/lit/ - Literature

Should I make my fem main character have a lesbian relationship? Like, a part of me wants it but other doesn't think it fits the story

How weird do I make this piece? I'm thinking one of the bugs eventually hatches and gains ability to speak like a human and kind of holds the fumigator hostage

>>20928422
that is one long fucking sentence
not reading the rest
format your shit better, at least throw some commas in there or something

>>20928422
>much more larger

>>20928422
Dude... work on your grammar and spell check the damn thing.
>colorus
colours*
>typical bugs eggs
bug's eggs*
>their shells was filled
were*
>I was rushing back home with excitement,(*) loading the eggs onto my exterminator van and (*) placing them in an empty box.
Besides this fixes, the sentence makes no fucking sense. He was rushing back home but loading eggs onto his exterminator van?
>famous among entomologist or anthropology
anthropologists*

And your biggest sin of all was writing it in first person; it's over.

>>20928544
First person can be great, but this anon is otherwise right.

>>20928410
No. It's a total wimp out when straight guys make their female characters lesbians. Man up and write a woman who craves cock.

My plan B game idea is more about ambience than plot, it lacks proper well defined conflict.
It's easier to make but I am turning a walking simulator into an RPG, any advice?

I'm writing a fantasy story.

You guys writing about anything serious yet?

do you guys think it would be worth it to throw a few hundred bucks at a writing course? i want critique more than learning how to write, but i don't want to post my stuff in random places online

>>20928649
do you have friends, colleagues, acquaintances, family members, anything of the sort at all? if so, ask one of them to give your stuff a read before you go paying strangers.

>>20928641
I'll even let you comment.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C1EXYB9V5d6Tvq03bst9X4y9V3m5jV6If2htaiMr744/edit?usp=sharing

>>20928640
Me too!

>>20928690
Not in the thread, didn’t read

>>20928581
Pretty much. It all depends on the work.

>>20928641
Yes, this is the first 4 chapters of my next book, about a child soldier in the congo wars of the 90s who wants to kill his brother
https://pastebin.com/eJ2BSf1w
I’d be really grateful for any honest thoughts. I’m getting ready to finish it up

>>20928743
Holy shit that pic lmfao.

My original idea was basically making a game inspired by Kaczynski and Linkola but I lack the skill to make the project justice.

>>20928747
Have you read "A Long Way Gone" by Ishmael Beah, for background if nothing else?

Salutations, anons, newfag here
Tell me what you think of this:

I have been dying for intimacy
With you, striving so things could here be led —
I am at last pushed down onto the bed;
And you, succumbing to my lunacy.
You put your hands on my low self, alike
Hot serpents sliding up the tree of life,
Preparing hungrily to curl and strike—
And sighs, and moans were charming snakes of strife;
A slowly-lambent beast, that tastes the prey
With craving eyes, and fixed gaze, in a trance—
A feral gladly feasting in its way
As flesh, drool, heat, life, mix in savage dance.
Just when I thought my fate to die of lust,
You made me come to you, freeing th'angust.

>>20928986
No but I’ll pick it up, thanks
For research/factual background I’m relying most heavily on Dancing in the Glory of Monsters, by Jason Stearns

Chapter names, yeah or nay?

I have absolutely no idea what to actually do with the stuff I've written. Where to post it, because honestly I don't really give enough of a shit about being published traditionally and to me it's just something I do to kill time.
It's genre fiction. But websites for that that aren't anime inspired stuff seem sparse.
I also write erotica and have no idea where to put that shit either.

>>20928649
How about trying to learn how to critique? Read about close reading, and read critiques of other works by others (e.g., "Edgar Allan Poe: Rhetoric and Style" by Brett Zimmerman), so you get a feeling or idea of what to look for, and avoid basic mistakes. This way you will also understand why you consider a piece of writing good, and know somewhat how to emulate the writers you like.

Of course, feedback from others is valuable and necessary as well, but something is better than nothing.

>>20929043
Just meme yourself with 4chan ads like Call of the Crocodile.

>>20929050
So retarded how big of an impact that book has had.

>>20929043
Does this site not work?

As for erotica, horny people are everywhere, especially women. I bet there are plenty of sites for it.

>>20929053
It kinda makes sense.

>Memeable cover
>Memeable title
>The general plot sounds too ridiculous to be true. See pic.
>Fucking JK Rowling and Stephen King are in it.
>Deus Ex Machina twist ending.

I think it was the first book advertised on the chans. It’s popularity overshadows all the other books Gardner has written. When you analyze all these aspects it’s like the perfect storm of luck.

Feedback plz. no bully


“Well I used to feel like some force was animating me.” He uttered.
“And you don’t now?” She responded.
The leather chair under him groaned as he shifted.
“Exactly. Now I feel like I’m animating me.”
It was a sunny day in Washington. Later summer, early fall, high humidity, not too hot, the sort of day that makes you sweat.
“And that makes you feel [...] bad?”
The office, though, was cool and lit via the bay windows. The sort of place people aspire and learn and low-grade suffer to operate in.
“Yes.”
The therapist did, however, try to avoid some trite analyst type furniture: the viennese couch, the dim walls, the clock only she can see etc. in favor of crisp, HGTV approved decor. The wood paneled walls cut against this, of course.
“Why?” She asked.
He grimaced, pretending to try to hide it.
“Don’t you want to be animated by something greater than yourself?”
“We’re not talking about me right now.”
“But it’s still a relevant question. It’s much less interesting that I think something if other people think it too. And since you’re the only other people here.”
He seemed satisfied by his response. She continued looking on, concerned.
“I don’t think about that type of stuff.”
“Okay.”
He went on sitting, generally placid and straight. If anything, that was what interested her the most: the lack of affect. His vigor, gone, his risibility, gone, but the dialogue remained.
“What kind of force did you feel? When it was animating you.”
He wasn’t sure she cared. He was paying her, afterall.
“You know, I’m not even really sure. It just felt like I wanted things. And then I went out and did them.”
The sun shining through the bay window shone more on him than her. He suspected intentionality.
“And you don’t want things now?”
The clear frames sank a bit down her nose; she needed the glasses tightened.
“I do. Or at least I want to. But now it takes good timing and cajoling and energy and all sorts of character I simply lack to do them.”
She continued to look vaguely in his direction. She had slicked back hair, yet to gray. Fake highlights striped the do. Muted colors lined her outfit. She fit.
“Do what?”
He again paused. Seemingly, he was taking a minute to consider, reaching deep.
“The things I want to want. Or want. I don’t know.”
Her forehead scrunched. Eyes narrowed, brows raised, she determined to forge on.
“Have you thought about SSRIs?”
“Of course. I don’t want to kill myself.”
Finally, she thought. There’s progress.
“Well that’s why you should think about SSRIs.”
“But suicidal thoughts are a side effect, no?”
She wanted to roll her eyes.
“Sure. I don’t want that either. But you sound depressed.”
“Yeah.”

>>20929090
CotC is also shilled by Goodreads now.

>>20929098
The mood it gives me is eerie, and I think that is what you were going for. Well done.
The dialogue does not make much sense to me: what the hell are they talking about? It sounds so banal it gets me out of the mood.
>uttered, responded
Some tell you to just use "say"; others, to be liberal and use a thesaurus. I say: employ synonyms if you have already used "say" several times; otherwise, you might sound a bit pretentious. If this piece is part of a larger text and you already used "say", then your choice is fine; but given that you are describing the setting throughout the dialogue, that does not seem to be the case.
Talking about the setting, personally I think it would be better if you began by describing it, or else it just feels like the characters are conversing in an empty space nowhere. It takes away from the realism and therefore the immersion, I think.
Your sentences are fine, too: there is variety of type (affirmations, questions), form (periodic, loose), and length (short, long).
>His vigor, gone; his risibility, gone, but the dialogue remained.
Grammar is mostly fine, too
.
Overall, pretty good, in my opinion. What do you think of my little commentary? Was it helpful?

>>20928475
You're not missing anything

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL MY CURRENT STORIES ARE SHIT BUT I CAN'T KEEP DROPPING THESE STORIES HALF WAY THROUGH OR I'LL GET NOTHING DONE!!!!

>>20929098
You can do a cold open with dialog, but you can't also put off naming/describing your characters. They're just voices in a void.

>me." He uttered.
me," he said.
>...as he shifted.
Unnecessary. We know how chairs work and why they make noise.

These short descriptive sentences are making the dialog really choppy. Maybe consolidate them into bigger paragraphs. If you want interruptions, the descriptions should match the natural pauses in a conversation, not in between yes or no questions.

>placid and straight. ...lack of affect.
This should come earlier in the conversation so the reader doesn't give an incorrect voice to the guy.
>The sun shining through the bay window shone more on him than her
Redundant. "The sun shone through..."
>She wanted to roll her eyes.
Is this supposed to be from the guy's or the therapist's POV? Do you want omniscient third person? I'm bad at that, so I have no real suggestions other than to consider when you want to ESP into people's minds and motives. Otherwise you get 'head hopping'

Try removing the words 'try' 'seemed' 'started' 'continued' 'looked'.

The imagery is fine; you just want to tighten up the descriptions. Think about the flow. Maybe read it aloud if that helps.

>>20929256
Oh, so it is called cold open. Good to learn something new.

Hey you, you look knowledgeable, so tell me your opinion of this poem I wrote some time ago, if you please: >>20928998

>>20929098
Maybe make the dialogs snappier first, before interrupting them with action and and dialog tags.

Maybe something like this but better.

Washington — fall, late afternoon — therapy.
He sat on a leather chair. His dull eyes stare at the wooden wall. Oily hair reflected the orange sunlight shining through the window. A blonde captured him in her icy blue eyes. Her white suit fit her slim figure. Her golden hair had false highlights. She crossed her legs, awaiting him to speak.
“I used to feel like some force was animating me,” he said.
“And now you don’t?” she said.
“Exactly. Now, I feel like I’m animating myself.”
“And that makes you feel… bad?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you want to be moved by something greater than yourself? A higher power. A purpose.”
“We’re not talking about me right now.”
“But it’s still a relevant question, isn’t it? It’s not interesting that I think something if other people think it too. And since you’re the only other people here—”
“I don’t think about that type of stuff.”
“Okay.”
“What kind of force did you feel? When it was ‘animating’ you.”
“I’m not sure.” He grimaced. “It just felt like I wanted things. And then I went out and did them.”
“And you don’t want things now?”
“I do, or at least I want to. But now, it takes good timing and a lot of persuasion and energy and all sorts of character I lack.”
“To do what?”
“The things I want to do… or want to want. I don’t know.”
“Have you thought about SSRIs?”
“Sure. I don’t want to kill myself.”
“That’s why you should think about SSRIs.”
“But suicidal thoughts are a side effect, no?”
“Yes.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want that either, but you sound depressed.”
“Yeah.”

i'm writing my book on tumblr btw I update it daily

500 words today
It seems digital emancipation requires sacrifice
I will do bretter

Just keep going.. keep going..

Keep going.. it'll all pay off.. power of persistence..

I haven't wrote anything creative since grade 5 and now I'm in grade 12. Shit on it in as much as detail as possible, I need the most honest advice cuz I know it's shit.

>>20928392
>https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/57441/the-elevation-chronicles-grimdanklit-rpgfeels
Add me to the pastebin you K-nig-ht's!

>As they cleared the tree line Samuel could finally see the sky in this place, and that it glowed in a dark purple hue. It matched the grass in this field, which began to transition from a natural green into a faint purple, from root to tip. The combination made Samuel feel as if he were in a gigantic fish bowl, colors changing little from end to end on the distance of the horizon. Without the sun now, he felt as if he were underwater, skating along the sea floor, the horizons blending colors and hues together in a circle of tones. Even the air around him seemed hung in a purple haze, and he felt as if he could blow bubbles to its surface.

>>20929644
>tags in the title
>the dudebro act
No, thank you

>>20928998
>salutations

Damn, should have stopped there. Very heavy handed, anon, I feel like I am being Turkey slapped with a flaccid reference book to the top 100 things you should put in your sexual poem.

The rhyme didn't really sit righthe scheme changed too frequently, with no pattern to tie it all together for the reader.

Your writing isn't suitable for a reader like me. It might be nice to hear you read it, as it's heavy nature could be performed well with bombastic verve

>>20928392
What do you guys think of my prose? I just got serious about writing months before, but when I show my edited drafts to my close friend, she almost always says that my sentences drag on and on, as she found that she was eventually just waiting to see the full stop. I should note that my prose senpai, the one author who's style and prose I endlessly try to emulate, is Ray Bradbury

This is an extract from my upcoming novel - only a very small section part way through. The whole thing is probably going to be a bit of a beast when it's finished. Feedback appreciated.

>>20929629
Your writing style is as stiff as the tall man you describe. It's like you're trying to be writerly - but if you haven't written in a long time, the best advice is to write wholly in your own voice, even if it isn't a very literary voice - say things exactly as you would describe them if talking.

The story itself is quite uninteresting - is this part of a larger narrative? Because on its own it does nothing for me.

Also, you keep switching tenses for some reason. But it's not unsalvageable - I would just move on, write new things, non-stop. And read loads. You'll find yourself getting better.

>>20928392
Reminder that i made it and so can you.
Keep at it anons.
Believe.

>>20929785
Greetings sandersoy funder, so glad you could contribute.

>>20929644
Alright immediately. This isn't a hard and fast rule but holy shit you love the passive voice and it's really noticeable when you start nearly every sentence of the first proper chapter that way, and maybe this gets better but you're sentences are very long and overly descriptive and keep being so.

>>20929912
It's not like being insufferable is a requirement to succeed

>>20929846
Don't start with a character waking up.
Don't start with a character looking in a mirror.

>>20929629
I'm going to give you a tip about dialogue that you can carry with you for the rest of your life. Just write "x said" with dialogue. None of that "asks the old lady seeking her husband" crap. Just "Where am I?" she asked. Just said or asked. Not exclaimed, remarked, retorted, replied, yelled, or anything else.

Winking in the pale winter sun. Begging, I would have thought.
It sat on top of the blue bin lid with such little humility that I was surprised that it had gone unnoticed.
It was only early, true. People might have been in too much of a hurry to get to their car. I picked it up much without thinking. A one dollar coin, just sitting there. I turned it over once in my hands with same kind of dutifulness as the banker who might have bit it to test it for a counterfeit.
But then I pocketed the coin and got into my car. The frost scraped clean by the blades. Smoothly up and jerkily down. I thought it was a divine invitation to reward myself from the dollar menu.
But then I started thinking about why a dollar coin had ended up there and why it went unnoticed. It was early, true, but bins are always put out the night before.
It must have been left there intentionally. And that’s why it had gone unmolested. People had seen it but recognised the intention and left it there, knowing not to disturb it’s purpose.
A tip for the binmen, maybe.
Maybe change collected by the binmen and returned.
Before I got out of my car, I took the coin from my pocket and left it on the dash. I knew I had to return it.
But past sundown and after I’d parked and retrieved it from the dash and walked back, I saw that the bins were absent. I’d been beaten to the place by the coins likely owner and now the bins were trapped behind the gate. Lost to me and then the coin.
I turned the coin over again. I’d have to wait until next Tuesday.

>>20929927
The first plume is designed like that, as or the overly descriptive stuff, its born from an internal voice keeps prompting me with; "where are they, what do they sense, what do they feel."
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to be constructive.

>>20930110
*plume
>volume

>>20930056
Oh yeah. I totally forgot about that. I'll just shorten the first paragraph/morning routine to something like: "I tied my shoes and put my name tag on, for what will be the last time. I could almost see it now. My shoes, next to a sign that reads: For sale. Leather school shoes. Only worn once."
Aside from that, is there anything else?

>>20929883
You didn't write that.
Stop lying.

For the anons who are fellow wageslaves, how do you find the time and energy to write consistently?

>>20929854
> Clutching his head, pressing his hands
Redundant. Repeats the same thing twice.
>unexploded
unnecessary.
>There is an antiseptic smell...
>The light is...
You can weed out 'be' as a linking verb and replace it with better verbs.
>The antiseptic smell reminds him of...
>The fluorescent light induces a headache...
It's a simple way to improve things, since they're so easy to scan for and edit.
>He thinks of those words...
>He thinks seriously about...
Filter words. We know he's thinking/remembering.
>How could there be too many?
Any time I catch myself writing rhetorical questions, I see it as a red flag that the main character needs someone to talk to. Consider if it would be better as dialogue.
>like as if
Redundant. "as if" is correct. "like" is for comparing two things.
>A lit match...
Sentence fragments shouldn't be this long. The reader is left waiting for a verb to show up.
>Bloodied wet leg..
You're using too many modifiers. Scale back on adjectives.
>It's strange to see...
I'll be the judge of what's strange. Don't do the reader's thinking for them.
>So many have died at your hand...
Switching to the generic 'you' is a little jarring here.

Overall, I'd say you're stating too much and leaving nothing for the reader. You could have a guy remembering a bombing then thinking about suicide. The reader can put these two facts together.

This is mixing images from past and present. You might want to narrow down the past to one definite time and place--such as burying the bodies. Either that or walk through the process of giving the order from his office, dropping the bomb, burying bodies, etc. It feels sort of jumbled as is.

>>20930124
Work remote and just take an hour writing break most days at ~10am. Then write more in evenings, though I tend to be more in an edit/outline ahead mood then

>>20928392
"Hell-Anon" here, I'm finally in a place to start writing again. Hope everyone has been doing well.

>>20930124
Get something done before I sleep is what I aim for. I'm usually up at 6am and in bed by 10pm, and with me doing grad school now, I usually have maybe 1.5 hours a night to write, from 8:30 to 10. It's usually 8:30 to 9:30 so I can start winding down for good sleep. Weekends I try to catch up a little, and some nights I get 3+ hours of writing done. I just make sure I make time for it.

>>20930124
>how do I find the time
By doing nothing else but work, read and write.
>and energy
coffee
>consistently
Good one. But seriously I am most productive when I use stream of consciousness and just go for it, clean it up to what I want later.

>>20929668
It reads awkwardly for me. Personally this is how I would write it:
>As they cleared the tree line Samuel could finally see the sky in this place, and it glowed in a dark purple hue. It matched the grass in the field—which had began transitioning from a natural green into a faint purple—from root to tip. The combination made Samuel feel as if he were in a gigantic fish bowl; in the horizon, colors were slowly changing from end to end. Without the sun now, he felt as if underwater. He skated along the sea floor, and the horizons blended colors and hues together like sea anemones. Even the air seemed hung in a purple haze, and he felt he could blow bubbles up to its surface.

You use 'as if' alot, and purple is about the only color you know. I get that you imagine a monochromatic atmosphere, but try including other colors or maybe using the word violet as well.

>>20930124
I make almost 55/hr + benies and retirement, this is just a hobby for me. I write maybe 1-5 paragraphs a day. No rush. Going to advertise the shit out of my book when it’s done. Carefully planned.

>>20929846
>Because he had no eyes anymore.
Should be
>Because he had no eyes.
Or,
>Because he hadn't eyes anymore.

>His little face was covered in dirt, soot,— and dried blood.
Em dash after a comma? Em dashes replace commas, so I'm not sure what you're going for here.

>...I still keep thinking back to that boy. The haunting image of his face has burned itself into the retinas of my eyes.
Kept*, Had*. If you wish to write in present tense then have the protagonist experience the events as they happen.

What are you hoping to get out of this story? I would not want to read this. Not for the prose, and not for the plot. And my dislike of first person doesn't help. I suggest reading Mogens and Other Short Stories by Jens Peter Jacobsen, Rasselas Prince of Abyssinia by Samuel Johnson, and poems by Robert Frost. It should help level up your prose, and hopefully your ideas as well.

>>20929416
>>20929256
>>20929178
thanks for feedback all, will work it in. Very helpful, I appreciate it

I'm writing a wish-fullfilment romance story with super heroes that down the line turns tragic.
I made it fanfiction because I don't want to deal with world building.

I'm stuck at this point because I want to describe a pretty face in an emotional manner, as in, he sees that she is pretty but at the same is deeply moved because this girl saved his life.
I don't want to describe the literal face of the character as she appears in the anime, I just to communicate the most important elements (I chose the hair) and the fact that she's a qt.

Help me out pls:
>How do you describe a pretty girl's face?

emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
12/ Okay, okay. This is a good one to stop on because it is BIZARRE. The author has no credentials, but I can honestly say it's weird AF. I'm intrigued. This one's going into the maybe pile to talk myself out of later.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
11/ This one is close, but just off-mark for me. It has a bit of a cult-y, creepy vibe, but I'm not sure what's super important about it. It feels like maybe we've already seen elements of this in ROOM and KIMMY SCHMIDT. I don't think I need a third take on this right now.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
10/ Sci-fi with time travel, but back to the 9th century. I'm not huge on complex worldbuilding, or ancient historical, so I'm not the right person for this one. Pass.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
9/ This is a really genuine PB query about the ocean, but unfortunately the quality just isn't there for the contemporary market or for agent involvement yet.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
8/ This book is literally about biblical Jesus, and I'm not the right agent for that in any context. Even sci-fi.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
7/ Interesting. Picture book about gender and dress-up from a BIPOC author. This one's going into my maybe pile. Not sure if the market is oversaturated on this yet.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
6/ Sorry, folks, but I'm disabled - if you use the phrase "special needs" in your query, that's a quick pass from me.


emmy, purveyor of spines @emmy_of_spines · 14 Jun 2021
5/ This one's a YA murder mystery, which I'm always very tempted by, but unfortunately the author doesn't have any prior writing experience, and the book doesn't feel like it's filling a gap or has a timely or urgent theme. Reluctant pass.

https://mswishlist.com/queries

>>20930137
Thanks - I'm gonna challenge you on a few things, and agree with you on others.

Clutching his head and pressing his hands into his temples aren't the same, one is adding further detail to the other, which I felt helped the image but is probably unnecessary.

You're right about unexploded, it was lodged before.

Don't get what you're saying with the 'be' bit, but I think your changes sound much worse.

You're right that 'he thinks' is filter in a sense but we aren't fully in Jet's head here, there's a remove. Might be a better way of showing that though. Also so many writers do this to great effect that I've never understand the resistance to it, seems like a rule people follow arbitrarily.

With rhetorical questions, again I am very relaxed about them. We all ask ourselves questions in our heads, or at least I do.

'Like as if' is something I say in real life and it's a reoccurring little writerly thing so I think it's fine. Just a little quirk of mine.

That's a long fragment? Maybe I just read stuff with unconventionally long sentences but doesn't feel it to me.

Agree there are too many modifiers in there.

Disagree, I'm a dictator, you'll think what I want you to. But seriously though, I'm actually using a device that John Ashbery uses in some of his poetry where he does a similar thing, it's sort of like zooming out or changing angles with the camera, or that's how I see it, but I'm willing to concede it may not have the desired effect.

Appreciate this, I'm gonna make some edits and see if I can get closer to the images in my head

Nobody is reading all of that.

>>20929927
>>20929644
Alright I have continued to read this to see how it pans out further ahead and three things.
The first has nothing to do with the writing itself. I just fucking loathe this genre of writing that I don't have a lot of experience with and I fucking hate it. Who thought it was a good idea to dump source book stats into a novel? Again this has nothing to do with the quality of the writing but holy shit, I've heard of Royal Road in passing and it seems chock full of it.

The second is that as someone who himself struggles with passive voice it is all I see in the latter chapters and if that is an implicit style choice it is something that is going to hurt you in the long run. I can't say this is cemented in stone and unbreakable, but you it do nearly every sentence and it has the effect of underselling and blunting a lot of the overly drawn out descriptions and flowery language you use.

The third is mostly about the flowerly language. Yeah it's a style you can make work but it doesn't come off well here. I'll give you credit. You made something. You banged out a truly stupendous amount of words, but some editing is needed on this thing.

Just finished revising a chapter. I’m sure my writing group will get pissy about the last paragraph being “tell don’t show” but I felt I’d made my point with the chapter (showing the bond between the elf and goblin) and just wanted the last paragraph to close out the comfy feeling of the chapter without ending too suddenly.
But I know none of that matters to you retards, since all you care about is whether i invented a language like Tolkien did.
https://pastebin.com/tz5hGK0e

@20930653
I'm going to reply to you with feedback but I won't give you the benefit of a (You) because you have clearly not been here long, because no one here has ever advocated for making an entirely new language like Tolkien did. We don't advocate for that for good reasons, which I will also not tell you because you don't deserve to be told why we have that position.
Your prose is very janky and rough. It is clear you're a new writer from the first two sentences. You couldn't have done serious line revision because each sentence reads like a speedbump in what should be a smooth road. You don't know how to use "as" appropriately and you're speckling your work with unnecessary adjectives. The dialogue is passable, even enjoyable in places. Otherwise it suffers from unnaturalness, such as when Gohta says Ayara means to assassinate Tad, or it feels "written", as if the writer aimed to convey an idea or thought but wrote it out instead with no nuance behind it, and lacked the ability to address that. The abuse of ellipses is also another factor you need to address. They should be sparing, not spammed.
All told, 5/10. Typical writing I'd expect to see on Royalroad or similar sites that has some fans lining up to read it, but clearly unpolished and done by an amateur.

@20930697
Faggot. Post your work.

>>20930653
Here is your (You). The other anon says valid things, but is a pompous cunt.

Almost 2,500 free soobstook soobscribers.
Very powerful.

Almost 2600 soobstook soobscroobers.
Very strong growth indeed.

>>20930697
Nope. Been here a while. You idiots have insisted that languages need to be crafted for fantasy. That was about a year ago so obviously you’re newer than that. Fuck off.

>>20930710
Nothing I said was pompous. Don't come to the defense of someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.
>>20930733
This has never once been the prevailing sentiment of this thread. Are you the same retard who lost his mind because we criticized your character name choices? T'loran or something? I'll bet you are. You're the only person who ever brings up languages in fantasy and you seethe incredibly hard because some vague anon told you once that if you're going to make up words you need to do a whole language or it won't matter for shit. Fuck off and stop crying, it's been months.

>>20930770
I am that guy. Nothing wrong with me reminding you that you’re a moron. Well, except for the fact it puts your tranny panties in a bunch. If you don’t want to be reminded of it then stop being an idiot.

>>20929803
HAHA LMAO
Better than nothing. Thank you. ;)

>>20930056
Why is that? I am writing a short slice-of-life story, "A day in the life of...", and of course it starts with the character waking up. What is wrong?

>>20930811
Some bugman told him it was bad in a youtube video.

>>20930814
It is pretty cliche.

>>20930811
To be honest, there are moments to start a story with a character waking up or having them look into a mirror but the way you do in the prose you posted is very awkward.
You start with the whammy of a line "the day I died" before you go into a morning routine that you yourself end up "etc. etc. " through. Throw in the awkward info dump right after that, it's just well awkward.

>>20930814
Naruhodo.

>>20930866
Sorry, I have not posted any prose yet. I only posted a poem, that is all.

>>20930921
Oh thought you were the original guy.
But yeah generally it's at this point a really cliché way to start a story that can completely halt the momentum of even a slice of life story. If there's not an explicit point to it, you're better off not doing it.
That being said it can be done and has been done, but it's generally to show something specific. Not just a morning routine but say where their morning routine differs. Something specific to them.

>Decide to take a brief break from my story and write something fun like dumb smut
>Back of my head I think I'm wasting my time, that I should be spending all my time on my novel and quickly lose motivation
Fuck bros, any way around this?

>>20928637

Begone unholy demon.

Have you guys hit 100 book sales yet?

>>20929012

Yay.

Unless you’re an idiot like me and end up naming your first chapter ‘overture’.

Then better give up.

>>20930937
There's probably something prose wise you're not good at and people can say what they want about smut, but you gotta hit those important points needed for a proper story, even if it is in a dumber way.
Write your dumb smut then look at it seriously and see where you can improve even there.

How you have to plot every page of your novel?

I have an outline for every chapter, probably like 6-10 bulletins per chapter of points to hit.

>20928392
Hi gang, its been a while. I actually miss this place now.

I have somehow lucked out and managed to land myself a job as a freelance journalist/editor at a somewhat major publication. How do I teach myself to proofread/copyedit? I start Monday.

>>20928392
Could I get some feedback on this? Is there hope? Don’t be gentle. I need some go-for-the-jugular critiques.

>>20930936
Ah yes, I thought so, too. That is why I am doing it.
Pic related: give me your opinions, if you please.

>>20930937
This: >>20930960
I think it is better to practice your writing skills with something you are not too emotionally invested in, such as your own novel: the attachment might prevent you from seeing errors and dealing with them; and if others criticize you harshly, it will affect you much more deeply, dissuading you from writing again.

I drew a heavy breath of my coffee. Its not because I enjoy the smell, but rather it was preparation of what was to come. Zareth stood outside in the company's courtyard. His stench still lingered in the hallways causing much distress to those that passed through. Another whiff of the black liquid in my mug was needed. I took a step forward to confront the foul smelling man.
"Zareth," I started, "I need to tell you something."
"Kenny! What is it man?"
"I don't mean any offense but buddy..."
The company speaker erupted.
"Zareth, you are requested to the 7th floor. Once again, Zareth, you are requested to the seventh floor."
"Sorry Kenny, it's gotta wait. Talk to you later."
"Wait!" He waddled away. " You stink."
His odor entered my nostrils, squinching from the irritation. Another whiff of my coffee would help.

Tomorrow, oZareth must know of his stench.

>>20931066
Can you take out submissions and you and your team edit and help us all make it?

>>20931101
I like this. This is solid dialogue and I find it relatable because this is what I think about whenever I’m with computer science majors on campus.

>>20931039
How do you figure out what points you have to hit in each chapter?

>>20931086
Okay so I gotta say you are very obviously going for a certain style and you're getting some information across in starting this with the character waking up, so it being halting awkward is a moot point.
It's the style you're going for that is getting to me. It reads like a blog post I might have read some time back or to be honest a light novel being machine translated online and I am left wondering how exactly this is going to go if you cross even the five thousand word mark. It could get aggravating or your need to stick to the style might end up undermining other parts of the prose. But this is all of four paragraphs and short ones at that.

>>20931101
This is hilarious. I like it.

There is movement everywhere, hurried steps against the ground. Startled horses wander in circles, a man hammers away at the post for the third time this day.
Cages being loaded and a member of the guard shouting orders. All have wrapped rags around their face, only their eyes can be seen.
Far away from the mud and slop a single tent. The makeshift camp amongst the plains.

The man before you, laying atop an ornate rug. In his hand, rose petals pressed against his nose, as if he was trying to stuff them. Desperately.
He notices you and out of a jar, grabs a handful of petals, offering these to you.

1>Accept
2>Decline

2>Suit yourself, savage.

>>20930518
Thanks for taking the time to read it.
The underselling is intentional in that more challenging themes come in volume 2 and rather then change style completely later, it (hopefully) doesn't turn the reader off completely like some character deaths already have.

I'm not completely deluded. I know it needs a shit ton of editing to be brought closer to more traditional literary standards, but for the genre and the site its slightly above average (if you can believe such).

Thanks again for your thoughts, i'll try to un-kneejerk my criticism blinders to make some use of them.

>>20931083
Mainly, I want to know if it is too pretentious, or if it has just the right amount of pretension.

>>20931120
This isn’t meant to be sarcastic, but I think about it. I have a beginning of a book and the end of the book (my point) for my non fiction text.
I have major points I’d like to make (chapters)
I have major subpoints to make (paragraphs)
I treat every chapter like a mini book.

>>20931149
Lets say you have six plot points… how do turn those into a 50k novel?

>>20931167
If you don’t have a big enough idea I don’t think it’s worthy of a big enough book.
Are you against writing a short book? I’m writing a short book? It will be less than 125 pages but at least 100.

>>20931172
I want to write a marketable romance book

>>20931132
I understand. I need to add more variety, and I will.
I just thought that, if the character is just waking up, using elaborate description would not be appropriate. Decorum and all.
What mood does it convey, for you?

>>20931177
Romance is by far the most over saturated market with the crappiest returns (think like $0.20-50 per book)
You’re much better off writing a book with a good romantic subplot.
I’d actually recommend going back to the drawing board on this one buddy.

>>20931120
New Shaelin just dropped
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bMGUEwbumw8

>>20931066
Congrats anon, would I recognize you from a particular project/writing?

>>20930236
Good to see you back (elderscrolls/copper age historical fic anon here) have you settled on what you're working on yet or just doing prompts and practice stuff?

>>20931250
I still don't know how it ends, but I have some really interesting stuff to add to the world and I think I've come up with some really fun ways to create tension and raise the stakes within my setting.

No help?

>>20931183
>What mood does it convey, for you?
I'm sort of imagining the stereotypical neet and otaku. Specifically from 90s media that went into the darker version of both of those.

>>20931305
Lol. He has a girlfriend, though? Aren't neets and otakus stereotypically lonely...?
And that is more about characterization than mood. What I mean is, does it transmit the sleepiness and languor of early morning?

>>20931346
>Lol. He has a girlfriend, though?
Okay, so this would be the time to get more opinions because I straight up thought this was a delusional crazy person. I was thinking this was a psychological horror plot.
I was thinking of what the twists were. That doesn't feel like sleepiness it feels like a demented mind.

>>20930442
Cut out that whole first section and start with action.

>>20931401
LMAO. Now that you say it, true, the change of tone is too sudden: it goes from quiet, to internally panicking (jokingly/ironically), to quiet again. I will add some filler to make the transition smoother.

>>20931135
Come on, /lit/. How can I give it some music?

>>20931412
More than needing filler you're sort of suffering from us reading this very disjointed narration taking place in a void. Yeah that might be the way we think when we wake up but without the benefits of a visual component we're going to be making assumptions that you're depriving us of visual descriptions for a reason. Or at least I will and did.
Even straight stream of consciousness stuff still pays respect to the fact that you need to operate as the readers eyes.

>>20929854
Force yourself to cut it down by say twenty percent. You are using too many words.

>>20930811
A big part is that it's a mark of amateur writing, and so has a stigma. But beyond that, it's just dull. Start with something interesting and exceptional.

>>20930814
True. It's common advice. But after reading a million first chapters on Royal Road, I understand why people repeat it.

>>20930442
Delete the first two sentences

>>20931083
>on this I soliloquize.
Stopped reading there.

>>20931101
>I drew a heavy breath of my coffee.
What?
>His odor entered my nostrils, squinching from the irritation.
What?

>>20931144
>The underselling is intentional in that more challenging themes come in volume 2
To be blunt, I don't think including more challenging themes is going to help in this case. It's not an issue of the subject matter, its an issue of the prose.
Out of curiosity, how much exactly did you share this with people before posting it? It's quite a bit you had written out.

>>20931452
I didn’t really know how to open it so I kind of just wrote what came to mind. Maybe having a goofy rhyme to start it off wasn’t the best idea.

>>20931457
Fine fine.

I deeply inhaled the aroma of coffee.

My nostrils squinched from the foul odor.

>>20931425
That makes sense, but it is about waking up: do you not typically wake up on your bed and in the dark, semiconsciously? That is why it seemed to me the context was easily deduced: soft bed, dark and cool room, etc. It is different from the dialogue from earlier, as a dialogue may take place wherever and whenever.
The visual descriptions will come after exiting the room.
I do admit that mentioning the hand alone, without context, might give the wrong idea (i.e., horror). I should have given the title to avoid misconceptions: "A day in the life of a boyfriend-househusband", which lets you know the hand is the girlfriend's.
This is my first time writing a short story. Thank you for being gentle.

>>20931440
Ah, got it.

>>20931457
>I drew a heavy breath of my coffee.
I did think their phrasing was weird.
>His odor entered my nostrils, squinching from the irritation.
I do not see the problem...?

I am about 15k words into my story about a whore mongering salary man who works a job he hates. He steals from his office as its his only form of excitement outside of his hookers, until he falls in love with a women.
As he falls deeper in love with her, the quality and the effort of his work begins to slip. When he is informed that his promotion is in jeopardy, he allows his relationship to suffer. They break up and its his entirely his fault. Weeks later, he finds out that his ex girlfriend has been robbed and beaten. When finds who did it, puts them in the hospital, loses his promotion, is fired, and is sentenced to time in jail.
His only regret at the end of the entire story is that he didnt steal more shit from the office

thoughts?

>>20931528
Sounds good. A story about impulsivity and its consequences, women and emotions, monotony, etc.

>>20931501
"My nostrils squinched from the foul odor."
i don't like this sentence
you could say the odor was so bad he flinched
or,
the coffee smelled like ass but he was going to drink it anyway

Posting my clam script again:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1y4XL20IdUg2Su0bd-qV2zFn_2dsLsMaT/view?usp=sharing

How do I write like Nisioisin?
I have a decent grasp on how he does what he does, kind of, but what are his influences in terms of prose? It seems so unconvential, maybe because I haven't read much or maybe because translating his prose is hard, but it just seems *different*.
I've never been good with words, I might as well be an autist, so the way he plays with words is baffling to me. It seems so non-chalant; like he's a little kid just trying to enjoy himself.

>>20928422
You already lost me with your neverending opening sentence. Write shorter sentences and format your shit in a way that doesn't give people headaches.

>>20931588
It looks interesting but it’s 39 pages and I can’t commit to reading that. Good job on writing something too long for me to commit to reading on 4chan

>>20931552
I guess I can write:
The foul odor caused my face to recoil in disgust. My eyes have yet to water, but Zareth's smell could easily do so.

Claiming Saundra as my waifu. You can't have her.

>>20931501
>>20931552
>>20931611
>The coffee smelled like shit.
That'll be $299.99 + tax.

>>20931135
Can you picture the place?

>>20931636
based "brevity is the soul of wit" chad. I kneel.

>>20931636
But the coffee didn't smell like shit.

>>20930124
I usually do have at least three hours of free time a day, which sounds like little but that's purely time i'm not spending say eating or dealing with family stuff. I just enjoy writing regardless of whatever outcome I get from it so it's easy to just sit down during those few hours and just spit words onto a page.
I don't really have to find energy at all.
That being said if my attempts at writing serious stuff gets boring, I just write porn. So try that.

>>20931083
This is so pretentious it stopped being pretentious and evolved into postentious.

>>20929062
>As for erotica, horny people are everywhere, especially women. I bet there are plenty of sites for it.
I've actually been looking at A03 for it. It seems to be the place where a lot of people making money off writing even original erotica seem to be. I might go for it.
And if all else i will post links to my original non-porn shit here, if only just to get feedback.

>>20929846
Delete the first paragraph because it’s entirely unnecessary. Yes we know like every human being you wake up in the morning and you brush your teeth.

Why don’t you also mention sitting on the toilet and taking a shit while you’re at it?

What are your daily writing goals? 1 paragraph a day? 2? Perhaps 1000 words? I know at least one of you does 5k a day.

>>20931838
I recently watched a video of Stephen King saying he writes at least 10 pages daily. Personally I think that by writing like this, you will only write crap: writing is an intellectual activity that requires effort; if you write like that, you are only writing the simplest, basest, lowest-effort crap you can come up with. It is better not to do it unless you are already a master writer, when writing well comes effortlessly.
I try to write thrice a week, with a day or more in between. One paragraph at least, or at least one sentence if I do not feel like writing.

If you wont reply to me, then I guess I have to give it my best and be insufferable

>>20931838
I knock out 1000-3000 words every day if work isn't too shit. If it is shit I usually just outline and on my days off I can hit 5000.
Getting practice in has been pretty good, but it's made my flaws a lot more noticable.

I'm a 'musician' and write songs but I can't really sing so the lyrics mainly stay at poetry. Here's one I wrote recently

Ferry man take me ashore
I can't see to the other side
But I'm stuck here in the moor
Please take me where I can safely hide
I'll pay for you to have your drink
If you carry me safely and do not sink
To the depths below, overboard dropped your soul, now you're bitter, sharp and old

Murky is the highway on which we float
Even the bridge dare not cross
The man I see, is never me
When I peer into the cut
I can't tell who watches us pass
On the journey to the bank
He'd embrace me well if we were to fail, and if your vessel here ever sank

Docklands and the marshland by it
Are empty for today
Many trips you made before, have seen it thrive and dwindle
Your last companion never came back when he set off with his bindle
The sunshine rays were smothered by smogfumes
Churning out what made black the stones of which it funneled

Alternatively, listen to my soundcloud

>>20931871
I'm increasingly moving toward this position. I think another good strategy is to write one or two days out of the week, and spend the rest of the time accumulating material, letting the subconscious get a crack at it, and storing up the energy and drive to write. Basically, never sitting down to write until you know exactly what you're going to write. Writing less often, but for longer stretches of time.

>>20931135

the main thing you should do is simplify. i think you're trying to write sentences that are too ornate and you're ending up just confusing things.

>There is movement everywhere, hurried steps against the ground.
you're using a comma-splice here, which is generally a bad thing. movement everywhere is a visual image (albeit not a good one, as you're not describing what that movement looks like) but hurried steps against the ground feels more like a sound thing (i'm imagining the sound of footsteps) they also feel like 2 unrelated images. movement everywhere is abstract, as it could describe anything, and it's redundant, because in terms of the physical world, everything is always in motion. hurried steps against the ground is also abstract. what kind of steps are they? foot steps? again, is it noise or a visual you're describing?
>Startled horses wander in circles, a man hammers away at the post for the third time this day. [again, comma splice]
startled indicates fear, while wandering indicates a slow, unhurried motion. why would a startled horse be wandering slowly in a circle? a man hammers away at a post for the third time this day, also indicates some form of laziness, or un-hurried-ness. Also, "hammers away" indicates he is hammering multiple times, but if he is doing so for the "third" time this day, that makes it sound like he's just striking the hammer down once. that makes it sound confusing.
>Cages being loaded and a member of the guard shouting orders. All have wrapped rags around their face, only their eyes can be seen.
who is "all" referring to? what are the cages being loaded with?
>Far away from the mud and slop a single tent. The makeshift camp amongst the plains.
this is visually confusing. all of your descriptors up to this point make it feel like we're in an area of activity, or some type of town, but then the tent is surrounded by plains.
>The man before you, laying atop an ornate rug.
idk if this is a style you're trying to use, but it comes off as bad grammar/syntax. idk the technical term off the top of my head, but it sounds like a sentence fragment.
>In his hand, rose petals pressed against his nose, as if he was trying to stuff them. Desperately.
stuff them in his nose? i think you could just simplify this sentence
>He notices you and out of a jar, grabs a handful of petals, offering these to you.
simplify

>1>Accept
>2>Decline
>2>Suit yourself, savage.

here's how i would rewrite it with all that in mind:

There is movement all around you. Horses wander in circles. A man hammers at a post. Cages are loaded with prisoners and one of the guards shouts orders. Their eyes peer out from the rags wrapped around their heads.

Far away from the bustling market is a single tent, a lone island before the plains beyond. You approach it and find a man within, lying atop an ornate rug. He presses rose petals against his nose, as if he could inhale them. He notices you and offers some out of a glass jar.

>>20931838
2k words. i'm just starting up again after taking a break to apply for jobs and it's pretty tough. the longer you stay in the habit the easier it is to meet the goal

>>20931604
Thanks anon. maybe i need to find a screenwriting group or something

>>20932023
Yes I'm trying to ape someone without really understanding them. I just can't place my visuals right.
It's not working, wanting to replicate a visual style and translate to another styel in writing. I am confused.

How can I write like you? It's either that or unloading a nice beautiful .45 in my brain.

Also you know, flowers were used to mask certain smells back then

>>20932015
That sounds great as well! I will give it a try.

>>20932036
>Yes I'm trying to ape someone without really understanding them. I just can't place my visuals right. It's not working, wanting to replicate a visual style and translate to another styel in writing. I am confused.

i think what you should do is imagine the scene visually, like in your mind's eye, then just try to write down what you see, as though you were describing it for a friend. you can go back later and edit it so it's sharper, but just focus on "transcribing" what you "see" rather than trying to sound a certain way.


>How can I write like you? It's either that or unloading a nice beautiful .45 in my brain.
don't try to write like anyone else. just listen to the voice in your head and write down what it says. also read more things written by great writers or writers that you like.

>Also you know, flowers were used to mask certain smells back then
this didn't come across to me-- especially since his tent was in the middle of some plains, i wasn't thinking there would be a source for a stench. i thought he was doing a drug or something. maybe describe a stench or describe something that would smell bad.

>>20932066
This is too hard, thanks for the feedback anon.
It's going to take me at least a decade to make my game then.

I'm grateful I didn't post my dialogue then but I haven't improved at all, I haven't even started on that.

>>20932100
of course.
>this is too hard. It's going to take me at least a decade to make my game then.
just keep in mind that every writer you admire thought this about their own project at some point.

>>20932163
They had the genetic potential. I swear by eugenics, I don't have writer genes and this is quickly becoming evident.

>>20932179
>They had the genetic potential. I swear by eugenics, I don't have writer genes and this is quickly becoming evident.
>This level of bitch talk.

>>20932192
People are just genetic code, algorithms. Any great writer was a great writer from birth, it works like this for anything.
I AM inferior.

>>20932235
Using all these gay deterministic terms makes you a leftist. I bet you suck cocks, lots of em.

>>20932435
>>20932435
I am logical, I am using reason you imbecile.
People are lines of code, dead or alive, no difference.

Why would you let being a shitty writer stop you from writing?

>>20932483
Because it's shitty, no one is going to like it.
Even the RPGMaker guys are better writers than me. I am here busting my ass making assets and it's for nothing.

>>20932492
>Because it's shitty, no one is going to like it.
Even if it is like fifty people, people will like anything.
And anyways, if you like it, that's one person.

I was tapping on the keyboard when I noticed a distinct smell. It was unmistakable. The odorous musk wafted around my office. Not even the old, musty air inside my poor old aunt Hilary's coffin could could cause such a foul smell. It was Zareth. He stood with a bright smile on his face, blissfully unaware of the discomfort he caused.

"Hey Kenny, you wanted to speak with me the other day?"
"Uh yeah..."

The miasmic odor hindered my judgement. It could have been finished there. I could have told him he stunk and needed to practice proper hygiene, but the words could not come out of my mouth. As if his pollen of muck cast a spell over my mouth, prohibiting the necessary words to be said. I wanted to; tow distinct words raced across my brain. The two most important words that needed to be said to finally conquer and save this daily torture of nausea. My stomach churned the as the smell began to linger. It grew stronger, overwhelming my mind. My courage began to falter, and soon the words that were so clear disappeared into indescribable feelings of panic and escape. I needed Zareth to leave immediately. I spoke.

"Don't worry about it."
"Cool man, see you later."

He left. I slumped over in complete defeat and agony. I failed once again to tell the man with the stench fouler than a corpse, to clean himself. Ashamed of my inability, I could do only one thing.

I opened the window to help dissipate what was left of Zareth's presence.

>>20932066
>>20932023
>>20932163
Don't bother, man. He's not going to read any of your advice.

>>20932179
>>20932235
There was obviously a genetic factor, you cannot write if you are an absolute retard, but you are ignoring nurture: basically all of great writers of the past received intensive high-quality education and copious practice from their early childhood into their adulthood. A random bastard who decided to start writing in their 20s, with no much prior knowledge and no much reading, cannot simply hope to reach a fraction of their sublimity.

>>20932435
I do not give a fuck about politics, but are leftists not the ones who tend to be humanists and have high expectations on other humans? Rightists seem to be fucking apes who want to be nothing but retarded monkeys and want to force everyone to be as savage and beastly as them.

>>20932492
We went through this already anon. You write better than I can!c compared with my assassin story, your writing felt like a published pro! Better than even Edgar Allan Poe!

This is wrong of me but the fact that I keep running into people who, despite being better than me produce nothing, motivates me to try harder.

Where do I get started with writing poetry? I've never really tried it before, maybe I'll be better at it than prose. I would like to try traditional, structured poetry, I feel like it would be like solving a puzzle, trying to put the right words in the right order to keep the rhythm while also getting the correct meaning/emotion across.

>>20932519
Are you calling me a retard? I don't care about writing past a decent level of quality, it's a tool.
I'm not political although I'd be closer to the left, I prefer to use my very own axis of politics I am an antihuman and strict materialist.
>>20932521
I won't lie, because I have mileage, close to 4 digits of high quality films my ideas are better than yours. But your writing is better.

>>20932511
Why are you posting this smelly man story? I hope you compile it, edit it, then send it to the minimag. It's making for a hilarious short story.

>>20932540
Not at all. Your ideas and writing is far superior to mine! I couldn't even write a guy getting stabbed!

>>20932541
I'll be quite honest, it's a semi autobiography.

>>20932483
>Why would you let being a shitty writer stop you from writing?
Because as much as I like to pretend that I don't care about what others think about me, I do in fact care very much, and I would rather not write anything at all than be known as a terrible writer.

>>20932510
No they won't. You have to be good.
Even Brandon Sanderson tier prose sould do enough for my projects.

Writing an excerpt.
Title : To you, the other one

You met the love of your life at the age of sixteen. You were in sport classes, and your first impression of her was that she seemed like a nice person. She smiled at you, and you smiled back. Little talks began, then the class. She tried to get your attention by writing pastel colors on her sport sheet. You only responded with somewhat amused expressions.

Days, then a few weeks passed. Your first kiss with her was a disaster : she took you by surprise and your teeth made contact. You grumbled and kissed her back, somewhat indulging in the feeling. You had never kissed anyone with such plump lips. Butterflies seemed to flutter in your stomach.

At this specific moment, you knew you were in love and nothing ever, ever felt like this.

Just before your relationship fifth anniversary, in college, she left you. A strange feeling welled up in the pit of your stomatch : you realized you were truly alone for the first time in five years. The weight of loneliness won't go away for the next years of your life.

Your thirtieth birthday happened during a normal day. You went back home from work to sit on the couch and drink beers. You watched TV and then, the realization slowly settled in, your mouth opening up to let out a weak sigh, "I'm thirty, now."

Indeed, you were thirty, now. You picked up your phone : it didn't beep the whole day, you knew, and yet you still went to check if someone remembered you today. After the wifi went on, the phone beeped briefly. You face lit up in anticipation : it was an automatic message from your e-mail service provider, wishing you a good birthday.

You went to bed early that night.

The next day, you woke up and went to work, driving on empty roads. The office doors refused to open when you pulled up the latch. You supposed nobody had arrived yet. It was after ten minutes that you realized there were no cars in the street.

A week passed where you just hanged in the city and observed the changes in your surroundings, looking for living creatures. Now, a few things were clearer : humans and pets were gone. Internet worked like usual, but the last recorded activity on all the forums you've visited was a week ago at midnight.

Humanity disappeared.

The next night, you dreamt of her again. You remembered that the last time you dreamt of her was five years ago. You immediately tried to wake up to stop what you called an unhealthy habit, but then decided otherwise. There was nothing to look forward in the real world.

Your vision cleared and you were both 16 again, debating on a bench about who was the most intelligent character in Death Note. She listened to your autistic ramblings, and when you paused because she kept staring, she told you she loved you.

The dream stopped, and this time when you woke up, you wished to do it all over again.

This time when you woke up, you woke up in the old crappy bedroom you shared with your brother when you were young.

>>20932540
>Are you calling me a retard?
No, I was speaking hypothetically. You can write, so you are not retarded.

>>20932537
Poetry's main differences from prose are musicality, imagery, and emotivity. Learn prosody, rhetorical figures, be more emotional. Read more poetry from reknown poets.
>I would like to try traditional, structured poetry
A couple of months ago I read Borges' thoughts on this: he advises to start with traditional forms rather than blank/free verse so you can develop a sense of rhythm. Your choice is the correct one.
I recommend the books "Poetic Designs" by Stephen Adams and "Classic Writings on Poetry" by William Harmon for starters.

>>20931528
I'd read it. Keep us posted. Do you plan on making it into a novel or just a short story?

>>20932569
This might be a bit, but the sad thing is this is way too true to life.
Just woe is me, bemoaning their lack of skill while still finding ways to act superior.

>>20932586
Deja Vu
>>20932586
The advice someone gave me above, I just need dialogue and good descriptions of places, literally all I need. How long is it going to take? 2 years? I don't care if you or anyone else don't think such specialization is not possible, i'll make it so. Answer me, now.

>>20932566
>and I would rather not write anything at all than be known as a terrible writer.
So write it and don't share it.

If my prose and plotting were the greatest in the world, I would not fucking share some of the shit I've written, but I wrote it for myself.

Don't let mind shit fuck up your hobby.

>>20931838
Zero; I just critique.

>>20932586
>>20932604
I recently found this site that looks quite useful to learn and practice prosody:
https://prosody.lib.virginia.edu/

I also recommend you read "Peri Bathos" by Alexander Pope so you avoid the most serious mistakes, and "Introduction to Logic" by Irving Copi so you do not write retardation.

>>20932656
How long will it take? Might be easier to just hire a writer.

>>20932571
An amusing read, though I doubt that was your intention.
Personally, I do not like second-person narratives, as I feel it is being forced on me rather than letting me penetrate inside and immerse myself. You do you.
The plot could be interesting if you work on the writing.

>>20932668
The hell you talking about...?

>>20932668
nigger why would I hire a writer if I wanted to write shit myself? dumb ass retard cunt bitch. Do you know where you are?

Where did all these well intentioned newfags come from at the same time to talk to the samefagging "i suck/bad genetics/disco elysium" schizo that posts the same trash shitposts every single day - all day?

It just posts anything for attention, ignore it.

>>20932680
How long until I'm decent just like the anon that fixed my shit above, bitch?

>>20932810
Once you reach F Gardner levels of attention here.

>>20932817
Tell me, now.

>>20932810
>>20932821
That depends on you, fool:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eW6Eagr9XA

>>20932827
The fucking 10k hours again? Pulling the plug on writing then rather get someone to do it for me.

>>20932839
Watch the video, retard.

>>20932845
I don't have time right now.
Tell me right now and here. How long?

You guys know singular 'they' is grammatically incorrect?

I keep getting mogged by semicolons. At first I think they’re used for connecting two independent clauses, then I see them used by writers in a way where it seems to connect and independent and dependent clause together.

I’m starting to get tingle in my brain telling me that I have no idea what makes a clause independent or dependent in the first place.

>>20932873
Semicolons are a meme. The two functions which make sense are the connection of two independent clauses, and the separation of items in a list. But then you have people using them where you can just use a comma, as you say. And that's not a mistake either; people like Henry James just throw them in wherever they feel like it and they obviously know what they're doing.

>>20932883
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th-zyfvwDdI

>>20932883
I kneel before the semi-colon-em-dash.

I have an issue with any form of storytelling I attempt where I'm able to put a lot of thematic depth and intent in my dialogue but I can't do the same for the actual structure or style. Even when I tried writing a screenplay, all the integrity was in the dialogue instead of how I envisioned the filmmaking technique. I guess this means I'm better suited for plays than novels but I really want to do a novel instead. My prose style is just not good enough right now.

>>20932888
This is a well articulated video but it doesnt contradict what I said. The beginning describes the "throw them in instead of commas" thing I mentioned. Also at the end he says that they're very rarely used before conjunctions but I think this was less true in the past.

>>20932817
That is actually a pretty good way of gauging it. I cringe when people start saying they write like Joyce or some other old great writer. Unironically focus on trying reach the bar that’s been set here. Which is F. Gardner, like it or not.

>>20932904
I agree. I also use them before conjunctions if the following sentence has commas.

>>20932928
Well said kek

I once fucked a man just to watch him cum.

>>20932942
Ok Gardner.

>>20931469
>Sharing
>People
Ahahahahah
Its like you think someone with schizophrenia has friends or something!

>>20932817
>>20932928
I knew you were being ironic... LOL

>>20932861
Grammar evolves over time. We would all be speaking PIE if it didn't.

>>20933013
Yes ah, backwards just is evolving it

>>20932999

>That Gardnerian prose.

F Sama…..your writing…..it flows!

>>20933030
That's true. English used to have a neuter pronoun: hit. So we're sort of recreating something we lost.

If you were really a purist, you'd demand people use 'it' as a general neutral personal pronoun instead of 'they'.

>>20931528
I feel like it should be more like The Overcoat, where him falling in love actually makes him work harder so he can advance the relationship. He cleans up his act, finds purpose. Then when he doesn't get it and his girl breaks up with him, he's devastated. It makes it easier for him to snap later and hospitalize her robber. Maybe a touch of irony here too, where it turns out he got the wrong guy.

>>20933120
I see, but the thing is that, since 'it' is also used for objects, it would be objectifying and dehumanizing.
By the way, the use of "they" in the pic is not the neutral "they", but rather examples of anacoluthon, where the genders are known but there is no correspondence.

>>20932861
Cram it transphobe.

>>20931999
Lyrics are usually dogshit. How you say it and the music helping you say it makes all the difference.

>>20928392
I'm so jaded by the sensibility of cosmopolitan cities where everything you write is expected to be at lest to some degree propaganda for whatever take is fashionable at the moment. I just want a simpler life. Hide myself in an agrarian country and work the fields in the day and write by night just for a handful of friends who may want to read it. I've heard Vietnam is nice. What do you think, bros?

>>20933372
I think you might be romanticizing an existence of which you have no first-hand experience.

>>20932511
lol how did this happen?

>Why do you carry that necklace around? I always see you grip it whenever you (Insert word that isn't transform here)
>Oh, this? It's a memento. Just helps me concentrate and get "Pumped" so to speak.
I need to fix this

>>20933419
The site says it uses the quality of the vocabulary to estimate the IQ. The anon there used many a different, varied, distinct, choice and cromulent word, so the algorithm proclaimeth geniality.

I want to start writing children's books
How to get started?

>>20933582
Well first off, NOOOOOOOO DICKS.

Parents hate that shit.

>>20933596
I like dicks but only if they make up with the protagonist and become friends

>>20928392
Is there any spic here? What's the best way to get published for us?

>>20931999
You poor fucking moron, lyrics dont matter unless we have music.

Jim morrison clearly wasnt too worried about this
>>20932827
CHUNKING? Not this again, I am inferior from birth. I'll never be a good writer I can't, I'm too old to start.
If you're not doing it at 5 then you never will. I am genetically inferior, I worship eugenics.

>>20932810
fuck off sponge

>>20932810
>sponge is the avatarfag
get fucked sponge

>>20933605
Spic here, best way to get published is having me critique your writing. There's no other way.

>>20932827
Fucking retard.
10K hours and more bullshit steps to be good at a dying art?
SOCIETY IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO COLLAPSE IN SOME MONTHS and this is what you want me to do? WRITE?

>His face communicated nothing even resembling levity, as if he couldn't even conceive the notion of relief or calm.
"That guy? Look, if we're to talk about him, I want you to listen carefully to everything I'm about to say. Write it down if you have to."
>I was about to raise a finger at that, but I couldn't argue with that face. Instead, I slowly nodded and paid every cent of my attention.
"He... Well, I don't know where he came from. Nobody does. What I do know is that you should never even be in the same area as he is. Avoid him like the plague, because, well, he's something else I tell you. The word "Monster" gets tossed around a lot in terms of describing certain creatures, but I'd only call them beasts. Him? He's a godforsaken monster, and I'd rather slit my own throat than be convinced otherwise."
>I spoke up
"What's the difference between a beast and a monster?"
>He mildly nodded his head while muttering
"A beast is, at least in my eyes, something that is strong and intimidating, but at least makes sense within what it actually is. Like that thing that appeared over Paris. Sure, it possesses strange properties, but it's an alien, and it being so strange is kind of par for the course. A monster, however, is something that breaks it's own logic in terms of how powerful and scary it is. This describes him to a T, and if you've seen him in action you'd understand why"
Meh

>>20933685
you're going to eat my cummies sponge

>>20933605
I've thought about this. There aren't a lot of literate spics out there. Off the top of my head, I can only think of Daniel Orozco and Junot Diaz. You'd think these woke publishers would be champing at the bit to have something published by one of us. Submit something to an agent, see what happens. Add all the current buzzwords in your pitch to draw their attention, and if you're really desperate, toss in a they/them next to your name.

started yesterday, not done:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FA_jvbSYK9XNxaoeI65ifEioLB_Uwf1UQoFeyC6XIHo/edit?usp=sharing

and i wrote this the other day. in need of refinement probably but i'm not going to revisit it for a while until i can look at it with fresh eyes:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11-TRDIkt5f7J3aWNg5rmhnlAPFXBP1gHtDEv7bD_mZE/edit

>paragraphs
yes, you're right; i like long ones. it's my career out the fucking window and my shame as an artist. :(

>>20933710
Dude society is about to end thanks to the recession, what are you doing writing lmao?

>>20933713
well, i've had a tough life, so it doesn't make so much of a difference to me when everyone dies and the gospels are revealed; it's like in that south park episode where kenny's dad is in the truck with kyle's dad, who comments on it being the weekend. "every day is the weekend when you're unemployed." simple as. i'll do what i've always done when hellfire rains and we're all sent to the pitch.

600 words today
T'was a chorin day
I still refuse to market
I will achieve my goals

>>20933713
>>20933719
jig's up sponge

>>20933713
>Dude society is about to end thanks to the recession
Society didn't end in the 1930s, society didn't end in the 1970s, society didn't end in 2008, why will society end now?

My game will have nonsensical almost gibberish dialogue that only makes sense to me since its an adaptation of my imaginary film for my real conceptual comic
Im playing the part of a director adapting and then adapting my own work again

I am my own audience, fuck the rest
It will be a commercial failure but its for me and my mom, thanks for reading this /agdg/
Ill commit suicide shortly after finishing this, I do not care
>>20933760
Because there are more people, duh? When Germany starts to freeze and collapse the entire EU comes down and then America and China.
We are all going to die soon

Thought I'd come check out the writing general again but it's still the same autistic attentionwhore avatarposting and everyone else humoring him.
JFC

>>20933665
Rate my writing, style wise:

"Arriving in Toronto airport, I thought I had landed in India. The security guard is a poojeeta that greeted me. The immigration officer is a poojeet. The taxi driver who solicited a ride is a ... poojeet. I went to Tim Hortons, a coffee store, and the cashier is a poojeeta. Her brown feces coated hands made my coffee and brought my donuts. This country is so brown. If you want the Indian experience without visiting Mumbai, just visit Toronto.

The poojeets have over taken white people working at the airport. The baggage handlers are blacks and poojeets."

>>20933782
>>20933786

>20933786
Not giving this attention whore anymore (You)s.

>Because there are more people, duh? When Germany starts to freeze and collapse the entire EU comes down and then America and China.
>We are all going to die soon
It's just Germany that's going to freeze, and that won't kill everyone. The krauts have survived hard winters before, and there's no reason what would collapse the entire EU when France can still act as a dominant political force in it. Not to mention that the EU is now more unified than ever because of Russia's recent aggression. America may have outsourced it's manufacturing to China but it still has the resource and labor base to stand on it's own, and definitely has the agricultural production to feed itself and still export some. I don't know how bad it may get in China but hard times are expected in China's history.
The world isn't going to end because of a single recession. To much /pol/ habbening obsession has ruined your brain. We will all just be poor for a few years. Society doesn't just fall into anarchy over some cyclical economic woes. You are a neurotic, mentally ill faggot. If a simple recession makes you piss your pants you wouldn't have made it even 50 years ago. Please do kill yourself. YWNBAW (You will never be a writer).

>>20933802
lmao people are going to eat each other and you call that nothing?

>20933814
I will personally fly over to France, fuck a blonde bitch in front of you, then eat you myself after burning a CD copy of Disco Asylum, bitch boy.

>>20933817
Ill kill you, filthy parasite, looping cunt.
I'll kill and shit on you

>20933821
I'll fuck you inside out. I'll piss the cum out of you. I'll ravenously consume your flesh and put and end to your misery. You should welcome me and the death I will bring you if you so truly wanted to die. I promise not to make it too humiliating. You call me a parasite while you shit up these threads with your pathetic, incessant, attention-whore bitching? I am an animal with a nature to kill, chained up by the cage of society. I am a tiger. And yes, yes, I will break free from my cage and rain down fury all over your pathetic miserable wormlike dredge of your existence.

>>20932492
Everytime I see this guy out of character he's doing some crazy shit

>>20933835
kid named tiger

You think you caj insult le don pauvre
Don Pavra!
Clearly mistaken, you lack any sort of honor, I pity you small penguin man

I notice a lot of writers in mathematics use 'we' even when there's a singular author. Is this really the best way? Are there any good books on writing mathematical topics well?

>>20933858
Shut the fuck up kid namer math

I am jerking my cock right now, to the thought of my moral superiority over you tiger boy
Ive won the argument youre a sad sad child

>20933865
Masturbation is not moral superiority. But what do I care about moral superiority? I am a tiger. That does not change the fact that you will never be a good writer, no matter how much you shit up these threads and suck the cock of Disco Elysium. Calling me a sad, sad child when you're the one who won't shut up about killing yourself.

Killing yourself is true rational action!
Mygame will have intentional gibberish Ido not care

reading some post from the start of this thread and jumping to the bottom is so fucking sad. How much IRL time did you spend waiting for the other person to respond? Im sure it's a sad amount

>>20933886
kid named sad

>>20933858
I think it's a hold over from lectures. When being taught or teaching, the teacher tends to use "we" a lot to help the student follow along with what to do. Since many mathematical works are proofs or something where the author has to write out methodology, it's only natural they would use "we" out of habit.

Please give me general formatting/stylistic ideas for structuring my poetry book so I know what not to do
Any ideas replied to this post I will immediately throw out & never use
Thank you,
Fucking Faggots

>>20934133
And ehat about my game eh?

Don't. The world has enough terrible poetry. You're welcome.

>>20931104
I'm on the ground floor right now, but maybe one day I'll be able to hire all you guys.


>>20931250
Nope, I've just worked in government/IGO's until now. Maybe a report on education in Afghanistan, but I'm not credited in it.

How do you fix fast pacing?

>>20934150
Well, I guess now I have to.

>>20933120
I'm actually fine with that. I use "it" to refer to trannies sometimes.
But still, simply assuming he/she, or using "he" as gender neutral is the best option. Just like how it's done in two other languages I speak (Russian and Spanish)

How long does it take you for to develop a story idea?

>>20934606
All my life

>>20934606
My problem is trying to finish it

I posted this in a prior thread.

I am about 15k words in my story. Its about a whore mongering salary man, who is obsessed with career advancement, despite having absolutely no passion for his work. The only excitement he gets is from stealing from his office, and his hookers.
He falls in love with a woman, and as they fall deeper and deeper into love, his performance at work suffers and his future promotion is questioned.
Eventually, they break up, and it is entirely his fault. He falls back into his old habits, until he finds out his ex-gf has been attacked.
He finds out who attacks them, puts them in the hospital, gets fired, gets arrested, gets sentenced to time in prison.
When he sees his ex-gf who he has been trying to get into contact with via letter writing, he decided that the only thing he regrets is that he didnt steal more shit from his office.

What do you guys think. I am finding it really hard to decide on actual events that happen. I have spent alot of time building the character, how he thinks and describing the environment and his motonours routine. But I find it very diiffult thinking about specific events that drive the story forward.

>>20934725
my idea was to try and emulate the format of "memories of my melancholy whores" by GGM

but that is much easier said than done.

>>20934725
Sounds pretty good. Then again ideas mean nothing, execution is where it counts

Does anyone here make at least minimum wage self publishing? Give me some motivation. In my first month, I only made £0.70 an hour.

>>20934776
Nope. I made $20 over 6 months

Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q9) Genre indecipherable. Confusing synopsis with no clear beginning, middle and end. Pass. #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q8) Historical fiction. Opening not gripping enough and lacking in dialogue. Pass. #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q7) Historical fiction. Muddled submission and I couldn't engage with the voice or concept. Pass. #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q6) Described as a thriller but feels more like a sci-fi. Opening too quiet, not enough happening. Pass. #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q5) Contemporary women's fiction. High concept with a strong voice. Will get a second read! #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q4) Genre unclear. Either a sci-fi or a dystopia. Too bleak for me and not character-driven enough. Pass. #TenQueries


Saskia Leach @saskialeach_ · Feb 8
Q3) Thriller. A chilling opening that had me a holding my breath. A definite second read! #TenQueries

https://mswishlist.com/queries

Knights in shining armor on my branch. Defeat them every time but envy them still. The margin snail patiently claims the future but he doesn't remember the present.

>>20934725
Rarely do you see stories with a depressive ending like this, but I'll echo the sentiment of one of the previous replies and say I like the themes of the story and think it could be very good once finished, and something I'd like to read.

>>20934922

Like the other anon said, I guess it is all about execution. I want the ending to actually be kind of funny and positive.
I want to show that his effort at his job was trivial and that he now understands what is really important to him. He found passion again, and all the things that once stressed him out don't matter.

>>20934776
I make around $50/month. Guess I should be glad I make anything, but I'm gonna die all the same

>>20934935
Are you writing this from a personal point of view? As in, have you had a relevant background experience? I'm only asking as a curiosity, since that may make the narrative feel very real.

>>20934947
How many stories do you have out and how many words are they?

>>20934606
Depends is the easy answer. I'll come up with short stories from nothing and have them plotted beginning to end within hours and bigger things can take months. I used to blaze through outlining to get to the actual writing but found that actually putting effort into planning has helped. Thankfully that hasn't translated to never writing, so eventually I'm always going to get started on my bigger ideas.
Hell I just have to finish up a shorter one today and I'm starting on the bigger one.

Is there any good book or website listing character traits and traumas for inspiration?

>>20934947
Can you tell us about the quality of your book cover?
Did you advertise at all? If so, where and how long.

it's so difficult to write before work
my thoughts can't flow
all I can think about is having to leave home in a couple hours

Feather Flores @featherfully · 1d

Agents! Hello! This thread is a great excuse to remind you that cozy fantasy & sci-fi is explicitly on my #MSWL! I WILL BUY IT, please let me buy it, thank you & happy long weekend

https://mswishlist.com/mswl

>>20934959
Yes and now. The salary man and relationship stuff is coming from personal experience

The character and the rest of the stuff that happens is fiction and embellissement

>>20935064
I had the same issues. That's why I started writing after work instead, where the only thing I have to worry about is my bed time. If I'm really on a roll, I'll write right past that.

>>20935034
I illustrate my own covers. I don't think the quality matters much, I've seen shit with terrible covers sell better. I also did no advertising beyond posting on my blog.

>>20934962
Eight at the moment. They're between 80-100k

Editor from publishing house sends buy request to literary agents

Feather Flores @featherfully · 1d

Agents! Hello! This thread is a great excuse to remind you that cozy fantasy & sci-fi is explicitly on my #MSWL! I WILL BUY IT, please let me buy it, thank you & happy long weekend

>>20934725
You already posted this in this thread. See my reply above.

>>20932593
novela or maybe short novel, we'll see how much I can and want to expand on. What I find difficult is the specific actions. I feel really confident describing the monotony of the job, and how he feels as he falls in love. Its the actions that drive the story forward that I find difficult


>>20933129
I like that idea, im going to try and find this book. I think the akaky charcter has similarities with mine, but more meek

>>20935508
yea im dumb, I thought it was in a dead thread, my bad

>>20934725
Have you read Leaving Las Vegas?

>>20934606
As long as it takes you to finish the story. You can’t work it all out in advance.

>>20935064
>>20935222
Schopenhauer, the good writer and great philosopher, advises to do the intellectual stuff early in the morning because we are full of energy and our minds are clear.
How about having everything work-related prepared way ahead of going to work so you do not have to worry...?

>>20935277
That shit's too long. Who the hell has the time to read 80-100K words? If the text is that long, I will only read it if it is classic literature.
If you have the ability to hook enough people to make $50/month, then you can probably attract even more readers with shorter stuff.

>>20935887
>Who the hell has the time to read 80-100K words?
You're kidding me, right?

>>20935929
No, I'm adulting you, left.

>>20935363
>cozy fantasy & sci-fi
What is this?

Help. I finished reading Fall in the House of Usher, and I couldn't understand any of the vocabulary and prose. I got the gist of the plot, but the reading level is far too high for me.

Can I read something easier? Like Brandon Sanderson books?

>>20935959
my book

>>20935887
>How about having everything work-related prepared way ahead of going to work so you do not have to worry...?
there's nothing work related to worry about except work itself

>>20935968
Give us the synopsis.

>>20935986
it's science fiction except comfy

>>20935959
>>20935993
when I think of comfy + sci-fi I think coffee-house with aliens

>>20935993
Like a space ship with throw pillows?

>>20935993
A slice of life anime on a lunar colony, perhaps?

>>20936014
>>20936015
>>20936024
here's my first chapter

Okay, how about this for a cozy fantasy? It's a fantasy world with witches that make potions and shit. Except our main character is a total screw up that sucks at potions and can only make magical muffins. A witch that bakes muffins. It will be called MUFFIN WITCH.

>>20935959
they have cozy mysteries
in a cozy mystery:
Amateur Sleuth
Little Old Lady Investigates
Detective Animal
Lighter and Softer
Magical Realism
Friendly Ghost
Psychic Powers
Pun-Based Title
Red Herring
Who Murdered the Asshole
are common tropes

>>20936041
Soooo... it's Euro Truck Simulator but in space
I like the idea. It was kind of jarring earlier though when I had to re-read a bit to find where Violet was introduced. Otherwise, nice stuff anon

>>20936066
it's 19th century new england but in space
>It was kind of jarring earlier though when I had to re-read a bit to find where Violet was introduced.
can you be more specific? Not sure what you mean
I have been over this chapter a lot, so it's getting harder for me to tell what's unclear when I read through it
>Otherwise, nice stuff anon
thanks

>>20936074
NTA. You only give her first name, which is violet, so the reader doesn't realize it's a name and not a word for color.

>>20936079
ohhhhh

>>20936074
Pretty much what this >>20936079 anon said. Thought you were talking about the color of Aegis or something.

Since this is my blog, I wanted to let you know I rewrote an entire chapter today. It feels a lot bettet now. More focused than before.

>>20936084
yeah, thanks, I hadn't even considered that might be confusing
I've been thinking of changing her name anyway
what's a good 19th century women's name?

Question, anons. If I read through my draft and it made me yawn a few times, does that mean I have to start rewriting? Or is that just me getting bored of stuff I've gone through over and over again?

>>20935887
>Who the hell has the time to read 80-100K words?
That's a standard novel. If you don't have the time to read one 80k book then you won't have the time for two 40k books either. And if you want to take the jew angle, then kindle pays you by pages read too, so it's in your best interests to write longer books that also stay compelling. But I don't give a fuck about that, I write because I enjoy it and my stories are not one page longer or shorter than they need to be.

>>20936041
Perused the text, liked it
but if I could ask for one thing: maybe a link to the pastebin or something? the picture strains my eyes too much

>>20936102
It means your brain has shortage of oxygen

>>20936102
the famous writers revise their books and average of six times after the rough draft. each revision is less and less work

>>20936099
Charlotte, Mary, Margaret, Elizabeth, Louisa

>>20936099
I think it'd be better if you first started thinking of how exactly the Victorian Era would work in a spacefaring society, then start thinking of what kind of names would become popular in such a period.
Like, yeah, you can go put in your Elizabeths and your Florences and your Coras, though a reader might be put off when they start thinking 'oh it's JUST 19th century New England but in space'.
You still want some nuance here and there, and I think names are a good place to start.

>>20936102
my writing philosophy is like this
if a scene doesn't add value to the themes of the story, it's not worth keeping. even simply advancing the plot isn't enough. a well written scene or chapter will stand up to repeated scrutiny because it's intrinsically valuable to promoting the message of the work as a whole.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: good writing is self-evident.

Realizing I'm gonna have to start a TikTok account to promote my books. I've got five excellent titles on the market at the moment, but I can't afford to run ads. Pray for my soul.

>>20936102
Be more critical and try to see what draws the most attention in your paragraphs. Are there points where you are showing some kind of conflict, raising a question of some kind? It can be as subtle as you want. I wrote a chill scene recently and one character is compared to another literary character, when he was chilling too, except if you are familiar with that story it evokes a betrayal. So even when it could get a little too relaxed I do try to at least hint that something is not okay, something to worry about.

>>20936130
lmao maybe
>>20936135
I see. I'm *this* close to trashing roughly 16,000 words. Six more times then, I suppose.
>>20936150
So more or less, if I feel that it's shit, then into the trash it goes, right? That bit about making sure the scene promotes the themes of the story is very insightful though. I'll remember that.
>>20936164
I'll make sure to ask myself these questions when I go over the draft. Maybe there's something in there worth keeping. I feel that there is, but the way I wrote those parts are too shoddy.

Thank you very much for the advice, anons. May you all get published someday.

>>20936163
How frequently do booktokkers have to post for engagement? I read that Insta is the least time sensitive ( twice a week?) format so I thought that might be better if you wanted more time to write.

>>20936128
here you go:
https://pastebin.com/raw/X7Ljvnai
>>20936138
these are good, thanks!
>>20936142
this is definitely a fear. Of course, I want the reader to walk backward from the feeling of time and place into the association rather than be told what it is. I'll need to think about how to avoid hitting them over the head with it via names that are obviously evocative of a time period.

>>20936182
Not sure. I've tried a couple tester videos, with one making it to ~40,000 views. I'd probably post a couple per week tops. IG's more or less dead for book promotion. You essentially need to pay for promotion if you want anyone to see your content. Organic expansion is gone on IG.

So, how are your guys projects actually going? Shit? Good? You're not actually working on anything?

>>20936205
Yeah, because I can already see someone thinking like, 'why are these people using old-ass names even if they can already go to Mars and shit?'
Although that could also be a good plot point. Like, there's a big authority that's trying to emulate something like the Victorian British Empire, and one of their policies is to mandate the use of certain names to 'preserve our heritage' and whatnot.

>>20936181
>So more or less, if I feel that it's shit, then into the trash it goes, right
If the scene contains critical plot events then I'd probably try to salvage it first, but if not (or if it proves too difficult) then bin it and come up with something else as needed.

>>20936223
My problem is, yeah, the terrible scenes in question are critical to the plot. I think there's a few gems in there, but the overall presentation might just be too shoddy considering how important these scenes are. I'll recast but keep those gems and get back to it after a day or so with fresh eyes.

>>20931588
Kek

>>20936217
good, i'm up to 30k, about a 1/3 of the way to the end
i wish i could write more words per day
every day i write, i write a little more
in twenty year's time i'll be up to 10k words a day

>>20936240
the best advice I can give then is to re-write these scenes with new events; re-write them in such a way that the outcome it leads to is more-or-less the same for the rest of the narrative, but gives you much more creative leeway in the scene itself. sometimes you might even be able to invent entirely new plot threads that wouldn't have existed otherwise.

>>20936272
Huh, I see. To be honest, I've never thought of that.
I'll try that out then, anon. I think I can come up with something better than I've got now.
The long and short of it is that the story is about a time traveler who tries to change the past. Cliche, but I want to show just how brutally stupid the whole idea is by having him screw up at every opportunity.
The scene I'm pertaining to has him trying to catch someone important to him in the past, but he ends up killing that person instead.
Thanks again for the advice.

>>20936217
Doing okay so far. Trying to write at least an hour a day so I can cram it between being a wagie and other shit. My progress is slow as a result, though it's better than nothing, really.

>>20936270
>in twenty year's time i'll be up to 10k words a day
That is a decent goal considering that 10k is something that people who do it for a living manage. And those guys are generally seen as the more productive of the lot.

>>20936221
>why are those people using old ass names?
dude, people still use old-ass names, Anita; Noah, Andreas, Julius, just to name a few
You don't need to call your daughter J3NN-Ey in 2230
>that does however sound like something a lower class lout would do
https://www.oldest.org/ancient/list-of-ancient-names-for-boys-and-girls/

>also one of the oldest recorded names is Anitta

>>20936370
Of course, people still do that. Though as I've talked about with the other anon, we wouldn't want to be too heavy-handed with the time period his story is trying to reflect (19th century New England).
At the very least, try to make it make sense in the narrative (i.e. people are required to name their kids Florence, Elizabeth, Oliver, etc.).
Like, why would a spacefaring society be like the 19th century anyway? Is it because there's an authority trying to larp as Victorians or other old-timey people? You know, just tidbits to give the setting more nuance.

>>20936403
>Like, why would a spacefaring society be like the 19th century anyway?
frankly it's hard to do a colony/empire relationship WITHOUT invoking the 18th or 17th century

Start a new thread already or I will.

>>20936403
>Like, why would a spacefaring society be like the 19th century anyway?
Im not mad at you but this kind of inane worldbuilder question always bothers me. There could always be an explanation, and furthermore we might ask the same question about the society we live in today. Why? And especially for post-singularity cultures I have had a beta reader ask me "why arent the people soulless robots why do they practice religion and bake their own food and and and" come on is that what people really want? This idea that if we could be anything that every resemblance of human ideals must get obliterated is so awful. Can people not have reverence for these things even if they arent efficient? Why is efficiency so important?

>>20936442
you could invoke the ancient Romans

>>20936217
I've gotten 20,000 words written for the project in total. It's a weird one, not the stuff being written but the way it came about and I'm going to start the biggest part of it later today after some relaxation time.

>>20936470
When a critic/reader tries to articulate a solution, it's more useful to ignore their solution and focus on the underlying problem (something they're often unable to articulate as well). When that anon says
>Like, why would a spacefaring society be like the 19th century anyway?
it's really about a lack of verisimilitude (or else a lack of setup). If you've done things right, that question should never even enter the reader's head, in the same way we don't stop and question why animals can talk in Charlotte's Web. The solution is not about "why" but about "how" and "when". Style contributes to this as well. You establish the conceit early on and then continue to suspend disbelief through specific and concrete detail (and style).

>>20936524
>establish the conceit
Is there a particular way to do this? The earliest example of anachronism in my story I spend that entire paragraph explaining why culturally the anachronisms are important. So every time people ask
>why is there a phone
>why are they eating
>why are they working
They ought to remember that I already explained that.

>>20936545
NTA but I don't explain anything that doesn't directly reflect on a character
if it still needs to be explained and can't be organically assumed via character, then it gets deleted

>>20936553
Well it wasnt only to defend the story point, that culture is key to understanding the protagonists feelings. It is one of "extravagance", far from the utilitarianism that she might be accused of having, and part of her dynamic is sliding into this mindset.

>>20928747
>https://pastebin.com/eJ2BSf1w
I hate reading on the computer, but I really liked your first sentence anon! Might give it a shot

>>20928747
I read the first chapter, really liked it and will give a review after you release it. The feeling of tragedy and humiliation is really strong so I am already kind of invested in this kid.

>>20936452
I'm still waiting

What's the consensus on AO3?

>>20937214
I'm not allowed to post threads right now. IP nonsense. You do it please.

>>20937231
If you're not posting porn there, it's not the place to go.
On the other hand it does seem like a place to gather an audience.

>>20937285
Seemed like the offspring of fanfic, didn't want to get too deep. Thanks

>>20928392
Rate my newest essay, would prefer if the content was analyzed instead of the general grammar

https://adolfstalin.substack.com/p/a-quest-for-faith-in-phoniness

>Knocked out my short story.
>Got the first thousand words of my actual big project written and only stopped due to needing sleep.
Feels good bros.

>>20937326
Also wrote this a few days prior

https://adolfstalin.substack.com/p/the-metaphysical-crisis-of-the-mens

>>20937326
>>20937404
Is this a bit?

>>20937419
As in?

>>20937426
The combination of how messy the grammar is, the shitty pictures posted alongside it, the name. It feels like a parody of a substack.

New Bread: >>20937449
New Bread: >>20937449
New Bread: >>20937449

>>20937429
I know its a bit kooky but yeah I have a certain way of speaking, I guess. But those are just small potatoes. What about the actual content? Do I make good points?

>>20937459
>Kooky
No it's really not. Do you not realize how many of these kind of substacks there are out there, down to the specific off brand branch of a specific Christian belief that would just get you a confused look at a church.
You're asking about the content but I just started trying to profile you to figure out what navel gazing novel you'd be the protagonist of, because this form of substack is now so common.