/lit/ - Literature

Guide to receiving criticism in a /wg/ thread.


>anons asks for feedback sharing their work
>anons are hostile and say nasty things

At this point you have two options. Ignore or engage. If you engage just be chill. Sort of like facing down a gorilla. Then...

>hostile anons calm down because they, like women, use being hostile as a shit test
>they then give somewhat helpful criticism

You might get unlucky and get stuck with a genuine bitter asshole, but typically that guy is the exception to the rule.

Day 34 editing
Chapter 34 donerino
>Not sure if i'm getting quicker at editing or just shitter

>>20685667
Depends on what you mean by good writing. Some genre fiction has great writing because it's got a great understanding of the cadence of a story and the elements the target audience tends to enjoy. That is giving a reader exactly what he comes for and he will love it. But crafting genre fiction is usually best to write towards the reader, and the characters are there to solve problems.
If you want a literary style, your characters are not simply solving problems. The main problems are within the characters themselves. Literary fiction is usually then like a case study, something inward looking, reflective. You can write upmarket and have such a reflective character try to change something very serious about himself while dealing with a parallel problem on a spaceship or haunted house (that's called upmarket fiction).
I'm not sure what is the best approach but I reckon that a little genre to a story could help a video game so there is gameplay or audience to go along with it. Your choice of theme will matter. If you choose a milquetoast theme like "getting in touch with nature" or "this is the real me" or "having friends" you might only be impressing YA. Melville said to write a mighty story, you must choose a mighty theme. So, if you want to really move someone you might want to tackle themes that bother you so much that you're not even sure if you can tackle it completely in writing. Whatever makes you lose sleep, makes your mind race. The good thing is, as long as you give lots of insight about it, you don't have to give complete closure and can leave it unclear what the reader is supposed to believe. Good literature, I think, has no clear answers.

>>20686440
>hostile anons calm down because they, like women, use being hostile as a shit test
Interesting. Despite how female oriented writing has become, I haven't heard of a single woman writing from /lit/. Are they hiding? Kelsie isn't a woman btw, that's his pen name.

what books do you recommend to learn how to describe surreal landscapes similar to pic related, besides lovecraft?

>>20686484
>Some genre fiction has great writing because it's got a great understanding of the cadence of a story and the elements the target audience tends to enjoy
Story has nothing to do with writing at all. Good writing is talent with language. It's creating prose that flows into something greater than the sum of its parts. I'm so tired of this race to the bottom mentality by which things completely extraneous to writing itself get lumped in with learnable, basic shit like story and plot. It's the use of language itself as an artform, and good writing is 100% contingent upon the manner by which a writer interacts with the form itself. If you can put a good story together, you are a good storyteller. Good storytellers can (often) be piss-poor writers, e.g. Steve King. It's a misapprehension of the entire quality of writing to say story has anything to do with writing itself. The story is just a subject. It's important insofar as what pieces of fruit a painter chooses for a cornucopia. It's not important. There's no such thing as a good fruit-selector. There is no such thing as a good story. The amount of possible stories is finite and small. People conflate everything under the fucking sun with writing.

>>20686508
yeah who reads books for the story?

>>20686516
Consumers. That's also not the point. Storytellers make good money, and I don't begrudge them that. But to call a good storyteller a good writer — not laypeople, but in a forum for authors — is inaccurate. It rankles, and it signifies a complete and categorical ignorance of what I've just said.

>>20686421
>Last edit was 3 days ago

>>20686508
I didn't mean to imply all that but yeah you're right. I had just meant "writing (a story)" and I have tried to explain things like flow, voice, rhetoric and the rest to anon before but in this particular case I wanted to explain that readers have different standards for what is good. On the more literary stance it focuses on the form as much or if not more than the plot.

>>20686421
You didn't put /wg/ in the OP, but I still love you.

>trying to brainstorm appropriate names for a character
>shortened name is fine and has it's own meaning
>but if I use the full version it's too on-the-nose and obvious, especially if someone just looks up it's meaning
>but if I don't use the full version I'm worried nobody will even make the connection
>if I use the full version in another context it may come off as hamfisted
Not sure which way to go. The name is Kenoma.

>>20686421
Are these titles too corny? I had these ideas about 10 minutes ago
>Remember: Your Death
>Remember: You Will Die
>Remember: 365 Days

>>20686656
Then it depends on what you care about more, the meaning or people knowing its meaning.

>>20686659
Second one works, I guess.

I've been writing lesbian bondage novels for years for fun. I have a ton of them now. What's the best way to try to make money off of them?
I take it royal road does not allow erotica so is there a similar website which does?

>>20686739
Find whatever Chuck Tingle does and copy them.

>>20686656
If the meaning isn't an essential part of the story then just leave it as a neat detail for attentive readers

>>20686656
Go for subtlety. Your readers will fill smart when they notice themselves.

>>20686747
Based on the covers, this is not quite what I am writing.
Mine are total girl on girl smut, no dudes.

I'm so tired of the
>Just Write! advice
People bragging about finishing their manuscript of 50k or 80k words in a couple months.
Haha who even gives a fuck. You have to prove to me it's not shit. Even a 12 year old at school can write 50k words, so it isn't an accomplishment in itself.

if you are writing, and not getting better at it, can you even call youself a writer?

>>20686748
I'm at a tossup as to whether or not to use the term elsewhere, as the concept is important to the story. I'm not sure whether or not it could fray reader believability to use it twice.

>>20686795
>You have to prove to me it's not shit.
Nobody owes you shit, bitch.

Let me ask you, how long have you been writing? Your whole life?

Have many novels you got done? None?

My point exactly.

>>20686803
It's pretty telling that you feel called out by that post.

>>20686815
So how many books HAVE you written? None right? Get the fuck off me.

But, I can write a 120k rough draft in 3 months no problem but it then takes just as long editing it.

You 300 words a day faggots don't know what the fuck you're doing. You're lazy, and you don't get the work done then rage about how it's all Brandon Sanderson's fault you are failing in your dreams.

I don't really care about how much other people write.

I just wish I could get in the headspace, where I focus on writing only for me, and am able to write a story that I myself can enjoy reading.

Also most of the time I'd rather read 3000 words of a good story, than 120k words of a mediocre overambitious one.

>>20686838
Damn, bros. This shitty tripfag is feeling REAL insecure about something, huh?

>>20686854
Fuck off, I'm the most secure mother fucker on the planet, bitch.

>>20686864
Which is why you're going out of your way to tell a complete stranger on an anonymous imageboard (relevant: on which you choose to have a name) how secure you are. I'm sure you have some rationalization, but don't bother. Nobody really buys it. But you sure get to feel like it, don't you?

A human being would probably admit something human about themselves. If you're not horrendously insecure, are you a narcissist?

>>20686739
Amazon.

>>20686421
How is my prose? I have no other way of getting a reasonable criticism.

>With this in mind I set out. Two rolling eyes leashed to the head by the optic nerves, sniffing out the perfect stinking human for my human-watching; searching for a source that will give me sustenance but give me no trouble. A single docile sapien to plod away at life and dance for me.Too many candidates these days! Roadside pavements are littered with them, often on their way to the local corner shop, fading into the asphalt and the dreary high street. To a passing family just part of the depressing scenery, a moving element in ugly brotherhood with the concrete road and the peeling paint. As I drive past miserable blurs slumped in the corner of the vision; each physiognomy auditioning itself - then considered - then followed up on or dropped. One young, white man was perfect: crippled below the waste and completely indolent. I found him in a nearby sainsburys, scooting down the frozen food aisle, obese in his wheelchair. He slowly moved past; his head, round and double-chinned, was tucked in a hoodie from which the faint sounds of drill music could be heard. Painted on his face was a mean scowl, barely covering the pitiful loneliness; some lonely men try to look intimidating and offputing, it's a way of finding power over their solitude. I kept tabs on him for a week, and then another to look for a time when I could plant all my eyes and ears inside his council home; his trips to sainsburys were not long enough, nor were the occasional meetings with a local drug dealer, at no other point did he seem to leave the house. Now and then the muffled sounds of hiphop would pulsate out onto the uncaring street, this was the only other evidence of the forgotten life inside.

>>20686803
>reddit spacing
ngmi

>>20686874
>are you a narcissist?
As a matter of fact, yes. Very much so.

All that other shit you said is bullshit. I'm just having fun, bitch.

>>20686906
more since that paragraph isn't too much to go by. Also kind of embarressing I put "a reasonable criticism" in a post about my prose.

>One time I stood near him in the queue to use the self checkout, weighing whether slashing his wheelchair tyres to buy time would be worth the risk. His face flashed with a sudden realisation then dropped into genuine despair: he had forgotten his wallet. The tough scowl instantly fallen to vulnerable emotion; a frustrated string of loud sighs and elongated "how"s moved out from his jowl. Eventually he left through the automatic doors, wheeling his squashed figure out in a fury and muttering angrily under his breath, everyone watching him as he went away absorbed in his own tragedy. The silence afterwards was full of comedy, but we were all strangers and didn't laugh. His people are common around here, sweatpants stained smoking in the front garden, coarse and vacuous lives; subsisting on the dole before finally succumbing to overdose or obesity. Normally though they have companionship in their flaky lives, be it in family or in unreliable friends. I reckon most of his family are dead; his laziness crippled him socially just as much as his paralysis, and so now from the world he takes all and gives nothing, but the world shrugs in it's vastness. He was overqualified for the job, god bless the man, and no reasonable way into his house presented itself, so I gave it up and left him to his forgotten existence. Besides, he had seen me far too often.

>>20686874
don't feed the tripfag
either filter him or ignore him

>>20686923
>All that other shit you said is bullshit
Narcissism is a disease of security. A narcissist will, of course, never actually admit it. They will hem and haw, hide behind images and taglines (bitch!) but it's true that the smallest dogs bark the loudest. Cheers!

>>20686906
The entire time I could only conceptualize a literal eyes-on-brain trundling around. Can't speak to the content, but occasionally it's easy to get lost in the description.

>>20685686
seethe
>>20686739
DeviantArt?
>>20686864
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

hi i know 90% of you guys are memers and autists, but can someone give me some advice?
>I wake up wanting to write, but when I get to it, I just watch youtube or play some vidya.
I get hungry make some food, listen to some good music, watch some more youtube...
I tell myself I'll do it tonight, because im always writing late, but then I get too tired, it's 12, or 1, and I tell myself it's too late for me to write something good now. I go to bed.
>repeat.
whatdoido?

>>20687008
Write instead of doing all that crap.
You could do with a teaspoon of discipline.

>>20687008
I would start with examining what the problem is. For instance, do you know what you're going to write and have a real direction? If not start by having at least an inkling of it and also follow what >>20687065 said.
t.Anon in same boat

Is there any feeling that matches two separate half-assed ideas combining into one perfect badonkadonk of story? The left cheek of setting and characters and the right cheek of voice and style melding into one form, needing only the strong, supportive hips of plot to make them truly irresistible.

>>20687008
You don't appreciate how fun writing and reading is yet. Make a time for yourself with some writing goals in mind, maybe writing exercises, trying new things a couple hours each day. Eventually things like that will build your confidence and you will have more fun writing than with other things. I learned to read more the same way, by reading a short story every day for months until I wanted to read even more and gave up other things. Now I don't play video games and videos are not a daily thing.
I need to take a break reading right now, I started having an aura and waiting for it to pass. It's like staring through a shimmering puddle of oil.

>>20687008
Get "leechBlock" on your browser and block 24hrs of the day every day of the week YouTube, twitter, Netflix, Instagram, 4chan etc. And if you go to advanced options there is an option where you can't edit the settings during the time the block is active, so you effectively have to uninstall the addon to get around it. Then uninstall any other browser you, download an uninstaller if it won't let you get rid of the Windows browsers.
>but I actual-
No. Do it. I used to do exactly what you described, I would barely remember what I did during the day it was just a blur of half entertaining YouTube videos. Even if it was "informative" it was fake informative, you have never learnt anything more than trivia on youtube. Have had that shit blocked for months and nothing I thought I would miss I do. If you have to use these sites use your phone. But uninstall YouTube app from your phone so you have to use the cumbersome in-browser version to dissuade you from using it too long. Even better, if you HAVE to watch something from youtube copy paste the link and put it in a discord server where the video can't get blocked by the add-on. What really kills you are the recommendations and being on the website, videos in isolation won't be a problem.

Then get into torrenting films/shows or ordering them physically/renting them physically. You want to watch a film? You have to think of it in advance and it's instant. This will stop you from watching trash just because it's there, your entertainment will become streamlined and efficient.

Bored? Great. That's a luxury these days. You will either actually write or go for a jog or read or pick up some other hobby that actually is interesting and worth your time, if you don't have a bitch mentality you won't be able to let yourself PHYSICALLY uninstall the block, in doing so admitting defeat to the faggots working in california who want you in their own virtual goy cage.

You will probably not do this, but you will never be able to say you didn't have your hand held.

>>20686421
If you feel like there's nothing left to give to your novel, is it better to just start a new one, or do you just power through?

>>20687008
Open your document and write, its really that simple. If you can't or won't do it, then maybe just accept that you're not meant to be a writer. But you didn't mention reading at all... surely you read... don't you, anon?

>>20687149
Just set it aside and work on something else.
Inspiration doesn't run on a schedule.
You might sit on something for a long time, and then suddenly realize how to continue working on it.
This is normal.

Do I really have to write without a care about the prose and grammar during my first drafts? I know I'll edit everything once it's finished but I feel like I'll never get better at writing decently if I do that.

>>20687139
That anon might not do this, but I will absolutely use Leechblock. Thanks for the suggestion.

>>20686803
>>20686838
>>20686864
Lol he mad

>>20687170
You don't have to, there are different methods for writing. I think it's easier to pay more attention to lines when you are writing something shorter, but for a novel I want to get it all out there. Editing will get you better at the prose and grammar over time and your first draft will be better next time.

How much does it cost to horse an editor or get beta readers?

>>20687139
But what about music.

>>20687268
All your beta readers are right here bro.

https://files.catbox.moe/0n4a91.pdf - a book I'm looking for opinions on.
Also, how do people feel about description being drawn out over a period of time? Not an overly long description, but (for example) bringing up hair color at the beginning of a chapter and maybe another factor not being brought up until the end. I think it feels more natural when you're in a first person perspective, but I might be overestimating people's ability to hold onto information (granted, casual descriptions tend to be worthless, so maybe not as important to remember all things considered).

>>20687279
I am an APLHA reader

I'm going to write an awkward sex scene. A woman WILL get loose pubic hairs in her mouth while giving a blowjob and none of you can stop me.

>>20687301
The prose is too contemporary for a sci-fi that's serious. There needs to be a much better set up as well. I was picturing a regular bar, but if it's on an asteroid, I expect it to look different. Draw me into this world, not one I keep thinking is modern day floozies. I also think there's too much info in the first chapter. From selkes to compactors to all the acronyms.

Where do I find based readers? Readers who like a story that isn't just degenerate crap filled with shitty politics and nihilism. I want to find those readers, since one of those is worth 10,000 shitty readers.

>>20687325
/pol/

First person perspective vs third person perspective... Go.

>>20687389
I think first person perspective SUCKS!

>>20686440
Any place were you get treated like shit for sharing work isn't a place you want to share your work, there is 0 valuable criticism you can get after the monkeys throw their poop at you.
The time its valuable is when an anon gives you feedback without that anger. Its good practice for them too, so that they can see what works for them/doesn't and they can use it in their works.
It's a win-win, and any anon who acts like they are giving you gods gift by commenting on your work is an idiot and should be ignored
Don't fall into this idea that you should take the anger because its the only way to get "good" feedback, that shit is toxic asf, just ignore and wait for the valuable people to come in.

>>20686490
Smart femanons don't declare they're here or all they get is
>tits or gtfo
Despite it being a blue board

>>20687389
Both have good qualities.

>>20687417
Have you considered just linking tits.

>>20686795
>Even a 12 year old at school can write 50k words
lol
how many 12 year olds can write a 10k story, they would be the 1% of the 1%

>>20686504
Try House of Leaves

>>20687170
I was saying last thread how I now focus on drafting (producing content with minimal revision) on weekdays and then revising/polish of what I produced on weekends. Gives a nice sense of progress and produces chapters I'm immediately proud of so I'm building on a solid foundation going forward and not an embarrassing pile of shit that demotivates me.

Maybe give something like that a try. My goal is to do a chapter a week but you could set it at # of scenes per week.

>>20687417
It just shows me that people don't even remember what tits or gtfo actually means.

If anyone wants to help beta read my Chinaman Story, here's the google link. If you want to just take a random chapter that would also be okay. I did try to slow down the pace from a suggestion, but i don't know if i slowed it down enough.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C1EXYB9V5d6Tvq03bst9X4y9V3m5jV6If2htaiMr744/edit?usp=sharing

>>20686955
Thanks for the therapy session doc, how much do I owe you?
>>20687177
I'm never mad.

>>20686440
Yeah that's pretty much how it goes.
If you can't take getting called a bitch you won't be able to take the rest of the shit I'm going to point out about your shit writing.

>>20687170
I mean, try to write well but if you find yourself stuck on the same sentence for way to long, move on. You are not doing yourself any favors by slowing your pace down to a crawl.>>20687177

>>20687676
To add to this, I sometimes don't even name some of the minor characters in my rough drafts I'll just be like "Blablabla," said (young boy).

>>20687658
What about your shit writing.

>>20687694
Don't worry, I'll show you bitches how it's done one of these days.

Reposting for guidance
>want two people meeting to larp
>they set up their play area and have their costumes
>once they get going it becomes totally immersive
>drawing a total blank on the moment both characters saying/agreeing "Ok start the roleplay."
The best way seems to be have the characters become their roles so to speak, substituting their modern items for old fashioned versions, the auditorium becoming a forest, costumes transforming to real deal, conversation shifting to the fantasy topics. It's just that beginning. I'm probably just overthinking it and could have the set-up be the immersion stepping stones, but any ideas or real life examples that could help?

>>20687774
You should play it pathetic and describe everything in real terms.

>>20687629
TL;DR

>>20687629
So was that whole "writing for a chinese girl who hates it" thing a hoax or did you just decide to power through it regardless?

>>20686906
>>20686928
I like it a lot, but it's a little flabby and needs to be tightened up in terms of descriptions.

>>20688041
That did happen, but I just powered through it. I didn't touch it for 6 weeks but it kept calling back to me to finish it. There wasn't any new ideas or anything, but just a odd urge to complete the story

If I have a relatively elaborate science fiction setting set up and want to start by just telling short stories from in-universe, how much of the preexisting 'lore' would I have to expand on for any of it to make sense? Would I have to have a big, dry glossary for people to reference if they don't understand something? Maybe like those little crosses and asterisks with a small description at the bottom of a page? I am very new.

I'm only able to write about 100 words a day :(

>>20688283
That's a 100 more words than most of the cocksuckers you see walking around town write.

>>20688283
I did my 1000 word flash fiction, personally. But all this week I barely managed 80-100 words each night. Everyone has good or bad days.

>>20686508
Though there isn't an objectively good story, there is such a thing as an optimal story. The best subject is what allows you to best show your ability. Painting a bowl of fruit is a bad idea if you're best at portraits. While it's definitely possible to fit any story into any storytelling style it's not easy or natural to do so.

>>20686520
>waaah people like things I don't!

How do people find 50 or more places to submit their short story to? Looking on submission grinder at my genre, there aren't even 50 paying a penny per word, let alone 2+ cents per word (which I think is the minimum to be worth submitting).

>>20688619
In this day and age, you should be grateful anyone is willing to pay for short stories t all.
I just post mine for free in public.

>>20686421
Is it more important to be more concerned the stories would be nonsenscial without a certain amount of context to the setting?

>>20687274
If you actually spend meaningful amounts of time in your day doing nothing else than listening to music then you're going to have to figure that out for yourself.

"It's been an honor to fight by your side" is a really generic line. Is there anything better? Like
>I guess I had fun as well
>Thanks for all the memories

>>20688632
but a fair share of these stories that get published outright suck...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OU2W0a2jllU

youtuber reviews 40 contemporary fantasy. she gives you the basics of the plot which could be useful, or at least you don't want to copy them
one of the reasons they tell you to read everything is so that you won't accidentally copy something

What's the coolest name you can think of for a DNA-based power boost?
Nucleotide mode? GACT mode?

>>20688240
i've seen authors include a glossary where they give a short blurb on characters, places, and things.
even if you do have a glossary, you'll want to develop your characters in the book.
one way to handle exposition is to have characters discuss things in dialogue.
another way is to use first person instead of 3rd person

>>20688944
that's you and you want views
not clicking

>>20687008
just write. after I started most of my day is spent thinking of where I want the next chapter to go, and its FUN, thats right, I am having FUN writing and thinking about writing.
before I started I felt aimless, like I was wasting every single day just watching random shit and playing vidya and reading stories that I wish I had wrote.

>>20689014
Genomics mode.

>>20687389
I like third person more, though sometimes I intend to switch to first person if the entire chapter is going to focus on one persons perspective.

>>20689112
literally me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHvLbsl0aHw

>>20688905
>I am glad we will fight well in the end.
>Let's see how many of them it takes.
>I always knew it would end like this.
>the end of the line is finally here/draws near.
just made these up on the spot.

>>20688944
>one of the reasons they tell you to read everything is so that you won't accidentally copy something
this is pretty silly

>>20689120
Niceeee

Trying to write an Urban Fantasy with a neo-noir feel,

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12VmBmwPvxWkExJgTvOWP1vZ-zuPFyh98d0vGP005IZ4/edit?usp=sharing

Any advice? It's a short read. This is just the opening chapter.

I'm writing a book where the main character has an alter ego. Do I refer to them solely as their alter ego when masked, or can I freely switch back and forth? I doubt it matters but I figured I'd ask.

>>20689337
depends on how you are writing it, does the reader already know about the alter ego?
if so then only refer to them by their alias.
if the reader already knows then referring to them by their real name in their head while others use his alias is fine.
if he is some kinda schizo maybe switching back and forth would be better, not being sure who is really the other and who is the man.

>>20687389
I can write 1st person better than I can third, faster too. For some reason my third person prose feels like the autism version of hemmingway.

>>20688944
>one of the reasons they tell you to read everything is so that you won't accidentally copy something
It makes no difference to me if what I've written has already been written by another.

>>20686421
>write bits and pieces of different parts of a book out of order since I already know the outline/timeline
>now I’ve done all the interesting and easy parts and all that’s left are either difficult or boring
0/10 I played myself

>>20689028
Oh I'm already going to have characters talking to each other, that's the whole story basically. The concern was regarding things that are already so obvious to the characters that stopping to explain it would cause unrelated issues.

>>20688905
Sort of related, but the best "This is where it ends" moment I ever saw was at the end of Hikaru no Go when Sai appears to Hikaru in a dream and says nothing while Hikaru asks him questions and tries to find out where he ran off to. Then Sai hands him the primary symbol of his character, the fan, and Hikaru wakes up.
So in my opinion, included with the line if there's a mentor mentee relationship should be a symbolic passing of the torch. If they're best mates, I like "Just like old times". Some line that doesn't feel serious or draw attention to the emotion, but lets it seep through anyways.

>>20689431
I don’t fault a bit of backstory dumping at the beginning of a book. You have to catch people up somehow.

what about a isekai but instead of a power fantasy harem city building. Its about the MC struggling through hell like world desperate to escape but to only find himself preferring never ending suffering than his original world?

>>20689449
Would work if the MC was a die hard masochist being pursued by a harem of sadist demon girls and "girls"

>>20689321
Can I get some advice?

>>20689449
what about an isekai but instead of a power fantasy it's about the MC winding up in exactly the same situation he was before, a loser hikkineet watching magic-anime on the magic-internet. And then one day he gets run over by a wagon and isekaied again, and winds up a hikkineet again and gets isekaied again, in a neverending loop?

>>20689321
I read through it a while back and I do apologize for not typing this out earlier as I started writing my own story.

In essence, what you have is pretty decent. You had enough fantastical elements that could be seen as fantasy. The action was quick and brutal, which is always welcome. In noir, where you must excel at is in the atmosphere and in dialogue. The city must be a character in of itself, describe it in greater detail and throughout. Tell me about the muck and grime on the streets and on the walls, the gas guzzling from cars, the snow that could cloud your sense of direction. Don't be afraid to go into detail. Dialogue is the other front and I felt that it was a bit short, but the poise which comes alongside it could use some improvement. Be more fanciful in describing what your characters are doing.

Beyond that, the best bit of advice I would give is read some noir pulps of the 30s. Raymond Chandler is definitely one to consider, but I assume you already took inspiration from him. I wouldn't mind seeing the development of something like Philip Marlow meets Hellboy, and there's some potential here.

>>20689476
Git Gud.

>>20689469
What about this
>MC is a suicidal 30 year part time janitor
>spends all his money on porn, gacha, and cigarettes
>gets into isekai
>after some months go crazy and blows his brains out
>wakes up in fantasy world
>his new body is the exact same, but insane regen ability
>realize that humans are slaves, food, and toys for the monster girls and other races
>gets chased/abused all day by different monster girls who want to devour and abuse him
>until he finds one that doesn't want to out right kill him
>she wants to become a queen and uses him
>become a duo and become terrorists that destroy other demon girls empires
>but his goal it to escape by stealing the sacred 7 dragon-girl anal beads to get his wish
>at the end he accepts his new life and becomes the bitch boy

>>20689485
I ironically wrote 17k words on something similar but never finished it.

>>20689476
Having only read first 3 paragraphs I'd say not bad but there was a repetitive "The x" simple sentence structure at beginning 3 sentences in a row. .

I'll echo other anon that the description felt vague and slightly generic - look up writing with specificity and pyramid of abstraction for some good ideas there.

The POV didnt click with me and being vague with who "he" was felt too televisiony.

>>20689321
I'm liking it so far, couple of things have stuck out though
>He pulled the long object out his coat. It was a long dagger.
I think its a bit awkward sounding to have long object and then immediately say its a long dagger, I would change it to
>He pulled the object out his coat. It was a long dagger.
and
>and took off his coat, setting it on a chair. It was a dark green field jacket
I think it would sound better as
>then took his coat off, setting it on a chair. It was a dark green field jacket
but thats purely personal preference.
>He cleared his mind free of all thoughts. His mind became like an open space with no boundaries. One with his surroundings.
I would go with either the line about open spaces or the line about free of all thoughts, both back to back sounds like you're trying to fill out a wordcount by repeating a line with different prose to me.
but the story overall I think is well written, and I am interested in where it might go, urban fantasy is something I really enjoy, but I don't know all that many actual good ones.
this reminds me somewhat of an OVA from the 80s, I believe it was about a detective investigating homicides committed by demons, wicked city is the name, though I've only seen scenes from it and I could be wrong about it.

>>20689321
>The snow powders the city.
>White covered the city streets.
with only 2 sentences in between? Pretty redundant.
Some sentences are fragments.
You started in present tense and switched to past tense.
As far as the story itself...urban-fantasy noir isn't really my genre, so I can't comment further. But I read it all.

>>20689337
How about each alternating chapter is about the main character, then the alter ego, and you keep it hidden that they're the same person until the end?

What is it that makes writing 'clinical'? My writing has been described as such, here's an example I've written:

>Sneed rose from his chair as it rattled, snorting like a raging bull. He thundered, "Chuck you fuck! Not only have you fucked my daughter, but you've also sucked off my son! I might be able to forgive you if my daughter was willing, but even if my son was, I'd never let you be. You've brought a sickness on my cattle that no vet can cure, and blight on my wheat that no scythe can mow. Now, I can only solve the blight in my heart by mowing off your head!" He seized his scythe from where it was stood against the wall, and, holding it in only one hand, cut his door down the middle. He kicked through the remaining planks of wood and stomped down to the field.

>To Chuck's house he'd go, and to Chuck's soul he'd reap or so god would help him. He could find no soothing balm for the smoldering burn that had struck his heart, only that it began to blaze underneath his red hot hate.

If this isn't enough, then I'll be back within the hour with a much longer example piece.

>>20689572
Not today satan

Thanks for reading it, all of you

>>20689507
Got it. I'll go more in detail about the grittiness of the city and expand on the dialogue. I'll check out the pulps as well.
>>20689536
I will look into specificity and the pyramid of abstraction.
>>20689547
I added all those changes. I will keep writing this story.
>>20689561
Thanks for reading it. I got rid of the redundancy

>>20689623
I really wouldn't call that example clinical. The description is a little rough in places, but I assume this is a quick draft?

Also, occasionally "clinical" can be a good thing, depending on what you're trying to do (e.g. the writing of Lovecraft and SCP Foundation stuff is clinical because it creates an effective tone for the material).

>>20689651
Yeah, I wrote it in 15 minutes with only the barest in-the-moment editing.

>>20689641
Glad you read our critique...unlike >>20688960 who apparently vanished after getting some.

>>20689670
I am always happy to get critique. It gives me a sense of balance on where I stand. Without critique on at least one chapter, I have no idea if I'm a shit writer and just full of myself. Now I'm even more motivated to finish chapter 2.

>>20689449
I once had a basic idea.
No harems, no demon king (That they need to kill,) just having out a peaceful existence in a better world. That is, until THEY come, trying to sap the world dry to fuel their holy land. And our protagonist and all those in the world must protect the world they call home to their last breath.
It's basically nice fantasy world gets invaded by grimderp shitters and they have to save it

>>20689623
>>20689651
So would this example be more "clinical"? What effect did being clinical have on this story-fragment than the last?

>It was the July of 1922 when the Coom first came to Chicago. At first it was cried out as nothing more than a symptom of the decay brought forth by the bohemian East Coast, and when the few victims of its curse were, in spite of their frequent and public acts of masturbation, found to be still of good health, it was thought instead that the decadence of the East Coast had somehow found its way into their brains as a form of sickness . When later interviewed by psychologists, these men showed a great remorse and shame for what they had done in public; with the kind of self-awareness and assuredness of their being not common in madmen, which, with further testing proving the soundness of their minds, shewed that it seemed to be nothing more than a particularly degenerate form of mass hysteria. At that time, not one person in Chicago knew of the coming horror that would dawn across the state of Illinois in the summer of 1925.

>>20689751
Yeah, this writing seems more antiquarian, long sentences with multiple long clauses, and "shewed" is an archaic word.

>>20689704
I get that feeling, I got a single nice comment on my first chapter telling me it was comfy but I really needed to work on punctuation.
so I went and spent a couple hours learning what I should've been doing and wrote the second chapter.
next day someone on here told me to work on show not tell so I wrote a story explaining the skimmed over story that was in the chapter I already wrote.
I really do like writing single chapters based around an event, focusing on a single person is nice sometimes though my story is somewhat unfocused right now since my MC started as a baby and so I set up other characters who would influence him first.
I might right another POV story about something that happened in the chapter I just finished writing a bit ago, maybe tomorrow afternoon since I haven't even read over the chapter a few times to correct flow and typos and such.

>reread my story
>tons of really interesting ideas used in interesting ways
>story-wise it's dog shit. There's no underlying message, some events happen out of convenience rather than pre-establishment, the protag feels incredibly lucky to survive ordeals rather than outsmarting their opponent, finales of arcs last half a page
I know this is draft #1 but holy shit my "magnum opus that'll sell 10 gazillion books" is rough AS FUCK. Some chapters honestly feel beyond saving.

How do you find writing communities? All the places I can find are low-quality, circlejerk bullshit where no one writes well and everyone has the same opinion.

>>20689940
edit it, keep at it, I think if you have interesting ideas you just need to either extend the story so these events and characters could be set up in a way that doesn't require them to be lucky to have lived.
or, you could shorten it in places and then extend only the things that need it so you don't end up with a story that you think is too long.
and really I don't think a story needs a message, unless its being designed around such a thing.
in my story I want to have luck play a part in the story a bit, a line here and there about how a character is lucky to have done this or that, so when I reveal the reasons for this I will feel smart.

>>20689969
we'll be your community, anon

>>20689969
Honestly? You don't. Most writing communities from my own experience have always been what you described--low quality, circlejerk bullshit. My best advice is to just write on your own accord. If you need to learn to proofread, find a booklet on grammar. If you want writing tips, I can handily endorse what's mentioned here on the OP like Aristotle's Poetics and Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces. Though not mentioned, Ayn Rand's Art of Fiction is underrated. Just avoid Save the Cat and you'll be fine.

>>20689982
Good advice anon, thank you. I guess it would make the reader feel smart too if you go back a few chapters and write a foreshadowing line or too about that upcoming chapter.
I'm also worried about the autistic amount of pseudo science I put in that goes stupidly indepth and has real world connections yet it couldn't possibly exist because it's so far fetched or downright wrong but I can't change it without changing the entire chapter

>>20689982
Do you flip a coin to determine what happens next?

>>20690085
that will happen at some point, the MC and some rando have the same test result score and so the person just flips a coin to decide who gets in.
>>20690056
now, thats something that can be cool, or it can get very boring, I don't know your story but some examples I can remember are from the stories Supreme Magus and Ar'Kendrithyst.
for SM the MC is testing out new ways to enchant items, and it takes a chapter each for each of these things if not more, I have read it twice, first time I just skimmed the chapter, second time I completely skipped it.
its not even relevant for the most part, though they did call back to it in the more recent chapters.
and the other is in Ar'Kendrithyst, because its a litRPG they sometimes grind a chapter to a halt while a character does some math about what is the more efficient series of spells and buffs.
I really do like both series but those things do not need to be in there.
and both series has plenty of other stuff about magic that is completely made up that I really enjoy and have no issues reading.

/wg/, I'm at a loss. I've been struggling so much with my novel that it's causing a mental breakdown. Quitting isn't an option because I care about this story too much, but my own insufficiencies are preventing me from getting anything done

I've already taken breaks and quitting isn't an option. What do?

>>20690197
Just keep writing. It doesn't matter what you write, how much you write, just get it done. You can go back and proofread it later. If you can't. Take some time off to brainstorm and write up notes. Write up potential scenes, record yourself talking out potential dialogue. Do what you can to add more detail and provide yourself with more inspiration that is truly yours.

>>20690216
two clarifications:

1. I'm not writing from a blank slate. I'm editing a 200k doorstopper
2. I've gotten too anxious to even look at it

>>20690228
>>20690197
Post an excerpt from your story.

>>20690228
flip a coin, if its heads you go and edit it, even just a single paragraph, if its tails, put it off until tomorrow, repeat this every day until you get over that anxiety.

>my brain starts spurting creative juices in the 10 seconds it takes me to walk to the bathroom
>imagery, prose, characters, motivations, and plot all rush beautifully into my head
>this is finally it, this is the story I *want* to tell
>piss and wash my hands
>rush back to my computer, my fingers trembling with anticipation
>open up LibreOffice Writer, the free and open source MS Word compatible word processor
>select the most tasteful sans serif font
"The"
>suddenly nothing
>all my ideas are bad, I cringe and delete the words and close Writer before any of my ancestors ghosts can see me being cringe from heaven
I hate myself.

>>20690007
I've posted here before and gotten good feedback. I don't like what this place is becoming though. Finding decent feedback on here is getting harder.

>>20690011
Cool, that's what I've been doing. Poetics didn't help a lot, but Gardner's book did. Are Rand and Campbell anything like Gardner's book?

>>20690269
Rand is probably more align to what Gardner wrote as it explores more of the how of fiction. How you approach writing dialogue, characterization, plot, etc.. Campbell's Hero With a Thousand Faces serves as a comparative study regarding the metaphysics of storytelling, more specifically the Hero's Journey. Still a fascinating read nonetheless.

>>20690192
Oh fuck that's WAY worse than what I've got. my explanations take like half a page to a page at the most and I only ever have it when there's downtime, never mid climax/action.

How much you guys make self publishing?

>>20686440
>Sort of like facing down a gorilla
I thought you're supposed to be loud as hell and be scary. Or is that just a bear/dog thing?

>>20690264
>wash my hands
Found your issue.

>>20690297
20 cents on amzon every 3 months

>>20690301
not that anon, but I know for bears you are supposed to wave your arms around and yell at it to make yourself seem bigger and scare it away, unless its a grizzly, then climb a tree, but a black bear can climb a tree, so scare them away.
a gorilla will think you are a threat if you look them in the eyes for too long, and will rip your feet off and fuck your ass.
>>20690306
more than I'll ever make.

>>20690297
>He doesn't pay Chinese printers to publish 10 hardcover books, 2 of which you give away to friends or family who might not even give a shit about reading novels, 1 collects dust in your library and the last 7 are in a box tucked away in your attic
Profit is for pussies

>>20690307
>unless its a grizzly, then climb a tree
wrong, idiot, bears can run up trees faster than you can run down a sidewalk
the saying is, "if its brown, lie down; black, fight back; and white, say goodnight"
(although obviously grizzlies can be darker and black bears also come in brown, which is why you should learn to identify grizzlies specifically)
You play dead with grizzlies because if they see so much as a shadow of a doubt of you being a threat, thats it, you're done.

>>20690306
>>20690307
>more than I'll ever make.
Any tips on making cash writing if self-publishing is bad? I've been writing for myself, and I'm interested if I can get a side income from it.
>>20690314
Send your books to the library

>>20690301
I think that's more mountain lion advice than bear/dog.
I'd just run away from a gorilla.

>>20690320
>Send your books to the library
Don't independent books require an ISBN number?

>>20690324
>dog
What are you supposed to do with dogs? I got two around my sister's house I have to go to, and I know they can jump the fence and maul me. I just stare into their eyes and intimidate them, sometimes howl back.

>>20690332
I mean I could give advice on that, but you're likely talking about shitbulls, which are a completely different beast. They don't have an ounce of rational thought. Each one has its own MKUltra activation phrase that sends it into baby mauling mode.
Concealed carry would be my best advise.

Anyone entering the Honeyfeed web novel contest this year?

>>20690350
Luckily I don't live around pitmommies so I'm good, one's a German Shepard and the other is a black dog (not a pitbull, something else)
Do they scared if you bark back, or do I look like a moron when I bark back at them?

>>20686484
I've been thinking about writing. Today I didn't write, didn't do much anything really, played around with cameras if anything. I don't think I can do it, really, I want to make a game with good "writing", I know what good writing is, I read and I like it but I can't write it.
But without that, the sort of thing I am doing just doesn't fly. Words are the best way to get people invested.

Videogame writing is hard, good videogame writing? Herculean.
>>20686484
In storytelling, people remember characters, good writing makes characters, I have solid motivations, solid and consistent personalities, wants, conflicts, flaws and visual designs.
But I don't have the writing skill to do it, I'd have to learn pure dialogue but I can't do that.

>>20690355
German Shepherds are incredibly territorial and form close attachments with their owners. The best way to form a relationship with one is through positive interactions with the owner and the dog—preferably at the same time.
Barking back may not be the best course of action. Considering that this reaction comes from seeing you as an interloper and possible threat, confirming that you are a threat would not be advised.

How do I write a short story? Every time I write, I end up somehow managing stretching out a scene, for example, a man leaving his house to go to sea, to a 20,000 word pile; I say pile because there's no story, no particular plot or anything that the scene accomplishes other than looking pretty.

>>20690415
Hey gimme your ability, I want it.

>>20690415
I tend to approach short stories like narrative essays where you use prose to deliver your arguments. Even if I'm going for something like "I want to impart the experience of X in a visceral manner," I think about what the necessary pieces are for that puzzle.

How do I cope with the fact some 20 year old still in college written and got traditionally published so much faster and sooner than I did? And is a NY times best seller?

>>20690529
There's people with three doctorates at age 25, who cares

>>20690542
I do. How do I get my prose to be as good.as theirs?

>>20690548
Read more.

>>20690264
cringe post anon

>>20690526
Fuck, I've never written a narrative essay before. Or at least, a coherent narrative essay.

>>20690415
Fuck I wish I could get lost in a sea of words like that when I write

>>20690597
just describe everything what you see in your mind

So can someone tell me if I should even become a writer? You saw I have no spark with my horrible writing threads ago.

>>20690658
Only you can answer this question.

>>20688905
Make or callback to some event that was special between the two. If he's been along for the ride it's got to be something the reader understands means a lot coming from the guy while conveying the seriousness of the moment
>hey forget about that money you owe me
>you wanted to know [question I didn't answer earlier], it's [response]
>if applicable the rallying cry of whatever group they're in
>I lied, I do/don't [care/like/emotion] [thing] "I do like your story"

>>20690675
I don't know, I'd rather be a filmmaker but I don't have that kind of money.
I'm a visual guy, so videogames is the next best thing for me.

>>20690675
Ignore Discofag he's just here for attention

What are must read books for writing romance/erotic /lit/

>>20690775
I'm here for advice, I can't write like Disco Elysium.
In books I like maximalist writing but I can't do that
What the hell was I thinking writing this? A game like this would get me laughed out of the medium.

I'll reference my entire post, part 1.

I can't write for shit, I am stupidly visual and I can picture everything and if I could draw I'd draw it instead but I can't.

>"To think one would care so much about this, never saw the value"- the man snorted his thoughts aloud- "it's all busywork, it's useless."
>"It's history" - the elderly man replied abruptly - "no need to be brutish about it"
>I was not in the mood for arguing or hearing someone else have at it, abrupt cut to waking life still had me confused. The nature of our expedition, permits still in mind, scheduling, preparation, shipping, hiring and vetting process, eventually came back to my mind. Bureaucracy ocean to get here, months spent waiting for the operation to be looked at after that revised, two couldn't wait to be home again. Mere minutes back into this and I was already pissed off.
>Helicopter blades droning in and out, almost arrhythmical past the cabin. City's a cacophony today, has been for my whole stay.

>Time to cut my silence - "ETA?" - all I want to say, there's this particular headache beating down on me, the sweating was another demon entirely, parboiled in this cabin high above the ground, 5 degrees away from the brazen bull sure enough. Tallest building on this city could barely be seen, dizzying to think about but was never one for the fear of heights, claustrophobia too, never appealed to me in particular.
>"ETA?" - the worker next to me replies automatically, I get that impression from his tone of voice but I might have ignored one or two replies already, I'm yet to feel my brain active again, the altitude or sleep, one of those two has me confused and idiotic. Either that or he doesn't speak my language, there was something funny about his pronunciation, not stilted but didn't strike me as a natural.

""Writer's block""

Day 35 editing
Chapter 36 finito
>Now this is pod racing

>>20690815
I wanted to write a love story involving a man falling for a queens handmaiden, when in fact she's the actual queen, like in The Phantom Menace. But I can't find anywhere that handmaiden's or Lady In Waiting's were actually used as body doubles. Did Star Wars originate that?

>>20690820
Maybe it's time to apologize to George.

How's this prose? I keep on getting criticised for flowery descriptions and I've been trying to pare it down while still writing in the way that feels natural to me. Trouble is you can't really use sparing prose when describing something out of the ordinary, at least it seems that way to me.

>There’re no windows, no lights in his berth, but like an astronaut of the mid-millennium might have kicked off from a bulkhead he casts his consciousness fore and aft. His interface warps into a composite panorama: the Sarasvatī spliced together from external camera feeds. Pirouetting crew modules, rolling cargo drum, even the propellant banks dwindling against the structural vastness of the spine: three and a half kilometres of superconducting tether spun between shimmering sunshields, shadowing cryogenic coils from the merest wisp of light. And yet — all around — the vacuum burns like re-entry. St. Elmo’s fire blazes in the EM, a hundred million miles from the nearest ocean: the bow shock where generated fields meet the solar wind. Sarasvatī’s propelled like a sailing ship, without a gram of reaction mass on its outbound trip.

You guys got any ideas on how to write a character with a lot of flair and flamboyance?

>>20690932
This is practically gibberish because
>what is sarasvati, the spine, St Elmo, the EM etc
With context it would be easier to read. Other than that it sounds like you're describing something different every sentence, you should dwell on one particular image for a little more.

>>20690999
Ah sorry, should have given some context. The Sarasvatī is a spaceship, the spine is its main structure. EM as in the electromagnetic spectrum and St. Elmo's fire is a metaphorical reference to a real life weather phenomenon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Elmo%27s_fire

>>20690999
Ok ignore that I've read it and it makes more sense. I think so me of your imagery is put together clunky though.
>burns like re-entry
Not precise enough.
Shouldnt it be "like a ship in re-entry" or "like the air around a ship in re-entry". As it is a bit confusing, It legit took me a while to understand what you meant.
>like an astronaut...
Not too sure how this relates to a "fore and aft" movement. I guess it's to remind us that we're are deep in the future? This sort of similie needs another sentence setting up before relating it to the movement of the consciousness.
>St elmos...
I think it should be "St. Elmo’s fire blazes in the EM: the bow shock where generated fields meet the solar wind, a hundred million miles from the nearest ocean" grammatically as well as for coherence, you should be clear what EM is though it makes it unreadable. I sort of like how you talk about its distance from the nearest ocean but others will not since it is a but random

>>20691011
>>20691053
Ok I thought St Elmore was part of the ship, it now makes sense why you talk about the ocean

Tips on writing good dialogue? I have different voices for people and the way to tune into that but I'm not a good writer so I might be simply deluded and moronic, could flip it.

>>20690805
You need to shelve this story for awhile until you get another idea for it. Just write short stories and quit obsessing about comparing your writing to disco elysium. This is the mistake that alot of people make when going into writing and it will only bring disappointment. That's not to say you will never be a great writer but stop trying to drift into someone else's lane if you dont have your own. It's okay to have influence but don't make it your whole motivation for writing. Just reach into your subconscious and spill it out on paper and your style will come eventually. You got this.

>>20691058
You could spend all your time writing instead of shitting on yourself on /lit/. It's time to take the stoic pill.

I wrote another 4400 word chapter again...

>>20690770
>I don't know, I'd rather be a filmmaker but I don't have that kind of money.
Shit excuse. All the great filmmakers started out with making low financed films. Kubrick made his first film with only a $3,900 budget with a shitty 35mm camera.

>I'm a visual guy, so videogames is the next best thing for me.
And you don't think that'll cost even more money?

>>20691145
You think this bitch has $3900?
And he's been doing this shit for like 3 days now.
Motherfucker found a formula you bitches can't help but respond to.

>>20691155
Shut up, faggot. You're not as much of a badass as you believe. Youre probably a 5'6 manlet in real life with a napoleon complex. That's why you come on here to overcompensate with your irl troubles faggot

>>20687728
No you won't. We all know you won't, because if you do, you'll have writing attached to this tripfag identity in which you're so invested. It's a lose/lose for you, because you know that even if it's half-decent, nobody's going to put the kiddy gloves on to deal with you. After all, you are purposefully antagonistic and egotistical. If you did post your writing, you wouldn't have that ability to just imply how great you are, which is the crux of your entire Internet Identity. You'd actually have to BE great, and if you were as confident in that as you portray yourself, you'd have led with it instead of jerking yourself off. There's no upside for you to post your work, so you're not gonna do it.

Feel free to prove me wrong!

>>20691144
Good for you anon.
4400 isn't that long of a chapter, if you were thinking that's too long.

>>20691183
>There's no upside for you to post your work, so you're not gonna do it.
Showing you bitches how to write would be my good deed for humanity. That's a massive fucking upside.

You're right, there is no upside and it's a waste of time.

I might do it anyway if I get bored enough.

>>20691144
weak

>>20691207
No, you won't. I know it, you know it. Just stop playing make-believe.

A narcissist is kind of a petty and pathetic little thing once you look at it in realistic lighting.

>>20691211
Hi rape-anon

>>20691207
I've met people like you irl before. You guys are usually skinny manlets that think you're all tough shit but run away with your tail inbetween your legs when confronted. There was this little prick in basketball that would screech and yell when he wouldn't get his way only to be put back into his place again by the dominant male. you faggots are lucky to have the internet so you can sit behind your screen with your fatass typing away at the computer thinking your tough shit when in reality your a weasel. What a pathetic life.

>>20687774
have them set up the playing area separately of each other, taking it in turns, with some kind of flag they leave behind to signify they're ready. then their only interactions will be in character

>>20691207
>Showing you bitches how to write would be my good deed for humanity. That's a massive fucking upside.
If you actually believed in yourself so sincerely, you would have already done this. If you sincerely believed you're so much better, you would show us. It's much easier to show someone you can do something than it is to convince them that you can do it. That is, if you actually CAN do what you're claiming to do. I wish you had even the slightest conception of how ridiculous it is to say you are so confident, so good, so secure, whatever — while acting in the precise opposite manner. The way you talk is at complete odds with the way you act. The actions you take by continuing to talk yourself up and the things you are talking up are just in complete dissonance. Just admit it. You're putting up a complete front. Why? I have no clue. What DO you get out of pretending to be something you're not on the internet? Do you convince yourself a little more that you're not full of shit with every post you make? I don't see the mechanism.

Is writing a novel from the perspective of a sapient alien without any humans whatsoever a good idea?

>>20691229
>Anon never cared much for school. Classes were something he just had to get through; the social hierarchy of the student body was an annoyance he was forced to navigate. Still, there was one beacon in his day that made it all worthwhile. The moment he entered the gym and heard the first bounce of a basketball echo against the high ceiling, he found his peace.
>Early in life, his anti-social behavior led to him spending hours shooting basketball at the abandoned park behind his house. Even there he could usually hear his father, home from work and freshly liquored up, yelling at his mother and siblings. His mind easily escaped from it the moment the yellowing backbored rattled. He would watch the orange sphere, glowing to his eyes, dance along the rusty ring before finding its way through the torn net.
>Years spent in the park led him to developing a talent for shooting. While not the most rounded player when it came to tactics and maneuvering the court, if his team could at least get the ball into his hands he could sink a three pointer almost every time. Thus came his nickname, Sinker. He would find his position, someone would call out, “SINKER’S OPEN!” Next thing he knew, the ball was in his hand and as naturally as taking a breath he would release it from his fingertips and watch it follow an arc to the center of the net. Sinker scores another three-pointer! The stadium erupts with cheers!
>In that moment, he was at the center of the world - he commanded the winds and brought the hurricane, positioning himself in the eye of the storm. Calmness filled him. He was at peace.
>However, there was a new season coming, and the strength of the hurricane would soon be threatened. Coming to the gym after another monotonous day of school he was greeted not by the familiar echo, but a voice.
>“See that shit? Take notes faggots, that’s how to get it done, bitches! Watch this shit again, nobody can touch my fucking style, yo!”
>Anon stood in the doorway, watching as the new member of their team shot the ball from half-court. The ball traveled fluidly through the air and slipped soundlessly past the rim, giving only a soft swish of the net.
>“How it’s fucking done mother fuckers, come at me you bitch ass’s!”
>In that moment anon knew his days were numbered. The new guy locked eyes, walked over to him, held his hand out. “So you’re this sinker faggot I keep hearing about.” His teeth flashed. “They call me Sange.”

Fuck off faggot, this shit aint that hard. Didn't even have time to properly edit it yet so go ahead and talk shit.

>>20691290
>What DO you get out of pretending to be something you're not on the internet?
I never "pretend"
Bitch.

bitch

>>20691308
So let me get this straight you responded to me by writing a generic story a 5 year old can come up with and you think this is a flex? Your shit is tasteless and dull. Maybe you can write children stories in the future but you are reach Hemingway levels

>>20691324
*you will never

>>20691324
I don't need to "flex"
We all know what just happened.

And thanks, I guess I are reach Hemingway now. Got your ass so shook you can't even type right.

>>20691328
You will never be an author. That's why you come on here to critique. Only failed artists criticize. You're bland, pedestrian and will never be successful. You will hide behind your fake tough persona until you finally pull the trigger and die in your room alone

>>20691308
Ah... as anticipated. No discernible talent whatsoever! Precisely none! Ladies and gentlemen, the archetypal Word Countlet.
>I-I'll edit it later!!!
Unless you completely rewrite it, this is just generically inoffensive writing. You could walk into any writing workshop or forum on the internet and find hundreds and hundreds of people almost precisely similar. Thank you for posting this. It can now be attached to everything you say. Every forced and hackneyed "b-bitch!" will ring with even more falsity. Tell me: you say you're a successful "entertainer," right? How much of your success — if that is the allegation — would you contribute to advertising? Social media? How about just generally "playing the game?"

>>20691341
>contribute
*attribute

>>20686421
In a story where the premise is that the protagonist has 265 days before imminent death, where the general theme is "Remember, you are mortal", would it feel cheap if at the end, the protagonist 's curse is lifted and he lives a normal life before dying at the ripe old age of 80? Instead of dying in 265 days?

>>20691339
>>20691341

You are missing the point, I pulled the basketball concept from your real "internet flex" about beating some dweeb in a lockeroom. Yeah I'm real convinced you're that tough jock guy, anon. I'm sure everyone believes that is who you are

But the point is I took the basketball concept, and in 40 minutes and 400 words I built a character and established a conflict, complete with metaphors and everything. Obviously, this is not my best work, obviously if I spent a day writing something real it would be 10x better, and this shit I threw together is STILL better than 80% of the shit you'll see on here.

That's just how I roll, bro. Thank you, goodnight, keep hating.

>>20690415
Come up with the plot first. There's a good short story by Kindness by Nedra Tyre that is really good and an example of a short story with nice plot and prose.

>>20691306
If you really care about authenticity, I think it would be quite tricky to think up an entirely new alien culture with zero human-influence

>>20691353
>b-but the content!!! y-you just don't get what i'm SAYING!!!!!
Nobody gives the slightest fuck about the content. Nobody is criticizing the content, but your natural talent for writing. I'm criticizing your complete lack of style, of flow, the shitty little turns of phrase you were too arrogant to see for what they were. If this is better than 80% of shit posted here that's probably because 80% has glaring grammatical errors. So, congrats! You managed to write a series of words comprised (mostly) of grammatically-correct sentences that make lexical sense. The absolute fucking state. Good night! Consider just not coming back when you wake up. The greatest gift you could give to us is to go away.

>>20691195
I've been aiming for around 3k or a little over so it makes me feel I'm being longwinded.

>>20691353
>I pulled the basketball concept from your real "internet flex" about beating some dweeb in a lockeroom. Yeah I'm real convinced you're that tough jock guy, anon. I'm sure everyone believes that is who you are
thanks for proving you can't read either. Like I said, you're shit, and any fuckwit can write a hollow, boring, generic story like you. Jesus christ, this is the 3rd grade writing level. But whatever, keep living in your delusions while pathetically trying to remain noticed. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

>>20691373
There may be some convergence and some themes are universal. They wouldn't be incomprehendable

>>20691375
>>20691379
>But whatever, keep living in your delusions while pathetically trying to remain noticed. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

>This mad
>Trying to pretend he doesn't care
>Generic critique that doesn't even make sense.

>>20691388
OK retard. I thought you were going to sleep. Please feel free to fuck off at your earliest possible convenience.

>>20691373
>>20691385
Consider Dune where human culture and society has become pretty alien relative to what we have now. Something like that but even more so.

>>20691392
I was gonna mention BOTNS as well

>>20691391
I'm glad you don't care anon.
It's not healthy to care too much about random obnoxious trip fags, you know.

Btw, have I been talking to rape-anon? You sound like rape-anon. If you are rape-anon I'm sorry for hurting your feelings 3 weeks ago. I mean, it's been almost a month now, you need to let it go bro.

>>20691058
Kim Sexler

>>20691388
Look at the absolutely state of you. I would be embarrassed if I were you right now, anon. Consider deleting all your writing files, log off the computer and play in the highway.

>>20691405
>play in the highway.
Oof, really got me with that burn.
What was that about elementary-level you were saying earlier?

>>20691351
Depends on how you execute the end but on the whole I would feel mad about this. Also relevant to my reply is that Persona 3 pretty much did this and you might guess that it did play it perfectly straight.

>>20691405
Also I'm not anon I put a lot of effort into cultivating this trip, so call me by my name, bitch!

>>20691397
>>20691410
Your internal anger stems from your lack of talent. You live a mediocre life and use writing as escapism even though it clearly shows you suck. If you really want to prove yourself make sure you put some effort into it instead of half assing it as a failed 'gotcha!' Fucking pathetic

>>20691392
Well sure certain customs in Dune may seem pretty alien to us now but if you think about it they are still linked to human values that have been pretty consistent throughout human history.

I can't think of a great example right now, but parental love has been intrinsic to humans forever, due to our children being the ones who will succeed us when we eventually die, and that's quite evident in Dune also. But if you had an immortal alien species that does not reproduce, creating a story centred around family lineages might not be very accurate.

What I'm trying to say is if you are really dedicated to world-building, you would have to think up an entirely new set of morals/values etc. that would accurately correspond to the nature of this alien species.

Reminder that my trip is newp or Newp

>>20691439
Now this bitch gets it.

>>20691373
It's full of roadblocks. Can't describe distance with any recognizable measurements, time becomes incomprehensible as years and days are drastically different with different planets, and unless you're content with smashing together random letters you need to create a semi-consistent conlang for proper names.

>>20691497
Back when I was in middle-school and was writing shitty D&D inspired fantasy stories, I had all my elves speak Swedish

>>20691436
I wouldn't intend them to be immortal or supernatural. Just life that evolved on another planet. But a new value system would be in order, definitely. But it would ultimately be based on my psyche and my thoughts on existence and the universe. Not sure if that's bad

I will be done organizing my scenes next week. Then it's time to edit my prose and abuse enthymemes and eristics.

>>20691497
I'm well aware of that. I've been thinking about this but reading BOTNS has been encouraging with its appendixes and the fact that Gene Wolfe just says he's translating a language that doesn't exist yet. But conlanging can be fun and an appendix can easily just mention standard information or that the measurements have all been 'converted' into earth measurements for easy reading.
Idk, we'll see.

>>20690869
I've always loved George so I'll leave it to the manbabies to apologise

>>20691308
What? You wrote anonymous fanfiction. Good for you, I guess.

>>20691588
Based.

>>20691609
Thank you.

>>20691308
Reading over it again it doesn't even need much editing. Don't like "his teeth flashed" there is a misspelled word, couple minor grammar mistakes, but besides that I pretty much nailed it.

>There was a new season coming
Get it? Building on the previous hurricane metaphor "season" has two meanings. That shits brilliant. Basketball season, and the weather kind of season.
Damn, I even impress myself. That shit's solid.

Can I write without reading?

>>20691720
Can you box without exorcising? Yeah, but you won't be any good.

>>20691723
I'm sure I can box without purging ghosts.

guy does kickstarter to publish non-woke comics. gets $2 million

https://rippaverse.com/

a lot of people complain about have to write "woke" plotlines.
maybe there's a market out there for non-woke stories?

>>20691746
Fuck english and its goddamn homophones, man.

>>20691754
>e-celeb gets people to give them absurd amounts of money
>water continues to be wet

>>20691754
anybody paying attention will see how done the average person is with politely tolerating the purity tests and mental gymnastics of the militant left

>>20691720
You ought to read, it improves your writing.

i have trouble catching plot holes as i write my first draft
i have an enemy killing everyone
i have two groups. one group has a person who has the same ethnic background as the enemy
nobody mentioned it
there was no, "hey, aren't you the enemy? explain yourself. why are you helping"
sigh
it makes me wonder what else i've missed

>>20686440
why would I want criticism from folks who are "like women"?

>>20691795
Natural selection at work. Woman are hardwired to weed out the shmucks. Those who do not value the opinions of women, or at least do not learn to navigate the female mind, will not reproduce.

>>20691863
>Tripnigger has an absolutely retard-tier opinion
Hang yourself

>>20691965
I have the best opinions. I'm the most insightful motherfucker on this board.

>my idea
The Darklord and ancient evil successfully kills the hero and conquers the world. In his infinite intellect, he orders his soldiers to do task they have no experience in.
Example
He imprisons the farmers, but now his army suffers from famine.
He needs more gold, mines it in drove, causing the price of gold to plummet and crash
He bans schools and intellectuals, causing a period of non progress. Stagnating his technology and army's ability to fight
He enacts a mandatory 40 hour work week and all receives only $15/hour, thus nobody works hard anymore.


He's oblivious to it all.

>>20691127
But how do I write good dialogue, and dialogue mostly?
>>20691090
I don't remember the finer details of that story, discarded the concept when I got mad days ago.
How do I write good dialogue?
>>20691145
That was an entirely different time. A game has more exposure than book, hopefully.

>>20691991
Needs one where he needs swords but decides to meltdown shit iron from farmtools and old scrap, causing his swords to break easily.

>>20692010
get a book you like and study how the author does his dialogue

>>20692029
Ignore him he's going to try and string you along for (yous)

>>20691788
beta readers and editors can help you, anon
or publish the book to amazon, let people complain about the plot holes, fix them and reupload the book

>>20692029
And after that? How long is it going to take?

>>20692101
Twenty years probably. If you are already an adult and just now getting into writing, you should probably give it up outside of purely doing it as a hobby.

This is the absolute worst "season" of /wg/. Even the Boswell arc was at least endearing in its retarded way. The F. Gardner spammer was actually funny once in a while.

Now we just have threads of a pathetic tripfag trying to create catchphrases for himself and a pointless question spammer who doesn't even fucking write.

>>20692347
Buckpseud will save us.

>>20691965
>>20692347
Just stop replying to him

>>20691991
I feel like I've read this before. Did he also order everyone to exterminate all the swallows in his domain?

>>20692347
>"season"
I see what you did there.

>>20692410
They can't, I have a unique ability to make people want to reply to me and care about what I say. It's a curse.
The non-writing fag might have me beat though.

just heard of a book premise where whenever you commit an act of evil, it creates a monster.
steal a cookie, you get an imp who bangs pots and pans while you try to sleep
slaughter a village and you get a major demon who wants to tear your arms and legs off
you can see a climax where the good guy runs around committing acts of evil to spawn a bunch of monsters who'll fight the antagonist
thought it was pretty amazing

>>20691308
btw, this is gold.
I challenge anyone to actually break it down and not just give generic negative critique that doesn't actually mean anything.

>>20690330
Amazon will give you an ISBN number if you publish your paperback with them.

>>20690353
>Honeyfeed web novel contest
>anime-inspired stories
Sorry, I've got nothing for them.

>>20691306
Part 2 of "The Gods Themselves" by Isaac Asimov is entirely comprised of non-human aliens in a separate universe.

>>20692423
Darn it. Did someone steal my idea already?!

>>20690353
The weekly update and audience engagement requirements meaning it can't just be submitted in whole at the end of the deadline kill it for me. I do have an sport anime inspired sci-fi story in mind that could easily be retooled to fit the cyberpunk category, but I'm not confident enough in my early draft work to start posting it without time to complete and edit a full volume.

>>20691506
>writing shitty D&D inspired fantasy stories
We call that "LitRPG" these days.
Go on RoyalRoad and write up a storm!

>>20691690
>backbored
Freudian slip -- you're back, and we're bored.

Books on how to write romance/erotica??

>>20691966
>I'm the most insightful motherfucker on this board
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

>>20691991
So, Josef Stalin.

>>20692601
>>20691991
lmao

>>20692347
>spectator mentality
We're not here for your entertainment, hylic.
What are YOU contributing to this thread?

>>20692573
>>20692590
https://www.google.com/search?q=books+on+how+to+write+romance+erotica

>>20692477
Seems like the world would be overrun by monsters in no time.
Or...maybe that's already happened. That would explain the sorry state of humanity.

>>20692215
Were you the seething pseud all along?
Or is your crappy attitude merely a coincidence?

>>20692101
As long as it takes for you to learn.
We can't answer how long that'll be.
But most writers hurry that along by writing and reading.

I got a confession to make.
I have no idea what seething means.
Not precisely anyways.
I cannot be bothered to look up the definition.
It seems to be the 'youmadbro?' of the 2020 era

>>20692747
Bucksneed was the seething pseud. You should know that by now Boswell.

New thread >>20692776
since the time is short...

Always write food descriptions when you're hungry. This will serve you well, and when you begin to salivate, you know you're succeeding.

>>20692754
>cannot be bothered
we could tell.

>>20692763
Eh? I seem to remember Bucksneed responding to the seething pseud, and having a small argument, a few threads ago.

um guys, is kingauthor.net kill?

>>20692825
Not working for me.
Good thing I cloned it a long time ago.
Guess you'll have to go back to z-lib.

I'm writing a book where the after the prologue ends the perspective is shifted halfway across the continent and there's almost zero context connecting the two plots, after that the second chapter takes you a similar distance even further away and you only barely start to understand how anything connects to each other
how would you feel reading something like that?

>>20692925
I already read Malazan, your idea sounds like doing what Erikson did but within a single book.

>>20692934
>I already read Malazan
I'm impressed. I thought it was one of those series everyone just reads the wiki on instead of the actual books.

>>20692950
I've read and own every single Malazan book published, by both Erikson and Esslemont. Love it.

>>20691308
Sublime and beautiful. Can you share more of your writing?

>>20691308
>>20692967
samefag

>>20693000
>>20692967
obvious samefag

guys critique my story
>Years spent in the port a pottys led him to developing a talent for shitting. While not the most rounded projectile shitter when it came to tactics and maneuvering the bathroom, if he could at least get a solid turd in his bowels he could sink a three pointer almost every time. Thus came his nickname, Stinker. He would find an open stall, someone would call out, “STINKER’S OPEN!” Next thing he knew, the turd was coming and as naturally as taking a breath he would blast it from his sphincter and watch it follow an arc to the middle of the bowl. Stinker scores another three-pointer! The bathroom erupts with cheers!
also im the greatest writer ever and all of you suck

>>20693143
based parody post