/lit/ - Literature

>>21210495
But it's not an old man, it literally says it is a large, robed owl. The character is stated as being human, and the thing that created it is not. Even the narrator is referring to the character though as 'newly made'? They're in a room covered in masks. None if this makes you even slightly curious what's happening? In the immediate next paragraph the owl leads them to a massive room filled with all kinds of different clothes, armors, weapons, and other things and tells them to go in a choose at whim, if that helps. But even
>>21210471
The "human" doesn't exist until thar moment though. It's similar to a baby. I understand it's not all actiony or particularly unique. But you're saying it doesn't make you slightly curious to read on?

I’ve been working on a screenplay for a couple years but I feel like I have to come to terms and accept that I will never be able to have the resources or distribution to make a movie. Even though literature is largely dead I’ll probably have to convert my story into a novel. Who knows, maybe it will find a small audience if I self-publish.

>>21210505
So what should I describe then? The story, and I mean literally, can't start another way. The magics at work, the character coming to exist just then, the timing of it, all of it has a set function and place already. Thus is why I was trying to rely on unique language and descriptors as well as a strange owl creature and mask-room to be the "hooks". I just described the tables and materials because they're the only other thing there that the newky made can see, and it's only two sentences. I guess I can simply describing what's on the tables though if that helps. Though describing the items is somewhat important down the line as the character comes to discover precisely what they are.

>>21210498
Mostly only five-word sentences, it's obviously more difficult to make something vaguely interesting with only one type of sentence, but not necessarily impossible

>>21210509
None. We as a reader want to know about the awakened and the awakener. Nobody gives a flying fuck about the masks right now. Save that shit for later when it becomes relevant to the story.

>>21210476
Fantasy short story in need of critiquing. I don't mind if you tear me a new one. I need to learn. This almost got into a magazine when I sent it via Submittable, but something was obviously missing from it. Please let me know what's wrong with it.
https://pastebin.com/fsGizTfc

The artist in the OP is Angus McBride, btw:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAJUKmPzkK8&ab_channel=FacesofAncientEurope

>>21210523
I didn't even get a "close call" just "not what we're looking for"

>>21210522
It relevant to the story immediately. Tbh I honestly thought describing them right away would make it obvious, thanks to the name used by the owl and the 5ables in the room.

>>21210532
That was after about a hundred rejections of other things, anon. Just keep hustling.

>>21210523
You have some slightly odd word choice and get a bit "purple" at times. The story flows well otherwise.

>>21210533
It's not. What did the masks do for the MC besides hanging on the wall? We have a dude awakened, and another dude talking to him, yet suddenly we're introduced to masks. What happened to the old man and awakened person? Did the masks wake the guy? What are we doing besides a bunch of masks hung on the oom?

>>21210523
Feels like a bunch of (admittedly somewhat interesting) exposition. Not sure if that was your intention, but it begins to almost feel like a history lecture until the old crone shows up. One nitpick is old crone doesn't have to tell us it's the crow of fate, probably better to leave it a mystery. The son reveal feels a little underwhelming because I don't really care or even know much about any of his sons or which son it is. I don't know if the guy loves his sons, and there's not really any interaction between him and his kids at all other than him naming them.

So in short, potential areas for improvement (from a biased critic):
Give some personality/voice to the exposition (though maybe that's just my preference), or if you can, maybe incorporate all that history another way
Make me care about the son, if that is indeed meant to be the big reveal- big reveals only work if I feel something about them
Consider what is necessary for you to tell the story you want to tell, and what isn't- while a lot of the history you could argue somewhat characterizes our main character, it's also not really that important to (what I assume is) the main focus, which is the reveal that damn he's gonna die by his son's hands, not in some noble outcry while conquering a new land

Sorry if it's harsh, but you asked for honest feedback and it's late for me

>>21210540
So you're saying I chose the wrong voice, and that it should be third person omniscient so that I can give more knowledge in less words immediately to condense what is given at the start of the story, and thus progress the physical events of the story quicker as well?

>>21210539
Yeah I might have tried to be gimmicky by standing out with odd verbiage. I’ll take it down a notch. Thanks.
>>21210549
I’ll remember not to be expository and get rid of history if it’s not central to the plot. The son reveal should have been cooked up better. Thanks for the feedback. Gives me more to work on for the next piece.

>>21210559
Best of luck

>>21210540
But I do understand that particularly at the part describing the tables there is too much, and I will condense that. I wholeheartedly agree there

Honestly, if some /plotters/ want to help the mission, perhaps reach out to the &amp team?

1.3k words today
Elf butt implemented.
Added some tsundere yuri for good measure.

>>21210686
I-it’s not like I like you or anything, Baka!

>>21210494
>I will refer to an antagonistic character as "bad guy", even though we know antagonists can also be female.
>Cause, you know. "Bad guys" is a common phrase.
Okay, fair...
>And yet, I WILL butcher every other sentence with my retarded singular 'they', instead of the correct gender-neutral masculine
What drives you retards to come to these decisions when writing?
What are these half-measures? If you wanna be a feminist retard on a mission to destroy gendered language, then ditch ALL gendered terms and start writing shit like "Tommy DeSimone was to become a made person" and rename boyscouts to kidscouts.
But if you don't, then SPEAK ENGLISH CORRECTLY.
There's no such thing as singular 'they'.
>but m-mh Shakespeare...
Shut up.

>>21210728
>b-but, autism-anon... singular 'they' is older than dinosaur dung, it totally didn't just experience an advent in the last 4-5 years
Yeah, I can see that... look at this dudebro with his masculine pronouns. He must be specifically talking about male humans and nothing but!

>>21210494
Now that I no longer see red, there's actually a plethora of other grammar errors here.
>whimsy
>do what they
Darn. You're not writing on a whiteboard live, anon, you can take a minute to edit this, you know.
>assume they're psychopaths
Oh, now we're suddenly switching to plural? What happened to "bad guy"?
>leave the cheerleader to her fate
>her
How dare you! Cheerleaders can be of any gender they/xey/zey/!@$ desire!
>Darth Vadar
Ooooh... meesa no like da force
By the way, did anyone notice that Jar Jar Binks refers to himself in 3rd person as "meesa", but yet when he first met Qui-Gon and Obiwan, he says "I speak"? Weird.

>>21210523
I was really entertained. Fun writing style.

>>21210980
This is >>>/Cascadia/

>>21210980
Thank you for reading. I’ve only been able to realise that I shouldn’t waste the readers’ time (which I struggled with), because of anon feedback over the years. So thank you all.

"THE AGE OF THE I/LIT/ERATTI IS OVER! A NEW DAY IS UPON US! WITH ELON OUR KING, WE MARCH! DEATH TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The noble compatriots went against the bitter idiocy of their decadent intrinsic desires and believed in their Godhead, saving the world from Evil and rescuing themselves from the obscurity these "publishers" would leave them in! "ON!" BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRT!!!! BEOWULF BUGLES!

>>21210523
Great work Anon. Fortunately, I am currently procrastinating some documentation and thus happy to critique.

Paragraph 1
>Albeit the path over sea was long and arduous, Ulfrik feared not the dangers he faced.
This is the wrong use of "albeit", you can't exactly slot it into every situation where one would usually use "although".
>If he measured himself, he stood at around six of the lengths of his hands.
I think that you're going for a sort of grandioise narration - if that's the case, perhaps you could try "Were he to measure himself" rather than "If he measured himself". I would also replace "of the lengths of his hands" with simply "hand-lengths" since the former feels rather cumbersome to read.
>Nonetheless, he defended himself very well
This is an odd way to describe someone's combat prowess, using it in this context would typically follow an account of him being attacked. In a general sense, you would assert that he was "capable of defending himself" or something along those lines. It might even be possible to remove the assertion outright on the basis of show don't tell, since you later go on to describe some of his feats anyway.
>His weapon’s hilt was never not warmed by his ready palm
Feels stilted due to the double negative "never not"

Paragraph 2
I really like this passage. Maybe shorten the full name of the God in question to either "The Scald-King" or "Hjolmer" to show that the usage is an informal comment between comrades.

Paragraph 3
>The doubters were left in the dust of his tracks, and in stunned awe..
I don't think you need the "and", or the ellipsis here.
>How very much he had achieved!
I would trim the "very" here - sounds stilted.

>First, he set down in a place he named after his patron god
You would typically say "The first" to indicate the city in question. Also, typically it would be the city that is named rather than the location, if we look at how the Norse (and other ancient colonisers like the Greeks) named their colonies. One example is Jorvik, which eventually became a description for the area but initially was only the city of York itself.
>that Scald-King who gave him favour of cunning and daring.
"The" rather than "that" would be a more respectful way of referring to a God (I appreciate you were going for variety here, though).
>Yes, it was Hjolberg
You're not really affirming anything here, so I suggest trimming the "Yes".
>After that,
Feels a little pedestrian. Perhaps "Following this (undertaking),"?

Hope some of that helped, though it's mostly just stylistic choices. I can look at some more later if you'd like. Good luck with getting your stuff published.

>want to write something like my favorite books and stories
>but there's only three of those total so my sample size is tiny
>can't find reading recommendations by any of the authors
How do I learn to write well in that same style and genre if there's just so little material in it?

>>21211232
Have you tried asking here or on the wider board for recommendations?

>>21211167
Thanks for that. Very thorough. I will cut out the awkward phrasing and the filler.

>>21210476
>decide to get as much sleep as I need in order to make the day productive and good for writing
>don't set an alarm
>proceed to sleep for 12 fucking hours for no reason at all
>wake up in the afternoon
>wake up more tired than when I went to bed
>day fucking ruined
WHY GOD, WHY? WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?!?

>>21211330
anon, your task for today:
write about double-reverse vasectomies and large genetic lineage
1,000 words
then post it
it's all you have to do
1,000 words a day doesn't even get you nanowrimo consideration, but it's not about the immediate recognition, fellow tipsfedora
things work if you just beliebe in your talents
#writerslift

I wrote this condensed beginning of a story to try something a bit zany and different in style and content from the usual stuff I write. Any general thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

>>21211380
Thanks anon but I am gonna write the book anyway, I am just frustrated and angry. My whole morning is gone. And if I want to get a lot of stuff done today, I will have to stay up at least until 4 AM, which means my whole schedule is wrecked.

does anyone here know of any good medieval Irish or Byzantine epic poems? preferably about a historical event and with commentary too. it's for a writing project i'm planning to do.

My hand hurts so much bros...Writing on paper is kind of hell...

>>21209334
12 votes for no, 2 for yes keeping Chance in the story. You guys are mean.

Hyrum, Travis, and the disembodied head of the forgotten memory of Chance made their way through the Woods, poking and plundering forgotten memories, one such gnarled root hid the memory of a baby, which struck the trio as sad. Until finally Travis reached in and grabbed the memory of one Gabe.
"Yo."
"Holy shit, Gabe, it's you!", exclaimed Hyrum.
"What's up, buddy?"
"I've never been so happy to hear your voice in all my life. You sweet little Mexican shyster."
"Didn't we break up?"
"Well, yes, technically, but I need the memory of you now. Jacob perverted my memory."
"Lol. How did he do that?"
It's complicated, but maybe this will help." Hyrum reached into his pocket and produced a small, black headset.
"Now what's this little doohickey here? You want me to play Knights of the Old Republic 2 on this thing?"
"No lol, it's a headset that is capable of relaying the subjective memories from user to user."
"Alright, let's see what we've got here."
And the headset told him everything that happened in Michigan, Jacob's cold, calculated plays, his manipulation of Hyrum, the Hero Who Never Lived story he wrote on /wg/, and when it got to that fateful night of March 26, 2022, in that house on Beaconsfield, Gabe ripped the headset off and threw up.
"See? I told you!"
"Holy fucking shit!"
"It's..bad." Travis offered.
"Yeah. Obviously, if the Gabe Hyrum knew had known that this had happened, obviously, the Gabe that Hyrum knew wouldn't have stood for this and probably have called 9-11 or something, at the very least, the Gabe that Hyrum knew would no longer want anything to do with Jacob."
"Right. Obviously."
"I think it goes without saying, actually."
"But I still think we should say it, just given the circumstances."
"Right, just so we don't forget."
"Right."
"Right."
"I mean, he was supposed to be looking out for you.."
"Hyrum, you are a real schizo" I caught a piece of Gabe's brain-chatter.
Gabe's entire body had now formed around the VR headset, not just a head. Hyrum and Gabe stood silently with each other, and walked away from the others for a moment.
They stood silently with each other.
"I think we need to talk about what I just saw."
Hyrum nodded in repose.
"Hyrum, I am so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through what you just went through. I am sorry you probably can't even know that for yourself right now. No one should ever be forced to doubt their own history, their own life story. What Jacob did to you...I don't even have any words for it."
Hyrum nodded, again, trying to understand the words but always just missing the impression.
"That being said, fuck you for making me see that, and fuck you for kissing his gf. I shouldn't even be in this position right now."
It made sense. It was only ever you, Hyrum, who caused these things to happen. You seem to have...some issue with...certain things.

>>21211477
Get a typewriter. They're usually very cheap second hand and ribbons are like 10 dollars on etsy. It's a great way to draft without going back to edit heaps.

Is this a good narrative hook for the story?

>The child ran into the nearest shelter he could find: a dark cave, as the toxic wastes from the sky fell down onto him. As he ran in, he felt his feet press down on something. And then, the cave closed.

>>21211330
If you smoke weed/do any amount of caffeine more than a coffee or two you need to cut back.

>>21211580
I don't smoke or drink coffee at all. It's just a weird situation.

>>21211572
No,

>>21211616
>i smoke weed
>and cigarettes
>and drink coffee
>and homebrew mead, which i consoom
do i actually need a no fap for everything?

Describe a nice meal of spaghetti in your best prose.

>>21211485
So it was then, that Hyrum, Travis, the disembodied head of Chance Covington, and the newly reformed Gabe made their way to Hyrum's basement. Within the hellish walls, what they saw they could not unsee. A blue hologram of a big boobed woman.
"I say!" uttered Chance.
"I hate it," said Travis.
"This is my nightmare. Men sacrificing the very You just know that..you know that deep in your heart, the thing you really wanted wasn't this. Not really."
Gabe was still skeptical.
"But the world has to go on. How do you see that happening?"
Hyrum smirked. For the first time in a while.
"I'll show you."
With a snap of his fingers, the lights went out. Then, the hologram appeared again, and a Will Toledo archetype appeared to be running away from her. Then, in a shrill, ear-piercing voice that almost seemed to defy laws of frequencies, the big-breasted hologram began her song, continually chasing after the lad on a treadmill-like loop.
"Handsome devil..he's a handsome devil...Don't want no other guy, 'cos he's my pretty baby 'cos he's a handsome devil, yes he's a handsome devil.."
Will Toledo was terrified. And wouldn't stop running.

Good morning guys

>>21211892
guys = goyim
nice try, propagandist

>>21211964
Oi! Cool it with the antisemitism, folks.

I finally found time to write a bit more in my book. It's been so long I forgot what I wrote.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kwjXTTfSaMnvKbn0uiDhm0aFVG3Fq9mExAS8R4KGB-c/edit?usp=drivesdk

>>21210476
How detailed do you make your character sheets? I've seen a few who go to ridiculous depths. Should you fill it out as you write or do you sit down and create it beforehand?

>>21211662
I guess you do.

>>21212163
The current model I am using has a lot of categories but only the most barebones information, since I don't think I ever actually use full, detailed character profiles for my writing. You will want to have the correct info in a sheet so that you can confirm stuff when you need to, but most of the other stuff you won't be using. The only exception I am making is an extended doc on the personality of my main character and his motivations, because that's important for the purpose of staying focused on the key themes of the story and making sure the narrative doesn't diverge from them.

>>21212163
I know my characters without any anime profiles

Would like some feed back on this piece I wrote

>>21211850
as the man sat down to enjoy his meal, he could not help but to admire it's appearance and composition. It was a plate of spaghetti, a course and rough word for such a delicate meal, for comparing it to twine is a grievous insult. A more suitable term for it might be found in the name of the particular variety of pasta that it consisted of; Capelli d'angelo, angel hair, though this too could not be considered an accurate description of it. It was far too simple, far too modest to be compared to the majesty of a Seraph or the strength of a Cherub. No, it's beauty was that of the village girl whose hair was straight and unadorned yet had the appearance of shining gold, and whose simple righteousness and virtue has given her a glow brighter than that of the messengers of God. Laden upon this bed of light was the ruby-red of the tomato sauce, thick and opaque and filled with Basil and Oregano, unlike those wretched, mass-produced imitations, watered down to the point of being inedible for the sake of economy and lacking in those essential herbs. No, this sauce was far, far better than those cruel culinary jokes, and it was richly adorned with ground parmesan cheese, whose appearance was like that of snow, so fine and white it was. The entirety of the meal was like a gem of great price and rarity, fiery red with specks of green, laid into a wall of marble, and surrounded by golden veins. A jewel that was perfect in the rough, and to whom the work of the jeweler and goldsmith was blasphemy, a necklace of God's very own handiwork. so was the appearance of the plate of Spaghetti before the man.
i didn't lay it on too thick, did i?

gimme tips

>>21212158
>>21212262
>>21212273
All shit.

>>21212286
Try not to be gay

>>21212163
I don't make character sheets. I remember their personalities/descriptions and know how they'll act to given scenarios. What matters more is how the plot affects them, how they change, how they fit in, ect. I don't waste time flushing them out, the story'll do that for me.

>>21212445
you don't really mean it, do you? :(

Is there an open source AI text generator yet?

>>21212560
NovelAI has leaked some time ago. Some people even started doing their own version of the stuff. Also, novelAI subscription is pretty cheap, and better than what they offer in the lower brackets.

>>21212273
I didn't like the first sentence and the metaphors towards the very end are kind of rambling, but everything in between was great. Thank you for indulging me anon. In fact, rest assured that your effort was not wasted - I have learnt some tricks from you, and you have changed my perspective on certain elements of writing. I will apply your lessons in my own work! Spasibo, Vielen Dank, and all that!

>>21212614
>paying real money for a glorified lorem ipsum generator
jesus, civilization is coming down at freefall speed

>>21212675
Glad i could help anon, and thanks for the feedback too. wasn't sure if the metaphor was too ambitious or not, so i'm happy to have that cleared-up for future reference.

his penis was a stub, his political opinions were impotent, his girlfriend looked retarded. he was truly beyond parody now.

I know that short story collections generally don't work as a first work from an author, but what about a bit of a spin on the idea? Like a collection of fantasy short stories that all take place in the same world and maybe share characters who show up in different stories and deal with events in that world, but not one single long story?

>>21212859
I personally avoid collections like that. All it tells me is that the author can't write a novel. And I hate having to get into a new set of characters every 15 minutes right when the previous ones are starting to grow on me.

>>21211323

Posted in the last thread then went to sleep. Can you recommend any books that are emblematic of the way people spoke at that time (one character is British and the other is American, both are well-to-do)? I know how things 'should' sound, but I feel as though I'm really just writing in modern English and replacing some terms. As it stands I'm lifting from Jane Austen and the KJV.

>>21212777
>wasn't sure if the metaphor was too ambitious or not
Just keep in mind that I am retarded and unless I can form a clear mental image of the object of discussion, my thoughts disintegrate. It's why I never managed to get into poetry. So, personally, for me when I read imagery like that, what happens is that my brain just generates a series of unrelated images that don't tie into the main topic and my attention drifts away. Usually, metaphors work best for me when they're sprinkled in rather than in sequence. Other people might be different tho.

>>21209744
I like to find a word, not a proper name in some obscure language that is just descriptive of the character. If writing a lumberjack, for instance, I would look up 'lumberjack' in some random language like Tuvan or some shit and use that.

>>21213013
>Can you recommend any books that are emblematic of the way people spoke at that time (one character is British and the other is American, both are well-to-do)?
Sorry anon, I can't help you with that. The best I can do is give you some pointers. For example, it really depends on the exact class you are looking at - a British nouveaux riche or industrialist is probably going to be different from landowner aristocracy for example. I am not familiar with American social history so I can't even give vague tips about that. You may benefit from looking at famous books from writers belonging to these backgrounds, like memoirs and such. You could also message some academic social historians with these questions - I am sure they wouldn't mind giving you some suggestions and sources on this. Research on memoir writing, for example, is not all that rare, and some focus particularly on class comparisons between those, like how working class people wrote vs the upper class way of writing. There's also an interview on youtube with an extremely old Victorian lady which you might find interesting - she's dead now, obviously, but you may be interested in her speaking pattern.

>>21213052
>Tuvans when they read your story

>>21213081
If I ever get famous enough for Tuvans to read my stories, I'll laugh all the way to bank.

>>21213067
Thank you, good ideas.

How do I get motivated? I enjoy writing but everything feels like a waste of time now if it doesn't get me closer to quitting my shitty job.

>>21213487
Just push yourself unironically. Do 2000 words a day as a minimum. Not joking when I say you WILL thank yourself.

I try to "keep it simple, stupid" with regard to my word choice. Is there a decent text analyzer out there that I can trust to accurately to classify my prose? I don't want competent ESLs to be 'gatekept' from my writing.

>>21213672
>Is there a decent text analyzer out there that I can trust to accurately to classify my prose?
Yeah, it's called your brain.

>>21213672
Copy and paste it to a flesch Kincaid readability. It's based off American schools and expectations. First number is grade and second number is month. So a 6.4 means the story is at a 6th grade level and 4 months

>>21213672
Unless you are cramming your text chock full of complex, archaic or highly technical terms, any competent ESL will be able to infer what you mean. It happens to me often that I read something and see that the author used a word I am unfamiliar with - in those cases, I just fill in the blanks using the rest of the sentence as the context. It's not hard at all.

>>21213688
It's hard to make that call when making frequent use of outdated cultural touchstones and terms. I'd like a third party/tool I can trust to provide accurate feedback.

>>21213689
Thanks. The tool says my prose is "extremely difficult to read", and though I don't agree, it clearly needs to be toned down.

>>21213732
Bullshit. No FK readability says that. give a number you liar.

>>21213792
I used this one: https://www.textcompare.org/readability/flesch-kincaid-reading-ease

It gave me 6.67, with lower values in the range of 0-100 being more difficult. I THOUGHT this particular scene was like something out of an unpolished middle-grade novel at worst, but apparently not.

Should I use a different website?

>>21213819
Oh few. I put it in a different website and it gave me a 62 for reading ease. Must be a formatting quirk with that site. 62 is more like what I was aiming for.

>>21213819
No. It means your text is at a 6th grade level and about 6 months. The score of 0-100 is based on that 6th grade writing sample you posted

>>21213851
I'm not sure what's going on then. I put the same text into another site and my score was a 62, which it describes as "plain English". I'll just have to play with a bunch of websites and evaluate them I guess. Thank you for the FK suggestion regardless.

>>21213865
Yes. 6th grade is plain english.most people read and write at a 6th grade level

>>21213865
Not everyone on this website is the same person. Lol.
I got 7.5 so I think your writing is really technical because I write like a pseud.

>>21211662
What brand do you smoke?

>write 40k words
>It's shit
>But now too far in to quit

What do?

>>21213890
Convert it to a YA novel so that quality is irrelevant

>>21213890
Write 40k really good words to redeem it.

>>21213890
Just write the novel then discard it when it’s done. No need to publish everything.

>>21213890
That's a horrible feeling, but self-doubt is extremely commonplace. Hell, many widely-acclaimed authors have dismissed their greatest 'products'. Your story might be better than you think.
Regardless you should edit, edit, and edit some more. You'd be surprised what several hours of editing and pairing-down can do.

>>21213878
I put in a random paragraph from Harry Potter which looked marginally more complex than my scene and it rated that just above 60, so I think I'm alright.

>>21213932
No. Then I'll be plagued with a constant "what if".

>>21213890
I bet it's much better than you think.
Finish it, and if you feel unsure about publishing it, just upload it to Royal Road or something.
What is there to lose?

>>21214003
not that anon, but whats royal road?

>>21214018
A website where people can upload fiction. I gave that name as an example of websites everyone can use to show their writings for free. Heck, even Pastebin could do the trick if you feel unsure about publishing somehing commercially.

>>21214030
is it better then wattpad? I actually posted a story there when I was 17.And it actually got read + somebody asked me to make more. Pretty suprised desu

I been struggling to find information and I I will ask my question here because I don't know a better alternative. How well, if at all, could a small to mid sized American/Canadian town function on its own if, for whatever reason, it is completely isolated from the rest of the world? The story I have in mind wouldn't take place in this world but it will be in one that mirrors it closely.

>>21214061
Depends on your writing. But both can be used for Patreon dollars

>>21214061
No idea! I guess they're both good. I mean, Wattpad is great. I just mentioned Royal Road because I saw it linked around here.

>>21214092
>>21214096
I guess I could just post on both lol. Thanks for the answer

>>21214075
Depends on the town, but likely extremely poorly. Few towns are truly self-sustaining and the confluence of sufficient, manpower, farmland, and water is rare.

If this is a story where a town is mysteriously transported to another world, just put it somewhere that could sustain the inhabitants, such as a fertile plain with ample water.

>>21214075
Today? Absolutely horribly. But set in a feudal era? Not bad. Since modern day towns require refined oil. It's impossible for a city to be self sufficient today. Unless you have it somehow be a farmland with a nuclear power plants and oil refinery in the same town with an abundance of oil.

>>21214092
>Depends on your writing. But both can be used for Patreon dollars
people do that for their writing? You'd have to be known a lot though I imagine

>>21214110
Some make something like $20 a month with 4 subscribers then there's assholes like that monster guy that has 10000 subscribers making 50000 a month

>>21212445
Fuck off and die you miserable insipid cunt. People like you who come onto these threads just to insult other people's hard work, it really is the lowest form of existence. Why do you do it? Just for kicks? I'd tell you to kill yourself, but I'm sure as such a toxic person you're one step away from actually doing it. So bon voyage faggot, I hope it's painful and I hope it's grand. It will be the only meaningful decision you've made in your miserable life.

>>21212262
It's alright but the swearing doesn't really fit the rest of it. Might be a taste thing for me. Maybe too much exposition? Think more seriously about how to show not tell - though that's hard to do in a mystery story lol

>>21212158
Read the first chapter and it's good enough to pass for the smut sexy murder twink porn you're going for.

>>21212273
a bit thick, i'd recommend trying to match your metaphores so that they're about the same kind of thing, like if the meal was a reminder of a particular pasta that he'd had with that village girl. It's a mistake i've made a lot in my own writing, and the advice i've always received is to move the story along within the descriptions because you're not doing a creative writing competition

>>21212286
funny

>>21211393
some great lines but maybe one too many adjectives

>>21214142
Based. >>21212445 is a total shithead.

>>21214142

>Think more seriously about how to show not tell - though that's hard to do in a mystery story lol

I'm trying to get better at that since my novel is a collection of vignettes about various people in a small town dealing with UFO encounters. I don't want to reveal the aliens but have their presence known and be felt as a sort of existential mystery that makes the residents question the great unknown

Will people on fanfic sites virtue signal at me if I include something non-pc in my story? Should I care? Namely I had my backwards tribal chief character attempt to trade one of many wives for a fancy western mattress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5bUhTBk2jg&ab_channel=DeathinJune-Topic

>>21210523
needs punch. Didnt even finish reading first paragraph when you enter an unnecessarily long description of some generic Viking. You didn’t capture the attention of the dude that reads 5000 pitches a day to try and select something for his magazine if u didn’t instantly capture the attention of a random anon with nothing better to do. Start with something exciting and for sure way more people will read past the first 7 lines

>>21214337
How would you recommend adding punch? Not him, but for what I'm writing now there isn't much of any exposition to start with and there is a sexually suggestive item introduced right of the bat that will be relevant again later on. Do you recommend maybe adding something like the suggestion of potential violence to the opening scene.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I don't know how to start this particular story and that's driving me insane.

Wrote 1500 words today. Gonna keep going until I write another 6500 words. I think the key to success is hard work and practice, and edging to orgasm of course.

>>21214142
>i'd recommend trying to match your metaphores so that they're about the same kind of thing,
that's really good advice, i'll definitely take that to heart
>like if the meal was a reminder of a particular pasta that he'd had with that village girl.
desu i wasn't thinking of trying to make a story out of it so much as i was just trying to really sell the reader on how good the pasta was, y'know? so i was going for more of an archetype of the virtuous maiden kind, like Joan of Arc, rather than connect it to an actual character.
>It's a mistake i've made a lot in my own writing, and the advice i've always received is to move the story along within the descriptions
another piece of advice that i'll make sure to remember. thanks a lot man, you've been very helpful

>>21214337
Good idea on starting with something exciting. Sorry about the infodumpy historical voice. I guess it isn’t fun to read.

>>21214404
Congrats on your progress anon. I don't know about the edging thing, because I heard it can mess up your penis, but hey, it's your dick.

>>21214404
>and edging to orgasm of course
BASED

>>21212158
This is honestly one of the best things I've read on /wg/. That said I only finished the first chapter. I'll read more later and see if you can sustain it.

I wrote something. If you could read it and tell me what you think, that would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

https://www.literotica.com/s/regrets-re-wonder-woman

>>21211393
>>21214142
Thanks! Reading it again, I think you're right about the adjectives. There are a few that I will definitely remove. I'm curious, what lines did you find great? And how did they stand out in contrast to other lines that weren't great?

>>21214315
Better to post it here instead. Fuck em.

Hello. Can someone tell me if this is gramatically correct?
>He had a defined chin, though covered by facial hair not shaved in a while.
Or do I have to write as
>He had a defined chin, though it was covered by facial hair that he hadn't shaved in a while.
I like how the first one is shorter, but im not sure if I can get away with that

>>21214529
not sexy enough. There's also something off with the readability and flow of the sentences

>>21214613
A better option for the first one would be something like
>His chin was defined, though covered by unkempt facial hair.
People will bitch about "muh passive voice" but nobody really cares about that shit. Otherwise, option 2 is the most correct.

>>21214634
>option 2 is the most correct.
It's over. I'll probably go with your suggestion though. Thanks

>>21214638
It also depends on how long that facial hair is supposed to be. "Covered" sort of implies a beard, but if it's very short you can just use "stubble". No need to re-state that the person hadn't shaven in a while, it's obvious by the description.

>>21214651
>No need to re-state that the person hadn't shaven in a while, it's obvious by the description.
Yeah you're right, im being silly

>>21214613
You can make the first one even shorter. I would totally rework this description personally, but keeping it as close to the original as possible, I would just say something like:
>His chin, though well-defined, was covered in facial hair.

It would be better to totally separate out the remark about shaving imo and add a sentence like:
>The gunman/laborer/zookeeper's (whatever he is) face evidently hadn't seen a razer in [unit of time].

Day 1: 700 words
Day 2: 1500 more words
(Today) Day 3: 2000+ more words
I’m just gonna keep going until I finish this god awful sci fi schlock.

>>21214617
Thank you for reading it.

>>21214383
How about "Call me Ishmael."
No? OK, then, "Oxygen polluted the sky."
Still not good enough? Then do it yourself, picky.

I accidently made the villain of my story have a legitimately good point. I mean, there's literally no flaw to
>Those who don't use everything they've been given for it's maximum potential are fucking wastes of skin.
Is there?

Lads….. F Gardner is literally famous now. They were talking about Call of the Crocodile in my class at university today. Not as an assignment. But it came up during the class itself and I couldn’t fucking believe it.

>>21214775
what stupid class are you taking that talks about CotD

I know my start is both boring and confusing. Should I cut the first paragraph? It used to start on the third paragraph, but the opening line wasn't strong enough.
https://pastebin.com/M1yXNpFt

>>21214775
Fuck off Gardner.
You're the only Buddhist in existence that goes out of his way to rack up bad karma.

>>21214775
Offtopic.
This is a writer's thread, not a spam-shilling unedited-garbage thread.

>>21214806
>https://pastebin.com/M1yXNpFt
Yes. You should cut the 2nd paragraph as well. Your third paragraph repeats the first two paragraphs. Yes he's lonely and sad, yet, I don't seem to care. There needs to be more emotion to it to show loneliness. You are a prime candidate for "show not tell" meme. Kafka's metamorphasis does a very good job in the beginning to show a dude that's extremely lonely without telling anyone he's lonely.

>watching a movie
>bored out of my mind
>finish the movie
>actually kind of like it but the early parts were still a slog to get through

I tried to analyze what made me feel that way and I realized it's because it wasn't clear what the story was until near the very end which made the rest of it click. Then I realized my story also takes a long fucking time to get to the whole point and the big picture, and now I'm rewriting it to explain things early on, but the fact I missed it in the first place makes me worried, what other things did I potentially write that made sense from the writing perspective but are shit from the audience point of view.

>>21214901
I learn a lot from watching bad movies, reading bad books, etc.
I also get inspired to write my own stuff...after all, if their crap could get produced/published, why can't mine?

How many words have you done today, lads? I am excited to finish this novel by the end of the month so I can post it for critique (after thorough editing, of course).

>>21214923
Only like 500, but a fair bit of editing and planning as well. Spent like 5 hours total. Not the best progress.

>>21214930
Plotting and planning is half the work, sometimes. I tend to just make it up on the spot but I don't think it ever pays off. People often find things they think are intentional in my writing, but which are not. Just do what's natural to you.

>>21214897
Thanks for reading it. I'll try to change some things.
The narrator is haunted by something he did, which will never be explained because it happened before the novel begins, and he refuses to mention it. He's also a poet and almost enjoys his own misery, so I'm trying to be obtuse about everything. Maybe I should add more purple, but I'm afraid it will get annoying fast.

>If I'm not mistaken, you taught him a thing or two. Anything you should say about him?
>Oh, that one? When I think about it, it's kinda funny how he was the first student I ever had yet I did a good job. As far as teaching a simple-minded and nonverbal creature goes, of course.
>You use the word teaching instead of training. Did you not teach him any skills like you did me?
>Oh, no. I just taught him some basic concepts like simple communication and how to read the situation. He picked it up remarkably fast, I'll admit.
>How often do you see him these days? What even happened with him?
She stopped moving entirely, as a chill ran up her incorporeal spine. She slowly turned around and sat down.
>I last saw him a couple of months ago. You remember that thing that happened in Wisconsin? How all the news was overflowing with stories about it? Well, he was there, and so was I. Although to be fair, I don't feel like it was him.
>What do you even mean?
>Look, remember how he seemingly died, but came back a couple of days later? I don't feel that was really "Him" for lack of a better term. Same body, yes, but it was altered both inside and out. He was taller, visibly stronger, and gave off this feeling that something was wrong. I didn't get that many good looks at him outside of that first one, but he attacked, fought, and eventually killed the thing that had put him in that near-death state before vanishing.
>So what was different about him? Behavior wise, I mean.
>He was never that violent, only ever fighting in self-defense, but at that moment he seemed like there was nothing more he'd like to do than kill. And kill he did, not just the one who almost killed him. I started searching for him after that and found a couple of dead bodies. He had just been killing everything he came across for no reason other than it got in his way. I don't even know what came over him, but wherever he is right now I hope he's calmed down.
I think this is garbage and you should as well

>>21215051
You need to slow burn it better then. Something like him staring at a coffee cooling down, but refusing to drink it because it's now cold. Or picking up a sugar cube, then placing it back down because the bitterness is what he deserves. Strange behaviors is way more interesting than "I'm miserable! Misery is my only friend!"

It's the late waking up anon.
>be me
>wake up in the afternoon
>mad
>waste what was left of my day
>sudden guilty crisis at 10:30 PM
>start writing and write non stop for seven hours because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had gone to bed without doing something
>churn out 10k words of notes
>extremely unfulfilling
>but now I am finally done with note taking and can start working on the actual writing process
Done just in time. Now it remains to be seen if I can write this fucking story, and if I can make it good. Wish me luck anons. I need a craft to live on.

>>21215227
Do it. Don't just think about it as a livelihood to "live off," but a way to be you.

>>21215243
I have to admit, writing shit is more fun than I thought it would be, but honestly I am not a big writing guy. One of my friends told me "if you want to make a living, then you should pick something you are good at but not interested in as your job". Writing mostly fits that description, and if I can make it, I'd be on a flexible schedule too.
I am pretty serious about this project either way though. I have become quite invested in seeing it through. Hopefully it'll serve me as well as I serve it, and hopefully it'll be a good story. IMO it's actually far more pleasant to go back and read stuff you've written than it is to read the works of others. It's just a nice, comfy feeling, and you often surprise yourself.

>>21210476
Welcome back to Who Gives A Shit Anyway, It's time for another episode of Royal Road Writathon!
Where the chapters are pre-writen
And the rewards don't matter!

>>21215352
Redpill me on Royal road… why wouldn’t I just find an agent or small press to send to with a completed product instead of serialising it online in obscurity? Yes, I may rely on outmoded ways of publishing to ever get it “read” (by my circle of friends and some strangers), but isn’t that also being talented by way of osmosis from the greats that came before me and who certainly tried much harder?

>>21215372
The vast, vast majority of published books don't get read.

>>21215422
Not him, but writing for free can also just feel good. Writing for free is how I got my writing read. It's hard to estimate because it was part of a collaborative project, but I'd guess my stuff (100k~ words) got in the ballpark of 200k unique eyes on it. Feels really good man.

>villain is a degenerate dyke and her girlfriend

could it work? they are also both getting redeemed or become good

>>21215491
Make the girlfriend the MC. The evil dyke is reformed by through the power of strap-ons.

>>21214767
>Hero: I hope you used that dragon dildo I mailed you to its maximum potential, gaylord.

>>21210476
7 pages done. I’m tired but must write 2-5 more by midnight.

>>21210476
So I just found my 15 year old self's first draft that was never ever finished. I stopped at page 10.
Here's an excerpt. What do you think?

>>21215933
>I luxuriosly consumed the stew little by little
To think such promising youngg talent wasn't developed more

>>21215422
What are the actual numbers for how many people make more than minimum wage for the hours spent writing and editing on Royal road? I don’t want to make money from it for the sake of money, but I’d rather take my chances at traditional publishing for the slim chance of getting a potential career and even advances if I’m not going to make at least some kickback from putting it online.

>>21216306
0. And traditional publishing? Also 0. You're better off working at McDonald's.

>>21215534
The thing is, the antagonist dyke is a princess. And she is demanded to at least have an heir. Either she a) gets raped or b) decides to take the fertility pill

>>21216358
I already have a job. It pays much more than effin pissin shittin McDonald's.

>>21216306
Even if you get published by one of the big publishing houses, chances are your book sells less than 12 copies.

>>21210523
Stealing a bunch of this, thanks.

>>21216694
Did you read the part where I said "advances"? Who cares about sales.

>>21216714
Even if you stole it, you would not advance as a writer at all, unless you made it your own in a way. Do not fall down the dark path of plagiarism. Be the writer you want to see on the shelf.

>>21216559
Same. So don't expect to make much money on writing

>>21216811
Did you read through the post? I swear you people have no reading comprehension, which is worrying coming from self-professed writers>>21216811
.

>>21216822
Look stupid. It's called an advance for a reason. You don't get to keep the money if your book fails. You get $2000, but if your book sells jack shit you pay it back unless you sell the rights. Holy fuck learn words

>>21216846
that sounds so jewish man, no one wonder so many people prefer self publishing then traditional now

>>21216725
Advances aren't something you can live off of. If you're a new author you'll maybe get $5000 for an advance. If your books don't sell then you won't get signed for another likely, or won't get much more for advance.

>>21216861
I could live almost two years with $5000

>>21216846
You don't have to pay it back. Who told you that? Anyway, I said this:
>I don’t want to make money from it for the sake of money, but I’d rather take my chances at traditional publishing for the slim chance of getting a potential career
Learn to read what is being said to you, dumbass.

>>21216861
Do you want to live in an inner city like a cosmopolitan basedboy or out in the country where rent is less than $100 a week? You can even buy some land with that money and just camp on it, living off canned beans like McCarthy did.

>>21216904
Dunno where you are but I'm in rural Canada no where near a big city, not even in a town, and my rent for the 1 bedroom basement apartment of a house is $1050 a month and this is a bargain.

>>21216908
Jesus christ. I'm in Australia and a 1 bedroom apartment is like $180 a week in the city covering utilities too. If I moved to bumfuck bush towns, I would probably pay much less.

Not been around for a few days what did I miss

>>21216940
Not much. Are you doing NaNo or just writing your own thing?

>>21216940
Aspiring idiots thinking they can make a living off writing books.

>>21216895
Then say so, not ask how much money you can make. God damn no wonder why you haven't made it yet.

>>21216945
I'm doing my own thing. I've never been able to do Nano successfully so I'm working on my other projects. I've got a selfpub book coming out in a week though; I'm excited about that. What about you anon?

>>21216954
Published a dozen poems and a short story in journals. Please tell me how much you have gotten accepted.
>haven't made it
No shit. This is 4chan. Why would I be here if I had success and a lively social life?

>>21216966
NaNo can be a little shit because too many oversocialised people turn it into a social event. Also, people forget the word count isn't the goal, but finding what is true to yourself in the writing.
>I've got a selfpub book coming out in a week though; I'm excited about that.
Nice! What's it about if you don't mind me asking?
>What about you?
I'm just writing a shit tonne of this satirical sci-fi novel, which is largely in bad taste but it's what I used to write as a kid, so it's fun to live through that again. Yesterday was the first time I wrote 6000 words in a single day, so I am now going to try ride the wave and pump out more, so I can inevitably hew away the dross and hopefully salvage something after editing thoroughly.

>>21216977
Then you should already know how little you make dipshit.

>>21217004
So you haven't published anything? That's funny. I asked specifically about web novel serialisation and the Royal Road route, which I haven't tried, as opposed to traditional routes. Keep up.

https://www.the-sun.com/money/6562029/amazon-selling-books-no-experience-side-hustle/amp/

Why don't we all just print low content garbage that people can buy at the 99 cent store?

>>21217078
Can't people just return books if they hate it anyway? Sounds like a shit way to make money. Might as well just cook crack. At least people can't get refunds. And you actually get sex being a drug dealer.

How many words are your first chapters? I'm close to 1500 but I feel like 2000 could be a little short

>>21215559
He was more like
>If you've been given intelligence, you must use it to do great things
>If you've been given power, you must use it to do great things
And so on and so forth

>>21217078
Cause I'm not writing as a business I'm writing as a hobby.

>>21217215
That’s gay.

What's a better way to describe someone trying, and miserably failing, to suppress a laugh/grin?

I'm entirely at a loss for words at how to describe that sort of thing without just saying it directly.

>>21217246
I'm gay.

How would you have a ranger defeat an orc that could easily overpower him? The ranger has a sword, a dagger, and a length of rope. He poisoned the orc's companions already, so it's a one on one fight, and a woman's life is at stake. I was thinking that a game of wits might work, but I don't see the orc being the type of character to agree to that - he'd rather just kill the interloper and be done with it.

Bartering something maybe? That might work, but, again, he doesn't have much to offer since the orc and his companions already took his gear when they kidnapped the woman.

>>21217307
One wise man said that, as strong your enemy is, the eyes and the neck are still soft spots. Maybe he can stab him in the neck, or try to choke him with the rope. The dagger obviously would go in the eye.

>>21217307
Kick him in the liver.

>>21217307
Lick the orcs balls, since we all know it's a horny elf wanting to entrap the orc. I've seen enough hentai to know how this ends up

>>21217000
>Also, people forget the word count isn't the goal, but finding what is true to yourself in the writing.
And that's how I'm approaching it. I'm in a hard position with work and school right now, so I'm trying to recede to writing to get back in touch with myself. I really feel like I'm going through days and weekends like a robot. It's very distressing.
>Nice! What's it about if you don't mind me asking?
It's a light sci-fi satire. Some aliens show up to Earth to terraform it and sell it, then get roped into various shenanigans by the humans who obviously don't want that to happen. I've been doing a lot of ads for it and seeing poor return on pre-orders. So I'll try to take the post-publish shill route and look for avenues that way.
>I'm just writing a shit tonne of this satirical sci-fi novel, which is largely in bad taste but it's what I used to write as a kid, so it's fun to live through that again. Yesterday was the first time I wrote 6000 words in a single day, so I am now going to try ride the wave and pump out more, so I can inevitably hew away the dross and hopefully salvage something after editing thoroughly.
Shit sounds like fun! I think getting into the character and enjoyment of writing really goes a long way with producing quality work. Too often people grind so hard at their writing that they miss the soul of the piece. You can always tell when a writer dumps their heart into a work.

Unreal press looking for /wg/ crit material again, drop your shit and get reviewed for strangers on the internet

>>21217157
But the more you examine the declaration, the less sense it makes.
>do great things, why, to what end? For whom?
>how would you define an abstract and highly subjective concept like "greatness"?
>when would you say greatness has been achieved?
>how can you be sure you couldn't have done something better than that?
>what if what you did turned out to not be all that great in the long run? You've only embarrassed yourself then
>etc

>>21217307
Imagination is the limit. Maybe he sets up a trap with the rope, or lures the orc away to a place where he has the advantage, uses the environment to his advantage, sneak attacks from behind, drops on it from a tree, burns dry leaves to create a smoke screen, throws daggers or rocks from afar, whatever, anything

>>21217397
what if the villain could make like really huge shits. Like clogging the toilet consistently tier. And the hero is jelly because his rectum cant achieve such things?

How strong female characters would be compared to guys in a more realistic setting?

>>21211393
I really like the dialogue. Gives me McCarthy vibes and goes well with the kind of prose/story I think you're aiming for.
The other anon is right about the adjectives but they're only really excessive on the first page imo.
>>21214142
My favorite line was
>[...] where his eye used to see more than various women, green eyes and red nail.

>>21217432
Half or less in the upper body, three quarters to equal in the lower body, generally about 30% less overall body mass. Women's olympic sports teams train against high school men's teams. Outside of absolute freaks of nature, it's not even comparable.
I would highly advise making the setting more fantastical if you want female warriors.
>t. Writing a more fantastical setting

>>21217673
>Half or less in the upper body, three quarters to equal in the lower body
*Note that this comparison is being done between average members of the sexes, not trained. With training that gap gets much, much larger. A trained male fighter could absolutely mangle a trained female fighter even with a significant body mass disadvantage. When bladed weapons get involved it's a bit more up in the air, but it's still heavily biased in the male's favor.

>>21217432
>>21217673
You can make it grounded, you just have to match the outcomes on that. You can't have Angelina Jolie beating six Navy SEALs. Things like guns or other projectile weapons are the great equalizer.

>>21217719
Yeah I mean, technically a highly trained modern female soldier could kill a male soldier in a gunfight, but even then, you can look at the efficacies of female soldiers vs male soldiers (if you can find the data). It's more equal than a fistfight for sure, but it's not even. It would have to be something like
>Female spec ops vs male grunt leader in urban gunfight at ~200yds
to be close to a realistic scenario for the woman to win without it looking like the author is biased toward her.
If I were going to write something with a woman fighting men in a realistic environment and she was supposed to win, I would ensure that she's always the best equipped and most experienced.

>>21217749
Alternatively, femme fatale types using sexuality as a weapon to assassinate. There's a good reason that's an archetype, it's historically real.

>>21210476 (OP)
What is the best way to introduce a new sci-fi/fantasy world in the form of a short story? Is it better to focus on one area, or instead something that captures a bit of everything?

>>21217764
Yeah if you can get a dude's dick hard you can pretty much just blow his brains out with ease. Depends on the setting though, and the characters. More modern audiences are more comfortable with women being dangerous, thus it could feel contrived without proper characterization.