/lit/ - Literature

>>21627155
just stop being a narcissist OP

>>21627159
all people are inherently narcissistic
especially when contemplating life.

>>21627162
The trick is to place desire on to others external to you

>>21627164
I don't know what you mean by that. Can you explain?

>>21627155
Life is nothing special, understanding of that will come to you in a couple of years. Maybe if you are onto some project, say creative one, and you realize how much time you will need to develop it, then you are allowed to feel anxious about it, but life as it is - it's default, really is such a chore.

>>21627189
I feel the same way but it really doesn't make the prospect of the future any better
I'm already struggling with finding any motivation for jobs, nothing really speaks to me
I have interests I develop and am into sports but they all seem quite superficial
I love my gf and she loves me but nothing really seems truly fulfilling in life
and the years just go on by. 21-27 just happened in a fucking flash

>>21627155
At least you aren't a thirty year old incel who dropped out of college and comes from a poor family who'd rather sabotage you than helping you. We're not going to make it, but at least we will fail together, my /lit/ bro.

>>21627202
Yeah that's rough bro. I've been pretty fortunate in life by comparison
I do need to put shit into perspective sometimes. I pretty prone to falling into doomermode without appreciating my blessings

hope things turn around for you and some opportunities come your way

The only thing preventing myself from hanging on the ceiling is the proof (or lack) of what happens afterwards. I don't watnt o reincarnate or something. Let me rest in the void.

>>21627214
I have come to accept I must be some sort of subhuman that is inherently unworthy of God's grace. When I kill myself I hope God at least has the mercy to make me disappear instead of sending me to hell.

>>21627155
I personally challenge this idea. I will live for as long as I'm not bored of it or I'm going to die by accepting my defeat in a honest sportsmanship way.

But you need to read some Jung, his stuff about mortality is pretty good. He was a master of accepting life, so he did accept death and died pretty much like if he decided he's all spent and needs to go.

>>21627155


Saṁyuktāgama 287

The ancient way of the noble ones

Thus have I heard.

At one time, the Buddha was staying at Jetavana, Anāthapiṇḍika’s park at Śrāvastī.

Then, the World-Honoured One said to the monks: “I recollect that once, before I had attained the highest enlightenment, when alone in a quiet place, concentrated energetically on meditation, I had this thought:

“Because of the existence of what dharma (nature of phenomena), do aging-and-death come to be? Conditioned by what dharma, do aging-and-death come to be?

“Then, rightly thinking, I came to grasp the nature of phenomena as they really are, directly: Because birth exists, aging-and-death exist; conditioned by birth, aging-and-death exist; and similarly for becoming, attachment, craving, feeling, contact, the six sense-spheres, name-and-material form.

“Because of the existence of what dharma do name-and-material form exist? Conditioned by what dharma do name-and-material form come to be?

“Then, rightly thinking, I came to grasp the nature of phenomena as they really are, directly: Because consciousness exists, name-and-material form exist; conditioned by consciousness, name-and-material form come to be.

“I then had this thought: As far as consciousness it turns back, unable to go beyond it.

“That is to say: Conditioned by consciousness are name-and-material form; conditioned by name-and-material form are the six sense-spheres; conditioned by the six sense-spheres is contact; conditioned by contact is feeling; conditioned by feeling is craving; conditioned by craving is attachment; conditioned by attachment is becoming; conditioned by becoming is birth; conditioned by birth is aging-sickness-and-death, along with depression, sorrow, affliction, and suffering. Thus arises this whole mass of suffering.

“Then I thought: Because of the non-existence of what dharma, do aging-and-death not come to be? Because of the ceasing of what dharma, do aging-and-death cease?

“Then, rightly thinking, I came to grasp the nature of phenomena as they really are, directly: When birth does not exist, aging-and-death do not exist; when birth ceases, aging-and-death cease. And similarly it is to be said of birth, becoming, attachment, craving, feeling, contact, the six sense-spheres, name-and-material form, consciousness, the activities.

“Again I thought thus: Because of the non-existence of what dharma, do activities not come to be? Because of the ceasing of what dharma, do activities cease?

>>21627223
I've wanted to read Jung for some time. Where do I start?
maybe I'll make a project out of it for this year
any background reading in psychology before reading him? All I ever had was some entry lvl pscyh class

>>21627223
>He was a master of accepting life
I think we all would be happy to accept life if we were a wealthy psychologist who fucks his hot patients.

>>21627227
“Then, rightly thinking, I came to grasp the nature of phenomena as they really are, directly: When ignorance does not exist, activities do not exist; when ignorance ceases, activities cease; when activities cease, consciousness ceases; when consciousness ceases, name-and-material form ceases; when name-and-material form ceases, the six sense-spheres cease; when six sense-spheres cease, contact ceases; when contact ceases, feeling ceases; when feeling ceases, craving ceases; when craving ceases, attachment ceases; when attachment ceases, becoming ceases; when becoming ceases, birth ceases; when birth ceases, aging-sickness-and-death ceases, along with depression, sorrow, affliction, and suffering; and thus ceases this whole mass of suffering.

“Then I thought thus: I have attained to the ancient way of the noble ones, the path of the noble ones, the ancient way trodden by the noble ones, along which passed the noble ones of ancient times, and which I am now following.

“It is just as if a man travelling through the forest, through the wild woods, were suddenly to come upon an ancient way, a path where men had walked in ancient times. He goes along it and, slowly moving forwards, sees an ancient city, and an ancient king’s palace, and gardens, and pools, and pleasant groves, and he thinks:

“I should go and tell the king of this. And then he goes and tells the king: ‘Your Majesty should know this. As I was travelling through the forest through the wild woods, I suddenly came upon an ancient way, a path where men walked in ancient times; then I went along it, and when I had gone along it, I saw an ancient city, and an ancient king’s palace, and gardens, and pools, and pleasant groves and streams. Your Majesty could go and live in that city.’ Then, the king goes there, and lives there, and the city becomes prosperous and flourishing, and teeming with people.
“In the same way, I had now arrived at the ancient way of the noble ones, the ancient path of the noble ones, the ancient way trodden by the noble ones, along which passed the noble ones of ancient times, and which I should now follow, namely this Noble Eightfold Path: right view, right aim, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right skilful means (effort), right mindfulness, right concentration.

“I have gone along this path and seen aging-sickness-and-death, the origin of aging-sickness-and-death, the ceasing of aging-sickness-and-death, the path leading to the ceasing of aging-sickness-and-death.

“I have seen birth …, becoming …, attachment …, craving …, feeling …, contact …, the six sense-spheres …, name-and-material form …, consciousness …, activities, the origin of activities, the ceasing of activities, the path leading to the ceasing of activities.

>>21627155
I suggest pic related, buddhism was literally invented to cope with death

>>21627231
“I have by myself become enlightened regarding this dharma and have attained the highest enlightenment. I have taught and declared to monks, nuns, laymen, laywomen, to followers of other sects, to recluses and brahmins, to householders, and to those who have left the household life, so that all these four groups may hear the dharma, find the right direction, gain faith and happiness, know the goodness of the dharma, increase in the noble life, and derive greater benefit.”

When the Buddha had taught this discourse, the monks, having heard what the Buddha had said, were delighted, and put it into practice.

https://suttacentral.net/sa287/en/choong?reference=none&highlight=false

I was ill in my 20s then got my health back. Honestly just go to prison for a few years so you will understand how relative feelings and status are.

>>21627155
Anon, I got infected with melancholy when I was 19, developed a full blown panic disorder due to death anxiety at 21. I have been in total mental paralysis since then. Now in my late 20s I am terminally ill so I'll be out of this shitshow real soon.

I have no suggestions. Maybe Seneca's Letters? I am too passive for his wisdom. There's is no consolation when you're torment with tremendous suffering. Although reading Cioran brings me extreme pleasure.

>>21627247
Don't give in
I was the same, happened around 19. Was in a deep depression for 3 full years and thought I would end up killing myself. I'm doing quite well now. Not normie-tier happy but doing decent. Sometimes time can bring change

fuck Seneca though. I can't handle stoicists. I find it incredibly retarded. That kind of asceticism is inhuman to me. Emotion and even excessive emotion is what makes us human.

>>21627255
>I'm doing quite well now
Did you manage to get a gf?

>>21627230
I don't think he fucked her, otherwise she probably would make Jung impregnate her. Fucking a patient while being completely aware of how wrong it is and how much the psychoanalysis is based upon not fucking your patients would be a bad idea even if he fell in love.
>>21627229
Jump right in. You're not really going to understand him immediately. Read Man and his Symbols first, I guess.

>>21627264
>I don't think he fucked her
I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that it was well known that Jung fucked his patients. He at the very least fucked Sabina Spielrein. Didn't they have a BDSM relationship even?

>>21627259
yes actually. But that's not what made a difference. I started to feel better a year before that. Honestly I still deal with the exact same shit since getting together with her. But i won't lie it's good comfort. Just not a solution.
not much changed in my life to be honest. I'm not sure how Igot out but it was a slow process

>>21627273
I'm happy you could make it, anon. Enjoy it for all of us who couldn't. You're carrying our dreams.

>>21627283
Thanks bro. I wish you all the same
it's never too late for change so don't give up hope

>>21627202
26 and in the same boat. Been NEET for 2 years and hoping to get back into the market now as a former software dev

>>21627255
But anon I have a terminal illness. The question of my agency is out of the window. Desu I don't really like doing anything other than shitposting on 4chan and sleeping. Even if I was "healthy" I would have done same exact shit I do now.

/lit/bros, you have unironically been my best friends these lat couple of years, and while the board has gone to shit, it's still nice we can have these kind of threads sometimes.

>>21627294
Can't really give you advice in that case. Can't really imagine what that's like
Are you at peace with your illness?
If not I think reading some classics and philosophers might help.
And if not, you should just do what makes you feel good. But do think about if there isn't any option for long-term satisfaction through a project or goal
chan and sleeping are just short term satisfaction

>>21627297

>>21627269
I think you're taking shitposts for real. It's how some say that Nietzsche was chasing women all the time but never got anything.

Sometimes I feel like the holy spirit has already departed from the world.

>>21627297
Unironically big bad scary 4Chan is the only place where I can pour my heart out and have sincere conversations without. This place is more "normal" and accepting than the world of normalfags, virtual or "real".

Thanks for sticking around friend.

>>21627300
I am not at peace honestly. I still have pretty high ambitions(ridiculous when you're literally dying, I know). But I don't enjoy the things for which I was crazy about. Disappointments, lack of opportunities, personal traumas, financial restrains etc. Were the real blows.

Whenever I open good book, it makes me insecure because I haven't done shit. So my narcissism even muddies what is suppose to be "pure".

>>21627331
Are you honest with yourself? I think one of the things that helped me was really looking at myself and realizing that I'm not as good a person as everybody always told me I was as a child. I disappointed myself with who I had become and actually accepting that took a lot of time
perhaps for you something similar could help. Therapy wasn't for me but talking to a therapist or psychologist could help.
I think you should still try to achieve something. If you are ambitious, not doing shit will just make you feel worse. But just be realistic with goals and accept you're limited in options

good luck man. How bad is it at the moment if you don't mind me asking, the illness?

>>21627382
I am a naive person if not good because how impotent and fearful I am. I don't need therapist because my general view on life is very pessimistic, so upon reflection, I don't deem this as unnatural.
>How bad is it at the moment if you don't mind me asking, the illness?
Not as bad as to make me completely give up on life, yet.

Now I am feeling guilty about hijacking this thread. So I am gonna dip out.

>>21627162
>especially when contemplating life.
contemplate death, than. narcissist

It doesn’t have to be physical or mental decline for a long while, and even when it does come to that, you can still be spry for your age. Look at an author like Ernst Junger. He had the vitality of a healthy middle aged man until he was in his 80s and died in his 100s.

>>21627155
The art of dying well by st. bellarmine

>>21627155
If you are in a position to improve yourself, i want to recommend a book called six pillars of self esteem.
I read the first half of the book where the author talk about how it is important and such. But i am afraid to read the latter half. I will probably read it after i can look after myself otherwise i think it would put more strains on my mind.

>>21627189
I disagree. I quite like simply waking up and being alive. The thought of never being able to experience this again is scary.

>>21627395
I think most of us are naive to an extent.
Nah man this is relevant to the thread. Dont feel bad.

Buddhism.

>>21627155
You are assuming that scientific research will remain stagnant.
Read "Ending Aging" by Aubrey de Grey, a good introduction to longevity research. Even if the first person to reach 200 years isn't alive yet, we will age more gracefully compared to our parents. The difference will be far larger than how our parents aged better than their parents.

Turned 22 yesterday, happy birthday OP!

I'm an atheist, but I'm not beyond speculating on what could be if I'm wrong. Unfortunately, if we consider philosophical elegance and the fact that everything seems to be cyclical, it seems Buddhism and Hinduism might be the religions that have it right, and we're doomed to live infinite lives of suffering before we fix our karma ... Non-existence is desirable, though weirdly enough, when I was contemplating it while still being a Christian it seemed scary, though now as an atheist it feels quite fine. Of course, I occasionally have bursts of thirst for life and that is my big fear - that the clinging to samsara is what prevents us from leaving it behind.
As for books, I'd say stoicism. Some jokers around here try to mock it, but at least my read of it seems to be - don't be a whiny bitch. I used to be very regretful about some circumstances of my life, but I've come to accept them, and appreciate all the good stuff I have been gifted.

>>21627155


Age splits, life grits: as the body is stripped and foistened the heart is strapped and fastened: hurting, and tired, but uninjured, and whole.

You have two options: (I) to live prospirationally, moving counter to, and straightening yourself beyond, time, consistently emersing into the Great Clearance, autoscopically superordinating & supplementing your body, and revolutedly outgrowing it; (2) to live despirationally, convolutedly festering within the chronic rotation that is intrinsic to the kosmos, immersing yourself in a false character for a living, schizoscopically reducing your being to a caricaturized version of yourpotentialself, observing your life pass you by as if it were a fleshed in cartoon, rather than fleshed out reality.

>>21627155
Fuck, I’ll be 27 in a few days. I have never felt more anxious about aging and not achieving anything.

They say that you're only a true poet once you're ready to die. Study poetry.

Here among flowers one flask of wine,
With no close friends, I pour it alone.
I lift cup to bright moon, beg its company,
Then facing my shadow, we become three.
The moon has never known how to drink;
My shadow does nothing but follow me.
But with moon and shadow as companions the while,
This joy I find must catch spring while it's here.
I sing, and the moon just lingers on;
I dance, and my shadow flails wildly.
When still sober we share friendship and pleasure,
Then, utterly drunk, each goes his own way—
Let us join to roam beyond human cares
And plan to meet far in the river of stars.

花間一壺酒。
獨酌無相親。
舉杯邀明月。
對影成三人。
月既不解飲。
影徒隨我身。
暫伴月將影。
行樂須及春。
我歌月徘徊。
我舞影零亂。
醒時同交歡。
醉後各分散。
永結無情遊。
相期邈雲漢。

>>21627155
You think that way because you are a cuckolded retard idiot with low self esteem. There is always someway to improve yourself both physically and mentally even as you age. FYI pic related is Brad Pitt age 40. Try keeping that in mind when you think you are only getting weaker.

>>21630208
Nice poem. Who wrote it? It’s beautiful.

>>21630243
Li Bai

>>21627155
Happy birthday anon!
>>21628914
Only one person said it? Wtf. You guys either suck ass or have terrible reading comprehension

>>21627155
life is such a drag. why live forever

>>21630226
He was on the juice when shooting this film and already had peak genetics/finances/social resources to find the perfect routine. You will never, EVER look even CLOSE to as good as he did here. What a fucking embarrassing cope.

>books to come to terms with mortality and aging?
books on fasting and modern science articles on anti-aging.

>>21630483
I dont think the point of that guy is to try to look like Pitt. He’s simply the vehicle to show that age is not necessarily an excuse to submit to decline, esp. not when you are merely 27.

>>21630499
He's a fundamentally dishonest vehicle for that argument because men like Pitt have access to very real and very hard to obtain techniques which circumvent a significant portion of the terror that is aging. The simple fact is that some people will age much worse through no fault of their own, that's the human condition. A bunch of fat amerimutts existing and killing themselves with greasy slop on the daily doesn't change that fact. To use Pitt as such an example is to fetishize an almost Faustian spirit, that through control of one's physical form, one can conquer death.

As for OP: You will get old. You will feel your age getting to you. You will feel this deterioration accelerate, and things you previously enjoyed will be taken from you one by one. You cannot alter this course in a meaningful way. The only thing you can do is assign as little emotional weight and worry over it as possible. If you cannot alter the course of such a state, then worrying over it is a mentally ill endeavor.

>>21630510
Untrue. I am 41 and don't use steroids, nor have I had surgeries and I am very fit, fitter than I was in my late 20s. You very much can keep your mind and body in good condition with maintenance activities that does not require millions of dollars or being a slave to a routine that robs you of hours a day.

>>21630538
41 is not that old bro.

>>21627227
>>21627231
>>21627234


TLDR: just stop existing bro! But also dont forget to like, subbscribe and donate to our picturesque ārāma

>>21627164
>it’s posting hours in France again

>>21630550
I know. Dude I was replying to was moaning about pitt at 40 is impossible because of roids and money. Simply not true.

>>21628450
Pension system won't handle this. We are alredy at the point where euthanasia is the subtle way to lessen the strain on the pension system.

>>21630307
>>21628914
Thanks bros.
Happy birthday to you too :)

>>21630488
Simple as this. Deprenyl and intermitant fasting you'll age noticeably slower. Also use melanotan 2 to get the benefits of sun while preventing its damage to the skin entirely. We are going to make it friend.

>>21630944
how do you get your deprenyl? are meds capsules toxic to the human liver in any form?

>>21627155
If you grow in some way while aging it's not so bad say in knowledge, creativity, or through gaining new skills/ability. Now if you just sit around like a couch potato and age, yeah you're losing all the time, that's my cope atleast.

>>21627202
Bro same my family did nothing but destroy my life. They finally seem to understand now that I am going on 31 years old and can't keep a job. I hate myself for it but we need to try. I am going to go into something that gives me some hope.

>>21627331
My dad survived Stage 4 cancer with a 99% chance of death. I would like to tell you that the day he gave up was the day he died but we will never know if that made the difference or if it was chance.

Going to school in his name to cure this retarded mortality shit or die trying. I will remember you anon. Don't give up. Just keep fighting. I want to know my life was worth the pain and I will live to make this small moment worth yours.

This here is muh nigger
>>21630488
I'm going to school to cure aging. Wish me luck man. We should both do the same.

>>21630538
This calls for proof in all honesty. Show us.

>>21627189
You can leave whenever you want.

>>21631005
EZ, assist in the development of AI, we reach singularity, exponential growth, boom AI may or may not help us, upload your consciousness or something, trying to save yourself in the flesh-realm through human(monkey brain) research is big dumm

>>21630995
respect

I just wish there had been more to do in my 20s, something for the biography. In lieu of that, I wish I had taken more initiative to do certain things and less initiative to do other certain things. Otherwise, I don’t feel decline.

>>21630550
i am in my thirdties and already have problems, maybe is the prostate, i don't really know what it is, problems start to appear in 30s that is the average

The book of Ecclesiastes.
Also this scene from Synecdoche New York https://youtu.be/tF9F3TkOzNQ

>>21631018
They will create an advanced artificial intelligence and call it God, and it will rule over them. Chipped, half silicone cyborg men with an incomprehensibly advanced capacity for understanding yet devoid of any of the feeling, frailty, emotion or humanity which would make such an understanding valuable in the first place.
They will digitise their benign souls and then they will pray for death but will not be able to die.

sorry to burst your bubble anon, 27 is very old.

you are practically one of the first humans bro can I have your bone hammer when you die in the cave wars

>>21630995

>>21627155
I have borderline panic attacks about this shit and the key in mitigating them is realizing it’s emotional residue and everything is fine. Problems come and you deal with them. I think you need to completely delve into something to commit to. For most people that’s other people and the drama or camaraderie that comes with it. The point is choose something or you’ll literally go insane from how dreadful base reality is. Very few people can truly say they benefit from isolating themselves, ask yourself if that’s you

>>21631013
I will leave when I'm done

>>21627522
contemplate english lessons, esl.

>>21630538
post body

>>21627155
A Confession by Tolstoy is the best thing you'll need to read, not sure why it isn't mentioned immediately when these threads are made

>>21632145
>>21632137
Laugh now, Zoomies, but it'll happen to you faster than you expect.
19 turns to 21, still young, then 24 comes at you fast, and only three more til' 27. You can get a job at a bar and watch your 20s slip right through your fingers.
It's all going to shit anyway, and you younglings will be the first thrown into the meat grinder.

>>21632639
I believe you, I'm 22 and the last 3 years have flown by as if they were months

>>21630178
You'll stop giving a shit when you turn 30

>Not learning a bunch of languages and semi-ironically studying alchemy for your entire lifetime just to depart and leave some cryptic tomes full of handwritten notes and diagrams about immortality to your descendants.
Ngmi.

>>21630551

>>21632731
Yes, then it comes back 10x worse in your late 30's.

>>21633039
Didn't for me.

>>21632287
Not being done at all times inarguably contradicts your thesis on life. That brings about the end of your worldview and the conversation.

>>21633710
>That brings about the end of your worldview and the conversation.

>>21633710
>Not being done at all times
What? What does this mean? Life is never done until it's done? Like when you die? Are you talking about all the potential things one can do while alive? What if the guy has one goal in life?

>>21633774
>>21633784
Enjoy

>>21627155
it'll get worse in a few years, 27 ain't bad

>>21631005
ayo we're counting on you to smash that fucker aging system boiiiii

>>21633830
What does this book have to do with anything?
Are you a female in some English program or something? What gives?
I'm not into Zadie Smith-tier stuff.

Turning 48 tomorrow, much love to all the chronically depressed Aquarians itt.
I got into Buddhism maybe about your age or maybe just a year or two later. I read a bunch of stuff and had a pretty well developed practice that took me a lot of places. It’s worth pursuing.
Through providence I started praying the rosary 8 years ago. It converted my heart. Gareth Knight and especially Tomberg converted my head.
I consider Christianity more true than Buddhism, I prefer the places it’s taken me and it’s been a lot easier to have a consistent practice while having kids. I used to get up at 5 to meditate but my kids would consistently wake up and fuck around. I can recite psalms or pray the rosary while walking the dog.
I’m not as /fit/ as I was 20 years ago and yeah, I reserve the right to be intellectually lazy as shit. So in that sense your fears of decline are not groundless. On the other hand, I have had progressively deeper experiences over the years and the most mind blowing for me have been the most recent.
Keep going and see where you go, it gets worse and better.

>>21634194
Ever had an experience you would call 'mystical' or 'theophanous'?

>>21627214
>Let me rest in the void.
Longer than you think! Haha.

>>21627155

>>21634416
>>21634422
only good posts in this entire thread. You guys talk about everything but the subject matter.

>cryonics
scam field on the same as level as "nanotech"

>>21634451
yeah, ok there, glowie

>>21634291
Yes. I’m not sure how many beans to spill and don’t want to come off as stuck up or anything. But this stuff is real and I am convinced that I am NOT unique or special.
You can experience very exalted states via meditation and you can establish a very strong foundation of equanimity. Self power will get you there. It helps not to have too many external obligations/distractions. Once the process bootstraps itself (or rather, once you achieve a certain level of mastery/consistency), it can help your obligations not be too distracting.
In the chapter on the World, Tomberg talks about a sphere of a false Holy Spirit that you pass through. I’ve had some visions, those got bootstrapped by kind of a balance of samatha meditation and western-style directed (non-emptying) meditation, with some weed thrown in—Dion Fortune makes a throwaway comment in one of her books that it’s a visionary drug and this is correct, but it’s very easy to slide into daily use which undermines this. The visions I had were somewhere between Self Power and Other Power and I don’t want to blindly believe they are absolutely true… but they might be.
Will do my third paragraph in another post because I tend to ramble.

>>21634480
that book is from the 60's...

>>21634422
>>21634416
These are irrelevant. You'll still die one day. Pretending otherwise is cope.

>>21634556
Okay so to a large degree Buddhism is about Self Power. You put in the work and you are the one to make it happen for yourself. Pure Land has the concept of Other Power and it offers a path to those fruits for “the rest of us,” all the fuck ups wallowing in a debased existence.
Christianity is all about Other Power. It’s all over the psalms, it’s all over the gospels, Paul gets it. Way back in the pentateuch God lays it down and tells Moses that He chose the Hebrews because they are exceptional, they are exceptionally shit and He wants it to be completely obvious that He is the one who makes it all happen. Gideon is about that.
In John, early on, there is a statement about how we are invited to be children of God. And when asked how to pray, Jesus directly instructs us to start with “Our Father.” That’s some heavy shit.
For a while I felt like I didn’t really know Jesus. Like, I had read all these books, I prayed, I meditated, I had insights, I improved myself, things were coming together for me. But I felt like there was this blank spot right in the middle. And I knew that it was THE most important thing. I got into the Sacred Heart chaplet. The Sorrowful mysteries are also very important. The Agony is pretty profound. Julian of Norwich helped unravel the Scourging for me.
There are variations on how to pray the Sacred Heart chaplet, one way just recycles Rosary prayers. Another fixates on Christ’s love, meekness and humility—this is the good one.
I was awake in the middle of one night and in the chamber of my heart He was there. I called Him Master, but He told me to call Him Brother. We embraced and I could feel His love, it’s incomparable. How pissed will I be if I’m over the character limit?

>>21634628
So here’s the thing… any experience like that is totally dependent on something outside of you, dependent on its grace.
St. Teresa writes about aridities as a fact of life, and spiritual desolation is a very common thing (I was totally suicidal in my early 20s and have been totally depressed on and off through the years and still am, that’s life). If you read through all of my blog post and want a piece for yourself, there are no guarantees that you will get it. Thanks for reading all my bullshit though…
But, mystical experiences or not, providence is a real thing and God’s love for you is a VERY real thing. The assurances that you are taken care of are 100% true, even if it doesn’t manifest itself in a mind blowing way. St. Teresa again writes very well about this.
But I think a big part of it is that you need to sign up for it. “ASK and it shall be given, KNOCK and the door will open.” Moreover, you need to have your perspective be correct. You need to try to unify your will to God’s. When Pimp C says “walk with me” to Jesus he is being sincere but he still has it backwards, you need to walk with Jesus. But He will take you cool places.
In Buddhism, when you have strong equanimity and boil off the other jhana factors, you are pretty far along and potentially almost done. In Christianity, strong equanimity is just the start.

>>21634556
>>21634556
>>21634673
Thanks for these posts anon. Definitely true what you say about obligations. I am much younger than you but I've experienced some basic states of what you could call "heightened awareness" and I wish to pursue this (really everybody should) as I grow in both years and mind.
Also true what you say about weed as this strange break from basal "sleeping" consciousness for me occurred when I had a phase of smoking weed and sitting in front of the mirror for long hours in my late teens which made me (and sorry if this sounds ridiculous) view myself from the "outside." I had to give up substances after a while because it was fucking with my mind long term, and albeit it had some good effects, it brought me into a deep suicidal depression.
I have some understanding already of what you say about Christianity and Buddhism but not enough to add anything meaningful. Really, what I was asking regarding your theophanic experience is more along the line of its phenomenal nature, what brought it on, what symbolic knowledge you managed to grasp from it if any, etc. I realise now that that might have been far too personal a question upon reading your posts. It's interesting how your approach to these things is different to mine because any revelation I've ever had has been from a perspective of self-induced "Jnana Yoga," through learning and contemplation rather than prayer. I actually consider prayer a great talent. Really, most people, myself included, lack affinity for the meaningful type of communion you're describing because it requires a certain "letting go" of the ego, that if one is skilled at, then they're already most of the way there to being a good and whole person.
Reading your posts, I'm curious what you think about Gurdjieff if you're familiar with him at all?
Apologies if this post is a bit all over the place, and happy birthday btw.

Death isn't really scary to me. What's scary is dying without figuring anything out. You guys feel it too right?

As Schopenhauer wrote, life presents itself in the form of a debt; It must endlessly be repaid with eating, drinking, moving, and breathing. And once we die, the debt is paid, and this "rental" of our bodies ends. But why? Human rentals happen for a purpose: You rent a DVD to watch it, you rent a car to drive it. So why do you rent a life? Why pay this debt? To enjoy it?

No, that doesn't make sense. Why is happiness so rare, then? Why could we Westerners meet all our basic needs and still feel that void in our hearts? Only of philosophers or saints can I say: Their deaths were not a negative occasion, they met their purpose. For everyone else, death is tragic because they died without figuring it out. They chased the carrot day by day, their bodies grew saggy, their hair fell out, old age made a mockery of them. They died without understanding a thing. It's like a bad end in those visual novels or Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books, where the story ends prematurely and you never saw the real story -- except, that's the entire human race right now. Locked into a bad end. Walking like lemmings off the stage of life, unawares of their demise or why. It is senseless and awful.

Maybe it is unhealthy, but I'm going to dwell on it, and keep dwelling on it.

>>21634691
It’s all good. Um, yeah, I’ve viewed myself from the outside as a “vision” and it wasn’t flattering. But in a way that’s healthy.
>what brought it on, what symbolic knowledge
You can’t force that highest stuff, it’s completely Other Power. You can try to call it down or tease it out, see my half self half other examples, but again I don’t think it’s entirely systematic, guaranteed OR NECESSARY.
Symbolically, the imagery is true. Unless my visions were false. But I think they were true. But I have come not to worry about it. The main value is assurances and these are invaluable when you are in a state of desolation.
Yeah it’s personal but fortunately this is an anonymous forum so…
You can find a pdf of Three Pure Land Sutras. The middle one is a series of visualization exercises. It is VERY much in the vein of western occult non-emptying directed meditation. It provides a systematic way to work on getting a view of the Pure Land to the west. If you see it, then you have assurances that it is real and that you can go there and get out of this rat trap. It is an intermediate step on the way to “winning” by dropping out of karmic entanglement that perpetuates being. The Samantabadhra sutra at the end of the Lotus Sutra (which I have a sweet spot for) is similarly a set of visualization exercises if you know to read it that way. I mainly practiced samatha backed by pali suttas but read that mahayana stuff on the side in addition to a bunch of western occult stuff so was able to put two and two together and practice on my own.
With the group I practiced with, I learned about brahmavihara meditations and how to couple them with jhanas. You can access the first three immaterial jhanas this way. Outside of this practice, I was half samatha-meditating on the jhana of infinite space but half directed-meditating of infinitude and the infinity of one universe and the possibility of having another infinite universe next to it and so on. In a vision I saw a corner of the Throne, jewel encrusted, where each shining gem was a single universe. So God the Father has these transcendent qualities… He is outside all the universes, they serve to glorify Him, He is truly “Our Father who art in Heaven.”
They are assurances. They tell you that these paths are true and valid and that you are on the right track. That’s the real value. The error of gnosis is thinking that knowledge is what saves you, it isn’t, but it’s good to get some hints that you aren’t completely fucking up.

>>21634691
>Bro praying is hard
Bro that’s what’s so great about the Rosary, it’s all programmed and you just say it. It even has a bad reputation for being simplistic shit for kids and old ladies. But read Secret of the Rosary and thavmapub website, it becomes an extensible platform once you are comfortable with it. It is also endlessly fertile ground for directed meditation. But it starts very simple and can stay very simple. I really pray it when I walk my dog and it’s either grounding or deep depending on which route we take and how much shit I have to pick up.
>Gurdjieff
I had a friend who was into him and sufism but it was never really my thing and I haven’t read him. Tomberg spills some ink talking about him, Meditations on the Tarot is very good, available as a free pdf and you can jump into any chapter. Hm, I think some of that ink was about his system offering techniques to strengthen your will and establish a stronger self but that this doesn’t necessarily get you further along in the big picture. I am definitely paraphrasing and probably misremembering.

>>21634691
Oh and Happy Birthday, I tried to say it implicitly above but here it is explicitly. All the best and I might have a small glass of rum in your honor if I can’t fall asleep.

>>21634707
Yeah I think about some of this in the context of martyrdom vs simply “going down into the pit.” If you die a martyr’s death consciously you pay off some of your karmic debts on the way out vs. slow cooking them out in some purgatorial state. But if you are some hapless narcotraficante that ends up in a gore video, you just fucked up. This is speculation.
I’ve been advocating Christianity in this thread but it’s not unique in positing payment of debts after you die, nor is it unique in viewing the world as flawed, a “vale of tears.”
Dante’s imagery of the hordes blindly chasing after flags before he even crosses Styx and goes into Hell comes to mind.
And I think about this a LOT with all the vax shit going around. But you can’t talk to anyone about it. I have one friend and both her kids are varying degrees of fucked up. What can I say to her? She has one of those statement of faith signs in front of her house. She got herself and her kids jabbed in good faith, one of her kids already had immune issues, the other ended up being a mess for months with “long covid,” whatever that is (and she says the doctors don’t know what it is).
All bodies are transitory, but now it’s more so for them. Will they see? Or will they go down into the pit?

Please consider the jhanas instead of the meditation by the jews and chinese.

>>21634816
>I’ve been advocating Christianity in this thread but it’s not unique in positing payment of debts after you die
Honestly I hadn't considered it in the context of Christianity, but yeah it does apply. That feeling of debt, that you owe something, seems universal. It's part of why suicide is so hard. Not just because it looks painful, or you'll upset your family. It really feels like we exist for a reason sometimes, and killing yourself is like a rejection of meaning or purpose itself. Which would explain why almost every religion and belief system forbids it.

>>21634844
>the meditation by the jews and chinese
What do you mean? Ancient china is one of the most insightful cultures ever IMO

>>21634883
>>What do you mean? Ancient china is one of the most insightful cultures ever IMO
They are idiots who couldn't get any spirituality before their bastardization of buddhism.


Also the jews and hindus (and the chinese take on indian teachings) confuse nirvana and meditation. Meditation is just a tool. The theists can't go deep into meditation precisely because they jump the gun and cram their gods into their understanding of meditation. So they can't go to the deepest states, let alone reaching nirvana (which is beyond meditation).

>>21634789
Oh I'm not OP, it's not my birthday. Gonna read your other posts tomorrow, as I have a thing to do now; and think over your posts in general. Will reply if thread is up. Cheers fren.

>>21633710
how can one be so stupid yet so pretentious and sure about his stupidity?

>>21634194
>Keep going and see where you go, it gets worse and better.
Thanks, this feels like a really honest answer. Also weirdly makes me feel better.

>>21631013
We remain, because there is nothing else, but only under the right conditions, for a certain time, until we decide when we are done based on our preferences and values. This ameliorates the chore and struggle somewhat, but still, it's important to know when it's over. By being free to decide when to leave and what constitutes acceptable in life, is all we can have.

>>21634940
So what do you call the dao?

The foundations of philosophy were made to cope with death.

>>21627155
Keep your mind active and you can remain mentally youthful into old age. I remember reading Knut Hamsun's memoir he wrote when he was around 90, and one thing that struck me was that even though his body was failing him you can tell his mind was still sharp. If you fall into mindless routines and despair as you'll become old and dull in your 40s as many do.

>>21627202
Could be worse. You could be a 31 year old NEET incel like me. The shame is so unbearable I simply don't speak or show myself to anyone anymore.

>>21627155
The crazy thing is realizing all the doors that are slamming shit around you in your 20s. We live in this social narrative of everything being open to you to retry and to finally make sense of yourself, your relationships, your career well into your 40s.
But it’s really not like that. Trying to play catchup after 25 and that’s all you’ll have time for and meanwhile your peers are talking retirement and what to do with their kids.

Most of life experiences is gated around your 20s and that’s it. Missed becoming a star? Picking the right education? Missed out on love? Sorry. That’s it.

>>21636023
That's a liberating thought. Once the door is slammed shut you're free from expectation, free to do anything. You could even get married or get a degree and change life paths.

>>21636023
>Missed becoming a star?
Saramago only attained succes on his 60’s, you cretin.
>Picking the right education?
An uncle of mine went from being poor as fuck until his late thirties to finally getting a college degree and a decent job on his forties. This kind of story is common outside you bedroom.
>Missed out on love?
Same uncle only met and married my aunt less than ten years ago. Both were divorced after falling for the “find someone and marry while you’re on your twenties” meme, only to find themselves in terrible relationships. Nowadays they are happier and frankly better than any of my twenty something friends who are in serious relationships.
Take your defeatist shit away from here.

>>21636089
Anon is really just talking about the normie idea of success: Getting a career in IT, marrying some 5/10, living in the suburbs of Colorado or something. But the normie idea of success doesn't really matter.

>>21627155
The decrease in fluid intelligence in aging can be made up for by the increasing of crystallized intelligence to make up for it. This can even allow you to get smarter as you age.
Physically you will decline too, but that won’t matter if you have a commited partner. In terms of physical activity, you will obviously decline but focusing on health and exercise will be more important than ever, so your hobbies won’t be taken away from you.
As for death, just perform a perfect suicide, where everything is planned in it like a piece of art, giving you total closure in regards to life and control over the inevitable.

>>21636450
The crystalized intelligence derives from whatever you bent your fluid intelligence towards so it ends amounting to the same thing. Someone who spent their teens and twenties playing games and watching television is going to have a whole lot of useless (as far as the job market goes) crystalized intelligence.

That said, we do live in a time where it is possible to use even that sort of knowledge to make a living, e.g via a youtube channel or twitch stream, but with everyone vying for a few limited slots the competition is immense.

You guys ITT are fucking gay and you disgust me. I actively try to supress this feeling, but I can't take it no more. Being in a state of abandonment you don't even take an advice to better yourself. I know it's not your fault, poop's existence is not the poop's fault yet I am disgusted. I'm rly sorry, I feel closer to a normie than any of you.

>>21636128
The irony is that such a description of success is hardly gated by age. Learning to code specifically is both wildly accessible for almost any westerner and is in no way gated by age. Defeatists really are the most frustratingly retarded people.

>>21636480
this is insane reductionist cope from a literal mouthbreathing faggot. people this stupid are not only allowed to breathe but voice their opinions

>>21636023
>meanwhile your peers are talking retirement and what to do with their kids.
Maybe in a television comercial.
All of my friends are talking surgery, illness, stress, lack of resources (yes, even the well-educated), and politics. I think you're being sold on a lifestyle that few if any enjoy.

t. pushing 40

>>21631018
tranny

>>21637478
>Learning to code
And if I'm not a tranny who's content with sitting in front of a computer screen for 40+ hours a week?

Self-limiting ruined a great part of your life. Keep doing that and you won't live at all.

>books to come to terms with mortality and aging?
You don't need a book for that.

>I turned 27
No one cares except you.

>physical and mental decline
That's your choice.

>>21637716
Then find another career you're willing and capable of performing. I don't get what the problem is.