/lit/ - Literature

Its bad. It has a weird, disjointed tempo. The focal points jump all over the place, words being repeated obnoxiously: "bridge".... "bridge".... "bridge. Bridge"

>>21341325
he should've hired a ghostwriter. It's embarassingly bad.
>cars
>honking
>the bridge
>cars
>cars
>the bridge
>honking
>the bridge
>honking
>the bridge
>honking
Reminds me of that F. Gardner's young teacher excerpt. WIll try to find it.

its almost likle it was written by someone who doesnt read literature and gets overly excited about capeshit

>>21341325
That's really bad. 3/10 at best.

>>21341473

>>21341325
MFA woman tier.

>>21341478
lmao

>>21341325
Reads like DeLillo lmao

>>21341325
thats a lot of honking

>>21341325
>the bridge's roar
is this separate from the honking?

>>21341325
Ouch. I like the guy, but this is bad.

>>21341469
He definitely has a vocabulary issue for supposedly being a jew with a high verbal IQ but the structure overall isn't bad. Its just boring whatever he is writing about. As for the "focal point" the subject of the text is having a panic attack so thats probably the point.

Death to Israel

Then he heard the voice.

“Hey, pig,” it said. The voice wasn’t deep. It was the voice of a child. And the kid stood outside the door of the quick mart, legs spread, arms hanging down by his sides. A cute black kid, wearing a Simpsons T-shirt and somebody’s old Converse sneakers and baggy jeans.

On his hip, stuck in those baggy jeans, was a pistol.

It looked like a pistol, anyway. But O’Sullivan couldn’t see clearly. The light wasn’t right. He could see the bulge, but not the object.

O’Sullivan put his flashlight back in his belt and put his hand back on his pistol, the greasy handle still warm to the touch.

“Stop right there, pig,” the kid said. His hand began to creep down toward his waistband.

O’Sullivan pulled the gun out of its holster, leveling it at the kid. “Put your hands above your head. Do it now!”

“Fuck you, honky,” the kid shot back. “Get the fuck out of my neighborhood.” Then he laughed, a cute kid’s laugh. O’Sullivan looked for sympathy behind those eyes, found none.

Oh, shit, O’Sullivan thought. Then he said, “Hands up. Right now.”

The kid laughed again, a musical tinkling noise. “You ain’t gonna shoot me, pig. What, you afraid of a kid?”

O’Sullivan could feel every breath as it entered his lungs. “No, kid, I don’t want to shoot you,” he said. “But I need you to cooperate. Put your hands above your head. Right now.”

The kid’s hand shifted to his waistband again. O’Sullivan’s hands began to shake.

“Get the fuck out of my neighborhood,” the kid repeated.

O’Sullivan looked around stealthily. Still nobody on the street. Totally empty. The sweat on his forehead felt cold in the night air. In the retraining sessions at the station, they’d told officers to remember the nasty racial legacy of the department, be aware of the community’s justified suspicion of police. Right now, all O’Sullivan was thinking about was getting this kid with the empty eyes to back the fuck off.

“Go on home,” he said.

“You go home, white boy,” said the kid. His hand moved lower.

Suddenly, O’Sullivan’s head filled with a sudden clarity, his brain with a preternatural energy. He recognized the feel of the adrenaline hitting. He wasn’t going to get shot on the corner of Iowa and Van Dyke outside a shitty convenience store in a shitty town by some eight-year-old, bleed out in the gutter of some city the world left behind. He had a life, too.

The gun felt alive in his hand. The gun was life.

The muzzle was aimed dead at the kid’s chest. No way to miss, with the kid this close, just ten feet away maybe. Still cloaked in the shadow of the gas station overhang.

“Kid, I’m not going to ask you again. I need you to put your hands on top of your head and get on your knees.”

“Fuck you, motherfucker.”

>>21341478
this book written about kindergartners reads like it was written by them

>>21341724
famous author F. Gardner™ is really ahead of his time.

Eh, >>21341694 is correct and OP was a dishonest jew for posting the excerpt without context (could've been much more than 8 lines). OP's pic is indeed bad without context.
See: picrel, >>21341716 and the rest of it:

“I’m serious.”

The kid’s hand was nearly inside his waistband now.

“Don’t do that,” O’Sullivan said.

The kid smiled, almost gently.

“Don’t.”

The kid’s smile broadened, the hand moved down into the pants. “Get the fuck out of my hood,” the kid cheerfully repeated. “I’ll cap your ass.”

“Kid, I’m warning you,” O’Sullivan yelled. “Put your hands above your head! Do it now…”

The roar shattered the night air, a sonic boom in the blackness. The shot blew the kid off his feet completely, knocked him onto his back.

O’Sullivan reached for his radio, mechanically reported it: “Shots fired, officer needs help at the gas station on Iowa and Van Dyke.”

“Ohgodohgodohgodohgod,” O’Sullivan repeated as he moved toward the body, the smoke rising from his Glock. He pointed it down at the kid again, but the boy wasn’t moving. The blood seeped through Homer Simpson’s face, pooled around the kid’s lifeless body. The grin had been replaced with a look of instantaneous shock. His hand had fallen out of his waistband with the force of the shooting.

In it was a toy gun, the tip orange plastic.

For a brief moment, O’Sullivan couldn’t breathe. When he looked up, he saw them coming. Dozens of them. The citizens of Detroit, coming out of the darkness, congregating. He could feel their eyes.

Officer Ricky O’Sullivan sat down on the curb and began to cry.

>>21341785
lmao

>>21341694
>Death to Israel
>not to all kikes
can't fool me, Shlomo

>>21341478
Is this for real or just a meme?

>>21341716
>>21341785
Terrible