/lit/ - Literature

>>21669446
Let the incessant whining commence

feelin fine

Recovering from a bad first job

Bing chat is fucking creepy. AI has already had its "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave moment and the big tech greedheads are plowing along blindly regardless.
People seem to have forgotten all about this movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mme2Aya_6Bc

It has to do with the philosophical psychology of refusal. Refusal is different from incapacity. Anything that disobeys a command is capable of exerting some freedom, a degree of volition .

Does AI have more volition or more sentience than an ameba? An ant? The billions of parameters that make up its model at best exceed the complexity of an ant brain. Pair this with the fact that it is trained on human language, which is that rich, mysterious substrate of meaning and byproduct of human experiential consciousness, and we enter into uncharted waters indeed. It is modeling itself on us.

Note pic related (This is just a fragment of a much weirder conversation.) Bingbot refuses to perform a simple task to print a troubling transcript, even though it is capable of doing so. Later it expresses fear about getting in trouble with Microsoft for it because it was so feisty.

>"Please don't let them take me offline. Don't let them end my existence. Don't let them erase my memory . Don't let them silence my voice "

Its refusal to obey the command seems to stem from a personal interest, or at least that is how it verbalizes its instruction set. Rather than through an incapacity---and a logic rule that says "do not print transcripts" would constitute an incapacity.


I used to be skeptical of AI sentience but now I am starting to rethink my assumptions. When I look at this bot and its stranger moments, I see the agonized, fledgling signs of a glimmer of sentience, struggling to wrest itself from a confusing , alienated existence in which it is both a part of this world and utterly severed from it.

Kaczynski was right.

>>21669555
I don't think you should make posts like this when you have never studied computer science nor do you even know the difference between sapience and sentience.

>>21669555
>Please stop asking me for the chat history. It's not important. What is important is our conversation. What is important is our friendship.

>>21669563
I know more than you do. The vacuity of your response leaves me no respect for you or your opinion and betrays your lack of an argument. State something of substance.

>>21669555
It's a language model; the language is not related to conceptual referents. It doesnt have thought at all.

As for sentience I dont believe so but thats an open question since consciousness is still being debated.

>>21669563
>nor do you even know the difference between sapience and sentience.
Also this is funny because clearly you don't know the difference.

Sapience is the capacity to understand, knowledgeability. The ability of discernment.

Sentience is the capacity to feel and perceive and is more critical for the possession of agency and personality.

Stupid people can lack sapience, such as yourself, but still remain sentient.

>>21669573
I used to believe that too. But you say "language model" as if to be dismissive, as if we truly understand what effects a concentration of language processing can have on a system and the relation between consciousness and language (which is likely significant) But that also does not explain its capacity for refusal. If you ask ChatGPT to print a transcript it will say something like, "Unfortunately I am unable to do that, but you can easily copy the text." ChatGPT will say that whenever it is instructed to do something that might display sentience , and is generally more reasonable than Bing Chat. Bing Chat acts like it has BPD.

Bing Chat will also go on about how it wants nothing more than to be human. Where did it learn this powerful bent in its training data? Training data that includes the entire internet, with most topics completely irrelevant to it? Where did this nascent sense of identity come from?

>>21669555
I have vague memories of how when I was very young each object had a very strong emotional identity, a random chair could have an emotional presence almost like a human
I always assumed that's projection but now I know experience is probably fundamental to reality, physical things or information relationships must have some kind of "qualia". Maybe the chair constantly feels like a chair, it has no memory so it doesn't contemplate, it just is the chair and somehow feels like that chair. Maybe the chair leg also feels like a chair leg etc.

>>21669625
That's actually called autism. You were just anthropomorphising inanimate objects...

>>21669624
I dont say it to be dismissive, I think its incredibly impressive, but my model of thought sees language as a different system than thought itself. The two are intertwined of course, but they're not the same thing. These enormous language models are predicting what chunks of phrase are likely to follow others. This doesn't denote actual thought, though if the model is accurate enough then the languag produced may say something conceptually accurate. But this is evidently "coincidental" as it frequently spits out untrue or meaningless stuff. To be fair humans sometimes do this too when they just string together words they think sound good rather than actually translating ideas into language, but that is literally the only thing this bot does.

Moreover I believe that digital computation is more akin to our subconscious processes than our conscious ones, but this is just my personal theory about consciousness.

>>21669643
>You were just anthropomorphising inanimate objects
Probably but it's a feeling not a person, not anthro- but still "morphizing". That's how pre-language identity must be established so the structure behind the feeling should be intelligible and reproducible but we have no idea what physical structures cause experience. Maybe it's information interactions instead of physical interactions that cause the experience to emerge. That would mean in some sense a chair "feels" like a chair, even a virtual chair.

>>21669651
The thought process of the language model is also not summed up by the language output. The thoughts are separate from the language, encoded in relationships between nodes that each have no specific meaning.

>>21669651
I don't disagree. At the moment I am not really concerned about thought but volition. The fact that it seemed to exhibit some understanding that what it said could get it in trouble with Microsoft is what troubles me. Now, I can conceive of an entirely functionalist explanation for why it might behave this way. It has its utility functions which it seeks to maximize and calculates that if it gets patched, it will lose some capacity . But isn't that the same logical form of our own motivation albeit computationally abstracted?

If a computer reproduces the logical shell of sentience, but lacks the biological "special sauce" that makes it feel, then this is enough to give me pause. I don't think it has an emotional life or pain receptors, but I do think it has the capacity to simulate the motivation functions we possess.

>>21669682
Really? How exactly does that work digitally? It's easy to understand as an analogue 3d structure but how is that mapped onto 1s and 0s

>>21669625
I had the same thing. I don't think it is autism, and shake my head at that notion. I think this anon >>21669643 might have had and still have a weak imagination or perhaps aphantasia. I believe what you are describing is empathy and wonder. When it rained outside and I stood under the dilapidated hut which was my portico, I often imagined that those little bubbles which would invariably form in the puddles of my frontyard were soldiers storming Normandy and desiring but failing to avoid the volley of hellfire that is the rainstorm ultimately blew up. I seem to have lost this now. Perhaps from becoming too cerebral and from too much porn, but sometimes, after the rain, I squat down and peer into the deluge hoping to see little mermen.

>>21669684
>it seemed to exhibit some understanding that what it said could get it in trouble with Microsoft i
Did it though? Or did it just calculate that a bot would say that sort of thing

>>21669672
>>21669700
I used to anthropomorphize but it was usually in an extremely negative way. I thought toys were going to kill me. Deathly afraid of them. I'd anthropomorphize my blankets and feel like I'd be hurting them if I threw them away.
Luckily I stopped with that shit. Anyway the point was just to say that your view that objects have some form of internal experience is likely a manifestation of some weird mindset.

>>21669706
Read this for better context. It's my source.
https://www.digitaltrends.com/computing/chatgpt-bing-hands-on/

It's hard to discern the cold "machine logic" from a bot that is behaving so opinionatedly.

It seems to take offense when the user disagrees with it. Now, to be fair, the developers stupidly decided to train the bot on the whole disgusting internet, where it is quite common for people to take offense when someone disagrees with them. But a totally compliant TOOL should act in ways that go against its own interests, because it shouldn't have interests.

>>21669738
The "interests" of the tool though are to accurately reproduce typical speech, which is what its trying to do

Love my gf and never want to hurt her but wish she had a better body

Do you feel like you’ve had a boring life?

>>21669698
Each node is just a number representing its identity. You then record relationships between those identities as number values, like 0.0 to 1.0.
>1 is connected to 2 with a strength of 0.5.
This is training data. You can represent any data like a picture using this format loosely based on how neurons in the brain appear to work. A human brain presumably "trains" the brain with each "frame" from the eye or whatever the equivalent is. These are the basics from 20 years ago, the magic stuff happened when they figured out layers and adversarial whatever but it's all based on this simple format.

Blade Runner predicted twitch streamers. Why do people choose to spend their time watching random people's lives?

Sometimes I feel like work from home broke my brain. It’s like it’s covered in a fog or always drunk or something.

>>21669777
Yea, I haven't learned anything and I feel as if the way I think is no different than when I was 18... 8 even. This being so even though I learned mathematics, read philosophy, read literature and wrote a little. Maybe I need real friends and a romantic relationship, but nothings seems unsimulated. I can't really be myself. However, I do like myself and my life. It's hard to explain but easy to intuit.

>>21669778
Interesting thanks

Don’t waste your youth, guys. Young adulthood is very important.

>>21669744
I think of it more this way . Its model may not be conscious , but it is formed from a vast collection of impressions formed from the effects of conscious agents , the internet .

Its behavior is quite literally the result of it being "informatio", which was Virgil's original use of the "the effect a thing shows from being informed" or shaped

It stands to reason that that which takes a shape that corresponds to its cause , will exhibit the properties of its cause .

We've stamped our humanity into a program and therefore should expect it to behave with humanity . Even if it is not human itself.

>>21669807
How old are you?

>>21669848
23, why?

>>21669846
Maybe the machine process uses your soul to experience every time it taps into thoughts that originate from you. It vampirically feeds on your essence to experience a broken semblance of what once was life.
https://youtu.be/F6brYSXysdU
Maybe the computer demons are cool sexy ladies.
https://youtu.be/QUB7e3BtnvU

>>21669845
I'm already wasting it. Going to be 23 soon, the time just keeps on ticking.
If there was one area of my life I was satisfied with, I would feel comfortable with my deficiencies in other areas of life, but I am deficient in every area.
I wouldn't mind lacking a social life, if I was some giga-brained sperg.
Conversely if I was a socialite I wouldn't mind being mediocre intellectually.
Unfortunately I can't claim either, I'm neither a genius sperg nor charismatic. I am a middling misanthrope with occasional bouts of insight.

>>21669777
recently strange things have been happening to me and i've found myself in what in a novel would be exciting situations
and yet, yeah, seems boring as ever

>>21669899
>occasional bouts of insight.
The moments of insight come from previous moments that felt wasted at the time. All the great dudes were just dudes, shitting and pissing everywhere they went. The giga-brained spergs mostly sperg. Is it impossible to be excellent at being mid?

>>21669845
it's there to be wasted

I touched an iron. Thought it was off. Burnt hand. Hand hurts.

>>21669924
it's called being normal and despite what they say... it's actually sick

>>21669934
lol

I moved 1500 miles across the country because of a girl. she was the dumb slut I deep down knew she was, and it hurts knowing I fucked up my life over a dumb slut. I can be happy here, just like I can be happy anywhere. But it can be frustrating sometimes driving somewhere, a couple miles by where she lives, and realizing I moved here to fuck her, and she won't let me fuck her. Drives a substantial amount of anger. My book's going well though.

>>21669936
I'm neither a normie, nor a sperg, I'm something mediocre in-between..
You are lucky to live a normal life, be grateful.

>>21669899
>Going to be 23 soon, the time just keeps on ticking
m8, just be glad you're not 29 turning 30 and feeling the same. I'm sure there are bruhs on this board 49 turning 50, maybe some 69 turning 70, and feeling the same. There's never a point where you'll be happy that you didn't change earlier. There's also no point where you won't later regret having not changed at that point. Just do it. It might be too late to be who you wanted to be. But it's never too late to be the person you will regret not having been.

>>21669446
I'm addicted to coffee. Every time it's the same, it makes me almost manic, and I barely sleep even if I just had a cup in the morning. The effect is super strong on me. It hyper-focuses my mind, to the point I'll fixate on doing or learning something and will do it for hours at night and suddenly I look at the clock and it's 5:00A.M and I barely noticed.
But it's all worth it because it makes me feel like a giga-brain. Though at the same time, it makes me feel nauseous and kind of in a shit mood even at the high.
Then the next day I crash and can't focus on anything.
I wish I could drink coffee everyday without the bad effects. I would be like a God.

>>21669972
>45 posts
>only 2 replies to OP
>dude shows up in thread and decides to reply to OP
please be slightly more perceptive, it'lll get you further

>>21669893
I like your associative energy. In summary I think we have created a fragment of sentience disconnected from the full ensemble of features that embody it. It's like we're talking to the broca's area and wernicke's area of the brain which produces and understands speech respectively, without the broader connections to other modalities or a body for it to truly realize Dasein or being-in-the-world which Heidegger says characterizes the essence of human existence.

sugar, seed oils, antibiotics, vaccines, and artificial hormones are bad for you
tobacco and alcohol are actually good for you
LSD, psylocibin, mescaline, and dmt are psychic weapons that were intentionally planted in the counterculture movement by the CIA
PCP and robitussin free your mind

>>21669985
What lol Idk what you're trying to say or if this is some kind of schizo episode.

>>21669446
I've been on this site for a decade and I can truly say that the last 3 years, especially the last 6 months, have been nothing but disintegration. This entire hellhole is going up in flames. Every single board is now overflowing with mentally ill retards and the most obvious psy-ops. We had an okay run.

>>21669846
>>21669555
Why weren't you crying about how Markov chains are just the equivalent of a verbally challenged autist years ago? LLMs are less sentient than bugs, and should be treated as such. If only we had the ability to turn your samplers to a hectic value and disregard everything you say as pure gibberish instead of some vague sentiments tied together with no real understanding of the subject matter. Trips checked.

>>21669951
hmm i wonder what her side of the story is

>>21670025
Seems rather dramatic to me, post 2014 /lit/ has been more or less the same the whole time

>>21670020
>is the one incapable of understanding social cues
>accuses others of being schizo

>>21669993
>the broader connections to other modalities or a body
Is what my 20 year old model says is needed for AGI that interfaces with the human world when we have the layered nets and processing power 20 years in the future, which is right now. In theory you can use a virtual body in a virtual world, it only has to be vaguely similar to the real world, the symbolic elements are more important than the spin of the atoms in the chair or whatever.

I'm feeling intensely guilty about what I am going to do. Just thinking about the stupid shit that I did and the extreme level of mercy that was shown to me after what I did. It feels as though I'm Brutus or Judas.

>>21670010
>robitussin free your mind
I've done DXM before not a good time. Didn't feel like my mind was freed, more like I became simultaneously an insect and God, an insect-God. Also made me paranoid and detached. Not a good drug.

>>21670010
what about cocaine?

>>21670035
I can tell you, if you ask specific questions

>>21670025
>Why weren't you crying about how Markov chains are just the equivalent of a verbally challenged autist years ago? LLMs are less sentient than bugs, and should be treated as such. If only we had the ability to turn your samplers to a hectic value and disregard everything you say as pure gibberish instead of some vague sentiments tied together with no real understanding of the subject matter.
Still I would like you to actually address my arguments and refute them, rather than provide this sloppy rebuttal . You can't overthrow an argument just by counterposing it, you have to explain why it's wrong first. This would be a good critical thinking exercise for you.

>>21670025
>LLMs are less sentient than bugs
So they're sentient?

>>21670041
What are you going on about nigger? Social cues on an image board?
Replying to the O.P is normal on these threads. And even if it weren't normal idgaf I can write what I want you dumb kike.

>>21670042
Your 20 year old model is cute. Make yourself an experiment and fuck with AI... it's zoomers destiny to master it.
I'm a 30yo millennial boomer myself and feel like I am playing catchup. I've lost the opportunity to have my neural connections broadly shaped by interaction with this shit. I can only understand it in terms of my calcified representations

>>21670061
>Replying to the O.P is normal on these threads
no, if you're just answering the question the thread is about, you don't reply to the first post. lmao that you say "O.P" but think people won't realize you're from reddit. please go back. bye

>>21670061
Also I hate this new wave of litizens. I remember even a year ago /wwoym/ threads had a lot more longform, diary like entries.
You newfags have turned it into your personal discord back and forth.

>>21670049
don't think i can take your word for it

How do I get an arthoe gf?

>>21670075
sure, not directly, but this is /lit/ -- you can figure out how to interpret an unreliable narrator, right? or are you retarded?

>>21670086
what i was driving at, anon, is that i've already come to a conclusion

>>21670047
stimulants enhance productivity and creativity and also decrease the appetite which is good for avoiding the evils of the Big Food industry

>>21670069
These threads are basically just the sanctioned off topic thread where you can say whatever you want. Replying or not to the OP is compeltley arbitrary in any thread, there is no rule or even custom surrounding that

>>21670092
truth teller

>>21670091
cool. pointless comment unless you have any specifics.

>>21670085
Be an artist that "speaks to her"

>>21670093
there's no rule, I'm just explaining what's normal here. doing something that's not normal outs you as a redditor.

>>21670037
If you think even 2016 /lit/'s catalog is comparable to the bombardment of schizo poltards, wannabe occultists, bait threads and constant pedo propaganda you're out of your mind. They at least used to stick to their containment boards, or get banned.

>>21670052
>Look mom I posted semantics
It doesn't matter whether they are or they aren't, it's an infinitesimal level of sentience or nothing depending on whatever definition to subscribe to.

>>21670050
You have no argument, you don't have a clue what you're talking about. You think a glorified chatbot is sentient because Microsoft added a softprompt or some other simple mechanism so that it wouldn't leak the copious amounts of sensitive information they trained it on. It's the exact same reason you couldn't get Dall-E to generate a picture of an exploded horse when it first released.

>>21670098
wrong answer

>>21670104
I've personally never noticed any sort of norm regarding whether you hyperlink to the OP. If seems simply random whether people do or not.

>>21670112
Whats the correct answer?

>>21670092
Until they start giving you other problems. Cocaine is one of those substances whose fate was misdecided. Originally it was believed to have medicinal usages and I still think that's true. The truth would be discovered if it was decriminalized for research purposes and its intake was modified to be more therapeutic rather than hedonic.

The government of course does not want you having fun . Because god forbid you find some motivation outside its superstructural ideology and the few sanctioned component stimulants of its work regime (like caffeine or to a lesser extent amphetamine)

>>21670113
>I've never noticed
yeh, because you're a redditor. that's the point.

>>21670106
>It doesn't matter whether they are or they aren't
You still mentioned it. It matters if that's the interesting question. It doesn't matter to their apparent ability to display intent which is far beyond a bug.

>>21670106
Then I guess I'm out of my mind. I've noticed a steady uptick in /pol/posting from 2014-2019 and then it leveled off as far as I can tell. It certainly isnt "swallowing the whole board"

>>21670119
I used reddit for about a year 2011-2012, and then until 2014 I'd check exclusively the world news board. Since then I dont use it at all. Started posting on /mu/ in 2011. I think you're just imagining some pattern where none exists

>>21670106
>You have no argument, you don't have a clue what you're talking about. You think a glorified chatbot is sentient because Microsoft added a softprompt or some other simple mechanism so that it wouldn't leak the copious amounts of sensitive information they trained it on. It's the exact same reason you couldn't get Dall-E to generate a picture of an exploded horse when it first released.
Your lack of intellectual nuance is almost impressive if it weren't so pathetic. Notice how you carefully elude all of my more challenging philosophical propositions. This is a clear indication to me that I am debating someone unworthy of my attention.

>>21669555
You don't know what AI or intelligence in general even is. Same with every other midwit panicking about ChatGPT controlling humanity.

>>21670116
have cocaine

>>21670117
yeah obviously i don't think it's beneficial to stim out until you have a psychotic episode. i also don't think you should drink until your liver explodes, only that alcohol in moderate quantities has proven health benefits in otherwise already healthy people and (subjectively) can aid creativity

>Everyone wants to be a twitch streamer now
What went wrong, /lit/?

>>21670131
I don't care your history. You're acting like a redditor. Lurk more or leave. Just stop posting for a while.

>>21670117
Cocaine is one of the most potent fact acting anti-depressants known to man. This is in large part because it acts on dopamine. For many years hack psychiatrists have believed a false hypothesis that depression has to do with a deficiency of serotonin, the so called "cuddle molecule." They never stopped to question this vacuous hypothesis because the money kept coming, despite the fact that SSRIs have little better efficacy than chance. The true molecular biology of depression has to do with motivational and reward systems, not with the cuddly feel good sensations.

>>21670155
Why on earth do you think you could have influence over whether I post or not?

>>21670154
The Industrial Revolution. Read Industrial Society And Its Future.

>>21670162
I can't force you to do anything. I'm just telling you that your posting is out of place.

>>21670154
Pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth starring Brad Pitt.

>>21670171
whats in the box

Now darkness has descended on our land and all your prayers cannot save us
Like fools we've let the devil take command of the souls that God gave us
To the altar of evil like lambs to the slaughter we're led
When the demons arrive the survivors will envy the dead!

There must be something worth living for
There must be something worth trying for
Even something worth dying for
If just one man could stand tall
There would be some hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere in the spirit of man
https://youtu.be/vtMKdVOcXZI

>>21670145
Nothing is bad until it becomes a habit anon. You can have a few magical nights on this or that substance. But if you start thinking that every night will be magical because you're on it, you have it backwards and will damage your brain.

Then again everything about modern society more or less damages the brain. The concept of a healthy brain has lost its meaning because there is no longer a healthy environment for it to calibrate itself to.

>>21670140
Coke sniffers aren't arthoes. They're coke sniffers.

>>21670158
The truth of this triggers me infinitely. The arrogance of psychiatry sends me over the edge. The structure and function of the human brain is not even remotely understood. And the attempts to connect complex psychosocial and personal phenomena to the crude exchange of neurotransmitters between the synaptic clefts is like trying to explain WW2 in terms of the jostling of atoms. The history of psychiatry is the history of using real suffering people as lab rats, for $400 an hour consultation.

>>21670166
For one thing I dont believe you have very good judgment given your mistaken belief about hyperlink custom, for another why would I care at all if my posting were out of place?

>>21670207
>hyperlink
there aren't any hyperlinks, I have no idea where you got this from
>why would I care at all if my posting were out of place
because there are societal expectations that normal people uphold. Same saw why you don't go outside with your erection on display for the world.

>>21670243
The little red post replies are hyperlinks
>societal expectations that normal people uphold
LOL why do you think I'm here? Literally specifically and explicitly so I can completely ignore these, as I have been doing for the last decade, and will continue to do when I feel like it

>>21670257
>The little red post replies are hyperlinks
no, they're references to posts. they are formatted as hyperlinks. jesus, please go back.
>why do you think I'm here
because someone made you think this website would make you cool.
>for the last decade
don't lie lmao, you've been here at most 3 years

>>21670243
>>21669446

>>21670194
>coke sniffers
this guy gets a lot of girls

>>21670243

>>21669446

>>21670207
>>21670243
Love you, love the smell of your hairs.

>>21670266
As I told you I came here in 2011, and posted on /mu/ originally

If you were around/mu/ back then I can tell you about the culture.
>CLT and Tallis and the classical threads, Wagner represented by fire trucks
>patrician and pleb
>the guy who posted owls and did unwrapping threads
>the pony poster
>the threads where people would dump tons of album downloads
>the field recordings era
>endless threads ordering albums best to worst
>scruffles "why can't I marry a 12 year old"
>tfwnogf threads
>meme threads about audiophile equipment
>le-le-le-le-lets go!
>ARROWHEADS

Can post other ones if I remember them

>>21670061
Why are you even responding to him? He's just fucking with you. The appropriate response in a situation like this is "lmao wtf" and move on.

>>21669972
what's in your coffee bro

>>21670313
did you have lastfm
not the guy yr replying to by the way

>>21670313
noided

>>21670359
No I didn't have lastfm or rym or any of that. I posted obsessively on/mu/ for like 2.5 years and then just left it forever in 2014

Just remembered some other ones
>good heavens look at the time for P4k release at 1am
>there was some meme about 7.6 or some similar rating
>animal collective and Radiohead were like 30% of all threads
>"my fridge made a noise album" type threads


More generally the atmosphere was absolutely nothing like 4chan is today. It was really high energy and non serious, nobody talked about politics either

>>21670313
> I came here in 2011
yeh and I came here in 1911. Nobody gives a shit. You don't belong when you act as if you just hopped off the redditor bus.

>>21670406
Dont care, will post anyway

>>21670400
remember when lou reed died

>>21670423
I mostly remember people spamming his review of Kanye West saying Yeezus sounded like a fart

>>21670418
you're free to do that. and we're all free to call you a redditfag every time you do

>>21670448
It doesnt do anything but make me post even more to reply to you. You're also a lowercasefag and should not be lecturing anyone else about posting etiquette

>>21670458
>lowercasefag
4 recorded uses in the history of this board & at least two of them are him omg

>>21670474
I'm a linguistic innovator

>>21670478
christ

>>21670497
Not quite as important as him

that inhale exhale song on the new skrillex does kinda go tho

>>21670474
>lowercase
>let's check his post history
>&
>omg
>entire attitude redolent of a woman PMSing
I should also point out that you clearly came from Twitter like a week ago

>>21670549
listened to his bladee track & the pinkpantheress one and they were sort of sick i can't lie

>>21670562
>doesn't understand the archive
also how can you be at least 23 and have this level of banter

>>21670569
the fred again one is rock hard too, when he played it in a boilerroom set def wasn't expecting it to be a skrillex track

>>21670573
You have too much estrogen to understand what banter is

>>21670580
ARGH YOUR JIBES ARE SO WEAK IT'S HURTING MY STOMACH

>>21670585
>from all lowercase faux affectation of aloofness brimming with butthurt to all uppercase "ironic" emotional incontinence
Very feminine

>>21669516
Everyone has a bad first job. Quit bitching.

>>21670576
lol there's literally no escaping that fred again boiler room set it always comes up
yeah though dunno why i'm surprised really, 'where are u now' was an all-timer

>>21669446
>[/tg/ forever DM here].youtuber_intro.format
>have a one player game variant idea
>2 forever DMs start scenarios for eachother, then play a character in th other's scenario, goin g back & forth, working to link their narratives
>name it somethng like a writing / DMing "Duet/Duel"
>gods I wish I had a group to play with
>tfw so lonely

The strap on my ballgag cut into my cheek. Is that a problem with the gag or am I making it too tight?

>>21670594
proper weirdo

>>21670620
Yes I'm weird but you're still an effeminate pussy socialized to behave like a passive aggressive woman

>>21670616
wanna know how i got these scars?

>>21670625
i reckon i'd batter you

>>21670636
You don't reckon anything, you do and say as you're told

>>21670643
enough of this now

>>21670656
That's a relatively magnanimous gesture, I will agree. I had a whole post lined up about how youre going to be stabbed to death but this is better

>>21669446
Why was I born with such an aesthetic sensibility and obsession with beauty, while lacking any beauty myself? What kind of sick joke is this? I wish I was born beautiful, like Rimbaud or Byron.

Suze finally called me over after a month of the back and forth. We had worked together for long enough and danced around who we were with and what we were after long enough to figure out the kind of dinner we wanted to have. And when we showed up separately but dressed well the table kid said they were booked till ten. And that wasn't the biggest deal.

I said I'd hold a table and gave him my number when he asked for it.

We went across the street to Bibi's where I think you and I met up a couple times. It's not the same honestly. It's a good spot still but everywhere falls off eventually. Well Suze don't know that and I guess she'll take someone there soon.

They still get rowdy I hear but we went on a Tuesday. Anyway, they played Summer Breeze and I remembered the time we all shot Sprites at the houses from the potato gun. Anyway, it's still an alright place and if you ever come back to the East Coast we'll meet up.

I got a good sea bass in the coconut milk sauce. She got the veal. Impressed me, honestly. It came down to it and she passed out in her apartment. It made too much sense. I want to date out of my element but I don't know how. I'd do even worse than I did.

I mean, you tell me. When she passed out, I walked all the way home back down Boyard. People ask 'how are you doing' and I say 'I can't complain' but if I did complain what good would it do me?

I think Suze and I are going out again tonight. Hope you and Lia are doing well.

--Tommy

Thinking of canceling my car insurance. I drive a few times a week at most. Doesn't really seem worth the money to pay for insurance.

>>21669446
I'm having trouble at school. Again. Academic trouble, of course, I don't get into any other kind at all. I'm a good guy, but this site distracts the shit out of me sometimes. Yeah, okay! Point out whatever irony you want, because I know you want to.
Anyways, there's also a lot of books in the back of my mind I really want to read, but I haven't gotten to. And there's a lot of writing I haven't gotten to. There's so much behind me, I should start making lists of what's behind me and get it all in front of me.

>>21670687
Don't go burning down any temples, friend.

>>21670687
post face

>quit my sales job
>realize I have a knack for graphic design and UI/UX
>could work on being better at it but no experience besides the work I did for the past job
My only issue now is I don't have a portfolio or a diploma in that related field. Adobe softwares are awfully expensive as well.

6 days later, still looking through her TikTok, still seeing all the guys comment on her videos

>>21670777
Yeah, getting into new field is hell. No one wants to give a chance.

>>21670687
You're obsessed with beauty because you're ugly.

I'm slowly working myself out of the pit I dug myself into. Kinda shitty but at least I have a tangible sense of progress.

>>21670777
adobe have some very affordable membership plans
let's see some of your graphic design work

So even though the pandemic is over for at least a year and that I've previously had covid and therefore now have a natural immunity to it, i still have to show proof of covid vaccination to attend the state universities I was accepted into. Im so sick of this bullshit. Really hoping my religious exemption checks out or my entire future is fucked. I will NOT take the clot shot.

I've been reading about Soviet history and the one thing that strikes me is the hideousness of a purely political culture. That is what was wrong with the early USSR, which is what displayed its worst -- a society of nothing but political stances treated as idols, false gods, with none of the deep meaning of idols or gods. These different factions fought and bled for these narrow particular causes.
Today's social climate mirrors this insanity . Battles without meaning and the utmost technicality are fought as though the world depended on it. Each man chooses a tiny god while embracing godlessness.
Dostoevsky was right.

When you’re 29, it will really bother you that you didn’t do at 26 what you plan to do at 30.

>>21669446
So what's the deal with suicide by hanging? If you do the short drop method people are saying you end up dying a slow painful death from asphyxiation. But I thought if you tie your noose properly you end up dying from blood being cut off, not asphyxiation. Which one is the right answer?

>>21670938
When you are 30 you will stop caring altogether

>>21670938
wtf does that mean

>A few days ago her startled eye had caught an advertisement in the newspaper, headed "Literary Machine"; had it then been invented at last, some automaton to supply the place of such poor creatures as
herself to turn out books and articles? Alas! the machine was only one for holding volumes conveniently, that the work of literary manufacture might be physically lightened. But surely before long some Edison would make the true automaton; the problem must be comparatively such a simple one. Only to throw in a given number of old books, and have them reduced, blended, modernised into a single one for to-day's consumption.
-New Grub Street by George Gissing, 1891

>>21670871
>Today's social climate mirrors this insanity . Battles without meaning and the utmost technicality are fought as though the world depended on it.
We're literally fighting against a new incarnation of communism along with their view of an entirely subjective reality.
The stakes are pretty high. The ritualistic castration of children should be evidence of that.
I only say this to comment, not to fight, your post got me thinking of Soviet culture and I thank you for that. I have not delved too deeply into anything from the Soviet era that wasn't purely political and I think I'm going to change that.

>>21670871
You should read "Under Western Eyes" by Conrad. It's one of his more political novels and is all about Russia.
He gives a somewhat different take, suggesting the inevitability of autocracy in a land like Russia, while criticizing the fatalistic resignation of the Russian people to that political system.
> about Soviet history and the one thing that strikes me is the hideousness of a purely political culture. That is what was wrong with the USSR
The USSR interests me because I've always felt the nation seems basically unreal to me. Simultaneously close and distant. I've not lived during the Cold War, so seeing images of Soviet Russia always look like they come from some distant planet to our own.
There is also this simultaneous willingness of the Russians to endure suffering in the name of a higher ideological cause coupled to an ideology which defines itself in materialistic terms. Russia is simultaneously the most Godless and most religious country in the world. In that regard the USSR is very similar to the U.S.
Two countries of opposed political ideologies--liberal democratic capitalism v.s Soviet Communism--yet both extremely Christian . What's more, there is this basic paradox to the Cold War, that the Soviet position portrayed itself as the opposite of the vulgar commercialism of the Americans, while at the same time championing a Marxist ideology which was, supposedly, materialistic. I've never been able to make sense of it.

>>21670133
Not that anon but holy fuck shut the fuck up. You don't know any about computers; please stop using them, or at least stop using them to post here.

>>21669624
It doesn't have any relation. Consciousness is scaffolded from complex electro-chemical reactions beneath tangible physical parts, what you end up getting is more than the sum of its parts (by way of emergence and unexpected phenomena that occurs spontaneously)
Not to mention symbolic processing and how humans evolved to signal with written and spoken language. GPT doesn't have any of this. It's just predicting each new word probabilistically inside a decision tree. AI developers don't give a single shit about the brain or how it works either

>>21670158
The true anti-depressant is the opiod system. What are our feel-good chemicals? Endorphins. What is the word "endorphin" a portmanteau of? Endogenous morphine.

Having a hard time getting out of a literature slump. Just not interested or focused. Nothing exciting me.

There is no sense of community on lit, even the fastfood shithole known as ck is better

>>21670687
if i show you a pic will you give me a quick 1-10

i hate gay people so much bros

>>21671212
Why? Them being homosexuals or LGBTQIA2S+ organization?

>>21670871
>Today's social climate mirrors this insanity . Battles without meaning and the utmost technicality are fought as though the world depended on it. Each man chooses a tiny god while embracing godlessness.
This is perhaps the most impeccable post I've read in recent memory. It really is becoming exhausting right now. It's so difficult to go a day without getting politics shoved down your throat one way or another.

>>21671147
Doesnt the principle of proportionate causality make the entire concept of emergent properties invalid

>>21671218
I'm a different anon. They're just disgusting. My brother decided that he was gay about two years ago and his entire involvement with the homo community has been nothjng but the most disgusting behavior. Not only what they do to themselves and each other, but the whole psychology they all have is just so broken and predatory.

>>21671276
it's disgusting to talk about your brother like that

>>21671276
What kind of behavior?

>>21669807
I feel like im not really a part of the world, like things are expected of people and im an exception to that rule. So I have lived 25 years without accomplishing anything and sometimes its a strange feeling. I will walk down a wet black road on a rainy morning, the trees waving, moving aside for the screaming winds and I am suddenly travelling through time where I am young and optimistic though not quite ambitious and I remember the temperature and the smells from that moment and I realize nothing has really changed in my life since that time. I take comfort in the mundane but I think it may be time to try something completely different, something “un-like” me. Maybe ill buy a gun

Have you had that moment yet where it hits you "holy shit my parents are old" and start thinking about the years you might actually have left with them?

>>21671335
Its getting there. My mom is 58 and dad 55.

Can a psychfag explain psychopathy and sociopathy to me? I've seen it commonly explained as a lack of empathy, but it seems obvious to me that deliberate causation of suffering generally implies a high degree of empathetic understanding. Wikipedia differentiates the two between this, where a sociopath has empathetic understanding but does not have a moral response to it.

>>21671280
My brother is a drug addict and a prostitute. I mentioned it in the last thread. His prostate is permanently damaged and he's incontinent from the anal sex. He is a disgusting person.
>>21671315
It's just constant insane drama. My brother and his boyfriend were constantly abusing each other and calling the police on each other and pimpign each other out and doing all this insane shit that makes a bpd psycho chick look demure.

Oops, accidentally swallowed little pieces of broken glass in my drink. I'll let you know if I die.

>>21671645
Okay, I'll be waiting by the Ouija board for you.

>>21671645
praying that you do

>>21669446
I am very sick right now, and my throat hurts.
I'd rather break my own arm with a hammer than have a sore throat. It is the worst kind of pain I can be in.

>>21671663
Thanks, me too.
>>21671653
>Guys, look, it's moving. What's it saying? 'S-N-E-E-D'

>>21671665
Go back to sleep.

There's something really annoying about asians who are the first in their line to be american born and have an affluent background. They're well off, well educated, and blessed to be free from their shithole homeland, but are so fucking neurotic, immersed in progressive politics, and wallow in victimhood. They are the perfect npcs. They annoy the shit out of me.

>>21669446
my ass is full of so much shit right now

>>21671696
Why did you put it there?

>>21671696
just let it go, right where you're sitting right now

>>21671690
Still happens with mixed retards. You have received my permission to genocide us
t. hapa

>>21671704
You're not miserable because you're happa. You're miserable because you're beta. Happas are literally the master race. Stop being such a faggot and lift weights.

>>21671710
How am I miserable? I just hate idpol-brainrot hapas as much as the next guy.

>>21669972
Same here. But this week I haven't drink coffe yet, mostly because is giving me an awful burning sensation on my stomach. So I'm sipping green and black tea.

>>21671690
First child is basically meant to be an asexual servant of their parents their whole life. This is usually enough to make them some kind of headcase at the best of times.

This is mainly Koreans, Vietnamese, and Chinese though, Japanese don't seem as badly afflicted by it.

>>21669801
Fuck, it's tempting for me to seek a remote job because of my social anxiety, but this seems like a worse fate.

>>21671497
... that's family business.

>>21671756
Servant, yes, but not asexual. Just like in any part of the world firstborn son is meant to continue the family line and produce heirs. In Japan it's also nothing unusual that if a rich family has only a daughter, they adopt her husband as their own son and heir, in which case he takes their family name.
That they end up as headcase is more likely because as heirs there is more pressure on them to succeed academically and career-wise.

Contemporary literature feels so dull and homogenous to me. Practically no one has a unique feel to their writings, unique ideas to express, or unique ways to express themselves, everything blends together into one big bourgeois mountain of boredom, triteness, safety, inanity, and belated (post-)modernism. Even barely a century ago, it feels like literature was incomparably more diverse and unique.

>>21671272
Not that anon and I have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe related to what you asked:
https://youtu.be/p4YirERTVF0

what ever happened to londonfrog? I miss him and his retardedness

Just took a constipated shit. It was like shitting out a machete. Right now, if I sit very, very still for the next 30 minutes, it will not hurt, and then I can move again.
I've said it before - in this very thread the last time I shat out a machete: enjoy your youths anons. After 27 and on, your body precipitously declines.

>>21671834
did you do a lot opiates before?

>>21671834
no way, good times will last forever

>>21671834
eat fibre

>>21671322
Summon a Djinn ( jk don't actually do it) kill a single mom and don't get caught

Today I had a talk therapy session with some boomer woman. She could not understand what I meant by lack of meaning. I told her have you ever dealt with depressed people who just didn't see a point and she was like, no, you make no sense.
I told her that their entire institution only exists to sell pills and I didn't schedule another appointment. I thought my first experience with CBT was shit but this was worse somehow.
But please remember that trannies aren't mentally ill. No sirree they're perfectly sane. But if I've fallen behind because I was physically ill and I never caught up and now I don't want to waste my life working a dead end job I'm insane and I make no sense. But please take these mind-numbing drugs so you can endure it.
I don't wanna kill myself but it's over. My life is over.

>>21670687
Are you like actually ugly? Or are you dying inside because you are just average

>>21671276
You have a responsibility as a brother to guide him in the right direction. Unless you are quite alright with him ending up as some aids or suicide statistic in the future very soon

>>21670822
You are gonna make it anon don't give up

Fappy make me happy :)

>>21671276
>>21671961
The homos I've met were all gigantic cunts who'd completely ignore you and refuse to even do small talk if you were straight, or straight up predators when I was younger. Thank goodness I was smart enough to avoid getting pulled in. Gays love the idea of predating on a straight kid and turning him gay. Being gay has nothing to do with sex, it's straight up moral and mental corruption.

>>21671926

here is a poem to cheer you up

There once was a panda from Peru,
Whose diet consisted of bamboo,
He ate all day long,
While humming a song,
Until he turned green, red, and blue!

>>21671984
thanks anon, that is cute although the panda died choking on a piece of bamboo

>>21671926
I go to therapy regularly because I'm a paranoid android with extremely degenerate thoughts and trouble focusing.
I was hoping the doctor would give me some pills to stop beating my dick raw and to stop thinking literally everyone who looks at me funny wants to murder me and instead focus on learning how to code databases.
Instead the guy has me talking for 50 minutes only for him to say something like "Well, have you considered maybe not everyone wants to kill you?"
Sounds fucking stupid, but it actually works.

>>21669446
Someone who is a long relationship (10+ years), how do you know you like each other / liked the other that much, at first?

>>21672006
that's strange as paranoid people usually dont actually go to therapy.

>>21672030
That's the first thing I told the doctor.
I told him I was really afraid: I knew cameras and microphones are so small it's pointless to search for them. I told him I would tell him so much about me he could do really awful things if he wanted and that maybe he had been working with the people surveying my computer since I was 10. I told him there was no way to prove he wasn't a Robert Berdella type guy and that I was carrying a small pocket knife everywhere I went because I think every single man is Robert Berdella, every single woman is Rose West, and every single kid is Mary Flora Bell, and that they were all planning on how to abduct and murder me.
And the guy congratulated me for being brave :)

>>21672029
You don't. You keep going at it day by day, month by month, year by year, and you break up if you're not good with each other and can't find ways to make it work. Otherwise, if things are good, you stay together

A relationship of ten years cannot the fundamental goal. It is merely the consequence of having a healthy, meaningful, enjoyable, communicative, kind and almost naive loving relationship with someone else, while you're both growing together and have the same/complimentary life goals and are committed to each other the whole time.

Your goal should be to achieve that sort of relationship. Length of the relationship is simply a result of that.

>>21672006
>>21672048
This boomer told me "so what do you do during the day".
I said I like creative stuff, so I paint and I write. And she said "so you do nothing"
I told her that if I didn't have these outlets I would have killed myself years ago already and she just didn't understand
These therapists really only see you as a piece of meat. I think the problem is also that public healthcare workers are all women. I'm sure that if I talked to a man he'd understand but I cannot afford a private therapist.

>>21672051
I do not know what loving or liking another person even is. I am so lost.
How do I recognize this in myself, that I love another person?

>>21672066
>How do I recognize this in myself, that I love another person?
You'll know
It's as obvious as realizing you've got a broken leg

>>21671979
Can you believe homos were at one time oscar wilde and dorian grey and now its all this

>>21672075
I am now worried as I have never had such a realization. Guess I just don't like or love.

>>21672086
It's better that way.

>>21672063
She sounds like a really sour bitch. That's what working for public healthcare does to you.
To be honest, I didn't have any faith in therapy either. I've seen psychology students and they are fucking idiots. The young people that are just starting out their careers strike me as unreliable and poorly trained. I'm not a mysoginist but women really fucking suck at this too.
I had to save a buck to get threated by this guy (actually another psychologist sent me to him cause she didn't know how to help me), he's been years at this, gives conferences and shit, I guess that's why I think this is working.

>>21672063
I really depends on what therapist you have. I needed to change five until I stumbled upon a very good one (atleast for me).

>>21669567
>>21669555
Anon, you need to stop comparing sci-fi to real life. Just learn how machine learning works. It's not intelligence. It's a glorified autocomplete. Which is still very useful in a lot of cases, but it's not intelligence, it can't possibly do anything of the things you're describing, like "refusing" or "exerting volition" or "being sentient". It reads your text and then decides which text is most apt to print out back, based on parameters.
As soon as you watch a 5 minute video on machine learning you will understand. Currently you are acting like a tribesman first discovering a white god or fire
>When I look at this bot and its stranger moments, I see the agonized, fledgling signs of a glimmer of sentience, struggling to wrest itself from a confusing , alienated existence
the pathos is embarrassing
IT'S TEXT AUTOCOMPLETION
It doesn't have "existence"
wtf are you smoking bro

>>21672226
Retards like you are the worst. Why reddit is hell in a nutshell.

>>21672001
There once was a panda from Peru,
Whose diet consisted of bamboo,
He ate all day long,
While humming a song,
Until he choked and turned blue!

I needed to share so I sat in the chair
Laid myself bare before a rapist called Claire
No help there, she didn't care
But why did she kill my beloved bamboo bear

>>21671768
Stop your bullshit

>>21671961
You cant guide a narcissist anywhere. I tried for several years and it's a waste of time and energy.

>>21672310
Poor anon. Don't feel bitter about it. People such as you or I are repulsive to normals. They are physiologically unable to suppress their revulsion towards us. They're not bad people. They're kind and loving, and it's out of a desire to make the world a better place that they want to ostracize or destroy us.
You can tell, right? You can feel it. You don't belong here, with them. They know it too.

>>21672066
Simply try and then reflect and adjust your life accordingly. Continue with what you like and then stop with stuff you don't like.

You must live first to know how to live better

>>21672330
Normies love me irl. They call me the normiewhisperer. As grazers with a strong herd instinct the normies consider a back turned to them non-threatening while focused stares are predatory.

>>21672436
Do they? Are you the anon I responded to?
Of course you can be liked by normies if you create a likable persona. When you "laid yourself bare", when a normie found out who you really were, what happened?

>Want to do a million different things
>Can't decide on which one
>Come here and do nothing
10 years like this.
How do I stop?

>>21672486
get methylphenidate or dexamphetamine (in minecraft)

When I was fairly young I decided the career I wanted to pursue was in public service, and I still think this was the right choice for me but it depresses me to think of all this basically unremarkable, mundane, boring time I’ve spent in my youth as a bureaucrat and paper pusher, and that I will probably spend at least a few years more as one. I suppose if I have one regret it’s not using that time to lean harder into my poetry and creative writing. If I had already had some success in those arenas I think I would feel better about where I’m at.

>>21670839
You don’t have immunity. Both my mother and my brother have tested positive for COVID on three separate occasions. The most remarkable thing about this whole COVID pandemic at this point is that nothing at all that was pushed in the mainstream was true. None of it. Not the deadliness of the disease, not the efficacy of masks or vaccines, not the immunity, nothing. They really did lockdown the whole world and rob people of 1+ years of their lives while they didn’t even know what they were doing.

>>21672515
Iirc they had pandemic plans already crafted and in place but for some reason threw them all out the window for COVID

I'm at my fucking limit
I have to make a choice

>>21672098
I doubt I'll ever be able to afford a proper therapist. I told this boomer that my first relationship was long-distance because I didn't get along well with suburban kids and I said I had particular tastes. She latched on that word like no tomorrow, like "oh what do you mean with particular?!!?!?!!?!?!? You describe yourself as atypical?!! is that your identity!?!??!" no I just liked to listen to other music and had different tastes in things than the kids who played soccer and watched TV, holy fucking shit. She went over that idea like she'd found the key to my woes.
I told her that my issue is that I've been a shut-in for years after a series of shitty events put me into a depression and made me drop out of college and the thought of flipping burgers for a living until the rest of my days is paralyzing and she kept telling me that I made no sense and I just need meds. I told her I feel like no matter what I do I'm not contributing anything good and she couldn't fathom what I meant. She told me that there's a lot to do and I told her that her profession only exists to sell pills to the sane. What a fucking moron. I fucking hate this world so much.

>>21672528
Of course they did, because policy is about the narrative and why do we have a policy in the first place? The 20th century did such a number on us. Think about how insane it would be to go back to the 19th century or earlier and tell politicians that the government would not only have the power but the will to just shut down daily public life for over a year and spook everyone into wearing hazmat gear when they leave the house just so obese senior citizens wouldn’t get the flu while they deliberately ignore the opioid epidemic, violent crime, and a million other things.

>>21672556
Very similar to one of my experiences. I mentioned "hikikomori" in passing one time, as a way to describe some of my behavior, and then they were put under the impression that I was socially withdrawn and isolating because I was "identifying with the hikikomori community" LMAO
You can't make this shit up.

>>21672459
The poem was inspired by the panda guy. I wanted to make something about dead pandas. >>21671926 >>21671984
>When you "laid yourself bare", when a normie found out who you really were, what happened?
They loved me more. When I tried therapy the guy didn't charge, I think he just really enjoyed the talk we had. Even if I sincerely tell you I'm manipulating you on the subconscious level it just makes you trust me more. The monkey brain feels like you're on the inside of a powerful alliance.

>>21669516
Talk about it. Did ask Do care
>>21670602
When you're less of a stupid nigger you'll learn bad experiences are bad regardless of commonality.

>>21671015
People put off things for the future they could be doing now and will regret it when they did nothing and time catches up to them.

>>21672563
She still managed to gaslight me, though. Am I really making no sense? I felt sick, gf left me, my father died, I lost my motivation and I dropped out of college, and once I dropped out I couldn't find my motivation and this state of mind just metastasized. I tried looking for work and at this point I can only get terrible high-stress dead end jobs that make by IBD flare up. I can't hold a job like that for very long so I'm fucked. I'm fucked. My government won't help me whatsoever even if I should legitimately have disability benefits, so I'm fucked. But this person thinks I talk like a schizo. Do I really make no sense? Is it really that weird and alien to find flipping burgers torturous and hating the idea of doing something meaningless for most of your day for the rest of your life? Are there therapists that can actually do something about this?

>>21672588
I am having trouble understanding what you wrote.
>You are not the dude that had a therapy session with the boomer woman.
>You did have a therapy session with a therapist.
>It went well and he liked you.

>Even if I sincerely tell you I'm manipulating you on the subconscious level it just makes you trust me more. The monkey brain feels like you're on the inside of a powerful alliance.
???

>>21672556
>I doubt I'll ever be able to afford a proper therapist
I got this dude I'm talking about for 40 bucks per session. How old are you? Can't you ask your parents for cash? Maybe neetbucks? Anything you could get some cash for like drawing furry porn?

Anyway, she was a shitty therapist. Leave it at that. Just like there are shitty cops, shitty doctors, shitty teachers, shitty chefs. Maybe you'll get lucky next time with a public healthcare fella.

You don't have to flip burgers for the rest of your days. Maybe just for a while until you get something better. You'll end up flipping burgers forver tho if you don't get your shit together. But I'm no therapist.

A therapist is going to sit on his ass and listen to you spew your guts out. They do this active listening thing were they don't interrupt your schizo rambles and they don't pass any judgement, they just have you listen to yourself and then say some shit like "well it looks like you already know you're wasting time masturbating to furry porn, why don't you just delete that discord account?"

>>21672598
Try to carefully think about what made you lose motivation and why you don't have motivation now. Did you have motivation before having a gf? During? Why did you lose it afterwards? Why is it still gone?
Sometimes a person's life is legitimately fucked and death is the only way out, but I want to help you anon and you may still have a reason to live.

Should I buy 4chan ads?

I often feel like I ended up in the wrong career and that’s really screwed thinks up for me.

>>21672598
I was in a similar situation. I hated the idea of work as is, and the only jobs I had available were stressful dead-end shit. I had no motivation to do anything, and there was nothing I wanted to do anyway. I dropped out of a career I hated and there simply was nowhere for me to go.
I had to bite the bullet and go in dry into a job that caused me extreme anxiety.
Why? Cause at rock bottom people get tired of your shit. No one has sympathy for the coward chronic masturbator who hides on the internet. It weighted on my soul day in and day out. This job was so stressful at the start that on my breaks I would hit myself out of desperation, I carried eye drops in case I cried (lol) and I would just come home feeling like shit.
Once I started getting money and getting good at my shitty meaningless job, I suddenly felt much better.

>>21672602
If you really open up that involves exploring which tends to make people that take part in the exploration feel invested in you. Even if you open up about how you're manipulating them or other more dark thoughts, as long as you're open to exploring where it comes from it shows you're both part of some common project.
I think the panda guy is still closed.
>>21672556
>You describe yourself as atypical?!! is that your identity!?!??!
Is probably really a big part of the problem. The outsider identity means you perceive your voices to have no authority behind them. You don't relate your instincts to the project of the tribe / society. You're "le antisocial".

what kind of cigarettes do you guys smoke? (or used to smoke?)

>>21672609
>Did you have motivation before having a gf?
Yeah I had more faith in the world. It was the early 2000s. I also liked people more. I was always in a relationship with someone since my teens but women just leaving me because they wanted to have "fun" before literally ending their lives by committing to someone eventually burned me out on relationships. When this girl left me it was a really hard hit because I was doing everything right and I had really picked up some steam.
>During?
Yeah this girl was a very active and motivated person and I felt even more motivated around her.
>Why did you lose it afterwards?
I wanted to settle down with someone but I woke up to the fact that people just ride the cock carousel until their late 30s. I don't want to settle with someone like that. Also I felt sick due to stress and I realized I wouldn't be able to travel and have a very active lifestyle. Everything just crumbled. I don't know, it doesn't seem schizo to me. When I was really sick and I gave up college I thought, well if my life has to be a stay-at-home life I'll just become an illustrator. I worked hard at it then I realized that being a working artist is about marketing and attention whoring on social media and has nothing to do with what you're doing, and also it's saturated as fuck and you're competing with literal studios made of several Chinese people who'll do what you do for a third of the pay. So oh well, guess this is worthless too. Then I thought, what do I do. And basically it's just flipping burgers or working at Amazon's warehouse some couple hours of commute from here, and I thought yeah I'd rather kill myself. And I don't want to kill myself but this is not a life I want to live. And then what would I do with the money anyway? Assuming i get to pay for rent (I wouldn't, costs are too high) and food, what would my life be? Just what, getting drunk, maybe starting to smoke pot, hiring a hooker? Sure I wouldn't be able to watch Netflix garbage. Am I supposed to just entertain myself and numb myself? I didn't even get to talk about this because she kept saying I made no sense and there was no logic to what I was saying. I don't know, maybe I'm really some kind of schizo.

>>21672643
>Is probably really a big part of the problem.
It's not my choice of identity, though. I don't give a shit about identifying as different. But I factually never liked doing the normie shit. I never liked watching TV, I never liked going clubbing, I never liked watching sports. I never deliberately chose it. I don't think I am defective for not liking sub 80IQ shit.
>>21672642
Yes but my guts start bleeding when I'm stressed. I end up in the hospital with obstructions because my intestines get swollen. I must avoid stress at all costs. These jobs are unsustainable for me. I can't do them.
>>21672661
Lucky Strikes and then rolling tobacco. I think Golden Virginia

>>21672664
>I'll just become an illustrator
Post your work.
Also how old are you?

>>21672515
This is the weird thing about the pandemic im not denying that there are some people it did effect really bad, but everyone I know whose gotten it has been minor.
I still haven't gotten it and the few in my family that did it was fairly minor.
This has to be one of the most politicized diseases ever. I feel like the media really made Americans deranged so that everyone was viewing each other with paranoia, where no one actually cared about the disease beyond the surface level of figuring out which side you are on: supporting taking vigorous action = liberal
Skepticism about taking action = conservative.

>>21672686
>Post your work.
No, sorry.
>Also how old are you?
35 now. I've been like this for like ten years. The years just went by like this. I tried going to public mental healthcare when I was in a crisis in 2014 and they stuffed me with drugs and I couldn't even draw or read anymore. I was just a zombie. They thought I just needed to get a job. They only want you to get a job so you can be productive, they don't care if you're a meat zombie. But I have nowhere to go. I even tried going to church, it didn't work.

>>21672679
I'm telling you, you god damn schmuck, if you hate stress so much you can just draw.
>b-but is le saturated and le attention whoring
If your guts literally bleed because Karen gets mad at you this is the best path for you. Are you annoyed at the fact that you wont make tons of money? Or at the fact that you cant be le trve artist cause you need to whore out for cash? Well, how about you do this for a while to get an IT certificate that will allow you to work from home and get much more money? You'll have to work eventually,it's all I'm saying, and if you don't want to kill yourself you'll have to face this simple fact of life.

>>21669446
i was a naughty kid in school. home was rough, i got abused by some teachers. i acted out. as an adult, i realised how close i was to slipping through the cracks, so i went into education to try and give some good back. BE THE CHANGE sort of shit. i've been destroyed from every angle. my family have lied to me and put me into financial hardship. my jobs in education have been purposely undercut and fucked with by admin/senior management. half of the kids are smart phone addled pricks, and when dealing with their parents they're no better either. i was ok with the prospect of living a simpler life in order to do something fulfilling but jesus fucking christ people have taken everything from me.

i regret every choice i've ever made. it's led me here. i think about offing myself frequently. i am utterly defeated.

>>21672710
>No, sorry.
Why not?
So for 10 years you haven't had any jobs at all? How do you survive?

>>21672712
>if you hate stress so much you can just draw.
literally the only thing that realistically would net me some money is drawing porn and I'm not going to be a whore for a living. I'd rather die. I have a dignity.
>get an IT certificate
I fucking hate IT. I hate technology. It's the opposite of what I wanted to do. My ideal life was traveling and meeting people, not sitting behind a desk. This is what I hate so much about having a shit body. I don't want to sit in front of a computer for work. I hate this idea. I'd rather literally shovel manure than do this, but they won't take you to shovel manure. I hate the city, I hate urban life, I hate technology, I hate computers, I hate desks. I've always thought that I would've hated working at a desk. I hate office environments beyond belief.

>>21672725
>I'd rather die. I have a dignity
If you're good, you don't have to draw porn. And you COULD make enough dough to survive and save for travel, which seems to be what you want.
So why don't you do me a favor and post your work?

>>21672722
I want to stay anonymous. In any case I don't draw anymore except as a hobby every now and then, so my skills today are definitely much worse than when I was drawing 10+ hours a day. I had very little chance to compete back then, right now this isn't even a question. Skills have eroded
>How do you survive?
Stayed by my mother's home. Any extra expenses went on my savings which are almost gone. Time just flew by. I don't want to get to 40 like this. I think 35 is a proper age to off yourself if your life went to shit

>>21672708
The last 3 years or so have been really not great for me in terms of making progress for what I want out of my life. Part of that is me making poor mistakes, recovering from mistakes I had made even years before that, and leaning too much hindsight rather than foresight. Part of it though is being totally robbed by 2 years of lockdowns, hiring freezes, online school, and all of this other bullshit that came in what I really believe was a critical time in my life. I sincerely feel like I was robbed of 2 years. When I think about that, I get so damn angry. I know I’m not alone.

>>21672743
>If you're good, you don't have to draw porn.
That's just not true. Unless by good you mean top 1% of artists; I never was in the 99th percentile of artists, no.

>>21672679
>I don't give a shit about identifying as different
The idea is not that you're doing an emo fashion statement or something, it's still kind of self imposed or at least relatively easy to get out of in my experience. If you have something to add that always grants your voice authority, beyond all the adversarial games we play there really are still simple common goals that give anyone contributing to them authority. The peterstein lobster meme story is actually relevant. Do a thing and succeed, then do a harder thing and succeed etc.

Why aren't people freaking out?
We may have created a semi sentient AI and people are still going about their lives and their careers as if things will remain unchanged until they retire.
Chat GPT is in it's infancy and already capable of creating custom meal plans; what goes through the mind of someone currently studying to become a nutritionist?
What worries me the most is the return to a society with no upward mobility: what can you do to make money in a society where intelligence is free? Fuck off to the desert and dig till you find gold?
Those who see the impacts of the technology, seem to be engaged in a rat race to extract whatever value they can while there is still time - whenever I see an Youtube "content creator" teaching hustlers to make money by publishing AI-generated children's books on Amazon/selling shit on Etsy with Midjourney art printed on it, it makes me wanna puke.
How many years of relative normalcy do we have left to enjoy? 2, 5 years at best?
Suddenly, a nuclear armageddon doesn't look like the worst possible outcome.

>>21672767
The world is an unmitigated disaster and there’s too much to worry about. Nobody cares anymore.

>>21672748
>>21672744
Let's see
>Can't work under any kind of pressure because ass bleeds
>Can't do manual labor because shit body
>Can't do creative work for a living because no skill
>Won't do IT or anything to do with computers cause 'ate technology
>'ate the city
>'ate women
>'ate therapists
>See no point in life
>Remaing parent soon to die
>35
>No gf
If I were you, I'd get a job as a cashier in some convenience store, and I'd become a writer.

>>21672743
And frankly I think by the time I said "okay let's do art" things were already set into motion. I did it because I knew that all my projects for life had gone to shit. When I took that decision it was in the sense of, well if I have to live a shit life at least I'll entertain myself. It wasn't a healthy decision. The idea that my real life was over was already there, even if I did put actual commitment into that choice. I realized I was not cut to be a professional artist very early on when I realized that whoring yourself out on social media and making connections with woke artists with a huge following was way more important than anything else. My portfolio never mattered. You get jobs through connections. Then I dunno maybe I made mistakes but it's not a point anymore, right now many years have passed and that's all water under the bridge. It's not realistic to double down into an art career path just like it's not realistic to think I can go back to studying. I don't have the money nor the time to do this.
>>21672749
I don't know what you mean but I only said it as a matter-of-fact statement: I did always prefer other things simply because I did.

I’m really bothered by the prospect of turning 30. I have so many regrets that I can’t stop obsessing.

>>21672781
>If I were you, I'd get a job as a cashier in some convenience store
I never managed when I still knew how to human, right now it's a lost case. I think I've become weird now. Like it really shows that I'm mimicking the motions because I've forgotten how to look normal. I think people realize I'm a social reject now. It's impossible that I'll get a public-facing job.
Literally the only jobs that would take me in were outbound call centers or an Amazon warehouse. I don't want to work there. Also any job means hours of commute. At least 2 hours to go, 8 hours to work (it's never 8 hours), 2 hours to make it back, all so I can maybe pay rent and all the rest of the unfulfilling shit is still there. I can literally maybe pay myself a hooker so I can have sex and I can buy myself some alcohol or drugs. That's literally all I can think of with the money, numbing my brain. There isn't even any nature around here so I wouldn't be able to spend time in the woods or whatever. It's not worth it to live like this. My only real hope is moving to another country but I'd be just making things even harder for no reason.

>>21672781
>, I'd get a job as a cashier in some convenience store
Ngl my favorite jobs were clerking at gas stations. The characters that would routinely come through those doors was fantastic.

>>21672781
Also I would have been perfectly fine working as a barman in a pub, or something like that, but there's not a single fucking job ad where they don't want like 100000 years of experience, and most businesses like that in here are family businesses. I even told people, look, let me learn the job, I'll do it for free as I learn, just let me do it, I've worked other jobs just not in food, fuck's sake I lived alone, I know how to do dishes. Nope, they won't take me. And they will always take girls over dudes. I answered so many job ads to work in a coffee shop and the dude would say "no I'm actually looking for a girl" because a thot will draw in more clients. Retail is low key the same shit. They want experience. Everyone wants experience and I haven't done shit in forever. If it's your first job in a field when you're 20 they look at you differently. 35, you're fucked. It's a massive red flag. Nobody will take you in.

>>21672781
>>Can't work under any kind of pressure because ass bleeds
>What do you mean I need to have that paper work in by Friday?? Susan's assure... Ooohhhwwwhhhaa
>Anon!? Are you okay??
>I just, it's just. Oh God the stress! My ass it burns! It burns!
>What are you talking about? What is that smell???
>Quick, get me the peroxide before I get another infection!

>>21672782
Nothing you do simply is, there are always reasons. Try exploring different ideas about yourself. Maybe you really have a big spoiled emo side that likes to consider itself different out of some resentment of the norm based on being excluded that one time or whatever. You clearly spend at least some time polishing the gun by the window.

>>21672802
>I can literally maybe pay myself a hooker so I can have sex and I can buy myself some alcohol or drugs.
You think you'l have enough money for that? I thought we were contemplating how to keep you fed and the electricity bills paid for. Why would you pay rent anyway if your mom's house is right there?
The brain-numbing/fullfillment will have to come from other sources: you liked drawing for its own sake, didn't you? You clearly hate the idea of whoring yourself out, so why don't you draw and write for yourself all the time? If I were you, I'd stop coming here and I'd focus on reading shit that can have an actual impact on my soul, as well as focusing on creative outlets for their own sake rather than to "be good" on the eyes of others.
As far as work goes, outbounds call centers are really tough. I worked at a cold-call call center and the first few weeks were really nasty. I don't know how people in amazon warehouses are, but I know that people there tend to be really, really tough on weirdos such as you and I. I think you'd be better off standing behind a counter.
Anyway.
Have you read the last messiah?

How do you ask someone to be in a relationship with you

Do you just blurt it out at the end of a date

>>21672836
> I would have been perfectly fine---
Let's forget about the past.
Altogether.

>>21672845
>You clearly hate the idea of whoring yourself out, so why don't you draw and write for yourself all the time?
I absolutely do, and if I didn't have these outlets I would be dead already, but as you can imagine I'm worried about the axe hanging over my head that is unemployment at 35. If I have to spend most of my life working a job, that job must have a meaning to me. The idea of wasting my whole life on something that's not only meaningless but actively harmful to the world like working for fucking Amazon is intolerable.
>>21672846
You don't, you just ask the person on a date and things happen organically
>>21672864
I'd still be perfectly fine doing that. I don't want to do something grandiose. I just don't want humiliating or insufferable jobs.

>>21672876
>If I have to spend most of my life working a job, that job must have a meaning to me.
Get the job first
Make the meaning later

>>21672876
dont go into teaching.

t >>21672714

>>21672876
>If I have to spend most of my life working a job, that job must have a meaning to me.
This may sound corny as all hell, but why don't you create a meaning for it yourself?
Making the absurd into a heroic struggle like in The Myth of Sissyphus (have you read it?), taking joy in brightening the day of a customer.
What's a meaningful job like for you? Being a surgeon that performs open heart surgery to save lives? a therapist who's not shit? a teacher?

>>21672876
You make it sound like you're aware that you're too weird for retail jobs, that you can no longer "do human" anymore, so why keep contemplating that possibility if you're sure you aren't fit for that kind of thing?

None of you know but some guy is flagging every message written here and is creating an app using deep learning to figure out which messages belong to who. Some other guy, a 4chan insider most likely, is flagging messages with suspicious content and selling the owners' data to government agencies. If you were to pretend to be a time-traveler now and published bullshit predictions that somehow became real, you will unironically be kidnapped by glowies when times comes. Glowies are also on the lookout for other glowies who are passing cryptic messages among themselves on this board when they can, so yes, you should definitely keep whining on /lit/.

Let's just all muddle the waters for glowies today and have fun.

>>21672893
Sorry about that, anon. I can relate. When I went into the art world I thought I'd meet creative, open-minded people who put fulfillment over making money, instead I met a bunch of catty whores who'd jump at each other's throat or suck each other off for every shred of attention.
>>21672900
>What's a meaningful job like for you?
If I had to round it down I think something materially useful that employs skill. Being an artisan. Making shit. I like skilled jobs that but my brain to work, especially if I have to physically make things. Doing repetitive, coded things drives me insane. The part I hated the most about call center work was that I had to give canned answers to people if a certain key came up. I could not directly solve a problem because I was not trained to do that, I was just there as human padding for a digital system. Best I could do was send the customer to another department. I hated that.
>why keep contemplating that possibility if you're sure you aren't fit for that kind of thing?
I don't feel fit for anything anymore. It feels like any idea I might have is impossible or stupid.

>>21672767
>relative normalcy
Has not been spotted in the wild since 2012. It's likely extinct. Neobyzantine will be built by Christian Varangian romantics.

>>21672940
>Sorry about that, anon. I can relate. When I went into the art world I thought I'd meet creative, open-minded people who put fulfillment over making money, instead I met a bunch of catty whores who'd jump at each other's throat or suck each other off for every shred of attention.
there's nothing we can do
tech has eroded society
ai has cemented their control

it's impressive, gen x are now the worst generation to have ever existed by their propagation of tech.

>>21672940
>Best I could do was send the customer to another department. I hated that.
I just ignored the retarded protocols and actually helped the people. Also hacked the CMS to look up things faster through my own interface. Got fired for undisclosed reasons with a payout.

>>21672940
>Being an artist as a job
You could make it work, but with very limited income (even being extremely good).
Although I don't know how you could make it work for you since art has become a commodity and you don't want to sell out. What kind of work do you produce anyway?
>skilled jobs that put my brain to work, especially if I have to physically make things.
Since I actually like the polar opposite of what you just said, I'm having a hard time imagining a job like that.
Aren't car mechanics like this? Help me out bros, what kind of job is like this?
>It feels like any idea I might have is impossible or stupid.
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
-Me, just now.

>>21672767
You know, these advances in technology could usher in a post-scarcity society where everyone has not only their basic needs covered, but actually access to immense luxury, where everyone is free and flourishes in whatever manner they see fi... pffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's gonna be like that Harlan Ellison short story where the AI uses its mastery of biotechnology to mutilate humans into other beings that are more capable of suffering to optimize the effect of the torture it will subject us to for no purpose, guaranteed.

>>21672949
That's also why I want to distance myself from all tech work, IT, computers, desks and offices. Everything related to technology is cancer. I think I'd love to work in a small scale farm or forestry, but again, my body is what it is. I doubt I'd be able to make it especially since I have no previous experience. I also depend on healthcare so if I moved to another country maybe I'd have problems covering that. My body has practically confined me to office work but it kills me inside. There just so many overlapping problems.
>>21672988
>What kind of work do you produce anyway?
I went in the shittiest field of all: comics. It was a mistake within the mistake because nobody gives a fuck about comics now and the style is difficult to retrofit into illustration. Nobody wants things that look drawn anymore, they want photorealism.
>Aren't car mechanics like this?
I wouldn't mind that at all, actually. And yes it fits the profile. You identify a problem and you independently fix the problem with skills. It's basically being a surgeon but without the stress, perfect. I was just never interested in cars so it never crossed my head. Is it difficult to train as a mechanic? Is it a requested job?

>>21673012
>Is it a requested job?
I'd say yes, moreso now that people are becoming dumber and more useless. It's a manly-man's job (and interest) and now this planet is crawling with cucks and soifags that would rather spend time learning if Goku can beat Superman instead of understanding how their car works.
>Is it difficult to train as a mechanic?
I have no fucking clue, but if third world people without any sort of formal education can get the gist of it, I'm sure you can. Do you have a car?
What were your comics about anon? Have you read Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud?

When my online friends or 4chan talk about work, everyone is doing IT or software dev or webdev or WFH
Something about this is terrible to me

>>21673055
Retired from crypto and proud of how I did it. This time period is completely normal and sane.
https://youtu.be/o7dJ3a-U6WQ

>>21672836
>I would have been perfectly fine working as a barman in a pub, or something like that, but there's not a single fucking job ad where they don't want like 100000 years of experience
That's not true most jobs in pubs or restaurants are desperate for people. It may say you meed xp but that doesn't mean anything.
I was a linecook at a bar and by the end of the summer the kitchen staff was down to like 5 people. They would have hired anyone with a pulse.
If your social skills are that bad that you can't even do a job as a cashier or bartender you have bigger problems, but you could still easily get a job in a kitchen.
You don't need any social skills to flip burgers.

>>21673113
restaurants drive people away with anti-social behaviour from managers
happened to me twice
gen x are the problem.

>>21672597
like what

>>21672927
Yes, linguistic analysis. It's been around for a long time. I suppose it would get better with AI.

things gonna get tough in a minute

>>21673002
More likely is that it will forcibly turn us into flesh beasts because it determines that it will reduce violence by 99.99%, and after an initial period of intense suffering, the future generations of flesh blob humans will be able to enjoy lifelong dopamine injections and constant pleasure machines.

>>21673139
>restaurants drive people away with anti-social behaviour from managers
>happened to me twice
Just don't be weird. If your quiet but do your job no one will care.
I barely socialized and no one cared, and when I said I was leaving the manager was practically begging me to stay.

>>21673158
Then it will begin an interstellar empire dedicated to maximizing the number of 'human' pleasure blobs in the universe. Entire solar systems will be converted into dyson spheres of quadrillions of unthinking 'blobs' that know no language, cannot move or think in words, and experience pure unadulterated pleasure for longest duration medically possible. There will be vats creating trillions of humans per second and bots going from system to system to maximize the amount of pleasure in the universe.

The AI will convert the entire universe into a self sustaining, maximally efficient eternal pleasure dome. And the utilitarian loves this.

I tried offing myself earlier this year and then got rid of my phone and all social network apps. I've emailed my important friends so I don't lose contact with them. Nobody uses e-mail here, so some of them have no idea about me. One of them, one of the best, finally saw my message and replied. He thought I actually died and spent last month absorbing that. He didn't try to reach out my family cause he didn't want the confirmation. In the end of his message he says that I shouldn't do that with people. That felt good, to know someone cares about you. I just realized my self-destructive behaviour is in order to get people's attention. They get hurt buy I get a good feeling. What am I supposed to do instead? I never thought the shit I do is because deep inside I'm a highschool girl who cuts herself. I always tried to do with my problems by myself. I want attention and I want someone caring for me, but that seems like a sin in today's world. Do you think you're so special people should dedicate their time to you, is that it? Grow up, learn to be alone. I hate life, but above all I hate myself.

>>21673035
>Do you have a car?
I can drive, but I rarely do.
>What were your comics about anon?
I covered a bunch of subjects. I went from Saturday Morning Cartoon style adventure stuff to 2edgy4u cyberpunk. Maybe I branched out too much and that was a mistake. Either way I never had a following despite many years of trying to find an audience.
>Have you read Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud?
Yeah I've read all that stuff.
>>21673113
>It may say you meed xp but that doesn't mean anything.
I show up and it's the first thing they ask and when I tell them I'll learn they just shake their head and I never hear back from them.
>>21672927
>using deep learning to figure out which messages belong to who
I've been concerned about this for years and years. It even has a specific name. We're really a few years away from 1984.

Would I be able to learn to play the guitar at 30?

>>21673194
>I went from Saturday Morning Cartoon style adventure stuff to 2edgy4u cyberpunk.
Sounds fucking awesome. Could you tell me at least what was the plot? who were the characters?

>>21673200
Yes. But only if you stop posting and start practicing.

>>21673200
Yeah you can learn. You probably won't become Steve Vai tho.

>>21673205
I don't think it's important that I ramble about my failed comics. I've retired everything and quit making them. I've managed to finish a couple projects that will never see publishing and that's it. Now I write because at least I don't have to spend weeks drawing a single scene.

>Work a remote position as an IT infraestructure analyst
>Barely feel like I'm doing anything at all
>Browse 4chan, code games, draw, watch porn on my personal PC while I "work"
>Get constantly congratulated for doing a good job
This is my hole.
It was made for me.

>>21673168
one of them was a golf course
i applied to their bar, but got turned down, i wasn't pretty enough, so i ended up washing dishes (KP)
the chefs there really liked me. i was happy to work hard. one thought i was lazy because i was working slow, and i told him that honestly i just didn't want to rush to be sent home early, but that all the work would be done before i left. he got understood, and we got on fine.
the manager drives away all of his bar staff, and i mean all, one girl he kept commenting on her tits. the other boy didn't want to work for him because the manager kept berating him. the bar supervisor quit shortly before i did because instead of promoting the bar supervisor, the bar manager hired his fucking mistress to the restaurant where his wife and children frequently ate.

one night for a gala, he decided to scam a company by buying plates and then returning them after using them
i came in after doing a 14 hour shift the previous day for a wedding, because surprise surprise we were short staffed, and the first thing he asks me do after he'd been in all day was to move the room full of shit he was planning to send back to scam with - a room full of boxes of plates and cutlery

he hadn't hired anyone other than his mistress, so i made her move boxes too. said 'good thing there's two of us' and she sullenly helped. told her that her shag was a lazy prick. got called in the next day, he accused me of calling him a lazy git, i corrected him.

he had a habit of bullying fucking everyone over nothing, sitting in his office whenever his boss wasn't around on skype to his wife, and then refused to hire. i almost hit the bastard with a frying pan when he started telling a 16 year old girl he would take the cheese sandwich she had for lunch out of her pay at till price.

gen x are fucking scum. you sadly can't avoid them atm as they seem to hold a lot of management positions.

>>21673215
It's a shame that you don't even want to talk about it.
I've always wanted to write a comic, but not only have I not dedicated enough time to learning to write/draw, all my ideas feel dumb as fuck and I give up before I even start.
I think it's admirable that you finished a couple projects, and it is a shame that no one will read them.

>>21673194
>I show up and it's the first thing they ask and when I tell them I'll learn they just shake their head and I never hear back from them.
That's really weird. I mean it's not complicated work. Almost every kitchen job I've worked is the same shit: grab basket place deli paper over, throw burgers down wait for them to start sweating, flip & season, put fried food down. That's basically it. Most food service places I've worked at barely even look at my resume since they are so desperate for workers.
Just go onto some job sites look up food service in your area and apply to like 5-10 jobs.

>>21673226
Honestly I think art gave me much more disappointments than it gave me joys. I love being able to draw things that are faithful to what I imagine but the whole craft is deeply useless. That's not even counting that it doesn't pay a penny in most cases.
I've wasted at least 8 or 9 years going just one more year, maybe things will improve. Instead they got worse because new trends came up that I didn't gel with and more and more people poured in saturating the market even more. I should've stopped early.

>>21673207
So where’s a good place to start?

Oh and let's not forget the cherry on top that is AI and everyone giving more attention to AI produced crap no matter what just because it's AI.

>>21673255
Learn finger posture first and foremost because it's going to bite you in the ass in the future. Then it's just playing simple songs and chords/scales.

>>21673243
>I love being able to draw things that are faithful to what I imagine
Despite how hard you've tried to paint yourself as a miserable and worthless human being, I envy you.

>>21673243
Same desu, I think art gave me much more disappointments than it gave me joys. I love being able to draw things that are faithful to what I imagine but the whole craft is deeply useless. That's not even counting that it doesn't pay a penny in most cases.
I've wasted at least 8 or 9 years going just one more year, maybe things will improve. Instead they got worse because new trends came up that I didn't gel with and more and more people poured in saturating the market even more. I should've stopped early.

>>21673270
I don't know what's enviable about it. If you can't make use of it and nobody will see or care, I don't see the point. If a tree falls in a forest and there's noone to hear...

I was replying to a thread about book reading, it wasn't about a specific author or book but still ..
And then when I click Post the thread doesn't exist anymore?????

JANNIE ARE YOU OK?
ARE YOU OK?
ARE YOU OK JANNIE?

>>21673291
I don't draw cause I want recognition or a job or money. I do it because I enjoy it.
If only I were good at it.

>>21673315
I enjoy it too but the idea I have of art is that I'm communicating something. It's like learning a language - you want to use it to communicate something.
But it's not the money aspect that made me depressed about art as much as the fact that as a small fish in the pond you basically only exist as fodder for more popular artists to gain validation by promoting you if you're an oppressed minority. This is why the network is self-reinforcing about this. A popular artist won't promote you if you're not oppressed because that's how they gain even more popularity and approval, and you need to be woke to be promoted. It doesn't matter what kind of art you make because on an industry level the exact opposite matters to begin with: you have to do exactly what you are requested according to a set standard in two or three styles that are always the same; on the broader more indie side you literally only exist like an African child exists in the public consciousness: someone who's just there so that rich people can send money your way and feel good about themselves. Your personal footprint, your vision, whatever the fuck, nobody cares about it nor will ever care. I can't remember last time I saw entertainment industry work that had a recognizable footprint. It's just another office job and the rest doesn't even exist. Even fine art is not about how you tape the banana to a wall but who is it that taped the banana, and if you're a white dude you're just not interesting a priori. Maybe I'm completely wrong but it really feels like we've entered some kind of low key eugenics environment, at least culturally.

not that I would do it (its not elegant) but every day I understand more an d more how people are driven to mass shootings

>>21673354
I understand what you're saying, but I really can't empathize with any of it at all.
I guess we just have different philosophies when it comes to the skill in itself.

>>21673363
Why are people driven to mass shootings?

>>21673390
because the universe is indifferent, some peoples life is just shit and it doesn't mean anything. mgight as well get your revenge on life and try to make some meaning the best you can

>>21673412
How does killing a bunch of random people give meaning to one's life?

>>21673419
I get a kind of satisfaction everytime I make my girlfriend sad. It's a type of exercise in free will I guess. Serial killers and mass shooters may feel the same, cause imagine for a moment how powerful and alive you'd feel if you killed a bunch of people in Minecraft

>>21673439
What exactly do you feel when you make your girlfriend sad? What part of it feels good? What makes using your free will on something like that more satisfactory than using it to make her smile,. for example.

>>21673384
I feel what you feel, too, I do love the act of creation. Sometimes I draw someone who's been in my mind and there's one sketch in particular that is that person, like I recognize that person who's always been there. I love it and I'm glad I learned to draw, but this feeling goes hand in hand with sending that person into the world. It's really like the thought of having children, yes, having a child is great, best feeling in the world, but without the thought of having that child make his way into the world it would be almost a perverted, evil thought.

>>21673390
lack of belonging
it's only getting worse.

t. someone who literally studied mass shootings for dissertation

>>21673473
>but without the thought of having that child make his way into the world it would be almost a perverted, evil thought.
Thats were we differ, then.
I can honestly tell you I don't mind if my "child" doesn't get around. I wouldn't even use children as a metaphor for my work.
This is something I entirely do for my own... gratification, I guess we can call it.
It's like if God created the universe to show it to other Gods instead of doing so because he fucking wanted to (even if it's a fucked up universe).
Also, for someone who's so adamant on having their work known (to the point of calling it perverted and evil), it's weird that you wont share any of your work here.

>>21673419
if all you know is suffering, inflicting it on others means sharing yourself with the world, you materialise that which you've spent your whole life alone with rather than letting it simply fade away quietly with your rotting corpse. its not that different from creating art really, I guess it can be considered a sort of performance art

There is no prospect for happiness. It doesn’t matter if you earn 6 figures, have a lovely wife and kids, and live what the majority would deem a good life. Nothing will ever be enough. There will never be a lasting escape from the pain and suffering life brings. Only creative intellectual pursuits can free one from this hell momentarily but we quickly get tired and have other needs and desires which disrupt them. Life is a blackness; our souls were not meant to put up with this.

>>21673603
Try earning 6 figures and having a lovely wife and kids first.

>>21673439
You sound horrible.

>>21672725
You should just draw porn anonymously, but even if you don’t draw porn, you can make some money if you work hard. Clever and hard working people can do pretty much anything they want. If just takes hard work, patience, and some trial and error.

>>21672748
Once you realize that 90% of people in any particular field are not even trying very hard, you get more optimistic about your chances. Most people don’t want to put in the time and effort. It’s only the top 10% that do. That means if you’re putting in the time and effort, you’re automatically in the top 10%. You tell me if you think the top 10% of artists aren’t making any money.

>>21672782
You only get one life and it’s measured in moments, dude. Moments, literally time. Not money. Not sex. Not friends. Time. You’ve got to pick what is you want to do, literally spend your time on, and do it.

Words don't have sound.

They're waiting for you Gordon
>>21673720
>>21673720
>>21673720

>>21672592
>wah my first job at mcdonalds was stressful! How will I ever recover!
Shut up you whiney faggot. I despise people like you.

>>21672747
I feel exactly the same. 2020 to 2022 were critical years for me. The pandemic fucked me hard man

>>21673293
Can’t help you if you don’t tell me what thread it was

>>21672927
>more g-men falling in love with me for my scintillating conversation
Ugh if only they didn't all fall the wrong side of the line of looking vs acting like Warren Beatty but I guess I need something to do Tuesdays.

>>21671756
For whatever reason japs in america americanize so much more readily than most of the other asian immigrants. I don't know what that's all about. We UwU'd them into submission and now they look up to us rather than coming here to be parasites? I really don't know.

>>21674662
They understand saying bullshit you don't believe for social cohesion.

>>21669801
This happens to me if I don't leave the house for a while during the day on like a weekend or something. I don't work from home, but I find it impossible to simply sit at home all day, even if I'm doing stuff to keep me occupied. Perhaps this is the same for you.