/lit/ - Literature

How much of my writing should be inspired by my family upbringing?

>>20998223
Had to move this from old thread that was just closing:

Here I took a jab at it removing enough references to Mosstreader to make it more readable (in my opinion).

Mosstreader once had a sister with zigzag teeth like a wildcat and a savage grace on the harpsichord. One night she fell in the lake, and he hauled her out while she gurgled up water like a last, dying laughter, her dress a slithery translucent skin covering the white shape of her body on the grass. It was agony to look and it was agony not to look.

On the upper floors of their timber homes, the fathers in town have narrow rooms full of dead sisters. They keep the rooms locked with iron chains and clever contraptions, but sometimes he can see a dead sister's leg crammed up against a high window, or a curtain drawn to conspicuously conceal the pale, expired stock rising up to the ceilings.

And the problems don't end at the outer walls. Even when he crosses the stream and walks along the wooded ridges, where way down below, the roofs of the churches and trading halls look like reddish kindling, he can never be alone.

There will be the man named Hunkel, for example, leaning on his cane. Hunkel is in the service of a certain von Ollener, but here on the ridge he's at his leisure, picking a spot of soil, clearing the leaves with his boot, and jabbing his cane into the ground with a painful grunt. He's done it many times and will do it many times still. Then he'll lean, unsatisfied, and despairing at the inadequacy of his spot, he'll go off searching again.

Or there will be the widow Veldetter, whose black crepe, rustling at each pass, catches at the thorns and the varmint's nest as she walks in her daze. A man visiting town once told a despicable lie about her, which he'd found, that man, so funny that his face swelled up with blood, and when he lifted the beer to his lips a glazed face laughed back at him.

Another day comes and it grows late. He isn't following her; they are only walking the same way. When Veldetter turns to walk down the ridge, he decides he wants to go down too. When she takes the bend through the nettles he hasn't noticed before, he figures he'll see where it leads. For a time he can't see her through the thickets, then she appears small and black descending into a hollow ahead of him.

It is like a great earthen bowl, this hollow. Pieces of cragged pillar, sick with lichen, show where there used to be a wall. Veldetter sits on a stone and opens a notebook flat on her lap. On each left-hand page the names of dead sisters are stacked, and on the right hand, a list of tortures that Veldetter will instruct the fathers to inflict. She writes.

Mosstreader has been called many names over the long years, but he knows he is not a coward. When a town festers with injustice, down to its hidden roots, a man must act. He feels in his pocket and finds the knife he has carried since he was a boy. Veldetter hears the gravel under his footsteps and looks up.

>>20999158

Trying to go for a Knausgaard type thing?

I just finished editing my client's latest novel, and the publisher is pleased. Anyone else need a guy? My main training was in dialogue punch ups

>>20999190
Advertising and begging or both against the rules. Fuck off.

>>20999178
Hm... I'll have to think about my approach; I definitely don't want to be stylistically weird for the sake of it. Thanks for effectively illustrating your point.

>>20999201
tell that to Call of the Crocodile

>>20999152
>https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
Thanks for adding me to the pastebin!
Also came to say thanks to whomever it was a couple of months ago who recommended 'Shakti' for the name of the Indian faction.
This chapter is the beginning of their side arc:
www.royalroad.com/fiction/57441/the-elevation-chronicles-grimdanklit-rpgfeels/chapter/995574/chapter-39-answering-the-call

>>20999187
Hmm... doesn't really work.

If they were ant-like creatures you could go with that and get somewhere.

But once you are talking about neolithic and medieval it stops making sense. And then to talk about language, customs and identity as though 1) it were possible and 2) you through a magnifying glass can hear or discern any of that, it just doesn't work.

>>20999158
I am beginning to believe that if the writing is not painfully personal then it has no value and is a mere distraction. I want to write so as to explore myself and expand myself.

>>20999276
Ive been writing everyday for the last 3 weeks lol

But i will say, ive thought much more deeply about the human condition, why people react certain ways, and why I feel the way I feel.
Even if I never get published, it has been a really beneficial, if at times difficult hobby

>>20999211
>but whatabout
That's probably you too faggot.

Is this general for actual novel writing or just Royal Road fanfiction masturbatory material?

>>20999463
Some of us write novels. But most of them are not done yet. I am halfway through my "last" draft though, thank God.

How do people write so much? I could spend hours writing and pour my soul in it and still have less than five pages

>>20999536
No idea I've been sitting around all day and wrote 4 sentences. But I kicked tons of ass on MTG arena

>>20999544
Mood, except for the kicking ass part. Manafucked to hell and went second every game.

>>20999536
Usually they're thinking about writing 24 hours a day, including dreams, so they have a backlog of ideas waiting to get out. Then if they sit down to write theirs hand just has to write down the writing they've already done mentally.

>>20999536
I have no problem pputting words down, ensuring they are of good quality is another story

>>20999463
Im writing a novel. Its horrible

>>20999463
I've got
>two novels finished
>three novels in the works
>three novels self pubbed
So yes people do write novels here

>>20999576
same. Mine is a fantasy story about magic!

>>20999576
I finished a novella a few days ago. It feels very different now to have to edit it. It requires extensive changes. I even wonder if any of it matters to me at all. Pleased to have finished something of length at last though.

>>20999603
how much did you change in your style, and plot?
sometimes i read my stuff back and think it almost unsavable and other times I am happy with it

>>20999595
so what are the titles?

>>20999616
NTA but I have changed how I present dialogue. I sometimes explain conversations through the narrator without quotation marks now, but if I think the conversation is of particular importance, I add in quotation marks and white space to bring out the voices.

>>20999616
It's still being edited, so it's ongoing. I had no plan, so the ending I made rendered certain things that came before obsolete or nonsensical. I noticed that I use a lot of filler words such as 'just', 'really', 'certain' and so on. I cut those and most modifiers too, but not all. Style is still the same though, I think. I tend to use a lot of qualifiers in my natural speech, maybe due to a natural uncertainty or trust for what is or isn't true in the world, or my perception of it. I think I cut a lot of that, the dithering. I've rewritten the opening now too, as I know the ending at last, so I have tried to tie the two together. There are other prominent elements that I will try to incorporate more. I've done a read-through and noted what to cut, what to expand on, what I need to incorporate earlier, where the pacing is off, rushed, where characters have been shown but need to be more involved etc. as I have started to add new bits of writing to it though, I am in turn adding further complications, characters etc. that will also need to be included later on. I've never written anything of this length before so it's just a process of learning. The plot also hinges on something that I must confess I do not know enough about to satisfy myself, so I'm going to have to read up on that too, and God knows maybe the whole thing changes because of it.

When I was writing I told myself to not read further back than the last paragraph. I had gotten quite far with 4 novellas before this one but abandoned each one after deciding I hated what I had done. I decided that nothing would ever be completed if I did not press on when it was difficult, so I blinded myself and just moved forward.

>>20999691
>When I was writing I told myself to not read further back than the last paragraph

Ive been sticking to this method more or less, but kind of concerned that it will just be a bunch of unreadable shit when I finish.

>>20999463
70% through my Elder Scrolls tie-in novel, enjoyed whole process for most part. I know people will clown on me but i feel it is quality. Edits needed seem to be pretty reasonable - redo second half of one chapter, and 2 conversions need decent rework for continuity reasons. I read each chapter on completion at at least once for an initial edit pass.

>>20999536
I'm not super fast, but I find "scouting out" at a scene and chapter level helps me. Basically entails just writing out rough dozen or so blurbs of either key description, dialogue, and introspection per scene (listed right on your page in sequential order). I do this the evening prior so that I know the core flavor of the scene to hit, and then I write through it start to finish and connect the dots.

i think ive practiced and learned enough to start writing my first throwaway book..
is RR serial/novella good practice, or is it just a good way to pick up bad habits (if my end goal is a novel that isnt shit)

>>20999698
Prior to doing this, I thought I was the writer that would edit as I go, perfecting each sentence before progressing. That made sense to me. It would save time by avoiding extensive redrafting because if I added a new element in the second chapter, I would immediately go back and make sure it was added in the first and everything was always congruent. But as I said, I've tried it now, and I don't think I am capable of it at this point. Better for me to just pile on words.

Dragan Velikić: “I never have an outline, or even a story. As I write, I am actually attempting to free myself […] of seemingly unimportant details which come in from the boundaries of oblivion. They arrive unexpectedly, conjured up by who-knows-what combination of words.”

I read this quote near the start of what I had written and found it true. If something comes to mind I just put it down. If it is cut later, so be it, but I just get it out of my head. This could mean a number of disparate threads in the work that need to be cut down dramatically. I ended up adding a lengthy section on the death of the Queen, for instance, and I am not sure that is exactly relevant, though it did lead on to other things that did become very relevant. So I could cut the Queen and find a new way to transition into that other element.

I suppose it helps that I went into this whole process with the belief that I would be working as though panning for gold, and that most of my work would be shit, and I'd be lucky if 1/100th was worth keeping. I set my expectations.

"Talent is a question of quantity. Talent does not write one page: it writes three hundred. No novel exists which an ordinary intelligence could not conceive; there is no sentence, no matter how lovely, that a beginner could not construct. What remains is to pick up the pen, to rule the paper, patiently to fill it up. The strong do not hesitate. They settle down, they sweat, they go on to the end. They exhaust the ink, they use up the paper. This is the only difference between men of talent and cowards who will never make a start. In literature, there are only oxen. The biggest ones are the geniuses—the ones who toll eighteen hours a day without tiring. Fame is a constant effort."
--The Journal of Jules Renard

Robert Bly - "I learned to trust my obsessions,"

>>20999743
there's "kindle vella"
it's an alternative to royal road

Are you writin' son?

>>20999913
I'll write tomorrow.

Anyone here write horror?

"I've come for your secrets, Carmack," Jobs hisses. "No one can program like you do. I'm going to find out what makes you so special."

Carmack calmly types away, not even looking at Jobs. "I don't have any secrets, Jobs. I'm just good at what I do."

"Liar!" Jobs cries, flying into a rage. He starts throwing punches, but Carmack is ready for him. He dodges every punch and then, with a well-placed kick, sends Jobs flying out the window.

"You'll never beat me, Carmack," Jobs yells, as he flies away.

"I already have," Carmack says, turning back to his laptop.

>>21000030
Besides Egregore? I dont think so, though Eggplant had a horror vibe to it sometimes. I don't think I've read enough horror to do it well, but I do like this one trick in Bradbury's "Skeleton" where the villain's dialogue has no quotation marks around it so it had this internal voice like he was the protag's skeleton. Bizarre typographical things like that do a lot.
I cut out horror elements of my first book, but maybe for a later short story or novel. Way down the line.

>>21000053
Whew, and I thought my story was anime

>>21000059
I've always wanted to write horror but I'm afraid of falling into the trap of having my writing come across as edgy or something.

>>21000102
Edgy horror is a type of horror, there is an audience for that.

>>20999666
The three self pubbed have easy to find titles, the three in progress have names regarding kings and an MMO immersion experiment I'm working on, and the two finished novels also have names relating to kings and bowling alleys.

>>21000030
I'm trying to write lovecraftian stuff.
What about you anon?

Do I write a masterbation scene?

>>21000109
I guess when I think of edgy I mean high school shock horror; I know I wrote plenty of that when I was a teenager. Just trying to find that balance between gruesome description and having my work not be skin-deep superficial.

>>21000127
Lovecraft is my main inspiration for horror, I like the idea of madness. Not really interested in expanding upon his lore or using whatever mythos he created. Just wanna write horrific scenarios.

You guys ready to publish your first short story?

>>21000133
Well, what do you mean by edgy? I can see how his work would lend to that with all the SCP stuff and what not. I think good lovecraftian based art recontextualizes the mundane.

>>21000182
Haven't actually read any SCP things. Are they cringey?

>>21000291
The bad ones are.
So you're worried that your horror would be just because? The original thing vs the Carpenter remake?

>>21000332
I'm worried because I haven't written horror since I was a teenager and when I look back on the stuff I wrote I cringe. Kind of a stupid worry since I've aged a bit since then, but it's always in the back of my mind.

>>21000335
Again, what elements do you see in your teenage writing?
If you're aware of it now, doubt you'd make the same mistake.

>>21000173
I'm waiting for &amp to get back to me on that. I'm waiting for the Unreal press to get back to me on that. I'm waiting on a random author I met who said he was going to publish an anthology on the 1st of september to get back to me (he accepted my submission). And I'm waiting for beta reader feedback on yet another short story anthology I'm trying to submit to.

I'm getting kinda fucking pissed, to be honest

>>21000345
You just let that anon steal your work and then you’re trying to trad publish and get fucked that company

>>21000409
I write more than enough to throw some stories away to build my brand, but fuck I expected to have these stories out by now.

Anyone know any good websites or places for newer writers to place their work for others to see, whether just casually. Alternatively, any tips for what new writers can do as a stepping stone to help get that exposure for publication?

>>20999463
I started with a novel then went to RR. Arguably what I'm writing is still a novel, just a very long one that would need trimming if it was going to be a "book". Not like, Worm level trimming, but there are parts that could stand to be condensed significantly.

What are the primary flaws of your main character? For me, it's his lack of creativity/improvisation and how much he struggles to comprehend more esoteric things like morality and emotions.
That first one actually bites him in the ass a lot, because one of his traits is that he possesses a wide array of unique abilities but is terrible at thinking on his feet so he only uses what's most straightforward.

>>21000482
>What are the primary flaws of your main character?
Single-mindedness, shortsightedness, superiority complex, autistic inability to relate to most people on a deep level.
He improves though, mainly in the shortsightedness and superiority complex areas. Getting slapped down by someone he thought was a bitch causes a large blow to his ego and makes him take people more seriously, and through practice he learns how to formulate plans of action that aren't total shit.

>>21000482
He doesn't trust people and the people he does trust he trusts too much. His priorities on who he should be trusting are all over the place, but since he's a king, he has to make these decisions as the balance of power shifts in from the royal court to the church and back to the crown then to the advisors and so on. He always assumes that he's going to be betrayed by whomever has political power, so while it keeps him alive, it makes him often bitter, angry, and difficult to deal with.

Is it okay to write a masturbation scene?

>>21000579
What is the purpose of it?

>>21000587
According to GRRM its character development

How does one create a deus ex machina scene without it feeling like i pulled it out of my ass?

>Story has no magic
>Dude kills the Goddess
>Goddess unlocks magic to everyone
>He dies and is reborn from another Goddess
>Enters a future where Magic is available to all

An explosion flared above, the lights of scattered sparks reflecting in their eyes when they finally turned their heads.
-I’m going in.
Screaming, the foremost troop on the platform pulled himself onto the dock. All this time he was just barely noticing the feeling of the heat on his fingers and the weight of his weapon and the way it hung on his aching shoulder. Pulling himself up, he ran in slaloming and unloading his weapon into the cast of officers that copied his actions in all but mobility. The officer directly in the middle, motionless, gazed into the contorted face of the shrieking adversary. Beneath his black lens goggles, he responded with nothing but the most grimacing, deliberate, yet still coming from within, smile that wrapped his cheeks with its pointed arrow angles.
The coming soldier was now followed by the remaining squad members who pulled themselves up, ran forward, and hurried streams of bullets. Defending their positions the stationed vessel officers shot at the charge from behind waist high barricades of grey block. Ducking and rising to fire. Smoke soon engulfed the space between and light flashed within its body sporadically. Some died. The charging soldiers found various places to take cover, behind scattered tables and partial walls, and the firefight continued.
-pitiful
The lieutenant, hardly even noticing the bullets that breezed his hair and came close to skin, raised his hand.
-Why do you think you can make this work?
-Shara, right 3.
Shara turned and fired, making a direct hit. The lieutenant laughed and walked away. He got to the door, opened it and closed it behind him.
-Goddamnit!
-Jon, duck!
Jon crouched immediately, for his continued existence. He looked over and saw Shara and Harre behind a part of wall jutting out from the side of the hall. Shara’s thigh was bleeding. Jon got up and nearly broke the trigger on his gun, there was almost no aim anymore.
-Jon! Jon! Jon, target is neutralized.
She laughed, then frowned deeply. Her eyes narrowing
-We almost had him.
-I know.
He paused and looked down at the scatter painted floor.
-Goddamnit!
He threw his helmet to the ground.

Is Where The Crawdads Sing going to be taught in school like Outsiders & To Kill a Mockingbird's is?

>>21000740
No. There's like 5 sex scenes in it and it doesn't really talk about anything. Oddly Hillbilly Elegy would be a better read for contemporary USA living .

>>21000740
huh... why did the authors of The Outsiders and To Kill a Mockingbird, completely burn out after writing them and never produce anything of value ever again? how is it possible to write books taught to every american in k12 then become shit right after?

>>21000754
Idk steinbeck mogs all of them in that department BUCKO

Would modern readers be turned off if I used privy in it's original form as a toilet? Or should I jsut call it a toilet?

>>21000788
just call it a toilet you fag

>>21000788
call it a doilytoily

When publishing a novel what's preferred?
>single spaced
>1.5 spaced
>double spaced
>single spaced with Reddit spacing
??

>>20998555
>Are you that autistic knausgard-fan army anon?
I don't think there are multiple Finnish people in this general who wrote an autobiographical army novel so yes, but I don't think I ever made myself out to be that much of a Knausgård fan, he was one of several autofiction writers I mentioned as having given the push to write my own.
But that was last year, I've already had that book rejected by every publisher in my country and written a new book about something else that's also in the process of being rejected.
I'm surprised you even remember that shit.

>>21000996
why don't you read a novel and find out

>>21001054
You think I read?

>>20999276
based

>>21000633
You could create a subplot character that goes through the exact same development, only symbolically.

Thoughts on this chart?

>>21000775
get out nigger

>>21000102
Don't listen to >>21000109, this is shitty advice. Unless you only want to appeal to 14-year-olds on Wattpad.

If you want to write quality horror, study the greats. Weaveworld is a great example of Stephen-King-like horror (but without a shitty ending), The Prince of Nothing series is a great example of fantasy so dark that it often borders on horror, Lovecraft for cosmic horror, The Shining or Silence of the Lambs for psychological horror, etc.

Don't settle for edgy mediocrity, strive for greatness.

>>21001143
Any recommendations about social horror?

Looking for horror that also deals with social issues: family, work, pregnancy, media, city vs rural.

>>21001124
oh shit, I thought I can use a semicolon to link a dependent clause with a independent clause without using a conjunction.

>>21001156
I haven't read much social horror, but Under the Dome by Stephen King comes to mind. It starts a bit slow and it's heavy with political intrigue at first, but it dissolves into chaos over the course of the story.

It's about a force field appearing over a small town trapping everyone inside, and they have to fight for resources inside the dome while the outside world tries to figure out how to transport food and such to the people trapped inside.

>>21001171
Seen the tv-show? Wouldn't say it comes off as very horror focused.

>>21001124

>&
Do not use in writing.
>...
Avoid to the last.
>()
Do not use unless you're writing a children's book or a hilarious satire.
>;
You're probably using it wrong, so don't.

>>21001177
Nah I've only read the book, I knew they made a show but I can't say how faithful it is to the novel. It was probably watered down for general audiences.

The book is pretty dark and fucked up, it's similar to The Stand but explores social dilemmas a bit more.

The ending is lackluster is my only complaint, but this one is more about the journey than the destination.

They called it the bad stuff because it tasted foul, made your stomach churn and sometimes you would get sick in worse ways. The bad stuff still got you drunk though, and it was cheap enough that most of them drank it anyway. It was better than the evil stuff. That made you go blind, and anyone caught selling the evil stuff was likely to get executed after a speedy and biased trial.
What all soldiers dreamed of was the good stuff, proper alcohol made before the siege in faraway lands and brought to this one in fancy colorful bottles with baroque lettering showing names in foreign tongues.
Soldiers didn't buy the good stuff, as it wasn't for sale anywhere. They searched for it and seized it all official-like, and then the sergeants came to take it from their hands and the officers took it from the sergeants and they were the ones to drink it, the bastards.
Private Viello had made it his personal policy to never let anyone know if he found a little of the good stuff. He might share it with fellow conspirators, if he ever found any he could trust. Maybe old Micah, but he never left the drydock these days. Said he was repairing the engine of a riverboat.
"What good is that when the river is held by the enemy?" Viello asked him over a bottle of the bad stuff they were passing between them on a rainy day.
"I'll build a submarine. Dive under them."
"Do you know how?"
"No."
"Then it'll be a deathtrap."
"So is staying here."
"Hm."
And so Micah went about his tinkering and Viello went about his loitering, that which was called patrolling when he was in the company of others. Sometimes citizens emptied chamber pots on the soldiers in the streets. Sometimes the soldiers shot up at them in retaliation.
Rain fell and washed the waste away. Rain fell and drenched the good soldiers situated in the city and outside as well, but those outside didn't need to drink the bad stuff or fear the evil stuff and that made all the difference.
Viello cursed the enemy, the city, the stuff in all three varieties and even God for making him live through this. He cursed the mayor too for trying to negotiate with the enemy, because then Viello had to stand in formation in the cold October rain while genral Etien had poor old mayor hanged as a traitor.
All his matches were wet and his tobacco too and he couldn't smoke. Never enough time indoors to dry his clothes properly. The city smelled worse and worse, cleansing rains or no.
Rumor had it that there was a house with a safe, and in that safe 40-year-old brandy, the platonic ideal of Good Stuff. Viello was interested, but skeptical. No one knew the house. No one knew how to crack a safe. Everyone wanted what was in it. Everyone had time. Why not look? House by house, door to door. A race against every soldier in the city. Could he get one last sip of good stuff before he died? Him alone, and no others.
You had to occupy yourself somehow, waiting for death.

>>21001124
>Period
>Comma
>Question mark
>Exclamation point
>Em Dash
Literally the only punctuation you should be using.

“We have failed” uttered an electric voice.

She felt his words like daggers picking her free from her thoughts. A fierce wind blew as the darkness peeled the atmosphere free. The last breath of a dying world rushed across her face, a tender goodbye in the face of destruction. She thought of all they had accomplished, how they had rallied a small nation to resist the empire in league with the evil that now devoured the planet. She wondered if they heard the words she had told them, truly heard them, that this could have been avoided. But, even now as darkness descended, she remembered the villagers she passed up the mountain, how they too had fallen to its will standing naked outside their houses lifting their limbs to the cracked sky and praising their own unmaking. The cosmic promise of that which came from The Outside struck their egos with the yolk of its designs. The devourer had come for its meal and found its poison had ripened its prey. What would it mean then to be immortal as a slave? She thought. Yet, still they did not protest, willingly leaping with foolish abandon into that black mire because of the long felt fear of death that grows with each year of something's life. Security was the jailor’s friend, it would seem, and the prisoner's true master.

>>21001564
You need an ellipsis to represent speech that trails off. You can't end an incomplete sentence on a period.

And I would defend the use of colons. They allow constructions you couldn't otherwise achieve. E.g. 'But his reputation as a successful businessman and upstanding member of the community hid a dark and shameful failure: his marriage.'

>>21001632
Dash might work better. I'd agree with you if you went on to sum his failures by the use of colon.

>>20999152
miniMAG issue11

is this anyone's first time seeing this magazine?

submissions to: minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

website: minimag.space

>>20999187
I like how you write.
There is a very similar black mirror but your bit has more interaction between you and the little folk

>>21001849
send art/poetry/stories
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

>>20999276
idk man

I literally can't remember if this story was real or I made it up
img related

>>21001853
>>21000053
make him give the other guy a bj while he codes

>>21001860
full story/issue at:
minimag.space

>>21000345
sup

>>21001865
>>21000657
this is so sexual, did you mean it to be a sex thing?

>>21001869

>>21001124
>Comma. Use mainly to indicate a brief pause.
It's worthless.

>>21001876
>>21001124
that?s not how I use questions marks

>>21001883

>>21001885

>>21001887
plz send better art:
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

>>21001892
minimag.space
minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

thank you to the anons who send shit- shanghai art hoes desperately want to marry you for a greencard

>>21000127
haha it looks like her necklace is walking on the neckline of the shirt

*None of you ever read my stuff, but I like updating my work here anyway. Makes me feel like I have a boss.
Another 2000 words into the outline. I need to focus more on the latter half of the book.
>https://a.uguu.se/jZRdwTeh.pdf

>>21002035
I ain't downloading nameless mystery pdfs

>>21002035
>not secure
yeah nah

>>21001865
How many page views are you getting? Where do you post this other than /wg/ like any other anon? What quality checking do you do?

>>21001124
>>21001165
A semicolon is just a period that implies the two sentences are thematically connected.

Just always write with periods in mind and then replace with a semicolon during editing in those rare cases where they are actually clarifying.

40 years of service, like Moses leading the Hebrews across the desert, and also like that patriarch Eddie was destined to never set foot in the promised land. In his case that land was retirement. He was laid off after 40 years of dutiful service. He'd never held a job outside the company. Started off one summer while still in high school. He'd gone to college to get the qualifications to work there. He'd always been highly motivated, always loyal, rarely sick and stayed to do overtime when it was necessary.
Eddie saw the filing system go from paper to microfilm to digital. He saw computers advance, the call center go from rotary phones to headsets. He learned to use a PC and every new program introduced. He had never been obsolete, never asked for a raise he didn't deserve. Eddie was a company man to the bone.
But the laid him off and that was that. Non-essential personnel they'd called him. But Eddie had a secret, and Eddie was about to show it to the world. Eddie had been around long enough to know his way around the R&D department, and he had old keycards that let him go in and out without a trace in the electronic system. Even after he didn't work there anymore he'd show up and nobody would bat an eye, because why would they? Just another face among many.
He built his raygun on company dime. There were backdoors to every system, and he knew them all.
He built his raygun and charged the batteries on company juice. 40 shots in it, one for each year he'd sacrificed. Each shot enough to reduce a man to vapor and ash.
Eddie got his gun, and Eddie went to town. He didn't shoot up his workplace, because he loved his company to the end despite it all. Eddie went to a mall, full of young people with their futures ahead of them and sex on the brain, and Eddie let loose his death rays.
LED-lights flashed as the gun "fired". Most targets didn't notice Eddie as he shot them and moved on to new targets. Shielded, they must have been shielded! But how could they have shields against his death ray gun? He had only just invented it.
"Can I help you, sir?"
The question came from a mall cop, fat and sweaty and sweet with smiles.
"Yes," said Eddie, "you can die!"
He fired his ray gun and the mall cop chuckled.
"That's a nice toy, grandpa," said the mall cop. "Do you have a receipt for it?"
"No, I made it!"
"Mmhm, made it huh. Why don't we go check with Toys R Us, see if the nice lady at the desk remembers you buying it."
A chubby but firm hand grasped his shoulder and escorted him to the company store, where a harpy of a woman denied ever having seen him before. It was deemed that his ray gun had been stolen.
"You don't understand, I made it! I designed it and built it! There's no other like it!" he pleaded with them to see reason, to acknowledge his achievment.
"Build all those too?" asked the mall cop, pointing a stubby fat finger a rack of death ray guns in plastic packaging. An arsenal of death. He wept and pointed the death ray at his own head.

>>21002188
>40 years of service, like Moses leading the Hebrews across the desert, and also like that patriarch Eddie was destined to never set foot in the promised land.
stopped reading here

>>21001124
& is used in business names mostly
: are for lists, nouns, and quotes.
-- are to used to set off additional info, or to show interrupted dialogue.
; are useful to join two closely related sentences.
... trailing off in speech. the speaker is still thinking

>finish rough draft
>It's 58k words
Is this too short?

>>21002352
How many google doc pages is it? What are you trying to write?

>>21000788
usually, when you ask yourself a question like that, you already know the answer.
if it's a period piece, saying 'privy' could add to the story. But not in 2022.

>>21002371
120 pages it's historical fiction.

>>21002188
I really enjoyed this. Some of the prose is a little awkward but just comb over it with a revision, if you find that criticism valid. The story itself is kinda hilarious and sad. I was originally thinking “ok this is getting ridiculous” until the reality of the mall situation is revealed. Yeah anon, I really dig this, not bad mate.

>nobody ever writes about a fat woman being a hero
How come?

>>20999187
Fuck these sentences just run on and on
So boring

>>21001171
I remember reading a YA novel with that exact premise except they all got magic cancer powers.

>>21002054
>views
across all platforms I'd guess 200-350 views per issue now

>post
dedicated /lit/ thread a few times a week, twitter, wechat, and instagram

>quality
I channel William Faulkner's spirit and ask him about each and every piece

>>21001576
Pic is not related, right? I honestly thought it was some sort of cosmic horror. As if a nebula called the Devour came down and ate their world. If I'm not mistaken it's about a nation being enslaved by another one, yes?

>>21002409
I will.
Also Hemingway basically did that in "The Light of the World" since Alice was really fat but also based, and btfo Peroxide.

>>21001876
>>21001883
>>21001887
I don't get it.

I think my primary flaw in writing, or at least one that has been touched upon in this thread, is my dishonesty in writing. I do not write about myself or things that I know but the things which I enjoy reading about due to aesthetics. For instance, a piece that I am writing about at the moment is akin to a Woolf's To The Lighthouse. I am not a woman nor am I from a wealthy family however I am writing about unachieved dreams from the viewpoint of a young girl (the novella does have the perspectives of the rest of the family, albeit their representation and story is infrequent and told mainly from the girl's perspective). For all in this thread, how do you overcome the veil and begin writing with your own experiences at heart when you have been taught that stoicism is paramount?

Has anyone attempted to write their own story yet? How did it go? Anyone read it?

>>21002578
Yes there's a pastebin right there. Went terribly.

>>21002578
yes, ok, no.

>>21002554
>how do you overcome the veil and begin writing with your own experiences at heart

You are doing that right now. Find a way to continue doing that. You need to find an idea or a form, a style or method of enquiry that allows you to expand on what you are doing in that post.

Imagine that you were making your post into a book. You would expand on Woolf, what you read, what you remember, where you were when you read it, the memories of that time, how the book touched you, and then how those experiences bleed into others. At a glance, you have about 50 words in your post and I count 10 ideas within it, and each one could branch off endlessly into strange and personal places. You just have to roll with it.

>>21002279
Sorry

Revised chapter 35. Still no info dump about how the languages work so you won’t like it.
https://pastebin.com/hDt5qVEu

For some reason I feel more creative when I'm writing into a notebook than when I'm typing to a screen, but then I feel way too lazy to transcribe it over to digital for upload. It's also a pain to edit hand written material.

>>21002578
No one here writes.

>>21002751
How do you have 35 chapters without being close to the end of the story? Tell me your secret in writing so much.

>>21002796
It’s creepy to have such devoted trolls. I’m sure you’ve never read any of these chapters. Does it bring you fulfillment to always respond to my posts with the same asinine complaint?

>>21002815
Why are you getting so angry?

>>21002751
read the chapter it was good, but i don't know what's going on. i've also read chapter.. 20 something awhile back.
does this have goblin sex?

>>21002853
>no one here writes
>how do you write so much
this is both you, yes? probably the kimmyposting as well.

>>21002420
eh sure, you do flash fiction right? What are you looking for?

>>20999152
Threadly reminder.
If you have your characters in stressful or life threatening situations and they don't use coarse language, then you are nothing but an artistically compromised hack.

How do I make a good isekai story?

>>20999152
Threadly reminder.
If you have young, attractive characters in your story and they don’t get raped, then you are nothing but an artistically compromised hack.

>>21002554
Get rich. Abuse your children. Read their diaries.

>>21003036
>if you don't write dialogue like a teenager writing fanfic you are artistically challenged
kek

>>21003036
Incorrect. I know plenty of people who drop foul language when things get serious.

>>21003036
>coarse language
You mean Coors language, bud. Get weis er

>>21003049
Have your main character be an everyman with a distinctly casual voice to contrast with the fantasy natives.
But avoid making shitty pop culture references; they aren't funny.
Let the readers discover the setting along with the main character; no need for infodumping.
Give your main character his own goal fairly quickly; don't let him be a ping pong ball for events.
Don't make the natives retarded just to make the main character seem cool or knowledgeable.

>>21003049
>>21003119
Good example is Re:Zero, for the first part of the story.

Good example of showing and telling

>>21003169
How do I be as good as Fitzgerald?

>>20999242

I'll rework that scene he used a listening device to hear what they sound like and that's how the narrator discovered they had their own language.

>>21002414

Fairly sure Twilight Zone had a similar episodes. Simpsons and Futurama too

I'm trying to write a story about a neet who cares (poorly) for his 600 pound mother. A deranged cannibal breaks into the house, subdues the son and proceeds to harvest and cook fat from the mother for as long as he can keep her alive. Any tips to avoid writing straight up gore porn?

>>21003292
include character arcs..

>>21003220
Read more Fitzgerald.

Well I'm about to turn in my first draft. Hopefully they don't think it's too racist.

is past tense writing okay for mainstream novels?

>>21004150
90% of novels are written past tense wtf kinda comment is this

>>21004162
there's a big push to present tense everything

>>21004162
Not him, but contemporary novels are primarily first person, and it is such a trend that agents and publishers have been said to question any work that is third person.

>>21004162
Zoomers like present tense, first person books because it reminds them of playing video games

>>21004177
Source? Why would agents want first person more? This better not be something about being "personal" and trying to understand the struggles of minorities

>>21004177
looks like I was reading the alternate reality version of that post where he asked about third person and not past tense.

in ordinary books, the tense will shift when appropriate to the content. anything other than past tense as the default though is unusual.

>the samurai ghost
>white as a cracker dried in the Mississippi sun
why do "you people" do this?

>>21004150
In my language it's only past tense

Finished plotting out book one of my boys middle grade fantasy series. Gonna ignore it for the weekend, check for plot holes/issues Monday, and get to actual writing.

>In workshopping class
>most people are graduates
>everyone passes around their novels
>impressed by first 10 pages of their novels, legitimately could be published by Penguin if it continues like this until the end
>drops down to fan fiction quality the last 250 pages
why is this?

>>21004241
They start out excited by the prospect of writing a novel, which is reflected in the writing. By the time they reach the middle/end, however, the excitement wanes and so does the quality of the writing.

>>21004241
It's hard to maintain quality. That's why edits are severely needed. What was it? You're supposed to put it away for 3-6 months before you edit it.

>>21002478
Its a force of elemental madness birthed from a sentient sun that entered lichdom as a blackhole. The planet the character is on has already been devoured and they are being digested by the creature. Should I post more?

>>21004241
when they think about what they are going to write and how they are going to write it, they only think about the first dozen pages or so
the novel's last pages have no thought put into them

Is this excerpt written concisely and, dare I say, coherently? I appreciate all criticisms, constructive or not.

Eventually, after much trembling, they arrived at the groundskeeper's store house. They gazed back at the blaze that had begun to form on the church’s wooden roof. The smoke had an overpowering odour that grew stronger as they all recalled memories within the church hall.
“We can’t stop now.” Said the Old man wiping a tear from his eye. The door to the storehouse was partially ajar and tools lay scattered around the entryway. The woman, children and the unconscious priest wait round the side hidden beside the compost. James and the old man peered into the window of the small room and saw no life inside. It was dark and the gravestones for the evening's fallen men lay covered unmarked in the dust wanting names.They slowly pushed the door open with one of the stray tools and stood on high alert.
“It's vacant, boy, let’s get them in here and shudder the window. They’ll be safer here then out near the rubbish.” The old man motioned to the children who stood round the priest, poking his ribs, to hurry inside. As soon as everyone was inside and accounted for, the priest included, they sat there in refuge for some time.
“I don’t like this ma.” Muttered one of the children. “Are we ever goin’ to see pa again?” Whispered another in despair.
“Your father’s fine chap, the island's defences are one of the strongest in all the archipelago. Our enemy hasn’t brought nearly enough firepower with them.” Spoke the old man in a comforting manner to the children.
“How do you know that?” James questioned. “How do you know that they won’t be successful? They’ve destroyed much since the beginning of this siege.”
“Because young man, there are only 5 ships in our port. They were only able to bring enough men to sack our beautiful island for a short time. They will soon wane in numbers and retreat as they did a few years ago, the last time they made it ashore. And yes, though many of the town's buildings lay in rubble, we will rebuild as we have so many times before.” The old man's wisdom was a shining light of hope for James and their party. Father Mason began to come to with a great daze clouding his mind. He reached around and let out a yelp in confusion.

>>21004337
It's so purple

>>21004183
i've heard about this as well.. it has to do with YA being so huge, and first person trending. it's cursed.

>>21004183
>>21004667
Well, you can always pull out frame narrative and sprinkle first person here and there

>>21004401
>The smoke had an overpowering odour that grew stronger as they all recalled memories within the church hall.
very nitpicky/subjective, but this jumped out at me. i dont think it works. 'odour' is the wrong term/connotation at least, and i don't think the smell would be travelling at that stage of a fire, at least not without mentioned of wind or something.
and then i stopped reading to write this.

>>21004690
there's also the added benefit where writing first person requires less skill to get the reader immersed.. or something to that effect-- it was the first thing i thought when i started seeing this sort of thing blow up on RR and whatnot, and i've since heard several authors say the same. they of course go on to say 'but it's not easy to do well..' blah blah whatever. it's cheatcodes.

I could have sworn I wrote more than 1000 words today, but since I hit backspace so much that's all I got. After reading poetry for 6 months I now agonize over my cadence. I am reading it as a type—stopping—and adjusting the words to flow or add in some kind of substitution to the beginning or end of a clause. Most likely to my hurt. Thanks for reading my blog.

>>21004710
it is cheat codes, but i personally think most of them are infuriating sludges of exposition dumping.
I once tried to read Overlord, to see what's up with light novels. Stopped after I saw two pages long exposition "dialogue" on current political situation.
how can anyone stand this?

>>21004741
Anime nerds thinking it's intellectual. I criticized Bastard saying it has way too many info dumps from monsters to spells, but I got called a brainlet. /a/ said my tiny brain couldn't handle all the explanations. No matter how much I argued it was poor storytelling, they wouldn't listen. That's probably why so many older directors and writers of anime bitch about the state of anime so much.

>>21004401
You should start at the second paragraph, then move the first paragraph to the second. Delete "eventually...". Also this piece benefits from having a more active voice. Some confusing sentences as well.
>The woman, children and the unconscious priest wait round the side hidden beside the compost
What?
>The smoke's overpowering odour...

Not bad though, it set up a setting and I generally could picture what went on.

>>21004786
No wonder. And best part is, that most of the info being presented is either not important (spell was used once) or so plainly forgettable, ie. due to sheer amount of it being presented at once.
I have read a "usual" novel recently called "The Adept", and it seems that even in normal prose it's getting more and more common to go on a tangent for a page and a half in every single chapter to explain the new shiny thing author came up with. I also dropped this book, wasted $10

If I lied and told people I major in economics and teach it to school children, the write a book about the subject matter, do you think I can trick people into buying it?

>>21004850
Yes, but name it The Great Anon

What's more important, characters or plot? And don't give the bullshit about OH THEY BOTH MATTER no. Only one truly matters and although you can compliment one or the other there is only one right answer. I feel as if characters are the most important.

>>21004241
What dictates "fan fiction" quality? Like what does that mean?

>>21004877
Depends on the story. For historical fiction, the characters are the most important since everyone knows how the history ends. Like Titanic or WW2 films.

For something like fantasy, plot, since every character is just a cookie cutter piece.

>>21004877
they're one in the same

>>21004892
Fair point.

>>21004401
>>21004401
>Eventually, after much trembling, they arrived
Pick either Eventually or After. Starting with 'they' is annoying. Say 'the family' or something.
>“We can’t stop now.” Said the Old man
“We can’t stop now,” said the old man
Are these excerpts all from the same poster? Figure out how quotes work already.
>“It's vacant, boy, let’s get
“It's vacant, boy. Let’s get
> As soon... for some time.
Don't describe the time twice in one sentence.
>muttered whispered spoke questioned
Stop.
>“Because young man, there are
“Because, young man, there are
>It was dark and the gravestones for the evening's fallen men lay covered unmarked in the dust wanting names.
Really jumbled.

>>21004877
Plot feeds the characters in same way that characters feed the plot.
Even if your story is character focused, there will be a point where turning to plot will provide exponentially more to your characters.

>>21004881
"fifty shades of gray" was a fanfic and it made a billion dollars

>>21004877
My plot are my characters

>>21004877
At the moment, I'm coming up with the plot around characters.
>good plot, weak characters < weak plot, good characters

>>21004695
Cheers, I will look into making this more natural.
>>21004820
Earlier in the story a series of events unfolded leading to this moment. Thanks for the feedback
>>21004932
What is wrong with the old man quote? I do sympathize with your concerns about the descriptors of speech, it does get tiring. I was trying to be overly poetic with the gravestone line and it turned out harder to digest than I hoped. Thanks for the response. Are you the same anon that helped me with the beginning of this story set on St. Lucia a couple of threads ago?

Can someone critique this action scene? Thank you very much.

>>21001124
I just use them based on what feels right and fits.

>plot not strong enough for genre fiction
>prose not flowery enough for literary fiction

i live in canada so maybe some indy publisher will get a government grant and publish my shit anyways

i was inspired to learn to write, because of litRPG.
my friend who has read 100s of books, classics and otherwise, is now permanently binging on litRPG written by ESL authors who break every rule of writing.. the idea that people would consOOm fucking DRIVEL simply because it leaned entirely into self-insert fantasies was both insightful and exciting. it was a sort of validation of assumptions i had made regarding storytelling.
months of learning to write later, i (still) hate litRPG and will probably never write it, but i do love writing.

>>21005528
Someone one day will write a LitRPG that will revolutionize literature and be entered into the western canon

>>21005528
based and getsitpilled

>>21005554
Please give me one example that comes close. And not something on RR with 900+ chapters. Choose your own adventure has more merit.

My body sinking. Here the world is made of blurry dots superimposed on one another as shapes. Like snakes they perform a spinning motion. Around the algae, I presume, a mass of grey. Once closer my eyes still attacked by the deformation, suddenly, complete blindness. I do not panic and I do not struggle, still unable to wake up from this hallucination, ritual still incomplete.

Flickers of sensation come to mind, in ways I can never hope to communicate to you, an alien feeling of touch. Draws on the surface of qualia, corners of my soul! Unthinkable movement, like sharing a kiss in the mind. I am tormented by this.

Consciousness came to me once again. Finding myself back into the apartments, with the putrid carpet and the peeling walls. I got up in a hurry, my limbs sluggish and my movements betrayed any familiarity with my body. I was for the time being still there, in half the brain, somewhere in it, on the lower structures and the baser instincts, the lower signals, the primal animal reptile-ape, still there. Deep inside the ocean. I stumbled – how I must have looked to any other soul, a moribund animal or a decadent drug addict, hooked up to the latest black market wares. The warmth on my face and the cold on my limbs like encased in metal, so deprived of proper sensation. Was it the dream or had the monument taped into my being? The dream I hoped, I hoped the dream. The imagined ritual or merely play pretend of the brain to the audience-I.

In my panic and stupor I hadn’t noticed that my vision had returned. Taking in the sights – greedily.

>>21005649
Fuck, forgot to post the fixed version. Whatever.

>>21005637
i said someday. just not today.

>>21005637
it's a matter of expectations that may not be able to be bridged, as litRPG consumers are too far gone.. the fact is, a lot of fantasy is very close to litRPG.. but actual litRPG is a deconstruction of that, with the fucked menus and pacing. still, there are already plenty of books that might come close, but don't go out of their way to truly bridge the gap.. if it's even possible. well.. i'm sure if im talking about it, others have attemped it.

Honest question. I'm a workshop Uni class and we have one 30 page piece to go over next week. I've read it about three times (glossed over it on the last go) and I'm not sure how I can properly critique it without sounding like an asshole. That's not because I'm going to say something like "this sucks", but rather the critiques are near endless. This is also a person who was super, super excited to be critiqued, and it was really endearing to everyone. We'll be discussing this piece for about 1 hour and forty five minutes, and I'm not sure what to give them.

>>21005751
fiction? if you understand best practice.. structure, dialogue, arcs, etc. you can simply stick to that. lean into objectivity.

>>21005396
It's a bit tiring to read, there's always something off of everyone, too much descriptors which means nothing is really emphasized. Sometimes less is more. How many times was blood mentioned (or variations) the brilliant gems and the large gems and the small gems, Stunned, silence, dripping liquid. Gelatinous blobs, buckled and flailed aimlessly. Break down this scene into just the story, plot out the physical movements of how your characters are traversing through this scene. If you don't have enough story to counterbalance the descriptions, you're just going to make it feel exhausting. This isn't terrible, it didn't repulse me away, but it's just that phase of writing where you either drop the bad habits and understand what makes a story good, or that phase where you just dig into your bad habits and become another fan fiction writer that never does anything truly good.

>>21005677
*A critical hit!
>Awesome! You did it! It's a bit overkill though. That fire spell did 438 damage and slime monster only had 11 hit points.
>Smacking it with your rod wasn't any use Julia. We would have been here all day.
>Bleh!
She stuck her tongue out at me. If it wasn't for her large developed breasts, everyone would mistaken her for a child. Nonetheless, the slime monster dropped exactly what we needed. It took 20 tries, but we finally had enough slime extracts to complete the quest.
>Julia, let's go. I need to return to the guild to level up.

The guild had a great assortment of different classes. Warriors, mages, thieves, rogues, healers, wizards, beastmasters, ninjas, samurais, lancers, and some other classes I never seen. I spoke with the guildleader Marian. The complete opposite of Julia, a mature demeanor but in a childlike body. Just my type.
>Hey Marian, can you bring up my file? I'm here to report my quest.
>Sure thing! With your 20 slime extracts, you gained 10 guild points. You now have 300 guild points overall!
>Can I take a look at the Class menu? I need to change my class from a Squire to a more advanced one.
>With 300 guild points, you have a choice of a Samurai, Lancer, Spirit Master, and Inquisitor. Which one would you choose?
I checked the first class, the samurai. A frontline fighter specializing in katanas and stances. It could be useful, but I never cared too much getting my hands bloody. The lancer was a defensive class. A counter-attacker specializing in keeping melee classes away from them. Terrible against ranged users though. The Inquisitor was a healing class that could buff themselves with various spells. Afterwards, they can be one of the most powerful melee classes ever. Pointless, if I wanted to swing a flail around to knock some heads, there's better options. Finally the Spirit Master. A class that summoned various spirits to hurt and help the user and their part. It was perfect. Spirits come in all shapes and sizes and fusing spirits together created some very interesting results.
>Marian, make me a spirit master!
>Sure thing! Remember if you ever want to change you're going to need to find an Orb of Returns!
Magically, with a sparkle and twirl, my clothes disappeared and in its place, robes and a tunic. It was time to choose my first summon.

Instantly three options appeared in my brain. As if a goddess blessed my newfound class. The first summon was the fire summon, a hellhound that could burn anything to a crisp. The second was a lightning serpent, quick and shocking. The third? A water nymph. Cute! She will be my choice!


Slapped that together. Praise me. Adore me!

>>21005831
>i'm CONSOOOOOOMING.. ugh, was that all of it? back to that list of 100s of litRPG w/ 700+ chapters.
was an ok hit

How do published authors make it through the initial flood of rejections they get? Like Sanderson literally wrote 13 1000 page novels before he was ever published. Joe Hill only got published when he was 35. Bring on everyone else who talks about getting 100 + rejections before actually making it.

>>21005854
That's all I got. I'm not writing a 100000 chapter NOT pokemon/final fantasy piece. That said, I think my little excerpt is better than some of the LITRPG shilled on here.

I'm gay, please reply to me.

>>21005872
Even Joyce had a miserable time with publishing but he never gave up. So you shouldn't either.

>>21005795
I see what you mean. I'll try to shorten it and make it snappier. The chapter is way too long anyways. 8 pages on google doc. This was only the last 3 pages. I hope it turns out better. Thank you for your criticism.

>>21005872
Why do you even want to be traditionally published? It’s a bad joke at this time.
You’re better off a million different ways.

>>21005918
That's almost unbelievable. Wow.

>>21005883
while it's a nice deconstruction/vertical of the genre, i would say the true art of it, is stringing things along forever, with constant progression and end of chapter cliffhangers. i think it requires a sort of 'tism

That anon is not me but you ignored my writing AGAIN

>>21005977
Post it and I'll give you a critique.

>>21005987
Yeah asshole, fuck you.
I literally like posted it already and not a single reply. So I'm hopeless then? FUCK YOU

>>21005999
Are you afraid of what I'm going to say? Post it again. Do it. Come on. Do it. Show me your work. Show me what you've been writing that I should read and critique. Show me what you're complaining about no one reading.

I'll read it.
I'll read your work.
I'll fucking read it.

>>21005999
>>21005977
>>21005885
YOU ARE NOT HIM

I keep posting my shit and no one replies
Ohhhhh noooo but the post below gets two
Whatev, you think Im hopeless and trash? Ill fuck and kill you asshole
You make me so fucking mad lit
I wish I had the balls to just fucking kill myself
I LOVEEEEEEE SLEEEPING
WHY SHOULD THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT HUH?

>>21005977
>>21005999
>>21005885
>>21006013
I hope you get rangebanned soon, you mobile IP switching piece of shit. I'm so tired of you avatarfagging and being off topic while janitors and mods sit by and do nothing. You ruin every thread you show up in.

>>21006010
5 threads I post my shit, my 250-300 words and not a peep
>>21006010
Fuck you
>>21006027

>>21006010
Oh, but you didn't reply to my post before or the past fucking threads for that matter. Why? Too busy with one hand in your dick the other one thumb in yous ass?
Fuck you. I don't want your pity.
This is a pity fuck.
>Suuuuuuureeee share your work now that youre mad, Im so good and kind to give you feedback
Why? Why? Why have you ignored my writing for the past 5 threads

(you) shouldn't be baited by the real kimmyposter, let alone imposters.

>>21005953
I really don’t understand why someone would want to be trad published anymore. Over the last decade self publishing has become the obvious optio .

>>21005872
Be like will wright. Self published and gained fame out of sheer quantity. Like James Patterson

>>21006010
You think I need your charity?
You could go and look at my writing and rate it if you wanted to.

My post has no replies and the one above 2
Should be easy to find right?
>>21006010
I dont want it anymore
I wanted it when someone else eas going to give me crit but not when I asked for it
I shouldnt ask for it

What’s the difference between writing in present or writing in past tense when writing a fiction story? I’ve noticed that a lot of present tense stories seem to draw me in for some reason, in spite of the tense. Yet I’ve noticed that a lot of the greats tend to write in past tense unless it’s framed as a story narrated by a character in the story, such as Marlow or Ishmael. Even then, a good chunk of the story is written in past tense.

>>21005649
This is terrible. First a body is sinking, then blurry dots, then snakes, then algae, and tons of shit that makes no sense whatsoever. There's a lot of jarring fragments as well. You suffer even worse problems than this guy.
>>21005396
He has a clear vision and you can picture the battle. Yours? It's just a bunch of schizo crap nobody gives a shit about. I have no idea what's goin on here, but a bunch of random sentences in purple prose. If I had to criticize your excerpt it's:
GET TO THE POINT ALREADY.

>Taking in the sights - greedily
What? You sure enjoy slapping on random sentence fragments after commas.

>>21006059
I couldn't find your post anywhere. I looked through this entire thread. Every post of someone's work has one reply. I will give you a solid critique if you really want one.

No one has found my work so far, keep looking assholes.

>>21006047
Will Wight also got into the game just as the self publishing game on Amazon was taking off. He's the equivalent of a surfer who got the perfect curl. The rest of us now are out there trying to see if there's any good swells coming.

>>21006076
You wouldn't. In 5 threads, maybe even 6 I have zero feedback.

>>21006074
It's meant to be schizo babble. Shitty Lovecraft...nevermind

>>21006101
there's schizo babble, and there's schizo babble. Yours is the latter. The former actually has the plot moving forward with each description meaning something. Your shitty babble is just a bunch of strung words together for the sake of increasing word count.

If you want good schizo babble, read that one anon's sexy twink story. He has good schizo babble where the plot and action moves forward with every schizo sentence.

>>21006114
I'm not reading shit.
You know what I'm doing? I'm going to eat all my writing! I'M GOING TO PRINT IT AND EAT IT AhahahahahhaAAAAAAAHAHAHAH

where to get short story ideas?

>>21006172
maybe read a short story doofus

Shitty writer and no talent, never going to make a game. I should have used drawings as dialogue instead but nooooo I pussied out.
>>21006114
You think I wont kill myself? Think I wont do it
Ill do it to prove a point, to blow my brains out and end it

>>21006187
If you really wanted to be a writer, you wouldn't give up. If you really were meant to be a writer, there is NOTHING anyone could say to convince you otherwise. It would be irrational. It would be illogical. It would be impossible not to be. You aren't a fucking writer. You just like the name of it. Now can you fuck off with your "invisible" work that you're too chicken shit to post? Oh that's right. You never had anything, chum bucket. You're just annoying.

>>21006172
think about what sort of feelings you want to elicit from your reader.

>>21006205
I'm literally replying to a crit of my shitty talentless work retard

Short story based on the new cyberpunk anime. /a/ weebs said it was okay so I figured I'd let /lit/ take a peek. Little over 3000 words. I've written lots of stuff before but never any fan fiction.
>fan fiction
Yea, I can't believe I did it either. I just had to exercise my emotional demons after that show broke my heart.
>https://pdfhost.io/v/8ucQ7QNvA_Becca_story

I'm not super stringent when it comes to grammatical stuff. As long as the reader can digest my words and has no struggle understanding what I wrote I consider that "good writing". That being said, I gave it a twice over proofreading wise but I'm sure I missed a few things.

I should write in french instead.
My english grammar is what's fucking me over here.

>>21006187
at least now you can't say nobody read your shit or helped you.

Does anyone have any tips for writing description? I tend to write absurdly dialogue heavy and with short non flowery prose to describe actions. But, when I read, there are always paragraphs and paragraphs of things in between 'the important stuff'.

What makes it not just fluff and filler?

>>21006286
nope, because you said you were goinig to kill yourself. So why bother wasting time helping you?

>>21006297
I don't think I'm who you think I am. This is my first time posting in this general.

>>21006286
good question. I'd follow the shakesphere rule. "Brevity is the soul of wit" How much detail can you pack into a single sentence? How much can that sentence move the story forward by itself? What is the most important thing you're trying to say?

I'm probably doing something wrong, but I write like I'm talking to a person and telling THEM the story. Think if you were talking to a person, would they enjoy you listing off every color of a rose in a floral store or would your description be better communicated via metaphor?
>"There was all manner of floral arrangement on display, a rainbow of petals overflowed on the shelves."
Instead of a long list of flowers (which the reader may not even be able to recognize by name which wastes not only their time but yours as well) and their specific colors you have a nice little description of the inside of a flower shop. Unless such information is important for story, don't bother being detailed.

>>>/v/612444874
you guys mindbroke this poor autist,greetings from /v/

>>21006322
please keep the idiot

>>21006218
tears, awe, and a raging erection

>>20999190
Any tips on getting into punch-up? I already work in titles and headlining for news and other content but feel like I would enjoy that more.

At what point is packing meaning into a single sentence nearly incomprehensible for most people not yourself?

I'm writing a visual novel video game. 99% of the story takes place in first person from the protagonist's perspective. I also wanted to have a few characters that were introduced in a third person manner, but I'm worried it might feel awkward switching around like that. There would only be three or four characters introduced this way (some major characters and some minor characters).

>>20999152
i think im going to try writing furry smut

>>21006410
The vast majority of readers don't think any deeper than the literal meaning of words. If you attempt to put deeper meaning into your lines, you can expect to lost almost everyone

>>21005751
It's all about delivery.
Try reading this: https://critters.org/c/whathow.ht

>>21005302
>What is wrong with the old man quote?
punctuation

I wrote again today.
I'll write again tomorrow
What will you do?

>>21006587
fuck it anon you inspired me I'm gonna do it

>>21006587
I'll go see my mom. She'll be evasive when I ask if she's read the stuff I e-mailed her and then I'll feel bad because even my own mother can't be bothered to pretend to care about my writing.

>>21006640
>that image

>>21005637
>>21005637
erogamer
worth the candle

I want to write anons.
But I'm a coward. I'm scared of writing something terrible. I have 3 unfinished projects.

>>21006672
Of course your work will be terrible. You can't get better unless you practice, but what you make during practice is terrible.

Poem I wrote last night:

The love I have for her is like thunder in my heart, always brewing.
I can’t look at her anymore
Hearing her voice is like torture to me
For I know this love can never reach her, and she will never accept it.

The love I have for her is best forgotten
forgotten by myself and by my heart and by my mind
though I know she will be in front of me again, I must forget
my love will have to die and never come back to life

The love I have for her is one sided, but not perverse
It is adoration, understanding.
appreciation.
but I am but a man, no a boy, for I myself feel unworthy of such love

The love I have for her I want to scream out, make her understand, make her see
but I shall keep it hidden, behind iron bars
for I would plant ten thousand white roses for her, if she would let me
but my love shall wither, like words written on the sidewalk
washed away by the rain

>>21006573
It's incredible how no one, NO ONE, not a single newfag who stumbles here, knows how to punctuate dialogue tags. Is this the power of American education?

>>21006715
It doesn't even take education. Just look in a book and do that.

>>21006729
Only 25% of Americans read 1-5 books a year.

Do you guys enjoy the process of writing or do you just do it for the end results?

Writing a kid’s book (9-15.) But I feel like it’s too dry. Been itching to add more purple into the mix.
>https://pastebin.com/t5hfWCqL

>>21006766
i work the other way around.. and should probably strive to be an editor.

>>21006805
opening with the 3 bozos to then demonstrate how scary batman is from their pov, yea?
its so intentionally cliched that i cant help but see this is satire or something
it’s not bad though, most kids havent been beat to death by this yet

>>21006883
Yup. Plus introducing the villain and mystery of the plot.

>>21006715
I think I'm doing them right. One thing I try to stay away from is ending every dialogue with "he said" or "(name of character) said". I forget which book I read but I was introduced to the concept you didn't have to explain who was talking as long as it was easy enough for the reader to infer by context clues who was saying what.

Not sure if it was the same book, but at some point, I learned about what I would call "talk actions" to spice up dialogue.
>"I'm not doing that!" he spit angrily.
>"Did you really mean what you said earlier about me?" She blushed, and averted her eyes
>"I'm not sure, maybe that's the case" he grumbled, scratching his chin
Basically, it was a way to transition from dialogue to story-relevant things without the aforementioned "he said/she said".

I don't remember ever learning that shit in school, I just picked it up from reading various books. That being the case, I basically never use "he said/she said" at the end of dialogues unless I have no other way to convey who's talking and absolutely nothing else of note is happening for the characters emotively. I feel like I always have my characters reacting or doing a thing so I never have a chance to use "he said/she said" which I think is fine but I've never discussed the matter with any /lit/ people so maybe I'm wrong and don't even know it.

The biggest lesson I learned in college about writing was
>"Grammar is important, but when it comes to creative writing you can do whatever you want. As long as people can understand your writing you can format pages to fit your story however you want to tell it"
Once I learned that I started to enjoy writing a lot more because I didn't feel boxed in rule-wise.

>>21006889
if you were going to get a bit purple, the city could use some characterizing?? description

>>21004877
characters are more important. i won't finish a book if the characters are totally uninteresting, even if they're doing interesting things. but if the characters are good enough, i don't care as much if the story doesn't go anywhere

i was a much better writer when i was mentally ill. fuck this shit, now i bore even myself and have no new ideas that are worth folowing up.

>>21006919
you aren’t wrong, but i dont think its that simple. it’s easier to make passable characters, and good plot can make them great.
we inherently understand (and empathize with) people better than the world around them

what are some good authors to read if i want to figure out ways to shorten my writing?
for the record, i'm not talking about writing short stories, but just learning how to compress information of events. like 90% of what i've read and written tends to be in third person limited and told at a leisurely pace, and that works well enough for a novel about a single character, or if you want to write some sprawling fantasy epic, but i basically want to take something that would now be somewhere around 2000 pages and turn it into 500 pages at most
the only thing is i want to avoid it feeling dry, or like i'm writing some history book rather than directly engaging with the reader.

>>21005751
Download a copy of A Swim in the Pond in the Rain by George Saunders. Do a search in that book for 'critique' or 'class'. He has a section where he speaks about his own classes and his guidance to them on how to speak about the work of their classmates, what is useful to say, what isn't, what is potentially damaging etc.

>>21006957
Hemingway, Steinbeck. AKA, most of their stories aren't some sprawling epic but rather character stories

https://claudenougat.wordpress.com/2016/02/07/only-40-self-published-authors-are-a-success-says-amazon/

40 self-published authors “make money”, all the others, and they number in the hundreds of thousands, don’t. This interesting statistic, recently revealed in a New York Times article, applies to the Kindle Store, but since Amazon is in fact the largest digital publishing platform in the world, it is a safe bet that self-published authors are not doing much better anywhere else.


Have you given up yet?

>>21007009
you know that a treasure trove of data has just been released with the trial and you're linking a 2016 blog re kindle like you're dropping some sort of bomb.
you need 2 go back

>>21006715
In my region it's always:
>- Blah blah - said anon.
It still looks a bit dumb to me when I see:
>"Blah, blah" - anon said.

>>21007033
Yes the dozen book sales thing.

>>21007009
If I sold more than 12 books does it mean made it?

>>21007035
>using dashes after quotations to direct ownership
That seems obtuse to me unless you're doing some clinical paper. I use dashes to show interruptions in speech by actions such as-
>"What do you th-" he was cut off when the hammer caught him behind the ear
For breaks in dialogue, I close quotes, state the action, and continue with additional quotation marks as needed but from what I understand people sometimes use dashes to break up quotes as well.
This is how I break up quotes.
>"Well, hold on a second" he shuffled the papers before selecting the right one "Did you mean this one?"
Reading online I'm seeing the dash being used for actions interrupting quotes
>"I never had my heart in smithery"- he drew the sword from the furnace before he struck it with his hammer -"but it was the family business. I never had a choice".
The ladder case I guess makes sense but I think it just looks like you're clogging up the page with additional pointless punctuation when the same effect could be accomplished by simply closing the quote and letting the reader infer by the action and the following dialogue.

>>21006892
Said is considered a "silent" dialogue tag, in that many people don't consciously read it, which makes it the least intrusive tag to use.

Over time, I personally moved away from emotes altogether in favor of more laconic expression. These "he gleefully snapped/spat/yelped/ejaculated/etc" always give me a sort of childish/comical impression (which is all right if it's that kind of story). And, in the worst case, disrupt the flow of the exchange.

>>21007057
You can't just inject a sentence in a line without any punctuation. Either you separate it completely:
>"Well, hold on a second." He shuffled the papers before selecting the right one. "Did you mean this one?"
Or use conjunction:
>"Well, hold on a second," he said and shuffled the papers before selecting the right one. "Did you mean this one?"

>>21007065
>always give me a sort of childish/comical impression
I guess I intone emotes differently in my head as just giving more expressive options for characters to put out dialogue.
>which makes it the least intrusive tag to use
In terms of being stripped down, I can see that. It may just be the way my brain is wired but I pick up on all those "silent" tags so while some people skim over them, for me it feels like you're driving a manual transmission and stripping the gear with every gear shift. I can read works that contain them of course but it's like when someone tells you to breathe manually.

Could you provide some examples of your laconic dialogue tags? I enjoy my emotive ones but I would admit I feel like I overuse them because I like how they sound too much.
>>21007087
I'm not sure if that was a typo (I don't think that it was) but I use those kinds of breaks so infrequently I feel like in some cases I'd add punctuation and in other cases, I wouldn't. Determining whether punctuation was necessary for the quote breaks would be via syntax and the situation (made up bullshit rules on what I think looks "nicer"). Is this one of those hard and fast rules? I feel like it's one of those things where I'm so set in my ways I probably wouldn't detect it via proofreading unless someone more stringent called it out.

>>21007121
>Could you provide some examples of your laconic dialogue tags?
The intent is that you only use said and only when necessary to tell who speaks and nothing at all when it's self-evident.

>I was on my way to bar with Martin, just the two of us. He looked at a red car going by.
>"What a gayass car," he said. He was still looking.
>"Why?"
>"Because it's all red."
>I didn't see his point.
>"What makes red a gay color?"
>"It just is."
>"Okay."
>I didn't want to talk about it anymore. He was drunk.

I should add that I'm not saying anyone SHOULD write exactly like this. It's just a style I came to find least irritating personally.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor-grand-conquest-fantasy
Just uploaded the final chapter of Act 2. My numbers and stats have all been trending up over time, but I'm still striving for more.

>>21007057

That's interesting.

Over here, as I mentioned, every single dialogue is presented in this way:
> - Insert dialogue here - possibly an action.
> - Insert reply here - possibly a reaction.

Even if pieces are translated from English or other languages, dialogues are being converted to this format.

>"Words being said by someone"
Is mostly being used when you write about someone saying something, which wasn't a part of the dialogue per se, or when stating thoughts of the character.
> "What a lot of nonsense" thought anon.

Last draft is definitely taking an extra month longer than I thought but I don't know why this bothers me like it does. Do you see the end of your project yet?

>>21007193
>Finishing a project
lol.

lmao.

>>21007158
That is some high-speed low-drag dialogue for sure. I believe I do that as well but it's one of those things that are so infrequent I didn't have a set rule in my head and go off pure animal instinct as to when to deploy it. I don't usually write short snappy interactions like that, but if I did I feel like that's how I would do them.
>>21007183
I see, I use italics for internal dialogue. For image boards, there's no option for bold or italics so if you were in a setting where that font modulation wasn't available I can see the necessity for the dashes. You'd have no other way to show internal dialogue or "thought dialogue", whatever you want to call it. Truthfully, if someone tried to show that in a setting without italics available I probably wouldn't read it as internal dialogue and would become confused.
>>21007193
I haven't seen the end of any project.

>>21007167
How much money do you make on Patreon?

>>21007209
Don't have one. If people want to support me I ask them to buy my novels on Amazon

>>21007208
Italics here are mostly used for either sarcasm or if you want to express "magical bullshittery".
If something has to be hammered down, editors usually make it so:

>B u l l s h i t t e r y

But it happens rarely, as it comes of as obnoxious. Unless of course, that's the intent

>>21007208
I'm not going to like this, John thought.
<i>I'm not going to like this</i>

>>21007315
oh, that's interesting. Do you not use the dialogue tag with italics? Sometimes I'll leave the dialogue tag off but if I want to use one for clarification I'll still have the internal thought be in italics.

>>21007193
ive been following the NaNoWriMo strategy of blasting out about 1500 words a day even if they are pure shit.

This is by far the most i've ever written, even though it is about 80% muddy shit

>>21007315
Or better,
>I'm not going to like this.
And then continue with narration.

>>21006729
I mean, you have to look at the right book
don't want to copy the way Joyce punctuates dialog

What's considered a success to you?

>fictional piece that challenges and breaks from the soul-crushing societal chains
B-BAD! THAT'S WISH FULFILLMENT!!!!
>fictional piece with the most forced drama ever
GOOD WRITING! *clap* *clap*

>>21007619
Personally, If someone other than me reads something I write and they tell me they enjoyed reading it I consider that profoundly successful. That has no fiscal value but it has a strong sense of validation for my work.

Commercial success would require I break into some sort of chart in terms of sales. That also offers validation. Instead of it being someone telling me they enjoyed reading my book, it's someone telling me they think my book has value and is worth purchasing.

Both of those validations are tied to one another unless you have some megacorp push your book into a top 10 list for marketing purposes when no one would actually care about the book otherwise.

>>21007619
respect of my peers

>>21007619
pissing off westoids with my writing

>>21007619
Getting a movie made about me. Not an adaptation of a book I wrote but a movie about ME, ME, ME!

>>21007158
Wow great dialogue

>>21007619
for 10 people to read my story and like it

>>21007619
Eh, Maybe enough cash to pay my car off faster.
Although to be honest, I'd be happy just being able to buy fast food.

>>21006640
I look forward to...
>watking
???

>>21005649
I don't think it's bad desu, second paragraph is kind of useless, just merge that into the first. Consciousness returning is the only paragraph break you need here, I think.

>>21007657
Just made up something on the spot

>>21008035
I think it's clearly ESL writing, lacking in music.
What do you think about? >>21006074

>>21005649
>My body sinking. Here the world is made of blurry dots superimposed on one another as shapes. Like snakes they perform a spinning motion. Around the algae, I presume, a mass of grey. Once closer my eyes still attacked by the deformation, suddenly, complete blindness. I do not panic and I do not struggle, still unable to wake up from this hallucination, ritual still incomplete.
It’s not just schizo babble, it’s completely opaque and unhelpful. Is this after reading some random pages of Finnigans Wake?
So it was, “I sink into my chair and hallucinations…”?
Don’t care to read more. Even surrealism needs to be coherent

New Bread >>21007708
New Bread >>21007708
New Bread >>21007708

>>21008107
Inland Empire, to be precise. After watching some Inland Empire, love me some Lynch.

>>21006715
>>21006573
Can you niggers be more specific? Is there something wrong with ending a sentence with a period? Would it be any different if it were an exclamation?

>>21006640
fuck imagine the despair and helplessness you would feel after reading that in your yearbook after 10 years

>>21008417
I gave the corrected version. Use your eyeballs.

>>21004877
themes are the most important