/lit/ - Literature

"Sange" is the Indonesian word for "horny".
And there's a blade called "sange", the...backseeker?
Not difficult to put 2 and 2 together.

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan 'Press On!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
-Calvin Coolidge

>>20692806
Based most underrated president in American history.

Critique please.
Be real, don't be a hater.
Give real feedback, not generic negative criticism that doesn't even apply.

>Anon never cared much for school. Classes were something he just had to get through; the social hierarchy of the student body was an annoyance he was forced to navigate. Still, there was one beacon in his day that made it all worthwhile. The moment he entered the gym and heard the first bounce of a basketball echo against the high ceiling, he found his peace.
>Early in life, his anti-social behavior led to him spending hours shooting basketball at the abandoned park behind his house. Even there he could usually hear his father, home from work and freshly liquored up, yelling at his mother and siblings. His mind easily escaped from it the moment the yellowing backbored rattled. He would watch the orange sphere, glowing to his eyes, dance along the rusty ring before finding its way through the torn net.
>Years spent in the park led him to developing a talent for shooting. While not the most rounded player when it came to tactics and maneuvering the court, if his team could at least get the ball into his hands he could sink a three pointer almost every time. Thus came his nickname, Sinker. He would find his position, someone would call out, “SINKER’S OPEN!” Next thing he knew, the ball was in his hand and as naturally as taking a breath he would release it from his fingertips and watch it follow an arc to the center of the net. Sinker scores another three-pointer! The stadium erupts with cheers!
>In that moment, he was at the center of the world - he commanded the winds and brought the hurricane, positioning himself in the eye of the storm. Calmness filled him. He was at peace.
>However, there was a new season coming, and the strength of the hurricane would soon be threatened. Coming to the gym after another monotonous day of school he was greeted not by the familiar echo, but a voice.
>“See that shit? Take notes faggots, that’s how to get it done, bitches! Watch this shit again, nobody can touch my fucking style, yo!”
>Anon stood in the doorway, watching as the new member of their team shot the ball from half-court. The ball traveled fluidly through the air and slipped soundlessly past the rim, giving only a soft swish of the net.
>“How it’s fucking done mother fuckers, come at me you bitch ass’s!”
>In that moment anon knew his days were numbered. The new guy locked eyes, walked over to him, held his hand out. “So you’re this sinker faggot I keep hearing about.” His teeth flashed. “They call me Sange.”

is kingauthor.net dead?

Was checking the honeyfeed website and how do they make money? People aren't even shilling their patreon.

>>20692790
In Japanese it's what the scattering of flower petals is called during a Buddhist ceremony. The turn can also be used as a metaphor for a warrior dying in battle.

Horny backseeker is acceptable too though. I only picked it cuz 16 year old me thought it sounded cool.

>>20692817

There's a beautiful story in here, but don't ruin it with 4chan-speak

One thing that moneyed academics will never have over the authentic author is a life of hardship and pain

The hardest hearts have the most scars, and true struggle results in beautiful stories

I think it would be cool story if the two rivals end up playing on the team together and eventually competing against each other in the NBA, and this interaction becomes relevant again in the final moment when he's gotta make some crazy shot

Just some cc and ideas

>>20692883
Thank you, I'll change Sange's character in later drafts, also flesh out the moment of them meeting. I appreciate the feedback.

>>20692776
The OP has improved quite a lot since last time I came here

>>20692929
That's because it's being maintained by someone who gives a shit, not some seething shitposter.

>>20692817
So the biggest hater presently on /wg/ suddenly wants anons to be nice to him?
Seems vaguely hypocritical. Pardon me if I have whiplash.
And you still misspelled "backboard".
And I would imagine the "Sange" character in the story, if he continued to act like that, would get benched for unsportsmanlike conduct, so Sinker would regain his previous relevance. People with bad attitudes rarely accomplish anything.

>>20692985
I actually have a great attitude, it's other anons that come after me first. Sometimes they get butt-hurt over my completely honest feedback and can't take that they objectively suck, but I still don't see that as my fault.
I'm pretty nice, actually.

>>20692875
https://mhwc.myanimelist.net/
>These winners have the chance to see their hard work get published in Japan as light novels that could end up being adapted into manga or anime.

Kind of sounds like a scam. First, winning the contest is no guarantee you'll get turned into a light novel, and furthermore there is no mention of financial compensation or even any credit for the translated version of your novel once it gets published in japan.

>>20692985
I actually have a great attitude, it's other anons that come after me first. Sometimes they get butt-hurt over my completely honest feedback and can't take that they objectively suck, but I still don't see that as my fault.
I'm pretty nice, actually.

>And I would imagine the "Sange" character in the story, if he continued to act like that, would get benched for unsportsmanlike conduct, so Sinker would regain his previous relevance.

Thats a good point. Perhaps I should tone him down a bit and make it part of his character arc to learn to be more courteous to his team.

Who has a pdf of weekend novelist? I tried z library and it's got nothin

>tripfag filtered
feels good

I want to self-publish but I don't want my writing to get me in trouble. Is publishing under a pen name effective in remaining anonymous? I know the publishing service needs your real information but is that accessible by employers, universities, and background check companies?

>>20693153
Thats cool, you're the one missing out.

>>20693212
Where you planning to publish? Amazon? You should be fine in that case, background checks from employers do not tend to look for that kind of stuff. It more about criminal records and stuff. Just be careful what you say under your pseudonym and make sure you don't leave breadcrumbs to connect back to you. Douchebag internet detectives are fucking good sometimes.

I really don't want to delay my first book any longer so I'm giving myself until October to write it. Then all the stuff that comes after to get into print, might take until next year but I have a gameplan.

>>20693073
>But mo-o-om, Timmy did it first
You're not old enough to be on this imageboard.

>>20692786
always write gore while you're hungry, I compared
a monsters flesh falling off of its bones with a roast thats been left over a low flame for the night.
I'm having ribs for dinner tonight, but I thought a roast comparison was better.
inb4
>food analogy
I love food analogies, I am so fat I look at PCs and see McDonald's.

hello, does this character sound interesting?
it's not actually the main character but i use mc to refer to him here. he's supposed to be the leader of a bounty hunter faction in a game i'm making.
>mc grew up poor, father became blind and a teenage mc had to take up his work at the ironworks. When a terrible famine came the father went out into the wilderness to die so that mother and mc did not waste food on him and they could survive.
>mc begins hunting with other townspeople to get food. He becomes close to a girl and over a few years they become lovers. On the day mc is about to propose to her she is killed by a vicious evil intelligent fantasy bear, mc charges it in anger and manages to kill it but loses an arm and an eye.
>he becomes depressed and saddened, life is shattered, he wants to protect the city and hunt the fantasy bears around it into extinction so no one else will get hurt like he did but he can't because he is a cripple like his father. he can't just give up and let gfs death be in vain
>goes to big city where they make steampunk fantasy robots and tries to steal a robot arm to attach it to himself. gets caught by scientist mage and arrested but the mage finds the concept interesting and agrees to let him go if he will be guinea pig for the first experiment of replacing organic limbs with mechanical ones.
>experiment succeeds and he goes back to his city and hunts a ton of the fantasy bears as well as bandits, he becomes somewhat of a local celebrity for this and forms a bounty hunting business to keep the city and neighboring cities safe.
>years later he is getting old, fantasy bears and other threats have started popping up again.
>in comes player who helps him with the big threats around the city. mc can be summoned for big boss battles to help.

>>20693537
>Another hopper poked his head out of the bottle. His antennae wavered. He was getting his front legs out of the bottle to jump. Nick took him by the head and held him while he threaded the slim hook under his chin, down through the thorax and into the last segments of his abdomen. The grasshopped took hold of the hook with his front feet, spitting tobacco juice on it. Nick dropped him into the water.
Not like horror gore, but when Hemingway described fishing some of those parts remind me of how casually gruesome it is to fish. I tend to think of roadkill and insects when I think of gore. There's another story where characters are beheading and skinning live perch for bait and the guy is criticizing how the girl had removed the ventral fin.

https://indiereader.com/2018/01/self-published-book-award/

list of self published book awards
they all want $50-$100 entry fees
seems like a rip off

>>20692882
Please unpick it.

>>20692467
Yes but I'm unfamiliar with Royal Road and Amazon is the giant platform so for now I'm going all in on it and my existing novel is there with KDP select already
We'll see how good the bonuses for Vella are
Current plan is
>publish volume 1 of this series with Vella
>release it as a normal ebook after 30 days of publishing the last chapter of volume 1
>ebook volumes will have a few insert illustrations and an extra side story to entice Vella readers to also buy the normal ebook
>ebook readers can catch up on the latest with Vella instead of waiting for the next volume
Vella is still in beta and only available in the US but if the bonuses are good enough I'll stick to this model for this series

>>20693693
I get a lot of spam emails for so-called awards like this at work - pay us 100 bucks and you get the 2022 Sherman Shmultsmann Best in Professional Experience Award to throw at the bottom of marketing material or whatever.

>>20693562
Tldr. Post actual writing and not piss driblets off an outline and I may bother

Writing intuitively correct instead of grammatically correct gives your writing a lot more soul and makes it less cringe

>>20693693
>2018

Hey guys after a break I'm starting my next book of short stories. What do you think of my cover draft

>>20693926
nice girl name bro

>>20693912
yep, I downloaded grammerly because I thought it would help, but it fucking sucks, telling me ax instead of axe, asking to replace words in such a way to make it very awkward and blatantly incorrect.
I wonder if its purposely shit to try and get you to pay for the premium.
I just completely ignore it unless its underlining a clear typo I made.

>>20693928
thanks dog glad you like it. whats ur name

Are you guys earning money from this yet?
Surely you’re not writing for F R E E

>>20693941
Dude I'm Gonna

Anybody need an editor? I work cheap

>>20693951
You’re gonna what?

>>20692776
I've got a question, is there ever a point where I shouldn't bother trying to get more traction on my self published material? Not like I've tried and am continuing, but rather bad anxiety and depression around time of release made me unable to put stuff out, and now idk if algorithms and stuff will give a fuck about my book since it's been out a couple of months.

>>20693955
What're your price ranges and do you have any no-go's on material you work on?

>>20693955
what kind of editing do you do?
is it spell checking, punctuation, and grammar?
or do you offer suggestions to make the book more salable?

>>20693955
Have a website or some reference sheet with rates?
I cannot fuck with the people on goodreads offering faggot ass shit like "sEnSiTiViTy ReAdInGs" with their services
I just want someone to edit for typos I'll naturally overlook and give me their thoughts on the story itself.

>>20692817
This is very subpar. Unless you have watched a sports movie before you would know your story is cliched as fuck. If you dont flesh out the story and characters this will be just another generic copy and paste story trashed along with the millions out there.

>>20693912
I see in reviews every now and then people get pissed at old spellings like "he lighted a cigarette" instead of "lit" and dismiss it as incorrect when it's really just a change in style over the years.

>>20693026
>Honeyfeed is an English web novel writing platform created with the goal of introducing international writing talent directly to Japan, making it the best place for you to publish your anime-inspired stories.
Do the Japanese even browse the site?
>chance to see their hard work get published in Japan as light novels that could end up being adapted into manga or anime.
>Chance
>Could
Does anyone on the site have connections? 3000 is not bad though.

>>20692817
This is very subpar. Unless you have watched a sports movie before you would know your story is cliched as fuck. If you dont flesh out the plot and characters this will be just another generic copy and paste trashed along with the millions.

>>20693955
Sorry about your gambling addiction, anon.

>>20693999
he lighted a cigarette sounds retarded.

>>20693936
ahmed

>>20693977
100 days the algo basically drops you.

>>20693977
My price range is whatever you can afford. I prefer humorous and irreverent non-fiction, plays, or novels. No erotica.

>>20693989
I have a LinkedIn and some writing samples, ask maat042@yahoo.com

I obviously don't give a shit about "sensitivity." I am a strict follower of Robert McKee and Strunk & White.

>>20693986
All of those plus advice on plot and character development. I do anything but type setting and formatting: you just send me the Word document and I enable track changes and send it back.

>>20694011
I'm actually an AP video poker player. I just ran bad on slots.

Anyway I'm moving and have nothing to do, so if anyone has a manuscript, e-mail me and we can talk!

>>20693926

>>20694041
damn that's way better. I really like this image, do you mind if I download, save, and use this image?

>>20694047
all yours dude

Would I be accused of Antisemitism if one of my main antagonists is a ostensibly Jewish-inspired sorcerer who makes golems from mud, can change the weather, and uses his mystical powers for evil such as corrupting the people and harvesting blood from young children to drink?

>>20694047
NNNNNOOOOO I Bought That NFT Fair And SQuare!!

>>20694062
yes, but it would be funny

>>20693955
>>20694031
Next time play craps. Less stress.

>>20694113

I made 11% on VP in an hour and cashed out immediately on quad aces but I was with people and we had another three hours so I got lost and played high-limit slots thinking I would test the five-spin method. That location did not, in fact, use the five-spin method

>>20693026
Read the fine print.
It clearly states other agreements will be signed if you win AND get your work published.
Anyway tripfag thanks for pointing this out I might enter after I finish with the fine print.
I've had a story in mind for a while that fits one of the prompts.

>>20694123
If you find any bullshit on it can you make a summary of it?

>>20694031
I’m tempted but scared. I have no friends so it would be nice to get feedback,.

>>20694013
It does now, but 70+ years ago a lot of authors wrote it that way.

>>20694278
So after reading all the fine print my understanding is the contest goes like this
>"Sponsors" review ALL of the entries regardless if you become a finalist
>A panel of judges narrows the entries to finalists, 12 total, 4 from each category
>There is then a public voting phase
>In addition to votes there is a jury
>Votes are only collected using phone apps
>The jury feedback is taken into consideration alongside the public vote to determine the winners
They also require you to be really active with promoting your entry and interacting with the community on the site and speedy replies to comment/feedback are taken into account by the judges when determining finalists?
Also they want you to have a consistent upload schedule that is publicly available.
You aren't allowed to upload the whole novel at once.

>>20693930
just use it for very obvious grammar mistakes anon

This one >>20693926 is much better than whatever the fuck this >>20694041 is. The second anon tried to emulate something he saw before but failed at it miserably. Looks like shit. Text placement is off. This goes for both covers. For the first cover, all of the text must be a bit further away from the image.

>>20694337
my only friends are an autistic potato and some dude who is probably an alien

believe me, nothing you send me could be worse than some of the manuscripts I've read

>>20693026
my only issue with this is that if I thought I had a good novel which could get good responses, good reviews, and lots of comments, then why would I post it on honeyfeed?
I'd rather post it somewhere with a good UI and some actual readers lol

>>20694006
I never have.
I was planning on the coach having to earn the players respect.
Has that been done before?

>>20694278
>>20694405
Additionally, according to this article from ANN regarding last year's contest it looks like there were 853 entries total although I wonder how many of them were actually completed
And originally there was a clause that by submitting your work you waived all rights whether or not you won but this was later removed
The rules for this year clearly state you can publish elsewhere if you don't win
Additionally last year 45k words was the minimum and this year it's 25k
Also there weren't strict rules about author engagement
There 5 categories instead of 3 with 10 finalists from each and a prize of $5k instead of $3k
There was also no jury last year and it was decided by vote alone which may mean that the jury is a means to prevent popular users from using big followings to win

>>20694411
do you like this

>>20694025
Well fuck, what can I do to advertise it then?

I've heard getting reviews from people is really good, but idk where to start with that.

Leems segit.

>>20694479
Release another book. You need a consistent stream of content to that can lead people back to your previous work.

>>20694405
>>20694462
Thanks. Does that mean I'm not getting scammed?

>>20694437
>I'd rather post it somewhere with a good UI and some actual readers lol
Where?

>>20694437
Anon wading through the fine print here
Even if you don't win you could take it down from honeyfeed
Tbh I've heard of the site before but never used it, seems like I browsed it once years ago and wasn't impressed
850 entries last year is more than I expected and it looks like there is an audience there but the first place winner last year has 141k views on the winning novel and hasn't even broke 11k on her current work and the other 3 don't even break 2k
Take a look
https://www.honeyfeed.fm/u/5809
This is pretty bad and the 2nd place winner is much better imo.
>>20694508
It isn't a scam but the rules are stricter this year and public vote alone isn't going to decide who wins this time.
I might go ahead and enter because best case I win and get a deal of some sort even if I'm not the first place winner (since it says the sponsors do look at all entries) worst case I have a book to remove from honey and place on Amazon where I know it will make some money
I don't know how I feel about all the rules regarding reader engagement and how they really want you to join the discord
I try to stay anon. Death of the author and all that...idk much about MAL but I hope being woke isn't some secret requirement.

>>20694516
royalroad, scribblehub, wattpad, webnovel, ao3
literally there are so many its not even funny

>>20694520
>I try to stay anon. Death of the author and all that...idk much about MAL but I hope being woke isn't some secret requirement.
I'm the same. I'll give it a try then, thanks a lot.

>>20694533
No problem anon, which category are you going for? I'm going to use the school prompt since it fits a story I already had in mind
Do you keep your author identity neutral too? I don't even say my gender or use a real pic for my author profile, no personal posts just business and story related content

>>20694520
>first place winner last year has 141k views
it really depends how they count views, I personally don't know how they do it, but its obvious that they will try their hardest to make it as high as possible
just looking at their rank and comparing to other similar websites you can see that you would literally be getting 1000x~100x less exposure by posting it their (not counting the strange blip in may)

>>20694572
>not even a quarter of a million
Pathetic. No wonder they're desperate.
Is there any reason to go RR over Amazon though?

>>20693780
well he's supposed to be an npc that teaches you how to hunt monsters and an optional summon that helps you kill some bosses he's not really vital to the main plot, this is what i wrote for his backstory and picrel is something in the realm that i imagine he'd look like >https://pastebin.com/WicqZLKS

>>20694449
>Has that been done before?
Yes dozens of times. Coach Carter, we are Marshall, any given sunday, the way back etc.

You criticize other peoples writings even though you don't even know the most basics of storytelling? What the fuck, anon.

>>20694546
Romcom. I had a romance/drama outline that I planned to write so I'll cut all the drama and amp up the cuteness.
In my profile yes but I don't try to hide it if someone starts talking with me.

>>20694474
I was thinking something more like this at first. The distance between the subtitle and the title is now the same as the distance between the "by" is and the name, 33 pixels I think. Similarly, the subtitle and the name are now at equal distance from the picture. I still don't like this, and I am pretty sure that the distances are still off. I would push the name and the byline even further out, basically into the corners. If you want to create the cover piece by yourself, please use grids. I didn't, so it's still fucked.

>>20694583
more exposure
better community of readers
no buy in = you just have to write good synopsis and write well, maybe have a nice cover
quicker feedback

holy shit
ao3 blows them all out of the water, I might actually publish something there

>>20694479
Have a website, announce give aways, events or price cuts or new releases every 8 weeks and it tends to bump you up. That is if you are mostly relying on Amazon, they only put in as much effort into your ranking as you will. Not the meerkat anon, I'm just telling it like it is, at least when it comes to Amazon. If you lurk self-pub and indie authors you will find that there's lots of things you can do that thankfully aren't that expensive and there's no need to shill on social media.

>>20694614
I've got 3 ao3 accounts and maybe 30 fanfic in total published there and I get at least one kudos email a day informing me that users and anons still like my work
It's extremely active but fanfic is the big draw
Never experimented with original fic there but I'd say it's worth trying

>>20693999
Can't wait for people to stop using "hanged" instead of "hung" when referring to someone necking themselves. "He hanged himself" sounds so dainty.

>>20694594
Damn, I can't believe my idea with the coach has been done before.
That sucks.
I'll just have to do it better than them.

>>20694605
I had another idea whatcha think

>>20694636
Apologies but I am a "hanged" enjoyer.

>>20694405
I wonder if they'll be interested in my sports drama.

I'm thinking the two main characters will have a Mozart/Amadeus dynamic but with basketball

>>20692817

>>20694681
Much better! That's perfect!

>>20694520
>I hope being woke isn't some secret requirement
That's why I will submit my nationalist school novel.

>>20694631
>Write an ongoing fanfiction
>Tn the most recent chapter promise to definitely update more consistently from now on
>That was six years ago
I still get comment emails sometimes.

>whack off
>turn on vintage love songs
What are your shortcuts to getting ready to write emotionally charged literature? Tonight's is a distant part of my series where a sister is separated from her brother.

>>20694766
thanks!

I kinda wanna write a story set in the elder scrolls universe but there's *A lot* of lore to read about the game

I wanna write khajiits/ and or elsweyr.

What do anons? How do I skim the lore for my story?

>>20694889
I tend to do projects parallel if I'm not caught up on reading I think will help me with the core of a story. In other words, write about something else part of the day and read up on Khajiit the rest of the day.

>>20694889
Was also thinking about converting one of my fantasy novel ideas into a TES world. since my work is of course, character driven

>>20694889
You baiting me? I'm 44k into a novel set largely in Elsweyr. I posted the first chapter here like 2 months back for feedback if you were around then.

In regards to lore I would listen to some podcasts on it. Written in Uncertainty was pretty good and has an episode on the moons worth listening to, otherwise just read Lessons from Mother Ahnessi and I think you're good as Khajiit lore is thin. I've personally found that when you're writing the setting minutia comes up A LOT less often than you'd think. Also Elder Scrolls is often vague/self contradictory on some level.

>>20694941
Dang how many of us are there? Kind of curious what you guys are going for conceptually.

>>20694449
This "clueless" act you're putting on now is at HEAVY odds with your previously claimed "great writer" status.
You literally don't know what the hell you're doing.
I said it before, and I'll say it again...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
You bring no value whatsoever to this thread.

>>20694952
Something I always wanted to figure out khajiit moon cycles. I've seen it before some modders (for elder kings 2) figured out the moon cycles for each month and for how long (I think it was daggerfall or morrowind )

Its more so I can figure out what I am if I were a khajiit If I recall when I found it I was set to be a Cathay-raht based off my date of birth

>>20694963
It is it weird when You have the opposite problem. Everyone saying you're good at first knowing you damn well aren't

If you're suddenly struggling to write a scene and you're not entirely sure where the scene is supposed to go or what it's supposed to reveal, is it a sign that the scene doesn't need to exist?

If so, how can I make sure a scene is necessary? Are there certain questions I should ask myself?

>>20695038
How am I supposed to answer this other than to say it's a case by case basis sort of thing. Yes, some scenes will be a slog to write. Yes, some of those slog scenes can be cut.
Post specifics of your story and maybe you'll get a less obvious answer.

>>20695038
not knowing where a scene is supposed to go is common it has a reason for existing yes but where?

On the second one if you don't know then cut it That's what I would do however scenes like these can be used for character devlopment or slow scenes that are a B or a C plot to the story it doesn't *have* to futher the story. just the characters or the setting (if your world building) but if you legitmently can't find the point I'd cut it.

I have a problem with cutting too much stuff my self but I'd ask. Does this devlope the characters? does this reveal things about my world or setting? will this scene make better pacing? (You can focus on the story its self but in my problem is that focusing on just futhering the story/plot and not the characters or world can cause pacing issues i.e your story going to fast)

You are going to want slow scenes of just talking, or hanging out get a feel for the characters this will help your pacing. not everything is the plot its your characters and world to!

>>20692776
How does this snippet read, Anons?

In the soft susurrations of the lively forest, transpired an act of evil that tainted the ground and made even the animals grow silent in awe. An evil shaman of a now extinct tribe of the old people had just finished the last ritual that severed his human soul into pieces and granted a perverse demon to take it's place. With this unholy merge of the corporeal and the phantasmal, the shaman was given the powers only dreamt of by lesser shamans; For now, he could experience worlds beyond our limited own.

Which meant he now had the potential to be the arbiter of an all encroaching and mutating evil that would slowly consume the light in the world like a slow motion snuff. Where there would be holy grounds of prayer and worship, it would be bastardized into desecration. Where heroic acts of courage, selflessness, and sacrifice, would be revered into legend, there would be perversion, destitution, and degeneration.

The demon's intentions would come to fruition if the fate of a hero's destiny did not intertwine with the path being carved out for the corrivals to see who would prevail.

>>20695155
Writing wise its kinda... eh, I don't see any problems in terms of prose

But dear god get creative with your exposition *Please* Stop telling us everything in a basic manner with no soul or heart but into it

>>20695165
Am I too forward?

>>20695155
Seconding what the first anon said, it's dry and devoid of the sort of feeling I'd expect from an evil shaman who just managed to do the unthinkable. Also:
>granted a perverse demon to take it's place
It's 'its' not it's.

>>20695155
This is bait right anon?

>>20695155
What book have you read "susurrations" in? A couple other words I'm unfamiliar with unless this is common for dark fantasy or whatever you are doing. I think "whisperings" would do just find. You're not supposed to capitalize after a semicolon. I think "shattered into pieces" makes more sense than "severed into pieces" unless you meant that his soul was cut in two. I recommend rewriting the second last sentence.

Do sequential quests bore readers?
Mario tries to save the princess world 1 book 1, another castle. Again in world 2 book 2, another castle. Repeat until world 8 book 8.
Sonic is trying to collect the 7 chaos emeralds, manages to find one in book 1, search for more. Second one is found in book 2, search for more. Repeat until the seventh is found in book 7.
Final Fantasy there are 4 crystals in the world. Book 1 covers finding the first. Book 2 the second. Finally at book 4 we have them all.

Are these kinds of stories weak? Will readers usually give up after 2-3 books? It's the same quest rather it's in a forest, mountain, or desert.

>>20695241
How this ends up working or not depends on the meat. Mario and Sonic are video games so they don't necessarily count for this as readers would expect something with more substance in an actual book. What conflicts do your characters have? What difficulties do they encounter that gets in the way of their goal? In short, the structure being repetitive is fine as long as the rest of the dish has flavor.

600 words into my first story in years. Feels good, bros.

>>20695311
Post it.

This the introductory paragraph to my story. What do you guys think?

--
Everyone had a dream, Yun knew it. Luko, his friend, dreamt of becoming a soldier, of fighting in war and becoming a hero to be remembered and renowned. His little sister, he knew, dreamt of marrying a noble prince, of becoming a princess and a high queen. His mother and father had a dream too, that's why they had left that day. But Luko, slow and helpless as he was, would never become a great a hero—Yun was the one who would always save him from the other kids. And his sister, with her toothless grin would never even meet a prince, let alone come to marry one. And his parents, even their dream was futile, for they had failed to return. No Yun did not have a dream—he had a purpose. He would journey across the continent, he would cross the Scar as they did, all the way to the Other Side, and he would save his parents. Because they were waiting.
--

The pov is meant to be a 12 year old so it's kinda meant to read a bit childish. Please tell me what you guys think?

>>20695287
Those might have been poor examples but I couldn't think of any book that did the plot that way.
Like if I wrote a Mario book. Book 1, they adventure in mushroom kingdom, but at the end, the princess is in another castle.
Then we go to book 2 in Sand Kingdom, at the end, again the princess is in another castle.
So the book tells a journey during these areas, but ends with no real completion except sequential progression to the true goal of finding the princess in World 8.

For me personally, I don't think I'd want to read all 8 books, but I'm trying to figure out if others would, or if there is are examples of this idea being done well.

How can I come up with an unbearably posh name?

>>20695341
Realistic and grounded or something silly?
>>20695316
If you can handle the incoming cringe, I'll post it after a quick proofread for any glaring errors.

>>20695346
Realistic and grounded although sci fi.
I have a good first name but a family name is harder to do.
I've though about 3 last names, numbers even.

>>20693955
I don't let pepe and wojak faggots edit my work.

>>20695346
I live for cringe.

>>20695334
The only similar series I can think of is Deltora Quest, but it's been ages since I read that one and.

>>20695387
Because I'm an idiot who backtracked and forgot to erase the last part, I was going to say that they do make some progress each book. They get the gems for the belt but don't accomplish the real goal until much later.

>>20695387
>nearly 1800 word interlude for a group that only showed up at the very end of the last chapter of my story and barely said or did anything
yep, I'm thinkin its kino.
I am starting to getting more into short stories set in my world rather than story I wanted to do in the first place.
I think I'm going to keep doing these shifting perspectives and interludes.

>>20695403
fuck, didn't mean to reply.
I should get to sleep, my meager writing skills are degrading quickly.

>>20695407
Guess we're in the same company here bro, I was also thinking of how my characters have so much history and/or beef with each other and those small-scale conflicts are fun, more fun than acknowledging the world has been completely fucked ever since the first world died, and so every world is basically that of corpses imitating the first.

Day 36 editing
Chapter 38 done
Developed editor brain
Now all i can think is how to improve story
>will i ever star writing again?

What makes dialogue interesting?

>>20695529
Witty one liners

>>20695529
Personality and dichotomy in my opinion. Does your character speak in such a way that I know who they are just by the words they choose? Is there a contrast between their tone and what they actually feel about the situation at hand?

>>20695514
you won't

>>20692817
The sentence structure and overall structure is atrocious and the metaphors are trite. The overall theme and mood are pretty good. You either need to learn to punctuate or rework the sentences completely.
>Classes were something he just had to get through;
Semicolon should be before this, they are strongly related and structure should reflect that.
>Still,
Way too slangy/informal, fine for dialog but not the narrator. It also guts the end of the sentence, puts the idea of of stillness in the readers head before he finds his peace.
>The moment he entered the gym and heard the first bounce of a basketball echo against the high ceiling
This is a continuation of the previous sentence and more closely related to it than a period suggests, semicolon not period.
>, he found his peace.
Comma is ambiguous here and not really strong enough.
>Anon never cared much for school; classes were something he had to get through and the social hierarchy was an annoyance to navigate. There was one beacon in his day that made it all worthwhile; the moment he entered the gym and heard that first bounce of a basketball echo against the high ceiling—he found his peace.
Flows better but that first sentence is lacking in content, it is just a banal statement, I would either combine it into the second or add something. The overall punctuation does not really work either.
>School was not much more than classes to get through and a social hierarchy to navigate, but the moment he heard the first bounce of the basketball echo off of the high ceiling—he found his peace.
More concise but still can be better, basketball being related to school is poorly linked, he could play basketball without going to school after all, just not on the school team. We do not really get into the meat of it and why exactly he suffers through school and why he needs to find his peace, school just seems like a minor annoyance to him.

Here's a thing I wrote. I know it's fantasy crap, but is anyone willing to comment on or critique it?

>>20695615
Thanks for the feedback bro.

>>20694963
Keep hating bitch.

>>20695155
the first lines are kind of purple prose, and beyond that, it's very logos, so could definitely use more pathos.

>>20695038
It's a sign that you don't know where an arc is going. That could be a sign that you haven't planned your story out enough, or if you're intentionally not planning it out, it could be a sign that something went weird somewhere earlier, and now you don't know how to deal with it.

>>20695657
You don't even understand basic storytelling and you think you are in the position to criticize people on this board? Go write your little uninspiring, bland, mediocre basketball book that no one outside your immediate family is going to read and then you can consider putting down the writing hobby and finding a full time job at mcdonalds to support your fat ass

>>20695676
Is it possible for you to say anything outside of generic insulting terms, bitch?
I may or my not be a bad writer (not) but you are a fucking terrible shit talker. You can not just assume things about the life of the anon you are shitting on without at least two pieces of direct evidence. Otherwise you are just throwing darts while wearing a blindfold, nothing you say will stick so what's the point.

I'm giving you a master class on shit talk here, so pay attention. I'll teach threw example.

Go back to when I shit all over Rape-Anon. First, I know rape fantasy means a desire for control, which was then supported by his violent insistence that people read a very specific part of his rape story. Of course, he only wanted people to read the rapey part that will make most healthy human beings extremely uncomfortable. He had no concept of how this was bad behavior, leading me to the idea he does not understand social queues, meaning he might be autistic. Now, nothing wrong with being autistic but autism often leads to a childish disposition. Combine that childish disposition with his desire for control and you now have a prime candidate for pedophilia.
Thus, I took the final stab and confronted him with the fact that he looks at child porn and will probably end up in prison.
It seems I hit a bullseye because a month later rape-anon is STILL coming after me.

There, now you try.

>>20695676
Is it possible for you to say anything outside of generic insulting terms, bitch?
I may or my not be a bad writer (not) but you are a fucking terrible shit talker. You can not just assume things about the life of the anon you are shitting on without at least two pieces of direct evidence. Otherwise you are just throwing darts while wearing a blindfold, nothing you say will stick so what's the point?

I'm giving you a master class on shit talk here, so pay attention. I'll teach through example.

Go back to when I shit all over Rape-Anon. First, I know rape fantasy means a desire for control, which was then supported by his violent insistence that people read a very specific part of his rape story. Of course, he only wanted people to read the rapey part that will make most healthy human beings extremely uncomfortable. He had no concept of how this was bad behavior, leading me to the idea he does not understand social queues, meaning he might be autistic. Now, nothing wrong with being autistic but autism often leads to a childish disposition. Combine that childish disposition with his desire for control and you now have a prime candidate for pedophilia.
Thus, I took the final stab and confronted him with the fact that he looks at child porn and will probably end up in prison.
It seems I hit a bullseye because a month later rape-anon is STILL coming after me.

There, now you try.

>>20692817
>The moment he entered the gym and heard the first bounce of a basketball echo against the high ceiling, he found his peace.
>His mind easily escaped from it the moment the yellowing backbored rattled
Are these two descriptions in contradiction?

>>20695741
The first one he is in the gym, the second reflecting on the park behind his house.
I'll try to make that more clear in the next draft.

Thanks, anon.

>>20695734
>cognitive dissonance: the post

You're not as special as you believe you fucking narcissistic schizo. Rape anon doesn't exist and has forgotten you about now if he did. As I said, you don't know the first thing about writing and your arrogance will get the best of you when you finally get kicked on your ass when no publishers will waste their time on your shitty story.

>>20695769
>narcissistic
Yes, I've been very forward about this, bitch.

>Rape anon doesn't exist and has forgotten you about now if he did.
Nice try, Rape-anon

>publishers
HA!
As if I would go to a "publisher."
It's 2022, bitch, I don't need that shit.

>>20695774
You will forever be a mediocre writer. You have no engine. No originality. Nothing. Continue coping for eternity.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand a sange post. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical irony most of the jokes will go over a typical reader’s head. There’s also sange’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. His fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike sange truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in sange’s existential catchphrase “I'm still 10x more cultured than at least 90% of the bitches on this board” which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as sange’s genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Moby Dick is shit tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

>>20695781
The two rivals in my sports drama are going to lose a game because they can't work together, so then the coach who needed to earn the teams respect forces them to run learn to cooperate. So then they end up being friends and working on a being team players and win the championship.
Also, the coaches wife who left him ends up hooking back up him and his retarded daughter gets released from the psych ward, so finally his family gets back together.

If that shit aint original I don't know what the fuck is.

>>20695834
lol

>>20695781
The two rivals in my sports drama are going to lose a game because they can't work together, so then the coach who needed to earn the teams respect forces them to learn to cooperate. So then they end up being friends and working on a being team players and win the championship.
Also, the coaches wife who left him ends up hooking back up with him and his retarded daughter gets released from the psych ward, so finally his family gets back together.

If that shit aint original I don't know what the fuck is.

>>20695834
lol

>>20695860
>>20695855
Awkward.

>>20695643
>She hums the tune, and the music begins, as if from nowhere, filling the empty hall. She dances, slowly at first, swaying and turning, then quicker, as they join her.
I don't know if this is personal taste, but that many commas for so few words reads painfully to me.
I would write this:
She hums the tune and as if from nowhere, music fills the empty hall. She dances slowly at first, swaying and turning, then speeds up as they join her.
>The hall is wide and empty. Its dim lights barely illuminate her.
Not a fan of choppy sentences like this either.
I would write this:
The wide and empty hall's dim lights barely illuminated her.

>>20695860
>The two rivals in my sports drama are going to lose a game because they can't work together, so then the coach who needed to earn the teams respect forces them to learn to cooperate. So then they end up being friends and working on a being team players and win the championship.
>Also, the coaches wife who left him ends up hooking back up with him and his retarded daughter gets released from the psych ward, so finally his family gets back together.

So it's your typical run-of-the-mill, sentimental, cheesy shit that Hollywood blockbuster releases every few years? The enemy teaming up trope has been done a thousand times and it's fucking gay. Writing is supposed to be thought provoking that breaks the barrier of the avid readers mind. Your story is the reason why art is shit because it's so common and pedestrian. That's why most artists are so bitter when they don't make it because they haven't found that edge.

>>20695903
>The enemy teaming up trope has been done a thousand times and it's fucking gay.
Funny you mention that, I'm playing with the idea of them turning gay as fuck for each other.
Not bitch-ass "Yuri on Ice" gay, I'm talking raw dicks in the ass "Shameless" gay. Let's be clear, I'm straight as they come, but two male rivals rage-fucking each other's assholes to get over their differences seems like some great character development.
I'll have to watch some gay porn for research purposes but don't make no mistake, I'm 100% straight. It doesn't matter how much gay porn I watch while researching gay relationships. It's for art, it doesn't mean shit, bitch.

>>20695930
Write for the pornographic industry then. That'll most likely be your strong suit and it's easy money with little to no effort. Hope you make it, pajeet

>>20695354
Good, I don't trust anyone who doesn't like frogs

>>20695965
It's not porn. It's a sports drama. The ass fucking is going to be like one chapter, and maybe a few chapters of them working through their feelings, but it all comes together in the end with them getting their shit together on the court and winning the championship.

>>20695997
You imagine being in that characters place getting your little tight asshole fucked while some big man manhandles you until you cum on the bedsheets. Just accept that you are gay you little fruitcake

How important is historical accuracy in historical fiction? I'm taking a lot of liberties regarding dates and time. The events all happen around the same time, but it's not historically accurate

>>20696014
Anon, please, there could be children reading this thread. Watch your language.

>>20696022
Quinton Tarantino turned Hitler into swiss cheese, you can do whatever you want. It depends on how much YOU care about it being historically accurate.

In my current piece I am wondering which format to use. The story is about an expedition into an alien environment. The expedition was commissioned by a scientific institution.
Should the piece be the formal expeditionary report written primarily for the people who commissioned the expedition, or a collection of diary entries and interviews from the crew of it? If it should instead be written in a mix of the two formats, how so?

>>20696022
If it gets too out of whack, just call it alternative historical fiction.

>>20696045
Who do you consider to be more important, the people who commissioned it (Hence the in-universe readers) or the ones actually doing the expedition? Style matters as well, a formal paper is going to be more stuffy than diary entries that might meander off so answering that question could give you some insight.

>>20696022
I’d say that you should prioritise the plot over the accuracy. After all, you are writing a piece of fiction. But still, ensure that it is realistic for the time, place, and historical events without having that interfere with the plot.

>>20695415
So, "The Rituals Of Infinity" by Michael Moorcock?
>>20695564
seethe

>>20695657
Sigh. Fine. Keep being clueless in public.
I was trying to help you.
Never mind.

>>20695834
Just Sange samefagging.
>Nothin personnel kid
i.e. you seethe about homophones the way Sange does.

Are you trying to challenge F. Gardner for the title of least self-aware poster here?

>>20692776
im starting a blog, essentialindividual.com
im hoping for it to become a cover-all guide to life

all the pitfalls of the 50s and 70s with their psychological crap and psychiatric bullshit
child rearing, motivation, suffering and cope

keeping things in order, doing things productively and advanced tier uber productive activities to learn or improve in things etc

tell me what you'd like to see, i've never been a great writer but ive always been good at winning regardless. including writing. but my life has hit rock bottom (not really) and i'd like to offer my insights into what it means to suffer and continue

if you have anything youd like to see, please let me know. if you have anything to add, feel free to criticize or whatever

>>20695898
Thanks!

>>20696132
>Sigh. Fine.
How dare you.

Say something useful for a change.

>>20696146
It's a rick and morty copy pasta, someone posted it back in 2018.

>>20696022
If it is just dates and times, then don't be lazy, get it right.
As long as it does not impact the actual story.
If you need someone to be alive at a certain time when he should have been dead then just say fuck it and prioritize plot.

>>20696155
I don't know much about this kind of thing, but if you are good enough you should definitely start a cult. I hear it can be absurdly profitable.

>>20696155
>Why do we suffer?
>To guide us and push us forward to evolve, it is also mostly a consequence of life and without greater meaning than that.

You need darkness to contrast the light. A painting that is all black is nothing. A painting that is all white is nothing.
You need both.
How will you know what a good day is if you have never had a bad day? You might as well be a soulless robot.

Hey guys, what did I miss?

>>20696241
That's the problem. an event should have happened years ago, but to fit plot it needs to go later

>>20696276
Fuck off and do it right.
When have you ever seen me go,

Herrrderrp WELL, HEY THERE!

>>20696282

Ahh... Peace and quiet...

can I use the word "portage" to refer to moving a handcar from one rail to another?

>>20696297
See how this faggot just had to let everyone know?
And they call me self-obsessed.
What a little bitch.

Why are so many people impersonating me?

>>20696348
Shut up faggot, if you can't even properly be Sange then at least stay on topic.
Sange is more than a name.
Sange is a way of life.
Respect it.

>>20696357
Do people think I talk like this?

>>20695643
You need to stick with past tense. Not bad otherwise. Kept me interested

how often do you look at a thesaurus?

>>20696045
I don't know where you plan to go with it, but I would start off with the reports and then if or when things go bad switch to journals to make it more character based, as I assume the reports would be written clinically but with a bit of the writers personality bleeding through.

>>20696497
I don't have dinosaurs in my story so not very often.

>>20696497
Several time a day when I'm editing. Otherwise, three times a week max from reading if the author is using words I havent seen.

>>20696585
when you reference it is it because you're unsatisfied with a word and want to replace it, or you already have a word in mind you just can't remember it, or you're looking for some kind of inspiration from word association, or something else?

Random question here, but what do you consider to be essential in a fantasy story to get your interest?

>>20696616
never start with a creation myth
a fantasy story should begin zoomed in as close as possible to one very particular, fantastic thing. In Tolkien's case it was a hobbit party. It should begin in the crystal wings of a butterfly at rest on a steaming corpse. Fantasy fails when it gets too broad, talking about gods or wars or politics in the abstract simply because there isn't enough room to introduce everything slowly—but still, you must be relentless in your specificity, otherwise it become clear that you're more in love with your world than your story.

>>20696616
after many attempts i think this anon is right>>20696647
I always focus on everything except the story

>>20696647
Right on! I would consider that to be a mistake, my story does have a creation myth but it doesn't matter for most of the story at hand until it does.

>>20696676
The plot is what the audience is going to read after all. I see more than my fair amount of discussions at /a/ complaining about too much exposition at the beginning too which is basically the manga equivalent of this mistake.

>>20696616
some big set piece like the "death star" from star wars. something that will make you think, "wow."
a nice magic system that has rules
non-humans, but avoid the overused orcs, elves, and dwarves.
etc

here's "high fantasy" on tvtropes

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HighFantasy

>>20696616
I guess an adventure? Doesn't have to be travel or destroy big bad though, might be managing a shop in a big city with magic or something.

>>20696843
Yeah, I think a landmark or at least names are particularly important in a work of fantasy.

>>20696848
True, the Atelier games are pretty comfy low fantasy.

>>20696616
Christian themes.

>>20696843
>tvtropes
If I knew where you lived I would jimmy your window open while you slept before skullfucking you to death

>>20696843
not that anon but I've got most of that, though my sort of death star super weapon is defensive, leading to a stalemate as the 3 other countries hate the last one, but the last one can't be conquered, and yet because the thing only works within the borders of the last country they also can't use it to conquer the other three.
I have a magic system and though I have ideas about how it works I wonder if it doesn't come off as too fantastical, too capable of just doing basically anything without enough explanation, though I have planned some of how to explain the harder rules of it.
and for non-human races I think I'm alright, I have orcs and goblins and trolls (those haven't shown up yet) I have changed them quite a bit, only using the names for the sake of not wanting to have to think up names for these things.

Novice here, any advice on writing short stories?
I say "short story", but it's actually a manga of around 250 pages, which i think is similarly restrictive in terms of space. In reality i have maybe 4-7 chapters worth of space, depending on the chapter size.

I'm doing a fantasy story about a weak chosen-one type of character and her burdens. But the more i flesh it out, the more i feel like this can't be properly done in the space i have. Or at least with any meaningful impact.
Then again i'm very inexperienced in terms of storytelling so i'm not sure if i should just pull through. I might also just have a problem keeping the story contained due to the nature of the MC. In general i feel like the problem is that i feel a need to explain everything to the reader.

Any advice is appreciated.
I also read POV changes should be avoided in shorter stories, does /wg/ agree with this?

>>20696884
>I also read POV changes should be avoided in shorter stories, does /wg/ agree with this?
I'm sure its not impossible to do this but with you already feeling like it doesn't have enough time I think spending that time on a completely different character seems like a waste of time.
the other option is to make it longer, but in a manga where art is involved
>just write more lol
is probably not a good option.

>>20696866
Meanwhile for me:
>Big set piece
Haven't thought of this yet.
>Magic system with rules
Yeah, what I have is pretty laid out and there's even books with observations in the story
>Non-humans
I decided against it because the conflict is a very human one.

No, but how do I come up with a posh name and an important surname?

>>20696926
By browsing a ton of sites for baby names. Not even joking.

You're gonna ignore this but it's the horrible truth:
99% of giga immortal writers have one thing in common - they completely swamp their books with made up words
if you use nothing but generic words and terms in your book bad news but it goes in the trash

>>20696926
find the old names of kings and dukes, if you don't want to directly use the name you can take parts of different ones and mash them up as long as it sounds fine.

>>20696304
I don't think so (surely there's got be water involved?), but do it with confidence and it will seem like a creative appropriation instead of a lazy misuse.

I'm also intrigued by your handcar-centric story.

>>20696586
It's either I've never heard the word before or want to check literary word associations.

>>20696944
This is a classic correlation-causation mixup. They're fond of rare words because they're linguistically sensitive people who spend all their time reading. It's those reading habits that contribute to their greatness as writers, not the side-effects that the reading has on their vocabulary.

>>20696616
A sense of wonder. That is the main element that draws readers to scifi and fantasy is to stumble into something new and take it in.

>>20696990
I didn't say rare words I said straight up made up nonsense
and yes shit writers do it too so the secret is to just do it in a way that feels good to read and your book is now immortal

>>20696959
it's a science fiction story about mars covered in train tracks put down by terraforming robots. This isn't the start, but it's the part where I used portage to refer to moving the handcar between rails.

>>20696860
>oi govnah I'd Jimmy ya windah open loike a bloomin bandit ya daft tallywankah

>>20696843
kys discord trash

>>20696946
>>20696946
Oh shit, actually I never bothered to research the royalty of the area which I based this family on, I'm going to have to change this then, too much resemblance to the actual living ones.
I'll add sci fi jargon in the names then.
>>20696941
Yeah, I've kind of done this, but I prefer having a sort of method, even if not surface level voiding subtlety.

>>20697018
That's a great concept. I like the your prose style as well, the way physical detail is combined with the character's practical knowledge - makes it feel like a real, rocky world.

>>20696895
yeah that's why i compared it to a short story. even though it'll probably be a bit longer than a short story.

also i just found that >>20696647 kinda touches on my problem quite well.

>>20696996
Absolutely! I personally enjoy geography, so I hope to capture the beauty of my world's shifting times and puzzling locations well.

>>20697029
I try to make sure the names I use are similar if the characters originate from the same location too.

>>20697065
thanks!

Christ editing your own work is painful. "The noise echoed like an ominous force that could only accompany the physical trudge of a resulting failure." Why the fuck did I write that. Was I high? Was I drunk? Am I in high school? Fuck man get it together.

>>20696884
you can go for a "novella" which is up to 50,000 words, i think
pick some short stories you like
and then go through them paragraph by paragraph and study how the author handled it

>>20692776
Does anyone want to review this book I wrote in 2009 that someone posted to FanFiction,net for some reason? I'm told by several random people it's good but could use extra opinions. It was written in a month for NaNoWriMo

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10878662/1/Amazing-Bullshit-Adventure

>>20697092
>I try to make sure the names I use are similar if the characters originate from the same location too.
yeah, I like the research I just don't want to imply it might be the same family or even related, that's all.

>>20692776
>check on a Royal Road project I started after I started participating in this general and abandoned two chapters in
>it's far superior in style to my current writings
I'm not sure if this is due to me trying( (and failing) to write in a more "sophisticated" way or if I'm just judging my new stuff more harshly.
Or maybe it's just early onset dementia who knows.

>>20697018
be careful. You're writing a book not a screenplay. Screenplays will describe each scene in meticulous detail, because the director and film crews need guidance: how do I style this person's hair, how should this be shot from a storyboard perspective, 'how should I act in this scene?' etc etc... With books, you want the reader to use their own imagination to fill in the unwritten descriptions and gaps. It just makes it more fun and personal for the reader, while allowing you (the writer) to focus more on story, character development, setups, and payoffs.
>strands of it hanging even below the band of his woolen hat [...] which whipped about his ears and his neck in the wind, though the hair above his brow was pinned back with a bronze clip and tucked under his cap
That's 40+ words to say the sexy dudes hair was blowing in the wind. And it wasn't even the whole sentence. Advice like this can be demoralizing, because if you feel like it's beneficial, you might find yourself carving out tens of thousands of words as you edit. Sorry about that. Just my 2 cents.

>>20697162
I am glad I don't have any drinks left, I know I would try to write while drunk and end up with a mess I would either end up completely deleting since it would be faster than untangling whatever I wrote.
I still sometimes just use the wrong word and only catch it on a second or third reading.
I tend to type on auto pilot, like, eas so I move my hands to type easily, or that when I mean what, then and than I do all the time.

>>20697196
I appreciate it—frankly I'm used to my writing just being ignored which is worse. I'll mess around with some of my longer descriptive sentences and see how compressing them feels, but a lot of their point is to try to elongate the moment. Maybe I just need to find more things to describe with fewer words each.

>>20697162
Honestly just cut out some of your adjectives if you feel they arent doing any heavy lifting. I had a tendency to want to describe every noun. Now I try to be as bleak as possible, like a sketch for each sentence, and color it in one paragraph at a time. The sentences logically relate to each other in a paragraph so that is where I like to work on it. It helps your sentence support not just itself but the ideas around it.

>>20696860
I remember when TVTropes used to be actually useful because you could actually find examples of the trope you looked for to check how it was executed. I think it was one of the websites that got ruined the worst by the userbase. I think SCP is up there with it but TVTropes is completely unsalvageable.

>>20697247
Good advice.

Never posted work on here before so any and all feedback would be appreciated!
Richard twirled the scrunched paper between his fingers in his forgotten room. In his other hand, clawed a glass of gin, taking short sips that followed the other in quick succession. His company involved a desk which happily held the bottle of gin. The other companion was a hungry fireplace whose groans competed with the tapping of his foot. Richard drowned in the last of his gin and the tapping stopped.
He unravelled the paper once more, but his scrunching and twirling could not alter the words spitted on by Mr Brown. The paper quickly returned to be his finger’s plaything, as Richard could not read beyond the words: “Perhaps we can meet up some time.”. His foot shook again, and he reached to his bottle for another refill of gin. The bottle was empty. Boiled, bitter, and betrayed, his eyes engulfed in flames as they reflected the letter’s words die into ash.
The fire passed and many hours died. Richard sat as he had been, mourning the fire’s warmth. when the door creaked open and light forced the room back to life. Madeline came through and curiously queried in her soft voice, “have you been waiting for me all night?”. Richard bent his head, glaring at her and telling her in a jovial tone that he must have fallen asleep. She puffed her messy hair out of her face, threw herself at him on the chair built for one, and detailed her night out with her friends. Richard, silent as the dead fire, clawed to her and listened to every word.

I'm trying to write a sci-fi novel, but I fear I'm attempting to explore too many themes for one story, and that the scale of the conflicts that the MC winds up in might be too grandiose.

>>20697247
That's a good idea. Thanks bby

>>20697607
>themes
Those are good, but they require a reader that's interested in the story enough to think about stuff that is not character interactions or story.

>>20697577
twirled is a weird verb for that action. Is forgotten room a special place we should know about? Maybe capitalize it to Forgotten Room. "In the other hand, [he] clawed a glass of gin..."
Desk isn't happily holding a bottle of gin. Fireplace as a companion idk. Paper is his hand's plaything, not finger, because he's using all fingers and palm to play with it. Don't use clawed twice. glaring at her and then using a faux jovial turn would be weird to the chick, I'm picturing a fucking psychopath, not someone who's successfully hiding his psychosis from his gf.

>>20695333

It's perfectly fine, anon. Just finish it.

>>20695155
First paragraph especially reads awkwardly. But the whole of it in general feels purple.

>>20695038
I would say yes, it's often a sign that the scene does not need to exist. If could be that it still happens, but it's better transmitted via exposition, some kind of backstory at a later point, rather than via a true scene.

How come everyone here is a better writer than me?

>>20697018
Hey, I'm another editor here with real world experience. I like your prose and characters, they come across strong and distinct. I think you have some real talent. There are some stylistic nitpicks that I could make about your writing, but they're frankly inconsequential, your style is clean and crisp overall. Probably there are recurring hiccups in your style which would take a deeper and more thorough look to productively understand and point out, but you are ahead of the game. I strongly encourage you to continue developing your story because I think it, and you, have promise. I enjoyed reading your excerpt and I encourage you to get an editor's input only once you are satisfied with your draft.

In regards to your question on 'portage', I have some thoughts. I see your need for a distinct term -- I assume that this 'portage' will become a crucial aspect of the story, both a symbolic action of venturing away from human development and a dangerous, laborious plot action which (I guess and hope) will incur tension and drama at key points of your story -- but I think that to use an obscure French-language term for 'carry' draws attention to itself without being immediately clear in its meaning. The way I see it, you have two options: You establish its meaning explicitly early on; 'portage' is explained as a technical jargon used by the terraformers, and you give some idea of maybe the risks and efforts associated with it so that any future reference to it in the text is understood immediately by the reader (since you've given them the necessary background information). The other option is to use a term that implies its function, so you call it instead 'rail-hop', or 'switch', or 'track-change'. This way, your reader is not made confused when this comes up in your story.

My personal bent is to go with the first option, since it also allows you some effective world-building and foreshadowing, and that always helps in sci-fi. But remember that whichever option you choose, you can change the term you use. Either make it an implicitly clear compound word or use some specialized jargon that you take the time to explain, but remember that your word choice carries meaning. Maybe you should ask yourself why an explicitly French term belongs in the technical background of your Mars sci-fi story set in the future? What advantage is there to using 'portage' instead of any other invented jargon, such as 'relayment'?

Best of luck!

>>20697702
I dunno I'm pretty shit (at least not YA trash albeit)

>>20697735
Why am I talentless?

>>20697749
Why do you think you're talentless?

>>20697757
Because I was told this by many people, on /v/ and here on /lit/. Did you see the trash I wrote? I still laugh at times thinking about it,

>>20697702
When you’re at the bottom there’s only one way to go, Wexler enjoyer.

>>20697607
too many themes might be a problem.
but large, grandiose conflicts sounds interesting

>>20695356
Fell asleep before posting, sorry anon. I already dislike the first paragraph but I can't think of anything better atm.

>>20697735
I'm really curious to know if any publishers and editors lurk in here and possibly snag a manuscript and not pay the agent.

>>20697670
Thank you the for the feedback!
Specifically agree on the point about the glaring, and plenty of the rest

>>20697735
What a thoughtful message! Thank you. I'm very encouraged by it.
In regards to the use of "portage"—maybe it's my American showing, but it's a term used here to describe when you carry a canoe over land between lakes (although yes, still derived from the French). It's very particular to canoes and also an obscure term on its own, so maybe it would just be better to create a new term for it as you suggested.

>>20697820
I wouldn't know but I highly, highly doubt it.

>I am very close in paying editor anon to review my manuscript
>Poor as shit
>Maybe not.

>>20697780
Being ESL means I can never be a good writer.

>>20697888
Not true. Why not write in your native language? There are good translators, who have to be second language in either English or the original language of the book.

Chin up anon.

>>20697361
>TVTropes used to be actually useful
I remember that too, the problem was people gamifying trope identification so every word of every page can be a hyperlink. If everything is a trope than nothing is a trope - at this point I've abandoned the word entirely as it has lost all meaning.

>>20697702
We just have more experience. You'll get there with time and daily diligence before you know it.

thoughts? This is two pages into the chapter

>>20697833
I see, I didn't know that part of its history!
Creating a new term or not isn't the most important bit was the point that I was trying to make... It's alright to use an archaic term or adapt one to a new setting, but you always want to avoid confusion where possible. 'Portage' works in a lot of ways, and no new word will help as much as deftly, clearly, and subtly defining the term for your audience. Think Ripley's mechsuit in Aliens... it can come out of nowhere to kick the Alien Queen's ass a the end of the movie -- but only because its capabilities and Ripley's ability to pilot it are established earlier, in fact way earlier near the start of the film.

You have to lay the groundwork for the important bits to work. This is the same concept as 'priming' or 'prelearning'... you think extra hard about this so that your reader never has to, its meaning is made clear to them without them ever realizing you're explaining it to them.

>>20692776
just posting cause dota. continue

I'm normally pretty forgiving when it comes to my writing - I know that I'll be shit for a long time before I improve. However, today I hate myself for how difficult I find it to write even the smallest amount of shit story. Today, it feels hopeless.

>>20697930
No one would read my game like that.
>>20697964
How long will it take?

I napped for an hour, my day is fucking ruined.
My mind quivering, the void devouring any attempt at forming thoughts.
My body halts, wanting nothing more than to return to its small death, detach itself from this reality and return to the slumbering lands.
Yet I lack the ability to force such an event.
Despair.
Despair.

>>20697937
the problem was also just soyy cucks being soyy cucks

>>20698154
cringe

>>20698141
You improve a little every day. You can finish stories that are passable but it usually takes 3 years to really get good and become familiar with the moving parts of a project.

>>20698307
I just want to get good at dialogue tb h

Finished my neo-noir script. Second script this year. What now?

>>20698368
You've had one draft, yes. What about second draft?

>>20698368
how long is it?

>>20698376
90 pages
>>20698372
I plan on going through and thinking about it from a more cinematic perspective.Emphasizing tone, and setting more in descriptions.

>>20698390
are you going to try to get it published? i'll edit it for $10

>>20698393
Yeah, I want to talk to some agents but I don't think they are quite ready (The scripts, not the agents)

>>20698400
feel free to shoot me an e-mail at maat042@yahoo.com and I can send you some samples

I'm free this week since I'm moving soon

>>20698068
how can you even play this current patch, it's fucking garbage

>>20697859
He is a gambler, so chances are he'll take your money and throw it all away

so, idk if those two anons that read and gave input are still around, but im the guy that wrote that nina otaki essay.

I went through and made note of where i want to add more, and added more where i found it easy, but its been days now, and there has been little progress. thats usually why i dont write and just forget about the idea before i even put pen to paper. I was really surprised and grateful for the praise i received for it, which is why im still thinking about it i suppose. how do i do more though. its not like im not writing. just not *that* writing. ive thought about listening to that same podcast i was listening to before, but im afraid of chasing a muse, so to speak. it also didnt hurt that friends and family werent contacting me that day, but at this point i feel like im just making excuses. i should just go write. i think ill just go write. if i dont post an update by 00:01 on July 20th i might as well just go back to /f/ and forget any aspirations of writing.

>>20698368
Take a day off. Were both neo-noir? You can do a third or experiment with another genre. If you're on amazon I think one successful formula is do alternating releases for different series. Or if you don't do series, ones in the same genre.

>>20698565
No, the first was a horror.
>>20698407
Might do that, like to hear peoples initial reaction because that's the most honest one

>>20698603
my favorite movie is dark city so i am a big noir guy

>>20698624
>i am a big noir guy
4U

>>20698624
Ya it's probably the most /lit/ film genre

>>20695155
>>20695658
>>20697693
100% wanted to say this, I felt the same way

How's my author's note? Needs to be expanded or lessened?

Yes this is to entice the gatekeepers.

>>20699024
that line just past the middle there is repeated, did you leave in 2 drafts of the same line and forget to get rid of the earlier one?
but other than that it seems good to me.
and what do you mean by entice the gatekeepers?

>>20699024
lots of weird commas and try not to sound so bitter

>>20699045
Just bad cut+paste job. Right now there's a huge push for AAPI stories. The note is trying to be tailored for them.

>>20699052
I sound bitter? I thought it sounded too introductory paragraph for an Essay.

>>20699024
There's some kind of weird repeat in the third paragraph. Also nice note and I get your point. There's an obsession with high-concept where authors feel compelled to add in some fantastic element to whatever they're doing even in realism.
>trying to find historical accuracy in this work of fiction will only be met with disappointment
What did you mean by this? Also just finished reading East of Eden yesterday, amazing story.

>>20699065
>I sound bitter?
Just remove "find the gall to" and you are no longer telling the reader what to think and letting the facts speak for themselves.

>>20699097
oh is that all? Okay that's an easy fix. Thanks!

Should I expand it?

>>20697018
Reads smooth with no issues reading outloud or going over chunky while reading.

great work,

You guys getting paid for your writing yet?
You don’t do this for free, do you?

>>20699024
Carving up of China not carving.

The last paragraph is not a good idea. You never want to say there is no historical accuracy to your story. Successful authors go to lengths to declare the opposite. Look at that da Vinci code guy for example. Everything is always true according to his prefaces and it sells like hot cakes. That’s what people want.

>>20699148
I'm doing this so I don't suck start a shotgun because I feel like I'm wasting all my time doing nothing at all.
Now I am putting to text the stories that I've had in my head for some time now, and hopefully I gain a following and get paid, but I am not aiming for that, if I was I would make a fucking isekai litRPG like every other bumblefuck.

>>20699163
What the fuck did I just read?
You aspire to write an isekai?
Man… aim a little higher.

>>20699155
>The last paragraph is not a good idea. You never want to say there is no historical accuracy to your story. Successful authors go to lengths to declare the opposite. Look at that da Vinci code guy for example. Everything is always true according to his prefaces and it sells like hot cakes. That’s what people want.
So I should just eat it if readers call me out on it?

>>20699172
Anon, I quite litterally wrote that I am not aiming for being paid.
Isekai and litRPG are very popular, if I was looking to make money I would make a story in one if not both genres.
I don't think that isekai and litRPGs are bad completely, but I feel they lead to a less interesting work.
You just write a normal modern person and put them in a fantasy world, it makes writing them easier, and litRPG often means not needing to think up a system for magic, you just bullshit it with
>the system/script/menu does it all lol
as well as leading to people who are strong because big number and not strong because they use their powers in a smart way.
To me its not unlike stories where the MC is someone special because he is secretly the son of King Skullmurderfuck (who is the main villain) and because of this they get some dumb busted shit that makes them OP in a way that feels completely unearned.

>>20699196
well just cause its less interesting doesn't mean its easy to be honest
99% of the people who say stuff like this can't write good litrpg to save their lives

>>20696146
>implying Gardner ever posts here

I think the best we’ve had was that Gardner LARPer.

>>20699148
I'm not published yet but yes I intend to take it seriously and professionally. Thankfully I have a nice job that I enjoy but it's not writing related and can't scratch that itch.

>>20699220
I admit I have not written a litRPG, so I could be wrong, and my bias against it may be clouding my judgement of those who do write it.

>>20699228
Gardner only posts when he has a chance to shill his work

>>20699245
Those are memesters. I’m in a discord server with Gardner and he never shills his books. He mostly just talks about how he thinks the earth is flat.

I'm having fun writing my main character, I got their motivations locked down and tight.
I'm still finding their voice, I'm getting to explore how to write giga stacy and it's fun.

>>20699189
say lol it's fiction bro
why would you take something like that seriously?

>>20699323
I've learned there are too many people in this world that take things way too seriously.

>>20699189
There are actually editors that specialize in historical accuracy and they usually work for non-fiction but also historical fiction. They're expensive though so unless you can cut a deal with such a person you might just have to do your best. I try to escape this problem by not going into much detail, but dropping just enough detail to give the illusion that it's authentic. It's easy to give yourself away though, readers are pretty smart. Someone that's into fashion or economics will always get offended as hell at authors. It's as if ignorance was a crime. If there was a way to take advantage of some of that ignorance by trying to present things not as they literally were, but sometimes fresh in the eyes of the Chinaman and might not hit every detail. Just a thought.

>>20699269
His presence itself is a form of shilling.

how silly does the line "Night Supremist" sound? I am thinking of including it from just a random background character who is then reprimanded for saying it.
The context would be things like vampires werewolves and the like who believe they should overthrow all human governments since they believe themselves to just be better as a result of what they are.
The night part comes from these things being classified as Nightkin.

>>20699362
Lmao what

>>20699375
Keep coping gardner

>>20699350
i don't care about historical accuracy, but after reading a bunch of books with trigger warnings in their author notes, I'm erring on the side of caution

>>20696357
>>20696373
I think it's fair to say that no one likes EITHER of you.
You're both annoying in different ways.

>>20699379
Reminds me of this gem.

What software do you guys use to write?

>>20699368
nightkin is cringe. night supremist is based

>>20697702
We write. And read. And observe.

>>20699404
10/10

>>20699405
openoffice

>>20699388
I probably will never preface my stylistic choices in author notes, even once I get to my historical fiction project. Resisting the urge to explain myself will be tough but one example is that I generally use gendered language with a tendency to the masculine. Meaning that instead of saying "humanity" I will just write "men." If I'm trying to call attention to gender differences sure "men and women" but otherwise it's just "men." I have been going for a lot of anachronisms in my writing that make some readers confused but it's a stylistic choice that builds into a theme. Readers are free to moralize for or against the style of the narrator, but I'll be damned if I stray from it.

>>20699410
nightkin is a working title for now, I don't want to call them undead because they aren't undead.
maybe just calling them creatures of the night and leaving it at that will be fine, my other idea was to just call them others, in part because they would be able to slip it into a conversation as code easily.
and yeah I thought night supremist was a pretty good line.
>>20699405
google docs, only because I find the UI better than notepad.

>>20696377
>You need to stick with past tense
No. Past tense is for scrubs, and it gets awkward as f when you start referring to things in the character's past, and then you're using some mess of progressive perfective tense shit which just confuses the reader an just no. Fuck all that shit. It's in the characters' present, and it's not being relayed by any in-universe after-the-fact narrator, so it gets the present tense.

Thanks the suggestion though, and I 'm glad you enjoyed it.

>>20699422
Oh thanks I forgot about that one. Fucking microsoft office is $150 now.

hey

>>20699405
Wordpad because for some reason Word freaks my boomer ass out now. I will figure it out. I will probably switch to Scrivener in a few years.

>>20699450
It's so complicated now I feel you

>>20699405
Whatever software you use be sure to backup everything

>>20699424
>google docs
Pageless view, dark background, minimized task bar = kino

So how exactly do you "show not tell" in first person?

>>20699504
You don't. That advice is a meme.

I need help with this premise.
Women can cast blood magic, but only during their periods.

>>20699504
I have a really long-winded answer that I keep typing out. Where can I post a free blog post thing I can just keep linking people to?

I know I could just not respond but I hate shit writing advice so much its unreal

>>20699534
pastebin

>>20699504
Anon, you need to stop listening to advice that reads like it came from reddit

>>20699504
Action Action, action
That's the best show don't tell advice I've gotten. Writer your character DOING something that displays what you want to say. For example, instead of saying he was apathetic, have him say something apathetic. Like a coworker's Mom dies and he doesn't care

>>20699534
GoodReads has a blog feature, and is oriented toward writers.

>>20699449
why is this written like a greentext

>>20699553
>having characters say things
that's actually worse
have him act nonchalant or just shrug at the news

>>20699575
my time here is influencing my writing style

Realtalk, I have most paragraphs be one sentence in action scenes to establish a fast pace and distinguish between who is doing what, like back and forth.

>>20699580
it doesn't work. it feels choppy.

>>20699504
instead of
>he ran the beast through with his blade
try
>I stuck my blade between its ribs and held firm, the beast tried to shake me away, slick blood flowing down the hilt until I nearly lost my grip on it, I dodged its ever slowing swipes until it bled out.
basically as I have taken the advice, just explain the nitty gritty of the scene instead of a simple description.
not that those simple descriptions don't also have a place in writing.

>>20699591
Any advice on how to improve it then?

>>20699516
she is powerful during that period, get it? I am referring to both the literal period and also the period of time when she had power, but the rest of the time she has to bluff her way out of fights she can't win without the magic.

>>20699596
>>he ran the beast through with his blade
This is fine. Especially in a scenario where your characters are fighting multiple "beasts" and it gets tiring if you describe it so gratuitously each time.

>>20699600
Blend it together, make each action flow into the next. You seem to have each shot in your head like it's a manga panel and you separate them with paragraphs.

>>20699606
I wrote that under the assumption of single combat, for multiple beasts I would go with something like
>I swung at them as they leapt towards me, a severed leg here, a cut neck there, damn things nearly got me when I ran one through and my blade stuck.
gives an idea that he is cutting through them with relative ease and tries to add tension by giving an example where he could've actually been hurt still.

>>20699623
But how would you do that? I can't do much with vague advice. This is exactly like the show don't tell thing: it sounds good, but is actually counterproductive.

Okay okay i'll make it.
>>20699665
>>20699665

>>20699660
Do what? Blend the action together? Get ridding of the choppy paragraphs would be a start

>>20699449
I think what the other anon means with it being choppy or like a green text is this.
instead of
"The newcomer didn't waste any time."
[line between paragraphs]
try
"The newcomer didn't waste any time. he charged at Coltan and slashed at him, cutting through his ribs and left lung" and so on and so forth.
Put the shorter lines with the longer ones, a wall of text isn't good either but you don't really need a line break after each period.
Save them for the more significant things to build impact when you do see line breaks.
Each death getting its own line break is fine, but all the action doesn't need them.

>>20699568
Cool idea but I can't figure out how to do it without being an author. Might just use Medium since it's free and no setup

>>20697930
Not the anon, but depending on the language, chances are there is no prominent platform to post and promote yourself.

>>20697803
>she
stopped reading there