/lit/ - Literature

Check this out you guys.

>>21560355
I feel called out by the inclusion of bakemonogatari

>>21560355
>Call of the Crocodile

F Gardner somehow keeps winning. He’s unstoppable lmfao.

18 and a quarter year old Lem short for Lemuel Augustus Sorodoun was playing at his computer. A hot summers day with the glint of eve beating back the light. Lem was playing but really any entertainment to be had was forcibly ejected long ago. He only ever did what he had to. And ever since he graduated school a year ago he had nothing to have to do. The dull buzz of his computer filled his mind. There was no more youth in this world. Decades ago he could have gone to the disco. Or the socialist rally parties. But now all these youth groups were gone. Only the bleak modernity remained. The only thing for him was endless masturbation. His life felt cold. Lem's youthful day dreams were exclusively centered on taking his father's Colt revolver and running down to the substation to end his life. He would become electricity. My mind is estranged from itself. I watch streamers all day. I can't move forward. I am trapped. Its hopeless. The game is rigged. Nobody likes me. Ill never own a home. And such and such filled Lem's little head. He gazed at his bookshelf. What was once filled with books and pamphlets had been vandalized. Textbooks on American History, the Spanish language, fantastical tales of heroism, Japanese comic books. These familiar sights had been ejected and exploded onto the floor. What was on the shelf instead were works of art. Stoner by Williams, Jest by Wallace, Hegel, Cioran. Lem could hardly stand himself. In his free time during the barren hours between midnight and the Dawn he would burn his old books. Hoping that some day he would burn himself. And maybe he'd become a phoenix. He was alone. Lem thought of leaving. Going to some backwards place, like Pennsylvania and changing his name to David. He day dreamed about meeting an asian girl and bedding her. Lem had never had a girlfriend in his life. He had never had a friend that didn't come in through the wire. Lem liked to imagine himself as a depressed man in his mid 30s at the end of his rope, a heap of experiences and torture on his shoulders. Failed relationships and abandoned children and broken dreams. He liked to believe he lived in a technocratic dystopia and was some kind of authority in it such as a detective.

Lem opened his bedroom window and looked outside. He saw nothing but a cooking suburban neighborhood. His parents driveway empty. Nothing but the codified New England berms on Janice lane. They're on vacation. Lem thought about jumping but didn't. He sat on his four post bed and decided to masturbate again instead. He imagined himself with an amazonian woman twice his size. She could carry him around and guide him to the best fruits in the jungle. He could hold onto her large ears as she bound over hill and river. They could mass with the stones and the leaves. Lem was alone.

>>21560326
Was wondering where this general had went. I don't have anything of note to add but to answer the thread question: I finished my first draft for a novella recently and before going back I'm going to work on some short stories.

>>21560355
Damn. Noticed Call of the Crocodile is on there. F Gardner is getting a ton of free advertising if 12+ million people are seeing this.

>>21560398
>>21560361
How do you people not realize this is photoshopped?

>>21560355
>Bakemonogatari made it
I may have a chance at succeeding

>>21560389
I've been waiting for a new thread also.

How do I tackle my backlog of stories I wanted to write?

how over-done is the plot about someone trying to change the past?
i wanted my MC to be in a sort of loop where he wanted to change a detail of the past to save someone he loves, but each time he tried, something changes to stop him from getting his goal including an antagonist that knows he's fucking up the timeline.

>>21560475
Why not let the MC succeed? Why do you hate wish fulfillment?

>>21560474
I'd like to know also. I'm not sure if I should just write what I'm feeling, meaning I may flip flop between stories as my mood and inspiration changes, or if I should start with my oldest ideas and work forwards.

>>21560477
he succeeds somewhat, but i'm aiming for a bittersweet sort of ending.

the body of the story, he deals with are strategy-based situations that he thinks he knows how to navigate due to previous experience, but due to a small detail from what he had done in that timeline, the situation is changed to make it harder for him to predict so he has to think on his feet for a solution.

does this sound interesting at all? i'm writing for a webcomic.

>>21560326
Please don't mind the repost.

Not much excitement in the /lit/ top ten this week. James Krake retains his second place position, although Mike Ma (hon.) continues to widen the gap. The Unreal Press anthology has bumped Pseudo Bulkington from the top 5, with Zulu Alitspa's Oasis receiving praise from advance reviews. Gardner maintains his position, although CotC numbers appear to be sliding. Ogden Nesmer maintains his position at #5 with I Pray to the Hungry God, although Eggplant has slipped from the charts this week. R. C. Waldun (hon.) is a noteworthy absence, with James Krake's Faceless appearing to have shoved L'Academie off, leaving both Spencer Weedman and Zulu Alitspa struggling to maintain a presence on the charts.

In other news, although he was unable to maintain his sales ranking, the meteoric rise of Pseudo Bulkington's The Orators gained the attention of several eminent /lit/ authors, who took a moment to review the free sample on Amazon.

And finally, trouble appears to be brewing for /lit/'s most 'famous' author, as F Gardner goes silent on youtube and /lit/ alike. The 4chan publishing outlet Unreal Press has announced an audiobook adaptation of Zulu Alitspa's Oasis, although there have been some issues with casting choices. Furthermore, early plans for /lit/con are stirring excitement all across the board.

>>21560500
>bittersweet
That is so fucking dull and by the numbers in westoid fiction. You'd be breaking new ground with an unambiguously happy ending.

Also is the person he loves some roastie? Be honest.

>>21560505
what's an unambiguously happy ending mean?

no, it's his brother. loosely based off my personal experience.

https://textbin.net/hg3tem6nyv

>>21560326
Hello /wg/. I've returned to shill. I appreciate all the feedback from you guys that I've gotten in the past few weeks.
My novel has been released on Amazon.
Here's the link: https://www.amazon.com/Fedbook-John-Jay-Stancliff/dp/B0BRC7Z2Q9/ref=sr_1_1?crid=616377L36MUD&keywords=fedbook&qid=1674442864&sprefix=fedbook%2Caps%2C206&sr=8-1
Take a look. To whoever runs the pastebin, please add me to it.
If you don't want to pay for it, take a look at my substack, where you can see a preview of the first three chapters.
Link: https://johnjaystancliff.substack.com/p/fedbook-first-canto
I think you can contact me from there if you subscribe, and I can just email you a pdf for free. Then you can upload a file to libgen for everyone else, if you want, or just hold on to it and enjoy. Goal for me is just getting people to read my work.
I'll stick around in the thread to give feedback and stuff like I did the last couple times.

>>21560528
>>21560503
(Also I'm #2 according to this post. I would like to bury Mike Ma eventually. Happy to destroy F. Gardner though, and the others, though I don't know who they are.)

>>21560528
added

>>21560412
It is photoshopped but the tweet with Call of the Crocodile in the pic is real. You can look it up not gonna spoon feed you. F Gardner’s still getting millions and millions of free advertising due to this.

>>21560543
>Bury F Gardner

Call of the Crocodile is a 2 and a half year old book and has been memed to death.

>>21560543
Learn to grammar better. You would be #2 if you were on the list. You are not #2 on that list.

>>21560355
Is that Call of the Crocodile on the top left?

>>21560568
What does that have to do with grammar? It just means the list is out of date.

>>21560503
>F Gardner goes silent.

He is technically going viral on twitter.

>>21560577
No shit you fucking retard. Thanks for reminding me. Why is it always Call of the Crocodile shilled and none of Faggot Gardner’s other dozen meme books? I don’t get what made that one specific book so special.

>>21560574
You're an idiot.

>>21560528
I read the kindle free preview, but i can't possibly buy it and support you. I never realized how important quotation marks and other punctuation is until i read your work. I've been trained to read quotation marks, and without them, I just couldn't be assed.

It was very confusing to know when talking happened and following dialogue was a chore.

>>21560585
I don’t know but F Gardner books are kino. See pic. It’s from “Call of F Gardner” by F Gardner. It’s the one where he wrote himself, RC Waldun and Butterfly as characters into the plot. Not making this shit up.

>>21560605
damn... he writes better than me.

>>21560596
I thank you for your time.

>>21560485
I'm desperate to know.

>>21560326
>Thread Question : When are you going to finish your project, anon?
I have the first draft done and tons of people shat on it. So I added a new chapter 1 and changed chapter 2 to not be as stupid. It's still stupid, but I'm too dumb to make it better.

>Thread Challenge : Tell us what you like about one of the projects posted here, and or one of the published works from here
I haven't seen anyone else posted a google doc project that didn't look like someone will give up 5 chapters in.

>>21560485
Have you started any of them?

Something new is protruding over at Tooky's Mag (very respectfully): https://tookys.substack.com/p/sow-tomorrows-teats

Next time we will be sharing an autobiographical account of a hospital security guard who by one chance meeting has the entire course of his life altered.

If you have any short creative non-fiction or contemporary fiction consider submitting via: https://forms.gle/yTxqpqnSkY2pfC6W7

>>21560355
Gentlemen, it looks like F Gardner has officially made it. Millions of normies are now finding out about Call of the Crocodile and the rest of that crazy series.

Obviously not a big sample size, but I'll check again in a few months and see if I haven't gotten more votes. I asked my readers what other genre of story they would follow me to. I'd say the results are predictable, given what is popular on royalroad.

Remember to do market research.

>>21560661
Is it true that F Gardner has a hot tranny gf?

>>21560326
>Thread Challenge : Tell us what you like about one of the projects posted here, and or one of the published works from here
I honestly want to read Wing's new Chinaman book. It's been awhile since someone on /wg/ even attempted a lit fic

>>21560528
I bought it but anon the lack of quotations will deter people. I haven't read to far into it only the sample pages, I would say your hook grabbed me.

>>21560355
Haha Call of the Crocodile is on there!

>>21560605
This reads like it was written by an AI

>>21560812
Thank you!
For what it’s worth (and for any other curious Anon) the quotation marks are only missing in the recurring narrative frame dealing with the old man and the traveler. The rest of the novel uses quotations for dialogue.

>>21560605
Okay that's kinda cute

>>21560528
Kino cover
>Kino cover
Kino cover
>Kino cover
Kino cover
>Kino cover

The more I write, the more I’ve realized that I do not know how to write a story. I can write a scene, I can outline, and I can even write very long scenes, however, I do not know how to end them. For some reason, the very concept of an ending(no matter how minute of an ending it may be, per say an end for a particular scene) seems utterly alien to me. I can intellectually understand the idea of an ending, yet whenever I try to write one, all notions of it seem to escape from my mind.

Are there any particular cures for this kind of hesitance or reluctance, or am I going to have bite down on the pillow and go through it regardless of how I may feel at that particular moment?

How do I become properly occultist in my writing, the backwards process of when people read too much into every single reference. I've done some reading but deranged and obscure allegory is sometimes hard.

I can probably do this on my own but Id like to see what /lit/ thinks. Im having trouble coming up with names for "non human" characters. I want them to be meaningful, but I cant exactly name them after a name that already holds meaning. So far I have settled for a descriptor or a title in place of a true name. (A character is a color, name them after that, or a character holds a certain position, name them after that, a character has a certain trait, etc;) however I feel that this is sort of lacking.

>>21561219
Dont read the scene, transition to the next. Every drop in a river pushes the next drop along and is in turn pushed along by the drop behind it.
>>21561304
Engrain certain themes and messages into the story from the get go. You do not have to include a new reference in every separate categorized piece of the thing. Its easy to write something complicated like House of Leaves or Ulysses, but its hard to write something obscure yet meaningful.
A good way to achieve what I think you are trying to achieve is to have the pieces of the story compliment each other thematically and emotionally in your own mind, that way the audience will draw connections themselves. You would be surprised what people can come up with that you never even realized or intended to imply. More often than not the things they come up with are actually relevant to the thing itself as well. Trust me, its easy. Set a general goal before writing.

Anyone have any Ideas for how I can make this seem less whiny while keeping a strong tone of despair? Also how old do the mc and narrator read as?

Let 10 different people ask him at 10 different times what’s keeping him from happiness and he’ll give 14 and a half different answers. On a random tuesday he will at 2:14 am take his eyes off his screen and feel a spontaneous, fleeting inspiration to turn his life around. Spy through his window at this time and you will see a man staring at a wall with a look of utterly helpless paralysis. Every little idea he can think up, he completely picks apart in a quarter of the time it took to come up with. He is coming to the realisation that action is impossible, there is simply nothing he can do. One idea he’s too old for, another too young. One is beneath him, another he is beneath. One is too phony, another is in flagrant violation of the unwritten locally agreed upon social customs. Action is not possible, he is stuck where he is, and his only option is to get used to it. Letting his back fall into his bed, he sighs and stares up at the ceiling, and thinks to himself that babies are like balls of string. Neatly formless fresh from the store, and that the course of a persons life can be thought of as the process of different intentional forces, with varying degrees of collaboration and competition, violently and imprecisely dragging ones ends around to tailor some sort of form, with various different intentions. And as well, random winds pushing one around without any sort of meaning or lessons to be learned. As ones childhood ends, he thought, the ball, by now quite a mess, will try to spot within itself the foundations of some sort of desirable form, and work on untangling and reshaping itself to embrace it’s new ideal. That seemed to him as apt a description of the human condition as anything else. And how this analogy related to his particular condition is simply that he was ununtangleable. The result of his particular combination of forces had left no options available to him, the course of his life led to this dead end and there was really nothing deeper to say about it.

>>21561345
>Its easy to write something complicated like House of Leaves or Ulysses
This statement boggles the mind in so many ways

>>21560326
Having trouble with setting and need some advice

I originally planned for the majority of the planet (old Earth) to be a desert, but I realized that doesnt really make sense in context of my characters being a bunch of giant birds and their enemies being from the caves in the Oceans.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to resolve this dilemma? I feel the desert is sort of characteristic to the story, yet almost works against it in context.

>>21561364
People tend to have their minds boggled when I speak to them

>>21561345
Keep a tone consistent and content will follow. I am trying to be more subconscious with this, less input unless I am fully sure it's honest.
Thanks.

>>21561439
Good takeaway. Never be dishonest in writing. Really couldnt have said it better myself, yet I both said it and didnt say it at all. See how that works?
Be honest and content flows like water from a tap.

Finally feel ready to edit my novel for a fourth daft. The first three drafts were me being stupid, too close to the thing, not wanting to spend too much time or effort on it, but I'm ready to make big sweeping changes on it so it actually fits a vision of what I think it could be.
Do I do an outline for my new draft and then just write it all again from page one? Is that normal? Or how am I supposed to tackle this thing?

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the first book of my big story. Lately I've turned more and more to the thought of serializing it somewhere. I came up as a writer writing fanfiction, so I'm intimately aware of how releasing individual chapters at a time, and having a gap between those chapters, builds hype, fuels a fanbase, and can lead to greater success for the story than just dumping the whole book on Amazon as a self-published whole. Not to mention there are tons of great works of literature that were originally serialized to great effect.

I'm just trying to find a good venue to do it in. Wattpad fucking sucks. So does Royal Road. Kindle Vella is an option but I'm terrified of Amazon getting their hands on this story. Substack is an option but I worry my discoverability isn't as high on it. AO3 is a cesspool.

Basically it seems like all the current venues for serialized fiction are shitty in one way or the other. At least for the sort of story I'm trying to tell, a rather big, strange work that's at once intimate and grand. I wish there was a nice, solid website or magazine that regularly serialized decent fiction. One that didn't have such obvious shortcomings. Because I think this model of releasing literature can work going forward, as it once worked in the 19th Century.

800 words down and now I rest.

How would I go about writing flashbacks?

I'm curious because they are needed in a story but how do you put them in the story and when is the right time? and how do you transition to them?

>>21560634
Yeah, but I'm only a few chapters in to most. Like 10k tops. Some chapters have had a couple of revisions while some are raw, first draft garbage.

>>21560625
I'd think it'd be best to pick one and stick to it, through an entire draft. Easier said that done though, especially when some new ideas relate better to other projects.

>>21561434
Probably not for the reason you think, anon...

>>21560326
He was now inside the library. It was as cool and quiet and dim as when he had reconnoitered it the day before. The librarian didn't look up from her desktop game of solitaire as he walked toward the corner where the classic literature was shelved. Seeing that it too had maintained the state in which he initially observed it – desolate and inconspicuous – the trepidation which had been festering on the edges of his consciousness faded. Still under the influence of some anxiety, however, he absentmindedly groped at his genitals through his silver polyester athletic shorts. Scanning the shelves, he read and recognized the names of authors he had not and did not care to read. Balzac, Dickens, Faulkner, Mann, and so on. The problem with working through a book, he thought, was that he didn't have to. If the work contained any novel insight, the reading public would integrate those insights into their daily life; being a member of that same population, those insights would find their way to him eventually. His apish appearance belied the fact that the degrees of separation between him and this reading public was about three.
Now almost fully erect, he decided to sneak a quick ejaculation into the day's schedule. Kneeling down on the dark-blue carpet, he retrieved his member from his running shorts. Each stroke produced a sort of whispering sound; a sound no louder than that of actual whispering one might hear if this particular library was more popular. Not having the strongest pictorial imagination, he glanced around for something even tangentially erotic. Instead, all he saw was phalanxes of names of very famous and dead authors. He was unsure if they were bemused or amused or shocked or disgusted, but he felt as if they were all arrayed around him with unyielding eyes. Joyce and Jung and even Joubert, all gazing from the spines of their works in a sort of ghostly or immortal way.
The frictive heat on his member, the slow fatiguing of his arm, and the why-am-I-even-doing-this species of boredom all crept up on him and tapped on his shoulder in a dissuading way. He persisted, however, until his haunches tightened, and whitish phlegm spattered the carpet. The bookshelves glared with unison disapproval. Zola, who was only inches away from the clump of spermatozoa, stared with the greatest disdain. With anxiety still lingering, he wiped the dampness from his urethra on the carpet, stood up, and peeked around the bookcase toward the door. Just then, the sound of barking broke the silence. It grew louder until the glass door swung open, and a man with a chained pit bull invaded the library.
"My God! Sir, you can't bring your dog in here," the librarian cried.
The dog walker scanned the entirety of the room, save the librarian's eyes. When his gaze met with the man behind the shelf, he tossed his head up and smiled.

A contest had started between them. So on the agreed upon day after school they made their way to the library, her on the bus and him on foot, and there they would each walk among the shelves of novels, looking for the thickest book they could find. When the likely candidate presented itself, it would be quickly checked out and taken home, where the early pages and chapters would be consumed with greater eagerness than was ever afforded for homework, with a goal of reaching as far as possible.
The next day they would meet before class started and compare their bounty.
"Look how thick mine is, look how many pages!"
"Mine has more lines per page, though."
Such boasts were presented, books were compared, and then they competed to see which would finish theirs first.
A victory in finishing first was only a temporary one, however, for as soon as one book ended a new one had to be obtained. They had only a few months until the year ended, and on January 1st they would look at the final tally of who had read the most. To the victor would go the spoils, this they both had agreed upon, but neither had spoken what they would have of the winner, and both harbored in secret dreams of losing and being forced to perform some sexual favors to the other, and it was to these secret dreams they most often turned while masturbating during the darkening winter evenings of their second year of high school.

>>21560383
boring prose, zero rhythm, fact after fact after fact. stop reading YA.

>>21561723
was was was was was
as as as as as
period period period period
stop reading YA.

>>21561849
unnecessary commas and periods everywhere. stop writing with faggot talentless YA readers and editors in mind.

The decor has seen updates. Dramatic dildonics adorn the hall, so many myriad members throbbing in sculpture out from the walls, sprouting from the floor—a veritable boneyard of penises—they come cut and uncut, trimmed and untrimmed, from every angle by which the eye might pass; penises light and dark, large and small, some curving sideways, others in helices reaching up in pairs of two, in triplicate or more, towards the now-darkened lamplights; some rakish penises angled askance, others laid low along the ground; veiny, smooth, hard, soft, every possible configuration of cock expressing some dick dreamer's unbounded gnosis, interred for all eternity—or what remains of it—in marble here, in granite there, some chrysoprase detailing on lacquered hardwoods—ebony, hickory, olivewood—streams of gold sprouting mock-molten from rosewood glans… there are chairs here whose peniform backings rise from cushions of bristling black boarshair, felted brown upholstery, bare alder, to droop lazily down upon the seated’s ostensible shoulder, the crook of its laconic wooden foreskin inviting rest beneath its shade, the embrace would be warm and caring, like sitting under a banyan at the height of summer… and, in the distant past, were one to sit upon one of these chaises, he or she might have listened at dusk, with the lights glowed down to incandescence, their timbre of campfire, to waters flowing gently perhaps, from the pièce de résistance, whose flaccid Greek proportions bely a sheer magnitude of scope—its descent from the high-vaulted ceiling, some fifty or sixty feet up, drags nearly its terminant foreskin across the lobby floor—emitting waters which once flowed steady, dribbled fits and starts, or gushed voluminous bursts into an ornate and embossed circular basin of immense proportion held low aloft by a dwarf colonnade in keeping with the finest of Ionian tradition, and whose facade entablature might have been carved by Michaelangelo himself… and which bears still a mysterious ammonic smell whose origin I cannot imagine nor postulate.

>>21561931
But my only audience is you guys and you're all talntless faggots...

>>21561928
>>21561931
Is this the new "show, don't tell"?

>>21561946
Yeah, bring criticized for having boring prose without any sense for rhythm is definitely just the "new show, don't tell". It's 1:1!

>>21561951
>It's 1:1!
In the sense that they are both things that are said, composed of words, and describe concepts that are directed at you. How will critics ever recover?!?!?!

>>21561951
>bring criticized
>bring
Looks like you made a typo and therefore your arguments are invalid. You lose. Good day, sir.

>>21561946
>>21561961
Yeah, being criticized for having boring prose without any sense for rhythm is definitely just the "new show, don't tell". It's 1:1!

>>21561951
>>21561972
Post your writing.

>>21561975
Right here >>21561936

>>21561977
>em dashes, ellipsis
Yawn

>>21561977
>throbbing
>boneyard of penises
garbage

>>21561980
What's wrong with em dashes and ellipses?
>>21561982
What's wrong with throbbing or boneyards of penises?

>>21561928
>NOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T USE STOPWORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>t. complete fucking retard
die in a fucking fire, nigger

>>21561936
an utterly worthless and pointless passage serving no human purpose whatsoever other than for you, its pathetic author, to show off his dead-end "erudition"
a dick waving contest, if you will
castrate yourself

>>21562008
what does zipf frequency have to do with punctuation you ultramaroon?
also im not that other faggot anon replying, i am the original guy who critiqued above and just got done stuffing my fat face with a hearty breakfast then also took a floating dump for those who were interested.
Note the lack of unnecessary periods.

>>21562026
Anon, I was just having fun with a descriptive passage...

We're pretty hateful today, aren't we?

>>21562039
not them but it's a tad overwritten and is trying too hard for ornateness at the expense of the reader
although recognize that when people ask you to show your work in response to a critique you've given they're going to give negative feedback 110% of the time. for one thing they're lesser writers and for another they are looking to get revenge more than anything

>>21562046
I'm not taking advice from a guy who wrote a passage about penises
>captcha: T2PPP

>>21560326
https://pastebin.com/ZjGxNHwL
Looking for scathing critiques if anyone has the cojones. I enjoy this place the most for its virulent honesty.

>>21562032
What do "was" and "as" have to do with punctuation, turbonigger? And why are shorter sentences a crime? I don't hate you for having a short cock, anon, so don't hate me for my brief sentences.

>>21562051
I'm not him albeit

>>21562057
so because thousands of amateur YA writers and social media bloggers write that way it's somehow acceptable?
listen to yourself for a second and realize what a goddamn rube you are

>>21562053
you use distancing words like 'seems' too much
you shouldnt explicitly say shit like 'concealed his deepest thoughts', let the image speak for itself
avoid triteisms like 'clinical coldness', be more original
'lifeblood congealed in the reddish dirt' -- not bad imagery. should have started with that instead of the rote procedural dialogue.
longer paragraphs betray a clunkiness with regards to flow/punctuation so work on that
dialogue needs more work--more character, less blank exposition.
overall not bad compared to the YA in this thread so far

>>21562061
>so because thousands of amateur YA writers and social media bloggers write that way it's somehow acceptable?
I've never said this before, nigger. If you like long sentences for absolutely no other purpose than the length then you can go read Ducks, Newburyport or some other trash like it

>>21562071
dude I gave you A+ advice which frankly you do not deserve. stop arguing with the person who gives you critique. just accept it and advance your skill. otherwise dont bother, just stop because youre wasting your time and everyone else's.
first rule of writing is to accept criticism. do it.

>>21562076
>was was was was was
>as as as as as
>period period period period
>stop reading YA.
>A+ criticism
Are you trolling or are you truly retarded?

>>21562083
it's the best and most immediately actionable critique you're going to get for a long time. fix your attitude or get out of the writing game.

>>21562085
I've critiqued your critique, anon. Accept it and shut up

>>21562094
You don't get to critique me. We are not on the same level. You are amateur or below and should be more grateful.

>>21561936
>the crook of its laconic wooden foreskin
total wordsalad. laconic means to use few words. are foreskins usually talkative?

>>21562083
When a person responds to multiple different pieces with the same exact nonsense, yes they are a troll but all trolls are retards who think they're clever so it's both.

>>21562104
All the pieces I highlighted share the same errors which I am correct to point out.
You may not like how I did it, but my critique is still valid and anyone with more than a month's experience writing would realize that.
Your conclusion is erroneous and was pulled from the brown depths of your assmouth

>>21562108
So then enlighten us, anon. How might one minimize the use of stopwords and periods, make their prose not boring and full of rhythm, and convey meaning without presenting facts?

I know what I want to do but I don't know how to get there in my story. I don't know how the MC is even supposed to get the idea to do this, let alone figure out how.

>>21562108
Trolololollolollolooo

>>21562126
practice. learn to use different connectives and experiment with punctuation. you criticized the turgid guy talking about wooden dicks above for showing off with em dashes, and it's true that some people overuse them but also true that it's necessary to risk doing that to get out of the period hole. a series of static short sentences is not fun to read, in fact is the most monotonous thing in the world. read more and practice more while keeping an eye on it. it's not gonna happen overnight.

>>21562135
I was being sarcastic, nigger. And I didn't say anything about em dashes so I think u have me confused with another anon

finished another 4000 word chapter

>>21562142
sarcastic about what? you still think your prose doesn't need work? then why are you here? lose the attitude and you'll progress faster.

>>21562145
Of course it needs work. But I recognize some work will degrade it while other work will enhance it. I am of the opinion that if I am to follow your critique my work will surely diminish in quality, and I've been trying to figure out exactly what the crux of your criticism is, but the more I speak to you the more I realize you're entirely clueless. I'd follow criticism from any other anon before I even consider yours.

UGH... I'm Sorry!!!!! (I'm not sorry)
It's just I like using semicolons too much is all
I won't stop using THEM

>>21562164
>I've been trying to figure out exactly what the crux of your criticism is
i laid it out simple, couldn't be any simpler than the way I described it
the problem is you're a cabbage brain and that's why you'll always be an amateur as well as never being a woman.
i'm clueless? lol. I make a living off this shit dumbfuck

>>21562178
I agree with this guy

also leaving the thread now so don't bother replying. you blew it. wallow in your ignorance greenhorns

>Dude thinks he's hot shit for writing about penises
Lol. Lmao.

>>21562186
He's just a troll. You're an idiot who keeps feeding the troll with attention. Why do this?

>>21562067
>you use distancing words like 'seems' too much
Sorry, this is a habit I got from a supervisor once.
>you shouldnt explicitly say shit like 'concealed his deepest thoughts', let the image speak for itself
Thanks. Sometimes, it's like I'm telling myself the story, so it's good you pointed out I'm being expository there.
>avoid triteisms like 'clinical coldness', be more original
Fair enough.

Is there a word that means "a period of time encompassing all seasons" (other than year of course). The world in my fantasy story has seasons that don't match up to a year, and I'm wondering if there's a specific word that might fit better.

>>21562198
make one up

>>21562199
I'm too much of a nerd / gene wolfe fanboy for that. If there's an obscure word that hasn't been used since the 1700s that fits, I'd rather use that.

>>21562046
>for one thing they're lesser writers and for another they are looking to get revenge more than anything
The ideal is to get the best that they can do and from that evaluate how much I agree with. In practice, you just get the most low-effort shitposts possible. At the very least, it's a nice exercise in developing thick skin. But yeah, I hear you... and think you may even be underselling your point by calling it a "tad" overwritten. In an age of safe, riskless writing, my approach is to go balls to the wall. Cheers, anon, and good luck.
>>21562103
This, however, is helpful. I had the wrong image associated with that word. I wrote that a while ago, but I think when I was writing it I imagined a kind of foreskin cowboy leaned up against the wall, chewing on sweetgrass, speaking in a laconic drawl. Thanks!

>>21562198
a revolution, as in one revolution of the earth around the sun

>>21562208
>foreskin cowboy leaned up against the wall, chewing on sweetgrass, speaking in a laconic drawl.
:'(

>>21561936
>fun little shitpost about penises that's well written
>replies are unironic ignatiuses huffing and puffing
this general fuckn sucks lol

>>21562214
Yeah, it would be in that way that the wooden foreskin draped itself on your shoulder, if you were to sit down on the cock chair...

>>21562186
>>21562188
The penis guy and the anon critting YA prose are two distinct individuals who are exchanging posts to one another. Are you nuchanners really so dense as to not be able to distinguish such widely different post styles?

>>21562235
Both me btw

>>21562238
You're not, because it's actually me who wrote the posts and to whom you're replying :)

>>21562242
>>21562238
Both me btw also you're all losers writing YA with periods, periods, periods when you should be writing penises, penises, penises.

>>21562235
you all post the same to me

I'm working on my fantasy story, adding some worldbuilding flair to it. Namely, in the frigid north there are trolls that cause problems because they're basically herds of silverbacked gorillas that just learned how to make fire. To have slain a troll in combat is a huge status symbol for men, partly because the only sane way to fight them is to outnumber them with arrows and spears.

Normally, they are in herds and family units and you can track them down because they basically howl at the moon every night. What can get dangerous is if, after a botched hunt or after a clash between herds, there is one troll left alive. One troll alone has no need to howl, so they might show up unexpectedly and kill a bunch of people/cows. Such creatures are sort of like bogeymen and their strength is probably above average but you can't quite be sure because anyone who kills them treats it like a fish story. Bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger.

The reason I post this all here, in a writing general instead of sffg or something, is because my momentary hangup is linguistic. I want to call lone trolls "grendels" even though the world doesn't have Geats or Danes or Heafdanes and no Beowulf. But, there are vaguely nordic people living there, fighting the trolls. I feel like I'm calling them "medusas" when I should be calling them "gorgons", that kind of language error.

On the otherhand, Beowulf is mythological enough to be totally fair game, most readers probably won't even realize I'm making a reference, and it's a based reference to make too.

What do you guys think? Should I make up a term or is grendel fine?

>>21562250
call it a grundle

I'm stuck in a rut. Protag is awoken by the Antag who snuck in to offer a trade. Problem is, I'm struggling to cover this information while remaining mysterious and, more importantly, scary. On top of that, this is the first introduction of the Antag so it needs to be memorable too. Anyone got any tips?

>>21562259
Well they are a taint

>>21562261
>cover this information
Cover what info? The nature of the sneak in? As in the protag shouldn't know who the antag is or what their trade offer is?

>>21562261
Scariest "woken up by an antagonist who offers trades / is businesslike" I can think of is this:

Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman. Rise and shine. Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job. No one is more deserving of a rest. And all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say your hour has come again. The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up and smell the ashes

>>21562287
Half-Life 2 isn't a very good example here since that anon wants this to be the introduction to the antagonist and G-Man gives that speech because he's an instantly recognizable element of the Half-life series

>>21562294
Idk then. Maybe like The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere. Iirc he falls asleep and wakes up to like zombies or sum shit idk

>>21562283
Sorry; the antag wants a specific character the protag is close to dead and wants to offer information the protag is looking for as a reward.

For context: this is just after a dude and his friends free themselves after getting captured and put to work on a slave galley. Genns is the overseer who the main dude has been whipped by multiple times

https://pastebin.com/35YGQVjU

>>21561345
>coming up with names for "non human" characters
A suggestion that you might find useful and that I make of sometimes:
Take the place holder name.
Find the correspondent word in an unusual language, like tribal speak of South or North America, that has the aesthetic phonetics of your preference.
See if the word sounds like it should, if it doesn't add a syllable or remove one of your choice; if it still doesn't work that way, search for other words in the same idiom or switch language.
Change the word graphically if it requires, like switching "i" with "y" or "u" with "o"; whatever works to make the word/name readout the way it should and to add some graphical quality to the word/name itself.

This is one of many ways one can create names that at least sound different and that have field tested phonetics.
I would try and abstain from using Living Languages. However it might work to use older idioms of present day languages.

Hope it helps anon.

I rewrote my YA fantasy genre lit magnum opus, is it better now?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-Wo2qMrb7dtI99EKwn_lDfMRjNuLbX_tnu5O4sDI0ec/edit?usp=drivesdk

How do I write after a long, exhausting day at work?

>>21562447
cocaine, methamphetamine

>>21562335
I like the scene. But for a topic regarding the Arab slave trade your prose is much too weak. It writes too much like a fantasy novel more than a historical fiction.

>>21562198
onelook.com/thesaurus

>Writes American character
>Doesn't have a double chin or die of diabetus by the third act.
I seriously hope you don't break the readers immersion like this.

>>21562198
I love the word 'epoch' but I don't think it fits the bill. I use the word 'season' instead of year for my stuff for diegetic reasons.

>>21560474
>>21560485
>>21560625
I would suggest you choose the one that you're most excited to write at the moment, perhaps with extra weight towards something that's newer and fresher in your mind.

>>21560503
The chart is great, but what does it really mean? Does it reflect total sales, or simply the ones to have sold something more recently than other? Beyond that, seeing that Gardner is on there twice, where does actual quality play in? Which of these books are worth reading?

>>21560475
I don't think it's super overdone. Plus, it's about execution. If you write it well, it's a good story and if you don't, it's not.

>>21562596
It's Amazon BSR. Gardner is on there because people buy his books.

>>21561393
What about a world of giant forests where things near the ground are so dangerous that they've wiped out all of the humans?

>>21562447
>he doesn't write during work

What are stopwords? I've never heard that expression before.

>>21562646
One of the few benefits of working customer service is that when there are no customers, you can just do whatever

>>21562130
Can you explain a bit more? What is your idea and why do you think your MC might not get the idea to do it?

There's always the option of another member of the party suggesting it.

>>21562250
I think grendels is fine.

I want to write a novel based heavily on Chinese history but I'm not Chinese. Should I transplant the history into something more culturally similar to me (white guy) or just write it if it doesn't matter?

>>21562687
Write it like it doesn't matter. Just do your research. Even all those Asian Americans make up complete bullshit about Chinese history

>>21562687
>transplant the history
No. Everyone in your story must be distinctly, obviously chinese. Their dialogue has to reflect this, "Me so solly" Their names have to reflect this, "Ching Chong" and "Bing Bong" and "Li Li" and "Wu Wu". And every description you have to highlight their slanted eyes and mongoloid features. If you don't do this you are committing cultural appropriation, and How Dare You.

>>21562687
Just write if you're confident in your knowledge. Robert van Gulik near singlehandedly revived and popularized a classic genre of Chinese literature.

>>21562675
Thanks anon

how do i edit my book?

>>21562762
Stay away from it for a while, like two weeks to a month. Then start reading it. Change every line you don't like, fix every typo or other mistake, break up run-on sentences and unwieldy paragraphs.

>>21562775
i gave it a few months after i finished it, and i did all that, but then i realized that it has huge structural problems. how do i address that?

>>21562782
Rewrite it from scratch. Sorry.

>>21561928
>boring prose, zero rhythm, fact after fact after fact. stop reading YA.
I don't understand. I don't read YA.

>>21562791
yeah, that's what i was kinda afraid of but it's good to get confirmation. any tips for utilizing the existing material / going into a from scratch draft?

>>21562782
Keep what you like. Rewrite to fix structural issues. Rewrite again to maintain consistent flow and logic.

>>21562782
>huge structural problems
elaborate. we're not mind readers. if you don't explain we can't even begin to give you any decent advice

>>21562717
>>21562733
I guess the big question is "is there a point in retelling this story in English if translations of the history already exist?". Why would a reader want to read my retelling of Chinese history rather than the actual history itself?

>>21562812
1. i have like 5 or 6 pov characters, but there is no clear hero/protagonist. i feel like multiple characters could be combined into one
2. there are a lot of plotholes (like one of the characters is a criminal on the run from a nationwide manhunt, but gets help from people on discord / the internet)
3. there is a very large battle at the end, but it takes place at a real life theme park that i'm worried makes the whole thing unmarketable/unpublishable for fear of legal/copyright issues
4. it is supposed to be a satire, but it's just not coming across the way i want it to. it kind of rides the line between thriller and satire, but doesn't do a good job of accomplishing either of those things

>>21562799
Make a new outline and fix the structure at that point. Anything that doesn't contradict the newly outlined structure can be salvaged from the previous draft as is

>>21562447
Take a shower after work, eat dinner, and then pound some Copenhagen long cut and a Michelob Ultra. That usually is enough to squeeze 800 words outta me

>>21562823
1. yeah, 5 or 6 is a lot. I'd reduce it to 4 at most
2. what kind of help does the character get from people on the internet that necessitate him/her not being anonymous?
3. just change the name of the park. you can make it obvious what you're referencing tho. Bizneyland, for instance
4. I assume this'll fix itself once you trim some of the fat

>>21562835
after 'pounding' these light beers do you often find your writing gravitating towards scenes involving anal sex?

>>21560503
calling that pack of terminally online discord trannies a 'publishing outlet' is an act of supreme exaggeration

>>21562829
>>21562840
thank ya
>2. what kind of help does the character get from people on the internet that necessitate him/her not being anonymous?
he's badly injured and dying in his hiding place, so has to give his location so they can bring him to a safehouse

I sent out a story for a contest. I liked the story so I hope it places in the top 10 that will be published as an anthology

>>21562842
No I find myself finishing long stories for online literary mags that get me 10-20 new followers on Twitter and $10 in my PayPal account, bitch

>>21562844
This isn't really a plothole, authorities can't monitor everything that goes on online

>>21562848
online literary mags accept your work?
seems my initial hypothesis about your sexuality was warranted

>>21562823
Nothing inherently wrong with multiple POV characters as long as they are all easy to differentiate between. If they aren't, consider if you can fold their story into someone else's or save it for something else. I'm not sure if you plan to have them all meet up in the end but that's a classic plot that cab work if set up correctly.

A criminal could conceivably get help from Discord/the internet, so long as they didn't reveal their real name etc. However, you could make the point of the risk of them trusting anonymous "helpers". Maybe a close call based on bad information?

Just fictionalize the theme park if you're worried about copyright.

Hard to know how exactly to fix the last point. Perhaps a rewrite? Either that or figure out what's dragging it down / missing.

One of my characters has purple eyes. Would it be funny or tedious to have all his perspectives written in purple prose?

>>21562860
Yeah

>>21560503
jesus fuck stop sucking your own dick this hard. not one of you can write for shit and you're several hundred thousand rank on amazon isn't worth anything. get over yourself.

>>21562816
You're just writing a small excerpt imagining a person living during that time. Not some crazy overarching story of Chinese history. Unless you're doing some crazy time traveling story

>>21560503
>/litcon/
please tell me this is real. when and where?

>>21562816
>Why would a reader want to read my retelling of Chinese history rather than the actual history itself?
Here's a lesson from a marketing class I once took. People don't know what they want. It's up to you to show them that they are missing out. I'm sure there are a number of very fine nonfiction books on chinese history that are well written and engaging, but people simply may not know about them. On the other hand, there may be any number of well written nonfiction books on chinese history, but they are written in such a way as to appeal to students of history and not the general public. In order to reach that larger group you can put together a story that basically adheres to what occurred while also making it exciting for the reader. It's one thing to write about the eccentricities of the chinese court in the abstract. It's another to create a narrative that steps into the shoes on someone living in that environment.

>>21562914
Litcon deez nuts

How do I keep going when exhausted? I wrote a lot today already but I have to keep writing to meet a deadline. What do?

>>21560503
>/lit/con
Can't wait to make fun of all of you for being chinless manlets

>>21563004
Coffee. Spend that five bucks

>>21563026
Good idea, anon. Thanks

>>21562860
If the prose is good, or bad in a funny way, sure.

>>21561936
lmao

How autistic is too autistic when writing sci-fi? At what point do you stop trying to make things make sense scientifically?

>>21560503
Are those guys ever going to do another F Gardner interview?

>>21563061
as soon as you feel inclined to use a 5 syllable word. keep in mind you're writing fiction. your story should be more akin to a potemkin village than a real one

>>21563144
transgenderwoman

>>21563150
lolno. those never pass

>>21560326
There's a dude on discord that shared his story with my friend, who likewise has shared it with me. It's a little over 100,000 words, and genuinely one of the dumbest things I've ever seen put to page. In many areas it reminds me of Sonichu in the clear effort to vent real-life scenarios through self-created fiction to make him feel better about himself. He makes constant references to 4chan, specifically /b/, /pol/, and /k/.

I feel kind of bad, but I want to point him in the direction of /lit/ and /wg/ so that it can be "willingly" passed around and everyone can see how bad it is.

>>21563281
don't. please.

>>21560326
>I had a dream that I
Wouldn't the common, more sensible collocation be "I had a dream where I"?

>>21563281
Post it

>>21563288
it would be
>i had a dream in which
if you were really feeling anal. all of the above are fine though.

>>21563281
kek, just post it

>>21563281
you have to post, please

>>21563281
Post it

Has anyone tried to write gore or slasher stuff? I'm trying to think how it could even be done effectively without being overly expository.

>>21563311
why not make it overly expository?
people would want to read mountains of exposition if they found it interesting, doesn't even have to move the plot

>>21560326
>Thread Question
Dunno. I'm like 790k words in, but the volume I'm working on right now might be done in like 3-4 months.
>Thread Challenge
Most everything from Krake is rock-solid.

>>21563004
Write a cool scene/segment and then get the rest of your wordcount by filling in the gaps between where you are and that cool scene.

I've been told that one should do the introduction only at the end, yet I decided to put one together.
>>21560326
>TQ
I'd like it to finish for the end of June. But I may miss that mark if I lose myself in doing constant changes or revisions.

>>21562261
Protag wakes up and the first thing he notices is the smell. There's something rank in the air. He sits up, and sees the shadow in a corner of the room. Maybe illumed by the faint glow of a cigarette or a pipe, or just in stark white where the moon touches his clothes.
Everything is very calm and professional. Violence is a possibility, but not overtly threatened. The antag makes their proposal. The protag is very still throughout. In the end, the cry of every hero protag since the world was young: "Why should I believe you?"
"Call me everything, but not a liar."
Antag takes a final drag/puff and rolls something across the floor. The head of a dangerous but minor villain if you're kind to your protags, or the one of a very public political opponent if you're not.
Dealer's choice if antag leaves the head or not.

Follow-up Qs: if the antag is so awesome, why aren't they killing the other char themselves?

>>21563418
if by "rock solid" you mean safe and boring as shit

I'm working in first person right now because I wanted my protagonist's narration to heavily influence the tone with his voice and, for lack of a better term, quirkiness, but I've pretty quickly run into the problem of conveying information he doesn't have. It's very much a fish out of water story with many moments early on that are nearly incoherent when depicted solely with what he knows. He only solution I could come up with was a refrained "I didn't know this but found out later," that is already reaching the point of self parody no matter how many ways I reword it. I could start over, but my writing in third person tends to be a little sterile and I'm not able to emphasize his personality as much as I want.
I'm looking for a solution, either a natural way to show things he's unaware of in first person, or tips for putting more distinct character into third person narration.

>>21563819
Repellant

>>21563790
fiction is made of contrivances, but the selective motivations of some of his characters and resulting plotholes that occur I find to be the greatest weakness of his story. that said, stubbornness and the inability to dispassionately digest feedback is exceedingly common among authors. the more educated someone is, the less they like being gainsaid. lawyers I've found are the absolute worst about that, they tend to take it very personally

>>21563862
Plotholes? I'm curious which parts of his stories create a plothole. I haven't found any, not in Faceless at least

>>21563866
He's probably talking about Undying Emperor and didnt realize that the narrator is lying

>>21563819
It's petty good. One of the better things I read on here. Needs to be reeled in a bit, but should be fine. Too much glue words are the only problem I have.

>>21563866
I never read Faceless. In Undying Emperor the main character takes over the identity of youngish nobleman who commands a bunch of troops during a riot where they get chased out of town. Problem is he doesn't look like the guy. The excuse is that his newly discovered magic that let's him revive from death changed his appearance. This is sort of accepted at the time because... it just is. And he takes command.
The problem is his second in command we later find out is a commoner who is trying to gain glory in combat so he can get a lesser noble title. So now the 2nd in command just trusting this guy who looks nothing like his former commanding officer to be his former commanding officer seems very strange. Add on that he didn't originally like his former commanding officer because he thought the guy was a nobleborn brat and it enters weird territory. He just lets him take command and it never seems to enter his head that the guy who looks nothing like his former commanding officer could be anyone but his former commanding officer. All this when he had a great reason to take command himself to gain glory and all the men like him more than the former nobleborn.

He paid his cheque and left, rum in hand, and took to drinking. A freak torrent of snow had picked up since he entered the Moose Horn, and now the streets were cake sheen. He wandered off alone into the crushed white haze. A car veered towards him, then slickly past, mounting onto a concrete barrier. Yorick kept on without concern, only drinking and hovering his broken finger over Zappa’s name on his device screen and repeatedly mouthing, “Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.”
Saoirse pulled up beside him in her pickup, trawling along beside him. “C’mon. I’ll give you a ride. It’s miserable out here.”
Yorick marched on defiantly and slipped on—now let me check here—a discarded rotisserie chicken carcass. Not just any chicken remains, no. This was the Big One™. Honey and rum glazed with cherry tomatoes. Apple rinds. The. Little feta infinity symbols, cloves, and whole shallots emblazoned with the six-threescore-six, little gelatin penises of every racial denomination, and a dash of mystery pubic hair. Yes, only a true king can eat such a bird, an emperor. As Yorick went arse over, he reached past the Whe’l of Fortune and pinched the baggy of Zappa’s pubic hair between his fingers and pressed it close to his breast, smiling as he smacked his head off a packed mound of snow. He lay supine, and his skull throbbed, but he was happy for a brief second from where he saw things, whatever that meant.
“Nasty spill, that,” Saoirse said with a chuckle.
Yorick picked himself up, dusting himself off and booting the chicken into the waiting maw of some sort of fish demon that scooted under the water (he’ll come back to this when appropriate). “Fine,” he said and hopped into the driver’s side, crawling over Saoirse while making goo-goo ga-ga baby talk to her belly, which elicited a laugh from the gunner. His pizzle went stiff, and he came to the strange idea in his head that the child she carried was his. He sat back and cleverly hid his erection in the waistband of his zebra-print sweatpants and stared at Saoirse’s bosom, thinking of the milk and milk products, and mentioned he craved chocolate or perhaps a block of cheese.

They went back to Yorick’s, and Saoirse forced herself into the place, making pee-ew faces, kicking about empties, remaking about a hanging punching back taped with a picture of Oprah Winfrey that someone had written “9/11, she’s behind it” on. Yorick insisted he loved black women and didn’t discriminate fucking material when Saoirse dissected his accommodations.

>>21563837
Yes the answer you’re looking for is “Get an English degree” and not “ask 4chan for help in basic bitch decisions like first or third person voice, omniscient and non-omniscient, you know literal elementary school shit”

imagine you were asking how to drive a car and you asked if there were a way to drive without pressing on the gas

my prose has got no rhyme nor rhythm, like a white boy in a Kingston club

>>21563957
thats not what he was asking albeit

>>21563927
If I explain what you didnt understand, are you going to go remove your comments from the webnovel?

>>21563972
He’s literally asking if he can write in first person omniscient

>>21563981
hes asking for ways to introduce information, omniscient voice has nothing to do with it, you just want to show off with this faggy term you learned on your Udacity course

>>21563977
Enlighten me. As many people seem to agree with my review as the others.

>>21563987
Nah anon that’s exactly what it means and that’s why they teach this concept in the third fucking grade unless you’re trying to infer this concept was somehow taught to you later in life than frankly I weep for your childhood and your nation state’s education funding

>>21563995
>long scrawl about education
>confuses then with than
lmao. kek even.

>>21563837
Framing it from the perspective of an older, wiser narrator is what some authors do. So while he didn't have knowledge at the time, in recollection he can properly explain it.

>>21564011
That wouldn't work for this, his voice is decidedly not wise.

>>21563995
>>21563987
>>21563981
Jesus fucking christ just have a narrator that cuts in every once in a while

>>21564018
anon your only out is expositionial dialogue

>>21564018
I mean a narrator from the future who has all the information that his narrated self lacks. He's recollecting with the wisdom/knowledge that his protagonist self doesn't have.

>>21563837
I've got the perfect book for you to read and see how a pro handles your situation ;)

>>21564030
Exactly, if the voice I want his narration to have is that of an idiot it can't be coming from after he becomes wise.

>>21564040
>STR character is a woman
why the fuck do they always do this

>>21563992
I'll start by conceding Act 1 of Undying Emperor as undoubtably my worst available writing. I will even agree that the stretch was too much to ask readers to believe, which is why I retconned it with Act 0 to make him look like the guy.

The justification was angelic gaslighting. A literal angel from the gods showed up to confirm his identity, which was not written as the end all be all of confirming his identity because the soldiers clearly kept their suspicions the whole time, hence why the guy was able to mutinee and take the half of the army worth a shit at the end. That happened at the first relevant opportunity because MC had been making good decisions the whole time until nature conspired against him.

Technology is not advanced enough for forensics analysis of whether someone actually is who they say they are. If Tyrion had killed Lucius as an imposter, it would have been his word against an angel's, which would have gotten him executed.

The question of Lucius's right to command only began during a fast retreat through a desert without reinforcements. Sorting it out at Rackvidd with Lord Raymi was the only safe way to deal with it.

Overturning Lucius's command would only matter if Tyrion thought he had a better course of action.

Also the narrator is flat out lying about several events because the story is a work of posthumous propaganda

>>21564042
I don't mean wise like intelligent. He can be a complete retard still. But even a retard can reflect back on his previous experience.

>>21563996
>can’t defend the evident retardation
>checks a grammar nazi on chan of all places

wow anon you sure got me sure proved me wrong

>>21564051
I accept your concession and wish you a good evening.

>>21561363
I liked the first half because it describes my current stasis and frustration in life perfectly but I think you lost it a bit in the second half. Keep the idea but don't over-explain the rats nest metaphor-I think just a few simple analogies and metaphors along the line of the ball-of-string thing you had going before would be more concise. Whittle it down a bit.

>>21564056
I think he should pull a Gardner and interrupt the narration to give a wiki definition of what rats nest means, it's more meta

>>21564047
Addendum, the wizard doesnt mastermind minutae, he builds robust plans and improvises well. Its not puppeteering it's mostly calculations about which nations to give what tech improvements and when. Which angels to secretly murder to influence the apread of education and so on. His "puppet mastering" of Lucius was to train him to be competent, fearless, and able to handle his own after an upbringing to brainwash him into loyalty

>>21564055
I leave smug knowing the /wg/ is where retards are comforted by fellow retards

>>21564063
Nah that's gay

>>21564047
>which is why I retconned it with Act 0 to make him look like the guy
I'll accept that.

But rather than doing all that I still maintain that the appropriate way to do it would have been to have Tyrion not accept his command but, because he's not 100% sure and because they did see the guy come back from being dead, they wouldn't kill him. He just wouldn't be in command. Then you could have used the fight in the desert you had to let the MC get the respect of the men. It would have allowed for some jockeying back and forth finally culminating where they get trapped in that dead end and not-Lucious presents his plan to build the wall. When that succeeds the group splits with Tyrion running off chasing glory and with the remainder sticking with the MC.

A basic craft book should be required reading for participation in these fucking threads. Otherwise, when people ask grade school questions like "where does the subject go in relation to the object" you just tell them to read a single fucking craft book and don't come back until they have. Stop enabling these talentless shits who will never complete a single project and post their out of context single paragraphs from unfinished and hardly started works to dominate this fucking thread.
Like you
>>21563837
And for people like you:
>>21562261
Stop asking extremely granular and heavily context-dependent questions when we do not have the requisite context needed to answer such a question. Idiot. Write it, then post it and let people tell you what's wrong. Dumbass

>>21564069
I can see where you are coming from but Lucius would have been obligated to kill Tyrion then and there if he had attempted that. The point of Act 1 is to fabricate a heroic backstory befire he meets the king. Being dragged around as a prisoner would have diminished the story. Same reason Canta was allowed to reach the palace for the final duel.

>>21564097
Craft books are garbage

>>21563136
They probably should. Judging by their views the F Gardner interview is where most of their subscribers came from.

>>21564116
My nigga you are garbage. You cannot fucking write. You are not above good craft books. How fiction Works is pretty good. As is John Gardner's.

>>21564097
you’re not allowed to say these things because retards want these threads to be hugboxes.

>>21564097
Post your work

>>21564131
>they hated him
>for he spoke the truth

>>21564136
>You're all talentless hacks!!!
>B-but I won't post my work to prove I have any credibility to what I'm saying

>>21564152
I am not that anon which is too bad but I have posted my work, repeatedly, every time you retards ask for such. And obviously you forget, from thread to thread, and each time I’d post new work. Now I’ve grown bored of your bait and enjoy insulting you for retardation on display

member when entire threads argued about it which font to use in a manuscript? It’s courier, by the way, double spaced and indented, because courier is monospaced and ntr is not

>>21564164
Bitter retard go somewhere else if you want to cope over not finishing your work. You're just another crab in the bucket.

Boswell seething again.

>>21564180
The typical /wg/ insults are usually this narrow. bitch I am published. I enjoy shitting on these threads after an entire threads dovetailed into debating whether Thesis is a valid concept in writing. After that you all lost my respect and my hatred of you equals my love of writing

don’t worry I’m sure there will be some Amazonian smut or smash bros fanfiction in the next thread that will really turn these things around

>>21564180
>crab
>psued
This is the mating call for dickless retards who will never be real writers and who have completely ruined this general. /wg/ is better off dead than propped up by you cuckholded non entities. My word is power and I command you to fucking kill yourself.

>>21564198
Shut the fuck up, Boswell.

>>21564197
>>21564198
Boohoo you can't flex your superior knowledge of writing with people who don't care enough to talk with you. Go shit your pants lmao

>>21564123
Craft books are garbage. I'm not any of those other guys you're talking to. it's just trite

>>21564206
Listen you soft-cocked retard, nobody pays attention to the pathetic e-drama transpiring in this special ed classroom that you call a general. I do not know who Boswell is, but since he is known by name here he is just as fit for gassing as the rest of you knuckle-dragging hylics.
>>21564211
Yet here you are, spending a good 80% of your feeble brain power to offer up flaccid banter with me instead of writing a book or a story or reading one single binding of white or cream-colored 8x5 pages containing on average two hundred words in black ink.

>>21564211
Except you’re literally talking with me, so…

Don’t forget anons, your short story shouldn’t be any longer than 3000 words, 2500 if you can manage. Any more and it’s unpublishable and if it’s any good, the editor will tell you to make it a novella

>>21564218
>muh hylics
Settle down there, Mr. Archon of Misplaced Egoism. Truly, it must have been a sad day at the planned parenthood when your room-temp-IQ abortion survivalist self crawled out of the bucket. What a waste of Pleroma, you are.

>>21563281
>There's a dude on discord that shared his story
What's a good discord writing group?

>>21564218
I've read more books than you have in 2022 and will read more this year. I finished my backlog so I can finally get around to finishing reading everything in the pastebin unlike most of you here who just wanna lift yourselves up and stroke your own egos. Dragging you one book wonder retards around only occupies 5% of my mind and time

>>21564260
based and readingpilled

>>21564260
I remember being 12 and asserting my book count. I also remember playing with beyblades. Do you play with beyblades, anon?

>>21564185
>>21564206
Not me. I've been off this thread for a few days & am just now catching up.
Although it fills me with joy to know I live rent-free in your head, and your schizo imagination sees me where I'm not.

>>21564270
I've seen your work, Nick. Give me your name and address so I may do this planet the favor of cutting your talentless fingers off.

Will we ever get along and ever support each other?

>>21564314
I'll give you a ton of support if you ever need help vaulting over the side of the manhattan bridge.

>>21564314
Stop posting bad writing

>>21564276
Who the hell is Nick?
But here's what I really want to know...
>>21543763
>>21543787
>>21543792
>>21543802
>>21544027
>>21544505
>>21544514
>>21545174
>>21560355
>>21560361
>>21560558
>>21560565
>>21560571
>>21560577
>>21560585
>>21560605
>>21560661
>>21560754
...how did all the seething-pseud-spamming get deleted?
Usually, the jannies are too busy sticking their thumbs up their asses to make any sort of effort.
Not to mention that shill-spam-boy is a rogue mod.
It just seems odd it was all removed.
(Find the deleted posts at >>/lit/thread/S21543744 and >>/lit/thread/S21560326 .)

>>21562053
>https://pastebin.com/ZjGxNHwL
Read the first paragraph. A person taking notes (even audio notes) is unlikely to dictate in proper grammatical sentences so it sounds fake. Try something like this:

>>“Victim around mid-thirties... trauma to head and spine from impact fall,” Agent Erebus
>>spoke into his iPhone’s recorder app. “Cause of death apparent... but need an autopsy report. Nothing explains current position at such a distance from the two-storey window.”

>>21564097
You tell 'em, small angry jewish man.

>>21564197
>equals my love of writing
I remember you. You're that idiot who bemoans the tragedy of no one appreciating how much he loves "the craft".
You're hilarious.

>>21564485
You're no artist. You don't have the talent... or any form of creativity. You suck!

>>21564314
Collectively as one cohesive whole? No. Anonymity mixed with just a few bad actors and that becomes impossible. Only thing you can do is learn to spot the seethe without substance posts and ignore them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or a failed artist.

>>21564197
>after an entire threads dovetailed into debating whether Thesis is a valid concept in writing
my recollection is we called you a retarded faggot, and here you are, again, proving us right

>>21564314
I have consistently bought and reviewed /wg/ books. If you'e not doing the same, you'e a failue

>>21564574
What's the best book so far?

I've been eyeing Eggplant and Xenos Depths but literally nobody seems to have read Xenos and I think Eggplant is going to disappoint me.

>>21564574
I bought Son of the Sun and Orators.

Son of the Sun was pretty good. Orators was honestly forgettable, probably because it was so short.

>>21564596
Son of the Sun has fallen into (further) obscurity and it's a bummer because it's competent. The author just doesn't shill enough/consistently, and he doesn't put out new releases at the pace that the genre demands.

>>21562053
Might be fixable. Your biggest problem is lack of density and too much information. You also slip into very tell-y narration which should be cut. Hint at characterization and let readers connect the dots. Show the lead detective acting confident and we will understand he's a pro. You don't need to beat us over the head with it. For the love of fucking Christ don't tell us which button he hits just say he put away the phone, if even that. You are adding at least five times the detail you actually need.

Some of your dialogue is awkward. Think of how people who do this shit all the time would communicate.

The new agent acting weird and jumping into the action is the inciting action. Everything before that is just you establishing the situation and characters. Do that efficiently and get to the story.

Just some quick thoughts.

>>21564585
Just buy one and figure it out for yourself. Stop waiting for others to think for you

>>21564097
Do you have a specific craft book you'd recommend? I'd like to learn.

I should be able to finish a book this year. Six months if I am lucky.

I have a 100k draft which is very rough but has enough action for a book. I fell into the noobie trap of going too long and splitting it into two parts. Was going to keep drafting but realized there would be a huge break in action in the middle no matter what I did. I just got fired so I took a manuscript with me on a road trip to review. Has not gone great, but oh well. I have nothing but time.

>>21564627
I am not allowed (self-imposed) to buy books yet. I've got like 29 sitting in my to-read pile, so I'm trying to plan ahead some.

>>21564585
Just read the "Look Inside" portions available on Amazon & make your own decisions.
No need to be an NPC.

>>21564635
NTA but picrel is one of the best craft books for the sort of writer I encounter here.
It does a very good job of explaining story structure, and it guides the reader past a lot of basic mistakes.

>>21562250
I want to say I've seen a story or two, maybe it was sci-fi, that had creatures called Grendels. Most people aren't deep enough to get the reference and those that know get a nice little reward.

>>21563281
I want you to share it. I genuinely enjoy "outsider art" as well as internet weirdos telling awful stories.

>>21564585
>>21564596
I've read the Emily Project. So much squandered potential. The topic needed to be given to a more experienced writer.

>>21564553
You’re calling me retarded in a thread with the first post being Amazonian smut. it’s like throwing a plastic ball in a chucky cheese

>>21564507
what an oddly generic yet specific description that could fit like literally anyone in this thread

>got a 1099 tax form from Amazon
>$98.20 in royalties
Did I make it?

>>21564799
Man.
American taxes are fucked.

>having to finish my thesis over the next few months
My writing style is completely fucked and I can only think in terms of academic writing. Kill me.

>>21564809
the worst part about self employment income? FICA taxes. fuck FICA taxes let me tell you what, social security ain't gonna be there when I go to collect. god willing the country will have balkanized by then

>>21564585
You should buy Fedbook

>story has a mystery "who is this villainous masked character" aspect
>a new major character is introduced in the timeskip second half
>needs to come across as genuine and friendly and not a candidate for the villain
How do I do it? The character already logically can't be the mystery villain given the timeline and the events but I thought I'd make them go through a "petty asshole > genuine friend and helper" arc to hammer it home

>>21564957
make "major new character" be hinted at.
>no name merchant
>blacksmith dude
>prince of a king
>random ass monster

>>21564947
More like chudbook.

Oh Janny, my janny
Tell me which part of global rule 1 I broke by telling you to read a book? No need to seethe, just sit down and read. Maybe a single protozoa of talent will leap off the page into your barren wasteland of a mind.

Why is everyone so angry and prepared to call each other shit here?

>>21565084
crab mentality
it's that shrimple

Holy fuck I finally figured out how to plot and write my twink homosexual cabin boy story!!!!!

Listen! A boy sold long ago to a bunch of Barbary pirates seeking love and a path to America while criticizing existence, God, and the hypocrisy of enlightenment values!

>>21565102
You're not going to be able to pull this shit off. And we'll be of no help because all we know is fantasy and litrpgs

>>21565102
Go for it anon but as >>21565172 said I will be of no help.

>>21565172
Why do you use the royal we?

>>21565049
It’s far less chudly than Mike Ma, and more interesting too

How often do you cry, anon?

>>21565467
Couple times a year maybe?

So there's this writing contest, right? And I want to participate in it. I've written three stories and need to pick one to send in. There stories are:
1. Story where a bunch of medieval monks encounter talking snails
2. Story about a Russian soldier in Ukraine who is captured and learns his wife has been cheating on him while he's been away
3. Story of a kid who doodles in his notebooks at school arguing with his teacher over his plans for the future
Which one do I send?

This might be too general of a question: how does one improve at writing dialogue? I’ve been praised for my descriptive prose and use of monologues, but not for my dialogue. One project received feedback from someone who thought I intentionally used fragmented, blunt dialogue that jars between lines in tandem with an overall aggressive and violent cutting technique. In truth, this wasn’t intentional.

My dialogue seems to face an issue of being charged to a point of characters becoming merely proponents of driving a plot forward. On the other hand, my writing in other areas has been loosely compared to Joyce. It might be a difference between characters talking past each other in a two dimensional way, as opposed to monologues and descriptions being sincere and nuanced.

>>21565537
There's this David Milch writing exercise. You set a timer for 20 minutes and just "listen" to 2 characters having a conversation and write down what they're saying. Don't give them names you can just call them A,B or 1,2. No scene description or anything else. Just

A:
B:

Etc. And do this as a practice a few times and you'll get the hang of it eventually. It's all about letting your intuition or whatever "talk" rather than trying to intellectually control what you think they should be saying

>>21565552
Thanks for this, anon

>>21565567
Of course , anon

>>21565533
What is the contest looking for?

>>21565584
Something written by a person who has not published anything before. There's separate contests for prose and poetry, I'm going for prose because I can't into poetry.
I've read winners and honorable mentions from the past few years and they do range pretty wildly in genre and style which is why I'm having trouble deciding what I want to go with. All three stories I've written have been specifically for this contest and now I'm at a loss.
The deadline isn't until February 28th so I have plenty of time for editing and shit but I'd still need to pick one to focus on.

>>21563941
>cheque
Aaaand dropped.

The Noisemakers are born in noise so that they may die in noise. The Noisemakers hate all that is sacred. The Noisemakers cannot go a day without making noise. The Noisemakers delight in the noise. The Noisemakers wonder why they are broken inside. The Noisemakers die in noise only to wonder why they always hear noise. The Noisemakers know no restraint, only noise. As long as a noise is made the Noisemaker is in delight. The Noisemaker cannot handle contemplation, so he makes noise. The Noisemaker dies and wonders why there is still noise. The Noisemaker only knows of noise because he does not possess poise. The Noisemaker screams when the Noisemaker believes there to be a lack of noise. The Noisemaker cries then scorns others when not enough noise is made. The Noisemaker dies and wonders why he still hears the noise. The Noisemaker will forever make noise. The Noisemaker cannot feel, so he makes noise. The Noisemaker does not understand why others do not make noise. The Noisemaker exists to bring about noise. The Noisemaker dies to be released in a pool of noise. The Noisemaker never thinks to listen, only to clatter and clutter. The Noisemaker mistakes respect for shyness. The Noisemaker dies only to wonder why the noise will not stop. The Noisemaker responds to noise with noise as is his nature. The Noisemaker is born drenched in noise. The Noisemaker succumbs to the will of the noise. The Noisemaker is a vessel for all that is entropic. The Noisemaker dies only to fear the noise. The Noisemaker dares not defy the noise.

>>21565609
Funny, I'd have dropped it if it was spelt the other way, or should I say,
>spelled the other way
Yankee English is really something.

>>21564616
>>21564380
Thanks. I guess that's a common critique now so it's glaringly obvious I was telling too much. Is the journal entry from the dead man too much too?

>>21565467
Lately, anywhere between two and five times a week, sometimes several times a week

Do you think being unpopular in real life makes it harder to make it as a writer?

>>21565952
You have to have Brandon Sanderson -levels of social interaction with your fanbase to make a living as a writer

New thread >>21565981

>>21561363
Based

>>21564259
I dunno, it was actually in an Ace Combat discord where my friend got the story from. My friend mentioned how he's writing his own stuff, which the guy who wrote the bad story took as the opportunity to share his own.