/lit/ - Literature

What films are you currently watching?

>>21728418
Nothing. Can't get the blu-rays to play yet.
Need some Mac compatible thing

I wish the West would just end. It's failed it's purpose as a civilization and it's citizens are weak cowards.

It would be a better fate for us to have all died in nuclear hellfire than endure the constant humiliation and pointless struggles of a vain, flaccid, and utterly imbecilic modern reality.

I don't really like living that much, but what can you do?

sometimes i encounter a poster so retarded that i close all my 4chan tabs out of disgust

This spring, it will be 6 years ago since I was last in love.
Feels pretty melancholic bros.

i've been thinking about art recently. the AI art thing has me wondering what actually constitutes a piece of art. what is the purpose of art?
the idea came to me that maybe art is the result of a sadistic impulse—that is, the impulse to make others feel the pain you've felt. on second thought, maybe not all art is like that

>>21728525
>I don't really like living that much, but what can you do?
Drugs.

The symbolic world is more important than the material world. This is why you know it' wrong to cum on babby but can't provide a good material justification.
It also matters how you treat symbols including robots or game npcs representing humans.

>>21728990
The material world literally is a symbol.

i just got home from vacation, when i looked at the local news someone tried to bomb a wendys and someone else set some cars on fire at a dealership

society is collapsing

>>21729047
>criminals do what they do
>SOCIETY IS LE COLLAPSING!
>THE WEST HAS FALLEN
get over it chud. diversity is our strength.

What makes you happy?

>>21729067
nothing

>>21729067
Wilderness. Reading. Killing the sons of satan. Never side the last one yet.

>>21729059
my area was basically crime free until about 2015 so i'm not numbed to it yet, sorry

and it's methheads doing it, we don't have blacks here

>>21728511
Go live outside the west and say that again

I’m still undecided about law school.

>>21729067
Honestly, a real good novel. I love the feeling of closing a book and thinking “wow, great book”. Thank God for novels honestly. Life would be so boring without them.

>>21729067
seeing my enemies destroyed

>>21729067
Just the little enjoyments of a good daily routine. The warm cosy bed, the morning coffee, the smell of toast. Walks among the trees. Nice groceries and cooking dinner, reading and listening to interesting stuff, talking to interesting people. Baths.

I think a good life is much more a series of small enjoyments than an epic tale of great accomplishments. The latter often seems better on paper or from the outside looking in, but a life well lived must be based on a solid foundation and routine where one maximises the amount of present moments that are nice.

>>21728418
India Song (1975)

I wish I could do things that cannot be done.

how many hours of work do you guys actually do a day?

>>21729194
Haven't worked since summer 2012

I have been thinking about it and i would rather be blind or impotent than a subhuman manlet.

>>21729067
Animals and kids in moderation. I really like seeing my nephews around once a week but being part of the chaos constantly isn't as fun. The things I find fulfilling like thinking would be empty without some connection to a family, even if most of it is selfish masturbation part of the motivation is figuring things out for their future.

>>21729210
Being blind sounds horrible. Why do you want to be tall while impotent? Height is only good for having more sex, otherwise it doesn't really matter.

>>21729243
This, and fucking is only fun for a few years until the novelty wears off, then the desire for pussy no longer outweighs the burden of having to be around the owner of said pussy.

After that if you're not happily married the better choice is to be volcel or fuck prostis and manlets can do both just as well. If anything they probably have more money for prostis because they've been overcompensating in the career aspect.

I dont think I can cure my neurosis. Im dumb for not being able to do it.

>>21729263
Just bee yourself, a neurotic mess. When you're comfortable you don't learn, the neurotic is always looking for the next move.

>>21729330
I've been a neurotic mess for all these past 30 years. Nothing but a ruined life.

>>21728405
I have nothing to live for. I don't have much, but the little I have I'd like to give it someone. But it just seems it is not possible. I don't mean like posessions, but like my compassion and energy.

At least I can always kill myself when the loneliness ramps up

>>21729369
Have you considered volunteering or perhaps caring for an abandoned animal?

>>21729376
I need human intimacy not the dog's fucking asshole.

>>21729194
1 per week but I spend anywhere from 5-10 hours per week in audio and video calls.

>>21728418
Eros + Massacre

>>21729379
Going by this comment I see why you're not getting any desu, bitches hate men that don't like animals.

>>21729067
I have no idea. I don't think I've ever been consistently happy.

Should I study maritime psychology?

>>21729450
Kurt Cobain said they don't have. feelings

God I am so sad today. Don't know what I want to say or do. Very ethereal and painful like a dream or a dark fairy tale in urban setting. Say whaaaaat?


>>21728418
Breaking the Waves

>>21729169
snooze faggot and a woman, raised up by a dominating mother and he still doesn't hate, pity!!!!!

>>21729392
giga faggot probably suck dicks too and wants to fuck the corpse of his lover

>>21729121
I have been outside the West and endeavor to move away from it

Ok, so you have this guy, scientifically minded person, very smart. Does studies in experimental psychology and emotional processing. One day, some department of transportation commissions him to develop the most effective way to reduce speeding. He decides to conduct a study with a digital sign that displays an image when someone is driving over the speed-limit. During the study, the sign will light up random pixels and self-optimize as it is gathering data. If an amendment to the pixel grid lead to drivers speeding less, it will keep it and vice versa. As the study goes on, the first thing that happens is that the sign generates attention by displaying abstract patterns, making drivers slow down by virtue of pure aesthetic interest. As the sign stays in the same place for a prolonged period of time, this effect diminishes as commuters start getting accustomed to it. The sign adapts by displaying faces and iterates through different emotions until finally concluding that a crude emoji, ostensibly grief-stricken, seems to evince the most deceleration. Dissatisfied with a result that could have been arrived at by a third grader, the scientist rejects this solution and resets the sign while making sure that it won’t create any more facial expressions and, frustrated with this setback, stops monitoring the results. Afterwards, something something something, don’t know.

>>21729454
He was being 90s irony man. Everything has feelings.

Is there any God that we are praying to? But how can that be, its impossible that people are believing in something for years, i mean yeeears, its impossible that someone just "created" God and his work, all the Bible, all other religions. When we pray to the God, we get that good feeling after praying to the skies and to someone out there, but where is he? Did God die? Did he see what Hitler did or what are we doing now and just died, or left us, went to another place to create another shithole called "earth". Who are we, where are we heading, sitting in our cars driving around to our jobs like headless idiots and not caring about each other, being retards, gays, thieves, murderers, rapists, addicts, gamblers. Is that the whole "point" of life that we are all looking for? Money is the only escape for people today. Going to the woods and living in the sheds alone in the dark and jerking off to anime pictures, that's where we are. You heard this a million times but, what is this life? Im not suicidal or depressed, i just live in the third world country so maybe i don't understand all that.
Take care, lads!

>>21729585
kek

Certain people should be exterminated. There is real evil.

>>21729194
I timed this pretty precisely a few months ago, and it was 78 hours per week, not kidding.
Since then I realized that my company is failing, so it's much less now.

>>21729505
If I was as lame as you I'd be sad too.

>>21729624
how I am lame?

>>21729067
I don't really know.

>>21729624
sorry for being rude for no reason

>>21729067
Listening to Techno and Animal Collective(Feels)

I moved to a place of great beauty, a place leaving everyone in awe of it's nature.

Everyone but me.

It left me wondering what part of me is missing, what part is stopping me from indulging in it.

>>21728405
I'm thinking of doing a big sweep. Going no contact with everyone I know. I've already done it with, I think, 90% of the friends I had last year. The problem is that I've currently got a LinkedIn profile and everyone can just check whenever to see what I'm doing. I can't literally disappear and be nothing more than memories to them. It's infuriating. I'm a social media stalker myself and I hate it that I'm no longer invisible like I used to be. I've built a respectful profile and recruiters love to check that shit out. What do I do?

>download dating app
>keep looking for sluts dtf
>find one
>ghost her
>find another
>ghost her
>find another who’s willing to meet me for sex just a couple of hours latter in a place very near my house
>ghost her so I can sleep during the afternoon
>they give me a second chance
>ghost all of them again
I swear I don’t do it on purpose.

I just slept 13 hours. I'm not sure if I'm just exhausted, depressed, or lazy.

>>21729597
True.

>>21729882
In my experience it’s usually a mix of all three.

>>21729902
Damn, could well be.

Well damn bros, todays my one day off and I woke up super late. I also have nothing to do. I am bored.

>>21730011
Have you tried reading a book?

>>21730020
Why would I do something like that?

>>21729067
Hiking and sleeping in nature, a great book, an excellent textbook on maths. Meeting friends. Meeting my gf made me happy when I had one, but that's been a while.

I love when a girl tells me she loves me. It almost makes me love them back.

>>21730086
Nice phrase, should use it in a book.

>>21729867
You don't actually want to sleep with them.

>>21729067
>And this inner vision, what is its operation? Newly awakened it is all too feeble to bear the ultimate splendour. Therefore the Soul must be trained—to the habit of remarking, first, all noble pursuits, then the works of beauty produced not by the labour of the arts but by the virtue of men known for their goodness: lastly, you must search the souls of those that have shaped these beautiful forms.

>But how are you to see into a virtuous soul and know its loveliness? Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful: he cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work. So do you also: cut away all that is excessive, straighten all that is crooked, bring light to all that is overcast, labour to make all one glow of beauty and never cease chiselling your statue, until there shall shine out on you from it the godlike splendour of virtue, until you shall see the perfect goodness surely established in the stainless shrine.

>When you know that you have become this perfect work, when you are self-gathered in the purity of your being, nothing now remaining that can shatter that inner unity, nothing from without clinging to the authentic man, when you find yourself wholly true to your essential nature, wholly that only veritable Light which is not measured by space, not narrowed to any circumscribed form nor again diffused as a thing void of term, but ever unmeasurable as something greater than all measure and more than all quantity—when you perceive that you have grown to this, you are now become vision itself: now call up all your confidence, strike forward yet a step—you need a guide no longer—strain, and SEE.

>>21730114
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I need a therapist. To pay for one I need the job. To get it I need to study a fuckton for two months. To do it I can’t have a mental breakdown. To stop myself from having one I need a therapist.

>>21729867
based neurotic chad destroying all these women's self esteem so that the rest of the tinderbros get to fuck them to fix their selfworth

>>21730086
>I love when a girl tells me she loves me.
Never happened to me. Even the girlfriends only told me they really liked me, but maybe it's a little because we don't use English and the phrase "really like" is a bit stronger here. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself to feel better.

As a remote worker who’s been traveling and staying with family for the last few years, I want to settle down somewhere but have no idea where to choose. I suppose I should just go to my nearest major city, but I could take a job in the future that would pull me out of there anyway.

>>21730255
Go anywhere as soon as you can. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Things will fall into their places but you have to move to start the initial chain.

>>21730266
I know. I don’t have a choice. It’s really school that is screwing me up here. I applied to a series of schools in the city I’m planning to move to, but the job that I would look for if I don’t get accepted is in an entirely different city. So I could end up moving to a new city only to have to move to another city a few months later. I really wanted to just get established somewhere but it is what it is.

>>21728418
Embrace of The Serpent

>>21730309
Why wont you watch Ginger Snaps 2

Have been working WFH for the three years, and after the university the sense of abandonment has started creeping on me. All I have left is a useless but well-paid job. It's almost as if it's barely possible to form or blend in the social circles. Like the life hasn't yet begun but has already ended.

Have to write an essay for my Ethnic Studies class about a family heirloom or tradition and how it defines my identity per the terms we've learned in the class. Shitty thing is that I'm totally atomized. I have no heirlooms or traditions. I barely even have a family desu. I hate this shit. I hate being back in school. So far it seems like everything I'm doing exists to remind me of how alienated I am.

>>21730386
WFH is the perfect opportunity to become a writer. You can write while you “work” and quit once you make enough from your writing. Since you hang out on a literature board, you probably want to do this.

veganism is dumb and contradictory. who decided plant life is lesser than animal life? literally tribalism

>>21730431
I can imagine three possible answers to that question
>Veganism is not an end in itself. Mass industrial farming is wrong and harmful so it should be protested by adopting veganism
Or
>Animals feel a kind of pain that plants do not, so as to minimize suffering in the world it is better to adopt veganism
Or
>Veganism is the solution to the problem of exploitation as applied to animals. An animals "labor" is consumed by humans, which is intrinsically unethical, so it is better to eat only plant life.

>>21730465
>Mass industrial farming is wrong and harmful so it should be protested by adopting veganism
Today's monoculture agricultural methods are tantamount to factory farming animals so I reject this premise, but clearly that's an opinion of my own
>Animals feel a kind of pain that plants do not, so as to minimize suffering in the world it is better to adopt veganism
Follows the same logic, who decided this or who determined it for certain?
>An animals "labor" is consumed by humans, which is intrinsically unethical, so it is better to eat only plant life.
Is it not "labor" for the plant in its life to intake nutrients and minerals in order to grow, just to be planted by humans to labor again for the sustenance of humanity? I'm not trying to be a pedantic asswipe and split hairs but from every angle I can only see veganism as an absurd idea based on the preconceived notion that animals are superior to plants. I don't take the position that one is superior to the other but I wholeheartedly disagree that we, as animal life, can simply put ourselves above non-animal life.

>>21730489
To add onto this by way of ideological consistency the only way to exist ethically is to take in raw nutrients and minerals from the earth like a deep sea sponge

Made a retard of myself giving a presentation today. I don't really care about the opinions of my classmates but for some reason I feel incredibly down about it. I want to jump off my balcony very badly in this moment. It's sticky and disgusting outside. The air feels like slathering sunscreen all over my face. There's a letter I'm waiting for that will never ever come. How can I be around people, I stink so badly but no one says anything

>>21730519
>How can I be around people, I stink so badly but no one says anything
Are you Indian?

>>21730527
Everyone says Indians smell bad

>>21730540
Yes it's unbelievable they all smell like curry and onion, we're in a post-stereotype world

>>21728405
I have two children and a wife, I love them but the responsibilities I shoulder for them means I have little free time to read or indulge myself in anything stimulating.
I need to either become a machine that provides at maximum for my family, or continue on as a depressed sulking unfulfilled man half assing my tasks inside my family and hobbies

>>21730489
Well the answer is simple: life is fundamentally good, including our own. Suffering is fundamentally evil. To satisfy both of these premises we must continue our own existence without causing undue harm to others. It is, I think, empirically verifiable that plant life is less able to suffer than animal life, and so it is better, though not perfect, to consume plants instead of animals. As far as exploitation goes, it takes much more labor for us to produce cheese than it does a potato

>>21728405
My new life goal is to continue writing until I have a fan base and then to leverage that into writing for TV and movies until I can land a directing gig.i know this is a absolute pipe dream, but if I don't have a long term goal, 9 to 5ing will swallow me up

>>21730567
How old are you? Asking earnestly

>>21730565
>It is, I think, empirically verifiable that plant life is less able to suffer than animal life
This is where it ends up coming down to a difference of opinion. I do understand what you are saying and it makes sense why you or anyone would hold this opinion, but I do not. You raise a good point about exploitation and that by the standards I set out, the labor undergone by the grass to feed the goat in order to create the cheese creates excess suffering because of the net loss of plant life, as opposed to one potato which exists ethically like a sponge >>21730495

Dear Haze,
I finally did it. These hard days look, at least and at last, a little bit brighter. My dad called tonight and he seems less disappointed with me. In just a week, I will return to the country and I will be there for you. Be gentle with me, sweetheart! I'm tired and if I see you without precaution I might suffer a Stendhalitis-infused heart attack. The things we will do...
Among lesser news, I've been working on the composition of a new poem. If you have been a good girl, I will give it to you. I'm breaking free from fear.
PD: I will be drunk.

>>21730610
PPD: forgot to mention, I'm thinking of starting a substack for poetry.

>>21730603
In any case I'm not even a vegan and dont care. God gave us dominion over the earth. I just wanted to play out what a vegan might think, assuming the vegan even has standards and isnt just some trend chasing hipster

>>21730618
You provided good food for thought regardless, have a good one anonymous poster

>>21730551
would you recommend the fatherhood provider lifestyle all things considered?

Dear friends, i miss the old days that we spent together. Those are my happy days and i didnt knew it would end. I wish that i can hold to the good memories while we were together but i can recorded is the bad ones and the mistakes i made in the past. Nobody sticked with me while i went missing and nobody came to make contact me. But i want to let you know that everything was worthed while it last. Thanks for the good days and the bad days, i will try to hold those good times we had, from the bottom of my heart. A.

>>21729067
Nowadays, card magic tricks. I suck, but my nephews get crazy about them and that makes me happy.

>>21730635
Not all men can handle it

Have to write public annotations on some texts as an assignment. Writing outright nationalist musings in response to the gay ass libshit. Lets see what happens.

Every time I see an attractive or lovely fictional character somewhere I make an image search and despite not enabling sensitive content I immediately see some grotesque porn I didn't want to see. The last couple times it's made me homicidally angry. If I found the people who produce this shit I swear to God I'd fucking kill them with my bare hands.

>>21730725
It’s rule 34, dude

>>21730743
I don't care about your opinion. It's vile, cowardly nigger shit and people who do it should be buried alive. I hate it so fucking much that you have these vile computer rapists and you cannot fucking hack their faggot hands off.

>>21730589
29. My job is cozy and I could work there forever without worrying about much. This isn't a case of make or break. I'm not that delusional. Even if I can get a screen play adapted at some Podunk stage play.

I keep ruminating about my first year of university and how bad it was. I ended up totally isolated and basically going nuts. I would often go weeks without talking to another person and would often spend 16 hours a day in my dorm. I got so agoraphobic that I wouldnt even use the bathrooms but instead accumulated a big collection of piss bottles. I dropped out at the end of the school year
It took me years to recover from the damage that time did to me. Now I'm 24 and about to return to university and all it's doing is stirring up all those bad memories and regrets. I can stop daydreaming about being 18 again and doing things right. I feel so wasted and spent. And all the excitement is gone. I'm stuck brooding all day. I wish I could make it stop.

>>21729067
friends, being in love, realizing my potential, watching a good movie, reading a good book

I have none of that right now.

>>21730807
Nothing to stoo you from the movie and book

>>21730766
Also they’re fictional, you simping faggot. Hopefully it goes away but I’m afraid puritanical retards like you screaming at anything that looks explicit will be at the helm.

>>21730766
>computer rapists
haha

My remote job is easy and affords me a lot of time to read and write, but it pays very little and I just hate it so much. I should’ve become a lawyer.

I was deeply in love with the most beautiful girl. After I pursued her for a while she gave in (totally not my character by the way, I think I was transcending my personality for her sake, like a novel or something). We had a beautiful relationship, passionate and affective. It lasted a year.

I betrayed her to move abroad so I could experience the world. Now two years later and everything is harder and bleak.

I left my friends, family and the love of my life for almost nothing; Working minimum wage jobs trying to stay afloat with no one to talk to when I return home from work.

My aspirations are big and vague and I'm in a situation that I need to really focus to make anything work. In so far I choose coping with extreme loneliness by brooding and losing time mindlessly scrolling through the internet.

One good thing is I started writing though, which I never did before. When I can hold to my inspiration and actually sit and write I do incredibly. I don't have much time but even when I do its hard for me to channel it (because I feel like a mess, not having a good job and guilty for leaving her/ my old life).

I need to socialize and meet people but when you have nothing it feels like you can't bear even the smallest pursuit. I need security to flourish and right now I'm in the wild, alone.

I can’t think of a single historically remarkable person that wasn’t pursuing what they’d become famous for in their 20s.

The years passed
and the East Wind blew.
Even the ruins
fell into ruin—
tired playthings
of Time
and the thunder
and rain.
Clan Hind lived here once.
You can't visit them now—
Fate has spun
their thread.

>>21730947
The grass isn't always greener, old boy. You could have ended up a public defender.

I just feel like my life has been really boring and unremarkable. I wish I had some interesting experience as a young man.

>>21730971
I think I would’ve known better than to become a public defender. Anyway, I ended up as staff employee at a college, which is quite obviously worse. You thought I was one of those highly paid software engineers? No, no. This is dead-end remote work.

>>21730831
>puritanical retards like you
You can pay all the white women you want to get gangbanged by crocodiles for all I care. This is a matter of principle. You're just so entrenched in materalistic hedonism you don't understand. Something not being materially real has nothing to do with its value. Because it's an idealized form I find it a hundred times more offensive. Please don't talk to me again, I don't want to argue about this anymore or you'll worsen my headache.

As legionnaires march on the campaign and philosophers gaze to the constellations - that is the soul of the West. Delve deep.

Force of the world, the force of the world
Breath of the Stock or the Store that we hurled
We hurled all around as we swirled.

>>21731002
Based anon of ideal forms.

I’m ready to die I think.

>>21731080
dying won't be an escape. you will just live this over and over again. you will also live every other possible life over and over again. you cannot escape. the only option is to accept that you cannot escape. then you embrace your animal instincts and the violent virtues of your ancestors and your necessary destiny. then you cultivate human nature within yourself. then you focus on compassion, humility and frugality for others, and focus for yourself.

Humanity a shit.

>>21731002
Your favorite cartoon pony anime dogs are getting drawn by mpreg inflation fetishists right now. You are one google search away from being cucked by a coomer artist and it’s hilarious.

I click and refresh the same 5 tabs, like a tiger pacing through a cage.

YouTube has taken the place of a lot things that used to involve literature. Journals, essays, research results, a lot of these things happen on YouTube now.

>>21731286
no, that's just were midwit and below naturally flow. the rest of us are still reading books and academic journals like usual.

>>21731103
I know. Sometimes I think I might be manic depressive. I think about life and get insanely depressed to suicidal ideation but later on I’m fine.

I finally took a risk, it fucking sucks

>>21728405
I WISH I COULD JUST RIP OUT THE LAST BIT OF THE ROMANTIC IMPLUSE IN ME. IT DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE. I WANT TO BE PRAGMATIC, FUCK THIS MADDNESS. JESUS CHRIST

>>21731289
We also waste a lot of time on YouTube if we’re being honest.

>>21731282
The tiger closed the tabs
Yes
YES
The tiger is free

>>21731321
I would trade you.

I've been dead inside for years and I can assure you this "pragmatism" you speak of is a fate worse than death.

>>21731325
i mostly just watch skatevideos and let dj sets play in the background. i think youtube is in trouble. the ceo stepping down shows that things have been going in the wrong direction the last several years.

Icant stop brooding. The conditions of my young life fucked me over hard. I never even had a chance

>>21728418

>>21728511
>it's
you should be first in line for the chamber you fat fucking retard. absolutely pathetic that you braindead ESLs are even allowed to post here. go back to your shithole.

>>21728405
I want to write a story to communicate a number of ideas relating to the purpose and function of value structures. The information echos Nietzche but is meant to make the concepts plain and more palatable. These are:

>values simplify reality, much like you could simplify a maze by drawing a symbol at the entrance to every corridor to indicate whether it leads to a dead end or exit
>values are necessary because reality is infinitely complex and without simplification we would be immobilized, constantly having to explore and consider overwhelming quantities of information, maybe the information isn't even available
>values are communicated through stories. This is necessary because explaining and analyzing every detail of a value in depth defeats the purpose of the value (to save time and effort and orient you towards positive ends)
>values end up being organized into structures of values, we celebrate these structures for the massive role that value structures have in orienting our perception and understanding in the world, bridging gaps in human knowledge and understanding, etc
>religion emerges from the value meta-stories (jbp talks about this), deification of the embodiment of values (this is very valuable to us conceptually)
>christianity was ok because it generally hit the mark in producing useful behaviors (it represented the cumulative legacy of thousands of years of successful value structures). Also we understood christianity so could peel back some values within the christian structure at times to explore what was underneath
>as christianity has gone by the wayside, a new religion has emerged (value structures will always be embraced because we are otherwise incapable of living in reality). Because of how christianity has imprinted in our language, culture, morality, philosophy, the new religion is a corrupted reboot of christianity, but the problem is that we don't know its there and how effective many of the values are in simplifying reality
>consider the likelihood that the new christianity has fatal flaws, given how it emerged in such an unprecedented time in terms of technology, culture and events

I write a lot of technical stuff but haven't much experiece with fiction, this will be an adventure

>>21731351
jej

>>21731547
When I say that we peel back values to explore what is underneath, I mean to compare values to a bridge or patch over a hole in human knowledge and experience. The value simplifies all the information in this possibly infinite and expansive hold to a one dimensional rule, kind of like closing a door and locking it to prevent yourself from opening it by accident. At times however we've ignored our values in order to unlock that door and explore the unknown, something that would be considered a waste of time and energy (or possibly destructive, dangerous) in the context when the value was created. This has been immensely profitable at times, ie; science and technology. However a mistake has been unlocking all the doors in an infinite corridor of doors, rescinding all the progress made over tens of thousands of years of human culture.

We should try to simplify our existence if possible, and only explore what is unexplored and which could possibly lead to some good end. The mistake we're making now is exploring the explored, and areas of reality quarantined by our ancestors for good reason.

>>21731523
>writes an entire sentence sperging out because of an apostrophe

And you think you won't be the second person in it's line?

>>21728418
All of Andrei tarkovsky. It's so good

I give. I resign myself to the banality of existence. Everything I wanted out of the world, I'll probably never get, or I will and it wasn't as good as I thought. I'm probably not as clever, or likable or good looking as I think myself to be.

You know, I think maybe the world should just turn inside out and swallow itself. Nietzcshe, Schopenhaur, were right or whatever. That bleakness is all there really is, none of the hope and cope of mankind can save it. Not from itself, not from others. Nope. I mean, hell, that isn't even considering the elements and God's many challenges.

I don't think I like anyone, I'm just a delusional fool counting his regrets for a past and future that are equally gray and lifeless. There is no sadness, only the bleak dullness of each day which cuts even worse than a sharper wound that a person could inflict on one another. The jews win, good for fucking them, they get to drown themselves with money on this frigid rock of indifferent coldness.

>>21731650
The only thing I wanted since a child is the one thing I'll never get, that secret hunger never left me and it's always been in the background.

Work for what, the misery of a home filled with people I don't like nor understand? The shallow thrill of getting intoxicated or amusing myself with vain consumerism? Intelligence was a curse, I wish sometimes I'd been born with 15 iq points less.

And now I find myself staring it all in the face. I'll struggle anyway because I'm a retarded animal that knows no better than to act on my subverted and domesticated instincts.

>>21731663
Now I can't even sob about it properly, because I haven't been able to in years. Even with tears falling down my cheeks, I feel that distinct "nothingness" that lies beneath all my sentiments since it first appeared. Like it's all a big fake.

Well, guess I'm as screwed as any of us are lads.

>>21731650
>>21731663
Unironically using gifs from the boys means you deserve what you get

>>21731723
based, fuck normalfag larpers posting here

The real problem is the average people, the "normies", the masses. It's not the jews.
"People" like you. Your brain is completely shattered from having garbage DNA and from constant exposure to jewish propaganda you're too stupid to recognize. You have no idea what to do about anything so you just follow a herd screeching 'virtue signals', spewing memes, etc., and pretending it's helping, but you have absolutely no idea what caused the jewish problem or what to do about it.

The masses MADE the jews, and if we killed every single jew the normies would just make a new version of the jews that's even worse within one generation.
You have to understand evolution to get this.
Society is a genetic selection mechanism that rapidly spreads useful genes by sorting people with useful traits to the top of the social hierarchy and giving them lots of resources to reproduce and spread those useful genes quickly.

There's always excess members of the population that are not particularly useful at the moment, but they have a few very important roles:
1) they do as they're told and can be expended when dangerous things need to be dealt with
2) they store genes that used to be particularly useful in the past and genes that may become particularly useful in the future - they're a library of genes
3) they are a vector for genetic mutations - the species needs mutations to survive over time so a certain population size has to be maintained to adapt effectively - you need enough people mutating so you can find the genetic solutions to new problems in the environment

>>21731779

Before agriculture we had quality control on these somewhat useless individuals.
Thousands of checks and balances were applied by nature and society and the garbage was sorted out.
Then suddenly agriculture is invented and there is no more food scarcity.
The problem isn't just that it's easy to survive now. Abundant food tends to make everyone lazy and lower their standards. Abundant food leads to abundant wealth and this makes the problem exponentially worse.
Everyone is distracted by consumption and neglects to create strong laws and culture to control the masses.

So now there are not only hordes of randomly mutating retards developing all kinds of insane behavior and garbage DNA, but the aristocrats are losing their will to be strict and police them.

>>21731785

This leads to a new kind of aristocrat being elected by evolution.
If there is an abundance of resources in nature, species will compete and evolve to most efficiently consume that abundance.
The first abundance was the natural abundance of Earth - lots of animals to hunt, lots of plants to gather. This gave rise to humanity, and the wars between humans gave rise to the aristocrats.
The second abundance was the extreme amount of food grown by agriculture - this gave rise to the masses.
The third abundance was the extreme amount of retard herd animals created by the food and by the lack of quality control imposed by fat lazy aristocrats - this gave rise to dysgenic parasite aristocrats and to the jews that outcompeted them.

The aristocrats had their traits selected by dealing with the elements of nature and by competing with each other for scarce resources.
Of course those skills are always relevant, but the majority of energy is no longer moving along those lines, most of the energy in the human system is flowing through the masses and the aristocrats lost control of them.

So the jews were selected by evolution to feed on this energy and supplant the aristocrats.
Instead of skills and intelligence being the prime traits, only one thing really matters right now: lying to the masses.
But of course this isn't sustainable, the masses were created by men with skills and intelligence and eventually they will collapse as these traits become scarcer and scarcer and whoever depended on them will go extinct.
The jew is trying to cheat this fate by mixing in with the aristocrats and trying to absorb their qualities while trying to do a controlled demolition of the masses.

Friendly reminder to filter and hide all tripfags.

Just had my second sleep paralysis. That shit sucks

>>21731814
The trick is to visualize yourself rocking yourself awake like a turtle on its back, in a way where instead of trying to jolt yourself awake with a single action that takes you from paralysis to wakefulness, you are building up energy, like sloshing water around in a bathtub until it gets high enough to spill over the sides

Works 10 times out of 10 after you do it the first time. Start small and visualize that feeling of energy in your fingertips and body as you try to move building up more and more, instead of just being "too weak not enough" each time. Also literally rocking left to right.

>>21731828
This one was a bit different. I was moving but only my legs seemed to react, they were just kicking and flailing but the rest of my body couldn't move. At the same time this sleep paralysis demon is talking to me while trying to get a hold of my legs. This one was much worse than the first one. The first one wasn't really bad because I managed to wake up quick this one was a struggle.

every day i tell myself im going to cut down on my addictions and every night i end up continuing them. sometimes it feels like im increasing them exponentially. problem is i wake up every morning with no repercussions. ive become so accustomed to abusing myself. they say an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they can truly see salvation. im digging really fucking deep man
https://youtu.be/bCmo30r3OXI

How do you read out loud a piece of poetry without sounding like a pretentious tryhard asshole? Most people I heard recite IRL just do the whole slam poetry thing of reading it in an increasingly trembling and indignant voice until the point of almost screaming. How did our ancestors do it?

>>21731930
They tried to sound regal but it's considered "pretentious" now because the modern era is marked by a profound hatred for true art and beauty.

>>21731160
I hope that one day the whole situation will flip over and all this shit will be in the records. You can't imagine how hard I'm hoping for this. All these little ugly men who thought they were safe.

>>21731908
Didnt you quit for a few months last year? Just do it again

Joyce Carol Oates once wrote that “loneliness is like starvation: you don't realize how hungry you are until you begin to eat.” Before we met, I didn’t particularly mind being alone. But afterwards it was like this bottomless pit of despair had opened up inside of me and all I could think about was how empty I felt and how desperately I needed the attention that I wasn’t getting anymore and the love that I’d daydreamed about but would never have. I was so desperate that I tried anything I could think of, but nothing satisfied me. I tried meeting other people, but it only made things worse: I had to force myself to go through the motions and would constantly fight the urge to push them away. The insatiable heart-hunger only grew stronger. It drove me to do things that I can’t justify and can’t explain. I wish I could be my old self again, but that better, cleaner, blank-slate version of me is lost forever. I wish that none of it had ever happened.

>>21728405
It feels like a fucked up and my fuck up is rent free in my mind and if I didn’t fuck up I would be a much better and respectable person right now. And not on this dumbass site

I knew I had repressed much of my teenage years, but I recently came across some old videos buried in Instagram direct messages that at this point are over a decade old and it's genuinely surprising just how much the mind can forget. Seeing physical items that I have no recollection of owning, nor cognisance of how or when they left my possession. It's also ridiculous that a company is still storing such old data on their servers. Vestiges of someone I barely recognise slowly rotting away in a datacenter. We're one of the first generations who can truly look back with such clarity at our past selves. I don't know what this means for our mental state. It's probably not a positive thing.

I'm a hero waiting for my call to journey.

Soon as l meet a woman attractive enough l'm cheating on my gf

>>21731522
After Life is my favorite movie, enjoy. Could you post a link to your list? It seems interesting.

>>21732362
not gonna post my profile as it's full of cringe reviews i write for myself not meant to be public, but here are some films that i think about all the time. not necessarily favourites, just ones that influence my thoughts/photography/etc. i can try and answer any more specific questions you might have though

>>21732340
Soon as I run into you in the street I'm raping you in the ass sissy

>>21732340
based, the thrill of sex when cheating is pure kino. you will cum buckets

>>21732236
haha.. Me too... anytime now.. 30 years already

When you play cat’s cradle, but the strings of life get the best of your hands and backstab you like the smug patchouli-smelling shmucks on the road.

When a chilly day winter comes in, yourself and a friend, Bob, hoping for the scenery but there’s no longer such thing as snow in now in everlasting yearly June. So you slowly hit the boiling concrete, your inner guts firework with glitter and red-blue lights come from you, laughing and pointing at your sad murky face.

And when "Private Dick" maniac Penny, dubious middle-class whore, runs down the pavement as she’s going home after another wet nite, looks up at the fire of a floaty lite post hanging downside up, until a bunch of cum-breathed tainted succubi steal her from this morally grey place, before she opens her eyes and wrestles soon-to-be-mother-cows down Brussels.

Then oo welcome, ahhh ummm young-gunning macadam-spaghetti desert twink, welcome in Blue Jam.

Bloo Jaaaaaaaam.

BLOOOOOO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

>>21731990
ahh im up early and feeling great now, forget about what i wrote. im fine

>>21729067
Every now and again something will happen that's so stupid it could only happen in real life because it it happened in a book people would say it were bad writing. I live for these silly moments

I should’ve embraced being a starving artist when I was younger. It doesn’t have the same note of romanticism once you’re 29.

>>21732236
I’m 29. It feels like literally nothing has happened for my entire adult life. The old millennials got to go to Iraq and Afghanistan. By the time I was an adult, that was a dead war.

Jews

Avert my head from /lit/ for a few hours to clean up and sleep, and I come back to see the board is infected with like ten new frog posts.

I’m sure there’s three times as many other shitposts, but this is a ridiculous board and it’s cooperating in its own demise

I have a real time hard buying into the idea that Invisalign is as effective as regular braces with the added benefit of inconspicuousness. It just sounds too good to be true. I also doubt that they work for adults. Any anons here that have tried them before?

>>21732496
Absolutely based Blue Jam poster. One of the greatest achievements of British media.

>>21733190
I was 24 when I started Invisalign treatment, and it definitely works. There’s a six month difference between these photos.

Is it a black pill realizing you’re just not the person you wish you were?

>>21733273
Were you ever under the impression that you were exactly the person you wanted to be? That's pretty rare.

>>21733248
That looks real nice, anon. How much did it cost?

When, and for what reason, did non-whites start to get so weird about whites and their pet dogs?

>>21733355
They're intuitively angered because on some level they realise they're competing with these pets over our handouts.

>>21733294
No, but this feeling like you never grew in that direction is what I’m dealing with. I basically had no idea what I wanted to do with my life until I was a bit older, and now that I do know, I feel sort of like I missed my shot precisely because I didn’t embark on that path earlier. So I can play catch up, but I’m not really on the path if I’m playing catch up. It’s like this “okay, you lost what now?” feeling. I refuse to quit but I can’t not feel like I already lost. I’m looking for sincere advice about this because it’s become a bit of an obsession and I don’t have anyone else to turn to.

>>21733197
Thank you so much you quadrospazzed nonce on a lifeglug
My goal in life is to eventually make a continuation series as brilliant as BJ, but in my case the sketches would happen all around the world and be much more cartoonish, with occasional drama segments. And since I’ll never have the chance to touch a camera, I thought that I could do the work through animation with sound processing

>>21733421
>I basically had no idea what I wanted to do with my life until I was a bit older, and now that I do know, I feel sort of like I missed my shot precisely because I didn’t embark on that path earlier.
Have you considered that having a singular calling that one can "discover" within oneself and then either achieve or fail to achieve is quite an arbitrary and unwarranted narrative that you have likely picked up from media, where it is highly present simply because artistic types that have "made it" love to buy into this type of worldview because it is epic and flattering to them?

>>21733341
It cost about $8000 CAD, so pretty pricey, although my orthodontist did give me a 10% discount because my parents paid for it upfront instead of in monthly instalments. Based on my experience, I’d say that getting your teeth fixed is a very worthwhile investment. People are significantly nicer to me now, and I get asked out a lot—it’s actually been weird getting used to all of the attention. I was massively insecure about my teeth before, so my confidence has also improved since finishing treatment last summer.

>>21733485
That may be true, but I can’t help but see things this way. I’ve always seen them this way. I just didn’t know what to do with that feeling. This is something I want for myself, like it or not.

>>21733248
The good thing about Invisalign is that you don’t need a permanent retainer. Probably half of the people who wear braces as a teenager get a permanent retainer behind their teeth anyway. I have one and it blocks my tongue.

>>21733532
Have you ever seriously tried to pick apart this narrative? You're staking your happiness on an arbitrary story that you tell yourself, it would be like saying you're going to miserable until you have a purple fighter jet. It's a terrible thing to do to yourself.

If you can't, would you mind telling what it is you want to do with your life? Maybe it's wide enough of an ideal that there are multiple ways of achieving it you hadn't considered yet which would make it less impossible than you think.

>>21733540
Unfortunately I still need permanent retainers on both the top and the bottom, plus a nighttime retainer for life. Not a huge deal, though.

>>21729067
Sleeping, fapping.

>>21729194
I spend around 10 hours at work daily, but how much I actually work depends. Sometimes I browse 4chan all day, sometimes I don't even get the chance to sit down.

>>21729194
I'm averaging about 20 hours a week. I do retail, so I'm actually working those entire 20 hours.

>>21732833
Xi, I'm worried about you. These ups and downs are erratic. I dont want you to be in poor spirits when I'm plowing your bussy.

>>21733355
Happened on Twitter sometime about 2012

>>21733248
What's the benefit of doing this?

>>21733472
You're not the only one carrying that kind of inspiration, even if my personal tendencies lean more towards using shitty cameras and non-actors than actual animation, mainly due to my lack of skills. Good luck jambro. See you on the other side.

What even is the idea behind bicycle lights blinking? Does it improve the perception of distance, or do you need people noticing you even 100 yards away, or is it just to btfo epileptics?

Had a really weird dream today.
I beat some woman (~40yo) to death when she started shouting at me for nearly no reason on the street and then fucked her mouth once she was dead.
I'm not violent irl and neither very sexual. I don't mind such dreams, just have no idea where that came from.

>>21733935
maybe you're more violent and sexual that you think.

>>21733924
probably to save the battery but also if you've ever seen an asshole with a non-blinking bicycle light the shit is just too fucking bright. they're almost always mounted higher than a car.

>>21733987
idk it's not something I would even imagine in day to day life, and I can't remember a dream similar to this one.

I may be bipolar. I'm happy then I'm sad. I'm excited then I feel hopeless. wtf is that?

>>21734120
Sounds like being a human being, not every feeling has to be pathologised into a neat DSM category for pharmaceutical distribution reasons.

I know no one's gonna read this and I know no one's gonna care, but I feel alone
utterly, completely, and crushingly alone
I hope you have a nice day

>>21734164
As in, actually alone, or the type alone where you meet people regularly but there's never a genuine connection?

>>21734164
It helps to try having actual discussions about things or debating with people instead of just yelling into the void about how alone you are in the hopes that someone will reply to you.

>>21734172
the second
>>21734173
yeah that worked out just fine for the last decade

>>21734182
>the second
Yeah, same. I'm personally unable to let people get close to me. I also stopped being able to sleep with girls I know, I can just have anonymous sex now, one night stands like a fucking slut.
Even with my closest friends and family, all conversation feels like surface level small talk.

>>21734120
Manic depressive. All great men are. All the dredges are too.

>>21733553
I’d rather not say here. I can only say that the biography you build for yourself when you’re young, say, 20s, is important. There’s also the element of self-doubt, right? If people are meant to be great at something, that often really does manifest pretty early. At least the inclination does.

My issue though is getting over this rather than how to fix it. I can’t fix it. It’s already done.

Im a wizard so no girl will care for me.

>>21734214
Well as I said, I think that if you're fixated on a certain ideal (one might even say spook, maybe unironcally read Stirner for liberation purposes), one you seemingly can't live up to and that is making you miserable, the best thing would be to destroy belief in this (ultimately arbitrary) ideal. The way to get over it is to stop believing in this story you made up for yourself. That's all I can think of, since if you can't then the alternatives are either achieve your arbitrary goals or live a life mourning that you couldn't, if you keep believing this is a nonnegotiable requirement for a good life.

To me it's kind of crazy that people have bought into things like careers and callings and inalterable life goals when humanity is like 300k years old and activities other than hunting and gathering have only been available for 10k years, about 3% of the entire existence of our species. It can't truly be built in and natural human need since it's such a recent invention. They're recently invented hobbies at best. It's self-tormenting over make belief.

Maybe this doesn't help at all but it's all I got given the information. Good luck anon.

I should read War and Peace. I share my birthday with Tolstoy so I feel like it's a crime that I haven't read more of his work.

>>21734269
So when you read history or biography, you don’t see something like a calling people? When you read about Picasso, you don’t see that he was meant to be a great painter? When you read about Napoleon, you don’t see that he was meant to be a great commander? When you read about Melville, you don’t see that he was meant to be a great writer? You get the idea…

>>21734266
>wizard
Where's the line for that, again? 50 years old? 30?

>>21734293
30, and his dubs prove he's true.

>>21734266
Happy birthday, even if it's late.

>>21734290
No, that's just hindsight and survivor bias. You don't see all the others who also thought they were destined for greatness and failed.

Humans like to create narratives and look at the world through stories but fully buying into stories being part of the fabric of reality isn't healthy I think. It's anthropocentric and self-indulgent in the best scenarios and just a source of cognitive dissonance in the rest. That's what I think is causing your misery: Thinking that life is like, or should be like, the narratives we read in books and coming up short in comparison because you don't find yourself being the main character in a novel or in a one in a billion type of celebrity biography (which even then needs plenty of flourishes to look like a meant-to-be story).

>>21734198
How long have things been that way? What do you think caused it?

I feel pretty weird about money and work these days. I was tired of having a regular job (touristy bullshit, organizing and conducting tours and doing some extra planning), so about a year and a half ago I picked up an old interest of mine again and started daytrading. I seem to be very good at it and I've been living off of it for almost a year now. Seriously feels like I'm talented at this and somehow well attuned to it by nature, but that's beside the point. At this point, most days I spend about an hour or two with it and make 1.5-2k euros a day. Some days I get nothing, some days I lose a bit, some days I make way more, so it balances out to a really good income, even after taxes and various fees. There was also a period when I spent much more time with this and accumulated a lot of money in a few months. And before you ask, yes, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. Bought an apartment (temporary really, one day I want to build my own house), plan on buying a few more to rent out and bought into a local business, plus I own stocks, funds etc.

The thing is, it all somehow feels bad, because I'm not doing anything remotely useful. If I really tried to twist definitions and stretch what "useful" means, there's some tiny bit of possible usefulness in it, but if I'm honest, I contribute nothing to society and still make far more money than I did working for that tour company or as a cook before that. It just feels strange and somehow wrong to make so much goddamn money and all without being able to feel proud at what I achieved. I worked as a cook for 2 years before my other job and every dish I made well made me feel better than a perfect trade that makes me more in a few minutes than a month's work at the restaurant.

I don't really have a point, just wanted to write this out somewhere. And yes, I'm aware that I'm bitching about a good thing and no, I'm not stupid enough to go back to wage slaving for a sense of fulfillment or whatever.

I want to write but I have no motivation to do so

>>21734365
The complete inability to allow anyone near is at most two years, but it's always been there to some degree.
From a young age, I felt very judged by my parents, especially my dad. He always made fun of me when I had a problem. I just can't be vulnerable with people I like, cause I feel like, they'll start thinking bad of me. I may know it's only partially rational, but I really cannot do it if my life depended on it.

>>21734394
So similar to me...

>>21734347
So you think these stories are fake then? You think Napoleon didn’t really make general or win battles in his 20s? You think Picasso didn’t really paint until he was 31? Etc.

>>21728405
You want to kill yourself? I see that you neglect virtue, then. Your philosophy is: to hell with virtue, my feelings are more important. Don’t you understand the dual nature of the mind, where both reason and feeling coexist with each other? To forsake reason in favor of feeling is a vice. The sage neglects his feelings in order to walk upright and fulfill his duty. The fool follows his feelings which leads to passionate failure. It is a difficult task to overcome one’s own feelings, mainly due to the erudition required. Unlearned people suffer from their ignorance, and have no desire to learn. The sage has an insatiable desire for learning. This is the difference between an intellectual and a commoner. Most people are content with living in the clouds. Lacking a desire for the great ideas of geniuses, they bask in mediocrity.

>>21734394
How old are you? This could be affected by the life stage that you’re going through.

Do you have the desire for closeness but fear holds you back from it? Or do you just want to be left alone?

>>21734410
Just because remarkable things happen that involve people doesn't mean that said people and people in general have "callings". When you look closely at Napoleon's life a lot of it actually looks like a circumstantial freak accident more than anything, although combined with great talents of course. His original ambition was to become an author, but the Corsican ended up becoming a French corporal and the Emperor of Europe instead.

>>21734441
I'm 23
>Do you have the desire for closeness but fear holds you back from it? Or do you just want to be left alone?
I like the idea of closeness, but there's no particular person I feel close to. When I recall my past (romantic) relationships, I remember feeling a real connection, but in retrospect it was just an illusion. With friendships, the (at least 7 years back) feelings of closeness that I recall feel much more genuine, but I haven't felt that for a long time, although I keep meeting with the same friends I felt that with.

>>21734436
Go become a monk then, enjoy asceticism and starve to death

>>21734436
That's the sort of conundrum I'm in, but what if it is possible to align death with virtue? The martyr dies virtuously, for instance, and many have died intentionally in the pursuit of virtue.

>>21734483
I think one needs to ask himself: is nothing better than something? Is meaninglessness better than meaning?

A martyr is certainly virtuous if fighting for a good cause. Intentional death seems to me to be unprofitable. Accidental death cannot be escaped from.

>>21734454
Btw I should ask to this: While I don't think people are singled out for greatness by fate, I do think that actually believing yourself to be singled out by fate is common among people who achieve forms of greatness and is a useful psychological asset in succeeding. So maybe if you strive for greatness it is a good idea to have this belief which is not true but nonetheless has utility.

The downside is that if you fail your whole worldview and meaning scaffolding falls apart. People like Napoleon and Hitler had to live with this part of it too, and they got a lot farther than most of them.

>>21734502
*add this

Mr. Babul is a great guy. He enjoys rockclimbing on the weekends, but only when the weather is nice. I suppose that goes without saying. Who would rockclimb in the rain? A dedicated enthusiast, I suppose. If Mr babul would rockclimb more often, he would be better at it. But it’s just a hobby for him. Another hobby of his is drinking. This hobby tends to be less fruitful than the former one, or so he thinks. The society in which he lives is nearly Centered around alcohol. To forsake this poisonous alleviation would mean to give up his social life. Maybe he should rockclimb all the time? No, one needs balance. I suppose his inability to give up the drinks makes him an alcoholic. He should probably sober up.

>>21734498
Sometimes, the greatest good can only be attained by voluntary death. We can both imagine many examples of this...

>>21732387
Thanks, you have an interesting taste.

>>21734454
Well you can call or circumstantial and I can call it calling but we’re talking about the same thing either way. Something happened when they’re young that either set them on a path or displayed certain inclinations. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve really done nothing but graduate from college and work at a mediocre office job. It’s been the lamest existence imaginable. No circumstance, no calling, no inclinations. It was just nothing, like it never even happened. That’s what bothers me the most I think. If I had something remarkable to look back and say I displayed some character traits, I’d be happy but I don’t think I do. There’s just nothing really worth noting there in my opinion.

>>21734502
I agree with that. I never used to understand that but I do now because I know what conviction feels like.

I once had a girl that loved me with all her heart. More than I could appreciate at that time. More than I could understand. When I broke up with her, I had no idea how much it hurt her because I was too young to understand. We stayed friends, but she's changed a lot. I think I destroyed her innocence, and she became of the world. I don't really wanna see her or talk to her again. I have nobody now, I'm alone and there's a void that no one seems to even touch let alone fill. I've always been foreign to the world, but I think I've drifted further away than ever. I never talk about personal things with anyone, I always listen to my friends but I never share anything with anyone. It's a deep loneliness that I don't see any exit from. I talk to people all the time but I'm lonelier than ever. No prospect of change, every new acquiantance is a reminder of my pereptual loneliness.

I hate my life and I hate myself.

>>21734618
Sounds like it's time for some changes, then.

The dunning Krueger effect rattled me. Am I smart or just one of those idiots who thinks they're hot shit?

>>21734621
Yeah I'm working on it. Im not like these other fags who cry all day but do nothing to change. I've made some good progress. But I can never shake that bitterness and regret of knowing that I screwed myself over. Years and years of digging myself out of the damn hole. The progress is slow and I'm just so frustrated.

I wish Elvis didn't die

>>21734636
I wasted a lot of time too, so I can understand the dread and frustration. The reality is that one can only move forward and not change the past. Accepting this, and walking upright is the best option.

>>21734551
Why did you break up with her?

>>21734550
>Well you can call or circumstantial and I can call it calling but we’re talking about the same thing either way.
I see what you're saying, but I think there is a psychological distinction that is substantial that can have a great difference for how you feel about your life. I think that the "calling" associated mindset and your story focused mindset can lead to people to look upon their life from the outside in, from the third person, and judge their own existence on whether it is worth observing. But the real question is if your life is worth living. From the first person, moment to moment, irregardless of it it makes a pretty story for someone else.

If you're just an average person, there may be a lot of things worth doing in your life, but if you look at it from the outside perspective, it might look dull and mundane. The value of your life doesn't depend on if it entertains a hypothetical observer, it should entertain yourself living it. Besides, a lot of people who do end up epic characters of some sort with "a lot to show for themselves", like a Hemingway or a Thompson, end up buying into their own LARP and ultimately become a miserable person trapped in a character. It's like sacrificing your wellbeing to your ego. And ultimately all of it turns to dust and even the greatest figures in history are barely remembered.

Better to live for living than for the story of your life. At least that's my attitude. That said, it's never to late to start making interesting choices and crafting a wild adventure for yourself. That, in itself, can be a very worthwhile way to live. I just think you shouldn't get too hung up on it in terms of a narrative or legacy.

By the way, have you seen The Sopranos? The scene where Christopher asks Paulie what his arc is reminds me of this subject.

>>21734656
Because I was young and not ready to settle down, and I didn't want to waste her time. We were alread in our mid 20s, and girls have it harder if they wait too long.

>>21734632
Do some writing. You can come back to it a few years later and wiser and see how smart you really were.

I'm like an NPC who is aware of the fact. The ultimate failed normie, cant connect with autismos on here, cant do it with people IRL either. I read and feel I dont get a deeper meaning to anything. Just face value, if that sometimes. Not a clue how to communicate, I dont get it or understand it. Absolutely zero creative skill or output, consume and to aware thats all I'm doing in any real sense. A personal purgatory, a complete fucking midwit.

>>21734531
thanks. after life was a very strong film, and i'd recommend watching more from the new taiwanese cinema movement and the second new wave if you haven't delved into them before. films from edward yang (my personal favourite), tsai ming-liang, hou hsiao-hsien etc.
seeing as we're on the literature board, there's also a book by emilie yueh-yu yeh called 'taiwan film directors: a treasure island', if you're interested in the history of the movements and their social commentary relating to taiwanese history.

>>21734805
What do you want out of your life?

>>21734668
I don’t want to be an average person. I don’t have anything against average people. In fact, I love average people. But I don’t want that for myself. I kind of feel like I can’t have that even if I did want it. And yet, I’ve lived so much life already and have nothing really to look back on with pride as something exceptional. I’m really having a difficult time describing the sense I have about it all actually. I haven’t seen the Soprano’s but I’ll go see if I can find that scene. Maybe it’s articulated there even if as a parody.

>>21734885
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqTWW6CWC0s

This is the one.

So tired of it all.

I am trying so hard bros... So many people helped me in my life. If I become an infamous figure they will feel guilty for having prevented my suicide. I can't do what's right, and even suicide alone is running away from duty... But alive I can do nothing but suffer and watch other people suffer.
I'm going to keep going... Keep waiting for the clarity to decide what to do, whether that is to fight or die.

>>21734926
>If I become an infamous figure they will feel guilty for having prevented my suicide.
Not only that, you might ruin the lives of anyone who is associated with you, cursing them for their kindness if you get up to certain shenanigans.

Don't let the glowies win, anon.

>>21733273
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjLMDu9f3f4
you'll enjoy this anon.

>>21734936
Basically the only thing that prevented me from that during the riots in 2021. I had everything ready, too; I was also beaten to it by another guy that caused havoc at the riots that were near me.
Anyway, about the glowies, the only reason they try to encourage attacks is because they want the prestige or promotions from catching them preemptively.

>>21734905
Yeah. It’s pretty good. The irony is that Paulie and Christopher do have arcs. Tony really had an arc I think. Anyway, I’m not after an arc so much.

I love when girls give me attention. I love when I can tell they like me. But I don’t know what to do with it.

>>21734948
Well, you're given them a lot of incentive to having a preemptive look into you posting things like this. You know feds are monitoring this place and already went after one /lit/ poster right?

It's not worth it anyway, being one in a long list of violent temper tantrum throwers who decided to go out in one last screeching for attention changes nothing. Better to look inwards and try to heal yourself than die to be /pol/ meme of the day.

>>21734885
>>21734982

So what is it you're after specifically?

>>21734948
Thats okay anon, youd be a hero on /pol/. They might even immortalize you as a pepe or wojak

>>21735011
I don't care what feds do, besides, I'm not even planning to do anything illegal.
As for the worth, the point is not necessarily to change anything because one person cannot even begin to make a change in the world (unless he is exceedingly lucky); being a voteslave is no more useful than having the 'bright disk of the sun explode before your eyelids.'

>>21735027
Just imagine how many criminals are misunderstood. One tends to think that everything has a personal motive but, when you see something horrible happen at a riot, some innocent wypipo having their brains bashed in while feds encourage it and side with the rioters, is exacting justice simply to become a hero? No. It is a spurious choice that comes from righteous anger at injustice, with no thought either to the consequences or to implicatioms.

>>21735017
I don’t want to be specific on here.

>>21735091
Right, sorry, I forgot you said so earlier. Anyway, good luck with it anon, I hope you make it in some way or the other or find peace without it.

God please help me.

Been working for almost eight months now with a former Borderlands programmer that I met at a Blaze Pizza in Burbank on a Disco Elysium style game that takes place entirely at a 2006 furry convention at a Marriott Hotel featuring the then-new mSpot style of rooms, a sleek all-in-one design described in a press release article titled "Hitting the mSpot" as "celebrat[ing] the road warrior and engages the next generation of Marriott customers."

>>21735122
*kirk hammett solo*

I'm not racist and I understand that other people are the real problem, like women and jews, but I really dislike seeing niggers. I hate seeing them almost as much as I hate seeing trannies.

there is something wrong with the way my body processes water. I can not drink anything for 16 hours yet still urinate every hour and it will be clear every time. No matter how dehydrated I feel if I take even a sip of water I suddenly have to urinate and it's clear. It's like water just goes straight through me and I don't absorb any at all.

>>21735132
You have LPD. It's unironically because you touch yourself at night.

I should be studying or doing something productive of my life, but my headache is now allowing me
tomorrow I have to go to college, I don't know when I'll finish that crap now, I'm so close yet I'm so far, I need to act, I need to do something

>>21735132
Very possibly a kidney or bladder infection. Careful it can get bad quickly. Any weird abdominal pain? Either way get to a doctor ASAP, that is not good. Don't mess with anything related to the kidneys.

>>21735132
just go to the doctor. sounds like the kind of thing that they can fix incredibly easily while if you let it go unchecked you'll probably have something burst inside you and die of sepsis or some horrific shit. not worth ignoring

>>21735100
Thanks

I just don't understand women anymore and it makes me sad as fuck

fellas, I used b-ok.cc (and b-ok.lat) quite a bit to get books in spanish, now that thats dead, there any other?
libgen isnt it

sitting at my computer shaking. thank god my friend just texted me "bar in 30"

>>21735322
b-ok is still up it's just not on cleanet. connect via the onion address with Tor and you can use it as normal :)

>>21728554
Nice

three more hours until the de la soul back catalog hits streaming services

>>21735389
Don't drive.

those ai deepfakes of joe biden that have been circulating on the internet recently is honestly the funniest fucking shit ever. its so dumb, i love it

>>21735405
too scared about stumbling into something I shouldnt if i try that

>>21735322
have you tried soulseek? great for books, just search for "authorname epub"

>>21735416
? not possible unless you specifically go looking. it's like me saying 'open chrome and go to facebook.com'; you aren't gonna stumble onto some weird shit if you use the official address.

>wake up
>Still no bookish, brown, autistic gf
My friends, it would be better that a man like me was never born to begin with

>>21735437
i have a bookish gf with brown hair and i confirm, its good shit. you gotta be careful though, many of them pretend to be modest while in reality its the opposite
however, having a autistic girlfriend souls be exhausting i think

>>21735443
*seems, not souls ffs

>>21735443
>you gotta be careful though, many of them pretend to be modest while in reality its the opposite
are you saying they're whores or just arrogant?

I don't care about anyone, and no one cares about me. Everything balances out.

>>21728405
Why do some people in their late teens or early adulthood stop liking sport because it’s “uncool”? Kinda weird. Not even my friends, who are university types, understand why I like baseball.

>>21734551
Why don’t you think that you can change? You could form a new relationship or try to reconnect with the girl from before.

Having my shirt off is demoralizing because I can see my moobs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFZhFAZd-pE

Had to deal with black people at work today. I really hate black people.

>>21735773
That probably means you work in low end hospitality or something with customer service, which means you’re a poor, trashy loser.

>>21735773
This here >>21735815
The rich people are laughing at you
Especially the brown ones

I always thought I didn't care about money all that much, but that's an easy opinion to have when you're a NEET with no money to begin with, almost sounds like cope at some point.
now that I suddenly earn a pretty good salary I still don't care much about money.
I guess you don't always have to experience things to know whether they're for you or not
>>21728418
Wings of desire

Feeling some extreme anxiety right now.
Usually I numb it with porn, video games or mindless browsing, but not today.
Give me something fun to do with this dread.

>>21735899
listen to tread water by de la soul
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBKa2V08sRQ

>>21735815
>>21735871
>MUST..... DEFEND..... GROIDS
>UHMMM.. UHH... YOU'RE... POOR! FUCK POOR PEOPLE!
lmao

Next thread

>>21735936
>>21735936
>>21735936

>>21735931
>MUST..... DEFEND..... BENEVOLENT MASTERS

Yeah. We're poor. Fuck you white groid

>>21735815
>>21735871
Now kiss

>>21735973
so fragile

>>21729067
making out with my gf in the back of my car