/lit/ - Literature

>>21202081
What kind of rhythm would a work have if its long sentences were 30+ words, medium sentences 15+ words, and short sentences 5+ words?

>>21202095
Depends on how you use them. Sentence building is probably the hardest part of writing because you need to pay attention to how your work is being read. Then you have to deal with descriptions, dialogue, context, setting, how things fit into the plot, it really is a pain in the arse.

Is this sentence any good? Or is it better to keep it short and choppy?

Manufactured or not, silks and fabrics of all colors draped over the walkways and covered the open market bazaars; citizens across the world found their purses lightened by the sheer amount of goods and services to spend their gold on.

>>21202107
>>21202095
I'm curious to see this in effect. I'll be back with a short maybe 500 word piece to see how this actually works.

>>21202107
Chaotic plotter here.
Except I use an outline editor (TreeLine), not freaking paper.

https://losetouchcompletely.gumroad.com/l/20192021

would appreciate some feedback on this, free download, cheers

>poetry

Lol anxious studying for a med school exam rn and wrote this to keep procrastinating

>>21202176
>med school
Thanks for reminding me why I stay the hell away from doctors.
I'll just die of natural causes, thank you.

>>21202144
I use paper. I don't want to forget my ideas during the day.

>>21202218
you dont like it? lol

>>21202229
It seems like you hate everybody.

Free on Amazon Kindle now!
https://www.amazon.com//dp/B00ZK5QJZA
You know you want it faggots!

>>21202240
i hate the second group because they remind me of myself and my flaws

>>21202243
Let us remember those brave men who died at Ram Ranch, including Harry.

>>21202176
I'm in med school too.
I want to drop out and live on my writing.
In class I tear up because I hate my life and my grandmother may die soon.

>>21202266
Im sorry to hear about your grandmother bro

what do you want to specialize in?

>>21202081
How does this apply to paragraphs when a paragraph can be a sentence long?

>>21202271
I'd rather kill myself than study any further, man. I have no interest in this field

>>21202119
Quickly written, unedited and probably very bad. But what rhythm does this sentence structure give it?

>Consider the man named John. His full name is John Moses Sneed. He is neither a seller of seed nor a seller of feed, and his family has not had a farmer since his great grandfather. He lives in the city. He works long hours, in which his existence is put to question and his work is made null—as an accountant. In the waning hours of day he leaves from his desk and checks out; he walks out into the dimming parking lot behind his office and cuts a path through a dark alleyway. His suitcase is light. He walks under the darkening red sky and besides towering structures of brick and concrete whose windows—portals to the blackness of darkness—light up. He now moves under darkness, under night, and passes by brief moments of light brought by the sparse posts of light on the path he is destined to tread upon.

>His walk takes him through streets whose first stones were laid before the coming of kings and rulers, past buildings known and unknown. His path ends at the entrance gate of a decrepit brick house. His home greets him with an unpleasant countenance. John stops at the doorway. He gropes through his pocket, but is found wanting. The slick face of his wallet, the cold glass of his phone. He bends over but he is taken. Taken by a black man.

>>21202107
I got a bingo.

>>21202328
lmao

Id definitely finish the MD anyway man. I have a friend in finance who told me there is a huge market in consulting for people with MDs. All basically just burnt out doctors who hate medicine. Firms hire you just because you have one and the pay is sick

>>21202328
How far along are you?

>>21202297
Sentences =/= Paragraphs

>>21202353
i hope i can finish this without killing myself. each second feels like an hour
>>21202357
i'm in my 3rd semester

>>21202379
You're a freshman in premed?

>>21202266
Why would you choose med school if it'll take like 10 years

>>21202384
Not premed
>>21202409
My parents

Stop derailing the thread and post writing.

https://pastebin.com/ZDwtt3JX

1k today.
I failed to add elf butt.
I will do bretter tomorrow.
I also learned how to make proper hash browns.

>Write a scene with four characters arguing over what to do about a dead body they found. You can't give them names. No character descriptions either. Just use a simple setup like CHARACTER #1, etc. You have to distinguish each character by their dialogue alone.
How did I do?

>>21202633
Number 1 and Number 3 are a gay british man and a gay autist respectively, I'm assuming.
It's funny.

>>21202638
3: You do not possess enough data to make such an absurd assumption.
1: Me? A homosexual? Why, I never...

>>21202672
okay, 3 is a robot, i'd assumed, but to be fair robots are basically just autists without intestines.

>>21202081
>>21201131
Due to the overwhelming positive response from my last post I've decided to continue my story from earlier. I'm going to gleam over some details here because it involves some personal details but basically, I ended up moving from where I lived before, to Detroit where Jacob lived. Now like I said, when Jacob told us this story about Travis, it seemed like he was remorseful. I did not know what had actually transpired between them, and if I knew this next part, I wouldn't have gone. Basically, at a certain point, we can see that Jacob starts acting like the same old Jacob that we all agreed that if he started acting like that again, that we didn't wanna be friends with him anymore. I was startled, and, anticipating an attack, I made an offhand comment about Travis. Well, Jacob didn't like that one bit, he stormed off and I immediately felt bad. Of course I felt bad that he had invited me into his home just for me to drudge up some old thing from the past. And I knew he didn't mean to cause harm to anyone's life, and that he at least felt bad about the harm he had caused.
However.
Later at the bar, Jacob looks me dead in the eye. And he says: "I enjoy making people have existential crises about their lives." I am only holding my own at this point.

>>21202266
I am pretty much you but in the future, so fucking listen to your future self. Get out now, anon. It gets harder later. Get out now while you still can. Concentrate on writing and fuck what anyone else thinks. You don't need the stress that comes later. Writing is stressful in a different way and if you start now you have more chance of making it. Get out. I wish someone had told me that, but I wouldn't have listened.

>>21202918
I would advise the opposite.
It's nearly impossible to make a living at writing.
Many great writers you admire had to do what it took to make a living, and/or died penniless.
You need a career where you can make money.
And as anon pointed out above, it doesn't have to be in the medical field.
>I have a friend in finance who told me there is a huge market in consulting for people with MDs.
You're going to have to make a living doing something...may as well pay well.

>>21203249
This
>>21202918
You are probably 16 years old

Sorry Garden, I'm gonna pirate.

>>21202081
NANOWRIMO Day 2: I am already behind schedule, but I am not giving up. I am going to crush this.
>>21202107
CHAOTIC PLOTTER

>>21202118
I think the length is fine but I’d remove the semicolon and replace it with something else. The line, “manufactured or not,” also felt off to me. Isn’t all cloth manufactured?

>>21203256
You'll be sorry...but not for the reasons you expect.

Jacob I'm really sorry about this but once you learn to stop treating people like shit maybe this will stop happening to you.

>>21202633
kekked at the literary blackface.

>>21202633
It really sounds more like they're in a group chat, and not a real life conversation.

>>21202081
>day 1 of nano
Fuck, the outline I made sucks, my story is dumb, I want to do something different
>day 2 of nano
What the fuck am I going to write about?

end me.

>>21203324
I can't believe it's in the library. Somebody bothered to put it there.

that advice is great but it's also reddit as fuck

>>21202118
>Or is it better to keep it short and choppy?
fuck no. Long sentences are always better as long as they have a good flow and you have it in there.

>>21203391
Just write a bunch of shit. The important part is building a consistent practice. If that means you write 4 short stories, then so be it.

>>21203417
I wish I could just practice, but as non-native english speaker I always worry about solidifying bad practices and incorrect word usage. Sigh.

I'VE SPENT DAYS SPITBALLING NAMES FOR MY PROTAGONIST AND NOTHING STICKS AHHHHHHHH I'VE GONE THROUGH THOUSANDS OF NAMES AND EVEN ALL OF THE WIKIPEDIA LISTS AHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE HELP MEEE
>one or two syllables
>can't sound too rough
>male or unisex
>ends with an upward inflection

>>21203505
real name or fantasy?

>>21203505
Jan

>>21203456
https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/48673/pg48673-images.html

>>21202633
1 and 3 kind of sound the same.

>>21203512
REAL NAME AAAAHHHHHHHHH

>>21203513
THANKS BUT I DON'T THINK THAT NAME IS A GOOD FIT AAAHHHHHHHHH

>>21202176
I thought the first paragraph was pretty strong anon. Good luck on the exams.
>>21202266
I’m really sorry about the grandma anon. It’s probably a great joy for her to have a grandchild who loves her.

>>21203379
>>21203406
Who are you replying to?

>>21203529
Taylor
Miche
Pae
Johnathan
Roey
Jellitte
Kylie
Cecil
Cecilia
Faith
Grace
Chloe
Krill

>>21203505
https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/
How could you not have heard about it?

>>21203515
Thanks anon, uniornically looks helpful.

>>21203391
Fix your outline, stupid retard.
>t. currently fixing mine, I will probably start five days late but will reach the finish line all the same
>>21203505
What's with these extremely autistic requirements?

>>21203621
>picking an appropriate name for the protagonist that synergizes well with other characters is autistic
Do you put any thought into your writing at all?

>>21203686
I just pick something that sounds like it fits the theme. So, I will think about names the sounds of which loosely suit the concept of the character. Writing detailed phonetic specifications, on the other hand, is something I have never done.

>>21203703
I swap through a lot of pairings in my story so the names need to work both on their own and with each other. Think
>Abbott and Costello
>Sigfried and Roy
>Tom and Jerry
>Simon and Garfunkel
>Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers
>etc.
There's a reason these names "work."

>>21203836
How often do you actually get to write "X name and Y name" in a story, especially in a way where that is expected to add stylistic value?

>>21202081
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHdBmZBwvog&ab_channel=DeathinJune-Topic
Another day another 1000 words. How's it coming along, /wg/?

>>21203904
I have written 1k-2k words of... notes, today.

>>21203904
0 because I have work. Don't you fucks have anything to wage slave for?

>>21203919
>>21203922
Oh my fucking God, you have the outline for a story, just begin writing then come back and refine the details after you finish a chapter.

>>21203922
Are you kidding? 4chan is like a sanctuary for listless middle-class incel NEETs.

>>21203930
No, I have a few thousand more words of notes to write and organise, because if I don't get this sorted now, notes and ideas will keep accumulating until it becomes impossible for me to find anything.
>>21203922
Not me. I am currently a NEET. I am not sure how to feel about that, but I decided to try monetising my writing for now. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right?

>>21203944
Then you will produce a work of notes.

>>21203947
I think I am actually producing something akin to a script + supporting documentation. I have half a novel's worth of dialogue and loose scene descriptions arranged in chronological order. Once I adapt this pseudo-script into writing, the word count will balloon very quickly. The issue is that it may be a bit of a chore to get to that point. Not like there's anything to do about that but go for it anyway.

>>21202081
Non-native speakers writing in a foreign language - Why do you do it? As an exercise to help yourself learn?

/adv/ didn't like my writing guys...

>>21204063
/adv/ is filled to the brim with people who enjoy throwing vitriol in people's faces because it gives them hardons. Post it here.

>>21203892
It's a screenplay so pretty often.

Hey guys, I've picked up journalling which has been therapeutic to me. Lately Ive wanted to write but dont have any personal thoughts to write about. What are some things i could try writing? I'm not really sure where to start.

>>21204072
>/adv/ is filled to the brim with people who enjoy throwing vitriol in people's faces because it gives them hardons.
...and /lit/ isn't?

>>21204080
No. At least /wg/ isn't.
>>21204075
Keep a record of your dreams.

>>21204086
Thanks thats a good start. Cant remember my dreams today, but I'll start tomorrow. Anything else to write about? Some kind of prompt?

>>21204086
>Keep a record of your dreams.
tfw you have a dream only once per few weeks

>>21204258
That will change if you record them. You will subconsciously force yourself into having them.

>>21204063
/adv/ doesn't like it when men try to date younger girls.

>>21202081
Why do I write so slow? I'm an hour in, and I have a paragraph. Do you guys just bang out what ever and then go back to edit? Because I am constantly rephrasing and moving stuff around as I write.

>>21204445
Write the rough draft then refine/expand on the details later.

>>21204445
Do you write a chapter plan anon? Every person I've ever told to write a chapter plan first has reported a massive boost in writing speed.

>>21204469
I haven't. Have any good tips or resources on it?

>>21204543
Just write a skeleton plan of everything you will write. Imagine the exact content and presentation of the chapter, then put it to writing in the minimal amount of words necessary. If you know what you are writing, you will be way faster at writing it, naturally.

>>21202633
I'm going to take a stab at this.

So the rules are:
>No names or character descriptions
>Allowed to give them signifiers (character 1, "M", etc.)

Is anything else fair game?

Can anyone critique my short stories and who also has kindle unlimited? My author name is Dick Hicks on amazon and I would like some pointers on plot and pacing and character

>>21204445
I'm >>21204656
And I smashed this out in like an hour:

>>21204854
2/2

>>21204782
Why not just post it for free here?

>>21204854
>>21204860

I did not expect /lit/ to be this slow.

>>21202633
Hmmm does this mean no he/she references either?

>>21205094
I don't know.

The only rules was no names or character descriptions (limp, long hair, tall, etc.)

>>21205114
Gender is descriptive.

>>21202633
Writan https://pastebin.com/MewsDWgZ

pls r8

>>21205150
What is the point of three different languages? I would stick with just one

>>21202266
I dropped out of nursing school

I just dropped out of uni to write erotica full time against my parents’ wishes.

I made a mistake

>>21204854
>I smashed this out in like an hour:
>major typo/missing word on first line
>a bunch of unnamed speakers talking at eachother in what is a dark closet as far as I can yell
I believe you!

>>21205150
Oh thank goodness more nameless protagonists, and now with pointless words in another language no less than 1% of readers will get value from!

>>21204935
You posted in the middle of the day, waited all of 20 minutes, then wondered why no one reacted?
Unlike you, most people have JOBS.

>>21205274
It lets you easily differentiate between characters.

>>21205417
You're not allowed to name them you goof.

>>21205524
>You're not allowed to name them you goof
Okay I admit I just opened the thread and read the last 2 critique type posts - I withdraw harsh criticism of prompt-bros getting practice in

>>21202081
"You can't just be "yourself" he smirked, you have t-" Travis slow-closed the window to the car door with a "zhoop" sound effect. "Murhurrmuhurhurmhurhurmurhur". He would be back in Arizona by nightfall. After all, if there was no "himself", then who was driving this thing?

https://pastebin.com/LCBGsSNu

Grab any table on the first floor
sat down at one that felt appropriate,
surveyed the situation more carefully and determined my decision
was not good,
in another room that I hadn’t seen it was practically empty
and there were some very comfortable seats. When the waiter arrived
I asked if there were any drink specials and I ordered the cheapest
beer, then I moved to a table that was more secluded.
Afraid I’m too short. Plague my existence.
Sometimes anxious or “at war with myself”
repeating in my head “you fucking retarded faggot”.
They sat at the bench and smoked together
before saying much of anything.
At times I had raging acne, my style was uneasy,
I had horrible breath.
We went inside and I talked about soundcloud rap and Dostoyevsky,
and then she said she had to go.

I could remember in high school my feet smelled because I
wouldn’t wash my clothes, I wouldn’t wash my socks and sometimes
I wouldn’t even wear socks so I had sweaty feet,
and I wore these brown dress shoes,
I would take them off in class and roam the halls
while they sat there stinking.

Later, when we stood to depart,
I rose slowly in anticipation for the moment it would be revealed
who exactly was taller,
and when we determined it was me I smiled.

>>21205630
Travis checked into a seedy motel on the border of Illinois and Idaho. As he entered the room he couldn't help but notice the sick stench of cleaning detergent and what could only have been heroin-induced vomit in the bathroom. He tried to ignore the voices in the room, vestigial ghosts of clientele long--past. It would soon become apparent, that that book, that, man that, ghost, that, /thing that must once-have-been-a-man/ was only ever talking about himself. Searching with the most apparent and obvious of desperation. "Evil can never create anything new, it can only pervert beautiful things against their nature. I think the screwtape letters told me this.
Waking up in the middle of the night, Travis was startled by something. A memory. Of a boy he once met. For some reason, this beckoned to him, and he reached to dial the phone, he remembered a number, his old friend, a business magnate of very curious inclination, Charles Carrol.
"Hey Chuck. Yeah, it's me Travis. Sorry to bother you so late. Do you remember Hyrum?"

Why is coming up with names so difficult?

Trying to write a UFO story with some existentialist themes

>>21202081
Writing notes is the most unrewarding writing experience ever. I got a ton of work done today but I feel totally empty. Soulcrushing shit. Turns out I will be starting NaNoWriMo on the 5th instead of the 1st. It shouldn't be a problem though.
>>21205713
Give me your parameters and I'll come up with your names for you. I do it all the time for one of my writer friends.

"Her sister was not very pretty. Her shoulders were broad and masculine. Her nose was wide and pointy at the same time. Her hair was little more than the straw eaten by the family's horses. And her lips were noticeably thicker than both of her sisters. However, she gave off a womanly and beautiful appearance because of the elegant way she was dressed. The red boots she was wearing didn't have a single stain of mud. A red long skirt with the family's shield with ladybugs as decorations, a pink protective coat on top, and two earrings that looked like cherries."

What do you think of this character description? It translated from Spanish so take that into consideration

>>21205818
It's okay, but I feel like it's lacking something. Perhaps a description of her eyes and ears would help give the readers a clearer mental image of the character. Also, the second and third sentence can be combined. The last sentence is awkward (maybe something got lost in the translation).

In a scene I've written for an Isekai story, the main protagonist massacres not only his enemy, but also his enemy's immediate and extended families, his friends, his mentors and anyone who has ever learned anything from him, and his pets and livestock. The main character is half-Chinese, and I plan on putting a throw-away line like "as in the spirit of his Chinese forefathers" before he commits the deed. Would it be better for me to include that line, 'telling' that his decision to commit such a bloody act was influenced by his Chinese ancestors, or should I show it by having him say "Kindness to the enemy is enmity for yourself" or another Chinese saying like "Pull up the weed by its roots" to indicate the Chinese influence on his decision?

>>21205866
I like the roots line best.

does anyone have moe traits for their characters, like messy eating, stuttering when talking about their love life, not combing their hair, or other cute personality quirks found in anime?

>>21205866
using chinese proverbs would be much better than a direct tell.

>>21205847

Its because the eye and hair color description was in another sentence, not sure if I should combine it with the one saying her ugliness.

>>21202266
Grandma died a year ago. shit sucks ass anon. she was in the hospital for over 3 months; there was a long and arduous medical process because of stomach tumor/cancer related issues. while she was in the hospital her mental condition deteriorated to the point where she can't form coherent thoughts at the end of her life. for this i hate the medical system. she was in another island thousands of kilometers away so there was really nothing i could've done. and it was peak covid so they wouldn't let her travel back here to another hospital easily.

in the end she managed to get back home to me and my family. alongside with my mother and father i took care of her for the last week she was alive. it was really exhausting and not only drained me phisically but also mentally. seeing her in that state, in pain, confused, unware, slipping in and out of conciousness. it broke me somewhat. i took care of her for a week before she passed. the day she passed she'd complained that her chest was hurting so my mom and dad rushed her to the hospital. at the time i called my siblings to say their goodbyes to my grandma because i had a feeling that this might be the last time i'll see her living. after she left i cried and prayed for her health to no avail. a few hours passed and my mom called crying delcaring that she has passed. in the end what got her was her heart. heart failure.

>pick up the draft of that comic script about a band of girls again
>realize that it's just the main characters from another story i was writing on another setting
>get spooked and a little disappointed in myself

I give up. Nobody is going to read my story anyways.

>>21205904
Just watch anime and take notes.

Okay /wg/, grammar question:
When using a continuous present verb like
>...as if nothing X happening.
Do you use "was" or "were"? I'm like 99% sure the answer is
>...as if nothing was happening.
but I got someone saying it should be
>...as if nothing were happening.
and while I'm pretty sure I'm right, I can't actually find any conclusive information on this. I'm just going off of thirty-ish years of speaking English and the first one sounds right to me. Am I wrong?
Pic unrelated but people read posts with pictures more frequently.

>>21206167
I think this one has to do with plurals.

"The shadow danced as if nothing WAS happening"

The shadowS danced as if nothing WERE happening.

>>21206178
Yeah this was my initial suspicion, and the event in question is singular, so it should be "was". At least I think it should be, because under some tenses it IS "were", just not this one.

>>21206077
I'm sorry, anon.
My grandfather died almost 2 years ago. His last 4 years were spent delirious, in pain, unable to move. All so sudden. He used to hunt as a teenager. He used to run for hours every day. Just a year before his decline he was driving my sister to college. He made me love poetry. He had a notebook of verses he'd noted down. He recalled poetry from circles in his youth that hadn't been published on the internet. He remember thousands and thousands of verses, and he always had stories to tell. And I wanted to learn so much more from him.

In his last years I'd been a bad grandson to him. I'd get annoyed because he'd ask the same questions over and over again. I didn't call him as much as I should've. I didn't love him the way I should've
Only later did I realize what nobody else in my family seemed to be willing to confront: he had Alzheimer's. Or some form of dementia. And he'd been seeing dead relatives, and he'd been trying to leave through the door because he wanted to return to his home that was in another country, and he was wetting himself, and he was growing angry at my grandmother.
The month before he died I was too busy studying for my final exams to spend time with him. I wanted to. I'd grown up enough by then to realize he didn't have much time left.
We'd gone to the beach to have a meal. He looked at me and called me by a different name. My family was surprised. I was indifferent. I understood this was normal. They corrected him, but he still seemed unsure. The next day he apologized to me. I didn't mind. Truly.
A week later he went into cardiac arrest. I stared into his wide, reddened eyes before the ambulance came. I rushed into the room and called out to him and he stared back at me and I don't know if he saw me or if he thought I was someone else. That was the last I saw him. They didn't let us into the room until after he died. He fought for 4 hours. In pain. They performed CPR on him. I wonder: did his ribs break? Did he feel pain? Did he understand that they were trying to save him? Was he afraid?
He was pale and smiling.

A year later the magnitude of his forgetting my name hit me and I broke down in tears. I felt bad. I waved my feelings away.

I cry a lot more now than I used to. There's no time for callousness.

sorry for derailing the thread again. sorry for the disjointed post. i'm in class. just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

>>21206412
Not that anon, butI feel for you. I have a grandmother with alzheimers. And it was so rough seeing her mind go away. She lost my grandfather a year ago and knows that hes not in the house anymore. But doesnt really know that hes died. Its so weird. I don't like describing it all if im honest.

>>21206418
To all of you: it's going to get better. I pray our grandparents and parents live and die HAPPY, if not coherent. I love my parents so much. I'm not ready for them to leave me.

I blame trying to be a plotter for my issues, I am more of in the moment person.

1.2k words today.
Almost finished full conceptualization of elf butt.
We are all gonna make it.

>>21206536
do elf booty smell of dasies?

>>21206178
No. It's NOTHING that was happening, the clause before it doesn't somehow modify the quantity of "nothing".

>>21206167
https://brians.wsu.edu/2016/05/19/nothing/
Your friend might be thinking of "none", as in "The patients stood as if none were dying."

>>21206573
scented pine...unless of course its a dark elf. In which case it smells of peaty bog.
My world lore is deep

>>21202081
Originally I planned to skip on doing writing today because I chose to cut my sleep, but I think I've already hit that age where losing sleep doesn't make such a massive impact on you. I am gonna try to push for 1k-2k words today and then handle the rest tomorrow.
>>21206156
Fag.

>>21202081
Anyone here have experience writing longform 'facsimile' digital texts? Not literal text messages, but manifestos purportedly written by mass shooters, long emails exchanged by autist online friends, etc. that are 'explicitly fake' and ask for the reader's suspension of disbelief (in the way epistolary novels do)? Advice? Even if you have no experience with this kind of thing I would appreciate advice

>>21206727
No idea, but check out /pol/ for some images or something.

>>21205866
>In a scene I've written for an Isekai story

>>21205691
Silence. On the other end. Travis had thought for a moment that maybe he had made a mistake. "I remember him. Why?"
"Yeah, I was just wondering if there was any way I could talk to him. Do you know where he is?" "Tell you what kid, meet me at my building at 12:00, you know the place." Charles was a connection Travis was grateful he made early in life. He was an older man, head of a small company working on a huge project. He had promised Travis at one point, that he would let him work for him some day, but as with all things, life had gotten in the way first, and now this. This book and this strange dream of a boy...
Hyrum. What did Travis know about Hyrum? And why did he care so much. The mental shrewdness of the past 7 years was almost too much to bear.

>>21205630
>>21205691
>>21206873
It's no use simply spamming excerpts in the thread. What are you asking of us?

>>21206914
"schmits scmho smchuse scmhappamming schmexerpts in the scmhead". The whiny, adolescent boy spittled across the room. It was HIS birthday party, no one else's, no one else was going to take this day away from him.

I'm confused by first person PoV.
How to write the narrator's thoughts in the moment such as "For as long as I can remember, I've never X"/"I don't understand X"/"I still remember X" while their actions/the rest is written in past tense?

>>21206996
Simply write them in the past tense? I'm not sure what the issue is here.
Ex:

"I pulled the trigger. For as long as I could remember, I had been incapable of taking a life."

>>21206996
What's wrong with using first person past tense? "For as long as I could remember, I had never X"/"I did not understand X"/"I still remembered X" are all fine.

>>21207007
Because you spoil that the main character will be alive at the end.

>>21207147
You're allowed to kill the narrator and change perspectives, the fiction police can't stop you.

>>21207147
Depending on the story that may not matter. Hell there have actually been several short stories by Lovecraft and others where the narrator does die at the end and it's told using that viewpoint.

>>21207147
>he hasn't read good old neon

Hey anon, post your work and I'll proofread and copyedit it for you

>>21207332
Don't you mean line edit?
Anon, give ME your work and I'll treat it right.

>>21206873
The office park was a dusty place off the highway. Travis stood and waited out for Charles to come out. A plump and skinny man in a blue suit shuffled out shortly. They greeted briefly and dispensed with the pleasantries.
"Listen kid, you're going down a dark road. I like you, so I'm gonna be honest with you. You should just turn around and go back from where you came."
"I have no home."
"I'm sorry to hear that, kid but there's nothing for you out here. Just turn around and go..wherever youre from."
"I just want a name. A place. Anything."
Charles looked at him solemnly. A glint in his eyes that he recognized. Something he regretted giving up all those years ago.
"...Okay. I'm not giving you an address, but I'm giving you a phone number."

Did you research the market before writing?

>>21207427
Who does this? The chance of writing something popular is so infinitely small that you may as well write what you want instead of what 'the market' is interested in (which is inevitably YA or smut).

>>21207431
The odds are slim. But it’s possible that any one of us could end up writing the next Call of the Crocodile and have our book go viral. It’s not entirely impossible.

>>21207427
>>21207431
>>21207489
The state literature is in, I'd rather self publish.

>>21207489
It’s crazy just how famous F Gardner has gotten. I saw in another thread that if you click the “similar authors” option for Stephen King on Goodreads it shows F Gardner as one of the top authors displayed. I tried it myself and laughed my ass off when it worked.

>>21207332
You're just trying to steal my work!

>>21203505
Luka Parker

>>21207553

https://www.goodreads.com/author/similar/3389.Stephen_King

Holy fucking shit. This is hilarious! This fucking website is turning F. Gardner into a household name.

>>21199211
To reply to this user, maybe /you/ don't have to believe it any more than your character does. After all, people do stuff that's "out of character" all the time

>>21207567
Not exactly anything new. Goodreads promotes Call of the Crocodile and the rest of F Gardner’s books all over the place. Pic related. If you like horror then you’re eventually going to be recommended Gardner at some point.

>>21207602
No one is going to buy your shitty book stop trying to shill on /lit/ you asshole.

>>21207567
F Gardner already is mate. Even my normie brother knows what Call of the Crocodile is. He’s practically the most well known of modern horror authors. In fact, I can’t even think of any recent horror novelists other than F Gardner.

I will never sell even 1/5 of Gardner's book

>Amazon pays per page read
>Only getting 1 page read
I think my story isn't capturing attention

I'm trying to write dialogue for an ESL character. Usually I would study the original language and look at examples of IRL ESL speakers for that language, but the character's original language is non-human. They're meant to nearly fluent, a few months/years away from being entirely natural. Any tips for capturing that in their dialogue?

>people who try to nitpick a story they don't even remember the details of (or sped through at mach speed) and end up complaining about shit that doesn't even make sense or was already addressed
I have no idea what compels people to do this. Like holy fuck, I've got this guy who has never even once left a comment that wasn't a complaint (most of them hilariously off-base or just about shit that isn't even correct) and lately he's been getting even worse because the details he's trying to nitpick don't even make sense. It's like he reads the story trying deliberately to pick out flaws with out-of-the-box logic, but then doesn't even try to use that same logic to ask "is this really a flaw"? For example:
>a random detail is dropped many, many chapters ago about X
>at current chapter, using ridiculous murderhobo videogame logic that doesn't apply in the story, protagonist could take Y course of action because "X isn't a thing right?" Why isn't he just doing that?
>Actually, X is a thing, and taking Y course of action is impossible because of that.
I don't want to discourage people from reading but honest to god I do not know why this guy is still reading when all he does is manufacture shit to complain about out of thin air, then complain about it. I suppose some people are just contentious by nature, but god damn, if I was posting on a site where there was less moderation I'd be calling this dude a retard every time he says anything.

>>21207845
>out-of-the-box
outside-the-box
Fuck's sake I'm so put off by this that I can't even write properly

I am not religious, but decided to try to imagine what true belief feels like through a poem:

God is a physical thing.
It floats and hangs in air.
It has a shape that fluxes with the tesseract.
It catches light along its skin and hair.

God has a right and wrong answer, and a few of both.
It can be nearer, can be farther from the depth of field.
God is no infinity. It has a wrought iron borderline,
and surface tension that can hold or yield.

God sits in - carries in - the palm of an open hand
and vehicles that leave a dusty track.
You will know when God is in the room,
when God is out, and shortly coming back.

>>21202081
Cheers to the anon that told me to outline my scenes/chapters.

>>21207930
This isn't you, but I have never in my life read a poem that made me go, 'ah! That's pretty good'. The whole format just seems pointless to me.

>>21207940
Same here, I just don't get it. It's just using obtuse language. Purple prose is not impressive in the information age. I suppose rhyming makes it a little harder, but not by much.

>>21207934
You're welcome anon. Best of luck!

>>21207940
>>21207947
Yeah, I think you might be right. It reads back...just fussy overall. Thanks anons.

>>21207764
Nonsense anon. F Gardner’s living proof we’re all gonna make it.

How am I supposed to write when I keep having to piss and shit so much what did I eat it just doesn’t stop coming

>>21207489
>>21207553
Now did Gardner really post here once upon a time or did he just meme his book into the zeitgeist through 4chan adspace?

>>21208091
He bought 4chan ads while the rest of us coward away still scared of /pol/ influence on here as a haven of evil Nazis

To the Gardner samefag: fucking stop. Get off the board. Get a life.

>>21208096
If I ever make it big, I will make it a point to attribute my success to /lit/ on 4channel. And anybody who wants to cancel me after can suck my wrinkly ball sack.

How do you come to terms with the fact that you're an idiot who put two climaxes in his plot and that you have NOTHING for the in-between points of the first climax and the climax proper which ends the book.
>rising action: dude's place is attacked by cannibal cultists he goes to a volcano to stop them
>climax1: CC gang summons a giant blood volcano monster that then blows up because an alien stops it
>rising action 2: alien + dude team up to kill the other alien who made the volcano monster, and then have to walk back to the volcano because if they go too fast the bad alien will notice them and kill them
>climax2: dude becomes the volcano monster by choice and kills the other alien after his new alien friend dies

What the fuck do I do to make the second rising action NOT just an exposition dump? I don't know how to actually give conflict to them. I was originally writing it as if they both face internal conflict from what it's like to live different lives and then finding both answers and genuine friendship within each other. I now realize that it's just boring. No one would care, and it just comes off as if I'm talking to myself about my own exaggerated problems then grandiosely personified into these two homos.

>>21208197
It feels like you are trying to tell two stories at once. Less is more, keep it simple, etc.

>>21207799
Everyone who actually started my book also read it to the end. The problem is, according to stats, of all the people who bought the book less than 5% ever even opened it.

>>21208215
Does it? I feel like I'm not. The whole point of this story is that this guy starts at rock bottom, experiences hell and terror, gets hit with outside the planet meta, and then becomes a volcano monster. Then afterwards, because he became a volcano monster his bloodlines is cursed to be immune to magic and it starts off a series of how his descendants unknowingly carry on with that. I plotted out six books of this shit, and the FIRST one is the stupidest because it's the only one that deals with these faggot fucking aliens that I just had to make plot relevant!

>>21208237
Look at me! Another clown for the circus! What am I a child? I sat there and dreamed of the future without even having taken the first real step. Typical.

>>21208225
At least they read your book

>>21208237
>I plotted out six books of this shit
Is this what being a plotter does to a person?

>>21208261
No, this is what being a person who thinks that making 1/4 of your book dialogue exposition does to you. Everything else is actually swimmingly smooth.

>>21208285
>"making 1/4 of your book dialogue exposition is a good idea" does to you.*

thoughts?

>>21208296
First paragraph strong.
Second half of the second paragraph drops the ball since separated doesn't rhyme or hit tempt with surrounded.
Last line of the third paragraph is the only thing that's weird, I think you fix it just by removing the "I" in "I don't care."
Fourth paragraph is kino
Last one reads like you just got to the end and tried to put something funny/witty, but it just sucks.

>>21208317
okay sir, in case it wasnt obvious im not a writer of any kind, i just got bored and decided that i could eventually earn some money on the side by self publishing shitty books, im euro so id only need to hit like 50$ a month for it to be significant to me.
Any other writing tips you could give me?

>>21208341
No. I just gave you my personal critique on the poem you made. I guess start by having fun with it first.

>>21208355
Here's another example of my "work" for you to give your personal critique on

>>21208296
Nitpicks:
Should be "bear" not "bare."
I don't know if the uncapitalized "i" in some lines is intentional to look like internet language, but if so, it should be used consistently, and if not, they should all be capitalized.
Slash at the end of the fourth line instead of a period.

As far as actual content, I can see the sincerity but I'm not a fan. It takes a significant amount of skill to make a poem about depression and being terminally online sound poignant or even witty, because it's such an overdone topic. What's the lesson, the takeaway, the aesthetic (or even the joke, if you want to go that route)? Leave the reader with something to think about other than "people get too caught up in online culture," which is obvious at this point.

Thoughts?

fourth rejection letter

>>21208441
What did they say? Just a standard reply?

>>21208444
3 simply said that they don't publish this type of stories (folk horror fantasy) and one straight up said that they only publish works of experienced authors or famous people
not a word about the manuscript itself.

>>21208430
Based. I wrote a fantasy book and have no clue how my world even looks.

be on the look-out for "Call of Cascadia."

it will be Gardner in his most emotional.

>>21208430
The best is being a little bit of both.

>>21207427
i did and now i'm killing myself

>>21207409
A background check yielded results. Approaching the basement, Travis found Hyrum, drugged, severely dehydrated and chained up by a gang of nazis.
"God? Is that you?"
"Come on. I'm getting you out of here."

All Travis could get out of Hyrum on the ride back to the motel was that "God hates me, it's never coming back, it's never coming back, i tried so hard to protect it, oh God it's never coming back." And something about Jacob putting a curse over him, brainwashing him, the list of accusations went on. Something Travis knew too well.
...
Back at the hotel, Travis nursed Hyrum back to health, and did his best to soothe the schizophrenic ramblings.
"Do you know what happened to you?"
"Ever meet the devil?"
Hyrum smiled sadly.
"What was that?" Asked Travis.
"What?" Hyrum covered a smile.
"Ah sorry. I hate my smile."
"You shouldn't. It's nice."
Travis. I don't know how to say this but I feel like Jacob raped me. He wrote that 'Hero Who Never Lived' story on /wg/ and I didn't know what was going on, I know he didn't literally like, touch me, but I feel raped."
"I know."
"And what's more is that no one knows, no one maybe will ever know, I can't explain it."
"Can I be there for you?"
"I don't know."
Travis rubbed his shoulder aginst Hyrum's shoulder.
"I wasn't asking how. I was just wondering if you would let me be there for you."
Hyrum covered a smile.
"What was that?" chuckled Travis.
"Ah nothing I hate my smile."
"You shouldn't. It's nice"

I have basically finished the barebones outline for an entire web serial. I have been getting a lot of work lately, and I have been feeling quite confident, but now that the outline is nearly finished, I have been feeling doubtful. I am worried that there's just too much content, and that it's not the right kind, and that the balance could be better. I am great at character relations, banter, story arcs etc - but is that enough to make my story good? I don't want my story to be bad. I don't want it to be boring. I don't want readers to view it as just a string of events and social scenes. I want the whole story to be captivating, from start to finish - not just each event or each line of dialogue, but everything, the whole thing, considered as a single unit.
I am afraid that I won't be able to do that. I am afraid that I may be incapable of doing that. I want to write something good, and I want to succeed.

>>21208615
Question to the author: if I have a "Jacob," named "Mari" in mine, does she share at the end? When there's enough of everything? I'm just in the +Matrix, the Good One, right now, and am curious about prophecies.

t. /x/elite

>>21208601
Why?

Which of F Gardner’s books should I read next if I already read Call of the Crocodile?

>>21208760
Write what you thought about Call of the Crocodile first and then I'll tell you which would be best.

>>21202633
I tried. I might've stretched the rules a bit.

>>21208771
The second half was stronger than the first half. Mostly because of the mindfuck ending. That would be the first thing I’d say about it. It’s hard to describe. Think Silent Hill meets David Lynch. In a nutshell that’s what the atmosphere felt like. I liked that. So, there you go. Is that what you’re asking? I might just read them all if they’re all as good as Call of the Crocodile. But I’d rather just read the best ones first.

>>21208799
Arcade and Horror's Call are his "best." You may benefit from Kappa as a second read before progressing, however. "Ouroboros" and "Kangaroo" are his scariest.

>>21208803
Thanks. I’ve heard Call of the Arcade is supposed to be one of the better ones.

>>21208809
Jigoku is also underrated and I should've mentioned it. It's probably an aesthetic he won't revisit often into his career, so a possible gem if you're read on it early.

is this gardner posting ironic or should I really read. I'm too high to tell please help

>>21208822
We are not allowed to be ironic about F. Gardner.

I wrote an outline and immediately lost all motivation after realising how much it sucked.

>>21208831
try &amp

>>21208822
I unironically read F Gardner. Pretty sure half this board does at this point.
>>21208828
That’s why I “unironically” read his books. For real though, Call of the Crocodile is one of the most unique horror books of all time. I literally can’t think of a more psychedelic and off the rails plot in a book.

>>21208831
There was some spirit in it that made you think it was good before. That spirit was there for a reason! Don't lose motivation after seeing the first step of your work being lack luster. Every vase was just dirt and water at some point.

>>21208822
You're still the fucking Gardner samefag anyway so go fucking get lost. I hate all of you. Go shill this crap in another thread, people are trying to discuss writing here.

>>21208848
I'm sorry, I'm actually not. I haven't been here in a minute, and I don't know exactly the mood of things. Admittedly, I did just scroll to the bottom of the thread and read around to see what was currently being discussed. If it helps, I did post about my writing in here already today, but afterwards crawled on the floor and wept in re-recognition of what a failure I am.

>>21208860
If that's the case, then stop being a bitch, stop talking about Gardner, and get back to writing. DO IT.

>>21208697
You can't write good without first doing bad, so get your first draft out.

>>21208480
Do they think famous authors will be sending them a letter?

>>21208809
Call of the Arcade is pretty good. Were the two boy characters in that gay? I remember reading that and wondering the whole time. The way they spoke sounded more like flirting and romantic.

>>21208480
did you ask them to define experienced author and famous people
how do they know you're not either of the two

>>21208840
This. F Gardner’s books are more entertaining than any other modern books.

>>21208917
Good point. I will give it a shot. Hopefully it works out.

>>21208941
I assume they simply looked me up. They had my full name after all.

>>21208933
I guess? How else are they supposed to contact the publisher?

>>21208912
You're right.

How do Pen Names work when submitting a work? Do you just put in a random name, make it known that it's a pen name, and that's that? They won't ask any questions and just leave it as is?

>>21208480
I don't understand agents. There can't possibly be that many writers with finished manuscripts

>>21209103
It was publishers themselves, not agents. There are no agents in my europoor country lol. I guess I should've specified this in my op

>>21209101
You have to send scan of your passport and your birth certificate to Amazon to confirm.

I'm getting better at dialogue I think. Also what's a good way of showing but not telling? Aliens feature in my novel but I don't want any characters to actually meet them and have their presence be a sort of existential mystery/threat their I feel like showing them would feel a little cheesy/cop out

>>21209161
Corpses killed in awkward ways. Things just not being right, like gravity feeling just a little too heavy in a place for a while. Think of it like as if you're on a hiking trail and you find litter that gets more and more convoluted until you get to the very end. First it's just a candy wrapper, but then three wrappers up it's a sock, and four wrappers and two socks later it's a bicycle tire. Then at the very end of the hiking trail you see it really is just some gross asshole who had all that stuff.

>>21208747
Hey im just letting you know I hid your post and didn't read it- this is not your fault! I am going through something of a mental health crisis as of late and have to be very careful about the voices i let inside my head. The reasons for this are complex but I hope you understand.

Anon who talked about writing the fantasy story about an orphan and a malivious djinni here.

Just wrote the first 560 words of the nanowrimo story in the last hour before going to bed. I'm suprisingly satisfied with the quality. But my flows flow much swifter when I'm tired, gonna see how much I write tomorrow.

Only 100 hours like that to finish the NaNoWrimo challenge. That might actually be doable to me, holy shit. Maybe I'm not that retarded.

>>21209259
Based frogposter.

I have finished another chapter and I think I got it to end at the perfect moment. That makes me happy :)
I hope you lot are having similar experiences.

>>21208615
Days went by in the motel, and it was a scallious affair. They stayed with each other. Some huddling, some light weed smoking. Some crying. They cried about all the things they had gone through. Alone. Without a friend. They shared stories and related, found something of a self within the Other. They allowed the cacophony of emotion to subside, and considered the facts.
"I want to save Jacob."
"Really?"
"I can't explain it I just know it's..it's right. I know there was something that brought us to him in the first place. That this isn't his heart."
"He made you go psychotic! He drugged you and took away everything you ever cared about! Everyone you ever loved.."
"But don't you feel that there was something that brought us to him? A reason we met, a reason we all stuck around through it all?"
"... What do you mean, "we all"?
"Come on,Trav. I want you to meet some friends of mine."
...
EXT. THE WOODS OF FORGOTTEN MEMORIES
"Okay, right, so, they're not really my friends anymore, I have to admit."
"...but they live out here?"
"No, they don't live here, but their /memories/ still reside here. I know they must have been under one of these--see those gnarled branches upon the base of some of these trees? Reach into those, just start grabbing."
Travis reached into the gnarled roots at the base of one of the trees and felt around as best he could a until he felt something shiny and pulled. Out popped a head! A man's head!
'Ello gov'na!'
"Hyrum? Is this a friend of yours?"
"Not at all. Who tf are you lol"
'Pleased to make your acquaintance! The name's Chance! Chance Covington!'
"Well what are the /chances/ that we would meet you!"
Hyrum, Travis, and Chance shared in a laugh.
"We're looking for our friends, Gabe and Kenzie. Do you know them?"
'Fraid not old lad, what do they look like?'
"Mexican and midwestern as fuck."
'Mm, well I'll keep an eye out. Perhaps you'd want to check under some of /those/ trees. That's where the forgotten memories of racemixing couples live.'
"Ah I see. Thanks a lot. What should we do with you?"
"Just put me back in, or take me with you.'
"But won't you be lonely?"
'No, no, dear boy, for I am only a /memory/ of a forgotten soul. I believe it was my friend Steve who forgot me on accident, and really he wasn't all that great of a friend to begin with so it's really not a big deal.'
What do you say readers? Do they bring Chance along for the journey or stick him back in the old roots?

>>21209259
Let us read it when finished.

>>21202118
Silks and fabrics of all colors draped over the walkways and covered the open market bazaars.

fixed.

Problems:
No one has their purses lightened because of a story has a large variety of items for sale. That makes no sense.

Also it should be "citizens FROM across the world".

I wrote a short story. Here it is:

https://literotica.com/s/regrets-re-wonder-woman

Your thoughts?

Im having trouble writing about romance ive never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl

>>21209410
Just read more romance novels. Fake it until you make it.

>>21209410
Get into consecutive passionate relationships solely for the purpose of writing better romance novels. You've got to do the research.

Make sure to work out, unbutton your shirt, and hold a rose.

>>21209447
This, and then drop your girlfriend for the sake of a melodramatic ending.

>>21209365
hello quentin

Do you self published guys hire pro editors?

>>21209365
>literotica
Jesus this brings me back to my pre-video support phone browsing days. I'll will read your story tonight. You better not waste my fap time.

>>21209467
It's not really fappable. I have other stories in the works that might be.
>>21209459
Quentin like Ozymandias Quentin? I'm not him. I'm curious why you think I would be though. Did he post about literotica or wonder woman or something?

I'm so much more interested in language, atmosphere, and imagery than plot. Does anyone else have this problem? All my ideas seem so contrived and pastiche.

>>21209719
i get ya anon. A lot of time im not thinking about a large overarching plot. But more on the smaller details

How do I come up with better titles and character names?

>>21209744
slam your fingers on your keyboard and make a name there

>>21209725
Like for example I want to write stories that take place in nature but I don't know how to make a story. I don't want to write something where my character goes camping or exploring the forest or abandoned cities and the main intrigue is dangerous people living out there like some post-apocalyptic story. There should be a huge book full of problems for storytellers to get inspiration from. My character encounters a mountain lion?. A meth junkie? Violence is so boring. Boring Boring boring. It's too obvious.

>>21209778
Have you seen the movie Adaptation? It's a movie about a man who wants to write a movie about flowers without Hollywood melodrama. And it's a very good movie. It seems relevant to your situation.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0268126/

>>21209778
>>21209786
It's on Hulu.

>>21209778
Explore emotion, or characters and their thoughts. Or perhaps the idyllic balance that exists in nature. Dont focus on just one aspect. But write about the many details that make up the scene you imagine. I wish I could share what I just started writing, but I havent writen prose in a long time so I dont really have anything to show

>uploaded books for preorder on Amazon
>third book cover image still showing "No image available"
>Amazon support says "lol just wait it'll totally show up"
>still hasn't, others just fine

>>21209185

I think a vignette style novel about the town folk having their encounters with the Ayyys would work better than it focusing exclusively on the ranchers. I could really take this in all sorts of interesting directions

>>21206727
Read a bit of Notes from Underground as a decent reference. I've written some in the past, to get it good you have to tap into a really cynical part of yourself and write it as if you're truly convinced of what you're ranting about. Make slightly crazed analogies or examples for bonus points. Without a specific idea of what exactly you want to make this outcry against the world about, that's all I got for you

>>21209778
You can have conflict without that kind of videogame random encounter violence. Your character catches a fish, but isn't sure whether to release it or eat it; reaches an exposed ridge, lost, and has to choose between rescue and shelter; doesn't know whether to pawn her grandmother's ring; gets an under-the-table job in a country where he has no visa, and screams at his co-worker once he realises there's no social connection or anything to stop him.

It doesn't have to be "You encountered a [mugger] x 4! Fight|Checkov's item|Flee|Resolve differences"

>>21209341
thank you anon. And purses lightened just means they're spending money without saying they're spending money.

>>21209744
I read advice not to give your names secret meanings else the reader will try to see it in every name.

>>21209847
I know that! Emphatically, I know that! But saying that someone's purse is lightened by the fact that there are a lot of different items for sale sounds unnatural. I can't explain exactly why.

It's the wrong expression at the wrong time. Re-write it.

miniMAG issue18
it's a weekly magazine
send submissions to minimagsubmissions@gmail.com
see full issues at:
minimag.space

>>21207826
If they're nearly fluent but not native, have them be excessively grammatical, like avoiding contractions and slang, doing that already makes their speech slightly stilted and I think gives the style of speech you're looking for

>>21203256
>this killed the z-library

>>21209719
Just write short scenes based on the atmosphere you want to create, like a small excerpt from a cafe with soft jazz playing, or whatever you want. There's no need to tie it all together in some big cohesive story, and soon enough you'll have a bunch of short atmospheric excerpts you can be happy about

>>21208760
>>21208771
>>21208799
>>21208803
>>21208809
>>21208818
Fuck off already, Gardner.
This is a writer's thread, not a shill-spamming-unedited-garbage thread.

>>21208615
Haha, this is kind of interesting. Just out of curiosity what is the hero who never lived story?

>someone recommends I get into "writer twitter" to help network and promote
>check it out
>pronouns in bio
>bottom of the barrel RR tier novels
>people in absolute denial
>#amquerying in every bio
>#writerslift posts
>people celebrating 60 page reads this month

Writer twitter is like a graveyard of lost souls who don't know they're dead. Nothing made me feel more hopeless as a writer than seeing this. I would unironically rather "network" with you faggots.

>>21208615
Haha, this is kind of interesting. Just out of curiosity, what is the 'hero who never lived' story?

What are some often overlooked nuances with regards to how people lived and spoke circa 1900 that are often overlooked? I've never written anything remotely historical before, and I've just started on a short story/novella set on the eve of WW1.

>>21209220
It is of no problem, fren. I only ask that you make sure everything you do has a happy ending. :) Take care and have some hot chocolate over the winter holidays, maybe play some NHL 11 if it's a cozy aesthetic this year. I wonder how many of us in this thread will one day be McCarthys and Ogdens... all the best,

>>21210040
>#writerslift posts
This is absolutely worthless. I spammed this 100 times and didn't get a single sale. And I've read the first page from some of these people. nothing stands out. But I do know being a cute girl gets you way more sales

>>21210112
the trick is to put something about 'stern botanists' and then tweet (with the hashtag in the same tweet)

>>21202081
150 USD for a colour cover from an artist with a huge following on instagram sound fair? I just thought I'd do it because I sold some old shit and made about that much on eBay.

>>21210234
onlyl if they put the book's link on their instagram post/page

>>21210234
Just use an AI image generator, or run a bunch of filters on a public domain image.
$150? You'll never make that money back.

>>21210108
Wasn't alive at the time so I can't give you the real scoop or anything, but I'd say that regional variations on how they spoke would probably be more distinct back then since it predates a lot of urbanization and population movement which happened because of the wars, so keep that in mind when writing characters

>tfw it's time to edit my first draft

>>21210241
Fair enough. I think he links everyone's instagram, so I can make an author account or even an account just for the book.
>>21210244
>AI "art"
Lol. Who cares about making the money back anyway? If you came into writing to make money, then you are delusional. Even if I self-pubbed on Amazon, the majority of sales go to people like Shirtaloon.

>>21210268
>Shirtaloon.
>Jason woke up naked, face down in the grass. That was not how he expected to wake up, having gone to sleep in his own bed and his own Darth Vader boxer shorts. From the feel of cool grass on his unmentionables, he had been removed from his bed and shorts both. The last thing he recalled was doing what he did most nights; playing video games until he got tired and fumbling his way into bed.
>The grass he woke up on was weirdly comfortable; a dense bed of lush green softness. It wasn’t like any grass he had encountered before, which was a little unusual. His father was a landscape architect, and Jason had grown up learning more about grass than he ever wanted. Mostly because it was the only escape from his mother’s Japanese lessons.
>Jason rolled himself over and sat up. He was feeling very odd, beyond just the circumstances. It wasn’t a bad sensation, more like waking up after a really long sleep. There was the lingering sopor, but also a feeling of refreshed energy. He ran a hand over his head, only to be startled to realise his hair was missing.
>“Uh…”
>He felt about his head with both hands, but his head was balloon smooth. He made a quick check with his eyes and hands, realising there was no hair at all. No eyebrows, nothing on his chest, or arms, or… other places.
>“I thought it was meant to look bigger when you trimmed.”

How do I write like this bros?

>>21210234
Just draw it yourself.

>>21207940
How many levels of autism are you on? I don't even like poetry, but to say none of them are good, holy fuck lmao. You're like the literary version of a girl I saw claiming there was not a single hot guy in her entire country

>>21210297
I can’t draw, as is evident here. I tried to learn on /ic/ and with Bridgman’s guide. I do think visual intelligence is inherited, and I do not have such genes.
Better off just working with other people with specific expertise.

>>21210246
My small cast of characters are all prim-and-proper types save for one. Was there that much variation even among the educated back then?

I dont know if this idea sounds silly. But I want to combine my writing and the music I make, but im not sure how to go about it? I dont think a yt video with the text and music in the background would work well. Or maybe I read it like an audiobook? I dont know, how would you guys approach this?

>>21210354
What kind of music? I suggest doing something like an audiobook. Nick Land did this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiaWsgtJrNI

>>21202081
>tries to prove something about how sentences of similar length are boring
>by writing monotonous, boring shit
>tries to prove varying lengths of sentences alone adds anything
>by writing a sentence filled with powerful imagery
Woooow, you really fucking proved something meaningful there, bud.

>>21202107
I'm all of those combined wtf

I'm writing a high fantasy story.

Is this an attention grabbing opening paragraph?

>>21210380
He is correct. I can write elaborate things in detail and it would still suck ass if I had no alternating sentence structure:
>The garden was painted red by an army of roses. Sunbeams streaked through the swaying leaves as I approached Mary. Her beautiful face was now awash with melancholy. She paid me no attention when I sat and wrapped an arm around her waist.
Too robotic, too repetitive, no variety.
>The garden was painted red by an army of roses. Sunbeams streaked through the swaying leaves as I approached Mary--her beautiful face was now awash with melancholy. Gingerly, I sat beside her and wrapped my arm around her waist. She paid me no attention.
This is much easier to follow up with dialogue.

>>21210319
Shut. Up. You only get better by drawing. Put in the work, and for God's sake, learn by drawing imagery not by some other crappy method. Learn to draw what you see and you will get better with time, it's a skill like everything else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dFtAu_x_bQ&ab_channel=DeathinJune-Topic

>write a fantasy story
>Keep trying to avoid some ancient evil being revived
>Ultimately write about an ancient evil reviving

>>21210331
If they're all from the same area then there probably wouldn't be much variation, no

>>21210448
>Awakening opening
>Describing talking
>All this exposition about stupid useless shit like tables
None at all.

>>21210456
What about an ancient evil that's already been revived? Or a new evil that just claimed the name of the ancient one?

>>21210461
What's wrong with an awakening opening?

>keep attempting to write a gritty gangster/crime story
>somehow it always devolves into super dark conspiracy/death-cult pedo shit
Thinking I need to embrace this and just write a mystery/horror because as a crime story it comes off as absurd.

>>21210467
Not him, but there's not much action or a character to care about, awakening tells the reader nothing about anything other than "okay this thing now exists" which is rather dull

>>21210471
Well I have an awakening opening, but it quickly describes the world in an interesting way and has to do with the story. When I'm done with the first chapter I'll poast.

>>21210450
I work two jobs, so I'm more time poor than I am money poor. Reading and writing already takes up a huge chunk of time, especially since I draft and edit over and over for about 2-4 days per 2000 words. I go to a writing group every month, which often drags on for four to five hours at a time, and the feedback I get from it means I have to go edit over and over again. Why would I spend the rest of my life trying to draw when I am not naturally skilled at it? I can simply work with someone else.
That live laugh love painting is garbage too.

>>21210461
Literally third person of the thing being awakened in a singular room. What should I describe? What would you do in that situation? Check your surrounding? Or be "interesting?" As for the cliche start, that's not what I asked.

New thread
>>21210476

>>21210477
I understand. I'm just trying to save you $150. If you're fine with commissioning someone that's cool, artists need a few shekels too.

>>21210481
You have the awaken dude looking at an old man. Do something with the old man since that's our focus right now, not some random ass masks behind the dude that woke up

The moon shudders in space. The stars begin to drift. It is quite sad, really. Again, I failed to warn. Again, I failed to wake. And again, I am alone. The death-bell tolls, slowly booming. I have one last chance. The gunshot cracks, and I fall. This time will be different.

yeah I cheated with one six-word sentence but it's still not the worst thing in the world

>>21210448
Too much bland exposition. This pp also ought to be chopped up. It just looks better uncondensed.

>>21208615
Haha, this is interesting. Just out of curiosity, what is the hero who never lived?

>>21210058
>>21210925
Ho, boy.

>>21210936
fuck off and stop calling persons with vaginas whores and thots, incel-board-inhabitor.

t. paid feminist leader

>>21210448
Seems kinda neat, I'd break up the paragraph though.

>>21209839
That sounds so boring. What would be the climax? What would be the overarching story?

>>21210943
based and feministpilled

>>21210976
dr. phil is on the edge...

guess he wish he didn;t live his life by it

:micdrop:

>>21209719
Just write poetry then.
>>21209744
Go look up popular names from a culture you like and pick one that fits.
>>21210108
Read some history books on this anon. Lots of social and folk history to help you out.
>>21210319
Anon, you do realise that's actually pretty good, right? With practice you'll become much better.

>>21210311
Chang, you aren't hot, no. Candadian fuck.

>>21211323
I do write poetry but narratives can be prose and verse. I'm having issue with narrative, not form.