/lit/ - Literature

The proof of the pudding is in the eating

I'm in a pretty good mood, actually. This is nice.

It is not for us to say we are impoverished in our present diminishment,
because this currently has become singular in issuement and remains
unpassable irregardless over the surface of our intended sentiments,
glossing as it were, nothing more than that which is unbecoming of
our support and fortification redone as it our miraculous vamping
in joy and gratitude daily. May we pass the coming year healthy
and happy to find that others will see our inmost wellspring's wishes
from the true heart and soul, soaking through the sunshine the fabrics
becoming of us in glad wellness of intention as it is our received
wholesome plea in meeting the other with their tenacious persistence
which does unwind in the expansive heart, becoming convex as it focuses
our heaven's grace aboard. This pretty seems to me normal and simply slipping
due to unawareness of integrity, reintegrating necessary as an attenuated
conscious to bear conscience of others, as it were and then we can become
more apt in our grief, to heal others in their wounds that can reveal our
inherited gifts that merrily weave about significantly.

>>21432641
I am a beacon of animosity.
I hate that a small part of me is hoping for the day that things fall apart for you as only then it would make you realize what I was to you.

>>21432730
This one I like. Are you on drugs or do you just weave on?

It is very weird to encounter someone from a different culture who is considered zany by their standards. It doesn't even reach awkward, for it to be awkward it would have to mean anything to you.

smoke python!
make sure all your userdefined variables, functions, subroutines or whatever are metaphors that represent the story of the real application your worked on. make sure it's impossible to read except as an collection of random. or even, make it capricious semantically, contraindicating in it's meaning contradictorily

>>21432746
I believe this got Bob Dylan the nobel prize.

>>21432746
>>21432749
he was probably on drugs though.

>>21432739
I know mnemonics in Japanese as a visual synesthete in my own fashion and it's associations, imagestream for verbal IQ, practice coding and abstraction where it need not exist to tell a story, practice vipassana, meditate/hypnotize and practice NLP/dark psychology etc.

I take abilify, hormones, and prozac, only needing prozac and hormones. not particularly psychotic just sensitive and traumatized and NeUrODIverGent

>>21432641
Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are so fucking cute together I can barely take it.

My niece decorated my present's wrapping paper with a picture of me, my future wife and future child. She also wrote "I would be so happy if you got a girlfriend for Christmas."

>>21432758
Are you kind of a shut-in? I am so I'm not judging or anything.

>>21432758
>I take abilify, hormones, and prozac
Why? How old are you anon?

"Those whose life is empty, who have nothing to do with themselves are forced to entertain themselves with others or the work of others."

-Inspired by nagging friends and family

It also is worrying how the concept of a hobby is slowly disappearing. Even people who had hobbies are slowly being devouered by entertainment and socializing. Even if you start a hobby, the temptation to go for the easy way out is getting greater and greater and it eventually erodes your ability to keep doing the hobby. And by "hobby" I dont mean any time-passing activity. I mean generative activities that should be our default pass-time when not working, socializing or being entertained. I would even say that socializing and entertainment should be kept to a minimum, without disregarding the positive effects they can have *situationally*.

What do you think about my schizoid ramblings?

what's a good short quote to put on a car back compatible with normie adhd

>>21432777
Yea
>>21432778
30. And I keep seeing these posts eerily similar as if it were trolling 'bla bla bla I'm in my twenties and I'm not saying so but my story's close to yours or maybe it is yours and i don't say but i'm stalking you and want to stab you in the butt'
I take them, because it's not hard to negotiate when I haven't seen a stable psych in several months, and have to consult with so called adjunct profiles as it is perceived.

>>21432787
Unsafe at any speed
>>21432791
Why are you depressed, faggot? Are you jewish?

>>21432801
sounds gay
i was thinking of "weak men create good times, good times create weak men ... " to hint at the cyclical nature of things but people might consider it sexist or something
maybe i should use "just B.E. be yourself" i forgot the exact quote

>>21432787
>The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

meds are not working

>>21432813
how long have you been taking them?

I'm considering just quitting my meds. I have been out for like a month now. I haven't been 100% stable. I can probably get new stuff in 8 days or so, but the thing is that I know that the psych people have given up completely on actually treating me and are just trying to keep me perpetually stable, but the level I'm at right now in terms of functioning is not really good, could not sustain a very good life, and they can't actually afford to treat deeper issues and I don't think they would accept just letting me go without doing nothing while they are responsible. I left a blood sample recently where I had a good concentration, I don't think they'll check again for a while. I could just pretend like nothing until then and see what happens.

>>21432808
"The World is weary of me,
And I am weary of it"

>>21432817
Because in terms of how my own psychological life has developed in this month, I'm very positive to how things are going. I feel like this is good.

>>21432801
I'm a theist of nihil, if anything. I believe in the psyche, and at the base of that the phobia of non-existence which is it's form. And when this has become conscious I believe we will truly see, yet in total void shades. I am depressed because I have gender dysphoria, and a body incongruous, that my unconscious, nor I can accredit to save myself from the familiar which I embody. This centripetal leaves nothing to escape, driving us forward into embrace of death and lack of life in isolated scarce belonging. I'm not Jewish, I heavily respect they who study the Law, and am closely aligned with those fears. I think I'm atheist, don't contemplate God enough to believe. Wouldn't want to upset God though. aylmao

>>21432641
find all friends on the internet i make cut me off without talking to me. think it's because late-teen to young-20's year olds are immature. probably should find more older adults to be my friends. alternatively close myself off from the people online for a few years.

>>21432818
Everything in the world, from microscopic to macroscopic, is disconnected like this.

>>21432827
Oh anon, kikes got you...
You should move to South America and after a lot of struggles to survive you will be a man again.

>>21432816
almost two weeks

>>21432864
give it a little more time, and make sure you're taking them as instructed. don't forget to take them for a few days, or anything like that. If it doesn't get better, then talk to your psychiatrist again.

You have to think that many people have reached enlightenment. No Gods in the 21st centure. Simply humanists and caregiving with fellowship to our lateral directive and gorging those seminal posterior analogues which represent our system. We may call that deity, but ultimately, guess what, they're humans preaching ultimate humanity in symptomatic religion of viral genius. Enlightenment is homeogenetic with personhood and homogenetic naturally through selection. As enlightenment has been around for thousand years, consider the 20th and 21st centuries and even dark ages. It really starts accelerating as a utilizable way of life across the industrialized 1st world, as people encourage this industrial mechanistic mass production of genius.

governments of the world are all about female empowerment but when are they going to incentivize wholesome femdom relationships
still waiting for a good lady to ask me out

>>21432870
I'll talk to him about increasing a dosage

>>21432978
you might need to, but remember that it takes about two weeks to level off, and you might start feeling affects in the next few days. I hope you figure it out.

Shonen-protagonistism ethics

>>21432990
level off? as in my body getting used to the ssri's?

You've got to stand for something
Or you'll fall for anything
You've got to be your own man
Not a puppet on a string

>Females are twice as often affected by MDD
Yet suicide rate is much higher in males.
I wonder if maybe females are rather more often diagnosed than males.

>>21432829
Perhaps learn to speak english

What can I do?

God has decided, and as He has decided, so it is.

>>21433143
Squats 5x5
Bench 5x5
Deadlifts 1 working set

I told him really messed up stuff, and all he cared about at all was whether or not I blamed him. Things that any human being would register as being very far from normal. Mom has told me that throughout he has never wanted to admit that either me or my sister had any problems. One of the last things my grandma told me was that he was an extremely self-centered person. The only thing he cared about was whether or not I blamed him, what my life is doesn't matter in the least, and honestly I wonder if the outrage was feigned. Still, he is dad. What are you gonna do.

Nothing to get the juices flowing like brushing over some proper gingivitis.

>>21433137
mastery of the language enables me to cut off superfluous pronouns like 'i' at the beginning of sentences. any problem to comprehend my post is on you.

>>21433065
yeah, they take a while to work. you'll only be able to really get a read on how they're working for you after 2-3 weeks.

Each day another heartache passes by. I stand at the stop on my morning route to work, watching the approaching bus. Will she notice? Will she remember me? I step through it's automatic door. She's there, as always; long brunette hair and a beautiful somber face peering down at her phone. I quickly pass her by and take a seat near the back. This is the second year since I began taking this bus and, aside from the brief occasion here and there, it feels as though we have always been together. Though she doesn't know my name, I know hers; May. I thought that name fitting-- today is the thirty-first of April, and tomorrow-- it will be May. I lean my head on the seat in front of me. The day goes by as usual; she gets off after two stops at K. S. Library on E.M. Street, and I get off the next stop over to work at M. Automotives. After work I take the bus back home, alone.

The time is ten-forty P.M. I pull the journal from under my mattress and set it on the desk. Sixty-seven pages, all addressed to May. I begin writing.
"I'm sure you've become quite bored if you've made it this far. The good news is that this will be the last entry. I want to speak with you tomorrow, but, as usual, I am afraid. It dawns on me just how creepy I was, how disgusting I have been observing you in this one-sided relationship. Tomorrow will be my lowest point yet, perhaps, but also my highest. Will it hurt you? I tried to think of any other way. I didn't want to become what I am now. Every day hurts me, every moment that I am alone throws me into painful conniptions. I'm being melodramatic, I suppose. The truth is that I know what I'm doing now and what I am soon to do is inexcusable. I cannot escape the simple fact that I am alone for no other reason than this: that I am a monster. You did well to avoid me, as everyone else has. Even now, in this very written letter, I demonstrate how wrong I am."

"So many times I resolved to ask your name, to introduce myself; each time I simply passed you by. I always knew that even if we were to have a simple friendship, you would sense my inner wrongness and turn away in disgust. I don't blame you. This letter is proof enough that as dignified as I attempt to appear, I am little more than a stalker. But even if you were to put up with me, I understand that there is a problem more fundamental to my being. I could never make you happy. I wouldn't be able to bear slowly corrupting your innocent joy with my sadistic melancholy. This is why I have resolved to acknowledge what I am; A creep. A stalker. A monster. I loved you, May."

>>21433228
I sit at the bus stop, my journal peeking out from the small bag at my side. I feel sick. My heart races. I try to calm my shaking breath to no avail. I look at my watch: Seven-fifteen; she will see me soon. Time crawls slowly forwards. On the distant hill I see the bus in its approach; it will arrive in approximately two minutes. Regret. I toss the bag into the bin and creep down the sidewalk, steadying my trembling arms. Will she notice? Will she remember me? I step towards the bus, and another heartache grips me.

The driver pulls the brakes and we come to a sudden stop; A loud thud shakes the bus. I look up from my phone. Passengers are looking about in confused and curious manners. "Someone got hit!" one man shouts. We are instructed not to leave until the police arrive. After some time the ordeal is over and we continue on our route. I stare at my phone, mindlessly scrolling through pages I never read, and wonder who the dead man was.

Posting from the /wg/ thread

>>21433225
Do you have an experience with them?

>>21433235
yes, a lot. I don't want to be rude, but didn't anyone discuss this with you when they wrote you the prescription? that you're supposed to wait a couple weeks is the first thing they told me, and I still get reminded after years of taking them.

Medicine is delirium inducing as I recall it. Quite accurate picture of my first times taking it. Can I stop now?

My little cousin asked me if my gf is coming home any of these days. And said she knew we were a couple. I got cocked by a guy worst than me in every way.

Generally speaking, in a first world country what are the odds of dying before the age of 75 if one were to not take any sort of medicine during bouts of illness? Assuming one had already made it to adulthood.

>>21433257
given this>>21433265
"Take a few weeks" means they really want that crazy psycho b i t c h. Which, it has been a decade, but at least I'm not typical of shut in agoraphobia submitting to my robot overlords that reign furiously administering the regime of forced psychiatric medication in ejecting from the projectile dispenser administratus administratum administratura which doe, ye die one. Though there has been times where I fret to go out because of the maladapted panic which I've seem to cure on my own terms. Maybe I should get help with management, eh, get a real review rather than this fetid foul cup pour'd out for me. Pyetouwee. Grind me in the delirium. I'd have to congratulate the fleeing carpet for such a score. Poof! Presto! Blahaj!
I do see this rather a negative, I'd rather have a straight path then this long crooked, surface legion indicting upon derma of force fed entropically collapsed the scurrying mars, in hateful reprimandatus willful negligencum the exercise of folds and sinews along the Earth and structure tuned obnoxiously to the march o' portal her Eons in weather disservitude to the demonic channels that overwatch protecting it's projected soul in orbit the fiery heirloom accosted at the pagoda of prejudice and it's deceitful leir the crawls crawling crepitation, for keeps the gravelly crowl mushed munching toothache. So much too mushmellon. Rot tenth a wreckage a crepe,to be the last on the list slipped tongue, a twisting a fork toothed, slithery serpentine surmounting this concrete to sow thy sin saw suavely, sweatily the cracks curseth thee, sky, looking up past the scurvily pasta induced stipends of yore. The stilted illusiac that do play ye's ears, aye, do we now apprehend with great stricken fear the foreseen sighs thickened upon the floor of obliviated shaven tears? May your head rest more easily, assembling the striped colors amassed shorn along the axis of h8 in this constabulary bosom.

>>21432641
Why do people think there is supposed to be a difference between your lover and your friend? A lover is supposed to be a friend that knows you so well, that he/she mirrors your soul but in from the perspective of the other sex. It just seems retarded to not just have the same standard applied to both. Shit like that makes it clear most people either don't know what they want in a significant other other than someone not to feel lonely with.

>>21432641
Here's what's on my mind when it comes to Christmas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS3BXHRkBV0

Every single Christmas I am reminded of how much my extended family resents ours. Ever since my grandparents died they've continued the Christmas tradition of meeting up together but with a different family's house and we just didn't get invited ever again. I wish I was a kid full of wonder and emotion again, I'm only 23 and it already feels like life is just a slow descent into death watching everything you love and care about die slowly, I feel no joy or happiness no matter how hard I try to be open and loving and fun with others, especially my own family feels like nobody even cares about eachother anymore other than my Mom who definitely is hurt by this fact but I can't just force everyone to get along.

I want to kill myself very much but my parents still being alive and having friends myself that will feel bad if I die makes me incapable of going through with it out of guilt. My friends will surely forget me after a relatively short time but my parents will be consigned to that fact until they are gone, which I cannot do to them. The fact that I am writing this out on Christmas day makes me deeply ashamed but I've been battling these feelings for months, it is becoming increasingly apparent that this might very well never go away and I just need to adjust to life being like this forever.

>>21433447
You're still a baby anon at the age of 23. Life's pretty shit but you can enjoy the little things.

>>21433421
That's pretty much my point of view: erotic relationships without a friendship at it's base are doomed to either failure or a slow decay once the sex and kids are gone. I find it so strange men can "love" a woman, but not consider her a friend and vice versa. It just seems that people really don't know what love is about, but they just want someone to make then feel less lonely. My guess is that most people are just not able to see why true friendship is necessary between a man and woman in a relationship nor are they willing to go that far with their spouse becuase when you really get to the heart of it, they don't love theur sppuse. Their spouse is a means to an end (for men, to get laid and to have kids. For women, to get laid and for protection). Not that that these things aren't important, but the sky-high amounts of loveless marriages and divorces show us that there are more elevated forms of love.

TL;DR
Most people don't know what makes a true friend in the first place, so how van they be expected to be their spouse's best friend?

This is why I like Stoics like Musonius Rufus. He basicslly said a great marriage is centered around a solid, stable and fertile friendahip between a man and a woman. Apologies for the rant.

If we do not positively know if free will exists, we should not be vitriolic towards others, because we run the risk of being unjust.

>>21432641
I've been getting heart palpitations right as I wake up every few days for the past couple of weeks. I otherwise do not get palpitations at all during the day - it's only just as I've woken up and they last 30 seconds at most. I looked it up and turns out anxiety and/or poor sleep can cause it. I've certainly been anxious every now and then recently due to my health anxiety. Plus I've had a couple nights of pretty broken sleep or difficulty falling asleep. I slept fine today and don't feel tired at all but the same sort of palpitations came this morning. Has anyone else experienced this?
>pic unrel

>>21433509
I have heart palpitations frequently, especially when I lie down on my back with my lower body elevated or on my left side. No anons tell me what it means, I would rather not know.

The freeless
Because they do not possess freedom overruled due to their temporal incapacity of inept dormant personality in those respective functions identical to the alien mind which it means to be in this full manifest entity savage and we're gatekeeping that idol puppet. Dispossessed enthrallment, static shell obsolescence. The human craft weaning deserving liberation and union with the authentic divinity that lays holy within respected sanctum.

Diversity is strength, idiot. Try growing some diversity of thoughts, perspectives, experiences, and relationships instead of consuming /pol/tard memes, participating in conservative echo chambers, and consuming trash media. Get a fucking life.

"Durrrr durrr, why do I feel so miserable all the time?" Because you keep recycling the same stagnant thoughts and habits over and over again, because you fear the rest of the world, you absolute weak coward.

Question yourself and the world HARDER you absolute dumbfuck. Your shit inside of you is a mess and you're vomiting it all over the world. All you need to grow your brain is a motherfucking QUESTION MARK.

>>21432641
Christmas this year was bleaker than any year.
Horrible weather, my grandparents getting older and older, very few showed for the Eve gathering on my mom's side, and after the pandemic everyone just seems worn out... Everyone is on edge for som reason. The topics at the table at Christmas Eve are all about inflation. There's just a shadow cast over everything.
My one fat ass loser brother wont shut up about politics. Please just shut the fuck shut up shut up shut up I cant fucking take it . No I don't care to hear what Republicans are doing in X state or what horrible thing Tucker Carlson said. I do not care.
Every available moment he fills with some outrage bait he's seen on twitter. Or talking about polls. Every single second filled with outrage about right wingers.
I'm just so tired of it. I dont even like conservatives it's just so tiresome to hear non stop. I just want to enjoy the holiday.
If it's not outrage porn, it's my other brother talking about some other online Twitter drama.
Today we visited my grandma, Dad's side just my immediate family and her.
It was brutal. She's getting frailer and frailer. She wants my Dad to fix all these things while he's over. He's getting more and more fed up.
For Christmas all he gets her is some file folders and a calendar of pictures of outhouses. She's obviously not happy (and with good reason). He's getting annoyed with having to be her handyman for her ever since grandpa died, having to handle all her taxes and maintaining the property. It's super awkward, though, cause the entire gathering is just her asking my dad to fix various things and my Dad seems on the edge of boiling over.
I get it but he should have more patience, like you are going to be old and forgetful someday too so be respectful. He's so rude and condescending to her.
Let's see... other awkward moments. Granny says children are an anchor, that they keep you anchored to life . Mom says "oh they are anchors all right...". Seeming to imply that me and my brother rely on them too much. She tries to play it off like it was a joke but none of us laugh. And im frankly offended as ive always paid for myself and kept myself independent.
It's the oldest brother that's the problem child. Hes the one who is 25, fully dependent, and with zero life plan. Like im sorry that I have to rely on you both because rent is so high, but I've never asked for all that much.
On the car ride back they discuss that theyll both be leaving to take care of my grandparents for a few days.
"we will make sure to leave money for you anon and A....(the eldest"
Now im a little pissed off cause they know I have more than enough money to take care of myself so i don't know why they do this shit.

I have very strong opinions on black people

>>21433566
Party pooper,
I'm all alone, for on(c)e. Where did I go wrong? Am I expected to come crawling back? If I did go anywhere outside of this grey space, where would I be? The end of the rainbow? Doubtless, all I see is bloody red out there. At least I have my comfort blues and blankets. Anon, you're shoving me, I'm sorry I regret living with them. Why is it right to do this? I know I have the rite, an overseer with engendering wit to insights, but I do not owe the world nor own such in this present.

>>21433654
The only answers I can give to these questions is "I don't know, because I'm not you."
On January 1st I will post a thread that will hopefully help Anons apply methodological questioning to their most basic problems and habits.

>>21433808
Forgot to mention that I'm going to post this on /lit/ because it's hugely eclectic and /lit/ related, describing some of the fundamental problems with modern society along with the method.

If I fucked allison I'd change his or her life in just 15-20 minutes.

>>21433606
Would you like some cheese with that whine?

>>21433904
Just had to vent
But yes please pass the cheese

>>21432641
Tranny OP.

>>21434222
Nope. Materialism denies "trans-genderism" the way liberals are selling it.
Hence why most anarcho-communists are just straight, homosexual or bisexual. Lame identity issue should be put aside while we tend to the class war
Read the fucking book and see for yourself.

When people post my art on this site I start insulting them, implying that the poster is the artist and he's shamelessly promoting himself. Then there's always a couple people who come out of the woodwork to agree with me because they dislike the art or just wanna bandwagon against the poster when he (inevitably) gets defensive. I create a situation where the poster feels like he's indirectly riling people against an artist whose art he liked enough to post, or I just make the result of posting the art unpleasant. Nobody posts my art on this site anymore. I am forgotten.

>>21434312
Based deranged schizo playing 4d chess against himself

>>21433509
Are you vaccinated

>>21434303
>most anarcho-communists are just straight, homosexual or bisexual
But most anarcho communists suppirt and defend trannies.
>inb4 thats not real communism

Counter Currents posted a previously undiscovered Evola letter, to Amaudruz. Interesting read.

>>21434497
But they support class struggle, abolishing the wage system and a challenge to all unjustifiable hierarchies. You want the right to smash people in the face because they identify as trans or something? Well guess what. As a Stirnerist principal you could do that. And face the consequences.

Also, we live in a secret police state. They've infiltrated multiple organizations and control most. Rightwing and left, all four corners, whatever you got.

>>21432641
Pussy

>>21434508
So anaracho-communists dont deny trannyism according to their ostensible "materialist" or non-idpol stance. Thanks for agreeing with me.

>>21434569
Your point?
You want the collectives world round to tell some subset to not identify as something because it hurts your tummy?
The best thing we can do is make this social revolution, as it would stop the liberal IDpol divisionary tactics, the psychotherapists coaxing, the bougie moms pressures, might even get people offline more. I think it would shrink that subset down quite a bit.

>>21434590
My point was to say that your statement here >>21434303 is bullshit. Thought that was obvious, but then again you are a communist

Browsing dating apps makes me feel better about myself. Holy fucking shit, Jerry Seinfeld was right. 95% of the population really is undateable.

>>21434625
Man gets one 17 year old gf and suddenly he's rico fucking suave

>>21434614
It plainly says "trans-genderism". That's a thing, bullshit imo.
You call the whole thing off because anarchism stands for the principals of freedom? What kind of "American" are you? Piss poor, that's what.

>>21434700
Are you retarded? You said anaracho communists deny transgenderism according to materialist principles. I said they do not in practice. You agreed with me. What are you evem arguing for anymore?

>>21434762
>>21434700
Just kiss already.

>>21432641
When did oral sex become popular? I can’t think of it ever being referenced in older literature

>>21434782
I'll bend you over and make you my bitch

Onions conservador.

>>21433257
How did meds help you?

>>21433447
Life is mostly garbage but I'm still glad that I didn't kill myself when I started seriously thinking about going through with it. I was going to stab myself and then jump off a bridge. I don't like Christmas either because it reminds me that I don't have anyone, although I'm not, technically speaking, an incel.

I will never find what I seek because what I seek is what sustains me, and sustenance never ends. All I know is my body. It's not just a foundation. It is literally everything that I know. There's no escaping this. I can sculpt a new world, but it will never satisfy me. I have no control over anything, and I don't care. I'm nothing but the creator of bullshit.

I'm starting to think Faulkner might have been a spiritual nigger, not that there's anything wrong with that.

>>21434888
Drink living water, and you will not thirst.

I'm upset lately, for a lot of reasons, but one of the most damning has been my close personal friend dating our coworker who I was madly infatuated with.
I don't know who to be most upset with.
>Her for dashing my advances despite letting me take her out multiple times, though she claims she was into him the whole time
>Him for being so bold as to date her despite my protests and despite how I felt about her
>Myself for being so upset about it and not being able to let it go or not feel extremely awkward about the whole situation
And since I'm so close in proximity to both of them so often, my anxieties and awkwardness are constant and unnerving.

>gets mad
>pretends to be calm
I'll try again later.

art is about conflict and tension, this is why you must learn the unity of opposites. or as nizche said, apollo and Dionysius

I have bunions and it’s painful. But I like to be effay, so I refuse to wear ugly shoes. I’m in such a shit dilemma. Why me? Most men don’t get bunions.

No books this Christmas but got a lot of tea and coffee and even got a tea kettle. Also got a Rush shirt (the band), some jeans, a controller for PC gaming, a new phone and I forget what else

>>21435008
I did happen to get some steam and Amazon cards as well as a new guitar and amp from someone else though

How come there's no TS Eliot collections published by Library of America?

>>21435007
I had them at one point because I refuse to wear socks (autism sensory shit)

>>21435018
>had
How is it possible to get rid of them without surgery? I’ve heard they only get worse over time.

I feel bad about using a highlighter on a book but I get bored of just writing quotes I like into my journal because it takes too long and is very boring. If I dont do it I feel bad.

Taoism: Change is the nature of all things. The Tao is comprised of yin and yang, opposite but interconnected forces.

Calculus: the mathematical study of change. Integration and differentiation are inverse operations of the same process, where each "undo" each other.

Conclusion: Taoism is metaphysical calculus.

>>21435286
Mathematical philosophy is underrated, imo. I've seen a couple very interesting threads about Platonic philosophy and its relation to math and calculus but never anything on the Taoist take on the matter.

>>21435293
It gets better. Our perception of the world is divided into two modes, the perception of near-instantaneous change in the present moment, and cumulative change over time, the narrative mode of temporal-mindedness. The West favors temporal-mindedness over present-mindedness, while Buddhism favors the mode of present-mindedness over temporal-mindedness.

What happens when you unite the two? Now you're doing some real calculus.

>>21434851
First of all, it took a long time to find the right meds, but right now they're working well, so don't be discouraged.
I'm not sure how to describe it- I don't want to stop existing, and I don't hate myself so much. It's a lot easier to ignore or move on from bad thoughts. I can write a to-do list and actually complete it. I can do things I enjoy.
I like to compare meds to a prosthetic for the brain. It doesn't get rid of the problem, but it makes it much easier to live with.

I like to refer to sculpted prims as "holographic origami."

Why did the mods delete this thread??

>>/lit/thread/21435502
>>/lit/thread/21435502

Song of Songs is a baffling book. Is the janny just satan modding?

>>21435336
Do you go to a therapy or its just meds? I'm sorry for being too intrusive.

>>21435631
It's alright, you can ask all you want. I did go to therapy on and off, but it's just as important to find a therapist that meshes with you, which can also take time. It's always good to have help, especially in the beginning, so you can find the places that need your special attention to work on. Some people don't find therapy as useful as others, but it's important to at least try. It's good to have an outside perspective, and it's good to just have someone to talk to.

>>21434851
>>21435631
Bro meds don't work, it just tricks people into thinking they work.

>>21435652
I went to therapy on several occasions but it didnt really help a bit (the last one was for about a year). I wish I could do it again but meds have to suffice.
>>21435665
I dont expect for it to completely cure me, just make me atleast functional.

>>21435665
Like I said before, you have to think of meds as prosthetics for your brain. they exist to help and support, not fix.

>>21435688
yeah, therapy can be a crap-shoot sometimes. it's less necessary if you're introspective and know where your major issues come from.

>>21435665
Meds exist to ignore the underlying cause of your psychosis, they make you feel numb enough to be a functional member of society. Usually whatever condition you are in has to get a lot worse before you get better but not everyone is capable of delving into the actual root causes of their issues and fewer psychologists still are willing or able to take you there.

>>21435705
I want to think that I know the issues on one hand but I seriously doubt that on the other. It's like I can read a lot of psychological material but still unable to fix myself.

>>21433479
Most people mistakenly or deceitfully call it love to find a companion for one reason or another.

They invoke the ideal of love to give legitimacy to their vulgar unions.

For the same reasons as you state men and women cannot be friends for love has the same aim in friendship as in romance, to get as close to an understanding of the object of your love as is possible. A lack of an understanding of love is the source of many problems in the contemporary world. We've distanced ourselves from it as much as we can because it is incompatible with our way of life.

>>21435807
it can be very difficult. some things can be obvious, and some things are hidden away. but knowing that you need help is also an important step. personally, I've learned that it's a lot less about reading texts, and much more about carefully going through your childhood and recognizing memories that hurt you. Sometimes they're big, obvious things, but they can be tiny things too. For example, one kid in 6th grade made a mean joke one time that just stuck with me for some reason. Other times, if you recognize behavior that you want to change, you don't really need the memory itself. I use mantras a lot to help me, especially if I know my behavior is irrational.

>>21435902
I have a couple "interesting" memories and periods but I dont really see how they connect in an meaningful way. I do have a problem to being impressionable by other people opinions and following them but it's only because I dont really know what I want. Knowing what's wrong doesnt really provide any solution.

>>21436013
>I dont really see how they connect in an meaningful way.
well, they don't need to connect to each other, and that doesn't mean there aren't other memories there.
>I do have a problem to being impressionable by other people opinions and following them but it's only because I dont really know what I want.
this seems to be a common problem. I've seen a couple anons saying the same thing. I'm not sure how to help because I've always had the opposite problem. Maybe focus on the things you enjoy and the parts of you that you're sure of, and expanding on them. If you don't know what you like, narrow it down by starting with what you don't like.

Jekyll and Hyde story but Jekyll is a middle manager at a logistics company and Hyde goes to shemale prostitutes. Should I write it?

>>21436013
Things don't always have to line up into one narrative. I sometimes have felt great relief realising that things I thought had to have something to do with one another were actually separate, or could be. More than one thing could be true. It's also possible that you will find that the most that can be said of something is that you didn't understand then either, that you won't actually get the closure of understanding.

Good luck anon, I hope you have a fruitful development.

My Gnostic Shankaran Advaitan Islamo-Buddhist homofascist aggressively heterosexual anarcho-crypto-communo-liberterian insect socialist Roman revivalist technofuturist primitivist pure-blooded Aryan mixed-race mulattoethnonationalist dream state with Chinese characteristics.

>>21436154
Your diary desu?

>>21436186
Not even close. I'm a middle manager in a different field.

>>21435862
>For the same reasons as you state men and women cannot be friends for love has the same aim in friendship as in romance, to get as close to an understanding of the object of your love as is possible.
I'm not at all sure that's the only thing love is.

>>21436094
>>21436169
Maybe my desire to know how it's all connected (for me to feel secure) is the culprit here as I dont trust myself and only external things. You know to use intelligence as a cope for the lack of sense of myself. I feel guilty and shameful about myself all the time.

>>21436231
I think it's very natural if you feel that way about yourself to want to understand why, and I think that that can happen and can be helpful.

>>21436231
>I feel guilty and shameful about myself all the time.
I used to, too. It used to cripple me. My medication helps.

>>21436226
For me it is the impulse at the core of love.

>>21436241
I'm used to hearing that I should let go of the past but I do think that there's a key there.
>>21436243
I hope that my meds start working since it's the 6th or 7th brand for me.

>>21436270
Do you love your mom? If so what do you do to understand her deeper? I mean with people it seems to me you would do that because of how it develops how you can show one another affection and understand one another better in communication, not as objects of study. That really caring is the point.

>>21436288
Yeah, you're agreeing with me.

>>21436279
lol, I have a photo-book filled with the info pages of meds I've taken. 20 of them. and that doesn't include all the ones I've taken years ago before I kept track.

>>21436305
Oh I thought you were on some weird trip, but at the same time am pretty insecure about how I understand love.

>>21436319
When you love someone or something you want to make their existence in this world as frictionless as possible within reason(while considering what kind of friction is a necessity or "good"). To do that you need an understanding of them and yourself and other things. The way that I understand "feelings" - and this is just one vector of understanding, the practical - is that they are a form of communication we engage in with ourselves(and potentially other things[?]) so as to inform and direct ourselves towards a course of action that is an expression of said feelings. For me the action I find love driving me towards is knowing, when I love I wish to know so that I may act in newer more accurate ways to fully express the richness of that love. I've also found that I love everything, which is a wonderful way to live.

>>21433447
Oh anon I get this feeling. I never saw much of any of my grandparents as they died too early. Holidays after grandparents are gone feel very different. That and my parents having ancient problems with our extended family made such bleak holidays I hate all of them now. I never got to experience that warm fuzzy feelings and that excitement before a big holiday. That kind of unique excitement when life is bright and beautiful which you will look back on your adult years. It makes me feel really abnormal in a way, as if I missed out on something very important. Meanwhile my friends all have normal families and they seem to be mentally happier too. Makes me all more disconnected from them. Now mom and dad are getting older too. It just keeps getting worse doesn't it? I will kill myself one day so I can escape this feeling

>>21436415
>wah my grandparents are dead so I'll never be happy again

>>21436314
how did you know that they werent working?

>>21436423
I still felt like shit. If they work, you will feel it.

>>21436419
Have you met a happy adult?

How do learn to live on less
I feel like it would be satisfying to only own a handful of things

>>21436437
I hope that the ones will work. You've said that I should wait for 2 weeks atleast.

Religion bad.
Science good.
Science emerged from philosophy.
Philosophy good.
Philosophy emerged from methodological questioning.
Questioning good.
Religion is stagnant, unquestionable philosophy.
Religion bad.

did anyone else deal with lingering brain fog from covid? i'm 3 weeks out and feel like a literal retard.

I need to book a flight to see my girlfriend in April. The ticket is non-refundable.
I change my mind every couple of days. The ticket is becoming more and more expensive the longer I wait.

>>21436526
yeah. two weeks, at least, then you'll know. Remember, they won't make you happy-happy, but you'll feel a lot more normal if they're working. If you notice a difference, but not enough, you might need a higher dose (but talk to your psychiatrist first). I wish you luck, anon.

What are your guys thoughts on Mark Fisher? I think the dudes depression was affecting his thinking way too much. Not that all of his criticisms were wrong but i think he was just reading too much into vaporwave and recycled genres as some kind of end of culture when in fact it's just nostalgia just being a cool thing overall and also a good thing to profit on.

>>21436625
Thanks anon. I wish you the best.

>>21433131
Anyone can comment on this?

>>21436727
it's possible. illnesses that are gendered are under-diagnosed in the other. it's not an accident that autism is diagnosed much more in men, and anorexia much more in females. bias is a big issue in the medical fields.

>>21435862
I agree with the first part of your post, but I disagree with the beginnong of the second half of your post. I'm not saying you should have a bunch of male or female friends (if you are woman or man respectively), but definitely understanding where thr other sex is coming from and understanding them as people rather than just sexual objects (which most people recognize their spouse to be) is the completion of human knowledge abd the fulfilment of true love. You can't really love whoever you don't know and likewise I can't love a woman unless I know her deeply, past the masks she presents to the world and she is subject to the same in regards for her love for me. To that end, friendship is a necessary prerequisite of a dolid romantic relationship sonce there has to be commonality of purpose and an understanding of the other as a human being just like you (which is why having common interests, values, religions, etc is important in a relationship. Nor everything has to be the same, but enough so that the romantic relationship can flourish). Now, yiu shoukd make your intentions clear that you want a romantic friendship rather than a purely Platonic friendship as time goes on, but there is no conflict between eros and phillia. They build upon one another and strengthen one another in a good relationship. A lot of this I'm getting from Aristotle's Nichomachaen Ethics and Musonius Rufus' treatise on marriage, but they are right on the money; only two types of marriages survive: ones based purelt on mutual survival/familial bonds and ones that are aimed toward the eudaimoniac ends of both the man and woman (or otherwise, romantic friendships that are aomed at the man and woman being better people for themselves, their spouses, their children, families, the state/world, etc). I think the breakdown and overanalysis of true friendship has led up to this point in time. Also the nebulous marrying someone out of "love", which often means marrying someone for what they appear to be, not what they are. The only thing stopping men and women from attaining this ideal.os themselves and their inability to see the truth of the matter really, not an underlying truth of human existence.

>>21436738
Exactly. And the significant gap in suicide rate further suggests it in this particular case.

Time is superior to space, unity is superior to conflict, realities are superior to ideas, the whole is superior to the part.

>>21436754
I was wondering what could be some real maybe historical example of this kind of marriage, where there was both romantic love and friendship. I am not the person you were replying to, by the way.

>>21434853
I often think of hanging myself somewhere in nature and calling the police with my location to take away the body not to shock anyone.
If you say you're glad you didn't finish it, maybe I'll try thinking of it less.
>although I'm not, technically speaking, an incel
What are you?

It fascinates me how this guy brings up Walter Ong in every single review.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/profile/amzn1.account.AH2J7IPE3YXHCGFJIBKUOIWZC5VA

>>21436862
Nta but a mentalcel probably. Someone that has had sex or has had propositions but turns them down or now avoids them for personal reasons.
Speaking of which, almost all incels are actually mentalcels.

>>21436852
I can think of a couple:
Cratres of Thebes and Hipparchia of Maroneia
G.E.M. Anscombe and Peter Geach
Peter Abelard and Heloise
There was also a Hungarian-Australian mathematics couple that worked on problems and lived to their 90s and died one day apart. I can't remember their name though.


It seems that it really is an ideal that more philosophically oriented, or at least intelligent people are capable of. This is less of a "Shitting on the average person" moment and more of a maybe it's an ideal that's only possible to attain when you actively work with your spouse pn a larger goal.both of you share. This just an observstion though. It may or may not be true.

Mom would say how she likes big dicks and her pussy is tight, that is weird right?

>>21436977
Are you like that yourself too?
>>21437027
>that is weird right?
Yes

>>21436444
You need to find cheap hobbies or expensive ones where the items last a long time. For me it's archery, reading, and writing. Archery is expensive but a one time purchase and then cheap for years, and the other two are cheap as long as you pirate.
You've also got to lost the attachment to garbage. If you don't need it don't get it. So many times people will think "so cool! this will save me a few minutes a day on cutting onions!" bullshit. Get rid of that shit right now. You like listening to music? I do too, except I get mine for free and don't mind taking a minute to download what I want to hear.
Saving money, or working less, requires that you be okay with minimal convenience and comfort.

I'm afraid once we learn to live there won't be time.

>>21437209
Life is not about learning to live, but learning to die.

>>21437220
That sounds like an extra large package of bs.

I love this cat. A beautiful girl, just over a year old. Grey fur mixed with dark grey and black stripes, who is filled with nothing but love and affection. Slathering me with kisses and constantly playfully bitting at my fingers.

When I leave my room to go about my day. She will run to me for love and attention, which I will give. I always do.

I don’t think I’ll ever meet a cat so open with their love for an owner and I will be utterly crushed when she is gone. But that is a world away. Right now, she is my world.

Pic related, the cat

>>21432842
I don't believe in 'kikes'
that's just an insult.
Maybe I'll be Jewish just to spite insecure little cocks like you.
I'm really kind of theistically Satanic if anything. lmao. It's just adult art after all.

>>21437233
Unless what you mean by "live" is "maximize fun and pleasure," you already know how to live considering that, at the very least, you are alive. If you mean correct, ethical, or moral behavior, then that is another problem entirely. In any case, most people very well know how to live, but they do not know how to die. They approach it with fear and confusion. Life is better spent learning how to die.

>>21437248
/pol/tards don't give a shit about converts. Racial jews are what they have a problem with (since most of the jews in high positions are atheist anyway). All you'd do is become more of a lulcow.

The word for bad in Persian and "bad" in English are pronounced exactly the same and have the same meaning, but they're not etymologically related at all.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D8%A8%D8%AF#Persian
But the Persian word "xvahar", meaning sister, shares the same etymology as the word "sister" in English.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%87%D8%B1

>>21437256
explain right fucking now what I have to do with any of this fucking shit. I'm not Jewish, I'm not a /pol/tard bigot, I'm not a lulcow. NONE OF THAT APPLIES AND I DO NOT CARE GET THE FUCK AWAY.

>>21437286
You'd be a lolcow if you did something as retarded as "convert to judaism" just to dab on an anon that said the no-no word lmao

>>21437253
False dichotomy.
I mean learning to live a life that is rewarding.
Honestly, it'd be enough for me if I didn't just constantly ask myself wtf am I doing with my life and whether this is all that's to it.

>>21437286
Kek
You should kill yourself tranny

>>21437292
This genre will always be categorically racist.
/Pol/ was a mistake and the Jews are okay!

>>21437310
Remain ignorant, seething despised moron.

>>21437306
This may sound like pseud shit but I'd say knowing how to die necessitates that one will live a purposeful life.
A proper death is one which is with purpose, or as a casualty towards a purpose. If one understands this and lives towards a goal which ultimately results in death, their entire life and every action will have meaning; either through the process of learning in the approach of death, resistance of that which might interrupt the procession of death, and actions which themselves approach death.
Living to live necessitates that one's life is meaningless and what little meaning one might have deluded themselves into believing ultimately terminates with death.

>>21437086
I’m a girl does it make it less weird?
I think my family may have been abusive

>>21437348
>I’m a girl
Unlikely.
>does it make it less weird?
No.
>I think my family may have been abusive
Possilby. Can't tell from what you wrote.

>>21437369
Is going on father daughter trips weird?
Is my dad asking if my pussy hairy weird?

>>21437457
You seem like a male tranny and just fantasizing about this. If it's true then yeah it's weird but what are you going to do about it? it's not even worth worrying about because you can't change it.

>>21437457
Going on father daughter trips is not weird under the condition that he doesn't ask you about your pubic hair.

I feel much better after reading this. I always felt diagramming was stupid.

Does anyone else's mind wander when they read? It happens to me a bit and I'm wondering if it's normal?

>>21437536
It's social media induced attention deficiency. It will happen until you can retrain your mind.
>t. used to happen to me and starts happening again if I use 4chan more than an hour a day for a while

>>21433304
>odds of dying before the age of 75 if one were to not take any sort of medicine during bouts of illness? Assuming one had already made it to adulthood.
Pretty high, but it's selecting for especially healthy people. The majority of people who don't take medicine will be because they just didn't need any, with a significant minority of people doing it for religious reasons where their religion is likely to also preclude things like alcohol or tobacco as well. Ruling ojt those who died in childhood gives a further statistical boost because your age expectancy at 18 is always going to be greater on average than at 5, because people who were bringing down the life expectancies by decades have died at that point and everyone alive at 18 has a higher average. Add to those the majority of the reversal of life expectancy for first world countries is due to drugs or medical misadventures (the US opiate epidemic; antidepressants and antipsychotics overprescription and emerging side effects) and you're going to have to step in front of a truck or armed robber to die young.

>>21437552
Though, as a caveat, if you're poor, you're probably dying younger than people will similar life style choices but who are rich. Air pollution and food quality will get you bumped back a few years like a smoker.

>>21432641
i've been trying to find a way to sit crosslegged for meditation without my feet falling asleep for months. my feet are literally bruised and my left knee is tweaked and i'm probably going to get nerve damage in my feet because of this. i've sat in every conceivable way. sitting in a chair feels wrong

>>21437592
Spread those legs boy. Are you tryna crush your balls?

>>21437600
I dont mean crosslegged like a woman sits I mean tailorwise or lotus like positions

I am a meme mom. I mine memes to mom memes. Someone set us up the meme bomb. Therefore I will set us up right.

>>21437563
>bumped back a few years like a smoker
>a few years

smoking will fuck you up, when you’re still young (<25) it only really affects your mood in a seriously harmful way but after that you’re doing serious harm to your health. You’ll find as you get older you’ll become out of breath when you try to break out into even a brisk jog, your hair will be much, much thinner compared to someone your age who doesn't smoke and your skin much wrinklier, and you’ll look like a fucking idiot sucking on a pacifier, but more importantly it will depress the fuck out of you, make you become a cynical bastard and take so much from your willpower, the body is the basis for everything, look after it, what smoking does to it is just terrible. Dont smoke, it can teach you a lot about the fragility of the body, about the nature of addiction and about negative people, so that you can avoid these things in the future, but if you’re smoking after 30 you have to be a fucking idiot or you just dont care.

My spine tingles in delight.

Today I browsed the internet and accidentally found a lot of Instagram profiles of former schoolmates of mine. It was painful to look at. I used to see these people every day, now they're busy traveling around the world, working stupid jobs, studying dull courses at Uni. Seeming content, and so very well-connected. I'm very aware that none of them are actually that happy. Even if they were, the joy they experience isn't necessarily to be envied.
Yet, despite the fact that a good part of their persona is in some sense fake, their lives are almost certainly much more real than mine. They're still actually traveling around, meeting friends, enjoying their lives; they might not be sincere people, but their experiences are sincere. The life of the average modern eremite is much more drowned in virtuality. At least mine is.
I've never known any of these people very well. I wasn't involved with anybody. Was always a tiny bit too autistic, too weird, too hesitant to experience proper social interaction. But I know these people's game. It's all about recognition, and that is what I hate. So much that I couldn't play this game even if I was able to do so. Of course, I'm still guilty myself: Every goal I want to achieve is in some way linked to recognition. And all of these goals are nothing more than unjustified dreams. I failed at the simplest things already, I didn't even manage to find one friend who is real in every sense of the word, I have no right to dream so much. But what else should I do? It would be easier for me to live without clothes than without dreams.
All that this Instagram visit did for me was make me more misanthropic and tear open old and new wounds. I think they'd hurt if I hadn't lost any measure of mental pain by now. There is absolutely no escape, not even suicide. What could I possibly do

>>21437240
Adorable

>>21436639
I despise him with every fiber of my being

>>21437681
an addendum, i don't want to be pushy or anything, anyone reading this make your own decisions because that’s the only way you’ll learn to be a responsible adult, i just say it because in my opinion everyone here is really bright and in many respects gifted, you’re all arseholes too, but you’re different from the majority of people, and when you’re different you often stand in contention, and when you stand in contention with the majority it is imperative you cultivate healthy habits imo, it’s just self evident.

"Ugh, this is such a Society of the Spectacle, by Guy Debord" she muttered, mispronouncing both names.

>>21437286
>I'm not a lulcow
Doubt.jpg

>>21437681
While you're at it, tell people to stop being poor and/or addicted to opiates. Those will fuck your shit up at least as bad, kill you faster, and make people treat you with contempt too.

Know how

I have extremely specific taste and have spent thousands of dollars on custom erotica. I'm a total loser/virgin so I think of it as money I would spend on a hypothetical relationship. Almost all of it is from one person.

I'm a good man in a storm.

>people who are legitimately fucking abused by their parents/family
>still, even as adults, go back to their house every holiday/christmas to get a dollop of more abuse on the abuse pie, then surprised when they're once again subjected to abuse

what the fuck?

>>21437913
porn is why you're a virgin, find God and repent of your sins

>>21437704
You're a failed normie and will forever be bitter

Im not sure how much of hell one can experience on earth before blowing their brains out with a gun or strangling themselves from the ceiling. I would say that when the person you love dies and everything on Earth is anything but her, I would say that hell has arrived, the misery you are thrown in puts life in perspective, it makes you understand it. It makes you see that the real world is just an illusion and when the walls come breaking down what’s left is just the chase of dopamine and nothing else. I try to find a reason a live but the only thing I can find are reasons not to kill myself. Reason number one being that my mother would be devastated and she has done so much for me that she deserves for me to carry on with life and live this painful horror just so that I could make her proud and make her see that maybe life wasn\t so bad because her son is happy and successful and is sharing his wealth with her. That’s something I’ve learned now, and that’s to never put your mother second for a woman ever again. Because your mother will say that she loves you and that feeling won’t go away like it does for a woman who says she loves you. A stranger’s love is temporary and bipolar, coming in and out. A mother loves you until she dies, maybe its just a motherly chip in her brain and that makes them love you unconditionally (thank you evolution for once again protecting our species) but a strange woman who gets to know you for years on end and claims to love you can have that love particle within her removed and see you for nothing more than a man who she used to know. Darkness truly grinds you and sharpens you to understand the human the condition, one of loneliness and dispair, but your mother, your mother always loves you. So while my mother lives I’ll try to give her the best life I can and then when she dies I can go ahead and move on with my life and finally remove the existence that cancer is from myself and rid myself of everything and anything, joining my mother in the next chapter of whatever comes after life. I truly hate life but I can hide my despair as much as I can in front of my mother in order to make her existence a little less miserable. I can live for my mother and once she’s gone I can go too. Go either with a fresh new family of my own or maybe with a bullet in my head. Whichever way I decide to end my nihilistic and cynical life cycle would only be known when the moment arrives. Till then, I will carry on, every waking morning pushing the boulder up the mountain only to wake the next day next to a new boulder at the bottom of the mountain and for the days struggle to start anew. I truly hate life.

>>21436440
Yes

This new wagie job is actually comfy. I'm around people and actually not spazzing out. Girls are flirting with me and I'm having fun.

>>21436550
Yeah I had the brain fog for a month. It was rough.

>>21437240
Very pretty cat. I had a grey tabby cat much like it. It had the perfect personality. Very prim and proper, kept good posture, would enunciate every meow. I miss that cat

>>21438132
This is going to sound harsh, but I think you need to hear it: I would be disgusted if my child felt this way about me, and lived out of obligation to me. Live for your own sake or you will never fulfillment or happiness. Being loved unconditionally is passive and unsatisfying. To find it in yourself to love someone else unconditionally who has never done anything for you and might not even love you back, to go out on your own and start a family or a project or a community and love the work no matter what form it takes…that’s what maturity is about. You’re missing out on it.

Let's suppose I get a gf, what should I do with all my hard drives? Some of all those image reactions I have downloaded over the years are kinda hard to explain and I'm 100% sure she would eventually just check what is one of those hard drives.
But man, they are history, I can't throw them like that.

>>21438331
You're saying that loving someone unconditionally, and then that that person doesn't love you back that way is a good thing?

AAAAHHHHHH WHEN THE FUCK DOES THE FUCKING MARIAH CAREY MUSIC STOP

I WANT SOMEONE TO ASSASSINATE HER AT THIS RATE

TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC OFF

I'M READY TO CLAW MY EARS OFF

>>21438352
Upload them to a cloud service, dingus.

I do have an immense fear of intimacy that even at slightest moment of flirting, I engage the self-cockblocking mode.

I hate thinking and thoughts and the pretension of being smart. It just ends up being cringe 99% of the time and being ironic isn’t fun or profound

>>21432762
Based

I wonder what happened to that tripfag Landon from around 2012. I liked that guy, I thought his writing was a bit shit at the time but it always stuck with me. I wonder if he ever finished that novel.

I’m so bored. What’s left for me to do? I’ve read everything worth reading, I’ve had a loving family and loving gf. What’s left? Now I’m stuck here completely bored. I have only the feeling of my body falling apart to look forward to. How aren’t you guys bored?

>>21432641
After becoming a wizard, I finally ascended, litbros. No longer an incel.
And desu it wasn't that great. The chick loved it, but the main act just felt kinda dull for me. I think I just don't like sex. I'd rather just cuddle with her and read her some of my fave poems. Maybe this is b/c I have the estrogen fingers.

I just I realized that my teeth are kinda of fucked up
Man, I need to get a job and fix them asap

>>21434303
Haven't heard any of that before, jks. I'm surprised you people are still stuck with the same fucking tropes and bullshit lines since I began identifying as an anarchist in 2015 when a teenager. Good thing you're not any closer to fulfilling your programs especially since capitalism is becoming ever more reinforced with popular support for greening our economy with the full backing of the financial elite.

This girl walked into my workplace and immediately lay eyes on me. Within a minute she was bent over right in front of me to tie her shoes. She hung around, orbiting, casting greedy eyes on me. But some fucking old boomer demanded I find a coupon on his email for his purchase. That mother fucker took up all my time and this gorgeous girl who was so infatuated with me slipped away. Ugh. Fucking boomers. They are such a nightmare in retail settings.

>>21438420
Same. So uncomfortable when a woman touches me and even more awkward not calling them back after they give me their number. This kind of thing is why I exclusively work at home.

Lately I've been thinking about all the crossroads Ive benn at in my life. I think about how if I had made even a slightly different decision how different a person I would be. Its such an odd feeling.

>>21438505
I remember when women touched me in a flirty way, it activated my freeze or run away mode.

>>21432641
I woke up to rain drops splashing my face. Confused and wet, I ran to the light switch, only to find that my roof has developed a leak. As I analyzed the severity of the leak, I began to laugh for reasons I have yet to ascertain.

>>21438383
nta but it's true.

>>21438577
Continued:
I suppose there is joy to be found in the face of failure

>>21438580
Ive fixed leaks in rooves before. You're in for a big cost.

>>21438583
Funny because the roof is brand new, fully redone just two months ago. Of course, my apartment complex opted to hire the most incompetent group of illegal aliens you ever set your sights on.
A lesson in cutting corners

>>21438586
Oh yeah. They probably caused the leak where there was no problem before. In contracting, you get what you pay for. So stop hiring mexicans and please hire me. Please, I cant afford to work for less than minimum wage, please hire me, please.

Nofap for 3 months. It weighs on my mind less and less with each passing week. Life in this world is like walking a tight rope. Everything fun is bad for you, every prominent person is a liar, every inborn instinct can trigger cascades of consequence. Self mastery above all else is required to live. I can't be Christian, but I'm happy with my time spent reading the Bible, and it contributed to my own beliefs regarding the nature of existence. My future will be like everything else on Earth: Terrible, beautiful, unbelievable, complex, and strange. I love and hate the world.

Going to make a regular Anti-Industrial Literature General once I can figure out how to stop the jannies from getting rid of my threads.

>>21436666
same to you, anon. I hope I helped.

>>21437011
Hubert and June Malicote

>>21438477
Go and fuck a twink. Life isn't boring u are

what positive benefits have 4chan brought to you? i went from "i want to kms" depressing mentality to "i have to live to kill all these scumbags". a significant improvement if i may say

How would you know if something is a p-zombie, hypothetically speaking?

Why do “people” (for a lack of a better word) always get filtered by the end of Dagon by Lovecraft? They think a Deep One is literally floating at a window… do they not know what context clues are?

>>21439108
It gives me a way to vent violent impulses nonviolently at a moment’s notice. It sounds crazy, but I have almost completely stopped self harming since using 4chan. When I feel that rage, I just come here and I can either make a kind post and feel better, or make a rage post and feel better, or make a post that gets people to lash out at me and feel better. Maybe it’s still self harm in some ways, but at least it hasn’t given me any concussions.

>>21437813
I would but, alas, all my heroes are crazy, does that make me insane ?

Do we not need to light lanterns in the morning?

I had a gnostic experience about enzymes except they were spiritual beings without high intellects that live in our bodies. The people who are excel at something, like math, or art, or music, have the particular enzyme that make it all possible. They come in various shapes and sizes but the one I saw looked like something in between a colourful palette and a jellyfish.

>>21437240
i have girl cat she's kinda distant and doesn't like being inside
i had a male cat too who was more cuddly and homely he could spend all day laying tucked by you lost him when he ventured too far in breeding season during his first 'puberty' i blame my mother

>>21439315
you should look into worm pill

>>21437240
I've been visiting an animal shelter occasionally and have bought everything I need to take care of a cat, but am not sure if I am capable of taking care of another being. This post inspired me to do it. I'll have to research vets first, but perhapsingly I shall walk into the shelter with my carrier and inquire the front desk regarding their finest cat. Or their worst cat that no one wants. Thanks anon

>>21439143
Impossible to know because p-zombies are supposed to be able to perfectly replicate conscious behavior.

>>21432641
Here's how it is. I remember without a conscious effort to remember. A person I know appears and I say their name without recalling it actively. What is it that recalls the name? Thoughts pass as streams of activity but the I which perceives those thoughts to be his is not the thoughts or the origin thereof. What is it which thinks the thoughts and what is it that perceives them? Actions and thoughts come in reaction to stimuli, but the I which perceives those actions and thoughts to be his can observe the body and mind undertaking those actions and thoughts from elsewhere even if they seem to require significant cognitive power. What is it that provides the power? What is the I which units all these?

>>21437186
>collected a drawer cabinet worth of electronic components and tools that i have since a decade and never make anything
>now want to get into mechanics because start small maintenance on vehicles at home because i'm neeting
>bought a bicycle which was kinda expensive for someone with no income but did it with the pretext as a general transport for long time and exercise since i feel like i have the d word
>few years ago martial arts was my exercise for life but now don't do it much
>not able to control developing new hobbies all the time
>shelves are always full of garbage that i need for something or other
>tfw can't live life on a single bag full of things

mods are asleep poast cats

>>21438477
I'm bored, yeah. That's why I write shit. I get something perfectly tailored to me and my interests, I can enjoy reading it forever if I print it out, and the process of writing it is challenging, if not actively fun.

some years ago i grew sadistic cuz school or shits so i decided to kick my cat when it was coming toward me intending to sleep on my nap. after some 3 to 4 kicks it finally realized and stopped.
i don't remember if it was the same one but one day going home and being pissed cuz family n school dishonesty wasteful stuff i kicked my cat so high it jumped about a meter.
i hate my life

21439685
u suck

>>21439685
Damn a traditional 2000's edgelord. I thought the /pol/ edgelords scared your kind away around 2015. Almost nostalgic to see your kind still in the wild. Even teenagers don't write like that anymore

>>21439713
i'm esl, it's already hard to construct sentences with my english skills, writing like that is quicker.

I'm divulge a development that worries me significantly. Last night when I went to bed I felt this fire in my chest. It's not exactly painful but it isn't pleasant, and it is not conducive of rest. To cut it short: after about 30-40 minutes I gave into the fantasy that my ex was laying next to me, and her one hand was on my chest. And I took her hand and I kissed it thoroughly, and moved it across my face, both in a tender and then a kind of a joking way. Then I imagined that I explained to her what all of this meant to me, and that none of it, neither the joke-like part, was a game; that all of this was the utmost of which I could express the sentiment behind "I love you". That the words were not enough, but that to give my attention and all of my doing to just this, moment by moment, to make the choice that this was how I used my time: this meant much more than a few words. I explained it seriously and thoroughly, and then put her hand back on my chest. After this fantasy I noticed that the feeling of that fire was gone and I could sleep. I now worry that the only way I will ever get sleep is by deepening these fantasies of her, who is long gone. This does not seem like a sustainable way of life.

The Harold Bloom of kots

>"nap"
aaaaaaaa and i was just telling inside my own head "don't even type the wrong word, don't even type the wrong word". i hate the whole education system of this country

>>21438433
Why do you care if it's cringe or not? If how you behave is harming others or yourself, you can work on that, but if it's not, why change? You may be judging yourself too harshly. There's nothing wrong with being eccentric. Maybe you just need to learn how to express your eccentricity in a more palatable way. Outright cynicism can be off-putting, but everyone loves a funny motherfucker.
Also it might be worth examining why you believe being ironic is necessarily linked to intelligence. Some of the dumbest shitheads cover their unbalanced intelligence levels with irony, sarcasm, banter and the like. I should know, I used to be one of them. High IQ, extremely low EQ. That sort of thing. I'm working on it now, and things are finally getting better. I don't know your life, but if you find yourself thinking that you suck but still might be superior to most other people, you might be falling pray to a particular cognitive bias called an introspection illusion. If that's the case, see if you can let up on yourself a bit. You don't have to treat others and yourself so hard. You can act kind of dumb sometimes and still be a fundamentally smart person. Same goes for others, it's just that you can't read their minds and you're more likely to notice the times they do or say dumb shit vs smart shit.
Life's not all that serious, though. Find things to think about and enjoy. Don't overthink other people, yourself or society. Wash your pillowcase more often. Touch a soft animal now and then. You'll be okay. All the best dude

The girl reclined back into the deep, roll top bath. Her brunette hair still pulled into the tight ponytail. She still had the makeup on from the party, a half smoked cigarette still burned slowly in her hand. She turned to me, smiling with that same feline grin she had. "I still have those poppers you know, they were great last time werent they?" She took a long draw from the cigarette "if youre really good I may even let you kill me during".

>>21439815
"Telling myself" or "saying inside my own head" if you're esl. Telling usually has to be followed by a person ("I will tell the media"; "she was telling him about it"; "I told myself I wouldn't but I did"), but you can use it when telling something without a person too ("telling lies"; "telling tales out of school"; "telling a story"). "Telling inside my own head" is technically right but conjures a weird image which "telling myself inside my own head" won't.

>>21437627
So this is what true, enduring inner peace feels like. The clarity, depth, and power is beyond what I ever thought possible.

There is no difference between philosophy and psychology, they are heart and mind, one in the same organism. Their subject is the same: the fundamental questions of human existence, which must integrate one's most personal questions of one's own existence. I am sure that the broad fields of psychology and philosophy are destined to find each other as friends again, and unite as one in their efforts to heal the world and each other in a way that was never possible before.

>>21437627
Love it. This sort of thing is why I read Jiddu Krishnamurti's speeches from time to time. Any thoughts on him, anon?

>>21439847
Thank you. I really appreciate it. I do know there's something wrong with my sentence but can't just spend 30 minutes to google it up every time I type something unsound. Maybe I should just stick to grammatical textbook English but writing like that on places like 4chan is just too... what's the formal word that I should use instead of "gay" here?

>>21439888
Writing in textbook formal language is fine. If you really belong then you should feel no desire to fit in.

>>21439768
It's not sustainable. Focus on that feeling and sit with it. The thoughts are unimportant, ultimately, except in that capacity by which they feed into a narrative that leads you right back to that "fire." Next time you feel it, instead of delving into storylines and fantasies, focus on the feeling itself. Imagine the shape it has, if it has a color. Trace every jagged edge of it as it sits in your chest, and just know that it will pass. Try not to let yourself drift away with the thoughts associated with this feeling, because without the feeling, the thoughts have no importance, right? If you find yourself falling into the fantasy, gently return your attention to the feeling and just let the thoughts drift away. This technique is legitimately the cheat code to your inner emotional life. It may not work very well at first, or at all, but if you come back to it, practice it, strengthen it, your life will be your own again.

>>21439963
I'll try it.

One good thing happened today at least, maybe more I haven't thought of yet. I actually told my sister, who I may have had my first really good conversation with today, what I've thought for a while, namely that it's up to her and me to basically drag our very.. I mean I don't know if he's maladjusted or just otherwise adjusted, but our father either way: our job to drag him across the finish-line of a natural death, ie of not killing himself, which neither of us can really tell if it's likely to happen or not. And her reaction? (because I did feel this was a somewhat dramatic thing to say) Her reaction was "HAH I've thought the same thing!"

very cool.

>>21440009
It is fair to say that we are raised on Wes Anderson. We saw the Royal Tennenbaums in the theater (I was about 10 at the time I think, very age appropriate). Maybe that is about to pay off.

>>21440030
it you haven't seen it, it's at least in part about a guy who wants to fuck his sister so bad he tries to kill himself. Maybe he's adopted, but I don't think so.

>>21440037
while being a quirky, and all around I think good, dark comedy about family.

>>21440043
wholesome, still.

I don't mean that it's about to pay off in the sense that I want to fuck my sister, I don't. It's just in the vein of his kind of thing, that exchange.

Are we talking about incest now?
I've had at least one sexually-charged dream about my younger sister a week for years. It's annoying and I wish I would stop having them.

>>21439868
I have heard of him, but haven't met him until now. At your suggestion I watched this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJm-N4B_odA

Some parts of this video, especially the earlier parts, resounded with me as being profoundly true. Others not so much, especially the suggestion that desire is undesirable, which I see as a flaw that is present in some aspects of Eastern thought, which emphasizes change in the present moment at the expense of change over time. Western thought tends to make the opposite error. Only by integrating these two fundamental perspectives of change can one truly become one with change.

>>21440095
I'll admit, so that you feel less lonely, that I remember some of my first very early but probably pubertal sexual fantasies were about my mother and my sister. I do remember that I had sexual fantasies about girls in my class much earlier though. At 7-8 years old (this can be dated by the particular schoolyard) I remember wishing that my penis would be somehow locked inside the vagina of a girl in my class, that doctors would be unable to separate us, and that this would be very good. I think I got somewhat close to suggesting to her that we have intercourse.

>>21440095
>mfw no sisters to dream of pounding

Dream interpreter bros, help me out.

I had a very vivid, almost feverish dream about having to go repair something at a house owned by several people I used to know. There were lots of women there and it was a kind of hippie flophouse. They had all taken different life paths from mine, living as hippie flops. I got injured and one late arrival woman was helping me, and she was missing her arm below the elbow.

Should I become a hippie or fuck a one-armed woman? What's the message here

>>21432641
gonna tell my pastor i'm gay and ask him what to do about it
i'm at the end of my chain
i cannot cope
it would have been better not to be born

>>21440267
I can tell you don't have a sister. There's something biological built in to the mind to make them seem so disgusting. I can't imagine how mentally disturbed someone has to be to actually have a sister and be attracted to them.

>>21440287
>brothers, on the other hand

>>21440284
Have you tried getting on with your life like everyone else except you date and fuck dudes instead of chicks?

>>21440287
I went through a pretty coomery phase when I hit puberty, I did some things I'm not proud of. If I had an older sister who was objectively hot it is hard for me to think I wouldn't have done at least something.

>>21440284
>i cannot cope
Did you ever manage to quit porn over time? It does a lot.

>>21440310
It goes against his religion... He's going through a real crisis and all you can think is to say "be more liberal bro." Can you please not disrespect people's lived experience by imposing your own belief systems onto theirs, colonialist?

>>21440310
yeah
i've had lovely relationships with men and i'd give anything to have that forever
but that's not how it works
>>21440313
i don't like porn and i'm not an overtly sexual person, i am just incapable of romantic love for women

>>21440267
It's irritating and discomforting, and I say this as someone with a significant amount of oncest doujins saved on his hard drive. I don't want to associate my actual sister with that kind of thing.

>>21440352
Just because it's not working out right now doesn't mean it won't forever. We all go through dry spells or phases where we can't find someone who fits with our values or desires. I guess all I can say is that I wish you the best. Maybe your pastor will be helpful, who knows. I'd say don't go if you're kind of using your religion as self-harm though. I'm not gay but I am catholic and I used confession as self-harm when I was younger. The priest at my school actually noticed I was doing that and convinced me to seek other forms of help. Happy to say I'm in a better place now. Whatever route you choose to take, I hope it gets you somewhere more comfortable than where you are now.

>>21440352
I really do believe desires can change. Maybe some people really are just born that way, I don't know, but I do believe it. If you have a good relationship with your priest I think it sounds like a good idea.

Not talking is a really good way to seem like less of an ass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gkAF5_UOj8

I have yet to read a poem that moves me as much as this song currently does. Please rec poetry that is guaranteed to stir the emotions of even the most stoic of men.

>>21440478
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_mLxEw6XGE

>>21440478
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbM_0hRTSiA

>>21440301
Lmao

I am the only human on 4chan. You are all bots. I am no longer decieved.

>>21440508
There's a very old meme that the internet is just you and one korean 12 year old with adhd. I guess I'd be about 30 by now.

>>21432641
God looks after drunks and fools but does He forgive them?

>>21439888
>what's the formal word that I should use instead of "gay" here?
Nice trips. "Maladroit" could work instead of gay if you want a gay fancy pants way of saying it. 4chan's built on making up gay new grammars to bully people who don't understand your faggy meme language, so it's a pretty good way to learn, because not only does it reveal the kind of natural logic English speakers use when making up bad English and new English phrases, niggers will tell you you're wrong.

Next thread

>>21440709
>>21440709
>>21440709