/lit/ - Literature

>>21663395
Im a victim of Oedipus complex.

>>21663417
Are you that guy who thinks of killing himself every night?

I have a lot of regrets lately.

>>21663435
Aren’t we all that guy?

this thread has nothing to do with literature and is just a place for lonely spergs to vent about their lives. it should be deleted and everyone who posts in it should be banned.

>>21663455
Some things are better left alone. It's just one general. You don't mess with /lit/'s own r9k and the kpop general on /mu/.
Deleting them would just multiply their negative effect on other threads.

>>21663450
No.

Anyone here have actual experience with drug addiction?

Paragliding seems like such a comfy hobby!

>>21663435
I dont think so but suicidal thoughts are always with me.

>>21663395
I know it's unrealistic to just have it "all together", but not feeling this to such a degree. There is so much I am missing and I don't know what.

>>21663455
better to keep as much bullshit as possible in here instead of spreading it out over 20 threads

I’ve been feeling unbearably sad. Everything is in ruins. It’s like the melancholy that’s has always been on the background finally burst.
You know that feeling when you meet someone and there’s an instant connection, like the both of you have know each other for your whole lives? It’s such a rare occasion and I was fortunate to feel that recently. Then she just disappeared. I’ve been wondering why this in particular was my breaking point considering all the shit I’ve gone through these last few years. I think that it’s because I had a glimmer of hope - a reminder that good things may happen - just to have it ripped from under me right after. To be given some small hope just to see it die. That was enough to sent me over my tipping point.
I’m tired and it hurts and its been like that for my whole life. Year after year I try, and try and try. Jesus Christ, /lit/. I’m tired. Of myself, of living and of feeling like shit. Of trying to improve things and failing. God.

I saw my psychotherapist the day before Valentine's and he seemed extremely irritated. When I brought up a film as kind of a set-piece for an event in my life he uncharacteristically said "I've seen that one before." as though me expressing having seen Dr. Strangelove was an attack.
Later on he explained what an introject was to me, rather poorly, and when he asked if I'd understood I gave him my complete understanding of the term and he looked rather upset and replied "I guess you really had no need for my 2nd-grade explanation of the thing."
:(

I am really, really mad. I've been burned plenty of times in the past but none have ever left me so full of anger and hate. I'm worried it's ruined me.

>>21663491
Plenty.

1/2 my hopeless love story from years past

When I was in I believe second grade, some classmates of mine asked what my opinion was on a girl in our class. I don't know why (because I was a dumb kid), but I answered that "She's so wonderful!", not that I spent much time daydreaming about her or ever even talking to her. But I said it nonetheless, I suppose because it just occurred to me at the time that she was pretty. In the next few years my classmates would occasionally tease me by reminding me of this remark of mine loud and clear.

Then, one day my mother came into my room. She had a small dark green piece of paper on her hand. She handed it to me and told me that I have mail. Nothing could have perplexed me more, but I took it and immediately read what it contained. To my devastation, it was a love letter! A love letter from the very same girl I previously mentioned. It was short and sweet, and said something along the lines of "Hi Anon, I don't know how to say this to you straight but I think I like you.", with the girl's first name scribbled at the end at the bottom. I was shocked to receive a letter like this and equally surprised that she had come forward to me like that. But my feelings were not exactly positive.

I was a very sheltered and introverted boy at the time, partly because of my upbringing and partly because of my social status at school. I had earned a bit of a reputation for being a gullible, dumb kid. Not bad at school, quite the opposite actually, but uninformed and simple in "street" terms. And I've always been a late bloomer socially speaking as well. It wasn't until late upper middle school that I finally began opening up, but that was after changing schools and getting more accepting and friendlier schoolmates. But at this time, I was still in fourth or fifth grade, when I was a clueless, dumb kid. The odd one out, often. The weird kid. At times I felt like I was bullied and pushed around by the others, and while that probably isn't entirely untrue I probably overthought it at the time.

My personality and state of maturity at the time of receiving this sudden love letter being what it was, I hope my reaction to it is more understandable. My heart was racing, and my mind was filled with a host of conflicting emotions. How should I talk to her about this? How should I respond to her feelings? How would others react? How do I even feel to begin with? What do people usually do in situations like this? I was in a state of chaos. To make matters worse my parents were very giddy about the whole ordeal while refraining from proactively sharing some much-needed wisdom. And my brother made fun of it all. I felt the pressure of outside expectations already building up.

But I tried to take a step forward, if only out of courtesy. One day after school I talked to her! I somewhat awkwardly told her that I had received her letter and that I was happy about it. I asked whether we could walk home together, and she said yes.

>>21663491
Yep. I did the strong opioids for two straight years. Heroin, oxycontin, morphine, the ever elusive ketobemidone. I'd do stims whenever I could afford them in that period, and I still consider the greatest pleasure to be oxycodone and cocaine snorted together with 1 part oxycodone to 5 parts cocaine. But I never did get addicted to stimulants. I could do cocaine for a week in a row and then leave it without any issue at all.

Stayed clean for 6 years and now I'm on my second month of fucking tramadol. It's pretty much like kratom to me, so I reckon it doesn't really count.

>>21663674
What's up man, who burned you and how?

>>21663651
Maybe he just didnt have a Valentines date.

>>21663674
What happened?

>>21663685
2/2

This is when things went from uncertain to plain awkward. We had walked a few minutes when I realized that neither of us had said a single word the whole time! Neither of us really knew each other. I had no recollection of ever speaking to her before, let alone call her name (aside from that single situation in second grade, which may have indirectly lead to her sending that love letter to me)! And after I had realized this it became even more awkward to start a conversation. It felt like my mouth was welded shut, and the entire walk went on until we reached my house which, I later learned, was only about fifty or so meters away from hers. I awkwardly said something like "Well, this is my home. I'll be off now, see you!", and I immediately got into my room feeling physically exhausted.

I still didn't know how I felt or what I should have done, and seeing as I was receiving no guidance or aid of any kind I felt like I was on my own in this. After asking my parents I only received vague advice like "Just talk to her", or "Don't worry it will shape up well", so I decided to try again later.

Some time later we again walk back hone together. Not much else happened, again. I said something meaningless like commenting on how the weather and got "Ah, okay...", or "Yeah...", and similar sorts of answers. But not much else. She wasn't taking the initiative and I hadn't the slightest clue how I should, either.

We repeated this behavior a number of times without much success in improving our budding love story. And once my peers started noticing they wasted no time in yelling at me about her from a distance: "Oh Anon, Anonette is so wonderful!", "Hi there lovebirds!", that sort of light teasing. It was a major blow to my ego at the time. I couldn't cope with it all and our relationship never went anywhere. We never learned much about each other before I had to transfer to another school.

To this day I feel regret and shame about it all. I feel sorry for her. Sorry that she had to fall for me of all people. Today I happened to drive past her house. Or her parents' house, I don't know if she lives there still. I saw her standing outside the lawn talking to somebody. I think it was her anyways, and I think she was talking to a guy about our age. She noticed me driving by and she stared at me the whole time. But I couldn't return her gaze. I didn't dare. If only I knew what she was thinking... I half wanted to stop the car and apologize to her, apologize for not being able to reciprocate her feelings or even talk to her properly back then, that I wanted to be better but couldn't. That I wish her all the best. But at the same time I feel like I should let her be and let us both move on. My past haunts me

Oh I also received a note in high school from somebody who had a crush on me. I was traumatized by my previous love story and I resolved not to investigate who had sent it, and that was that.

I remain a kissless virgin to this day. /blogpost

>>21663699
How hard was getting sober?
Also, it's interesting how people seem to divide into stimulant-types and sedative-types.
I'd say I'm on the stim side. Strong stims paradoxically calm me down mentally into a state of loving and accepting the whole universe as is.

>>21663685
>>21663826
In a way that's pretty adorable.

>>21663852
it was miserable for me

>>21663395
Getting a regular office job is the single biggest regret of my life. Any time I have to sit in a meeting or an interview and see how mundane and uninspired I have to be I want to shoot myself in the head. I wanted more out of my life than being this sort of person.

>>21663699
>>21663800
Oh dear, that's a long story that hinges on many specific things (the devil's in the details, and all that), but all quite banal. The shortest version is something like I got very close to someone but then I disappeared for a while out of some anxiety from a previous bad experience. I came back a few months later and was put through the ringer for having left right at the moment of greatest pre-attachment. Two years of bipolar abuse later (all of which I accepted because I'm most easily motivated by guilt above all other motivators) and things went kaput, but only after something happened that made the following passage (from some internet intellectual or whatever I only heard about recently) hit me like a ton of bricks for reminding me of how things finally collapsed:
>For the overdog, making the underdog mad is an excellent tactic—it is a way to induce “fear biting,” a violent response to nonviolent abuse. Observed casually, this creates a superficial narrative in which the underdog looks like the instigator. Self-flattering narratives are often built out of casual self-observation. You actually believe your own victim narrative, even when you bullied the underdog into a corner; he desperately nipped at you; then you methodically tore his throat out. In fact, you’d like to file a police report… you may be suing his estate… you’re not usually one to litigate, but…
I know all of it is at least half my fault because reasons. Those reasons being that I'm over-inhibited by both temperament and upbringing so I'm drawn to women with impulse control problems. Not my first time getting burned, but no previous experience has left me so damn bitter. Usually I just mope for a few months and self-isolate, but this time around I've been left with so much negativity. Humiliated that I ever thought she was anything other than a bipolar e-girl. Confused that I was so enthralled by her facile charisma. Mad I wasn't disgusted by her obsessive self-pity. Embarrassed that I sought advice from close friends about her. Frustrated that I played perfectly into her hands to construct the narrative for the audience. Baffled that I ignored every red flag and tolerated what would normally cause me to dismiss someone out of hand because I felt guilty for following my (completely correct) gut instincts. I dunno, but that Florence Nightingale quote (pic related) rings truer and truer the older I get and I'm worried I've lost the ability to let anyone in; maybe I've reached the threshold of experiences with bad women that now I can only interpret everything in the most negative way possible, immediately jump to conclusions of narcissism, hypocrisy, and toxic femininity.

>>21663844
>it's interesting how people seem to divide into stimulant-types and sedative-types.
"Bunnies like to go slow and turtles like to go fast" is the phrase I've heard.

>>21663922
No one is forcing you to work an office job. Learn a trade or something.

Were people always so unhappy? A lot of anons will blame commies, or globalism or the internet or industrial society, but what if the only difference between us and those that came before is that they didn’t have a way to vent how miserable they were to the whole world? Fuck, I’m so tired.
I might be looking at things with rose tinted glasses, but I recall some hopefulness on these threads years ago. Now most of us look like a bunch of shambling zombies.

>>21664009
I'm pretty much happy with my life. Sure I have some regrets (mainly with regard to my social and love life, I blogposted about that just a few minutes ago) but life is honestly pretty darn good. The future does seem murky though... Politics and the economy have gotten worse at a rapid pace globally since the GFC. It seems like society is spiraling into disorder. Maybe it's just the doomer in me thinking that. But it does seem like this decade could be a decade of misery for humankind. I hope I'm wrong and I try to focus on the good things in life while they last. I'm very grateful of everything I have

One of my favorite past times is to go to Gilgo beach, chloroform strangers with rag, then crack their skull open with rock and toss them into the sea.

>>21664065
hol up

>>21664009
Pic related. Also bear in mind that people have much fewer children now AND they move for work way more than they used to. Consequence of both of these? Nobody really has a network of cousins and other extended family around where they live to talk to about their problems or even just to do shit with on occasion. The economy has also been pretty garbage for at least the last 15 years, and that doesn't help at all.

I hate being a non leftist trans woman. reading Bronze Age Mindset right now

>>21664009
no, life was fine during the medieval period if you aged out of child mortality or avoided plague

>they had feast days 200 days out of the year
>cheap alcohol
>beautiful women
>strong communities
>meaningful work
>comforting worldview
>no neuroticism

you work exponentially more and harder than medieval peasants did

"The entire universe," Peirce wrote, "is perfused with signs, if it is not composed exclusively of signs." However, I would replace the word sign with monsters because it's monsters that perfuse the universe. Little monsters, big monsters, medium monsters, atoms, black holes, rips, gunk, dust, mold, creatures, violence, death, white hot, black cold, human greed, love, and the squiggles you see now.

>>21664117
the average person spent spent by far the most of their income on food and drink back then. And their options for food items to buy was also quite limited. A week's pay was but a pittance to the average worker.
https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/a-time-travellers-guide-to-medieval-shopping/

>>21664217
the horror: they couldn't CONSOOM

>>21663395
You know what ol' Jack Burton always says . . .

>>21664221
>make a measly five pennies per day for your backbreaking manual labor
>pound of sugar cost 12 pennies (more than double your day's wage)
>side of bacon cost 15 pennies (triple your wage)
>fresh cod costs 20 pennies (quadruple your wage)
>dont even think about buying spices or anything resembling an exotic food, if they are available they are only for (((the noblemen)))
>streets smell like shit due to cattle being paraded around the marketplace
>war with neighboring kingdom at a moment's notice
>thieves and brigands looking to take what little you have along with your life
>poor infrastructure and buildings
>disease runs amok and medical malpractice makes getting treatment rather a threat than a possibility, if you can afford it that is
>better hope that winter isn't long and crops don't fail or else you will die of hunger
But at least the ale is abundant!

>>21664217
what the fuck else did they have to buy

>>21664273
you just described 2023

>>21664282
It cost me a few minutes of my day at work to heat and electrify my home, and have practically unlimited fresh water at my fingertips. Food is much cheaper and more varied in relation to my wage. Logistics is impeccable, sanitation and health is fantastic, and my life and property isn't under constant threat. And I would bet my job is also a lot less physically demanding than some poor serf having to plow the land without the help of heavy machinery.

>>21664273
vgh.. the trad dream

>>21663395
Sometimes when I am with a woman I try to last as long as I can. I begin to think of various things to promote my longevity but I soon realized that thinking of hung gay men pounding my tight hole only makes me cum quicker... Dear lord above, am I gay?

>>21664360
yeah sounds kinda gay

>>21664360
pretty gay bro ngl

>>21664360
one way to check: imagine your company for the night except she has a massive, thick, rock-hard two foot long schlong. If that still arouses you then yes, I must say, you are indeed gay

I think i’m done. I have nothing to try for.

I failed all my graduate school midterm exams. I am a complete fraud, have thrown away my chance at a fulfilling life by chasing money, and really want to kill myself or someone else (I won’t). I’m a Christian, please tell me what the best book in the Bible would be for me to read right now.

>>21663395
Is there any point in talking to a doctor or psychologist about having your dick fondled by an uncle as a kid and in your teens? It's something that's always bothered me. It was always done as a "joke" in front of everyone so I guess none of the other adults knew how to react or just took it as "him being him" trying to be funny. But honestly it was very humiliatibg. The fact we used to all cover our crotches when he came along should have indicated to everyone that this shit wasnt right but there we were us boys just covering our crotches and giggling like faggots not really knowing what to do

Funny though that when you bring it up, youre the one that gets cut out from the family lol. And you're treated like the one with loose screws or something.
I mean a decade on, after calling out this individual and admitting my beef with him. I understand why I'm the one cut out. I broke the cohesion. Heck, the other guy cousin's that this was done to as well probably don't want it exposed what my beef with this uncle was, worrying they will be found out by their wives that it was done to them too.

But if anything they should probably be thanking me seeing that if this behaviour had not been called out, he'd be doing it all to their kids thinking it's "funny"

But really. Who TF does that? Fondle kids dicks and making jokes that it's "hard or soft or small" or saying dumb shit in front of everyone like "if you get a gf I can't don't this anymore"

>>21664409
>Is there any point in talking to a doctor or psychologist about having your dick fondled by an uncle as a kid and in your teens?
Do you feel the need? If you don't have anyone else to talk to, it might be a good option.

Also, sorry that happened to you. Sounds fucked all around.

>>21664409
If you think you have something unresolved then it's good to get some therapy. Doesn't have to be a psych or even a therapist though. Anybody who listens without judging, truly listens and discusses with you, should be enough I think. Like what's a psych going to do besides siphoning your wallet? Diagnose you or some shit? Give you some big pharma meds?

>>21664430
You have no idea what you're talking about.

>>21664430
Well the psych sessions are free. I went to the GP to deal with my anxiety issues. Like I've become borderline agoraphobic and find it very difficult to go to places besides a selected few which has gotten worse the past year after losing my job over the vax nonsense. Which honestly feels the same where when I stood up against it, as an adult, not wanting it to be done to me. I again was punished by being pushed out of society. It's very weird

I could always keep my shit together whenever I had a job by living my life very tight and disguising that I don't go anywhere much but now it feels like things are closing in again.

>>21664425
I don't have any friends anymore because of my fear of leaving my space or the selected palces I go. I haven't been to a mall in 15 years, I always fill my car up at the same place and same pump, I can't see my family outside of their home or out of ordinary places I see them. I'm very autistic about shit it's ruined me

>>21664459
Yeah, sounds like you need some help bro. Good on you for taking that first step.

>>21664430
therapy: rent-a-friend, brought to you by jews.

>>21664477
What are my options if you don't have friends and the time you did in the ast and tried to open up they told the others and they all shit on you for it so you closed up and eventually left the group

>>21664471
I don't even know if the dick fondling stuff is something I should bring up. I told the GP and she asked me if I wanted to put it on the psych referral but I was kind of against it.

Should I just deal with the anxiety/agoraphobic type bahvior. I don't even know how to bring in the molestation a shit lol.

I saw this psych about a decade ago when I was having these issues and shortly after my confrontation with this uncle but never delved into that part of it.

But just mostly discussed me feeling down over leaving my job and being unemployed at the time

>>21664493
part of what therapy is about is getting to and confronting root causes of your behavior

>>21664221
you could just not consoom now though?

>>21664493
>What are my options if you don't have friends and the time you did in the ast and tried to open up they told the others and they all shit on you for it so you closed up and eventually left the group
why are you trying to ignore your experiences?

>>21664519
What do you mean?

>>21664516
I don't even know the root cause . I don't know why I was somewhat able to fight against it when I was younger but the past few years I just gave in.

Thing is I don't particularly feel depressed over it. In pretty content there just is a nagging feeling in me telling me I shouldn't be or something. It's hard to explain.

I don't even know why I'm so anxious even just walking down a regular street. Like I would over think the way I'm walking what to look like, how goofy I look crossing the street

>>21664559
>What do you mean?
if your experience tells you people are bad for you, why are you desperate to undo it? why are you desperate for it to be wrong?

>>21664565
I don't know.

Its probably what's making me not putting any real effort into finding a job.
A) I'm weird about going to new places
B) it most likely will amount to nothing when the reality is that you are just an employee number that will be dropped when convenient no matter how much effort you had put into the job

But at the same time I know you have to fall in line with it sooner or later.

i'm kind of bored when i'm at work but the worst part is i'm actually more bored when i'm at home.

>>21664493
I think priests sometimes offer their time for simply talking. Not necessarily for confessions only.

>>21664565
Plus I want to be there for my family/sister+ her family.

I feel so awkward being at her family events and 9n top. The kids are starting school, getting older so I'm predicting they will start having their birthday parties outside of their home and I will need to have to go these places

all you dudes with hella autism that don't know how to act in a professional setting should listen to this. it's free on audible plus and actually pretty helpful.

>>21664573
>>21664583
as someone that has been in that pattern of thinking time and time again, ignore it. it will only bring you more pain. you're just envious of the lives you see other people leading.

>>21664590
That's the thing. I'm fine with the simple life and conquered materialistic ways. All my interests are cheap. Calethenics, gardening, reading us I have a piano if I wanted to learn again.

Sure I want a job again but I know I won't function right if it's just any old job or if the job is stressful for me to get to.

>>21664598
Pick up programming and work from home. Though being able to go to family events outside of your comfort zone is definitely something you should work on. I've heard good things about cognitive behavioral therapy, but my CBT workbook for anxiety remains completely unused on my shelf so I can't speak personally to its effectiveness.

My hearts beat to death without rest. My eye cries from the infliction from my hearts beating to death the rest. My numbness in my brains cure myself by understanding the a posteriori. If by the posteriori the future, then you can prepare for the pain of your brains understanding of not the a posteriori.

>>21663395
I tried to kill myself recently. Since surviving, I have not regretted trying. I have not found a new love of life. I will likely try again soon. This time, I know what I did wrong.

>>21663395
Which version of the odessey and illiad should I read?

Found the lattimore translation of odessey at a thrift store but not sure if I should read it. Also should really be reading the illiad first?

>>21664650
>Which version of the odessey and illiad should I read?
None of em. Boring as shite.

Sacrificing Rene Girard

>>21664621
>my CBT workbook for anxiety
What's this? Will the psych give me one or something?

How do I into programming? Aren't those AI just going to kill the industry?

>>21664650
There's so many to choose from, just read a little from a few of them and see what you like best. Fagles, Lattimore, Fitzgerald, whatever.
(Pope's old thing is a complete reimaged rhyming poem. Pass)

I think I'm in love with Hailee Steinfeld. I've seen everything she's been in and listened to all her music. She is so beautiful it becomes painful to look at or think about her sometimes. I had a dream we were dating and it was the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life.

>>21664375
Damn...

>>21664663
if you want some old homer, get chapman. or if you want something really off the beaten path, get hobbes' translations.

I dread waking up everyday.

>>21664661
It's exactly what it sounds like: a Cognitive Behavior Therapy workbook for anxiety. CBT is a relatively recent technique for therapy that uses exercises to help you get over things that are hampering your life, and you don't need a therapist to do these exercises. I've met people who've had a lot of success with it. You can of course do these with the help of a therapists and some therapists have training in CBT, but you should ask them up front of they practice CBT before committing to a mental health provider. The (unused) CBT workbook I have was given to me by a medical insurance-appointed therapist. (She accurately accused me of having avoidant personality disorder and I never went back, lol.)

As for programming, AI will never kill the industry because there will still be a need for programmers to program AI's. It could potentially shrink it but I don't think it will make any significant dent in the workforce (if ever) in the next ten years; GPTs aren't all their cracked up to be, especially for programming, for reasons that are hard to go into unless you actually have programming experience. How to learn? I would just take an intro to programming class online or at your nearest community college and, if you like it, sign up for one of those code camp things once you finish whatever intro course you picked. Programming is a love it or hate it kind of thing and you should figure out which one after the first class as long as the teacher or curriculum isn't complete shit.

>feel goo coming dripping of my coochie
>it just keeps dripping
>"wow Chad sure nutted a lot yesterday, I've been squirting out his sperm for the last 30 minutes"
>it's my period
>there's blood all over my pantsu

I almost went commando today. I could have bled all over my pants.

>>21664645
Don't do it or you're a poopsniffer.

>feel goo dripping of my coochie
>it just keeps dripping
>"wow Chad sure nutted a lot yesterday, I've been squirting out his sperm for the last 30 minutes"
>go to the bathroom to wipe it off
>it's my period
>there's blood all over my pantsu

I almost went commando today. I could have bled all over my pants.

My tampon is so full that it's hanging halfway out of my vagina but I'm too lazy to go change it.

"You look good."
"I feel weird"
"Why?"
"Because I can't stop thinking about you."
"Maybe you should stop thinking about me and just be around me."
"You're younger than my daughter."
"You're older than my mother."
"You got my daughter pregnant."
"I couldn't help it. She looked so good."
"Are you even ready to have kids?"
"You aren't ready for anything in this world. Either you do it or you don't."
"God I just want you to fuck me."


This is my greatest fear now boys. I sure hope those pesky psyops dont go and social engineer another harsh life lesson.

why are there so many translations of literature and everyone gets really obsessive and autistic over it but comparatively far fewer philosophy and history translations

What are some words/phrases you're tired of?

I now avoid reading any sentence that starts with "as a ___". Example: "As a woman, I agree with what this man says." I swear people didn't talk like this before identity politics reached untold levels of popularity.

I cannot bare this quiet suffering anymore, for years I have lived in silence and I've lost my voice. Muffled beneath the noise of my own head. I struggle to find any meaningful connection to people around me and I fear I won't be able to find any before my time runs out.
I think I will die alone, gone through a short and solitary life and I hate myself for choosing this path. Fuck!

>>21664945
Go to uni. Get some pussy. Quit your bitching.

>>21664945
is this one of those unreleased linkin park tracks that are coming out on the meteora anniversary edition?

>>21664950
Done there, been that. Didn't changed.
In fact, I realized I'm not really into socializing and I'm a fucking contradiction. Quite a violent one, which further leads me to wanting to swan dive under a bus wheel.

What pains me the most is the fact that I know I'm ruining my relation with my family, I can feel them slip away and I can't bring myself to talk with them the way I need to keep them together.

>>21664978
Zip it nigga, don't ruin the surprise.

Times you acted like a Cool Badass

>be me
>15 yrs old
>have to go to some shitty country town cause my mom's from is getting married
>they have a local art gallery
>its boring shit from local artists who suck
>reach into the interior pocket of my stylish jacket
>pull out my YU-Gi-OH card deck and start shuffling the deck
>some kid comes up to me and asks he can see my cards
>"No"
>walk away

>>21663455
Eh still better than most /lit/ threads

>>21665020
One time we went on a hike and I pissed my pants.

sat and listened to some music tonight and God it made me want to drink for some reason. haven't drank more than a couple beers since new years. I dont think it would hurt to blow off a little steam since I've done a lot so far this year. what i should be doing is going and seeing my friend and drinking, but im not sure about that. might just have some beers and pizza and listen to music

Look, Kristina, why don't you like me anymore? I need you to like me. You have to like me. I even found this new video game for us to play. It's basically a free-to-play digiital collectible card game I found on the apple store. The game takes various characters from Family Guy, Futurama, American Dad!, Bob's Burgers, King of the Hill, and Archer and assigns them a number 1-10. With 1 being the lowest rarity as red. Gold being the highest rarity at 10. It's great. You can even combine different cards to make even greater numbered cards. For instance, a red Quagmire with a power of 2 & a blue Bender with a power of 4 makes a green whatever character power of 6. Whoever has the highest number wins. In the case of a tie, you lay three cards face down and flip each one over and count the numbers I think. Its so innovative Karina.

>>21663395
For me, it's de_survivor and cs_747. What about you, /lit/?

>>21663455
What are you, a fucking retard? That's the whole point of the general, to keep blogpostin out of other threads and prevent people making OPs.

I just came for the green eyes, bye

>>21665237
dod_avalanche and dod_donner for me

>>21665237
aztec
nuke
mjolby

>>21665237
>>21665256
lets play some cs 1.6
https://play-cs.com/en/servers

>>21665256
absolutely based, my man
>>21665266
i wish i could play right now but unfortunately it's 5 am and i don't want to wake anybody up, but i do hope we could get another chance to try some other time

Actors
>Have to play the Hollywood game and suck cock. Must sign every autograph. Having a bad attitude can ruin reputation and subsequently ruin career.
Athletes
>Expected to be well behaved not only in their personal lives but interviews as well.
Rock Musicians & Writers
>Pretty much expected to be scumbags with mental disorders and substance issues.

Why is this?

>>21663395
I genuinely believe I have to be the laziest man on earth, how do you guys do anything?

>>21665355
You wouldn't have made that post if you were lazy.

>>21665363
Nah I'm wasting time as I'm doing it. I guess it's ultimately wrong to frame it as a matter of being lazier than the average (although I think I definitely am) but rather an issue of me being unable to properly put the work in when I want to or when it counts. I guess it comes with age and I'm not quite 20 yet but damned if it doesn't feel like I'm less responsible than most people my age.

>>21665331
because musicians and writers didn't go with the pepsodent smile empty suit image

>>21665414
>musicians
Not all musicians. Pop idols like Taylor Swift can't be less than perfect.

>>21665433
>can't be less than perfect
i'm not even going to go for that low hanging fruit

My mind is easing.

ease your ass down on these nuts taylor swift

books that will teach me how to attract females?

max stirner - the ego and its own
if you can't attract women after reading that you're dumb, ugly or both

>>21665331
Long-standing tradition. There are .any amusing, debauched anecdotes about classical composers.

>>21665461
You joking?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfqZM-7zWj4

>>21665461
>classical theater with nudity and gross parts
being an actor didn't use to be something that forced you to be prim and proper, still isn't if you look at charlie sheen

>>21665463
Meant to say "there are many"

>>21665465
Do you really know anything about Hollywood? Actors are always partying and doing drugs

>>21665471
every american with wealth seems to be a coke head so not surprised

>>21665331
musicians and writers and athletes still have to suck cock (in the most literal sense) and are still having to put on an act in regards to their public persona

I know more than me, viz. tacit knowledge.

>>21665479
>writers have to suck cock and put on a act
charles bukowski says hi
you don't have to do jackshit, some people just take the easy / fast way to fame because some horny jew told them it's the only way

>>21665489
>implying bukowski didn't play up his own image
>implying that it isn't an act simply because it departs from decorum
admittedly the capture of publishers by the "suck my cock to get anywhere" crew is a more recent event than hollywood or the music industry

>>21665501
https://youtu.be/lyMS4qJ8NXU
he unironically made a poem about his image being a fake mask so he's self aware of the image we present to the public / world

>>21665524
You're only proving his point dummy

also the "suck my dick to get ahead" is a jew thing, they popularized it and they're the ones who try to rope people into god awful record deals and act like you have to go through their hoops to become successful in entertainment because they're so widely spread in there
that's why it is career suicide to criticize them
>>21665527
the original "putting up a act" was referring to why actors etc had to act prim and proper in public to maintain their persona, bukowksi went the opposite route, if you try to argue that all social masks = bad then everyones doing it even you are wearing a fake mask whenever you go to work or when you have to deal with anyone but your closest friends
point was that bukowski didn't have to fit into the mold the producers etc usually make people fit and he didn't have to suck cock to get there, he clawed his own way to the top and his poems are about how it is better to starve on a park bench than to sell your soul to the business

I just took a massive shit. Must have been 2 feet long. No wonder I was so irritated today

>>21665538
>marketing isn't marketing if it appeals to my sensibilities

>>21665550
>catch 22, no matter what you do if you flaunt it you're marketing a image
are you mentally retarded by any chance?

While looking through the archive to find something else, I stumbled on this post from a few weeks ago >>21550400

I was curious if anyone here has experiences in academia, specifically the humanities side. I'm in my final year of my PhD and am utterly burned out and loathe most of my colleagues. I had one female colleague in my office, who I had only met twice before and exchanged nothing more than pleasantries with, demand that I get a new office as she didn't like me and did not consider me to be her peer (I usually get along with most people so this weird. She was Chinese too if that makes any difference). Most aren't that bad but the faculty is definitely a storage room for anxious people with high opinions of themselves, no real life experience and an autistically narrow and focused kind of expertise on subjects that no one gives a shit about.

The pay is fantastic but I imagine it's ultra-competitive. To be honest, I'm sick of living in a world of jumping from semester to semester, assignment to assignment, grade release to grade release. It's weird and unreal and being poor and overworked sucks. If it's anything like what that guy says, then fuck that, I'm more than happy to get a normal job stamping forms and clocking out at 5.

>>21665566
>humanities side
there's your issue right there, self entitled vapid women go there to show why women shouldn't have any amount of power by flexing their flappers with sexual harassment accusations and trying to pin you on anything "problematic"
her being chinese had nothing to do with it apart from coming from different culture probably made her more blatant about how it works

>>21665559
Bukowski is certainly marketing an image and his fanboys are some of the most braindead people around

>>21665583
catch 22, when you act like you don't give a fuck you're still somehow appealing to the masses by not giving a fuck, everything is marketing if your confirmation bias is to look for that
https://youtu.be/HSCVuJs8LY0

I'm 31yo and have accomplished nothing in my life: I dropped every offer for steady employment or social advancement while I was in university; I burned every bridge I had with friends or classmates; I travelled across the country to open a business only to see it fail miserably and leave me with two options: live in my car, or move back in with my parents, at 30; I have no money saved and no prospects for the future. Above all that, the most troubling thing I live with, the thing that keeps me up at night, wakes me up and haunts me, is that I am still writing absolute dreck. I don't care about anything but the fact that I'm still coming up with this shit, and maybe that's why I've failed at everything else in life, because I always put my writing above everything. At least, that's what I tell myself when it's quiet.

>>21665606
>being miserable didn't make me creative
you bought the memes

Any actually good living poets or do all of them just become songwriters?

>People on /lit/ still think literature is alive
Can any of you name one writer under 50 who "writes literature"?
>inb4 me desu

>>21665559
If you're a public figure and acting ingenuously out of concern for your image and popularity, then yes, you are marketing an image. This includes exaggerating your genuine characteristics.

wrote & recited a (bad) poem to someone on tuesday
she was really nice about it

Being decades behind everyone else is just too painful. I fucked up my life by myself but there was no other way for me to do things except the way I did. Never had a chance to even be a human.

>>21665566
>the pay is fantastic
What bizzaro world are you from?

>>21665660
>t. canoncuck

Yesterday I lifted and ran to the point I could barely walk. Today I smoked for the first time in months, had to force food down my throat and wasted away playing a game I don’t even enjoy. What joys will tomorrow bring?

Am I the only one who spreads their asshole with their fingers when they fart at night to make less noise and avoid waking up their spouse?

I'm starting a 365 photo project, which I have done and completed in the past. This time however I am going to be doing daily selfies because after a series of profound life changes the last several years I realized a lot of things... Very few images of me exist but more importantly I've started consistently writing and I kind of want to document a year of my life. I look back on so much of my life and it's all such a blur, I remember things and I remember some thoughts I may have had but I can't really recall how I used to think. I know I thought very differently because these last few years I've modified my thought process to force myself to live life and create things (both memories and objects) I can look back on. I've already lost a ton of weight and kept it off, size 44 to 30, I only mention this demonstrate how profound the changes have been. I feel like a different person in both good ways and bad.
I have thousands and thousands of photographs and all of my favorites bring to mind that moment most vividly, you know? I want to take that- that property of recollection from photography, my new way of being and combine photo with word so I can always go back and really see and remember what 2023 was like for me.
So I ask, should I try and go with a daily diary/journal type thing? I'm reluctant to do this because I know from prior 365 projects some days you just phone it in and the writing attached to this project's photos will be the more important element. I was thinking weekly but then I fear I might gloss over the little things that happen in a day. Perhaps daily short notes and then an end of the week write up?
Has anyone here tried something like this? If so, anything you might if done differently? Any ideas to make this a better experience?

>>21665716
seems pedestrian

>>21665716
I really appreciate the way your hair looks like tangled ramen noodles.

>>21665699
Oh, forgot to mention I had intrusive thoughts about stabbing my eyes with sharp objects multiple times today. Don’t really know what to think about it.

>>21665710
that's disgusting and sweet

Arguing with my jewish gf and let slip ‘this is how you people are’ in the argument and now we’re not talking. Let my inner Arab out. I fucked up bros.

>>21665690
It's 85k-90k AUD at my uni for an entry level position.

I keep going in circles even though time and my thoughts are straight lines. Is this what's meant by non-Euclidian geometry?

>>21665691
It's not about canon, it's about you faggots
>"Lit isn't genre fiction"
>"Muh Cormac"
>"Muh Pynchon"
>"Literature is alive and well, faggot."
Okay then. Name me one writer under 50 who writes literature.

Downloaded Oblivion again. What writer should I make my character look like?

>>21665849
let's hear your definition of literature first

>>21665853
in oblivion? er, ginsberg or sartre

>>21665853
Paulo Coelho.

>>21663395
Can someone hit me up with the link to the /unreal/ press discord. I'm trying to join but it says the link is expired.

>>21663395
https://ryanbruno.substack.com/p/conspiracy-theories-are-not-beliefs-304
This has to be the worst article I've ever read. Several of the claims he mentions are baseless conspiracy theories, but others are just facts. He presents blind faith in institutions as skepticism while denouncing real skeptics as thoughtless sheep.
The author is in that class of moderate liberals who in reaction to rising Conservative populism, adopt a disposition of unquestioning trust in all institutions, and preemptively labels anyone who ever dares to question an institution a "conspiracy theorist". The word has become a meaningless propaganda term to basically suggest that no one should question anything ever. These types love to denounce misinformation and propaganda while being the embodiment of both. Useful idiots. The author has this odd cognitive distortion where he seems to believe that nothing bad ever happens, and there exists no powerful people that use their power in malicious ways. Like an actual child.
Do institutions make innocent or non-malicious mistakes or errors? Sure, I'll agree with the author on that, but retroactively dismissing skepticism or viewing the idea that powerful groups sometimes conspire in self-interested ways as a baseless conspiracy theory is just as moronic.
This line in particular was mind boggling to me:
>It views journalism as curated pandering, universities as indoctrination camps, and medical institutions as corporations concerned only with profit.
The university one I disagree with, but without a doubt medical intuitions are corporations concerned with profit and a lot of journalism is curated pandering.
How is any of this a "conspiracy theory"? These are basic facts.

>>21663395
Does anyone have interesting psych book recommendation?

>>21663395
Is it cheating to spoon and cuddle with a tranny? I have a tranny friend who passes very well and I often argue with about tranny issues with. It's pretty fun and I guess I can be somewhat offensive but I love the fact she lets me have my say without getting offended or cancel culturish. Even though she still considered me a bigot we always make up by cuddling and telling her she's a she to me then just laughing about it and shit. Anyways she raised the question asking if my gf knows we cuddle and saying it might be considered cheating. I start laughing thinking wtf and say it doesn't count cos she's trans. Then she calls me out saying I don't really consider her a "she" like the way I consider my gf a "she"

Lmao but really, is it cheating that I cuddle and spoon this friend whenever I stay over? I never even thought to tell my gf this, not that I think she is threatened by my friend since she knows how I feel about trannies.

>wow you're so good at everything anon!
too bad nobody actually gives a shit and they never will, the dream is dead, there is nothing special at the end of the road
vanitas vanitatum, et omnia vanitas

>>21666072
Fucking lol Chuds banging trannies. You can't make this shit up.
So that's what all these constant tranny threads are about, just projection.

I guess the era of Detective Conan is nearing its end, there is actual plot progression in the manga. High time too, the story just keeps losing on quality, and I'm afraid the ending will be just a fart in the wind.

>>21663395
I don't feel believe 'confidence' is an actual real concept

If it's a catch-22, "you don't feel confident because you have no achievements to feel confident about" then this leads to "without confidence you can't accomplish those achievements"

So where does confidence actually come from then? If it's just circular reasoning then what's the answer? This usually gets answered with "it comes from inside you". Well, that's great but it doesn't answer the question. I can isolate myself and toll away for hours in front of a typewriter but it will not lead me any closer to finding confidence. This entire concept along with high vs low self-esteem just literally seems like an ego trap. And that's sad because it's illogical and most people spend their entire lives worrying about it

(½)
You may not read my blog, and I'm just some retarded NEET who doesn't know much about life, but I think I know part of why the world is the way it is.

1) Media (specifically movies) and public education planted the seed* in our head that there is no difference between us. The rich and the poor; black and white; men and women.* A few examples of movies would be: The Great Dictator, The Defiant Ones, To Kill A Mockingbird, West Side Story, Norma Rae, Tootsie, and Working Girl. Of course, the REAL point isn't that we are equal, but that everyone who isn't a white man has had it bad. So then, for the sake of equality we must vote in non-whites and women. We must let in people to make up for history.
Equality...https://youtu.be/Y9TviIuXPSE?t=1625 "You cannot legislate equality...if you want to be equal, you have to deserve it."
Because of brainwashing -- which isn't new to media; read Dickens -- people don't understand this. Diversity is our strength. Why? It just is : )
2) As it's obvious psychology is bullshit, so are many of the labels often thrown around, such as "narcissist". Yes, a "narcissist" can develop a high sense of self from constant praise ("you're so great" "everyone loves you"), but there is an even bigger issue -- single parents. Specifically, single mothers. A missing Father means a lack of real discipline; it means young men taking advice on how to talk to women from their mothers; worst of all, it means learning to never control your emotions; to tame the passions. Those quick to violence or anger haven't tamed their passions, nor have the protesters who scream through megaphones.
3) Executives, contrary to mainstream public opinion, are aware of the brainwashing and refuse to fall for it, likely due to higher education, or knowing someone who was part of the manipulation process (directors, producers, etc.). Another buzzword appears to describe these people: "psychopaths" or "sociopaths". Yet, they are aware that 98% of the world is conditioned, and so as their goal is to make a bunch of money -- as money is power -- they give the public what they want. Execs don't actually socialize with anyone other than themselves and their other colleagues (in film: actors, crew, etc.), so they learn about the public through social media sites such as twitter. Twitter is of course filled with students (indoctrinated) who are vocal and prolific in their opinions. Execs take this to be the pulse of society, and so they make changes, hoping to continue making money. I am referring strictly to goyim execs. I am not well educated in the ways of the Jew, except to say there is a history of them subverting and manipulating (read the original, not abridged story that inspired Aladdin), which many historical figures (“psychopaths”; another word used for them is “anti-semitic”) have seen through.

>about books: it was a real page-turner
>about movies: it was a real sequence of images following each other

>>21666319
(2/2)


4) Because Gen X/Y/Z have learned their voices have been heard and obeyed, the slippery slope commenced. This is how we came to live in clown world. Had the earlier generations (Boomers) realized the media they consumed were not reflections of reality, everything would be as it was in the 1950s.


*Examples of the conditioning:
>Love is all you need; love at first sight; we should all love each other; love thy neighbor; love is the answer; love is the most important thing.
The process of love can, of course, be biologically explained through processes occurring in the brain. Feelings, like a night time dream, aren't real. This is a fact, yet billions choose to ignore this.
>There is good and evil
Bologna. Everyone is trying to do what is right for them or their group. Everyone has a motivation behind what they’re doing, whether its for money, to prove their strength over another, etc. One could read the Iliad, the Bible, or any ancient text with modern sensibilities and call all of those characters evil. These is no universe definition of such concepts; what is good in Iran is evil in Canada, and vice versa. Evil is a creation of fiction because it’s an easy way to add conflict to a story. Oftentimes, “the system”, authority figures, the status quo, and even normality (American Beauty; “Truman Show”; the whole “I’m stuck in a rut” plotline) are portrayed as evil, which has helped push us towards clown world. This concept has also pushed the general population away from nuanced thinking; the ability to see complexity in ever minutiae.
>War is hell
I am against violence, but almost every major war has served a purpose. Keep in mind “PTSD” only happens to the conditioned forced to do things that break their conditioning. Though nowadays, “narcissists” (who only enter the military for the benefits, possibly because they crave violence) claim to have PTSD because victimhood is seen as a positive.

**Of course, living in a well populated urban area with a high homeless rate tends to give people the experience that movies are presenting women, the poor, and minorities in a way their contradicts reality — one devoid of irrationality, violence, the weaponization of emotions (victimhood), etc. People can only see this if they haven't been completely indoctrinated, or if something has reversed the process, which is why so many woke up during the "peaceful protests" of 2020. These people too could earn the "sociopath" label.

Now, I'm not knowledgable enough to comment on the economy. I'm sure many older and wiser anons know more than I do about what the Boomers did to ruin us all, but it's obvious our financial issues haven't helped us. From what I've been told, there was a time when men left university and there was a job already lined up for us.

>>21663395
I realized and detached too much to ever be able to emotionally connect with another human ever again

>>21666319
>Diversity is our strength. Why? It just is : )
I believe the truth is simply that the championing of diversity by the state & powerful actors is due to the inevitability of changing demographics, as the U.S must increase immigration to counter population decline. Given that a increasingly multicultural future is unavoidable, promoting diversity becomes a way of getting ahead of the curve, throwing the browns a symbolic bone, and attempting to instill among white people tolerance as a virtue so as to pre-emptively inoculate them to the change and prevent the future unrest which will come with changing demographics. Leaders know this change is coming, they have likely studied all the data available to them, and see that racial unrest tends to birth populistic sentiment which could threaten their power, and the power of the state as a whole.
In France it came out that the U.S was actively founding various diversity programs in France. In a Wikileaks leaked note from a U.S ambassador, the ambassador spelled out the pragmatic reason. Put simply by encouraging these programs the U.S state helped ensure that France, given its changing demographics, would not become engulfed in racialized violence which would disrupt France's effectiveness as an ally to the U.S.
Domestically, the rationale behind encouraging diversity is the same--to prevent racial unrest from weakening the state.
This is the state's rationale, but the state is not the only actor here. Among average people, "diversity" rhetoric is a simultaneous political demarcation and a status symbol, a sign that you can employ the rhetoric used by the savvy progressive professional class and so fit in among the upper middle urbanites.
And of course in-between all these there are the simple cynical grifters who use this rhetoric merely to milk a profit.

>>21666385
-> >>21666298

>>21666398
What?

>>21666412
You lack confidence

>>21666417
Just say that.

>>21666437
I can't because it's illogical and doesn't make any sense

>>21666319
I wish there was a long ass Youtube series where a film/psych graduate broke down the history of cinema and showed how movies affected/fucked western society. Something like Wyatt Stagg, but with more detail and clarity and a better understanding of the medium.

Nostalgia even of bad times is proof thinking positive is the key to a satisfactory life. Can you let yourself be fooled?

>>21666496
I fool myself so much I don't know what the truth is anymore

What the fuck has been going on with chink women in the last 3 years?

>>21666497
I was debating adding the spoiler. Imagine the future negativity tree it might cause. Karma is real

>>21665699
Nigga get a wife and kids and try to be normal

Blackpill/Incel analysis has become so mainstream and it is honestly insane to see.
I see people online getting absolutely dogpiled for ever suggesting things like personality, love, connection are important. I have heard young kids boasting that they had "mogged" one of their peers in a game. It's weird.
Like I don't care if blackpill shit is accurate or not, but I am fascinated by the in-roads it has made into the normiesphere. Like, what happens when such a bleak materialist nihilistic assessment of human relations approaches being the default in society?
Maybe the opposite of the Summer of Love wasn't the Summer of Hate, but an approaching Winter of Calculation?

>>21666543
It doesn't help that you can't make someone with antisocial personality disorder more empathetic but drag someone "healthy" down to having essentially something close to antisocial personality disorder

>>21663395
I recently came to the conclusion that I do not want to get married, ever have sex, or have children. I don't want one of, if not the most, important things in my life to be a relationship with a woman.
I'm most satisfied by creating various kinds of things, talking about creative things with other people, thinking about ideas and talking about ideas with people. A legit wave of bliss and peace washed over me when I realized I actually don't have to deal with a woman, attracting her, talking to her, being in the same room as her. I like kissing them, and I presume I would like to have sex to some degree but even that I doubt as I find sex gross.
The only thing that worries me is eventually everyone I know will start to die, and then what? No kids, grandkids. It could get pretty lonely and I doubt you'd ever get really connected with someone you meet for the first time so late in life. Where if I had children there'd still be some people who really know me.
What do you think? Should I have made this post?

>>21663395
I both hate and love being autistic. It is so much easier to be entertained than a normal person. I have been listening to this song for 12 hours straight since it is so good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HputWyISPFw

I listen to stuff back to back for several hours.

>>21666591
O never shall I forget the night, the stars were bright above me,

and gently lent their silvery light when first she vowed to love me.

>>21666591
Nigger look. No men really likes women. Men just tolerate them and use them for making babies. So you are not unique. I worry about you niggers constantly that you will end up some kind of shooter or bomber eventually from the loneliness. Pls pls get a gf and get married at some point. Just do it like men have always done before. Be a man nigger dont be a fag

>>21666605
You ever get hooked on like 5 seconds of a song and just reply it over and over?

>>21666619
that's how the first hip-hop beats got made. the break part of the album was so good they just kept playing it over and over again until they were like fuck the rest of it, that's a song now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Hf69Ed3eyk

>>21666619
Not only that but it's often bagpipe music too, the most obnoxious of all sounds to normies. Any woman would be agitated out of her mind with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rPmZItZCO4

I have this one 12 hours a day.

Is drinking everyday bad? I avg probably 1.5 drinks a day. Rarely do I get druk. How much do you drink?

>>21666619
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMiUVgeONF4

>>21666611
Yeah, I might be over reacting to the ever present Disney type romantic propaganda. But the problem is a lot of women think like this too, how would it work if I was more chill but she was expecting it to be the penultimate experience in her life. Could end poorly, she divorces me and my youngins are fucked at that point.
Mostly I'm happy because I finally killed a part of me that absolutely idolized sex and romance. Like it seeps into everything, I would be unconsciously and consciously doing everything I could to make myself sexually attractive. How I dress, what kinds of hobbies I have, how I talked. Now almost all my anxiety is gone, I just dress nice enough for everyone's sake, and am polite and that's it. Much easier.

>>21666591
Listen to >>21666611
The vast majority of people are not capable of being happy to die alone and without any fellow human consideration for years previous.

>>21666645
I had a winter where I had 1/3 of a bottle of gin everyday and did nothing but read Strindberg.
It was in my young twenties so I was mostly fine, it roughed me up good after a few months but your physiology is very forgiving when you're young.

seek Jesus

I wish Alyssas dad were my father in law so I could annoy him in real life every single day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMiUVgeONF4

THERE WAS A YOUNG SINGER, ALLEN HOARE. HE LIVED IN THE TOWN OF BALLYBOFEY

>>21666666
KEK NOT TODAY SATAN!

>>21666666
Okay, Satan...

>>21666666
>double satan
If you're looking to track Jesus, I'm no use. Have you asked the feds for His cell?

>>21663455
>>21663588
>>21663699
>>21663800
>>21663844
>>21663922
>>21664366
>>21664477
>>21665266
>>21665355
>>21665433
>>21665444
>>21665455
>>21665544
>>21665566
>>21665699
>>21665844
>>21665944
>>21666122
>>21666611
>>21666666
>>21666677
Checked
This is now a GET thread

>>21666688
KEK WILLS IT
>Verification not required

>>21666658
What kind of people are capable of that?

>>21663395
How do I know if I like a person? Yes I coom to thoughts of her twice in a row when I wake up and miss her when she sleeps, and want to know what she thinks about things, but do I like her?

>>21666688
Nice dubs Halberstam. Salon? I have a dubbing bed myself. You should look into it.

>>21666688
Blessed thread

>>21666688
Checking

Anhedonia makes God look ugly.

>>21666696
It's a vanishingly small amount of people with a variety of types. Some find human contact unpleasant entirely and so they isolate from others for life, and their death alone is an accident of how they lived their life, some have worked to make themselves obsolete and unencumbering for those who would help if they knew, and their death is a planned one which requires careful execution to end it alone. It's hard to get definitive information about why and how people do it, and if they like it, because the person who considers not talking to anyone for fifty years their best life isn't sitting down before their death from natural causes saying "Know what I never think about and don't miss? Humans." because that statement is obviously self contradictory. Information is going to be skewed by the people who do leave notes, like in suicides, where people often reference not wanting to put their family through the pain of watching them die from cancer, or where people leave diaries complaining people stopped coming to see them, where dying alone was clearly not a choice but a circumstance they disliked.

>>21664860
i'll try to kms again in due course i'm sure, i know what went wrong last time and how it'll succeed next time. everyone around me is a fucking liar. i've worked like a dog for years and it's gotten me nowhere because i am routinely sabotaged by the lies of others. had enough. want it over.

>>21666666
I started having a religious conversion several years ago, and it had felt at one point like I was living in a mystical experience but that faded and my life has gotten worse in almost every way since then. I want to feel that again. I felt like God was talking to me directly and Jesus was at my back prodding me to do this or that. Now, I feel alone.

>>21666696
>>21666591
You can die alone without an issue if happiness is not an end to you, but merely an accident. It is not even that hard.

>>21666822
Checked. Google 'psychosis' and come to the realization that God is a USB plugged directly into your spirit.

>>21666822
>but that faded and my life has gotten worse in almost every way since then. I want to feel that again.
Go to an Orthodox Church and talk to a priest anon. You can also read Silouan's book by Sophrony, as he's also a monk who lost his grace and worked a lot to gain it back. It's probably not the same situation, but it's common to lose the Holy Spirit, and it can be a way for God to push you to seek help and thus shed pride.

All the Churches are gay paradises, fuck right off and nuke them

>>21663395
I am becoming aware of summarizing technologies.

Sunday I was bored and downloaded a dating app. Right off the bat something happens with the first girl I talk. She’s as autistic as me, likes the same things I like, has a strange sense of humor and is very into me. We talk about everything for like six hours straight: she asks me about my dreams and even gets very excited with one of them, asks to see some of my writing and feels moved by it, gives me a ton of compliments - from superficial ones about my appearance to thoughtful ones about who I am - and talks about things we should do on dates, even gets nervous about the prospect of introducing me to her family and I have remind her we haven’t even gone out yet. We send voice messages, pictures, reply to each others texts as soon as they appear and all in all she gives me that rare feeling of when you meet someone and immediately get along great, like you’ve know each other for years.
Then, I leave my cellphone asides for fifteen minutes and when I come back she’s gone. Just gone. It has been four days and I’m still sad. Maybe it’s stupid of me to get so invested, but she was so interesting and I exposed so much of myself to her. Showing your soul to someone and having them like what they see and even encourage you to show more just for them to split hurts. Feels like they rejected you at a deeper level. I know it’s more about her and her personal issues than me - she was shy and appeared to have low self-esteem - but having someone tell you you’re a wonderful person and be so positively surprised by who you are that she indirectly asks you if she’s really your type like three different times and even jokingly says “Anon, are you real? I can’t believe someone like you would be in a place like this” just to disappear latter hurts so much. I can’t even talk with people about this since from the outside it sounds so ridiculous.

>>21663844
>How hard was getting sober?
It was difficult. I tried for half a year on my own, buying suboxones from my dealer to wean myself off without the withdrawals being too excruciating, but I kept failing and getting oxys again for those six months. What finally made me stop was starting university at a somewhat late age - I cleaned up a month before. My life stopped feeling pointless because I cared deeply about the studies, I wasn't bored all the time, and I felt I had a responsibility to myself to excell, and I did.

Now I teach at university, it's part-time and its undergraduate courses which is pretty easy to teach, non-tenure so no future prospects, so the boredom rears it's head again and voila, now I'm eating tramadol.
I think that's the main point. If you'll allow me a pretentious quotation, I liked it when Nietzsche said "he who has a why can bear almost any how". What stopped me popping oxys and snorting heroin was purpose, having some clearly defined goal to live for and a vision of the person I wanted to be. And I'm sure I'll stop eating tramadols once I get funding for one of my research proposals.

The stims calming one down is a classic for people with ADHD - not saying it's that but maybe the thought has crossed your mind. I also started with stimulants, and I actually jumped to opioids because the anxiety after a speed binge (I'm euro, I've never had meth, just regular amphetamine) was just too much, and I always hated benzos. So I did a bit of codeine and that felt really nice, then the next time a bit of dihydrocodeine, then a bit of morphine, then whatever I could get my hands on.

And oh for sure about the stem-sedative divide. In my own mind I take it almost on par with Coleridge's division of man into platonists and aristotelians, or Turgenevs division of us into Hamlets and Don Quijotes. An entire gestalt is illuminated by that preference.

thinking about converting to judaism and adding stein to my last name to help with job prospects. is the torah /lit/?

>>21664409
Your uncle is a child molester and if he did this with his sibling's children I guarantee he did much worse with minors unrelated to him. Fuck him up anon.

test

>>21664409
I don't recommend it. I would never mention certain things to any counsellor, simply because it's pointless. Why? What will you gain?

>>21667281
The Torah is so /lit/ that if you aren't born studying it or do anything less than dedicating your life to learning at a Yeshivah then you will never understand it. Also fuck off we're full.

>>21667306
The jew fears the counter-infiltration

>>21667281
Stein and Berg are both Germanic words for rock. Everything "jewish" is stolen recently and anglo shabbos scum get angry if you even suggest any of it isn't jewish. You're so brainwashed you actually made this post, even as a joke it's pathetic.

>>21663997
i mean how am i even supposed to take that pic related as anything substantial given its written by a woman? If it is true than she would be held to her same standard and then rendered an emotional selfish retard, and if not then she is literally just projecting her own egotistical unempathic bias that she accusses women at large of and becomes a hypocrite.
It doesnt take much of a brain to see that these issues are not singular to women but to men as well, they just manifest differently given their unique means of expression and reflection.
You clearly have a low image of yourself which has conditioned a set of behaviors that draw particular partners into your life, and yet you asserting that these selected partners represent the whole of all those available is the means by which you fail yourself in holding yourself accountable and truly trying to grow.
TL;DR stop making yourself a victim and focus on what you can do for yourself rather than blaming others when it's you who allowed the relationship to get there in the first place.

whats that site where you can look up paywall research papers for free

like libgen for sciencefags

>>21666688
Dubs and I'll get wasted drunk this weekend

>>21664493
go to a therapist/psychologist; you will have shitty experiences finding a decent one but when you do its very helpful. Don't listen to retards in this thread saying they are useless, they provide a form of communicational context that cant be found in friends or family because ultimately they can only be able to process so much of your personal traumas and in certain situations could place the relationship at risk. There is a difference also between advice or opinion and therapy. It's fine to go working out with a friend but you wouldnt want to stress them to fit a schedule, work out the ways you need to specifically work out, to ask for new ways on how to progress in your fitness, etc. that is what a personal trainer is for. In that same way you cant expect people to provide the aid that a licensed professional can offer since theyre fundamentally different (not saying to choose one over the other, they are both helpful).

>>21667306
SHUTUP

>>21667447
therapists are a 'debugging tool' for npcs
real people with inner monologues have no use for them
guess which of the two the poster i'm responding to is...

>>21667411
sci-hub, google around for the newest site as they have to change it pretty often.

>>21667452
>therapists are a 'debugging tool' for npcs
I really like that analogy.

That's it, pals, I'm done for. Girlfriend said she was raped a couple of years ago by a colleague. I asked why she didn't tell me or the police sooner and she didn't answer. I think she actually cheated on me and is using the rape-card as an excuse. Whothe fuck holds into this for so long? And why tell me this now? Should I go to the guy's house and shoot him in the face? Women are so complicated. If I break up I'll become gay I swear to god.

>>21664919
The aesthetics of the language used are paramount for experiencing art as it was originally intended, whereas for philosophy and history the semantics are paramount.

>>21667390
>If it is true than she would be held to her same standard and then rendered an emotional selfish retard
How so? By your logic, no one can criticize anyone.
>and yet you asserting that these selected partners represent the whole of all those available
>>I know all of it is at least half my fault because reasons. Those reasons being that I'm over-inhibited by both temperament and upbringing so I'm drawn to women with impulse control problems.
It's like you're deliberately going out of your way not to offer any insight, you just want to judge but can't find a proper foothold. I'm not interested in the blame game anyway, I'm just having trouble reigning in my emotions. I've never been so bitter or mad.

>>21665566
It's one year: struggle through and then you can start working on something else as you put in applications for teaching positions. You won't have the same rabid desperation that other academics have, and if you end up hating it you can switch to the thing you've been working on. Academia is cushy but mind-numbing; it's a more insidious groupthink than corporate culture, but that's where the real danger is since everyone in a corporation can laugh at dilbert while those in academia have to keep up appearances that they really believe in the system.

>>21663455
reading through the posts and seeing the amount of retards here I am caught between the Aquinas idea of a necessary evil by using this as a containment board and that this thread enables more retards to feel vindicated and to enable their discussions in other threads.
If it wasn't for the fact that ban evasion is so easy it probably would be for the best to just mass ban most of the retards on these containment threads on different boards in a staggered and indiscriminate way to flush this place out but alas the structure of this site is not changing anytime soon and that is clearly for the worse.

>>21665812
On one hand, I'm proud of you. But on the other hand, women never truly forgive; they hold on to everything until their deaths.

>>21667469
How much do you trust her?

>>21666972
I’ve been interested in Orthodox theology and apologetics but I don’t think I want to convert.

I got into a medical school but I’d be 31 upon starting. That puts me at 35 upon graduating.

>>21667625
Better late than never. Also, I don't trust doctors younger than me.

>>21667621
You don't have to convert to talk to a priest anon, but they're more familiar with mysticism.

>>21667469
99% chance she's lying.

>>21667469
She might’ve been in denial. Scorcese’s first movie is about a guy on the same situation as you, but I haven’t seen it so no idea what it’s like. Anyway, it depends on what >>21667616 said. Whatever happens give yourself some time to process everything, the past isn’t going anywhere.

im gonna but some alcohol, some junk food, AND im going to stop at value village even though i told myself i wouldn't buy more books until i finish my backlog. im a naughty naughty boy

>>21667496
>How so? By your logic, no one can criticize anyone.
The issue with her critique is that she is saying that every woman is like this when obviously it's much more nuanced of a subject than this. There is also the issue that she literally falls in the scope of her own critique (she is a woman), so on a logical front the critique does not make any sense. I am not saying no one can critique but making sweeping statements that don't even logically follow in their own conclusion (otherwise her own critique would be as she says be an unempathic egotistical judgement to acquire social value and lack any information) just fails to make it very legitimate.
>I'm not interested in the blame game anyway,
Yeah I did pin it that you took no responsibility despite saying that, that is my bad I guess since I speed read through your post I attached more to your last points rather than the minutiae in between it. I guess the fact that you seemed to allude that that pic somehow was the lesson you've internalized from your experience signaled to me that you were going to enable the negative patterns of behavior that led you to attracting those people your life in the first place. I am also not sure what more insight you expect an anon who just read your post having no idea who you are personally in anyway can offer, other then if you simplify your issues by internalizing the people related to them to all be the same then you're just going to limit yourself since you're depriving yourself in finding women who could better you and help you grow emotionally and otherwise. It just feels like a lot of thinking on 4chan (and the internet in general) is extremely black or white when things are almost always much more complicated than that and it's that simplification that leads either repeating the same mistakes or some form of maladaption.

>>21666666
What?

I've made too many mistakes in my life. I dont think I'll ever be capable of being a provider, even for a childless relationship, let alone one with children, which is what I want. I'm no where near capable of being the man my father was. Im not someone that a family can lean on. someone capable of being the head of the family as Christ was head of the church

>>21666822
No shit, dumbass
Your hypomania wore off.
The jewish god doesn't exist

>>21667469
You guys are even bad at being psychos. You should have acted like there's no question she's telling the truth, then she's more likely to reveal information you can use against her when she finds out about the hooker you're keeping hostage in the basement.

What's on my mind is that /lit/ would be most likely to be able to help me with this, but I can't directly ask here since it belongs on /wsr/, but I can write that I'm thinking about asking /lit/ about it on /wwoym/ since it is on my mind even though it's /wsr/
>>>/wsr/1320072

>>21667866
Dubs of truth. But yeah, I'm not a psycho. I'm more of a schizo than autist

>>21665699
Wasted away the morning. Still have no hunger but forced myself to eat half a meal and drink two glasses of milk. Texted a friend asking if he wanted to hang out and saying I was feeling very down and he basically said “no, fuck off” and sent me a couple of gifs. Later, for a moment I thought about throwing myself out my apartment’s window. Now I’m listening to some sad playlist I found and will go back to Elden Ring since this shit at least makes the time pass. Haven’t felt this low in years.

Big Mac [560.0 Cal] Buy 1, get 1 free

>>21667835
If your father was a capable man he wouldn’t have failed so much in raising and caring for his son. Each giga fucked guy’s story begins with shitty parents. That doesn’t mean you can’t transcend your circumstances. I believe in you.

>>21667751
>The issue with her critique is that she is saying that every woman is like this when obviously it's much more nuanced of a subject than this. There is also the issue that she literally falls in the scope of her own critique (she is a woman), so on a logical front the critique does not make any sense.
Honestly, I find this comment of yours demonstrates a pathological reflex reaction, one that I used to display too. She doesn't say it's true of all women. You could posit that she implies all women, but a similar statement about broad defects in men wouldn't imply to the reader that it categorically applies to all men; that there are exceptions would be readily assumed. There's a reflex there, a deeply ingrained manifestation of the empathy gap that incites us to say "not ALL women", even when she never said "all women". (Ironically, that excerpt is from a letter to one of Nightingale's female friends.) Like I said, that reflex is one I also used to have without any awareness of it, and there's still some traces of it. I think that reflex is exactly why so many women are so shitty: we make excuses for them that we wouldn't make for men and we jump to counter any broad criticisms, which is exactly what allows broad defects to flourish.

That aside, I don't think it would even matter if she were making a categorical statement about women. A categorical statement about men wouldn't be seen as logically untenable if a man made it, especially since the criticisms Nightingale make are well-isolated from the act of describing them in a letter. Personal introspection and self-criticism would be impossible otherwise. Food for thought. It might be time I reread or read further into Esther Vilar. As to what insight I expected from you, you were the one who offered it.

>>21664065
Where is the beach? I want to go, you see

>>21667907
Looks like your dopamine receptors are burning fried anon and you are chronically bored. Let's try something to make you feel better. From now on don't eat anything unless you get real hungry. Like actually hungry. You probably are indoors a lot and are not doing physical activities much so it might take some time, but you'll get there. I want you to restore hunger, no satisfying cravings and no snacks but true hunger like a medieval peasent back from fields kind of hunger. And then you can eat and contemplate. Think of it as fasting or whatever. it will clear the mind

I think reading has saved my life. I was lost for years, and slowly I've begun to form my world view from the ground up, from what I deduce myself

>hiccups for an hour now
FUUUUUUUUUCK

>>21667469
Were you with her at the time? If no, why would that mean cheating, and if yes, and if it was cheating, why the fuck would she tell you?

>>21667907
Everyone has shitty days dude.

>>21668132
drink in small gulps

HAHA CHUDDIES WILL NEVER HAVE SEX!!!
(I am chuddies)

>>21667173
Anon, so do you not have a responsibility to yourself anymore now? To your family, country, forefathers? Now i dont want to sound like a polschizo but since you are euro particularly and the continent and countries have long histories and glories it is a responsibility to you as a man, duty to your country. Though these are all old faded ideas and feelings now. Anyways just stop doing that addictive shit

>>21666666
Even the satan numbers praise Christ, it's like the demons being cast into swine.

>>21667173
Very similar trajectory here. Almost to the point of "did I write this post and forget about it." Down to the shared interest in Coleridge and similar ways of thinking and speaking. Just thought I would reply and say don't do the drugs. You probably already know that you're going to destroy yourself with them eventually. You're not at an age anymore where you can have the "adventure" and come back from it. I know other people who have gone down this road, even some who did it with alcohol, because past a certain age and a certain level of "functional addiction" you sort of know you're headed for total brokenness in your 40s. Especially someone like you who lives on thought. You can't really afford to nuke your brain and nervous system.

Not saying this to scold or condescend to you at all. But my own stupid little self-appointed purpose in life is trying to find a way to give guys like you an unshakeable sense of purpose so that you aren't dependent on absentee mother academia for it. If you're teaching you already know the system is fucked, nobody is learning anything anymore. You see all the decadence. You need to have faith that the rebirth that is coming (admittedly after and by means of a lot of chaos) is going to be as positive and living as this historical moment is negative and dying. People like you are going to be necessary in ways you can't presently anticipate. You think the dumb kids you teach are going to be able to draw analogies between Coleridge and Turgenev? Not if you are steadily declining or your brain is fried. In 10, 20, maybe even more years, humanity will spiritually need people who know who Turgenev is. You've been raised in these systems and structures, built for mediocrities, built to give a patina of sophistication to rich twats' kids, that necessarily domesticate every aspect of human development and creativity. So you can't even imagine a world beyond this one. But the very decadence and domestication of this moment in history is what is generating the negation to end all negations. How many people like you have passed through /lit/ and lost hope, or sunk into some ultimately fatal vice because there doesn't seem to be anything beyond the system? Every individual saved from this fate is a force multiplier in the fight against evil. Literally every day in the life of a random heroin addicted Coleridge-reading /lit/ shitposter in which he barely resists the temptation to do oxys is a significant victory against evil. You don't know who you're going to be or who you might teach or inspire in 17 years after Yellowstone erupts or Hitler re-emerges from Argentina with a beard or Lenin wakes up in his coffin or whatever is going to happen

>>21667119
It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I've been there. It's unfortunate that you need to integrate this as a lesson, and that it is a real aspect of the present cultural moment. But it's true nevertheless. No woman will never save you. It will never be a fairy tale.

>>21668362
Did you also do drugs and quit them? How are you doing now? I'm not your anon by the way, the one you are replying

>>21666543
>mogged
Mogged precedes incels

>>21666573
I don't think the blackpill mindset is antisocial personality disorder. Theres a lot of normal people who are just really jaded by how shitty culture is today. We're in the most alienating, atomizing, and isolating time in all of human history.

I use to hate 30 year old boomer advise on 4chan for not being "cool". Now after experiencing some shit I agree with them.

>mfw I am becoming a 4chan boomer

>>21666514
>last 3 years
Where have you been? This is longstanding

>>21668434
I dont know man, all the memes that twitch and twitter zoomers use come from this shithole so its somehow important in the gran scheme of internet things

>>21668224
Jesu leads to hell on Earth
Why isn’t this obvious by now?

How do I get some arthoes to follow me and start liking my pictures on Instagram?

Nor is it the same earth

>>21668458
Take photos in places where insta arthoes take pics. Getting the right location tags gets you seen by the same algo they're hoping to be seen through.

Artificial Academy 2 General /aa2g/ #1270
Disappointment Edition

Welcome, this general is for the discussion of ILLUSION's Artificial Academy 2.

COPY ERROR MESSAGES WITH CTRL+C, PASTE THEM WITH CTRL+V INTO GOOGLE TRANSLATE. JUST CLICK THE WINDOW AND PRESS CTRL + C, IT WORKS.

>Downloads:
/aa2g/ Pre-Installed Game, AA2Mini: https://tsukiyo.me/AAA/AA2MiniPPX.xml
AAUnlimited updates: https://github.com/aa2g/AA2Unlimited/releases

>Information:
AA2Mini Install Guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vS8Ap6CrmSNXRsKG9jsIMqHYuHM3Cfs5qE5nX6iIgfzLlcWnmiwzmOrp27ytEMX03lFNRR7U5UXJalA/pub
General FAQ:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200216045726/https://pastebin.com/bhrA6iGx
AAU Guide and Resources (Modules, Tans, Props, Poses, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/17qb1X0oOdMKU4OIDp8AfFdLtl5y_4jeOOQfPQ2F-PKQ/edit#gid=0

>Character Cards [Database], now with a list of every NonOC in the megas:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1niC6g-Xd2a2yaY98NBFdAXnURi4ly2-lKty69rkQbJ0/edit#gid=2085826690
https://db.bepis.moe/aa2/

>Mods & More:
Mods for AAU/AA2Mini (ppx format, the mediafire has everything):
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/vwrmdohus4vhh/Mods
/aa2g/ Modding Reference Guide (Slot lists for Hair/Clothes/Faces, List Guides, and More):
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gwmoVpKuSuF0PtEPLEB17eK_dexPaKU106ShZEpBLhg/edit#gid=1751233129
Booru: https://aau.booru.org

>HELP! I have a Nvidia card and my game crashes on startup!
Try the dgVoodoo option in the new win10fix settings.
Alternative: Update your AAU and see if it happens again. If so, disable win10fix, enable wined3d and software vertex processing.
>HELP! Required Windows 11 update broke things!
winkey+R -> ms-settings:developers -> Terminal=Windows Console Host
See image: >>417590465

Previous Thread:
>>417810273

>>21668458
Become atlas corrigan. Only real niggas will know him

>>21663455
That's the point of the thread retard newfag. /wwoym/ is to write what's on your mind

>>21668508
Someone should write a deadpan BEE/DeLillo fusion style short story about a zoomer composed entirely of glued-together bits of personalities and fashions from shit like Ryan Gosling movies, trying so hard to fuck mentally broken arthoes that he learns the basics of bad instagram photography (not even real photography), makes an instagram, and goes around the city learning how to take pictures of shit that arthoes take pictures of (not even out of real interest), even though it's meaningless and procedural to the arthoes as well and THEY only do it because other arthoes do it, all so that an ALGORITHM can sort him into the same virtual shitpile as the arthoes so he MIGHT come up on their algorithmic radar and then he can put his penis inside them after 2 years of DMing about bands neither of them like

>be me
>get to know nice girl, with nice body, but not aryan
>start a relationship
>she is interested in art an philosophy
>she is learning German by reading Kant with me
>she loves Gould's interpretations of Bach's works just as much as I do
>years pass, we marry.
>no longer interested in philosophy or art
>When I am not at home, she listens to garbage
>no longer reads with or without me
I feel betrayed. I think that she only wanted to impress me, so that I will marry her
Time passes...
>Get to know other nice girl, this time she is aryan
>we meet several times and discuss Hume, Quine, Frege and Heidegger
>one time I meet here at the library, she sits there with here friend. They see me, then they speak to each other. She smilingly whispers "Should we ask him?"
>Her friend asks me: Hey anon, do you know what Plato meant by this passage
>full_autism.exe, tell her my thoughts and recommend parallel passages in the Corpus Platonicum, after that some secondary lit (secondary lit was not 100% on point, but I guess better than nothing)
>later go for a drink with her, while continuing to talk about Plato, but also about philosophy and reading in general
>she even listens to my racist rants which are straight out of /pol/, smiling, never breaking of the convo, always asking about Plato
>I am a bit drunk, I tell her that I love her, and that I have never met anyone so interested in Plato as her. (My wife's premarital pretentions do not count)
>Somehow this is not weird at all, she simply keeps talking about Plato, ignoring my declaration of love.
>I think I love her even more.
>Ah, oh yes, she also is a musician, she has the same taste in music, but unlike me, she can actually play Beethoven's piano sonatas well.
>Can't stop thinking about her. Trying to figure out how to have a platonic relation with her. I love her so much. I don't want her to be an affair or so, she is a real person. I love her so much, but I am also in love. (You would be too)
>time passes by. Students hand in their papers.
>Ah, yes, she wrote a paper about that Plato thing which she kept talking
>She doesn't reply to my letters about Plato in any way any longer.
>I guess I become a tranny. Is this all just in my head?
>realizing that I am stupid, and that this is not the first time happening to me. (Btw guys did this as well, but when they did, I noticed and never cared.)
>She and her friend who approached me in the library were planning this, as they knew that I was already deeply in love with her after our first conversations about music.
>That is why they were laughing at each other when they were whispering before they approached me.
>I TOLD HER ABOUT MY RACIST /POL/ VIEWS
>I am sure that everyone will know and laugh at me, as the crazy, disgusting, unhappy cuck. and that I am a racist. I was way too ugly for her. should have known
I never thought that poeple into philosophy would do something like that.

>>21664923
No cap fr fr

Tired of reading. I want to watch a fun kino tonight lads. What should I watch?

>>21668613
Thats what you get for betraying your wife

>>21668437
No. Azn women have worshipped BWC forever, but MSM has convinced them the Covid beatings were YT's fault. They've all fallen for White women bullshit, especially the low IQ ones like pic red

>>21668541
Define arthoes. What pictures to they like to take? What bands to they listen to?

>>21668623
Whats your favorite movie? Il try to recommend something based on that

>>21668642
Nope. American born chinese women have always tended towards progressivism, even at higher rates than white women. This is not only evident in statistics (voting patterns, etc) but is observable to everyone who lives around asians (I live around asians). Sure they might like white cock but that doesnt stop them from being natural born libshits

Spent the last 3 years doing nothing but writing. Haven’t managed to publish. Thinking about giving up.

The strap on my ballgag cut into my cheek

First time in years that I worked out till the point of being completely drenched in sweat. Who could have thought that you only needed your bodyweight to have a full work out? Fuck going to the gym

im suddenly finding schlubby asian women attractive and I don't know why. is it time to find a wife?

>>21665020
i was that kid

>>21668685
What the fuck is schlubby

>>21668649
Not that anon but i really want to watch a movie. Recommend me anything. Nothing gay british or too pretentious stuff though. Or anything you liked since we are both on same board and website I think I'll enjoy it too. I have watched almost zero movies

>>21668641
I didn't betray her and I did not even intend to do so. (Altough not because of my wife, but because I did not want that girl to be just an affair.)

>>21668699
https://youtube.com/watch?v=RNXZX8JRb6o&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE

>>21668649
My favorite kino is anything Twin Peaks related.

>>21668699
Blade Runner 2049 or the new movie All Quiet on The Western Front, this one is probably the best and most brutal war depiction film I have seen in years

>>21665237
office

>>21668699
Barry Lyndon by Stanley Kubrick. It is high-brow without being pretentious wank. Has a sort of Stendhal-like character. It's an adventure and very enjoyable and profoundly beautifully shot.

>>21668699
Theatrical cut of Payback with Mel Gibson (noir action)

Fallen with Denzel Washington (horror)

>>21668623
honestly... knives out

I don't believe my parents love me even though they probably really do. I've been talking to them once or twice every three months ever since I turned 19 and we never had a real conversation since my childhood so I feel like they don't know me at all. They probably love me. I know I'd love my kids unconditionnally but I simply can't transpose that feeling for them.

If I didn't go out of my ways to call friends from time to time I wouldn't speak to anyone. I'm alone. I long for human relationships but the thought or calling my parents never crosses my mind because they're familiar strangers to me. It's always an awkward moment for me when a friend gets a call from his mom or dad with me standing there, thinking "fuck, how did things get so bad?'.

My education and work history makes me want to shoot myself.

Two dragging steps to the left. Eyes locked on to him, as his were on me.
Sweat poured down from my dirt smattered brow and advanced towards the corner of my eye, but I ignored it.
My lungs were and screaming at me as they begged for more oxygen. Still, I smiled. There was no thoughts in my head, yet I muttered something unconsciously.

"Ah, this is fun." I whispered under my breath.

And with that all hell broke loose. Feet slammed against blackened earth. Metal clashed against metal. Sparks whizzed through the air and muscles tightened as strength was pitted against strength. I could actually feel my blood beginning to boil and surge throughout my entire being.

Letting out a deafening roar I pushed with my feet against the ground. I forced, pushed, and drove the blade of my axe against his own longsword and I could hear the whining of something struggling under the pressure.

A solid kick found its way to my gut and knocked me back but my adrenaline shrugged it off as if a child had pushed me.
I wanted more. I needed more. And so I charged forward. I was mad but happy. Enraged but high in the clouds. I even think I started to laugh.
Had I lost it? Didn't matter. The only important thing was to keep fighting. To keep having my life and his on the line.

Deep down inside my flesh and bone body, my weak and frail frame of meat and blood, I could sense the lingering feeling of Death peering at me from some black abyss.
Watching and waiting to snatch me up as soon as sharpened metal cut through my neck or pierced through my ribs into my heart. I held onto that feeling. Tightened my grip around it and clenched it.

"You're insane!" He cried as he struggled to defend against a flurry of axe swings.

And he was probably right. If I could stop time and take a look at myself, I would think myself an absolute lunatic. The thought alone had me explode into a fit of laughter.

"Ah, this is too good. I could die happy like this." I told him.

In a strange moment of euphoria. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I exhaled as something like a soft touch or sound swirled around me. It pushed away the air and cooled my body. My energy, though not feeling quite restored became something new. It was both terrifying and exciting. Like getting a surprise present.

I don`t know what to write and how I will do it.

When people talk about “literally me” characters, they’re actually pointing out the way they want to be or see themselves, rather than who they are. People can’t stop seeing themselves as the main character.
You aren’t Billy Brown from Buffalo 66, you’re Goon/Rocky
You aren’t the Driver from Drive or Julian from Only God Forgives, you’re Oscar Issac’s character or Julian’s brother.
You aren’t Travis Bickle, you’re the Jewfro guy who has a crush on Betsy
You aren’t Tyler Durden, you’re Bob.

>>21668779
I stopped talking to my mom for a few years while I was a teenager. When i finally reconnected with her the image she had of me was what I was like when I was 13. She tried to give me gifts or do things with ne that my 13 year old self would have liked. It was a really weird experience.
I also realized that my dad doesnt know me even now. I always felt compelled to keep my personal life private from him. I'm not sure why. Even though Ive always lived with him I'm basically a stranger to him.

>>21668875
You completely misunderstand. I am literally Ryan Gosling and I starred in Bladerunner 2040

>>21668623
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTwrrDANnoU

>>21664923
I'm tired of "news" headlines that all say "X happened and it's bad!" or some variation of that.

>>21665566
who took that photo

>>21668666
Don't give up, Satan. Just keep writing.

>>21668899
Checked and keked

My brother has been gay for 2 years. His prostate now has some major malfunction. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it is enlarged and pressing on his bladder preventing him from pissing. He nearly had kidney failure because of it. The doctor told him that he will need to take medication keeping his prostate down for the rest of his life or he will die. He's only 26. I told him that God has passed judgment on him for his sodomy. Homosexuality is unnatural and wrong and it will kill you.

>>21668623
Wind River

I went from a super high end career to a dead end job and never escaped.

>>21668899
>2040
Never seen it

The worst part about the past is that you can’t change it.

The best thing about the past is that you dont have to worry about changing it

Sneeds feed and seed

>>21669282
Everyone keeps complaining about the dramatic and epic parts of reality. Do they want everything to be like listening to elevator music on opium? He says as he takes another hit.
I've been the king and the outcast, the rich and the poor, the beloved and the despised, the master and the slave. It was cool but I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. All that she wants is another baby.
https://youtu.be/O5b7tgkdFH0

>>21669341
Life is insanely boring dude

Next thread
>>21669446
>>21669446

>>21669383
Because you're boring, probably "too cool" for fun.
https://youtu.be/g-sgw9bPV4A

>>21669550
christ

How do I cut the hair between my ass cheeks?

>>21669900
manscaped