/lit/ - Literature

>>20817651
I feel massively superior to all of you.

>>20817651
bro, there thread subject...

This is a lot better now thanks to /lit/'s bitching, thank you

https://www.scribd.com/document/551280851/Unfiltered

A sonnet

My gorgeous friend even on your memory I smile
I picture you a handsome knight who flavors my life
And me a lowly farmer tilling the field all the while
Telling me of your honor your victory your strife
My dear boon mate I greet with arms outstretched
Grinning like a cook before the emperors ball
The steam of wonder and marvel and finest of scents
I do delight in these ‘fore the rest of them all
Much like the path that this merry life shall take
I foresee you towering ‘bove crowds of lovely number
But I must confess unlike the cook I attempt relate
I do not make you myself except in slumber
And yet still I know you are pure autumn spirit.
Cause I am jealous and bitter winter right near it.

>>20817662
Post your work so we can dispel that little delusion.

>>20817651
Where is the thread subject, Zizek...

>>20817700
Are you feeling okay?

>>20817722
I have fucked it up as a *sniff* metaphor for how *wipes nose* we cannot, you know, *sniffs* see the chains of capeetalism so we cannot see the subject

53 more days of writing before final rounds of editing. I may have to delay a week or two but otherwise everything is going as planned.

anyone working on creating a scifi world and setting?

>>20817725
I feel great, but that's neither here nor there. Let's see what you're feeling so great about anon. You do write, don't you?

>>20817796
yeah

>>20817796
every hack is
>t. hack

>>20817808
>>20817813
what are your hack ideas then
t. king of hacks

Anyone notice Zizek gives a False Dichotomy regarding Protestants vs Catholics? He seems to think all Protestants, or even a Majority, believe in Calvinism

Rare book
https://archive.org/details/payne-robert-the-fathers-of-the-western-church/Payne, Robert - The Fathers of the Western Church

>>20817817
i should have inb4'd that. you're not poaching my shit

>>20817817
I posted a chapter in the last thread

>>20817824
almost got ya there
then i have a question for advice. how do you get in the mindset of an alien race? ive only really been able to come up with about 2 aliens in my setting with any real amount of depth to them, the rest are just shitty placeholders at the moment that i havent been able to figure out a role for. i can understand a warrior race easy enough ive read plenty on those types of cultures, do i just need to study a more economically focused culture or something to get into a different mindset? bored of warrior aliens, need something new . got a whole binder full of shit about one alien race, they work fine enough but again, needs variety in my galaxy. how do you think like aliens bros?

>>20817831
can you link it? theres alot to scroll through

>>20817866
>>20816583

>>20817846
>aliens of each species all share a uniform culture
cringe

>>20817820
Calvinism is such a dirty word among Protestants that Calvinists call themselves (((Reformed))). The TULIP ones you can tell a mile away though because they smile when they think about people going to hell or cry openly when they think they made one misstep. But there are plenty of Protestants and Catholics both that have some of these ideas in their head although they may not be able to express it.

Anyone that thinks of religion in that monolithic sense is probably unfamiliar with religious communities and only reads books. A single church can have so much variance in belief under a single roof and much more for the variety of denominations. Even the Psalms (55:12-14) makes it pretty clear it was that way too, people went to the temple with others and found that their friends didn't believe what they believed at all.

>>20817876
not really, that one alien race has 21 different clans, each with unique cultures and characteristics , i just generalize them as a warrior race for pea brains like you . do you actually have anything to contribute or are you just here to poach ideas while accusing others of doing the same? because i have been discussing aliens with different cultures for years, pleb, you prob nicked the idea from me in the first place. its not that groundbreaking really

Bros, why is r/writing so fucking awful. /wg/ is often too slow when I'm active but r/writing is just so low quality. Is there somewhere to discuss writing other than these two places?

>>20817907
no, i joined a writing discord and there are literally 5 girls named becky and 2 of them have rainbow flag pfps and they just argue with each other all day about how non-inclusive the other ones writing is
youre on your own pal, its here or bust

>>20817796
It's not weird enough to be scifi I think for some people's tastes but imagine early 20th century culture with utopia that has no crime, poverty or war thanks to technology. No soulless commitments to production or cults or social stratification. It's at a "knee-of-the-curve" scenario so all the spaceships and crazy stuff isn't there yet. I wanted to give a different vision for the future than what I'm used to seeing.

>>20817874
excellently written, cool tech as well

>>20817925
thanks

>>20817921
interesting. mine takes place over several thousands of years so its hard to describe the setting exactly, it changes pretty dramatically every millenia. starts off something like starship troopers (the book ofc) and dune , ends more the ramayana mixed with the 9th gate and the picatrix

>>20817846
you don't. because you will never be a real alien. your alien cultures won't pass either if you keep trying to base them on human societies. fear of the unknown is the whole fucking gimmick. let them be alien.

>>20817897
>discussing aliens with different cultures for years
not on this general you haven't
Here's a novel alien idea. Make em bugs. Evil alien bugs that somehow can fly through space. Here's the twist. They're actually ruled by some kinda smart bug. So at first they're just this plague that comes down but there's really some intelligence. Call it the Hive or the Creeping Doom. That's a new one. Just as original as your le heckin warrior culture yet also spacefaring alien species.

Should I focus on my native language and attend things in person to have a concievable chance of getting published, or should I try to shill for myself internationally in English using platforms like YouTube and the like?

>>20817972
both

>>20817907
>he became a writer to socialize

Thoughts on using italics to stress a particular word/couple of words? There's an ironic reveal that I want to play up that doesn't quite seem to hit right without italics, or alternatively the whole section needs reworking but more widely is this fine or no?

>>20817972
>Should I focus on my native language
Please, for the love of God.

>>20817976
But there is very little audience overlap and you'd need twice as much stuff to present, not even sure it would be of consistent quality

>>20817963
i dont really base them on human cultures, just use bits of human cultures as inspiration. im not trying to make them "space asians" or whatever the trend is, i want them to feel like an actual alien culture, unfortunately that means relying on some of what humans made as culture since we cant know what an alien culture would really be like. i try to imagine what life would be like for a creature different than man; how their culture would be different according to their biology, assuming they even develop any culture or if its recognizable as such.
>fear of the unknown if the whole fucking gimmick
it is with giegers alien, not every alien. i do have some aliens that are virtually unknown in the sense they have no culture, names etc but i dont wanna give you my ideas for them since those are actually good ones

i should clarify i am more learned in anthropology, biology, psychology and religion than i am in physics and science and astronomy so thats kinda the focus in my setting, not technobabble. its more about humanity and how it will evolve in the future than about the aliens anyway really so this is unnecessary thinking; but i still want the few aliens in my setting to feel relatively real, not just space indjuns in silly suits

Hey, would love some feedback on this psuedo noir piece I wrote and edited a lil while ago.
Logline: An old drug addict who found the right path all too late clocks into work to find a haunting memory of his past. It's flash fiction length atm
https://ghostbin.me/62f43391a2944

>>20817987
I feel that it's a crutch, punctuation and sentence structure should be enough. Worst I'd do is all capital letters

>>20817970
you write like a faggot

>>20817970
This is literally Ender's Game unless that was the joke.
>the Hive
hey alright.

>>20817990
I don't mind that at all, I'm just anxious that my weirdo gross out occult horror niche is small enough that I need to scrape for attention around the globe

>>20818035
ender's game
starship troopers
starcraft
probably some others that aren't as famous

>>20818043
>weirdo gross out occult horror niche
whoooooa so edgy bro. youre gonna make a million dollars with those big ideas

>>20817995
>unfortunately that means relying on some of what humans made as culture since we cant know what an alien culture would really be like
no. hard no. it's better that they're unknown and unknowable than trying to fit them into that box. that's exactly how you end up with terrible cliches. the most effective alien media uses them as a horror device. you don't know their motivations or their abilities or culture or religion or technologies because how the fuck could you.
>i try to imagine what life would be like for a creature different than man
this is what you're writing about. not the aliens themselves. the sooner you realize it and lean hard into it the better. what you know about them is what can be observed and imagined about them the same as anyone would. and most of that is probably wrong. stop trying to write an autistic encyclopedia about them. all it does is give you a dopamine rush for having accomplished nothing which harms your actual work. if you ever get there.
>it is with giegers alien, not every alien.
just the good ones. war of the worlds is not about aliens. signs is not about aliens. cloverfield is not about aliens. alien vs predator 3 is about aliens. take a page out of the winners' books not the losers'.
>but i still want the few aliens in my setting to feel relatively real
then use them as a horror device.

>>20818025
at least I write mr. worldbuilder ideas man
I think you should exhaustively catalog each and every one of your different alien species. spend a few more years on it. I'm sure it'll be time well spent

>>20818062
what do you write then, post it faggot so i can make fun of your fruity poetry or whatever shit you write

>>20818053
Isn't this a wrong occupation to expect a million dollars? I'll write whatever I care about, then puff my chest and slap a "literary fiction" sticker on it, and you'd be legally required to appreciate it to look smart

>>20818002
>noir
k-anon is that you

>>20817409
>Transfixed is still purple
Completely wrong. How can a single word, in its appropriate context and that 99.99% of readers could define kn sight, make the line purple? I define Purple as using uncommon words/phrasing in a way that disrupts clarity which is not the ca a e here. Define with specificity what makes something "purple" in your view.

I am willing to die on this hill.

>first person narration makes it especially so
Even more wrong. If the POV voice favors more flowery speech than it actually demands the use of "better" dictionary. If your POV is a child or moron than yes don't use big words.

>No one thinks to themselves "Oh boy I am transfixed by this."
Intelligent people do on reflection. I've been transfixed by things. Have you never seen a beautiful sunset or animal and just not wanted to look away?

>>20817651
I want a writing partner who is online often. Am I allowed to ask for somebody's discord? Should specify that I am an SFF writer.

>>20818085
Not quite but I know Kit and like his stuff

>>20818057
>the most effective alien media uses them as a horror device.
do predators not have a very noticeable culture in predator 1 even? yeah it doesnt go into detail about it, and thats not what im doing in my work either, but its there and in the background details
>it's better that they're unknown and unknowable than trying to fit them into that box. that's exactly how you end up with terrible cliches.
like what cliches?
>the sooner you realize it and lean hard into it the better.
what do you suggest i write then mighty wise one with a thousand brilliant innovations, if not a scifi.
>what you know about them is what can be observed and imagined about them the same as anyone would. and most of that is probably wrong.
good ideas that i will apply in other ways than you suggested
>stop trying to write an autistic encyclopedia about them.
nah.
>all it does is give you a dopamine rush for having accomplished nothing which harms your actual work. if you ever get there.
its the journey, not the destination. kike.
>avp3
that didnt even come out you liar. avatar was about aliens, and i fucking hated it, but the faggot normies like youre trying to appeal to loved it, so maybe you dont know shit huh

>>20818062
>>20818067
still waiting on that hot poetry anon

>>20818096
>he's STILL trying to socialize
Writing isn't for you. Find another hobby man, you'll be much happier.

>>20818109
That guy's a moron, ignore him.

Posted in the wrong thread so I'll just copy and paste it here. What do you people enjoy about books? The atmosphere? The plot? The charecters? The pacing? Because im sitting here planning this story and I really dont know how to make this an enjoyable read beyond just immitating what I find interesting or fun. I've done all the research and Ive got a structure for the story but I just cant figure out how to make it a page turner and not just a bunch of words scribbled on a page. It's going to be my first piece of writing since I was a kid btw.

>>20818121
I think you may be confusing me for somebody else good sir. But you are right.

>>20818122
i like the exchange of ideas even if hostile. cant win if you dont play

>>20818126
maybe read some of the oldest myths and stories and compare them to stuff from today if you havent already. see what really gives a story essence and a hook beyond just copy-pasted archetypical characters

>>20818130
It's just that I'm a good worldbuilder and a mediocre plotter desu. I would like somebody who has more experience than me and is better at plotting to exchange ideas with. And yes, also to be my friend.

>>20818126
>It's going to be my first piece of writing since I was a kid
just write something, it's going to be garbage anyway. But the faster you get the garbage out, the faster you can learn from it, and eventually write something half-decent.

>>20818057
>you don't know their motivations or their abilities or culture or religion or technologies because how the fuck could you
The reader shouldn't know, but the author should, surely? He should have somewhat of an idea about these things, if not encyclopedic knowledge, which is relayed though his text, but as you said, with ambiguity.

>>20818109
>like what cliches?
I get wanting to know everything about what you're writing so that it's easier to put to paper, but it's very hard to be original in a sci-fi setting with aliens. I'm not saying you can't, but maybe it's a better idea not to double down on the details because you'll lean into common genre tropes. Whereas if you're not entirely sure what it is you're writing about either, only slightly more knowledgable than you allow your readers to be, you'll create something more interesting and unqiue which you can develop later. Perhaps in a subsequent draft.

In the end write what you want, but fuck you guys make me think some retarded shit.

>>20818126
Try to formulate a short and concise idea, break it into parts to keep on track while you write. Sit down and write, just push out a finished crude draft. Read and edit it, maybe let it sit for some time, until you are happy with the result. You aren't getting a nearly complete result in one draft.

There are certain things about certain books that I like, most often it has to do with author's unique recognizable voice which you wouldn't develop until a few books in, I bet. Maybe a lot of books. As for everything else, dozens of books has been written on these topics and there is still no final agreement.

Just finish something and don't expect it to be great

>>20818109
>do predators not have a very noticeable culture in predator 1 even?
yes, but i was implying that those films and pulp novels are garbage. they don't always sperg on details and still leave things to the imagination but it still goes too far.
>like what cliches?
like the same cliche that has always haunted alien media. in pre-cgi film they were always obviously humans with shitty makeup which happens to be a perfect analogy for what happens in literature. you are human and your understanding of aliens is human. draw the line there instead of projecting your human nonsense onto them and ruining them for everyone else. let the reader project their own human nonsense. when not if you do project your human nonsense call it what it is. it's not lore, it's your feeble mind trying to make sense of something that doesn't.
>what do you suggest i write then mighty wise one
i'm giving you solid advice and you're being an asshole. i think i'm done here. good luck ideas guy.

>>20817651
I want to start writing short stories but I haven't really read all many of them. Any recommendations.

>>20818161
>i'm giving you solid advice
mid advice. not everything has to be horror scifi yknow, ive already stated that there are unknowable aliens in my setting, why cant there be at least one that is relatively humanoid socially and culturally? youre saying that im appealing to cliches, but i honestly dont see alot of scifi settings that try to delve too deep into alien culture or society, even in literature. halo 2 is probably the only one i can think of, and the normies hated it and thought it was weird whenever you played the squid guy. i feel like you just have a very specific idea for what aliens should be like, ironically limited in imagination by your obsession with le unknown, itself a very tired and played out cliche by now.

>>20818143
>It's just that I'm a good worldbuilder and a mediocre plotter desu.
what is wrong with your plots? what is good about your worldbuilding?

>>20818126
In books, I enjoy words. But as for writing something on my own, I like writing something I wish I could read. That's all there is to it.

>>20818155
why should they? take an alien invasion of earth as an example. it doesn't matter the slightest bit why they're invading the planet. not really. it matters that they are. trying to make sense of it is for personal comfort, to have some understanding of the situation as a consolation for not having any control. why would you give that to your reader? doing it for yourself will absolutely change your output and leak in whether you realize it or not and cheapen your readers experience.

>>20818195
i'm not seeing an apology. like i said good luck.

>>20818197
I have only ever written pilots for fake cartoons, flash fiction, and fanfics. People have told me my pacing is too fast. They also have said I try to do too much in one page. My frame of reference for how to plot comes from the comic books and cartoons I consumed in my childhood and adolescence. As for my worldbuilding, I've been doing it since I was a child. People tell my my concepts are imaginative and very, very interesting, but that's about it. I'm terrified that I'm an "ideas man" and nothing more.

>>20818210
>i'm not seeing an apology.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U18EuNN2D0
here, i uploaded a video of me apologizing so it could be personal

>>20818215
The fake cartoons and shit are my only complete works, I mean. There's only one of those things left.

>>20818215
ive got the same problems but slowly getting better at pacing plots
do you make a timeline of events?

>>20818202
I think you're right, but I don't know how you'd write something you know so little about while keeping it interesting. Unless you're writing horror and the whole plot is about surviving the unknown, I don't know how to keep myself engaged, never mind the reader. Motivation and background is of massive importance to a character, man or otherwise. For story cohesion alone the author has to know.

I'm thinking of making my protagonist a massive "transphobe" for no reason. It would be completely irrelevant to the plot, would come up in brief one scene, and would serve absolutely no purpose, but I feel like putting in there because I feel like the character would be one and I wanna put it in there. Also fuck trannies.

>>20818238
Kind of. I tried to take the Sanderson approach and intricately write the lore first initially. Now I just write a synopsis and break it down chapter by chapter.

>>20818248
im thinking of having mexican space cartels and neonazi psychic pirates (mostly descended from somalians) in my setting, i stopped caring about if it gets published or not a long time ago

>>20818249
https://www.insider.com/how-to-write-book-30-days-tips#the-reward-is-worth-the-hard-work-13
You all may not like the content of this article's novel, but the article itself is very informative.

>>20818248
One scene? Do it. If it's true to the character, why not? The characters you create are going to (hopefully) react to their world realistically. Make it believable that your character would do that and put him in a situation he would, no issue there. I think the biggest obstacle in writing this would be crafting the scene in a way which doesn't appear contrived.

>>20818248
I wanna really pivot my body-horror-shared-consciousness-mutant-blob story to be as transphobic as possible without solid grounds to be called out, especially the cult sex scenes

>>20818260
will read
>>20818249
if you wanna shoot some ideas out i have a server gvEHkBZ

>>20818290
Discord?

>>20818319
yea

>>20818331
Alright, I'll just jump in there quick and add you. What's your username without the # so I know who to add?

>>20818279
The scene would primarily focus on him being skeeved out by a tranny nurse he sees at the hospital and not wanting to interact with it.
>>20818285
That could work. Honestly, body horror is a perfect term to describe them.

>>20818336
You know what? Nevermind. I'll just ask.

>>20818342
Invite is invalid.

>>20818336
zeratul 6473
i dont really care i dont use discord for much

>>20817651
Stop using singular 'they'. Tell your peers to cease using it.

>>20817907
Did you look in the OP? Lazy anon.

Other forums
>https://reddit.com/r/writing
>https://writing.stackexchange.com/

>>20818376
this is just public school education

>>20818285
>>20818338
i have an idea very very similar to this in my setting, must be a common feeling in the zeitgheist
zerg but trannies basically

>>20818376
I don't have a problem with the singular they when you haven't established that you're talking about a man or a woman. But if you have, like in that picture, it sounds fucking retarded.

>>20818075
I don't run in such pseud circles.
I'll ignore your pretentious book & no one I know will have heard of it either.

>>20818393
They use it for men, they use it for women, they use it for animals.
Soon there will be no other pronouns, just one. Like in Hungarian or some shit.
This is an assault on the language.

200,000 fucking words, most populous tongue on the planet, and yet this shit.

>>20818086
>Intelligent people do on reflection
This is the problem. It screams "I AM SMART". IDC if your character is smart. The sentence in question is full of ten dollar words. It needs toned down. Axing the others would take away from the character's obvious expertise, therefore we have to tone down the power verbs just this once.

>>20817651
Dugin mogged him

>>20818401
>I don't run in such pseud circles
You are in /lit/

>>20818185
Raymond Carver's are pretty great. Same with HP Lovecraft's

Does anyone have any tips for coming up with modern/semi-realistic weapons / scary ways of killing people? I'm writing a crime thriller and I want to think of a cool/scary murder device like the bolero in The Counselor (the corncob McCarthy movie)

>>20818420
And no one in /lit/ is going to care that I didn't read some pretentious no-name's attempt at literary fiction.

>>20818244
>I don't know how you'd write something you know so little about while keeping it interesting.
those are the most interesting and compelling things to read and write about. things that we'll never understand. that's why we keep reading and writing about them. why we've been telling the same stories about these things for thousands of years with no signs of stopping any time soon. as an example, nobody understands love and they have no hope of ever understanding it. they don't even understand their own experience of it. so they're constantly in search of other peoples experiences to better understand their own and maybe even a tiny little sliver of universal truth. it's an entirely futile pursuit but that doesn't stop us, it drives us. as to how you would go about writing about those things in a way that captures your own imagination and others, i don't have a practical answer for you. that's the great question and the challenge before us all and every great writer that came before. a great unknown and unknowable. probably entirely futile too but that's beside the point isn't it.

>>20818393
This.

>>20818053
You're not going to make a million dollars with your cookie cutter fiction, you'll maybe get a handful of readers once you capitulate and throw it up on Archive of Our Own. You wish for everyone to pare down their creativity and skill to the most forgettable and flavourless sludge in order to cope with your complete lack of talent as a writer and the resulting lack of recognition.
In short, don't kill yourself, the thought of you suffering with self loathing and doubt for the remainder of the century really tickles my pickle.

>try to write
>put 800 words down in half an hour
>hate all of them
>doesn't feel like my story at all
>doesn't match at all to what was in my head
>wife keeps interrupting me and reading over my shoulder
AHHHHHH

>>20818502
That sounds miserable bro.

Tell your woman to fuck off.

>>20818502
>put 800 words down in half an hour
>hate all of them
Relax anon you're doing it right.

>>20818502
hey hun are you writin :)

>>20818466
You're talking about exploring themes, whereas I'm talking about tangible characters. Maybe I cut in on your discussion with the other anon too late and missed the initial point of contention, but are we not talking about writing a fictional alien? How do you write a character without background and motivation? If we're trying to explore the mysteries of the cosmos, that's fine, but we still need to write something and we need to know about what we're writing about. Maybe this is all lost on me anon.

Right now Im rolling in the anxiety and fear I felt only a few says ago. The logical part of me is now working against my own will for emotional security. today I saw the same dog with a muzzle which indicates two things. firstly that the behavior of the dog has worsened or become noticeable. secondly is that the dog has someone looking after it, which both warrants and defaults some of my fear. Earlier I was strolling in a state of real panic through the corridors of unfinished construction, life, and dog shit that is huanchaco. Constantly I was thinking, how much time do I have left to live? how long will I last? the disease gestates anywhere from a weeks to decades. This leaves me completely distraught as to how to live my life. the greatest irony here is that none of this is guaranteed. On the 14th I will search in earnest for the hound and confront this fear eye to eye. I will see it and stop. I will think on its qualities as I search for symptoms of what is in fact unlikely to a high degree. Out of the millions of peruvians a ballpark of 20 or so die of this. which gives me a negotiable but not complete set of odds to bet against. To think that I could become an additional casualty to an obscure and insidious element of another society quite different from my own strikes me as somewhat poetic. It also warrants a high degree of terror from my dwindling emotional welfare.

>>20818126
>What do you people enjoy about books? The atmosphere? The plot? The charecters? The pacing?
Good prose always drags me in. From there, I like drama and a plot that changes. What I hated about For Whom the Bell Tolls was that Hemingway spent 6 chapters bullshitting in the forest about this faggot bridge they're going to blow up. What I liked about The Sun Also Rises was that in 6 chapters I had been introduced to interesting plot, characters, and great atmosphere. Just don't plod along. Take me somewhere special.

>>20818596
just cross my town up

>>20818126
When I think about what I want to write, the answer would be atmosphere and characters. The atmosphere is crucial for me to enjoy the setting the characters travel in and the characters are important for me to enjoy everything else.

>>20817800
Yes, I was just trolling. Actually I'm probably more insecure than anyone else here

>>20818546
i'm talking about the human condition. we all are under whatever pretense. that's all there is to talk about. when we talk about aliens we're still talking about the human condition necessarily. for that reason trying to make your aliens more alien by explaining them is counterproductive. you can only make them more human and so less believable and realistic as nonhumans.

the original point of contention by my estimation was that anon was uncomfortable with his self-harming behaviors being addressed, namely writing encyclopedias instead of stories. the original point of the conversation was how to write aliens. as to your questions

>How do you write a character without background and motivation?
generally speaking, you don't. your aliens like anything else obviously have some kind of history and some kind of motivation to do whatever it is they're doing or to do anything at all. not that you couldn't write a story for a character without motivations or background or that it couldn't be interesting, but that's not the case here. the point i made was that it doesn't really matter what their motivations are. it doesn't have to be a known for the reader and so neither does it have to be a known for you the writer. making it a known to the reader is never going to enhance the story. i think there's an argument to be made that it doesn't enhance the story for the writer either and that flows downstream to the reader too. i think you agreed with that.

>we need to know about what we're writing about.
why? i haven't been given a satisfactory answer to this and i'm not convincefld that one exists. the example of the alien invasion stands. what difference does their motivation make? humanity is being exterminated, what does it matter if it's for fun or future colonization? the end result is the same. any justification you give is just going to bring the story down. if you're struggling wrapping your head around how writing an alien invasion story without a known cause i'd suggest that's more of a mental block from not wanting to give up narrative control than any genuine incomprehension.

>>20817846
You could read some existing examples of well-done alien races.
My personal favorites are:
1) "Stranger In A Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein
A human, raised by Martians, returns to Earth, bringing Martian culture with him.
Heinlein came up with an incredibly different, and yet credible, culture for the Martians to have.
2) "Excession" by Iain Banks
Set ~9000 years in the future, humanity has explored the galaxy, and has met some very different races.
3) "The Gods Themselves" by Isaac Asimov
Parts 1 and 3 of the book are in our universe. Part 2 is set in a "nearby" universe/dimension, on a planet where there are naturally three genders, all of which have to come together to produce offspring.

>>20818414
This is a slavish devotion to simplicity, none of the words in that sample were over $5. And still waiting on that definition or "purple" senpai.

How can I say "bachelor party" and "afterparty" in quick succession without repeating the word "party"?

684 words in about 50 minutes today. I'm satisfied with that. Another chip into the pile and one more step to completion. This is turning out to be a long chapter, about 9k compared to my usual 3.5 to 5k.

But I'm almost at the end of this book where the protagonist realizes he's in love with the foreign girl and has to invent new excuses to go see her so he can try to wife her up.

>>20818881
NTA but https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_prose is a good place to start.

>>20818973
>I'm satisfied
You done goofed, start over.

>>20818596
Thats very good anon. Great potential as a writer. You just need to polish it a bit

Why are visual novels so different from books in terms of story?

In a book, if you don't catch the readers attention immedietely with an attention grabber, you'll immedietely lose readers. With visual novels, you can go hours just building up the story before you reach a cool moment. Only in a visual novel is it considered acceptable to start the story with the protagonist waking up.

They're both reading media, so why do the conventions differ so wildly?

>>20818998
because VN readers are children or mentally stunted adults

If you had to describe how the tone in your story changes over time, what would it be?
For me?
>Mysterious
>Lonely
>Optimistic
>Depressing
>Apocalyptic
>Hopeful

>>20818383
>Guy complains about r/writing
>DUDE JUST GO TO r/writing!
C'mon man, keep up

>>20819011
Almost the same, except the apocalyptic and depressing parts are switched.

>>20818515
>>20818502
>wife gets pissy and asks why I don't let her read what I write
>tell her it's distracting having her over my shoulder and I can't focus and it makes me second guess what I'm typing
>she gets more pissy so when I finish I let her read it while I shower
>She starts telling me all these random things I should change to make it "better"
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>20819015
I mean it when I say apocalyptic, by the way.
The destruction slowly escalates into outright absurd, from a couple city blocks at the start to the world being shaken by the end

>>20818545
>>20818536
I suppose, but it feels like negative progress because I know basically everything I wrote will need to be either fully rewritten or outright deleted because its not what I want.

>>20819025
Yes, my antagonist starts hitting the gas and putting his plan of creating a dead paradise into action. Basically shit has happened to him and some of the things he learned has made him decide only memories are worth keeping and he intends on creating an eternal world of happy memories playing endlessly.

>>20819028
>it feels like negative progress
Now you're getting it.

>>20819011
Melancholic
Hopeful
Bizarre
Nihilistic
Disgusting
Incoherent
Terrifying
Depressing
Hopeless
Some of these, especially towards the end blend together.

>>20819012
Er...there were 2 URLs posted there?
Are you having reading comprehension issues?

>>20819049
Is this a sign that maybe pantsing isn't for me and I need to outline after all? I feel like when I outline I lose the "magic" of my idea and it becomes too cold and calculated and begins reading like a write-by-numbers rather than in my natural voice.

>>20817876
>>20818025
>>20818515
>>20818984
>>20819004
seethe

>>20819040
I know this

here's my idea for a novel: college student with good grades with some friends but kind of on the lonely side, has to work on the dissertation for his undergraduate stem degree. Covid lockdown comes in, he spirals into a sort of 'active' depression, ends up fucking around without doing anything, deadlines come he has nothing, loses his degree. Comes back to old town, ends up going to another town to live with an uncle and work in basic construction where everyone thinks he is too soft too weak for the job. Too ashamed and humiliated to talk with old friends. Ending is supposed to be optimistic.

>>20819096
I don't want to read your diary desu

>>20819090
It makes me wonder how did my parents bring me up to come up with something like this, I blame the fact that fairy tales are darker than most would like to believe.

>>20819073
It's a sign that whatever you're doing is working. Self-doubt is the gate and the key.

>>20819078
It seems like you're both seething and projecting. Sort yourself out.

>>20819100
It's actually fiction but it was a possibility some time ago.

>>20819096
Maybe it's just me, but the last thing I want to read about these days is anything vaguely related to the pandemic.

>>20819058
Mine is somewhat similar.

>>20819115
it's just a catalyst for loneliness, and gives for a lot of small details on daily life

>>20818977
If it's just one character using purple prose in their speech it's kind of funny. It gives off the immature/juvenile impression

How short is too short for an opening chapter?

My first chapter is currently only 1,200 words. It's written as a first person recollection in which the character gives an uninterrupted and overly dramatic synopsis of what he was doing prior to his arrest. This monologue is in the interrogation room but that's not known until the start of the next chapter when the viewpoint shifts to third person and the interrogating officer grounds the man back to reality. I wanted the hard chapter break here to increase the emphasis that the first-person monologue is distinct and different in style and tone from the rest of the book rather than just do a smaller section break which I feel would be more jarring to read.

will I get any feedback if I post something in spanish?

>>20819141
as long as it's the level of Spanish that gets taught at public highschool in America, sure
but be warned, we watched Run Lola Run with English subtitles my senior year just because the teacher liked it

>>20819115
This. It makes me so sick to think about because of how insincere and monotonous it felt. It makes me feel retarded though, as if now ignorance/stubbornness/obstinacy was a virtue and that I no one deserves my attention. Maybe it is that way. Because every time I hear refrains like "I fear the man with one book" or something like that I want to get so angry I want to break something. It's like a revolution of the mind and now I have refused to think.

>>20819141
Yeah sure, I'll tell you this is an English speaking board and to go fuck yourself. If I'm feeling cute I might even call you a beaner or a wetback.

Tell me your current projects /wg/. Mine:

>Vaporwave Noir Novel
>People dying for clout on social media taken to even more absurd levels in which the "good cop" thinks it's a serial killer but realizes that it's just a fucked up world that's been created.
Currently have a couple chapters written and a general outline in my head where I want it to go. Kind of stuck now because of the actual path from A to B. Sitting at about 10k words.

>Ironic Modernist Novel
>Guy who idolizes the post-war French writing circles goes to France just before WWII starts to try to start his writing career on his father's dime. He eventually "falls in love" with a low-class black girl who works in a cafe and is treated like shit but is blinded by his own privileged station and ultimately ruins any chance before its too late.
Wanted to start first edits but I realized that this would require substantially more meat before I can begin cutting away. Going to come back to this and add in several more chapters in the middle and end to make the pacing flow more smoothly. Currently at 51k.

>Nonfiction Economics, Markets, and Investing book
>self-explanatory
Outlining stage but no rush here. 0 words.

>Psychedelic Pychon Ripoff Novel
>The world has already ended but no one is aware until the complete absurdities of society are bared.
Drafting up now and the one I'm most excited about. 500 words mostly as starting filler/fluff.

>Masturbatory Melancholy Novel
>Guy moves to Vietnam with little savings to live a more "authentic life" but finds its just the same shit, different language and follows his self-pitying adventure for meaning in a place that views him as an "other"
Mostly just outlining for now, 1k words.

>Living in Pods is Good Actually Novel
>People trying to save individuals from pod and bug life but this guy refuses because freedom from and freedom to are not equal in being free. Basically that bald guy in the first Matrix's story if he was the hero.
Really just me being reactionary to all the retards who say shit like "hurr, durr, you're free to change jobs" when people complain about being poor. Outlining for now, 0 words.

>Union Man Novel(?)
>Semi-fiction story about some lives that were changed when Bethlehem Steel closed down in Baltimore about a decade ago and how, at every turn, all forces were conspiring against the working class people of the area.
Hit a stalling point where I can't decide on the number of individual stories within the novel or if I should change it to a short story collection. Sitting at about 9k words.

>American Gothic Novel
>O Brother Where Art Thou meets one of those awful Ben Shapiro military books if he wasn't a little bitch and actually understood that war actually sucks for soldiers. Former soldier settles down in the farmlands of the deep south and gets embroiled fighting to protect his land and begrudgingly the land of his neighbors from developers and bankers.
Mostly outlining still with 1k-ish words down for starting fluff

>>20819193
I'm only in the planning part.

1/2

>>20819214
2/2
Thinking of doing a complaint to the complaint to the complaint, again with the same rhymes and mostly the same meter. But in whose voice? Maybe the first speaker's again?

>>20819214
I don't like it.

I'm trying to write a scene where a character regains a long-lost power because she finds her will/reason to fight again.
>He stood there, towering over his surroundings like a figure of death, the burnt trees and rubble for miles around only emphasizing that. His eyes burned with that soft blue glow that was present on each crease of his bark-like musculature, while his face remained unchanging despite his missing arm.
>He held something in his right hand. No, someone. By the throat. My vision was blurry from the explosion and the lightning was a bit odd. so I couldn't make out who I was looking. With my eyes at least, because even though I couldn't see their face, I knew exactly who he was strangling the life out of. My disciple. Her energy was being siphoned from her, and as her body lost it's strength, he gained his vigor back. The stump of his arm grew larger and longer until it became completely apparent that he was regrowing it.
>I stumbled to my feet, clutching my sword as hard as I could. As I did, he crackled with electrical energies, along with a growing buzzing sound in the air. It was obvious he was preparing to finish me off while he ate my friend from the inside out. I needed to protect her. She was the one who showed me kindness for the first time in hundreds of years and made me want to move and fight again with passion. I stared down at my sword and thought to myself
"I am not an executioner. I am a knight."
>His face flashed, and I stuck my sword in front of the thin shaft of light that headed my way.
>The force pushed me back, my boots leaving marks in the ground as I continued to hold my blade as steadily as I could. The light filled my vision, and about all I could see were my arms and the sword they held. I could not let this monster kill me. I couldn't let it kill the one I had grown to admire. I could not let it kill anyone else. I would protect everyone to my dying breath
>As these thoughts raced through my mind, I noticed something. My sword and armor were flaking a bit. Yet, despite this sign of degradation, I felt stronger and stronger with each passing second. I started to push back harder and harder until I could feel that I was moving forwards. My sword and armor flaked faster and faster, and it slowly became noticeable that a brilliant, yet familiar silver was replacing the dull metal I had grown so accustomed to
>I eventually caught sight of him through the light, and my goal, for the first time in centuries, became apparent to me. I had a purpose again.
>With that, my sword emitted a brilliant, blue arcane flame. Like it was a burning log at a warm campfire. The flames did not burn or even bother me, but rather emboldened me. I moved out of the way to the right as fast as I could and, without hesitation, struck as fast as I could, driving my sword into his neck as deep as it would go.
>The light stopped, and with it he stopped. He froze in place like a statue for a couple of seconds before crumpling
Cont

>>20819219
Well, aren't YOU articulate.
Are you sure this is the thread for you?
You act more like a thoughtless bully.

>>20819219
Writer here. I'm not all too happy with it either, which is why I posted it. What could I polish? What jumps out as especially disagreeable?

>>20819234
Cont
>Crumpling to the ground like a scarecrow without a post.
>I stood there, stunned and dazed from the adrenaline rush I had just experienced. I then took note of my disciple. Her skin looked almost dead, but her breathing was deep and fast. I walked over, gently picked her up with my refurbished arms, and began to head home. Maybe she'd feel better when she ate something, I didn't know.
BTW the scary part is that this didn't kill him. He comes back later and it takes the sacrifice of one of the key characters to finally stop him for good

>>20819214
"cheap vodka" is extremely jarring, tonally, to the otherwise abstract purple with the ancient/ slightly religious imagery you're going for.
The other "but" is way too close to the first one in line 10, and it makes it awkward/clunky. Find another word or edit to make the cadence rhyme work.
>>20819218
i mostly like it, but again it's not completely coherent/consistent tonally. Specifically "bike-path" feels out of place.

>>20819235
>state a simple opinion
>REEEEEEE *PERSONAL ATTACKS*
Back to your discord hugbox.

>>20819206
Anyway, here's mine:
>Dark fantasy
A young prince who lost his father is determined to find the truth behind his death. As all stories go he gets more than he wanted and then some.

>Short story
A group of orphaned children clamor around an elder, demanding a story from him. He tells them the story of a flash of light and a weeping princess from his adventuring days, but what could be the reason behind telling such a personal story?

>>20819234
>towering over his surroundings like a figure of death
I hate everything about this.
>the burnt trees and rubble for miles around...
This is very awkward to read all the way to the end of the paragraph. This goes for your writing in general. You have line level and craft issues in a very severe way. This reads like awful fan-fiction.
>He held something in his right hand. No, someone. By the throat.
This is just plain awful. See above. It's like an edgy teenager writing Papa Roach + DnD fan fiction. I really can't read anymore beyond this. It's just terrible dude...

>>20819214
Im not a poetry guy, so maybe you can explain the feeling youre trying to provoke here?

Also the double but in the 3rd stanza seems wrong

>>20819261
What would you rather have me say? I was originally just going to say
>He towered over everything around him as he usually did.

>>20819214
To you, East Anon
Verily, I must question
What complaint is there?

>>20819127
I think the first chapter is not necessary. You can just open with the interrogation

>>20819257
>"cheap vodka" is extremely jarring, tonally, to the otherwise abstract purple with the ancient/ slightly religious imagery you're going for.
>The other "but" is way too close to the first one in line 10, and it makes it awkward/clunky. Find another word or edit to make the cadence rhyme work.
Thank you! I was wondering about both of those choices. Both intentional, but it's more important that it read well.
Changed them respectively to
>As blurry as liquor is lucent,
>But in due time, and leave its art!

>>20819257
>Quit blocking now a decent view
>And passers by by your laments.
Does this sound a bit better? I wanted to make the complaint to the complaint a bit more down to earth in general, but I guess it still sounds a little haughty and that I should stick that through.

>>20819282
The first speaker despairs at the East River slowly swallowing him and the whole city up; the second speaker calls him out on his vanity.

>>20819096
The story is too boring anon. You would have to be incredibly talented to turn that into something worth reading

>>20819290
But then only one part of it is a complaint.

>>20818002
I really enjoyed this. I tried to come up with something, but I think it's good as is for a mood piece. I would have liked to see some sort of progression, something that gave it more of a direction. Maybe the protag doesn't just find a dead body, perhaps the guy could die while he's chasing him off? Or you could have some interaction where he tried to chase him off before, but he must have come back during the night and died there. Just a little something that gives the dead body more than just meaning for Mikey.

>>20817987
Irony should probably be able to stand on it's own. It's your call, but I usually find it cheesy using things like italics in that way. There's a Lovecraft short story where he ends with "the beast was a MAN!" or something like that, in bold and all caps. It's very silly looking.

I would appreciate feedback on this: https://pastebin.com/FCPnKvUE
This is a short intro for one of the characters who becomes involved in a murder mystery.

>>20819294
Yep. The first part is a complaint in the medieval sense; the second part is a "complaint" in the modern colloquial sense.

>>20819214
It’s abominable anon. Are you really in nyc and writing about the east river? Then what’s all this cheesy shit about Zion and babylon and all the other horseshit for crying out loud go and read some anthologies develop some taste

how do i get myself to edit? i have an 85k manuscript sitting around but every time i start going through it i start to feel sick. i feel like all the changes i do to it make it worse and then i just end up undoing them. i started another manuscript recently and enjoy writing but i'm dreading eventually finishing the first draft and having to edit it to try to make it better.

also re-asking my previous question cus i'm selfish:
Does anyone have any tips for coming up with modern/semi-realistic weapons / scary ways of killing people? I'm writing a crime thriller and I want to think of a cool/scary murder device like the bolero in The Counselor (the corncob McCarthy movie)

>>20819309
take something from ancient mythologies and give it a plausible explanation.

>>20819298
You know by saying girlfriend or boyfriend you are implying he’s bisexual right?

If you simply say no girlfriend it’s implied he’s straight.

Other than that I think it would benefit from some tightening up. Think you spend too much time and words on a simple task of opening an envelope. Don’t know if it’s justified here all that inner monologue sounds excessive to me.

Modern convenience has ruined art. You should be uncomfortable and your writing should make you feel uncomfortable. Like this image does.

>>20819301
I don't have much of a suggestion, but if you're doing the second complaint in the modern sense it might help if you wrote the second one in a modern way. That would then create a sense of distance between the two complaints.

It must be hard being this retard.
>>20815302

>>20819318
that's a good idea. i'm reading the iliad rn so i'll keep an eye out for some ancient weapons

>>20819309
Drown someone in a vat of chocolate

Or just go to pol and watch a few gore threads

>>20818943
just said "honeymoon" instead

>>20819301
The bisexuality is intentional since it would be relevant later. It also thematically fits with the mental image I have of this guy always being caught between two things. I see what you mean about the inner dialogue, I'll try to trim it down more. Thanks.

>>20819338
Can you write some text in the style of that image to demonstrate the principle?

>>20819011
>Adventurous
>Optimistic
>Depressing
>Funny(?)
>Depressing. again.
>Determined
>Happy

>>20819214
Oh hey, my name's in here. Cool.

>>20819377
Will do
>>20819318

This is the scene for reference btw

https://youtu.be/LpZGXTrG2zw

I started translating my snail story into English but it's too much bother. This is almost exactly one fifth of it, make of it what you will.
https://pastebin.com/uzBBmCWa

Day 60 editing
Chapter 82 done
10 Chapters posted
Someone favorite'd me
Only have five plot holes to fill in the whole thing for third pass
It's almot time lads
I can almost start to write again!

>>20819338
Should I be uncomfortable enough to make a layman want to stop by, sneer and point fingers at le epic suffering artist? How do I know my peice is any good in the end?

>>20819193
I'm not the one to try and force out a single project till my ass gets leaky, but why do you need so many? Just put the idea down in the notes and finish something

Vietnam story sounds like my school buddy, except he found it considerably more dull and constantly opposes it to the drug and hooker heaven that is Thailand, while struggling with his midlife crisis.

>>20819193
Yeah okay.
>novel about two people's religious views changing, currently at 110k words (my first drafts tend to meander)
>fantasy novel about a bunch of pirates signing on as laborers at the construction site of a mage's tower in the hopes of robbing the place, currently at 28k words and on hold
>novel about a woman being contacted from the future by a radio, still in the early planning stages so no clue what the fuck this is even about but I know the MC is a girl hunched over her radio with big clunky headphones, probably takes place in the early 90's
I will write them all in turn

I like to “Group” my characters into plotlines and then give said plotlines incredibly stupid supplementary names. For example
>An Armadillos excellent adventure
>Neon Genesis Explosive failure
>Brazil

where do i go for fixing any glaring issues in my writing? i'm not a writer per se but i do have to write a little when i do game dev stuff, and i don't want it to be completely awful

i know one dude who writes for a living but i think he's just out to troll me. the last time i sent him some writing, he said i sound like an ESL retard. i told him it was an excerpt by hemingway and he doubled down on his comment

>>20819401
Jim loathed his new job. He thought caring for old folks would lend him a sense of purpose and a handsome salary. That thought was nobler than the reality that replaced it. In reality he spoonfed liquified food product to human vegetables most of the day for a comely wage. It hadn't been a week of this before he realized that he wasn't helping anybody, not really. Least of all the empty shells of yesterday's grandmas.

Among Jim's patients only a handful were semi-lucid. And while he did feel that he made a positive contribution to what was left of their overextended lives, they hardly ever remembered him from day to day. Visiting families didn't recognize him or his deeds any better. He felt he was as much a burden to them as the rotting corpses they had dumped there for him to tend to. It wasn't a month of this before he realized it was a thankless job and just how much he wanted to be thanked. To get something, anything extra in exchange for his toil. Every minute of every hour since had been excruciating.

Then summer came. One day, a Tuesday maybe, a rolling blackout swept over Tallahassee. The backup generators kicked on immediately as they do to power critical systems in the event of electrical failure. Some viscous son of a bitch somewhere decided the air conditioner was not a critical system. The buckling heat and humidity inside the care complex were unlike anything Jim had ever endured. He almost convinced himself that it was God's righteous anger being visited on him for all of his self-serving thoughts. The way figured only hell could be this hot.

"Tim? It's Tim, right? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm-" was all he managed to push out. He wasn't okay. His brain was fucking boiling in his skull. "W-what's up, Carrie?"

Jim didn't hear most of what she said. Something about something overloading something else. The freezer maybe. He was busy reassuring himself that someone so sweet and so beautiful as nurse Carrie couldn't possibly be there with him in hell. She was picture perfect. The kind of girl you want to ruin your life for. The kind of girl you could only ever disappoint. In a word an angel. And no devil could have corrupted her.

"So did you get all of that, Tim?"

"Uh yeah, no problem." He didn't get any of that. His body felt heavy and cumbersome, his breathing was labored. He was pretty sure he was having heart palpitations.

"Thanks, Tim!"

She dropped a frosted over box of popsicles in his arms and he felt himself in his own body again. What the fuck? Why would she give him a box of popsicles? She didn't even remember his name. What a bitch. What's he supposed to do with a fucking 96 count box of Savemart brand fruit bars anyway? Was Carrie the devil?

She was already gone before he could compose his thoughts. For the best. Jim could only surmise that she meant for him to pass them out to patients, to help keep them cool. He opened one for himself and thought about having to wave them around like airplanes

>>20819580
A very nice first-fifth of a tale. I liked the attempts to work out where the snails fit into their theology and natural philosophy. I liked the 'Always keep salt at hand!' interjections. And the archaic English feels natural and unforced. (Why are online Finnish people so good at idiomatic English?)

>>20819193
>Vaporwave Noir Novel
>People dying for clout on social media taken to even more absurd levels in which the "good cop" thinks it's a serial killer but realizes that it's just a fucked up world that's been created.
Featured in iPhuck10 by Pelevin.

>Psychedelic Pychon Ripoff Novel
>The world has already ended but no one is aware until the complete absurdities of society are bared.
Featured in empire V by Pelevin

>Nonfiction Economics, Markets, and Investing book
>self-explanatory
Outlining stage but no rush here. 0 words.
Featured in Numbers by Pelevin.

>Masturbatory Melancholy Novel
>Guy moves to Vietnam with little savings to live a more "authentic life" but finds its just the same shit, different language and follows his self-pitying adventure for meaning in a place that views him as an "other"
Featured in Secret Views of Mount Fuji by Pelevin.


>Living in Pods is Good Actually Novel
>People trying to save individuals from pod and bug life but this guy refuses because freedom from and freedom to are not equal in being free. Basically that bald guy in the first Matrix's story if he was the hero.
Featured in Transhumanism inc. by Pelevin.

>American Gothic Novel
>O Brother Where Art Thou meets one of those awful Ben Shapiro military books if he wasn't a little bitch and actually understood that war actually sucks for soldiers. Former soldier settles down in the farmlands of the deep south and gets embroiled fighting to protect his land and begrudgingly the land of his neighbors from developers and bankers.
Featured in The Sacred Book of the Werewolf by Pelevin (althought against Russian backdrop)

I say that in the world where Pelevin was never born as a prodigius genius that reflects on every aspect of post-modernism with absurdity it deserves and then accelerates beyond, youd have a chance to sell few copies, had they some satirical wit in them. But alas..

>>20817995
>im not trying to make them "space asians" or whatever the trend is,
That's been the trend since 1915

>>20819929
>aware of the term post-modernism
>believes that once a book comes out, every other book with vaguely similar themes is redundant

>>20820166
my awareness of post-modernism in no way logically can be connected to my post. its only job, was to highlight unawareness of most literary newcomers of the fact, that every thought or experience they ever had, mightve already been done in 3000 page book of french-jewish artistocrat; or in your case a post-modernistic absurdist, who bases every fabula he ever writes in occultism and epistemological theory. Not at all a hateful post

>>20819234
>His eyes burned with that soft blue glow that was present on each crease of his bark-like musculature, while his face remained unchanging despite his missing arm.
Pick a body part and stick with it.

>>20818943
>bachelor night
>stag do
>lad's night
or simply
>"shouldn't ya save some for the boys?"

/wg/ is the /ic/ of /lit/.

>>20819698
that dance scene
>no British upper class gf

>>20820350
It's great but not as good as Malhari

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_MyUGq7pgs

>>20817736
up yours woke moralist
we'll see who cancels who

>>20819258
You're missing the point (deliberately, I suspect).
Simply stating "I don't like it' doesn't help the writer at all.
An unelaborated opinion is useless.
You need to give more detailed critiques, if your intention is to help the writer.
As it is, you're just being a demotivational failed-crab.

Past or present tense lads?

>>20820490
If you use present tense, the reader can be pretty sure the narrator is going to live through the story.
I guess you could always pull a "Sunset Boulevard".

>>20818977
I'm not asking for the Google results for the definition - I'm asking on what metric he defines purple because 1)"Transfixed" is a common word and 2) it's a very apt word to use in that situation. It drives me bonkers when people just yell out "purple" and "show don't tell" without context

>>20820490
Probably past but every story is unique. Present tense feels gimmicky for majority of stories in my opinion.

>>20820646
Yeah, I too get tired of anons simply ranting instead of providing detailed critiques.

>>20820490
Future

>>20820490
past tense, omniscient limited, with very rare usage of first person from a detached narrator for effect

>>20819193
I'd read the Vietnam and the Gothic novel.
>>20819259
I'd read the dark fantasy, too.
>>20819698
I remember you talking about all of these at one point. I'm interested in reading them all.

>Alternative history series
>A young king experiences the growth of himself and his nation through war, diplomacy, and love with a foreign lady. He experiences the heights of ambition, happiness, greed, joy, betrayal, and heartbreak.
I'm working on a better blurb. The nuances of the novel include a foreign king who used to be an enemy becoming his closest friend, his former closest friend from childhood experiencing a religious awakening and rejecting his king's morals, the affect children have on wanton ambition, the difficulties of age, etc. I want it to be Arthurian in its scope and epic, so I'm really taking my time to make sure everything is correct. I've been writing books 1 and 2, currently hybridized, for about a year and a half now. 123k words.

>Farce comedy novel
>A minimum wage worker is wrongly profiled as a warlord by an interstellar crime syndicate. Through some shenanigans, he forces them to fight in a sports tournament for the fate of Earth.
I have this done completely. I'm deciding on if there is a genuine audience for this, enough to try a trad pub route, or if a self-published route despite my social media not having a large audience is the better route. 80k.

>Black comedy/Satire novel
>Follows a technical worker in a large corporation that is going through a merger. Lampoons things like timesheets, IT "help desks", purchasing, development oversight, management philosophy and several management armchair philosophers, and corporate indifference.
I'm planning this out still. I have all the funny beats written down but I need a thread tying it all together. I want this to do for corporate America what Catch-22 did for people in the military. I'm living all the shit that happens in this novel at my current job, so I've got nothing but material coming.

>>20820679
NTA but I prefer feedback of how something made a reader feel, what it made them think about.

>>20820823
I think we can both agree that responses like "it sucks, you're NGMI, go KYS" are worse than useless.

>>20820822
>I'm interested in reading them all.
That would require me to get them published and for someone to translate them into English.
What kind of sports tournament?

>>20819193
>A guy treading water in life winds up in Hell and is offered a chance to become a beautiful girl. He (Now she) travels between Earth and the Underworld working based on commission as something like an escort. She is handsomely rewarded for her talents and knack at picking apart defenseless men, but she might be selling just as big a piece of her soul as her clients are.

>>20819193
>speculative fiction novel set in Southern US that is like Childhood's End meets Flannery O'Connor. Just submitted prequel short story to &amp and my last major draft due in two months
>another speculative fiction novel in a same region, different location only a few decades from now where the US has a dramatically different culture. Comfy, tragic and sexy. 1st draft is done.
>speculative fiction in the same time period of previous mention of incel friends trying to stop a schizoposter from ruining their video game. Only an outline.
>historic fiction set in Achaemenid Persia because it's a fascinating period with lots of cultural angst but most books are only retellings of Esther. Pretty detailed outline and book might run over 160k words.

>>20820851
Ah, well, when it gets translated I'll read them.
>What kind of sports tournament?
It starts out as a bowling tournament and quickly devolves into each team manager trying to outwit the other by catching them off guard with a sudden new sport or obscure ruling. For example, after the home team wins two in a row, the team manager gets cocky and they play hockey for the night instead. The whole chapter more or less parodies Goon. I had a good time writing that.

>>20820822
Thanks. The dark fantasy one starts out pretty ominously what with children ridiculing a strange young man who supposedly isn't qualified to sing about the heroes who saved the world, and that idyllic ignorance of a decaying world contrasts sharply with the protagonist's desire to find the truth before he completely forgets his father.

>>20820876
The Goon by Eric Powell?

>>20820881
Goon the 2011 movie. Really good sports movie. Goon 2 was a little less good but still great.
>>20820879
Yeah, I'm gonna read this. When are you publishing it?

>>20820891
Would be nice if I had an answer, but first I need to learn how to properly outline certain details before running into plot holes due to the nature of my protagonist and antagonist. I might have to brush up on some philosophy too.

>>20818881
>still waiting on that definition or "purple"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0qmkQGqpM8

Ask me how I know you are ESL.

>>20820924
Appropriate simplicity is using the precise word needed (not unfamiliar words for the sake of it). Transfixed has connotations of being frozen in place and fascinated at the same time that could only be conveyed by writing out a lot more words.

The fact transfixed is a "fancy" word for you says a lot about you. Mostly that you need to read more

>>20817682
Awful. There's no rhythm. Try writing in metre.

I hate having to remove sentences that sound nice just because the words are textually wrong
why should I be held down by an obligation to properly communicate ideas?

>>20821289
I very briefly interned at a film magazine and the editor gave me some really basic but useful advice I still think about: I you have the feeling that you're keeping something in just because you like the sound or the image, but it doesn't contribute anything to the overall work, then you should definitely delete it.

Your focus should be on the work, on the thing the reader actually reads. No one's going to feel the absence of the nice little turn of phrase you came up with.

>>20821309
Breaking rules well is an expression of the highest level of mastery but because that's a common idea every pleb tries to break all the rules to prove himself.

>>20821309
mostly I'm saying that when I write, occasionally I will feel my way into a phrasing that is just 100% nonsense on review, but it still felt good to write and reads fine, it just doesn't mean anything. I wish there was a place for sentences like that.

Howdy everyone, I'm writing what I affectionately refer to as "literary fiction," if such a thing exists. Despite being fantasy, it reads more like historical fiction. An agonizing amount of research went into this. The book will be released around next summer, but in the meantime you can read the first two chapters here if anything strikes your fancy: https://www.dylandevinewriter.com/book-preview

I'm not entitled to any feedback just because I post something, so I genuinely thank anyone who takes any time to read even a sentence of it.

Likewise, as always, I'll be going through and critiquing the other writing samples here, and if there's any Google docs you'll see me leaving comments.

>>20820479
Oh gee, more name calling. And you wonder why nobody wants to help you.

>>20820189
It only provokes a "yes, and?" response from me. It's specifically post-modernism that strays from the idea of objectively better or complete representation of something, so why should one even care that it has been done already? There are of course people so new to the field that they believe in truly original, never before seen ideas free of influences, but it's a bit insulting to assume that about a stranger. I take your word for how the ideas relate to his books, the only ones I've read by him appealed to my nostalgia with pop-culture referrences, I don't know what a non-Russian reader can get out of them.

In a screenplay should I break up a long comedic monologue with "He drinks more vodka" and "He ashes his cigarette," etc. or just have one giant paragraph?

I think it may be funnier to just have an enormous run-on sentence for the entire page.

If I only write the dialogue, the actors would know to improvise some physical movements in between, right?

>>20817673
Nice, haven't seen a screenplay here in a while. What do you plan to do with it? Are you rich enough to make your own indie film with it?

>>20821422
I wouldn't give stage directions just to break up dialog on the page

>>20821426
No, I was writing a Nolan-canon Joker spec script but now that they made a real one we can't produce ours.

>>20821428
Yeah that's what I thought, I'll have to compare what the page looks like without the stage directions to the way it is now

>>20821367
Read first few paragraphs. First sentence is awful and cringey. Delete it and start with the second.

No need to say the chicken came from the coop. Simply end it with period after the chicken.

>>20817682
It isn't really a sonnet, and while some would disagree, sonnets really ought to follow iambic pentameter. At the very least, I would keep each verse to 10 syllables. It seems like you tried to keep each one at 14 syllables at first, but some are 10, some are 13, and they'rejust all over the place.

You can find the rules of sonnets here if you're struggling: https://www-scf.usc.edu/~sharkoff/itp104/howto.html

>>20821428
You're right, I removed the directions and now it looks much better. I'll have to re-time the script so it's still exactly 59 pages (60 minutes including the one minute of silence). Thanks

>>20818376
>Hello, Based Department?

>>20818502
You need a writing space you can lock yourself in for an hour a day uninterrupted, she might just assume you're jacking off though.

>>20818596
I like the idea here. To make it more realistic, I'd have him thinking about how he's going to grab his gun, or buy a gun specifically to shoot this dog, because in real life if someone was shitting themselves over a rabid dog and could shoot it, they would. But maybe something stops him from doing this later on--maybe the dog gets loose and comes up to him when he's unprepared.

>>20818973
Nothing wrong with this, long chapters are fine as long as you break it up into two or more scenes.

>>20818998
You have to consider the strengths and witnesses of a novel compared to a visual medium like film or comics.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this means that in a visual medium like a movie or graphic novel, you can set the scene INSTANTLY. Without needing to describe the characters or environment, the reader or viewer already knows what everything and everyone looks like at a glance, leaving dialogue, character development, and plot at the forefront.

This means you can get away with more at the start of the story or the start of a new scene compared to books.

However, the advantage books have over visual mediums is being able to better explore the "weird" senses. Touch, smell, taste, etc. It also allows you to naval-gaze better and show more depth to a character's thoughts compared to visual story-telling methods.

Each has their own strength and weakness, and when telling a story it's your job to play to the strengths of your chosen medium.

>>20819012
I thought that was the joke

>>20821159
>>20821478
Ok I’ll work on this aspect

>>20819096
Normally I would say that ideas don't matter and it's all about execution, but I swear to God I would rather paint the ceiling in a gas station bathroom stall than read a slice of life about the plandemic

>>20819127
Being short is not inherently bad, but it sounds like the reason it's short is because it's all "telling" and no "showing."

To address this, you should probably:

A) Rewrite that stuff so it's being shown to the reader playing out on the page (which will make it way longer)

or

B) Do what other anon said and cut it, starting right with a cold open of the interrogation.

>>20821289
If you want shit that sounds nice, play the piano

>>20821336
>mostly I'm saying that when I write, occasionally I will feel my way into a phrasing that is just 100% nonsense on review, but it still felt good to write and reads fine
Are you an AI?

>>20819234
It's too edgy and there's no verisimilitude. I used to write like this too, anon. Stop reading fan-fiction and books for 14-year-olds and with practice you can write seriously.

>>20821289
You need to use better words, then. Find words that are correct and also sound nice if you want good prose. "Correct" isn't mutually exclusive with "sounds nice."

>>20821619
>just be a better writer
yeah ok

So has anyone read any of the /lit/ books other than CotC and Eggplant?

>>20821629
Nobody has read your book Gardner.

>>20817673
>the fourteenth letter of the alphabet

You don't need clever pointless shit in the action of a screenplay. Nobody reads that part.

Scripts are supposed to go at about one minute per page, so bloating it will just make your movie seem longer than it is.

>>20821624
I said "find." You don't already have to be the greatest writer in the world to use a dictionary or thesaurus, any retard with an internet connection can look up alternatives to a word. You won't get anywhere being this retarded and insistent on using the wrong terms for everything.

>>20821637
I ain't Gardner, I'm one of the others that nobody has read.

>>20819580
I unironically love this, it's so cheeky and well-done. I was cracking up when they all ran to the library looking for answers. I hope you keep up the story.

>>20821642
why would I leave in a sentence that doesn't make sense?
I'm just complaining that somehow a sentence can be both delightful and vacant of meaning

>>20821629
Not me but I saw someone in the last thread read and liked Egregore.
Honestly pretty exciting. Shills and naysayers be damned, we may actually make it.

>>20821656
Do it this way: First, just write your entire story, with sentences that make sense. They don't have to be pretty or sound nice, just make them make sense.

Then after two or three drafts, go through and rework all the sentences so that they sound better but mean the same thing. In essence you want to focus on making them make sense first, then later you can go back and rewrite them to be more poetic, just don't overdo it and go full pruple.

>>20821638
Scripts don't have to be purely utilitarian. They're also there to evoke a sense of the world and the characters for the director and the actors. That's especially the case with spec scripts, where you're trying to hook the reader. That said, the 'fourteenth letter of the alphabet' thing is annoying and doesn't communicate anything.

>>20821638
Yeah each revision I've been deleting more of that shit, but I want to keep a little for flavor

>>20821674
part of the joke is how much we can get away with while remaining PG-13, but you have a point

.

>>20821469
I've heard other criticisms, but that's the first time I've heard that one. For now I have to assume you're the outlier and not the rule, but if my beta readers say the same thing I'll change those things.

>>20821687
A "beta reader" sounds like a librarian who pays other men to fuck his wife—if you ever want an editor, I'm still free.

>>20821629
Ive read Eggplant, Emily Project, Dose Makes the Poison, the Last Free Man, and Egregore. Waiting for new edition of People Mover and may try Alitspa, and Krake soon. If I had more time and money I'd more but life is crazy.

>>20821717
I need to get my copy of Egregore...

>>20821691
How's the gambling addiction?

>>20821740
i just made 5.7% in a week and a half day trading, so good

long XLM

>>20818002
This is really good, anon. I have some nitpicks, but when I say nitpicks, I really do mean that these are just small things that need polishing. Overall your dialogue and characterization is great.

The first thing that needs addressing is the switch between past and present tense; the whole passage is past tense but then slips into present near the end a few times. That's an easy fix.

The other nitpick is that some of the sentences are structured awkwardly, but nothing too heinous.

For example:

>Their skin cracked and peeled and wept little streams of pus down their cheeks, the beds of their nails retreated further everyday from the keratin shields at their fingertips, and what they ate last jumped from their mouths upon speaking — if they were in a state where speaking was possible— and informed you of its exact construction.

This is a good description but it's too long, consider breaking it into two sentences.

Something like:

"Their skin was cracked and peeled, and it wept beads of pus down their cheeks.The beds of their nails retreated further everyday from their keratin, and if speech was possible, whatever they last ate would fly from their lips."

You might not like exactly the way I worded it, but that's the general direction it should go. A lot of sentences are like that, and they aren't bad, you just need to work out the length and structure of them. Other than that Mikey was interesting to read about and it was engaging.

Well done.

>>20821021
Holy shit dude... This is what I mean by purple. You write like a high schooler trying to impress his 19th century English lit professor.

Clearly ESL.

Cut your sentence word count in half. Stop being a lolcow.

>>20821951
You don't know what a lolcow is.

>>20821965
oh I do... half the writers who post here are lolcows who cant handle criticism.

We just keep ribbing for fun.

>>20821965
INB4 you type something like

>Well maybe if you'd give le heckin VALID CRITICISM etc, etc.

>>20821655
The story was finished, I was very happy with it myself. If I do it in batches I may be able to get it all translated eventually.

>>20821367
>This is not a story for the faint of heart. You have been warned.
LMAO wew. This is fuckin' gay.

First word is wuthering... Dude. I can't get past the first word. Jesus.

Looking at your blurb on the back I see problems.

>quiet, chilly night.
Pick one, quiet or chilly. Or find a better word that captures both.

Who is your target audience? The plot screams YA but, no cap, YA readers will not keep reading if the first word of your book is Wuthering.

>>20822035
>no cap
No niggers.

>>20821951
>Cut your sentence word count in half
Kek will watch out for those sentence word counts. You think "transfixed" is a big city slicker word, that speaks for itself but I just wanted to make you explain your reasoning for the class.

>>20822035
Samefag having a manic episode?

>>20821367
There's a lot of problems.

>Wuthering gales rippled through the spruce trees,
Gross. A gale is a whole storm, not one puff of wind.
>scattering droplets of fresh morning dew like mist
Usually a simile or metaphor is a striking image. Here you're comparing one type of water vapor to another. Pretty weak..

>he broke off a dying maple bough and split it into reeds.
That's not how reeds work.

>he began speaking melodramatically as
> into the “Holy” trough water,
You don't have to spell it out that a piglet baptism by children is not legit. We get it.

>hollering and screaming
Redundant.

>Dustin explained to her
You have direct dialog in some places and then abbreviate small parts. It's either worth writing out or not worth including at all.

>mired in embarrassment.
Gross

>she wasn’t a snitch...what they were up to...had taken the fall for her,
Modern crime phrases are out of place.

>looking absolutely precious
Extra gross.

>enrolled in the convent.
You 'enter' a convent.

>feast for the eyes...exquisite detail... treaded carefully...
Cliches

>elegant craftsmanship so effortlessly resplendent
You can only get away this kind of thing once or twice. Describe how things look, physically, and let the reader judge its resplendence for themselves. Repeating 'it was beautiful' over and over is tiresome.

>he carried himself with a child-like optimism
That's awkward. Optimism isn't visible in one's manner like grace or pride. Just say he was old but retained some child like quality.

> big dimples that lit up his whole face
what?

> He tore his eyes from the ceiling and faced the children, smiling wanly.
A violent action and then an exceptionally weak one. Jarring.

>tall, sturdy hardwood tree, with jaundiced mossy bark and large, twisted limbs
Seven modifier for three nouns.

>whence they came to the refectory,
Awkward and redundant.

> fallen sick with child,
What? Pregnancy isn't a sickness.

You've got a bad case of the 'Thesaurus Disease'. By trying to show off a big vocabulary, you end up using the not-quite-right word, making things sound awkward and incorrect. Too many adjectives and modifiers drain the life from your sentences.

A big problem is that your intro scene is just people wandering around looking at stuff. Nothing is really happening. Starting with a pig baptism is funny enough, but it doesn't lead to anywhere. No punishment or scolding or anything at all. I would expect some angry lecture on blasphemy (or whatever) that would hint at the themes of the upcoming chapters.

The intro doesn't really introduce your characters due to the lack of action. I guess the boy's kind of a scamp. The monk is like santa claus. More conflict would display their character, how they act and react to things.

>>20822068
>samefag having a manic episode
Yup. Just going through the thread on my lunch break responding to posts.

>You think "transfixed" is a big city slicker word, that speaks for itself
I think transfixed is a bad fit for the sentence in question. Let me put it this way: you've got a ten-dollar budget for any sentence before it starts bending towards purple. 10.50 is excusable. You walked up to the counter of the sentence store with 15-20 bucks worth of words. Your readers don't have the attention-budget for that much density. We are all cracked out retards thanks to the internet. Young kids even moreso.

>>20822090
>What? Pregnancy isn't a sickness.
It's another antiquated, albeit common turn of phrase. Just more cliché.

What pains me the most about his writing is that he clearly understands how to weave atmosphere, but his attempts at sounding smart get in the way. He is massaging ego instead of writing with potential readers in mind.

He needs that ego buck broken. Ego is earned, 2mil words minimum

>>20822161
>>20822090
Thank you for the feedback gentlemen, you’ve given me a lot to chew on.

>>20822200
Dont chew too hard. Keep writing, as it has potential.

>>20822217
>Dont chew too hard
Cringe. Get back to work.

>>20822274
Yup, breaks over.

>>20822217
Agreed. The premise is pretty interesting.

>The main focal point of the courtyard was the massive, ancient beech tree that stood just off its center. It was a tall, sturdy hardwood tree, with jaundiced mossy bark and large, twisted limbs entangled in a web above.

Like this feels a little all over the place -

The main focal point of the courtyard was the massive ancient tree that stood off centre. It towered above them, sturdy but also covered in jaundiced mossy bark that showed its age. And despite its many mangled limbs. It still retained some beauty.

Maybe I'm being too focused on the tree but the blurb mentioned Frost. You could foreshadow it by having the tree be an anomaly in that it has some snow coating it. Maybe from a freak storm or something. Or perhaps the "lichen" Built up signals the coming death.

I'm read a bit more and see what else sticks out.

>>20822381
>I'm read
We don't do that here

>>20821609
>Violence is... LE EDGY
This is you. Read the Great Gatsby or something.

>>20817673
New page 1 for comparison. This seems better, but I still want to delete some of the extra words

The author of "Salvation On Peril Island" is back, for the moment! >>20823313

>>20823533
okay?

>>20821629
I've read Son Of The Sun and Salvation On Peril Island.
I enjoyed both greatly.

>>20823987
This you? >>20823533

Do we have another Gardner situation afoot?

>>20824027
Good Lord, no.
I mean, I posted >>20823533 and >>20823987, but I'm neither of those authors.
There are already one too many Gardners.

>>20824072
I've got my eyes on you, sussy baka

>Having actual stakes
>Having fights that are large in scale
>Having a protagonist who's not a pushover
>Having characters be powerful and show it
>Having the characters get stronger
>Having fights be central to the story
All of these are like poison to the average /lit/ user

>>20823533
>>20823987
>>20824072
Hmmmm.

>Spend the whole story having 2 characters almost never talk to each other
>Feel like I have to at least try since we're 6 chapters in and there's just no connection between the two
>Start writing for a chapter specifically only about them
>Most fun I've had in months, dialogue feels like listening to Halo 2 quotes and their personalities naturally cause events to occur rather than stumbling upon by pure chance
I feel like i'm slowly making it boys.

Day 61 editing
2 plot holes closed
Couple of bits of lazy writing fixed
Chapters posted
Followers gained
I know i'm not going to make it but dag nabbit /wg/ it's been one helluva fun ride.

Worked really hard on what I think has been my best short story to date. Got lots of great feedback from people whose opinions I trust. Still got rejected from my top-pick indie lit mag.

Stings more than it should. Even though I know its a less than 1% acceptance rate.

inb4 people suggest its because I'm a straight white male or whatever

how do you create Monster Hunter-esque monster names?

>>20825182

By being a weeaboo faggot

>>20825182
Read words in foreign languages, it gives you all the motifs you need to know.

>>20825182
Take two Monster Hunter monster's name; get the first three letters of the first one, then take the last two letters of the second one.

>>20820490
I can never get present tense to work in first person stories, but for third person omniscient (limited) either work.

Well, releasing a prologue arc on RR after the fact seems to have been an utter failure. I reccomend against doing it, no matter how rough your start seems to be.

>>20824086
Fair enough. Gardner has caused a lot of damage here.

>>20824193
So? You want an audience outside of this cesspool, don't you?

>>20825182
I try to do what the author of the Witcher did, to make unique spins on lesser known monsters from slavic / germanic / norse / middle eastern mythology.

>>20825439
Fuck off Gardner.