/lit/ - Literature

I'm going to start using singular "they" in my posts because it's a great way to get free (You)s.

I saw a stunning girl in my rear-view mirror today. Spectacular blue eyes, red hair, delicate white skin with a few speckles; she couldn't have been older than 14, more likely closer to 12. There was a beauty I would love to possess. Even in my vishvarupa, with all eight iridescent legs splayed and trembling in the overwhelming radiance which emanates from the endless fibers of my cosmic web, I could not hope to match her. No, the highest aspiration I could hold would be to ensnare her, to artificially claim her beauty as my own. A red light held us together for an extended moment, a time I took in great gulps through wide open pupils, before green superseded red and sent us on our separate ways.

you ever think about that fateful day when you took a job at HR and think about how many other ways you could have gone? Like, why did the chaos that is the powers that be put you in a position where you text people named CANDY about handbooks instead of building a homestead for your family with your bear hand s and the sweat of your brow? why did the ultimate cosmic determinism lead you to lackying for faceless corporate entities instead of wielding your natural, inherent (some may say god given but its enough to just comprehend its power on its own merit without invoking deity) intellect and other mental faculties to carve a path less soul crushing, or at least meaningful enough to make the weight worth carrying (why shouldnt atlas shrug)? I do. I think about it a lot. I dont think there is an answer. though if there is, I bet it has something to do with cowardice in the face of living honestly as apposed to comfortably.

I'm a chinlet. God didnt grant me looks.

>>20883448
It's amusing how people come into these threads to argue over such meaningless bullshit like a accidental use of a singular "they" or to just accuse someone of being a communist because they have a different understanding on what makes someone wealthy. I can't imagine how pathetic one's life must be to for them to make that his pastime. Noticed how I used "his" instead of "they". Any woman would not be autistic and miserable enough to do that. Only a biological man with an XY chromosome would, even if they probably don't consider themselves to be a man.

>>20883472
but I bet he granted you a massive hog.

Sorry anon, but I can't let you post in this thread unless you tell me what book you're currently reading.

>>20883483
>t. brainwashed commie

>>20883489
just a chode :(

>>20883483
>Any woman would not be autistic and miserable enough to do that.
Oh boy, if only you knew how bad things really are

>>20883494
>>20883497
>>20883501
Sorry anons, but you didn't post what book you're reading. >>20883491
I'm afraid I'm going to have to coom on you now.

>>20883491
the white people and other stories bu arthur machen. pretty comfy. thanks for asking.

>>20883497
>"JUST" a chode
lucky

Between two ferns. One fern is the mundane world, rotted and idiotic. The other fern is the world of artifice, anemic, sycophantic and wretched.

>>20883507
by all means. I let all the homies hit.

>>20883432
I had a dream the other night where I saw a world where Tiberius Julius Caesar Germanicus had genocided every single last inhabitant of Germania and the Baltic, instead of only just 99% of them.

It was a beautiful world.

>>20883519
can you see in front of you? can you look behind? whats there? what happens when you look up?

>>20883483
Kek, it’s not like millennial and zoomer femoids spend their whole lives throwing hissy fits in artificial online dramas, right?
And yes I realize I’m replying to bait.

>>20883519
There is a third fern, this fern is on the move... where is it going.... God, I'm so sick of that arrogant fern going wherever it likes. I'll hunt it down

>>20883491
Adult stories from the folklore of Russia.

>>20883483
>I can't imagine how pathetic one's life must be to for them to make that his pastime.
It takes 2 anon. That being said, my hobby is to derail arguments on anonymous message boards by posing as one or the other arguer. So Im all for it.

>>20883538
Based

>>20883527
maybe we should become the ferns we want to see in the world.

>>20883527
In my pursuit of the third fern I find myself no longer between the other two ferns. I'm supposed to say this is better, and yet, having not succeeded in capturing that frustrating and bloviating third fern, I'm not content with my improved station at all.

>>20883538
You're even bad at that. That seems to be your defining feature, bad at everything.

>>20883548
yes. But another defining feature of mine is that I dont give a shit that Im bad at it.

>>20883588
That's the reason you're bad at everything and the source of all your misery that you channel into unproductive subversive posting.

>>20883619
maybe. Is that a problem?

>>20883629
You deciding not to be a retard would be more fun and productive for everyone involved.

essex

>>20883633
I disagree in the least respectful way.

>>20883649
That's because you're also bad at games and fun.

>>20883657
kek

I think the singular they SUCKS

>>20883514
Its nothing special. Average length with bigger girth.
It's useless to a wizard like me

>>20883455
I hate seeeing teenagers Im attracted to because it makes me feel creepy

I honestly don't know how big or small my cock is. I've tried measuring it once and it was 4.5"-5" but I couldn't get fully hard and I had to measure it at a weird angle. I'm told I have big hands but there's supposedly not an actual correlation between hand size and cock size. There was a study that said guys with big noses have big dicks. I have a big nose but I don't trust that study because it sounds Jewish as fuck. Anonettes on Crystal Cafe (I lurked there out of curiosity) said that in their experience tall skinny guys have big dicks. I'm a (somewhat) tall and very skinny guy. My dick just doesn't seem that big though. Maybe it just doesn't look that big because of proportions. I've been told that male pornstars tend to be manlets (and the women tend to be even shorter) to make the dicks look bigger in proportion to the rest of the bodies. Maybe my cock is actually massive but I have no way to get a good comparison because I'm not going to whip out my cock and get it erect in front of another guy's cock. I'm also ugly so there's no way a woman will ever want to see my cock.

>>20883726
It seems weird that we should be expected to not find 16 and older people attractive when we are the same person we were when we were 16 and found other 16 year olds attractive. Just dont fuck em. its immoral to fuck em because they arent old enough to know how bad of an idea it is to fuck people like us yet.

>>20883726
>>20883759

The only thing i feel is hate, boredom, anxiety and lust. Why even continue living if this is all there is to life?

>creativity can only appear out of suffering and restriction
how true is that?

>>20883903
Restriction yes. If everything is allowed then creative moves look the same as moves made incoherently. suffering is useful for only certain kinds of art. suffering is certainly less important than skill and insight (though I guess you could say that it is a certain type of insight).

>>20883521
I had a dream where everyone is supposed to get his circumcision renewed every two years. They provide the service at walmart for pretty cheap. A cute black girl renewed my circumsicion and then massaged my dick with lotion. I tried going back in the next day and the black girl was annoyed with me because it hadnt been two years

>>20883927
>certain type of insight
what do you mean? can one acquire great insight? skill seems rather straightforward but insight is elusive and great skill doesnt guarantee ever acquiring real creativity.

>>20883946
Id say that if one believes great creative works to come from great insight then suffering is one of the ways to obtain that insight. the other ways to achieve insight is through other types of experience. one needs experience to draw from in order to be creative in a way that is meaningful to those of us that are going to experience their art. I only bring up skill because it is required to allow your creativity to flow from you. what is creativity if you cant express it or even grasp it?

>>20883989
Can you "stumble" upon real insight with enough skill? It seems highly unlikely that one is going to get the grand insight if it's not there in your subconsciousness already.

>>20884030
I think this question kind of comes down to world view. I have come to think that everything that has ever been known (all insight) is revealed in a sense by experience. some people are more receptive to experience and are thus better at gaining insight, but its out there to be found, and interest goes a long way in gaining insight. but I would say that there are plenty of people I believe have "stumbled" upon insight. sure.

>>20884043
>I have come to think that everything that has ever been known (all insight) is revealed in a sense by experience
any examples?

>>20884055
my impulse is to simply write "everything" as a response to this and walk away from this discussion. largely because I get the sense that giving an example is only going to yield a response in the vein of "well that could be explained by this other world view." and I've already said how dependent it is on world view which makes such an exchange seem tedious.

>>20884074
do you think that there are better and worse experiences?

>>20883432
We need to send all of the brown people back before they destroy our countries through sheer incompetence.

My aunt found out I like to read and is going to send me some Jodi Piccoult books, is she any good?

I tested my sense of time by using a stopwatch and guessing when 1 minute passed. I stopped it at 33 seconds. What does that say about me?

I watched the new Ben Stiller movie Vengeance and it was decent. He should stick to movies and stop shilling for Israel and materialism.

>>20884364
time runs fast for you

>>20883448
They killed itself

>>20884364
that's the actually trick of that dumb ass song with no notes. to really "play it" you need to keep the time in your head so it's exactly whatever length it's supposed to be. never watched any performances of it cuz it seems kinda boring, but i assume anyone who plays it gets the time right. i think it's by philip glass don't care enough to wiki it, you know the thing i mean.

>>20884364
You're a zoomer I guess. Were you doing the Feynman test?
How do zoomers count? With images or words? Can you count without occupying any sense?

>>20884364
it means you havent practiced enough. thats all. keep doing it and you will be better at it.

I may as well have just been a NEET. This job has been a total waste. I have no idea how I can make it work to my advantage now.

>>20884400
I'm 28-years-old. It's a test of general chronoception without using any tricks. I was watching a Veritasium video about it and he showed that younger people guessed accurately, a couple of them stopped at 1:02, and older people guessed late, one stopped at 1:47.

What is Jungian Shadow? Just the complete opposite of you? How to meet it?

In one of my classes I sit next to a complete autist. He's fat, has greasy hair, a neckbeard, BO, talked with that nasally "fake" voice autists do when they try to sound normal and confident, and his computer and phone wallpaper were all Nintendo related. He acted juvenile the entire time said he wanted to be a game developer. Could hardly sit still, kept fidgeting with the computer settings, randomly started knocking on the table, and kept glancing at me even though I really didn't want to pay any attention to him. He would try to complete the professor's sentences for her and would laugh too loud and too long at the minor humorous incidences that occurred in the class.
This is quite strange because I've always perceived myself to be autistic despite knowing a few other autists who were just like the person I described prior. It's probably just because I was a little shy and would spill my spaghetti. Although I'm not completely socially clueless like those autists. I can take care of myself and control myself. I feel embarrassed when I do break social norms, whether deliberately or not. I'm not sure why I ever thought I was autistic. Maybe I just spent too much time on 4chan and internalized the belief that I was autistic after being called autistic hundreds of times on this website.

I never liked that Scott Pilgrim movie. It felt too hard like it was trying to be my friend. Had big "hello fellow kids" energy trying to appeal to millennials, while simultaneously being primarily composed of Gen-X arcade and 8-bit references.

I need to get my shit together. I need to stop jerking off to porn so much.

>>20884488
I have heard if you're on amphetamines or drunk you tend to say stop very early.
Feynman noticed he couldn't read while counting but another guy could, or the other way around, can't remember. Turns out one of them imagined an image of a number turning over and the other imagined the sound of saying the number.
But why does Pocahontas look like a Byzantine empress? This raises a lot of questions.

>>20884493
The Jungian shadow isn't the opposite of yourself, rather it's the "hidden" and/or "dark" aspects of yourself. It's the parts of yourself you don't want to admit you have, either because you don't like them personally, or society doesn't accommodate those aspects of yourself, or simply because those aspects or morally reprehensible.
For example, your shadow self might want to be an artist. Your conscious self may not want to be an artist because artists don't usually make a lot of money or maybe you think artists are gay. Your ego will repress your desire to be an artist, but it will still be a hidden part of you. This may manifest itself in your nighttime dreams, where you may dream of things relating to art, or it may manifest in your sexual fantasies and selection, where you might want to date an artist.
As mentioned prior, it also comes from morality. Sam could be a very egoistical person, for example, although a part of Sam is aware of that egoism and how other people don't like egoistic people. Sam's ego will repress his egoistical desires and he will despise other people with a large ego, but this repressed aspect of himself will still seep through in one way or another.

>>20883491
A Confederacy of Dunces. Set In croy abluh.
With that out of the way:

Theory: the 60s and the 90s were both some kind of cultural zenith. Being in the 90(+30)s are we now due such a thing? My instinct says yes.

What are the minimum criteria for a character _to be considered a character_ and what is the threshold at which they are no longer a character and are instead either a sockpuppet to deliver exposition/move the plot along or become something even less than a sockpuppet: a fixture that exists (and just happens to have plot events happen to them)?

What are some good examples of any of these happening and what’s the worst executed story you’ve read? Picrel for me.

>>20884584
Cheat/Non-answer = Dougie from Twin Peaks season 3. He's such a purposefully blank "character" who exists only to make as explicit as possible the hollowness of TV characters and of so much of life, as we are swept slowly about by the "supporting cast" who orbit us.

>>20884582
It very much feels like the cultural output of the last 30 years is completely exhausted, both in its initial burst and later ironic and experimental recombination. We are just waiting for that next thing, the thing that wipes the board clean.

I think part of it is no one has an idea of what comes after Rap music. Rap/Hip-Hop has had dominance for 30 years, existed for 50, and nothing has come close to displacing it even though the genre is largely running on fumes. Is it really the last genre? The soundtrack for the end of history?

>>20883448
are you the anon in the last thread that i didn't write an essay for

>>20884239
I've never heard of Jodie Pickles. What does she write about? Pickles?

>>20884499
>It's probably just because I was a little shy and would spill my spaghetti.
-_-

> I'm not completely socially clueless like those autists
>I'm not sure why I ever thought I was autistic.

...

>>20884598
Strong agree with first part. On second part: there's been plenty of movement outside of rap. Sure, rap's been a/the dominant flavour of pop music but it's certainly the leading order term on music in general.

>>20884606
No, I'm the anon you did write the essay for. I just noticed that every post about a singular they gets a (You).

>>20884465
what do you do and what do you want to accomplish?

>>20884493
its the part of you you dont want to admit to on a visceral level. like you know you are lazier than u should be. thats not part of the shadow. the shadow is the stuff about yourself your brain represses.

>>20884637
i'm gonna make sure that guy gets an essay. it'll be the best essay, the absolute best. he won't have seen an essay like this one. i'm trying to type like how trump talks kek

oh yeah also i realized during my dreams last night that a character does not need to be relatable in order to be comprehensible, similar to how a sphere can be comprehended without being related to

>>20884624
When I am referring to autism in that post, I don't mean what we on 4chan consider to be autism, which is just any social mishap or obsession with a niche. I mean actual, clinical autism, as in the people who are completely unaware of all social cues. I've known actual autists who had to get special accommodations in school, and there's a clear difference between "autists" such as a 4chan anon and an actual autist who has tics and is incapable of picking up on subtlety. I'm not autistic, I'm just retarded and internalized the accusations of autism against me even if I could tell that they were made in jest. (You) might be autistic yourself if you were incapable of picking up on the different connotations of 4chan autism and clinical autism.

>>20884572
>>20884654
Thanks for the answers. I have trouble understanding my shadow side and knowing what Im repressing. What does the integration look like?

I am tired, life is too overwhelming for me

>>20884683
The shadow is a source of "power", not in some literal or magical sense, but more in a motivational and self-assuring sense. Someone who is integrated with their shadow knows what they truly want in life and they have the motivation to pursue it, while also keeping their negative aspects in check. They'll be fully individuated.

The shadow is a beast within us. If we keep the beast chained we can't use the might of the beast and we will suffer because of it. If we let the beast run free then it will hurt ourselves and other people. If we tame the beast, then we can use the strength of the beast without hurting ourselves and others. That is was integration with the shadow is.

>>20884672
>(You) might be autistic yourself if you were incapable of picking up on the different connotations of 4chan autism and clinical autism.
I did understand, I was justamused at the Chris Chan kind of vilification of some oter weirdo in your classroom as if you were a superior kind of weirdo.

I gauged the criterion of weirdo by the things you said in that post,
>spaghetti
and so on.

Probably neither of you are autistic, in all reality. You guys really need to find better fucking words to distance yourself from people you don't like and want to advertise how much better you are than those people - if you are insistent on doing that.

>>20884735
But anon, I am better than everyone else.

Are the 7 deadly sins the most important piece of human wisdom?

My mentally handicapped sister had her birthday today. She's stuck at the intelligence on like a 4 or 5 year old.
Usually I don't think much of it but just an hour ago it hit me how tragic the situation actually is. She's 38 now.

>>20884672
>the different connotations of 4chan autism and clinical autism.
desu 'autistic' in this sense has been used as a pejorative against smart people for maybe nearly a decade, when poorly educated people are fascinated (or angred) by how another person can think logically they immediately used the put-down or autism or 'autist', maybe not even really realizing how dysgenic they were being.

It used to be 'gay' when I was a kid. These are just anti-intellectual pejoratives and it's unfortunate you internalized it like that and actually believed that you were autistic .. at least you didnt go out looking for a dick to suck though, right? he


I think it came from the PR Campaign around autism back then, when the term'high functional autism' become popular for a while and it made it seem like 'high functional' meant some sort of genius level thing, in reality high functional (retardation)' refers to a person who is mentally crippled but can manage to function at a bare minimum level and not require live-in care,
e.g. chris chan can put a pie in the microwave and wash himself when he can be bothered.

Anyway that's almost beside the point as 'autism' has an actual diagnostic criteria and virtually nobody with it is diagnosed with it, whilst it's used as an umbrella for various neurological conditions that are probably something else.

Autism in the original usage; "self-ism" was describing emotional and intellectual detachment to others and poor social skills; so today an average white girl on her phone or an average person with poor verbal command or inability to read long sentences could be better called Autistic in the real meaning, rather than someone like Chris Chan who is a mentally disturbed psychopath with infantilistic and schizoid tendencies.

>>20884775
>My mentally handicapped sister had her birthday today. She's stuck at the intelligence on like a 4 or 5 year old.
>Usually I don't think much of it but just an hour ago it hit me how tragic the situation actually is. She's 38 now.
that's very hot. Have you seen that Jam episode by any chance?

>>20884804
Never seen Jam

>>20884734
How to see the beast?

>>20884775
I was tempted to make in response to this post but that is actually very tragic. I couldn't imagine living like that, an absurd amount of adult life is just completely incomprehensible for her. So much of the world has to be very confusing for someone with that level of intelligence, although if she's considered handicapped she fortunately doesn't have to take on the responsibilities of an adult like that. It's probably been very hard on your family to take care of her, but it's a good thing to care about your family that much.

>>20884810
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65oS6BYEfr0

>>20884831
Go into your bathroom, light a candle or have some other very dim light source, strip naked, then start maturating vigorously while staring at yourself in the mirror. That is what the beast looks like.

>>20884838
It is hard, she's the oldest of 4 and to see your younger brothers go on and do things while you (for the most part) stay right where you were is tough. She's said as much sometimes. But all in all she's had it good. Life is good when you have support from family.

>>20884842
I'll check it out

can't tell if I've ascended in consciousness or if this board has plummeted in quality

>>20884915
perhaps you're ready to enter the Wizards Cave.

is luck real?

>>20884935
luck is all that matters

>>20884935
luck is a skill

>>20884938
but is it a real, actual thing? or just coincidences and chances?
i think like i did something that made luck angry and im afraid i angered some god or something. im kind of a schizo

>>20884935
After I internalized how it worked I appear lucky to everyone. It's just statistics and recognizing the +ev opportunities. The "unlucky" guy never believes in the opportunities.

>>20883432
One day im going to be too lazy to breathe and just die

>be a virgin
>think about sex all the time
>actually have sex
>it gets WORSE
fukk life truly is suffering

>>20884976
so you liked the sex? i've heard many anons say they didnt like it the first time when they've been using porn for a long time

>>20884988
If he thinks about sex all the time it's possible that he was a degen coomer, but it's also possible he was on nofap and the high T kept bringing his mind back to sex. I'm the same way. I have to force myself to jack off at least once a week so I can focus on things and get rid of the constant half-chub in my pants.

>>20885003
Same but three times a day

I made a tinder profile without a picture and in the bio I put 'shy and looking to lose my virginity' 26 years. Let it there for 2 days, came back to three likes who were easy spottable so I fish them and matched. Then I asked one if she wanted to meet and she said yes, asked me how I was physically I described myself to her and she said it was ok we could meet. Asked the other match what she thought of my bio and she said that virgin men were her fetish. Now I'm chickening out and also thinking wether I should fuck both of them and lie to second one I fuck or fucking just one or if I will even get an erection in front of a woman. I didn't consider myself to be that neurotic until now.

>>20885103
You're going to get catfished or they'll just go on a date with you for free food then leave halfway through. Even if you do get to fuck them you'll be fucking a Tinder slut that has an alphabet of diseases in her snatch.

I'm not autistic, I'm just a piece of shit

>>20885103
Massive red flags bro

>>20885118
thanks this is what I'm thinking too, but I don't know, my dick thinks what if... I'd feel so stupid if I got catfished

>>20885133
Tinder whores are near the bottom of the barrel when it comes to women. Don't expect anything good out of them.

>>20884499
Bogota?

>>20885135
I kinda now but I can't really think straight since quite some time

>>20885152
nah this is in the USA
I suppose mentioning that he was fat was redundant, but I'm not fat myself

>>20884499
same. i'm just paranoid and reclusive not autistic. autists have no fucking taste.

>>20885160
eh it might be worth a shot, even if it turns about poorly it's still a learning experience. Best case scenario you get laid, worst case scenario you lose a bit of money and embarrass yourself.
>>20885164
literally me

How is everyone coping today?

>>20885176
I'm not coping today, I am wallowing in my bitterness and despair.

It bothers me how emotionally unavailable my father has always been but I don't like feeling that way cuz it feels onions.

>>20884499
>tfw see fat nintendo autist's 10/10 gf waiting for him in the hall after class
>he squeezes her ass
>she asks if that's a new cologne

>>20885209

>>20885220

>>20885161
Heh. I just had one autist exactly you described in a class once. He would laugh at anime memes for half of the class and would talk a lot of stuff about vidya he had never played. Eventually told me he never plays vidya.
Just like you, I completely stopped believing I was some kind of sperg after that. Good experience.

>>20885176
Drowning myself in Japanese media about cute girls and unconditional love until my problems look small again.
Same as every day.

a layer of dust remains on every book in my room. i wonder how much longer this will go on for
https://youtu.be/hv6kh95_aoo

>>20885176
I'm writing in a Thomas Bernhard style about my inability to get things done

>>20884831
you are going to have to read jung for that answer. my interest in jung is his archetypes. Im sure it has something to do with understanding ones own mythology and then using the symbolic language of that mythology to recognize the shadow aspect in dreams. though I could be wrong about that. It could also required altered states of consciousness. not jung but I know some people have claimed to have confronted their shadow while doing dmt (I know, ma drugs or whatever but I am just telling you what Ive heard).

>>20885176
You know things are actually going really good. I havent needed to cope at all yet

>>20884606
You promised you would write it

>>20885460
you're him?

>>20883432
last night I dreamed that my dad died, and I was actually sad, even though I can't imagine actually being sad if it happened in real life. My family was giving speeches by standing up on a stool next to his corpse as we burned it, my aunt got on the stool and then got down without saying anything, probably showing that I don't consider her part of the family since she divorced my uncle. I didn't know if I would be able to say anything but I planned to quote Job 5:6-7 and was actually able to remember how it went inside my dream, even though I heard most people can't even read in their dreams. However the dream ended before it was my turn. I just can't understand why my subconscious thought I would be so sad, I was literally crying in the dream.

>>20883432
Being an Asian-American man is a blessing in disguise. You have no leaders in the media, are considered emasculated and weak in this country, yet no one really advocates for you from the social justice end. Although the totally humiliating Fu Manchu depictions have subsided there remains among us a sense of alienation from the mainstream at large. I believe that this alienation, exacerbated by 90% our prominent women choosing to marry white (some of whom will gladly sell us out for white approval), is the kind of pain out of which truly meaningful culture can be forged. That is to say that I think that angry Asian men in the West could make something out of their grievances- provided they tone down some of the feckless women-bashing- by following the example of great Asian American individuals, and eventually create a uniquely Asian-American tradition that looks like, feels, like sounds like nothing but ourselves. Not that Boba tea and bougie Crazy Rich Asians shit, but reimagined tales of the American West of vagrant railroaders and internment camps and inner city gangs.

Does becoming skilled at something increase your physical handsomeness? A lot of artists I know and have been following online are very handsome in a sort of effortless manner.

>>20883351
because that's where they had an upper hand industrial revolution and all
imagine going to india and trying to claim god's authority you'd get debate mogged by random shudras

Can journaling be done in an artistic manner? I've been journaling nearly every for the past several months and my manner of writing seems to me very rote and emotionless, lacking in life. Which is in part due to that being how my life has been going and how I feel day to day, but I still would like to liven it up. Are there any examples of published journals that are very atmospheric and lively, even with the author being a manic depressive?

>>20885674
being manic depressive is prime material for a kino journal, you probably just lack verbal and artistic ability

>>20885389
I’ve never read Bernhard. How would you describe his style?

>>20885742
very fast, neurotic and intellectual, a master in disliking things

>can't identify with my own class
>hate everything about the middle classes

Who here /improoverproles/?

>>20885870
>>hate everything about the middle classes
hard work, education, responsibility, moderation?

>>20885885
Ahahahah...

I want to find love. Any books which will help me achieve this?

>>20885870
More like /resentful/

I'm at the "admit I have no ambitions and just work in a warehouse rather than rot away as a NEET" phase of my life.

What am I in for? (I'm 24 btw)

>>20885870
I was born extremely poor and hate everyone. I don't know how to do away with my resentment, all it does is drive me to do better than everyone else and I've no life outside of that.

>>20885946
You're going to fall in love with a woman and realize through living for something else how to live for yourself.

>>20885946
Dude just take some fucking night classes in college and get an associates degree or certification in some kind of work. You can at least do something with dignity

>>20885977
Samefag here. I remember working retail a few years ago and so many of the people there had been doing the same mininum wage bitch work for years. One guy was there fir 4 years, another for 8. An old woman was there for 15 years. Is there literally no possible side project any of them could have been doing? How do they live like that?

>>20885946
You are twenty four.
Still got time to find a calling.
Or stagnate. Which is fine too. As long as you're serviceable.

Day... 24 of trying to go out almost everyday, I think.
Today I went out with my father. We bought me clothes and shoes, went to the police station to retrieve some wrongly confiscated stuff for a friend (they refused to hand the stuff because they need him in person) and drank tea.

I succeeded a few times to make him smirk so I'm happy with that. I'm confident I can make anyone laugh given the time but I'm known to struggle a lot when it comes to family. It's outlandish for me to stop and think about how close and yet on the opposite side how distant we are. I don't really know my parents, if I'm honest.

I don't actually know how they carry themselves in society and what makes them tick because I didn't pay attention as a kid and I only had a few opportunities after the divorce. I've been using this as a theory that might explain why I can't make my father reliably laugh. Though I think I might have cracked the code a few times today. I think he likes crazy absurd humor. What's exactly funny about your idiot son calling your name from afar and asking you what you want as he gazes at you with elevated eyebrows and a self-sufficient smile? Nothing. Don't ask me. Yet I'm sure the same comedy would also work on me. Sometimes brains really go vrooom for absolutely no reason.

Anyways. Day 24 over. I thought I would go see some friends in the evening but ended up not going. Still, I had lots of fun. And new clothes to wear.

>>20885991
Those are good questions. Why don't you really find those types of people posting on 4chan anyways? They're pretty common in the real world. Honestly though if my life is still dead end when I hit 30 I'll probably shut up and stop asking for life advice. Then suicide probably.

>>20885885
yes

>>20885968
I'd like that

>>20885977
I agree with this, he can learn how to twirl a stick and march lifting one leg up and one arm at the same time and parade up and down in front of peoples houses for money.

>>20885991
>One guy was there fir 4 years, another for 8.
then what's your excuse?

>>20883432
there is an attempt at evil, a path that is confused with the power of will and is only traceable to less remarkable nihilism. the laws of history emphasize that violence is not synonymous with freedom and the complex box that is the human being reflects the weight of guilt on our shoulders as if we were a million herculean atlases. men will walk on earth for much longer until the womb of the sun explodes in bloom and consumes the life we have sown, in that interval, the pain of being human will continue to be that misunderstood parasite that is attached to our amygdala one night of fine pain where we will lay our eyeballs on the finitude of our ceiling. the reflection on death, lack of love, illness, detachment, corruption, posterity, past, youth, injury, asceticism and all its consequences will only be a door to nothing, it is where the maximum despair arrives. where the pinnacle of thought is equivalent to dust that has not ceased to be dust. in my dreams, being young, I sit on a chair and all my ideas become substantial nymphs who make love to me and murmur the value of my thoughts, which although they have no end, are made of the same clay as myself.

>>20885946
Sometimes the jobs that sounded the worst were the best. Gutting fish in a small factory with a small group was way better than anything large scale. My favorite part was driving the broken forklifts with no breaks or forklift license.

i can't tell if i just have autism, or if i have bipolar disorder combined with with a severely repressed ego and id

>>20886018
Excuse for what?

I need to get a haircut to look better but I don't know what would look good on me. There's so much inertia in my life that even getting a haircut is a struggle, living is so very hard.

I have no ambitions or dreams, I'm lost, sailing with no destination the sea of life.

>>20885870
It's weird.
For me, I started out really poor in a neglectful, abusive family environment. I did not really notice until my peers mentioned it. I had this nickname relating to poverty in middle school that some girls made up. Then in teenage years, it translated into not being able to pursue the same activities, or partake in outings with my peers. I was that friend eating nothing at the food shop we would go to.
I had a few friends who would feel pity and offer to pay. I always felt bad, and downplayed hunger or not being able to go to shows, activities with them.
Then early adulthood, I went to university. Once or twice a week, I would get 5 euros from my mother for coffees and small food items when I was on campus all day. At this point my dad had gotten a big job and was sending more money.
We still lived like paupers (except my mother who had a spending addiction for interior decor, and clothings for her). Speaking of clothing. Mostly I would be able to get clothes from thrift stores. I would go there once in a while with my mother.
Pick a few things I liked, 1 or 2 euros items.

Then after university, I tried looking for a job for a while, and could not find any. I was too qualified for regular cashier jobs, and office jobs seemed to not even call me back.
One year eventually turned into the next, and I guess I started realizing how cut throat the professional world was. I applied to so much jobs, but could not get any.
It's been 4 years since, and I resigned myself. I have no experience, almost 30 years old and I just resigned myself to doing degree after degree year after year to have something to do.
Now I have a bachelors, a masters, one certificate (professional apprenticeship level), one diploma (undergrad) and one advanced diploma which is associates level of university. I have been in the academic pipeline for 10 years.
When I go out, I start to feel what I didn't feel 5-10 years ago. I overhear conversations and hear about what people spend money on, I see them in their jobs. I envy cashiers. When I watch youtube videos, i find myself looking to the background and seeing all the consumer goods these people possess. And ask myself...If I had money? Would I spend it on that? I don't know...It's bittersweet because on one hand I try not to be an immoral person and accept my lot in life, not to feel any greed or envy or resentment towards people who have more...But I still do sometimes.
Overall I just wish I had remained ignorant and in bliss but somewhere along the way I lost my carefree attitude, I guess I've woken up...And I blame that on some events in my life relating to abuse. I don't know what to do. I depend on others. It makes me feel worthless.

>>20886207
>consumer goods
As soon as I could afford them I lost interest.

>>20886247
>>20886247
Yeah. Lately I've been thinking into getting into animating short movies or making a series. I have a lot of ideas, and I write and draw decently.
I've been looking at this tablet online, which costs 300. I will have to beg for it, and try to work out an installment saving with my mother. She does give me roughly 10-20 euros on a good week, but sometimes she ''forgets'' (desu i forget to ask too sometimes) or she doesn't have the money. Sometimes she hoards it to buy her stuff. I will try and make it like a contract so I can get there and buy the tablet.
Which to go back on topic, I think I would mostly buy things that are useful, help me towards a goal. Tools, so to speak. It's also a good negotiation point when I have to bargain for an item with my mother. That is how I got my laptop for school. Or that good pair of leather ranger shoes I got some 12 years ago off of Dc Martens.
They cost 150 but I wore them for 12 years and they still have at least another 10 in them. It was worth it. I did have to beg in the store. It was very demeaning, but I was 18 and not afraid of ridicule, I suppose. Nowadays, most times I just don't ask or resign myself. It's hard to keep the notion of ''want'' going in your mind. It's hard to keep wanting when you end up having so little.

Tucker Carlson is now regularly doing "society is in decay look at all this violent crime" segments as a pretext to mainstream black crime rate noticing, all it does is highlight stories about Rayshawn Williams and DuQuayne Larontel murdering old ladies

After decades, decades, of foolishness, we are one or two years away from Jared Taylor level noticing being mainstreamed in conservative media, and then there is no stopping it. Decades of media collusion to suppress the Great Noticing, and it's actually going to happen

It's remarkable how a board dedicated to literature has posters with some of the worst reading comprehension on all of 4channel.

I am psychologically crippled.

>>20886272
I got a Huion tablet for $50 and I quite like it. It doesn't have a screen, but I prefer it that way because my hand doesn't block my drawing. It's the H610 model.

I went down a bit of a rabbit hole and found the addresses for every place DFW lived starting in the early 90s in Boston when he was teaching at Emerson through when he died. His house in Illinois where he lived during and after the publication of IJ now looks abandoned/falling apart which is sad. There's something compelling about going to the place or seeing the place where an author lived while they were working on something you love. It's totally wrong but you feel like if you could live there too and take in the same environment and do the same routine as them that you could create something similar. I posted a pic of his Illinois house a few days ago trying to start a conversation about famous places where writers lived and got banned for 3 days, so fuck j*nnies and now I can post again

what do you guys think is the ideal /lit/ thread? what about the ideal /lit/ post?
i'm thinking of saving a bunch of threads, combing through every single post and rating it on a scale of 1-10, as well as identifying the general category of each post (i.e., "this or that anon is retarded" ; "please tell me how to get a gf, im gonna kms!!" ; "well, to answer that question, we'll need to first ask ourselves what the nature of a question is..." etc.)
it'll take a long time but i have free time and it sounds fun.

which kinds of posts are the worst and which are the best?

>>20886378
Yeah I started on a 15 euro Aliexpress drawing tablet like that that had no monitor just the pad where to draw and you would see it on screen, but for me it's the opposite. I need to feel like I'm drawing directly on the ''paper'' or else I keep losing track when I'm looking up and I end up breaking lines and not being able to trace, things like that.
I want to try a monitor display and actually was going for the Huion Kamvas Pro 12. I have found its the cheapest model on Ebay for ''monitor tablet''.
I'll get there but in the meantime I draw in this white paper book. I'll maybe get back to using the pad tablet I bought years ago, to see if I can get back into it and make it work in the meantime.
Thanks for reminding me.

My cats never brought me dead birds or lizards and Im kind of offended

Nothing's like a good metal riff when you're drunk and disgruntled. For me that's almost always. Who cannot see this as the pinnacle of self-expression?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUeU333Ohg0

>>20886272
>thinking about getting into
In my experience the thing is an excuse for not doing it more than an actual tool you need. You have computer access.
Most of my projects were done in bursts of some weird semi-controlled mania but there has to be some semblance of discipline and focused goals. I was mostly doing tech projects but I think it's correct in a wider sense to say don't focus on one ultra-project that takes years, make many experiments you can finish quickly and see what parts work for your next projects. Seeing results is part of what will motivate you to continue.

Ever had a moment where you realize just how badly you want something?
Pardon the following autism. I am trying to make a tulpa. The a thing that should be known about making a tulpa is that a tulpa should never be made for petty selfish reason such as to fulfill sexual desires, at least according to nearly every guide out there. In the process of making this tulpa, I found it hard to control my sexual urges and this made me paranoid that such urges might be influencing the creation of my tulpa. So I began making an active effort to steer my tulpa in a strictly non-sexual path of development. There really shouldn't be any reason why I couldn't make a tulpa that can be my ultimate fantasy, as it exist in my imagination, and thus can be entirely ideal. So why should I bother making it so sex averse? Then I realized, what I want most is to be non-sexual myself, to never be tortured by such desires. Onto the tulpa I had projected my ideal of sexlessness. That is what I want - to never be concerned about my horniness. Whether through the elimination of such desire or a healthy outlet for it. Both methods seem impossible for a person like me, or maybe I don't have the will to pursue either one of those methods. This is perhaps one of the first times in my life where something I genuinely wanted steers in the complete opposite direction of my primal urges. Perhaps I'm not as much as an animal as I have myself believe.
I wonder how many other ideal traits I will project onto my unfinished imaginary friend? This could be a very enlightening experience.

>>20886424
i've never been able to into metal. kind of wish i could, seems cool. i only listen to like 2 or 3 albums nowadays though. also the dwarf fortress music

since i quit weed i have to start drinking a little every night to help me sleep.
i spent all summer cutting down on drinking and did a good job doing so.
this could be a slippery slope

>>20886425
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, in my experience, I would say at almost 30, that I dedicated most of my time to studying. I've just been consumed mostly by it, and to be fair, I do enjoy studying and learning. It's a good thing for me.
For hobbies, it's true that I haven't had many resources but I do paint and draw, and I enjoy walks around my city, and listening to music (I have an mp3 player).
I did produce a lot of content, like writing poetry and drawings/paintings but I did delete most of what I wrote, and for the drawings/painting, because they were done on cheap notebook paper or regular printer paper, I really never thought of making it a business project.
I did buy some frames once or twice but then I was tortured for weeks about what to use them for, I wanted to make it count because I only had two. It was like a dilemma and I hated this sort of relationship with my art where it felt so risky and calculated, took all the fun out of it, put so much pressure on myself to do good on those ones.

I have been thinking about trying to make money and having a definite goal/project. I mentioned animation because I think I can work on it step by step, little by little, and there's really no future prospects for me giving me a dead line or time frame for completion.
I also considered going into graphic design and selling logos, designs for t-shirts, stuff like that but then I think there is so much competition and also I wanted to go into something that has some literary value, like a script or story. So I'm going to focus on animation, and maybe comic books/visual novels. I am not sure yet. I just know I want to get back into graphic design for now, and just paint with colors without fear of running out of paint, or having to buy new brushes...etc.
IT makes it so much more affordable in the long run.

I can't sleep for her sake
desperate for her presence
she might be gone when I wake
nameless eternal essence

>>20886452
>since i quit weed
Its been one day

>>20886452
what are you like in real life? like, how old (no need to be specific), what region of the world, and do you have a job (if so, what kind of general thing do you do)? also do you have gf or whats up with that
i'm being nosy but i'm just curious.

>>20886464

actually i just remembered that there's an anon that has sworn to find and rape you so don't answer these. you never know, maybe he's autistic enough to figure you out based on those questions

The other day I was in an Uber and the driver was an Asian woman who was listening to some sort of "comedy" podcast. I've never heard anything more off-putting and borderline concerning. I've never even heard whatever the hell that was supposed to be. It was like a monologue... or a rambling story? It was clearly scripted. Just non-content. I don't know if it was intentionally tangential, like if that was his "style". It was apparently "humorous" and "off-beat", and various other things I have to put quotes around. Was it "light comedy?"

The point is that it was about coming up as a comedian "as an Asian man". You already know where this is going. He had a chip on his shoulder and he literally could not stop talking about the races of everyone in the story. I couldn't tell if the glaring angst was self-aware. He clearly paused for effect many times to emphasize. There weren't jokes so much as pop culture references turned into insults. "He said I was funny for an Asian... man, this white guy looked like he should be on a redneck Crocodile Hunters show!" [pauses for laughter even though it's a podcast.]

What was was jarring I suppose was that I noticed he wasn't enjoying himself. I didn't understand the point. At one point he actually mentioned (as a joke?) that one of the white guys in the story "looked like a jock that used to bully me!" I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be self-deprecating (as in, he's the butt of the joke), or if it was at the expense of the other guy (meaning he was a "dumb meathead".) The "comedian" lacked so much self-awareness that his joke was actually confusing because being self-deprecating is not really his act so much as it is about making fun of racists. By the way, in his story (which is not purported to be a fictional but a serious of actual events) everyone was racist. That's all he remembers about his life. Is this what he really thinks, or is he just being funny? Because he seemed to have genuine contempt.

It was uncanny because you could hear it real time that he was emotionally unsure about something that had happened to him which was apparently true. He was torn between telling a sincere story and also having the final word, the "gotchas" he thinks would get laughs. By the way, the "story" was just loosely stringed together encounters with people he suspected were racist against Asians whom in turn he gets back at by calling them rednecks. He said about one guy, "He was a bouncer at one of my first gigs and he was all tatted up with Aryan Brotherhood shit!" In Los Angeles. In Hollywood. In 2000-and-something. It was exactly like if you found out some friendless nerd that got bullied in school now had an autistic YouTube channel where he reviews movies and insults the "film makers" and "stupid audiences" as a reflexive compensation for needing to be the bully now. You know, like when it's obvious that he needs to play pretend and create hypothetical confrontations in which he always wins.

>>20886476
i've also never heard anything like that before, but i'm thinking there are two possibilities there.
>the guy used comedy to cope with trauma, even if he wasn't good at it. his trauma was presumably some kind of racially charged offense towards him, maybe during his childhood
>he is trying to appeal to the instability of racial relations in order to grow his career, but doesn't really enjoy his job and perhaps feels like he has no other feasible career alternative
>a combination of the above two possibilities
pretty weird overall

>>20886410
Mine brought me slugs and frogs and centipedes and it was just nasty

>>20886476
Minorities are projecting when they accuse "whyte pipo" of making everything about race. White people are the least racially conscious group out there, much to their own detriment.

>>20886452
When you buy weed and booze, you are likely buying such things to consume them in the future, thus you are spending money on those with the deliberate intent of using such. If you just don't buy weed and booze then you won't have any weed or booze to ingest. Just don't contact your dealer. Just pass by the liquor aisle when you go to the store.

Dude at the grocery store the other day told me I looked like I should be on the cover of a magazine

>>20886498
>he is trying to appeal to the instability of racial relations in order to grow his career
Yeah, I should mention I also live in LA, and the entertainment industry is obsessed with race at the moment and with forcing actual personal and social grievances into their comedy. The industry is genuinely obsessed with "racial representation" and "visibility" of social injustice. It's seriously a part of the millennial culture in LA, at least the educated middle and upper class. What Hollywood doesn't realize, and this may be veering off topic, is that politics attracts grandstanding and neurotic personalities -- not artists. Artists generally aren't political types, and it certainly doesn't bring out the best in people.

Every fucking artist in my city needs to remind everyone they've achieved some success "even though I'm a [insert minority race here] in America!" In a way it's all a formality because many of them have been given grants precisely because of their race, so it's actually a clever way of forcing certain narratives into the arts by buying token minority artists and effectively forcing them to read scripts written by self-appointed white saviors. So everyone gets the impression that some girl with the last name Garcia "struggles" even though she's from Pasadena and went to an art college and clearly works in a giant fucking studio paid for by said white saviors while by and large 99% of artists no matter their race work actual jobs and paint in their kitchens.

No, I have never had sex, and yes, I blame Jews.

>>20886460
feels like its been a thousand
>>20886464
>>20886471
wrote a huge paragraph describing myself and then erased it. im sorry but no matter how much you'd like to know me it wouldn't change who i am to these threads. you guys want to hate me and thats ok.
if you really want the grand picture then i guess i could say that this is not how i am in real life, this is a character that has spun out of control and ive managed to blur the lines between reality and exaggeration to a level that even i cant comprehend anymore. sometimes xi is posting and sometimes im posting.
truthfully this is probably the only place where i am hated. overall i am generally grateful for the life i live despite my all my hardships and afflictions
>>20886569
i flushed the weed but i found a can of beer in my room so here we are. i wont drink tommorow

>>20886621
You should try out your xi persona irl and see how quickly everyone gets sick of your shit

Chuds are unfairly oppressed and persecuted by women and minorities.

Writing in my diary, my pen just ran out of ink on a very important sentence. I don't think have any spare pens. I won't write in pencil because pencil scratches irritate me.

>>20886455
>animation
Neat. I think if you’re willing to put in the effort it’s a rewarding way to tell a story. I hate how there’s a stink around animators these days though.

>>20886619
You haven’t fucked and you live in LA? Lmao

>>20886621
i'm this anon
>>20886464
i didn't ask you because i want to stockpile ammunition or anything. i was only curious, because i've been drinking before bed every night for a few months now as well. i don't feel any particular way about you, positive or negative. before that post, i had never communicated with you directly—although you once responded to a post of mine; it was a short one-or-two word response that i have since forgotten.
here's the thing. people hate tripfags. the reason for this is that people who post with trips are contradicting the nature of the website; it's very easy to assume that a tripfag is using a trip for the sole purpose of coping with ego-related personal issues. you can see how that might come across as unpleasant. a tripfag is basically attaching a big red target on top of their head. if they don't redeem themselves by means of very high quality posts (an unnecessary undertaking), then they are usually treated unfavorably.

of course, you already know all of this. that's the real reason people will reply to you with hateful things.
well, i don't hate you. i don't mind seeing your trip, at the least. that being said, i truly don't understand why someone would subject themselves to the treatment that tripfags are almost unanimously met with. different strokes

>>20886678
I used to hate Xi but he has grown on me even if his weed obsession disgusts me. He's very honest in his posting and it's a nice break from the rest of the poser pseud tripfags.

I grossed almost $30k this month. ~60% of that as profit. I don't care what anyone says, I love money. It's my purpose in life.

>>20886139
literally me. Why dont you have it?

I have the rest of the week off and I dont know what to do with it

why do people always have to ask after something ends or when you return from something "how was x" fucking annoying

>was chatting with a girl in an app and things were going well
>I suggest we ditch the app and start texting each other
>she agrees and asks for my number
>I give it to her and she disappears
Now I’m paranoid the whole thing was a scam and she’ll use it for some shady shit. Just another ridiculous chapter in the failure that is my love life.

>>20886716
it's just an easy way to start a conversation or break the ice upon encountering one another again. the most probably reason is that they want to maintain some form of connection with you, shallow or otherwise.

>>20886691
based scrooge

>>20886719
i've heard a lot of girls say they don't like texting and prefer to stick to apps. she probably just thought "fuck it, i'm not willing to step outside my comfort zone"
don't worry king. it is but a small bump in the road

>>20886678
the trip was made as a dumb weed humor joke and then i used it to document either my rise or fall from what i believed to be the lowest point in my life. in the end i rose.
why i do this? no fucking clue, i guess ultimately its so i seek less attention from people irl(i cant rant about substance abuse or share a bunch of music/movies i like as easily as i can here).
why i subject myself to this hate? idk it doesn't really bother me, i just hope those anons someday realize how much anger they have towards such little things, especially an insignificant name who generally doesn't speak unless spoken to.
im not here for any ego purposes and im definitely not here to make high quality posts

thankfully i only spend like 30mins or an hour at most in these threads. if it makes you guys feel better i actually post without my trip more than i do with my trip, and you have probably had a conversation with me before.

>>20886723
why can't they do it on the basis of my interest in the thing what's the point of asking it about random mundane thing like some drone

At a certain point you have to accept the trajectory of your life, whether you like it or not.

I wish I could make my works under a pseudonym or with a fake identity but feel I’d be shooting myself in the foot if I didn’t use my identity. It’s more out of privacy, too. I used to dream of being some successful person online but people getting cancelled or doxxed has me shaken and pushed me to pursue real world interaction with little success.

>>20886728
Thanks, anon. Who knows what went through her mind. Anyway, I do wan’t to get more comfortable with women and flirting and the only way to do so is to keep trying.

>>20886735
well, i'm glad to hear you're doing better than you were when you started using the trip. it's kind of nice to look back at different stages of my life over the past few years in which i can remember whipping out kuroba while i waited for a lecture to start or while i sat on the bus during my commute—i remember seeing your name every now and then, thinking "hey look it's xi." you saw my posts too, only you didn't know it was me.
those memories feel like such a long time ago now. life just keeps changing, but here we both are. and neither of us know anything about the other.
this is a weird time in history to be have been born.

>>20886762

im about to play dwarf fortress until my eyes sink into my skull

>>20883491
2666

>>20886669
I am not familiar at all with the community. I would love to get your point of view, actually. To me, art has always been such a deeply personal, introspective thing. I haven't been aware that there were art communities online until very recently, actually when I decided to try graphic design, and was looking up free software to use for it. That's when I realized how deep it was.
The only thing I know about animation is that it's usually not paid well, and most artists who work for studios are exploited? It's only what I read, really. I have no experience or idea on whether it is true.
Regardless, I sort of want to do it for myself. I can see myself working for decades on a single project, maybe an animated movie, or perhaps a series of one shot animated shorts. I sort of want to approach it from the magnum opus perspective seeing as I have no obligations, no responsibilities, just time on my hand.
I guess a pipe dream could be to reach some state of recognition later in life, in my fifties or sixties, as someone who produced authentic, deeply personal pieces, without any external help, and told stories deeply original and untainted by other's inputs or perspectives...Sort of like the strange works of a recluse. I think I can aim for that, no pressure. Just working like an ant day to day.

I was wrong.

>>20886770
yeah ive had some wild days, and they weren't even that long ago! getting a gf definitely helped but i also just got tired of that lifestyle. i remember a late friend of mine said to me "one day you are going to get tired of waking up feeling like you got hit by a train", he was right, although at the time i never thought he would be. its crazy how much change can happen in such a short period of time but then again our brain cells are always changing.
anyways, ive enjoyed speaking with you but i have the desire to read right now which i have not had in months so i think im going to capitalize on that. goodnight.
https://youtu.be/IbJ6SVAofSs

Just got my entire life and reputation ruined over the course of one night.

What's the easiest and cheapest way to commit suicide without leaving a trace? Asking unironically

>>20886864
>without leaving a trace
hmm jump off a bridge your body just drowns i think

>>20886669
not him but the dating scene in LA is arguably the most insane, competitive one in the country. try finding anything but a fat feminist or Latina on dating apps. and there's a subtle undercurrent of racism to the whole culture, at least in the Midwest they say it to your face. I learned how to play the game well enough and let's just say if you play it right the odds are good but the goods are odd.

my gf wants to be a tranny man. why me man. she's gonna cut her tits off and call herself johnny or something

>>20886870
Not what I mean. No trace of my body and no spectacle or chance someone will find my corpse. Your idea means I either:
a) jump from a major bridge in public view of dozens
b) jump off a smaller one in an area where my body will probably be found
Not to mention the possibility of failing and being a vegetable the rest of my life (look up the stories of people who attempted suicide by jumping off of the golden gate bridge and failed)

>>20886898
they're just scaring people to deter them
the success rate is very good

>>20886864
what happened? I want to hear the story. Just anonymize it.

>>20886881
Yeah, dating here is hard. I have never seen so many guys stay single for so long. Like they CAN'T get a girlfriend and they try all the time. What sucks about LA is that everyone lives in random opposite sides of LA. So you can meet a chick downtown, and whoopsie, she lives in the Valley and you commute from OC, etc. Of course everyone drives too much and hates it, so if you're out of someone's range they'll just drop you. Everyone is so compartmentalized socially, too. Everyone is busy. Everyone is deeply self-concerned and commodifies their fucking relationships and friendships. The culture supports selfishness left and right. People here ARE vain. You get so used to it but people here are abnormally self-obsessed. Everything is a fucking joke to everyone. Not to mention people don't grow up until their mid-thirties and girls act like they're in high school until then. Cheating is not at all scandalous.

Competition is tough too because there ARE a lot of good looking people here. There ARE a lot of rich men that women are willing to hook up with indefinitely.

Almost all of my peers are single. The ones that are married met their wives early or got married before they moved to LA.

Yeah, it's a lot of fat bitches or Mexicans on dating sites. Mexican girls are their own kind of crazy, even the nice quiet ones are usually really vindictive. White women are no better, because in LA you're either stuck with a crazy Latina whose uncle fingered her when she was 12, or a white bitch who went to college (worse than being molested.)

>>20886945
I lived in LA for over four years. Went from a small mostly white town to UCLA, then moved to a smaller Midwestern town for the last two and a half years. I'm too tired to make a long post like yours but yes, I could rant about that shit all day. I became a neurotic shell of myself living in LA proper and I don't think I'll ever recover. The one silver lining is you literally run into every kind of person under the sun and I've met some interesting, genuine friends who make me realize not everybody or everything here is soulless. Leaving LA's made me appreciate the slower, simpler people and pace of life in the "boring" parts of the country. I don't know if you're one of those aspiring artists/people who go to LA to make it and end up leaving broken/jaded or you've got a stable thing going and just hate the area, but seriously you should leave while you can. Go anywhere else man.

>a white bitch who went to college (worse than being molested.)
kek

A weird idea manifested during a psychosis episode I had. The idea of God ruling the omniverse with its many aspects in what I will call Prime God Earth. He couldn't leave Earth to its own device's, so he copied it. You could imagine the horrors happening on this earth and amplifying it into the extreme or bizarre.

how would the world change if the like button was changed to a send orgasm button

>>20887057
i give your mom orgasms without a send button and how has it changed your world

>>20887007
Yeah, an artist, but I'm from here actually, so I never had to try that "making it in the big city" bullshit. I took my time, and said fuck art school, finally got a real degree (sort of), and a day job. My field unfortunately is hard to do outside of LA. I might have the chance to relocate. I can't afford a house here anyway so what's the fucking point in staying? My neighborhood has gotten worse. My job is good but the area is a fucking dump AND it's fucking expensive so go figure. Last time there was a drunk bum blocking our porch (literally blocking the door by laying on the ground) and threatening to rape someone, and fucking LAPD never shows up.

i just had a long conversation with a mexican guy on omegle. i went there with the intention of wow-ing the honeys with my dashing good-looks, but this outcome was decidedly better. he was a jovial and thoroughly pleasant fellow. we talked about a wide range of topics, from highschool dxd to the difficulty of learning pointers in C.
my mood improved. i guess i'm not as antisocial as i think i am

>>20887041
i'm interested in your idea and would like it if you elaborated, but if you aren't exaggerating and truly did have a psychotic episode, i don't know if it's a good idea to encourage you to indulge those kinds of things. i guess it's up to you whether you want to respond, idk how to do morals

>>20886886
just show her botched operations and zippertits regretting transitioning.

>>20887108
I imagined a fucked up religion / cult. With a pov girl who's mother feed nothing but shit and only took pictures her once per birthday. The mother often let men have their way with the daughter. Since the mother see her daughter as worthless and sinful. Ultimately leading the girl to suicide after a Pope type figure rapes her while unconscious. Thinking she is a pure soul for God, ready to ascend to heaven. With the world being fucked as well. Not sure why I imagined this.

>>20883759
>16 year olds attractive. Just dont fuck em. its immoral to fuck em
Legal in my country, cuck.

>>20886886
>learns that godless white hoes are so unstable they can become trannies overnight
take the godpill my friend

>>20887227
that's pretty fucked up material right there. your brain needs to chill. kind of dope though

Loner blackpilled incel, just read notes from the underground as it’s always suggested for people like me. What am i supposed to take away and reflect on from it?

i look at my people and the mutt dead npc faces make me wish i was never born here
what are the philosophical implications of this

>>20886886
You are bad at sex. If you were good at sex she would love being a woman. You did this to her with your weak dick.

>>20887438
affirmation
inceldom is indicative of literary potential
women are just terrible
better minds of the past agree with you

Threadly reminder to filter and hide all tripfags.

I'm a chain smoker and I don't care because my family are aging and I kind of want to die alongside my older family members. Also smoking is like sucking off an angel.

I don't care if everyone I know has to be destroyed in the lake of fire as long as eternal justice is being done.

>>20886945
Could you talk more about LA? I live in India and alot of my friends want to move to LA or somewhere in USA. What are the indians of LA like? I dont hear good things from 4chan.

>>20887515
What kind of justice is an eternal one?

>>20887458
she wants to be look like an "androgynous girl" but live as a gay twink. I am her way of fulfilling this as an essentially "straight gay" top

>>20885674
of course journaling can be done in an artistic manner. you just have to apply that intention to it. my advice is to write a journal entry like you normally would in a basic bitch spiral notebook. Then take that entry and reframe it somehow in your mind. tackle it from a third person perspective or attempt to apply a style to it imitating one of your favorite writers or pick a tone and experiment with injecting that tone into the original entry. do all of this in the same basic notebook. Then, once you have something you like, grab a nice notebook and fully flesh that out as the entry for the day. once you fill up the basic notebook throw it away and start a new one, there is no need to keep the drafts. keep the final copy nice notebook. read over it every so often to work out what you like and what you dont like in order to refine your own style and soon, out of habit, you will start to write in that voice naturally. And at a certain point you wont even need to draft much anymore. you will have internalized that voice and may even start to think in it by default.

>>20885946
as long as you produce and consume who gives a shit what you do.

>>20886315
stop posting here then. the average is bound to increase.

>>20886456
are you using "for her sake" as a synonymous with "because of her"? because I dont think that translates. it kinda just sounds like you need to protect her while she is sleeping or something.

>>20886691
good on you anon. who did you exploit to make that kind of skrilla?

>>20886716
because they want to know what you think and how you feel about things and this thing particularly fresh in your mind. are you seriously butt hurt about people giving a shit about what you think? I kinda want to punch you in the face.

>>20886746
not true. you could die befor getting to that point. and if that is true and it is true that everyone dies, then it is just a matter of holding out.

>>20886898
starve to death in a cave in a canyon somewhere

>>20887258
legal =/= moral. home invaders that get injured breaking into houses win lawsuits against home owners in this reality friend.

>>20887515
what temporary transgression is justly punishable by eternal consequence?

My mind is dull. I cant barely read books because it feels like trying to see insides of a rock. How to make it sharp as a knife?

>>20887762
Because of her wouldn't mean the same and it's not about a girl.

>>20887922
making it sharp wont make it easier to see into...

>>20887955
but what will? intuition?

>>20887984
practice. just keep probing and be honest with yourself.

>>20887995
I try to be honest with myself but I feel like Im not.

>>20887531
Whatever God deems to be just at the end of times.

>>20887815
Whatever God deems to be unjust at the end of times.

>>20888027
justice = what god decides. got it.

>>20888019
well then you have to work on that. but the fact that it concerns you is a good sign. a rock wouldnt give a shit.

>>20888034
Human justice is a product of its time. Eternal justice is timeless.

>>20883432
I Will travel to a distant land this week to be put on a species of trial. My destiny Will be at stake

Happiness helps the government. Lets all be miserable all whole lifes on purpose in defiance of power.

Everything we see on the surface level is
The true identity of everyone we know is

>>20888037
It does feel like trying to find an invisible thing. How do you deal with honesty?

>>20883432
After I awoke and began to playback the experience of the dream I noticed that the characters were those whom I know or have known in my waking reality. but their 'configurations' were different, mostly. Oddly, one of my past Drill Sergeants still was a Drill Sergeant of sorts in this dream. and he still was the hardass he was in my waking experiences. my rebellious nature still present with me within this dream, still the source and cause of me being in trouble with authority. Some of my waking reality buddies were there too, but this time in different 'configurations'. my childhood friend and school buddy was within my unit but this time around he was more wild than I was, not sure why but he was being restrained like some wild animal. another guy who'd I'd been in service with in my waking reality who I never really got along with was a good close friend within this dream, even letting me borrow an expensive car he'd owned. I also somehow really pissed of a female battle-buddy, not sure exactly what I'd done, but she was more than willing to express that she "Fucking hated" me - but I got the emotional/energetic feeling the 'hate' was more disappointment concealing attraction.

Before my dream concluded, Me, my childhood/school buddy who was still restrained, and the battle-buddy who'd lent me his expensive car were all being reprimanded when we got attacked (or was it a test?). we'd subdued the attackers as our Drill Sergeant looked upon the whole ordeal with a smirk upon his face. and afterwards he seemed pleased, as if we'd finally learned our lesson. just before we were going to be released from the punishment a female solder runs up "Everyone! check your webcams! Its some breaking news going on". the environment kind of burst to life or become more energetic than it previously was with soldiers moving all about, to and from place to place. I unfortunately woke up before I could see what the problem was.

Now, within the waking reality and world, making myself breakfast - it hit me like a brick! "DAMN! I forgot to try and view my hands within the dream! shit!". Well, there's always tonight

>>20888041
agreed. I assumed the distinction was in there. of course that also means that such justice would be doled out regardless of how we felt about it. Here is a question, do you think that human justice should mirror eternal justice? if so, what does that look like to you?

>>20888058
Not always. Id also say that resigning to misery probably helps the government more since, if everyone did that, they wouldnt even have to hide their machinations under the guise of being agreeable in terms of safety, health and prosperity. why make it easier for them?

>>20888134
Lets be happy then

>>20888068
It probably starts with shedding judgement for a time. you are less likely to be honest with yourself if you are going to beat yourself up for it afterwords. also I carry around a small journal around with me and when Im in certain strong moods I take it out and write down what ever comes to mind. at first it is a spew of incoherent emotion but after a minute of taking the time to write I can usually reason through what I am actually thinking. You could also try dream journalling. your subconscious has a hard time lying if you are proficient at reading the meaning of your dreams. this is all coming from someone who is still very much on the road to self inquiry and understanding so take my advice with a grain of salt but these things have helped me.

>>20888144
if only it were that easy friend. But it certainly is a pretty good reason to try.

>>20888161
>carry around a small journal around with me
Thanks, I'll try doing it.
>dream journalling
I never manage to interpret my dreams besides the most basic level.

>>20888134
>they wouldnt even have to hide their machinations
Then we can become happy again, utilizing the element of surprise in a strategic happiness carpet bombing of enemy factories.

>>20888239
>strategic happiness carpet bombing of enemy factories
Im in.

>>20888215
>I never manage to interpret my dreams besides the most basic level.
I think that is ok. Its more important that you get it down and recognize patterns in your entries than it is to get at the very essence of what is going on in them. I also think there is probably something useful in comparing the two journals after a while to see if any of your concrete reasoned through emotion is matching up with the dream symbolism. once you notice the patterns then you can worry about understanding the meaning of those patterns which could take simple research or could mean talking it out with someone you trust or even a professional.

>>20888261
Thanks anon for the help.

>>20888110
There's no way for us to know what eternal justice is. We only know human, temporal justice.

I need advice and I just don’t even know who to turn to.

>>20888416
on what issue?

>>20887785
how was posting that post for you

>>20888422
Career

>>20888454
do whatever pays best that doesn't make you want to blow your brains out

>>20888464
That’s too simplistic to be helpful.

>>20888469
>i am lost, i don't know what to do with my life, my current job is unfulfilling and i have no one to talk to about that
>go back to basics
>not good enough
go listen to self help lectures and get inspired by some bullshit story of a legless guy running a marathon or some "self made man" who made millions selling his books telling people to sell books or listen to elon musk tell you to work overtime

>>20888382
agreed.

>>20888475
Following this line of thought got me into the situation I’m in now.

>>20888483
what do you find interesting / like doing in your free time?

>>20888483
a job is literally just you whoring your ass out for money except instead of taking some smelly guys dick in your cunt you're giving away years off your life so you can eat steak instead of noodles, find work that is the least demeaning you can and settle for it or try to break the mold and make it big

>>20888487
Read, but if I think I actually don’t like having free time at all.

>>20888493
That’s a good point. And you’re right. If I’m really thinking about it, my issue is not so much “where to go from here” as much as it is “where to go from here considering where I’ve gone”. To make a long story short, I had a really high paying job that had a lot of future potential but I was struggling with things personally and really unhappy with it so I left. And while I’ve recovered personally somewhat it’s just been step back after step back or stasis in my career ever since I left, and I’m very unsure what I even want to do now. My track record gives me pause. My age gives me pause. I have all this ambition but my confidence has suffered.

>>20888509
chasing the carrot until you realize happiness is not at the end of that carrot, i can't snap my fingers and make you realize that jobs are just means to an end that enable you to be free in a dystopian society where you trade financial freedom for every other freedom you have
blow your brains out if this life isn't tolerable, go out and fulfill your ambitions if this life is, what the fuck do you expect to hear from some random guy online that will respark the fire in your life? you already went to the motivational bullshit lectures and they didn't help, rack your brains and pick something that is worth putting your time into and worth even the risk of failing and go for that with all you got, better to fail at something you want to do than something you settled for
worlds your oyster, figure it out or stagnate

>>20888497
not many people like just having free time, thats why we do things in it. you should try law. you read a lot for law degrees. a lot. what do you like to read? historian may not be a bad rout either if you like nonfiction.

dancing in my dreams
a devil demands to be heard
an end is near it seems
bronze, iron and the third

hell dedicate your life to making everyone else's a living hell if that's what gets you going, spread your misery far and wide, ruin everything you touch and be a general menace to all those who have wronged you

that's what the jews did and look at em go now, follow success kid be nepotistic piece of shit that only cares about money and voila you'll be swimming in it, people talk bad about you? outlaw it and use your goons to get them fired
do whatever the fuck you want this world and the human civilization are a fucking joke on its last legs anyway, have some fun on your way out

>>20888520
You mentioned motivational lectures and not me. This is the thing about this thread. Sometimes it’s helpful because anonymity promulgates impartiality and searing honesty, but then other times it allows people to get on their soapbox and diatribe.

>>20888527
I’ve considered going to law schoo but don’t see where I’d take that.

>>20888563
>Following this line of thought got me into the situation I’m in now.

>>20888520
>jobs are just means to an end that enable you to be free in a dystopian society where you trade financial freedom for every other freedom you have
not 100% true. some people find their calling and do that work, the money being their means of survival (as apposed to spending their time working fields, hunting or gathering which would be the alternative). a lot of peoples jobs are trades of time for currency, the trick is to find work you would be doing anyway and monetize it to prevent your need to struggle for survival overtaking your passion. in other words if you dont want to work, not working becomes your job. you better love what you do.

>>20888563
I have THE final answer. Dedicate your life to gardening.

>>20888577
the best way to kill a passion is to do it for a living

>>20888563
>I’ve considered going to law schoo but don’t see where I’d take that.
fair. though if there was a path that is worth trying to see if you like it, law is probably that path. so long as you are good enough to pass the bar exam at the end you will literally never be unable to find a job. the amount of work for public defenders is staggering. I personally think it could be cool to become a judge (and if you decide you dont like that, many judges are perfectly suited for public office. politics could be a better fit).

go read some joe rogan book about how you should workout and stop being a bitch, then listen to some shareholder tell you how going on vacations and not working is their passions and you should follows yours

>>20888581
hear say. from a communist who doesnt realize that the act of living requires work no less.

how is dopamine addiction real lmao just turn off your wifi

>>20888569
I was not referring to motivational speaking.


>>20888598
Politics is both interesting and uninteresting. I will probably take the LSAT this fall just to see what I score. I think my undergraduate and post-graduate early career would be confusing to admissions so I’d probably need an incredible score for it to be worth it all.

I want to marry a wife and have many children of my own blood to carry on the family name, but I don’t want to have sex because that would deplete my semen retention and it just seems ‘wrong’ after all the masturbatory acts of lust I’ve committed - fear of Hell has no bearing on this at all; my notion of ‘wrongness’ is a personal feeling closer to a sentiment of disgust than objectively logical morality.
Can anyone else relate?
>inb4 incel
I have no issue fraternising with the fairer sex and do so on a regular basis. The assumptive mind is a closed mind.

>>20888621
if you get a good enough score on the LSAT and your undergrad scores were decent I dont think they will give much of a shit what you went to school for before or what your last job was.

I'm an edgy teenager in my mid-twenties and I have no intention of stopping.

>>20888672
based

>>20886945
Theres tons of gooks here. Take the rice pill

>>20887517
Different LA anon. I fucking hate it here

>>20886791
Animation is one of the harder parts of art world to be that antisocial hermit artist type, especially if you're interested in the studios. To really get into the industry requires schmoozing, which is probably why they're so neurotic. I worked on a personal project for a few years by myself and didn't mind it, but there are so many out there that love the social club aspect above all else. In my opinion, there's a puritan "love your job" work ethic in animators that is unhealthy. That just might be a stateside thing, in Europe animation seems more chill and artsy.

Glow or glow not it may
It may or may not be a tranny
Either way there's nothing to say
That appeases the eternal janny

Anything can be accomplished by a person, yet the impulse surfaces a myriadfold more rarely than the whale. Days become weeks, months, years. Love, greatness, life itself becomes obscure, beyond our reach, a dot in the rearview. Onwards! Speed onwards to a red light, anons! And when you do pause to surface, exclaim like the whale does with its mucus.

>>20883432
----- Solaria ----
CII
(atmosphere)

Not what you say, whether or not as act
But what you can resist saying
Even to oneself--

About any confluence of will and chance charmed
As the cuteness of jumping spiders or a particular hummingbird
Perched in a honeysuckle to preserve its heat while a long thunderstorm episode

Passes into some oblivion about its particulars
Trailing, it its wake, a late August you'd fly from Hawaii to see
Just once, if only you knew somemene so inclined to the artist's sense of holiday.

The deliciously monstrous perfection
Of a dazzling moonflower explosion that happened
Just outside the patio of that crazy witch and her pathetic dog

In a slightly blinding cool dawn that makes one imagine diamond silk snow
Of impossible slopes in the eye of swarm incalculable
By any device, if not conjuring--

Backlit black green of almost faraway oak lines glittering
In light faintly felt despite being on the brink of blinding, familiar
Extremes of unnameably rich scent, the kindred effect of sense agile as

Gardener whim and sublimely silly masters of inflection
The cure to whose melancholy we know
Because we can't endure

Noise for long, at home amid quietly humming tower forests
As I will always be where likewise intentional
Fields sprawl beyond foresight

As improvisation generally does, Homunculus in his land yacht of things and images.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_RtQSMNgzI

Nixt
>>20889109
>>20889109
>>20889109

>>20889110
That's a cursed thread.

>>20888608
isn't communism all about working and empowering the workers

>>20889135
Someone forgot to tell that to the communists

>>20889135
yes but a lot of "communists" and "marxists" view it as a system where they dont have to work. its just a sad fact about many young communists. that was part of the joke.

>>20889369
I think this is just how rightwingers see them.
Not many are fooled by Bob Black or the robo-slave future ideal.

Less work is indeed a promise and a good reality of the commune though.

>>20889413
tell that to all the young communists I knew in university. all but one were basically using it as a synonym for universal basic health care. I wouldnt say it is most young communists but there are a lot more retards out there than you would hope (and I knew a lot of retards boy howdy).

>>20889121
Just because the dog is telling you to not post those things you do, doesn’t mean there’s a curse.

>>20889431
Socdem, progressive/New Dealism isn’t communism.
People wearing Che shirts and voting for AOC aren’t communists

>>20889493
i agree. that doesnt mean they dont claim to be communist.

>>20889530
Same as AOC and the quad aren’t even progressives for saying they are.

Fools really are this easy to convince

>>20889487
You just don't understand curses.