/lit/ - Literature

Menstrual hormones got me crying about the war crimes of Mladic in bed.

>>20694176
Might actually be trumped up false charges.

>>20694176
Show bob

>>20694185
Oh for real

>>20694215
Not sure, but I keep hearing that the word “genocide” was grossly misused to justify NATO atrocities

>>20694176
at first i thought you were crying for him i was about to say holy based then i realized you're just another weepy lib

After careful judgment, this thread appears to have been made first >>20694155

Please no schismatics.

>>20694240
I could believe it.
>>20694249
Crying for all the suffering, his son, his wife, his cab driver

>>20694255
Observe >>20694165

i’m here. on the toilet again. my phone. it’s close to death. if the time is now for it to die, i will be left on the toilet without a living phone. my mind is telling me something.

my shit is one of such that are not easy. not solid. my body is telling me something.

Lambert came to the UK to visit her boyfriend, and she doesn’t want to see me. I told her I couldn’t handle her being here and that it breaks my heart she doesn’t want to see me. She said we couldn’t be friends because I’ve acted childishly, and that she doesn’t think about me, and that I should get help. I don’t disagree with her. I’ve been experiencing some of the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt over this. My stomach feels as though there is a large pit in it, I am struggling to catch my breath. My thoughts are fast and untamable. I think about how long we’ve known each other, we met as young teenagers. Her touching down in the country, waiting at the airport, traveling to someone else’s house. These are all moments I had anticipated for a long time, and now I believe they will never happen. It hurts. It really hurts. I can only hope that in time this will fade. I think about them kissing, about them having sex, and her telling him she loves him. Sometimes it becomes too much to bear, I don’t want to think these thoughts but perhaps it is important to face the reality of the situation. These things are happening, and it hurts. I wish it was happening with me instead. Perhaps this is a selfish wish. If she wanted that to happen with me, she would be here doing that, right? For me to wish against her feelings would impede her freedom. I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. I just want her to love me. I realise this is a selfish and irrational thing to want, if she does not want it. I need to come to terms with this. This has lasted for a few days now. I don’t think drinking helped much, the hangover was hard.

>>20694270
pt 2
I don’t know exactly why I feel so anxious about it, but the anxiety is so strong it is hard to ignore. I guess I feel bad about the rejection. About my own actions causing somebody to fall out of love with me. About how things could have turned out differently if I had tried harder, somehow. I worry about being alone forever, about never finding someone to love me. I do have friends who say they love me, people who care for me, but for some reason this does not satisfy my anxiety. I feel like I need somebody to spend my time with. Someone to cuddle, someone to kiss, someone to chat shit with. Someone to love. I worry about being unlovable, about dying without experiencing these things again. Some people must have lived and died never knowing these feelings, so maybe I am being greedy. I have felt them once before, I should be satisfied. But I am very unsatisfied, nearly to the point of madness. I feel sometimes I could do crazy things if I had to be alone forever. I want to scream in the streets, I want to hurt myself. It takes a lot of energy to suppress these feelings. Sometimes I think that because I feel these things, because I can be a little bit unhinged that I deserve not to have somebody to love, that this energy might one day turn on them. I don’t like to think that I would hurt anyone else, I don’t think I would. But still, these are things that I feel. I just want to love and be loved in return.
Other people must feel these things, in some capacity. Some people would kill because they feel alone. Some people wouldn’t be able to suppress their rage at being lonely. I think one of the reasons I struggle so strongly with this, especially in these situations is because I never knew my mother. She left when I was 2, I don’t remember her. When I was around 16 my father told me that she was living in my area of the country but that she didn’t want to see me. I cried at the time, and although I don’t place much weight on it, this is always a moment that stuck with me. Maybe I have abandonment issues. Because I feel like my mum abandoned me, maybe when a romantic relationship ends or when somebody who once loved me doesn’t any longer I feel abandoned all over again, and I have a strong reaction. It’s hard to say exactly how that thought process works, maybe I should do some research on stuff like that.

Up until relatively recently we all lived by torch, lantern, and candlelight. The vast majority of human history, outside of daylight, was lived in darkness. Fucking caveman shit til 1900 wtf. This is blowing my mind.

>>20694277
>>20694270
I thought writing about this might help me feel a little better or understand it more and I guess it did, a little. It still hurts and I wish she was here, I wish I could hug her and love her and we could be together forever. Maybe that’s an immature, unrealistic feeling. But I feel it.

sorry if this is retarded to post here. i just wanted to share with someone, maybe someone has advice or something

>>20694270
>>20694277
stopped reading at lambert

>>20694286
did u just listened "a world lit only by fire" on audible plus or something?

>>20694294
No, I watched Spartacus last night while slightly high.

>>20694312
i bought that on an itunes sale for $5 but can't get around to watching a 3 hour movie

>>20694317
I was going through Kubrick's filmography a few years ago and stopped at Spartacus because it was too long. Finally got around to it and watched it over 2 days. It didn't have much of a unique Kubric vibe but it was a nice epic film, great production design.

>>20694333
i think it's cuz kubrick didn't have control over the final cut, and he kind of disowned it, which might be why itunes doesn't include it in the kubrick bundle i guess. no idea where i heard that probably some post on here.

>>20694344
>Douglas, whose company Bryna Productions was producing the film, removed original director Anthony Mann after the first week of shooting. Kubrick, with whom Douglas had worked before, was brought on board to take over direction.[4]
>It was the only film directed by Kubrick where he did not have complete artistic control.
Ah makes sense now

>>20694270
>>20694277
heartbreak and the aftermath is something that 'everyone' goes through. it feels like the end of the world because it is in a sense; the world you once knew is no longer there. it will get better with time, though you may very well extend the healing by obsessing over the past history and the present anxiety.
pick up new hobbies, find new ways to spend your time. the best way to get the mind off such a thing is by distraction.
you seem to be on the right track with the self diagnosis. keep thinking on it, but also be aware that its a dangerous game to play by doing so. consider reaching out for help.

good luck

>>20694156
I almost lost it at a family dinner. My dad just heard me say I want to strangle my brother in law who’s mentally ill and had a hair trigger temper. I feel horrible, I hate losing my temper like this. Never feel like I can do enough to make up for it.

We can go upside your head with a bottle of bub. You know where we fucking be

>>20694266
death came. and with that all hope was lost. distraught and and tense, i lifted my head so my chin was parallel to the floor. a sensation long forgotten. confusion then took its seat in me. my ritual has been tarnished. my toes began to curl and shortly cramped. this is not how it was suppose to happen.
to bring relief to my little piggies, i stood. out of instinct, my right hand motioned a wipe. a wipe without any precious paper to accompany it. this is not how it was suppose to happen.
shit on my fingers. why did i wipe without paper? i am a western man. we wipe with paper.
sitting once again, my phone lies limp in my left hand. a broken soul is what we have in common. phone in one hand, shit in the other. this is not how it was suppose to happen.
pain. the cramp in the toes were never situated. the pain was immense by now. quickly, i stood yet again. fully erect, my head made contact with the low hanging ceiling. my crown has now been christened with a popcorn-ceiling dent. the pain cause the instinctual response of covering the hurt with my hand. my right hand. the shit hand. the shit that was once part of me was now on my hand and head. this was not how it was suppose to be.
blackness. a sea of void. absolute nothingness.
awoken by my cats rough tongue licking my cheek. i blacked out with shit on my hand, head, and ass, as i never had the chance to wipe proper.

>>20694394
people always bitch about that pretty mugshot guy with the blue eyes who knocked up some heiress but if it was the other way around don't say u wouldn't, i think she wouldn't have committed that hate crime if she had gotten the bwc she needs

>>20694394
I'ma tell you what Banks told me, "Cuz, go 'head, switch the style up. And if they hate, then let 'em hate, and watch the money pile up"

>Yeah, swear to God, Mike. These guys - these nineteen-year-old econ students - just go out into the bush to read Stirner and Peterson and shit and larp as Kaczynskites.
>and you know what they call this little day-trip?
>it's... get this.
>"Nature VS Nietzsche"