/lit/ - Literature

* A E S T H E T I C S *

>>21705391
take a quick pussy pic from under the table and post it first

Hullo everyone, i have new work to share.

> micz.substack.com/p/to-alice-on-staying-at-home

>>21705472
Also here is an older poem for verity sake.

Hope you like them.

Were you stood up? are you lonely? Desperate? In need of company? Are you willing to fart on my face?
Because if you've answered yes to any of these questions we might just get along.
>>21705472
>>21705479
I like these
the cat poem is a bit simple but they're both really charming that way.
Came for the comfy pic stayed for the comfy poetry

she sits alone and sips her drink
and wonders what the patrons think
her legs crossed tight against the glare
of those who know she’ll soon be there
half drunk and fishing at the bar
and then inside a strangers car
then biting on the pillow when
he pulls her hair back again.
He tells her that she has to leave
heartbroken she tries not to grieve
and feels his icore dripping down
her leg, while he in dressing gown
walks to the door and rubs his nose,
she waddles out, the door is closed.

>>21705629
Why not fix the meter of line 8
>he’s pulling back her hair again

>>21705391
Sun rises, moon rises
In the night you soon find it’s
All gone
All you derived is
All wrong
What you surmised is -
Never to be put in a worthy song.

>>21705829

she sits alone and sips her drink
and wonders what the patrons think
her legs crossed tight against the glare
of those who know she’ll soon be there
half drunk and fishing at the bar
and then inside a strangers car
then biting on the pillow when
he's pulling back her hair again.

He tells her that she has to leave
she tries to smile and play naive,
yet feels his icore dripping down
her leg, while he in dressing gown
walks to the door and rubs his nose,
she waddles out, he slams it closed.

>>21705472
Best one by far. Shows real promise
.
>>21705479
like it aswell

>>21705948
4/10

>>21705950
i like the new version more. i wish the two haves connected better

So i met my friend. We had a good time.
Also im a fat gay dude in his 40's. Come get some.

>>21705472
Genuinely fucking terrible

>some gentle absurdity for children

The moon turned green and the sun turned blue,
The stars fell down and the earth turned askew,
The flowers sprouted wings and started to moo,
While the cows danced in tutus, crying "Moo hoo hoo!"
The ocean turned solid and the mountains turned liquid,
The trees started to sing and the birds turned frigid,
The fish flew in the air and the birds swam in the sea,
And the world turned upside down, just for you and me.

>>21705391

I’ll treat you well, stranger.
For you are no danger
To prides in pain
From memories that linger.

I’ll curse you, my friend.
My charity I won’t lend.
For a friend is a person
That you can never meet again.

>>21705391
I’m gonna kill myself tomorrow
And you shouldn’t show any sorrow
I’m gonna cut open my fucking throat
And board Charon’s party boat

>>21705472
Nice.

Asunder Koan


Apart from me were the words
yet,
I am the words?
And now I'm broken

>>21705950
That's cruel

The mad king dances joyfully,
stepping into the sea.
He twirls and spins among the waves,
wherever they may be

He floats around light as a bird,
submerged in revelry.
To fish he sings to birds he screams
filled now with ecstacy.

Night falls upon his luscious home
dark as a lion's den.
When dawn appeared a host arose
and found him did his men.

Warmth of night near fireblight and rubied twilights glow/
The mountains sigh breathed through the pines is felt, but spent alone.

Moonlit grass and clouds that pass above the town below,/
the droning tune of traffics boom is heard, but spent alone.

Meadows green and lovestruck dreams and feelings yet unknown,/
long winter pales a fairytale and all that's seen, all that's heard,/ all that's felt, every word,/
all there is upon this earth, is loved/
is loved/
but spent alone.

>>21705472
I liked your other stuff more, but I appreciate the sentiment

>>21705950
First half is better, and it didn't flow together all that well. Still, A+ for a meme post.

>>21708191
Again I like the sentiment but the praising is a little odd and it doesn't flow together.

Looking through the curtain's glare,
The day ahead seems quite bare,
Packets lie the bedroom floor,
Loneliness is at the door,

Hatred of his family,
Overwhelms mentality,
Andrew Tate is on his screen,
Erect is his tiny peen,

Playing on his online game,
From the stairs he hears his name,
"Go outside you need some friends",
Mum has him at his wit's end.

>>21709613
I like this

Any Dutchfags?

>>21705472
I like it, but don’t you want to fix that iambic pentameter in lines 13 and 22?
> But now is the day and I feel rather scared
But now’s the day and I feel rather scared
> Which stands above the scribbling of laws.
Which stands above the scribbling of our laws.

>>21705479
Again, no iambic pentameter in lines 1, 4 and 7. But here it works somehow. Why did you go for this?

>>21708158
> Found him did his men
What?

>>21709613
Meter sucks. Fix it and it’s a good meme poem.

>>21705391
Niggers
I can't stand them

Little monkeys swinging from the clock
Time is Niggardly with me

I beg for release

>>21709853
Frankly here comes a point when i just decide to go by ear. I think perfect adherence to the pentameter can produce a slightly dull, stultifying sound, particularly when describing the mundane.
I count syllables like anyone but if i decide the poem flows better some other way i'll go for it. Im guessing it's not to your taste then.


Also it's funny you mention it, since it was "now’s" right up until the end when i had read the poem some 50 times over and just decided "now’s" is a stupid sound to say over and over again and it'd rather just take the hit.
I also hate to use "upon" because i think it sounds stilted.

>Both on our phones, an evening much like this,
is another 'broken' line, but gain i like the effect.

I have some more metrical stuff coming Though, which hopefully be more to you taste. What do you think of the poem otherwise?

>>21709936
wow thats a lot of spelling mistakes.
sorry anon im slightly drunk, but i stand by the sentiment.
I sometimes write oldy worldly pastiches of people like Milton and Donne and im convinced their language simply lends itself better to the perfect iambic line.

>>21709936
I’ve only started my hand at poetry literally three days ago so maybe I’m a bit obsessed over meter and shit. I can see you wanting to switch it up. Like I said, in Teacher’s Pet I quite like it. But in To Alice it feels somehow more like an error. I guess you just have to be aware of it and if you depart from it do so with a purpose. There’s something to be said for the dogma if you decide to go iambic pentameter then go for it all the way. Up too you of course.

Otherwise I like To Alice, if only because it succeeds in getting a coherent base-level meaning across in a stylistically sound way, which is something most anons fail to do. Otherwise I haven’t given it much thought to be honest, my brain is also pretty fried. I might read it again tomorrow.

I guess maybe the anxiety could be made a little more palpable? Also “I feel that emptiness inside my heart” is a bit on the nose.

>>21705472
Lmao

>>21710478
>Also “I feel that emptiness inside my heart” is a bit on the nose.

Perhaps. The point was to be distractible to myself since i neither have it in me to support a cause or to go after her.
im trying to alternate between bigger, heavier poems and these slice of life bits.

>>21710506
I'm not sure how to interpret that

>>21705472
i dont respect poetry that exists only because the writer refuses therapy

>>21710796
Can you be more specific?
I usually get accused of being too sober, so what didn't you like?

And thank you for reading anyway.

>>21710832
worded it like a bit of a shitpost, i think you seem like you need to compartmentalize venting and writing. could really benefit you in the long run. if you havent already, start a diary.

Sometimes I’ll be sitting with a group of people in a normal situation
And I’ll blink my eyes
And it all appears suddenly
Nightmare that I’ll never wake up from

>>21705391

Valentine

When we lie in our heavy beds, sister,
will you weep for us?
Sweep the streets of ash, ring the chapel bell,
paint the lilies black?
Are you weaving a whore’s shroud,
blushing with fog?

When we lie awake in terror,
who weeps for us?
When we curse and scorn the hour,
who weeps sweetly?
Who weeps when we are laughing, dancing,
singing, dying, sick—

You who are eldest and gentlest,
come to our bedsides.
We shall drink from your holy eyes,
rest in your cradled hands.
Show us red mercy as you once did
for your brothers whose names are Death.

Mechanical and pale
The object of my lust
To her always without fail
Again a nut I bust
Her wardrobe all in black
Those sexy thigh-high boots
Excite me while I jack
To her perfect fembot glutes
That sexy all-white bob
Is just my cup of tea
I polish all my knob
While thinking of 2B

Mechanical and pale
The object of my lust
To her always without fail
Again a nut I bust
Her wardrobe all in black
Those sexy thigh-high boots
Excite me while I jack
To her perfect fembot glutes
That dainty all-white bob
Is just my cup of tea
I polish all my knob
While thinking of 2B

>>21705479
I like this. It reminds me of picrel.

>>21705629
It's weirdly good for what I at first thought would be a joke poem. It shows the hollowness of the entire interaction.

>>21706454
>And the world turned upside down, just for you and me.
I'll remember that one.

>>21706516
Nice duality, and I don't often see aphorisms expressed through poetry anymore, so kudos for that.

>>21708158
I'm fond of this already because I love mad kings and seas and revels, although I think the poem itself is weak.

>>21708191
Upon first glance I thought this was cut and phrased very awkwardly, but it works well when read out loud so it actually does flow. And the idea of beauty spent alone is striking. It makes you wonder if beauty alone will warm you, or if it's only ever the synthetic stirrings of a heart that longs for blood and war and the real thing.

>>21710796
>>21710832
>only exists because the writer refuses therapy
Kek that's a good way to phrase it. Emotions in your life don't automatically translate to emotions in your writing, yes? Clearly there's an attempt here, and that's visible in the writing, but because it's unsuccessful the result is something that is simultaneously "too sober" and "too wet."

Bump! don't let our one poetry thread die.

>>21712976
Moar.

How about variations on what has been posted?
Epic thread, OP.

I'm no poet,
I just don't know it.

>>21712210
It has potential. It can be improved though.

The rolling hills throughout the country,
The clans at war throughout the nation,
The Celts and the Anglo-Saxons,
The Empire's endless victories.

The brave and European spirit,
The noble courage, powerfully strong,
The mountain-moving strength of men,
The will to bravely face the pit.

"But we are headed for disaster!"
"But we have lost our will to power!"
Though we live in fear and terror,
Nothing can be lost forever.

I'm not really happy with the first stanza but it is what it is.

>>21712210
based gynoid appreciator

>>21706516
I think you did rather good with this one, it reads quite well, and it evoked some sort of feeling in me. Good job.

>>21706454
I love the imagery, wonderfully bizarre. Good poem anon.

bmp before bedtime

O' the moon in all its glory
never told a truthful story,
all its light replete with might
could never tell me so

As when I hold this spectred vision
in my flesh belies division,
O' the wraith of wretched faith!
that old despised glow.

FUCK YOUR NEBULOUS BULLSHIT

The stars shone celestially like starry twinkling stars.

These distant suns.
These balls of burning noble gas.

"The stars sure are starry tonight!" Said an old star to a young star couple.

They turned their twinkling starry eyes towards him, but were much too starry and shy to respond, so they just gave him a polite shooting-star nod and went on their starry way.
Down through the twinkling celestial pavers that weaved their way through Stellar Park in the centre of Star City.

It was a cold and starry night.
And as they crested that hill and sat down looking at the twinkling starlight shimmering star-buildings, he realised he had been thinking about all of the problems he tried to hotel at the base of Twinkle Mountain.

The stars sure were starry tonight.

She started shivering, sending twinkling catches of light onto the effulgent sidereal trees. He wrapped his letterman jacket
around her admiring his star-spangled starball number for his position as quazarback for The Stars.

She glanced down and saw scintillating starlight
illuminating the star-brass plaque of a gravestone plot.

THERE IS A STAR FOR EVERY STARGAZER
A STAR FOR EVERY SORT OF FAME
A STAR FOR EACH AND EVERY TIME
YOU EVER THOUGHT OR SAID MY NAME

Inspired by Xenophon's Socratic dialogues.

On my way home, I walked by a weird well.

How would you guys read this line? The first three words do not seem to me to have stresses except perhaps the first word. I can wrench the second word to have a stress and give the clause an iambic feel but I naturally read this quite prosaically. Can you guys write a stanza with this line for me? The rhythm is abnormal, especially if we are reading it the way I am, so I want to see how you guys go about it.

And now once more I lost
I thought of her again
Love, yes, but at what cost
This time was number ten!
I'd hold her on the bed
Well parted by the shins
Her high heels nicely spread
While I commit my sins
I'd flip her facing down
to grab her shapely rear
And then I'd go to town
while pulling her white hair
Don't judge me when I say
I'd give that bot a spank
You'd have to be real gay
To have issues with my wank
Berate me as you please
for loving this gynoid
I've got a brain disease
A job for Sigmund Freud
'Cause merely seeing her strut
will send me on a spree
And countless times I nut
while thinking of 2B

haven't wrote poetry since i was like 16, my partner is getting me back into it. Give criticisms!


the shade between the leaves retire their form in shadow
the sun finally sets on another blurry day
leaving sketches of bittersweet memories and forgotten childhood recollections
I wish i could of grabbed them before they left, or express to them my grief

but to understand these impressions you have to forget you were trying to realize them
the oneness lives inside pellucid fragile thought, it is here where life comes to live
out of reach as the hand leaves the side, oh how cruel reality is, i dread its honesty

how i would give anything to bathe in nostalgia
how I would give anything to open these thoughts of conviction
how i wish i could live for the now
how i’d give anything but forget that i'd give anything

an enigma to my self, my hearts eyes are blurred for another fruitless day
I'll walk into walls, i'll fall over my own feet, wishing i had a way to see without seeing

wishing i had a way to feel without feeling

When impossibility
Intrigues me, well then
The wanting walks on its own;

Along a wind it decides,
To your quiet space,
With a white lily, Enclosed.

What can it say, hm?
That I need you more than life?
Could that convince you?

If it could I would have you
Even just in my dream.

>>21715350
Excellent

>>21715350
keep writing i like this a lot

>>21710796
Such a narrow point of view.

It lacerates my throat with tender nuance
Pin-prick test strips of what this really is
Every first kiss is sucked up by vacuum hisses All award ceremonies diluted with the
virulent piss of that
bone-eroding essence-owning orgiastic interstice.

Of course respites come and go
but I know it when my teeth sprout lighthouse lamp-tops
and scan a cluttered maelstrom ;
Holding doors open for smiling vessels with full loads of cargo
I curse their putrid, fickle smiling
It was never meant for me, no more than manners dictate,
but why would it ever be?
Why would I poke holes in other’s life-rafts because mine’s lost at sea?
I know it, too, when the school bell rings
and from my fishtank world I suffocate the
dawdling prawn,
no oxygenated condensate can
invade, resist, or penetrate
the collapsible stock barrage assault
of smoke serrated yawns.

When I aggress the stasis
When crowded elevators reveal the mouse
When Raskolnikov ventriloquizes my park bench nightmare
In the cluttered maelstrom
When I wish good fortune on a store clerk and mean it with the intensity of tears
That’s when I know.
You’re just a primeval marionette
swaying on a silk woven noose
yet you’re just as much a part of me as any lighthouse glow ever was
I’ll never understand it
I’ll always feel it in my
sweaty palms
My deferential leash
Schopenhauer spoke of a “nihilating” force, the nothing noths
You’ve nothed me to the edge of myself
And I’ll climb that wirithing gallows pole to whatever spider hole is left.

>>21717819
Reads good, anon.

>>21717879
thank you.

>>21716473
>>21716500
Thank you

JOY BUOY

Ever since the controversial law had passed eliminating controversy, people seemed strange.
All pent up.
Their steps a little more
Start.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.

A little more
sta-
ca-
tt-
o,
you know?


Like factory recall tin toys.
Like home-video rodent death.
Like their teeth were clenched all the way up to the base of their noses.

Tiny muscle spasms,
imperceptible to the partially clothed eye.
Small eyelid-barks.
Inaudible.

There was a sweater itch stab in every Thank you.
A bone sore twitch in every Good morning.