/lit/ - Literature

>>21758732
It's a pretty good film. If rather bizarre.

Im just finishing up my new substack post, hope to have it done by the time this thread maxes out.

You'd think poetry would be quick.

>>21758732
https://youtu.be/pHdzv1NfZRM
https://youtu.be/whPnobbck9s
https://youtu.be/YAKcbvioxFk

fix the youtube links next thread

I’m currently writing in an attempt to improve the quality of my rough drafts so I don’t need to spend so much time with my next drafts, but I’ve noticed that, even for a second draft, I manage to absolutely mog my roughdraft to the point that it looks like MTL dogshit compared to the second draft; and I wonder: is it a waste of time trying to become better at writing your rough draft instead of writing a shitty rough draft and actually writing a story that you can fix up through the ssecond?

>>21758758
>Click the Orwell vid
>An eceleb pseud sniffing his farts

>>21758732
I just got a couple more public library sales lads, i'm slowly but surely getting there

>>21758762
Many great writers and many professional writers (not the same thing of course) say that writing is mostly editing and that their own first drafts suck and would be embarrassing if people actually saw them. I think it’s better to just get it down and then you can edit it until it’s good, rather than trying to make it perfect (or “better”) as you go.

>>21758803
tru dat

>>21758803
NTA. I find it hard to write even the first draft because the prose is not the most difficult part. The most difficult part is the structute and logic. It seems that a topic which two characters discuss in a dialogue makes no sense, it feels like the scene that is happening is completely out of place, it's hard to connect two events.

>>21758661
>Honestly though, if you have these many reservations and you haven’t even started, it probably isn’t for you and you never will.
I've wrote 2 screenplays, a novella, and am currently 50 pages into a new story thank you very much

>>21756571
In a good way or a bad way?

>Showed my friend my short story
>She said "You're a beautiful writer"
Probably the nicest thing someone has said to me in 5 years or so

>>21758732
>I was getting worried for a bit there.
>Too many followers were following.
>They managed to read twenty or more chapters of my work.
>My narrative design of emotional crippling or killing off 'likeable characters' did its work.
>And BAM, the grease is gone.
There is a certain kind of feel knowing you can write goyslop for 'public adulation' yet actively choosing not to do so.

>>21758871
how many of those got accepted?

>>21758917
based. make em squirm. the readers that remain will be a battle hardened bunch.

>>21758917
I don't think you're as based as you think. Killing characters simply means making your novel less appealing. More people want to read for characters. And you're leaving them with an uneasy thought about their favorite characters dying while asking them to read on. Being ruthless doesn't mean you are writing something good, it usually means you had to end the story long before this point. I don't think you have a good structure if your main characters are dying in the second act.

>>21758917
>>21758944
Why though. I do not understand the rationale. I'm not criticizing, I just do not understand. It sounds kind of pointless. And also rather mean-spirited but that's just a personal opinion.

>>21758944
>That is the problem i didn't foresee.
>Almost reaching fiddy followers now.
>Hopefully the rape, mercy killings, mind break and breeding obsessed loli decapitations will get them back down to less then 10 in the future.
>>21758965
>(you) honestly believe a reader unable to handle uneasy feelings is worth pleasing don't (you)?
>A story can't continue without a character (you) like being alive.
I'm sorry my mercury huffing Ethiopian, but (you) and the other fluro haired snowflakes can fuck right off.

>>21758965
>Killing characters simply means making your novel less appealing
hard disagree, killing characters off like an edgy schoolkid is bad yes but thought out deaths add a shitload of extra layers to any scene

>15-16 pages short story
>You kind of need to know about the origins of the town of Luck since I might return and do other stories set there but it's somewhat important for this story to show spooky stuff has always been associated with the town since it first sprung up

How do I segue from mid 1800s into modern times believable? I think I could end the past story by showing their cows appearin dead with none of them being able to solve it which is how the story starts in the modern day. They find a dead cow, no one knows what is causing it then they find they can trace it back to problems happening in the past

Also which authors do you think are an influence on my prose?

PS: What is your daily word count? Trying to go for 250-500 words a day weekly since this is just a short project before I tackle larger ones

>>21759001
Doing something your readers don't like out of convenience because you can't structure a plot doesn't make you a chad you believe yourself to be. Bad writing is always bad writing no matter how much you try to distance yourself from unwanted readers.
>>21759011
George R. R. Martin is quite famous for killing his characters. Yet he never does it mindlessly in the middle of a book and middle of the series. His execution of Ned Stark's death is pretty good and received a lot of praise. It's both an ending to the first book and the main event of the first part of the series. If you can do it like that, then nobody is going to leave your story. The anon who killed his characters probably didn't think about how it actually affects the reader.

second draft of a short story I'm thinking of adding to a collection I'm working on:
https://pastebin.com/KwHfdxtc

Is there an upper limit on how big I can make a LI's breasts? When she starts moping about how eating at a table is uncomfortable because her breasts are so big she has to stretch her arms over them to reach her food, does that ruin any other pathos I could offer, like her father drowning his sorrows over his failed businesses in alcohol and fearful of what his creditors might do to the daughter, causing him to turn to the protagonist for aid? To be absolutely clear, I'm talking about a plot element that is not necessarily needed, but it's one I want, because I like girls with unrealistic breast sizes, so it IS needed in the sense my motivation to write such a story would disappear if I had to make her "normal" size.

>>21759057
And the fact that the story is still going for several more books debunks (you)r argument. Not once have the snowflakes complained about lack of legibility or clarity of purpose, they just don't like that their favorite toy got taken away.
What i haven't divulged yet is that the genre i picked to train my writing in is filled with YA wish fulfillment hug-boxers. I was and am honest and upfront about the themes and point of my story yet still they writhe and complain. Much like (you).

>>21758909
she probably didn't mean it and was just being nice

>>21759080
You can't write about comically big tits and pretend it's not comical. Either she has normal big breasts or you're putting something too significant into the story without it resulting in anything.

>>21759090
Perhaps, but I'll take it

>>21759087
>And the fact that the story is still going for several more books debunks (you)r argument.
Read my post again.
>they just don't like that their favorite toy got taken away.
Of course they don't. Don't pretend that your story has any value without characters. That's not how fiction works.

>>21759080
Makes sense for the father to worry about her being seen as some sort of collateralized asset if she has an idealized lust provoking figure. An ugly daughter may not warrant such a concern. As long as the huge tittys are mentioned in service of making that plot point clear, it could work. Just don't make it seem like they are there just for the writer to fap to and motovate him to finish the story. I'm not an accomplished writer though, just a wannabe like everyone else here.

where do you think a horror novel/anthology would best go amazon or as a serial?

>>21758917
yea I wrote smut erotica once on this fetish website lol, my story got like 28,000 views and a bunch of positive reviews. But I deleted it after I came to god.

>>21759093
>comically
I didn't say they were as big as the universe though.
>>21759110
It's something that exists and I would mention it off-handedly to remind the reader that this is what she looks like.

>>21759106
>Read my post again >>21758917
I do not want followers, too much pressure.

>>21759114
>But I deleted it after I came to god
Post-nut clarity is a hell of a drug, huh?

>>21759127
Can't you insert a bunch of ANs ranting about how you hate having followers? Or disable the following function so they'd only be able to follow it if they bookmarked it?

>>21759113
I would second this anon and also ask where this genre can be posted for views and reviews.

>>21759127
then don't post your shit online retard
or better yet just turn off the follower analytics, if you're using RR

>>21759114
Thank you anon, this is exactly why i come here. The knowledge that not everyone in this day and age is after the mindless adulation that catering to the masses brings.
>ones worth lies not in their upvotes or friend count.

>>21759134
>That's not even more cringe then offing characters
>>21759145
>don't ever show anyone and lock your trainingwheels prose in a closet.
I want feedback but not to the extent where i have brainlets constantly whining about 'their' characters not having enough screen time or romance or some shit.

>>21759113
I mean if you people want views/reviews a serial on an online site is obviously the way to go.
Though to9 be fair I don't know how much foot traffic random amazon anthologies might get.

>>21759166
Who cares about "cringe"? Refusing to be honest with yourself, that's truly cringeworthy.

>>21759166
There is nothing more cringe than a sperg author steering the course of his work solely by the autismal desire for some ephemeral idea of "not too many followers".

You're not only not special, but colossaly retarded. If anything is likely to get people whining in the comments it's writing like a spiteful mongoloid and inserting purposefully "le shocking" and "le despair full" imagery. Newsflash retard, misery porn is a popular genre for WNs.

>>21759129
Yea it really is, kicked in hard after about chapter 4 lol. I had been down so long, it looked like up to me.

>>21759168
What site? I am not familiar with the whole assortment of them. RR seems to prefer YA fantasy.

I'm thinking it may do well on Kindle vella and then after, like 10 stories I publish them
the only issue being that vella is doing this exclusive content thing that sucks, but royalroad and scribble doesn't seem to have a fanbase for horror anyway

>>21759080
big tits are fucking disgusting make her flat

>>21759210
>>21759168

>>21759166
The cringe factor in my opinion comes from the fact that you are (or from your posts coming off as) killing characters out of contempt for the audience, more than anything else.

Anyone else have to wank it before they write? I do, especially if there is a love interest because I am too horny. After I beat one out, I feel a lot more clear headed. Sex doesn’t work because it just adds to the problem.

>>21758732
I’m trying to come up with the chief servants of my main villain, the ones that answer directly to him and command the lower ranks in the field, being more immediate threats for my MC to face. His whole thing is corrupting shit, twisting beings to serve him, if that helps. I was thinking that one would be the leader of a cult worshiping the main villain, but I need more than just him.

>>21758732
I want to write a screenplay that I could feasibly shoot myself, but I can't find the story that drives me to write a full feature. Everything I end up writing seems like a take off something else and too hackneyed. How do I find the right story?

>>21759316
>one would be the leader of a cult worshiping the main villain
Nice, I can imagine a twisted prophet with three arms and two tongues. He walks among people guarded by his empty eyed followers and preaches "Free your flesh, free you flesh!"
Gpr other two i can think about a beastmaster and a seductress. Beast master 'forges' corrupt monsters out of living beings and hides beneath his cloak a twisted amalgamation of animals fused with him. The seductress is a soft-shapeshifter able to appear as the most desired for each, driving men to madness with lust and commanding them to do her will.

>>21759335
Read books that are close to your genre and requirements for inspiration.

>>21759316
>corruption
plague doctor
succubus/incubus
money worshiping merchant/plantation owner/casino owner
corrupted former hero
fake innocent love interest (maybe the succubus)

>>21759353
is it okay to read JRPGs and write my own JRPG story? If I write stories like Chrono Trigger, Legend of Dragoon, Xenogears, does that count?

>>21759353
I feel that's kind of my issue, I end up with a story that retreads too much of its inspirations.

>>21759362
I mean the obvious answer is yes, it’s okay. Not really something you need to ask permission for weirdo.

What to do if you have shit grammar and prose?

I'm currently copyworking Tolstoy War and Peace, and reading several books on grammar.

I can understand complex ideas like Calculus, Algebraic Topology and programming. But, my thoughts are just jumbled and broken.

>>21759481
yes but does that count as reading?

So my story in a nutshell is a chosen hero type average guy psychic traveling around America to find other psychics to defeat a super powerful one thats been killing other psychics. Sorta like scanners. My main character is a museum robber who gets thrown into this mess and his mentor is a shotgun wielding old dude who was a mk ultra project in a wheelchair that can channel powers from fruit. I had some ideas for other supporting characters but I can't make my mind on which ones to use.
>A psychic exterminator who works for an Illuminati like organization who is like a mix of blade and the cop from Futurama
>A Elvis impersonator that can control electricity thats only reason for joining the mc is to find a code for a safe thats apparently hidden under las vegas
>An ex model/child actor with a mirror/invisibility body horror type of power.

>>21759514
If it’s not a piece of literature then no it does not.

>>21759510
Read more and write more.

>>21759172
lul wut
>>21759173
I'm teaching myself to write to a schedule and getting feedback from emotionally stable individuals. I told (you) i intentionally picked a genre were people are used to wish fulfillment (everything works out in the end for the 'good guys' with little to no moral challenge on the main characters part) and brow beating authors to retcon 'annoying' characters they 'don't like'.

I'm writing for free and creating content for the website for free while attaching appropriate tags, warnings and informational disclaimers to my story. I have been consistently forthright and at no point through the process have I been disingenuous or duplicitous to my readers.

I understand (you) don't agree with my modus operandi for writing or my methods of passive snowflake repulsion. So it's a good thing that (you)r and their happiness is in no way contingent on my own.

gonna suck some dick tonight then get back to writing my serial isekai novel
wish me luck bros!

the recent quality of this general makes so much more sense now.

>>21759858
why.

>>21758932
Zero

Well, this is my first time interacting in this general. From what I understand, in this thread one can share their own writings for other users to comment on them, so I'll try to use it as that by sharing a short passage a wrote some weeks ago. Viewer discretion advised, because it is NSFW, albeit I did my best to keep it as clean as possible regardless of it's topic—it's superposed to be a r*pe scene:

"Anger has transitioned into fear which, in turn, has also transitioned into something else; something unclear, a chaotic melange of feelings and sensations that - may or may not - range from disgust and dread to the awakening of an innermost urge that slumbers beneath the layers of decency and honor: a strange enjoyment of what is being suffered. The twirling and twitching acquire multiple meanings; they become expressions of multiple concealed machinations. The grip on her waist tickles a little, a warmth wells up from her lower body, and her thinking becomes fuzzy, nullifying itself; nullifying rational thinking. Her pussy moistens even more and her screams of terror transform into moans of pleasure. Her nipples bristle and her legs quiver uncontrollably while shivers run through her body. Drool finally escapes her mouth. The leash and chains will no longer be necessary, nevertheless, she will eagerly use them next time."

No need to leave long opinions, just with telling me if you liked it or not is enough for me.

I wrote something short a couple weeks ago, what's your opinion of it? It's NSFW, by the way, although I tried to not be... too obscene.

"Anger has transitioned into fear which, in return, has also transitioned into something else, something unclear; a chaotic melange of feelings and sensations that - may or may not - range from disgust and dread to the awakening of an innermost urge that slumbers beneath the layers of decency and honor: a strange enjoyment of what is being suffered. The twirling and twitching acquires multiple meanings; they become expressions of concealed machinations. The grip on her waist tickles a little, a warmth wells up from her lower body, and her mind becomes foggy, nullifying itself; nullifying rational thinking. Her pussy moistens even more and her screams of terror transform into moans of pleasure. Her nipples bristle and her legs quiver uncontrollably while shivers run through her body. Drool finally escapes her mouth. The leash and chains will no longer be necessary, nevertheless, she will eagerly use them next time."

>>21759914
"in return" --> as well

>>21759881
You should have posted something other than a rape scene. We're not going to be impressed by a rape. Overediting it won't help either. I wouldn't say that I like it, since I don't read erotica, but I think the prose isn't too bad. Ending on the drooling is quite abrupt though. Also, I can't imagine any normal person writing third person limited and including the word "pussy" as referring to vagina.

>Good writing involves using more Germanic vs latinated words
Thoughts?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGtVPRnFi_s&

>>21759941
extremely unhelpful
Let me try to figure out every origin of every word I use and focus more on the Germanic ones lol

>>21759934
>Also, I can't imagine any normal person writing third person limited and including the word "pussy" as referring to vagina.

Sounds like something Bolaño would have done.

just 1 am thoughts

>>21759997
gay as fuck, stop writing about suicide

>>21759997
Too much use of pronouns, which makes it redundant and, consequently, less engaging. The last part is nice, although a bit... melodramatic.

>>21759997
Why are there so many suicidal young men who simply won't do it because of their mothers

>>21760135
>suicidal young men who simply won't do it because of their mothers
t. Robert E. Howard

>>21759914
Too short. I can make a paragraph out of the very first sentence. More is more. Go full porn or don't bother, stop this poetic shit and talk about how his fat cock is smashing her cervix.

>>21760135
For me, it's the other way around. I know from being on the brink of death multiple times that my mother is more worried about her bank account than about my health, and I desire life solely to piss on her grave.

>>21760200
She must be so proud of you.
Now take this to >>>/lit/wwoym/ ; that's the containment thread for depressive crap like this.

>>21760215
Don't ask a question if you don't want an answer. Now bend over.

>>21759114
>I deleted it after I came to god
You mean after you found religion or after you jacked off to the g-man

>>21760220
I'm not the anon that asked the question.

>>21760275
Yes.

>>21758989
Defense mechanism. If he actually tried, he'd have to face the possibility of failure. By preemptively sabotaging his work, he can avoid rejection.

>>21758732
Which of the author books are lit fic?

>>21760275
found religion and started going to church

>>21758732
I'm looking to have the main villain for my fantasy story be a being that wishes to destroy the world, viewing it as a cosmic mistake. Do you have any advice on how to characterize that kind of villain well, especially with ways that the hero can refute their whole philosophy?

>>21760447
Just have him have sex

>>21760448
It's not really human, or a biological being for that matter, which is part of why I used Ultron as the example image. Sorry that I forgot to say that.

>>21760453
Still have it have sex.

>>21759035
I write in spurts. I did 5k words today but didn't write much the past week.

>>21759914
Your first sentence is as long as my penis. Make it shorter, like yours.

>>21760464
Shit advice unless it's a villainess and the hero fucks her. If you're writing anime capeshit, go full in.

>>21759351
I was thinking that the main villain would be able to do most of the corruption himself. Still, the "Beast Master" idea could work with some tweaking. What about ideas for some of these common corrupted beasts and what they were originally?

>>21759360
I was thinking more along the lines of monsters, with the human minions primarily limited to the cultists, but thanks for the suggestions. I wasn't thinking of succubi/incubi, that might work, but they'd still be just one type, and probably lower down the ranking at that.

I have a hard time deciding on the setting I'm going to use for my novella. It's horror or gothic, with some cosmic horror elements. Initially it was supposed to be set in a fantasy world in a country with culture similar to 19th century England, but I discovered that fitting lore and worldbuilding into my tightly packed story is impossible. I thought England might be the choice, but it's too civilised and explored in that period. Colonies are out because I don't want to deal with ethnic tensions. I'm thinking:
1. Scotland highlands. Pros: great mythology, many possible metaphors that fit the place; not very common in fiction. Cons: too culture heavy; I don't know if it's very wild either, might turn out to be just as civilized as England if I do a lot of research. Maybe anon knows something about it's history in 19th century or some books that I could look into.
2. The goddamn wild west United States of America. Possibly somewhere northwest or pacific northwest. Pros: wild, dangerous, new territory; most cosmic horror takes place in US, as all of you know; pretty easy to write western because it's established. Cons: it's cheeky because of how common western is; I have zero idea about the western part of US in 19th century and if they actually were as violent and desolate as midwest. Maybe anon knows what state I should look into.

>>21760502
>What about ideas for some of these common corrupted beasts and what they were originally?
Wolf king. It's a rat king, but big wolves. Ferocious and filled with dark magic.
Spectral centaurs as people fused with horses, they still have horse heads, but also have human torsos on them now. The horse part is invincible untill the han part is slain.
Bats with human faces that whisper obscenities and curses to sleeping heroes in their sleep and send them visions of terror at the worst times possible.

>main character has the ability to freeze time and control wind magic at this point in the story
>overall supposed to be an intelligent guy with lots of combat experience
>he has to fight a poison mage, poison is slow acting and antidotes exist to poison magic
>poison mage outsmarts the main character by fighting him in a small room, although the MC wins the fight without a scratch, it is then revealed that the poison mage had filled the kettle in living room with castor oil, thus filled the room with ricin vapours, to which no antidote exists
>although he loses the fight, he stalls for time by conversating before finally revealing to the MC that he has been breathing poison gas

is this a clever way to defeat the MC?
There are several small holes:
>the door to this room is opened because it makes no sense for the MC to close the door, thus realistically more fresh air would enter the room
>unsure about how much vapour would realistically have to be inhaled to cause lethal damage
>the MC fights with wind mages which could both diminish and enhance the effects of the vapours as he moves the air inside the room to misdirect poisonous blobs that are shot in his direction

>>21760579
>>unsure about how much vapour would realistically have to be inhaled to cause lethal damage
who cares it's poison magic

>>21758732
Generalized tips for writing sci-fi fantasy? Things like character power, weapons, and whatnot.

>>21760579
Kek, boiling castor oil can't kill you.

>>21760614
its not exactly the same as our castor oil, the version in the story is a concentrated form of Ricin, which comes from castor beans

but fair enough, I shouldnt have called it castor oil when describing it here, its misleading

>>21760597
I could just rewrite it to be a made up poison I suppose and not one thats also present in the real world

>>21760515
What are you trying to do with the setting? I live in the PNW, and even though it was frontier, it's not typical "Wild West" as in something from a Spaghetti Western. There's plenty of creepy and /x/-type stuff up here in Washington, so you won't run out of material. Dense, mossy woods, Sasquatch, Kenneth Arnold, Mel's Hole, Ted Bundy and the like.
Just curious, where are you from? I wanna know what reference you're working off of.

>>21760502
>Monsters
A creature that from a distance and with bad lightning, might look human but isn't. in its joints it has eyes and mouths gnawing desperately at the air, its feet are backwards to evade hunters, of their hands one is an overgrown, unkempt claw while the other is a delicate pale hand. Where the thing's eyes would be is a thick layer of bone, however, two eyes in its shoulders give them sight. It won't speak, the only sounds that it makes are the cries of children and the laughter of women to ambush the unsuspecting. It feeds on flesh mostly, whatever will do, but it obviously has a taste for the soft and supple flesh of the young and the pure (and preferably not yet baptized). If you have the misfortune to watch it eat, a pantomime of table manners can be observed, and at that moment, maybe even an uncanny (if ephemeral) hospitality. It also laughs sometimes, a laugh a little too human for comfort.
In theory, this thing is supposed to once have been a sorcerer, a hermit who lived in a hut practicing dark sciences until he contacted his now overlord who turned him into a wandering beast. But make no mistake, the creature is not stupid, on the contrary, the unfortunate few who are his "guests" might even see a hint of an erudite, long dead.

>>21760850
You asked me for lieutenants for your big bad and I think the corrupted sorcerer turned into something no longer human is a good fit.
You can make it female too.
Or give it abilities like being able to shed its skin and fly as a skeleton.

>>21760135
If you're suicidal, your parents are probably the only close people in your life.

>>21760893
While the initial statement is partially true for me, it certainly didn't stop me from trying to an hero.

As to how this relates to writing? I don't think i would be writing without either of these events.

>>21760612
>has to ask for tips instead of reading fiction or books about fiction to find out
You will never be a writer.

>>21758909
Sadly, it will be the only nice thing people will have to say about you before you die in obscurity.

>>21760845
>and even though it was frontier
I was unsure because of the colonisation of Canada at this time and territorial disputes. Seemed like if there were brittish to the north and there were definite borders, then the area might be explored and mastered.
>What are you trying to do with the setting?
Well, I'd say weird horror. I'd even say surreal. My requirements are desolate town with simple people and industrial potential for a rich person to work and live there (might be like an oil magnate or a merchant).
>There's plenty of creepy and /x/-type stuff up here in Washington, so you won't run out of material.
Actually, I already have the whole story and horror elements. I only need to fit it in somewhere. Like an imaginary town from Lovecraft's stories.
>Just curious, where are you from?
Not from US, so I'm quite lost when trying to approach the country's history.

>>21760383
All of them, by definition.
>>21760447
Destroying the world would hurt lots of innocent plants and animals.
Just have the villain wish to exterminate humanity.
Perhaps just kill the bottom 90% or so, using hydrothermal liquefaction to turn them into crude oil, to be burned as fuel for the remaining 10%.
That'll be more difficult for the hero to refute. The hero may be reduced to arguing over what
percentage of humanity is totally disposable.
BTW, one of the /lit/ books has a subplot involving doing that to criminals and welfare bums.

>>21760515
Why not an off-world frontier?
Mankind's first foray into exoplanet colonization.
That provides a ready source for horror/gothic/cosmic-horror elements, i.e. existing beings on the planet that no one knew were there, because they're not "life as we know it".

>>21761266
I think science fiction cosmic horror takes away the mythological feel to it. Discovering alien beings on distant planets doesn't make people as uncomfortable as discovering them 'at home' and uncaring about the human pest infestation. I like ideas about ancient texts and forgotten earth civilizations.

>>21758796
love to see it

>>21760527
Okay, these are cool ideas, do you have any more?

>>21760850
>>21760855
This isn't exactly what I had in mind, but it could work with a few tweaks. Any other ideas please?

>>21761343
Do you really not have your own sense of imagination?

>>21760515
"Horror" is not a setting
Also, the setting is a very important aspect of the story. If you don't know what the setting is, you don't know what your story is
>I discovered that fitting lore and worldbuilding into my tightly packed story is impossible
That doesn't make any sense
You have a time period (1800s), but I'm not sure what else you want. A desolate, unexplored, dangerous area? The "wild west" is a misnomer, it was mostly dirt poor fucks trying to eke out a living on new farmland.

>>21761405
>"Horror" is not a setting
Never said it is.
>If you don't know what the setting is, you don't know what your story is
Hard disagree here. The setting is just a bunch of cosmetics. Unless it's a specific genre, in which there is a mold for every possible setting.
>That doesn't make any sense
Well, I can't just put explanations about an elusive Empire and made up pantheon of gods. I think I'll go with the good ol' history and Bible.
>what else you want
Imagine the frontier of the civilisation, untraversable for most. There is a town in which most people are settlers, farmers and workers for some capitalist industrializer. But it's like 30 years from that time, the rich guy is half dead and people are poor and leaving.

>>21761632
Do you have anything written or are you theorizing? For what you want, maybe early colonial America would be better

>>21759090
>>21761082
>>21761085

>>21761669
A couple of versions of the outline, a couple of lists of characters with their full arcs, about 4k words worth of a draft (basically 1/10 of the whole future draft). 18th century seems too far from the rational civilisation and wide spread atheism.

The male lead is my novel is so handsome, several major and minor female characters have the hots for him and point out how handsome he is. However, he is miserably shy and inexperienced with women, so he struggles to talk to them.

>>21762150
JUST LIKE MY CHINESE CARTOONS

>>21762150
thrilling

>>21762150
My characters are 90% male and they're all absolute chads. It's a normal thing in writing, but it kinda feels off.

>>21758732
Can any of you kind anons brutally critique the opening paragraph to my novella? I'm having doubts on whether this imagery is easy to imagine or if it sounds confusing. This is the opening paragraph:

"The glaciers in the eastern horizon filled Hania’s night sky with faint daylight. Hania always enjoyed the view, despite the chill cold she always felt when walking near the glaciers. Well… ‘near’ was a relative term. It looked to be several miles away on the horizon, yet this image filled a big chunk of the sky, like a panoramic painting propped up against the world. If you looked up far enough, you could even see the blue sky over the glaciers melt into the night sky."

The world I'm writing in is an Earth that is fragmented, so that there are many chunks of the world randomly scattered. For example, a desert in Africa could have a fragment of a rainforest from Brazil. The idea here is that over the horizon the MC can see the horizon of the artic sea as if it were a giant cinema screen but I can't really describe it that way since in this world a movie theatre is a thing of the past.
I just really want to get the imagery right and I'm just wondering if I'm conveying it right or if I could change it to make it more understandable.

I also gave that sample paragraph to a FB group and I don't one person was able to visualize correctly what I was trying to convey. I got the image in my mind's eye but I can't seem to put it into words. Thanks

>>21762471
**don't think one person

>>21760135
That's me but also because of my brother

>>21762471
I thought you meant the glaciers in the distance seemed to glow under the moonlight. I liked that imagery.

Submit to Unreal.
Fiction: Horror, Weird.
Non-fiction: Essays. It's about the soul, not the content.
Email: UnrealPressAndPodcast@proton.me

>>21762471
>The glaciers in the eastern horizon filled Hania’s night sky with faint daylight
It's not intuitive that glaciers somehow give off daylight or glow at all. You need to establish that there's something special about them because otherwise it just seems like you don't know what a glacier is.
>Well… ‘near’ was a relative term.
you're writing in third person, don't do shit like this
>It looked to be several miles away on the horizon, yet this image filled a big chunk of the sky, like a panoramic painting propped up against the world
you're repeating "horizon" too much and clearly the way you're using it has some additional context that isn't immediately brought to mind when one tries to picture a horizon
>If you looked up far enough, you could even see the blue sky over the glaciers melt into the night sky.
yeah, idk, this is unintelligible to me

>>21762533
Maybe once you kick Gardner and stop using AI shit covers

>>21762526
That's the "normal" way to interpret it, I guess. You just imagine that the glaciers are on the horizon. But I wanna make clear that what the MC is watching is unnatural. So I think a better way to do it might be to first introduce the MC's (tropical) world and then show that there is something off about glaciers being there.
What do you think?

>>21762536
>you're writing in third person, don't do shit like this
Explain?
>yeah, idk, this is unintelligible to me
Ok, imagine this:
You look out of your house at NIGHT. A few miles uphill there is a forest so you can see the outline of the trees. "Up" in the sky (you're correct, horizon doesn't mean exactly what you usually think of) you can see the towering image of the artic sea and glaciers during the DAY as if it were behind a cinema screen. So basically, around you there is night sky but far away north to where your looking at there seems to be a portal to a place with daylight.
At the same time, you see the shadows of the trees from the forest I mentioned earlier on the lower bottom of the artic sea panorama.

Did that make more sense? I'm trying to get that image into the reader's head as succintly as possible, since it's a normal thing to the MC and that's what I'm struggling with.

>>21762536
>It's not intuitive that glaciers somehow give off daylight or glow at all. You need to establish that there's something special about them because otherwise it just seems like you don't know what a glacier is.
Wanted to address this, too. Technically, this gets explained later on in the story and you'll start to understand what I meant by this. So yes, you're initial reaction to this description is what I would expect but what I don't want is outright confusion like with the last line you pointed out

>>21762681
>What do you think?
If it's night where you are but the sun is lighting up a place you see the light reflects and diffuses everywhere. I don't think I like any sort of portal business. A "fractured world" could be done semi naturally where there's simply a sudden transition between tropics and glaciers.

>>21758909
>Uploaded a short story to wattpad
>It's #942 out of 130,000 stories
Are we going to make it bros?

>>21762471
>The glaciers in the eastern horizon filled Hania’s night sky with faint daylight.
Replace in with on, replace Hania's with the
>despite the chill cold she always felt when walking near the glaciers
cut cold, cut walking
>It looked to be several miles away on the horizon
Change It to They, maybe also cut "on the horizon". Maybe instead of "looked to be" use "seemed only" if they're actually farther away
>yet this image filled a big chunk of the sky
replace filled with covered because you used filled in the first sentence. maybe instead "of the sky" use "of the view" for the same reason
>If you looked up far enough you could even see the blue sky over the glaciers melt into the night sky
I would not use the word you.
The very highest peaks gave off the blue speckles of the coming morning.

>>21762808
how'd you get eyeballs on it, wattpad has horrendous discovery mechanics

>>21762846
I have absolutely no idea I think because it's short and finished it attracts more people. There's not a lot to ponder so it's a gentle read for it you have a spare 20 minutes. Plus it's a finished story. But really I'm not sure

>>21762876
Oh I was not paying attention when I wrote this out

>>21762876
there's no beating initial luck of the draw followed by word of mouth. grats anon

>>21761692
Not a crab if I have publications and you do not.

>>21762916
being tradpubped means you have a contact on the inside and/or are a jew or some other ESG-bait combination of minority tags
nothing more

>>21762929
I'm Jewish, I'm a proud black woman, and I'm also a queer identifying they/them. Fucking chud.

>>21762741
But did you get the image I was trying to convey?

Pic related is the aesthetic I'm going for, albeit a lot smaller scale

>>21762471
You’re trying too hard to describe a very specific image you have in your head. Instead, don’t be afraid to use some exposition ti explain to the audience what you’re trying to describe. If it’s a portal, you should say that, rather than just saying there’s a glacier on the horizon but it’s not really there or whatever. Just explain it more literally and less figuratively. Also we have no idea where she actually is so we don’t know that a glacier is out of place.

>>21762985
Fair enough. I just feel that it is an image that is important to what that world feels like. Thanks anon

I'm editing somebody's story. How do I do it while respecting their style? There's lots of ways I would write it differently but I don't know how far I should go

>>21758732
I did it guys, I finished the second draft of my novel.

It's around 78 000 words right now. I'm going to do one round of editing, then give it to beta readers.

>>21762985
>Instead, don’t be afraid to use some exposition ti explain to the audience what you’re trying to describe.
also, could you expand on this? Do you mean slowly dripping the info to the reader as the story goes on?

>>21763005
maybe use the word mirage, if if that's better. or otherworldly, or misplaced, or out of place. strange and foreign. or make the juxtaposition more stark, a glacier rising out of a desert, giant redwoods coming from underwater

>>21763005
adding to this anon's >>21763029 idea I always liked the word 'ethereal'

>>21763005
>>21763026
I don’t think you should abandon the image, but instead of specifically trying to explain what it looks like, explain what it is.

Is "wealthy I felt" an acceptable poetic sentence in english?

>>21763080
Yes it’s technically correct, but people don’t really talk that way. It works for a poem.

>>21763070
>>21763047
>>21763029
Thank you anons. Appreciate the feedback. Will workshop it more and maybe post an update to see if it's less confusing and repetitive

>>21763017
I guess focus more on legibility and the story elements. As long as the reader can understand what’s being said and it’s not completely superfluous then it’s probably fine. Not everyone is going to write the same way.

>>21763080
Yes, does it sound cool? Yes. Do it.
Wealthy felt we as the blah blah underblahbleh
rad

>>21761222
The PNW might be good fit for you then
>My requirements are desolate town with simple people and industrial potential for a rich person to work and live there
If that's what you need, you could set it in a logging town situated in a thick, dark forest where things go bump in the night. Time period could be somewhere between the Yukon gold rush all the way up to the 1980s, before the big tech companies started up.
>I already have the whole story and horror elements
Can you write it out? It gives me a better idea what to work with.
>Not from the US
Twin Peaks is a pretty famous surreal show that was set in this area, so that would be a good place to grasp the aesthetics of the area.

Trying to create a sense of ambiguity here on whether the guy is really an allien or not. Is it working?

My novel is essentially a power fantasy where my self insert goes on adventure with a princess who falls in love with how awkward/shy but also tough/noble/handsome/muscular he is. The only people who will likely read it are my grandmother and an internet friend.

>>21763548
sounds like typical chick lit, desu, except the male lead should be stoic instead of awkward. and maybe toss in a bdsm fetish

>>21763113
That's what I was planning on doing, but it seems English isn't his first language: it has that vibe where the grammar isn't that bad but it just generally has a stilted, dry, formal feel and doesn't sound like how english speakers speak. Hard to describe

Alright wing. John Chinaman getting his ass kicked was very good.

>>21763956
Review the book, then. Like, on amzn
I'm not Wing to be clear

>>21763959
I'm not done yet.

>>21758732
I have to finish my epic historic novel about Vlad Dracula. I have a really really good story here, and I did a lot of research on him. I want to give a different perspective on him. He is praised in his homeland as a hero, and he is demonized elsewhere as a monster. I think the truth is somewhere in between.

>>21764022
Savior of Christianity in eastern Europe by impaling the ottoman's

9k words this week boys, WAGMI

>>21763956
>K in title
>K. K. in initials
K.K.K.? What are you trying to say "Wing" if that is your real name....?

>>21764037
That the KKK took his baby away?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx0zeMbLOCY

>>21764022
Sounds kino

>>21764030
>>21764022
Also entirely justified given the uh
y'know
ten years of rape at the hands of the ottomans

>>21764022
Can you give some more info about it? I have read a couple of history based novels recently, and many of them were just exposition heavy retellings of Wikipedia pages.

>>21764022
Nice job. Historical fiction that's not some pozzed romance is the hardest genre to write.

>>21764251
i hate that bodice rippers are allowed to be put in the historical category. bad enough i have to sift through 900 wooden-doors novels of jews crying about the holocaust, but then there are six million horny fat women writing victorian-setting smut. show me one bitch who reads this dogshit who isn't a landwhale.

not him

>>21764022
>le middleground fallacy
just make him out to be a hero, you coward

>making a capeshit story where an old, comatose lady summons a Jin-Roh inspired death squad as her power.
>black armor
>gas mask with glowing red lenses
>the whole ten yards
>have no fucking clue how to present them as characters
>decided to take inspiration from Half-Life 2's combine: make them sound tactical and shit
>this means they have to be "competent"
>end up reading manuals and other shit on CQB, urban combat, intelligence gathering, weapons, weapon attachments, weapon configurations, weapon uses, equipment, tactics, squad tactics...
>watch interviews from veterans that dealt with various combat situations and how things could've gone better
>about to boot up ARMA 3 and maybe SWAT 4 to see if there's any small details that I still missed
>only 91 words written (proof of concept)
Is the autism worth it?

>>21764324
no. that's a lot of navel gazing for what I assume is not a main character. just go by rule of cool because it's capeshit

>>21758732
How to remember to give myself time to write every day? I keep putting off writing something bigger for a fiction book.

>>21764324
Writing the story is worth it. Going full sperg on MUH TACTICUL RELISM is not.
Just go for rule of cool as >>21764331 said.

>>21764324
>end up reading manuals and other shit on CQB, urban combat, intelligence gathering, weapons, weapon attachments, weapon configurations, weapon uses, equipment, tactics, squad tactics...
Ooooh, you're on a list now.

>>21764324
Forget the cape shit and comatose woman. Just write a jin roh hit squad against commies.

>>21764317
Well his homeland already did that interpretation, so I don't want to go that route exactly. I mean he had good things going for him. He was an absolute badass, who served in multiple armies, and fought on the front lines. He was honest and fair to a ridiculous degree. Meaning that if you were a good person, he did not bother you, and if you were scum, you got brutally executed. He also lived in some seriously tough times, where stuff like impalement was normal, and where corruption and vice were everywhere. His cleaning house methods were brutal by our standards, but fair by his. Also, most of the horror stories about him, originate from the merchants he had issues with. Obviously they would be the ones to travel around and spread stories about him drinking blood and flaying women and children. But history is also really vague and badly recorded in that time period. What little there is, is biased towards either the Ottoman side, or the Wallachian side. So it's very hard to get a look at him, that isn't written by his supporters or his haters.

Any tips for writing a crime story? My country is doing a crime story contest, and I have about 220 days to write a novel. I really want that 5k prize money + a chance to get published. Last contest showed that the bar is not that high. The novel that won was shit, so I know that there is a chance. I am currently reading what better authors have done in the genre. But still what do I need to consider when writing a crime story. From what I understand, a crime story doesn't necessarily require a detective or a mystery to be present.

>>21764405
Read a real crime

>>21764417
>despite repeat calls from the neighbors complaining of a dead body smell and a direct confession from the suspect, the police did not investigate for over six months. They couldn't have known that he was, in fact, the Brugston Booty Bomb Banqueter.

>>21764405
Commit a real crime, confess in print, hide in plain sight.
You'll be praised for your realism.

How do you guys come up with ideas?
Everything I do has to be based on some higher concept because I fear banality.

>>21764595
I think outside the box of what is acceptable

>>21763397
I have actually talked with people who have schizophrenia who talk exactly like this so I guess?

>>21764595
Just pretend, bro.
>oh yeah that thingy going on in my head would be cool
wa la

BORN TO DELETE
word is a fuck
I am trash write
673,123,303 dead drafts

>>21764344
Schedule it, dummy.
>every morning before work I'll get up at X time and write for an hour
>every day at work I'll scarf down my food and then write in the time I have left
>every day after work and maybe dinner I'll write for two hours
And then when people ask you to hang out tell them you've already got plans. Or otherwise keep it relegated to your 'before work' and 'during lunch' times.
'how do i remember to give myself time to write hurr'
do you have a phone? Set alarms on it.

>>21761349
Sorry, he just had some cool ideas and I wanted to see if he could come up with some more. I do have some ideas of my own for minions, like slimes for instance, but I didn't want to affect what others might suggest by mentioning that, see if anyone came up with the same ideas as me.

If someone were to write 425,000 words of good quality Rango fanfiction would you respect them as an author or write them off on the basis that their characters and setting werent entirely original?

>>21765107
>good quality
Depending on what this means.

>>21765107
>>21765128
I'd say that it depends entirely on the smut percentage.

>>21765107
Rango is based, though the movie was mediocre. If your whole perspective going into it is
>I can do that better
then you'll be fine. Start it out as a fanfic, then as you expand the world, story and character building past the original content, that's when you begin to change names and characters, making it your own.

>>21758732
Probably not the right place, but please be patient as I'm not from around here.
Is it wrong to cry at your own stories?
I've been writing some dumb stories for a little comic I wanted to make and I just started literally bawling my eyes out as I was writing one of my character's final moments.
I felt really dumb and pretentious desu.

why do fantasy authors feel compelled to turn every encounter into a fight? why can't there be some scenario where the characters run into a bunch of spooky skeletons dancing out in the woods around a bonfire and they just end up vibing together?

>>21765495
you absolutely shouldn't be subjecting all your feelings to a 4Chan Superego. have some soul independence.

>>21765644
this is spookily similar to the book i'm writing

>>21765644
Because there must be action!!!!

>>21765652
You weird lmao
>>21765495
It's only something you can determine. Are you crying so that your work might be perceived as affecting, or are you just yourself affected?

>>21765495
It means you're not telling a story, you're self inserting . We want the characters voice not yours

>>21765644
>>21765658
Hmm, I'm writing a scene like this too.

>>21764595
My demented mind just comes up with stuff.
I just have to make sure to write it down so I don't lose it.
After a while, my outline editor contains enough related ideas to form the basis of a larger work.
>>21765107
You may want to check AO3 to see if someone has already done this.
Then you can see how it worked out for them.
>>21765495
Of course that's normal.
If your writing doesn't move you, why bother?
>>21765644
Hangover from D&D.

>>21765658
>>21765751
I am curious to see how the three of our works will handle it differently
>>21765764
>Hangover from D&D.
I was going to blame vidya but this adds up too
>>21765694
>tfw my tragic donut steel Nietzschean archetype MC has broken 15 of his fingers and 78 of his ribs while killing 10,000,000 mooks for 7,000,000 exp so he can level up past virginity but it's fine because he maxed out healing which was clearly foreshadowed in the 500 page bio you skipped

>>21764595
>how do I ideate
You might be autistic anon
Whats been on your mind lately? Boil that down to a theme, represent aspects of that theme with characters, and create a narrative

>>21765890
>I am curious to see how the three of our works will handle it differently
well, all i'll say is that they're funny and they speak like skeletor and are trivial to a particular character's arc

>>21764405
Well, do something like Breaking Bad.

>>21764405
I wish my country did things like this
Maybe they do. How do you even find out about stuff like this

>>21766071
Every month I put Google search in that mode that shows you only month old things. Then I search a dozen key phrases like: Writing contest, novel contest, book writing contest and etc.
Usually there are 2-3 such things a year. Last time I missed out on the crime novel contest, becuase I found out 10 days before the deadline.

>found the dumbest post of the week
>closed every thread that wasn't from /lit/
there are some really stupid people online

>>21762549
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjdOK-h1hH4

>>21759068
>Tick tock, tick tock
Lost me there

>>21764405
What kind of crime story do you have in mind?

>>21762471
Anon have you even read what you wrote? In just a few sentences you've used the word horizon twice, glaciers thrice, and sky four times! Also "chill cold".... what?

Pro tip: read that shit out loud to yourself. You'll instantly hear what's wrong with it.

>>21760515
The PNW was colonized much faster than the rest of the Western US. One of the primary reasons for the Lewis & Clark expedition was to map out the Columbia River watershed and establish a claim before the British had a chance to increase their presence in Cascadia. The general trend in 1800s Westward expansion was for wealthy Northerners to make a beeline for the West coast by boat, while poorer people slogged their way West over land. The PNW was settled relatively easily, and was populated much faster than the Midwest. You could still set a story there, but it would have more to do with logging camps and longshoremen than killing Indians.

Hi guys! I tried my hand at an oldfashioned story with some pretty old words. Can you read it and check it out? I'm doubtful about some of my wording. Thanks!
https://pastebin.com/A0cx7XaT

>>21764324
I very much appreciate well researched realism in my media, particularly when it involves combat or tactics. It just seems so lazy when authors obviously have no idea about the basics of weapons or how to use them, but they're trying to create a combat scene that is meant to be taken seriously. Takes me right out of the story. It tells me they aren't fully invested in their world, and that most likely the creative process was rushed just to crank something out to get paid or recognized.

>>21766491
Autism
Type of writer to spend 300 hours worldbuilding and justifying martial history instead of creating a narrative

>>21766491
I once ordered "writer's gloves" from a guy who has also written a guide on how to write weapons. The gloves never arrived.

I want to show snippet of my writing, may I ask for feedback?

>>21766596
Sure, post it and give context

>>21766596
Why of course, my nervous friend.

>>21766334
I don't want to go the whodunnit route. You know, murder happens, a quirky detective looks through half a dozen suspects, there are some red herrings, and then a clever finale. I want it to be more like Dostoyevsky. A crime happens for sure, but the meat of the story is the ideas and the characters. That's what I want to aim for.

>>21766505
Realism takes more time but it can't hurt, and for some it greatly improves story immersion. Being lazy with research on the other hand can only hurt. Of course if your story is meant to seem silly or over the top, then realism doesn't matter so much, but if you want to convey a somewhat serious tone to a combat scene, then your research will go a long way.

the morning between two lovers: Victor and Jane

also some

>>21766648
Realism doesn't directly relate to depth of reader experience
If it did all the greatest works of literature would be history books and memoirs
I don't think you're wrong, just close minded and kinda weird

>>21766654
Pretty bad, is this a short story? Novel?

>>21766477
I can't check right now. Hopefully someone else will.

>>21766662
>pretty bad
yeah I knew it lol
short story

>>21766477
What's the overall plot? What's the hook

>>21766671
That was a mean thing to say, I'm personally not a big fan of romance between characters I don't know.
What is the story about

>>21766690
it was short writing of lazy morning between two lovers. I write sometimes to test my abilities. some friends said it was pretty alright.

Can I ask what is bad about it? so I could improve

>>21766680
It's an Oliver Twist-inspired story. I wanted to convey a beautiful autumnal atmosphere from the eyes of a child, to show good and evil people, etc.
But I've used a lot of outdated words and I'm not sure if they fit everywhere. I need help with this.

Analyze trends in your chosen genre. Come up with ideas that you like and fit those trends. Pick the one you like best.

Write a synopsis or query letter with comp titles. Write a 1-2 sentence pitch. Does it seem marketable?

If so, outline and write a clean draft.

>>21766671
Some beginner checks that I recommend to people starting out
>does your prose serve any other purpose than stating character action?
Most of your sentences are "he/she did X" with some "felt X" mixed in. This can be fine, but for a beginner likely means you're using a lot of sentences to say very little
>can you identify and explain the atmosphere of the scene?
If you're not being a plotfag who's just trying to move through their beat sheet as efficiently as possible, your writing should in some way stir thoughts or feelings. You're actually better in that regard than most beginners, the piece does seem intimate, but I think that's an accidental side effect of how strict your prose is on staying zoomed in on these characters than anything else
>are you aware of the form and rhythm of your paragraphs
Not sure how useful this one is if your piece is only a page long, but try just zooming out and scrolling through some of your writing without thinking about the contents. See the shape of it, then try to connect that a shape to what you're doing. It helps you recognize how repetitive your shit can be, and if you take the time to think through what's making it repetitive, and why your paragraphs have the shapes and patterns it does, it'll help you develop a sense of rhythm

Also format your dialogue in a proper way please

>>21766707
The ABC of writing soulless goyslop

>>21763397
Too much telling, not enough showing

>>21766709
ah, so I use flowery words too much? and lots of words about nothing?

I can blame Oscar Wilde and Ray Bredberry for this. I know it's still hard to emulate their styles for me, but I wanted to show intimacy between characters.

>>21763397
Too much showing, not enough telling

>>21763397
Too much sneeding, not enough chucking.

>>21766740
>Oscar Wilde
So you actually read. Yeah I can tell, better than most shitters
Keep doing what you're doing. It's not terrible or anything, just clumsy. Some weird phrasing, and a weak sense of atmosphere is what holds this one back
If you want to do the repetitive language thing then you need to be precise in your depictions and make sure you're developing an idea or feeling through the scene. Otherwise you'll come across as droning and people will check out

>>21766711
No, it’s how to get published in today’s climate

Marketing trumps actual writing

>>21766477
not bad prose, but clearly your parents never argued when you were a kid
the dialog at the start is bad—it needs less exposition and more characterization of the speaker. It's called "maid and butler dialog" so google that and read the suggestions for how to fix it.

>>21766766
Thanks. Are there any other errors?

>>21766694
For a short story, I think the conflict needs to be introduced relatively early in the story. The fist sentence "(t)he blond was about to set his revenge plan in motion", seems to be the conflict. what follows is relatively dull physicality between two people I don't know nor care about.
Is the story about revenge? just a lazy morning? love? Jealousy? the narrator seems relatively insecure, given the "animal desire for possessiveness" and his thoughts about "rude men" touching the girl.
It sounds simplistic, but I think it is important to really chart out the beginning, middle, and ending of a short story. Every sentence really matters.

so you finish your work.

what's next? you publish it?

I feel like jk rowling is once a lifetime phenomenon

>>21766698
Not a fan of extended dialogue but I will read it and report back

>>21766778
"revenge" here is that Jane put her cold hands under his shirt.
the whole thing is just lazy morning between two lovers. idk about me being insecure, the character himself is possessive

>>21766782
the jk rowling story of sudden success was fairly common (obviously not to her extent) pre-2010, but nobody reads books anymore so it will never happen again

>>21766790
I mean. if your book inspires tv show, videogame or a movie it could happen.
Colleen Hoover's books are... ehh? but she is pretty popular.

there are thing such as booktok, readblr (bookblr??), booktube... I know they books kinda lost much of fanbase but it's the thing. Gideon the ninth has pretty big fandom

>>21766477
just some quick thoughts
-too much dialogue to start/ awkward transition from first sentence
-less !
-jarring words (your old man, I love you guys)
-young cow that gave birth, but the boy pets “his” head, is he petting the calf or the cow? paragraph could be more succinct
- unnatural dialogue
-I do not believe a man of 25 would be considered “young” in that time period. Perhaps 15 (just my opinion)
-too much dialogue
-too much thinking about things that have happened in the past
stories don't have to be action-packed, but I think that there needs to be something a little more than just showing other people from the eyes of a child

>>21766778
t. Doesn't read poetry and doesn't appreciate vignettes
Muh conflict is a goyslop meme

>>21766822
Yeah, the kind of person who enjoys meaningless vignettes is the exact kind of person to use the word "goyslop" lmao

>>21766829
You realize all fiction is meaningless right?
Imagine bashing the non-meaning of art in a writing thread
Read more

>>21766764
Let me know when you've actually published something

>>21766834
all I asked was feedback on short writing, there was no plot to begin with.

>>21764376
seconding this

here is also this snippet from the beginning of my story about vampire (cringe yeah)
"Gwen sleeps, and Morpheus gives her thoughts of the days long gone, when she could freely leave the house and admire the blue sky. Her thoughts fly away and envelop her eyes with memories of the past when she could see her reflection. Free to move around the city. Not to hear behind her the whisper of gossip and their frightened eyes, as soon as she turned her head in their direction.
She does not sleep at night, on the contrary, while the chirping of birds heralds the arrival of the first rays of the sun, she hides in the depths of her house, for hundreds of years without human contact, so desired, but impossible, no matter how many times she tries to deceive herself with imaginary superiority immortal being over those who grew up, grew old, died. At such moments, it seemed to her, was there any use in eternal youth and beauty, when there was no one with whom she could share it? With her knowledge, extracted from the depths of history, somewhere she saw what many historians did not know. Good news, which she also did not have for so many years, when all she did on her weekdays was the extraction of food.
Darkness was her only friend, the whisper of the leaves at night was her only music, watching drunken brawls outside the bars was her only entertainment. And yet, it was not for this that she went out every night, looking out for lonely rams (and not only them) that had separated from her herd, waiting for an opportune moment and gnawing at their throats.
She knew that she could not endlessly run from the inevitable. At that very moment, she took a deep breath, and again began to observe the last rays of the sun, sitting on the edge of the roof of her house and with the calmness of a fluttering leaf in the wind and the morning rain in autumn, did not leave and did not worry that her body would turn into dust. Was she afraid of death? More likely no than yes. In a way, she was even ready to meet her with a smile on her face. Why should she be afraid of the long-awaited peace? Even if hell awaits on the other side of it, will it compare with the ugly nature of human disposition? And she watched them every day. How a thief kills an old man who was not lucky enough to turn into the wrong corner. How the strong bully the weak, how parents torture their children, and they, in turn, torture their peers. She was able to see it in all its glory, here in the muddy streets of Bakewell. Where poverty penetrated into the thinnest layers of thin dilapidated houses, and illness and death danced an endless waltz.
I saw it when I first became a creature of the night, at that very moment, 300 years ago, when a fat drunk cornered a weak bar waitress and was ready to do whatever he wanted with her, if Gwen had not been seized by the thirst for blood and he had not become her first food. Therefore, no, she was not afraid of what comes after death

>>21766915
Did not enjoy/10

>>21766921
yeah, I understand, my mother said the same.

>>21761343
Nah. Well I guess I have one, essentially its a pseudo troll, a bloated stitched together human of great size and strength but with erratic movement and impaired hearing faculties. Maybe the cursed product of a man who bargained with the entity to become a giant, or just generally bigger/stronger. He got what he wished for in the end.

>>21766932
I bet your mother is not as tough on you as my parents are. Both of them are highly educated, have read countless books, have published things, and were well respected reviewers for some time. My mom is a translator and an editor, and goddamn does she dismiss my works and tear me a new one, every time I try to write something.

>>21766939
Bro........?

>>21764022
Hey, that's pretty nice. For some reason, I never figure you could do that.
Maybe I will try someday. Once I stop with my chickenshit fantasized-history stories.
But meh the scenario I had in mind wouldn't work in real history anyway, no celts in avar Pannonia.

>>21766939
damn, sorry man. try to emulate popular writers then.

>>21766939
may I ask for your review? even if it's harsh

>>21766783
Thanks!
>>21766816
Thank you. The thing is, English is not my first language. Have you noticed any gross errors?

>>21758796
very kewl

>>21766816
>young cow that gave birth, but the boy pets “his” head
I meant Oliver's head. His own head.

>Be German
>Consider writing a political work
I'm not sure if I should, it always seems to result in tragedy.

>>21759914
The real question is why are you wasting your time writing shut when you're actually good.

By the way, if you are writing a short story, is it ok if you basically introduce everyone who matters in the first 2 pages and set up the conflict on the second or third page?
Probably second because I am concise to the point its a detriment to my work when it comes to writing.

>>21766973
Does the boy pet his own head?
Regardless, the point is clear, you have to phrase that shit better. Because its easy to get confused.
You aren't going to be beside every reader who reads your story so you can clarify misinterpretations. Clarity is key.

>>21766992
Deliberate eroticism is free kino

>>21767002
>Soon after it was born, the calf got up and tried to stand on its shaky legs. It was cute! Oliver scratched his head and walked out of the yard.
Isn't it obvious that he scratched his own head?

>>21767035
No

>>21765652
Y-Yeah.

>>21765707
>Are you crying so that your work might be perceived as affecting, or are you just yourself affected?
The latter... I think?
I don't plan on publishing or sharing the story like that. I was just writing to myself so I was the one affected.

>>21765729
That makes sense. The character has a bit of a similar background to mine. So maybe I should try to differentiate it more.

>>21765764
>If your writing doesn't move you, why bother?
Idk. I just feel rather narcissistic and

>>21767035
This statement implies one of the following:
1. Oliver scratched his own head
2. The calf is male and Oliver scratched the head of the calf
The first makes more sense, but an autist might interpret it as the second?

>>21767051
Exactly. It's a hidden test for autism in my story.

>>21767051
scratching his own head has cultural significance and indicates to the reader a state of confusion which doesn't make sense in context

>>21766790
seriously, only the millennial generation reads books. boomers xoomers and zoomers are all on respectively tv, major label music, and tiktok media-goyslop. think fanfiction is written by 16 year olds? nope, it's the same 34 year old millennials who were writing it 15 years ago. i don't know if zoomers even are literate.

>>21767035
it is clear he scratched his own head because the calf is described as an it. but as to why he scratches his own head? no idea. so then as the reader you think maybe the author meant he scratched the calf's head, even though that would require the word its, not his
I guess my question is, does Oliver have lice, is that why he scratched his head?

>>21767167
I'm sorry, bro, but you're an atutist. No offence

I'm going to sleep. Let me know if you have any new thought about my story
>>21766477
Discord Vladimir Void#9351

>>21767224
it's poorly written. rewrite it

>>21767167
Anon, people tend to scratch their heads from time to time, like when reading your replies

>>21766596
Yeah, why not

>>21767167
Isn't it more of a saying? People might say
>"Not sure, still scratching my head over that one"
>"Simon's still scratching his head wondering what happened, think he'll ever figure it out?"
>"That's a real head scratch"
Yet I've never seen someone actually do it. People also say
>"It scratches my brain"
When having trouble with a puzzle or problem, which exemplifies both phrases being about thinking hard. Maybe in times of stress or suprise people will rub their hair, but that's more that they don't know what to do with their hands than anything. I'm not saying that people don't ever scratch their heads, just that it's also an idiom and when you use it literally you need to be aware that some readers may interpret it wrong.

>>21767035
>Isn't it obvious that he scratched his own head?
I'd say it is.

how do i edit my book without killing myself before i'm done?

An important thing I learned is not to copy what I have read/watched. Instead I try to see what worked for them, and try to copy that.

Is it too retarded/bad, for the MC to fail before his friend/mentor, and fulfill the wishes of the villain, in order to save a beloved family member? The MC being a character with huge moral grounds. I don't know if he would be hated for it, if it would spoil him, or if it would make him more human. I don't want to do a generic hero's journey.

>over 4000 words today
>80,000 mark passed
>now have several hours to plot out how the fuck to accomplish the final part

>>21768050
if that's the way things end your reader may feel unfulfilled. if that serves as a springboard for events, or a sequel, then have at it

>>21768157
It won't end with it, it will happen during the MC's first interaction with this villain, after which the story continues.

>>21768182
>doesn't want to do a generic hero's journey
>proposes to deviate from the structure by initiating a failure along the road of trials
don't waste your time worrying about structure. make your stakes clear and make your characters emotions and actions impactful

>>21768207
>>proposes to deviate from the structure by initiating a failure along the road of trials
Didn't think of this, kek. MC was basically going to murder this guy to save his own sister, after which he would obviously change. I just don't know if it would be a god choice to make him go full "neutral" path, killing and using forbidden things, or just killing sometimes, and using forbidden things only when necessary, in a way that won't make him a typical avenger of sorts.

>>21768219
make him suffer consequences for it. make his guilt eat away at him. use it as an opportunity so that later on in the story when he's confronted with another situation and he's tempted, he chooses not to

>>21768075
Denouement should pull together all the threads from the entire novel, otherwise it might look like a hack job. Well done though.

>>21766275

>>21766491
I cringe every time I see a Hollywood production use guns.
The actors wrap their hands around the handle like a big fist. You'll never shoot straight like that.
You also can't shoot guns out of other people's hands, no matter how much you want to.
>>21766707
How am I supposed to analyze trends in my current genre without reading a bunch of popular current books in my genre?
By the time I'm done with all that work, the trends will have changed.
There is literally no practical way to follow this advice.
>>21767047
Writers are all a little narcissistic.
Their first audience is themselves, after all.
>>21767943
Somehow I don't think editing your book is the real problem here.

>>21766275
do people really turn greentexts into shitty voicereader youtube videos?

Amazon shittin' the bed on me. Hasn't linked ebook to paperback. How am I supposed to shill my new book if it won't load the damn data?

I can bang out a 3000 word short story in 3 hours but I can't find the motivation to write even 100 words for my novel. Why am I cursed like this? How do I not lose motivation on longer projects when I just get rejected by the literary agents anyway?

i want to use fake internet personas to get information relevant to my characters from IRL people similar to them. is this something reddit mods would notice and prevent?

>>21768422
it's like a pague. People have been plundering /x/'s spoopy greentext threads for years and producing the lowest quality dogshit imaginable. Now the practice is speading to the whole website.

>>21768907
/x/ is kiddyshit compared to the low quality dribble that has been plundered from /tg/

Anyone else have this problem? You got a great idea, you feel like it's the next big thing, you sleep on it, and it feels dumb in the morning?

>>21768399
>I cringe every time I see a Hollywood production use guns.
This sentiment is generally correct, although there are some notable exceptions. Well researched weapons and tactics is the part of the difference between a goofy Steven Seagal shootout scene which is only entertaining for the wrong reasons (they're hilarious and stupid), or a genuinely immersive action scene which has the viewer enthralled. Sicario or Dragged Across Concrete come to mind in the latter category. The same concept obviously carries over to print media imo.

anybody else get the feeling that life is complete shit when compared to a well told story?
There is something magical about a good story when compared to the shit that is life

>>21768399
>How am I supposed to analyze trends in my current genre without reading a bunch of popular current books in my genre?
>By the time I'm done with all that work, the trends will have changed.
>There is literally no practical way to follow this advice.
How long does it take you to read a book?

At limit and page 8.
New thread:

>>21769429