy this is my kind of prose.
i'd do a little light copyediting. but email the magazine.

>>21770308
>I did it senpai.
>1k words into the prologue.
>Nice change of pace.
>Creative juices flowing.
>Think i might dedicate 1 day a week to this lewd from now on.
I hope you all find a passion project!

>>21773574
whoops, meant to reply to >>21769479

>>21771780
>It's
Thank you. Good catch. There is always one isn't there. Anything particular you didn't like?

>>21773410
Go right ahead, It is very opaque, but i fear thats always the case with historical subject matter.
maybe try something like this:
> micz.substack.com/p/teachers-pet
It's light and clear as day.

>>21769832
Essentially its a story about a nobleman from subjugated people coping and seething about it while being dragged along by the new nobility around on a caravan. There are also politics and culture clash in the background. Plus some physical conflicts are also in the background. Because it's a fantasy story (I'm a filthy coward) there will be monsters, but they'll mostly be alluded too.

>>21771672
>Is this sentence grammatically correct?
Correct but bad.
>>21771694
>either do "but again there was no" or "but, again, there", not the confused halfassery you wrote. go read a fuckign book
Punctuation isn't grammar. There's room for personal style.
>If a parenthetic expression is preceded by a conjunction, place the first comma before the conjunction, not after it.
>"He saw us coming, and unaware that we had learned of his treachery, greeted us with a smile."
Elements of Style 1918
An influential book for American prose.

>The "I drank too much coffee and now i need to poop" edition
That's a myth, you stupid nigger. Caffeine is a diuretic, not a laxative.

>>21772953
Just imagine. Getting one edge over all those books is enough to be top 50%. Making it as popular as a pokemon review youtube channel makes you one of 10% chosen. That's easy success.

>>21771874
>Is this overwritten and too exhausting to read?
Yes. But the bigger problem is that it's clumsy. You're trying to write in a higher register to sound smart, but you end up misusing words and grammar, which gives the opposite impression.

Write more like you talk.

>>21770181
Hey anon what are those inlays with the leaves called? Im putting a short story collection myself and yours looks really good.

>>21772278
the grammar wasn't wrong though as other said. Again, you are being salty for no reason

>>21772447
>>21772576
>volcano go boom haha
ftfy

>>21773715
>Write more like you talk.
Seconding this but it can spoil the tone of the story if you are not careful. Some stories just don't work if they are being narrated by a person talking like a trailer park retard. Conversely, some stories don't work if they are being narrated by someone speaking like a tenured faggot.

>>21772836
>And they will make less per year than if they just worked at a fedex lol. While working longer hours.

https://www.patreon.com/Zogarth
>4,829 patrons $39,079 per month

>>21773206
That's not what it's like. It's more of a force pushing you away from the thing you want to concentrate on. Trying to write is like keeping your hand inside the pain box from Dune.

>>21773064
honestly, it depends entirely on you. Some people say that you shouldn't do too much of it but those people probably don't know just how much ink Tolkien spilled about middle earth.

>>21773744
For every writer like that there are a thousand earning next to nothing. The average for a RR author is something like $21. It's incredibly skewed towards a handful of authors.

>>21773744
>people unironically read this
litrpg has been a disaster for humanity

Excerpt from my prologue. Read it, enjoy it, tear it apart.

Who are you? I do not see nor hear you, yet I can somehow feel your presence. It’s hard to describe, but it’s almost like the fact that you are here is as obvious to me as my own consciousness. It is like you are standing right behind me—or beside me—close by, yet out of reach. Do you understand what I mean? I think you do. You are here, you are here with me, that much I know. You can hear my thoughts, can’t you? That feels obvious to me as well. But you do not speak, only listen. Or perhaps you only choose to be silent. I suppose that’s all right.

What are you? A shade, or spirit? Might as well be, right? I guess will believe anything at this point. Why are you here anyway? Do you live in this valley? Why do you make yourself known now after I have been wandering here for so long? I’m sorry, don’t take this the wrong way. In fact, I am very grateful for your company, even if it is only in spirit. I have been very lonely these past few… days? Weeks? I’m not sure. Time doesn’t seem to retain any meaning in this grey place. But now that you are here, I finally feel some semblance of safety, and I am a little less afraid. So please, don’t go. I was actually hoping you could be my confidant. Ever since coming to this place, I have been overwhelmed with an inexplicable urge to confess.

I have been reliving memories, you see. Mostly involuntarily. The indication this gives me as to the true nature of this place fills me with a nameless dread. I hope my suspicions are wrong. I don’t want to think about it. Wandering around, I have inevitably stumbled upon some familiar locations, schools, homes, parks, streets, and the like. In each one, I have picked up pieces of my memories, some that I had once forgotten, and I can now recall them with great detail. I would like to share them with you if you don’t mind. The time before I came here is mostly lost to me, and I hope that in retracing my steps I might retrieve more lost memories along the way and ultimately come to learn the truth about my predicament. With you, I have a feeling it will be easier than if I were to do this alone. Your presence is strangely comforting, even though I sense that you may not think very highly of me. At this moment, I don’t care. I only ask for your time.

>>21773842
The argument was 'the most successful' Patreon writers make less than a Fedex employee. I showed that wasn't true.

Self publishing does skew to a handful of authors, but so does traditional publishing. And self publishers are chosen entirely by the market, without any agents, editors, sensitivity readers, or other gate keepers.

>>21773885
Don't write prologues. Don't start prologues with pointless navel gazing. Start a story with someone doing something.

>>21773885
If that prose was any more purple it would be ultra-violet; if that style is meant to be a hook to grab readers from the first page I can't see it working.

>>21773908
>Don't write prologues.
disagree
>Don't start prologues with pointless navel gazing.
The main character is talking to someone.
>Start a story with someone doing something.
it's past tense, the idea being that the character is telling her story to this presence

>>21773912
I was trying to go for a stream of consciousness style. Didn't think it was purple prose, but I like Nabokov so maybe it is.

>>21773914
>it's past tense, the idea being that the character is telling her story to this presence

not him but is the presence supposed to be the reader? don't know why i'm getting that vibe but just curious. mostly because i had a story like that

>>21773927
>not him but is the presence supposed to be
I want it to be a bit ambiguous. But I definitely did write as if that were the case. Idk, I thought it was a clever way to tell a story and involve the reader a bit more. She's also supposed to be an unreliable narrator.

>>21773917
Stream of consciousness is fine as a device but typically only when you have got to know the character(s) otherwise it a bunch of meaningless waffle with no context.

>>21773935
what kind of context do you mean?

reminder to anyone who's about to post here. You don't have to tell the anons here beforehand that you are ESL. They aren't going to be more understanding of you if you do. In fact, you'd be surprised by how often they can't tell if you don't tell them.

>>21773943
As in there is no explanation for what they are saying or why they are saying it. How is that meant to involve the reader? What you wrote could possibly work in a later chapter but not as an introduction.

>>21773955
well, this is just an excerpt. The next paragraph immediately begins dispensing context about the character and place. The idea is still that the story is being told to this presence she is speaking to, and I can't see how else to start it unless at the exact moment she "feels" it, which is inevitably a moment of confusion for her. I can post the next couple of paragraphs if you want.

>>21773948
dum esl

>>21772960
I can already imagine it, "A biting satire of toxic masculinity and a touchingly tender relationship between the two male leads"

I've been working on the same poem for ten years... and it's almost done

>>21773948
I can regulate how much my ESL shows. I proofread my posts and check for mistakes. If I want to pretend to be an anglo, I can.

>>21773716
They're called printer's ornaments.

>>21770890
I think your first sentence is too complicated and the rest are meaningless.

I would remove either "hunger" or "wanting." I also do not like "something that," and I would replace it with "for that which," but if you insist on keeping it, remove the first "that" of the sentence, the one before "something." There should be a comma between "that" and "when." No comma after "sticks." I don't like "lingers to tingle." Sounds funny. You lose vividness when you write "back of the brain." Leave it just at "when felt."

>Hunger for that which, when felt, sticks and lingers.

>>21774030
>printer's ornaments.
Thanks =)

>>21773955
>>21773966
you havent replied but I'll post it anyway. Here is the full prologue, or the draft at least:
https://pastebin.com/RbPTymg2

I'm thinking that I should maybe make it clear earlier that she's in some otherworldly place but I'm not sure.

>>21770890
I once had a roommate who wanted to ripen his bananas so he put them in a plastic bag on top of the refrigerator. Then he went on vacation. A week or so later I opened the freezer door and a bag of disgusting liquefying oily fruit matter splashed all over me. Reading this paragraph is very much like that experience.

>>21771874
There is no point to the narration. It does not feel distant enough. It's not observational or voyeuristic enough, which would actually bring the reader closer to the hobo through its detailed and 'objective' analysis. You fail at writing a convincing literally me hobo murdering Bateman (Batman) main character because the narration is surface-level and comes off as cringy. And I am all but that! I am smart and cool and this faggot does not sound at all like literally me. I could never say this with a straight face:
>"His name forgotten, and his history erased..."

>>21770890
Nah... too jumbled. Way too jumbled. I'm not sure how to fix it since I don't think I fully understand what you are trying to say.

>>21774082
You have a skill for the complimentary
>>21774087
It's from this piece if you want context >>21771507
I wanted the prose of this paragraph to feel immediate and intimate, and to evoke a feeling of humid musk in a way that's both a little gross and erotic

>>21771677
Your sense of comedy is fucked up and not in a "edgy dead baby" way, but in a "there's absolutely no humor at all" way

>>21774131
>https://pastebin.com/EkKWT653
not my tempo.

Rate my book idea.

A virus spreads across the Earth that causes humans to become incredibly violent. It doesn't turn you into a zombie, it simply makes it so you no longer view murder as something you shouldn't do. Infected people will casually walk around slaughtering dozens, and when people fight back they seem genuinely confused what the problem is.

It will be told from the perspective of multiple people across the world. A homicide detective from America, a teenager in Italy, a prisoner in China etc.

>>21774160
Like always, it depends on how you execute it.

>>21774166
How should I execute it?

>>21774173
Well

>>21774160
Hard to compete with Crossed.

>>21774180
>no, I will not elaborate

>>21774154
>>21774189

>>21774210
It's just not my thing.

>>21772813
You just gotta be so extremely offensive and graphic that they couldn't censor it even if they wanted to

>>21773064
I like to use the plot to 'probe' my worldbuilding so to speak, as I write I get a clearer picture of the world my characters inhabit and from those little glimpses I write down notes for how the world works

>>21774083
>>21773715
I am aiming for the MC to be not relatable. Who the hell can relate to a literal faggot cyborg? I'll edit it to have better word choice though. Maybe I should have posted the entire chapter for better context. But I did want to see how the tone and prose came off

>>21773744
>600+ chapters
>Millions of words
Wtf...

Wrote 1k words today.

What’s the ideal amount to aim for?

>>21774388
1k is honestly not bad, not as good as some of the typechads here but if it's consistent 1k is good

>>21774388
That's good. That's about a chapter a week.

I'm bored so here's a piece of writing from years ago. I don't write like this anymore, but I would like to see people tear this apart.

>>21773842
And? The same is the case for published authors. If you get tradpubbed you're overwhelmingly likely to make less than minimum wage. By comparison, simply starting a serial on RR and setting up a Patreon has functionally no barrier to entry with a much better success rate.

Why?

Because it's easier to get people to subscribe for advance chapters than it is to sell them a finished book, and one customer will pay over and over month after month. You profit from ONE customer many times more than they would've paid for one book, and your profit margin is also an order of magnitude better than selling books.

Why do you think subscription services get pushed so much? It works.

>>21774442
Unfortunately for your present self your past writing is perfectly passable, aside from the typo.

>>21773842
$21 a month is more than any /wg/ author in their lifetime

>>21774442
Poor grammar.

>>21774552
Judging by BSR, it's only slightly more than the /lit/erally who's are making.

>writing for money

>>21774574
NEETbros why does everyone keep dismissing our dreams

>Uploaded a second short story today
You WILL improve anon. Keep working.

>>21773707
Coffee makes one poop because it wakes up your body & gets the blood flowing.
Also, hot drinks tend to have that effect anyway.

>>21774592
This thread has too much fantasising about self-publishing success and not enough discussion about the actual craft of writing. The reason is that talking about sales and marketing is easy -- it's numbers, it's video-gamey -- but talking about writing is hard, and needs articulacy and a sense for aesthetics.

>>21773914
Right. That makes it exposition.
Lore dumps are boring for the reader.

>>21774388
500 words of new prose per hour is considered normal for someone with a bit of experience. "Words per day" is an arbitrary meme because a NEET writing 5 hours a day and a Mormon father of 5 with a full-time job that gets 45 minutes of writing time at 6am each morning obviously should have very different daily goals.

In general I don't think considering a writing session a success or failure based on raw word output is constructive (in fact might encourage some self destructive habits). I suggest people check their word count gains every few days to see if roughly tracking, but unless you're on a tight deadline raw word count shouldn't be distracting you.

>>21774605
I feel like most of the "good" writers here are capable of writing effectively because of well developed sensibilities and intuition rather than real cognizance and refinement of craft

>>21774339
>literal faggot cyborg
You mean like Larry from Time Squad?
And that was a kid's cartoon.

>>21774339
I do not believe you. I do not believe that you are on purpose making the main character not relatable by satirizing typical power fantasy chudlit this authentically.

>>21774552
Speak for yourself, crab.
>>21774605
It doesn't take good writing to succeed.
Have you seen the drivel writing that sells hand over fist in the tradpub world?

added a bunch of stanzas today so far and made a neat website for it to be read more easily
let me know what you guys think
I kept erasing lines yesterday because I wasn't feeling it but easily wrote 3 stanzas in 10 minutes just now
https://songoftheotherlings.carrd.co/

>>21774592
find an easy overnight job which gives you enough free time to pursue your hobbies while you work

>>21774643
I recommend night guard work, unless you live in a dangerous place where you might need to actually do more than sit around being human deterrent and watching for crackheads.

>>21769435
>>21770249
>Sorry, this thread is not for pussies
>>21771694
>not the confused halfassery you wrote. go read a fuckign book
>>21771780
>It's terrible.
>>21771793
>that's shitty and a cop out. would you want to be forced to read that fucking shit in a novel? stop being lazy and obstinate
>>21771983
>being grammatically correct is for losers who don't publish
>>21772146
>attend therapy and read a basic grammar book
>>21772836
>And they will make less per year than if they just worked at a fedex lol. While working longer hours.
>>21773215
>Name one decent book you fags published.
>>21773349
>Self-publishing is nothing but irrelevancy.
>>21773845
>litrpg has been a disaster for humanity
>>21774552
>$21 a month is more than any /wg/ author in their lifetime

I've been thinking about creating my own comic book superhero-y type characters though someone said "no capeshit" but I don't think that my interpertation of the genre would be cookie cutter and cliche. I did in fact look up to see if superheroes were a genre and thus it made me feel more at easte with the idea of attempting the genre itself.

I have always tried to stay open to different perspectives, ideas and view points, and thus I feel like I would probably show Western but also some Eastern influences since I like anime and manga a lot as well, though I wouldn't nececssarily label and define too easily because again I would not altogether be attempting to cater to established customs or traditions within the genres. I don't have my notes on me, but I was thinking about creating a fictional world that is possibly set in the not too distant future because I would like to include advanced technology, I was kind of thinking this authoritarian world under the veil of this image of a utopian type of world that is authoritiarian. I was thinking about there actually being a one world government in place that was formed due to the possible threat of an alien invasion that almost collided with the earth and exposed the planet to these particles that are thought of as being on the threshold of being comparable to a "god" gene that is believed to be fundemental in the creation and evolution of organic and sentient life though it is not fundementally understood at all on a basic level since it comes from the alien planet that almost crashed into the earth which held a super highly advanced civilization that went extinct and ceased to exist anymore. They were so advanced that they presumably experienced a sort of madness from being so advanced. They were able to alter and manipulate the genetic structure and fabric of a bio-organic lifeform and alter it in such a way it could change the very structure itself, thus causing this kind of mutant side effect wherein giving life forms under it's effect either advanced mutations or some type of super powers. This became quite common and happened all over the earth, but it became sort of a crises and the regular people who were not affected became quite frightened about the results and the higher levels of authority feared for what this could mean for humanity and the species as a whole and thus these "mutants" were treated with often fear, animosity and hostililty.

>>21774682
so what is the story?
I won't care about your world and all this exposition until its relevant to your story, so what is your story about?

>>21774682
Post your first chapter

>>21774690
FUck I made some typos, I had trouble seeing what I was writing I am on a small screen.

Well like I said I had planned to create my own "superhero" (I hate using that term) type of characters, and thus the "main stories" would more closely follow them to be more exact or precise. I can't really fit all of that into the alloted space that is given on this website thus I just stopped it there for now.

>>21774695
I don't have a chapter, I haven't started it, I just started with the basic concept and outline, rough idea. I was also going to draw it all. But I am not 100% sure on everything there are a lot of other aspects to go over.

>>21774673
this, these jobs can be pretty easy to find too because "waah I don't want to sit around all night"

>>21774703
yes, that's the important part, who are main characters, what are they going to do, and why should we care.

And no offense but that sounds almost exactly like every other superhero thing, which is fine, what's important is how it's executed. There isn't really that much variance in superhero settings anyway - and desu I think that's how the fans like it. You might notice anyway that marvel or dc comics can cover a pretty large amount of topics and themes, so like I said, it's up to the story to be compelling, the setting only informs the background. Nobody watches a play for the backdrop!

Thoughts? Channeling my inner Kaur.

>>21774719
Yes I know, the idea with the planet was almost my own take on Krypton, and also the mutant thing is like the mutants in X-men and marvel comics, except it's different because in Marvel it's supposedly are just random mutations. I feel like it ties the two threads together somewhat in a cohesive way. It's almost impossible to be like really original, but that could almost be true for just about anything, like fantasy has just like palaids, orcs, wizards and maybe goblins what's so unique about that?

I thought that in attempting to be more unique, I would focus more on the backdrop, because often with a lot of superheroes they are virtually just put into the present day current modern society and surroundings, but like with anime and manga (which differs) there are usually more unique and fully fleshed out worlds. Also in marvel and DC there is a lot of advanced technology but it's still always set supposedly in our current era, so I thought it would change things to make it the near future and the idea of a one world authoritarian government and utopian type world would be kind of unique I think? (for superheroes) I know it's been done but not regularly it's always one shot very limited stories usually, like alternative reality spin-offs.

>>21774754
Prose wise, not bad, I can definitely see the influence. I liked the second sentence, but the first is a little awkward to me (particularly the "I ate her with milk" part), even if I'm not sure why.

>>21774754
she is a prized cow
i milked her tits like udders,
i was naked like a little calf in the woods

>>21774754
remove the 'with' and you'll have a masterpiece

>>21774719
I know the characters themselves are the most important though, that's a pretty obvious observation to me, I know that in watching behind the scenes segments or interviews and documentaries they always focus on how the character was created and make a big deal about how unique, original and colorful they are.

But liek I said I noticed a lot more variance in Japanese graphic novels, which I kind of wanted to imitate but the problem is that if you create a unique world all too much then you run the problem of having to end the main storyline after a certain length of time, which I wasn't really sure about.

I am still stuck on the primary design for one intitial character because I want it to be really stand out or be unique, but costume and concept design is actually pretty difficult, I honestly see some of the inspiration but I still don't know how they do it. I feel like you have to go through 100's of different concept designs before finalizing anything.

I decided for the motif to be a fox since there are not that many fox characters, but Kitsune from Japanese folklore to be exact though I don't know if I want that to be too obvious. I was really inspired by the Kitsune fox masks, I have seen them a few times in video games and one comic book but I don't think there is a superhero character based primarily around them.

>>21774839
You will be forever world building

I really like foxes as animals, what they symbolize and the various mythologies centered around them. I don't know if it's really been done before, but like it's impossible to be unique almost and thus I concluded that it's not the primary or main goal anymore in attempting to acheive altogether.

>>21774848
I too like kitsunes in my hentai games.

>>21774844
What are you talking about? I was mentioning motif's for characters, which is a pretty common aspect in character design.

>>21774855
yes, coomers *sigh*

I was on deviant art and as an experiment I tried to cater to what was the most popular art subjects and it seemed like furries, women and dark things were popular and thus I tried creating dark furry half naked women with weapons and things but it didn't really get the results I was expecting.

>>21774856
Character building world building tax laws races blah blah blah and not a single word starting the story.

Once upon a time there was a kitsune named Recca. She was a plain sort of fox girl and had nine bushy tails that looked like flames from a fire pit. Her ceremonial gown was white and red, as similar to a miko as she could be. Just one problem, her clothes was missing!

All she needed to do was go to town gather materials and make a new one! Easy peasy. Surely the townsfolk wouldn't find a fox girl to be sexy?

She heard of girls being assaulted from men of all colors, shapes, age, and size, but none of them touched a fox girl.

And just like that, I wrote more of your story than you have.

>>21774881
I like sex, racing, women and drugs

What is this you talk about

>>21774848
They cute. Execution is the key. Kitsunes can be reinterpreted as much as any other mythological beings. I can think of:
1. It's a mysterious alien species which hides in a human science fiction society.
2. The novel is set in the upper Neolithic and kitsunes are a species that comes into contact with people, conflict happens.

>>21774632
yea but your story is cultivationist worshiping shit

>>21774630
I posted my first chapter before. I'll post it again when I can get home. I'm sure you've read it.

>>21774839
don't mean to be rude here anon but the details of mind and heart are more important than her visual design
I mean, you are writing a book, right? what are her ambitions? hopes? fears? kinks? etc. etc.
if she's an interesting girl she could just be Momiji but fox visually for all the reader cares

>>21774898
I don't really want it to be too Japan centric and I wonder if using the character of Kitsune as a main motif is running the risk of giving that impression. I really wanted to look at the supernatural world, and the natural world and nature in general from as many different perspectives in general. I had a lot of notes but I don't have them at the moment thus it's hard to go into more detail or depth. I mostly mean symbolically and metaphorically.

>>21774920
This is all true, but strong character design is also important, both for the reader's imagination and for any artwork you might commission of the character for covers and such.

>>21774920
oh no it's not a girl, Kistune is just a mythological fox creature O.o, that's why I was focusing on the design so much because I don't want it to seem feminine, like I said I was thinking about making some comic books and that's why I was focusing so much on the design.

I don't think foxes are necessarily feminine, like wolverines and bats aren't exactly fearsome predatory creatures, and spiders are quite tiny.

>>21774939
Boring!!!!! We only want sexy kitsunes made for big ojjisan cock.

>>21774953
coomers!!1

:' (

fuck you all for feminizing foxes

>>21774977
They did this to themselves

foxes are just gay little wolves

>>21775010
Hot, don't stop

>>21775020
you aren't tricking me into writing furry fapfiction

>>21775047
You sure as hell ain't writing anything else

>over the last 2 years I've written 30k words of flash fiction and short stories
You'd put a collection of my writings on your shelf right anon?
I didn't waste countless hours on a form no one cars about tight? Right....?

>>21775126
I don't read flash fiction or short stories

Fur you wow

>>21774682
>alien "god" gene
So, the backstory of Superion from Amazon's reboot of "The Tick"?
Also very close to "Compound V" from "The Boys".
I'm not saying don't go forward with this...but make sure you do something new and interesting with it.
Don't be like R.C.Waldun lifelessly retreading 1984, Fahrenheit 451, and We The Living.

Fur you wow

>>21769435
>>21770249
>>21771694
>>21771780
>>21771793
>>21771983
>>21772146
>>21772836
>>21773215
>>21773349
>>21773845
>>21774552
>>21774844
Who hurt you, anon?
>>21774681
THANK you.
>>21774881
All you wrote was Gardner-level childish nonsense.
Literally anyone can do that, but no one in their right mind wants to.

>>21774911
I have no idea what that even means.
And what do you mean by "story"? I write lots of stories.

>write for 2 hours last night
>wanted to keep writing
>eye began fucking up until i couldn't see, no way to fix it (neurological issue), just had to go to bed
>wake up
>want to write
>have to leave in 2 hours and have chores to get done before then
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I pledge defiance to the Frank
And the shill-spamming pseud that is Gardner
And to that reprobate, whom we can't stand
A new thread >>21775427, under anons
Unsamefaggable
With politeness and good frens for all.

>>21775366
That's the point. I wrote something. Which is more than what he has done so far.

>>21775544
Wow.
You're not well, are you.

>>21775566
wow you still can't even write a single sentence to your story.