/lit/ - Literature

S3Id00d

>>21689127
well, at least the mediocre AI art isn't a pirate for once

Hey, new-ish writer here, working on character voice. Do these three seem unique enough? I feel like the last two seem to similar but I don't know why. (Sorry about the shit quality lmao, this is unedited)

>>21689173
To be honest, we're not the ones you should be asking. Once you can distinguish each character in your head, you can be sure your audience will.

>>21689173
I'll read it later tonight after I finish the paper I'm working on and let you know

>>21689178
that's good advice, thanks. I'll work more on that

I like to take overused Shonen tropes and use them in ways that feel more well-written
>The Power of friendship
Instead of the supporting cast just cheering on the protagonist to get up and fight more, they actually step in when the MC is down and, through peerless teamwork and their own powers and skills, manage to bring down something the protagonist couldn't alone. They're friends, and a good friend steps in when a someone they care about can't go on. They become not just friends, but comrades who fight as a team and understand each other all the more for it.
>The powerup
Instead of physical training, getting handed the power, or MORE DETERMINATION, the protagonist getting stronger is a sign of increased wisdom and experience with their abilities. There is no such thing as a training sequence, as they instead gradually figure out the powers over time because they bothered to actually think about how to better utilize them

>>21689173
Three sentences in, its dogshit, its trash, into the fire it goes, utter garbage, it insulted me personally. I seriously do not think Ive ever seen a worse writer. That was horrible. What? Huh? Am I reading a technical manuscript? I swear it reads like English isnt your first language. If I had to guess you probably work in a call center of some kind. Maybe read a book other than the tech support manual Rajeesh. Anyway, come back when you have some skill. Maybe post your suicide note. Dont make it too long though, cause Im not reading any more of that than I have to. Absolute dogshit, that chud Dave Foster couldnt have written a worse book. Fuck you.

>>21689267
I have to tell you that if you do that your readers are gonna think youre gay.

>>21689281
>chud
too obvious, anon

>>21689173
It's FINE. You should focus on conceptualizing the characters in your own head, from there channel them when you write their POVs, let their characterizations tinge how you write those POVs. Basically as >>21689178 said.

>>21689288
>>chud
>too obvious, anon
Damnit

>>21689294
I feel like the
>Fuck you.
at the end also gave it away. A solid effort on the whole, though. 6/10.

>>21689281
Thanks, anon! I'll give up on this, you're right! :D I'm thinking of doing scriptwriting next, I'll be sure to run them all by you!

>>21689173
You repeat words too often. Dont do that unless you are making it extremely obvious its supposed to be funny. You also write certain things like youre listing them, and certain actions seem artificially interjected, sort of like you were trying to write a movie script. You reveal too much through direct statement. Show her powers, IMPLYING theyre magic, and then talk directly about it some other time.
If you want to compare certain things visually make sure to set up the first half of the comparison before actually comparing the two things.
Also, dont use less than common words unless it adds to the scene. If you wouldnt see it in some midwits term paper stay away from it unless it really makes sense to use it.

>>21689302
>I'll be sure to run them all by you!
Ill be sure to run them through a shredder,
bitch.

substance of choice?

>>21689127
What's with all the retards offended by people saying litrpg / isekai is garbage?

>"Then die in obscurity!"
>"Well I might make money if I do it!"
>"No one will read you if you don't write goyslop!11!!!"

>>21689389
I don't think anyone here is offended. We know that it's garbage. But writing pulp genres can still be good to grow one's skill and career as a writer.

>>21689398
referring to the last /wg/ thread where this happened
>inb4 "Well, you don't *have* to write litrpg / isekai to get popular on royal road--"

Yes you do, that's what sells there.

Just finishing up next weeks poem.

> micz.substack.com

>>21689408
I wrote a poem about wanting to screw Ahsoka from Star Wars to the tune of Eminem

>>21689287
How the hell else am I going to write a story where a good chunk of the content is characters partaking in over the top battles

This might be a dumb question, but how can I learn to write more clearly? I think my writing is largely purple prose, and I'm worried that all of my time in education has mindbroken me to write for word counts instead of clarity.

>>21689440
Just kidding. Although it is going to give off a sort of childish aura.

>>21689441
There is nothing wrong with being flowery but if you want to be straight boil whatever you want to get across down to its purest semantics and then speak using simple terms that cover broad pieces of your subject.

>>21689405
There are many popular novels on there that aren't litrpg or isekai, but yes those are the genres that the website focuses on. You can still be very successful on that site with other genres if your writing is good

>>21689408
That was sweet. I hope to see more from you.

Tail end of last thread someone mentioned potentially doing a lot of "worldbuilding" in his first chapter. Do you guys even listen to yourselves? Not only are you not writing, you haven't even started writing, and all you're planning on doing is writing unengaging shit. Not even a mention of how he plans to introduce the facts through the lens of his protagonist's experience of the plot, just a simple question, "Can I be boring?" Frankly, I'm disgusted.

>>21689683
I hate
>DUDE WORLDBUILDING
cunts. The worldbuilding should serve the story, not the other way around. Even Tolkien understood this.

>>21689690
But...muh heckin worldbuilding. How will the reader understand the countless hours I spent crafting the world if I don't info dump in the first chapter??

>>21689652
Subscribe and you will
<<cough, cough>>

>>21689703
Whoah dude... is that a... heckin' chonker? Also your post was wholesome. I hope you dont mind if I put this on Reddit. Also heres an entire synopsis of my day, but particular moment was quirky so heres a segway into a similar but vastly unrelated topic from the original post. Have you played Elden Ring?
I am smarter than my enemies.
EDIT: Thanks for all the awards guys!
EDIT: Tehee

>>21689690
Worldbuilding is fun because you get to really explore/expand your own imagination without needing the actual writing talent. And some people do have that, too. What's wrong with fun?

>>21689725
Worldbuilding is fine. But there are definitely a lot of people who focus on worldbuilding at the expense of the reader. If you're just creating a world for yourself, obviously there's nothing wrong with your primary focus being on that. But if you're trying to create a story for an audience, you do have a duty to them to make the worldbuilding serve the story.

>>21689725
Over-worldbuilding is annoying and often done for the sake of showing off. The best "worlds" are the ones that propose interesting ideas to the reader that let them fill in the gaps themselves. For example, in Star Wars its established that going into Hyperspace takes you into another dimension but its never established how it functions, what its effects on the culture are, what legislation surrounds them, how much the average hyperdrive costs, or how much one would charge to install one because it is ultimately irrelevant and serves no purpose in regards to the actual story which is about daddy issues and blowing things up.
>Prepare to jump to Hyperspace
>WOW Han isnt it great we live in such a rich and vibrant culture
>*autistic ranting*

TONIGHT I WILL WRITE FLASH FICTION

In the previous thread a dude mentioned that 90%of women are writing retarded romance non stop, but men too especially here seem to be writing some basic fantasy/sci for morons, none will ever read.
Is there anyone ambitious out there trying to do something like Pynchon or David foster Wallace ?

>>21689839
>Is there anyone ambitious out there trying to do something like Pynchon or David foster Wallace ?
I would like to do that eventually. Im trying my hand at cheap stuff first, built around ideas I want to communicate. The problem is finding good prose and atmosphere while trying to portray certain ideas in a precise manner. One of the hurdles of (literal) autism.
Stuff like those guys write is sort of the goal. Something impactful.

>>21689839
>Is there anyone ambitious out there trying to do something like Pynchon or David foster Wallace?
When I feel like I'm skilled enough to write something like that, sure. In the meantime I'll mess around with popular genre stuff that at least allows me to get feedback on my writing, as well as money.

>>21689441
Read Dwight Swain's Techniques of the Selling Writer for the standard way to write fast-paced pulp prose.

>>21689690
>Even Tolkien understood this.
No he didn't. He made a world as home for his made up languages. Stories were almost an afterthought.

>>21689441
Post an excerpt and I'll tell you if you have a problem with purple prose

>>21689886
>feedback on my writing
good
>as well as money
you need to write for your own fun and whimsy. the highest quality or most profitable stuff on RR was written initially for their authors enjoyment.

Speaking about RR, has anyone read the story 'Epilogue' on there? I fucking hate that story. Stupid ass woman written 'be a normie' bullshit.

>>21690011
Of course profit is secondary to enjoyment, but it's still a valid goal. I'm in school right now and am not in desperate need of money, but I will need to make money off of my writing eventually

I'm in my last year of school (fuck off I'm 18) and I do the lowest level of english available that isn't for actual retards. I'm working on this for an assignment, the prompt is "the beginning is always today" so I made it "its over." I'm trying to satirise the misanthropy and despair you see on this website. Pls gib feedback :D

>>21690028
I'm genuinely impressed, anon. I don't think I could write something that appalling if I tried. You have a very bright future of shitposting ahead of you.

Though, in case you are serious with this, just forget everything you've learned about writing so far and read some Hemingway. You need to factory reset. Learn how to write clearly and concisely without a bunch of extra stuff that only servers to give your reader a headache

>>21689408
Not a fan of phrases broken into lines as rough as in this. Makes the flow work against itself. It has a good structure though, perhaps this trade off is a good choice. I think your poems could use better chosen words in the middle of the lines to make more obvious associations, it's hard to understand on a first read.

>>21690037
Its mostly intended to be a shitpost... I hate my teacher and want to offend him and make his life difficult as much as possible. I don't know how well i'd go if i tried to write something serious.. I think it would be the same.

How would you go about conveying something similar but in an actually readable way? Cause i think it'd be fun to explore seriously.

Reposting for the new thread. I might have gone too far into the "explicitly narrated" direciton.

Something like February 2013

It was about a year after the apocalypse started when I kicked in the door to my brother’s apartment. That was why I was in that godforsaken city when I met up with the Green Oasis people, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Like any good storyteller, I’m doing my best to start the story as close to the end as I can get, but I have to start with apartment room 2A of Caravan Apartment Building. I have nothing good to say about the city. It’s all well and good that the people who choose to live there love it and treat the university like a cult. Technically, I was supposed to be part of the cult too, since my brother was enrolled in their business school but suffice to say, it wasn’t for me.

Apartment 2A was walking distance to campus, which meant the rent rivaled New York City, the floorboards had all warped from spilled beer, and the leasing office liked to cover up broken glass by taping mental health awareness posters over it. The locks had all been updated to digital keys that couldn’t be picked, but the door frame was going on sixty years old. My heel drove the deadbolt straight through it with a crack. The layout was a gnarled lump of rooms twisted around the staircase to squeeze in some extra windows. The living area and kitchenette had been congealed together, separated by a skinny table more fit to be a bar counter than a dining room. I swept the room, from fridge to television, with my Mossberg 940.

Nothing moved, but the sweet scent of rot lingered in the air.

what are your general thoughts on outlining?

can someone give me tips on how to increase my likelihood of acquiring an agent and being trad pubbed with a YA fantasy?

>>21690241
cut off your penis

>>21690253
im a woman (biologically)

what else?

>>21690254
cut off your tits

>>21690254
How many cats do you currently own?

>>21690259
no i dont want to be nb or trans
>>21690262
0. i dont like animals

i want writing or marketing advice omg not how to be more special

>>21690264
>i dont like animals
I have some bad news about that YA fantasy career...

>>21690241
As you know, the chances are very low in general, but it all depends on your writing. Without posting an excerpt no one here can tell you anything.

>>21690254
>im a woman (biologically)
Are you really that lazy? You have to market yourself. Spend at least 50% of your time screeching on twitter that you hate straight white men. It's like birdsong to the jews who run the publishing industry. Good luck.

>>21690274
but i hate twitter and i'm a radfem so my brand of politics is considered wrong

i recently started reading philosophy and i want to add writing philosophy to attempt becoming more articulate and have better thought out thoughts but i am a tad intimidated by writing, any thoughts, suggestions, opinions and/or tips?

>>21690271
but there are poorly written YA acquired. look at lightlark for example. so many youtube vids about the poor writing

im not saying i dont care about being a good writer but thats not what matters at least in YA...

>>21690275
>but i hate twitter
welcome to the club
>my brand of politics is considered wrong
welcome to the club x2
now imagine being 10 times more alienated than this and you'll understand what it's like to be a man who's trying to get his foot in
anyway you will probably need social media no matter how you hate it and you can probably latch onto those vague feminist hashtags like #visiblewomen. I appreciate that you dislike the idea of whoring yourself out (I really do) but I'm afraid that you have to play those cards. There are people who probably work harder than you AND have no shame whatsoever in using every single breath they have reinforcing the fact they have a vagina, white men bad, women are le oppressed, and kowtowing to the LGBT community. Sadly this is mostly a networking game.
If you want to self-publish you can run ads, and there are a few people here who claim to have sold something that way, but I honestly doubt it or there's at least some kind of catch.

After speaking with a few people, anon was right, $15 is too expensive, I'll drop the price of The Beautiful Kingdom to $10

>>21690455
That title sounds awful, anon. The Kingdom of Beauty? Reign of Beauty?

>>21690553
It's a classical translation.

China = the middle kingdom
America= the Beautiful Kingdom

>>21690283
samefag should i just attempt to write and post something here like once a week?

>>21689127
What did you read last?

>>21689408
>in in
What’s the point in feigning meter if you’re going to be redundant
>work and
Why switch the stress here? Or did you think and was stressed against work?

>>21690557
I don't get it. Why the fuck would china be called the middle kingdom and America be called the beautiful kingdom?

>>21690595

>>21690616
that's a nice infographic for once

miniMAG Issue33
weekly /lit/ magazine
accepting submissions for april-may editions
send poetry, art, prose, non-fic to:
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com
older issues in pdf format at:
minimag.space

>>21690671
>>21689127
her nipples would have to be minuscule for this fit to work

>>21690675

>>21690677
>>21689173
use “crouch” more
the voices are all distinct
the first section needs more tuning than the following two

2 truths and a lie

>>21690679
full issues at minimag.space

>>21690682
>>21689408
forget what your third grade teacher said; it doesn’t have to rhyme

>>21690685
send submissions (under 2.5k words per piece) to:
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

>>21690686
>>21690028
i feel empathy for Sanjay

>>21690690
>>21690185
artistically that first paragraph has been done before
without novelty it doesn’t provide much function

>>21690692
>>21690595
to the chinese, they are the center of civilization itself, the castle on a hill, the kingdom of culture surrounded by a world of barbarism. the middle kingdom.
if you thought americans were annoying about claiming their culture is no. 1, go hang around china for a couple of years.

>>21690693
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com
minimag.space

>>21690577
One of the stories in Takes of the Unreal

>>21690713
That's not reading. Read some greats you look up to.

>>21690718
Please find your handler and tell them you were posting on the internet. Im sure they will give you a gold star, wipe the drool off your chin, and tell you what a good job you did trying to communicate like a normal person.

Should books be judged by their covers?

>>21690733
Yes and I won't pretend otherwise. Even a blank clothbound cover with nothing but a title is better than a lot of the self published covers I've seen.

>>21690241
Amp up the romance, write shit that you know will appeal to normie women. Don't try to "say something" with a YA fantasy, just pander to the kind of person an agent is (a woman with no creative drive who lives in NYC and took the job so they could be judgemental for a living.) Also look on /r/pubtips or whatever for how to write your letters; Agents prefer their pandering to come in a standard package. I'm not going over the specifics because there are a lot of examples already.

>My printer is broke, so I had to print a sloppy copy at a printers
>14€
goddammit

>write a line I'm really happy with
>a line in a book I'm reading captures the same idea and is 1000x better
"The right planets met in the house of Scorpion" god damn

>>21690730
You read self published trash. You’re the mutated retard here.

>>21689127
do any of you save the feedback you get from anons about your work? I have a couple saved that I look back on regularly.

>>21690942
no and in fact I just count the (You)s and never bother reading it

>>21690241
YA is what sells. Don't ever try to do anything but YA. People that don't read YA will never read your book.

>>21690997
boo

>>21690998
yeah, but YA is completely nebulous. My edition of Dragonflight is "YA", but the language is way too advanced for teenagers.

Can't think of a pen-name

I have a question on genre:

I've written a novel which, being set in a made up world and using a medieval-tier tech, always made me think it's fantasy.

But there's no magic, or fantasy races. Beta readers have called it literary, and I've been told historical fantasy (like Guy Gavrial Kay) is close, but I'm not sure on that.

It reads like historical fiction (which is what I mostly read), but deals with literary concepts. It certainly doesn't match any fantasy I've ever read (or heard of), so how do I classify this thing?

Tl;dr is it automatically fantasy if its set in a world you made up?

>>21690942
Yep I have a real nice one from an anon claiming he worked for his college lit journal that's kept the revolver tucked away a few times. Thank God I screenshotted it since warosu died.

>>21691066
Yea it's fantasy. Can market as "low fantasy" or whatever terms you see people apply to Le Guin and Wolfe

>>21691009
Bebel Vivviliams, pronounced like Pebble

>>21691004
That's why you write the sweet spot of 16-25 females. Male anons? Won't read what you wrote, they only read books by dead people. So anyone here telling you that fantasy is shit, they're not your market

>>21691112
Is this a nazi dogwhistle? Because I will call myself Bebel.

>>21691066
I think at this point there should be a distinction between fantasy as a genre and fantasy as a market.

give me a generic scene that has a conflict and resolution within itself for practice
I really need to work on short-term conflicts that provide immediate pressure

>>21691259
a couple are arguing about the other's smoking habits

>>21691215
I think I understand what you mean by that.

When I mention it's fantasy, everyone assumes Dungeons and Dragons, LotR, or Sanderson. Which is very far from what I've written.

It's at the point where fantasy agents are confused, as well, because it's not what they consider "market fantasy."

The annoying thing is, agents who represent literary works will see the fantasy tag and say no immediately, also assuming the more recognizable fantasy genre.

>>21691066
If it's a fantasy world, you're going to get hit with the fantasy adjective whether you think you want it or not. You can try to dodge it, or you can take the opportunity to weave some dubiously-magical mystery into your narrative, keeping your readers guessing and wanting more than they're given. It's hard to get fantasy published so good luck either way.

>>21691104
>Le Guin
>Wolfe
>low fantasy
Sir Able rides a fucking pegasus to go fight giant ogres in Valhalla. "Low fantasy" is more like Tigana.

>>21691259
an ornery italian midget accosts the main character for being tall and wearing a shirt with this on it

>>21691273
based

>>21689444
What's so childish about developing wisdom or creating bonds with other people?

What did Orwell mean by the first rule? Was he against metaphors and other figures of speech or simply against the ones used by writers? It just seems like an arbitrary and absolutist rule. It doesn't sound reasonable.
> Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
> Never use a long word where a short one will do.
> If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
> Never use the passive where you can use the active.
> Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
> Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

>>21691314
He was just a massive sperg.

>>21690685
Fuck you it does

>>21691267
I suggest you use one of those made up words like "new weird" so that you don't say fantasy

Hello. What are these threads about? by fantasy do you mean the genre? like orcs and stuff like that?

Rate and hate, homos.

>>21691574
Reminded me, grimly, of this (sorry):
www.youtube.com/shorts/X9mirCTafzg

I think you have a nice ear for prose, but this piece doesn't work for me. It's like the voice is proceeding too comfortably down familiar associative pathways. It needs some kind of alien element at odds with that solipsistic voice. (But not the cube of your earlier piece, which was more like a pure creation of the voice, sinking into its own mood-board of images.) A classic plot-twist, or a classic dialogic back-and-forth, or a classic unexplained intruder on the scene -- I think a little bit of their friction would go a long way to making the piece more alive.

I'm a dumb ESL and I've tried my hand at writing a few fantasy things. People have told me my prose is great but I assume they did so out of courtesy or low standards.
AI taking over has really wrecked me. What would I even try for? Same with art. It already felt pointless before but I could enjoy doing it for the sake of doing it but that secret wish of putting it out there must've been hiding somewhere all along. I thought this whole AI situation wouldn't get under my skin but it did.

>>21691715
post your work dumb ESL

>>21691715
Generative AI is nowhere close to being able to comprehend story or sequences of events. This is because of the way information is stored in their parameters - updating those parameters directly to account for new information could impact its performance in other unrelated areas in unforeseeable ways. This means that they can't train current models to plan ahead based on a story they came up with, or accurately stick to a narrative with a goal in mind. Techniques to mitigate this are pretty expensive, and their viability falls off quickly as the story becomes more complex, since the context parameters are either processed in a polynomial time or are arbitrarily limited to a finite latent space. If anything, story writing is the last field that AI is going to be able to take over, purely as a consequence of the math involved.

If you don't believe me, go try using AI to write a story. It's hard to even get it to do some of the work for you.

>>21689408
I liked it allot man. Also the livingroom poem.

Ignore the other anon, you rhymes are light and elegant, don't lose them

>>21691574
Pretty good. I would change the sentence fragments into dependent clauses.
>It's cold and I'm walking hunched, pushed against the wind and smog and refuse of the city, past back-alleys laced with broken glass, vomit, and forgotten deeds, past the yawning sucking mouths of bottle shops, red lights, transactions in the dark.
This sounds much smoother.

rate/critique my (500 word) intro
https://pastebin.com/3KVvyjXc

>>21691686
Thanks for the advice anon. This story is about my cyclic experience as a recovering alcoholic. Maybe I'm letting my desire to capture a feeling get in the way of a better story.

>>21691938
Cheers, I don't know what a dependent clause is but yes that does flow nicer.

>>21690224
Total waste of time. You're going to come up with ideas as you write, which will fuck with whatever preset structure you had in mind.

>brain fog
>can't write for shit

>>21692073
thats EXACTLY when you shut everything off, drink coffee and start writing anon

>>21692077
i'm already drinking coffee and writing

>>21690616
Pretty sad case there the Phillipines. Everybody else has a decent name, and Phillipines named after some random ass Spaniard prince

>>21690693
You idiot. Middle Kingdom refers to the fact that they are surrounded on all sides by other countries.

>>21691066
This is a non existent genre I wish existed. Fictional settings that don't include magic or sci fi tech. It's not historical fiction, because it's not set on Earth or using Earth cultures. Like Ruritanian fiction but with a whole planet. Alternate Earth Fiction.

One example would be the anime Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise.

>>21691769
I'll do it next thread so it's not associated with a screeching rant
>>21691782
When I mention AI taking over I don't really mention that AI will surpass human beings, but that it will saturate the available space even more. Surely it will be a while before AI will be able to shit out litRPG chapters that zoomers can consoom (does it even matter that they're coherent? people already read AI generated smut and enjoy it) but certainly there will be a lot more content piling up simply because it takes a click to generate. Visual art is fucking kill, every platform is flooded with AI shit and this is not reversible. I'm more of a drawing guy than a writing guy and I feel like the Internet had completely shut down overnight. Even if I never had an impact on anybody and probably never would, I still felt like it was possible to actually be there, even if barely so. But now it's just over. It's like, officially over. At least I could imagine that maybe someone would one day see what I made but now it's over. Internet will become an AI thing now. I don't even want to post on 4chan anymore because the botspam has increased tenfold

>>21692271
AI as it is now, on a fundamental level, can not ever achieve the ability to supplant actual writers. The only people whose jobs will be threatened are those who shit out filler articles and that kind of ultra-formulaic short form trash

>>21692277
AI art can't even supplant fanart.

>>21691782
>If anything, story writing is the last field that AI is going to be able to take over,
Probably movies, because they require images, voices, sound, scores, dialog, plot, and editing all working in harmony to create a whole. AI can barely shit out a single still image without fucking it up or writing more than two bland paragraphs. It's laughable when people worry it could write movies even at Transformers level of shlock.

this song is great when i'm writing grounded, brawl fight scenes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=199PRNiERmI&ab_channel=TimeTraveler

>>21689127
How are you guys going to make it when you don’t know Instagram doesn’t let you click on hyperlinks except on your profile’s website section?

>>21692285
>>21692277
give it like 6 months

>>21692384
I was told this a year ago
And 6 months ago

>>21692390
last year artists laughed at it, now half of artstation is on suicide watch

>>21692390
get ready to be told that every 6 months for a couple of decades

>>21692398
just like global warming

>>21692384

https://pastebin.com/Ktk7MFME

Please critique, thank you /lit/

>tl;dr it's WW1 and the squad prankster's hijinks go too far

>>21691945
Writing is very blunt and on the nose.
Lacks specific sensory details.
Dialogue is robotic.
Scene transition is too abrupt.
Has no hook for an intro.

You either need to tease out what's going on in the scene or just condense it into a summary if it's not that important.

Have any books on writing actually caused a fundamental change in how you anons approach it? Most of the books I’ve tried seem a bit too focused on the author’s rules and methodologies that have worked for them, rather than talking about how to craft genuinely compelling stories.

>>21692467
now you see the problem about books for writing

>>21692467
there was this one book that talked about reader expectations and that really helped me figure out that writing is more about the audience then writing whatever a "good story" is, if you write the shittiest story but your audience loves it then you wrote a great story

I have a handful of published stories and a handful of published essays. I have been slowly working on enough in either category to hopefully publish a collection of one or the other. Do you think any publisher would accept a collection of both stories and essays?

>>21692467
Have any books on writing actually caused a fundamental change in how you anons approach it?
Not really.
>Most of the books I’ve tried seem a bit too focused on the author’s rules and methodologies that have worked for them,
That's probably the best you'll get. Read their lists of tips and figure out what works for you.
>rather than talking about how to craft genuinely compelling stories.
When they do get into fundamentals of a story, like let's say the hero's journey, it's usually delusional bullshit.

Imagine stage magicians giving each other advice. They can share magic tricks, but everyone has to come up with their own act. A book on the deeper meaning of magic and showmanship would be pretty worthless. You just have get on stage and learn that part for yourself.

>>21690048
If you wanna fuck with your teacher you'd get more effect out of handing in quality work with retarded subject matter

>>21692452
>Writing is very blunt and on the nose.
good or bad depending on who reads it, although I do need to improve the first paragraph
>Lacks specific sensory details.
I don't want to describe a place I will never use again or be at, its more of an mc intro
>Dialogue is robotic.
I thought the dialogue was good
>Scene transition is too abrupt.
was it confusing?
>Has no hook for an intro.
I do have a hook but was checking if the intro intro was good

>>21689281
>>21689173
put this anon as a character in your story

>>21692367
That's why I'm stuck here.

>>21692649
>I don't want to describe a place I will never use again or be at,
If you're there once, it's worth describing.
It needs more specificity. Instead of saying 'music was playing' say it's Neuvo Tango and describe the band member's instruments. You don't have to fully describe everything in the place or the people, but you do need to give some specific details for the reader to latch onto.
It's an after work event. Mention that the crowd is wearing business casual clothes and still have their ID lanyards around their necks. Or that some women have already switched out of their pumps to jogging shoes. The reader can figure out that it's mandatory corporate bullshit for themselves.

>I thought the dialogue was good
It's what they call 'maid and butler' dialogue

>>21692649
>I thought the dialogue was good
>“Even after pulling all those all-nighters we now have to come to this stupid party? I mean whats the point of working all day just to spend all my night here with the same people. I’d rather be home right now relaxing.”
>“It’s the big mans going away party. Nothing we can do about it.”
People don't talk like this. Especially when they're tired, bored and want to be done with it all. There's too much dialogue and you're underestimating how powerful speech is. The first line should be something as simple as
>"I'm not feeling this after the week I've had" or "Fuck man, I just wish I was home"
>“It’s the big mans going away party. Nothing we can do about it.”
Should be cut down to
>"Nothing we can do about it" or something like "Well, we're here now"
Your dialogue is simply too wordy and your characters are saying things which explain something already said, or something which can be inferred. By all means, keep at it anon, but jesus christ.

>>21692748
>If you're there once, it's worth describing.
no, its not
>It's what they call 'maid and butler' dialogue
I liked it
>>21692755
I'll change some of the dialogue, but I like the intro so I will keep

My writing output fluctuates a lot. I can be writing four thousand words a day to just one.

>>21692775
how do i fix this?

>>21692779
much better to write 1000 words everyday then fluctuate, set a schedule, make sure you stick with it
I set a timer for x amount of time when I am on my computer and the clock reminds me to write
sometimes I write 800 words usually I hit 2000, and the highest I've done was 4000

>>21692787
1000 is my minimum for every day, i make sure to at least meet that

>>21692795
then what are you complaining about lol
you write more then 98% of the population (and more then most writers)

>>21692823
I don't feel like I'm doing enough

>>21692835
Then do more. Problem solved. Personally, I care more about quality than hitting a target word count

>>21692763
>no, its not
You need to set the scene, especially if this is the introduction. You realize how important your setting is, right? Your characters are derived from it. Not to mention place and space is a crucial part of what the reader will visualise while reading, you've got to give them something to work with.
>The music plays in the background of a large ballroom. People dance to classical music that is played and enjoy the small lunch meats except for two overworked employees who were ready to leave two hours ago. One sips his drink while the other complains.
I've never read such garbage before in my life. Somehow nondescript, yet you're still over explaining.
>The music plays in the background of a large ballroom.
>People dance to classical music that is played
Mention the music twice why don't you? If people are dancing to it, is the music really in the background? If so, what's the focus?
>two overworked employees who were ready to leave two hours ago.
You have "two" in that sentence twice, for no reason. You can easily replace the first appearance with "a pair of" or "a couple of". The second use of the word is entirely unnecessary. It seems so aggravatingly specific. You're giving it emphasis when you should be using your ability to forgo details here and not on the setting.
>overworked employees
Simply stating that they're overworked employees degrades the dialogue because now they're repeating things we already know and the reader doesn't learn anything from what's being said.

>>21692835
if you write 1k a day for a year you will write 365k words
That's enough for ~4ish novels or ~8ish novellas
You can release 3 chapters a week (plus buffer) of your serial novel (forever)

and, if you stick with it, you will write 3.65 million words in 10 years (thats FORTY novels) many authors have like 1 novel every 2 years

Something I find strange is I was writing this story about a cult and they work and such

but the story just turned into a gay love story about a schizo homeless guy and a man trying to pay the bills to keep the house and his alcoholic alive and deal with him.

Whats with that anons, Does this ever happen to you while drafting???

>>21692854
Well, uh, I sort of maybe got a 100k done in a month when I first really started out. Was kind of going all the way, since I'm a bit of a neet.

>>21692862
yea? how many novels do you have published/written

>>21692855
yea, like I mentioned the first paragraph needs to change
but I disagree that you need to set the stage for anything through description, that's what the establishing dialogue does. Description is better used in other, more important, places.

>>21692866
None. I was just hyperfocused on one thing until I felt like doing something else on the side. Think that kind of fucked me.

>>21692854
>>21692862
Also, thank you for that, anon. I forget not a lot of people are capable of that. Guess I just set myself at a higher standard because I want to do at least 2.5k a day.

>>21692876
its a never ending cycle
once you finish one book the high wears off and you are only as good as your next book, but you do need to finish something (if you want to publish)

>>21692884
this cycle is also what fuels most competitive athletes, especially the likes of MMA fighters

also a song about this exact cycle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D30ze82EcxE

>>21692875
>first paragraph needs to change
That's all I care to mention, because it's an honestly terrible introduction, especially when paired with your dialogue. Glad you recognise that. Thankfully, I have faith that the dialogue will be fixed in your second draft. You'll get back to the start after writing a lot more and the issues will be obvious.
>I disagree that you need to set the stage for anything through description, that's what the establishing dialogue does. Description is better used in other, more important, places.
I'm not going to fight you on that. I've said my piece and understand that we may disagree due to stylistic preferences, not because I'm right.
I'd like to see your progress anon, so post again in a while. Prove me wrong, though I'll have something to say on it either way.

If I only say what the characters are doing, will my writing be dull? I tend to have a very direct voice and all my writing is pretty much
>Anon wasn't hungry but he sat down to eat his hamburger. A moth was circling the hanging lightbulb in the kitchen. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV and his eyes ached against the bright square for a while. A blond woman in red was smiling at him from behind the screen. "Anon," she said with a soothing warmth that kept him looking. "Don't you really need a vacation?" Anon nodded while chewing. His mind went over the question again and he swallowed. "Yes!" he yelled. "Fuck's sake, yes!" He stared wide-eyed into the image in anticipation, waiting for the entity in the red jacket to answer him. "Well?" she said, "what are you waiting for?" She gestured with her pretty hands, inviting him to come to her. Anon put a foot on the table. He wasn't sure if it would hold. He was in his underwear, no sock on his other foot. He was dirty and he looked like shit, but this was like an angel calling him to Heaven. Still holding his hamburger he put the other foot on the table. He felt his toes against the cold plastic as he found his balance. The whole thing creaked under him. He was sweating. For a moment he threw a panicked look into the TV. "What the fuck," he muttered. "Come on, almost there," she said, like a mother to a child. "Okay," he took a deep breath. "Okay." He put the half-eaten hamburger on the cupboard and put his finger into the TV. "Oh," he said as he knuckled in, elbowed in. "Oh fuck." A strange cold washed over him. The table made another groan of agony as he stuck his other arm in. The table leg snapped and he felt his whole weight against the bezel. "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit," was his prayer as he felt the pull. His head went in. His legs, in. His foot, in. The moth landed on the screen, now showing static. It would be still there the next morning.

>>21692924
Assuming you're writing an isekai and plan to serialize it somewhere like RR, your prose will be perfectly servicable.

>>21692931
I wrote that for the post, it's not a story.

>>21692924
>will my writing be dull
Yes. It's very dull. But if that's the way that writing naturally comes to you, I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong. I just personally don't like it

>>21692859
happens all the time, thats why outlining is bad because it takes those moments away (but also at the same time good because it allows you to FOCUS)

>>21692924
>If I only say what the characters are doing, will my writing be dull?
Absolutely. That said, I do it too for my first draft. I jot down actions and important descriptors only to come back to fix it up at the end of the chapter.

>>21692958
>Yes. It's very dull
Fuck. How do I even fix this? If I get any more flowery I only think of it as fat to trim

>>21692986
Honestly, your writing is so dull that it'd take quite a lot of words to get to the point where you need to worry about being too flowery and purple

>>21692994
Well fuck me. I wouldn't even know how to start making this better.

>>21693012
You said you wrote that for the post, it's not a story? Perhaps with an excerpt and a bit of context you'll get better feedback. I'd go through and give my comments on what you posted, but if that piece means nothing to you I can't see the point.

>>21693012
Go read Gormenghast and you should figure it out decently well. Peake is one of the greatest descriptive writers of all time

description this, description that
whatever happened to just writing? Those were the good ol' days

>>21692924
Dull? Yes. You're missing like 2/3s of what you should be writing, but at least what you've written isn't garbage.

>>21693026
kek, description is the cornerstone of prose.

>>21693019
Yeah I just wrote something for the style.
I've started writing recently-ish and what I have is just shitty drafts no much better than that post.
>>21693023
>>21693029
That was not me Can you make an example of what is missing from the writing? Maybe a rewrite or something. I have a very visual imagination so I feel like going overboard.

>>21693019
Also lots context would be missing unless I posted a huge excerpt and I doubt that anyone would bother reading that especially if it's boring.

>>21693096
>Maybe a rewrite or something
I'd expand your post by such a margin, it'd take far too long for me to bother tonight. Maybe when I wake.
Can I ask what you're looking to write? Flash Fiction or short stories might suit your style better because you can get a lot out in such few words.
As to what you're missing - Prose. Writing mostly action drowns out the narrator's voice.
>but what do I add to showcase the narrator's voice?
Descriptors. Mainly
>space and place
>sensorary
but also
>Mise-en-scène
I don't dislike your style anon, but you should slow it down. The scene in your post works as a fast paced, action scene, but the start at least should be slower. Ease into it. And if you're planning on writing something longer than a short story, you really need to work on your pace, not everything needs to happen so quickly. You'll find the slower segments compliment the action scenes also.

>>21693026
padders gotta pad

>>21693026
>>21693181
Would you two mind posting some of your writing? I'd like to see what minimal description looks like. Perhaps my work is too padded.

>>21690241
be a mudskin
>meet a guy
>he's dumb as shit
>tells me he's a published author
>wrote YA fantasy
>he's black

>>21693189
I was only joking. Action is the bone, description the meat. However too much description is fat obscuring the meal.

>>21690796
>meanwhile
>i got mine professionally printed from barnes and noble for $7
>look and feel like any other book

overall happy but they gave me an isbn i didnt ask for so i'm still not clear how this is going to destroy my life

>>21690241
pretend to be the most stereotypical hypervictimized woke puppet imaginable in your inquiries

What's the optimal amount of semicolons the use per page so that pseuds rate me?

>>21692467
bird by bird, but the only thing you need from it is the anecdote that formed the title, everything else is a waste of time

>>21692467
Borges On Writing

>>21693204
>read one agent's page
>says 2 semicolons per book is the limit
>proceed to use 10 per chapter
oh no, varied and diverse punctuation choices to expand the functionality of the language?!?1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I am converting an erotic story to a regular one. In the original story an orgasm played an important role in it, what are some things I can replace it with?

>>21693218
Lol, lmao; top kek, even. Forty kekarots perhaps.

Thoughts on present vs past tense?
General feedback would be appreciated also
>first draft
>new short story

>>21693247
Past tense third person limited is objectively best combination of POV and tense for 90% of stories.

>>21692073
What's the source of your brain fog? Long COVID?

>>21693255
I think I agree with you, however I'm more drawn to present tense for whatever reason. I'm a rather ametur writer though and often catch myself mixing up tenses upon re-reading some of my writing. Is this a common mistake from beginners? And when, if ever, is it O.K to mix tenses?

>>21693160
>Can I ask what you're looking to write?
Adventure fantasy stuff with some romance. Not chasing publishing trends, I genuinely like it.
I drew comics for a long time so my writing would always look like a screenplay. I'm really stiff when I try to paint a scene because I think "am I not trusting that the person reading this can imagine it?" I feel like I'm beating the "reader" over the head.
>The scene in your post works as a fast paced, action scene
That's weird because I feel terrible at action scenes.

>>21692467
Contains lots of helpful advice on how to craft your work so that it'll hold the reader's attention.

>>21693247
>Thoughts on present vs past tense?
Past, I guess, as most things that are described, at least in my experience, have just ended rather than taking place.

>General feedback would be appreciated also
For the first sentence, I feel like you can remove everything past "with lightning" and rewrite it a bit. As people know lightning is bright and brief. So maybe something like "With lightning occasionally striking through the dark, cloudy sky."

Blurb. How is it?
>"To protect the world of Tymber from any that may burn it". It was the pledge Adah Phenric took when she became a Knight of Valora and given the codename, Serenity. Born with the ability to harness "mana" she is recruited to the D-2 team of the Pine Cantonment.

>A routine monster killing sours when the D-2 team disappears. Adah undertakes a new investigation trying to find her missing comrades. Her mission brings her to a deeper mystery that concerns the nature of Tymber itself.

>As she uncovers more information, she learns a growing plot that threatens the stability of the world and one that would require her to make a choice: blood or duty?

>>21693295
C'mon. Tymber? Really?

>>21693273
>Adventure fantasy stuff with some romance
Kino. And I get what you're saying anon, I do the same. That's what countless revisions and a few beta readers are for.

>>21693298
You make it sound like I need to call everything "Ger'equnbu" or something unpronounceable. And yes all the cities are named after trees.

>>21693295
Very cliche anon. It screams Royal Road.
>Tymber
>burn
>Adah Phenric
>Knight of Valora
>Serenity
>mana
>Knight assigned to D-2 Team?
>monster killing
>deeper mystery that concerns the nature of Tymber itself
>growing plot that threatens the stability of the world
It would seem that the issues I have don't lie with your blurb, but with your premise, plot and character.

>>21693317
Thanks! I wanted a very generic fantasy story.

>>21693316
No, but it's way too in-your-face. Come on dude.

>>21693316
Tymber is too on the nose. If you're setting is medivial fantasy then base your names on olden day European cities or countries. Obviously made up names are cringe because they're pulled out of thin air. Get some historical influences.

>>21693320
Then again, if that's what you're after then all the power to you. As long as you're having fun.

>>21693303
This is a very clichéd bit of story I am working on
I like this sappy stuff
https://pastebin.com/yJFyda2u

Is there anyway to format Microsoft word so that the next 'page' is actually the 2nd half of the page split vertically?
Like news article style or something

>>21693327
>If you're setting
kill me now, I've commited the ultimate sin.

>>21693329
I don't use Word anymore, but probably. Try the "Layout" tab at the top.

>>21693328
The more I read you, the more I enjoy it. It's strange, most anons' stories are all meat and no bones. Your style is the opposite. Keep at it anon.

>>21693327
>Tymber is too on the nose. If you're setting is medivial fantasy then base your names on olden day European cities or countries.
It's more based off Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy 8 where they have silly very on the nose names like "Windhill" or "Fisherman's Village."

"Obviously made up names are cringe because they're pulled out of thin air. Get some historical influences."
But history names it's towns after shit that's around them. Rockhill, Canyontown, etc.

>>21693359
Weirdly I don't remember many towns named after forests or trees. It's always a "hard" landmark like a hill, river, etc.

>>21693286
Appreciate the feedback anon. "Striking" is the perfect verb and I somehow overlooked it. I think I might write the first chapter out in both tenses and see how I like them, might even post again when they're done. Past is the most common and the more I think about it, makes the most sense, but we'll see where I end up. Thanks again.

>>21693353
>my style is all bones and I like it
t-thank mr skeltal
this is another bit from another story
https://pastebin.com/NDwv8CCm

>>21693369
>Oakland
>Walnut
>Springfield
>Palm Lake
>Roseland
>Redwood
>Palm
>Sugargrove
>Everglade

Really? Do you not notice the names of towns?

>>21692231
oh my bad, the water nation of the Yellow Sea. The Bohai Sea is where Atlantis was if I recall correctly.

>>21693392
I just live in a place where such town names are rare. As I said, most are named after a hard landmark here.

>>21693403
Oh okay fair enough. I took the names of what was around where I live. And they're pretty much named after Trees. aka, Aspen, Colorado.

>>21693410
if you insist on an arboreal location name make it something other than Tymber
name it after a type of tree or the name of a major forest
even "Millston" would be better imo

>>21693359
>"Fisherman's Village."
The Finnish company "Fiskars" that produces scissors, axes, etc. is based in Fiskars, which means just that.

>>21693422
The world is called Tymber.

Countries are called "scientific names"
Pinaceae, Hevea, Cactaceae, Acacias

Towns are called shit like Bristlecone, Opuntia, Mangroves, Kelp, etc.

>>21693359
>"Windhill" or "Fisherman's Village."
I've always assumed places like that were poor translations, or just vidya terms. My "Fisherman's Village" is called "Baleen". My town in the sourthern desert is called "Fetlock". I could let "Tymber" slide if it were some forestry village, but that's the name of your world?

>>21693392
>American
I get it. Your country is huge and you've got so many places to name, I don't hold it against you. But
>medieval fantasy
>Tymber
Try to be more subtle. If you tell me Fetlock and Baleen are terrible I'll consider changing them, aren't you here for criticism?

>>21693247
present tense is a gimmick and unpleasant to read in

>>21693446
Brief spurts of present-tense can be good for action scenes but not much else

>>21693441
>medieval fantasy
>Tymber
It's not medieval fantasy. compare it to Final Fantasy 8 where machines, cars, lights, electricity all exist. They just fight with swords and magic. I'll probably have to clarify that in the blurb if the automatic assumption is it's assumed to be "medieval".

Thanks people!

>>21693446
>>21693450
Duly noted.

>>21693329
there is, i forgot how to do it, had to do my master's thesis in this style

>>21693450
>brief spurts
>yeah bro just change tense in the middle of a novel it's fine
zoomers actually

>>21693470
Seen it done in 40+ year old works.

>>21693476
>zoomers citing boomer pulp as a correct expression of the English language
time to learn french

>>21693441
>Fetlock and Baleen
These are fine, if the story tells the town is filled with horses or the town is known for whales

>>21693456
>machines, cars, lights, electricity all exist
cool
>oh and they fight with swords
huh I see. why not handheld projectile weapons, given that every other modern invention exists? guns aren't exactly technologically advanced compared stuff that already exists in your world

>>21693486
I'm trying to write pulp myself, so yeah, sure.

>>21693502
kys

>Start writing
>Had a rough idea of how my novel was going to go, but if I try to write outlines or plan I inevitably don't write the novel
>So I went with a rough idea of some good scenes to put into it
>Thought a few of them were pretty good
>Rough draft is going along
>Scenes came out totally differently than I had planned
>Scrapped one scene idea that I thought was a gem for a totally different scene that flowed more naturally
>Characters are going in directions that feel natural but totally different than expected
>I don't even know if this is going to have the same ending anymore
>I'm not even sure which characters are important now and which people were only supposed to show up for a scene

I didn't think actually doing it would be like this.

>>21693506
faggots on the internet telling me to kms is one of the reasons i haven't done it and never will, faggot

>>21693498
The story involves gunpowder. Basically the lore of the story has "knights" be the only ones that use magic. So the leader of the world contracts with a merchant that creates gunpowder, thus allowing the creation of a "magicless army".

But the Merchant who is the main villain, wants to introduce gunpowder to the world to cause mass destruction killing a majority of the population. And it's of course Adah's job to stop this.

>>21693456
I think "Knight" threw me off and "mana" is usually used in medieval fantasy games.
The Final Fantasy setting is something I will never understand the appeal of, there's too much bullshit lore required to explain away why 20th century technology exists alongside magic. It's not just hard picture a world where one doesn't make the other redundant, and it's not so much shit like
>are there doctors or are there healers? both? why one over another?
but more so that I think technology would have been created to compliment magic and that the circumstances around the invention of some technological items would be so vastly different to what they were in our world that they couldn't possibly be the same. They'd have different names. They'd look different. Most importantly, they'd function differently. Just the thought of it causes a massive disconnect for me. The worldbuilding is just so out of whack.

>>21693508
Outlining a shit, yeah.

>>21693509
the world has enough schlock as it is without you squirting your jizz onto the pile of coagulated cum as well

>>21693511
>The Final Fantasy setting is something I will never understand the appeal of, there's too much bullshit lore required to explain away why 20th century technology exists alongside magic
Fair. I love it though. Just complete nonsense where giant machines blast magic, giant blimps, old random ass future technology, guns, swords, motorcycles, dinosaurs etc. all live in the same world. It's awesome.

>>21693522
watch me go faggot

Can Science Fiction ever compare to literary fictio? Assuming its done correctly?

oh no this thread is terrible
you just F5 endlessly
oh no

>>21693530
litfic is a pretentious buzzword

>>21693530
The problem with Sci-Fi is the socialist utopia every faggot totally real except it's fantasy sci-fi writer creates. Whether it's Star Trek or the Orville. Instead of addressing the sheer existential nightmare that space is, it's some hippy or preachy message about some political nonsense, as if that's what anyone cares to read. Then again, most sci-fi lovers are autistic.

>gone 6 months
>thread is now animewriters and pantsers

>>21693543
I've seen this exact complaint six months ago

>>21693446
"Oryx And Crake" by Margaret Atwood uses present tense for the MC's current state, and past tense for his memories.

>>21692487
You don't happen to remember what book that was, do you Anon?

>>21693524
>It's awesome.
I won't argue with that. I guess I lied when I said I'll never understand the appeal, rather I can't accept the setting for a story of my own. What irks me more is when characters use phrases like
>coup d'état
in a world where France has never exsisted. I'm just a real stickler for stuff like that and I don't know why.

>>21693558
probably save the cat, it's something you'd read in a book like that

>>21689281
Keep seething, neckbeard

>>21693541
Hey, I used space and sci-fi to explore themes of forced genetic engineering, governing at a distance, isolation both spatial and temporal, and to create an interesting scenario of physical danger.

It's not all Star Trek wannabes

>>21693535
Yeah, but you know what Im talking about. Typically realistic or historical fiction thats sole purpose is to express a philosophical idea and is usually extremely high in its "production quality".
>>21693541
I got halfway through writing a paper criticizing how Star Wars approached the idea of a civilization built around multiple alien species and interstellar travel and how that might actually look (obviously it would be a complete and total social and genetic nightmare). Although, that isnt really what Im talking about when I say Science Fiction. I was referencing stories where scientific principles are either altered or exaggerated in some way to have a notable impact on the characters and setting, so that could include Star Trek, but it could also include something like the X-Files (not that a Science Fiction story has to have aliens in it), as far as TV goes.
I did say if it was done correctly. Most Science Fiction is purposefully low brow because most people interested in Science Fiction as you said are not interested in discussing legitimate philosophical ideas, those that are read more obscure books than what they promote at Barnes and Noble.
I was simply wondering if anyone thought that Science Fiction, if it was done correctly could communicate the same messages in a meaningful manner as literary fiction accomplishes when it sets out to do the same.
The question was meant to provoke a discussion, because Im not entirely sure what Im asking either.
>>21693582
For me, its underground cities.

>>21693573
I am the chad, you are the wojak. Deal with it.

>>21693508
all that's normal. hope you're enjoying the process

>>21693508
make them have sex!

>>21693510
>knights are the only ones who use magic
>the leader of the world wants to create a magicless army
>but the merchant ends up being the villain
strange. so your mc is an enforcer of the status quo and the merchant villain is a psychopath level of evil simply because

>>21693639
jew

>>21693642
really? you don't think
>But the Merchant who is the main villain, wants to introduce gunpowder to the world to cause mass destruction killing a majority of the population
is bizarre? especially because he was contracted to make the magicless army by the literal king of the world in the first place? like, how wouldn't the king of the world and the enforcers of his hegemony not be some level of villain in this story?

>>21693639
>strange. so your mc is an enforcer of the status quo and the merchant villain is a psychopath level of evil simply because

Yes. Well if you really need to know the plot and give away all the twists:

>MC is the enforcer of the status quo
>All the new Technology is causing environmental destruction
>Merchant determines that all the technology in the world is causing the world to die so that he wants humans to die so that the citizens don't keep using new polluting technology.

He's the WEF.

>>21693650
>How wouldn't the king of the world and the enforcers of his hegemony not be some level of villain in this story?
Minor villain.

"To protect the world of Tymber from all that would burn it." Which includes the King and Merchants. The King is styled after the Pope. I don't really elaborate on it though.

>>21693656
based
the polity in power is always by default the villain so this will at least be fresh in that aspect

>>21693247
lightening and lightning are two different words.
Real corny imagery.

>>21693620
I am. It's weird. I knew it'd be weird. But it's weird. It's just... stuff happening. I don't even feel like I'm in control, I'm just the schmuck who's doing it.

>>21693622
Believe it or not... the main character had sex with someone he wasn't supposed to have sex with because they had chemistry, and didn't have sex with someone he was supposed to because they both love cat and mouse too much.

Can I publish and remain completely anonymous?

>>21693781
I'm going by three different names at this point

>>21692418
This.
People point out that it's not good enough to replace people yet.
They fail to mention that this technology didn't even fucking EXIST five years ago and it's already come this far.
Another 5 years from now, another 10 years from now, it's only going to get exponentially better.

>>21693813
The underlying technology being "le neural networks" has existed for a while. It's not new and it hasn't come nearly as far as you think, you've been fooled by marketing and buzzwords.

>>21693247
You have a lot of unnecessary commas
>loves so much, is gone
Is the worst offender.

>--albeit briefly
Awful and just ruins the flow of the first sentence. There's no reason for this to be here.

Like the other people who responded, I would also advise against present tense. It can be good, but it's more difficult to pull off well than just being normal and using past tense

>>21693295
Shiver me Tymbers

>>21693813
I think you misunderstood the graph. It implies that AI is only going to advance for a short time before hitting a plateau. Not grow exponentially forever.

>>21689127
Please criticize this

>>21693924
You drowned out your own voice with a thesaurus and some high school English "break it into paragraphs" advice.

>>21693933
Can you expand on that

>>21693938
You have a style that's buried under bad habits that you learned writing essays.

>>21693941
>bad habits that you learned writing essays
I write a lot of shitty essays. Can you pick examples from what I wrote? Im not trying to be a pain but I do want to improve.

>>21693947
If I rewrote it for you then it would be in my voice. I'm not a teacher, so I'm not going to improve your writing by forcing you to rewrite to spec until I hear my voice echoed in your voice. You understood the problem in my first post and now you're just saying words.

>>21693947
as a helpful anon once said:
this reads like a fucking greentext

>>21693951
Well you said I drowned my voice with a thesaurus so to clarify what you mean by that is that my language is too flowery right? That I should use simpler words?

>>21693954
It sounds like Im listing?

>>21693958
Stop begging for teacher to tell you how to write it. Just say what you mean until you can hear yourself say it when you read it.

>>21693924
The timing of the sentences is too flat, vary the lengths of your phrases into a more pleasing rhythm. Also purpose should be purposes.

>>21693964
That is how I would say it, I barely revised it. Apparently I speak like a pretentious computer.

>>21693973
>Also purpose should be purposes.
What do you mean by that?

>>21693924
I'm having a hard time understanding what you're even trying to say, and why you have multiple paragraphs talking about some pipes

>>21693976
You don't type like a pretentious computer. You type like someone trying to spice up the opening paragraph of an essay to get a good grade.

>>21693991
Its meant to describe the deteriorating maintenance shaft networks of a series of large underground terrariums.
The pipes thing is just because I like the look and image of pipes.

>>21693976
Here. My voice in the rough draft. That's what I sound like. I can't fucking tell you how to sound like you.

>>21694002
Alright, but why should the reader care about most of that?

>>21693980
The word you used should be a different word. Shut the fuck up and think for yourself some, critique isn't a conversation.

>>21694007
I like how you describe certain things but it feels longwinded and the narrator is too spontaneous.
>>21694010
It highlights the decaying society that exists within the terrariums by showcasing the terrariums literal decay; how its rotting even if it isnt readily visible to the people inside it.

>>21694027
I'm longwinded and spontaneous. That's what I sound like. Try sounding like yourself instead of your English teacher's correction pen.

>>21694037
It wasnt meant to be insulting.

>>21694056
You don't quite get it. You're hearing longwinded and spontaneous because that's what I am. I have no idea what you are. You sound like a beaten down kid trying to write to spec for your high school lit class. That's my point.

>>21694066
I understand it now. Sorry for being thick headed about it.
What about it makes me seem beaten down?

>>21694071
I'm not grading your essay or giving you little correction marks. I can't explain it, you just have to feel it.

>>21693924
cut the following
>of the place
>on the side of them...their
>now you could
to
>water
liquid
>them, or whatever else they carried
>Whatever,
>among
along
>eroding concrete, forming trenches
eroding concrete and forming trenches
>Eventually, into the water it went
Eventually the polluted liquids found their way back to the source.
>A cruel irony that would be lost on all of them

I'd cut the next 2 paragraphs and just get back to the story.

>>21694075
Alright. Thanks for the input.

>>21694080
Also thanks.
>I'd cut the next 2 paragraphs and just get back to the story.
Do people not like rumination?

>>21694087
People like mystery

>>21694087
>Thanks for the input
>tell you to stop listening to your English teacher stifle your voice
>listening to the guy telling you to cut your three measly paragraphs to the bone

I swear to fuck. You kids want to do it. It's not even tiktok doing it to you. It's the education system.

>>21694087
>rumination
in a 1st person story I'd say it definitely has a place because it adds to characterization. in 3rd? a character better be talking or thinking and not the author hamfistedly philosophizing

>>21694095
>>listening to the guy telling you to cut your three measly paragraphs to the bone
I wasnt going to do that but I wanted to know why he thought it was a good idea.
>It's the education system.
I unironically feel developmentally stunted by the time I spent in the public schooling system.

>>21694102
you were
public school is teaching you what to think, not how to

If you're trying to become a better writer through 4chan you have already failed.

>>21694102
I know. I can feel it in your writing. You have something that you want to say and your ability to type it has been beaten to the point where you sound like someone with a thesaurus writing rote essays to pass a class. I'm mad, but not at you.

>>21694105
Wouldnt teaching someone how to think effectively be the same as teaching them what to think if the method of thought forced them to come to the same conclusion?

>>21694111
no
because having experience thinking lets you figure out other conclusions

>>21694122
This is true, but suppose the fundamental aspects of the method taught are so perverted at their base as to completely warp the perception of the student in favor of the teacher.

>>21694130
Something that fundamentally includes the student can never be fully corrupted by the teacher.

>>21694137
Thats a cheerful way of looking at things. Assuming that's true, I suppose a way for the teacher to get around such an obstacle would be to teach inherently corrupted students.

>>21694151
yes

>>21693201
there aren't any barnes and noble in germany. and shipping was 5€, which pisses me off. but what am I supposed to do?

New thread

>>>/lit//21694175

>>21694175

>>21694180
>it doesn't exist
good job

>>21689430
Post it, faggot

>>21693595
Yeah, I'm sure a lot of chads shitpost on 4chan.

>>21693822
Generative AI hasn't worked as well as it does for Stable Diffusion and ChatGPT.
Also, the nVidia A100 TPU is a game-changer.

>>21694107
By seething on 4chan, you have doubly failed.

>>21693543
>>21693548
6 months ago this thread was anime writers and pansters AND a mentally ill freak who didn't write constantly spammed the thread with video game talk and suicidal ideations

>>21689745
Not a good comparison, movies are a visual medium so a lot of worldbuilding is done without even needing dialogue