/lit/ - Literature

God bless everyone in this thread.

>>20694155
NIGGER

>>20694163
Even if I don't believe in God, I appreciate you wishing me well. Thx, fren

>>20694172
You wouldn’t be saying that when he turns right around and condemns you for not converting

https://youtu.be/jttJo5ib4A0

Every day is a blessing.

>>20694178
Wanna bet?

The captcha has been pissing me off lately

>>20694189
I know them well. They don’t actually mean it. They say it to sway you and if that doesn’t work, they get pissy.
Ah, here’s another one now. Sanctimonious saccharine wishes to all you wayward suicidal types. ‘Read my book on how to be “saved”’

Femanon post bob and lasagna, please and thank you

Reminder to report all off topic discussion. These threads generally pertain to politics and inceldom

I often think I'm stupid even though others have said the contrary. Are they being polite? Are they being sincere? I, in my bias, would like to believe that I am smart. That I am above, at least in brainpower, the common folk. But I don't even know what "smart" or "intelligent" is, to tell you the truth. I know some people can sound quite authoritative on certain subjects and can impress me and others with the ability to regurgitate information on said subjects. I also know people who dropped out of school yet, for all the supposed lack of intellect, have done well enough for themselves in our society. Not extraordinarily so, but to a comfortable level that they're happy with.

Happiness. It's something I want that I can't seem to grasp. I'm on medication to help it, and I admit that it does make life tolerable, but I'm not happy. Of course, happiness is fleeting, no? It's not a constant state. The people I see who are happy are certainly not that way at all times. It'd be impossible. And of course I gloss over my own happy moments in a pointless search for more when they just happen. I feel like I'm some teenager despite turning 32 next month. Like my mental age didn't progress.

Sorry for the ramble.

>>20694155
Reminds me of playing Rogue Squadron II.

>>20694115
Another word for fascism is corporatism. Historically oligarchy supports fascism to suppress aid them in suppressing people’s movements. Now they’re using them to encroach on a sovereign competitor with rich resources.

>>20694187
You’re really not that observant are you!
The US just gave $40billion to them to drag out the Russian military operation. The sanctions are blocking so much from Russia that everyone else is getting hit by it more than Russia.

>>20694222
I havent had sex since 2016 which happens to be when I voted for trump

I'm so disgusted with myself after fapping that I don't see the point of doing it anymore. The displeasure is much greater than the pleasure.

>>20694232
You have no idea what you're talking about

why two threads?

>>20694322
2 threads are better than 1.

>>20694300
I do indeed.
The world does not want global capitalism and its feeble attempts to push back have resulted in the neoliberal caretakers to implement tighter restrictions, and the US/EU are even fomenting nationalism in their own backyards. Funding Ukrainian Nazis as proxy troops. I a lot.

>>20694232
>corporatism
This nigga thinks corporatism is when corporations do stuff

>>20694322
She like’a d’anal, you see?

>>20694363
How do you define it? Because oligarchy is what we have, and they support fascist tactics and encouragement to their brand of extremism

>>20694380
Read "The Portugal of Salazar"

>gf wants to do sexy message stuff
>literally groan and roll my eyes
whats round with me?

>>20694426
just fucking humor her man, that's half of what a relationship is. Im not nearly as sexual as my girl but I try my best

Mom attempted suicide today. Brother has been trying to OD on fetynal all year. Other brother took a whole bottle of his meds late last year.
All of them have attempted suicide at least 3 times each. I actually dont feel anything. I am just so used to it now that today feels routine.

>>20694436
It runs in the family, eh?

>>20694224
Speaking authoritatively on a subject, or even possessing knowledge of a subject is different from intelligence. Aristotle in fact said that there are 5 types of understanding which I will loosely translate as Intuition, Craft/Art, Reasoning, Practical Wisdom, and the Wisdom which fuses Intuition with Reasoning. Someone like Mozart would have been high in the Craft/Art and Intuition understandings, but really bad in Practical Wisdom considering he was bad with money. No one would say he was stupid because by all accounts he wasn't Rainman-type idiot savant. Graham Chapman from Monty Python again, very high on Craft/Art because he was both a fully qualified doctor but also happened to write and perform comedy, which suggests he was quite high on Intuition and Reasoning too, but he was a alcoholic for most of his life.
Of course don't take these diagnoses for gospel, I don't want to create a new bullshit Myer-Briggs that misinterprets Aristotle's good name, it's more just a way of demonstrating that: Smart people can make dumb decisions.
And just because you're smart or have intelligence that pertains to one area of understanding doesn't necessarily mean it will transfer over to all.

I'm going back to college tomorrow after I've been out of school for 10 years. I'm so fucking nervous. I don't know where the classrooms are and I don't know what to wear kek.

>>20694514
>I'm going back to college tomorrow after I've been out of school for 10 years
literally have nightmares like this. Good luck to you though mate.

>>20694514
I wore gym shorts, Marvel t-shirts, and poop-stained underwear. It's not that big of a deal.

>>20694524
Thanks anon. At least now I know I'm able to beat everyone up unlike high school where I was a little midget.

>>20694530
I'll just wear work clothes then.

When does My Time at Sandrock come out on GOG?

I read "as above so below" in the Kybalion when I was a teenager (ignored the rest of the book) and I've been milking realisations out of this one statement for 10 years. I'm starting to think reading material isn't nearly as important as time spent meditating on it.

>>20694426
You've gotten too used to the convenience and selfishness of jerking off. Many such cases.

>>20694216
[F]eeling pretty y'all, might delete later.

>>20694514
I did the same (but more than 10 years) and I autistically spent a whole day during the summer just finding all the classrooms, stairways and most efficient paths from the parking to each one. Reduced the stress levels a whole fucking bunch.

i know about doing cocaine & ketamine together but do people know about switching to k (not too much) after like a weeklong bender & totally avoiding any sort of comedown.
postscript; did coke all day everyday from 4th to 15th & i'm looking and feeling better than ever

>>20694155
I don’t like DH Lawrence as much when he writes in the first person

>>20694728
>ketamine
grim stiff, can still remember how it made my body feel

If I quit weed/alcohol/partying and move into psychedelics am I still just a loser who can't cope with reality?
Should I just disavow any mind altering substances for life?

>>20694514
Oh, hell. All the kids are going to think you're REALLY OLD.

>>20694637
It depends, obviously.
"As above, so below" is one of the deepest truths there is.
Of course, it implies...that the heavenly pantheon is as dysfunctional as our crappy world.

>>20694781
yeah that was me the first time i tried it. you probably did way too much. it's not like gear at all, you do dead small lines

>>20694796
i can't see the appeal of altering your mind at all.

>>20694846
Have you tried it?
Even something as pedestrian as alcohol can be fun, every once in a while.
t. drunk for the first time in months.

>>20694839
l did it a few times only way l found it enjoyable is mixed with methadrone

my undergraduate thesis is inviable, I kind of knew it since the beginning, but now it is more clear.
I have to gather all the evidence that I found so that I can tell the professor that the original idea isn't going to work. I feel relieved to be qutie honest.

>>20694846
Fair enough, don't even bother.

>>20694850
I guess I'm trying to stop living for simple pleasures such as fun.

>>20694858
Oh. I can see you are a serious individual

>>20694850
i don't see being drunk as the same thing as altering your mind (maybe if you lost your mind to alcoholism).

>>20694858
>I guess I'm trying to stop living for simple pleasures such as fun.
how lost do you have to be to write this

>>20694852
never tried that. just the same as CK though surely

even hitler had a girlfriend and had snowball fights with his friends

>>20695019
wdym 'even'?
u mean ESPECIALLY

>>20694973
>>20694909
Sorry that you children cannot see past your simple lowly pleasures, I know you cannot understand. Please continue indulging in the lowest forms of pleasure, you loveless, voids of respect.

I'm unironically a leftist but I'm really starting to become annoyed by constant attention seeking behavior by LGBTQ+ people. I don't mind that they exist or anything and I do recognize and I suppose support them by not necessarily hampering them or anything but the online narcissistic bullshit is grating. I do feel the same way about other things of that attention demanding or interjected irrelevant shit in a me too sort of way when that's not even related to the very clear subject, but the trans stuff is just my latest within the last five minutes annoyance.

It's also pretty difficult to call these people out unless you're prepared to an avalanche of accusations and unrelated shit that, once again, have nothing to do with the subject. As if everything said about whatever they're saying becomes a personal attack on them and their... I don't even know. Way? Self? Just a really terrible and childish way to halt any sort of discourse.

i seem to have an ability other people don't have. i can make nothingness in my mind instantly. I cried for like 30 minutes yesterday and it was hard to keep crying because I had got so used to making nothingness in my mind it was mostly automatic. I literally forced myself to cry because I thought maybe by having nothing I was "repressing" parts of my subconscious. but I learned nothing about my subconscious. For the most part there really is nothing and that's why I had to force myself to make nothing go away. But even while I was crying, it still wasn't me crying.

>>20695058
Is this what losers who have nothing going on in their lives spend their time on?
Nothing about that is commendable.

>>20695063
>Nothing about that is commendable.
you're projecting your need to be commended onto me

One day I will master the art of getting actual direct answers to my questions.
If I ask a question about what kind of shelving is most practical for my clothing, someone won't respond with some inane brag about how they only have three outfits and don't need so much shelving. If I ask a question about Kant, someone won't throw at me a wall of text that requires that I already read Kant they will explain in plain English the specific use of the term, with the minimal needed context to understand why the translator's choice of word was a terrible one.
On that day, people won't handball questions that are beyond their expertise to some unnamed and possibly imaginary expert. If people don't have the answer, they will admit it. If people have a reasonable speculation, they will explain it but also explain their own doubts.
And anyone who answers anything with something about sleep, water, or "relaxing" will disappear magician style down a giant PVC kid's slide that leads to Hell, which will be really revolting because by the time they get to the inferno of the underworld the tube will be melting all around them. Man those people suck. It could be a fat guy complaining that his weight gives him Sleep Apnea or a skinny guy who sleeps 12 hours a day and they'll still be like "don't be so hard on yourself. just drink plenty of water bro, and get some sleep".

>>20694426
Don't listen to the other beta males.
Sexting is gay

what do you think about when you're trying to sleep?

is there a letterbox type site for books?

>>20694163
Peace with you, brother.

>>20695080
sometimes i think about everything and I don't sleep. When I was little I used to imagine that I had been impaled or seriously injured or that I was under anesthetic in the hospital or about to die or whatever and that helped me sleep. Now I don't imagine anything and I can't visualize anything anymore, my brain is all words. I just try to keep my body as still as possible for as long as possible. Every time I do my brain generates psychosomatic itches or whatever they are on my face. It's insane how strong the impulse gets to move and it feels like my flesh is burning off sometimes usually around under my nose. It also creates sensations inside my ears to try and get me to move like there are bugs crawling in there. At first I always had to move when it went in my ear but then one day I was meditated and visualized cockroaches crawling in my ear and it really physically felt like something was digging deep in there and since then I've been able to stay still even when it's in my ears despite the fact that I've had a phobia for years of bugs crawling in my ears. I focus on the blackness and I try to relax my eyes as much as possible. You can't sleep when you think and if your eyes are moving, you're thinking. If I lose focus it's easy to tell because all the skin around my eyes scrunches up that reminds me to stop thinking again and some times I can fall asleep

>>20694426
oh shit i thought that said sexy massage stuff when he posted it early i was like shit that doesn't sound that bad, oh ya, sexy message stuff she probably wants to show it to her gfs or bull later and laugh, i wouldn't.

>>20695068
>Everyone who calls me a loser is le projecting!!
just stop smoking weed loser, stop trying to defend yourself with cringe shit like this.

>>20695084
goodreads

>>20694645
>roastoid calls jerking off selfish
wtf i love fapping now

>>20695117
i really don't care but I respond telling you I don't care you get the idea that I care. don't even know why I do anything anymore. I don't even have a self. I destroyed some more things in my mind today and I'm even more of an animal

>>20695080
Usually I try imagining my perfect woman and talk to her/do things with her(never sexual). It does the trick, I feel comforted by her and fall asleep easily.

>>20695111
>>20695076
well l did it anyway and she came so thats that

On a surface level, it makes sense to prepare for the worst, so that when the worst happens, you'll be ready for it, but I've come to reject this view. Being neurotic like that is just no good, and will only exacerbate your problems. Neuroticism is a beast that grows fatter the more you worry about things, constantly catastrophizing and freaking out about every possible way things could go wrong. Inevitably, said neuroticism becomes worse than the problem itself. This is not smart, it's self inflicted torture.

>>20694163
Thanks anon, same to you.

>>20695123
>I smoke weed im so esoteric!

ever since i found about the shit the russians pulled in 1054 i don't think i can read dostoeyevsky

>>20695135
yeah bro you know exactly what I am and what I do through five 4chan posts. i wonder if it ever occurs to anyone here that the people who they create an entire caricature of in their minds based off one 4chan post actually have thoughts besides what they just read

>>20695141
Woah! You've totally deconstructed all of reality!
Have another bong mate.

>>20695148
and what you think about reality is all true.

>>20695148
Yes, that's totally what I was implying.... ?
Jesus, keep exposing how much of a dumb stoner you are.

>>20695154
>>20695169
^That was for you.

>>20695052
Maybe it's because they're terrible people.
These days, there are many that stand up to "woke" culture and survive.
You may want to consider it.
>>20695058
You're either gifted at meditation...or a hylic.
>>20695075
You keep posting this.
Stop it already & pay a therapist to pretend to care about your questions.
>>20695080
I try to think about nothing.
I found out some time ago that I start seeing color patterns when I'm about to drop off to sleep.
If I contemplate the color patterns, not thinking about them, just beholding them, I tend to go to sleep.
Melatonin helps too.

>>20695135
Smoking weed is a great way to meet and hook up with girls
>hey, wanna smoke sometime?

>>20694448
Yeah basically. They're also a bunch of whiners

>>20695196
Great point actually

>>20695196
so is doing cocaine & it's less cringe

I am so fucking confused about what to do.

>>20694155
Holy shit I hate sales training. I get the point these people are trying to make, but their obsession with conversation optimization is downright psychotic. I know my livelihood depends on my ability to sell my services to folks, but I like to think I can make it by just being a down to earth guy. These guys in sales come off like they had no social skills growing up and learned everything about human interaction from self help books written by Patrick Batemen.

The thing which motivates me is the thought of "earning" a high value, loving, caring, sweet girlfriend and wife. Which is funny since I know I need none of these to actually attract women, and this mindset of "earning" a high value women is inherently a turn off to women.

Yet it still motivates me, imagining having my shit together, being strong so I have someone to take care of. Will I ever get that? Is it even possible anymore? Maybe not but I can't stop thinking about that when I take steps to improve my life.

>>20695317
I used to shoot dope and coke 10 years ago. That stuff is no go territory for me

Why do I like watching pimple popping and blackhead videos? Even when I get a nice head on my nose once in a while, it is very satisfying

>>20695325
Being a "down to earth" guy means you have to be willing to tell the truth about something someone isn't going to want to buy after they hear it. Or even if you don't have to outright lie, you won't be embellishing and hiding the features which need to be embellished or hid.

>>20695328
>and this mindset of "earning" a high value women is inherently a turn off to women.
Trust me, it's not, they say it is but it's not. You've got to learn not to treat everything everyone says at face value. Women love men who are self-sufficient, competent and independent. It's not necessarily sufficient to itself but it's a big multiplier.

>>20695350
feel like h is a world apart from coke (culturally)

How should you decide what to do with your life? You will never know if you’ve made the right choice until it’s too late.

>>20694155
Does it have to be whats on my mind right this second and the subject of the thread? because currently ive been in the process of writing a story and I just got done the third...chapter? Idk but ive been writing a part each day every day. I would like to have some feed back on my progress if only thats okay?

I work at a gym. There was a girl today who came up to the desk and asked me to help her with a piece of equipment that was broken; she was about 5'1 or '2, shoulder length black hair, very deep brown eyes with very pale skin, braces and blackheads on her skin. We were talking as we walked back, joking around, her voice was breathy and high pitched. I fixed the piece of equipment, I was thinking of her eyes, doe eyes. Her tanktop. She wanted me to show her how to use a different piece of equipment, the eye contact we were making was so intense as we talked that I started to have trouble even thinking what I was saying. She kept holding my gaze, my chest was quite literally tightening, shifting my belt awkwardly. She was close to me, I could barely speak, I've talked to 100s of girls but this made me feel like I was 13 again, inexplicably nervous. She was almost 10 years younger than me, I told her if she had any questions she could come to the front desk, and she did again, leaning in, asking what would be best for her abs and I imagined them under her tanktop. Her deep brown eyes and I swear to god she didn't blink even though I didn't look away, didn't break her gaze and she didn't either. My entire body was numb.

>>20695362
Still, I’d rather not tempt fate and dance with the devil again. No hard drugs for me. I’m cool with that. Got my crazy days out of the way

>>20695391
Ah, temptations of flesh. I wish I could feel that.

I started writing this after getting inspirations from other stories, for whatever reason I find it so much easier to write about "Evil" characters or entities. Im vague with this story because im a tad ashamed of what character im borrowing for this, I might make it an oc but atm its gonna be a character I really like, a placeholder if you will. Feedback will be greatly appreciated
======


Part one I wrote a few days back

An entity stood atop a ruined realm, his might proven.
The world beneath him scorched and burned survivors scurried without his care.
he had won, he had proven himself.
but against ants!? weaklings!?
His fury raged as the sky rained thunder.
His scream shook the very world as children from other realms huddled with their families, sure that the world would crumble.

A dragons roar silenced the entities scream, a smirk crossed his lips as a great black dragon rose against him.
=====
Part 2 I wrote yesterday

The Sky quaked, the ground crumbled, the air sparked with electricity
The realm destroyer and the great dragon collided and battled
The world shook and the skies wailed, and a voice bellowed while another roared
the Battle was finished as a blue light shone on the horizan a deep rumble shook through the world with multiple aftershocks.
Once again the entity floated above a crumbled world
A slayer of dragons and he still felt nothing
He would wait till a worthy challenge came
====
Part 3 today

The children whimpered, the old women cried, the old dogs wailed
A country burned, ships fall, the world weeps as its god dies
and now it will happen all over again again.

The Entity turned his head and saw from a neighboring country, one of which developed advanced humanoid weapons, had sent a swarm of ships.
Small fighters, frigates, destroyers and cargos, and their flagship.

With a quick scan the entity determined that this fleet could wipe out all life if allowed to.
he grinned ear to ear and turned his body, as the sky burned black, all that was seen was the sparks and flames of power in the black sky.
he laughed, knowing that the world would hear it.
This last bastion, this silly futile fleet of nothing!
It will be the end of their lives.


From atop the flagship it stood.
Its arms crossed and emitting its own glow.
The entities eyes widened.
Atop the hull of that ship was him.
It smiled back at him.

i'm reading moby dick. holy hot damn this book is so fucking cool. i'm almost done with it but i don't want it to end. it's so fucking cool. i've never read anything else like this before

>>20695325
It's either Twilight of the Idols or Antichrist where Nietzsche asks "Are you an actor? A mask? A TRUE actor?" Anyone that might become your customer knows the deal, and you can still be as authentically cunning or cunningly authentic as you like; you're only closing sales that they already want either way.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with taking the Bible literally. It's not as hard as you might think. It also doesn't entail being a Young Earth Creationist, because there's more than enough wiggle room about how God perceives the passage of time for each "day" in Genesis to last billions of years.

But the actual history detailed in the Bible legitimately doesn't bother me. I absolutely believe the Flood happened. Every single culture of sufficient age has a worldwide flood story, even places that had no contact with the Fertile Crescent, like Japan and the North American Southwest. If the story crops up everywhere, why can't it be true? Why can't there have been a global flood?

Also, I completely believe giants were real. There's enough believable accounts of skeletons being found that I'm convinced. Hell, they might STILL be real. Who knows what lurks in the still-wild places of the world?

Also, demons are completely real. I know this personally, since I think I got bitten by one once.

So the Old Testament is no big deal to me.

>>20695441

dont know my worth to society anymore

>>20695462
at least $15,000 a year

How come the captions says this is pathetic music?
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cassini%27s_Grand_Finale.ogv

I hate and love women with equal intensity

there's some 12 year old right now living in a trailer with a meth addicted serial killer tier psychopath father who may kill him one day

...this board is weird

>>20695472
Pathetic comes from pathos which has no translation into English, the closest meaning is not "sadness" or "emotion" as people who have read the Poetics believe but rather "affect". It is contrasted against Poesis, which means to effect or put together. Pathos can be thought of as passive, poesis can be thought of as active.
In other words it is music that affects you, touches you deeply, the kind of unsolicited touching you have to go to therapy for years later because it is such a powerful affect.

>>20695500
You're right. I forgot about that definition. I was thinking of when women call you pathetic for not getting naked and jumping in the lake with them.

>>20695497
wtf? you're weird...

>>20695516
Not at all, I just wanted to share something and posted it, its up there somewhere among the bible speak and other neat stories

>>20695508
Yeah it's weird, because that meaning is what most people know and use the it to mean now. But you can see how that semantic change came about: to be passive, to be acted upon is to be weak or lack courage

you have no idea the amount of crazy fucked up shit goes on in this world

im reading a cringe fanfic of a children's cartoon dog show

>>20695518
where is it

>>20695527
Courage?
Clifford?
Blue's Clue?
Paw Patrol?

>>20695532
101 dalmation street

>>20695531
Here >>20695436

>>20695542
Are you writing a shitty anime or something

>>20694728
Why do you poison yourself like that

>>20694796
Your brain will rot. Very possible that you'll develop schizophrenia

>>20695547
probably, just writing what comes to my head.

>>20695523
having sex is a weird concept to me. how can one person like other so much that they end up sharing intimacy?

>>20695553
Oh okay, I'll stay away from these things.

>>20695557
oh okay, keep it up bro :D

>>20695573
yeah

>>20695582
I honestly believe that.

>>20695596
i know i have autism too

I'm a MAP. Majority Attracted Person. It means I'm romantically attracted to persons of a majority age (18+).

Pleasure and melons
want the same weather.

>>20695599
is it really a sign of autism?

>>20695607
>meanwhile on bizzaro 4chan

I wouldn't consider myself an Asexual, but I only really do the deed with my wife when she wants to, for her enjoyment or if we agree on another young one. It's enjoyable but there's better things to be doing.

The retardation and obsession with sex I see on all boards here and the modern mainstream Internet as a whole, makes me want to call everyone retarded.

>>20695618
i'm you if you were duct taped to a screaming ape that rapes human women ,and you have alternating sleep schedules with the ape

Women of /lit/. are you horny right now and want to fuck ?

>>20695631

>>20695609
i don't know man
do you always wear the same kind of clothes just because it makes you uncomfortable to wear something different? do you have to finish things you start even when you don't want to? do you have to eat the same foods with the same size spoon? Do people say something to you and you just don't know what you're supposed to say back? do notice sounds so small you surprise yourself, or do you try to block sound out? are you uninterested in people's faces and do you have trouble remembering them? do you sometimes not understand what people are saying even though your hearing is fine? do you have you have trouble sleeping at night because your mind starts and when it starts it doesn't ever stop? do you have unexplained recurring gastrointestinal issues? do you want to be crushed?

there's a reason you can't socialize with people and if you can't find any other reason like childhood trauma or whatever then your brain was probably born different

>>20695633
hello sex lady

>>20695638
a few of them apply but even then I'm probably not autist but with autistic tendencies. Intimacy and sex is too scary and even then I'd just completely dissociate from the experience in the present moment.

>jannies deleted the thread asking for church history books that had a lot of books recommendations
Why does christianity make trannies seethe so hard?

>>20695712
That sucks

>>20694155
The more successful I am, the less people like me. It's not my fault they refused to take chances or push themselves

Getting a man to believe a stranger is as difficult as getting a woman to fuck one

oh fuck i'm starving

>>20694703
Thats a good idea, thanks anon. Another issue is I have had my drivers license suspended so I have to catch public transport to school each day. Public transport scares me more than anything else, the bus routes and timetables etc are like a different language.

>>20694827
Am only 27 and I'm sure a lot of other students in my class may even be older.

>>20695488
On what level of reality do you do this?

>>20695727
>the less people like me.
which people precisely?
>>20695740
I can think of one exception, when your a stranger telling that man that something will make a woman fuck him or give him animal magnetism... then his skepticism drops

Where can one find love in the western world?

recently i've been falling more & more in love with myself

>>20695889
You just made me listen to the Sparks song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx4ERgegpO8

>>20694426
>*tyrone enters the chat*

>>20695125
>>20695080
unironically femdom don't know why it relaxes me

I haven't jacked off for 3 days. My dick is pulsating with cosmic energy. My balls hang low and heavy, sloshing with semen in an indecent manner that attracts the attention of women. I have tripled my muscle mass, and my IQ is increasing. When I close my eyes I see alien geometries, vast landscapes of impossible perspectives where time eats itself and warring physics clash.
I see the strings that pull on the souls of men, the facade that people call their "free-will". I stand behind it all, I see their inner-workings, the ugly cogs and engines of their being.
Black girls constantly touch my arm when talking to me.

>>20695889
physically i mean

>>20695902
and you just made me listen to this track
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A9yNOuMFtE

>>20695943
I didn't realize she had tried to ever actually do any vocals that weren't screaming. This is mesmerizing

>>20695943
and now i had to listen to this track
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gyBz6uKd08

>>20695927
uhhh, you have to be careful handling liquid lsd bro that shit can get absorbed through your skin.

>>20695918
I can put some respect on it

Any books on the artistic merit of movies, television, or video games?

>>20694155
>Have amazing dreams
>want to turn them into short stories
>fail every time I try

>>20696150
i'm having the same thing with real experiences.

i think the meaning of life is to evolve in all sense of the word.
i think determinism is the overriding god's plan that has been set for us to observe experience and reach free will. all in order to propagate a universe as deemed necessary to reach free will again

seriously

>>20695727
maybe you're just stuck up.

I have a talent for drawing but absolutely nothing to do with it. I might’ve made comics if I had any interest in them whatsoever.

>>20696329
Manga is outselling not just Western comics but also Western books. Nobody talks about this. There is something about manga which Westerners want more than anything their own culture is selling.

I joined 4chan in 2020

I went for a major in English. Huge mistake. I'm about to graduate now and I have no job prospects. The only good thing is I'm graduating with zero debt.

I don't want to be a copywriter, I don't want to be a technical writer, medical writer would be cool but the barrier for entry is too high. Being an "author" is only a hobby unless you have a decent following and can break the threshold for cost of living with book sales.

I'm 26 and I'm an utter failure.

Younger anons, please go into stem. Even if you are bad at math like me. There is no hope in the humanities or literature field.

What is Tool (band)?
I think what makes Tool so interesting compared to other bands is that they present metaphysical themes in a concise powerful package. The songs are composed in such a way that if one is sober or intoxicated the message is delivered. These albums are an amalgamation of The Bible, Faust, Paracelsus, Jung mixed with Bil Cooper, Robert Hienlien, and Michael Crichton. Tool stands alone in modern music with their delivery and approach to music.
Compare them to any other band that pushes boundaries and you will find Tool has the most balanced presentation. Bands like Dream Theater/ Meshuggah are more focused on technical musicianship that the art and message suffer. Haken is better at making their music blend to the topic which the music is about, but it lacks the spiritual element Tool incorporates. Isis and Neurosis hold a lot of emotion and have a spiritual quality to them but they lack mathematical structure and rhythm feeling too crushing. TesseracT is too focused on being djent. Karnivool and Porcupine Tree just don't have the same delivery coming across as softer or abstract. OSI is close but they don't have the climactic structure that makes Tool so iconic.
You can go back to the late 60s or early 70s to find similar themes but the music is whimsical and soft. Primus and Rage Against the Machine are quite similar to Tool but Rage is too hip-hop-oriented and political to compete. Primus is probably the closest but they lack the climactic punch focusing more on creating a scene.
So what is Tool? It is quite difficult to lay out where it fits because it does not follow genre containment. I would argue that Tool is not progressive because it is nothing like the bands that fall in that category. Progressive seems to just be a catch-all for any band that has a theme and uses unique time signatures.
I would say Tool is a new genre called Evolutionary rock but then the overwhelming spiritual aspects of the music are not represented. I could call it Hymnal but then the brutal scientism and outright blasphemy would not be represented. I think is such a perfect blend of genres, themes, and musicianship that they will become a genre in themselves. Bands will try to emulate what Tool did for decades to come but fail like many of the other great arts. This is why I believe Tool falls into what needs to be referred to as the "Icons."
Bands that would fall in this would be musicians that perfected a sound that will stand the test of time. Music that people will look back in wonder at how it could be produced the way someone looks at a renaissance painting.
As we encounter new art constantly these will be the true masters in who will shape culture permanently far beyond the passing fashion. All this rambling will ultimately be put down but I think I am right on this and enjoyed writing this.

Any chance Malick is actually right here?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g3f-wuC2Omo

>>20696410
Run. Get away.

Different alcohols get you different high, right? I'm not just imagining this? Rum is my favorite, but I get really anxious. I've been drinking vodka, and I'm just as drunk, but not even 1/10th as anxious...

>>20696410
Bitch, FLEE! What do you wanna be here for? No one wants to be here!

>>20696345
sexy anime boys/girls, obvie

I drink shit ton of energy drinks and alcohol in the same day (but not mix it). Maybe I crave for that bipolar experience.

>>20696167
well, at least memories are more coherent. I just have flashes of the most profound images on any side of reality, between stretches of gibberish.

>>20696724
man, I keep trying energy drinks, and I can't take it. Red Bull tastes like electrified smarties.

I finally told my coworkers I want to be known as they/them

>>20696736
How did they take it?

why is every single person in the walking dead a cuckold? the men and the women too. there is like one character who the kid they're raising is their own.

>>20696749
The walking dead is fucking stupid. YMS explained it best, but I stopped watching it the minute they revealed that Merle had used a pipe saw to saw through his wrist. A pipe saw. Which is used on metal. I know it's pedantry, but still- it just proved what the show was about: people acting insufferably stupid just for the drama. And wouldn't you know? That's exactly what the show ended up being.

>>20696745
One chuckled but he ended up getting fired. Then he was crying

>>20694155
You guys would love lipstickalley

>>20696719
Yeah. There is a small segment of, I don’t know, higher brow I guess, manga being made but not as much demand for it. For me, something like Attack on Titan is a breath of fresh air because there’s very little ecchi stuff and is mostly serious.

>>20696804
I don't want to get on your case, but if you think Attack on Titan is "a breath of fresh air" then you really don't have a large pool to draw from, and I stopped reading manga more or less a decade ago.

>>20694155
Cancel culture is about people making everything as miserable as them, faking an outrage for the sole purpose of reducing the amount of content creators available in this world for the most minute of offenses

I've met a girl who has BPD and in an effort to support her I've read two books about the disorder and how to properly handle those with it and in doing so I've realized I think I could be diagnosed with it as well, as all of the symptoms are things which are destroying my own social life.
I won't go and get diagnosed, because my mother would never forgive herself. She raised my brother and I alone and often cries because she thinks she wasn't a good enough mother, no matter how much we or anyone else have told her otherwise for years.
When I was first entering college, I went to the therapist because I was having anxiety with panic attacks and when she found out, she was a wreck. Her whole life is built upon my brother and I being mentally happy and every possible issue we have immediately stabs her heart and she feels like her life was a giant mistake and she ruined our lives because she was a terrible mother.
This all stems from the fact her mother died when she was young, so she had no idea how to be a mother and always felt she wasn't even qualified to be one. We've tried talking to her about it, but she will die before talking to a psychologist. As for me, I've made it to 26 and at least have a few people I haven't scared away (yet) so I guess I can just keep on surviving.

>>20696833
We are not the vehicles for our parent's salvation. My dad gets like that too, sometimes. Your mother clearly also has her own issues, for which she should visit a therapist. You can't save her by yourself. Suffering is not a kindness.

>>20696734
I wish I could be you.

>wake up yet another day angry about Jewishness infesting the west

Man, I just want an LGBT+ uprising at this point that just wipes out all the Jews and Philosemites in the world. Fuck (((diversity))) I want to have a proper role as a third sex person but the jews and their lies have stripped that out of the West for reasons I'm not really clear on; the only reason (((they))) allow LGBT to exist at all is as a pet marketing demographic. I feel fucking insane when I think about this too hard, like my choices are "be gay+trans but have the worst fucking politics possible" or "larp as straight (and repress dysphoria) for the rest of my life for the possibility that things will get better in my lifetime" and I know things would be different if the jews weren't around to corrupt everything and everyone.

I apologize for seething but fuck man I sure do hate the world we live in.

>>20696876
man, not having to worry about addiction is nice, but the crippling depression and childhood trauma is not worth it, I think.

>>20696812
Are you suggesting that Attack on Titan was filled with ecchi and the worse anime tropes or are you just being a confrontational pseud because I name dropped your most hated anime?
> le no you have shit taste

>>20696931
man

>>20696968
Uh, no. None of that. I was actually just trying to say that there's a lot more non-ecchi manga, and if AoT is such an outlier, then it's because you don't read a lot of manga. When I read shonen manga, there was virtually no ecchi at all, but then, I guess that was a while ago.

>>20696917
Antisemitism is a schizophrenic tick. Shake it off, rise above it. Deal with the real complexities of the world’s problems.

I made my own cocktail, but I haven't been able to get the mix right, because the individual ingredients are too expensive for me.

>>20696972
I don't know what this means

I just want someone to talk to. I have a half a bottle of vodka in me, and I feel lonely. If anyone wants to talk, please reply. I'll answer any questions, too. My subconscious explains shit to me in my dreams (it's actually fucking obnoxious).

>>20697012
Flightless biped. No reason to trouble yourself over it.

>>20695618
well, whether you consider yourself ace or not, you still might be. A lot of ace people don't realize they're ace simply because they don't mind having sex to please the other person- Ace has different levels, sex-positive, sex-neutral, sex-repulsed. If a person is sex neutral then they don't mind having sex- they could, on occasion, even seek it out, but it's just not something that is a driving force. Personally, I don't think it's important, but it's definitely nice to know, "oh, so that's why-".

>>20697037
what's the worst thing you've ever done and what's the worst thing someone else ever did to you

>>20697062
BEHOLD

>>20697081
>worst thing you've ever done
My dad had a huge basket of quarters in his room. One day I snuck in and stole a bunch, and my dad fired the maid, because he thought she stole them, and I never said anything.

>what's the worst thing someone else ever did to you
My parents had a super fucked up divorce, and I was just old enough to remember. My mom kidnapped me and took me to germany, and my dad followed. One day, my dad came and threw me over his shoulder and walked out, while my mom just stood there and cried. I remember screaming and crying, but it didn't matter. I was completely helpless. This haunts me. If I feel powerless, I have a panic attack, and I'm super obnoxious, because I really want to have control over every situation. I'm getting better at it, but once I had a panic attack because I couldn't unscrew a screw because I couldn't move my hand right.

>>20696980
AoT is probably the most recent but anime/manga for which that’s true. You’re really nitpicking nothing. It’s not just ecchi either. Attack on Titan is a shonen manga but it is really a fairly mature story that can appeal to adults for sure. My only point is that many, many manga cannot do that either because they’re too ecchi, too silly, too action-y, too youthful and pop in general. You know? There’s a big difference between a One Piece or a Nagatoro and an Attack on Titan. Attack on Titan is merely the most recent big hit to for which none of that is true, in my opinion. That’s all.

>>20697012
nah nothing you just started both your posts with 'man,'
are you swedish?

>>20697117
oh. well, I wasn't trying to nitpick.

>>20697114
Pretty lame

>>20696917
The worst part is that there is really no escape. I was dumb enough to sell myself into student loan debt slavery so I have to work, and given the state of publishing it’s not like I would be able to use that to escape even if I were writing something really great.

>>20697114
did you at least learn german

>>20697119
german

>>20697129
yeah. Iive here now. I moved here when I was 15.

>>20697134
I wish i was you so i could read Hegel

>>20697125
sorry. there was this time that I spent the night at a friends house, and then the dad came back in the middle of the night, drunk off his tits, and pet my head and told me what a good kid I was. if someone pets me on the top of the head I freeze up.

>>20697164
Hegel ain't worth it.

Did you know, that if you get scurvy bad enough, then all of your old scars open up, no matter how old they are? That's pretty fucked up.

>>20696931
>crippling depression and childhood trauma
I'm the person you responded. I have the same cocktail and addiction.

>>20697037
Do you feel lonely or are you lonely?

>>20697211
>completely open right hand
I dont want it.

>>20697304
Bummer. I don't know how to help.

>>20697312
Yes. I'm fairly introverted, so it might not be as bad as by other people, but I do feel lonely sometimes. Luckily, I have friends, so I can text them, and the promise of a meeting soothes the ache. When I get drunk, I get neurotic about it, but my issues lean in other directions.

Claiming to be Christian but supporting abortion is like saying I believe in God but I think Satan was right about certain things.

I tell myself I have neither the time nor aptitude to write and yet in the same night will crank out upwards of 10,000 words of multi-paragraph erotic roleplay. I don't think I'm lazy, I may just be a retarded coomer.

I have the perfect life. I make a lot of money and don't work very hard. Ultra-successful smokeshow wife. Two great kids. 2.5% interest rate. 60% VA disabled even thought it doesn't effect me at all right now. Live in an awesome place in the US. Big house big yard. in great shape. Have all my hair at 30. My life is just fucking amazing. The only flaw is that it's hard for me to share that with people because so many others that I know are just struggling with the absolute basics. The rest of my family isn't doing good, no matter how hard I try. Our friends relationships are all in the tubes. I'm starting to understand why rich people only like hanging out with other rich people. My wife and I really only want to hang out with other happy people, and they're hard to find sometimes. Even the girl renting our spare room (who we sleep with sometimes) can be a fucking drag. Strange times.

>>20694155
was on this black record producers linktree and the top link was 'support black art' and it just led to his cash.app, had me laffin
this shit is too fucking stupid

>>20694694

>>20697402
80% certain you made this all up but if it's true good for you

>>20697445
the part where he had a threesome with his tenant makes it obvious

>>20697461
Sleeping together started several months before she got hit with a massive rent increase and moved into the spare bedroom. Rugby players are insane

>>20697402
30 yo posting on 4chan: i have the perfect life.

you have 2 minutes to give me a very hot sfw image to jerk off to

>>20695436
Any of you have critics or advice for me? this is the first actual story ive wrote in a while, all centering around horror and I dont even know why, the first story i wrote in highschool was about "The thing" Like alien abducting children into a cabin where it could also manipulate the insides of to its whims.

another was about a space yeti stalking astronaughts on the moon.

and than this one where its a being (Im being vague because its a placeholder and the placeholder itself is from an anime I liked) being dropped into a whole new world thats not at all ready for him.

>>20697402
If true.
>I'm starting to understand why rich people only like hanging out with other rich people
Because you’re as shallow as them. Stupid system.

>>20697604

>>20697604

>>20697604
You’re surfing a porn board, anon. It’s a click away.

I've got two tickets to paradise
two tickets to white on rice

spent >£100 on socks today

>>20697688
Forward the bill to bojo

>>20697694
rishi more like

>>20697426
Bob is possessing Leland.
Now's Judy is going to possess me
Oh my Goooood

I used to really admire and feel inspired by certain Japanese media and creators. I had this idea that I would learn Japanese and I would either draw my own manga or write for some Japanese media myself. But I’ve started to realize how strange and what a pipe dream this is. I’ve realized that it’s probably not possible, or if it is would take dedication that I’m not capable of. I guess I’m glad to shed myself of delusional ideals but it’s depressing in a way because it makes you wonder what now.

>>20697604
Check out this girl.

I cut half my big toenail off, didn’t even hurt. It was filled with blood so it felt more relieving than anything.
Touching where the nail was just feels like any other part of my skin, not that sensitive either.
8/10 would recommend to anyone with a bruised toenail.

>>20697604

>>20697604

>>20697860
goodd

>>20697604
Heart strings. Imagine a girl pulling them.

>no one is TRULY christian
>no one is TRULY atheist
>no one TRULY enjoys reading classics
>no one TRULY enjoys poetry
why are some people like this?

>>20694155
thats bare jokes bredrin

finna wile out and nipple cripple a mf

I thank God every day for giving me another chance, shining light into a lost and darkened soul, and having mercy on a sinner.

>midnight melonmounter

>>20698388
Why I wasnt worth in Gods eyes?

>>20694297
>>20695052
I learned transjengas can give the n word pass, is this true?

>>20696833
sounds like your mom has bpd bro

I have nothing and I am nothing and the memories of when that wasn't the case are nebulous and fading. I remember facts and words, but I don't remember any of my life or any of the people who used to be in it.

Is an English degree for someone who wants to learn to better express themselves through writing as well as verbally and study literature in an academic setting but not become a writer after the fact?

>>20698505
like all bachelor's degrees, an english degree is for someone who just wants a degree

i seriously hate racemixing. it comes from my childhood and it hasn't lessened with age

>>20698388
I thank god every day that I'm 6'1, skinny & good looking

>>20698530
part of me can't even understand how they come out human. the features of both always get ruined. it's horrifying

I’m 34 married, no kids (don’t want). Since the pandemic I’ve switch career paths from bartender/training Somme, to construction. Currently reading Clavells Shogun. I’m actively trying to quit drinking and am bored. I see a lot of people here have issues. Give me you woes and I’ll give you my best advice. I love you anons.

>>20698570
>life advice from 34 yo alcoholic construction worker
do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself buddy

>>20698578
What’s wrong with construction?
I’m also a certified Sommelier if titles are that important to you

wait, so the greeks had chuds?

>>20698570
I've never worked hard towards dealing with lifelong anxiety and depression which has lead to never holding a job or any long term relationships. Lately I live through books and watching cute vtubers. I don't see this changing.

I wrote a long post but then my captcha was literally the chemical formula of magnesium sulfate so I deleted it and wrote this instead.

>>20697126
I wish I didn't sell myself into student debt slavery before I knew what life was really like. 18 years old really is an awful time to get targeted by usury, and better hope your parents weren't negligent or retarded.

What's your debt load? I'm in the 40k range... (Majored in Fine Art)

>>20698684
Do you have any friends at all? Even old friendships, I’m certain they’d love to hear from you, try socializing more with people you’re comfortable with. Also what good books have you read recently?

I can't relate to any of this any more

When I turned 20 I was intellectually 40, when I turned 30 I was intellectually 80.

>>20698773
>zoomers seething about "usury"
you can deduct $2,500 a year in student loan interest off your taxes. that's easily going to cover whatever you'd be paying to hold 40k.

>>20698773
Graduated with $12k. Paid it off in about a year.

>>20698810
I doubt this. Most "old souls" are in fact too young-minded to see the task ahead of them.

>>20698570
From an objective standpoint (it hurts to admit this) I'm good but not great looking, educated, not bulky but in good shape, and of ever so slightly higher than average intelligence. Yet I fucking despise myself so violently that I deny myself any peaceful moment and consistently ruin all relationships, big and small. What do I do?

I'm freaking out again and this time I have nobody to lean on

This summer is going to be the Summer of Going Insane

l'm so bored most of the time

>>20698892
Not trying to sound insulting at all. I wish I could have told myself years ago (very similar to what you described), but you seem self-obsessed. Learn to let go of that makes any sense. Your selfishness comes from self critique and burdening others with it. I can’t explain further but you’ll know it when you get a glimpse of it. Once you can forgive yourself, everyone else becomes easy. I’m not a professional though, I’m just speaking from my experience.

>>20698927
Can you give broad strokes of what’s going on in a paragraph or two?

Got a really good relationship going with a girl, got lots in common, can talk endlessly, spend any amount of time together, she's smoking hot and genuinely affectionate. We've also had some great sex, but recently I've been kind of stressed for a few reasons and been coming early. She gently / playfully asked me to work on it the other day then later that night had a kind of anxiety attack or something, she's got anxiety the same as every other girl these days. It's sort of haunting me that my underperforming did it to her (she didn't want to have sex later) and now the fear of underperforming is making it difficult to get in the mood at all. Should I just say all this to her outright? I'm serious about this girl so want to get it sorted out

>>20698949
>Your selfishness comes from self critique and burdening others with it.
I know exactly what you mean, but this just makes me all the more sure that I am the literal devil and that it's my job to make sure I burn in hell. Glad you could get out of the gordian knot, though. Maybe I will, or maybe I'll deal with a very cold life. Either way I'm only one person and it'll be over quick in any meaningful sense.

>>20698968
Yeah seems like we had similar mindsets. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? This lasted until my late 20s personally and I PROMISE the soon you let go the better. I would give anything to see that even one year sooner

part 4 im really gonna struggle soon because im going to have to write dialogue and I REALLY dont know how to go about it.
======
The world watched, anger in their eyes, their defenders made a monstrosity.
that monstrosity was smiling as 3 mobile weapons surrounded it.
3 suits of mechanized armor, each of which armed with a sword, a massive cannon and a large shield.

The entity doubled over covering his mouth, everyone gasped watching closely.
Only to shrink in fear as he began laughing, tears in his eyes as his deep laughter shook his body.
These Fools! these sad ants created a inferiors trump card.
He continued his laughter only stopping when a beam from the cannon suit blasted his head off.
His body leaning back in mid laugh as it continued to float.

The doppelganger began laughing on his own as the world cheered, they have finally won.
the laughter stopped as soon as a new head popped onto the shoulders of the entity.
It's eyes shining menacingly, only to start laughing once more, the beam came again only for him to tilt his body aside, the beam harmlessly continued its path.
The fire burned around it as it than raised its hand, counting down.
One finger down, a purple beam lanced through one mechs head,
second finger down, another beam blue this time bisected the others body.
third finger down and the canon mech was blasted away by a ball of energy,
the blast sent the Doppelganger rolling on the hull of the flagship as it began turning to aim all weapons at the entity.

Three glowing Figures orbited the entity, one was a small demon like creature with cunning evil in its eyes,
The second was a much taller horned demon with a flowing cape signifying royalty,
and the third was a human looking creature, eyes burning with anticipation as it stared at the doppelganger,
Each one ready to destroy the fleet and this failed copy.
In the back the entity began laughing again.

Part of me wants to make art. The other part of me wants to indulge in cute anime girls.

>>20698810
Stop jerking yourself off

>>20698966
You cumming early didn't give her an anxiety attack lol, be reasonable man

>>20698968
You'll probably dismiss this immediately, but try having a psychedelic trip

>"you fuck me like a pornstar"
b-but at what cost...

>>20699055
I'm wondering if she had the anxiety attack because she was worried I'd been offended by her saying something about it. I did go a little quiet because I was embarrassed. I did also feel kind of bad because she'd just been going on about how sex was about intimacy more than being a spectator sport or whatever. I do get it obviously, no girl wants a two pump chump. Just took me a moment to shake off the awkwardness

>>20699068
so why didn't u lick it?

>>20698984
Nearly 25. I have a decently well-paid job; I get along well with people superficially; I speak several languages and read all the time; I can buy most of what I care for; I can get laid when I want to, although that's gotten boring to the point of melancholy. All of this sounds great on paper, but I have had no lasting close relationships—not even family, since I was unplanned and got sent back and forth between whoever would take me. It feels as if the instant I'm anything other than a clown people abandon me, and I think they're making the right judgment too. I would go back on mood inhibitors and let the decades pass in peaceful numbness, but those stop me from writing my poetry that I don't show anyone—so perhaps I'll just let them pass in mild discomfort. It's the same thing, anyway, on a scale that matters.

>>20699055
>You'll probably dismiss this immediately, but try having a psychedelic trip
I tripped a little when I was a teenager. That was a long time ago. Often I'd fight it, since my friend with whom I'd trip would have serious freakouts. They're now in an assisted living care with the most debilitating form of schizophrenia, almost never lucid. Maybe I'll have the courage to trip again, really trip someday. I'd like to. But with whom? I get along really well with people superficially, but nobody trusts or cares for me to that extent—and they shouldn't.

I have zoomer brain. My attention is torn between 4chann, podcasts, movies, video games, television, anime, manga, books, and I’m devolving.

Ooof. I am now coherent and sober. Which I'm a bit surprised by, since I drank about a full litre of vodka/rum

>>20699068
Don't stop showing interest in her issues, and certainly don't ignore her, but no woman wants a man who makes *all* of her problems his problems. It's not good for you, anyway. Women have more complex social networks and deeper friendships than us, anyway. If she wants to be practically consoled, it's not you she'll come to. Coming to you for consolation is a lovers' game, which must be taken with the utmost seriousness, but not fully believed.

>>20699095
>I have zoomer brain. My attention is torn between 4chann, podcasts, movies, video games, television, anime, manga, books, and I’m devolving.
Detox. Right this instant, or regret every instant you don't. It's so imminently worth it you'll kick yourself for not doing so earlier.

I'm a mess

>>20699091
>Maybe I'll have the courage to trip again, really trip someday. I'd like to. But with whom?
Do it alone if you don't have anyone to trip with. You don't need to lose complete touch with reality to take stock of your life and consider what's holding you back. In fact taking alot would make that more difficult imo. Just take a normal dose of mushrooms or something, it's very unlikely you'll freak out and hurt yourself or whatever you're worried about.

Why shouldn't people trust you?

>>20699098
Holy shit. I drank a whole litre of vodka, and going by my history, I clocked out at about 10pm, and I am now fully coherent at 3am. Impressive, but this sucks. Being fucked up costs so much money...

>>20699110
>Coming to you for consolation is a lovers' game, which must be taken with the utmost seriousness, but not fully believed.

What other lover's games are there

i compulsively imagine that people are watching me through cameras. I literally act like I am being recorded all the time when no one's around me. i think i'll never know what's wrong me

>>20699110
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you are a narcissist, I only say that because I care and I wish I could have learned this younger. Your pain is self-inflicted and it’s sucks shit, I know. I can’t emphasize enough that you have to let go. That’s all I can offer you however. Although thanks 3.5gs of mushrooms as the other anon suggested, it won’t hurt

>>20699167
Meant for
>>20699091

things do things to my brain that they don't do to other people

>>20699134
>it's very unlikely you'll freak out and hurt yourself or whatever you're worried about.
I had a few suicide attempts. They were years back and the motivation has gone, but the desire hasn't. If I didn't have family I'd make awfully sad that way, I'd consider that an acceptable risk. But alas.

>Why shouldn't people trust you?
Consider, for one, what and how I've written in this thread. Should people get near anyone who sounds like this? How about people you care about? Thought not.
It's very easy to imagine oneself championing universal love and acceptance. There are unfortunately poison apples.

>>20699167
You aren't the first such bearer, nor does it really hurt to hear: if anything, it's a relief to have it confirmed. Thank you.
>I can’t emphasize enough that you have to let go.
Narcissism is incurable, isn't it? So so it'll be. A few more decades of protecting others from myself isn't the worst of fates. Then I'll off myself once those I don't want to hurt are gone or have forgotten me, and leave whatever money I've amassed by then to a good cause—assuming, of course, that there's still organized society by then. It should be pretty easy by that point.

>>20699192
>Narcissism is incurable, isn't it?

It's about mitigation of symptoms by way of healing the self. You need to undergo psychoanalysis man, it saved my life.

>>20699151
Silly. One learns them by playing, and everyone plays a little bit differently. Imagine having sex with someone and they do something they tell you they learned on the internet! Even if it isn't a turnoff in that moment, what about the morning after?
What women really want, in all cases, is attention: close attention, not just gazes. If love is tennis, women always make the serving shot. Note her moods and reactions and remember them; make an effort to remember when she reacts well to things and do them without being asked. That's really all there is to it, but most men still trip on their shoelaces. I wonder why!

>>20694155
There is no unexplored territory anymore. Anywhere I want to go, there's a tour for. Anywhere the me of 20 years ago wanted to go, there's an entire tourism industry centred around. I will never find a new African tribe, I will never traverse and unconquered Himalayan peak, I will never stake out a claim in North America. Even space now had private companies whizzing through it. There is no great adventure left that hasn't been commercialized.
How does an exceptional man become the exception anymore?

>>20699201
>It's about mitigation of symptoms by way of healing the self.
I'm sorry, but this means less than nothing to me. Mitigation of symptoms by way of... mitigation of symptoms? Anyway, I live in a big city where psychoanalysts are always booked up. Sex has gotten boring, superficial socialization is always available, and the pain, while not bearable, will at least have an end someday. So I'll be fine if I just mitigate the damage.

I have been trying to improve my writing. In english I want to be more eloquent and convincing. In spanish I just want to stop making so many grammar errors.

Like everyone else, I text and send emails in english and spanish everyday. That wasnt cutting
So i started journalling, and that helped a bit. But I can only scribble mindless notes that no one will see so much without getting bored.

Instead, I decided to write a few letters. Old school. Pad a pen. It was a revelation. The art of letter writing is lost. This must be why when you read a something written 70 years ago it can sometimes seem downright academic.

I even read the communist manifesto (im not a commie, i was just curious). It is essentially a pamphlet that was written to be consumed by even the most uneducated worker of the time. I would be suprised if the majority of my high school friends would be able to grasp it on the first read.

Anyways... am i on to something? Is letter writing a great way to improve you writing? Does the average person not write enough?

also, how do i journal. I think im missing something.

>>20699110
I don’t know how one evendetoxes. We’re saturated with the stuff 24/7.

>>20699227
Narcissism is a a defense mechanism that develops in childhood as a way to protect against extreme emotional trauma. It's a split in a person's personality where you repress you own sense of self. Psychoanalysis treats narcs by walking you through, over the course of a long period of time, the events and emotions in your life that caused the creation of your introjects, the discovery of your self and the creation of a new, loving internal life. You've come to define yourself by unsustainable and unnatural metrics you created as a way to protect against otherwise fatal pain in childhood and it is torturing you. You have to find out what you are, really.

>>20699239
What's your native language/what are your native languages? And how old are you?
Read all the time. Especially read good poetry. Develop an ear for aphorism, then emulate writers you enjoy and fake it 'til you make it.
Go out and talk to people: learn people's likes and dislikes. Know your audience at all times. This is important for persuasive writing. Persuasion is not magic; there is no sentence sweet enough to make the reader believe what they didn't already believe they believed. Be realistic. Like most things, it works worst when forced.

>>20699251
Who is "we"? You are only you.
Are you young? I assume you are. Are you working full-time? I assume you aren't. If by some chance you are working full-time, you are probably exhausted enough afterwards that you have only a few hours to do anything on your own. Cold turkeying and replacing what's doing you harm with something that won't should just be a matter of a one-time burst of willpower in that case.
If you aren't working full-time, then you will have a more difficult time; however, you are also uniquely well-positioned to detox. The brain hates monotony. So don't replace what does you harm with an austere life. Instead, build a schedule full of elevated versions of the things you enjoy. Learn Japanese (for real, not from anime.) Lift weights. Read more, and compose too. Do something—anything—to get you out and about. Most importantly, do it on a schedule. It only takes one week of commitment to snap yourself into the routine, and you'll feel that much better for it.

growing up i watched my female siblings undergo horrible abuse from my father, and he later killed himself. as an adult i'm struggling to process those memories, i feel as though i can't be traumatized—i didn't experience the trauma, i only witnessed it—but at the same time it definitely fucked me up. it feels like i'm a phony or something, i don't fucking understand how my brain works. it's not rational at all when you delve just beneath the superficial layer of my psyche. shit's scary; i really am a fucking animal at the end of the day

>>20699239
It depends what you're trying to do. Journalling can be just getting your ideas out on paper without much thought, or it can be more topical. I don't think you need to overthink it. It's great that you're deciding to write in the first place.

The average person probably has not read a "real" piece of literature since they left high school or college - let alone comprehended it. Aside from professional writing, most probably haven't done much (if any) of that either.

I think the future for the masses are snippets of content and information, quickly consumed and immediately forgotten.

>>20699261
Yes, that sounds more than a bit like me. But I don't want to love myself. I want to get what I know I deserve. Of course I know how silly that sounds, but even the idea of loving myself fills me with rage, as if I'm seeing someone break a taboo of a religion for which I'm the most devout follower. It will be much easier to wait for the opportunity to kill myself. I have already not tried to get close to anyone for over a year; I have turned down sex and politely declined invitations. I can limit the harm that I do to myself and leave behind money for a good cause. Who's to say it won't, blow-by-blow, benefit the world more?

>>20699299
Life is long faggot, make it a good one.

>>20699286
>i feel as though i can't be traumatized
Wrong. You were made an unwilling accomplice before you had language or strength to resist. That's a horrible trauma and I'm proud of you for keeping at it day by day, anon. I hope you find the strength to get help, because the best revenge is that life well lived that his ghost still struggles to deny you.

>>20699303
I just don't see any objective value to that.

>>20699308
thanks. noone's ever said that kind of thing to me before

How soon is too soon to talk about marriage? We've both mentioned it in hushed tones to each other recently but we've only been dating for six months

anyone watch love death and robots

>>20699352
tried because it was getting memed everywhere but couldnt get into it.

>>20699367
it's memed everywhere?

the bible is too hard. i am sad and retarded

Update of one I posted in the last thread. What does everyone think of how I'm developing this one?

Stop, O dictatorial eye,
In whose gaze images wither and—live, but barely!
You are worse than a dead fly,
Whose splotch makes the whole ointment unfit to give—unfairly!

Your thieving glance glazes what God's grace moves
In amber.
Your narrow sight's avarice kidnapped the Muse:
Unhand her.

Saltwater eating away at the concrete
Beneath our feet. Still sweat spills,
Oiling the crawl of the night’s drafting, damp heat
Across the windowsill.

The eyes’ blurred focus in the heat waves;
Currents that tow us in the heat waves
Towards long summer nights’ pirate-swarmed harbors;
Burnt rubber wafts; pigeons bathe.

Cardamom, vetiver, cedarwood, bergamot
Mixing with notes of vanilla and lavender
Crowd up and cloud the night’s course off the calendar.

Drinks sing in their glasses and sour the air;
Their humming sings notes of night’s not-quite-despair,
Night’s knotted stabbing pains, night’s too-loud thoughts.

Halt there, thieving, idolatrous senses,
Whose plow scarcely scratches experience’s denseness,
The vandal!

I'm thinking back to a night when I did something awful. All remembrance, all sensory experience rushing back and re-processing, all seems to serve only as a veil to obscure the blinding red light of culpability. And yet I can't help but do it. I'm trapped in my solipsistic senses, denied the beauty of the searing truth.
Where then to develop this piece?

I have 200$ to spare, what should I spend it on bros? books obviously but besides that

>>20699461
more books

>>20699466
One or two more couldn't hurt

Lurking in the lore of old Spelljammer & D&D editions, there is an absolutely excellent backstory for Asmodeus, which parallels the story of the serpent / Satan in the Bible, and it's so fucking heart wrenching that I cried after writing it, but none of the actual D&D writers will ever even be aware of its possibility, because they are all dribbling shitheads.

>>20695727
"Winners have few friends. Losers get hugs." -Matt Drudge

>>20696448
You could become a paralegal.

>>20697604
You're jacking it at work...?

If there is a God...He will have to beg my forgiveness.

>>20699013
any criticisms or advice or anything? Im starting to like writing alot and I love learning where I Can do better and work from there. I already know what I need to do for Inner thoughts and spoken stuff which is what im doing next write up.

New
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>>20700083
>>20700083