/lit/ - Literature

YOU USED TO BE COOL HONICKER

Any good Stasi techniques left?

tell what you like/hate about this
https://pastebin.com/NNppZ3fR

>Over a week thinking of the perfect name for a race.
>Nothing I come up with sounds good.

Hit my 1500 world goal this morning, still not reading back what I am writing and trying to power through my story. Thoughts?

It was late September, and although usually an early riser, the hopeful yellow sun had already penetrated the dilapidated boarding house and was climbing up the peeling paint when Paul Traverse opened his eyes. He rented a small room, a rat hole in a roach infested fire hazard on Austin Street, and although the reputation of rooming houses were dirty, dangerous and loud, his room had the unique benefit of a window which faced east and meant that an alarm clock would not be a necessary expense. Besides, for $12 a month, it came with a functioning lock. An ironic luxury for a man who for the last 4 years had made his living ensuring the inadequacy of such creations. He dug through the black garbage bags that he used to store his clothes. Primarily to ensure that any future and inevitable bed-bug infestation that would invade his 10x13 foot living space would spare his wardrobe. The worn garbage bags had the additional advantage of highlighting the temporary nature of this particular living arrangement, despite this now being the third month of his residence.
The window that overlooked the gravel alley had been open all night, the bite of the early morning frost, the first of the season, had permeated every square inch of the room, except the worn white duvet and the single mattress on the scratched hardwood floor. Paul’s body was stiff as he dressed himself but he was not tempted to return to the comfort of his bed. Just a t-shirt he thought. He would be chilled for a few hours, he could endure that, the sun would be strong enough by 11am, and by 1pm he would probably be sweating.
It was only 8am, but the 9 room, wood framed house was dead silent. As was typical at this hour. The shared living space was filthy, littered with half paper plates, and empty bottles of Canadian club whisky on the wooden table. The gas stove was off, which was an improvement from the previous morning. The small cloak room that separated the wooden deck from the interior of the house was painted white, but chipped and stained with red and brown, of oxidized blood. Cigarettes filled the coffee cup, on top of the white plastic table juxtaposed by a single used syringe.
The street was quiet, and the sun still not fully above the 2 and 3 story wooden houses that lined the street. The leaves had begun to fall, those that remained still had a tinge of green that had begun fading into an insipid yellow. The morning breeze raised the hairs on Paul’s arms as he walked to the bus stop, and awaiting the golden orange city bus.
The same bus that Paul took atleast 3-4 times a week. The quickest route into the french district. And although now less and less French was heard in passing, it seemed that the language that had been forced on him during his formative years would for the first time provide him some economic benefit.

>>20960938
Over the past couple of days I've been practicing my cursive. After searching for a thread/post with a large vocabulary I'll copy it word for word.
I am using a fountain pen, I don't know what brand it is. It came with ink cartridges that I change every few sentences so the colors make a nice Ombre.

>>20961004

SORRY FOLKS IT'S ACTUALLY TREASON

ILLEGITIMATE HEIR OVER HERE

Gameanon here.
I need help. I admit it, I'm spineless.
I have things and I should just write but I can't. I feel like either the characters don't come across right and if you don'thave that, you don't have a game.
Have Imade something before? RPGmaker thing along with a short text adventure, only seen by myself.

My inspirations
>Nier, Planescape, Deus Ex, Pathologic, ARMA, Elysium, Arcanum, Fallout.
>Hemingway, Heller, Asimov, Cronenberg, Nick Land, Gibson, PKD, TedK, etc.

I can't channel a thing from any no matter how many times I've read or played those.

>>20961033
Try Kentucky Route Zero

>>20960957
Reorder your first paragraph. Right now it’s confusing because your first sentence is “they’re corpses” and then a couple
of sentences later you’re flashing back to a moment before the first sentence when the narrator was convinced they weren’t corpses. You probably did it this way because you wanted a really shocking first sentence, but it doesn’t work.
Also you’re a dumb fucking nigger retard.

so, kindle vella
it lets you serialize your work like royal road
and, you can publish the book on kindle as well
anyone have any experience with it?

Forgot VTMB and Kotor, along with Hunter and the Strugatsky brothers.
>>20961036
I tried that one and loved it. The dialogue system is fun, it's not really that open but it's expressive and up close. Small scale like the best parts of Elysium.

>>20961054
Reading on a kindle isn’t real reading which means publishing to one isn’t real publishing.

I'm writing a wish-fulfillment, self-insert romance with "capeshit/anime" elements. In order to avoid wasting time worldbuilding, I went for fanfiction.

The first chapter is instant gratification anime crap where MC-kun falls in love with qt-chan.
In order to balance things out, I decided to make chapter 2 a cock-block, which is a set up for more cutesy romance shit now with a dressing of "forbidden love".
https://pastebin.com/f7iuTAAU
Did I do good on complicating things? Did I make it too boring for the intended audience?

>>20961054
The bonus money was free fucking money for the first 8months or so. Paid for lots of expenses with it even though I didn't have any real readers. Right now you really have to do all the promotion yourself as all the readers on Vella are basically only there to read the authors that brought them to the platform. Shitty romance rules the board but what else is new. Only thing to keep in mind is you can't have more than 5k words of your vella free anywhere, so you can't do RR and vella.

>>20961101
Since I have to few readers on RR would
It be kosher for me to delete from there and then try this Vella thing or do they time machine that shit?

>>20961077
you can buy a paperback
it's print on demand
and you make more money off of paperbacks

>>20961105
Yeah that's what I did. Had it on RR Moonquill a few other places. The automated system flagged some of my first episodes because they were still viewable on Google cache, but I just sent support an email saying "If you have found this for free online it may be piracy. Please provide me a link where my work may be found" and they just let it publish. Had to do it for every episode until the cache cleared.

I could do this level. Not easy production wise but I could do pic related.
Seriously, a game with absolutely zero quality writing on it. Inconsistent narrative arc, separate character archs, poorly framed false options, exposition. It's really what I know I could do if I were to abandon any standard. But it sold on visual flair, one that I have no budget for.

There were two interesting moments that took me by surprise but it wasted one. Other one was fun and good but suffered from the rest of the game.

Well, it seems I have found my audience, at long last.

>>20961189
>I'm too good to write anime!
You ain't shit, buddy.

>>20961206
https://youtu.be/_iHcb5f0Y2k
https://youtu.be/ubqwEKRelzU

>>20961189
what is the point of these posts
everyone knows you writing skills are far below average
if you want to prove anything to anyone, especially yourself, shut the fuck up and focus your time on actually writing

>>20961228
I don't see you writing anything better.
Or anything at all, for that matter.

>>20961243
So? Nobody here writes.

>>20961243
You're right. I'm spineless.
There's good writing in anime, Tatami Galaxy for example.
>>20961241
I need writing steroids. I have some mileage about ideas, non fiction and fiction.

What's something that you consider unique about your story?
Personally, it's how I treat the mentor figures. They're not just a static vehicle for the protagonist's motivation, they're an actual character who, despite being leagues more experienced than the main character, still develops over the course of the story in more ways than one. I take this further by doing a "Reverse Mentor" as I call it.
For example, Obi Wan couldn't defeat Vader, but Luke did in the end.
I do the opposite, in which the protagonist cannot overcome an obstacle but their mentor, after developing alongside the protagonist, can. The student learns from the master, but it's also vice versa.

>>20961271
there is nothing unique about my story other than that im writing it
and thats all the uniqueness I care for it to have

>>20961271
Fucking nothing honestly.
Hell there's probably an urban fantasy out there with accounting as a skillset.

I've written/write a fucking shitton of Legend of Zelda-themed forum rpg posts. We're a really small group now and new members don't really happen anymore, but back in the day there were really a decent number of writers, and those that stuck around have been doing it for the last 15 years or so, and it's very interesting to see how the writing of everyone improved. Can post one of my posts for a defunct character if someone's interested. English is not my native language but I read and write in it the most.

Gameanon here,
I finally started writing, but i have a real problem (yes, i know it's me) with finding a good font to write in. So far, Ivve written a few words and gotten too depressed to write more because it made me depressed.
I have a vast sould and very good visual imagination, so it is a huge problem how ugly the fonts are, i can't look at them since i am an extremely visual person, so i need a beautiful font like they use in disco eylisumn. Please don't suggest the font they used in disco elysium, i want this to be my own thing.

>>20961271
I had thought my story being about who would otherwise me the nameless enemy orcs and monsters of a fantasy story was at least a little unique. I was told it’s so common it’s cliche, though. So there’s nothing unique.

How did you guys learn to write? I've watched both videos in the sticky and one of the books but I just can't seem to figure out where to even begin.

>>20960982
call it michael and move on. everybody likes michael

>>20961698
I'll tell you exactly how I started writing and how I got to where I am today.
I started with gay fanfiction when I was a teen. Then I felt fanfiction didn't let me have the ability to make new characters as I saw fit, so I started writing a lot of gay stories on Fictionpress. I'll go far someday but I'll never forget that I used to write gay romance, but not smut. I got depressed thinking I'd never be a good writer so I gave up and did other things for a few years. Abandoned all my projects. Then one summer I read Homestuck, yes I know, and I started writing my first book series that I self pubbed on Amazon. After that I started getting into more serious literature and learning about everything else I was missing, since I'd only watched anime and read manga and webcomics until that point. That was about 2 years ago and I've advanced much, much farther.
To learn how to write, you do a combination of read and write. You'll go through an initial "I have no clue what I'm doing. This isn't an essay/report. I have no structure or anything to leap from." Just try writing something, anything. Go to a park and write what you see and try to make it sound pretty. Then make it sound restrained and tense. Go watch people and write something about a conversation you listened in on. The key thing is to just start jotting things down. In parallel, read BEGINNER literature. This will help you start familiarizing yourself with good sentence structure and words. Avoid the modernists for a while unless you want to write stilted and unsteady (not that they are, but when you're impressionable, you want to avoid experimentation you can't really understand). Your aim should be to produce smooth, clear sentences. A good paragraph is like a long country road and the clauses are the bends and curves in that road. Or they're straight sometimes, too. Try to aim for that smoothness. Avoid reading anything that feels janky, uneven, and shaky, and if you can see it in your writing, try to smooth it out. Easy transitions from one thought to the next.
Always try to read literature that's a little more difficult than what you just read. Even if you start with Magic Treehouse, start somewhere. It's not a dick measuring contest. Don't be that guy in the gym who says he can squat 500 but in reality can only do 65. Reading good literature will help you leaps and bounds, especially if you read broadly and in genre and litfic. Start with the easy stuff and read progressively harder and deeper. The rest comes with experience.
You'll hit a curve in your writing where going out describing things no longer interests you. You're tired of drawing from models, for example, and want to do something entirely from imagination. That's when shit will get really insane. Overall, read and don't bother rushing. Any art takes a long time to cultivate taste, style, and voice, and you are the only one with your voice. Take the time to hone it properly.

>>20960982
I just take the lazy route and add -an to the end.

Human.
Lupan.
Tigran.
Leonan.

Fuck arbitrary "creativity". I'm not gonna call my race of lion people "Ragnar" just because it sounds "unique".

>>20961698
by writing
do you write?
start. right fucking now. open a gdoc or whatever and put words down

>>20961698
I am studying the basics and reading, then writing with what I am learning.

>>20961769
>gay fanfiction
Yaoi, my fucking goodness. I had the suspicion you were a fucking woman, and it seems you are either that or a faggot. I have nothing against homosexuals, but those that imitate women annoy me. I knew it.

>>20961804
>by writing
>start. right fucking now. open a gdoc or whatever and put words down
Just writing will do nothing for you. If you write crap, with no knowledge and no system on how to improve, you will write nothing but crap. See >>20961769 when she says:
>read BEGINNER literature. This will help you start familiarizing yourself with good sentence structure and words.

How shitty does this read?

>>20961874
>wants to learn new skill
>refuses to exercise the skill
ok retard

>>20961928
>wants to write
>can't even read
ok retard

>>20961958
just write
no amount of self help will be as important as the experience you'll get from actually writing
>b-but im retarded and need someone to tell me exactly what to do
you need a benchmark of acquaintance before you reach out for outside opinions. there's tons of conflicting opinions on the best methods to learn writing and what makes writing good or bad
it's meaningless noise when you're new. don't be a bitch. if you want to write, write

>>20961889
It's bad. Your first sentence is cumbersome, and repeats information. We're going to assume that the person asking the question is being genuine until given context to imply differently.
In the response, the dialogue is clearly clipped already, you don't need to say all that stuff about venom.
You're trying too hard to avoid 'said' by using action tags. You could be doing untagged back-and-forth dialogue for some of it, since you only have two characters. Way too much cursing.

>>20961963
For your information, I am not reading that contemporary crap telling you about the unconscious and inner feelings and freewriting and shit, that platitudinous self-help crap you are probably referring to.
What I am reading mainly is books on rhetoric, the art of speaking and writing well that has been taught since ancient times and has been proven to work.
>b-but im retarded and need someone to tell me exactly what to do
You absolute retard, do you think the great writers from the past just wrote whatever without any thought nor guidence, just pulling shit out of their asses like you advice? All of them received intensive and extensive training before starting to write seriously.

>>20961978
>Way too much cursing
She's a 14 year-old scene girl.

WE WAR KANGZ

STILL NOT DEAD

>>20961698
Write a short story or single chapter, reread what you wrote and edit aggressively. Repeat this several times until you either feel like it's unsalvageable
(in which case drop it and start over or on a new project) or if you love it ask for critique - take the feedback seriously but realize tastes vary.

Editing yourself if the best way to learn which is why I find the "write a crap first draft" advice so harmful. Also listen and read craft stuff in your spare time - even repeating the basics is good to drill it into your head.

GUNS

There he sat, in the middle of the cafeteria. In one hand, a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich; in the other, a bottle of cherry flavored Coca-Cola. Hunched over, he took a bite of his sandwich. He chewed with his mouth open smacking his jaws again and again. Without even swallowing the cud in his mouth, he took a swig of his drink. In one mighty gulp, he swallowed the mixture without any trouble or hesitation.

His buttocks hung over the sides of the chair he sat on. Legs wide apart, without any distance from his body and the table. The back of his shirt lifted from his position, and revealed a large crack exposing parts of his ass. Yet, his largest offense was not his eating, but his stench. I could not withstand his smell anymore, I had to leave the cafeteria.

"See you later Zerath."
"Bye Kenny."

Disgusting.

>>20962093
The worst part about this is the name.
>Zerath

Disgusting.

>>20961874
>I had the suspicion you were a fucking woman, and it seems you are either that or a faggot. I have nothing against homosexuals, but those that imitate women annoy me. I knew it.
I'm a man.
>>20962008
You're a retard if you think you need to immediately start out by writing seriously. Yes it's good to read rhetoric and the art of writing, but if that's all you do, you're like a video game player who just reads frame data all day or a painter who just pairs his paints in color schemes. Or a skier who reads about how to ski and never hits the slopes. There's a million of these comparisons but the bottom line is you're not advancing your core skills by just reading books about writing. You think Joyce read the entire Western canon and then sat down and wrote four books in a row without ever reading again or something? You read and write in parallel. That is how you improve.

My novel is going to be about a knight walking along a river, featuring virtually no other characters, just describing in intense detail each piece of scenery that he comes across. Basically like the descriptive parts of Gormenghast, the whole way through. Be honest with me /wg/, would any publishing house / agent go anywhere near it? I've published several short stories if that makes a difference.

>>20962008
What are your recommendations for literature that helped you learn and develop your writing?

>>20962082
>craft stuff
Sorry what's this? Thanks for the advice

>>20962118
>>20962008
>>20961769
How can I write for my game?

>>20961769
>read BEGINNER literature
What counts as this? I wish there was a /lit/ chart for (fiction) books that can inspire you to and teach you to write. I've mostly been reading philosophy for the past 2 years, perhaps because of the /lit/ influence, which is ironic since this is the literature board.

/QFtQxTisIQWcpXTYZYsWBg==/
/YBXaNxl7LBrcoVRkSszPHA==/
/ogzSsaxBfWw24o5v6iJvgg==/
/tTbBnji/0icIkdRks69sLA==/
/Cc/j3d0E9KXem9QZeJO7lA==/
/dzGyvFTlRFt0T5cJmLLaGw==/
/xqGakYjU5ywx3rtveE9oYQ==/

Here, all the 4chanx MD5 image hashes for the Disco Elysuim schizo I have so far.

>>20962102
It is probably on purpose. He used cacophony to arouse even more displeasure against the character. A nice move.

>>20962118
That is what I said, retard. My point is that writing alone will do nothing, just as you say reading alone will do nothing either.

>>20962161
A good question from an open mind. These are some of them so far:
"Classical Rhetoric for the Modern Student" by Edward P. J. Corbett (Rhetoric in general)
"A Fuller Institution of the Art of Logic" by John Milton (The canon of Invention in Rhetoric)
"The Garden of Eloquence" by Henry Peacham, "Art of English Poesy" by George Puttenham, "Las Figuras Retóricas" by José Luis García Barrientos, and "Peri Bathos" by Alexander Pope (The canon of Elocution/Style in Rhetoric)

There are other books, but they were not as helpful or instructive.
I have also read a couple of rhetorical studies, namely "Edgar Allan Poe: Rhetoric and Style" by Brett Zimmerman and "Shakespeare's Use of the Arts of Language" by Sister Miriam Joseph, as well as works on literary criticism such as Aristotle's "Poetics", Longinus' "On the sublime", and Demetrius' "On Style" (the last two were very useful and I highly recommend them).
The last couple of days I had been reading Virginia Tufte's "Artful Sentences" which I got from this thread. It was very useful, and I recommend reading it if you still haven't.
Besides technical books, read literary works from authors you like. For example, since I want to write mainly poems and aphorisms, I have been reading Francisco de Quevedo, Fernando de Herrera, Jorge Luis Borges, Edgar Allan Poe, Percy Bysshe Shelley, William Shakespeare, Ovid, Baltasar Gracian, Arthur Schopenhauer, etc. I recently also read an anthology of female troubadours.
There are other books I intend to read, but I am also writing and have responsabilities.

>>20962204
See >>20962251
Those books are for beginners.
By the way, I want to read philosophy as well. I believe all writers should acquaintance themselves with philosophy, so you are already halfway there. ;)

>>20962251
Yeah, reply to this.
>>20962187

Well, it took me like a month, but I went from top 2500 to top 2000 on RR

>>20962251
how is this method going for you. post your work

>>20960982
How about the Iron Bullet Run?

>>20962336
I have been writing mostly in Spanish. Can you read it?
By the way, I am not saying I am already an accomplished writer. I simply believe this is better than just writing mindlessly without thought or guidance.

>>20962341
nta, but I can read ñ. Post it.

>>20962344
Good. I have been writing short pieces, so let me see how to put them all in a single image.

>>20962251
Thanks for this post. I'll add a book of rhetoric to my stack for sure. I think I will give Aristotle's Poetics a read first since I recently finished his Metaphysics.
No offence but I have a pdf of the Artful Sentences but I really can't focus on a 300 page textbook on sentence construction. Especially since I've been reading and writing in English my whole life, so it essentially feels like someone teaching you how to walk again. I can feel it actively killing all passion I have for literature. That's why I was asking the other anon for fictional works that have inspired him rather than books on writing itself.
I don't know if you saw the thread the other day on Campbell's Monomyth (pic related). I have a theory that getting an understanding of the ins and outs of mythology from various cultures can help one learn to write compelling fiction. I'm thinking of adding a book for that too.
>Jorge Luis Borges
Love him. Currently listening to his Harvard lectures on poetry which I imagine you'd like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSLV7t9DvN8

>>20962344
>>20962355
You know what, I will just copy them (I forgot I could).

These are some of the aphorisms I have tried to write in the style of Baltasar Gracián:

«Quien mucho abarca, poco aprieta».
Manos y brazos tienen los humanos para dominio y comprensión; pero fragilidad y pequeñeza, también. La capacidad mental es limitante, y el tiempo, y la energía, y la motivación; especialidad, especificación, diligencia se necesita para exceder. Quien poco abarca, ase con fuerza; pero en esta poquedad se vuelven rígidos los músculos, se entumecen los nervios, se coagula la sangre, se debilitan los huesos, y el cuerpo decae: diversidad y profundidad alimentan el alma, fortifican el corazón y mejoran el entendimiento. Magnos imperios y parvos reinos cayeron, y mediocres estados.

«El buen abrazo ha de ser bien apretado».
Pues ligera es la falsedad, y la efusividad es muestra patente de cariño, aprecio, amabilidad. Sea ello verdadero, sea ello no vil hipocresía, y que los brazos y la fuerza que nos unen no nos separen.

«Lo más acordado, más olvidado».
Lo que se da por hecho es deshecho; lo que no se valora pierde su valor y se pierde. Los miopes cierran los ojos para ver lo lejos y tropiézanse con lo cercano; los hiperopes no ven bien la cercanía y se distraen con la lontananza, plantando la cara en el suelo después de tanto plan y ensueño. Consideración para valorar, reflexión para recordar: como una balanza que da peso y un espejo que otorga imagen similar.

«Hablar adefesios».
No importa cuán verdadero, no importa cuán racional, y cuán justo no importa: casi todos escuchan lo que quieren escuchar—ojos ciegos, oídos sordos, piel intangible, lengua ignorante, cabeza demente—esto y más con propia sugestión ante la disonancia. Lamentable, hay poco más que emociones, y lo más importante es secundario: hay que hacer música para tocar el instrumento.

«Contra las adversidades y del tiempo la inclemencia, el escudo es la paciencia».
La vida es dolor y sufrimiento; de cuatro una o más cosas requeridas para seguir con vida: ignorancia, cobardía, masoquismo, longanimidad. ¿Qué escudo solo podrá defender contra armas miles? Ponzoñosas navajas, sanguinarias espadas, lanzas destructoras, arcos alevosos, explosivos carniceros, ineludibles balas, incontables males, inmesurable miseria, dolores—ninguno puede. ¡Entonces actuemos: magnánimos tomemos las riendas y valientes cometamos el asalto...!
Limitados son nuestros aliados; los enemigos, innumerables, incansables; macerados, lacerados, heridos estamos, y aunque heridas sanen, siempre quedarán cicatrices enervantes, aunque no las veamos; nuestra sangre se derrama, y la lucha no acaba; estamos perdiendo las fuerzas y la vida—la lucha no acaba; no importa cuántas batallas—la guerra está perdida.

>>20962361
>No offence but I have a pdf of the Artful Sentences but I really can't focus on a 300 page textbook on sentence construction. Especially since I've been reading and writing in English my whole life, so it essentially feels like someone teaching you how to walk again.
>I can feel it actively killing all passion I have for literature.
Then quit reading it. Don't read stuff you hate, read stuff you enjoy. You can come back to construction books later, if or when you think you need it. Some books that inspired me to start writing are the Ranger's Apprentice series, Way of Kings series, Butler's Odyssey, The Once and Future King, The Good Earth, Treasure Island, and Asimov's I, Robot. I think any and all of these are perfect introductions. It's important to read what you want to write like, so if you pick up Sanderson and don't like his style, then just drop him and try someone else.

>>20962380
This is it? This is the why, all of these languages are so flowery, so disgusting and long.

>>20962361
Oh that is great! You are welcome!
>it essentially feels like someone teaching you how to walk again. I can feel it actively killing all passion I have for literature.
I felt the same way, but most of the book are actually just examples which you may skip. Just read the short descriptions and one or two examples, and you are ready to go.
>I don't know if you saw the thread the other day on Campbell's Monomyth (pic related).
I did not, but he is in my booklist. I will read him eventually.
>Love him. Currently listening to his Harvard lectures on poetry which I imagine you'd like:
Me too! Thank you. :)

>>20962395
I like the figures of repetition and the middle/high style. It is my personal taste, rather than an obligation from reading those instructional books.

If you like short, dry, and soulless languages, those books actually teach you how to write that way, too.

>>20962407
I liked your repetition on the first one, it's a nice flow. The rest are not to my liking but as you say, it is your style.
Something original? Post something.

>>20962419
>I liked your repetition on the first one, it's a nice flow. The rest are not to my liking but as you say, it is your style.
Thank you for the feedback!
>Something original? Post something.
What do you mean? I am still a beginner.

>>20962400
>I felt the same way, but most of the book are actually just examples which you may skip. Just read the short descriptions and one or two examples, and you are ready to go.
Thanks, will do.
>Me too! Thank you. :)
I love how even into old age and many years of blindness Borges managed to keep his light and whimsical attitude, and even into international stardom a refreshing air of humility. Unable to read anymore, he still couldn't help but emanate his absolute love for the written word.

>>20962380
>>20962419
>>20962429
By the way, I would like to make a sonnet sequence. So far I have only written two sonnets:

I have been dying for intimacy
With you, striving so things could here be led —
I am at last pushed down onto the bed;
And you, succumbing to my lunacy.
You put your hands on my low self, alike
Hot serpents sliding up the tree of life,
Preparing hungrily to curl and strike—
And sighs, and moans were charming snakes of strife;
A slowly-lambent beast, that tastes the prey
With craving eyes, and fixed gaze, in a trance—
A feral gladly feasting in its way
As flesh, drool, heat, life, mix in savage dance.
Just when I thought my fate to die of lust,
You made me come to you, freeing th'angust.

What are you saying, dear? I am no stallion—
Those women chasing me, you ask? My harlots
They're not, no, but they're truly my battalion
Against the many past and hard lots. —
They kiss me and they hug me, and get close
As though already been closer, and yes,
They touch me high and low—but if I chose
To say we are kind-hearted, to redress
The wounds I feel they feel but cannot see,
Will you not save the wounded warrior, who dies
From cruel and lasting passion that deep lies,
Without hurting your friendly enemy?
In sacred fields the blood brings not the spring;
Our blood of war has misery to bring.

>>20962102
It's on purpose to make fun of these nerds with funny names. My other characters have normal names.

Is this Boswell returning, janny playing a new character or some new challenger posting text walls in /wg/?

When do know when to give up on a story?

>>20962686
I always give up

>>20960982
Use a random number generator and then turn that into text and remove every third consonant

>>20962814
bro...

>>20961889
When literally everyone is as miserable as you are.

>>20962886
What?

>>20961889
Did you just learn about swear words?

>>20962893
You don't think a grumpy sleep-deprived 14 year-old scene girl would overuse the word "fuck" when referring to her shitty older brothers?

You guys written anything short lately?

>>20962966
no

>>20962966
usually just a page (or less) from prompts i get here. nothing in the works yet.

..anyone care to give me a prompt? i may share it, but i'm just learning

>>20962966
Thinking of doing a pre-NaNo fanfic to get in shape before November

THE WHITE VOID ABOVE CEASES TO BE, INVADED BY GREY CLOUDS. EARLY MORNING. ASH OF A DARKER GREY COVERS THE GROUND. BELOW A HILL, AT THE VERY BOTTOM, THEY SIT.

“They...they used those way back then. Not like you, — not like you’re now.”

“But as mere play,” A crouched figure covered in rags, in trinkets, and amulets. “Missing the point, the meaning came first.”

On his left hand is a wooden bowl, and on the right hand leaves, crushing these and letting the remaining pieces gently into the bowl. Next, with both hands he lifts the bowl to his nose, performing an inspection, lightly closing his eyes.

“Beautiful.” with a grin on his face.

Berries, receiving a handful of them careful not to drop any. These too are crushed. Slowly dripped into the container.

“Very well, now you do the rest,” he says “Steady hands, steady…”

“Intent.” a rote comment from his peer.

The process is simple, a piece of bone kept in leather, wrapped by strings. Careful undoing, counterclockwise turn. The bone has been cut, a quarter of the length maybe less, denoted by the thickness. Then the mixing starts and ends, as with the paint finished they go up into the hill.

Before them, the empty landscape and all is covered in muted shade. The man in rags and the one beside him look far into the distance and proceed into it.

“It’s a skeleton on a cart… there’s a wheel somewhere... he’s holding a wand,”

“A wand?” a pause “Again”

“It’s the woman with the tree,” quickly he says “No, forgive me...the wheel, the woman with the well.”

“Child…” he taps his head. “There’s only twenty-two.”

“It’s the uh…dog on the... cliff?”

“The fool!”

>>20961073
>>20961033
GET THE FUCK OUT
THIS THREAD
FAGGOT!!!
YOU WILL NEVER WRITE ANYTHING AS GOOD AS DISCO ELYSIUM
YOU WILL NEVER EVEN FUCKING WRITE ANYTHING AS GOOD AS "HUNGRY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR"
FOR ONE SIMPLE REASON:

YOU
AREN'T
WRITING

WHERE IS A SINGLE EXCERPT THAT YOU HAVE POSTED? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START? TOMORROW? THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW? HAHA YEAH IT'S ON MY BACKBURNER!!! I'M A QUIRKY PROCRASTINATOR!

>tripfag
oh yeah what am I on about
you don't want to write, you want to be a microcelebrity like butterfly
what a fucking nigger bitch

>>20963023
>>20963020

>>20962151
Depends what your sex and race are.

Who is kimmyanon?

I decided to stop shooting for flat word count.
Work on the ideas, characters and plot
That fulfilling feeling is back.
I hope you can feel it too.

>>20962151
sounds unreadable beyond a certain word count
sounds potentially comfy as a short story. if it's literally only environmental description then it sounds like a total waste of time but maybe you can make something of it
>published several short stories
teach me how. is it "just know a guy lol"

>>20963092
if you're writing for a serial that's probably ideal, but wordcount can be an important goal otherwise.. you can always revise later

I'm hopeless right?

>>20963162
stop making these posts and write

>>20963165
No one gave me feedback on two posts in a row now, it means I'm hopeless and MUST kill myself.

>>20963168
this >>20963020 is yours?
the dialogue is bad and it's in script format. not going to get much feedback on script writing in a general primarily dedicated to prose

>>20963175
Yes, tell me more.
It's void and null dialogue, right? Says absolutely nothing, right? Yeah?
Great, means I can kill myself eventually.
I was trying to adapt one of my short comics, one that has no dialogue originally.

>>20963168
When are you going to write and finish a story? Practice your prose all you want but we want results, not people trying to be profound or desperate to be the modern classic

>>20963184
The dialogue is bad, if I cant do dialogue I am over and done. Bang! .50 point blank to the roof of the mouth

>>20963190
Quit looking for validation here. If you want to be a good writer then just write what you like and judge afterwards

Write like Hemmingway y/n?

>>20963195
I'm not looking for validation. Instead. absolution.
>>20963200
Don't do it, I tried. No talent.

>>20963207
Absolution to what ends? Everyone has said your writing is decent. By the way you talk, you clearly don't like your own writing. We could all say your writing is great, pointing out all the great details but you'd still be crying about how you're such a "bad" writer. We can't make you like your own stuff

Just finished The Anatomy of Story by Truby. I thought it was way too long, and the advice it offered was alright but not worth the trouble sitting through. I rank books by their quality, so there may be books with good advice in the "eh" and "worst" sections.

I'm now reading Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft by Burroway. I also started on Steering the Craft by Le Guin

If anyone has a PDF of The Weekend Novelist, hmu on Telegram (@johnnymcivor)

>>20963234
Also Robert McKee is a chad who puts together a quality book. I don't care what anyone says about him, that book is dense with useful information. I want to read his book Dialogue next

>>20963240
I can sum up his book on Dialogue: Put the most important part of the sentence last.

>>20963180
it might work as a prologue or something, but if you intend to write all of it like this, it'd get tiring.

General tips for making my dialog feel less autistic and mechanical? It doesn't read like two people interacting

>>20962966
Yeah Ive been starting to submit stuff to &amp. Trying to write more realistic stuff but some of my first ones are paranormal.

>>20963318
understand your characters..

>>20963318
When anons told me that I started to write with more subtlty, less cliche. So characters stop saying exactly what they feel, at least most of the time. Ive also started to write more conversations that are described through stream of consciousness rather than quoted. Im not sure how much better that is but at least doesnt seem as cringeworthy as before.

how can i learn pacing?

How do I get back into the groove of things?

I stopped writing for a while and I have this outline I need to edit and touch up. and maybe write a first draft. any ideas on how to get started again?

(Such as things that need to be edited or changed or just how to get into a better writing rounte)

have weirdo sci-fi biopunk story idea featuring a sentient bioweapon in the form of a heavily modified human

Begins with him on the run after going rogue on his first mission. He was indoctrinated since creation to believe in the company. Unfortunately for them, they gave him too much intellect. Most of their data on his skills, beliefs, and abilities aren't even half of what he can do or thinks. Story revolves around increasingly effective attempts to kill him before he dismantles their company as a way to eliminate all traces of his existence.

The current CEO of the company that created him is a former mercenary turned investor that wanted to answer a philosophical question regarding the nature of an individual. The bio-weapon was based on his genetics. Ending is the two of them having a surprisingly civil chat. Bioweapon was made more intelligent than his genedaddy, so he can see that the weird moments he remembers of him from his childhood growth reflect how he views himself. The CEO wanted to do something right and create something instead of destroy for once in his life. last words to him are "Goodbye, dad," before he kills him.

>>20963092
Why did you fixate on wordcount?

>>20963318
Read the previous thread.

>>20962966
Short stuff is honestly what I tend to write the most. Usually whenever my actual long project starts to drag on me due to the fact my prose is kind of shit.
It's fun as hell though.

>>20963408
>It's fun as hell though
In quickness is truth. I've discovered a lot more about my writing voice and what I actually want to write about by belting out short stories. It's crazy because I used to think I had never seen anything worth writing about but Ive seen a lot.

Hi, here’s an idea I’m developing.

“The Adventures of Korund”

>Introduction
The world is vast and full of mysteries and danger. In the Bermuda Triangle, live King Nereus and his man-eating daughters, the sea nymphs, who wait in the deep to lure unfortunate sailors to their doom. Somewhere in the vast Amazon is El Dorado and its protector, Mapinguari, the monstrous cyclops. And beyond the ice wall of Antarctica are savage continents, where dinosaurs roam, and men evolved to display colorful pigments not seen in the people of the “inner world.”
Korund, son of the purple-skinned Mauve people, was taken from his native home to be bought and sold as a commodity. Before he was rescued by a brilliant American scientist and raised to uphold the principles of the American way. Now, Korund, better known by the civilized tongue as Captain Conrad Lieder, must use his superior strength and durable physique to fight evil and corruption where they lay.

>Series Concepts
The Adventures of Korund (working title) is a pulp adventure fiction; in the same vein as Doc Savage, Superman, and Flash Gordon. This series will operate in an old-school episodic format, where each adventure (or episode) is self-contained, and the characters are static. The only things that will be different are the added gore and nudity.

>Things that may change
It’s decided that the world will be a 1930s-Esq pulp adventure with a tinge of noir, art déco, and retro futurism. However, the title character, Korund, doesn’t fit the “damaged everyman” archetype that people typically gravitate to. His fantastical origin and alien appearance are likely to turn the potential audience off. I will most likely scrap him (or make him a side character) in favor of a “dark avenger” in the same fashion as Zorro, The Shadow, and Batman — or, or, or, “a man too angry to die” type should also be fun to write since I love horror and gore.

>What’s the appeal of Episodic?
I don’t have an epic saga to tell or any idea of literary merit. I just like Batman TAS and like to try my hand at those types of stories without hinging on somebody else’s IP (fan-fiction). I want to design my own rogues’ gallery, femme fatales, and tragic backstories. Making the story episodic means I can trial and error my way forward without having to commit to one big bad or poorly planned out overarching story (since there isn’t one!)

>Why the fuck am I posting this on /lit/
I posted an early excerpt on the previous /wg/ and got plenty of good criticism from it. Figured I post this here as well to see what you guys think. And where else was I supposed to post it? There isn’t a low-brow fiction or light-novel board, is there?

purple prose writing is cringe and tryhard. you can't prove me wrong.

>>20961889
You don't have to state the tone of dialogue if it's obvious from the words themselves. Concern. Venom. Etc.

Describing physical gestures is okay as long as there isn't too much of it. You went overboard. It reads like a pantomime.

Instead of describing their gestures, have them doing something. Anything. Have Abby frying an egg and gesturing with a spatula or changing a tire on her car. Anything. Characters interacting with their environment is usually better than endless shrugging and head scratching.

>>20963849
I can't prove a tautology wrong. What's cringe is cringe.

>>20963854
They're standing in a school hallway next to a classroom door during class change. There's nothing really to interact with except each other.

I didnt win the Stella Maris giveaway. I shouldnt have to write today!

Remember that these are the kinds of authors you're going toe to toe with if you self publish
>https://www.amazon.com/T-H-Cini/e/B09YYTY31G/ref=aufs_dp_fta_dsk

>>20963849
>purple prose
Explain to me exactly what you think purple prose is, and give me some examples preferably from authors you dislike.

>>20961889
Sorry but this is really bad dude.
>asked
>responded
>frowned
>nodded
>started
>shouted
>asked
>inquired
>nodded
>shouted
jesus fucking christ dude, it almost seems like you're tying to write poorly on purpose

>>20963223
No one has said is decent. I don't care about that.
I care about being able to do writing like in this pic >>20961033


>>20963247
I get it. I'm having trouble with my timid character into venturing forth with long dialogue and long scenes.

>>20964260
jk rowling does that
"can i have a glass of water?" he inquired.
"certainly," she responded.
"it's tepid," he frowned.

>>20963367
never stop writing
if even you only write one sentence per day

>>20963908
Lockers pencils books students walls water fountains windows stairs bulletin boards backpacks

Or maybe move them somewhere more interesting. You're the one who put them there.

>>20964368
>jk rowling does that
And everyone makes fun of her for it.

I'm trying to get better at conveying information without padding out pages with redundant infodumping, so without context, I would like to know your impressions from the following passage:
>The terrible souls subjected to the drowning pools, whilst provided fleeting power and rendered immune from the desolation of death, are also relegated from the joys of life, and once the magic wanes, are doomed to wander the aimless abyss. Or perhaps they aren’t. For all we know of existence, the converse is incomprehensible.

>>20962686
Think of your purpose in writing the story and how attainable it is for you. If it is too difficult for you right now, leave it for later or give it up altogether.

>>20963234
Thank you for the review! Even though I had not read it, when I saw the number of pages and the table of contents, I had the feeling I would not learn much from it. It seems I was right.
The one that seemed the most useful to me at first sight, besides Tufte's and Le Guin's books, was "Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft" by Burroway, which I intend to read next.

>>20963243
Ah, the recency effect.

>>20963849
>calls a style cringe and tryhard
>his very post is cringe and tryhard
Projecting much, amirite.
I do find it funny that those who disparage the middle and grand style are the ones who could actually never pull it off well, so they are forced to write like children, incapable of anything else.

>>20964368
Do not do it unless you have already used a given word several times.

>>20964518
Study logic / critical thinking, which lets you know how to analyze and what information is important.

Why do beginner writers believe that more complex equals better? Is purple prose a way to hide an underdeveloped storytelling ability? How, as a beginner, do you get over that line of thinking? And do you have any tips for catching yourself when you try to make your writing too ornate?

>>20964260
>>20964368
“Oh, my God. You look awful, chica. Are you alright?” Mackenzie asked.
“I’m fine,” Abigail said.
“You don’t look fine. Your brothers kept you up again?”
“Fortnight, all fucking night!”
“Did they win?”
“No, they suck like a slut.”
Mackenzie giggled and said, “What class do you have next?”
“Math. But it’s not a good place for a nap.”
“I have math in the afternoon. Want me to jot it down for you?”
“You don’t usually take notes?”
“Not if I can help it. Now go to bed. You look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks. You sure know how to make a girl feel like a princess. See you at lunch?”
“See you, chica.”
Mackenzie kissed Abigail on the cheek before leaving for class.

>>20964518
>the terrible souls...are
Really big gap between subject and verb
> subjected...provided...rendered...relegated..doomed.
Five passive constructions in one sentence makes it very unwieldy.
>relegated from
It's 'relegated to' something bad. Not relegated from something good.
> Or perhaps they aren’t. For all we know of existence, the converse is incomprehensible.
What? I don't know what you're trying to say. You can cut out this kind of analysis/commentary and let the reader think for themselves.

Infodumps are bad, but you can only condense information so much. This passage needs to be broken up to a few more sentences.

>>20964600
Why do fools believe simpler equals inferior, so they need to lash out against the complex to save their self-esteem?
I personally believe the best would be variety, and in rhetoric it is taught one should use all three styles (low, middle, high) for the best effect. Writing always like little children incapable of complexity, always in a simple manner like in common speech, will be boring; writing always in a grand or ornate style, as well.

>>20962361
Artful sentences is like a reference book. Keep it near you and flick through it now and then. It's too dry to read in one go and I doubt many people who extract value from it use it in that way. Just flick through it now and then to see examples of different sorts of sentences to remind you of how varied things can be.

>>20963234
John Gardner's Art of Fiction is one of my favourite books on writing, as is From Where You Dream by Robert Olen Butler, Writing Into the Dark by Dean Wesley Smith (this paired well with the Olen Butler book. It gave a name to the process of rereading and editing as you go along, Cycling, so there is no major redrafting at the end), Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose, and A Swim in the Pond in the Rain by George Saunders.

Yesterday I read the essays from Zoran Živković's The Clay Writer but found nothing of value except from some of the quotes he gave from other Serbian writers where they spoke about his process. I had never read his fiction before, and the second half is a few of his own stories he uses as examples, but I couldn't stand how they were written. I'll add the two good quotes from the book:

Dragan Velikić: “I never have an outline, or even a story. As I write, I am actually attempting to free myself […] of seemingly unimportant details which come in from the boundaries of oblivion. They arrive unexpectedly, conjured up by who-knows-what combination of words.”

"Ljubomir Simović: “The creative process is not just writing. The time you spend at the desk, writing, is just one part of the creative process. Writing, the author writes down something that has been in preparation for a long time, and which has gone through a lot of preceding activities. Wherever they are, whatever they are doing, the poet watches everything, listens to everything, takes everything into consideration, everything is important to them; they absorb everything because everything which happens could be hiding the seed from which something will sprout, or a spark that will set something ablaze and cast light upon it. […] To define and describe the creative process, usually the term inspiration is used. […] It does not appear like lightning. It is achieved through constant concentration, by a focus that is never interrupted, not when you go to the store, not when you get on the bus, not when you get of the train. […] And what does it mean to be inspired? It means to arrive in a state where the invisible is seen, the unknown is known, and the unsaid is spoken. In the most fortunate case, it means to go through a door not there into a world that does not exist. It means going into non-reality, which will become reality in a poem or because of a poem.”

The first quote where he speaks of needing to simply put it down as it comes is how I feel so often and what I think I need to do to push through to the completion of a story.The second poetically touches on exponential growth which is a topic I live with

A heart break can literally kill you, and that goes for friendships, family and partners. People are raised not to enjoy genuine relationships in order to stay alive. Society is all aphatetic. Sudden there is a serial killer who makes people fall in love for them and then break the victim's heart.

That's what I came up with after breaking up with a girl. This story will be a great consolation prize.

>>20960992
>>20960992

some critique my shit pls

>>20964634
You told us that even you didn't read it back. Why should we?

>>20964627
>>20963234
also if you are looking for more books on writing, then the art of dramatic writing by lajos egri is highly recommended by people, though i haven't read it yet myself.

>>20964641
I was told you should just power through a first draft and not change anything.

So i have been trying that method, but still, feedback that could inform how I write the next pieces would be useful

>>20964627
>I doubt many people who extract value from it use it in that way
I actually read it like that and intend to practice sentence imitation with the different structures I took from there. I prefer to practice and memorize at least many variations so that I can use them freely. Let us see how it goes.

I will take a look at those books. Thanks for the recommendations.

>>20964655
If you're looking to just power through then do that and get critique once you're done. No point posting something you haven't even reread yourself.

>>20964644
>>20964627
>>20963234
I also love this essay by Gary Lutz. It starts off biographical to introduce the topic but after that it becomes quite technical as it talks about sentences and offers practical craft advice.

https://culture.org/the-sentence-is-a-lonely-place/

>>20964629
Sounds good. You should read "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" by George Simon.
There is actually an anon here who is covert-aggressive. I bet he thinks he is very smart and dominant, but to me he just looks like a little bitch.

>>20964671
You talking about me?

>>20964671
Good suggestion, thanks!

It's a small plastic box, mostly transparent save for the top, a multitude of tiny long scratches all over it. Cards rattle on the inside.

>Open it
>Put it away

>Open it
>The cards organized in three different sets, bright orange, patterned grey and neon yellow sleeves. Unlike anything else in this room,

>Inspect the orange set
>Inspect the grey set
>Inspect the yellow set
>Close the box

>Inspect the grey set
>There is slight fading on the see-through front face of the sleeves. On the back, save for barely noticeable peeling on the cover on some, the pattern remains mostly intact. A circle orbited by three others, thin black lines expand from the center into the rest. On the edges, a dotted frame.

>>20963243
LOL that's what Truby was saying in his book!

>>20964818
Anyone?

>>20964818
You're overthinking such a small detail - that can be helped with visual aid. That description is fine.

>>20964970
Ok so my prose is functional for items and simple enviroments then?
Today I'll post some dialogue, simple NPC and complex one. The real test.

>>20964970
It's not purple prose right?

>>20964982
Always go for minimalism: can you remove something and the meaning still be conveyed? It's a game, not a book, use the other tools available to portray what you want.

Btw, in the beginning I hated you for whining so much. Now I want you to succeed.

Wrote 1.5 k words today. Feeling accomplished. We are going to make it, bros. Never throw away something you've written. A part from a story I wrote in highschool fit perfectly in the novel I'm writing now. The past can always be used.

>>20962966
I've already posted it but I've tweaked it a little since. I wrote it after reading Fleur Jaeggy's Sweet Days of Dicipline (highly recommend) and a PDF of Edward Gorey.

---

My uncle limped like one wounded in a war, but he'd only played tennis with too much of our family vigour. Plus he exaggerated the loping rhythm for the effect it had, on me for instance, when I stood there for the first time at the edge of the marble floor of the entrance hall.

He approached: smile under the tinted glasses, bristles above the smile, left leg heaved and swung like a broken automaton's, dragging him metre by metre towards me. I must have looked nervous and disoriented, but by then I had already become accustomed to my role as orphan, had even come to enjoy its roster of gloomy pleasures. My seeming unease was, rather, politeness: I had been raised to believe that the adult world expected of its initiates a shrinking intimidation.

My suitcase, up almost to my underdeveloped shoulders, must have looked a tombstone beside me. We (suitcase, me) dripped alpine rain on the marble. My white-knuckled uncle gripped the doorframe and breathed brandy vapours, a sweetness familiar from childhood visits deep into the domestic cores of the houses of others' grandparents. The smile suffered a solemn tightening: 'How unpleasant, their crash. I cannot imagine. But your father always had a maniac's love for those nighttime forest roads.'

(Whenever I imagined the scene I saw a single tire spinning in a high, zany arc out of the wreckage, like in a cartoon.)

Inside he handed me warm towels, looked from my belt to my shoes, and admonished my mismatched leather. Then he took me down to the cellar where the cured meats and a Mussolini portrait hung. He had something he wanted to show me. I unwound the cloth around the hunting rifle, my welcome gift, polished and pristine. His black lenses almost cracked from the glee hidden behind, and as I spoke with appropriate gratitude I saw my pale face reflected like an ashy smudge -- the tiny, unfamiliar face of a hunter.

That autumn I discovered my passion for piercing the brains of boar; my first passion, and one that still stirred somewhere deep inside me after I had tasted my second, after I had met Liza and swum with her in love's icy, bottomless lakes. Unless, of course, the two passions were only variations on the same theme. These are the little puzzles that give us such pleasure to ponder.

>>20965086
not your blog fag

>>20964994
samefag fuck off

>>20965086
Yeah that is like a word boneyard. You do need to be careful as some writing might be unsalvageable without a complete rewrite but some ideas just fit better in other stories.
>>20965295
Writing general?

>>20965313
>Writing general
correct nowhere does it say "retarded faggot's blog"

>>20962966
I wrote this just now. It's fun doing these little creepy autumnal scenes. (I'm pretty sure I stole 'neck like a strangler's fantasy' from somewhere, but I'm not sure where.)

---

I arrived, with aching limbs and aching buttocks. The cab scooted off back down, then up, etc., the mountainsides. Maniac driver. May the bridge collapse beneath you.

I trod on towards my endpoint. Sweet level ground. Sweet soggy municipal lawn. But I was compelled to pause and say 'I'm here for the clock tower', because three of them were approaching me like they were an owed an explanation. Horrid townsfolk.

'You?' said the middle of the three, while the ones on either flank peered closer to scrutinise, occasionally whispering their reports into the other's ear. Vile impertinent old genderless beings.

I trod on undaunted, to the tower whose care and operation I had been charged with. There was a slot in the door that could slide away, so that the girl within could get a good look at me while she decided whether to undo the lock. Ingenious contrivance.

Once admitted to the girl's side of the door I was pleased to discover that the rest of her head, bosom, wringing hands, etc., were as waifishly delicate as had been promised me by the rectangle of face that the slot had first disclosed.

While I stooped to study the blue veins that laced their way up her arms (like mountain waterfalls, I wrote in my notebook later that evening), she explained the matter with her father. 'Surely he can't be all that bad,' I said, straightening back up to my full height, which was not quite up to her altitude, graced as she was with a length of neck beyond a night-strangler's wildest fancies.

But he was all that bad indeed, the wide-eyed wreck of a father, grinning like a ghoul in his wheelchair beneath the stairs. 'Ah!' I said. 'He's off to the asylumn in the old Schloss H——', she said, 'under orders of Dr R——. Here comes their wagon now.'

The handsome metal hulk, in its psychiatric livery, rattled to a stop. She wheeled him up the gangplank into the open doors. 'Perhaps you'll join me later tonight,' I said. 'Perhaps I will,' she said, with a wanton's blush. 'Perhaps she will,' said an asylum orderly, with an oafish smirk.

The father just grinned, and waved, and wheezed, then shook with ghastly panic when he realised the doors were beginning to slide shut on him. I returned to my clock tower, and heard the ticking from the ancient mechanism above. And I heard the silences in between the ticking. What happens to make a man like he?

The man who made an oath to fear,
that he will never let go,
can't find joy;
the man who his soul is promised,
to pleasure only and nothing but it,
can't love.

The woman that can't let go,
of the same branch that made her fall,
can't find joy;
the woman that akin to any mockingbird,
or fat traveling businessman on a brothel,
chronically craves power,
can't love.

The harsh reality of being an Ultraman-style superhero
>She stood there panting, her feet dug into the asphalt and her knees wobbling from exhaustion. The body of the creature lay there, dead as a doornail with it's back blown open and smoking. The stench of ashes and sewage that filled the air was so repugnant that she doubled over and puked a little bit.
>She recollected herself and got back on her feet, only to notice the deafening silence. She was in a populated area, and there had been people behind her just a minute ago. Surely she would still hear them even if they ran away, right? She turned around and got her answer, one she didn't want to know.
>People, lying in the streets, as if they had passed out for no reason. Some had blood pooling around their heads. How did this happen? Why? Not one piece of debris had gotten through her, so why were people hurt?
>Why?
Turns out if you're super strong and hit something as hard as you can, there will be shockwaves.

i feel like im just writing shit to fill a word count qouta, hoping the reader won't notice.

>>20965941
I do not like your poem. I think it sounds sloppy, sonically, like it has too many gaps where a better sound should be, too much filler: the who an to that will his her to and but etc.

I've cut your poem up so it no longer probably makes any sense (if it ever did) but now at least it sounds like something that I would sort of enjoy speaking out loud:

Man: an oath to fear, joy;
soul promised, pleasure
only and nothing

Woman: let go,
branch that fall, joy;
akin to any mockingbird, fat
travelling businessman on a brothel,

can't love.

>>20966105
I hope you're at least having fun doing it, otherwise why bother?

Beckett wrote Watt while on the run from the Gestapo, to 'keep himself sane' during evenings in hiding, and a lot of it reads like him coming up with funny ways to fill a page, e.g.
>Watt heard nothing of this, because of other voices, singing, crying, stating, murmuring, things unintelligible, in his ear. With these, if he was not familiar, he was not unfamiliar either. So he was not alarmed, unduly. Now these voices, sometimes they sang only, and sometimes they cried only, and sometimes they stated only, and sometimes they murmured only, and sometimes they sang and cried, and sometimes they sang and stated, and sometimes they sang and murmured, and sometimes they cried and stated, and sometimes they cried and murmured, and sometimes they stated and murmured, and sometimes they sang and cried and stated, and sometimes they sang and cried and murmured, and sometimes they cried and stated and murmured, and sometimes they sang and cried and stated and murmured, all together, at the same time, as now, to mention only these four kinds of voices, for there were others.

It makes you think: how much of writing, when it comes down it, is ultimately 'coming up with funny ways to fill a page'?

>>20966019
>She stood there panting, her feet dug into the asphalt and her knees wobbling from exhaustion. The body of the creature lay there, back blown open and smoking. The stench of ashes and sewage filling the air was so repugnant she doubled over and puked.
>She collected herself and steadied herself, only to notice the deafening silence. She was in a populated area, and there was people behind her a minute ago. Surely she would still hear them even if they ran away. She turned around and got her answer.
>People lay in the streets, as if they had passed out for no reason. Some had blood pooling around their heads. Not one piece of debris had gotten through her yet people were still hurt.
Less is more, anon. Also, never ask questions in your narration. It's annoying and stupid. You are the omniscient one here. Also, not a human being unless it's first person.

>>20966019
>>20966137
and get rid of the comma after herself in that second sentence
lot of unnecessary commas

>>20966133
lol

I actually do kind of find myself having fun writing absolute bullshit imagining what the reader is thinking when he is waiting for the characters to fuck again (i sell erotica)

/wg/, I'm currentl struggling with a crisis not of what to write, but why. I think I lost my "why" of writing. I sit down in front of the word processor, and although I know the story I want to tell, I can't actually come up with why it should be told, or why any story should be told at all. And I think that is important because your why defines everything: how your prose will flow, what will be highlighted and what will be diminished, whether something will be portrayed in a negative or a positive light, and even cast doubt on the authenticity of the plot points themselves. Without the why all the hows feel hollow and limp.

What is the why of fiction writing? What is the end for which it is the means? Help me.

>>20966176
For someone else to actually read it.
Whether or not they say it's good or bad depends on you.

>>20966176
For FUN!

>>20966137
>not a human being unless it's first person

I try not to even think of my first person characters as characters sometimes. It's like God came down and summarised someone's thoughts over a lifetime and then left it on a note for them, better than they could have ever thought it. Or like a secret voice that came together while they slept and wrote a book behind their backs.

>>20966176
Sweet. I'm reading Barley Patch by Gerald Murnane right now. He starts the novel by asking why bother writing, and then informs us he has quit writing. Then he goes further and realises he also hates reading. After all, after so many books what does he remember? Thousands of books and maybe only 20 come to mind as having some impact, and of those 20 very few left any serious mark. He decides to spend the rest of his life rereading those. Until he realises that really what he remembers and found most valuable about those novels actually have very little to do with those novels, and more to do with the images that they inspired in him. So he won't read anything. He'll just go on with those few images those few books inspired, and he'll play with them for the rest of his life creating his own strange book in his head.

Good book so far. Topical, for you, too. It begins on the topic of this quote from Rilke:

>Nobody can counsel and help you, nobody. There is only one single way. Search for the reason that bids you write . . . acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it were denied you to write. This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I write?

The narrator decides, after a lifetime of writing and teaching writing and asking his students if they really have to write, that he doesn't have to or want to write at all. Then he writes a book about it.

>>20965941
>>20966120
A mockingbird brothel can't love
The man who made an oath;
His traveling soul can't love
The woman who chronically craves.

Fear the power of pleasure,
But never let go!

The businessman made her fall
on fat joy, akin to nothing.

>>20966226
oof that's pretty fucking good. that first stanza is a killer. so dense!

>>20966176
This hopelessness is exactly what you’ve been searching for all along. You can now start that for profit furry yiff fic entirely guilt free.
You’ve finally made it.

>>20966226
Nonsensical words of symbolism
Terrible in every sense
Using a priest is cheap
Or even a whore wishing for another life

Your rape fantasies just tell me one thing
Everything for you, jaded
Or you watch too much hentai
For we all know tentacles make for the best viewing experience.

I'd like to make a toast
to the lady I love most
besides my mom of course, but I digress.
It's Hunter that I mean,
/tv/'s eternal queen
at sight of her my heart doth incandesce.

Her cunning lapis eyes
and graceful slender thighs
provoke in me desires most risqué.
and have it understood,
that any straight guy would
In fact if you don't think she's hot, you're gay.

>>20966144
> (i sell erotica)
My hero.

I often think about how some of the most 'experimental' film of the 1970s came out of softcore and horror (especially Jesus Franco, Jean Rollin, Walerian Borowczyk). It's like, as long as you gave the audience the specific thrills they bought their ticket for, you could get as wild as you wanted with all the other elements.

>>20966242
I've been rumbled

I do it for free and feel like a massive homo researching shit about women and historical social norms.

I think I have good ideas for characters, and I can think of endings that are interesting to me. I enjoy writing the first chapter and world building.

But the middle part of a story I find to be a drag.

Anyone else have this feel. It makes me lose motivation when I feel I am just writing to get to the interesting part.

>>20966266
One kind of obvious answer is to work on short stories. This worked for me because (1) I was finishing things, and therefore not getting demoralised about writing; and (2) I would come up with interesting ways for the stories to develop further, but then have to abandon them in order to stick to the short-story format, so when I moved to larger-scale stuff it felt freeing and like an opportunity to put into practice those other ideas, instead of a chore and a lot of blank space to be filled.

>>20966314
too late, ive committed to writing 50,000 words in 30 days.

Even if it is utter shit, I want to write a novel. If I dont do it now, when I have free time, I never will.

>>20966266
Outline outline outline. Sprinkle interesting things, action, etc. throughout in a way that makes sense and pushes the story forward.

>>20966266
Have the characters drive the story to reach their endpoints, anon.

>tfw you can't immediately write like Gabriel Garcia Marquez

this sucks bros, Ive been writing for a month and my prose isn't even close to his level

>>20966120
Sounds like what a retarded troglodyte barely capable of speech would say.
So this is the famous and exalted minimalism? lol

>>20966242
Anon, I wonder what is it with you and anime stuff. You are obsessed with trying to insult with anime-related stuff, like hentai, anime fantasies, etc. Who hurt you?

>>20966377
How long did he write for before reaching his own level?

>>20966120
OP here, I don't like yours. Sounds like toda speaking and it becomes pompous to read due to the punctuation.

>>20966226
I like this one though

>tfw write fanfic
>you like it
>no one reads it

>>20966464
>tfw write fanfic
>you like it
>hundreds of thousands of people read it
>you wind up deleting it due to legal trouble around it

>>20966548
what the fuck?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17pRZVllHhwosdh_QEPGdFI7Yq22ijl4Z/view?usp=sharing

this is the first 30 pages or so of the historical drama I'm writing over the life of Harald Hardrada

He was the last Viking king and his death is what most scholars use to mark the the end of the Viking Age

His life was wild enough that I don't even really need to exaggerate or rewrite history as it were, the only reason it even categorizes as historical fiction/drama and not a biography is because the characters talk and interact. Every major character is a historical figure that actually lived at the time and they speak and act according to their actual motivations and aspirations according to history

rough draft but yeah looking for some feedback, really wanting to get this published once it's done

>>20966586
You're writing a book about Harald Hardrada at the same time as the Netflix show?

Anons, I used to think my English was C2, but I just took an online test out of curiosity and got a C1. I am sure it was a lie because they wanted me to buy their crap, but now I am curious about whether I could read difficult texts.
I know you like simple stuff that any 10-year-old could easily understand, but do you know of any difficult texts?

>>20966324
Try to write 10 10k short stories interconnected

>>20966719
By the way, I mean works of authors who write in a way that reflects their complexity of thought, rather than authors who purposefully write abstrusely and of whom you could believe they do not really know what they are saying.

>>20966674
there's a netflix show?

whelp, great...

>>20961698
I first made mental fanfiction as a young child, whenever I read a story, I’d occasionally interrupt my reading to imagine where it’d go or what would’ve happened if something earlier on changed. I tried my hand at actually writing later on, quickly realized it was shit, and since then I’ve been reading books, both bad and good, along with the occasional bout of writing in order to improve. It’s slow, but progress is showing.

>>20966814
Vikings: Valhalla

>>20961698
Honestly, I didn't start writing until my 20s

I had done loads of creative writing stuff through school whenever I was younger and was always told I had a talent for it, but I played in a band from my early teens into my early 20s and most of my creative drive was focused on writing music

I had always prided myself on being a pretty damn good story teller however, any time something happened my friends would always ask me to tell other people about how it happened because i could always "tell a tale" and make it exciting and entertaining without straight up lying or exaggerating and i carried a lot of that into my songwriting as i got older and got more life experience

now im working on a novel (i actually put the link here >>20966586) mostly because I really love history and always found myself enamored w characters (mostly from european history, roman era thru the medieval) who lived larger-than-life, like the type of person whose story you don't need to exaggerate or embellish because their life was just that wild, sometimes to the point it seems more outlandish than some actual myths and legends.

I would always find myself getting caught up explaining the stories to someone who would take an interest in the book i was reading or asked me about what my hobbies were at bars and things like that. People would tell me things along the line of "wow I never knew that before" and "I was never into history but that sounds amazing" and told me I had a talent for telling the story, so I figured instead of talking to drunks in bars about this stuff who probably instantly regret asking me the question, I might as well try to write an actual account of the story itself

Instead of doing a straight historical retelling like some of the history books I read (which can be notoriously dry and offputting to the average reader) I figured I would do something like a dramatic retelling based on the actual characters and people and events. The cool part with a lot of these guys is that pretty good records exist for much of european history so you can really put a lot into the writing. The best part is the plot takes care of itself; since you're writing on actual events of some crazy person's life, all the characters are there before you, all the action has already taken place, decisions were made and the results dealt with accordingly. All I have to do is learn about the historical figures, read as many sources as I can, and once you figure out a person's primary motivation and drives, you already have the plot and you're really just filling in the blanks based off your own understanding of people and psychology to connect plot point A to plot point B, then C and so on

I suspect most other novel-style writing is the same, except you don't have a predetermined plot so you have to have the characters more well-developed in your own mind, and I think that's also where a lot of writers fall short, characters just aren't believable

What makes a story that's not from the Bible feel like a biblical story?

>>20966964
oh that show's a load of bullshit. the Vikings show itself was basically a reality show where the characters cosplayed as dirty violent sailors

I read the plot outline for the netflix one you mentioned and it seems it's basically a What If? scenario between two people who were alive at different times and what would happen if they teamed up and did super cool stuff together like starsky and hutch

My thing is more of a dramatic biopic

Thank God lol you had me legitimately worried it would have put people off, but then again I guess if it gets people interested in the story it's only a good thing for me

>>20967001
The style, is it not obvious?

>>20966990
This reminds me of fanfiction. Who was it that said better not to write fanfiction, or else you will not train your narrative and characterizing muscles? George R. R. Martin?

>>20967001
word choice, prose, time setting, location setting, lots of world building and background stories, people go through a life that is shaped by faith, completely real and unquestioned in their day-to-day lives which are still filled with miracles and magic where the divine plays a part in everything that happens

>>20967018
In other words, the style.
I actually intend to read "The Art of Biblical Narrative" and "The Art of Biblical Poetry" by Robert Alter, besides the King James Bible.

>>20967016
lol it is basically 100% fan fiction except the characters are real and the stuff actually happened which I feel gives it a bit more credence so long as you're a sufficient enough writer.

The caveat is that you NEED to have good enough narrative and characterizing "muscles" as GRRM(?) said otherwise you run into the same problem as most fanfic, either shitty characters who act against their personality/motivations or a completely wacky and unbelievable world framed through the lens of someone writing today versus someone writing in the time/universe of the story itself

I'm planning a story where a character is mute and communicates with a whiteboard. Should I still put their words in quotes? And use "wrote" rather than "said"?

>>20967027
Ah, certainly! Good luck in your endeavors, bro! :D

>>20967016
>George R. R. Martin?
another thing he was terribly wrong about if true

>>20967008
>>20967018
What if I want to write something set in the future but want to give it that feel, though?

>>20967106
>>20967023

>>20960938

>https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/57441/the-elevation-chronicles-grimdanklit-rpgfeels

Add me to pastebin please.

>>20967048
I appreciate it! If you get the chance to give the first bit a read let me know! always looking for feedback :)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17pRZVllHhwosdh_QEPGdFI7Yq22ijl4Z/view?usp=sharing

>>20967106
just develop the world thoroughly enough but give it the same sort of language and similar motivations/aspirations/goals for the characters, it should really fall into place from there

>>20967256
No.

>>20967256
we shilling ourselves?
please read my fanfic about a bisexual, multi-racial, omniracist, sexist, homophobic, rapist, cannibal, and criminal dude who feels empty inside because he killed his bioloigcal and surrogate family for no reason, also some children
his primary superpower is super strength and healing without durability, which makes his existence pain

i'd give you the name but i'm just fucking with you

>>20967256
>>20967330
or am i?

>>20967330
You know, my protagonist intentionally has a lot of powers and abilities. It’s just that he’s far too straightforward, only relying on his strength, speed, and like two actual skills. He’s almost completely devoid of creativity in battle, which makes sense because doing shit like “Being able to keep yourself from freezing to death in cold weather” ain’t exactly combat applicable.

>>20967387
I forgot to mention he was also a child crime soldier fighter. Would unironically be more effective if he never got superpowers in the first place. Except, he'd also never be able to do this thing that totally doesn't exist.

You thought i was fucking with you, didn't you?

>>20967395
>>20967387
I'm glad I'm not the only person itt writing cringe.
t. writing romantic anime fanfiction.

>>20967406
aww
i know that feel

It's just fun, right? Whether it's well-written or not, it's fun. Nothing quite like what you put out in the end. At least, that's what I feel about mine.

>>20967411

I don't know, I don't think I can make it. Dialogue is fucking hard.

Was watching one of my fav movies and reading one of my fav books

>>20967449

>>20967449
you do know how people talk and watch stuff, right?

this is what i sent the saints row team for my job application

>>20967449
>>20967459
of course, i didn't get it
bet they regret that now

https://litter.catbox.moe/55r3ku.pdf

What do you guys think?

>>20967459
The best personal project ( in my opinion) out of all my attempts was a silent short comic about a robot hiking and sightseeing.
I know how people talk but I have no fucking idea what to do. Gap between theory and motion.
>>20967463
Yeah, talk about a mess. The room of games.

>>20967466
You know how narrative drives a story? Dialogue can too. Also, exposition.
>silent short comic about a robot hiking and sightseeing
nice

>>20967468
Dialogue as conflict. I do read screenplays for fun so I think I am familiar with this.
Look, I suck so can you read some bs I posted. I got the insane idea for a character-concept driven "rpg" and I dont want to quit.
>>20963020

>>20967282
I like this story. It's starting to take form and reads well. Although I just read 2 pages.

>>20963020
This feels very disjointed. Dialogue is supposed to further a story, but your dialogue feels like it's jumping all over the place. First a guy with trinkets, then suddenly berries, then a wand, and suddenly a skeleton on a kart, and at the end a wand.

You could literally remove 90% of it and start with the skeleton with the wand without missing anything

>>20967479
Good thing both Enter the Void and Michelstaedter have a place in my heart. Maybe I'll gather the courage to end it. Add Mishima into it and hell, might even make a run for it.

Yeah, I'm not making a good game at all. Shame. Character design and setting is solid.

What should I do anon? Hire a writer?

I can't and won't do it. It's spinning out of balance, the audacity to even consider myself as able to. Not now not in 5 years neither 10.

Serf genes, that's my theory. The starting code simply is not there, no one can do more than what their genes allow. Out of frame out of mind, I'm the lowest of the low.

>>20967500
Jesus dude, just chill and shut the fuck up.

An unfitting pursuit, Wiseau.
An untalented man wanting to do more than what his essence will allow. I'm just the same.

Aurelius solved this and I refuse to listen. What's wrong with doing nothing at all? Who will judgme? Spare them the trouble and end it with a bullet, gone before the first wave.

If I aim it with care and precision I'll feel nothing at all. I like to ponder the after, after that milisecond of commitment. Doing what I should have done earlier.

For a little support
At a time of need
It'll be a no, not a chance

Aim for the base of the brain and it's the off button I've always been looking for.

No more color, thought or self.
Eternal oblivion, peace.
Good enough for Mishima, Hemingway and Hunter? Good enough for me.

Been there before
Love this winter breeze

>>20967519
It's somehow not enough for me. Selfishness or ego.
I wish to see my own corpse, inspect the lifeless husk, the prison, flesh oubliette.
I shit on myself and it will shit itself.

"The ultimate truth of life is in the piss and shit." Now I understand and accept this.

My mother once told me about a man, less than an acquaintance in her youth. The topic came up when she for I presume the first time in decades recalled a memory, aided by a song she heard on the distance that day on the street. A single shot was heard in the distance. The man had killed himself while of course this song played or that had been the gossip, the two week topic, simpler times. Playing russian roulette, that's what she said. As for the song, I'll never know. She forgot the lyrics on the way back home.

>>20967506
Quit engaging with the schizo.
>>20967495
Turn your trip back on so we can filter you.

>>20967507
>>20967519
>>20967529
go sperg out to your mom and spare us please

>>20960982
>not creating a religious mythos first to determin what they would call themselves based on their creation story
Ngmi

Bad dialogue, disjointed mess.
That's the word on the thread. I knew they were right and had long abandoned any true aspiration. I wanted to write a game now out of pure reflex, the last spam after death number 1.

There are two deaths in life, the first one is an entirely mental process, acceptance of irrelevance. The other was true biological death.

True to my character I had come close to death 1 many times, just before the last moment managed to weasel my way out of it. Some new contraditcion or justification, I was in no way good at debates and scrutiny would make a new one a daily need but for the time they would suffice.

I'm a magician, able to bring myself back from eternal rest.
I experienced death 1 months ago and cashed in my last coping mechanism. No second chances, no alternate interpretation. I was going to improve my writing.

400 words a day.
A sad display of inspiration, discipline or effort, reader's guess.
I'm a brand new person, entirely myself.

The type of kid to never make a dumb mistake, socially and artistically neutered. A person like me can never make art, I am null, too self aware for my own good.

>>20960992
Your writing is decent, well above average and you can string together sentences pretty nicely, however you droned on for far too long imo. It feels like you could cut half of this paragraph out and it would improve the passage. By the end of it I didn't give a shit about paul or why he was french or something. If you're going to describe everything in the room like fuckin Dostoevsky does, you need to earn that right first.
Some smaller nitpicks
>Just a t-shirt he thought
Something to inform the actual thought, like quotes, would be nice
>He rented a small room, a rat hole in a roach infested fire hazard on Austin Street
A rat hole in a fire hazard? Unlcear, no make sense
>11am, and by 1pm he would probably be sweating. It was only 8am, but the 9 room, wood framed house was dead silent
Awk at end. Also awk. Basically anytime you use number numbers instead of writing it out. It just looks weird

You're decent, but you're not as good as you think you are and there is a lot you can improve on, fren.

There was no reason or rhyme to my existence and there would never be one. Homunculus.

No improvement can ever be made, a person like me just can't improve. There's no clay. I would have been better off being born thousands of years ago, live and die in some tundra, forest or savannah.

I curse language, language did this to me. Etimology demon allowed complex ideas and an overdeveloped sense of self, the hardware can't compete with reality, I'm an inferior machine made of inferior genes

Why couldn't I have been born earlier? Out of time and primitive in everything. My place was some tribe with no concept of time. I regret knowing language or art, everything.
>>20960992
>>20967578
Fuck both of you. The etimology demon rules your life.

i now remember why i don't visit /lit/ often

>>20967593
Don't care, didn't ask.
Also, post your work.

>>20967595
i already did

An alien invasion took place on planet earth. A memetic parasite born out of sounds.

The infection came from the land of the abstract, impregnation of the mammal organ and maggots, words.
It's not natural, I loathe language I curse language, it's the only force I answer to.

The mammal went on to her bidding, math, economics, language, logic, art, warfare, scientific method, cities, it's all her work, her own image.

If only we could drag every artist and poet and shoot them in the head, burn their every single work, bring down the satellites, bomb every statue and let the reactors meltdown.

No human being is born with a single word in their brains. Sounds? Yes! But not words.

Victory was settled when that thing wore Johannes Gutenberg. It finally got it right

Every artist, writer, musician and actor should be executed. Sculptors too, death to any icon.

They will bring them back, the rest.

No, every intellectual should be executed. Eliminate education. Rape the intellectuals, apply torture and finally death.

Everyone who mourns them too.

Art is my enemy.

Pour myrth on them. Find your own tree!

Why can't I write? Why?
Why?
I've seen almost a thousand movies.
I've read a massive amount of books.
Why can't I do it?

Robert Kurvitz is my own Golden Pavilion.
If I had integrity and I truly believed what I preach, I'd find him, kill him dead.

Yes, I would do that.
Others have killed politicians, musicians, greater men. Why is Kurvitz out of the table then? What's so special about him? Maybe if I kill him I'll discover that some African tribe was indeed correct, all the time in the world in prison to write, to discover I've gained his talent.

All my life I've been treated like shit by everything and everyone. Never known victory or joy and I cry as I write this.
No others are always better at everything, from fucking birth. All my fucking life I've been me, I've been me all along it's all Im ever going to be.
I hate it.

Why shouldnt Ido it?
Does he live in estonia in the UK?
Ishould so it, I wim if I do it

>>>/vrpg/2772543

Should I shit out my book onto KDP, or wait five years sending out query letters to literary agents who aren't looking to represent a straight white male and then shit it out onto KDP?

How does one read Cormac McCarthy without completely fucking over their sense of punctuation like I have?

>be fag/troon/genderfluid/whatever the hell
>end up writing a shitty essay...ella in response to some ridiculous post
>run it through https://www.writingtoiq.com/
>119 IQ
Did I actually write that good?
>>>/lgbt/27562059

>>20967479
They were talking about painting tarot cards, I should have included the drawings. Ritual and a shaman.
Fuck you, glad you didn't get hired

>>20967719
I'd love to torture you to death, fuck and kill you.
No, it also said 119 for me. It's bullshit.

I am animal.
A dumb primitive beast who can't write.
Ice all around me, 9th ring.

I should act like 80 IQ because that's what I am deep down and what others expect of me.

>>20967459
Fuck you fuck youfuck youfuck uoufuck you

>>20967459
I wish I could rape you to fucking death

>>20967459
PRIME CUT EVERLASTING MISERY
PAST IT PAST EVERYTHING ON YOUR SHIT I AM ON YOUR FUCKING SHIT


I KNOWNYOUR TYPE IVE READ YOUR SHOT IVE READ IT WELLL
ON YOUR SHIT ON YOUR SHIT ON YOUR SHIT ON YOUR SHIT ON YOUR SHIT ON YOUR SHIT
WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO THAT
INSPIRED BY DIVINE HOLY HOLY SPIRIT
IVE KNOWN THIS
HAPPENED

>>20967459
NEVER KNEW THE DAY NEVER KNEW THE TIME HOUR DAYE


CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK LCICK
CLACK CLACK LICK LICK LICK LICKK
IM ON YOUR SHIT.


EEFFFORTLEEEESSSSSS CACO PHONY
STICKERED LICKED LICKER RICK

>>20967744
Now why is that, unironically?
>jealous
have you tried using drugs? or looking into other hobbies?

>>20967808
>>>/vrpg/2772565

>>20967809
>>2772575
>WHO IS THIS KURVITZ? WHAT HAS HE DONE?
>A SOLD FERRARI?
>A REAL PITY BUT THERE WERE OTHER THINGS I WANTED TO DISCUSS...
>YEAH, IM NOT LISTENING TO THIS, GOODBYE.

>>20967819
>A SOLD FERRARI?

MHM! FOR WHEN YOU NEED TO FUND YOUR PASSION PROJECT
NOTHING SCREAMS SELF MADE LIKE ARTISTIC ESTABLISHED PARENTS AND YOUR FRIEND SELLING HIS FERRARI FOR YOU... THATS NEOFEUDALISM FOR YOU

>>20967822
>THERE ARE OTHER THINGS I WANTED TO DISCUSS
>PERCEPTION: TWO "FOR YOU" IN A ROW? YOU REALLY ARE A SHIT WRITER
>PERCEPTION: HMM YOU MIGHT WANT TO STEP UP YOUR PROOFREADING ANON

>>20967824
>>PERCEPTION: TWO "FOR YOU" IN A ROW? YOU REALLY ARE A SHIT WRITER
YOU THINK I AM PLANNING THIS OUT? IM PAST PLANNING I DONT. GIVE. A. SHIT. ANYMORE

NO NEED FOR PLANNING WHERE I AM GOING? CITIZEN ONE OF FREEDOM CITY! EAT YOUR HEART OUT

>OK....
>WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY

>OK....

>WHO IS THIS KURVITZ? WHAT HAS HE DONE?
>WHAT'S THIS FREEDOM CITY?
>A SOLD FERRARI?
>A REAL PITY BUT THERE WERE OTHER THINGS I WANTED TO DISCUSS...
>YEAH, IM NOT LISTENING TO THIS, GOODBYE.

>YEAH, IM NOT LISTENING TO THIS, GOODBYE.

RUN COWARD, ILL SPREAD THE WORD ALL OVER THIS PLACE, ANYTHING CRPG I LL BE THERE, WATCH YOURSELF KURVITZLOVER

>>20966215

I dreamt two
anons responded
to this post I'd made
the night before

Murnane is good, one
said. Reading this
now, said the other.

Waking then, life
seemed so
satisfying: to share
books.

It may still happen
as the days go
that someone reads
a word I've shared,

and perhaps responds
in their own way
even when I'm gone.

>>20967710
just be trans

>>20967848
I'm calling this Pls Respond: A Life

1k+ words a day or you're only pretending

>>20967862
Yesterday: 5072 words in the journal; 3702 on the main project; 230 for a prose poem; 119 for another; 745 for the poor beginning of an idiotic new story; 44 for another, barely begun; today: nothing; yet.

>>20967628
>>20967639
Ironically, these are the best thoughts I've read from you since you've been here. Abandon your game, and write about a philistine misanthrope.

Judge my dialogues.
https://pastebin.com/Ju4LdLxD

>>20967946
Not bad. Giving a deeper analysis is, I believe, unnecessary. Your dialogue keeps the story going, and didn't bore me so that's that.

Whoever wrote that Chinaman-coming-to-San-Francisco-to-mine-gold-in-mid-1800s story in a pdf file on /lit/, are you still writing? I just finished your story and I want more.
Here is the said pdf: https://files.catbox.moe/kecmt9.pdf

>>20967946
Pure talent compared to me. How long you been at it?
>>20967968
Fuck you, bastard. You people don't even want me to improve.
>>20964994
Fuck you too, for lying to me.
>>20967937
Literature is a dying medium. I've got no issue talking about it now, my game was very inspired by Aleksei German, Hard to be a god mostly. Wasted so much time on character design and now it's over.
Look at this >>20964818
I'm done for.
Andrew Tate is right, fuck books, fuck literature. I'm too visual for this shit.
A silent CRPG, what was I thinking?

>>20967988
He has another story on Amazon. The Emily Project.
Have not read it but I've heard good things.

>>20967989
Fuck me? No, fuck you! You're making fall in love with that plain looking woman you asshole. Why don't you just read an actual book for once in your life and leave us alone. You clearly don't read else you wouldn't spend all your time here.

>>20968003
I've read a lot of books. Prefer films of course. I'll be dead in months, who gives a shit.

>>20968009
What books have you read? Eh, whatever. Read this: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/6765/6765-h/6765-h.htm
and then this:
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/55389/55389-h/55389-h.htm
>I'll be dead in months
Unbelievable cap. Just read and write asshole

>>20967850
>>20967848
It's tough, dude. I don't know why I keep posting stuff here, keep refreshing in hope of responses/critiques. It seems the only surefire way to get a response is to post an excerpt of your WIP and preface it with 'It's shit isn't it?' or 'Tell me how bad this is.'

For what it's worth, I read your Murnane paraphrase last night and thought it was a neat idea -- relatable, especially the sense that reading leaves you haunted with these images that are sort of independent from the books that evoked them. And the implicit idea that you have to *do something* with those images.

I need to find a different forum. Hopefully one with less Great Books worship, and less of the sense of despair that taints everything on 4chan.

I'm working on a short story for &amp. Critique me:
The venerable Verum reposes under an oak on a cool summer day, and whiles upon the vicissitudes of sound. Unbeknownst to him, two young men happen upon his very path and are discussing the veracity of an after-life.

“Be that as it may, I have yet any reason to believe such superstitions as that of an after-life.”

“How so? If you acknowledge your having a being different from that of your body then whence did this being come from? Should it not be from some ’where’ different than here?”

“No, it shouldn’t be. Why do you dare to imply to know all the powers that comprise this world, Jakob? Yes I have a being different from that of my body, but to infer that that implies a ‘world’ different from here is, forgive me, childish. Would you say the same of fire? Is fire other-wordly?”

J:”What? No. Why would I say that, X?”
X:“Because as far as I can tell, Jakob, fire arises from a being wholly different than it.”
J:”What do you mean?”
X:”I mean that the nature of fire—its brightness, its heat, its movement—is different from that of the wood that gives it life. Yet for all that, fire still burns.”
J:”Why, you don’t mean to say that one can give what one has not? Do you?”
X:”No. Quite the contrary. I mean to say our ignorance of phenomenon should not be any reason to—”
Just then X tripped on what felt like a log.
J:”Are you alright, X? Let me help you up.”
X:”Yes, yes. I am quite alright. Thank you Jakob. Just tripped over a log is all.”, he said—face red and with a slight smile.
J:”Or rather a person!”
X:”Say again?”, asked X with wide eyes.
V:”Haha! You needn’t worry X! You hadn’t tripped over a corpse. I assure you. Though even if you had, I am not sure dread should have been the proper response.”
X:”Oh my goodness; Forgive me Verum. I hadn’t seen you. I was just in the middle of a conversation with Jakob, and what with the shade of this oak—”
V: Verum flashed his palm with one hand and placed the other on X’s shoulder, “I know. I know. I heard you both coming, but in my own reverie your voices were but an echo. It seems we are both at fault here. Forgive me, X.”
X:”Of course, Verum. You needn’t ask. If anyth—”
J:”Okay! Okay! That is all fine and dandy,”, interjected Jakob “but Master Verum” and he said this with a teasing smile, ”what did you mean by ‘I am not sure dread should have been the proper response.’?”
V:”Why nothing too amazing my dear Jakob. It’s just that I have reason to believe something wondrous follows after death.”
>>20968009
are you reading what I shared?

>>20968070
I liked the slapstick but you should also consider introducing a sexy lady to liven up the philosophising.

>>20968084
Well I'm not sure about introducing a lady, but I can definitely dial up the bromance up to 100. Sound good?

>>20968106
I guess I was just being facetious. The 'jocular community of scholars' vibe is already entertaining enough. Reminds of me Jack Vance's pastiches. Keep it up.

>>20967988
My God you have such an old file.... The story is on the editing phase already.

>>20961004
>>20961010
Why not rewrite a book you like? A good project. Some people do it with religious texts

>>20968187
That's a windfall to hear. Where is he posting it? Can you please post the latest update if you have it?

>>20968296
I'm the author and phone posting right now, so not now. But it's essentially done. Just waiting for my English teacher friend to finish beta reading and helping me edit. I'm glad you like it so far though!

>>20968313
Oh take your time. Are you going to sell it? As this anon >>20967992 says you already have a book on Amazon.
I'd like to get a copy if possible. Reading on my computer screen always makes my eyeballs feel like punched when I later go to sleep.

>>20968353
That's the plan. I mulling if if I should pay someone on fivver for a cover, I've heard mixed things about the site.

Twitter has been useless. Not a single retweet on samples of my story.

>>20968356
I mean it is rather racist. (Yes, I know it's for the literary effect, but do you honestly think Twitter understands that?)

>>20968356
I never wrote my own book but I really don't think paying someone on that site you said for your cover is a good idea. I would rather draw some garbage myself, or have a stranger draw it randomly, or even use an AI-generated image and there's still more sincerity in it.

>>20968369
I think it's because I'm not a cute girl that bitches about her problems with 200 tweets, and 1 tweet about her memoirs.

I did get a few Twitter users that asked if I have an author page. Which I do not. No clue where or how to make one.

But I'll post it here when it's done. The title will be called " The Beautiful Kingdom".

>>20967992
That reminds me I need to redo Emily Projects cover to match my new pen name .

What is your level of tolerance for absolutely unlikable protagonists? I mean just awful people. As if you yourself were the main character.

>>20965687
This is awful and it's the best thing in the thread

>>20968398
We've all read American psycho, catcher in the rye, Lolita, etc. So we're very tolerant. Now reddit on the other hand insist on more happy go lucky protagonists. They have a much larger user base, so do you write for yourself or your audience?

I'm working on my outline for a slightly evil novella. I'm stuck as to how to end it. Any ideas for how to continue? Any thoughts on the story as it stands?

(1/5)

This guy -- who cares who he is, a nobody, a dead-ender -- takes the bus each morning to work and, each morning, sees a pale long-necked short-haired girl in a white nurse's uniform already sitting near the front. A very trim, 1950s-type nurse's uniform, although the exact dating of the story is indeterminate. He, of course, lusts after her with an all-consuming, dead-lonely, despairing type of lust. Occasionally he dares to sit right behind her, and sees the fur trimming the neck of her coat stir as he exhales, which drives him into a quiet erotic frenzy right there on the bus.

At the midpoint of his journey, each morning, she rings the bell and gets off. Scrubby land of pines and bracken, old-money mansions hiding behind leafless trees. She's for the hospital at the end of a winding gravel road, which leads from the desolate bus stop right up to the hospital's iron gates. He watches her hurry off to work, her heels crunching gravel.

Details of his work, of where his own bus journey takes him, are unimportant. He's probably doing poorly, at work, owing to his preoccupations. He suspects he is imminently to be fired, and he's probably right.

One cold night on the bus back from work he sees a man with a long smoke-stained beard get on board. He carries a new shovel, paintwork still fresh on its unused blade, little red price tag dangling from its handle. The man rings the bell to stop at the hospital, and heaves his rickety old man bones up and off the bus. Our hero, our protagonist, has a flash of inspiration, or mania, and leaps out too just as the doors are closing.

Excuse me, says he. Is this the way to the hospital? Yes, says the old man. In fact I am the gardener there, at the hospital. (Our hero had already guessed as much.) He asks if he can see the man's new shovel: a handsome implement, he says. The proud gardener obliges, and there on the unlit gravel road, with the bus's rear lights a flicker in the distant dark, and no one else around, our hero swings the shovel down onto the old gardener's skull. Gong-like sound. He crumples. Drags him by the ankles out to a raggedy copse, and there uses the shovel to bury the man in the autumn earth, after taking the man's wallet from his bloodied overcoat.

>>20968515
(2/5)

The next morning the hospital administrator, a dried-out reptile-like man, allows our hero into his office. At the side of the administrator is the head doctor, a tall Celtic witch of a woman with a rigid, aristocratic face. The administrator takes the typewritten letter of introduction from the younger man's hand: 'I most humbly apologise but I have had to leave suddenly due to a grave and private and urgent matter. The young man before you is a man I trust unreservedly and a gardener of unmatched proficiency. None better could be found to occupy my now vacant position. Yours sincerely' -- and then follows the name and signature of the murdered old man, copied from the documents in his wallet.

So begins our hero's new life as official hospital gardener. He lives in a bunk in the same shed wherein is stored the tools and the germinating seedlings and the plastic bags of manure. His predecessor had taped up a faded but still garish centrefold of an African lady holding towards the camera her bare breasts, her long sharp tongue protruding and dangling down almost to the nipples. He rips the image from the wall because he resents that it is not his love, the nurse.

He has the problem of not knowing the slightest thing about the maintenance of a sprawling institutional garden. But he muddles through. While he makes a pretense of trowling the earth or fertilising the beds he peeks up at the nurses scurrying to and fro, and his dark little heart throbs and races when he identifies the white-stockinged legs of his beloved. He looks down at the cool black mulch and contemplates his next move.

The nurses, of course, all ignore him. Down there in the beds he seems more mud than man, no more a sentient thing than is a mossy stone or a tuber.

And he notices a strange pattern: all the patients, when they appear, in their wheelchairs or on crutches, are wrapped from head to foot in bandages, and many have one or even two eyepatches, making featureless white lumps of their heads. The administrator explains to the new gardener: the head doctor has a personal theory that all contact with the outside world -- to sound and light and germ-filled air -- is detrimental to convalescence. Seal them up, is her motto. Then the administrator adds that they will be having their annual staff party -- a modest affair, he says, but one that seems to please the girls -- and they'll need some flowers for decoration. Sure thing, boss.

>>20968523
(3/5)

The party, in a streamer-hung basement, is dour. The gardener has been invited, although in his mud-crusted clothes he feels out of place among all the pink and spotless and perfumed nurse-flesh. Alcohol is strictly forbidden, and all must drink from the vast bowl of punch, slowly swirling with its red and sickly hue. Thankfully the gardener brought his hipflask, and he notices one of the nurses busying herself in a corner with one of the miniature rum bottles she had secreted in her handbag. What a lot of nurse, he thinks, has been squeezed into that uniform. He watches her grow red and unbalanced throughout the evening, becoming less and less discreet as she rummages through her supply of clinking, miniature bottles. Fat-thighed and curly-haired and outrageously freckled -- what a contrast to his slender, waifish love. Where is she?

One of the nurses performs a Schubert liede while another accompanies on an out-of-tune piano disinterred from an old store room. Then awards are presented. The gardener is topping up his plastic cup with another splash of whiskey when he sees the recipient of the Most Fastidious Nurse certificate take to the stage: it his beloved, with her big shy sheepish eyes, and her oversized front teeth biting down in nervous gratitude on her carefully painted bottom lip. Her name, he learns, is Gladys. She surrenders her hand to the powerful grip of the head doctor, and a photo is taken of the moment. The gardener slinks out of the room and returns to his shed under a dismal cloud of alcohol and frustrated lust.

Next morning he stumbles out hungover to attend to his duties. Sees a pair of rosy ankles sticking out of the compost heap. There, snoozing in the slimy matter, is the fat little rum-fiend from the night before, who clearly wasn't able to totter her way back to the bus stop. He hauls her out and puts her over his shoulder like a bag of potting soil. Lays her out on his bed in the shed and puts on a fresh pot of coffee. The room steams up with cheap coffee fog, she wakes up: awful embarrasment, but she sees the funny side -- she's right as rain after a big mug of the acrid coffee.

She becomes a regular visitor to the hut, once her rounds are done, and it's grown dark enough that no one will see her knocking on the door. Her name, she tells him, is Polly. They share mugfuls of whiskey and listen to the radio. She lets him pinch a portion of thigh; she wipes mud from his cheek and lands a smooch. Then one night, all serious and solemn, hands behind his back and looking out of the single, fogged-up window, he decides the time is right to reveal to her his true purpose at the hospital, and the woman who is sole sovereign of his heart. Polly doesn't mind a jot: she's thrilled by the dark drama of his vague scheme, like something from a novel about the masked villains of the underworld. They share the bond of co-conspirators.

>>20968530
(4/5)

But how can he approach Gladys? What could possibly induce a girl as pristine and unblemished as his love, the Most Fastidious Nurse, into his wretched shed, let alone onto his bed with its broken springs and vile stains? Many nights pass in this unbearable stasis.

Then one frosty night Polly raps in furious glee on his door. Her eyes are wide and wild with secret delight. It takes half a mug to calm her down to the point of coherency. For she has seen something unimaginable: she has seen the dark side of Gladys. Polly tells him what she has peeped.

While she made up a bed in a top-floor ward, she heard heels on tile. All was dark, except for moonlight from the tall windows. A curtain around the bed hid her from the entrant, who wheeled a trolley towards the immobile patient in the bed on the other side of the curtain. It's feeding time, said the soft voice, which she instantly recognised as belonging to Gladys. The ward was empty but for Gladys, the patient, and unseen Polly. The patient moaned in distress. Shush now, said Gladys, or do you want to starve? Polly heard a metal tray being placed down on the tile. Then she heard a rustle of cloth, of nylon. Then she heard something trickle, then spray, then stream. She barely dared to put her eye to the gap in the curtain, but she had to confirm what seemed too wild to be true. Gladys was squatting over the tray, and the flashing stream of urine from between her legs was turning the mashed potatoes yellow and watery. Now, open up wide, said Gladys, readjusting her uniform and lifting the tray to the patient's bedside. She raised a spoonful to the mouth, which relented and opened and became a black hole in the white featureless bandages as it accepted its fate.

He listens to Polly, and the scene she evokes is as vivid as a gorgeous nightmare: he can almost hear the hot gush, almost see it sparkling in the shaft of moonlight, and he feels in a state of rapture. Here, of course, is the leverage he had sought, the beautiful raw material from which to concoct a blackmail plot. But even more rapturous is the image of the sublime evil that Gladys has kept hidden within her, like a sacred passion that she obeys with the same rigour she devotes to her other duties. What a girl, what a creature.

>>20968535
(5/5)

So the first time he ever speaks to her it is to reveal what he now knows, and to put the plot into action. Her small polite smile fades. She looks at him with a blank and weary look, like someone woken from a dream, and after he tells her when to arrive at his shed (if she doesn't want her secret to become a public scandal), she simply nods, and writes the time in her nurse's notebook.

She is punctual. It is night. They stand opposite each other in the shed, a dark gulf of silent antagonism stretching between them even though the room is crowded and cramped, and he can hear his rough heavy breaths. So what do you want me to do, she says.

From planks scavenged from aborted garden projects, he has made two benches, which he now drags into the centre of the small room. They resemble, she realises, two bus seats. The skeletons of bus seats. One is in front of the other, and it is the front one that he directs her to sit in. She is wearing her fur-trimmed coat, as he had asked. He takes the seat behind.

Half an hour later, she leaves the shed. She walks to the bus stop, and the real bus arrives like an awful punchline. She boards, and chooses to stand, even though all the seats are empty.

[And at this point I get stuck. I think the ending should involve some kind of revenge by Gladys. Or maybe his murder of the previous gardener should be revealed, or at least the authorities should start snooping around and stressing him out. Or maybe Polly grows jealous of Gladys now usurping her nightly place in the shed. Or maybe some combination of these three.]

>>20968398
joe abercrombe's "First Law" books has an extremely unlikeable character
it has to be written well and it takes a lot more skill to pull off than typical writing

>>20968542
Gladys with a 4th man, a cop arrests Polly and MC, only for Gladys to take over as the serial killing shed guy

why bother I’ll never be as good a writer as Rowling or martin

>>20968054
There is no value in this place for the daily user. It is not a place for you to come by default, that will ruin you. A person that makes the most of this place without falling into its trap would probably investigate the wiki and take note of all the books that are listed, and perhaps use the archives to search for exact topics that they want to look at as they need to.

Never post your work here for critique, as you do not know and should not trust the source. But this goes for all places on Earth. I think critique for a young writer is worthless and they should simply read more and write more, every day, and follow their instinct, their taste, and let that guide them to the books that they will love and will in turn move them closer to writing the book that will have been proud to have written. The average age and experience here alongside the anonymity that allows for casually misdirected venom make it the worst place to get critique, if that is something a writer really feels they must have, though most often I believe what a writer really wants when they ask for critique is permission to continue, and a glimpse of a bright future where their work pays off so they can enjoy its fruits immediately instead of in 50 years' time, which is when it does actually pay off for most writers, if it ever does at all (with the 'pay off' being a work you yourself value, and not a monetary reward, which very few, and usually only the most vulgar kind, can enjoy).

trying to write the tone of my book.
it's a lawless land
bandits capture my female lead
they plan on raping her. she escapes.

so that's dark. but i have people murdered in horrible ways and there's a suicide.

but i still worry about have the tone spread equally throughout the book. you don't want to set a harry potter like tone, then have bandits trying to rape hermione. not that i've set a harry potter like tone.

there's so many decisions to make. like how to balance action scenes. are there too many action scenes? are there not enough?

>>20967719
Move to a city, you whiny teenager.

>>20968737
You just sound like a butthurt little faggot pussy who can’t take a little constructive criticism for his shitty writing. Fuck off, retard!

New Bread: >>20968911
New Bread: >>20968911
New Bread: >>20968911

>>20968614
That's neat, and it keeps with the theme of shifting roles.

>>20960982
call them geeses you geese